The Best Retorts to Insults

[Emboarbeque]

Do find that when someone makes fun of you, you have no idea what to say back? Then read these comebacks to help. Please, nothing racist because that ruins it. You can do "Yo Mama" jokes as well. Here's some I've heard before:


Yo mama's so lazy she's got a remote control just to operate her remote.
Yo mama's so skinny she hula hoops with a cheerio.
Yo mama's so stupid she went to the orthodontist to get a blue tooth.
Yo mama's so ugly she put the Boogie man outta business.
Yo mama's so ugly she make Michael Jackson look like Brad Pitt.

 

[Our Wasted Years]

"Does daddy touch you where it hurts?"

 

[Pidgeot]

Yo mama's so stupid she got locked up in a supermarket and starved to death.
Yo mama's so fat she has a gravitational pull.

 

[Kamex]

"Don't start a word fight if you are unarmed."

 

[The Magneton]

Do find that when someone makes fun of you, you have no idea what to say back? Then read these comebacks to help. Please, nothing racist because that ruins it. You can do "Yo Mama" jokes as well. Here's some I've heard before:


Yo mama's so lazy that she got a remoth for the remote that controls the remote.

 

[Emboarbeque]

Do find that when someone makes fun of you, you have no idea what to say back? Then read these comebacks to help. Please, nothing racist because that ruins it. You can do "Yo Mama" jokes as well. Here's some I've heard before:


Yo mama's so lazy that she got a remoth for the remote that controls the remote.

Huh? Why did you post this?

 

[EdelsteinBraginski_]

Yo mama's so poor, she thinks penny candy's expensive.
Yo mama's so fat, you need to take a bus and 2 trains to get to her good side.
Yo mama's so fat, she walked out the door with high heels and walked in with flip-flops.

 

[Zekurom]

Yo mama's so fat she has a gravitational pull.

Everything has gravitational pull... >_>

To be more scientifically accurate, it should read: "Yo mama's so far she pulls the Earth in with gravity, not the other way around."

And to counter that, I'd say, "at least she's not attracted to your boyfriend."

 

[Sushi-X]

"Your gay"
"That aint what your mom said last night"

"Don't make me kick yo ass"
"Don't make me shove your dildo up YOUR ass"

-Guys talking shit-
-coughs-"Sorry I'm allergic to bullshit"

 

[AlexandraTheZoroark]

Insults from my bus that I NEVER use:
Your mom is so fat that when she stepped on a scale, it was my phone number
Your mom is so stupid, that she flunked school

BAAAAAAAAAD ones, I know.

 

[Miar]

"Your gay"
"That aint what your mom said last night"

"I love you"
"Yeah, who's your daddy?"

 

[S. Seagrave]

Insult:
"When you look up stupid in the dictionary, there's a picture of you!"

Retort:
"I'm not the idiot who had to look up stupid in the dictionary."

,or,

"My dictionary doesn't have pictures, you moron."

Thanks to an Irish comedian I forget the name of...

 

[Sushi-X]

"Hey I think Imma dress like a faggot for haloween.Can I borrow your clothes"

"Fuck you"
"I wouldnt fuck you with a condom dipped in hand sanitizer"

"Fuck you"-from hot chick-
"When and where"

 

[Emboarbeque]

I also heard this one

*man gives girlfriend a disgusting perfume*
Thank you my friend. Every time I smell it, I shall be reminded of you.

 

[DracoMan]

I saw this one on TV once:

Boy: Hey, baby. Want some fries to go with that shake?
Girl: Sorry, I'm on a no-fathead diet.

Okay, it's not an insult, it's a pickup line, which is almost as bad, I would think.

 

[Emboarbeque]

I heard this one too:

"Don't come too close to me! I'm allergic to crap."
"Sorry... I can't understand you... I don't speak crap."

 

[That Guy]

A friend of mine invented the world's best comeback...
'Yo mama's a Mars bar.'

As for me, I prefer the classics, like
Yo mama's so fat her blood type is Ragu.
Yo mama's so fat when she steps on the scales, the number is an 8-part drama.
(America only Yo mama's so fat she saw a school bus and said, "Stop that Twinkie!"

 

[Barb]

"I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed man/person.