MATURE: The First Warriors: Chapter Seven

[AceTrainer14]

Under a Violent Moon

"Are you nearly finished?"

"DOES IT LOOK LIKE I'M NEARLY FINISHED?"

"There's no need to shout!"

"THERE IS EVERY NEED TO SHOUT!"

"ONNNNNNNNN!"

"METAL CLAW, GO!"

"Well, hurry up; your food is getting cold, and I have not slaved away at this for an hour for it to simply get –"

"SHUT UP!"

Leaf pursed her lips and stared bitterly at the back of Red's head, but he was completely ignoring her now. The thirteen year old was too busy shouting commands at Charmander, who was trying desperately to strike a hit against the rampaging Onix his trainer was trying to capture. Leaf watched as the Rock Snake lunged at the smaller Flame Pokémon with its giant tail, and Charmander deftly leapt onto his opponent's back and ran up as the beast tried to throw him off.

"It would be nice if Charmander was over here keeping the fire going." Leaf turned from the battle and faced her cousin. Blue pointed at their makeshift fire, which was now simply a small orange flame flickering amongst the pile of wood and stones.

"Just perfect! The soup can simply get colder faster," Leaf huffed, slamming her bowl down so hard it made Squirtle and Bulbasaur jump. She grabbed a handful of grass she had plucked before they entered Mount Moon and tossed it onto the flames: the dead foliage sparked and quickly crisped up, but it died a moment later. Leaf screeched irritably, stopping only when she caught the amused smirk her cousin was wearing. "And what exactly is so funny?"

"You," Blue replied simply, his grin widening. "You're acting just like Agatha does when she is trying to get us to eat her food."

"Oh great, so I'm just like an old woman, am I?" Leaf shot her cousin her dirtiest look, but he only laughed harder. Resisting the urge to screech again, Leaf grabbed her bowl and spoon and demolished the last of her dinner. Her patience with her travel companions was paper thin, and if one more thing happened, Leaf knew she would snap.

"YES!" The cheer echoed inside the empty cavern. Everyone turned to find Red dancing stupidly on the spot, waving a Poké Ball above his head.

"If you're finally done, eat your damn dinner and get Charmander to warm us up."

Red's joyful face sank briefly, but then he simply sneered at Leaf and kept dancing.

"I'll eat it myself if you're not careful!"

Red's groan sounded deeper as it echoed back to her, and a few seconds later he dropped onto his rolled up sleeping bag, reluctantly grabbing the bowl. Leaf watched him, lips pursed, eyebrows raised, but it was several moments before Red noticed her.

"What?" He scoffed defensively.

"Aren't you going to say something?" Leaf replied, looking between Red, the bowl and the small pot of soup. A confused Red glanced quickly at Charmander, who shrugged and turned away, leaving his trainer to cautiously return to his meal.

"For the love of the gods, aren't you going to thank me?" A swarm of Zubat took flight at the sound of Leaf's yelling, but she was beyond caring. "I'm so sick of this!" She snapped, jumping to her feet and flinging her bowl off into the dark. "You lazy misogynists think that just because I'm the girl I have to do the cooking and cleaning for you. I'm not your mother, Red, and I'm not Agatha or Daisy: I didn't come on this journey to be your maid."

A heavy silence fell across the group as she finished. Red and Blue both stared blankly at her over their bowls, while their three starters sat quietly next to them, glancing attentively between the three humans like spectators at a battle.

"To be fair, you don't do the cleaning up, Squirtle does. Anyone of us could use a Water type and steal their credit." Blue smiled and winked at Red, whose own smirk faltered under Leaf's steely gaze.

"Oh yeah, well why don't you ask your fucking Magikarp to clean our bowls then?" She snapped.

Blue smile sank, and he looked like he had been punched. "Screw you, Leaf. Don't act like you're doing us a favour serving up this bile." He stood up, looked his cousin in the eye and purposefully tipped the remnants of his soup onto the floor. Leaf's eyes nearly bulged out of her skull, and for a second it looked like she was going to lunge for him, so much so that Squirtle stood up ready to intervene.

The moment passed, and Leaf instead sunk to the floor, breathing deeply, eyes shut. Her patience had been worn thin, walking in circles through the dark with these two over the last few days. She longed to finally shut them both up, if only that didn't leave her stranded in this dusty cave alone.

"My instincts are telling me to hit you over the head with that thing, but I'm not going to. I made a promise to myself back in Pewter that we would stick together, and that's what we need to do. Ok?"

She opened her eyes and glowered at the boys, and Red and Blue nodded guiltily. "Good. It's been two days since we last saw sunlight, we're all getting a little claustrophobic at being stuck in here. The only way we are going to find a way out is to work together. So let's just eat, get some rest, and then tomorrow we can try and find our way out."

"Agreed," Red said. "Sorry for taking so long, this soup is really good."

"No, it's not, it takes like piss." Leaf threw the rest of hers over her shoulder, and for a moment they all laughed. They might have carried on, but a sudden noise made them stop. As the shadow of their laughter echoed around them, something else sounded underneath it.

Leaf stared into the darkness: there were always Pokémon moving about in the shadows, they had learnt that quickly, but this sounded more like footsteps, slow and determined, as though scoping a way towards them.

"Squirtle, if anyone appears, Water Gun," she hissed under her breath.

"Please, sorry, there's no need for that!" The voice that reverberated around them was deep but unintimidating. A dull glow emerged that steadily got brighter until a towering man and a small, human-like Pokémon appeared. "Sorry, I was just on my way to watch the ceremony and I heard other people and thought I'd say hi. I haven't seen anyone all day and I was starting to feel claustrophobic."

The light from the Pokémon met the campfire, the speaker finally revealed: wispy blonde buzz cut, bulging muscles and a lumberjack-esque beard emerged from the shadows, all part of a man that loomed over them all. Besides him, a squat, ugly Pokémon that Leaf didn't recognise shone golden, as if a garden gnome had morphed with a lightbulb.

For a moment, the three said nothing, looking awkwardly up at the muscular man. Everything about him was huge and intimidating: even his backpack looked like it could easily flatten their Pokémon. A stranger appearing in the darkness was the last thing anyone wanted to happen in a cave like this, and after the day she had had, Leaf was not in the mood.

"Hey there!" The man called, his face as awkward as theirs, and Leaf breathed a silent sigh of relief. The stranger may cut an imposing figure, but that faded away the second he opened his mouth. It was soft, with a certain inflection, and made Leaf think of a puzzle piece that fits with a different picture even though it didn't belong.

"Um, hi… do you want something?" Blue shot back testily, forcing the man to raise his empty hands in defence.

"I'm not here to cause trouble," he said innocently. "I haven't spoken to another person for about a fortnight, so I thought I'd come and say hey to my fellow trainers, but if Phobetor and I aren't welcome, I guess we'll just leave you alone then," he added with a touch of sass.

"Oh no, don't leave!" Leaf yelled, leaping to her feet. Red and Blue looked at her as though she was mad, and in a way, she was: she was tired of hanging around with two noisy, smelly boys who only wanted to bicker and compete. Now that she knew this man wasn't going to kill her, she longed for the change in company. Leaf knew there was no Pokémon called Phobetor, meaning it was a really classy nickname, meaning this was the type of man she wanted to hang with. "We are all just a bit tired and grumpy, this cave is…"

"A literal hole?" The man suggested, and he and Leaf laughed. "My name's Murdoch," he said with a jolly giggle, extending a hand.

"Leaf, this is Blue and that's Red."

The man smirked. "Really?"

"Yes, unfortunately," Leaf replied.

"My name's really Edward," Red added, and Leaf shot him a look that shut him up.

"Do you want some soup? Leaf can't cook but it's edible," Blue said, smirking at his cousin as he said it.

"No thanks, I've still got some protein bars." Murdoch looked back the way he'd come and pointed. "I was just on my way to the crater when I heard you guys, do you want to join me? It's a full moon tonight, and you know what they say about Clefairy."

Red raised an eyebrow. "I have literally no idea what they say about Clefairy."

Leaf kicked him in the ribs as she smiled back at Murdoch. "That sounds amazing! Squirtle, you wanna see that?" The Water type looked up, confused, and gave an acquiescent nod. "That's settled then – let's get going!"

Murdoch looked briefly stunned but smiled as Leaf hoisted her bag onto her shoulders. She beamed back as she stepped over the blanket, Red and Blue jumping up as she passed.

"What about all the pots?" Blue yelled.

Leaf turned back and shrugged. "I don't know Blue, what about the pots?" And she laughed as she disappeared into the darkness.

***

"Children – three of them, are you sure?"

"Yes, ma'am. There was a man as well, he appeared a minute after we spotted them and they all left with him."

Arianna grabbed the camera and began sorting through the images herself. They were grainy, misshapen green blotches in the frozen, night vision-coloured world, but it all seemed to match up: one figure had long hair, while three figures that looked like a Charmander, Squirtle and Bulbasaur followed in their wake.

"For fuck's sake." Arianna thrust the camera back to the grunt with more force than necessary, but she was too frustrated to care. This was the third time she had encountered these children, and the fact they were still alive clawed at her nerves.

This is starting to feel like a Kalosi farce, she thought irritably. She stared out into the darkness of the cave, as though this would somehow lead the trio towards her. The three trainers had barely been at this for a fortnight and already had managed to make fools of Team Rocket on four separate occasions.

And the worst part was that Arianna had no idea why they were meant to care about them so much. Asides from the relation to Professor Oak and the obvious karmic revenge Giovanni so loved to dish out, killing them served no purpose. Of course, Arianna wanted to kill them now simply for her own vengeance, but what was so important about these three irritating children in the first place?

"Do you want us to do something about them, ma'am?"

Arianna turned to the outspoken grunt with unnecessary fury. "Of course I want to do something about them, what sort of dumb question is that? Those little shits have embarrassed us far too often. The question is how we go about it. We can't go blundering off into the dark hoping we sneak up on them, they are too damn lucky for that. If we are going to do this, we need to think it –"

"No."

The word echoed out into the infiniteness of the lightless cave with operatic palpability, as though it had been issued by Arceus himself, yet the man who issued the command was no god, no matter how much he liked to think so.

Arianna took a moment to prepare herself before facing her provoker. If there was one thing she hated most about the events of the past few weeks it was the effects it had had on her position. She had been a part of Team Rocket before it was even an organisation, a mere dream in the mind of a brilliant and flawed mind warped by visions of stolen grandeur, this organisation was as much her child as it was Giovanni's. Yet ever since they had left Gideon in, he had clawed his way into Giovanni's inner circle and was now firmly rooted there like a parasitic weed.

Where everyone else saw a sycophantic mad man, Giovanni saw only a genius, blinded by the illusion of loyalty. Gideon had been the only scientist from the original project to stay, committed to the dream long after everyone else had realised what a nightmare it had become, and for that, Giovanni would never let him go.

But that didn't mean Arianna had to happy about it. Finally turning to face him, she gazed around at the little project she had been dragged along to like a teacher forced to chaperone an underwhelming science class. Giant spotlights burned luminous holes of light into the mountainside, forcing the grunts that were digging away at the rock to wear sunglasses for protection. Dust clouds swallowed the workers whole, but Gideon was too important to do his own dirty work: he stood just on the cusp of the work site, gazing at the progress from the safety of his machines.

Slimy git. What the fuck are we even doing here? Finding fossils was the official exercise, but Arianna wouldn't be surprised if this was some joke between men. Giovanni knew how to annoy her best, and a day wasted minding a hunt for rocks would have been the perfect punishment in his eyes. Minding a hunt for rocks alongside Gideon was simply the cherry on top.

"No?" Arianna yelled back.

"No," Gideon repeated, his tone suggesting he was smiling, though she could see only the back of his unwashed hair.

That man is more grease than he is water. "On whose authority are you saying no, Gideon?" Arianna asked. "This may be your little project, but you are not my boss."

"I am well aware I am not your boss, but our boss said no and that means no."

"That was then. If Giovanni knew they were here –"

"Do you need me to spell 'no' for you, Arianna; will that help you understand?" Gideon glanced back for the first time, revealing his prideful smile as he gazed at Arianna the way an artist admires their creation.

She longed to slap him, but Arianna knew that would only make matters worse. "Giovanni wants those children dead, and if he wants something, you know it is important for our mission."

"Those trainers are mere distractions compared to the work we are doing today," Gideon said, snapping for the first time as his pride turned to anger. It lasted only a second, but it was enough to make Arianna tense, the fire in his eyes sending a chill down her spine. "Do you even understand what that is?"

"Not really, largely as I don't really care," Arianna said, shrugging.

Gideon smirked. "Of course you wouldn't. We are searching for fossils, the rarest of the rare. There have been small fragments of ancient Pokémon found here in the past – a Kabuto here, an Omastar there. Did you know that the first humans treated the Omanyte as if it was a god? Ridiculous, I know, but they may have been right in putting their faith in such a Pokémon, even if that faith was a few thousand years before its time.

"I digress. A few fossils here and there suggest this mountain is basically one giant, accidental burial ground with untapped potential that has never been properly searched. There is an exposed fault in the walls here that has scared off countless generations of archaeologists, but Giovanni… Giovanni, he knows how significant any discoveries we make today will be to our research, our plans; he is the only one willing to take these risks. Mount Moon is said to be the birthplace of civilisation, and if we succeed here, it may well birth a new one with us at the forefront. That, Arianna, is why we here," Gideon finished, practically spitting the last few words out as he ended his frenetic monologue.

"Do you rehearse that one often?" Arianna gave him a withering smile before casting her eyes to the unstable ceiling, light shining into the trench-like gap. Why Giovanni trusts this man I will never know. "What do fossils have to do with taking over the world?"

"Everything." Gideon paused, letting that hang in the air between them. "My, did Giovanni not tell you his entire plan? And here I thought you were so close." The scientist gazed pityingly at her before turning back to the site. The grunts quickly returned to work, pretending they hadn't stopped to savour their bickering bosses.

Arianna remained silent, biting the inside of her cheek to stop her emotions from spilling out. She did not look away from Gideon until he was close to the wall, and then she turned to the three grunts. "Find the children down, now," she hissed.

"Are you sure? Gideon said we aren't to target them."

"Oh no, don't target the poor children," Arianna whispered with mock sincerity. "Just follow them – but Mt Moon is a dangerous place, you never know what accident might befall them."

The grunt's fear turned to malicious delight, and she nodded obediently before re-joining her colleagues. Arianna smirked as the trio stepped outside of the light, camouflaging instantly with the unending darkness.

Try and stop me now. She eyeballed the back of Gideon's head, wondering how he'd react when he learnt how she had upset his plans, and couldn't stop smiling at the thought of it.

***

After facing Team Rocket, Red thought there was nothing that could scare him. That was until they started the climb to the crater.

The path was unsettlingly narrow. They walked in single file, but even that felt riskier. Red couldn't see how far the drop was, Phobeter's glow not extending that far, but every rock that crumbled under his step seemed to take minutes to reach the ground below.

Murdoch didn't seem to notice though. The strange man soldiered on ahead, leading them all towards the open air. Leaf followed obediently behind with Squirtle, leaving the Drowzee in the middle with Bulbasaur and Blue while Red and Charmander brought up the rear. The combination of the shining Flash and Charmander's flame cast fascinating shadows against the wall, flickering yellows and oranges that illuminated Zubat and Paras as they fled the group, but Red was too focussed on staying alive to enjoy the sights, his attention on the infinite unknown that existed outside their protective light.

Why are we even bloody doing this? Who put Leaf in charge?

A few days ago, back when they had thwarted Team Rocket yet again, the three of them had agreed to work together and stop fighting amongst themselves. It had seemed like an easy decision at the time, but right now, Red wished he had never made such a pledge. As his left foot skidded near the edge of the path for the umpteenth time, he thought of how he could be back at their camp, testing the skills of his new Onix or relaxing after a long day tramping through this dark, dank cave. He was hungry, the soup doing little to silence his stomach, and his legs ached. Tramping up this narrow mountain path to go see some dancing fairies was the last thing he wanted to do today.

If I say anything, it will start an argument, and it will all be my fault, Red thought huffily. Not Leaf's for making us do this, or that random guy for showing up – no, no, I'd be the dick that ruined the night for everyone! Seething silently, Red carried on walking, trying not to yell as more rocks disappeared beneath him, instead listening in on Murdoch and Leaf's conversation echoing down the line.

"So are you guys planning on battling Misty next?"

"We sure are, as soon as we get out of this cave," Leaf answered. The devotion in her voice became clearer with every echo, and Red felt sick at the thought of it: Mark Hansom had been bad enough, but this was just irritating.

"Well, I wouldn't be a good friend if I didn't warn you guys. Misty may seem like a push over wearing that swimsuit all the time, but trust me, that girl's got game."

Blue scoffed. "Please, Bulbasaur and I will wipe the floor with her, won't we?"

"Bulb," Bulbasaur replied half-heartedly, and Murdoch let out a booming laugh that made them all jump.

"You will need a bit more bravado than that to take her down. Misty can be fierce when she wants to be."

"Don't worry, I think Squirtle and I have plenty of bravado!"

"Oh honey, I don't doubt it," Murdoch replied, his voice going a notch deeper, and he and Leaf laughed in unison. Their cackle made a swarm of Zubat take flight in fear, and Red eyed the blue bats as their disappeared into the dark again, thinking how nice it would be to have one when he fought Misty.

"Can you believe them?" Blue muttered. "She'll be planning their wedding already."

"What, to him?" Red scoffed, staring at the wide shoulders of their guide. "He's far too old."

"This is Leaf we are talking about, she is pretty gross like that."

As Blue erupted into giggles, Leaf whipped around, her eyes narrowed. "Care to share something with the group?"

"I'm good," Blue sniggered.

"I see." Leaf pursed her lips as her eyes wavered between the two boys. "Speaking of Misty, what exactly are you planning to do about her, Red?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you don't exactly have a type advantage, do you?"

Red looked down at Charmander, the fiery lizard looking as affronted as his trainer by the statement. "We didn't have much of an advantage with Brock and we still did alright. I am sure Misty won't be too much of a bother."

"I wouldn't judge anyone by Brock's standards," Murdoch yelled out. "He is a solid trainer but Rock types are not the trickiest Pokémon to take down. His battlefield doesn't help; it's all sand and rocks, lots of opportunity for strategy even if you send in a Flying or Fire type. But Misty's gym is all water, and there is pretty much nothing you can do with that if you rely on Fire or Ground. I mean, unless you try evaporating the pool, but you'd have to be pretty dim to try that."

"Sounds just like you then, Red," Leaf said and began booming with laughter. Murdoch joined in, and despite his best to keep a straight face, Blue eventually smirked.

Red pursed his lips and picked up Charmander. "If you think I am so useless then, why don't you lot carry on to the crater and I'll go and use my time a bit more productively."

"Come on mate, she didn't mean it like that!" Murdoch said, but Leaf's face said the exact opposite. Red was annoyed at being laughed at, but he felt vindicated now: no one would be able to blame him for creating a scene, it was the perfect opportunity for him to get away.

"I'm serious – I'll see you all later," he insisted, and picked up Charmander and turned around.

"Hang on, at least take this." Red turned back in time to catch the torch Murdoch had thrown his way. "You'll need some light to find your way back – I don't think Charmander's tail is bright enough."

"Char!" The Fire type replied impudently, but Red was silently glad for the aide. Without another word, he began traipsing his way downhill.

The mountain became steadily darker the further he got from the Drowzee's light, and soon all he could see was was an amber haze as Charmander's tail shone against dust streams hanging in the air. It was like walking with just a dim spotlight shining down on him, the world outside of the flaming glow suddenly non-existent.

It was the first time Red had been alone since they'd entered the mountain. He hadn't realised how painfully quiet it was. Every footstep, every falling rock, he knew these sounds echoed, but standing alone, the gravity of the silence underneath struck him heavily. The quiet crept under his skin and grabbed at his body so that every sound he made followed him like a hidden shadow.

"This… this certainly is something," Red muttered, and Charmander chirped in response. There was a scuttle of movement centimetres from Red's face that made him jump, both feet nearly slipping over the edge. Frantically, he grabbed the torch and shone it at the wall: the burst of light made him squint, but he sighed with relief as he watched a tiny Paras fleeing the spotlight.

"Ok, that was a bit of an overreaction," Red said, trying to laugh. "No more scares like that, alright?"

"Mander," Charmander replied indignantly, clearly not appreciating being accused of getting scared. Red smirked as he pointed the torch forwards, steadying his heartbeat before carrying on into the darkness.

Yet he only managed one step before freezing again. There were three faces suddenly before him, each one pale under the lights glare and twisted in a comical state of shock, though the top halves of their faces were obscured by thick goggles. Red didn't say anything. The trio didn't say anything. They simply looked at each other, no one moving an inch, all except Red's eyes as they peered down at the giant red R printed across the fronts of their jumpers.

"Fuck me," he mumbled and jumped over the edge.

***

Blue had never known the moon to look so beautiful. As he breathed in fresh, dustless air for the first time in days, he stared at the lament orb and realised just how much he had missed it.

"Bet Red regrets ditching us now," Murdoch boomed, and Blue nodded silently in agreement. The climb had been long and tiring, and he wasn't that interested in the crater, but to finally be out of the dark made the whole thing worthwhile.

"Do you think we should sleep here tonight, Bulbasaur?" Blue said, smiling goofily as he sank to the grass. He rubbed his hands through the moist lawn, the cool damp a refreshing change from the rocks and dirt he'd endured in the caves below. Blue's eyes gazed around the site, illuminated under the full moon and the cloudless sky around it: the empty field around the ragged crater was smooth and bare, luscious grass untouched except for a small store a few metres away. It didn't feel like the same mountain, the cliff faces surrounding them on three sides flat and unmarked as well.

"Seriously, can we camp here?" Blue asked, swinging his bag off his shoulders regardless.

"Saur Bulba."

"Red's fault for leaving us," Blue fired back, winking at his Pokémon, and chuckled as Bulbasaur scowled back. He was about to withdraw his sleeping bag when two hands clutched him by the armpits.

"Don't sit down, you lazy git, it's already started!" Blue winced as Leaf shrieked into his ear, but sighed and pushed his bag aside as he reluctantly got up. They had come all this way, he might as well see what all the fuss was.

The crater was a hideous contrast to the untampered beauty around it, like a scorch mark in the middle of a painting. The grass simply disappeared and was replaced by broken black rock descending sharply down to an uneven surface of rocks and dirt: you could walk along staring straight ahead and not realise the path had changed until you were falling into the curved pit.

However, sitting in the centre of the hole, was a stunningly beautiful rock. Blue never imagined he would ever think of a rock that way, but it was true: the stone was as black as the walls around it, yet it somehow shone with darkness, like the night sky had been frozen and carved in stone. It looked like it was taller than him and was definitely longer, a sort of deformed oblong, though the way the moon hit it, making it sparkle and flicker as brightly as a disco ball, made the stone seem larger and grander as a result.

It was not along there at the bottom of the pit. A swarm of Clefairy danced around the rock, like a strange pink band spinning in an endless circle. It was hard to differentiate one from the other as they moved in similar patterns, spinning and jumping while shouting their names in unison. It was a bit like listening to the same song on multiple devices at once, the shout of the playful critters almost deafening if you stood near the edge. Blue watched the Clefairy, noticing a few odd Clefable towering above the others while simultaneously blending in, and couldn't help but smile.

"Why do they dance?" He asked, the thought simply slipping out of his mouth.

He didn't expect an answer, but Murdoch quickly began talking as though he had been waiting to tell the story all night. "No one really knows, but there are a lot of theories. There's evidence that suggests that Clefairy came here from outer space. They rode meteors across the stars and at some point thousands of years ago they crashed into earth, the impact wiping out all the Pokémon that existed at the time. Some scientists think that's why Pokémon like Kabuto and Omanyte were wiped out, and there are impact sites around the world that back it up.

"No one knows why they came here, but many think that Clefairy carried the DNA that created thousands of new Pokémon, that they were heralds for a higher power. The meteorites also contain many of the properties that are found in evolutionary stones. No one knows for certain why they dance, whether it is a war dance or a religious ritual, or even just for fun. But many think that the Clefairy dance in remembrance of where they came from, in hope that one day they might be able to return."

Blue turned to Murdoch as he finished, the blonde man staring wistfully up at the skies. "That is the biggest load of rubbish I have ever heard! Clefairy – aliens? Fuck off!"

"Blue!" Leaf hissed and kicked him in the shins. Blue swore again and clutched his leg. "Go away if you are going to be a troll, you'll disturb the Clefairy!"

"I don't think they can hear me over the sounds of their own bleeding names," Blue snapped, but Leaf shot him a withering look and he sighed. "Fine, enjoy your little dance party!" Hobbling slightly, he turned and headed back towards the entrance. He flopped down on a bench beside the shack and checked his leg in the moonlight, feeling a bruise already forming. He was just thinking what hell it would be to walk on tomorrow through the hard ground of the cave when Blue noticed a shadow standing before him.

"What's the deal with you?"

Blue seized up slightly as he gazed up at Murdoch. It was the first time he had properly looked at him and only now realised how big the man was. His chest and shoulders were larger than Blue's whole body, and he had the closely shaven haircut that was commonly seen in criminal mugshots. From his veiny neck down to his thick legs, Murdoch made for an intimidating figure, even if his facial features lacked the tough edge of his body. Something moved alongside, and Blue's nerves increased as the squat, ugly Drowzee joined them, peering at Blue from the end of its flaccid snout.

"What's my deal?" Blue asked finally, pushing himself up again so Murdoch wasn't towering over him quite so much, though there was still a solid head and a half difference in their height.

Murdoch rolled his eyes. "You seem to a tad moody, and I am just curious if it's because of me or something else."

Blue wasn't sure what to make of being confronted like this, and immediately felt defensive. "Well, I… er… I could ask the same to you! What's your deal, eh? Aren't you a bit old to be going on a journey?"

"You sound like my parents," Murdoch said, smirking even though his eyes remained serious. "I'm twenty years old, I can do what I please. If I choose to backpack instead of putting all my career hopes on beating up Pokémon, is that such a crime?"

Blue shrugged his shoulders. "I suppose not, though you are probably too old to be hanging out with a bunch of kids."

"Oh, so is that the issue, eh? Do you find me intimidating?" He raised his arms and bent them back, making his muscles bulge, and he looked at Blue and winked. Blue couldn't help but wince at the sight, and Murdoch rolled his eyes again and sighed. "Thought so. Look, if you find me being gay a problem, that's your issue, not mine, but maybe try and be a little less of a dick about it? Your cousin seems to be having a good time, and you are –"

"You're gay?" Blue looked the stranger up and down again. He had never met anyone gay before, at least not anyone he knew was gay, but he somehow he didn't think this muscular, clean shaven man was gay at all.

Murdoch raised his eyebrows and emitted a single, exasperated laugh. "Christ, you really are thirteen…" He looked down at his Drowzee who tutted and shook his head, golden snout flapping back and forth. "Well, I am rather relieved I haven't met a junior bigot, but what's your problem then? You've been in a mood ever since I met you. Is it the hike, are you just tired?" He added teasingly, flicking Blue's shoulder.

"I'm not tired," Blue snapped back, realising too late that was the sort of thing a tired child might say. He sighed and sank against the shack. "I guess… I guess I'm just bored."

"Bored?"

"Bored," Blue reiterated. "I knew there would be a lot of walking and travelling involved in this, but I thought we'd spend a little less time getting lost in caves and forests and more time fighting trainers and doing awesome things like traversing rocky paths and going down dangerous rivers. I didn't think there'd be so many dishes involved."

Murdoch laughed again and joined Blue against the wooden wall, shaking his head joyfully. "Yeah, that's why I never did the whole journey thing as a kid. Even then I thought it was too much work and the joys of battling would outweigh the costs. Of course, a few years later I wished for nothing else but to get away from my hometown, but that's another story. The league doesn't really advertise the whole dishwashing side of things, do they? Though surely your parents would be pleased to see you've picked up some new skills!"

"My parents are dead." Silence hung in the air for a moment, punctuated only by the chanting Clefairy in the distance. Blue didn't notice the awkwardness for nearly a minute before it hit him like a fist, and he turned to find Murdoch looking at him aghast. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to just throw that out there. I just, you know, never actually knew them, so it's not something that seems shocking to me, sorry!"

"Don't apologise, I shouldn't have presumed," Murdoch said quickly, disguising his shock with a faint smile. "I should have expected it, really – the war, I'm guessing?"

"My dad, yeah," Blue replied. "Red's too. My mum died a few months later – depression, someone said once. So, yeah…" He trialled off, not sure what else to say. It was always awkward bringing up his parents, these people he had never known but who still managed to conjure up pity in anyone he met. He wished he had known them, of course, but Blue found it hard to regret a life he had never led. If they had died when he was older, it would be a different story, but all his life he'd been raised by Oak and Agatha, and they never made him wish for anything else.

After an uncomfortable moment of silence, Murdoch turned to Blue, the soft grumpiness he'd had earlier all but vanished. "Look, you must know it's not always going to be exciting, but that's just life. Some days are new and exciting; others just blend into the next. If you expect every day to be some big adventure, you are only going to be disappointed, and that's not good for you, you're Pokémon or your friends. Just think of the fun times when things get boring and be happy, rather than a mopey prick who gets on everyone's nerves."

Blue scoffed again. "Mopey? At least I'm not some boring know it all – what sort of name is Phobetor anyway?"

"I read it in a book. You pick those sorts of things up when you have an education," Murdoch shot back with a sly smile. The two looked at each other for a moment before cracking up. Their laughs echoed across the valley and out into the world below. Blue looked out at the view as he laughed: though it was dark, he could see the distant twinkle of lights in the many towns and cities that made up Kanto, yellow squares punctuating the dense blackness of the forests and emptiness of the routes. He could see where he had come from, and when he turned to the left, he could see what must be Cerulean and Saffron lay out there, waiting for him to get there.

Not such a bad night after all.

"Murdoch, come here!" Leaf's shout cut through the night. There was a note of fear in voice, and without pause Blue and Murdoch ran back to her. She watched them approach, her eyes terrified, and pointed into the crater.

The Clefairy had stopped dancing and were fixed to the spot, every one of them looking at the east side of the crater where Blue, Leaf and Murdoch stood. As the seconds ticked by, Blue wondered if it was them that the Clefairy were focussing on. When the Fairy types suddenly surged forwards, he stepped backwards in fright, but saw they were disappearing into an opening in the side of the pit.

"I have never heard of the Clefairy abandoning their moon dance," Murdoch said.

"Maybe something is happening inside the mountain?" Leaf suggested. "A landslide or something like that?" The words had barely left her lips when her eyes widened with terror, and a moment later Blue knew why.

"Red."

***

Of all the stupid things Red had done so far on this journey, running through a pitch black cave with only a blurry flame for light had to be at the top of the list.

He tried holding the torch, but as his arms moved, the light jolted, and it only made things more disorientating. Instead, he pocketed it and ran with Charmander clutched in his hands: the small flame did little to light his way, but it was more stable, providing a better look at just where exactly he was going.

Not that Red particularly cared where he ended up, as long as it was away from the grunts. He could hear the three of them behind him, their footsteps blending together to sound like one great monster chasing him through the dark. They had no light themselves, but the fact they were so close to him meant they were following him fairly accurately, and Red had to assume the weird goggles they were wearing allowed them to see in the dark.

I can't battle them if they can see my Pokémon but I can't see theirs. I need somewhere to hide or some way of getting outside.

Red hoped that his desperate, blind running was leading him to one of those places. He obviously had no visible idea where he was, but none of the land he was running across seemed familiar. There had been one point where Charmanader's tail had revealed a stalactite right before Red had run into it, the first he had seen at his level over the last three days. He was running mostly downhill, listening to how loud his echo was to tell whether it was a closed or open passage he had stumbled into; even though he needed somewhere to hide, Red stuck to the bigger caverns as much as possible, the need for distance the most important thing now.

"Char Char!" Charmander tugged at Red's shirt, and the trainer saw his starter was pointing straight ahead. Red looked up and saw nothing, but with nothing else to go on, he carried on forwards. He ran about twenty metres before he finally saw it: a circle of light that might as well as been the moon for how far away it seemed, but if there was light, there was hope.

"Good job," Red said breathlessly. He had no idea how long he could carry on for; every muscle in his body ached and his lungs felt like they had been wrung out. Even if the light belonged to another trainer setting up camp, it was the advantage Red needed to fight off his enemies.

Focusing on the light, Red ran as fast as his legs would let him. A stitch ran up his side and his throat felt raw every time he breathed in, but the light quickly got bigger and brighter, and Red tried his best to block out the pain and think only of what to do when he finally had to stop.

The circle turned into a jagged opening in a wall, and Red's pounding heart sank as he saw the white glow was artificial and not the natural moonlight he had been hoping for, but carried on anyway. He practically threw himself through the hole and skidded to a stop: the light was blinding after the darkness of the cave, and Red had to shield his eyes as the harsh light engulfed him.

"Use Ember on anyone who comes in behind us." Red let Charmander jump to the floor, and he reached into his pockets, grabbing his newest Poké Ball. As he waited for the three grunts to catch up, Red turned towards the light, blinking away the white glow burnt into his eyelids, hoping there would be someone here who could help him.

Unfortunately, he found the exact opposite.

"Well, this wasn't quite how I imagined this would turn out, but really, I can't complain." Arianna smirked as she stepped into the glow from the spotlights, three grunts appearing alongside with handguns raised, a Sandslash and a Graveler making up the small army. As Red took in the situation, footsteps echoed behind him, and he glanced as the three other grunts appeared, each one red in the first but looking in better shape than him.

It was then that Red was tempted to give up. Now that he had stopped running, his body had seized up, his muscles refusing to carry him any further. There was no way he could fight his way out of this, not when his chest hurt and his brain was thudding from a lack of hydration. Charmander was outmatched by the two Ground types, and even as Red considered what to do, he heard the lizard cry out and turned as one of the unarmed grunts grabbed hold of his starter.

Basically, Red knew he was fucked, but even as he contemplated giving up, he knew that wasn't an option. What trainer would I be if fail after only one gym? What friend would I be if I leave Leaf and Blue to fight on their own? I have beaten Team Rocket before; I can do it again… I just have to work out how.

"I am sure your tiny, uneducated brain is trying to think of a way out of this, but I assure you, Edward, things won't be that easy for you," Arianna said in salacious voice. "The only reason you aren't dead yet is because of the incompetent buffoons I have to work with," she added venomously, looking behind him at the three grunts. "I'm fairly certain I said 'make it look like an accident', not 'chase him towards us and leave a trail for the other boy scouts to follow'."

"He ran away," the one holding Charmander muttered, and Arianna rolled her eyes.

"The conditions I have to work in," she sighed, but flicked her hair back and smiled. "No matter, I can work with this. I would shoot you right now, but quite frankly, that isn't very fun, not after all the trouble you've caused. No, I think we can find some much more entertaining things to do with you."

The grunts all laughed, but Red refused to let it get to him. "So did you come all this way to get your revenge? I must admit, I'm quite touched by that – I didn't know I meant that much to you. Charmander really must have left an impression on your finger."

"Watch your tongue, boy!" Arianna hissed, though instinctively clutched her trigger finger as she eyed the Fire type. "We didn't come here for you, you are just a happy bonus. My organisation does have plans outside of murdering stupid little children."

"Oh, you guys actually have plans? I didn't know, I had always assumed you just made things up as you went along," Red said, flashing a smile. He saw Arianna's lips thin and hoped she was so annoyed she didn't notice as he turned to Charmander: their eyes met, and Red glanced furtively between his Pokémon and the grunt standing behind him. Charmander nodded, and Red hoped he understood.

"Fucking hell, why do I keep letting children mock me?" Arianna said as he pulled out a knife from the band around her leg. "I think I need to teach you what happens when children are rude to their superiors." She clicked her fingers, and the grunt stepped forwards, rough hands grabbing Red by the neck.

Now was his opportunity. "EMBER!" The command echoed inside the cave, and Red smiled as he saw Arianna's eyes widen in surprise.

That was nothing compared to the grunt's face as the ball of fire exploded against her head. Her grip on Red loosened as flames engulfed her hair, and Red used her fright to his advantage: he grabbed her by the shoulders and shoved her towards Arianna with all his might before throwing his Poké Ball to the ground.

The grunts were taken aback by their fallen comrade to act, and by the time they were ready to shoot, red energy formed a barrier between them and their target. Red didn't wait for Onix to form though. He jumped, his legs groaning in protest, and lunged towards the other grunt. Their face was briefly illuminated red, showing their surprise, and they had barely reached for their gun before Red had tackled them towards the wall. He pulled out Murdoch's torch and hit the grunt across the head: the plastic connected with bone, making a dull thunk, and Red hit them two more times before they slumped to the ground.

A painful shout sounded behind him, and Red turned as saw the third grunt was screaming, desperately pulling off his jacket as orange flames consumed the fabric. Red laughed and looked down, Charmander running towards him with a proud smile on his face.

"You are going to be a proper terror when you evolve, aren't you?"

"Char," Charmander replied, nodding, and Red laughed as he picked up his starter, pleased more than ever with his choice – Bulbasaur certainly couldn't pull that off.

His good humour didn't last long though. There were still a number of armed grunts waiting for him, and Red had no more tricks left up his sleeve. Attacking the two grunts had used the last of his energy, and it was a struggle to stay standing. This would all come down to his Pokémon – if Onix couldn't hold them off, he was done.

Fortunately, the Rock Snake had formed unharmed and was shielding him from Arianna and her grunts for now. Unfortunately, it seemed asleep.

"Onix… are you awake?" Red tapped the impenetrable hide of the Pokémon – no response. He felt his heart sink. His latest capture currently resembled a giant pile of boulders rather than a Pokémon: Onix was curled up, his head spine sticking up from the centre where he had buried his face, and currently doing nothing to help in this latest fight.

"Onix, I need you to use Rock Throw."

A muffled growl was the only response Red got. He was beginning to get nervous now, his eyes darting around as he expected a grunt to appear at any moment.

"Come on, Onix, I need you to attack, or at least use Screech."

"Onnnnn." The groan got louder, but still no sign of movement.

"Onix, please, I need –"

"ONNNNNNNN!" Red nearly fell backwards as Onix suddenly reared its head and roared in his face. Flecks of dirt flew out from the Rock Snake's mouth and pelted him in the face, and Charmander's flame flickered violently.

The moment passed and Onix buried his head back into his body, but the roar echoed for minutes afterwards. Red stood there, stunned, ignoring the dust that now covered his face and jacket. He looked at Charmander and saw his own surprise reflected back at him.

"What was that?"

"I think… I think your Onix is shy." Arianna gazed at the Pokémon as she walked around it, not sure whether to laugh or pity the creature. "An eight metre tall wallflower. Now that's great." She giggled as she got closer to Red, her lips pressed together but stretched in a wide smile that matched the malicious glint in her eyes.

"You've had your fun, you've incapacitated a few of my grunts, congratulations. Now, why don't you just come along quietly before I have to double the number of instruments we use back at the base."

Red turned to try and run, but cried out as his left leg seized up, a cramp spreading across his hip. The next second, two sets of hands had grabbed hold of him, pulling him back towards Arianna, and there was nothing Red could do to fight back. His body had fallen limp, the last of his energy used to hold Charmander safely to his chest, but how long would that last?

The grunts shoved him, and Red crashed into Onix, the jagged points of the boulders digging into his back. Arianna stepped over him, laughing soundlessly, and she withdrew a phone and typed a command into it.

"In a few moments, we will be back at our headquarters, but that will only be the beginning of your death," she whispered, the sound carrying through the cave.

"And what exactly will be the benefit of that?"

Red didn't know this new voice, but from the look on Arianna's face, this could be the break he needed: her joy visibly disappeared, a look of dread and annoyance taking its place.

A man stepped into Red's line of vision, and there was no doubt in his mind what this newcomer did. Glasses, slicked back hair, a long white cloak, a knowing smirk; this man screamed scientist, and he walked with the swagger of someone who thinks they are the smartest person in the room. Dust coated his hands, and he looked between Arianna and Red with a dismissive sneer.

"So, this is the boy you have been unable to kill?

"Fuck off, Gideon; this has nothing to do with you," Arianna snapped. "He's breathing, after all, so well outside your area of experience."

Gideon laughed. "Do you pay someone to write those lines for you?" He stepped forwards so he was right above Red. Charmander growled as the dirty hand reached towards them, and Red recoiled as thick fingers grabbed his chin, yellow fingernails digging into his skin.

"You have rather identified your own issue, Arianna: why is the child still breathing? It has been barely five minutes since he appeared, but you've had plenty of opportunities to kill him. So, why is he still breathing?"

"I don't answer to you, I answer to Giovanni –"

"Giovanni, who told you not to waste time hunting the children," Gideon countered. "How do you think he will feel if you bring the boy back, completely disobeying his orders?"

Arianna didn't say anything, but Gideon filled the silence with a wheezy, high-pitched laugh. "That's the problem with you admins," the scientist said, rolling his eyes. "You are so obsessed with showmanship. You try so hard to make a scene and get attention, but you fail to register that the simple, sudden acts have far more impact than orchestrated grandeur. A boy disappearing in a cave may startle and confuse his friends and worry Oak and all the rest, but a dead boy lying in a cave sends a much clearer message."

Without any hesitation, Gideon grabbed a gun off a grunt and pointed it at Red. Arianna yelled, Charmander unleashed an Ember, Red tried to jump out of the way, but that was all silenced by an explosion that resonated in every corner of the mountain.

Silence. Red could hear only a ringing in his ears. His right shoulder screamed out with pain. He had shut his eyes and he didn't want to open them. Was he dead? Was this the afterlife? Red felt at his chest, and while the warmth lingered, he couldn't feel Charmander there anymore. I'm dead, he killed me, I'm really dead.

As cold fear spread through his body, Red tentatively opened his eyes, steadying himself for what he would find, his mind racing with a million possibilities.

The first thing he saw was a river of pink. Okay, didn't see that coming. Red watched as it flowed and parted around him, and he looked around, trying to find the source, to see where it was going. It was only as his eyes adjusted to the dark again that he realised it wasn't water, the river was solid, and then part of the river stepped away, revealing a face and a stumpy body, and he realised he wasn't dead but something just as weird as happening.

"Clefairy!" A tiny pink Pokémon like a shapeless toddler jumped towards him, its almost non-existent arms waving back and forth. Red looked at his shoulder and saw a bullet pressing into his skin, but a pink barrier the width of a hair stood between him and the metal. The Clefairy smiled as she reached out and poked the bullet, causing it to fall to the ground with a soft tinkle.

"Umm… thank you?" Red said, confused. He watched as the seemingly endless stream of Clefairy and Clefable stormed past him and Onix, the sounds of battle echoing behind him. He tried to stand but his legs refused to move, a spasm of pain spreading out from his shoulder.

"Fairy," the Clefairy gasped, and it turned and called out into the cave. A moment later, Leaf, Blue and Murdoch appeared from the shadows, the former screaming out.

"Red, thank god, we thought you were dead!" She pulled him into a hug and dragged him to his feet, stopping only as he yelled let. "Oh, sorry – oh my god, they did shoot you!" She pulled up his sleeve and looked at the spot of impact, where a dark bruise was already forming. "We heard the gunshot and we feared the first, but the Clefairy were already using Metronome by then, and this one got lucky with Psychic, and –"

"What the fuck is going on?" Red interrupted, trying to peer over the top of Onix but instead saw Charmander standing on the head spine, firing off Ember after Ember.

"The Clefairy and Clefable sensed that something was wrong and they led us here, but I don't think they really cared about you," Blue said, smirking at the last bit. "Team Rocket seems to be their targets, I don't know why though."

"They have a scientist, that's the guy who shot me," Red explained. "Gideon, I haven't seen him before."

"Oh great, more of them," Leaf sighed.

Murdoch raised an eyebrow at them. "Are you saying you've met Team Rocket before? Aren't they super dangerous?"

"Don't believe the rumours," Blue said with a touch of smugness.

"This is why I need friends my own age," Murdoch sighed. "You lot are far too calm about this – I mean, they may be getting attacked by Clefairy, but it's Team Rocket!"

"Seriously, what is happening?" Red used his left arm to haul himself up Onix, his body screaming in protest, but he pulled himself up enough to reach Charmander and stare over the rocky Pokémon to the chaos below.

The Clefairy and Clefable swarmed Team Rocket. One of the spotlights had fallen and machinery had been upturned, but neither Arianna, Gideon nor the grunts noticed as they frantically fought back against the Pokémon. None of the Mount Moon natives were smiling; their tiny faces were scowling like a school teacher, but they fought with the fury of a boxer. Sandslash and Graveler lay unconscious beneath a dozen of the winged creatures, and several grunts were being pulled down and slapped repeatedly. A constant chant of "Clefairy" sounded above the shouts of Team Rocket, and fire, lightning, water and various glowing balls of energy were fired as a result of their Metronome. After what his body had been put through by the gang tonight, Red couldn't help but laugh as he slid back down to the others.

"Glad you find this so funny, but we should get out of here before anything else happens," Murdoch said with urgency.

Red wanted to stay and watch the rest of the fight, but had to agree that their safety was paramount. He called Charmander down and was about to withdraw Onix when suddenly the Rock Snake reared its head again. Red had forgotten already how tall the Pokémon was, and watched in awe and fear as it stretched out to full height, head spine nearly touching the ceiling.

"ONNNNNNNN!" He roared again, glowering down at the chaos and thrashing his tail. Onix didn't look very shy now, but Red noted it was only striking now after several minutes of fighting, and wondered if he was perhaps fed up with being disturbed.

The roar was deafening, and it brought the battle to a halt. Dozens of Clefairy and Clefable ignored Team Rocket and gazed upwards, their scowls deepening as though they had been interrupted doing something important. There was movement behind them, and Red pointed out Gideon as the scientist backed up against the wall.

"Looks like everyone gets their wish." He gazed over the Clefairy and looked Red dead in the eye; with a little wink, the scientist lifted up what looked like a long black tube with a handle and a trigger…

"RUN!" Red yelled as whatever missile was launched. He expected it to come straight for them, but the projectile instead soared towards the roof: it extended above the reach of the spotlight, but if Red squinted, he could just make out a large crack that ran right across the surface.

The expected white flash did not come from the missile, which burrowed itself into the rock with a mere dull thud, but instead from Team Rocket as the group teleported away. Silence hung in the air for a moment as everyone, human and Pokémon alike, looked to the ceiling, waiting for what would happen next but unsure what exactly that was.

With a sudden roar, the inevitable arrived. A curtain of dust fell, followed seconds later by hard chunks of stone. The Clefairy did not hesitate to flee as cracks appeared in the walls like giant spider webs. Red and the others exchanged looks and made to run, but a stalactite landed barely a metre from them, showering them all in dust and rocks.

"No!" Leaf wailed. Red thought she had been hit, but saw it was the Clefairy that had rescued him, droplets of blood flowing from a gash on its forehead. Leaf picked up the tiny Pokémon and looked at her fellow trainers in silent fear, as unsure of what to do as the rest of them.

"Onnn." The deep grunt cut through the rumble of the collapsing mountain, and Red watched as Onix began to slide away, heading away from the jagged opening that he had jumped through earlier.

"JUMP ON!" Red yelled, leaping forwards as he said so. He landed stomach first, the blow winding him and giving him an unneeded reminder of his muscle pain. They were soft thuds a moment later as Blue, Leaf and Murdoch copied him, Phobetor bringing up the pack, eyes glowing pink as Onix snaked its way through the collapsing ceiling. A number of Clefairy and Clefable joined them, alongside several frightened Paras and a couple of Geodude, muscly hands linked together.

Onix gathered speed as more of the cave collapsed around them. With the spotlights presumably buried far behind them, the only light came from Phobetor, but even his glowing sphere of light was unable to penetrate the chaos hidden in the darkness. Red could see only streams of dust and misshapen rock falling past them, his imagination and the clashing rumbles filling in the blanks in his mind. As they were whisked away to safety, Red imagined how many Pokémon were fleeing their crumbling home. He hadn't enjoyed his time in Mount Moon, but Red knew the feeling of regret at what had happened would stay with long after he'd forgotten the dark and the boredom.

***

Giovanni gazed at the two sitting opposite him. After the events of the past few weeks, he wondered at what point his job had become that of scolding headmaster rather than the head of a burgeoning criminal empire. He seemed to really speak to his subordinates now unless it was to hear of their failures, and Giovanni was getting tired of it. Was the problem his for hiring and trusting such incompetents, or was it his for not replacing them long before things had begun?

"So," he began, finally speaking after nearly twenty minutes of silent contemplation. Arianna and Gideon quietly jolted out of their stupors at the sound of his voice, and Giovanni allowed himself an internal smirk before carrying on.

"So, I send you to collect fossils with strict instructions to not deal with the children unless absolutely necessary. That sounded like a simple and uncomplicated task to me, Arianna. Would you mind telling me why you saw it differently?"

Arianna swallowed before she opened her mouth, and Giovanni wondered which of her emotions she was suppressing: pride, anger, jealousy, lust? He could never truly tell with her, not like the others, and that's what made her so alluring even after all these years.

"I understood your instructions. However, when our scouts came back to me with evidence that they were near, I assumed you would not mind if you had killed them as long as we still achieved our goals." Arianna's voice was clipped and measured, lacking any hint of the anger Giovanni knew would be burning fiercely in her heart.

"I might not have. Gideon did get what we needed, after all. The only flaw in your argument is that you failed to kill the children – again."

Arianna visibly bristled at this, and Giovanni hid his smirk behind his wine glass. "We could have defeated them," she said, straining now to contain her rage. "I was about to teleport Red back here when someone interrupted me."

"You make a lot of assumptions, Arianna, very few of them based in fact." It was the first time Gideon had spoken since arriving in the office, and Giovanni and Arianna turned to him. His face was hidden in shadow so it seemed his voice was coming from darkness, but when the scientist leaned forwards, there was a glint in his eyes that reminded Giovanni of himself as a young man: arrogant, proud, intelligent, a dangerous combination, but a powerful one in the right hands. "You were distracted by the potential for theatrics and vengeance rather than strategy. You were going to bring Edward back here even though all signs indicate that would be a terrible idea."

"And why is that?" Arianna scoffed.

"We still don't know why Oak agreed to let the children leave Pallet in the first place. He knew we were active but did not hide them away, though he would have known we would target them."

"He is calling my bluff, I think, trying and lure me out into the open," Giovanni said. "It is a risky move, but a smart one, I will give the old man that."

Arianna turned to Gideon, eyebrow raised sceptically. "And you think that Red and his little friends are in on some big secret with him, is that it?"

Gideon shrugged, countering her suspicions with his own sly smile. "It is a possibility. Kidnapping them may be exactly what he wants."

"You cannot be serious!" Arianna threw her head back and laughed. "If that therapist hadn't shown up on the first day, those kids would have been killed, they had no idea who I was. If we brought them back here and it turned out we were checked, we should shower them in awards instead of bullets, cause clearly they are the best actors in the whole fucking world –"

"Arianna, leave us."

Arianna's neck audibly cracked as she turned to Giovanni. "Excuse me?"

"You heard me, and I do not repeat myself, not even for you." Giovanni pressed a button on his desk, causing his heavy wooden doors to swing open. Arianna shot daggers at him, and he stared back contently, their eyes locked, unblinking. If Gideon was not here, Giovanni might have been aroused by the way she looked at him with such venomous contempt, but instead he could only smile back at her.

The moment passed, and without a word, Arianna left. She slammed the door with such force Gideon jumped, and Giovanni's smile widened as he leant towards the scientist. "Did you get everything?"

"Yes, sir." Composing himself once again, Gideon smiled as he reached into his bag and retrieved several items. The main one was an amber oval, smooth and untouched by the elements.

"Everything, not just the rocks you wanted?" Giovanni held the fossil up to the moonlight, smiling at the golden glow it emitted, savouring the weight of it as it rested in his palms.

"Yes, the mural is with my team, they are just removing some built up sediment."

"Excellent." Giovanni stared at his head scientist, wondering what to make of him. He had noted something in Gideon's tone that suggested repression, annoyance. Of course, prophecies from thousand year old ghosts fell outside Gideon's preferred area of expertise, but Giovanni imagined that would change when he saw what the mural would reveal to them.

Neither man spoke for several minutes as Giovanni sifted through the fossils and rocks. He could feel Gideon tense up, and Giovanni let that feeling build, quietly relishing the discomfort the scientist was emanating.

Finally, he broke. "Sir, I assure you, I evaluated every action I took back in the mountain. I promise that the decisions I made were the most rational, and indeed the only possibilities for success. I can write a report, if you would –"

"You are not really a team player, are you, Gideon?" Giovanni placed his glass and the fossil down and leaned forwards so his broad chin rested on his hands. He gazed at the scientist and watched the wheels spin behind his eyes as Gideon evaluated every possible response.

"It is difficult to be a team player when not all members of the team have all the information," he said monotonously.

For the first time that night, Giovanni felt a momentary rush of anger. Was this a criticism, was this lowly scientist daring to question his plans, his leadership? It lasted a second before Giovanni had to smirk at the impudentness. Gideon was learning, that was good to see. It would simply be a question of how he went from here.

"I do not intend to change my strategy which means you have to adapt the circumstances I present you. Is that not what you scientists do; create certain situations and see how things unfold, change as the circumstances dictate?"

"I suppose so, but in this particular situation, Arianna –"

"Arianna has been involved in this project long before you have been. She is ultimately your superior, even if you are leading a mission. I told her not to focus on the children because I wanted to punish her, as I knew her rage would overwhelm her. You interfering helped with that, but I still would have liked to have seen the children dead if that possibility was on the table, and the main reason they aren't is because you interfered."

Giovanni leant back in his chair and grabbed his glass. He let the deep liquid slide his throat as he watched Gideon, waiting to see how he reacted. The scientist was trying to keep his face neutral, but Giovanni could see his left eye was twitching slightly, his lips quavering like a school boy struggling with a teacher's punishment.

"I am sorry, sir. I accept all the blame for what happened tonight. I should not have argued with Arianna, I can see now how that was wrong of me. It is just… I do not want to see us fail again. This world, the people out there think they are safe and that they have recovered from what we did that night, but they are blind to how unstable they truly are. They will happily carry on pretending things are fine rather than acknowledge the dystopia they are willingly walking towards. They need guidance and control, and only we can give them that. These fossils, what I will retrieve from them, will give us that power, and I could not let anything risk that goal. We are on the verge of greatness, of true, unquestionable power, and nothing can possibly risk that for us!"

Gideon's face had remained calm throughout much of his speech, but near the end, his eyes had widened, a strange smile had appeared, his hands had broken free of his statuesque stance. Giovanni had put his glass down, the taste suddenly sour, and he surveyed his scientist, not sure whether to be impressed or concerned. Gideon seemed to notice the tension and like a Squirtle retrieving into its shell he returned to his stoic, blank face, a silent mask ruined by the glint in his eyes.

"I understand completely. You may go now." Giovanni held onto the amber rock as Gideon packed up the other items, and the scientist left silently, the door barely even moving as he slipped into the corridor. He considered again why he let these people, with their problems and conflicts, stain his plans, but Giovanni knew the answer: they were all like him, as similar to him as if they were his offspring. Their flaws were his flaws, their strengths were his strengths, and in the months to come, he needed that mania, the stubbornness, the rage. With so many enemies, he could not afford to play things safe.

Giovanni leaned back in his chair, wine in one hand, the glowing oval in his other. Had Red and his little friends seen what they were doing there tonight? Would they rush back and tell Oak, warn him of what was coming? Would Oak even know what to do with the information if they had it?

Of course not, old men like him are afraid of real power, they only like to imagine it. Giovanni placed the fossil back on his table. There were a number of secrets hidden in the DNA frozen inside, mysteries that Giovanni had long sought the answers to. Yet those questions had gone unanswered for centuries if not millennia, they could wait a few more days. Turning to the window and gazing south, Giovanni considered the problem that was far more pressing, and decided in that moment it was time he got an answer.

***

"What do you think is wrong with him?"

"There's nothing wrong with him!"

"Something has to be wrong with him."

As thin cracks of light seeped through the mouth of the mountain, Red and Blue stood in front of the giant crevice Onix had slid into. Its great brown head was as tall as the two of them, yet it stared fretfully down at the pair.

"I don't think he likes you," Blue said and flashed Red a smile.

"Shut up, if he didn't like me he would have thrown me off his back last night."

"I think he was a bit busy trying not to be crushed himself," Blue retorted.

Red hadn't considered this, and frowned as he surveyed Onix again. He had seemed so full of life when Charmander battled him yesterday; where had that side of him gone?

"I probably just need to show him I'm not going to hurt him." Red went back to their campsite and grabbed a cold piece of toast Murdoch had cooked on their ruddy fire. He edged towards Onix with the brown triangle, but barely made it five steps before the Rock Snake reared back, eyes wide with terror.

"Tell me, Red, at any point on this journey have you actually used your Pokédex?" Leaf rolled her eyes as she stepped forwards, clutching a large rock in her hands. "Onix don't want to eat bread, you moron. They eat huge amounts of soil as they dig tunnels, so maybe try giving it some of that instead?" She placed the rock a few feet in front of the crack and stepped quickly away. Everyone watched as Onix slowly leaned down so its face was a few centimetres above the small boulder. It sniffed at it for a moment before opening wide and swallowing whole.

Red's jaw dropped. "Are you saying I need to carry rocks around in order to feed it? Doesn't the Pokédex list anything else for me to feed it?"

"Nope – looks like it's your job to fill it in," Leaf replied, smirking as she walked away. "Oh, and by the way, he's a girl."

Murdoch was silently laughing as Leaf sat down, basking in the state of confusion Red and Blue had been plunged into. "Are you always so sassy?"

"I was born this way." Leaf laughed with him and shot him a wink, but inside her mind was racing. Sassy… really? Huh. She hadn't felt very sassy over the last few weeks. More short tempered, irritable, tired, stuck in the middle of an existential crisis. If that came across as sassy, at least she was hiding things well.

Her racing mind was silenced as she bit into the last piece of toast on her plate, a red streak of jam painted across its surface. "Bloody hell, this is amazing!" Leaf turned to Murdoch, his blushing cheeks betraying the prideful smirk he had put on. "Did you make this yourself?"

"Not alone, no, but yes, I did," he replied, his cheeks reddening the wider his smile got. "It's an old family recipe, just a mix of jazz berries and an assortment of Apricorns. I wish I could say more, but my grandmother's ghost might kill me."

"I don't care how you make it, as long as you have more of it you can stay with us as long as you want."

Murdoch raised an eyebrow, and Leaf realised instantly she'd made a mistake. She shoved the rest of the toast into her mouth, the combination of sweet and bitterness exploding on her taste buds, but the sensation was dulled by her own embarrassment.

"Did you think I was going to come with you to Cerulean?" Murdoch asked quietly.

Leaf didn't reply, slowly chewing the toast until all she could taste was soggy sawdust. When his accentuated glare refused to go away, Leaf swallowed the ball of mashed fibre alongside her pride and turned around.

"I guess I assumed you were, but that's only cause the last person we met did. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that, I – "

"You don't need to apologise." Murdoch grabbed her right hand and gave it a gentle squeeze, and Leaf felt her awkwardness lift. "I am just touched that you would assume that, is all. I haven't met anyone like you on this trip, so I am glad the feeling is mutual."

"Is that a yes then?"

Murdoch shrugged. "We kind of destroyed the path I was going to take, so I will need to head through the forest anyway. I suppose I might as well come with you, if I must," he added, rolling his eyes and groaning theatrically. Leaf hit him on the shoulder but couldn't help but laugh, their cackles echoing against the rocks.

Several chirps echoed down the tunnel. Leaf looked up and watched as several Clefairy embraced in a tight hug. The group stood like that for a few moments, looking like a giant pink rock had suddenly appeared in the middle of the path, before breaking away. A single Clefairy in the middle stepped away from the others, marked different by the healed gash across her forehead, waving goodbye with its tiny arms as it walked towards Leaf.

"You alright?" She asked as the Fairy joined her by the fire. The Clefairy nodded, her smile wide even though her eyes were wet. Leaf gave her latest capture a one-armed hug, and Clefairy relaxed into her grip, shutting her eyes and smiling contently. Leaf was surprised that she was going with them, given how close her species seemed, but Leaf wasn't complaining. After seeing how easily the Clefairy and Clefable had overwhelmed Team Rocket last night, having a tiny slice of that power had lifted some of the worry from Leaf's shoulders, even if she hadn't realised it was there in the first place.

"Finally!" Leaf and Murdoch looked at Red as he punched the air in delight, dancing a few feet in front of Onix as her thick tongue licked something off the floor. "She likes honey, put that in your bloody Pokédex!"

Leaf smirked and rolled her eyes at Murdoch. "I suppose you will be pleased for some different company," he whispered, leaning close and smiling. Leaf looked between him, Red and Blue as she pondered the question. She stroked Clefairy, she thought of the collapsed cave they'd left in their wake, she cast her mind back to when they had first sensed trouble up by the crater, the moment of fear she'd felt for Red.

"I think I'm fine with the company I've got." Leaf nudged Murdoch and smiled before leaning across the camp and grabbing the boys abandoned, crumb-strewn plates. They weren't going to clean themselves, and with the rest of the world waiting for them a few metres away, Leaf wasn't going to let anything hold her back.

 

[Ghostsoul]

Standing against a picturesque backdrop of blue skies and white sandy beaches, the memorial felt grotesquely out of place.

Tall, black, asymmetrical; it was a simple and austere monolith, but one that was guilty of many crimes, none more so than being grim. It was natural that the residents of the island town, the survivors, wanted a reminder of what had transpired here, but something so unavoidably ugly did not belong beside a beach.

Of course, Giovanni was perhaps biased. While for the people of Quest Island, this stood as a beacon of victory, a sparkling granite symbol of hope and spirit; to him, it was a symbol of his defeat. A bland one, at that.

I'm fond of this description, I really am. It's a good set up.

Giovanni had chosen the Creator's Day deliberately: just like Arceus, he was about to rise again.

I think this slips in some subtle world-building well enough.

Giovanni felt cruel to tear it all down again – but then, that was half of the fun.

Adds some layers to Giovanni's character, questioning whether he may be be a sociopath or not, or where is goals really lie?

Finally, Giovanni was angry. "What is this, coming here like this and giving me some vague threat about the fate of the world?

This seems to suggest that Giovanni might be a hero? Although I'm pretty sure he won't ever be.

"I never tell the whole truth, darling – it's more fun that way. I'm not here to help you or hinder you, I just want to watch and see how things turn out. It's the only thing that can get me up in the morning after all these centuries."

A set up where poor communication is enforced by the characters? Not too sure how well this will go...

"A compliment, from you? I shall wear that badge with honour." Giovanni bowed as he got to his feet. "Don't you worry, I won't disappoint: I've got a big show planned for this pathetic country, and I am going to make sure no one misses it."

So is Giovanni doing this to protect his self-esteem, to win approval from his rival/lover? His intentions are a nice mystery for this story.

Humans – so utterly predictable in their reaction to the unpredictable

This line feels a little cheesy.

"I just had to double check," Giovanni replied, turning to face her as he withdrew his rifle. "Would be a real pity to kill the wrong person."

Seems a bit risky and a bit too strong of a turn too soon?

"On your sins…"

I feel like this will become an important theme...

"That's disgusting." Giovanni smiled as the boy finally started to cry, tears and snot bursting out of his face.

I feel the line above would have a greater effect if this one was removed. It kind of cuts the tension a bit, and the audience could already tell that Giovanni felt that way.

mperfectly perfect, Giovanni thought, watching his Pokémon struggle to keep up. He had tried many times over the years to breed a perfect Nidoran, but there was always a flaw. If they focused on strength, they tend to be slow, but if they tried to make them fast, it lacked the right punch. That was the problem Giovanni had with nature; it never allowed perfection, it always had to allow flaws, mortality, no matter how much you intervened.

Are you willing to abandon even more of your morality to make perfect a reality? because you know, that's kind of meta...

but Nidoking was just what Giovanni needed in a Pokémon – something not only unafraid of violence but one that revels in it.

Because it is just like him, or something he admires that he deep down, had too?

"Don't you understand? I want them frightened. I want them scared. These men destroyed our lives; they destroyed everything that my family had been working towards for decades. What we accomplished twelve years ago was nothing short of a miracle – we played God and we survived, there are no other men on earth who can say they have achieved that. And then they took it all away from us in a few hours.

I think you meant to put a " at the end of this paragraph. As it is, it's slightly hard to tell when Giovanni's speech ends and where his thoughts might begin. Although this all appears to be speech.

You've provided an interesting set up for the story here, I'm guessing Giovanni is the villain, but you've made sure his personality is more three-dimensional yet still harsh and cruel. There is some good description and not really much to fault with the chapter in general that I think of, apart from perhaps a few minor personal gripes with individual lines. You have got something good here, keep it up!

 

[Ghostsoul]

Awards Review!

First Warriors manages to take a fairly standard premise of making Pokémon more ‘R’ rated and does something rather interesting with it. The Worldbuilding and description is vivid and well placed. It takes the standard Kanto setting and gives it a new lease of life, albeit a darker one. Although there are parts where this darkness is exaggerated, especially with Team Rocket’s evil, which occasionally seems to be overblown to the point that it’s difficult to take seriously and at times there are places where showing us would have been better than telling us, but this isn’t a large or pressing issue.

The characters are a mixed bag, Professor Oak seems rather interesting although what we know about him from the story now is rather limited, Giovanni seemed like a promising villain from the prologue lost a lot of his three-dimensional characteristics as he was restricted to a background role. The executives themselves seem like a lot of lost potential, they don’t really have much of a personality outside of ‘I’m evil!’ which makes them rather annoying and perhaps somewhat interchangeable with each other. The kids themselves are somewhat interesting, but sadly the similarity of their personalities doesn’t make them the best for bouncing off of, or interacting with each other; for example, when they are speaking it might be hard to tell who’s saying what when the tags aren’t there. There are a few quirks I liked when it came to your characterisation, however, like explaining where Red’s nickname actually came from.

One kind of major issue with the story is the repetitive nature of the chapters (which is harmed further by the length of each of them.) Very similar events seem to happen in each of the chapters, with the story only being realised very slowly between each of them, they follow a similar structure and the reader expects a similar conclusion. This doesn’t serve the dark and tense atmosphere of the work too well and the long length of the chapters themselves can make these somewhat predictable conclusions a labour to reach. This makes the story lose its way in its own genre, which is that of a thriller.

There seems to be few grammar and spelling errors to speak of, so excellent job on that front.

I think you should generally focus more on making sure the tone of the work is solid, keeping its dark atmosphere without overdoing it, and placing hints to the plots mysteries without having the story go on for too long. I think trying to retain the stories’ atmosphere is a good place to start on improving the fic, with that developing characters might come more naturally, since their intentions and motivations will have to be kept in the dark more to keep the reader guessing. This might naturally help the characters develop more three-dimensional personalities. I don’t think any dramatic rewrites are needed to ‘fix’ this fic, but I do think a lot of tinkering in places would certainly improve it.

 

[AceTrainer14]

@Ghostsoul: Thanks for the reviews! I'm glad you liked the prologue at least, I spent a while trying to crack that and make it more interesting, and I'm glad it paid off. Though perhaps I did too good of a job as it seems to have skewed your view of the rest of the story XD

With regards to the negatives, I appreciate and understand your worries. In future rewrites, I will try to do more with the groundwork I laid in the first chapter rewrite to define the characters, both heroes and villains, with more personality and make their individual storylines clearer. I don't necessarily want it to be dark, as that would defeat the purpose of the trio being semi-in the dark around things, but will re-examine the atmosphere and attempt to make things more interesting. It certainly isn't meant to be a thriller in any sense of the word.

With regards to the villains, I agree that I dropped the ball a bit on them originally. Reading over the original version of the first chapter, Arianna definitely came across more one-note than I intended, and Giovanni's original ending served no purpose. I tried to alleviate both of their characters issues in that rewrite and the most recent, and would be interested in your thoughts on those chapters in particular. Archer I did have issues with while writing so I will work at making him more detailed when I get to that arc. And I am thinking I might move Giovanni around more for those chapter closing scenes, put him in different locations that better set up the rest of the plot rather than keeping him in his office.

I was wondering if you could clarify what you meant here if possible:

I think trying to retain the stories’ atmosphere is a good place to start on improving the fic, with that developing characters might come more naturally, since their intentions and motivations will have to be kept in the dark more to keep the reader guessing.

Very similar events seem to happen in each of the chapters, with the story only being realised very slowly between each of them, they follow a similar structure and the reader expects a similar conclusion.

I am particularly curious what you mean by the last one, as while I definitely acknowledge that things unfold in a slightly episodic way, that the events that occur are usually quite different.

Thanks for reviewing, and I hope you keep up with the story - hopefully it won't take two years to write the next chapter XD

 

[Ghostsoul]

I am particularly curious what you mean by the last one, as while I definitely acknowledge that things unfold in a slightly episodic way, that the events that occur are usually quite different.

Making the events of each chapter more different would help speed up the pace of the story as well as make the story itself more unpredictable and therefore more thrilling to follow.

 

[Persephone]

hi so you can totally see what i posted in the conversation so i wasn't sure if you wanted a review here but dp told me too and i don't let owl-friend down, so...

I liked the edits that you did. They made Giovanni better, even if they don't fundamentally fix the problem with him. Which is that he doesn't ever really do anything. And while he seems like a threat at first, that quickly fades every time his subordinates spectacularly fails to do anything. But at least now he kind of has motivations so yay?

Beyond that, you know my thoughts on your work, or really should by now. I think you're excellent at worldbuilding and I would be much happier if you slowed down and tried to just focus on character interactions and setting the scene. I also think this work, and 8ES and Galactic as well, suffer from the problem that the protagonists never really go out of their way to do much. Things just happen to them and, while they can show character through their reactions, it makes it harder to really get into the story since the protagonists' ambitions and efforts never amount to more than "survive the day." If there were two competing plans, that would be cool. But there really isn't here. Just a guy with a plan and some random teenagers who happen to Forrest Gump their way through Kanto.

But really this story needs more edits, you're on the right path with them, and that's all I have to say about that.

 

[AceTrainer14]

@Athena I realised I never responded to this, and as I still have a while to go before we see the next chapter, figured I'd respond now.

Which is that he doesn't ever really do anything. And while he seems like a threat at first, that quickly fades every time his subordinates spectacularly fails to do anything. But at least now he kind of has motivations so yay?

Giovanni doesn't really do anything in the games. He is just there a few times and that's it, he never takes part in any of the missions or whatever you'd call them. He won't stay in the shadows for the entire story, and by the next one he will be a main character for most of the chapter, but I do not see how having Giovanni there in the forest or in Mt Moon would aid the story or his character in any way. He'd become comic and useless, and that is what I am trying to avoid.

Things just happen to them and, while they can show character through their reactions, it makes it harder to really get into the story since the protagonists' ambitions and efforts never amount to more than "survive the day."

I do accept this criticism for this story and I am making an active effort to include more of their backstory and their determination for carrying on in the rewrites, particularly with the focus on Red's past in the first chapter, and it was a goal with writing the latest chapters. The next two rewrites will put more focus on their personalities and motivations, but when it comes to them fighting Rocket those motivations will kind of have to go the side for one minute. While I reject the idea they have been totally passive the whole story - their instances of them doing what they want - the nature of being this early in the story means that they don't really have much of a say against Team Rocket and what they want. As the story progresses it will become less of the whole "oh no, we're being attacked again" story and more them taking the fight to Rocket, but these are kids just starting their journey and have no idea what is going on. A lot is going to happen to them that they have no say against. However, as you pointed out, I am aware that it is an issue in 8ES/Galactic and I will be aiming to avoid those issues as this story progresses.

Thanks for the review, it did get me thinking! I am glad you liked the edits (I think?) and I am hopeful that the next few will continue to improve both the heroes and villains. The next chapter sees no interaction whatsoever between the trio and Rocket so hopefully it puts things back towards a calmer path.

 

[Persephone]

My primary issue with Gionvanni isn't that he doesn't appear in the field. It's that his subordinates and by proxy, Giovanni himself, keeps failing enough times against a group of children that the threat level he was established with quickly fades.

If he and Rocket were supposed to be threatening I would've had one or two barely survived encounters in the story to date where they survive entirely on luck and they very much know it. But having so many spectacularly failed adventures against mere children with no Pokemon worth speaking of in such a small span of narrative space kind of kills any perceived threat he has as a villain. Especially since he's never allowed to win, even in the early game, and even when he loses he's not allowed to make the win pyrrhic yet.

That may change as the story progresses, but it's odd that as characters get stronger they'd fair worse against the same organization unless there was an in-story explanation as to why (I.E. cornered predator, a more competent lieutenant getting assigned who there is a very valid reason for not sending out earlier, etc.)

 

[AceTrainer14]

@Agenda: I do note this criticism, and in the rewrites I hope to make the admins (particularly Archer) a lot less slapstick, for lack of a better word. However, part of it is intentional and will be explored more in the next chapter. If the general feeling that Rocket is not quite right remains, I will look into things further, but I am confident what I have planned will put things into perspective and eagerly await having time to write it XD

 

[canisaries]

Hey, I'm here for the Review Game, here to give my review on the prologue.

First and foremost, this prologue is a very strong start to a story. Big stuff is happening, one minute it's peaceful, the other people are screaming and dying, Giovanni's clearly egomaniacal and butthurt about some shit in the past, some war happened - lots of world- and characterbuilding in a short amount of time, and on a grass-roots level too, not in any exposition dumb. Great job on that front.

The description is very vivid and nice. It weaves in exposition well and establishes characters, especially Giovanni, whose cruel acts and sadism make him out to be a real cold-hearted SoB, but his displeasure at the fact that people have moved on with their lives and don't give a shit about him and his team anymore shows his narcissistic side. Especially with that monument thing.

But, uh oh, brace yourselves, here come the nitpicks.

a mecca for a new age.

the Pandora's Box you are going to open.

we played God

Mecca(/Makkah/Mekka) is a real life place and a subject to very active pilgrimage because of its importance in Islam. That quality is what made it be used as a synonym for a important and alluring place to a group of people, but as a word, it's still very tied to that real life place and religion. Pandora's Box refers to a Greek myth, which is tied to ancient Greece and its mythology, which is tied to its real life geography, yadda yadda yadda.

For me, mentioning real life places or names or using expressions that are very tied to real life places or names kicks me right out of the fanfiction. I know not every single expression can be replaced and that the Pokémon canon itself has mentions of real life places, but I would still advice you to pick out a not-real-life-specific synonym instead when possible.

The last one I would sort of excuse given that religion in Poké-world is very vaguely defined if at all, but "gods" are mentioned multiple times and on top of that, Arceus is mentioned before as a creator without any euphemism. With this kind of setting established, capital G God just makes me think of the man upstairs and how weird it would be if Abrahamic religions were suddenly a thing in this Japanese video game world. So I guess what I'm trying to say here is that maybe lowercase would fit more.

Giovanni smirked at her frustration as he turned away. He was enjoying himself, playing the role of villain again, and he was disappointed that it would have to end so suddenly. "I'm sorry, but you look familiar – is your husband Casio?"

"Um, yes he is, why?"

"I just had to double check," Giovanni replied, turning to face her as he withdrew his rifle. "Would be a real pity to kill the wrong person."

Alright so, this entire scene where Giovanni acts as friendly as some kind of car salesman and then whips out a gun and just obliterates this woman's face, then waits for her son to come over so that he can beat up his cute pet and traumatize him forever and probably also give him some kind of life-long urinary PTSD too, it's great. It was hilarious. I laughed my ass off, I pounded the table with my fists, I was wheezing. The situation just keeps getting worse and worse and it crosses the line lord knows how many times.

However, I unfortunately can't tell if it was supposed to be funny or if I just have a dark sense of humor, so I can't say if the original intention was successful or not. In any case, this part made my day, thank you.

Humans – so utterly predictable in their reaction to the unpredictable.

Imperfectly perfect,

Yet in flaws, you can find strengths.

I hope this constant usage of saying-esque antonym-juxtaposing sentences is just limited to Giovanni and is only occasional. I can take this as a pretentious character quirk, but if this happened constantly throughout a longer story I would get very annoyed. It kind of just sounds like fortune cookie messages, and those don't tend to be that insightful in the end, because what they say is either complete nonsense or just common knowledge.

That's pretty much all I can think of right now. If you have any further questions on my points or any other questions, feel free to ask.

 

[AceTrainer14]

Thanks for the review, @canisaries! Glad you enjoyed the prologue and I hope you keep reading!

For me, mentioning real life places or names or using expressions that are very tied to real life places or names kicks me right out of the fanfiction. I know not every single expression can be replaced and that the Pokémon canon itself has mentions of real life places, but I would still advice you to pick out a not-real-life-specific synonym instead when possible.

I suppose this is a personal thing. While I have stopped making as many pop culture references, I have little issue myself with using or reading cultural references if they are not overdone. This particular speech though may be a little reliant on metaphors and euphemisms, so I may edit some of these out for a more coherent speech.

The last one I would sort of excuse given that religion in Poké-world is very vaguely defined if at all, but "gods" are mentioned multiple times and on top of that, Arceus is mentioned before as a creator without any euphemism. With this kind of setting established, capital G God just makes me think of the man upstairs and how weird it would be if Abrahamic religions were suddenly a thing in this Japanese video game world. So I guess what I'm trying to say here is that maybe lowercase would fit more.

In the context of my world, the capital G probably is a mistake worth fixing. It probably serve you well not to view this particular story as taking place in a Japanese video game world XD

However, I unfortunately can't tell if it was supposed to be funny or if I just have a dark sense of humor, so I can't say if the original intention was successful or not. In any case, this part made my day, thank you.

The 'That's disgusting' bit is meant to be a bit darkly comic, if that's what you mean

I hope this constant usage of saying-esque antonym-juxtaposing sentences is just limited to Giovanni and is only occasional. I can take this as a pretentious character quirk, but if this happened constantly throughout a longer story I would get very annoyed.

It is largely a Giovanni thing to do more than anything.

 

[diamondpearl876]

Gonna focus on the prologue and chapter 1 for now since ya said there's not been too many comments on them yet.

Standing against a picturesque backdrop of blue skies and white sandy beaches, the memorial felt grotesquely out of place.

This is a good hook. Details like this set the tone of the scene/chapter/story. From what I've read so far, this sets the tone for the story as a whole. Red, Blue, and Leaf want to go on a journey and have the time of their lives like they always dreamed of (ie., they want to have a "picturesque" journey), yet with all the chaos that keeps happening in regards to Team Rocket, it's difficult (ie., the danger they keep running into feels out of place for them compared to the expections they have).

"You would think they could have at least decorated it," he murmured, his eyes briefly glancing at the woman who has just appeared next to him. Most people wouldn't have registered her arrival, a subtle and silent mover was she, but Giovanni prided himself on not being most people. There were only a few in the world would have noticed the temperature drop despite there being no wind, or that it had become quieter, yet the playing children were still screaming as loudly as they had a moment before.

We talked about your writing style a little bit. I'm slightly torn on it. I did notice a drastic drop in quality after the first chapter - no surprise, I know - but even though I think it's much, much tighter now, it still somehow feels bogged down. The issues have less to do with wordiness and more too much redundancy in the details. In particular, there's a lot of instances of "telling, not showing" even though you've already done the showing.

In the quoted paragraph, there's a lot of stuff I think you could cut out while still portraying everything you want to.

"a subtle and silent mover was she" is telling, not showing, so it's best to resort to showing. The nice thing is, you do show it! I already can tell by the "temperature drop despite there being no wind" or the surroundings "[becoming] quieter" bits that she's subtle and silent.

Similarly, "Giovanni prided himself on not being most people" and "There were only a few in the world" feels redundant to me. Giovanni's personality shines through very well in this rewritten prologue, so there's no need to tell, not show. "There were only a few in the world" is implied in the details of how the children are carrying on with their day despite a ghost appearing out of nowhere.

It's a consistent thing I noticed throughout the prologue and chapter 1. I know you said all these details are important, but I think consistently repeating details even in different words and even if you repeat different specific details each time risks taking away from your real writing style. Your readers may have trouble figuring out what details are important enough that you want them to remember . Again, I know you said all the details are important, but I think a different question when approaching things might be "what do I want people to remember many, many chapters down the line?" Those are the details you should repeat, and I think it's best to repeat them sporadically.

tl;dr Be confident in your writing! There's no reason to outright state what you've already showed quite nicely; it only takes away from the skills you obviously have.

Oak, Casimer, one of them suggested something more personal, something to truly rub in that you'd lost. Then they realised the best way to offend you was to make it as boring as possible."

"They clearly know me too well."

"I suggested they make it uneven."

"Of course you did," Giovanni said with a smirk, and his companion laughed, their eyes remaining on the monument. "I suppose you have come to stop me."

A common detail I found: you tend to point out where the characters are looking... a lot. That's a useful thing to point out, I think, if the characters are specifically avoiding eye contact, the characters are maintaining meaningful eye contact, or you're saying it to show they're lost in thought. I see "their eyes remaining on the monument" here as them being lost in thought and/or not wanting to make eye contact based on the dialogue where Giovanni says she's come to stop him, at least, but it's a descriptor that very easily can become overdone, thus thus it easily loses its meaning. I'd suggest trying to delve into other body language details more often.

Also, I do like your dialogue a lot. It flows pretty damn well. There's not really any wasted words there, haha, and the way each character says things is really telling for their personalities.

"Isn't that all you do?" Giovanni sneered. "The Great Charlotte, herald to the gods, yet for all the power your name has you're simply a watcher, sitting on the sidelines for millennium letting the wars and destruction pass you –" Giovanni fell silent as pain spread through him. It was indescribable, random and unfocused as it coursed through every muscle with such intensity his vision turned black, his very breath freezing in his lungs

I suppose the dialogue counts as telling not showing, but it still shows some things regardless (ie., Charlotte reacts very badly to criticism based on her reaction, lmfao, and that Giovanni feels some disdain for her).

Missing period at the end, there, too, since I just noticed it. The grammar and whatnot isn't really an issue, though there's a few tense changes I saw as well as some misuses of their/they're/there and its/it's. Not gonna be nitpicky unless you want me to in future reviews.

"So are you here to try and talk me out of it?"

Giovanni has a knack for asking dumb questions in this scene, haha. Charlotte seems to agree with me. XD I'm not sure if it was meant to show a bit of self-doubt on Giovanni's part or whatnot, but that's what I got out of it. He does otherwise seem to have a huge ego and sense of self-importance, which really just adds a layer of depth to his character since, well, I do tend to see people with low self-esteem act this way. I find him realistic and believable overall.

Imperfectly perfect, Giovanni thought, watching his Pokémon struggle to keep up. He had tried many times over the years to breed a perfect Nidoran, but there was always a flaw. If they focused on strength, they tend to be slow, but if they tried to make them fast, it lacked the right punch. That was the problem Giovanni had with nature; it never allowed perfection, it always had to allow flaws, mortality, no matter how much you intervened.

Nice homage to the game here that both adds to Giovanni's character and the worldbuilding, ayyy.

It was only as he lunged for his phone, preparing to call for help, that he noticed the time. It was six in the morning. The professor realised with a heavy sense of shame that it was a sunrise he was witnessing, that he had worked right through the night.

You do a good job potraying just how exhausted Oak is and the effects that has on him. D: Poor guy.

The fact someone would do something so random and horrible to her and Celio was impossible to comprehend - except it couldn't possibly be random, could it?

Sounds like Oak knows far too much for his own good. Sounds like he'd rather just... not know. : ' ) Again, his grief and distress is well written.

The youth are the only hope you have; you've known this for years, so give them the chance."

I mean, knowing this doesn't make it any easier to send his grandkids and their friend out into hell. Seems Oak doesn't have a lot of sympathizers since it's basically for the greater good.

Without much detail right now, the logic of youth being "the only hope" doesn't hold up that well. It comes off as a tad melodramatic, even though you do show Oak's internal struggle with it really well.

Even when the question hadn't needed an answer, deep down Oak knew he would have to do this. It was what he had seen; it was what they all knew had to happen. The age of the warrior was upon them, and as painful as it was, he had to send the children into battle.

It was their only chance at survival.

This is some detail, but I still don't get why they're the only hope still, just that everyone knows it and that it's inevitable that it happen lest destruction occur. I guess I do get the vague hint that this is a prophecy of sorts, but too much focus is elsewhere that it comes off melodramatic.

Already dressed – blue jeans, red and white jacket, black shirt, an outfit he'd chosen weeks ago – he was ready to grab his backpack and sprint out the door already. He was not due at the lab for a few hours though, leaving him alone with his eager nerves, but the aspiring trainer couldn't possibly think of sleep at a time like this. This was all he had been waiting for his entire life – the day he set out on his journey – and he couldn't wait to get going.

Details I think would've worked better if expressed differently:

- the actual outfit he'd chose weeks ago
- being ready to grab his backpack and sprint out the door already; say his backpack's already packed and filled to the brim instead, and maybe go into what items are actually in his backpack to show us how travel-savvy he is right off the bat. then readers will know if he's prepared for this or just a naive lil kid like, well, most lil kids.

Redundant details:
- he couldn't wait to get going (you show this and don't need to tell)
- "eager nerves" (you show this and don't need to tell)
- "couldn't possibly sleep at a time like this" (you show this and don't need to tell)
- "been waiting for his entire life;" you already say he's spent forever deciding which starter he wanted at a different time and a couple other times outside the quoted paragraph

Just another example of the details thing.

It was his destiny, and Red wasn't going to let anything stop the two of them from taking on the world.

The childish narration is cute, but feels a bit forced... I think that mostly has to do with it being bogged down by redundant details. Probably sounds like I'm being redundant myself there, but that really does appear to be the biggest issue for me.

Leaf Oak opened her eyes in time to find a pink pillow coming down onto her face. She screamed and tried to push it off, but her cousin held it firmly in place, laughing sadistically as he did so. His joy was cut short as a knee rose up to greet his stomach; with a deathly groan, his grip weakened and Leaf shoved him off her bed.

The wording's a bit strong for child's play: sadiscally, deathly make it sound like she's got some serious issues, lol.

Despite the fact they were cousins the two couldn't be more dissimilar. For one, they looked nothing alike. Leaf kept her brunette hair long, smooth and straight, while Blue's ginger-brown locks were always gelled up in the atypical, scruffy-cool look dull straight boys loved.

I stand by that actual outfits generally don't matter and are best told when weaved naturally into the narration. The description in the quoted part feels a bit more natural, but at the moment, the color of their hair doesn't really matter. What I want to see is how they interact with each other more and what comes next. This only slows it down.

Also, I know these characters are like... canon, but it's cool to see family actually traveling together. I don't see that a lot, and I think it has potential for more interesting dynamics than just friends or even romantic relationships. From what I've read already, Leaf feeling stuck in the middle between Red and Blue is interesting; she feels disloyal to Blue if she sides with Red, but also doesn't want to actually upset Red after just starting to get along with him after all these years. You also do a good job showing their different personalities, I think. They feel similar in some spots, but they each have their own quirks, and really, they're mostly tied together by how young and stupid they are, which is what I'd expect out of a young cast. So kudos there. ;D

If she didn't go now, Leaf probably never would, and she could endure some poor company if it meant a life outside her hometown.

I wonder why Leaf can't travel alone when she feels ready or find other traveling partners later? It feels like she's going out of obligation, which I think is your point, but I'm not sure who or what she feels obligated to. I get the impression that it's because she wants to make the most of her childhood by pokemon training like all kids wanna do, but I'm not entirely sure.

"Oh my god, it's coming out!" She whispered excitedly.

This made me think dirty things. Only 'cause it's you. Stop corrupting me jfc.

"Guess the Pokédex was wrong," Red said as he and Blue began laughing. Leaf was stunned silent, the Pokédex slipping from her hands as she watched Squirtle struggle.

That sad moment when you realize not all pokemon are the same so the pokedex can't actually generalize things... You do a good job showing how inexperienced and lost they are with all of this, lmao. There's not a lot of personality in the pokemon overall, I think, but they're not the focus so it doesn't quite matter as much. There's not really a lot of time to show their personalities, anyway, since Leaf, Blue, and Red just kinda do their own thing without thinking about their pokemon's safety a lot regardless. It's a tough lesson for a kid to learn, sympathizing and caring for others, and from what I've read so far, your portrayal of the learning process is realistic and interesting to read. It's also frustrating, but that's because I'm an adult and I hate how kids tends to fuck up over and over without learning from their mistakes.

Yeah, yeah, I know I said I wasn't gonna go past chapter 1, but I thought I'd bring that up.

"Vivian Winters insulted me," Leaf whispered excitedly to no one.

I lol'd. It's just like a kid to idolize assholes, too. SIGH.

Overall, I can definitely see you've come a long way, but from talking to you, I get the feeling you're struggling with these rewrites and might be doubting that. I pointed out the details/redundancy stuff as much as I could because I think those issues really do hide your true skill and writing style. If you still have more questions about it, just let me know. And hit me up when future chapters are done being rewritten, too!

 

[AceTrainer14]

This is a good hook. Details like this set the tone of the scene/chapter/story. From what I've read so far, this sets the tone for the story as a whole. Red, Blue, and Leaf want to go on a journey and have the time of their lives like they always dreamed of (ie., they want to have a "picturesque" journey), yet with all the chaos that keeps happening in regards to Team Rocket, it's difficult (ie., the danger they keep running into feels out of place for them compared to the expections they have).

Totally pretending that was my intention...

It's a consistent thing I noticed throughout the prologue and chapter 1. I know you said all these details are important, but I think consistently repeating details even in different words and even if you repeat different specific details each time risks taking away from your real writing style. Your readers may have trouble figuring out what details are important enough that you want them to remember . Again, I know you said all the details are important, but I think a different question when approaching things might be "what do I want people to remember many, many chapters down the line?" Those are the details you should repeat, and I think it's best to repeat them sporadically.

I know we have discussed this a little bit, but I am going to expand on it here since I can quote things a bit better. I do see your point when it comes to repeating the same details very close to each other asin the Blue example later on, and I am going to make more of an effort to ensure I am not repeating things incessantly as I know I can do that, so thank you for articulating this.

However, in this particular instance you have quoted, I feel is one place where the emphasis is needed. If you remove the lines that you referenced, it would look a little like this:
"Most people wouldn't have registered her arrival. The temperature had dropped despite there being no wind, and it had become quieter, yet the playing children were still screaming as loudly as they had a moment before."
It is a weak example, I know, but I think shows my point. The bit as it currently is links the relationship between Charlotte and Giovanni, highlights his smugness/how he holds himself in a high esteem, implies Charlotte is supernatural, that she is an enigma of a kind, and contrasts their talk with the sunny atmosphere near him. Does Giovanni show he is smug later? Yes. Does their talk imply a history between the two? Yes. Does Charlotte behave supernaturally later? Yes. But this little segment makes all those things clear early on. If you cut the temperature bit, Charlotte inflicting great pain on Giovanni later would come out of nowhere.

Similarly, with the Red line about his destiny, I feel that whole paragraph shows his commitment to Charmander and his determination to get one. It may be easily cut, but I think cutting all small details removes a lot of character. I get what you mean when it is literally repeating things (I cut a bit from a chapter I was currently writing because I'd repeated myself in three different sections), but I don't think little details that are not necessarily fundamentally needed but added a sprinkling of character need to be cut. However, I would love to hear your thoughts in response to this.

Giovanni has a knack for asking dumb questions in this scene, haha. Charlotte seems to agree with me. XD I'm not sure if it was meant to show a bit of self-doubt on Giovanni's part or whatnot, but that's what I got out of it. He does otherwise seem to have a huge ego and sense of self-importance, which really just adds a layer of depth to his character since, well, I do tend to see people with low self-esteem act this way. I find him realistic and believable overall.

Interesting read. I had written it more as Giovanni probing Charlotte, testing her limits and trying to coax information out of her. Looking over it, he does ask her about three times what her plans are, which could be rephrased ie above.

Without much detail right now, the logic of youth being "the only hope" doesn't hold up that well. It comes off as a tad melodramatic, even though you do show Oak's internal struggle with it really well.

This is some detail, but I still don't get why they're the only hope still, just that everyone knows it and that it's inevitable that it happen lest destruction occur. I guess I do get the vague hint that this is a prophecy of sorts, but too much focus is elsewhere that it comes off melodramatic.

Things might be kind of dull if all gets revealed very early on XD Some may disagree and prefer that the audience knew more than the characters, but I always find it a bit irritating when the audience knows everything and we are watching the characters do things we know are beneath them. The vague mention here works, in my view, in setting up the conflict without making too big of a show of it, tossing the idea out there before things get underway later on.

I wonder why Leaf can't travel alone when she feels ready or find other traveling partners later? It feels like she's going out of obligation, which I think is your point, but I'm not sure who or what she feels obligated to. I get the impression that it's because she wants to make the most of her childhood by pokemon training like all kids wanna do, but I'm not entirely sure.

I plan to address her reasons for sticking with the two boys when she isn't that close to either of them in the next new chapter, but might make some more hints of it in the chapter two rewrite.

You also do a good job showing their different personalities, I think. They feel similar in some spots, but they each have their own quirks, and really, they're mostly tied together by how young and stupid they are, which is what I'd expect out of a young cast.

Thank you for this - I tried to make them more distinct in this chapter as I had failed in that originally, so I am glad that that effort came through. And thank you for all the other kindly things you said as well. Hope you enjoy the rest of the story

 

[diamondpearl876]

Similarly, with the Red line about his destiny, I feel that whole paragraph shows his commitment to Charmander and his determination to get one. It may be easily cut, but I think cutting all small details removes a lot of character. I get what you mean when it is literally repeating things (I cut a bit from a chapter I was currently writing because I'd repeated myself in three different sections), but I don't think little details that are not necessarily fundamentally needed but added a sprinkling of character need to be cut. However, I would love to hear your thoughts in response to this.

It's less that they're not important and more that they're redundant. Lines where you specifically "tell" things are "shown" and heavily implied elsewhere, thus you're basically repeating things that the reader can already get. If you use it to drive the point home, that's fine, but it can easily be overdone.