Rated R Just in Case. Violence, plus drugs/alcohol references.
Note to Readers: NOT A FANFIC. This is my own original work and I'd appreciate it if you refrained from copying it. I worked very hard on it.
"It's only funny until someone gets hurt. Then, it's freakin' hilarious, James."
Those are basically the words I live by nowadays. They won't get out of my brain. Love your brothers, they're the good guys. Kill the other gang before they can kill you first; they're the enemies. I never really can figure out who's who. I have bad vision and the guys won't let me wear my glasses. They say I look far too nerdy in them. I can't be down with them and look nerdy at the same time. Now I just shoot first and ask questions later. Then, after all that is good and done, I pray to God that I didn't shoot one of my own fellas.
Yep, that's gang life in a nutshell. Believe it or not, it's not that complicated.
I don't know about you, but I'm in it for the family. I never had a family of my own. They were killed in a fire when I was a baby. My Mom threw me out the first story window into a snowdrift when she knew she couldn't get out herself. I wish I had known my savior sometimes.
I only know about some of my brothers. And my one sister. Usually I just call them "the guys". That's the easiest. Some of them are in it for the cash. Others for the protection. Jimmy's in it for the power. I can tell you that much. He's practically the leader of our group. He always knows just who to fight and who to be allies with. He always knows which stores to hit up and who to pay for drugs and alcohol.
I don't drink and I don't get high. Those are my rules. I don't want to be a bad guy. Jimmy always insists that drugs were given to us by the Lord and that we should use them to no end as long as we have them. He tells me that we were born in to this world to make the most of it.
"And James, why not have fun while you're at it?" he adds.
I have a feeling that drugs and alcohol are not the way to go. I think that usually my gut is right.
I want to go to college. I don't have money for that, though, so I definitely have to get a scholarship. It's tough business, even more difficult than climbing to the top of the Turner building at the edge of town to hide from the cops. You have to think and study. I had to teach myself how to study and do math and read. Jimmy never bothered to teach me. He still is positive that I'm an illiterate fool. He's wrong.
Jimmy's been my guardian for as long as I can remember. He took me in with his girlfriend when I survived the fire. He says he was eighteen at the time. Now I'm eighteen and he's thirty-five. Although he could be lying. His hair's silver in the back. When you're in a gang, however, it could just be a symbol for something, so I guess I never really will know.
Jimmy's girlfriend's the one girl in our gang. We have to allow her since Jimmy's the leader. I don't call her mom. She's not my mom, just like Jimmy's not my dad. They're my siblings. They're "the guys".
Jimmy's girl is really named Samantha, but we all call her Wheels. She's really good at car-jacking, hence the nickname. Jimmy and Wheels. Wheels and Jimmy.
They don't act like they're in love, although Jimmy always claims that they are. They act like partners. Like equals. It's weird since Jimmy considers all the other girls beneath us. All but Wheels. She's special, I guess. Sometimes it's not fair for the rest of us. Only Jimmy's allowed to have the girl. He won't let any of the brothers date.
I had a girl like me once. Her name was Sophia. The guys called her Sofa. They said she was fat and lazy, but I thought she was stunning. Eventually, the convinced me to get rid of her. I broke up with her nicely and we agreed to stay in touch. I haven't heard from her since.
Miguel had a girl too. He's one of the guys that's in it for the money. He wants to be a "ga-jillionaire" so he tells me. I told him that I didn't think a "ga-jillion" was an actual number. He told me to shut up and I did. He had a pistol and I didn't want to get shot. We've been buddies ever since. Jimmy made him get rid of his girl too, unfortunately. Her name was Denise. Funnily enough, he hasn't heard from her either.
Speaking of love, there were these two guys we used to call brothers. We don't call them brothers anymore. Jimmy found out they were both gay and he shot them on the spot. He didn't even ask questions at all, he just raised his gun and pulled the trigger. The two guys didn't even have time to scream or gasp. They just fell to the ground, like that. That was when I began to see the dark side of Jimmy. I was the only one who saw two brothers shot. Jimmy told me not to tell any of the guys about it.
I never fight with anyone. Sometimes, Jimmy and Wheels fight and it's scary. Wheels has a knife she tucks into her leather boot that Jimmy doesn't know about. Only I know about it.
Jimmy, on the other hand, gets violent when he's drunk. He accuses Wheels of ridiculous things and then strikes her. Then she pulls her knife, without thought, without words, and sticks it up to his face. He backs off. He's always one for self-preservation. That's another one of Jimmy's demons. He's fond of putting other in front of him. Human shields, that's what they are. As long as he isn't struck too hard, he's happy with his losses.
I used to look up to Jimmy. He took me in, after all. He fed me and gave me clothes. Wheels is usually nice to me too, when she's not hungover.
One day, I saw right through Jimmy and all his demons. That was the day he turned on me.
I'm pretty sure he was drunk or high at the time. Maybe even both. Perhaps he wasn't thinking straight. Perhaps not.
I remember I said something about needing new shoes. The mesh on my trainers had broken through and the soles were getting moldy from sprinting on the wet pavement.
"You little ungrateful bastard!" was his reply. "What, I give you clothes to put on and now you're telling me it's not good enough?"
"Jimmy, it's just that I'll get caught in these," I explained. We were always running from either jail, certain death, or both. Some of the gang doesn't make it through and I didn't want to end that way. I liked the sound of "death in my sleep" a bit more.
"You're a disgusting piece of shit, James," Jimmy said, drawing to a full, brooding three inches above me.
I cowered into a corner. "I'm sorry, Jimmy. I really am!"
"I don't like lying little wusses like you James." He drew a short, sharp dagger from inside his jacket.
"No!"
I saw Wheels jump down from the window out of the corner of my eye. Something silver sparkled and I knew at once that it was her boot dagger. She tossed something behind her that hit me in the forehead and left me dazed. Jimmy didn't notice.
"Wheels. Get out now," Jimmy growled at his girlfriend.
"Don't hurt him!" Wheels demanded, not moving an inch.
Jimmy raised his dagger jerkily. Wheels raised hers as well.
I finally came back to my senses and realized that Wheels had thrown me a gun. Without thought, without words, I aimed and pulled the trigger.
Shoot first, ask questions later. I had learned something from the guys. I just hoped and prayed to God that I shot the right guy.
As it turns out I did. Jimmy was dead. I killed the right man. The same man who was my guardian. The man I was named after.
I looked for Wheels. With a lurch of my stomach and stinging in my eyes, I saw her lying on the ground, Jimmy's dagger sticking from her chest. The blade had pierced her heart. Her dagger remained in her tightly clenched hand.
I saw the face that would haunt my dreams forever: Jimmy's face stretched into the grin of a psychopath.
He lived by his legacy. The words etched into my own skull:
"It's only fun until someone gets hurt. Then it's freakin' hilarious, James."
Jimmy's last laugh proved that.
Note to Readers: NOT A FANFIC. This is my own original work and I'd appreciate it if you refrained from copying it. I worked very hard on it.
"It's only funny until someone gets hurt. Then, it's freakin' hilarious, James."
Those are basically the words I live by nowadays. They won't get out of my brain. Love your brothers, they're the good guys. Kill the other gang before they can kill you first; they're the enemies. I never really can figure out who's who. I have bad vision and the guys won't let me wear my glasses. They say I look far too nerdy in them. I can't be down with them and look nerdy at the same time. Now I just shoot first and ask questions later. Then, after all that is good and done, I pray to God that I didn't shoot one of my own fellas.
Yep, that's gang life in a nutshell. Believe it or not, it's not that complicated.
I don't know about you, but I'm in it for the family. I never had a family of my own. They were killed in a fire when I was a baby. My Mom threw me out the first story window into a snowdrift when she knew she couldn't get out herself. I wish I had known my savior sometimes.
I only know about some of my brothers. And my one sister. Usually I just call them "the guys". That's the easiest. Some of them are in it for the cash. Others for the protection. Jimmy's in it for the power. I can tell you that much. He's practically the leader of our group. He always knows just who to fight and who to be allies with. He always knows which stores to hit up and who to pay for drugs and alcohol.
I don't drink and I don't get high. Those are my rules. I don't want to be a bad guy. Jimmy always insists that drugs were given to us by the Lord and that we should use them to no end as long as we have them. He tells me that we were born in to this world to make the most of it.
"And James, why not have fun while you're at it?" he adds.
I have a feeling that drugs and alcohol are not the way to go. I think that usually my gut is right.
I want to go to college. I don't have money for that, though, so I definitely have to get a scholarship. It's tough business, even more difficult than climbing to the top of the Turner building at the edge of town to hide from the cops. You have to think and study. I had to teach myself how to study and do math and read. Jimmy never bothered to teach me. He still is positive that I'm an illiterate fool. He's wrong.
Jimmy's been my guardian for as long as I can remember. He took me in with his girlfriend when I survived the fire. He says he was eighteen at the time. Now I'm eighteen and he's thirty-five. Although he could be lying. His hair's silver in the back. When you're in a gang, however, it could just be a symbol for something, so I guess I never really will know.
Jimmy's girlfriend's the one girl in our gang. We have to allow her since Jimmy's the leader. I don't call her mom. She's not my mom, just like Jimmy's not my dad. They're my siblings. They're "the guys".
Jimmy's girl is really named Samantha, but we all call her Wheels. She's really good at car-jacking, hence the nickname. Jimmy and Wheels. Wheels and Jimmy.
They don't act like they're in love, although Jimmy always claims that they are. They act like partners. Like equals. It's weird since Jimmy considers all the other girls beneath us. All but Wheels. She's special, I guess. Sometimes it's not fair for the rest of us. Only Jimmy's allowed to have the girl. He won't let any of the brothers date.
I had a girl like me once. Her name was Sophia. The guys called her Sofa. They said she was fat and lazy, but I thought she was stunning. Eventually, the convinced me to get rid of her. I broke up with her nicely and we agreed to stay in touch. I haven't heard from her since.
Miguel had a girl too. He's one of the guys that's in it for the money. He wants to be a "ga-jillionaire" so he tells me. I told him that I didn't think a "ga-jillion" was an actual number. He told me to shut up and I did. He had a pistol and I didn't want to get shot. We've been buddies ever since. Jimmy made him get rid of his girl too, unfortunately. Her name was Denise. Funnily enough, he hasn't heard from her either.
Speaking of love, there were these two guys we used to call brothers. We don't call them brothers anymore. Jimmy found out they were both gay and he shot them on the spot. He didn't even ask questions at all, he just raised his gun and pulled the trigger. The two guys didn't even have time to scream or gasp. They just fell to the ground, like that. That was when I began to see the dark side of Jimmy. I was the only one who saw two brothers shot. Jimmy told me not to tell any of the guys about it.
I never fight with anyone. Sometimes, Jimmy and Wheels fight and it's scary. Wheels has a knife she tucks into her leather boot that Jimmy doesn't know about. Only I know about it.
Jimmy, on the other hand, gets violent when he's drunk. He accuses Wheels of ridiculous things and then strikes her. Then she pulls her knife, without thought, without words, and sticks it up to his face. He backs off. He's always one for self-preservation. That's another one of Jimmy's demons. He's fond of putting other in front of him. Human shields, that's what they are. As long as he isn't struck too hard, he's happy with his losses.
I used to look up to Jimmy. He took me in, after all. He fed me and gave me clothes. Wheels is usually nice to me too, when she's not hungover.
One day, I saw right through Jimmy and all his demons. That was the day he turned on me.
I'm pretty sure he was drunk or high at the time. Maybe even both. Perhaps he wasn't thinking straight. Perhaps not.
I remember I said something about needing new shoes. The mesh on my trainers had broken through and the soles were getting moldy from sprinting on the wet pavement.
"You little ungrateful bastard!" was his reply. "What, I give you clothes to put on and now you're telling me it's not good enough?"
"Jimmy, it's just that I'll get caught in these," I explained. We were always running from either jail, certain death, or both. Some of the gang doesn't make it through and I didn't want to end that way. I liked the sound of "death in my sleep" a bit more.
"You're a disgusting piece of shit, James," Jimmy said, drawing to a full, brooding three inches above me.
I cowered into a corner. "I'm sorry, Jimmy. I really am!"
"I don't like lying little wusses like you James." He drew a short, sharp dagger from inside his jacket.
"No!"
I saw Wheels jump down from the window out of the corner of my eye. Something silver sparkled and I knew at once that it was her boot dagger. She tossed something behind her that hit me in the forehead and left me dazed. Jimmy didn't notice.
"Wheels. Get out now," Jimmy growled at his girlfriend.
"Don't hurt him!" Wheels demanded, not moving an inch.
Jimmy raised his dagger jerkily. Wheels raised hers as well.
I finally came back to my senses and realized that Wheels had thrown me a gun. Without thought, without words, I aimed and pulled the trigger.
Shoot first, ask questions later. I had learned something from the guys. I just hoped and prayed to God that I shot the right guy.
As it turns out I did. Jimmy was dead. I killed the right man. The same man who was my guardian. The man I was named after.
I looked for Wheels. With a lurch of my stomach and stinging in my eyes, I saw her lying on the ground, Jimmy's dagger sticking from her chest. The blade had pierced her heart. Her dagger remained in her tightly clenched hand.
I saw the face that would haunt my dreams forever: Jimmy's face stretched into the grin of a psychopath.
He lived by his legacy. The words etched into my own skull:
"It's only fun until someone gets hurt. Then it's freakin' hilarious, James."
Jimmy's last laugh proved that.
