EVERYONE: The Complexity of Loving

[Darkmaster006]

Summary: Amriti is the 'goddess of red strings'. She can see the web of red-strings that connect people's relationships. She loves wandering around, and she finds joy in looking at people in love and how they act. But what happens when a girl comes to her church for love advice?

Ao3 link: The Complexity of Loving - Darkmaster006 - No Fandom [Archive of Our Own]

This is an piece part of an 'art x writing' trade for Polanarcht of PokéCharms about his character Amriti.

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So far, today has been a fun day for Amriti. Walking around, looking at all the strings that floated in the air, most were red like bloodstream; some, severed, dull, turning grey, to dust. That sight, of annihilated strings, made Amriti sad. But she always kept a bubbly, happy manner. She never let that sadness get to her too much. The goddess of strings always went on ahead with her work, regardless of its nature. But as she is the goddess of strings, she can’t help but feel sad when one is severed, especially one that she has taken especial care of. Either way, Amriti kept on going among the myriad of strings. They were all the same colour, and yet she could tell what each one was for with no possibility of error. All red, yes. But some represented friendship. Some, parental relationships. Some, hate. Some, fraternity. Some, rivalry. Some, love. The strongest ones, that had been going on for the longest time, shone brighter than the others. The weakest ones, just born, were so thin, as thin as a spider’s web. All that, she could tell with just a glance. If an outsider were to see this sea of strings, they wouldn’t be able to comprehend it. It would appear only as red strings in the wind. But Amriti was the only one who could witness this vast ocean, and god, she loved it! It was the purpose of her life.

Out of pure instinct, she had ended up walking all the way to her shrine. Her shrine was some sort of hall on the foot a mountain in the little village where she had become a patron. Right now, there was only one person there. It was a girl, around 18 years of age, looking quite androgynous, with short black hair, some freckles, and dressed in black and blue. Amriti could hear her prayers: “Oh, please, goddess, let my love reach my beloved Airia.” Luckily, today she was dressed pretty nicely, with a frilly white dress that had lots of pink heart-shaped jewels embedded into it. And of course, no shoes. She always found funny how the girl in the portrait that was on the wall opposite to the entrance didn’t resemble her at all. Still, she loved the flower decorations all around, as well as the heart-shaped decorations with the white walls and the vaulted roof. And there were always fresh flowers picked from the village. It was a really nice place and it was very useful for her: here she could meet people and help them on their love endeavours. The girl who was praying kept on for a while as Amriti watched in invisible mode. The girl’s face was serene but hid a deep sadness within it, Amriti could tell clearly. The girl didn’t have many strings coming out of her. There were only a few, and most were pretty weak, as if the relationships were failing. Only one was strong. And Amriti knew it was from that girl she mentioned: Airia. But it was a friendship string. Amriti decided not to touch her string with Airia, she didn’t want to get herself into a sad mood if something sad was what befell it. If at that moment Amriti had done that, it’d have saved her some pain. As if on cue, the girl got up from the praying stool and walked towards the entrance. Amriti preferred not to reveal herself, but she still wanted to help the girl with her love problems. So, she made herself appear now visible to mortal’s eyes, and approached the girl. Her footsteps tread lightly on the floor, making almost no sound, yet in a lively manner, almost as if dancing. Needless to say, she was excited to be of help in bringing another love story to a close. After all, that’s what made her heart pound: love. Feelings of love, affection, between individuals. She loved witnessing those feelings develop and reach a conclusion where two souls ended up intertwined. And it was thrilling, not knowing if it would work out or not, and knowing she could be the one to make it work out. It’s not like she had any power to control the future, time will flow and things will flow as they are, with her watching. But at least she could try helping in more… mundane ways, right? It was all her mind could think of when her hand finally reached the girl’s back. She tapped her slightly.

“Huh?”

“Ah, hello! I was just passing by and I saw you praying to the goddess here, may it be that you have some love trouble?” said Amriti in a sincere voice. It didn’t harness any bad intentions.

But while Amriti thought that she could just make it as if she had been in the hall all this time before the girl even entered, the girl wouldn’t swallow such an obvious lie. She wasn’t an airhead, and she checked before entering if there was anyone in the shrine. So, she felt a little more than surprised when she felt that light touch on her shoulder.

“Uh, sorry, who are you? I don’t recall someone being here before I entered.”

“Oh, I entered while you were praying! I have really light feet so you probably didn’t notice...” Of course, Amriti thought, she didn’t notice because I was invisible, hah. She giggled.

The girl still thought it was suspicious, but well, she thought it’d be better to find out what she wanted, she didn’t seem to harness bad intentions, did she? “Aaaaaalright, what is the matter, then?” The girl looked serious, but also like she hid a deep pain within herself, and Amriti could feel that.

“Just thought I could help someone out, you know? The flowers laid here,” she pointed to all the flowers that were scattered around the praying stools and overall the whole hall, “they say, are blessed with the goddess’s powers, if you prepare a bouquet, it’ll surely get to your loved one’s heart, don’t you think? I also have something of a charm to give you, if you want to accept it...” It was a heart-shaped jewel she had made a while ago. “If you hold onto it, your real love will bloom for sure!” She said with a big smile, while extending her cupped hands with the pink heart-shaped charm in them.

“Hmph, you say that, but,” the girl turned her gaze away from her, “how can I be so sure? I don’t suppose you’re this goddess, huh? How would you know so much?”

“Uh, uhm, well,” she got a bit nervous and flustered, “ah, I met her once! So that’s why I know, yes!” She almost stuttered, lying wasn’t her forte.

“Mmm, is that so… that’s cool.” She said in a rather monotone voice. The girl thought inquiring more would be a bother for both of them, so she left it at that. “Anyways, I’ll be go--” But she was stopped by Amriti who held her hand tightly and left her the charm. Out of the blue, the girl noticed, she already had a bouquet ready in her other hand, and she handed it to her. Then, Amriti walked away singing a happy song. “Ah, uhm!” The girl blushed a bit. Amriti turned her head back, beaming, and waved at her. Then, she turned right at the hall’s entrance and disappeared into invisibility. When the girl hurried over there, she couldn’t see her anymore. All this happened in such a rush, and it seemed to the girl somehow magical. She felt motivation inside herself, for a moment, to get to Airia and just tell her she loved her. No consequences. For a moment, only, she downplayed all that could potentially happen if it went wrong.

-

After that day, Amriti and the girl, who Amriti found out was called Jun, kept meeting over time. Jun hadn’t had the guts, after all, to confess, so she still was Airia’s best-friend, but not her lover. Airia, Amriti came to know, was an elf. She came from a very rich family, while Jun wasn’t exactly poor, but lower than middle class. Her father was a peasant and her mother was deceased. Since her mother died, she entered a spiral of depression that never ceased. Her father didn’t really get along well with her. Amriti gathered this and so much from her new acquaintance, and she continually checked her strings. The strongest one, always Airia. The weakest one, her father. It was so thin she couldn’t believe it was still there. She had three or four more with some friends that she didn’t meet often. There was one, broken, dull, it was her mother’s. Amriti couldn’t feel but melancholic every time she looked at it. But then she cheered up every time when she looked at the Airia-Jun bond.

Over time, Amriti noticed she had a new string coming out of herself. It lead to Jun. It was a pretty strong bond, she was surprised by how strong it was.

One day, Jun came to the shrine, barely holding her tears. An aura of sadness, gloom, was what Amriti sensed over Jun when she saw her rushing through the entrance. When she saw Jun coming over to her, she felt sad, too. She wanted Jun to be happy, that mattered so much to her! And she had been so looking forward to seeing her with Airia once she confessed. Why had this happened? I… don’t want Jun to be sad. I can’t... bear that. I Amriti comforted her in her arms and held her tight for a while. Jun had confessed. According to her, it hadn’t gone that well. Airia, well, she had turned her down. Amriti raised an eye in surprise. How could that be? She observed clearly that their bond was as strong as ever, maybe even stronger. Then… how? An overall sense of dread invaded Amriti, what if the strings were wrong, she thought. But she re-affirmed her thoughts: but that couldn’t be possible! She knew there had to be some underlying reason for why Airia had lied.

“Hey, Jun?” she said while hugging her, and she let go to look at her eyes. “I am actually... Amriti, the goddess of this church. The red strings… I can see them.” She touched her in her forehead for a second, letting her see the web of strings that flowed in the air-space of the church. “That red one over there,” she pointed at one that came out of Jun’s right hand, “that’s you and Airia’s, and, you know… it isn’t broken!” Her voice had been serene, as if singing a lullaby to a baby, until that last word where she exclaimed happily. Jun watched in awe, letting her tears run. “If Airia hated you now, or if she didn’t want to be with you, it’d be broken, so, I think you still have a chance...” Omnipresent as she was, she checked Airia’s surroudings (she had seen her before walking with Jun over town), it seemed she was having a discussion with her parents over not being possible that she ‘was in love with a human, and a girl!’. “I’m sure… Airia wants to be with you. I think… she probably has problems with her parents not accepting her, but she’ll work around it. Please meet her tomorrow, okay?” She smiled. “And cheer up!” Jun kept crying for a while. Then she giggled, “so you really were the goddess, huh? Remember when we met, I knew it, Amriti!” Jun wasn’t angry, she was joyful. And Amriti enjoyed seeing her like that. She wondered, how it was… being in love with someone. She asked herself if she was in love. Was this love, what she felt towards Jun when she saw her? This heart-throbbing, this eagerness to see her? Every time she came, Amriti lightened up a lot. She had come, with so many meetings, to expect her chats, her conversations. And now that Airia was going to accept her, why did she felt this… emptiness. Would she not come anymore? But it couldn’t be. She knew the strings. She knew herself. What she was enjoying was the thrill of seeing the strings move, the feelings ebb, the love flow. It had to--it was love itself, watching it grow, develop, fall and rise, die, and bloom, that was what she most loved.

-----Epilogue-----

The next day, Airia and Jun kissed. Amriti was there, in invisible mode. But she felt like Jun could still see her, somehow. She felt a piece of her feeling… regret? But she was happy, she squealed and she loved it, she loved that finally, after all this fighting, Jun had found her happiness. Jun and Airia’s bond was so strong it almost blinded her. It wasn’t that usual that couples were this strongly connected. She watched over them kissing and holding hands—It’s so cute!—until she couldn’t help but turn up to congratulate Jun and present herself to Airia as Jun’s friend. Jun pointed to her eyes and then to the air, exactly where Amriti had been floating. So she could see her, after all.

“Why do you… walk on your feet, exactly?” asked Airia, genuinely wondering. But before Amriti could answer, Jun stepped in, giggling: “Hah, she’s always like that!”

Jun fished something out of her pocket and squeezed it hard. Amriti saw it before she put it back on. It was the heart-shaped charm she had given her, exactly, exactly a year ago. There was never any need to touch that string, what fun would I have spoiled myself!

 

[Snuggle Tier List]

So, "Red Strings", huh?...hey, Donovan, are you listening?

"Harvester of sensations, I beg of you, bestow upon me your graces. Weave the Red Strings, and guide my hand to tune into buried emotion."
-Donovan (immediately before mixing a drink), The Red Strings Club​

All right, so you wrote a fic about the Red Strings of fate. So let's talk about fate.

Do we have free will?

This is one of those thousand-year debate questions, so I'm going to keep this brief and broad. I'll start by jumping ahead to the 18th century, where a man by the name of Gottfried Leibniz published an essay titled "Essays of Theodicy on the Goodness of God, the Freedom of Man and the Origin of Evil", AKA the Théodicée. If you think getting the accent on Pokemon is annoying, try that on for size.

Anyways, the Théodicée would inspire a parody by a man of the name Voltaire. This parody, popularly know in modern times as Candide, would spawn one of the most famous quotes in philosophy:

"All is for the best in the best of all possible worlds."
-Professor Pangloss (through Voltaire), Candide​

This quote occurs immediately after an earthquake, by the way. Voltaire's a snarky son of a perfectly fine woman.

So what does this philosopher soap opera have to do with your fic? Well, Leibniz's Théodicée was an attempt to solve The Problem of Evil. The Problem of Evil is simple:

If God exists, why does evil exist?

Unfortunately, Leibniz sucked at writing, so his argument is often misunderstood (including by Voltaire, who also sucks at writing. Seriously, imagine "stereotypical fan fiction" here. Characters speaking their thoughts out loud, random monologues that are just excuses for the author to rant, some good old-fashioned 18th century "New World savages"...yeah, don't bother. Just, don't. What were we talking about? Oh god, I'm still using parenthesis, ABORT, ABORT).

So anyways, Leibniz's line of reasoning was as follows:

1. If God exists, he must have chosen for that world to exist.
2. Before the world existed, there was only God.
3. Therefore, the world God created could only contain attributes of God himself, since there's wasn't anything else around at the time.
4. Therefore, as god is all-powerful and all-goody-goody, he created the best possible world, as he couldn't have created anything else.

Note that I'm grossly oversimplifying here, as any discussion of philosophy is bound to do. There's more arguments and counter-arguments and counter-counter-arguments and counter-counter-counter arguments to be discussed, but for now, I'm just going to assume Leibniz knows his stuff. Which raises an interesting question:

If God created the best possible world, than are our lives already destined by God? If we "change fate", are we making the world not the best possible world?

I bring this up because Amriti is the 'goddess of red strings', as you describe her. She's got a church, she's got supernatural powers. She might not be top of the pantheon, but she's got the general qualities of what society has come to describe as "divine". And yet she also has the power to manipulate fate. So, should she?

Yeah, I went into this fic with a lot of baggage attached. And I do remember giving you an I.O.U. for a review. But I am an odd person who reads way too much philosophy in their free time (even though it sucks), and so this is going to be an odd review. I'm not going to be talking grammah or writing style or anything like that, because to me, that isn't important for this thought-experiment-like type of writing. I went in questioning what would happen if a god "changed their plans" in an effort to make the world a better place, if that's even possible at all. And I wanted to get something out of it, results of the thought experiment, something to think about and digest. And considering how strong a topic you chose to write about, I'm sure you could've written complete gibberish and still have made something of value. That's not a knock against you; you chose a heck'n good topic, and that's something to be proud of. But that's only part of the puzzle. We have strings to unknot.

Like I said, this is a weird review from a weird guy, so I'm gonna be jumping around a lot. Someone else can talk about imagery or pacing or whatnot. Me, I'm here for the thinking. So, let's get on with it, shall we?

The goddess of strings always went on ahead with her work, regardless of its nature. But as she is the goddess of strings, she can’t help but feel sad when one is severed, especially one that she has taken especial care of. Either way, Amriti kept on going among the myriad of strings.

There's a lot implied in these three sentences. So much, I'm going to say it was probably intentional. But just for Review League points fun, I'm going to break it down anyways.

1. Amriti doesn't question her job. She just does it, no questions asked. What could go wrong?
2. Amriti sometimes feels sad about her job. The job she doesn't question. Again, what could go wrong?

Yeah, reading between the lines here, I think I know where this story is going. And it might not be a happy ending.

But Amriti was the only one who could witness this vast ocean, and god, she loved it! It was the purpose of her life.

"And god, she loved it"? Goddess, who exactly are you referring to? [annoyingly deep moaning]Hmmmmmmmmm...[/annoyingly deep moaning]

Oh, and, uh, we're mentioning purpose in life, I see. I'm starting to feel less like a reviewer and more like a point-out-what-you-already-know-er. Still, it seems Amriti enjoys her job, because that is her purpose in life, even though her purpose in life sometimes makes her sad, but she doesn't question it because that's her purpose in life. Again, what could go wrong?

I just realized I'm coming off a little snarky and cynical. So just to clarify; even though I can predict where this story goes, that isn't necessarily a bad thing. We're still at paragraph one; letting your audience know where the potential conflict might come from is a decent way to get them hooked. Because I relate to Amriti as a character, I've been in her "don't question things" position, and I'm interested to see how she deals with the upcoming situation. Because between you and me and the internet (I'm bad with secrets), the way things worked out for me didn't work out so well. So let's see if Amriti can do better. Idealistic hero, or protagonist, or whatever the word thingy mcthingy is, is. I'm your reviewer today!

It was a girl, around 18 years of age, looking quite androgynous,

Oh, um...googles androgynous.

Oh! What a fun word. I could use that in my own fics. Moving on!

And Amriti knew it was from that girl she mentioned: Airia. But it was a friendship string. Amriti decided not to touch her string with Airia, she didn’t want to get herself into a sad mood if something sad was what befell it. If at that moment Amriti had done that, it’d have saved her some pain.

...is this LGBT fic?

I don't mean "this story has gay characters in it". Me, I'm a guy that likes large tracks of land, but who am I to judge? So when I ask "is this LGBT fic?", I mean more than just having non-binary or gay/lesbian/bi characters. I mean "is this fic specifically written to address issues in orbit of the LGBT community?"

The girl at the shrine loves Airia, also a girl. But divine mumbo-jumbo says they can only be friends. Kinda like how societal pressures, legal system, and some interpretations of divine scripture says "two girls can only be friends".

I'm not sure if this is the intended analogy. I actually prefer Tolkien's applicability over English-class allegory, so I'm reviewing your story based on how applicable it is to "the real world". And somehow, this high-fantasy story is feeling very, very real. It's building a lot of power, and at this point I'm curious what message the power is going towards.

All of this is high praise, by the way. I feel a little humbled reviewing this, actually. I kinda wanna "just read", which to my overanalytical mind is quite an accomplish. But let's see where you're going with this.

It’s not like she had any power to control the future, time will flow and things will flow as they are, with her watching. But at least she could try helping in more… mundane ways, right?

Okay, so Amriti doesn't technically have any supernatural power over the Red Strings. Which makes her status as a goddess a little more shaky. As if she doesn't actually have the power to change the best of all possible worlds...

...oh, no.

“Huh?”

Fun fact: if God Themself walked into my bedroom right now, that's probably what I would say, too. Also, I'd probably put some pants on, but I'm assuming this girl is already wearing pants. I hope.

I'm sorry, this is just a hilarious moment you've written. It made me smile. Good work.

“Hmph, you say that, but,” the girl turned her gaze away from her, “how can I be so sure? I don’t suppose you’re this goddess, huh? How would you know so much?”

I read this line as sincere at first, then I read it again and it seemed sarcastic. I seriously can't tell if this girl actually suspects Amriti is the goddess. I just don't know enough about the world, if gods and goddesses meeting people is a common enough thing.

I'll treat it as sarcastic until proven otherwise. Hopefully my brain doesn't knot itself into bits. I do that to myself a lot.

For a moment, only, she downplayed all that could potentially happen if it went wrong.

Oh, no, I'm going to be crying by the end of this, aren't I? This is just poetic. You got me by my Red Strings. Oh, no, oh, no, oh, no, no, no.

Her father didn’t really get along well with her.

Well, be a supportive parent, don't force your only daughter to literally seek help from the heavens in order to express herself, and then maybe-

...I'm sorry, I'm projecting a little. And, uh, my eyes are really watery all the sudden. Must be my allergies.

Over time, Amriti noticed she had a new string coming out of herself. It lead to Jun. It was a pretty strong bond, she was surprised by how strong it was.

Woah, woah, woah, woah, woah. Creep factor just went up eleven notches. Amriti, don't you even think about it. You're taking advantage of this girl, whom you're not even being completely honest with. If she comes crying into your arms-

One day, Jun came to the shrine, barely holding her tears...Amriti comforted her in her arms and held her tight for a while.

Goddess damnit.

Yeah, I'm going to refer you to Mr. Monroe for this one:

Spoiler: "Friends"

Image source: xkcd

"If you're doing a text search of this document for the word 'butts', the good news is that it's here, but the bad news is that it only appears in this unrelated quote."
-Randall Monroe, xkcd/1942​

“I’m sure… Airia wants to be with you. I think… she probably has problems with her parents not accepting her, but she’ll work around it. Please meet her tomorrow, okay?” She smiled.

Ooooohhhhh, okay. Creep factor decreasing. Creepiness is being mitigated. Amriti is coming to her senses. Now we just move on and keep this strictly professional-

And now that Airia was going to accept her, why did she felt this… emptiness.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no!

The next day, Airia and Jun kissed.

Yes, yes!

Amriti was there, in invisible mode. But she felt like Jun could still see her, somehow. She felt a piece of her feeling… regret?

No, no! Stop it, stop, stop, stop, stop-

Jun pointed to her eyes and then to the air, exactly where Amriti had been floating. So she could see her, after all.

OH SNAP

Jun fished something out of her pocket and squeezed it hard. Amriti saw it before she put it back on. It was the heart-shaped charm she had given her, exactly, exactly a year ago. There was never any need to touch that string, what fun would I have spoiled myself!

What, what the...what...what did I just read? Is, was...was Amriti the bad guy? And, and, the friendship-lovers thing, and, and...

...I, uh, wow. I mean, I went into this expecting metaphysical musings, only to have them replaced by LGBT undertones, only to have those replaced with possibly-parasitic love god relationships. I, uh, you had me guessing, all right. I was hooked. Like, I never felt those philosophical musings come into play, because I was too busy worrying about a love triangle. And I...don't know what to make of that. I'm stumped. I, in my capacity as a reviewer, don't know what to make of this.

As a reader, however, I feel pretty satisfied. Airia was dangerously close to becoming a low self esteem train wreck, and I am ecstatic that she got out of it. I mean, it's a shame she had to go through all this, and I'm not fully convinced Amriti wasn't the bad guy, but it seems to have turned out all right in the end. So...hooray?

I, uh...I think I need to wash some brain. My brain, I need to wash my brain. Clear my brain, I mean. This was a rollercoaster of emotions. But it made me happy. I think. Sometimes. You are a very clever writer, Darkmaster. More clever than me, and I started this review babbling about 18th century philosophy. You tugged my Red Strings, hook, line, and sinker. And if that's what you were going for, you did it, and, I, uh, I...

I'm done.

 

[Darkmaster006]

Cool fun review here, go read it.

So my short excerpt is the best of all possible world's of all possible excerpts, yeap? <3.
I loved your review, I'll be quite honest. Love all the details you put into it and how you analyse every little thing so well, which I find kind of difficult myself.
Anyways, I'll answer some of your questions. So, yes, you were supposed to be crying by the end in my original story-ending but I changed plans (not because I was crying myself, yeah) and I decided to change it midways. But I still left come clues that would foreshadow the story that had to happen, since they still fit a bit and I wanted to leave them anyways.

So I'll tell you how the story was actually going to go:

Spoiler: emotional trainwreck number 2

Jun is rejected by Airia and sinks low into a depression, and so finds comfort in Amriti. Amriti's feelings for Jun grow ever stronger (yet, she doesn't recognise these as love easily), but paralelly, so does her own taking conscience that (not the words I wanted to use here, but they make do) she can't be with Jun because of many reasons (aka being a God who lives forever, not knowing if Jun loves her, being a God who's supposed to love only love itself and not a person, so she has trouble accepting her own feelings). Well, she finds comfort in being Jun's friend and helping her get through her broken-heart, and helps her with a new love that grows later in Jun's life. Eventually, the fic was going to go through Jun's life with her partner and still visiting Amriti as really good pals, but maybe less and less over time. The epilogue was actually going to be Amriti arriving at Jun's tomb and it being left unclear and ambiguous, so maybe it'd have been her crying in her tomb, or saying 'I love you', or something like that but more subtle (bc that wouldn't be ambigous at all), and maybe some clues that Jun loved Amriti too but she knew she couldn't be with her because she had figured out she was the actual goddess. Here's another trainwreck of emotions that I didn't feel at all stable to write and that I ended up not liking much (because I'm not that much of a person who likes reading-writing extreme angst, as you may have guessed).

As for LGBT undertones, maybe if this had been a bigger thing, I'd have placed some stuff about that here, but now it's just a brief mention to Airia's parents not accepting her (and particularly because they're high-class and elves).

As for the philoshopy section, I found it interesting that you got that out of my fic, and I'm glad you did. I study history and like philosophy so I started with some stuff like that at first, albeit mostly unknowingly. But the fic wasn't supposed to delve too much into that, if only, it was to introduce Amriti and her character. But I would have liked, and I will probably deal with topics like these in the future, they're interesting.