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EVERYONE: The Great Demon Archaeologist (and His Apprentice)

Darkmaster006

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Summary: Silvian, a fashionable demon archaeologist who loves wearing flower-crowns and gets excited by the idea of finding relics and exploring new places, finds an strange map that will lead him to places never explored before. 2445 words. Reading time: 10 minutes.

Ao3 link: The Great Demon Archaeologist (and His Apprentice) - Chapter 1 - Darkmaster006 - No Fandom [Archive of Our Own]

Part of an art trade with Polarnacht/Crenaiir featuring his character Silvian [x][x].

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The Great Demon Archaeologist (and His Apprentice)

Chapter 1: In Search of the Portal


Silvian, the demon archaeologist. That’s how people usually called him. It’s not like he cared, though, more than for the fact that sometimes, that reputation made his selling of artifacts a bit troublesome. It was hard for some museum owners to grasp the fact that a demon, first, was an archaeologist, and second, didn’t want to destroy everything it touched. Yes, Silvian was a peculiar demon. His home-town’s house had been burned by his co-residents, and he wasn’t really welcome in any demon settlement; too humanised, too sensitive, they said. Yet, he was beyond all that nonsense, who cared? His mind only lived for archaeology, and so did his body. Not as a metaphor, though. Two whole days plus a few hours have passed and, right now, the archaeologist Silvian still walks on, checking the soil for possible architectural structures, or old artifacts. Last three months, nothing had piqued his interest much. He’d found some odd tablet, an extinct bird’s bones, some ball-like stones. But those three were pretty common, as he found out later when he attempted to sell them. What he wanted to discover was a fascinating underground city, or an odd out-of-place artifact; well, he was looking for something specific this time, actually...

The sun was rising above the vast desert, and he, with his spade, his penknife, and his trowel, hadn’t... found... a thing. A demon’s luck. But at least he had found out about some areas that weren’t present in the topographical map that he had bought. Time to sell some wool, it seems. He decided to go back to the nearest town for now, where he was ‘staying’. Not that he needed to stay anywhere: it wasn’t unusual for him to sleep on the archaeological sites themselves, or to sleep on the streets, just whatever was fine for a demon. Being able to turn into a sheep had its benefits, too, as did having some connections with the only people who weren’t scared of him: lousy people, smugglers, black market dealers, that sort of people.

-

The city of Almiala. A vast city of architectural wonder in the entrance to the desert. One of Silvian’s favourite cities precisely because of its intricate structure as well as its rich history. One doesn’t have to wander too far from it to find precious relics. Silvian had been staying in this city for the last few months, currently. He had a deal with some black market dealers: in exchange of wool, they paid him and gave him information about relics that were circulating in the market, as well as a place to sleep occasionally.

He’d gone northeast through the desert, now he’d go west. On his quest for artifacts, relics, and legends, what he most wished to find right now were the ruins of an ancient civilization that could give him clues on how to cross to other worlds. Yes, ever since he had found a scroll containing partial information on a portal to other worlds, he’d been searching for it. A wise old man had told him that the place he was looking for could be near Almiala, and so he’s been here since. But well, right now, it was time to drink and eat.

“A glass of water and roasted fish, please.” He said as he sat on a stool at the counter.

The inn-keeper stood there looking at him for a moment. Demons weren’t exactly trusted, anywhere. But Silvian didn’t get the hint.

“The money.” said the inn-keeper in a coarse voice.

“Bah!” he shouted, and left the coins on the table.

-

After he had finished eating, he made his way to the market-dealers he knew, to ask them if they had found any new relic for him. The sun illuminated the vast plaza where a myriad of tents were stationed with their owners behind them: little shops selling all kind of things, from legal things like food and books, to illegal things that only those who were specifically looking for them would find. The noise of the crowds always left Silvian with a mild ringing in his ears as he passed by, but after a short while of walking, he found his dealer. For a moment, the man was puzzled, but then he realised what Silvian was here for.

“Ah, we do have one thing that might interest you, my odd demon friend. But, you’ll have to pay plenty of wool for it.” The man who spoke was a big, muscular man with very tanned skin and a patch in his eye. He spoke in a rough tone, but was well-meaning. He’d grown fond of the demon Silvian, at least as fond as one could grow of a demon, that is.

Silvian, who was dressed in his usual short pants, short-top all-black attire, and had a red flower-crown in his head, answered, “Yeah, yeah, sure... but show me that thing!” His eyes lit up, he was excited, what could it be?

“Hah, always so eager to see these artifacts... I don’t know what you see in them, they’re just old ragged scrolls or old, rusty things... but here you go.” The man handed him a scroll, and sure enough, Silvian immediately recognised it was the part of the map that was missing from his.

“Fascinating, wonderful! Did you know? With this, now I can find this portal that I’ve been searching for, we could travel between dimensions and find new places to explore, to discover, to uncover, new relics and new legends, and maybe go back in time, now that would be incredible, and obviously if...” but the man had gone back to attending his little tent after, probably, “portal” was pronounced.

“No more time to lose, then...” he said to himself and started walking again, this time to the outskirts of the city and towards the desert. But his cheerful strolling was interrupted by a little kid—he couldn’t tell if it was a boy or a girl—that was pulling on his black ragged sort-of legging. He turned back and crouched to meet their eyes: “What is it, little one?” It was not usual for a kid to even approach a demon, after all. The kid had ragged clothes and was very dirty, so Silvian wondered if they were lost or lived alone in the street. It reminded him of himself, after his house was burnt down and he had to scram and live as a stray person as he discovered what he wanted to be, which ended up being an archaeologist. It hadn’t been easy, since re-constructing ruins wasn’t exactly what demons did, they destroyed ruins... and everything else they set their eyes on. But, back to our little kid, who was probably around 12 years of age.

“You... look happy, shining! Wanna touch your hair, fluffy.”

“Sure...” Silvian crouched more and the little kid touched his hair and his horns. The kid smiled, and they seemed happy.

“Alright, then I’ll be going, kid. For an archaeologist, finding relics or new places is his life.”

After an hour or so, he arrived at the entrance of the desert, the ruins were the only thing on his mind. He sat on a nearby rock to take a little break, and he thought he saw the kid on the rear of his eye. He turned his head and... there they were!

“Kid, what are you doing here?” Silvian noticed the kid had a trowel. He checked his hands to see if it was his, but it wasn’t. Had they stolen it?

“Wanna explore! I’m Shioria.” the kid exclaimed. It seemed to be a girl, and she had short black hair.

““So... you want to accompany me?” Silvian was puzzled.

“Yes, I wanna explore!”

“Uhm...”

“Please... teacher! I even brought water!” She took out a canteen from her little backpack.

Silvian felt great at being called teacher. “...hum, alright! But we’ll have to walk a lot, are you sure you’re prepared?”

“Yes!”

And so the two went ahead and through the desert. Looking at them, one could be forgiven for thinking Silvian was roughly the same age as Shiori, since he was, well... really short. Silvian looked at his map, yes, they were surely going in the right direction. Thankfully, this place, ‘The Desolation of the Lion’, was just about two hours worth of walking.

-

“Well, here we are! Now on to the fun part.” Silvian said, using his hand to wipe off some sweat from his forehead. The sun was scorching hot. The wind was mild, which, thankfully, helped keep the sand on the floor.

“Huh? But there’s nothing here, teacher,” and sure enough, there was nothing there, not even ruins. It was just desolate land.

Silvian blushed a bit at being called a teacher. “No, no, it’s not that there’s nothing here, you dummy. Think about it. We are in a desert, which means that these super miniature rocks—that we call sand—move around every second along with the wind. And so, imagine if you could build something below all this sand instead of above it, well that’s what The Desolation of the Lion is! A portal, or a city, built underground. And the work of the archaeologist, little one, is to uncover mysteries. So now we have to feel the ground and see if we find a hollow spot, are you following? Because with this hollow spot and our spade and trowel, we can enter that world of wonder!” He smiled at the girl, he could keep talking like this for hours, he was so excited to find this gate.

“Yay, underground city, underground city!” Shioria jumped with excitement, although she barely understood what Silvian was talking about. “Uhm, teacher, what’s hollow? And, oh, oh, what’s your name!?”

“Hollow is like...” he made a shape like a ball with his two hands and showed her. “The space between my hands is hollow, and I’m Silvian.”

“Shilvian, Shilvian! Let’s find the hollow space.” Shioria said, trying to make a serious expression, although she could barely hold her excitement, and she took Silvian’s hand and led him around, jumping at every place. Silvian thought it was fun, and she laughed at being called ‘Shilvian’, little kids had so much energy! It wasn’t long before Shioria exclaimed, bursting with cheerfulness: “I found the hollow thing, I found it, Shilvian!”

He knocked the ground with his feet a few times. And certainly, below, it was hollow. But Shioria kept on jumping. “Shioria, you can stop no--” they fell down.
They fell down a hole, big enough for at least three people, and ended up in a cave with no light. Yet a faint, blue light could be seen in the distance.

“Teacher Shilvian, is this fine?” Now Silvian took Shioria’s hand as soon as she could find it in the darkness.

“Yes, remember, underground city, right? Just keep near me and we’ll be fine.”

They pushed on, hand-in-hand, touching the sides of the cave to keep on the path, following that faint blue light, until they saw... a crystal skull. And behind it, a green door that seemed to be made of plasma. But was this door to be trusted? How could it still be operational? Where did it go? These and many more questions went around Silvian’s head, but still, the thrill of going through it pushed him forward, he needed to do it. But he made sure not to take more steps, in case there was a trap.

“Hey, Shioria, hold still!” Unfortunately, Shioria had already taken a step forwards. The ground shook for a moment. Out of the roof, as if materialising—Silvian noticed just in time—two arrows that aimed for Shioria’s head had been propelled forward.

Silvian pushed Shioria out of the way, and took the full hit of the two arrows, that he made sure hit him on his right arm.

“Ah, agh.”

“Teacher? Are you okay? I’m so sorry, I took one step, and, and...” she was on the verge of crying, but Silvian spoke promptly: “Hey, hey, it's okay, it's okay,” he tried to calm her down, but also himself, unconsciously repeating the words in a crooning voice. Her horns were itching, which meant he was nervous. “As your teacher, I should have taught you the first rule to follow when in caverns and secret passageways built by ancient civilizations before entering: 'Beware of traps. Walk with care. Look up, down, and to the sides at every moment. If you find something strange, immediately stop and look out for traps, intensively,' but it’s fine now, your teacher has an idea.” He tried to reassure her and put a hand on her shoulder.

“Keep still, we’re going to jump, Shioria.” “Jump so far away? You can do that?” Shioria's voice was tinted with awe. Silvian hugged her tight and—with the arrows still in his right arm—he propelled himself forwards through the air, grabbing the skull and passing through the door just before an endless amount of arrows covered the whole cave. What was it that lay waiting beyond the strange door?

-

Shioria? Hector? Arietta? Octav? Those faces popped up in his mind. He imagined them falling down a cliff to their certain deaths. His hands were trembling, his whole body shaking, he-- “-eacher, teacher, Shilvian, Shilvian!”

He was panting, his hands and even his horns were trembling. “Are you okay?” So it had been a dream, just a dream, right? But where where they? Silvian's eyes scanned the environment. It was... a pasture. A green, endless pasture. It seemed peaceful, but beyond it lay something sinister and mysterious, thought Silvian, because his dream, his premonition, he had never seen something like that, it must've meant something.

“Ah, ah-I’m alright, Shioria.” Better not mention anything about the dream for now. “Let’s go, onwards to explore, remember?”

“Uh, but your arm...” Shioria looked at it, but she was met with something she would never have imagined... there were no arrows. “Do you heal like that, teacher?” She genuinely wondered, a puzzled expression on her face. But Silvian... he hadn’t done that. Where did the arrows go? Was there some presence that could do... magic things at will? From far-away? Silvian had never seen something like that. Even the most powerful demons he knew had to be at least in his range of sight. But this... how could it be possible?

“I... did nothing. There’s... definitely something wrong here, Shioria, and we must uncover what that something is, for sure.”

A dark cloud loomed in the distance. What did the future have in store for The Great Demon Archaeologist and His Apprentice?

----

Honestly, I'm content with how this came out story-wise, but not exactly content with how this came out written-wise. I feel it's stiffy and static. Comments and reviews are appreciated! Hope you enjoyed it, nonetheless.
EDIT: I made some grammar and structure corrections, I think it turned out just a bit better now!
 
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Chapter 2: Endless Pasture! Lady Clouds? Banoffee Pie!?
On which Silvian and Shioria explore this new world that lays beyond them.
The initial fear that had plagued Silvian’s mind now subsided to give way to a frantic need to explore. In the back of his mind, the image of his leg having cured for no reason still gave him shivers. That still didn’t seem plausible at all. It’s not like he wasn’t happy about it, though. That must mean whoever was roaming here, whoever had that kind of power, was helping them, right? Wishful thinking.

The sun was hidden behind a cumulus of dark clouds in the distance; so that no sunlight reached the grass. Shioria and Silvian had been walking for about an hour, yet the only thing their eyes spotted on the horizon was grass… more pasture.

“Shilvian, why is all we see only green? Where is the city?” Shioria whimpered. She clearly didn’t get half of what was happening around them.

“Just hold on, Shioria, we’re sure to get somewhere if we keep walking, alright?” He smiled at her as he pet her head, then marched on.

But a few more hours passed by, and there was still nothing but pasture.

“Shilvian, I’m tired.” Shioria complained, throwing her arms around and plopping down on the grass. Silvian wasn’t exactly mad at Shioria’s complaining, he thought it reasonable, and frankly, he was tired too. If there was nothing of interest, how could he go on walking? He wasn’t asking for a rare relic, not even for ruins: just a town would be nice now. But nothing came up. His eyes, as far as they could see, spotted only more and more grass. It was disheartening. He plopped himself down on the grass too, beside Shioria, and looked up at the sky.

Time passed by slowly as the two of them lay on the grass, their backpacks on the side. Their eyes were entranced by the pristine grey sky, it was stained by a few clouds that moved at a very very slow pace. Silvian’s eyes shifted from the slow clouds to the heap of almost-black clouds that seemed to stand motionless, concealing the sun. But Silvian gave it no further thought, and closed his eyes, trying to devise a solution to their predicament.

Shioria’s mind, on the other hand, was one of a kid, untainted by the way of the world. Her mind still lingered in the threshold between ‘common sense’ or ‘how the world should work’ and pure curiosity that allows for anything to be realistically possible. In this case, her perception told her that these clouds were not moving at all. For Silvian, who has lived ninety one years, the unconscious thought that ‘clouds move, always’ kept him from seeing the world as it was. It made him force the world into the shape he desired, a shape he thought logical. But Shioria’s mind was untethered. Free from restrains. There were no bounds to the imagination of a child.

“Hey, teacher, teacher, this place is funny. Clouds don’t move, they don’t move!” Shioria exclaimed in awe, wiggling her arms around the grass.

“Huh? Clouds don’t move, you say? That’s funny, but that can’t be possible. You see, the air makes the clouds move, so if there’s air, and there always is or we’d be dead, the clouds must move. They also move vertically due to convection.” Silvian explained, trying to teach her.

“Air and… convention? I don’t know that! But I can see the clouds are moving, meanie!” Shioria pinched Silvian’s cheeks. “Trust me! Look at the clouds!”

Wouldn’t hurt to check, if Shioria insisted so much. “Okay, okay… but pay attention to my teachings, didn’t you want to learn?” Silvian said in a deeper, more emphatic voice, like he was scolding her.

“Sorry!” Shioria said, giggling. “But the clouds don’t move! So are we gonna die, ‘cuz no air?”

Silvian stared at a cloud for a long minute. Now stripped of his prejudice, he saw clearly that it didn’t move. “What!” He was so surprised he stood up. “You’re… right, Shioria! The clouds don’t move, they don’t!” Now he’d lost it. What was he supposed to do now?

“Aha, I told you, I told you… I told you, meanie! Shioria’s right. Clouds do what she commands.” she said standing up, and punched Silvian lightly on his shoulder.

“I admit defeat, oh lady of the clouds.” Silvian played along, it was fun talking with Shioria, she didn’t see him as someone to be feared. And having someone to teach archaeology to, he could pass on his knowledge to her, and maybe she’d even surpass her one day. But right now, his mind was shocked by the fact that the clouds weren’t moving. And even more shocked by the fact that he hadn’t realised something so simple. Now that he looked at the dark clouds looming on the horizon, concealing the sun, it all made sense. They had been static all the time!

Suddenly, a lanky figure draped in a dark, ragged cloak appeared out of the blue. It held a large scythe that went over the top of its head. From it emanated a deep, guttural voice, rather, that’s what Silvian expected, but its actual voice was calm and reassuring, lulling, even, and it seemed to be that of a woman: “You two, you were taking so long, god! I mean, I can’t say I didn’t enjoy watching you walk, and man, I really cracked up when you didn’t believe the poor kid here that the clouds were not moving at all, I mean, she literally saved your life… a bit of tweaking on my part, but she did it. So teacher, you better praise her properly!” said the cloaked figure moving her hands around in funny motions.

“Uh...” Silvian was flabbergasted. What even was this place?

But with the innocence of a child, Shioria went and hugged the cloaked figure. “Thanks, thanks, big sister! I am the lady of the clouds now, Shilvian said so. If I say the clouds move, they move! Look, clouds, at my command… move!” She pulled away from the hug and looked at the sky. And sure enough, the clouds moved now. Slowly, but surely so that every one of them could notice, Silvian looked at the sky, shocked again.

“They move now, dear! You’re the best lady of the clouds I have ever seen!” She pet Shioria’s head and now turned towards Silvian: “Too rigid a mind for an archaeologist, don’t you think? Now, now, you must be confused...” she said in a very sassy voice. “But I guess you can’t guess this one, not even with the colourful mind of a child…” she paused to look at Shioria, who was still enthralled by her clouds, “you see, me and the other guy, we play this game, uh, rather, we are forced to play this game, where, whoever enters this land is decreed to be playing too, yes, whoever enters this land has two options: either they discover why they aren’t getting anywhere, or they don’t. Of course, after a while, time’s up!” she tapped her wrist with two fingers, “those who discover it, well, you are witnessing what happens to them right now. Those who don’t, I’m afraid they aren’t so lucky. But… hey, it’s been a while since someone entered through that place, I must say, that’s impressive. If I recall correctly, that must be that Lion’s place entry, I wonder how you two defeated him, to be honest?” finally, she slowly took off her hood. Her skin was brown and she had a huge scar over her right eye. In fact, the scar went through her the cornea of her eye, but her eye was open and it moved. She had teal, short, wavy bob-cut hair, and flashed a big smile. Her ears were pointy, and she was wearing a flower-crown.

“We didn’t really… uh, what’s this place?” he thought it’d be smarter to ask rather than tell, for now. He noticed her flower-crown, did she like wearing them too? Or maybe she was just playing with him. After all, this woman seemed to know a lot about the two of them, it was a bit frightening.

“For starters, this is no place to talk, now is it?” she giggled. Silvian didn’t understand this woman’s warped sense of humour… at all.

“I guess? Any place is good to talk. Especially ruins. Did you know, we came here looking for a portal to other worlds and...” but the woman wasn’t paying any more attention to his words. Instead, she had crouched down to talk to Shioria, and she gave her her flower-crown. “I brought these to match, since… it seems… your teacher here likes wearing flower-crowns, but he dresses in a boring all-black attire for some reason, isn’t that unforgivable!?” she told Shioria, exaggerating her own expressions.

“It is, it is, all-black’s boring, and I deserve a flower-crown to match! See, Shilvian, green-haired lady is nice, so relax!”

“Mmm, I suppose...”

The woman gazed briefly at Silvian, and then turned to Shioria again. “Wanna see something cool, lady clouds? Feel carefully!” The woman snapped her fingers… and the world turned to black.

Before they knew it, they were no longer in the endless pasture, but in a café. They were sitting on green and brown armchairs around a round wooden table. There were two rooms, separated by a wall that had big picture windows. Inside, there was the counter where the cloaked woman—now wearing blue jeans and a green blouse—was preparing their drinks and their meal.

Silvian and Shioria were sitting opposite each other, while two more, also opposite, armchairs, where placed around their table. Everywhere Silvian looked, be it right, front, back, he saw big picture windows that stretched almost to the floor. These were green too, while the remaining part of the walls were a mix of green, grey, and white. Shioria seemed to be amazed by the place, as she continuously shifted her sight from the big picture windows to inside and then to the outside. Outside, many trees stood surrounding the café. They provided a nice atmosphere and filtered out the sunlight so that it wouldn’t be unbearably hot inside. Lots of sun rays adorned the café. It was warm, cozy and relaxing.

“Teacher, I love it here! I wonder what we’ll eat!” exclaimed cheerfully Shioria.

Silvian’s heart was once again relieved. It was a good thing, after all, that they’d ended here, right? Shioria was happy, it did for a nice break from all that walking, and furthermore he could get more information about this place. It was perfect. “I’m sure it will be something specially delicious, Shioria!” he smiled. Although I guess it is a bit weird that they haven’t asked us what we wanted...

“Miss, what’s to eat?” shouted Shioria, who had been keeping calm up until now.

The woman shouted from the counter. “Oh ho, it’s something special! Just wait and see dear!”

-

“Matcha tea! Matcha tea! And Aish El-Saraya with matcha topping? That’s superb, my favourite! Thank you so much, lady green!” Shioria said excitedly. It’d been a while since she’d eaten something this good.

For Silvian, it was an Amriti, his favourite snack, along with Jasmine Tea. “Hum. So my favourite food, that’s nice. I’m intrigued as to how you knew that, though.” said Silvian in an inquiring voice.

“That’s a secret, for now… let’s eat!”

“Oh, miss, miss, what’s that you’re eating?”

“It’s a mixed berry parfait, dear! You’ve never had it? You must try it, it’s the absolute best of the best!”

“Yummy… but I bet my Aish El-Saraya is better!”

“Well that’s up for debate, clouds.”

“Oh and miss, what’s your name?” said Shioria between munches.

“I’m Aoina! I’m such a mess, I didn’t even present myself, oh dear!”

There was also something odd about the fourth armchair. Why was it there? Silvian couldn’t help but wonder about that. What’s more, the woman had brought a single slice of Banoffee pie, but there was no one there. As if on cue, as the woman and Shioria entertained themselves talking about all sorts of things—it seemed the woman was growing fond of having someone like Shioria around, it didn’t seem like she ever got to see many people—, someone appeared right by the door.

“So you’ve finally arrived. I prepared you a Banoffee pie, but you’re always so elusive with what you eat...” she chuckled.

Silvian froze in place. It couldn’t be… him, could it? Why would he be here?

“You are rather elusive yourself, Aoi.”
 
Hello there! I found some time on my hands so I decided to read this. Since you reviewed a little bit of my Pokemon fic, I thought I'd return the favor and read your fic! I do like what you have so far. I'm only reviewing the first chapter for now, so I'll review the next one when I can. An archaeologist demon is a pretty interesting concept, and you can do a lot with it. Silvian's a pretty decently likeable character so far, passionate about his love for finding artifacts and exploring new places, and even though he's somewhat reluctant to take Shioria along, he doesn't mind her presence a bit. Shioria's relatively decent, but I'm not quite sure what she adds to the story, so I don't really know what you plan to do with her. But I'll read more and see what happens. You have a good set up here, and I am interested in seeing where this goes.

But there are parts of the story that definitely have room for improvement. One of those things is the description of your setting. You describe the setting bluntly without going into detail about what things look like. The town Silvian visits is described just as an architectural wonder, but how is it so? What does it look like? Are all the houses made of rocks, with domed ceilings and ornately designed columns, like structures such as the Parthenon, the Colosseum, or the Ziggurat pyramids? The reason I say this is because if you want your readers to truly feel immersed in your story's world and interested in the setting, you have to really describe the environment your character is in in great detail. As one of my reviewers commented on one of my fan fics, "Try using the five senses. What can she see? Hear? Smell? Taste (if applicable)? What can she see? Are there buildings? Flowers? Trees? Traffic? Are there any specific landmarks? Can she hear anything like the traffic or the rain or wind? What about the weather? Is it raining? Snowing? Sunny? Is there a breeze or is it windy? What does the room that she's in look like? Remember that you can see it, but we can't. Therefore, it's your job to say what everything looks like so that we can see it, too. Think of it as painting a vivid picture with your words." Basically, putting more effort into your prose and descriptions of everything, from the environments to the characters' feelings can really make your story feel more rich and three-dimensional.

Another thing I'd like to mention is that I'm not sure if the first paragraph is really necessary. It's mostly just exposition about Silvian and not much else. Instead of just expositing everything about him right off, try gradually introducing him through his actions in the story. You already show that he's very interested in ancient artifacts and lost cities, so that's a good enough indicator that he's passionate about archaeology. Instead of just telling the audience that his kind are looked down upon, show him being rejected. Maybe have a scene where he's in a bar asking for a drink and the barista tells him they don't serve demons. Remember, show, don't tell. Maybe have a scene where some townspeople are whispering about him while looking frightened. Let the imagery tell the story. Trust your readers. You definitely have potential as a writer, and other than those things I mentioned, you do have something good here. I hope you don't think my criticism is just to knock you down. I want to help you improve your writing, and I hope what I've mentioned to you helps somewhat.

Anyway, that's all I have to say for chapter one. You've got something good here!
 
Hello there! I found some time on my hands so I decided to read this. Since you reviewed a little bit of my Pokemon fic, I thought I'd return the favor and read your fic! I do like what you have so far. I'm only reviewing the first chapter for now, so I'll review the next one when I can. An archaeologist demon is a pretty interesting concept, and you can do a lot with it. Silvian's a pretty decently likeable character so far, passionate about his love for finding artifacts and exploring new places, and even though he's somewhat reluctant to take Shioria along, he doesn't mind her presence a bit. Shioria's relatively decent, but I'm not quite sure what she adds to the story, so I don't really know what you plan to do with her. But I'll read more and see what happens. You have a good set up here, and I am interested in seeing where this goes.

But there are parts of the story that definitely have room for improvement. One of those things is the description of your setting. You describe the setting bluntly without going into detail about what things look like. The town Silvian visits is described just as an architectural wonder, but how is it so? What does it look like? Are all the houses made of rocks, with domed ceilings and ornately designed columns, like structures such as the Parthenon, the Colosseum, or the Ziggurat pyramids? The reason I say this is because if you want your readers to truly feel immersed in your story's world and interested in the setting, you have to really describe the environment your character is in in great detail. As one of my reviewers commented on one of my fan fics, "Try using the five senses. What can she see? Hear? Smell? Taste (if applicable)? What can she see? Are there buildings? Flowers? Trees? Traffic? Are there any specific landmarks? Can she hear anything like the traffic or the rain or wind? What about the weather? Is it raining? Snowing? Sunny? Is there a breeze or is it windy? What does the room that she's in look like? Remember that you can see it, but we can't. Therefore, it's your job to say what everything looks like so that we can see it, too. Think of it as painting a vivid picture with your words." Basically, putting more effort into your prose and descriptions of everything, from the environments to the characters' feelings can really make your story feel more rich and three-dimensional.

Another thing I'd like to mention is that I'm not sure if the first paragraph is really necessary. It's mostly just exposition about Silvian and not much else. Instead of just expositing everything about him right off, try gradually introducing him through his actions in the story. You already show that he's very interested in ancient artifacts and lost cities, so that's a good enough indicator that he's passionate about archaeology. Instead of just telling the audience that his kind are looked down upon, show him being rejected. Maybe have a scene where he's in a bar asking for a drink and the barista tells him they don't serve demons. Remember, show, don't tell. Maybe have a scene where some townspeople are whispering about him while looking frightened. Let the imagery tell the story. Trust your readers. You definitely have potential as a writer, and other than those things I mentioned, you do have something good here. I hope you don't think my criticism is just to knock you down. I want to help you improve your writing, and I hope what I've mentioned to you helps somewhat.

Anyway, that's all I have to say for chapter one. You've got something good here!
Thank you so much for the review!! It's been really helpful, I struggle a lot with the things you've mentioned. I'll keep a very watchful eye on them as I write.
 
I struggle with that myself as well, so we're both in the same boat. Have you tried using this website called Springhole yet? It's a great resource for writing. Beth Pavell and Unrepentantauthor are pretty good about writing environments in their stories as well, so they can probably help out in that area, too. Or you can read their stories as a source of inspiration.
 
I struggle with that myself as well, so we're both in the same boat. Have you tried using this website called Springhole yet? It's a great resource for writing. Beth Pavell and Unrepentantauthor are pretty good about writing environments in their stories as well, so they can probably help out in that area, too. Or you can read their stories as a source of inspiration.
I'll check them out. I didn't know about that page either, thanks! Need to do a lot more reading, too.
 
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