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EVERYONE: The Big Day (Little Witch Academia One-Shot)

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Well, this is unexpected. Truth be told, I originally wrote this back in August for a friend’s birthday present. It’s been a long time since I wrote anything Non-Pokemon and we were both huge fans of the show so I figured why not give it a go.

For those that don’t know, Little Witch Academia is an anime franchise that started with a short film back in 2013. It got an official anime series this year, which ended up being one of my favorite series of the year. Unfortunately...I can’t say you can read this without knowing anything about the show, I try to make it the least confusing as possible by mentioning important events and the like but...this one shot literally takes place after the end of the series so you can definitely fault me for things that don’t make sense (and also for getting lazy with character descriptions).

Anyways, for those interested in reading I’m leaving a summary of the show if you want some context. For those who know the show and have thought of watching it spoiler free...yeah I don't recommend reading this, though it's not a complicated show or has anything that you absolutely have to keep under wraps all things considered..

SUMMARY:

Little Witch Academia is the story of a girl named Akko who, after witnessing the performance of her favorite witch Shiny Chariot as a child, dreams of being just like her and attending the prestigious British academy for witches, Luna Nova, whose legacy dates back centuries (witches and magic are...sort of common knowledge, people know they exist but don’t really interact with them and at the point of the story people’s interactions with magic have declined heavily).

Unfortunately things don’t go as she expects. Not only does she find out that she has little to no magical talent, not even able to fly on a broom which is seen as one of the basic things any self-respecting witch should do. She also ends up becoming the school buffoon due to her love for Shiny Chariot, whose style of performance magic is seen as lesser and a mockery.

Thankfully, the stars smile down on Akko. On the day she arrives she discovers Shiny Chariots’ very own Shiny Rod, a special magic wand that can take different forms. This confuses Akko and makes her wonder why the rod is there and where her idol could’ve gone.

And so begins Akko’s adventures through Luna Nova as she makes new friends, rivals and gets into all kinds of weird and crazy hijinks (usually caused by her) in the search for the truth behind the Shiny Rod, what happened to her idol and her own place in this crazy and outdated magical world.

Now, that’s the spoiler-free general summary that doesn’t go into much detail about anything, but if you’re really okay with spoiling the series for yourself then I’ll also be leaving this spoiler heavy summary, which basically summarizes the second half of the show where the plot actually happens and where this one shot gets most of its inspiration from.

Little Witch Academia does have a main plot though. As it turns out, Akko’s teacher, Professor Ursula is actually Shiny Chariot. After an accident during one of her performances the woman decided to go into hiding and took the role of a teacher in the academy.

There was more to it however. As a young girl, Chariot has been tasked with finding the Seven Words, seven spells that once gathered could supposedly release a new wave of magical energy through the world and start a new era of magic. Unfortunately, due to her accident Chariot lost her role as the Word Seeker and this she stayed in Luna Nova, waiting for the day a girl chosen by the stars would take her place as the Word Seeker.

Thankfully for the retired witch, Akko arrives to the academy and unlocks the Shiny Rod. Noticing this, Ursula decides to guide Akko and teach her to be a better witch, all the while helping her try and find the Seven Words.

But of course, things aren’t that simple. With the return of the Words also came the return of Ursula’s old best friend, and the one she technically stole the title of Word Seeker from, Croix. The two friends had originally split apart after Ursula obtained the Shiny Rod, the honor that Croix had been dreaming of her whole life.

Because of that, Croix used her intellect and skills to combine technology and magic, resulting in a device that could absorb magical energy from people and thus be (theorically) capable of doing the same thing that the Seven Words could without having to rely on that ancient chosen one magic, all the while tricking Chartio into stealing magic from others through her shows (leading to the accident mentioned above).

Sadly, Croix’s plan worked too well, leading to her machine going out of control and literally taking control of a nuclear missile. At the end of the day Akko and her friends with the power of magic, friendship and the like were able to stop it and thus started a new era of magic.

And the rest is history.

Characters:

Anyways, as I said above, I kind of got lazy with character descriptions so I’ll just throw some pics in here if it’s not too much trouble. Thank youuuuu.

Team Red

Atsuko Kagari (Akko)

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Description: The leader of Team Red and our fiery protagonist. Akko originally joined Luna Nova to become just like her idol, Shiny Chariot. What this girl lacks in magic ability and general intelligence she makes up for with her hardworking spirit, easygoing attitude and love for the craft. While she might seem annoying and arrogant Akko actually lacks confidence in herself, which can lead her to take dangerous shortcuts if it means being able to do something better than others (especially Diana). She also has a rebellious streak and cares little for any rules that she deems as unnecessary, causing her to end up in the headmistress office a lot.

Lotte Yanson

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Description: Akko's best friend. The two originally met when Akko arrived at Luna Nova. Lotte is the responsible one of Team Red, making sure that Akko and Sucy don't go too nuts. She tends to keep things to herself and tries not to upset anyone but she's a big dreamer and can get carried away when she truly wants something. While she doesn't see eye to eye with Akko most of the time she tries her best to support her, mostly due to how little Akko knows about the magic world. Unlike her friends, Lotte’s treated as a troublemaker by association rather than any particularly bad traits, which has led to people thinking of her as a washboard, something she definitely hates about herself

Sucy Mavavaran

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Description: Team Red's last member and the school's nutjob. Sucy comes from the Philippines and is obsessed with mushrooms, poison and anything related to the occult and or paranormal. She specializes in potion magic and is obsessed with testing out new kinds of potions and experiments, usually using Akko as her guinea pig. She gets along well with Lotte but makes it a point to always tease and make fun of Akko, essentially making sure that the girl doesn't start thinking she's better than anyone. In truth, Sucy doesn’t actually care about being in Luna Nova and is just staying there to see the weird hijinks that usually follow Akko.


Team Green

Amanda O’Neil

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Description: a witch from New York and the leader of Team Green. Amanda is Luna Nova’s biggest troublemaker due to her fiery, stubborn, arrogant, lazy and condescending attitude; which doesn’t work out well when she and Akko join forces . While she has all that and some light kleptomania issues, Amanda is a prodigy when it comes to broom racing and is a spirited witch that’s willing to set aside her issues to help those in need, as long as there’s something she gets in return of course.

Jazminka Antonenko


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Description: Team Green’s resident big eater. Jazminka doesn’t talk much but she’s got a big heart and an even bigger stomach, matched by her proficiency with enhancement magic. Jazminka is the voice of reason for her group essentially functioning as the heart between the troublesome Amanda and the solitary Constanze. Not much is known about her aside from the fact she’s Russian and loves to share her food with friends, though said eating habits have landed her in trouble due to her eating in class.

Constanze Amalie von Braunschbank Albrechtsberger


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Description : A tech genius, Constanze studies the art of combining technology and magic. However, her intelligence is outdone by her short size, constant tired frown and lack of any social skills, to the point she relies on robots she created to do the talking for her. While she prefers being alone, she’s not below spending time and helping others if it means testing out her gadgets and having people to help her out. She’s particularly fond of Amanda and Akko, whose confidence and outgoing personalities make up for her own lack of skills when it comes to interacting with others. Although she’s well behaved, her habit of taking things apart and flippant personality caused her to be branded as a troublemaker, rounding out the “Trouble Group” made up of Amanda, Jazminka and her.

Team Blue

Diana Cavendish

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Description: The leader of Team Blue and Akko's rival. Diana is known as a genius in Luna Nova due to her proficiency in magic since she was a child and her pedigree as a descendant of the Cavendish family, one of the oldest families in the magic world. Diana is talented, smart, loved by everyone and always focused on her goals, aspirations and living up to her family name, which caused her and Akko to clash a lot. While she might seem snobby at first, Diana is just very diligent and focused and as thus doesn’t tolerate people that can’t take things seriously, so much so that she spends most of her free time studying ancient arts in the hopes of bringing magic back to prominence.

Hannah and Barbara

Description: Diana’s friends, not much is known about them individually as they usually are always together. They’re usually seen as condescending and mean spirited, particularly towards those of lesser birth, they genuinely care about each other and value their friendship with Diana above all else. While there’s not much known about them individually, Hannah has a strong willed personality and likes to eat sweets while Barbara prefers to stay in the background reading YA novels , though she keeps this a secret from her friends. Although the two would bully and make fun of Akko, they eventually became friends with her after the latter and Diana started getting along.

Chariot Du Nord/Ursula Callistis

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Description: Luna Nova’s youngest professor and the one in charge of teaching astrology. While she seems meek and klutzy to some Ursula is actually a front, with her true identity being Akko’s ido, Shiny Chariot. Originally a student from Luna Nova, Chariot spent her childhood perfecting her magic in order to accomplish her dreams of being a witch that could bring smiles to others, a task that eventually led her to become a word seeker. Unfortunately, Chariot was unable to complete the words and the subsequent fallout she had with her friend Croix caused her to lose both her place as a seeker and her career. She returned to Luna Nova in hopes of finding a successor and ended up training and guiding Akko while keeping her identity a secret.

Croix Meridies

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Description: Luna Nova’s other new addition to the teacher roster, Croix is in charge of New Age Magic and specializes in combining magic and technology to create new kinds of magical devices. She and Chariot studied together and were best friends, unfortunately Croix grew bitter of Chariot after the former was chosen to seek out the words instead of her, leading Croix to spend years trying to build her own method of unlocking the true power of magic.

There’s other characters that I could talk bout really, but these are the main ones and I’ll think we’d be here all day anyway. So let’s get on to the show.

The Big Day

She stared at the night sky in amazement as glittering lights passed through the clouds like shooting stars lighting up the night. Her bright red hair waved with the chilling win. A wave of pride, joy and sadness washed over her, eyes welling up with every passing second. “I can’t believe she did it,” Chariot said, her voice breaking a bit.

“They, we both know she couldn’t have gotten far on her own.” She heard the woman next to her reply as she turned to look at her.

A smile crossed the woman’s lips as she fixed her now messy purple hair, green eyes staring at the sky. For such a stylish person she had certainly seen better days, now her hair and clothes were in a mess and she had lost that strange red cape she donned from the moment she had walked back into her light. Regardless, Chariot couldn’t help but keep her focus on her smile. It was a different type of smile, more melancholic in nature. “If only I’d known that myself,” she muttered, lowering her head and gaze.

Chariot did the same as an awkward silence weigh heavily on the two. She pondered on what she could say, maybe words of reassurance? Or maybe she should just try to make her smile and live in the moment. But it wasn’t that easy, not after what had happened. Not after what they both had done to each other.

They had been so fixated on who deserved to revive the Grand Era of Magic that they not only destroyed their friendship, they almost destroyed magic itself.

And in the end it had been their students, the children they were supposed to guide, who had done what they could not.

Chariot brought her hand to her chest, staring at her palm with longing at the memories she had of holding the Shiny Rod. She clenched her hand and slowly turned towards her friend.

“Don’t blame yourself, Croix,” she finally spoke, her voice low as she bought her friend’s attention. “You only tried to do what you thought was best for the Witches, I have fault too for thinking I could do everything on m-“

“Don’t patronize me!” Croix called out, shocking Chariot as the woman glared at her. “Stop talking as if we both had a hand in this. I’m the one that corrupted your dream and tricked you into using Dream Fuel Spirit. I’m the one that almost destroyed magic, no, the world itself all because I was jealous,” she rambled, her voice becoming harsher and more violent as she spoke. She gritted her teeth, attempting and failing to hold back her own tears. “It’s ironic really; the two girls that suffered the most from my dream are the ones who ended up accomplishing it instead.”

Chariot’s expression fell again, her hair falling over her eyes as she remembered the look on both Akko’s and Diana’s faces as she told them about how Croix, and unknowingly her, had stolen their magical abilities. She couldn’t deny that she still resented Croix for what she had done to them and to herself, but she knew she had a hand in it too.

“We both made them suffer,” she spoke once more, her voice resolute. “Maybe you hurt me, so much that I can barely use magic because of you, but I hurt you too.” She walked closer to her, stretching her hand out and putting it on the woman’s cheek to get her face to look at her. “You were my friend, and instead of being there for you when you needed me I became obsessed with my dream.” she grabbed her face tighter as her other hand covered Croix’s other chee. Croix’s eyes finally fell on Chariot, who in turn kept her gaze fixed on her long lost friend.

“If I’m being honest.” She continued her voice lowering slightly as she walked closer to Croix. “Right now all I’m thinking is it could’ve been us. Akko and Diana, they both hated one another but they still grew to understand each other and worked together to gather the Words…maybe we could’ve been like that,” she added, her voice breaking once more as tears began to run down her eyes.

She stared into Croix’s confused and defeated eyes with a bright smile, one that contradicted her crying eyes. “But that doesn’t mean that we can’t be there for each other now.”

With that she walked closer and wrapped her arms around the woman’s neck, pulling her in for an embrace. Croix’s face became even more confused as she tried to process this, process the fact that she could forgive her even after all that happened.

Finally she let go of her hesitation and threw her own harms around her friend, wrapping them tightly around her waist as she buried her face on her shoulder, prompting Chariot to pat her head lightly as she finally let go of those tears. “I-I’m sorry…I’m so sorry,” she sobbed.

***

“Woohoo! We made it!” Atsuko Kagari, better known as Akko, yelled in enthusiasm as she and Diana flew down onto the grounds of Luna Nova. She had a wide eyed smile as she looked at the sky, still running high on having just stopped a literal nuclear missile while riding on the fastest broom any Witch could’ve dreamed of.

It was something she couldn’t have thought of even in her wildest dreams.

“Hey, focus,” Akko’s attention was brought back to earth when she heard Diana click her fingers in front of her. The girl gave her a stern expression as she tried to keep her blond hair and witch hat from being blown away by the wind. “If you don’t keep holding on the Shooting Star might throw us off.”

Akko groaned at this, couldn’t she just enjoy the moment. “Can’t you be happier? We just saved the world!” she called out, stretching her arms out. “Plus, Shooting Star’s already taken us this far, I don’t think it’ll just throw us off,” she added, frowning and crossing her arms.

“It’s a precocious broom,” Diana replied with a roll of her eyes. She could hear the screams of the girls and teachers down from below, smiles on their faces as they waved their arms at them with excitement.

“Look, everyone’s waiting for us! Hey guys! We’re back!” Akko, as usual, forgot what she had just been told and started waving at the crowd below, her long brown hair waving around with her, letting herself get completely lost in the atmosphere.

Diana sighed at this. She couldn’t believe this was the same girl that had just heroically saved her from falling to her death or the one who had so elegantly and, might she even say, amazingly, destroyed a missile and broke the lock that kept magic chained to the world. They had managed to; hopefully, start a new era of magic and all she could do was scream and wave around like some actress at a red carpet event.

“Akko!” Akko looked down at the floor, a smile going through her face as she saw her friends, Lotte and Sucy, run over to the two. The bespectacled girl stopped short of where they landed, panting heavily and adjusting her glasses, while Sucy simply slithered around, her brown eyes staring at the Shooting Star with a curious and surprised expression. “That was amazing! We were so worried when we saw you two fall off,” she called out through her panting.

“Heh heh, well we did do our best. Right?” Akko put her hands on her waist as she glanced at Diana, giving her a wink and causing the girl to scoff and grin.

“You technically didn’t do anything, the broom and Diana did all the work for you,” Sucy replied nonchalantly, smirking when she saw Akko’s smile turn to a disappointed frown. “Still, it’s amazing that you managed to ride the Shooting Star.”

“See, praise, it’s nice to know you can give it,” Akko countered, glancing away from her friend as she saw Diana get off her broom. “What are you do-Ah!” She yelled out as the Shooting Star flipped over, causing her to slip off from the broom and fall face first into the floor, which in turn made Lotte and Sucy step back.

“Classic Akko,” Sucy muttered, covering her mouth to hide her giggling while Lotte tried to help Akko from the floor.

“I thought we were friends!” She yelled at the broom.


Her words went unheard as the broom turned away from her. It flipped around once more, now facing the sky, before the hairs at the end of its body spread out, taking the shape of wings. Everyone except for Akko stared in amazement as glowing ashes descended from the broom as it zoomed into the sky, filling the air with a sonic boom.


“That’s the last time I trust that damn broom.”

“Diana!”


Akko’s and Diana’s attention where brought back to the crowd as two girls ran over towards them. Hannah and Barbara, Diana’s best friends, wrapped their arms around the girl, tears of joy running down their faces while Diana tried her best to keep her breath.

“We were so worried when we started seeing the feedback!” Hanna cried, her brown hair a mess on her face as she glued herself to Diana’s right side while the long, dark blue haired Barbara grabbed onto her left.

“Especially when we saw you and Akko fall off. But you actually made it!” Barbara yelled out in excitement. “You were like some kind of super heroine, no, a goddess!”

“I-I didn’t really do anything amazing,” Diana answered, trying her best to hide the blush of embarrassment on her face.

“See, why can’t you guys treat me like that?” Akko whined, narrowing her eyes at Lotte and Sucy. Lotte chuckled nervously at this, whereas Sucy simply shrugged.

“Shouldn’t you be the one thanking us,” Sucy replied with a deadpan. “I mean, we were the ones that got you guys that far.”

Akko couldn’t argue against that, not only was she unable to fly her own broom, she and Diana wouldn’t have been able to reach the missile if it weren’t for Lotte, Sucy and Amanda’s group pushing them along.

“Yeah, you’re right.” She sighed in defeat, a look of realization crossing her face as she began looking around. “Wait, where are Amanda, Jasminka and Constanze?”

“Amanda said she didn’t want to deal with a big crowd, so she and the others decided to wait for us back in our room,” Lotte explained, a smile still glued to her face as she hugged Akko. “She also said we were going to celebrate, though I don’t think the teachers will let us stay up till late.”

“Oh yeah, speaking of-“

As if on cue, the crowd of students parted, giving way to a group of old women who marched resolutely towards them. Akko felt herself tense up upon seeing them, while Diana simply told Hannah and Barbara to let go and turned to them. Considering her track record with the teachers, she was worried that they would actually scold them for what they had done.

“That was certainly quite a splendid show you two put up for us, Akko, Diana,” Headmistress Holbrooke spoke with a light chuckle. The short old lady walked forward, planting her long wooden cane on the ground as she walked. She looked at Akko with a bright smile. “It seems you managed to accomplish your dream didn’t you?”

Akko was surprised by her reaction, causing her to let out her own nervous laughter and scratch the back of her head. “I wouldn’t say that exactly,” she said, noticing that the woman was still smiling at her.

“Don’t be so modest now,” she advised, grabbing the girl’s hand gently as well as Diana’s. “You both fulfilled your duty as Witches, you showed the world that we’re still here, that we’re still willing to use our magic to help,” she explained, pride in her voice. “I couldn’t think of two most perfect students for Luna Nova to have.”

Akko’s eyes opened wide when she heard this. Hearing those words at that very moment, it made a wave of joy and pride wash over her. She pursed her lips, trying hard not to ruin the moment by crying in front of the headmistress. After so many months of being treated as the school buffoon, she was finally getting recognition. “T-Thank you sho much,” she replied, trying, and failing, to force her tears back.

Diana sighed at this, but she couldn’t help but smile a bit. “Well, at least you tried to hold out I guess,” she stated, noting how the old woman was now laughing at Akko’s reaction.

“Regardless.”

The mood went down instantly once Professor Anne Finnelan spoke up. Akko tensed up once more and desperately wiped her tears off. The professor walked next to the headmistress, a stern expression on her face. Unlike Holbrooke she was tall enough to easily look down on the girls. Akko looked around nervously, unsure of what to do, while Diana simply stared at the teacher in waiting.

Professor Finnelan stood there for a moment, hands on her hips. It was as if she was trying to milk the tension in the air, not even the teachers or Holbrooke moved. “What you two did was very dangerous, failure would’ve not just spelled dire consequences for the world but for you and Witches alike,” she spoke, her voice stern and harsh.

“…however,” she continued, her tone becoming a bit softer as her glare lowered. “It is true that all of this happened due to Professor Croix’s actions. The fact that one of our own faculty members caused such an event…it’s shameful really,” she closed her eyes and scoffed a bit.

Akko and Diana glanced at one another, first because she sounded a lot more imposing than even the headmistress herself, and second because they didn’t know how to feel about her mentioning Croix. While it was true that the professor was the one behind what happened, she was also an integral part in helping them solve the problem and they knew she was only acting on her own misguided notions.

“Um, what’s going to happen to Professor Croix?” Akko asked curiously, staring between the two teachers, who in turn glanced at each other.

“We will decide that later,” Holbrooke replied. She stretched her hand out to grab onto Akko’s. “For now, you should come in, it was a bit of a rush but the magic creatures prepared a feast for us in your honor girls.”

Any hint of nervousness and fear vanished from Akko’s face upon hearing that. “Really? I hope there’s cake!” She called out, laughing as she let Holbrooke lead her inside, with Diana and the others following soon after.

***

The moon shone down on Luna Nova castle, with the cold wind of the night blowing through the forest and whistling through the castle’s towers. It was calming, particularly in the dead hours of the night when students and teachers were sleeping.

For someone as impatient and active as her, she had grown to like the feeling of sitting by Luna Nova’s terrace, letting the wind wash over her as she looked upon the view of the castle and the tower that held the Philosopher Stone in the distance.

Akko leaned against the railing of the terrace. She had changed into her white shirt and red pajama bottoms as she let the wind gently caress her face and blow her ponytail behind her.

It was kind of amusing to her, that even after going almost two days with no sleep she still couldn’t find slumber. But how could she? she had just had the two most hectic days of her life, finding out the identity of the teacher and Witch she admired, uncovering the seventh word that would unlock the power of magic and even saving the world from a nuclear missile controlled by weird magic robots. When she thought back to it, it felt completely unreal.

But unreal was pretty much the norm for her now. Every day she spent in Luna Nova she distanced herself from the normal, boring life she had left back in Japan. Funny thing was, she wouldn’t have it any other way.

“Can’t sleep huh?”

Akko moved her head back, turning around to see Diana walking into the terrace. The girl put her hair behind her ears to keep the wind from blowing it away.


“Yeah,” she said with a cheerful laugh. “I don’t know. I just haven’t come down from the high I guess.” She looked back at her as she stood next to her, putting her hands on the railings gently and glancing at the tower.

“Well, I guess a someone like you would have trouble finding sleep,” she spoke with conceit in her words. Akko frowned at this, her eyes narrowing on Diana.

“I’m sorry Ms. Heir. If you’re so good at finding sleep then why are you here?”

Diana jumped back a bit, having not expected that reply. She quickly regained her composure however, or at least tried to make it seem like she had. “I was getting some last minute studying done, considering I haven’t had time to focus on them since I’m looking after a certain trouble student,” she countered, her expression cold as she glared back at Akko.

“Why do you have to say it like thaaaaaat?” Akko whined, throwing her head back at being reminded of her failures. “Why does everyone feel the need to burst my bubble lately? so annoying,” she groaned childishly.

“Regardless of whether you saved the world or not, you’re still a bad student,” Diana scoffed, crossing her arms. A small smile broke through her lips however. “Plus, we only tease you because if we don’t you’ll let your successes get over your head.”

“No I don’t,” Akko refuted, pursing her lips.

This reaction got a chuckle from the blond, making Akko frown even more upon seeing her laugh at her misfortune. “Still, I do have to give credit where credit is due. We were all ready to give up when we saw the missile flying in the sky, yet you never backed down,” she said, her voice sounding honest and affectionate as she smiled at Akko.

Akko, however, didn’t smile back. Instead, her expression fell a bit and her eyes gazed back towards the forest. “Maybe, maybe not.”

“What do you mean?”

Akko’s hands tightened their grip on the railings, her expression becoming somber and then melancholic in seconds as she looked down at the floor. “Sucy was right, if I hadn’t had you and the Shiny Rod there with me…I don’t think I could’ve done anything.”

Diana, noticing Akko’s mood had deflated, walked closer to her and gently patted her back with her left hand. She shivered a bit as she realized the girl’s back had become cold with the wind. “That’s not true Akko.”

“Yes it is,” Akko argued, her face clenching in an attempt to keep her eyes from watering. “If you hadn’t found me at the magic shop and made me feel better…I wouldn’t have even come back to Luna Nova.” Diana didn’t reply at this, knowing that Akko had every intention of leaving until their talk. “If you hadn’t shown me that card, reminded me of Chariot’s words, then I would’ve left all of this behind.”

“And that’s not all,” she continued, the frustration in her voice growing exponentially. “The Shiny Rod is gone now too. It was thanks to it that I was able to use the power of the Words, now that I don’t have that to fall back on…I’m just useless Akko who can only do half-assed transformations.”

Diana stared at Akko as she spoke, noticing how her voice broke even as she tried to contain it. It reminded her of their talk only a day before, when she had to remind the girl of her true worth. But now it was different, now she truly had nothing but her heart to rely on. Could she really just reuse the words she had spoken when the situation was so different?

“It’s nice that I got to save the world and that a new era of magic will start and all, but that isn’t going to change the fact that I still suck at magic,” she added, sniffing a bit as she glanced back at Diana. “The headmistress said I had accomplished my dream, but now I feel like I really won’t be able to reach it no matter how I try.”

“Don’t say that!” Diana finally spoke, giving up any attempts to keep her cool and forcing Akko to move back in shock at her outburst. She grit her teeth and fist in frustration before walking to the girl and grabbing onto her hand. “It’s true that you don’t have the Shiny Rod, but I didn’t have such a thing either and I also had trouble learning magic,” she explained, her tone harsh but well-meaning as her grip on Akko’s hand tightened.

“But I’m not a Cavendish like y-“

“So what!?” Diana yelled out, shutting out Akko’s rebuttal swiftly. “I didn’t become good at magic because I’m a Cavendish, I did it through my own hard work. That’s no different for you.”

“You think you can’t do it? You’re already doing it!” she lifted Akko’s hand, grabbing onto her wrist to show it to her. “You don’t need the rod, you can already do transformation magic much better than I could in the time you’ve learned it. You managed to ride the Shooting Star, you led a union strike, which was stupid by the way and you even helped build a…robot, I think it was, too,” she listed, the tone of her voice lowering as she tried to recover her breath. “Weren’t you the one that told me to watch you?”

Akko’s eyes opened wide upon hearing this, her mind going back to the Samhein Festival, a festival held once every year to pick out the best witch in the academy. It was the place where she had declared her rivalry to Diana after practicing her Transformation Magic. Back then she was confident in her skills even after she had lost.

She stared at Diana, eyes firmly on her own with deep intensity that in any other situation would’ve made her cower in fear. But she wasn’t afraid, instead she felt tears start running down her eyes as she looked at those deep blue eyes, the eyes that were now watching her.

“You better live up to that promise you hear,” Diana spoke, holding her hand normally once more, but this time her touch was tender and warm, reassuring Akko that her outburst was for her own good. “Because I won’t tear my eyes away from you anymore.”

“I-I…” Akko stammered, wiping her tears away with her free hand as she tried to search for her words. “…Diana!” she screamed out, giving up on her own composure as she quickly threw herself at the girl and wrapped her in a tight embrace. Diana’s face blushed a bright red once this happened, causing her body to tense up as Akko cried, rather loudly, against her shoulder, tears and snot running down her face.

In any other moment she would’ve tried to break the hug, but she was so shocked by it that she didn’t know what to do. To add to that, Akko had now pushed her to the edge of the terrace. “Akko, please let go,” she said nervously, only for Akko to shake her head and reply with inaudible noises amidst her crying. “No, seriously, we’re going to fall off!” she screamed, mustering all her strength to push Akko away and keep them from falling off the railings.

She panted, trying to calm down from both the scare and the hug, as she stared at Akko’s still crying face. Diana simply gave her a soft, reassuring smile, a blush still somewhat visible in her face, and pulled her for another, more normal, embrace. “You’re such an idiot…but that’s what I like about you, because you always charge in and don’t give up even when everyone tells you otherwise.”

Akko sniffed, stepping back a bit and trying to clean up her face. Diana was right, she couldn’t just let her dream die now, it’s not like she had expected to find the Shiny Rod back when she first came to Luna Nova. Now she could become a great witch without the help of anything else, with her own abilities.

“All right,” she announced, making Diana look at her in curiosity. “Tomorrow’s the day then!”

“The…day?” she asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Yes, the day I’ll finally fly a broom!” Akko yelled out, throwing her fist loudly in the air. “It’ll be sick!”


Diana didn’t reply at first, instead she looked at her, eyes wide. It’s true she wanted her to feel better, but considering she hadn’t been able to fly a broom all year, she found it hard to believe she could do it just by saying so.

“You know…you don’t have to rush i-“

“I’m not,” Akko interrupted, spinning around and pointing straight at Diana, a wide smirk plastered on he rface. “I’ll most definitely fly that broom tomorrow or my name isn’t Atsuko Kagari!”

“You really think you can do it?”

“Of course I can,” Akko stated, nodding her head resolutely as she glanced at Diana, smiling brightly. “Because my magic is in my believing heart. Right?” she added with a sheepish smile.

***

And so, the next day arrived with Akko’s declaration. The whole group of girls had gathered in the north part of campus near the ruins leading to the Fountain of Polaris, having all been called by Akko herself.

Unfortunately, Akko had insisted on only trying to fly the broom when she felt like her body was ready, which led to the girls all just hanging around while waiting for her. Diana, Hanna and Barbara had even joined in to watch.

That led to a whole other sleuth of surprises as Lotte and Barbara began to obsess and talk about Nightfall, leaving a bored Hannah to eat some sandwiches alongside Jasminka while Diana sat on a small table they had set up with teas and sweets.

“All right, I think I’m ready now!” Akko called out, having been sitting cross-legged on the grass doing some kind of meditation. She grinned from ear to ear and quickly stood up, grabbing her broom along with her.

Then, with no wasted movement, she ran towards some of the fallen rubble and stood up, doing a quick spin in order to address everyone. “Wind, checked,” she announced as she raised her hand to the sky. “Broom, ready.” She leaned back, grabbing onto her broom and flexing her legs to allow her to sit on it. “Day, great!” she exclaimed, her a toothy smirk on her face as she held on tight to the broom.

“Tia Freyre!” she finally yelled out. Her voice made the girls turn towards her in anticipation, with Hannah and Barbara gasping a bit when they saw magic energy go down into Akko’s broom, the wind even picked up a little bit.

Unfortunately, that was where it ended as the brooms hairs quickly went back down. Akko noticed this only a few seconds later, causing her to raise her head and glare at her broom in frustration. “Tia Freyre, Tia Freyre, Tia Freyre!” she screamed in rage, slamming her foot against the rubble in an attempt to get her broom to kickstart.

“Looks like she failed as usual,” Sucy said from the corner, promptin Akko to turn towards her to see her and Constanze engrossed in some kind of video game they were playing. She did take note of the weird virtual screen they were playing on, but she figured Constanze had just made it with magic on her off time.

“But I think you’re getting closer, Akko.” She heard Lotte from her side, noticing the kind smile on her face. She didn’t know if it was out of pity or if she genuinely had seen progress, but after her last failed attempt any praise was good enough for her.

“Really!?” she asked, a bright and hopeful smile on her face.

“Yeah, you’re getting better and better,” Lotte replied with a slight laugh, a reaction that made it hard for Akko to contain her own emotion. At least she had improved, even if she still hadn’t done it, that could be enough right?

“You think so?” she heard Amanda exclaim from the table she and Diana were sitting on. She leaned back on her chair, her foot crossed above her knee as she glanced at Akko with disappointment. “She sucks as much as usual to me.”

“Hey!” Akko called out, glaring at the girl as she lifted her arm in the air in protest. “I thought you came here to cheer me on!” she added with annoyance. It was true that Amanda and her could sometimes get into arguments, but she had hoped she would at least put her sarcastic tone aside for once.

“Well it’s the truth,” Amanda retorted with a groan.

“I came because you seemed sure of yourself,” Diana said, her tone delicate and respectful even though it too was filled with disappointment. “But I don’t think we’ll be seeing any progress today either.” she added as she lowered her cup of tea, glancing at Akko.

Akko frowned at this. She had been so eager and confident of herself the night before, she thought she could really prove this not just to herself but to Diana as well. And now, now even Diana had given up on her.

“You’re wrong!” she yelled out stubbornly. “I’m sure I’ll fly today!”

“Well if you’re so confident, then give it a go.” Her attention, and the group’s, was turned towards the entrance to the ruins. Standing by the entrance were Professor Finnelan, Headmistress Holbrooke and even Chari-Professor Ursula, she still felt a bit weird calling her Chariot.


The teachers weren’t alone however, they were accompanied by a couple of boys. One of the boys walked forward, a respectful smile on his fair-skinned face as he held a large purple witch hat in his hands.


“Andrew?” Akko asked, raising her eyebrow as the boy walked forward.


“You forgot this the other day. I figured you might need it now that things calmed down.” The boy known as Andrew replied as he held the hat out for Akko. “Try not to forget this time okay?” he asked with a smirk.


Akko stared at the hat for a moment, remembering how she had run out on Andrew just a few days prior due to the events surround Professor Croix.

“I’m sorry, it must’ve been annoying to have to bring it all the way here,” she said, turning away from him in embarrassment, only for her attention to fall on the sighs, laughter and roll of eyes coming from the other girls.

“Not at all,” Andrew laughed as he handed her hat back to her. “I mean, now I get to see you fly on that broom right?” He smiled sheepishly.

Akko looked at him and nodded, grabbing onto the hat for a moment. She stared at it, her hands taking in the feeling of the hat’s material as she thought back to all of her memories in the academy, how she had first arrived without knowing anything about the magic world, how she had met Lotte, Sucy, Diana and everyone else. She also thought back to all those moments where she failed, where she was ridiculed and when she thought she would rather just give up.

But then she met Professor Ursula and learned about the Words. She fought hard, she went through so much hardship and even had her dreams crushed. But that allowed her to grow, it allowed her to understand herself and embrace a new dream, she had even met her idol after so long.

She tried really hard to hold back her tears of joy as she stared at that hat, the hat she had dreamt of wearing for so long. Then she glanced at her friends, a smile of gratitude clear on her face as she looked at each one of them, internally thanking them from everything they had done.

So what if she couldn’t fly yet? She had to at least try it again right?

“Right,” she chuckled a bit, her smirk coming back once more. “One more time!”

She took up her position in her broom once more, noticing that now everyone was crowding around her. It did make her feel more intimidated, causing her to clench onto her broom harder in an attempt to hide her hesitation.

“Don’t worry, Akko.” She heard Lotte speak from her side, her friend resting her hand on her shoulder gently to reassure her. “After all, isn’t your magic-“

“-in your believing heart?” She heard Sucy from her right, the girl who was usually the first to mock her now smiling at her with the same confidence. Seeing their faces and hearing their words made her glance to Diana, who also looked at her expectantly, her mind going back to the night before and the night the two had spent talking at the magic shop.

“Yeah,” she stated, both to reaffirm them and in realization of herself. Of course she couldn’t doubt in herself, she was the one that had spouted all those words in the first place.

All of that pent up frustration and hesitation was released in an instant, leading to Akko laughing loudly and eagerly.

However, something else happened, something even Akko herself couldn’t have believed.

She opened her eyes, having heard everyone around her gasp in shock. And then she saw it, her feet gently levitating off the ground, not by much, but enough to be noticeable. It wasn’t just her feet either, her whole body was floating along with it.

“She flew,” she heard Constanze speak for the first time ever, something that just draw her own excitement home even more.

She grabbed onto her broom, a smile spreading through her face as the emotion of the moment ran across her body.

“Yay!” She screamed loudly into the sky, arms spread out in a victory pose. “I did it!”

Unfortunately, her joy was short lived as the jump also caused her body to lose its balance, making her fall to the ground with a loud thud. “Ugh,” the girl groaned audibly, broom hitting her face as everyone ran over to check up on her.

“I…I guess you still need to work on your magic control,” Chariot chuckled nervously while Diana and Lotte helped Akko up from the floor. “But you did it. You’re now officially a witch,” she added, a proud smile on her face.

“Yep!” Akko chuckled, flashing her a victory sign with her fingers.

***

Everyone began dispersing a few minutes later; having made sure that Akko was okay and giving her their respective congratulations. She was a bit bummed that she was only able to fly that one time for a few seconds, but she had finally managed to get off the ground.

“We’ll be waiting in the room,” Lotte stated to her as she and Sucy began walking away.

“Please don’t get lost trying to fly again on the way,” Sucy teased as she walked ahead.

She noticed Hannah and Barbara were leaving as well, with Hannah surprisingly carrying the table on her own while Barbara carried the tray with the glasses and plates they had used.

“I must admit you surprised me back then,” Diana said, nodding her head with pride while crossing her arms. “I was honestly doubtful, but you really showed me,” she added, looking at her with her deep blue eyes.

Akko smiled back, but it wasn’t her usual confident smirk, it was a more subtle and emotional expression, one that even surprised Diana. The girl leaned forward, wrapping her arms around Diana in a gentle embrace. However, Diana was prepared this time and so hugged her back, eyes closing as the two stood there, taking in the feeling.

“Thanks,” Akko finally spoke, a grateful and low tone in her voice. “It’s only because you gave me that final push last night.” She rested her hands on her friend’s shoulders, staring at her eyes for a moment. “It doesn’t matter if I don’t have the Shiny Rod, I’ll just carve my own path with my own two feet.”

“Took you long enough,” Diana replied with a giggle. “Come on.” She slid her hand down, grabbing onto Akko’s. “Let’s go back,” she added, gently pulling her along with her as the two began making their way out of the ruins.

“Oh and don’t worry. I’ll definitely win next year’s broom race, and I’ll get all As and I’ll even become the witch blessed by the moon!”

“Sure you will, Akko. Sure you will.”
 
She stared at the night sky in amazement as glittering lights passed through the clouds like shooting stars lighting up the night. Her bright red hair waved with the chilling win. A wave of pride, joy and sadness washed over her, eyes welling up with every passing second. “I can’t believe she did it,” Chariot said, her voice breaking a bit.

This is an opening with a really good flow.

You mentioned not being sure about the opening because Chariot and Croix aren't really the focus after this while Akko is, but Akko very clearly thinks highly of her friends' opinions of her. The opening scene gives up a glimpse into just how much of an impact Akko's had on her friends, even if they do give her shit in the dialogue later on. It makes the scene where she flies off the broom a bit more impactful, knowing that her friends are behind her every step of the way even if they don't really act like it in front of her. Whether that's because they don't like showing their real feelings in front of her or because this scene is just the emotional aftermath of the huge events leading up to this story, it still works well.

That said, I tried not reading the character/plot descriptions you provided since you were worried about the story working without them. I understood things just fine. :)

There's almost no description of the characters' surroundings, and for a character/emotional-driven piece, there doesn't need to be a lot... I guess that's probably the only thing lacking that I'd say I couldn't get from your character/plot descriptions no matter what. On the flip side, your body language descriptions are really telling and add to the emotion of the piece.

Diana sighed at this. She couldn’t believe this was the same girl that had just heroically saved her from falling to her death or the one who had so elegantly and, might she even say, amazingly, destroyed a missile and broke the lock that kept magic chained to the world. They had managed to; hopefully, start a new era of magic and all she could do was scream and wave around like some actress at a red carpet event.

I think you underestimated yourself when you were talking about this piece with me before. I can clearly see Akko's personality from this paragraph alone.

“…however,” she continued, her tone becoming a bit softer as her glare lowered. “It is true that all of this happened due to Professor Croix’s actions. The fact that one of our own faculty members caused such an event…it’s shameful really,” she closed her eyes and scoffed a bit.

So is this Harry Potter in anime form? lolol

While it was true that the professor was the one behind what happened, she was also an integral part in helping them solve the problem and they knew she was only acting on her own misguided notions.

Well, that does complicate things... Akko not following through with her answer on what should happen to Professor Croix is a tad awkward. It does seem out of her control, though.

“Why do you have to say it like thaaaaaat?” Akko whined, throwing her head back at being reminded of her failures. “Why does everyone feel the need to burst my bubble lately? so annoying,” she groaned childishly.

Again, there's silly parts but they don't break the flow of the piece or feel totally melodramatic, so kudos there.

Overall, a big thumbs up on this one from me.
 
She stared at the night sky in amazement as glittering lights passed through the clouds like shooting stars lighting up the night.
This sentence feels a bit long and has quite a few cliches in it. Cliches are fine in places but in the first couple of sentences, it's best to pick something that's going to wow the audience a bit more.

Her bright red hair waved with the chilling win.
*wind

A wave of pride, joy and sadness washed over her, eyes welling up with every passing second. “I can’t believe she did it,” Chariot said, her voice breaking a bit.
You used 'waved' to earlier describe her hair. It just seems a bit much to include in one paragraph. Also, not sure if you need to put in the 'pride, joy and sadness' part since you also mention that her eyes are welling up.

A smile crossed the woman’s lips as she fixed her now messy purple hair, green eyes staring at the sky.
You've already used 'staring at the sky'

“Don’t patronize me!” Croix called out, shocking Chariot as the woman glared at her. “Stop talking as if we both had a hand in this. I’m the one that corrupted your dream and tricked you into using Dream Fuel Spirit. I’m the one that almost destroyed magic, no, the world itself all because I was jealous,” she rambled, her voice becoming harsher and more violent as she spoke. She gritted her teeth, attempting and failing to hold back her own tears. “It’s ironic really; the two girls that suffered the most from my dream are the ones who ended up accomplishing it instead.”
There is an awful lot of dialogue tags here, and it makes the paragraph choppy and probably longer than it really should be.

own harms
*arms

sorry…I’m so sorry,” she sobbed.

***

“Woohoo! We made it!”
This is moving very fast for a one-shot? I can hardly keep up with the pace and the emotional shift.

“I-I didn’t really do anything amazing,” Diana answered, trying her best to hide the blush of embarrassment on her face.

“See, why can’t you guys treat me like that?” Akko whined, narrowing her eyes at Lotte and Sucy. Lotte chuckled nervously at this, whereas Sucy simply shrugged.

“Shouldn’t you be the one thanking us,” Sucy replied with a deadpan. “I mean, we were the ones that got you guys that far.”
This is probably me not knowing much about the show, but there are quite a few characters to keep track of here and sometimes I get a bit lost/confused between them.

hands on her hips. It was as if she was trying to milk the tension in the air, not even the teachers or Holbrooke moved.
I really like this line, humorous.

literal nuclear missile while riding on the fastest broom any Witch could’ve dreamed of.

It was something she couldn’t have thought of even in her wildest dreams.
You've mentioned 'dream' twice here?

The moon shone down on Luna Nova castle, with the cold wind of the night blowing through the forest and whistling through the castle’s towers. It was calming, particularly in the dead hours of the night when students and teachers were sleeping.
This is a nice, peaceful description. I would like to see some more of it too, personally.

“Don’t say that!” Diana finally spoke, giving up any attempts to keep her cool and forcing Akko to move back in shock at her outburst. She grit her teeth and fist in frustration before walking to the girl and grabbing onto her hand. “It’s true that you don’t have the Shiny Rod, but I didn’t have such a thing either and I also had trouble learning magic,” she explained, her tone harsh but well-meaning as her grip on Akko’s hand tightened.

“But I’m not a Cavendish like y-“

Diana’s face blushed a bright red once this happened, causing her body to tense up as Akko cried, rather loudly, against her shoulder, tears and snot running down her face.

“Of course I can,” Akko stated, nodding her head resolutely as she glanced at Diana, smiling brightly. “Because my magic is in my believing heart. Right?” she added with a sheepish smile.

A lot of the emotion in this scene is really well described, impactful and genuine. I can really feel the sadness and fury within Diana, and then their change.

“Yeah, you’re getting better and better,” Lotte replied with a slight laugh, a reaction that made it hard for Akko to contain her own emotion. At least she had improved, even if she still hadn’t done it, that could be enough right?
Despite having an awful lot of characters, some of them like Akko, Lotte and Diana do come through very well. Although I've never watched the show, I do imagine they are close to canon.

“You’re wrong!” she yelled out stubbornly.
Can you yell something out stubbornly?

“Andrew?” Akko asked, raising her eyebrow as the boy walked forward.
Hm. Andrew wasn't introduced in the earlier post listing the characters and I'm slightly confused at his sudden introduction so late into the story? Especially since I don't really see his impact on it as a character.

Everyone began dispersing a few minutes later; having made sure that Akko was okay and giving her their respective congratulations. She was a bit bummed that she was only able to fly that one time for a few seconds, but she had finally managed to get off the ground.
The ending feels fitting to most of the story, although I feel like it doesn't tie up all the character arcs, or make sense for every character we have been introduced to in the story. Again, this story would probably make a bit more sense if I got to know the characters from the show too.

This one-shot was quite interesting. It's got good description of setting and character interactions. There is an awful lot going on for only about 6000 words though and sometimes the change in mood or setting can be jarring, especially considering how many times you do it. I feel like it could actually benefit from being more or rather longer than a one-shot. Still a short story of a few chapters, but not a one-shot. This would have let you explored all the concepts you had in mind for it and let the reader understand the characters more. Part of me feels like this is simply because I'm not familiar with the original show, however, so perhaps take what I've said with a grain of salt! One more practical improvement I can think of is the way you chose to use dialogue tags. It's kind of a minor thing, but in places, you do use an awful lot of dialogue tags that perhaps you don't need? It doesn't really sound all that dramatic and sometimes feels a bit clunky. Keep to 'said' or 'whispered'/'shouted' if you have to, using none at all also helps. Not to say cut out nicer/more fancy dialouge tags compeltely, just save them for whan they are really going matter.
 
Alright, awards review time!

Plot:
It's pretty straight-forward: In the Little Witch Academia world, a massive catastrophe was averted, and now that the protagonist, Akko, is without the power that helped her manage that feat, she feels down and wants to be better again. In the background, everyone else is recovering and managing the aftermath of said event. It's an interesting idea, but it unfortunately only gets a single chapter--an introduction, if you will. This could be the jumping-off point for more chapters on how Akko becomes a better student and maybe follows through with her dream she states at the end, which is to earn all A's and be a witch blessed by the moon.

But as it stands, it is simple, but serviceable. Really, the biggest flaw lies in the fact that anyone unfamiliar with the series wouldn't have a clue about what's going on--which is how I felt. I could gather a general idea from the narrative, and the summary at the beginning helped. But this needed familiarity with the anime would cause some other issues.

Setting: This is unfortunately the weakest part of the story. It takes place in the magical witch academy of Luna Nova, and I'm sure there could have been many lines to give a picture to everyone about it. However, the author instead chooses to rely on the readers' memory of the location instead of describing it herself. Even if this story is designed to appeal to those familiar with the anime, location is a pillar that should be present in most, if not all stories. There is only really one named location, and the rest of the scenes take place in random areas of the academy. Sure, the wind and lighting are mentioned, but it is only the start of a setting to really establish the mood.

Location aside, there are definitely hints of this magical atmosphere, and of the aftermath of the near-catastrophe. But it doesn't have much detail devoted to it outside of scattered lines throughout.

Characterization: This is also a weaker part of the story, but it is more forgivable than the setting. Here, the characters' personalities feel realistic, and Akko is vibrant and almost over-the-top, in anime fashion of course. But, Akko aside, we don't really see to much of what makes these characters unique, and without the canon familiarity, it is difficult to feel attached to anyone.

Writing Style: Simplistic, but is well suited to describing character actions and descriptions. Not so much for setting, however.

Technical: There one or two errors I spotted, but nothing major.
 
hey.

a background preface -- I have no familiarity with this fandom. Sucks coming from your judge, I know. I read your preface-intro-explanation thing and the wiki page. Luckily, I ended up being equally blind to every fic in this category, so... perfectly balanced, I guess. All this to say that I tried to read this knowing that it was for a fandom that probably has a vast history/understanding that I'm completely unaware of, and I was generous with how worldbuilding and stuff got distributed because it's not your fault that I'm trying to read fanfiction for something I've never seen.

plot/characters

It’s a story about aftermaths, which I thought was a cool departure from your norm. It’s cutesy and slice-of-lifey, and I like the angle you chose to address where it’s very much post-plot and just people getting back to normal after saving the world. And it’s doubly cool because in this case, saving the world led to some real consequences that probably (?) didn’t get addressed in the main story, so it’s nice to see here.

The concept is cool, the character interaction setup is cool, and the setting is pretty straightforward. I think you had all the ingredients for a really solid one-shot here, but it didn’t quite come together. You mentioned on Discord being concerned about conveying emotion and stuff, and I struggled to word how this feedback was going to go—you have the building blocks, but you don’t quite build what you wanted to out of them. I think a large part of this is in your style.

style

Your style is that it repeats itself very often—it’s the same base structure with different words filled in. This makes your prose drag out a lot longer than it should, in a really deceptive way, because the structure of the sentences makes it feel like we’ve already read this part of the story before, even if we haven’t.

The most obvious example is in how you handle dialogue. Every piece of dialogue is accompanied by a declaration. You basically have two ways of parsing your dialogue: it’s either “[character] [said], [participling]” or “[character] [said] as [action]”. Fill in the relevant synonyms and that’s basically how you write all of your dialogue. I thought I was exaggerating and I generally hate using the word “always” in a review without reason, so I went ahead and compiled them all:

[character] [said], [participling]:

Chariot said, her voice breaking a bit

she muttered, lowering her head and gaze

She continued her voice lowering slightly

she added, her voice breaking once more

she called out, stretching her arms out

she added, frowning and crossing her arms.

Sucy replied nonchalantly, smirking

Akko countered, glancing away from her friend

Diana answered, trying her best

Akko whined, narrowing her eyes

she said, noticing that the woman was still smiling

she advised, grabbing the girl’s hand

she replied, trying, and failing, to force her tears back

she stated, noting how the old woman was now laughing

Akko asked curiously, staring between the two teachers

She called out, laughing

Akko whined, throwing her head back

she said, her voice sounding honest

she continued, the frustration in her voice growing exponentially

she added, sniffing a bit

Diana finally spoke, giving up any attempts to keep her cool

she explained, her tone harsh but well-meaning

Diana yelled out, shutting out Akko’s rebuttal swiftly

she listed, the tone of her voice lowering

Diana spoke, holding her hand

she screamed out, giving up on her own composure

she screamed, mustering all her strength

she announced, making Diana look at her

Akko yelled out, throwing her fist loudly in the air

Akko interrupted, spinning around

Akko stated, nodding her head

Akko called out, having been sitting cross-legged

she screamed in rage, slamming her foot

Sucy said from the corner, promptin Akko to turn

She heard Lotte from her side, noticing the kind smile

Akko called out, glaring

Akko asked, raising her eyebrow

she said, turning away from him in embarrassment

she chuckled a bit, her smirk coming back once more

She heard Lotte speak from her side, her friend resting her hand

the girl groaned audibly, broom hitting her fac

Akko chuckled, flashing her a victory sign

Diana said, nodding

she added, looking

she added, gently pulling

“[character] [said] as [action]”

She sighed in defeat, a look of realization crossing her face as she began looking around

Akko looked down at the floor, a smile going through her face as she saw her friends, Lotte and Sucy, run over to the two

Akko put her hands on her waist as she glanced at Diana

She yelled out as the Shooting Star flipped over

she finally spoke, her voice low as she bought her friend’s attention

Croix called out, shocking Chariot as the woman glared at her

she rambled, her voice becoming harsher and more violent as she spoke

she grabbed her face tighter as her other hand covered Croix’s other chee[k]

Atsuko Kagari, better known as Akko, yelled in enthusiasm as she and Diana flew down onto the grounds of Luna Nova

Lotte explained, a smile still glued to her face as she hugged Akko

She looked back at her as she stood next to he

she continued, her tone becoming a bit softer as her glare lowered

She shivered a bit as she realized the girl’s back had become cold with the wind

she announced as she raised her hand to the sky

her foot crossed above her knee as she glanced at Akko with disappointment

Andrew replied as he held the hat out for Akko

Andrew laughed as he handed her hat back to her

Lotte stated to her as she and Sucy began walking away

Sucy teased as she walked ahead

bonus round: “[character] [said], [participling] as [action]”

she added as she lowered her cup of tea, glancing at Akko

Akko called out, glaring at the girl as she lifted her arm in the air in protest

Akko stated, nodding her head resolutely as she glanced at Diana, smiling brightly

She panted, trying to calm down from both the scare and the hug, as she stared at Akko’s still crying face

she added, her voice breaking once more as tears began to run down her eyes

she listed, the tone of her voice lowering as she tried to recover her breath

Akko asked, raising her eyebrow as the boy walked forward

Akko stammered, wiping her tears away with her free hand as she tried to search for her words

she screamed out, giving up on her own composure as she quickly threw herself

she added, sniffing a bit as she glanced back at Diana

she said, her voice sounding honest and affectionate as she smiled at Akko

She looked back at her as she stood next to her, putting her hand

She called out, laughing as she let Holbrooke lead her inside

she continued, her tone becoming a bit softer as her glare lowered

she advised, grabbing the girl’s hand gently as well as Diana’s

Akko countered, glancing away from her friend as she saw Diana

She continued her voice lowering slightly as she walked closer to Croix

Croix called out, shocking Chariot as the woman glared at her

And like. I haven’t been able to put this in words before, but I think it lends a very repetitive quality to your works. Nothing feels new after a point because, well, it’s kind of been in the fic before. The actions and the dialogue stop feeling memorable because they’re propped up by seemingly identical supports:

She heard Lotte speak from her side, her friend resting her hand

She heard Lotte from her side, noticing the kind smile

Andrew replied as he held the hat out for Akko

Andrew laughed as he handed her hat back to her

The character actions stop feeling unique because they aren’t. You could probably paste reach into either of those spoilers and attach any of those descriptors to a line of dialogue without making it seem particularly out of place.

The result is that your prose is hard to read. This fic is a little over 6k words but it feels like a lot more and a lot less simultaneously—a lot more because it’s hard to read, and a lot less because it’s the same micro-scale events retreading themselves over and over. And when we expand past the dialogue, it continues. You use the “as” structure almost 100 times, which I’m calling out in particular because it distorts the reader’s sense of time—because so much of the dialogue is described “as” something else is happening, everything feels simultaneous. Sequential flow gets thrown out the window.

Sentences can be short. Sentences can be really long, with tons of things crammed in between to give the illusion of length and depth. And they can be anything in between. Your description is generally good on a micro level, but when you start comparing it to itself, things get really indistinguishable. Varying up how you construct your sentences would take you miles in distinguishing what you’re trying to say.

grammar

I said in my last review that I would no longer waste my time repeating the same advice in longform because you don’t really use it. It’s been almost seven years of us reviewing each other and this section is basically the same, so uh. Use commas when addressing people. Use commas when you have participles. Punctuate your dialogue correctly. Proofread. Please?

overall

causing her to clench onto her broom harder

“Come on.” She slid her hand down

Sweet lord, Flaze, think of the children.

In all seriousness. I might be optimistic here, but the main qualm I have with your writing is the repetitiveness of your sentence structure—it masks the good ideas you have, and the cute character interactions, and the clever plots. The way you repeat your phrases makes everything feel the same on a very small-scale, so the fic itself becomes masked. I do think that this change would make your writing flow a ton smoother; you’ve already got a strong grasp on the other fundamentals.
 
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