Chibi Pika
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- Joined
- Mar 11, 2019
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- #21
I decided to copy my review reply here since Namo hit a lot of interesting stuff that other readers might wonder~
"He was several years older than me—at least eighteen or so—and quite a bit taller than me, with wavy brown hair and icy blue eyes. He was dressed in a black shirt with a long gray coat, navy blue cargo pants, and thick, gray boots. And he was currently examining me with a reserved expression that made me feel like I was being x-rayed."
But mostly I'm just really bad at describing people, so I'm not surprised it didn't stick.
Here's the longest Tumblr rant I wrote about it. (It's missing the whole teleport thing, but that was a last-minute addition to shorten the chapter, and the plot hole still exists even without it.) But yeah, after having already published Chapter 7, I came to the realization that the S.S. Anne arc probably should not exist. I spent those years talking about it with anyone who would listen, but we never came up with a solution. Finally, I just swallowed my shame and posted the chapter.
In the years since then, I have toyed with a few tentative solutions. One was the idea that there was supposed to be an announcement for a special event on the ship, to get all the Special Invite holders into a private room where they would be out of sight from any potential spies, then they would teleport to Midnight Island from there. (And I still think this could mayyybe work, I just haven't hashed out the details yet.)
I'm sure the reason you zeroed in on this immediately is because your fic goes into such detail with teleporting, but before this chapter, I had literally forgotten that teleport exists lmao. The rest of the fic will go on to use it a lot, lot more.
I did make a few tweaks to the tone and the pacing, in addition to the metric butt ton of passive voice and filter phrases that I already removed earlier this year (the narration used to be a slog in this chapter. I think Negrek's Serebii review for this chapter was like five pages long.)Yeah, there was definitely a tonal shift, but I think whatever revisions or adjustments you may have done either now or prior helped to make that shift a bit more gradual.
Ah, we did get this description of him in Chapter 1, I just didn't want to repeat it:That aside, I don't have any major qualms, though I do notice that you did the whole thing with Stalker's reveal again where he was young, yet "seemed commanding," but I still have no idea what that actually looks like.
"He was several years older than me—at least eighteen or so—and quite a bit taller than me, with wavy brown hair and icy blue eyes. He was dressed in a black shirt with a long gray coat, navy blue cargo pants, and thick, gray boots. And he was currently examining me with a reserved expression that made me feel like I was being x-rayed."
But mostly I'm just really bad at describing people, so I'm not surprised it didn't stick.
The reason definitely isn't really old and stupid and will never come up again! :VOh hi Lugia, fancy meeting you here. I think. Explains the storm at least, but whatcha doin' by this boat?
Ding ding ding! You found the reason why this chapter took two years to write! (Well, actually, one year to write, another year sitting on it unwilling to post it.)Wait. wait wait wait wait WAIT, WHAT?! You can DO THAT? Wh--wait a minute, then why did any of that boat stuff happen in the first place if they could've just covertly teleported there or something?
Here's the longest Tumblr rant I wrote about it. (It's missing the whole teleport thing, but that was a last-minute addition to shorten the chapter, and the plot hole still exists even without it.) But yeah, after having already published Chapter 7, I came to the realization that the S.S. Anne arc probably should not exist. I spent those years talking about it with anyone who would listen, but we never came up with a solution. Finally, I just swallowed my shame and posted the chapter.
In the years since then, I have toyed with a few tentative solutions. One was the idea that there was supposed to be an announcement for a special event on the ship, to get all the Special Invite holders into a private room where they would be out of sight from any potential spies, then they would teleport to Midnight Island from there. (And I still think this could mayyybe work, I just haven't hashed out the details yet.)
I'm sure the reason you zeroed in on this immediately is because your fic goes into such detail with teleporting, but before this chapter, I had literally forgotten that teleport exists lmao. The rest of the fic will go on to use it a lot, lot more.
Huh! I actually haven't heard this before! Full-stasis (or rather, a dreamlike haze) has been the prevailing headcanon in trainer fics for a very long time (though apparently Gen 7 borked that? I must've missed it lol.) And this fic generally places a lot, lot more importance on the Pokémon characters than most trainer fics--that's why I've been so staunchly adamant about the whole fully-translated Pokéspeech thing (despite several reviewers suggesting I tone it down back in the day.) The main reason this arc didn't have a whole lot of Firestorm or Swift was because the purpose of this arc was to strip Jade of her support and have her go at things (mostly) alone. Since the next arc is about leaning to fight as a team, that's where we'll see a lot more of them.I'm sure you've heard it all by now, but I've never been a fan of "stasis" approaches to how they work, let alone ones where they can't free themselves, mostly because it almost always puts the shaft to the Pokemon characters.