The Bone Zone

[CuboneKing]

I’ve had a pretty rough week. One of my roommates, who’s one of my oldest and closest friends, and the other guys in our little group had a falling out and I’ve basically lost him. That’s two major people I’ve lost from my life in not very much time. It fucking sucks.

Music has been… frustrating. It takes so much out of me to even listen to music these days because I hyper-analyze it and constantly compare it to my own. Oftentimes when I hear a song that I can’t mentally reverse engineer I feel completely inadequate. Ideas have been coming into my head more which is a lot more than I could say pre-facility but getting them down has been a struggle to say the least. I feel the most fulfilled when creating music and having that work to be proud of but getting in the zone has been difficult, and even when I do, I’m just not firing on all cylinders the way I used to. I really want to start my solo project and express myself in all the ways I need to but sitting down on my laptop or a guitar or anything and not having my ideas come out exactly as I hear them pretty much ruins my day. I got in the zone for like an hour and a half on sunday so I guess that’s a small victory. But my life is sorely lacking the creativity I so desperately crave and it hurts, I feel so empty and purposeless without it. I really wish there was a cut-and-dry method to get back into it that actually worked for me but all the advice I’ve seen out there doesn’t seem to be exactly geared toward depressed neurodivergents.

Also I’m mad at myself for not aggressively pursuing continued mental healthcare the way that I need to be. I haven’t contacted my therapist, and I have two appointments on the docket next week but sometimes it feels like I’ve blunted all the momentum I had when I left the facility. Yet, I don’t have the energy to do much other than play Legends and watch TV, and even then that’s challenging, particularly on days like this one.

Maintaining relationships of any kind has also been extremely overwhelming and I often feel borderline violated when I try to let someone in, and I have far less capacity these days for spending extended time with people than I used to (and even back then did I really?).

Rejoining the world just seems like something I can’t do right now. I hope that feeling changes. Rant over I guess.

 

[Chevywolf30]

Music has been… frustrating. It takes so much out of me to even listen to music these days because I hyper-analyze it and constantly compare it to my own. Oftentimes when I hear a song that I can’t mentally reverse engineer I feel completely inadequate. Ideas have been coming into my head more which is a lot more than I could say pre-facility but getting them down has been a struggle to say the least. I feel the most fulfilled when creating music and having that work to be proud of but getting in the zone has been difficult, and even when I do, I’m just not firing on all cylinders the way I used to. I really want to start my solo project and express myself in all the ways I need to but sitting down on my laptop or a guitar or anything and not having my ideas come out exactly as I hear them pretty much ruins my day. I got in the zone for like an hour and a half on sunday so I guess that’s a small victory. But my life is sorely lacking the creativity I so desperately crave and it hurts, I feel so empty and purposeless without it. I really wish there was a cut-and-dry method to get back into it that actually worked for me but all the advice I’ve seen out there doesn’t seem to be exactly geared toward depressed neurodivergents.

I feel this, I'm not a musical person in the least, but I do a bit of writing and drawing, and I've just hit a wall in my latest story project. I've got pretty much the entire story planned out and I'm close to the end but I just.can't.make.myself focus on it. Not tryna make this about myself, just that I know how you feel.


I love the blog title btw, that's why I clicked here in the first place lol

 

[ConfectionerMari]

Rejoining the world just seems like something I can’t do right now. I hope that feeling changes. Rant over I guess.

I understand that a lot, my social anxiety makes it extremely hard for me to leave my apartment and join the world. I can’t give much advice because I’m struggling myself, but I can say this: please keep hope, it’s the most important thing to ever exist. Also I can send heart emojis, here’s an example

 

[CuboneKing]

With Pokémon Day coming up, speculation and hopes are running high. Thought I’d toss my hat in the ring. Here are my wildest dreams, realistic hopes/expectations, and greatest fears for the new presentation.

Wildest Dreams:
-New PMD title, I’d be equally happy with a brand new entry or an Explorers remake
-Brand new title focused solely on competitive. Call it Stadium or whatever you want, but picture basically Showdown for the Switch. Allow people to import Pokémon from Home but make teambuilding with rentals super easy and accessible. This would be the new VGC platform from now on, but all sorts of formats would be available. I think this is the best way to let competitive keep going as it is while allowing the main series to finally move away from turn-based battles.
-Alolan Marowak in Pokémon Unite pretty please
-Graphical stability patch for PLA fixing the draw distance and aliasing. I know we’re not gonna get this but these are my wildest dreams dammit. The damage has been done but I would gain so much respect for Game Freak back, and it would greatly improve the DLC experience. Speaking of which…
-Two-part expansion pass for PLA. Battle Zone in the summer, Sinjoh Ruins in the fall. Adds back every Pokémon from the Platinum dex still missing, as well as every line yet to exist in a Switch game. A solid batch of new Hisuian forms that aren’t all given away or alluded to in the first trailer. Maybe a new mount for diving and some new/returning Poké Ball varieties.
-While we’re getting wild, a free update for BDSP that allows for a new game plus type of mode that’s essentially a faithful remake of Platinum
-Confirmation of a “brand new experience” coming in LATE 2023 and absolutely no earlier, and the acknowledgment of it being made in an industry-standard engine

Realistic Hopes and Expectations:
-I’d be shocked if we didn’t finally see anything related to Pokémon Sleep
-New mobile game I probably won’t care about
-I think PMD is actually possible but I’m not holding my breath for it
-Some look at or at least acknowledgment of Detective Pikachu 2
-Announcements of Darkrai and Shaymin events for BDSP
-PLA DLC announcement. I don’t know how much we’ll see but I’m almost certain it’s going to happen. I bet we’ll at least get the Battle Zone, and probably not as many new Hisuians as I’d like but more than they added in the SwSh DLC

Greatest Fears:
-Full blown reveal of Gen 9, coming this fall, inevitably with graphics that don’t look any better than SwSh or PLA and a complete or near-complete reversion to the standard mechanics and gameplay. Please don’t do this Game Freak. Please for the love of all that is holy. I’ve bought every mainline game on day 1 since Platinum and if they do this I don’t know if I’ll be able to justify that anymore. I will seriously have to re-evaluate my relationship with this franchise and the thought of that hurts my soul. Please god don’t do this.

So yeah. There’s my thoughts. I think there’s a lot riding on this presentation tbh. They don’t have to blow the lid off all their future plans right now, but Pokémon as a whole is at a crossroads and I really hope they make the right decisions. Gen 8’s been one of high highs and low lows and I’m keeping my fingers crossed that they’re learning from their mistakes.

 

[CuboneKing]

Greatest Fears:
-Full blown reveal of Gen 9, coming this fall, inevitably with graphics that don’t look any better than SwSh or PLA and a complete or near-complete reversion to the standard mechanics and gameplay. Please don’t do this Game Freak. Please for the love of all that is holy. I’ve bought every mainline game on day 1 since Platinum and if they do this I don’t know if I’ll be able to justify that anymore. I will seriously have to re-evaluate my relationship with this franchise and the thought of that hurts my soul. Please god don’t do this.

Well, it happened. Not quite in the way I said it would, but it did. I’ll probably be posting more complete thoughts later. Trying to be optimistic but ugh.

 

[CuboneKing]

As our first day of us knowing about the existence of Scarlet and Violet draws further to a close, I wanted to share my more in-depth thoughts. Before I do, I just want to say that this is all just my opinion, even if I state it like it’s a fact here. You’re more than welcome to disagree with me.

If you’re familiar with my posts and opinions at all, you’ll know I was really against gen 9 coming out this year. I think the annualization of Pokémon has hurt the franchise greatly, it started to show on the 3DS but became really obvious on the Switch. It sucks because I think there’s a lot of good concepts and fun to be had in modern Pokémon games, but all of that has become hard to fully enjoy in light of poorly executed graphics, tight deadlines preventing ideas from being fully realized, and traditions and mechanics being held on to for no real reason other than “that’s the way it’s always been.” Leading up to this announcement I was dead convinced that a gen 9 game that came out this year would have all of those same problems, and I want better for this franchise that I love so dearly.

The first word that went through my mind when I saw the establishing shot confirming gen 9 was “fuck.” I’m sad that I’ve gotten to the point where that’s the case. But graphically speaking, we’re already seeing the effects of the crazy release schedule on this game. The extra detail on the models is much appreciated, and there’s reason to believe there will be more and better animations from the Pokémon themselves. But there’s a cheapness to the environments that I’m having a hard time with. The ground looks just as bad as SwSh and PLA. The sense of depth is incredibly lacking, there’s obvious aliasing in the environments from the trailer, and even in screenshots you can see jagged edges and pixels. If they really can’t do any better than GameCube-level graphics, at least make it clean. Mario Sunshine and Galaxy both look better and smoother than this, and those are about 20 and 15 years old respectively. Graphics aren’t even close to the most important thing in a game for me, but when they’re this far behind and messily executed, it’s impossible for me not to notice and it breaks the immersion. And after the last few releases, the “graphics not final” disclaimer means nothing to me anymore, I don’t think there will be a very noticeable difference between now and release day. I can’t help but wonder how much better it might look if this was getting announced a year from now.

It’s the first truly open world Pokémon game. It’s really happening, something I’ve dreamed about for many years and yet I feel… not what I’d like to. There’s a sense of dread hanging over me. I have so little faith in Game Freak to make this everything it can be. I desperately want to be wrong, I want to be fully hyped, but I’m gonna need to know more. After all their mistakes, the mere idea of a new Pokémon game doesn’t make me feel the way it used to. I hate that.

However. HOWEVER. This game could be good. It could be great, even. I’m not going to completely write it off just yet. The things that’ll make or break this game, imo, are the exploration and the progression.

This game’s gonna be fully open world, and we don’t really have any idea how that will tie into the gameplay yet. If they really have to do the whole eight gym badges thing, it’d be cool to finally get to challenge them in any order. But I think they can do better than that. Some other users on this site have pointed out how the protagonists look like they’re in school, and that could actually feed into the gameplay loop really well. The school could act as the Galaxy Team of this game, assigning you to fill out a Pokédex filled to the brim with tasks. The rank system from Legends could return too, and if they were smart about it it could be used to progress the game and the plot instead of those kinda happening alongside but independent of one another. Like I said in a thread here, it’d be cool if at the end of each rank you had to fight a type-specific boss that acted like a gym leader or even a totem or noble. That would be an effective replacement for gym badges. It doesn’t have to be this exactly for me to be satisfied but I just hope they’re thinking about this in ways to actually serve the experience and not just the tradition.

When it comes to exploration, I think mounts have to return. Now that we’re fully open world we could have entire areas and towns that are only accessible after you unlock a new Pokémon to ride. Imagine something like a steep cliff you can access the bottom of from the very beginning of the game, and once you’ve progressed and gotten the Sneasler equivalent or something you could finally go discover what’s up there. Stuff like that. I’d also like there to be a lot more little secrets to find, it’d be great to have much of what we learn about this region be shown to us instead of told. I think all the overworld mechanics from PLA should return and be expanded upon. Have more things to throw our Pokémon at and collect items from, more ways to interact with both our own and wild Pokémon, and 100% keep the sneaking and catching mechanics. If we go back to having to start a battle to catch a Pokémon I’ll be disappointed. I always appreciate more collectibles out in the overworld, as frustrating as Diglett and the wisps could be I would love to have more of that. I want better fast travel too but I’m actually pretty confident we’ll get that.

As far as new Pokémon go, I think we’re getting to a point where new takes on existing Pokémon are a lot more interesting than the purely new ones. There’s a lot of Pokémon that could use some love and I get more hyped by that these days. If there’s a minimal amount of brand new species I won’t be upset if it were in service of more regional forms. They struck gold with that idea and I want them to keep running with it. I’d prefer there not to be a new gimmick, but I’d love megas to come back. I won’t be too torn up if they don’t though. The starters have grown on me a little bit, definitely far from my favorite trio but I’ll learn to live with them. Also just gonna guess the types they evolve into based on my gut feeling: Grass/Rock, Fire/Dragon, Water/Poison.

I gotta touch on the battles. I’m strongly in the camp of wanting Pokémon to move on from turn-based combat. This is coming from someone who plays a lot of Showdown random battles to kill time. The existing system actually really shines when the endless walls of texts and animations are consolidated and there’s a real person on the other end to play mind games with. But that just isn’t the reality of how the battles come through in the actual game. They’re slow, intrusive, mostly brainless, and antiquated. I still get a certain satisfaction from them but I really think it could be so much more. Actually getting to control your Pokémon, having buttons for different moves, and allowing dodging and positioning to actually be factors would be so much more engaging and true to the spirit of the franchise in my opinion. There’s a lot of possibility here that they haven’t even began to tap into… and yet, if that one not great-looking screenshot with Larvitar is anything to go by, battles are gonna be business as usual. They’re at least still seamless with the overworld, and maybe they’ll expand on the style gimmick, maybe there’s some other way they’ve shaken it up, but it’s likely gonna be more or less the same. The more time passes, the less able I am to accept this. If there really is no end in sight to yearly games, I hope that after perfecting the open world formula they take a good hard look at the combat. I also hope boss battles from Legends come back in some form. I enjoyed them a lot and think they’re a great peak into what could be.

To bitch about the graphics one more time, I’m really worried about the pop-in. That’s just my biggest pet peeve and I can’t let it go. I guess already we’re seeing more trees rendered than PLA could handle but until we see genuine gameplay I’m gonna have no choice but to assume it will be an issue. The first semi-open world Pokémon game deserved better than to have its players watch objects and textures being drawn literally right in front of them, and the first actual open world one definitely needs to do better than that.

I’m a little bugged by the younger protagonists, and I had the same problem with SuMo. Yeah, yeah, children’s game, I get it, but I had a far easier time identifying with the BW, XY, SwSh, and even Legends protagonists than I did with those of, say, SuMo or Let’s Go. I was 12 when Black and White came out and even then I was happy they went with older teenagers. It’s just nice to feel more like you’re part of this world rather than someone just starting to understand it. If they get too heavy-handed with the age-specific dialogue in SV I will be upset. It does make sense though if the uniforms are indicative of school being a major part of the game, I’ll give them that. Also I straight up don’t like the designs, and even though customization will likely be present to alleviate some of that I really don’t like the eyes.

You may think I’m holding the game to standards that are an unreasonable jump from the recent iterations, but I’m tired of year long hype cycles and paying 60 bucks for baby steps. I’m tired of playing betas. I love Pokémon more than just about anything in the world, and the highest-grossing media franchise is objectively capable of being more than it is right now. I’m rooting for Scarlet and Violet, I really am. I’ll be keeping up with the updates very closely and changing my opinions according to new information. My initial impressions are wrought with complaints and anxiety, but I wholeheartedly hope this year’s gen 9 release is the best game I never wanted.

What do you think?

 

[CuboneKing]

It might be time, man. If your mental health is being fucked like that and she's not helping...do what you can to make yourself the happiest.
I do hope you can see someone fun/do something fun, and hell, if not, at least you went to California! Another region of here to check off on your stateDex.

I do hope you feel better though--if you need anything I'm here dude~

Oh believe me, I actually have her blocked on everything, she had to give her friend my number in order to send that to me. I mean, somewhat luckily, that voice memo was her demanding that I never contact her again, but it was laced with a lot of stuff that made me feel like shit and like I was the bad guy in this whole situation. So I don’t have to deal with her anymore unless she somehow has the audacity to send something to me via a friend again, but she’s forced me to second guess my personal narrative over the breakup. Which I know is exactly what she wants. But still. This does completely reaffirm my decision though. She needs to grow the fuck up.

 

[CuboneKing]

Good for you man. The fact that she fucking goes that far just in order to demean you and say mean shit to you COMPLETELY proves your point, so please don't feel bad, she's the asshole here, not you.

geez, that was a lot of swearing lol. It's in order to like hype you up and stuff, I am confident that you're in the right here and are making the right decision, getting away from the toxicness. So please don't give up, ganbatte~

Thank you for that validation, it means a lot. I guess there was always far more toxicity here than I wanted to acknowledge. Sigh. I did the right thing but I’ll need time to not feel like trash.

Also hell yeah, and just know that in the future swearing is allowed and perhaps even encouraged here in the Bone Zone lmfaooo

 

[ConfectionerMari]

Also hell yeah, and just know that in the future swearing is allowed and perhaps even encouraged here in the Bone Zone lmfaooo

wait we can swear... FUCK YEAH HOLY SHIT I haven't said a curse word in hours, I'm starting to lose my magical powers because of this lol

Anyways if you ever need to vent to someone about that stuff, I'm usually willing to listen. We're here for you cubone, no matter what

 

[Chevywolf30]

I've just been lurking and reacting, but imma speak up now and say that you're a great guy and I'll be praying for you

 

[CuboneKing]

wait we can swear... FUCK YEAH HOLY SHIT I haven't said a curse word in hours, I'm starting to lose my magical powers because of this lol

Anyways if you ever need to vent to someone about that stuff, I'm usually willing to listen. We're here for you cubone, no matter what

I've just been lurking and reacting, but imma speak up now and say that you're a great guy and I'll be praying for you

I very much appreciate both of you, thank you friends <3

 

[CuboneKing]

Well, I’ve been depressed all day, and finally my mom told me to “snap out of it.” Invalidation has been a huge problem with my relationship with my parents, particularly my mom, for my entire life. When I was at the facility it was basically the theme of our therapist-facilitated conversation, and she said she was gonna do better on that. But being told to snap out of it is just about the most invalidating thing to hear when you’re not mentally feeling good. So a few minutes later I went back and told her how that statement made me feel and said that she couldn’t say things like that if she wanted a healthy relationship with me. I wasn’t confrontational or dismissive in any way, I was using techniques I was taught at the facility, and she flipped shit on me. Accused me of threatening her, berated me for scrutinizing “every little thing she says,” broke down crying over her problems, turned the tables back on me, interrupted me constantly, apologized in a really self-victimizing way… literally everything except validation or a proper apology. I felt angry enough to fly off the handle but I didn’t.

I know I’m in the right here and it is beyond frustrating that I can’t establish boundaries or speak up for myself without this bullshit happening. She says she loves and supports me and begs me to give her the benefit of the doubt but how can I do that when she makes invalidating comments and makes me feel bad for pointing them out? I’m really sick of it. Now I have to be in a car for her for two whole days and I’m really not looking forward to it.

 

[CuboneKing]

My dog really isn’t doing well. I am so fucking sad. It’s all I can think about. She’s refused to eat anything close to a full meal for like a week now. We know her kidneys are bad, and we’re gonna find out just how much tomorrow. I’m devastated. I’ve had her since I was 10, so she’s obviously old, but I thought we’d have more time. I would give absolutely anything to get her to eat again. She’s already lost so much weight. I love her more than anything in the world and I’m not prepared to lose her. Especially after how much I’ve gone through recently. Fuck. Please get better Jessie.

 

[KerfishSea]

You got my condolences bro, losing a pet sucks ass smh

 

[CuboneKing]

Update on my dog. We got the tests back, and her kidneys are actually better than they were last month. Massive relief. But she’s still not really eating, so I’m still very uneasy. She’s on some anti-nausea medication that takes a few days to kick in, so hopefully that does its job and she’s interested in food again. My parents took her in to get a urine sample to see if they can figure out anything else. Hoping for the best, trying to prepare for the worst.

 

[R1ke]

Damn man, wishing your dog a speedy recovery

 

[CuboneKing]

Update again. She’s eating a little bit more she still turns down food most of the time, but yesterday she ate half her bowl, and today she’s accepted some turkey, cheese, graham crackers, and treats. Her urine test came back normal, which is a double edged sword because it’s good there’s not another big obvious issue but it’d have been nice to know more to get her some more specific treatment. She’s nowhere near back to normal but I’m so proud of her for not giving up yet.

 

[CuboneKing]

I had to go a day without my antidepressants yesterday because I didn’t get to the pharmacy in time. I started to feel it last night and reeeeeally felt it today. I’m slowly evening out but god that sucked.

 

[CuboneKing]

Bruh my ex fucking messaged me again last night. I thought I had her blocked on everything but I guess she was the one who blocked me on Twitter, so she messaged me through that. Needless to say it did not go well. I’m so fucking done. That’s the last wall of text she’s ever getting from me. From here on out, if she somehow finds a way to contact me again, I’m not even gonna bother reading it, and frankly I think I’d be justified in threatening a restraining order.

Also, my dog is in the hospital, they’ve diagnosed some more specific issues and they think she’s gonna pull through. Here’s hoping.

I also started a new song this week so that’s pretty cool.

 

[R1ke]

Bruh my ex fucking messaged me again last night. I thought I had her blocked on everything but I guess she was the one who blocked me on Twitter, so she messaged me through that. Needless to say it did not go well. I’m so fucking done. That’s the last wall of text she’s ever getting from me. From here on out, if she somehow finds a way to contact me again, I’m not even gonna bother reading it, and frankly I think I’d be justified in threatening a restraining order.

Also, my dog is in the hospital, they’ve diagnosed some more specific issues and they think she’s gonna pull through. Here’s hoping.

I also started a new song this week so that’s pretty cool.

Wow your ex seems crazy. Like damn, what’s with her? If you don’t mind me asking, how did things even get that bad? My apologies if this is a dumb or uncomfortable question

Also fingers crossed your dog pulls through