TEEN: The Long Walk

[Beth Pavell]

Bulbagarden Forums Presents

For the Benefit of several Esteemed Readers

The Long Walk

Or: My Travel Companion, and Other Pokémon

A Coming-of-Age Story of Adventure, Friendship and being a Young Adult in the World of Pokémon

As told by Miss Bethany Pavell​

For Joshua Cook and Evelina Joy, it's a long walk to the Silver Conference - but neither trainer is battling to be the very best. A coming-of-age story of adventure, friendship, and being a young adult in the world of Pokémon.

Welcome one, welcome all, to The Long Walk. This story is intended to be a more mature take on the ubiquitous journey fic, with strong overtures of slice-of-life. The story follows two young adults as they embark on their trainer journey through Johto.

A couple of things I’d like to say at the outset: first of all, thank you to all you readers who leave comments, they are appreciated. And that includes those comments from readers who don’t think they’re much good at reviewing. I read them all, I think about them all, and I frequently refer back to them while I’m writing and editing chapters. Secondly, thanks to my beta reader AetherX, who always seems to manage to find time to read my drafts between projects.

Spoiler: Rated TEEN for:

• Infrequent strong language
• Moderate violence - Mainly in the context of pokémon battles, including descriptions of blood and wounds
• Substance use - consumption of alcohol in moderation
• Moderate suggestive themes - infrequent references to nudity, sexual behaviour, and sexual innuendo

Table of Contents

Prologue - The Green Road into the Trees (Below)

Part One: Growing Out

Act I: Southward Bound
Chapter One - One Who Thinks to Travel
Chapter Two - A Real Trainer
Chapter Three - The Girl from Cherrygrove City
Chapter Four - Over Hill, Under Hill
Chapter Five - Matters of Grace

Act II: Star-shaped Flowers
Chapter Six - Azalea Town
Chapter Seven - Better Judgements
Interlude - The Beast of the Sea
Chapter Eight - Two is Company
Chapter Nine - Scary Shiny Glasses
Chapter Ten - The Question

Act III: The Ilex Forest
Chapter Eleven - Forging a Friendship
Chapter Twelve - Heart of the Heartwoods
Chapter Thirteen - Deep in the Deepwoods
Interlude - Old Maud
Chapter Fourteen - Comfort Zones
Chapter Fifteen - Gotta Catch 'Em All
Chapter Sixteen - Future Sight

Act IV: Zephyr Badge
Chapter Seventeen - Violet City
Chapter Eighteen - Cool Zephyr
Interlude - Young Marisa

Act V: A Tournament of Tigerlilies
Chapter Nineteen - Moonlight, Electric Night
Chapter Twenty - Oddling Townie
Chapter Twenty One - The Girl from Goldenrod City
Chapter Twenty Two - Evelina of Victory
Chapter Twenty Three - Summer is i'comin In
Chapter Twenty Four - The Balance of Power
Chapter Twenty Five - Evelina's Anvil
Chapter Twenty Six - Psyshock
Chapter Twenty Seven - The Twin-Tailed Cat
Chapter Twenty Eight - St. Elmo's Fire
Chapter Twenty Nine - Invicta
Chapter Thirty - The Wailing of the Gulls

Part Two - Growing Up

Act I: The Bells of Prospero
Chapter Thirty One - The Port of Crashing Waves
Chapter Thirty Two - Shipwreck
Chapter Thirty Three - Nowhere Girl
Chapter Thirty Four - The Long Midnight
Interlude - Two Perspectives

Act II: Maelstrom
Chapter Thirty Five - When It Alteration Finds
Chapter Thirty Six - Alone
Chapter Thirty Seven - Rejection
Chapter Thirty Eight - The Wandering Barque
Chapter Thirty Nine - Low Tide
Chapter Forty - Flood and Flame
Chapter Forty One - Every Day, In Every Way
Chapter Forty Two - Have You Noticed I've Been Gone

Act III: Green Hill Country
Chapter Forty Three - Gym of Steel
Chapter Forty Four - Windblown from Sinnoh

Special Chapters
Seventeen - A Work of Craft
Twenty Three - Into The Wild

The Long 'Verse
A Da Vinci Smile
Kanto: There and Back Again

Prologue – The Green Road into the Trees (Version 1.6)

I.

I, me.

It’s the first thought I have, every time I return to my Poké Ball. Like waking up from a dream. I, me. Bulbasaur. It is both who and what I am.

It is always peaceful, here. Like waking up from a dream, I remember the things I did in the physical world. If I chose to, I could push against the circles of the Poké Ball, struggle against the lock that held me in. But I never do. Instead, sometimes I perceive some of what goes on outside. I can hear my trainer, talking to me.

I, me.

I.

*​

The rider’s bicycle made another undignified clank as it bounced through a pothole. Cold rainwater splashed up, drenching the cyclist’s legs. He cursed vaguely, swerving onto the pavement to avoid getting sprayed by a passing van. It was a typically indecisive Mulberry Town day in March, vacillating between winter and spring. It had rained cold and miserable for most of the day, till in the late afternoon the clouds broke and clement spring re-materialised.

Joshua Cook cycled down Coldfield high street on his way to the Cinder Bank Bathhouse. He was travelling from his home in Saltwells, on the eastern end of Mulberry Town’s thirty-mile urban sprawl. For over a hundred years, this town had been the beating industrial heart of Johto, a town that was black with smoke by day and red with flame by night. Once, she had mined coal, forged steel, launched zeppelins and built railways. With generations of industry came a pantheon of esa, spirits of steel and soot and ringing hammers.

Inevitably, the town went into decline. The potency of the town’s pulsing industry would not last forever. It was generally held that the town’s prosperity had waned during the seventies, but the rust had begun to set in well before then. Most of the industry had disappeared, leaving behind empty factories, derelict foundries, and the gods they had created.

Josh dropped back into the bike lane as the 12:27 from Saltwells moved off. The tram was the only really new thing on the high street. Modern Mulberry was as threadbare and patched as an old sock, with pretty much the same charm. Coldfield had certainly seen better days. Both the pubs had closed, half the cafés were boarded up – ah, but the pawnshop was still going strong, along with the ‘All-Night Tailor’ that was fooling no-one. At least the ethnic stores are doing alright, Josh thought. He passed by the Native Orange haberdashery where he got his few turbans and turned off onto Cinder Bank.

Cinder Bank was lined with a queue of linden trees, scarred and grotesque from too much pollarding, truncated main boughs like clubbed fists sprouting bristly thickets of younger branches. So much for urban beautification. Bad-tempered Townie pidgey cawed down at him from telegraph wires. As usual dozens of them had gathered in a squabbling flock around the Bathhouse. Josh preferred to believe it was because they appreciated one of the few buildings in Mulberry that was actually attractive; a handsomely symmetrical palazzo-style building, with neat rows of broad arched windows, enclosed by a palisade of wrought-iron railings. It was attractive in a modest sort of way, like snowdrops blooming in an old churchyard.

Josh had to ruin the view by parking his bike in the rack at the side of the building. And double-locking it, because in this town someone would still try to steal a junk-cycle like his. Graham was waiting under the portico, flexing his hands in those absurd fingerless driving gloves of his.

“There he is!” Graham said cheerfully.

“Grey. How bin ye?” Josh replied, shaking his hand.

“Oh, ye know. How’s it going, brother?”

Brother. They were cousins, really, though he’d never heard Grey call anyone else that. They had grown up like brothers, each the only son of their respective family. They were in the same academic year at school, the same club for five years, too.

“Like a blashy weekend,” Josh replied grimly.

“Ah. I ay seen ye naked in a while,” Grey joked.

“Thass because you’ve bin avoiding it,” he said flatly. “It’s still your turn te buy the beers.”

Inside, Josh caught a glimpse of himself in the shower room mirror, and for a fleeting moment it was like looking at a stranger with an unshiftable resting bitch face. The stranger in the mirror glanced sullenly back at him – he had calm, dark eyes set in an oval face, looking out through wire-rimmed glasses bent in and out of shape from long use. A head of tightly-curled black hair framed his features, half-hiding his ears. The whole face looked like it wasn’t getting enough sleep.

“Rather you than me,” Josh told him.

The Bathhouse’s main bath usually had a distinct air of faded grandeur to it. It didn’t help that a palazzo-style, Alto Marean design for a hot spring bath was out of date when it was new. Today the wavering steam was backlit by late afternoon sun slanting through the big arch windows, turning it into a luminous fog.

“Tafl?” Grey said.

“Yeah.”

The chequered tafl gameboards were painted onto pedestals that rose up out of the bath itself, so you could soak in the bath and play at the same time. The waters reached up to Josh’s chest. He started as black, the attackers, as usual. Black started lined up on all four sides of the board, white arranged in a circle in the centre.

“So. How’s work in the blood lab?” he asked.

“Aha, well. They a-wanted te send me down to Eccleshot hospital.”

“The one down in Cherrygrove?”

“Thass the one. More dollar in my pocket, but how am I supposed te get into Cherrygrove for eight in the morning? If we had a Magnet line te Cherrygrove things might be different …”

“If.”

“If,” Grey concurred. The proposal for a branch line had been bouncing fruitlessly round Parliament for a few years now. It would open up a lot of opportunities for Mulberry, but Cherrygrove didn’t want it and the Treasury didn’t want to pay for it.

“Well, I’m a-stuck for now, like the rest of us,” Grey said. “Anyhow. You seen any of the others?”

“Grey, I haven’t seen you in weeks and ye live four doors down.”

“Oh. Well, remember Dragons?”

“Oh, um … Sān Jí Lóng? Used te see her a lot at Uni.”

“She’s a-working at the Poké Ball factory now.”

“Smoke and fire!” Josh cursed, affronted. “I didn’t even know Silph were hiring!”

“They’re not.”

“She is a lucky dragon. Three months I watched their recruitment page!” he karped with as much grace as he could muster. “Thass a job for life, that is.”

“Mm. Silph never lay anyone off,” Grey agreed, moving a piece. “She had the most adorable ass.”

“I suppose,” Josh said vaguely, contemplating the board. “I liked Jí Lóng. An adorable steel lotus.”

“Ye have odd predilections, bro. You cock,” he added amiably, realising his king was trapped.

Josh raised his eyebrow as a kind of victory gesture. It wasn’t over yet. A full game of tafl was two rounds, one playing as black and one as white.

“I hear you’re a-going to be a pokémon trainer,” Grey said, resetting the board.

“Mmhm.”

“Dude, what changed? Ye never showed any interest in training before. Natural history, maybe.”

What changed? Essentially it had started back in high school. In his fifth year, the careers advisor had convinced him to pursue Modern Kalosian at sixth form. Her reasoning made sense – plenty of companies did business with Kalos, she’d said, and they all needed Kalosian speakers. Two years later, he went on to study Kalosian at Mulberry University. Pretty damn successfully, actually. Academically, anyway. Studying in a class stuffed exclusively with Townie girls made for an awkward time fitting in. That more or less described his year abroad in Lumiose as well, come to think of it.

His careers advisor was right, after a fashion. The problem was that the companies hiring fresh-faced, linguistically capable graduates were all based in Goldenrod or Olivine City. Living in Goldenrod was expensive enough; moving there, a small fortune for a working-class boy from Saltwells. He managed to make some money by continuing his university job as a bike courier, but the hours were very inconsistent and the pay thoroughly unimpressive anyway.

For several years now Josh had been selling homemade jewellery online. It was a hobby, really, something he’d practised at school and started to sell for the hell of it. Wood, aluminium and copper were his favourite materials, but it was the semi-precious stuff that sold best. It wasn’t a lot by anyone’s measure, but ‘Metal Earth Jewellery’ became the much-needed supplementary income to pay for pokémon training.

Josh realised he had been thinking rather than answering the question. “I need a fresh start, Grey. There’s not as much demand for postmen like me. More competition, less money – I swear, the slow internet in this town is keeping us in business.”

He repositioned a spearman slightly to discourage any thoughts of a sudden rampage through his circle. “Pass or fail, back at university it was all down to me, ye know? On the job market it’s really all down te the idiot half-reading your CV.”

Grey sniggered in agreement.

“Pokémon training is more like uni. Ergo the fresh start, brother o’ mine.”

“Look, I see ye point. But, well …” He paused to select his words, “remember Collier? After two months he gives up with just two Badges te show for it. How much dollar did that cost him?”

“Collier would rather smoke weed than train,” Josh said flatly. “He didn’t lose money, he wasted it.”

“Ah. He always was a lazy trainer,” Grey said. “Te be fair, there’s a lot ye can be doing with a set of Gym Badges.”

“Ah.”

Grey captured a couple of spearmen with a thane. “What dun ye dad think of this?”

“He’s got a cob on him, you know what he’s like. He seems te think I’m a-planning some sort of holiday. And about twice a day he repeats his objections.”

“Mm. That’s Uncle Ad.”

“Anyway, now he’s a-complaining I’m not at the Battle Club enough. With what time? If I’m not on my bike I’m a-threading bloody bracelets!” He passed a hand over his eyes. “Tired of the damn argument.”

They both went quiet for a while, concentrating on the game.

“Whenabouts you leaving?” Grey asked.

“About a week’s time.”

“Listen, bro. Is it worth doing a fortnight’s training afore ye go?”

“I could manage it,” Josh admitted. “I could put in a week at the Battle Club, catch some Townie pokémon. But honestly, I want te get started.”

“Whatever you say, brother,” Grey said. He frowned at the board, realisation dawning that Josh’s king would escape in two moves. “Oh, you cock!”

*​

A chilly breeze sighed across the canal. Josh was beginning to think he should’ve worn his jumper. His bicycle churned a knurled line through the mud of the towpath, rattling occasionally when it rolled over an old brick. The canal was hemmed by the silent brick walls of century-old factories, urban fortresses crenellated with snarled razor wire and bladed fences. About half were abandoned, windows smashed, walls graffitied. After half a mile the woodland edge replaced the industrial estate. It wasn’t much of a wood, about ninety unlovely acres struggling out of the urban sprawl like weeds from between flagstones. Ragged bits of old police tape clung to the odd tree. The bones of derelict saltworks haunted its ivy-strangled depths.

He paused on the wharf in front of the workshops. From here the view opened up as the land headed downhill for several furlongs. An iron footbridge crossed the canal right at the brow. Just beyond the bridge the canal fell twenty feet through a pair of locks, running straight on past the Weepinbell pub on the hither bank, till it reached Number Five and Six Lock. By the locks, right opposite the pub, was Five-and-Six Cottage.

Home. Walls freshly painted white, it gleamed in the intermittent sun. Five-and-Six had been a lockkeeper’s cottage, mended and modernised ad hoc over the decades. No nidoran burrows were tolerated under the garden wall. Someone with an eye for such things would notice the recently repointed mortar around the chimney brickwork. Josh had helped to repaint, repoint, and evict nidoran, whether he liked it or not.

“You’m a-gonna inherit this house one day, so you’m a-gonna learn how te look after it,” was Dad’s usual refrain.

Home had never been anywhere else. He could vaguely remember when Linda had moved into the Weepinbell when they were … how old were they? Eight? Nine? For more than ten years their bedroom windows had been directly opposite one another, hardly fifteen yards apart. Almost every day, Linda waved ‘good morning’ from her window. Almost every day they’d return home from school together, sharing his bike, Linda riding on the luggage rack they’d ended up converting into a proper seat.

It suddenly occurred to him that he couldn’t remember a time when he hadn’t been looking at this canal. There had been that year in Lumiose, that’s all, a brief pause in twenty-one years of seeing the same view every morning. The evening was quiet. Quiet enough to hear the freight train clattering by beneath the aqueduct far upstream. It seemed like his mind was playing tricks on him, because he could see himself cycling home from school, Linda riding sidesaddle behind him. He looked like he was about fourteen despite the sixth-year pin glinting on his lapel – Linda had her share of teenage awkwardness, her body caught halfway between girl- and womanhood. The memory was like a ghost on the landscape.

“Every road has memories of the people who travel it.” Mum had been in an odd mood when she’d said that. He sometimes thought about that on the familiar paths. A canal was a road doubled, the waterway and towpath together. Did it remember him cycling home from school with Linda? Did it remember Hallows Eve barbecues at the pub? Lazy summer days spent lying in the grass, monochrome winter mornings? Did it remember when he and Grey brought together eight Uni friends and built the longboat they named Iron King, right here in workshop #6? They’d sailed her down to the annual Regatta to terrorise the Tri-Universities teams. He imagined the spirit of the river telling the canal how they’d rammed Goldenrod Imperial’s Gold Standard and left her sinking in their wake, and her cox screaming with rage.

Perhaps a road could miss people, too.

*​

A lonely peace dwelled on the grassy summit of Hangman’s How. The town below was a distant murmur, the loudest sounds on the hill the crisp breeze and Josh’s footfalls. A skeletal, twiggy yew tree stood vigil on the high meadow, untroubled by butcher’s chainsaws – who would dare fell a yew? It felt good to have mud clinging to his boots again. It had rained during the night. To Josh’s nose the rich, vital smells of damp earth and leaf mould were like Aromatherapy.

He stopped in the shadow of the yew, and looked back at Mulberry Town. Usually the town looked like a grey-brown smudge in the lee of the mountains west of Route 45. This morning, the air was uncommonly clear after last night’s rain, the details of the world painted sharp and lucid. He could even clearly see the factories at Blakenall, koffing bobbing around the chimneys like peas in boiling water.

The path up to the How started unobtrusively behind a supermarket, clambering up the slope and sinking away again down into a deep, green holloway on the far side. Close above the trees laced their bare branches together, the path below winding away through the arboreal tunnel. Small, white Anemone nemorosa flowers starred the woodland floor, blukberry vines were groping madly for the light. A male furret scrambled in earnest pursuit of a female. The sap was rising.

Josh found himself hesitating, unconsciously shifting his weight from foot-to-foot. The gaunt yew leaned eastwards, towards the town. West, the holloway disappeared invitingly down the How.

It’s a dangerous business, going out your door. If you don’t keep your feet, there’s no knowing where you might get swept off to.

Josh shrugged, and followed the green road into the trees.

 

[Beth Pavell]

Spoiler: Version History

1.3 : Altered dialogue layout in line with common fanfiction convention
1.4 : Removed reference to Eve's clumsiness
1.5 : Josh's backstory revised - now worked as a courier during University, sold homemade jewellery to supplement income. Added reference to poor employment prospects in Mulberry Town. Added Mulberry Town history in second scene. Eve's temper less fiery, more snappish. Battle and end of scene revised
1.6 : Description of Josh's clothes revised
1.7 : Revised some of Josh's dialogue
1.8 : Rewrite. Removed conversation with Christine Joy. Revised backstory for Bulbasaur. Revised description of Route 30. Rewritten battle between Evelina and Josh

Part One - Growing Out​

Chapter One – One Who Thinks to Travel (Version 1.8)

Well, I can’t go back now.

It was before ten in the morning, and the Pokémon Centre was near-deserted. The sky outside was just clouding over and most of the trainers that had stayed the night had already headed west towards Violet City. The Pokémon Centre was relatively small, still too big, really, for the quiet trails east of Route 30. A traveller could easily walk from sunrise to sunset between Mulberry and Route 30 and meet no-one. Josh had barely spoken to anyone in four days. It might have been lonely – perhaps it was lonely – but it wasn’t like he was inundated with friends back home.

Josh leaned against the front desk, vaguely wondering how you were supposed to feel, out on the road with pokémon for the first time. He’d hardly bounced out of bed on his tenth birthday with dreams of Championship stardom.

“Yo. What d’you get?” someone said.

Josh gave him a startled look. It felt a bit odd for someone to address him unprompted. The kid was unnecessarily wearing a large pair of opaque sunglasses and a scruffy teenage attempt at a goatee. A battery of cheap rings perforated one ear. He probably hadn’t bounced out of bed either.

“Sorry, what?” Josh said.

“Your pokémon. What starter did you get?”

“Oh. Bulbasaur.”

“Cyndaquil. Got to be, yeah? Typhlosion’s just brütal.”

Why does he pronounce it with an umlaut?

“Wait, bulbasaur’s not a Johto starter. You from Kanto?”

“No. My dad knows a Kantonian breeder.”

He remembered the day Dad brought his starter home. He’d come in cradling a pokémon, a tiny little thing, that he deposited gently on the living room carpet. Back then Bulbasaur was scarcely more than five inches tall at the shoulder. He took a couple of uncertain little steps, blinking up at him with innocent eyes that looked too big for his face. Appearing to come to a decision, he clambered into Josh’s lap and promptly went to sleep.

It wouldn't be the last time the infant Bulbasaur did something like that. Apparently he’d decided to imprint on Josh, for want of a better term. No-one knew why. Eventually, to make him Bulbasaur’s de jure owner, they’d re-registered his Poké Ball to Josh’s trainer licence.

“Joshua Cook? Your bulbasaur is ready.”

“What dun ye be a-saying? I mean,” he said, realising his accent had slipped out. “Sorry, Nurse Joy, what did you say?”

“I’ve finished examining your bulbasaur,” Joy repeated patiently. “Fundamentally he’s healthy – very healthy, for a house pokémon, actually. If he’s going to be battling, he’ll need a lifestyle change. Plenty of light exercise, and as the weather gets warmer he should be getting most of his food by basking.”

Josh nodded dutifully, beginning to think he ought to be taking notes on this. His thoughts turned again to the worry that training a pokémon would be a lot harder than merely raising one. The last thing he wanted to do was to call it quits and go home. One way or another his colours were nailed high up to the mast.

*​

Later that morning, Josh swung his bag over his shoulders and left the Pokémon Centre. The sky had turned into a flat grey blanket, feigning innocence, as if Johto was above throwing down a surprise hailstorm in March. The map told him the closest Pokémon Gym was in Violet City, an easy three or four day’s walk from here, but he didn’t quite feel ready for Violet yet. Josh didn’t like cities very much. He always felt more at home around trees and woodland.

This half-forgotten trainer's trail east of Route 30 was a refreshing change from Mulberry Town, in that particular. On the left-hand side was a wood of smooth-limbed beeches, their naked branches full of pidgey that fluttered down to scratch about in the dirt; on the right stood a long colonnade of rowans, probably planted by some well-meaning local authority. Josh was much less fond of rowan, in spite of its talismanic nature. By early summer it would put forth scuds of semen-white flowers, their sickly-sweet smell wafting on the wind. He favoured glossy, prickly, defiant holly as a talisman tree.

Spring was gathering pace – Josh could practically feel the earth awakening beneath his boots. Bulbasaur probably felt it too, stoically trundling alongside in deference to Nurse Joy’s advice about exercise. It was a good day for walking, especially with the outfit he’d developed after years of long walks.

Good, sturdy boots, the kind that could withstand a geodude being dropped on them, he wouldn't compromise on that. Sturdy jeans too, black as an irrelevant preference. Like many trainers, he intended to carry his occupied Poké Balls on his belt. He adjusted the backpack on his shoulders. It was handmade from hazel and wickerwork, with a fabric lining for waterproofing. A parting gift from Mum, and an easy construction for her. The March weather was still a bit chilly, and Josh was glad of his Mulberryshire wool jumper. Black, like his jeans. Or at least, it was supposed to be – long wear had turned it iron-grey. Over the top of it he wore an old brown jacket, partly to keep the wind out, but also to keep his maps, firesteel and knife on hand.

The sound of something charging through the wood broke his reverie. Up ahead the path veered off to the left, round the foot of a hill that sloped up towards the south. Josh stopped up short, and listened. The typically sparse beech undergrowth muffled the noise, but he could pick out two sets of sounds – a faint, frantic scurrying and someone running flat-out. A pack of rattata burst from the treeline, desperately trying to carry a backpack between them. Hardly a moment later a furious girl followed, trying to pull something from her pocket – a Poké Ball, maybe.

“Drop it or I pull your tails off!” she screamed. Josh seized a rock and hurled it at the gang, by sheer luck clobbering one clean in the face. The rattata promptly scattered like little purple comets. The girl retrieved her backpack with a mixture of triumph and embarrassment, shyly throwing him a grateful look. She was somewhere in her early twenties, a little taller than him, with a willowy figure. She was wearing a burgundy coat with coffee brown trousers, a battery of pouches on her belt, and hiking boots on her feet.

“Oh gods, I can't believe they actually managed to steal my backpack,” she said, still acutely embarrassed. “Who knew wild rattata could work together so well?”

“Damn rattata,” Josh agreed, distracted.

“Why are you looking at me like that,” she said resignedly.

“Your surname isn't Joy, by any chance, is it?”

And there it was. For though her dress sense and temper were nothing like the nurses who so diligently ran Pokémon Centres everywhere, this girl looked exactly like a young Joy. The same bright blue eyes, the same shape of the face, the same hairstyle and colour. Her expression, however, was now of annoyance.

“Yes, I am a Joy, no I'm not in a Pokémon Centre, yes I am aware it's unusual,” she sighed. “Any questions?” she added sarcastically.

“Not at this time, m'lady,” Josh said, deadpan.

The young Joy stood and glared at him, hands on hips. Then she noticed Bulbasaur sat beside him. “Hey, you have a pokémon! Why didn't you just battle the rattata instead of blindly throwing rocks?”

“I … don't know,” Josh confessed. “It didn't occur to me to battle with Bulbasaur.”

Joy regarded him crossly for a moment. “You are a strange trainer,” she said matter-of-factly. “I suppose the least I can do is share some of my supplies.”

*​

Well, making new friends was supposed to be one of the joys of adventure. And here he was, making new friends with a Joy, apparently. Seated on the tussocky grass at the edge of the wood, Josh was beginning to notice something else distracting about this strange Joy. A good-natured observer might call her eating ‘enthusiastic’. Josh watched with a kind of vague annoyance as she tore apart a cheese sandwich like she hadn’t eaten in days. By sharp contrast he just chewed indifferently on a granola bar.

It felt appropriate, at least, to start this journey in the green and gallant spring. It reminded him of a poem, something read in sixth form.

“Bearwas blostmum nimað, byrig fægriað,
wongas wlitigað, woruld onetteð;
ealle þa gemoniað modes fusne
sefan to siþe, þam þe swa þenceð,” he recited aloud.

“What?”

“Oh. Sorry,” Josh said, realising his attention had seriously wandered. “I haven’t really talked to anyone in a few days. I think I’m developing odd habits.”

Joy giggled, though not unkindly. “You never told me your name. Here. Have some fruit.”

“I'm fine, really. Cook, Joshua Cook, from Mulberry Town.”

“Don't be silly. You helped save this fruit,” Joy said between mouthfuls of cheese. “Mulberry Town, that's not a big place, is it?”

It is a big place, just not an important place, Josh thought, quite impressed that she managed to get such a coherent sentence out while simultaneously finishing what was left of her lunch. “I only know half of your name. What do I call you?”

“Evelina. Evelina Joy. Tea, at least?”

“I have my own, thanks. So what takes a Joy away from the Pokémon Centre?”

Evelina sipped at her tea and said nothing, giving him a piercing look.

“I'm taking the Gym challenge,” she said defensively. “It's not that I don't like looking after pokémon, I just don't want to be in a Pokémon Centre all my life!”

Josh shrugged indifferently, and watched Evelina defuse. “Well, technically I'm taking the Gym challenge too,” he said. “But it's not something I've been dreaming to do. Bulbasaur and I, we're just going to see where it takes us. So we're on the way to Azalea Town, I think. I heard there was a Gym there, and it's near to the forest. It sounds like as good a place as any to earn our first Badge.”

“Uh-huh. How about a battle then? One-on-one, no time limit,” Evelina said, drawing a Poké Ball from a pocket.

Josh automatically hesitated. True, Nurse Joy did say Bulbasaur was in good health, but his only real offensive move was Tackle. He wasn't sure if that was enough for a battle. “I don't know. I know a little battle theory, but honestly I'm a novice.”

“So you'll want a lot of practice, right?” Evelina said brightly.

That was a familiar refrain, although this time delivered from a pretty mouth. Blast it, Josh thought. She's not wrong.

“Alright,” he said. “Alright, let's battle.”

“Yay!” Evelina cried, jumping up and putting some distance between them to form an impromptu battlefield.

“Come on Bulbasaur,” Josh said, waving his pokémon forward. “Battle’s on!”

“Go Ledyba!” Evelina called. The five star pokémon hovered in front of Bulbasaur, waving her arms aggressively. Bulbasaur growled back at her and thumped the ground with a foot.

“How did you get a ledyba to battle away from the swarm?” Josh asked.

“Wouldn’t you like to know,” Evelina said. “Ledyba, Comet Punch!”

“Out of the way!” Josh yelled on impulse. Bulbasaur leapt aside as Ledyba buzzed by, throwing up dust in her wake. He charged, trying to Tackle her, but she was too quick for that and climbed out of reach.

“Swift! Swift!” Evelina ordered. Ledyba spun back round and squirted down a glowing stream of star-shaped rays – Bulbasaur yelled and tried unsuccessfully to dart from under the attack. Damnit! Nothing I can do about that, Josh thought with a growing swell of impotent frustration.

“Now Comet Punch!”

“Uh, Leech Seed!” Josh ordered in an attempt to change strategy. Ledyba plunged down at Bulbasaur and hastily swerved aside as the Leech Seed nearly struck her wing case. “Start moving, don't let Ledyba have it all her own way!”

Bulbasaur shuffled round in a circle, trying to keep his opponent in view. He came to a halt near to where his Leech Seed had landed, just as Ledyba attempted a third attack run. She came in fast and low; this time Bulbasaur stood his ground.

The quiescent Leech Seed suddenly snapped up, flailing tendrils groping madly. Ledyba panicked and threw herself into reverse. She buzzed something at her trainer in complaint.

“Hm. Quite cunning,” Evelina said. “Ok, Ledyba, show them your Supersonic!”

Ledyba opened her mouth wide, and a piercing ringing noise washed over Bulbasaur. Josh could just hear it too, a discordant squeal that set his teeth on edge. Ok, ok, I can figure this out.

“String Shot! Bind it tight!”

Bulbasaur launched a pair of thin, cord-like vines from the base of his bulb with a whistling whip-snap, the String Shots whirling off into empty air.

“What’s the matter with you?” Josh called. Oh, no. Supersonic. “Again, come on, concentrate!”

Whip-snap. Whip-snap. The String Shots dropped into the grass with paired thumps.

“This is our chance! Finish this with Comet Punch!” Evelina ordered in triumph. Her pokémon crashed into Bulbasaur with a barrage of punches from all six fists. Dazed from the attack, Bulbasaur could only retreat and try to turn away from the worst of the blows.

“That's enough, Ledyba. We've won,” Joy said. “I don't want to hurt Bulbasaur more than I need to.”

Josh sighed heavily and recalled his pokémon in a flash of pale red light. Easily defeated. Ledyba settled herself down on her trainer’s head.

“That’s a pretty crisp String Shot. Look what it did to that tree!” Evelina said cheerfully, offering her hand. Josh took it without a smile. A one-sided battle wasn’t at all what he’d had in mind, but she had won fair and square. Evelina gave him a strangely shrewd look, still holding on to his hand.

“The woods take on blossoms, the towns become fair,
fields grow beautiful, the world hastens on;
all these things urge on the eager mind,
the spirit to the journey, in one who thinks to travel,” she replied.

Next Chapter: A Real Trainer

 

[jasonwolf]

This is the first time I've reviewed anything, so yeah.

On a personal note I do adore the prelude. I love the philosophical thought provoking intros that get people thinking about ideas before the story. Also you make it very obvious that you are from England with your word choice. This isn't bad, but you make it your own by making it all British.

Now moving along the concept of an older person becoming a trainer is a very solid basis. In everything else everyone wants to be a trainer, and if you aren't you are pathetic. At least characters care very much for their pokemon making them central to their lives. You're character has treated them simply and not been a bad or excellent trainer, but more so just an owner. You keep a simple tone throughout the chapter and it complements how simple of a character you've given so far. He's a normal guy in his twenties who doesn't want to spend his life in an office, and for now not much else. That's great if you do more later with the character, which I'm sure you will.

When you introduce Evelina, and props on the name its nicely original, you do pick up the pace slightly, but I still feel your main character is in his slow thoughtful pace while Evelina and the rattata are running around like Tom and Jerry. A little bit more reaction on Josh's part may be useful. He appears to just stand there with his head cocked to the side like an interested puppy. Josh's awkward lack of pokemon skill is sensible, but I hope it doesn't devolve into him acting like a noob trainer from a generic travel fic.

The Joy character is a bit cliche with the idea of rebelling against her family's traditional job, but you handle it well. I very much like your pokemon pick. Very original. Ad for the battle it does feel a bit congested, and fast. Personally I don't work with direct attack calls ((ie. Bulbasuar, leech seed)), but they do work. I suggest giving some more thought to combat with Josh having to think about what his pokemon can actually do. Does he even know all his Bulbasaurs moves? Does he know typing? Basic things other trainers take for granted.

Honestly I see no issues in this, but it needs to somewhere for it to get really good. This first chapter is a solid intro, but you gotta keep it up.

 

[kintsugi]

Hi, I mentally promised to do this a while ago and then didn't. Sorry!

As a note, I respectfully disagree with jasonwolf's suggestion that you're "making it your own by making it British." While being from the land of F YEAH MURICA, I think it's preposterous and a bit arrogant to say that our way of spelling things is the right way, and that to use any other method of spelling is incorrect, so erring from that template is wrong. The English language is a bit stupid and quite varying, and your way of doing stuff is still correct, and to call one absurd method more correct than another is... absurd. That is all. :>
[/mini rant] Nothing in your introduction tipped me off to your being British anyway, haha. Perhaps this is all because I grew up reading British books and lost points on my first grade spelling test that was all about spelling color/neighbor/armor/whhhyyyyy

Glad we cleared that up.

That being said, your philosophical introduction is a bit interesting. I'm not going to outright call it bad, although I had a hard time following. Nameless narrator identifies himself (I think male?) with a pronoun identified as 'he,' and then promptly resumes calling that thing a he for the rest of the prologue/prelude. Furthermore, we're impressed with this big sense of peace, which is not necessarily wrong, but I think you could use a stronger hook. I'm not talking about having stuff blow up or making it all really dramatic; clearly, if you'd wanted to do that, you wouldn't have had an introspective prelude on the action of sleeping in a pokeball. However, as with all pensive introductions, you still have to draw the readers in somehow, and for me, this one wasn't quite there (I mean, I was drawn in on the fact that, hey, this guy thought it'd be awesome to write an inner monologue about sleeping in a pokeball, but I assume most people wouldn't be as oddly fascinated by that as I am?). As it is, I think your intro could do with a little more umph, something to get us thinking and be like, "hey, this story isn't going to be about snoozing all day; I'm going to go to the next chapter!" That doesn't mean making kersplosions everywhere or anything. I think that if you're going to do a philosophical introduction, go big or go home. Give us something to think about then, and if it's not going to be a chunk of action, you'd better sell that pokeball monologue pretty darn well. XD

On another note. This. The word 'this' is sort of a vague pronoun and I honestly can't follow:

He always thought this, every time he was recalled.

Like, is he thinking 'I/me' every time, which is weird because why wouldn't he unless fragmented mind what, or is 'this' referring to another abstract concept that you haven't told us? If it's the latter, might I suggest elaborating on that concept and making it into your maybe-philosophical meandering?

Oh, hey, Pokemon Centre; I probably missed colour in the prelude or something haha

Okay, so you love using vague pronouns and introducing their proper noun forms several paragraphs later. I take that as a stylistic choice more than anything else, so while I don't approve per se, I'm not going to berate you on pronoun usage like I did in the paragraph above because I assume this one was at least intentional. However, this being pokemon fanfiction, I honestly did assume that the 'she' was a trainer trying to get to a pokecenter, and I got a bit confused when it was Joy in the end. Again, that's more my fault than anything in the story, but perhaps you can consider pronoun use in the future?

Also, not sure how the paragraph blocking works in fanfiction, but I was told to start a new line every time someone else speaks/acts. I find that with the double-spaced format for fanfiction, new lines at every piece of dialogue stretches the page a bit, but I also couldn't figure out the rhyme or reason to the times you sometimes skipped lines during dialogues. Um. Be consistent?

But like actually. Pronouns and paragraphing. Passage below in a spoiler because it's a bit large and you know what it is, because you wrote it, so the only reason I'm quoting all of it is because I couldn't find somewhere neat to cut.

Spoiler

[quote“Alright then, Christine Joy, you win,” he said with a warmer smile, “My name is Josh, and I’m from Mulberry Town. And, well, it all breaks down a bit like this. I was never really interested in pokémon. Well, not pokémon training, anyway … I’m not sure what I wanted to do. Work is pretty scarce in Mulberry Town – I’d done a fair few office jobs, temporary work really. All administering something boring and irrelevant. Who cares about the paperwork of a firm that ships nails?

Anyway, I turned twenty-one a few months ago, and I was filing some stock reports or something and I guess I just snapped. Quit. No more pushing paper around for arrogant middle-managers. I’d always vaguely thought about travelling, and the best way to do that is to be a pokémon trainer. I already have a pokémon of my own – when I was fifteen my dad got a young Bulbasaur from a Kanto League breeder who had one spare that year. Dad couldn’t give it enough attention at the time, so it became mine after a while.

Thing is … I’m not sure if pokémon training is really a better idea.”[/quote]

The paragraph break here really fooled me. I didn't notice the lack of end quote after "nails," so I assumed that Josh had finished speaking and then there was another unexplained first person narrator woaaah whaaat? I had to double back and realize that the narrative all fit in with Josh to realize that, hey, this is all just his speaking. So moral of the story, watch your pronouns and paragraph breaks?

Anyway. Enough nitpicking. I really like how you are dealing with older characters without feeling like you're just hammering them in to the story to fit; hopefully, you can use the vastly different mindsets of college-aged students to, say, ten year-olds well in your story. Really guarantees your promise of mature but not dark, and I'm excited for that. ^^

I didn't quite follow the flow of the end of chapter one, though. I felt that the battle was forced in to the narrative a bit too quickly, and that you hammered it in the end so it could all fit in. They were just having tea and character building and then fwam, battle time. What got me the most was Evelina's purported leaving the fic for the time being. Everything about her encounter screamed future companion to me, from the "ohhai I'm a damsel in distress halp" to the "but wait I'm actually a better trainer" to the mild level of attraction that the hormonal guy feels toward her. And while I applaud you grandly for avoiding the "the first person I see on the road shall become my new best friend forever" cliche, I have to ask what Evelina's purpose is, then. At this point, it seems as if she only exists to get rescued by Josh and then give him tea, advice, and a battle, and then she disappears into a plot hole for the rest of the story? (Again, seeing as this is chapter one, I have no right to make the assumption that she leaves; I'm just calling it now) I do, however, feel as if her leaving is a bit forced--again, they were just having tea, and then battle and then goodbye forever. I get that the life of a trainer moves quickly and whatnot, but the pacing itself felt a little off here.

Nothing here has stuck out to me as "omg this is the best fanfic ever" (um, that sounds really blunt now that I look back on it, but I just want to say that this is chapter one and I don't expect that from fanfiction anyway?), but for some reason, I'm still intrigued enough to want to keep reading, so you clearly did a good job somewhere in here, even if I can't quite pin it down. This is meant to be praise and not some sort of back-handed compliment, haha. I did enjoy reading, though, and I look forward to seeing more. Mature journey fics without grimdark ftw. ^^

 

[Beth Pavell]

Hurrah, reviews! Thanks jasonwolf, kintsugi, for taking the time to do that, I appreciate it.

Well, this first chapter was written more or less unplanned and then edited - the cracks show a bit more clearly than I realised.

On a personal note I do adore the prelude. I love the philosophical thought provoking intros that get people thinking about ideas before the story

That being said, your philosophical introduction is a bit interesting. I'm not going to outright call it bad, although I had a hard time following.

I almost cut the Prelude a few times. It's nakedly self-indulgent and I recognise that it's not the best hook to draw you in. I'm glad that you guys found it interesting nevertheless. I hadn't noticed the muddled pronouns - thanks, I can iron that out. Perhaps I can explore pokémon psychology - well, Bulbasaur's psychology - more in this ...

So moral of the story, watch your pronouns and paragraph breaks?

Point well taken. The paragraphing does need some ironing out. On the introduction of Nurse Joy, yeah, maybe if I'd made "nurse" into "Nurse", would that be less confusing?

About the battle. I'm going to say now that I find writing battles the hardest part of pokémon fanfiction, so thanks for the constructive comments on that part. I did write the battle that short, but if it looks like it's been cut down then there's a problem, methinks. Hmm, yes, perhaps the end is abrupt.

I'd best not ramble on forever - I could say something about everything in your reviews! I had intended to post another couple of chapters this week, but what with Uni work, and now wanting to make some changes that's probably not going to happen. Thanks again for the reviews, I've got a lot to think about now!

 

[Beth Pavell]

Version History:

Spoiler

1.2 : Altered dialogue layout in line with common fanfiction convention
1.3 : Made some technical corrections
1.4 : Clarified geography - Union Wood Pokémon Centre clarified as the sole Pokémon Centre on Route 32
1.5 : Changed battle opponent from Spinarak to Wooper. Added reasoning for why Josh doesn't get on with his dad
1.6 : Revised some of Josh's dialogue

Chapter Two - A Real Trainer (Version 1.6)

“Alright, Bulbasaur, once more. Tackle!”

Bulbasaur spun to face his opponent, a lively wooper. Its trainer was a boy from one of the little villages in the outskirts of the highland forest. He was an impetuous young lad, full dire threats and boasts of power. It wasn't lost on Josh that he was battling a truant schoolboy. Apparently the lad had been waiting in the woodland ready to ambush a passing trainer. Josh watched Bulbasaur charge over the damp mat of conifer needles with a smile. Bulbasaur had grown used to battle in a matter of days and he seemed to like it.

“Tackles won't stop Wooper! You'll be sorry you came across me!” the boy yelled. He hopped excitedly from foot-to-foot. “Wooper, Water Gun!”

“Ignore it, Bulbasaur,” Josh said, arms folded.

Wooper hopped up onto a dead log and spat a pressurised stream of water at Bulbasaur. Undaunted, Bulbasaur charged through the spray; with a leap and a battle cry he knocked Wooper from its perch with a flying Tackle. Wooper tumbled off downhill and crashed into a pile of dead needles.

“That's victory, kid,” said Josh.

“No it's not! Wooper isn't done yet, he's still going!” the kid shouted back at him.

“Kid, it's not moving. You've lost this battle, let it rest.”

“We hadn't lost a battle in weeks till you came along! That pokémon isn't even from Johto! Wooper, return!”

Josh shook his head in disapproval, watching the truant boy run off downhill on the woodland path. He'd been getting that kind of response more often than he'd like these past few days. Some kid would challenge him and refuse to take no for an answer, then find some excuse to blame him for their loss. Bulbasaur was enjoying the exercise, but Josh wondered whether he would have got better practice following the south-eastern road instead.

Bulbasaur loped back up the hill, still full of energy. He rumbled his contentment as Josh rubbed his head and bulb. Josh had always thought his pokémon was special. Bulbasaur was greener than usual for his species, his bulb a rich mossy colour. The irregular olive markings on his face looked a bit like a sunburst exploding across his brow. Time out in the fresh air was working its subtle magic. Bulbasaur had never been an unhealthy pokémon, but the journey was certainly putting some definition on his muscles.

Josh sat himself down on a log, absent-mindedly feeding Bulbasaur nitrogen supplements. The journeying itself wasn't bad, at least, walking in the clean air among trees that had been left to grow as they pleased. Mulberry Town was not a tree-friendly place. Trees were automatically seen as safety hazards, to be crudely pollarded well before old age could rot their wooden hearts.

“But we haven't learnt enough, have we old friend?” he murmured.

“Bulba?”

“These battles am too easy for you. Ye've had no room to grow. Too easy for me, too …” Josh thought about the past few days, and all the times he and Bulbasaur had battled. They weren't battling trainers, they were battling kids and housewives with the family pokémon. Any serious trainer would still squash them flat.

“Do ye remember our battle against Joy a couple of weeks ago? With her ledyba? We could do with more battles like that.”

Bulbasaur leapt back and barked indignantly. “Don't be giving me that look. I know ye like to win but the Gym Leader's not going to be using pokémon like that wooper.”

Bulbasaur still looked uncertain. Josh heaved a sigh. His pokémon was easily pleased, that was the problem. It was his own fault. Pokémon tended to pick up on the habits of their trainers, and Josh had never been seriously competitive before.

“Come on. It's getting late – we had better get to the next Pokémon Centre before dusk.”

*​

Route 32 runs southwards from Violet City, following the sea on the east and skirting the hilly forests to the west. The coastward road is well-maintained but long, passing by fishing villages and travel lodges, but the western side is the route less travelled, splitting into hilly forest paths that connect isolated highland villages. The villagers cultivate small orchards and plantations, powered by their own little solar or wind generators. Through those pine forests Josh walked on, trying to find a path passing north of Union Cave. The sun slid down in the sky, bringing a cold evening just as the forest path gave way to a village lane, bordered on either side by razz berry canes. A middle-aged woman in rough gardener's wear stood gazing pensively at the canes.

“Excuse me?” Josh called. “Whereabouts is the Pokémon Centre?”

“You're a little late. The Centre here closed down ten months ago. The nearest Centre is down at Union Wood now,” she replied, still concentrating on the razz berries.

“What? But it's on the map …” Josh said, double-checking his Pokégear.

“I'm afraid news from here takes a while to reach the outside world. Maps tend to be a little out of date.”

Josh pinched the bridge of his nose. With a bit of imagination he could supplement what provisions he had with wild foods from the forest, but there was nothing that could be done about sleeping. “Fantastic. This poses a problem.”

The woman turned to look at him for the first time. She had shoulder-length blonde hair and a kind, quizzical expression. “You see, I was hoping to stay at the Pokémon Centre for the night. I have no tent and could have done with using the cafeteria …”

“You shouldn't try and stay out in the woods all night,” the woman replied, her face all concern. “You can stay at the house for the night; my husband will make room for you on the sofa.”

“Would you do that? I could pay you for the night,” Josh said.

“Oh, nonsense! I would not dream of it. You can call me Mary, by the way.”

“I'm most grateful for this,” said Josh as Mary led him down the lane, winding round to a house tucked away behind a prickly holly hedge. The house was a sprawl of extensions; some quite old, others obviously modern. The front door had a fresh spray of sugar pine fastened to it, opening to reveal a hallway as eclectic in age as the exterior. Mary led him inside, kindly but firmly insisting that he remove his boots. From the end of the hallway came an array of familial, domestic sorts of sounds. A man stepped round into the hallway, drying his hands on a kitchen towel. Tall, with a neat brown moustache, he threw Josh an appraising glance.

“Another one for dinner, Greg,” said Mary. “The lad was trying to stay at the old Centre.”

Greg gave an approving nod. “Come on through,” he said.

The kitchen was scrupulously clean, except where it was populated by Mary's two small daughters. They pestered Josh with questions all the way through a huge dinner despite their mother's admonishments. Josh answered them as best he could, trying not to seem aloof. Greg said little, but his wife couldn't be hospitable enough. Eventually Josh just had to ask the question that had been bothering him all through the meal.

“It's really nice of you to offer me all this, but how is it you have this much to spare?”

“The fridge broke again,” one of the girls piped up.

“Mouth closed when you chew, Stephanie,” said Greg in his slow voice. “Our solar generator hasn't been working as it should. Some mornings I wake to find the battery dead, and then there's nothing to power the irrigation lines. It's no big problem for an orchard owner, but we've got razz berries. They need their water.”

“We've been over the generator a hundred times. There's nothing wrong with it. And it's our electrical power for the house, too. The food needs eating, you feel free,” Mary said. Josh sat in thought for a moment. There was something vaguely familiar about the story.

“It happens in the mornings? So you've never found the battery dead halfway through the day?” Josh asked. Greg shook his head wearily. “I've an idea. I'll watch your generator tonight and see what happens. Call it payment for your kindness.”

“Oh no, you don't have to pay us, son,” Greg replied hastily. “I was going to do the same myself in any case.”

“Sir, I insist. At least I can be an extra pair of eyes.”

“Well, if I can't change your mind. We'll go out at ten.”

*​

It was nearing midnight, and Josh had been half-hidden behind a bush with Greg for nearly two hours. The solar generator lay seven or eight yards in front of them, a concrete shed at the centre of a web of wires. This far away from the cities, the moon cast just enough light to see by. Josh thought he could see shadows moving oddly in the treeline behind the shed. Was it a trick of the dim moonlight? Was it something moving?

Josh glanced back at Greg crouched stock-still beside him. He seemed to have a similar brand of quiet stoicism to his own father. Dad never said very much, at least not with words. No, Dad communicated as much with body language, with its own vast lexicon … except when Josh chose to do things his own way. It didn't matter whether it was about how best to sell his jewellery or whether pokémon training was a good idea – he would incessantly keep trying to cross swords over it. It was suffocating, and frankly one of the main reasons Josh couldn't stand to stay in Mulberry much longer.

The shadows under the trees were still moving oddly, as if trying to convince Josh that they had never moved at all … and then, low whines, drawn-out like stereo feedback, sounded out across the clearing.

“Did you hear that?” he whispered to Greg. Greg nodded slowly, trying to see where it came from. Then, shadows detached themselves from the treeline, gliding into the clearing. One hovered above the shed, silhouetted against the sky. It looked like a sphere with two crescent shapes on either side. “Magnemite!” Josh said in an excited whisper.

“Hey!” Greg roared, scaring Josh out his skin. In an almighty cracking of bush branches he jumped out of their hiding place, torch brandished at a trio of magnemite that were following the wires to the generator shed. They pivoted on the spot in alarm, staring inscrutably at Greg with their wide eyes, unblinking in the light of the torch beam. Then as suddenly as they had arrived, they scattered in different directions.

“You too, laggard!” Greg bellowed. There was one left, still hovering defiantly. Josh jumped up, filled with a strange excitement. He snatched at his belt for Bulbasaur.

“Go Bulbasaur! Time to battle!”

Out popped Bulbasaur in a blaze of light, blinking curiously at the magnemite hovering before him. Magnemite swooped; Bulbasaur leapt at the metallic pokémon without hesitation. The two collided in mid-air, Bulbasaur landing on his feet with a thump. Magnemite hesitated, as if startled.

“Another Tackle, go!” said Josh. He was confident Bulbasaur could win a battle of Tackle attacks. His pokémon duelled with the magnemite, trying to wear down its resolve as they leapt and dodged. The magnemite swooped in high from the left and it looked as though it might score a dead on hit. Josh opened his mouth to order Bulbasaur to dodge though he knew it would be too late.

Out from under Bulbasaur’s bulb whipped a green vine that swatted magnemite aside. Bulbasaur spun round with a growl, extruding another and seizing magnemite with both vines. Magnemite started to whine, growing quickly in volume and pitch till it passed beyond hearing. Supersonic! Josh thought. As he frantically tried to think of a way to counter-attack, he saw Bulbasaur slowly glare up at the magnemite in his grasp.

“Could it be …?” Josh whispered. With a deft flick of its vines Bulbasaur flung the magnemite into the generator shed. There was a sharp ping of metal on concrete – and then the magnemite was drifting to the ground, spinning drunkenly. Josh plunged his hand into a pocket, grabbing the first Poké Ball he found.

“Go!” he yelled, throwing it clumsily over arm. The ball spun erratically in flight, glanced off the dazed magnemite, sucked the dazed pokémon inside, fell to the ground. There was dead silence but for the sound of the Poké Ball rattling fretfully as the button light flashed on and off.

… ping!

“... I caught it.” Josh picked the now-silent ball up. The plastic felt cold in his hands. “My first capture.” Bulbasaur wandered over and sat himself down next to his master, looking thoroughly pleased with himself. As Josh looked at the ball shining in the moonlight, for the first time since leaving Mulberry Town he felt like a real trainer.

Next Chapter: The Girl from Cherrygrove City

 

[Beth Pavell]

Version History:

Spoiler

1.2 : Altered dialogue layout in line with common fanfiction convention

Chapter Three - The Girl from Cherrygrove City (Version 1.2)

The sun slid down in the sky, bringing a cold evening. The wind tasted of sea-salt as it came gusting in over Route 32. Up in the branches of a sturdy ash, a girl sat giving the landscape a critical look. North and south ran the road – tarmacked, and cobbled on either side to accommodate the frequent foot traffic. Westwards, a dirt track led to the uplands and then to the pine forests of the hills. To the south and east the trees thickened, marching on until they became the Union Wood. Somewhere hidden in a fold in the land lay the village of the same name, and the last Pokémon Centre of Route 32.

Evelina huffed ruefully. It was no good. Both she and her pokémon were tired from the day, her hair was full of salt, and she needed a hot meal. Whether she liked it or not, she’d have to spend the night at Union Pokémon Centre.

A soft yowl from above made her look up. Her meowth had found his way into the higher branches of the tree, where he now stood smirking shiftily down at his trainer. He had an air of coiled spring about him, with the ragged whiskers and scarred face of a cunning old street tom. Evelina looked back at the landscape, pretending to take no more notice of her pokémon. She swung a hand casually down to her sock, watching Meowth out of the corner of her eye.

“Return!” The recall beam struck Meowth mid-leap. My turn to smirk now, Evelina thought. Hiding the Poké Ball in her sock had paid off this time. She wasn’t sure why Meowth insisted on playing this game. He was never disobedient in battle, and even if she missed him the first few times he would always return to his Poké Ball in the end. Maybe the street tom was just making a point.

Evelina clambered down from her tree and headed off down the southward road. The twilit air was filled with the sounds of pokémon bedding down for the night – pidgey muttering in the trees, wild mareep calling to one another in the fields. An ekans eyed her suspiciously from the long grass before slithering away on business of its own. Evelina took no notice. She was just too tired, stumping rather than striding down the road, her boots clacking on the cobbles. She was beginning to regret her decision to go looking for krabby among the rock pools that morning at low tide. The clashing waves had nearly drenched her to her skin as they foamed about the rocks. A waterproof jacket had staved off the worst of it, but even so her hair felt like it would crackle if she tried to run her fingers through it.

The world turned to shades of grey in the gathering dusk. The crescent moon replaced the sun, and the shadows under the trees deepened to a charcoal black. Union Wood was now as dark as a cave, though the ribbon of the road stood out starkly in the moonlight. The sight of dark shapes flitting around in the air made Evelina pause her march. Their flight was rather erratic, but there were definitely three pokémon circling above her head. They were being careful not to silhouette themselves against the sky, keeping to the shadows cast by the trees. Something about their interest made Evelina want to reach for her Poké Balls … instead she reached for her Pokédex.

Be-beep!

“Zubat, the Bat Pokémon. Zubat rest in caves during the day, and emerge at nightfall. Zubat have been known to attack solitary travellers on the road.”

Just a trio of zubat stretching their wings, she told herself, biting her lip. There’s no reason to think that they’ll attack. Maybe they’re just curious. Yes, just three curious zubat, just stretching their wiiings! – something swooped past her ear, leathery wings flapping madly as it tried to land. She shrieked and beat it off. She grabbed a Poké Ball – Meowth’s Poké Ball – and popped it open with shaking hands.

Meowth instantly swiped at a passing zubat, hissing with rage. “Double Team!” his trainer called out, and he leapt to obey. Evelina saw Meowth copy himself six, seven, eight times, fending off the zubat with precise Cut attacks. In the moonlight she could hardly follow the battle. The ringleader swooped in again. Meowth climbed his trainer like a tree and took a flying leap off her shoulder, claws outstretched and howling. He collided with the zubat, bearing it to the ground, raining down Fury Swipes.

“That’s enough Meowth. To me,” Evelina called, her voice shaky. The other zubat had fled in the face of Meowth’s ire. Meowth backed off reluctantly, returning to his trainer for a scratch behind the ears. Evelina saw his chest rising and falling rapidly, though the proud tom tried to hide it. He was tired, but he’d found energy to battle when she needed him to.

“Well fought, you. Take a rest, huh? Let me take care of you now.” Meowth didn't protest as she recalled him to his Ball. Too tired to argue. Evelina took a deep, shuddery breath and headed off again at a jog. Her tired legs gave no protest, the adrenaline coursing through her giving her one last push. The night pokémon rustled in the undergrowth – but reassuringly, the click of a zubat’s echolocation was nowhere to be heard.

Presently, she came to a fork in the road. On the right, a wooden signpost pointed towards Union Cave. Left, and Evelina could see the village of Union Wood twinkling invitingly half a mile down the road. Union Cave will have to wait, she thought, and took the left-hand path.

*​

Union Pokémon Centre fronted onto the village green, right in the heart of Union Wood. The Centre was some four hundred years old, converted from the village coaching inn. Built from stone and ancient oak, it was the kind of building that was just too old and strong to be knocked down. Where once the pub sign hung above the door, now there was fixed a large red P, backlit sharply with a halogen lamp. In all other respects, however, the inn looked much the same as it had for centuries - a quaint 16th century relic repurposed for modern times.

Friendly yellow light splashed from the windows and open doors. Inside, what was once the bar area was now a wide lounge, lit by electric sconces and backed by the main desk. Instead of the familiar crisp white plastic common to most Pokémon Centres, the desk was the remains of the old bar, an oaken construction worn smooth down the years by the hands of countless people.

A few scattered trainers were hanging out in the lounge when Evelina entered. A flatscreen TV murmured on the left-hand wall, while behind the main desk the Centre nurse was idly filling out paperwork. Well, there was nothing for it. Evelina gritted her teeth and approached the desk. Looking up, the nurse’s smile remained steadfastly pasted onto her face, but Evelina spotted the tiny double take, the flicker of recognition in her eyes.

“Good evening,” she said. No ‘How may I help you’, Evelina thought.

“My pokémon are exhausted and so am I. I need a bed for the night, if you have one.”

“I’ll see to your pokémon now.”

“And the bed?”

“I think we have one available,” Joy replied, unhelpfully. The two Joys stared at each other. Evelina decided that she’d had enough.

“Look I know what you’re thinking. And you know I know what you’re thinking. So why don’t you just say it? I’m too tired to play family games.”

“You’d be the girl from Cherrygrove City? Gabriella’s eldest.”

“My name is Evelina. I am a pokémon trainer, and I need a bed. Am I going to sleep here tonight or not?”

“There is space,” Joy snapped. “Hand me your pokémon. I’ll check them out – not that I should have to.”

“Sure you don’t want to check my trainer’s license first?”

Joy ignored the sarcasm and took the proffered Poké Balls, smile still glued to her face. Some of the other trainers had noticed the hostility at the desk and were guilelessly eavesdropping. Evelina gave them a full hands-on-hips glare, daring anyone to pass comment. No-one did. She leant on the desk drumming her fingers for a moment. She’d seen that look before. It was the same look she’d got at the Violet City Pokémon Centre. It was the same look she’d got from any number of relatives, when all the other girls were getting ready to go to nursing college.

Well, here was another aunt who certainly wasn't going to be her best friend. She might as well make the best of it. The other trainers still watching her out of eye corners, she smartly vaulted the desk, signed herself in, and helped herself to a locker key. Despite her scowl, Evelina was beginning to feel more optimistic. Her aunt may well at this moment be on the phone to the Cherrygrove City Pokémon Centre, but gossip was endless. Right now, what mattered was a hot dinner and a shower.

*​

Half an hour later, Evelina sat sprawled in the shower, smiling to herself. Blessedly hot water ran in rivulets down her shoulders. Salt and sweat swirled away down the plug, and so too did the accumulated annoyances of the day. For now, in the steamy sanctuary of the shower, life was simple and uninterrupted. Later, it wouldn't be, but Evelina was sure she could put off being annoyed again until after dinner. For now, life was simple.

The shower room door opened and closed, somewhere beyond the veil of steam. Evelina ignored it. She was thinking about the adventure ahead. Azalea Town wasn't far now, not with Union Cave so close. A short jaunt through the Cave, then across Route 33, and she’d be on the doorstep of the Azalea Town Gym. Evelina giggled with excitement – another Gym, and another Gym Badge!

She could do with catching another pokémon, if she was to challenge the Azalea Gym. Not because she was liable to lose with Ledyba and Meowth. Bug-type pokémon weren’t going to have a type advantage over her pair of scallywags. No, rather it was because she hadn't caught a pokémon since starting her journey. Meowth she’d caught a little over a year ago. Ledyba had been captured when she was sixteen. Each of her pokémon was special in their own way … Ledyba, aggressive and confident. Meowth, old and cunning. If she was to catch another pokémon, it would be a pokémon that was special in some way.

Not to worry, Evelina thought. I’ll know it when I see it.

Next Chapter: Over Hill, Under Hill

Atlas - Little Nowhere Places:

Spoiler

Union Wood is another logical extrapolation from an in-game location. There's a Pokémon Centre by some trees at the bottom of Route 32 – add a village and a logical name and there you have it. There are lots of places like it in rural England, little nowhere places that you'd never even notice unless you were lost. Union Wood is a practically boring name compared to what some of these villages are called.

 

[Beth Pavell]

Spoiler: Version History

1.3 : Rewrote the Union Cave description
1.4 : Revised some of Josh's dialogue

Chapter Four – Over Hill, Under Hill (Version 1.4)

Joshua​

Josh was sulking. Rain hammered down in silvery sheets and went gurgling away down the rocky paths. It drizzled off the ends of tree branches and dripped off pine needles. It whipped capriciously under shelters. Sat under the damp eaves of a hemlock, Josh watched the downpour sullenly. He had planned to cross over the mountain in little over half a day, and so come to Route 33 well before sunset. The weather, though, had other ideas.

Thunder rumbled overhead. It should have been a sensible plan. On the map, Union Cave looked to be longer and just as difficult as the mountain path. Being unfamiliar with mountain weather, Josh had been relying on the clear skies report from his Pokégear's weather app. So much for that – this rainstorm had seemingly blown in from nowhere.

The wind tried to drive rain under the shaggy hemlock branches. Josh zipped his old brown jacket right up to his chin, and wondered whether he should have tried to relocate to Olivine City or Goldenrod – somewhere his degree would be in higher demand. Well, that was the conundrum, right there. There was no guarantee that he'd manage to find work before his living money ran out. It was the sort of risk that would either pay off handsomely, or cost hundreds of dollars to no gain. On the whole it wasn't a risk Josh was willing to take, though he couldn't help but sometimes wonder if he'd made the right decision.

The pokémon he was sharing the shelter with wasn’t helping, either. Nestled snugly in the branches of the hemlock, a hoothoot watched him unblinkingly with its round, red eyes. The rain didn’t seem to be bothering it at all. Josh scowled up at it.

“Did you get up early just to watch me get soaked?” Hoothoot just hooted insolently back. Josh’s brow furrowed again. He was beginning to suspect that the owl was laughing at him. Damn it. Four, maybe five miles to the west the path ran until it reached the top of a wide valley. A lively stream ran through it, but there were steps carved into the rock – good, safe steps. That was the Granite Pass, and walking downhill it would have been possible to be in the next village well before nightfall - if it hadn’t rained.

Just as Josh was considering throwing something at the hoothoot, the rain slackened off. Thunder still rumbled further up the mountainside, but here on the lower slopes the downpour slowed to a scattered drizzle. Josh emerged stiffly from beneath the tree. There was still enough time to reach the Granite Pass before nightfall. Reaching to his belt, he unsnapped a Poké Ball from its clasp. Time to get to know his new pokémon.

“Out you come, Magnemite,” he said. Magnemite didn’t appear to be at all fazed by its capture. It just hovered, gazing blankly at him.

“Er. So. Magnemite,” said Josh. “Looks like I’m your new trainer. No hard feelings over being caught, right?”

Magnemite stared back.

“We could be good friends, you know. Just ask Bulbasaur.”

Stare.

“I thought we could walk to the pass together,” he continued. “Get to know each other, sort of thing. Er.”

Stare.

“In a creepy way, you’re kind of cute really,” he said desperately.

Magnemite listed to its left. Josh tried to work out whether that meant Magnemite liked the compliment. Its constant stare was beginning to make his eyes water. He gazed southwards down the mountainside; the slopes dominated by graceful, pencil-straight Godwood cedars. Well, while I'm here. Josh walked over to the nearest Godwood and picked a sprig of the aromatic needles – they went well with lemon tea. When he looked back, Magnemite was determinedly making its way up the mountainside.

“Oi, where are you going?” Josh shouted. “Get back here!”

His pokémon made no answer, except to spin on its axis a couple of times. Josh growled in frustration and gave chase. His boots kicked up against the rocky ground and he stumbled as he ran. He fumbled for Magnemite’s Poké Ball as he leapt up a steep slope. Damn it! Who would have thought a magnemite would be so swift?

“You stop right there, you screwball!” he yelled. “Do ye hear me – ow!” Josh slipped on the wet leaf litter and fell hard. The Poké Ball went bouncing away down the slope. Magnemite watched in wide-eyed interest as its trainer scrambled to retrieve the Ball. Breathing heavily, Josh stabbed a threatening finger at his errant pokémon.

“Mag-nemiiiite,” it droned in return and was off again, winding randomly through the dripping cedars.

“Return!” The recall beam skipped off a tree and dissipated. His second and third attempts to recall Magnemite similarly failed – aiming a recall beam was difficult whilst simultaneously trying to chase it through the trees. Josh bared his teeth. Right, that tears it, he thought. He half-sprinted, half-leapt up the mountainside, dodging tree-trunks and ducking branches. A listing spray of sugar pine dumped a shower of rainwater down his neck. Cursing breathlessly, Josh trod heavily on a large rock and sent it tumbling away. “Geo!” it complained, swinging its fists.

He passed Magnemite, giving it a wide circling berth, running on another few yards before smartly hiding behind a tree. Magnemite lost sight of him. It swivelled about, looking in completely the wrong directions, and slowly twiddled its screws in their sockets with dull squeaking noise. Josh crept out from his hiding place – he managed to get within a few feet of Magnemite before it heard him.

“Magnemite!” it cried, just in time to see its trainer pounce.

“Gotcha!” he shouted in triumph, seizing his pokémon with a flying tackle. The pair tumbled and bounced wildly down the mountain until a pine log halted them with a jolt. Josh lay on the damp ground, clutching Magnemite firmly. His body started to register complaints – aching legs, thumping chest, banged head. A hollow boom split the air apart. Lightning flashed.

“Oh dear …”

The storm was closing back in.

*​

The thunderstorm rumbled down the mountains, lashing the slopes with sheets of water. The raindrops hit the ground so hard that they bounced back an inch or more. Black clouds brought on an early night. Lightning flashed, turning the forest into a stark tableau of dark trunks and silver rain.

The storm had been hanging around the uplands for days, gathering in power as it went. Now it dumped its accumulated strength in one go, joyously throwing everything it had at the hillsides. Pokémon huddled under logs and boulders to wait it out. At the eastern end of Union Cave, the tallest pine in the forest was split in half by a lightning strike. Granite Pass was a torrent of white water.

In the midst of it all, a trainer zigzagged through the forest, lost.

*​

Which way was west?

Josh squinted through the gloom, Magnemite hovering at his shoulder. Raindrops clustered on the lenses of his glasses blurred his vision. He swung his lantern left and right, looking for a landmark, any landmark, that might give him a clue as to where he was. The illumination from the brief flashes of lightning was no help at all – all he saw was a barcode forest, ranks of dark pines stretching in every direction.

Not for the first time, Josh cursed the mountain path. He cursed Magnemite too, for its disobedience. Somehow during the chase he must have lost his bearings. In the dark of the storm he had no idea which way he had drifted, east or west, north or south. By the light of his lantern he saw a cut-out view of the forest, a circular peep-hole filled with rain.

Lightning speared a tree, its heartwood bursting into flame regardless of the downpour. It wasn't much more than a furlong away – too close for comfort. Josh's imagination supplied a vivid image of boiling sap and wooden shrapnel. He fumbled in his jacket pocket for Magnemite’s Poké Ball.

“This is too dangerous. Get in, now,” he commanded, recalling it.

Which way was west?

He headed downhill, on the basis that it would eventually take him down to Route 32, or 33. Downhill was the only recognisable direction at this point, anyway. Josh shivered. The rain had soon soaked him through to the skin, and now his old jumper sat heavily on his shoulders. He could feel his socks squelching in his boots, though the pounding rain drowned out all sound.

For the umpteenth time that day he slipped on a patch of scree. In the dark he couldn’t see where to place his weight and so went tumbling down the slope yet again. Fresh scratches raised on his hands, with aching head he stumbled up to his feet. The lantern hadn’t broken in the fall – at least that was something.

An unpleasant tight sensation was growing in his chest. This is ridiculous, Josh thought, I’m never lost. But there were no landmarks! Nothing to recognise, nothing to steer by! Josh heaved down a few steadying breaths. Alright, calm down, he told himself. Keep heading downhill. He methodically panned his lantern around again, and his heart leapt. There, further downhill, a gap in the forest! He was closer to the foothills than he’d thought.

Heading towards the gap with renewed purpose, Josh tried to wipe the rain from his glasses. It made no difference – the drops just smeared and were replaced in seconds anyway. The thunder seemed to grind and roar ever louder. Josh paused, confused. Was that thunder? He strained to hear past the lashing rain. It sounded deep, throaty, not like the hollow boom of thunder.

A particularly bright lightning strike lit up the forest. For a few seconds Josh could see clearly. About twenty feet away, a fully-grown onix was watching him and roaring. Josh spat out a curse and fled. An onix! A bloody territorial onix! He risked a glance behind – it was following, still roaring. What was an onix doing out in a thunderstorm?

He changed direction, half-running, half-leaping downhill. Picking up speed, he laughed breathlessly. Try and catch me now, boulder-boy! The laughter died in his throat as the onix went crashing by like a runaway train, smashing trees like matchsticks as it went. It turned, head held low to the ground. It opened its mouth wide, and screeched.

The noise was awful. Josh clapped his hands to his ears, and screamed.

Josh wasn’t sure how long the Screech went on for. His eardrums throbbed. Onix lay motionless amid the ruined trees, watching him. Josh wondered why it hadn’t attacked. What was it trying to do? He looked past the onix to the tree-gap, looking for a nest or lair of some kind. The rain eased off a little, and scarce feet away, a flash of lightning revealed –

… yawning depths, sheer cliffs, a black chasm …

Josh hurriedly threw an arm around a broken tree trunk.

“Unk,” he managed. He clutched the broken trunk like a child clinging to his mother, shut his eyes and waited patiently for the world to stop spinning. Eventually, the ringing in his ears dimmed a little, and he dared to let go.

“You were trying to warn me about the cliff, weren’t you?” he said. The onix seemed to relax. Josh supposed that meant it had understood. It was an imposing pokémon, especially in the gloom of the storm – a good thirty feet long, and darker coloured than most of its species. Its body was rounded rather than rugged, smoothened from years of tunnelling. The look it gave Josh was somehow old, like a stern but kindly grandfather.

Crunching over pulverised wood, Onix slithered a little way along the cliff. It partly turned back, staring expectantly. Josh followed cautiously, taking care to keep the onix between himself and the cliff face beyond. The old pokémon led him down a ledge that wound down the sheer side of the mountain. It kept glancing back to make sure that Josh was still there, seemingly unafraid of the yawning depths.

Eventually, Onix stopped at an apparently random spot. It coiled itself up slightly, its massive bulk only just squeezing onto the path. Without warning, it roared and smashed its way into the cliff face. The ground rumbled and shook, the night filled with the elemental sound of rock grinding on rock as it squirmed through the mountainside.

Josh cautiously shone his lantern down the tunnel. Tremors vibrated up from far underground. He hesitated, nervy at the prospect of following down an onix's burrow. He mentally shook himself. This old onix had stopped him from walking over the cliff edge, hadn’t it? There was something in the look on its face – that grandfatherly expression – that suggested it knew very well what it was doing. Josh slid himself into the tunnel, took a deep breath, and was gone.

*​

Deep underground, Josh struggled through the living rock. He cursed sincerely and often in his hometown dialect; slithering down an onix-pit turned out to be a difficult, grubby, claustrophobic business. He wasn't really feeling afraid any more, so much as persistent, deep-rooted apprehension. A change in the dispersal of the light seemed to reveal an end to the tunnel. Relieved, tired and sore, he slid down the last few yards and fell into a spacious, airy cavern.

Josh painfully regained his feet and panned his lantern around the cavern. The ceiling soared up four, maybe five fathoms – why did it occur to him to estimate it in terms of depth? - the cold electric light touching off galleries of stalactites. A wide pool covered almost half of the cavern floor, the surface perfectly still, like a molten mirror, speckled with peach-coloured stromatolites. The walls were frosted with some variety of chalk-white moss.

“Oh my …” Josh breathed. He’d heard stories of underground lakes hidden in obscure corners of Union Cave. How many people had seen this chamber, he wondered, stepping around the edge of the pool with reverent care, like a man in a cathedral – to disturb the water would be unthinkable, a sacrilege.

That wasn't really moss, was it? A closer look showed them to be an intricate, delicate forest of crystals, like tiny heads of club moss and bracken sprays, twinkling shyly in the lantern-light.

Exhaustion was trying to catch up with him. Josh blinked hard in an effort to stay awake. There was another tunnel on the far side of the cavern, leading off into the dark. Josh shone his lantern down it, trying to think through the fog of exhaustion. After a while, he released Magnemite.

“Alright, listen you,” he said wearily. “Watch for other pokémon and listen for my orders. Understand?”

Magnemite said nothing. It was staring off into the blackness.

“Magnemite. Understand?”

“Magnemite!” it droned urgently, rapidly hovering down the tunnel.

“Oi! I'm the pathfinder. Don't make me recall you!” Stumbling with exhaustion, he chased his pokémon into the depths of Union Cave.

Next Chapter: Matters of Grace

 

[Beth Pavell]

Version History:

Spoiler

1.2 : Altered dialogue layout in line with common fanfiction convention

Chapter Five – Matters of Grace (Version 1.2)

Joshua​

A grey dawn broke over Route 33. It was a pale, shivery sort of morning, cloaked in the subdued calm that comes after a storm. The sun rose lethargically through shredded clouds that hung high and wispy above the world.

Tucked under a bush, Josh lay in that content, fluffy place between sleeping and waking – not quite asleep, but not quite awake either. The morning air had a fresh, washed out smell, the smell you only get after rain. Sensations filtered in one by one – the rustling of leaves, hoppip piping, the feel of the sleeping bag.

A fuzzy thought rose in Josh’s brain. But I don’t own a sleeping bag …

Reluctantly, Josh made himself wake up properly. After a brief squint around for his glasses, he sat up and took a first look at the morning. He was lying in a grassy hollow, sheltered from the wind by a thick tangle of bushes. His clothes had been left to dry in the breeze, thrown over an A-frame fashioned from hazel sticks. Josh stared blankly at them. Vague memories of last night floated through his mind. Exhaustion. Finding a way through Union Cave. Coming to Route 33.

A metallic glint caught his eye, and Josh looked up at Magnemite hovering, and watching. For some reason best known to itself, it was slowly orbiting the campsite. The expression on its strange, artificial face was as inscrutable as ever.

“So you’ve decided to hang around then?” Josh asked sharply. Magnemite gave no answer. It was not, on the whole, a complicated creature but it had stayed by its trainer’s side all through the night. Dead on his feet, its trainer had fallen straight into a deep sleep. In the grey half-light before sunrise a group of zubat showed rather a lot of interest in the sleeping trainer. Magnemite decided it didn’t like that. It flicked electricity at them until they gave up and flew away. Something in Magnemite’s electronic mind sensed that its trainer was annoyed with it. Magnemite decided to wait for an order, so it could obey and then its trainer wouldn’t be annoyed any more.

Despite himself, Josh softened a little. Magnemite had been out of its Poké Ball all night and it hadn’t wandered off. Maybe it was warming to him after all. That little magnet pokémon was a mystery.

The sleeping bag was another. It was a business-like affair; warm on the inside, tough and waterproof on the outside. The bag was dull green in colour, unadorned except for a single logo. It looked like a stylised Poké Ball superimposed on a black background, surrounded by a laurel wreath. A pokémon ranger’s bag? Josh thought. The events of last night were still a little hazy. He could only assume that he had met a ranger last night, and borrowed this sleeping bag.

As he dressed and got ready to make a move, he sorted through the memories of the last twenty-four hours. They had a curiously unreal quality, as if being lost and wet and frightened had happened to someone else. In the calm of the morning, with the smell-after-rain rising off the turf, it was hard to really recall the heart-thumping fear of having nearly run off a cliff after being apparently chased by bull onix. And the memory of the cave, the magical dancing lights shining from mirror-perfect pools – that too felt like it had been something merely dreamt, or hallucinated.

Josh smirked wryly to himself. Damp clothes feel real - laying eyes on a natural wonder does not. That seemed like it should be the other way round. He swung his bag over his shoulder, hefted the now repacked sleeping bag, and went to look for the road.

*​

The road to Azalea Town is a short one, running past wide fields until it bends north to meet the eaves of the Charwood. A trainer was hurrying west along the track, passing over the last few miles of the Route. His magnemite trailed after him - stopping occasionally to stare at things - and by mid-morning he’d left the fields far behind.

Josh was feeling almost cheerful. Over the last few miles his clothes had dried out properly and he was confident that Azalea Town was no more than an hour away. On the right sparse evergreen woods lined the path; on the left rose a low outcrop of red clay. The smells of pine resin and wet clay mingled pleasantly in the cool air. He’d just stopped to read a signpost when a boisterous voice called out: “Yo trainer! How many Badges do you have?”

This was shouted down by a young man up on the outcrop. He was about Josh’s own age, though taller and broader.

“None,” he called back. “Why do you ask?”

“None at all? Aww, you’re kidding me?”

“None as yet,” Josh shrugged.

“Well, whatever.” The guy slid down the steep clay with perfect balance. For some reason he’d decided to walk about as though he’d just come from the beach – light blue hoodie with a funky wave design, three-quarter length shorts, even sandals, for heaven’s sake. His blond hair had a fashionably salt-damaged appearance. “You’ll do anyway.”

“I’ll do for what?” said Josh.

“A battle, trainer, a battle. You won’t win, but you’ll do for practice.”

“Practice. And what, exactly, guarantees you victory?” Josh asked coldly.

“Trainer, you’re lookin’ at an alumnus of the Dewford Island Gym!” he said with a smirk. “Name’s Tyler Bradshaw, remember it, ‘cause it’s a name for a champion!”

Dewford Island. Josh had been there once, for a holiday. They had laughed at him, because he was skinny and nerdy, and he couldn’t swim, much less surf, because he had a bulbasaur and not an aron. And then one of the pretty surfer girls had asked him out as he sat drinking bad coffee, with her friends laughing at him and waiting to see if he’d fall for it. Josh spotted the trap easily, but it didn’t matter. He was still entertainment.

“I accept your challenge. One-on-one, no time limit,” he said, unsnapping Bulbasaur’s Poké Ball.

“Hah! One-on-one it is, trainer,” Tyler said. “Go Machop!”

“Battle’s on Bulbasaur!”

Tyler’s Machop slowly pounded a fist into its palm in an attempt to intimidate Bulbasaur. Its oversized muscles rippled smoothly under grey skin. “Careful,” Josh ordered. Machop looked hale and healthy – Josh wasn’t sure what it could do. Bulbasaur paced at a safe distance, growling.

“Machop! Start it off,” called Tyler, suddenly serious. “Karate Chop!”

Machop closed the distance at a run, arrow-quick. Bulbasaur deftly ducked under the first swing, and caught a backhand blow under the chin from the other hand. He threw himself into a roll and thumped back with a Tackle. Bulbasaur leapt again but Machop neatly dodged with a backward-roll.

“Keep your distance,” Josh said. “Leech Seed!”

Bulbasaur fired the Leech Seed high on a classic looping trajectory. Machop side-stepped, darted in, and kicked Bulbasaur’s legs from beneath him. Bulbasaur landed heavily and fired again. This time the seed was batted way with a casual flick of the hand.

“Bullet Punch!” Tyler ordered. Machop blurred and smacked a fist into Bulbasaur’s side. A smirk was starting to form on Tyler’s face as he watched his pokémon dart in and out. Josh smirked inwardly. Got you.

“Leech Seed, fire it flat!” he called. Bulbasaur crouched and let fly as Machop stepped in for a Karate Chop. The seed whistled in and struck Machop on the arm, putting out a mass of tendrils and binding the arm tight.

Machop flailed its arm and tugged at the tendrils, but the seed held fast. The smirk had gone from Tyler’s face – Josh could see Tyler knew as well as he did that the Leech Seed would sit there, quietly sapping away Machop’s energy until Bulbasaur chose to reclaim it. And now Machop had dropped its guard …

“Vine Whip!” The vine made a loud crack as the blow connected. Bulbasaur didn’t give his opponent time to recover, smacking his other vine into the back of Machop’s legs and scything it down like a stalk. Machop rolled to dodge one lashing vine only to take a stinging blow from the other.

“Machop! Use your Karate Chop and block the blows!” Tyler called.

“Keep up Vine Whip! Beat it down!”

Josh watched the battle clinically. Tyler’s pokémon fended off Bulbasaur’s Vine Whips with its forearm, blocking some blows, deflecting others. It can’t keep up this attrition, Josh thought. Bulbasaur can reclaim the Leech Seed at any time to heal himself. This battle is mine.

“Grab the vines and pull, Machop!”

Machop’s hands shot out and seized Bulbasaur’s vines, faster than Josh had thought possible. So fast. Bulbasaur tried to tug free as Machop tightened its grip. A triumphant look flared in its red eyes. It yanked hard, dragging Bulbasaur to the ground. Bulbasaur howled in pain.

The Leech Seed unwrapped itself from around Machop’s arm and flew back to its maker, bringing the stolen energy with it. Bulbasaur hauled himself to his feet and growled his defiance. Fierce pride welled in Josh’s chest. Just look at that tenacity! Tyler was saying something, but Josh wasn’t paying attention. The sight of Machop running in - fist drawn back for a Bullet Punch - snapped him back to the battle.

“Tackle!” he commanded, but Machop connected first. Bulbasaur Tackled in turn, but Machop simply rolled to its feet and thudded a Low Kick into Bulbasaur’s side. Machop drew back its hand and swung. Bulbasaur, too tired to dodge, caught the Karate Chop behind the ear.

“Bul!” he grunted almost resignedly, and lost his footing for a last time.

Josh held out Bulbasaur’s Poké Ball and recalled his unconscious pokémon. You tried so hard. Tyler was laughing. Josh’s heart sank. He’d really wanted to beat Tyler, to wipe that smug look off his face. They were so close to defeating him.

Tyler was still laughing at him. “Aww, man! Did I not tell you that I would win?”

“Calm down,” Josh told him. “You just won.”

“No, no, no, trainer. You lost, and I crushed you!”

“You could at least win with grace. The is such a thing as sportsmanship, you know.”

“Yeah, yeah, it’s funny how losers only ‘win with grace’!” Tyler said scornfully.

Josh began to frame a biting comeback, but thought better of it. It wouldn’t matter how clever it was - Tyler would just laugh all the more. You don’t have to lose with bad grace just because he wins without it, he told himself. He glanced round at Magnemite still hovering at his shoulder. It was staring steadily at Tyler. The patient intensity of its gaze struck Josh as somehow hostile. It whined its low, discordant stereo-feedback whine.

“Come on, Magnemite,” Josh told it. “Let’s go into town.” He turned his back to his grinning opponent. Magnemite followed reluctantly, hovering backwards so as to maintain its stare.

“Hey trainer!” Tyler called after him. “How does being a loser taste? Does it taste bitter?” Josh shut his ears and ignored the cat-calls. He walked quickly, taking long strides down the red clay path till he was well out of earshot. Tyler’s derisive laughter was still ringing in his ears. Josh wondered why that guy bothered him so. Guys like Tyler were common in this world, as far as he could see. They were the people who, as teenagers, had risen to the top of their little social ladder, and had stayed there. They were the people who were, in short, the cool kids.

Such juvenile class distinctions didn’t matter any more. Josh was twenty-one. He hadn’t considered himself a boy for a long while now, and it had been longer still since the casual scorn of his peers had got under his skin, as it had that one summer on Dewford Island. Maybe it was that, despite the fact that Josh was no longer a nerdy boy but a young man, Tyler was still acting like a boy of sixteen.

If I ever meet him again, I will defeat him. And I will do it with grace.

Josh found himself standing atop a low rise in the land. On the right, the Charwood marched on towards the north. The path struck out west, away from the eaves of the wood down the hillside. There, it became a country lane, bordered left and right with farmer’s fields. Beyond, perhaps a little over half a mile down the lane, Josh could see the outskirts of Azalea Town. Smoke was rising from chimneys, smudging the pale morning sky.

Which means the Azalea Town Gym isn’t far away … or my first Gym battle.

Next Chapter: Azalea Town

Atlas - Coal Fires and Chimneys:

Spoiler

Believe it or not, at 24 years old I remember a time when everyone I knew heated their homes with a coal fireplace. I used to live in a old post-war semi-detached house, the kind that had sparrows nesting in the brickwork and was completely the wrong sort of shape for efficient coal-fire heating. If a coal fire sounds romantic, well, it isn't when you have no other choice - the soot, the smuts, getting coal from the bunker, lighting the damn thing. The last sight of this chapter was inspired by those still mornings when everyone had their fire going, and every chimney had a curl of smoke rising out of it

 

[Beth Pavell]

Version History:

Spoiler

1.2 : Altered dialogue layout in line with common fanfiction convention
1.3 : Corrected description error - Eve wears a coat, not a jacket

Chapter Six – Azalea Town (Version 1.4)

Evelina​

The claw raked Ledyba hard across the face. She buzzed shrilly and corkscrewed away. A second Scratch attack ploughed a deep furrow into the dirt as she climbed out of her assailant’s reach. The battlefield was a rough rectangle in the dirt, little more than a clearing in the thickly clustered trees. The glass ceiling of the Gym broke the morning sun into beams that lanced down through the budding treetops.

Ledyba hovered in a sunbeam, her gauzy wings flickering ethereally against the light. Her flight was slightly erratic – the telltale sign of the lingering effects of poison. Evelina glanced across to her opponent, a young man in cargo shorts, wielding his bug net like a poleaxe. He wore the worryingly earnest expression of a true bug maniac. He seemed to vibrate slightly, as if the sight of two Bug-types battling on the same field was altogether too much excitement.

“Comet Punch!” Evelina ordered. Finish it quickly!

“Dig, Paras!”

Paras promptly disappeared in a cloud of dirt. Evelina growled in frustration as Ledyba hurriedly pulled out of her dive. Still stalling for time! She wondered how long Ledyba could last under the sinister effects of Poison Powder. Paras resurfaced at the edge of the field, clicking its mandibles and chanting “Parasparasparas!” excitedly.

“Tick, tick, tock!” its trainer called. “You can fly, but I can dig! What will you do now, Miss Joy?”

Seize the initiative! Evelina could hear her heartbeat drumming dully in her ears. This was where a real battle was fought – on the edge, where neither trainer knew what the other was planning, where strategies fell away and it was just you and your pokémon. She smiled a glinting smile. Seize the initiative!

“Let’s finish this, Ledyba. Tackle, come in fast and low!” Her pokémon curled into a swift dive and sped across the battlefield.

Paras’ trainer stabbed at the air with his bug net. “Now, my pretty Paras! Rock Smash!”

Paras thrust out its claw like a spear, enthusiastically mimicking its trainer’s stance. As Ledyba bore down, the little mushroom pokémon sprang up to meet it.

“Protect!” Evelina yelled joyously. A shimmering green bubble flashed into existence around Ledyba, flickering on-off just for a second. Paras bounced off the Protect as if it had been flicked away, flailing its little limbs desperately. Ledyba intercepted elegantly and pummelled it with a flurry of Comet Punches. The attack made a neat little thrrrdp as it connected.

Paras landed heavily on the dirt, its eyes even glassier than usual. It had fainted dead away. “Paras is unable to battle,” called the referee. “The victory goes to the challenger, Evelina!”

Evelina let out a squeak and assayed a little jump on the spot. “Yes! We did it, Ledyba! Come here for an Antidote!” As Evelina carefully sprayed Ledyba’s carapace with Antidote, the referee headed across the battlefield. He looked – and dressed – much younger than he was, with his outdoorsy shirt-and-shorts, boyish mop of dyed purple hair and yellow neckerchief. Leaning casually on his own bug net, he gave Evelina an appraising look.

“I’ve got to admit, Miss Joy, I had my doubts about you. But you fought a good battle – you’ve earned the right to battle me for the Hive Badge. I’ll take your challenge as soon as your ledyba’s fully recovered.”

“Thanks, Bugsy, but if I may I’d like to delay our battle,” Evelina answered, wiping off excess Antidote. “I’d like to catch a third pokémon. Good girl, Ledyba. Return for now, huh?”

“If that’s what you want. I’ll be waiting. Ah, a new challenger? Welcome to the Azalea Town Gym,” Bugsy said, looking over Evelina’s shoulder. The newcomer was leaning casually against a tree with his arms folded. His clothes were travel worn, and there was a leafy twig sticking out of his hair, but Evelina still recognised him.

“Omigosh, you’re that new trainer, the, the guy with the bulbasaur from Route 32! How’ve you been?”

“A friend from the road huh?” Bugsy said. “I know how that goes. If this is your first Gym, let me explain my rules to you. In order to challenge me, you must first battle one of my Gym trainers …”

Evelina headed for the exit, leaving the Leader to his explanation. She wondered how long the bulbasaur trainer had been watching. Maybe the whole time – the heat of battle tended to tunnel her vision.

“… your battle performance against my Gym trainer will allow me to decide how to test you in a Gym Battle -”

“Er, I appreciate your welcome, but I wonder if I might catch up with a friend, sort of thing. Excuse me … er, Evelina?”

He remembered my name? “Yes?” she said aloud. The young man had broken into a jog to catch up.

“That was a clever tactic you used back there. Luring Paras in and then using Protect.”

“Oh, thank you! But it wasn’t a tactic. At least I didn’t plan it. But thank you.”

“It was a clever tactic,” he repeated. His solemn tone made Evelina smile.

“I’m sorry, but I’ve rather forgotten your name,” she said hesitantly.

“Cook. Joshua Cook. Well, just Josh.”

“Evelina Joy. But you already knew that,” she said with a self-deprecating shrug. “Call me Eve.”

The two trainers stood in silence for a moment. Evelina kicked her heels idly in the dirt. A hush had fallen on the woodland Gym.

“Have you got a spare moment?” she said. “There are some nice cafés in town, if you’re interested?”

“Sounds good to me,” Josh answered. “It’s a nice morning for coffee.”

*​

All along Old Village high street, the azalea was in bloom. The high street is an airy boulevard, where ivy climbs the picturesque timber-and-stone buildings so iconic of Azalea Town. Wrought-iron lampposts line the cobbled streets, bearing bright little banners that flutter and snap in the wind. Everywhere you look, the azalea blossoms in the sun – thousands of little star-shaped blooms shining magenta, orange and white.

Evelina and Josh sat in the shade of an awning on the café patio. They’d tucked their bags beneath their seats, and the warmth of the late morning sun had forced Josh to remove his old grey jumper. Eve had unzipped her coat and was enjoying the westerly breeze that blew from across the river. She sat with her chin resting on her hand, gazing dreamily at the street. Azalea Town in the springtime was so pretty. Josh was leaning back in his seat, a curious little half-smile on his face. He still hadn’t noticed the twig in his hair.

“It’s a charming sight, don’t you think? Old Village. Quite a nineteenth-century charm,” she said.

“Yes … it’s nice to see a pedestrian town centre. High streets should be for walking. You were right about the café,” he added. “It’s in a lovely spot.”

“A welcome change after Union Cave, huh?”

“I didn’t come through Union Cave. Not all of it, anyway. I took the mountain path.”

“You did not! There was a storm over Union Cave last night!” Eve said accusingly.

“Don’t I know it. I had to go down into the Cave and walk on to Route 33. I was so exhausted, I’m still not quite sure how I managed it.”

Eve gave him a surprised look. In last night’s downpour it would have taken an excellent woodsman to find a way over the hills. “So how did you find your way back into the Cave?” she said.

“I had to slide down an onix's burrow. Which rather explains the state of my clothes,” he said apologetically.

Eve’s hand flew to her mouth, stifling a small gasp. She had to admit, she was a little impressed. Not many people would dare go poking around an onix burrow, storm or no storm. “You went down an onix burrow to get out of the rain,” she said with a giggle.

Josh waved his hand vaguely in an embarrassed ‘it is what it is’ sort of gesture. There was a fine cut on his palm that he apparently hadn’t bothered to put a plaster on. At that moment, a notepad-wielding waiter materialised, asking for their orders.

“What? Oh, er, medium black coffee please,” said Josh.

“You mean an Unovera, sir?”

“What?”

“An Unovera, sir.”

“Is that a black coffee with no trimmings?” Josh demanded.

“Um. Yes sir?” the waiter returned hopefully.

“All right, a medium Unovera, then.”

“We don’t have medium, sir,” the waiter said kindly. “We have piccolo, medio, grande, and troppo grande.”

Josh gave the waiter a cold stare. Beside him, Eve had her hand pressed firmly over her mouth, jaw clenched to keep in the giggles. There were little tears at the corners of her eyes.

“Grande,” he sighed. “A grande Unovera. Please.”

“Cappuccino grande,” Eve managed. She coughed a few times to clear the last of the giggles. Josh looked at her sidelong, but there was that curious half-smile on his face nevertheless. We’re actually having a nice time, she thought.

“You know Eve, I noticed something about you, back at the Gym. First thing you did after you won was to reach for an Antidote,” he hesitated, as if unsure of what to say next. “Why did you decide to be a trainer? I mean, you obviously care for pokémon. But you could do that as a nurse. Er.”

Eve drew breath for a defensive tirade … and then she saw the worried half-smile and stopped herself. He’s just asking, she told herself. Do you really want to snap at him? She gave him a brittle smile, feeling a little foolish for being defensive.

“What you have to understand about us …” she began. “Look, it’s like this. For the girls in our family, pokémon medicine is what we do. When I was little, after school I’d be helping out in the clinic before I did anything else. I’d be working half of my weekend in the Pokémon Centre. All the other girls enrolled straight into nursing college the moment they left school. And as soon as they graduate, they’ll become pokémon nurses, pokémon doctors, Pokémon League breeders,” she heaved a heavy sigh. “A Joy lives her entire life for someone else. It’s not that I don’t think it’s a worthwhile life, but … I’m twenty-three. I want to live for myself for a while! I want to see some of the world. I want to achieve something that’s just for me. I don’t need to be the Champion. I just … want to be my own woman.”

Josh was still patiently listening. “You probably think this is all kind of stupid -” Eve started.

“No, no, I get it. You want to make your own choices,” said Josh.

The waiter glided up, their coffees in hand. He set Josh’s Unovera in front of him with exaggerated care. Eve couldn’t help but glance across at it – yep, black coffee with no trimmings. The waiter hadn’t dared to bring any biscotti. She took a long sip of her cappuccino. It wasn’t very good.

“So aside from climbing down onix burrows, what have you done since I met you?” she asked.

“Well, I caught a magnemite. Though I didn’t intend to at the time,” he replied. “It was up on Route 32, in the western highlands. Er. Whatever this magnemite was doing up there in the first place, I’m not sure …” It was beginning to dawn on Eve that he was conscientiously trying not to look at her face. She casually raised a questing hand -

- and discovered a splendid foam moustache clinging to her lip. There was a moment of silence as she hastily brushed it away with the back of her hand. Josh’s face twitched into a smirk. “Serves you right for drinking cappuccino,” he quipped dryly.

Eve started to giggle. It really wasn’t funny, but right now she was prepared to laugh at anything. Josh started to giggle at her giggles, and soon they were both laughing freely, tension and nerves washed away by a foam moustache.

“So what’s this magnemite like? Is it a good battler?” said Eve.

“I have no idea. I’m not even sure what moves it knows.”

“I know how to find out,” said Eve, pulling out her Pokédex. It was a slim model, brushed-silver in colour. She pushed a large blue button near the bottom and flipped it open.

“Is that a Pokédex?” Josh asked, watching as Eve drew out the stylus.

“Yep. The HANDY912i, as it happens. Hand me Magnemite’s Poké Ball? Thanks.” She fumbled for a moment and slid out a wafer-thin screen from the right hand side of the Pokédex. It flashed into life, glowing orange-red with a number of arc-like shapes drifting gently around the edges. As Eve held it over the Poké Ball, the shapes converged and spun purposefully.

“The Poké Scanner retrieves data from the Poké Ball,” Eve explained, shuffling her chair round so Josh could see. “You can see Magnemite’s ID number, gender, its Ability, and look – its moves.”

“Tackle, Supersonic, Thundershock and Sonic Boom,” Josh read out. “Oh, and the Magnet Pull Ability.”

“Not a bad set of moves for the little guy. Here, let’s take a look at your bulbasaur!”

As they sat and talked in the sunshine, Eve decided that she rather liked Josh. He was full of half-smiles and dry quips – and he listened, really listened. It was as if he was carefully taking notes as she spoke. She told him about her meowth and his sly habits. Halfway through, he finally noticed the twig stuck in his hair. Eve just kept chattering on, pretending not to notice him surreptitiously pull it out.

“So next I’m going to catch a new pokémon, I think. How about you?”

“Well … I was going to challenge the Gym but I think I’ll work on my strategy first. Magnemite’s never been in a battle. To tell you the truth, I’m not even sure it really listens to me.”

“Why not go challenge the Gym anyway? If you want to know whether Magnemite listens to you, there’s no better way than just battling!” said Eve. “Look, what’s the worst that can happen? You lose. You can always go back and try again, and either way you’ll have learned something about Magnemite.”

Josh drummed his fingers on the table. Eve could almost see the cogs turning in his head as he thought it over.

“Hmm. I can’t fault that logic,” he said eventually. He finished what was left of his Unovera. “Alright! I suppose I’m off to challenge the Gym then.”

“Yay!” Eve said, a little louder than she’d intended. “I do have one question then.”

“What’s that?”

“Can I join you?”

*​

To a pokémon trainer, a Badge is not just a pin. The capital letter is important. It is proof of a trainer’s skill, emblematic of the long walk to the Pokémon League. In a way, earning a Badge is a highly tangible achievement. Earn eight Gym Badges, and you earn the right to compete in the League. That was the way it always was. A Badge doesn’t gain or lose value in the way a diploma might. An employer may argue over the value of a university education, but a Badge is always a Badge.

There was an orchestral movement that summed this all up. Which symphony it was from, Eve could never remember, but she knew it by its popular name as the Pokémon League Anthem. Endlessly adapted and remixed, it played in Pokémon Gyms and in the Halls of Fame. Opening ceremonies of the regional tournaments were accompanied by the full magnificence of the Anthem. For Eve, it was musical shorthand for the pride and glory of success fairly earned. It was music to be inspired by.

“Hmm. Hm-hm-HM-hm-hmm …” she’d been absent-mindedly humming the Anthem as she and Josh made their way back to the Gym. Josh was somewhat quieter – deep in thought, now and again he had murmured cryptically to himself. Probably strategising, Eve thought.

No music played to greet challengers at the Azalea Town Gym. Inside the dome of the Gym, a busy silence reigned. Bugs rustled suspiciously in the undergrowth and peered down from treetop perches. On the battlefield Bugsy had gathered together his Gym trainers, many of them leaning on bug nets in mimicry of their leader. Bugsy’s face cracked into a confident smile when he spotted Josh.

“So challenger, you’ve come back! Nice to see you too, Miss Joy. Can I assume that you want to battle one of my Gym trainers?” he said.

“You can,” Josh said. “I’m here to challenge the Gym.”

“Step up to the field, then. Benny, you’ll represent the Gym this time. What’s your name, challenger?”

“Cook, Joshua Cook. Of Mulberry Town.”

Benny took up position on the other side of the field. He was much younger than Evelina’s opponent had been, still very much a boy in his straw hat. The other Gym trainers formed a ragged line behind him with a rattle of nets and bait boxes. Benny was casually tossing a Nest Ball up in the air and catching it.

“Careful, Josh,” Eve said. “He may be young but he’s still a Gym trainer.”

Bugsy took the judge’s place at the edge of the field. Eve couldn’t see Josh’s expression as he selected a Poké Ball from his belt.

Crack!

The click of the clasp unsnapping rang in the expectant silence. Josh was rolling the reduced Poké Ball around his fingers.

“This battle between the challenger, Joshua Cook of Mulberry Town and Benny of the Azalea Town Gym is about to commence! Each trainer will use one pokémon! A Gym Battle is at stake!” Bugsy called.

Booip!

Josh expanded his Poké Ball. Eve thought she saw him fumble at the button for a moment. Was that a moment of nervousness?

“Begin!”

Next Chapter: Better Judgements

Atlas - Iconic Music and Pokédexes:

Spoiler

I couldn't help making a musical reference. I dare say everyone's figured it out, but I'm thinking of the Pokémon Gym theme from the games, writing this.

Eve's Pokédex is the Heart Gold/Soul Silver Pokédex as you may have guessed from the clamshell design and the stylus. The Poké Scanner comes straight from the anime, though as I recall it's only ever shown being used with the Sinnoh Pokédexes

 

[kintsugi]

Whoops, it appears I've missed quite a bit! I'll kind of group these by chapter so it makes more sense. Apologies in advance; I won't be able to give nearly as much in-depth feedback on all four chapters as I did for the Prologue.

Chapter Two -- The battle with bulbasaur vs spinarak was quite entertaining in itself, although I've got sort of mixed feelings on Joshua's emotions/thoughts that you had running behind it: on one hand, it was pretty cool to see his mature, adult-ish thoughts compared to the reactions of the hotshot kid, but on the other, the whole "gawd I'm just too talented for this game it's so easy ;-;" felt a little rushed. Magnemite's battle and subsequent capture felt like it came in a little too quickly as well, but other than that, this chapter had some really nice action going for it, and the battles were entertaining.


Chapter Three -- One thing I want to bring up is your capitalization. I'm not one to force my conventions on anyone else, but I was sort of wondering why you don't capitalize pokemon but you do capitalize Bulbasaur/Poke Ball/Pokemon Centre? I've seen good arguments for capitalizing one way or the other, but I was wondering what your logic was for only doing some and not all, haha.

On another note, I like the dynamic that Eve has with the other Nurse Joys. I foresee a good deal of "this is what my family expects of me" vs "this is what I actually want" to get fleshed out in Eve's character in the future, and the thought of that makes me positively giddy--it's a promising intersection of very real, very human problems with the pokemon world, and it's not a sort of realism that we tend to see in fanfic that often. It's nice to see that Eve is carving her own path, and I really like how she was reflexively angry at the other Joy, because that reaction is so utterly human. I'm really liking where this development seems to be headed, and it's only chapter three, haha. On another note, super glad that Eve seems to be a recurring character rather than just a one-off gimmick. ^^

Each of her pokémon was special in their own way … Ledyba, aggressive and confident. Meowth, old and cunning. If she was to catch another pokémon, it would be a pokémon that was special in some way.

This paragraph, however, read a little awkwardly for me. I get that Eve might want to collect special pokemon (it would fit with the above character development/her wanting to stand out from the rest of her family), but the so-called unique traits that she mentions when describing her pokemon aren't very special at all. Aggressive and confident seem like pretty standard character traits, and the old and wily cat even more so. You seem to have created a universe in which the pokemon have fairly different personalities, so what exactly makes these two particularly unique? I'm sort of nit-picking here, haha, but it seems odd that she places such a high esteem on a trait that almost seems like a given--it'd be like saying "I want to catch a pokemon that has eyes," sort of.


Chapter Four -- Lots of pretty writing, but I got the feeling that we didn't go very far. I liked the idea that magnemite didn't go leaping into Joshua's arms just because it got captured, but then we sort of just ran around in the thunderstorm and Joshua fell asleep. I'm not saying that you need to have bam bam bam action action action fighting character development bam all chapter every chapter, but this one sort of got bogged down in description a little. On that note, the prose was very pretty, haha.


Chapter Five -- The mysterious magnemite is actually quite adorable, and I like it a lot.

And enter obligatory jackass rival. Once again, the battle was nice, but I do hope that Tyler expresses some characteristics beyond colossal jerk--he seems a little flat and unnecessarily like an asshat as it is. I'm not saying that he needs a secret heart of gold or that all of his development needs to come in chapter five, but it'd be nice if he had something more going for him than just hating on Joshua. Otherwise, his (inevitable, and probably late) defeat at the hands of Joshua isn't going to feel very fulfilling, and he's going to come across as a fairly one-sided character. Your not-so-nice people still have to be people as well.


Chapter Six -- Ah, so our heroes rejoin after a while. Still not sure if they're going to become the token travelling pair or not, but I'm pretty glad that they didn't start travelling from the moment they met; it's a lot more realistic that they parted ways back after their first battle. Also, the coffee jokes made me giggle. The conversation seemed to delve a little too far and too fast into the personal realms for a pair of people who've only talked twice (hi, my name is Eve, and I'm going to share my deep dark secrets behind why I don't want to be like my family as well as my own desire to be sort of questionably selfish even though we just met!), and this sort of conversation feels like it should come a little later, and probably not casually over coffee, but it was nice nonetheless.

Anywho, sorry for the rushed feedback, but this was a rather enjoyable read. Looking forward to more! ^^

 

[Beth Pavell]

Hurrah, feedback! Always nice to see. Ok, so, responses! I won't comment on everything lest it end up sounding like a list of excuses, but I appreciate and read it all so thank you

Chapter Three -- One thing I want to bring up is your capitalization. I'm not one to force my conventions on anyone else, but I was sort of wondering why you don't capitalize pokemon but you do capitalize Bulbasaur/Poke Ball/Pokemon Centre? I've seen good arguments for capitalizing one way or the other, but I was wondering what your logic was for only doing some and not all, haha.

Funny you should bring that up, it's something I've been thinking about of late. So far it's been a matter of force of habit - when I tidy it up, I intend keep the names of owned pokémon capitalised, unless they're nicknamed. Josh calls Bulbasaur Bulbasaur, hence it's a name. Attacks I'll keep capitalised to avoid any potential confusion - for example, if for some reason I want to refer to a sonic boom that isn't a pokémon attack.

On another note, I like the dynamic that Eve has with the other Nurse Joys. I foresee a good deal of "this is what my family expects of me" vs "this is what I actually want" to get fleshed out in Eve's character in the future, and the thought of that makes me positively giddy--it's a promising intersection of very real, very human problems with the pokemon world, and it's not a sort of realism that we tend to see in fanfic that often.

I get that Eve might want to collect special pokemon (it would fit with the above character development/her wanting to stand out from the rest of her family), but the so-called unique traits that she mentions when describing her pokemon aren't very special at all

Aww, thank you! I was rather anxious to get the interactions between Eve and her family right. I'm glad to see that it rang true with someone! As for her opinion of pokémon, well. Each Chapter I try to write from perspective as consistently as possible (I have some edit to make to tidy up inconsistencies as it happens). The idea was supposed to be that Eve thinks they're special, even though Meowth isn't particularly special (Ledyba arguably is, since as a species they are usually timid). I guess it didn't translate as well as I'd like.

The conversation seemed to delve a little too far and too fast into the personal realms for a pair of people who've only talked twice (hi, my name is Eve, and I'm going to share my deep dark secrets behind why I don't want to be like my family as well as my own desire to be sort of questionably selfish even though we just met!), and this sort of conversation feels like it should come a little later, and probably not casually over coffee, but it was nice nonetheless.

Yeah ... I do take the point. All I can say is that I've had one or two conversations like that ... which is a lame excuse for an author to use. My best friend and I bonded over a conversation like that, so it was that sort of feeling I was trying to recapture.

So glad that someone's enjoying my scrawlings!

 

[AceTrainer14]

Here from the Review Game. Chapter Six was nice; you have a good vocabulary, which is an extremely handy thing when writing, and you have decent descriptions that flow nicely in the story and do not feel forced in. From one chapter alone I was able to get a sense of both characters, which is a pretty good thing to achieve. At some times though, especially around the cafe sequence, it did feel a tad rushed like you did not want to spend long on the scene. Having little relaxing sequences liking sipping coffee and chatting can make for a nice break in a story, so for any future chapters I would recommend slowing things down a bit and spending more time building up these little backstories. Also, I am not sure if this is how you write usually, but the sentence layout threw me a bit whilst reading, which one sentence being separate from any other and then several being bunched together and ever changing. I would suggest either separating every sentence or leaving the whole story as block text, not wavering between the two. However, I think it is a nice story that I will try and read all of at some point (I read the first chapter to help get an idea of things), and it makes a nice break to have a story about ordinary trainers with a bit of romance instead of the usual dramatic journey fics, and having a character as a Joy is a nice touch as well.

 

[Beth Pavell]

Version History:

Spoiler

1.2 : Interaction between Eve and Josh after the battle has been revised
1.3 : Altered dialogue layout in line with common fanfiction convention

Chapter Seven – Better Judgements (Version 1.3)

Joshua​

“Go, Venonat!”

“Magnemite, go!”

The hollow bangs of their Poké Balls opening echoed sharply in the still air. Josh's mind whirred as he analysed the situation. Venonat. Bug/Poison-type. Excellent type advantage -

“Show them your Sleep Powder, Venonat!”

Venonat shook itself violently, throwing out a billowing wave of glittering blue dust. Unconcerned, Magnemite hovered motionless as the cloud spread rapidly over the battlefield.

“Sonic Boom!” Josh ordered. The shockwave sliced across the field with a deep crack, whirring through the Sleep Powder and washing over Venonat. As it cried out in pain the glittering cloud boiled and whirled angrily, sweeping back onto its maker. Caught between the Sonic Boom and its own Sleep Powder, Venonat stumbled about in confusion.

“Venonat!” Benny cried. “Come on buddy, stay awake!”

“Thundershock!”

Magnemite almost casually threw an arching bolt of electricity at the drowsy Venonat, shocking it badly before it could work out what was happening. The smell of ozone cut through the strange sweet smell of burned Sleep Powder. Benny was beginning to look worried. He was starting this battle on the back foot, and Josh could see that he knew it.

Josh watched Benny's Venonat pull itself together and chirp gamely in its echoey voice in spite of its injuries. His own pokémon drifted passively, little yellow sparks snapping lazily off the edges of its magnets. Looks like Magnemite knows it has the advantage, too.

Benny's face screwed up into a frown of concentration. “Alright challenger, you got me good there!” he said, bouncing impatiently on the balls of his feet. “But you won't win that easy - Venonat, Psybeam!”

Venonat bounded high into the air from a standing start. Bright kaleidoscopic rays burst from its eyes, zigzagging crazily through the air in a whirl of weird colour. Magnemite watched it from the corner of its eye.

“Dodge it!” Josh yelled. Magnemite ignored him. The Psybeam struck home, haloing Magnemite in rippling colours. Venonat landed gracefully and immediately set off at a run. Magnemite tried to turn to watch Venonat as it darted in and out of its blind spots.

“Psybeam, Psybeam! Again and again!”

Venonat launched Psybeam after Psybeam, running in tight little rings around Magnemite as it did so. Every time the little magnet pokémon turned to face its aggressor another Psybeam would strike home from a different angle. Josh shouted commands to dodge over the fizzing psychic power – psychosomatic burn marks were starting to appear on Magnemite's steel body.

Why won't you evade? Josh's hands involuntarily curled into fists. His pokémon was taking serious damage from the relentless barrage despite its natural resistance to psychic attacks. You're getting hurt because you're not listening to me!

“Will ye bloody concentrate?” he roared. “Stop watching and start dodging! Now!”

Venonat spun and launched yet another Psybeam. The zigzagging ray fizzed towards Magnemite -

- and missed as Magnemite ducked beneath the attack. It made a complicated spin on its axes to avoid a follow-up attack that scorched the limbs of an unlucky tree.

“Alright Magnemite! Supersonic.”

Though he was standing well behind the cone of effect Josh could still hear the electronic whine of Magnemite's Supersonic. Caught in the full blast, Venonat should have been beginning to feel dizzy, but it just stood there apparently unaffected. Benny was even smiling, doing nothing to counter the attack. He calmly adjusted his hat and waited for Magnemite to give up.

“My buddy Venonat won't be hurt by a Supersonic. This is a Bug-type Gym, you know. Supersonic happens all the time here,” he said with a grin. “Now let's wrap things up – Sleep Powder, again!”

“You don't learn quickly, do you? Sonic Boom.”

Once again, the cloud of Sleep Powder burst apart from the force of the Sonic Boom passing through it.

“Disable!” Benny called.

“What?” Josh snapped. For the briefest moment both Venonat and Magnemite were haloed with a bluish glow. Josh was beginning to have a creeping suspicion that he'd just been trapped somehow.

“Disable binds the last move used by the target, preventing its further use during the battle, Joshua,” Bugsy said from the sideline. His expression was hard to read.

Josh growled under his breath. He'd been skilfully trapped into giving up his counter-strategy. So Sonic Boom is unusable. Fine. I still have this move …

“Finish this. Thundershock,” he snapped.

Venonat tried to evade just a little too late. Magnemite zapped it thoroughly where it stood. When it was over, sparks were crawling across Venonat's fur, and it was twitching violently.

“Venonat! Can you still go on, buddy?” Benny cried.

“Recall your pokémon, Benny,” said Bugsy. “This battle is over. Victory goes to the challenger.”

From somewhere behind him Josh heard Eve clap her hands in delight. She rushed forward to clap him on the shoulder. “Heyyy!” she said, smiling at him sunnily. “First battle with Magnemite and you win, not bad! Oh ...”

Her smile faded. She'd seen the look on the Gym Leader's face.

“You won that battle, Joshua, but you didn't earn it,” he said bluntly. “You would have lost were it not for type-advantage. I will accept your challenge because you won,” Bugsy paused for a moment. “However, I can't be beaten on type-advantage alone. I suggest you go and bond with your pokémon, and don't come back until you and your magnemite understand each other better.”

Josh's jaw clenched. Didn't earn his victory? After figuring out a powder counter-attack in the time it took to walk to the Gym? Well if Bugsy thought that he, Joshua Cook, was going to stand and be scolded like that by a man wearing a boy scout's uniform, then -

- Magnemite drifted a little closer. It was gazing vacantly at nothing from under its eyelid. Its steel body looked dull, blemished with brown burns from Psybeam impacts. Despite the fact that it had almost nothing to express itself with, Magnemite looked tired.

Without type-advantage, I would have lost. The treacherous little thought put the truth to the matter. Josh knew nothing about Magnemite. He didn't understand its moods, its habits, its limitations … Josh could tell at a glance what kind of mood Bulbasaur was in. When Bulbasaur was feeling tired or ill or just fed-up, Josh knew, every time. What's more, he knew what to do about it. Watching Magnemite's vacant gaze, Josh realised that he hadn't the slightest idea how to treat an injured Magnemite – a living thing in his care.

Josh knew nothing about Magnemite. And as long as he didn't understand his pokémon, he would not be ready to battle for a Gym Badge.

“Return, Magnemite,” he commanded. With a stiff bow to the Gym Leader, Josh strode swiftly from the battlefield. He didn't stop until he was through the doors and out into the morning sun.

“Hey! Wait up a sec,” Eve called. “That was a tough battle, huh? Magnemite listened to you in the end though, and you've won yourself a Gym battle!”

Josh stood and stared at nothing, steadfastly refusing to look at her. For some reason he couldn't quite understand, he resented the Gym Leader's scolding all the more for having been witnessed by Eve.

“... are you ok?” she asked. Still not looking at her, Josh took a deep breath before answering.

“I don't like being talked down to,” he said shortly.

“Bugsy was a little harsh. Having a type-advantage isn't a bad thing, and anyway you were at a disadvantage with a new pokémon too -”

“Eve,” Josh cut in, “he was right. I'm not ready yet.”

Magnemite's Poké Ball shone in the sun. For a brief moment, it almost looked like it had in the moonlight back on Route 32.

“You were right, too. I've learned something about Magnemite. Just not enough,” he said.

“So what are you going to do now?” Eve asked carefully.

“First I'm going to the Pokémon Centre,” Josh said, snapping the Poké Ball back onto his belt. “Then I am going to learn everything I can about Magnemite.”

Josh looked at Eve for the first time since leaving the Gym. She was fiddling with her jacket zip nervously. Feeling a little guilty, Josh forced a smile.

“And then … I am going to train.”

*​

The common room of the Pokémon Centre was bigger and busier than any Pokémon Centre that Josh had yet seen. Not one, but three queues of trainers were lined up in front of the reception desk, which was attended by the Centre nurse and her two teenage daughters. Off to the right, trainers were taking the escalator from the bedrooms on the first floor or heading to the Centre canteen. Over to the left, in the open-plan lounge, a widescreen television showed coverage of recent battles from the Goldenrod City Gym. A few trainers were idly watching while they waited for their pokémon to finish treatment.

Josh drummed his fingers on the desktop, the sound drowned out by the general background buzz of the common room. Eve had sloped off a little earlier, muttering something about needing to stock up on medicines. Since neither of them intended to challenge Bugsy just yet, they'd decided to stay at the Pokémon Centre while he trained and Eve looked for another pokémon to catch.

“Ok, Joshua,” the young Joy said as she handed his trainer's licence back. “Your magnemite's all checked in now. We'll keep you updated on its progress on the bulletin board.”

Josh glanced up at the electronic bulletin board that dominated the back wall of the common room. The huge board displayed the status of all the pokémon undergoing treatment at the Centre. Magnemite's icon flashed up next to Bulbasaur's near the bottom right of the screen, marked with the status 'At Rest'.

“Is there anything else I can help you with?” Joy asked.

“Oh. Yes, actually! I have something belonging to a pokémon ranger who patrols Union Cave, I think. Could I leave it here?”

“Ohhh, you're that Joshua! Here, this letter was left here for you this morning,” Joy said, handing him a folded-over sheet of notepaper. Josh unfolded the letter, noticing the Poké Ball-and-laurel logo in the corner:

Joshua,

If you are reading this note, then I was correct in my estimation of you. I hope you have learned a little lesson about the mountains. You were lucky that my Onix found you when he did. As for the equipment that you have been so honest as to try to return, please keep the sleeping bag as a gift. It is of old Ranger issue and was destined to be sold on as surplus, but there is plenty of wear left in it, more than enough for your purposes.

Good luck!

Area Captain David Sandoval

Josh thanked the teenage Joy, who was shamelessly trying to read the letter upside-down. As he made his way over to an empty space in the lounge, he realised that he hadn't actually made any plans to hang out with Eve. After leaving the Gym, when they had exchanged phone numbers, it hadn't occurred to Josh to think twice about it.

Grumbling to himself, Josh turned up the volume of the Pokégear velcroed to his jacket sleeve. It was one of the heavy wristwatch-style Pokégears – big, blunt and robust. Already it had been scuffed, soaked and sat on by Bulbasaur, yet it showed no sign of giving in. Though it was inelegant and unfashionable, Josh privately approved of the way his boot had completely failed to dent the fascia after he'd stomped on it.

He sighed and tried to tune out the chatter of the common room. Newspapers were scattered over the lounge, mostly Johto regional papers with the odd local publication. Josh rummaged around until he found what he hoped was there – a single spurned copy of the Punch Times. He smirked at the political cartoon on the front page and started to work his way through the sniggery articles. Halfway through an editorial on the state of the economy, his Pokégear started to ring. That'll be Evelina, he thought, ripping it off his wrist.

“Hullo?” he said.

“Hullo. Finally,” a voice answered tetchily.

“Oh,” Josh said, just as tetchily. “Hi Dad.”

“Your mother's bin trying to call. Where are ye?”

“Azalea Town. I only just got here this morning.”

“Azalea Town,” his father paused for an uncomfortably long moment. “Have ye challenged the Gym Leader yet?”

“I’ve challenged the Gym. Qualified for a Gym Battle, technically. I’ve a-got to do some training afore that, the Leader would beat me as it stands -”

“How dun ye know?” his dad cut in bluntly. “Just go fer it. Ye're a smart boy. Woss the worst that can happen? Ye lose, that’s all.”

“Dad … it's not as simple as that. The trainer battle was hard enough. Yeah, I could fight a speculative battle and if I get smashed who suffers fer it? Is that the action of a responsible trainer?” he said. Josh heard his dad sigh heavily, and he suppressed one of his own. He knew what was coming next.

“Josh, Josh, Josh … you've got eight Badges, eight battles ahead of you. Eight Gym battles that are going to be tough. You’ve got to tek risks.”

Wise words from the man who merely watches pokémon battling on TV, Josh thought waspishly.

“So what have ye done?” Dad said.

“I caught a magnemite,” Josh said hopefully. “Up on the highlands on Route 32.”

“Did ye? Good. Magnemite ain’t easy to handle.”

“Yeah. Yeah, it's a tricky little screwball.”

“You'll have to tell me how ye caught it. I've got to get back to work now, though. Your mother's going to call ye this evening, so watch your phone!”

“Yeah. I'm a-staying in the Pokémon Centre tonight. I'll talk to ye later Dad.”

Josh strapped the Pokégear back onto his jacket sleeve, picking at bits of fluff stuck in the velcro. That was the problem with talking to his dad, right there. He always thought he knew better, about everything. The man managed to find something wrong with every choice he made for himself, and when Josh did things his own way anyway – well, that's when they'd start shouting at each other.

Ding, ding, ding-ding-ding! Trainers looked up at the bulletin board as the Centre's PA system chimed out. Someone's pokémon were healed.

“Joshua Cook, your bulbasaur is fully healed.”

Josh tossed the newspaper aside. There was work to do.

*​

There was a library on the eastern side of the building, crammed into a single room adjacent to the canteen. Most Pokémon Centres had one – licensed trainers could borrow books for free if they returned them to the same Pokémon Centre, or pay a small fee to return them to any Centre in the region. At this time of the day there weren't many trainers browsing the bookshelves. The librarian peered at Josh from behind the counter, as if looking for a book was highly suspicious behaviour.

Josh took a deep breath. To him, libraries smelled of dry words and crackly pages of knowledge quietly fossilising between dust jackets until someone curious needed to know something … somewhere in this library he was sure there was a book that could tell him what he needed to know about his little screwball. In its own way, it would be the key to winning his first Gym Badge.

Josh polished his glasses, and started to train.

Next Chapter: The Beast of the Sea

 

[kintsugi]

Wow, sorry for getting to this so late *flies away*

Perhaps it's my screen resolution (which has actually been proven to reduce readability by a ton), but the way you do dialogue confused me a little. What stuck out most was here:

“Venonat!” Benny cried, “Come on buddy, stay awake!”
“Thundershock!”

Conventional fanfiction has it like:

“Venonat!” Benny cried, “Come on buddy, stay awake!”

“Thundershock!”

To emphasize the change of speakers; because I was reading mobile the first time, the two sentences seemed related and I kind of read it as "venonat, blah blah blah, Thundershock!" Which, uh, yeah.
You do this [blocking your non-continuous dialogue together] consistently, which leads me to believe that you have strong reasoning behind doing so; if that's your particular style, then you should probably just stick with it. Block o' text got a bit confusing to read, though.
^totally minor

As a whole, though, this was a nice chapter. I liked that things are suddenly getting rougher for Joshua, and it's become more than "older trainer is awesomer than some younger trainers." What I particularly enjoyed, however, was how you handled magnemite's actions--it wasn't so much of blaming the magnemite for sucking oh god how dare he not listen to Joshua how evillz!, but more that Joshua was approaching the battle wrong, which I don't see often in fanfic.

Honestly, though, it was quite refreshing to see Joshua blame the problem on himself rather than his pokemon, and search for a way to improve himself and his pokemon, blah blah blah, power of heart, and so forth. Also, I'm really starting to enjoy the family dramas that you're setting up here. The interactions between Josh and his father/Eve and her family give a more personal feel--like we're working with real characters who have lives beyond training and battling, which we don't see often (again).

Sometimes, your descriptions were kind of weird:

Magnemite's Poké Ball shone in the sun. For a brief moment, it almost looked like moonlight.

The problem probably comes from the use of 'it,' but, for the life of me, I cannot understand what this sentence means. Your prose is normally pretty solid, but sometimes it felt like you were stretching things a little too far?


Nitpick, but

Josh shouted commands to dodge over the fizzing psychic power – psychosomatic burn marks were starting to appear on Magnemite's steel body.

I am, uh, ninety-five percent certain that you don't use the word "psychosomatic" that way. ._.

 

[Beth Pavell]

Responses:

Spoiler

About the dialogue layout. I guess I'm trying to have my cake and eat it too, so to speak. I've always preferred a full break rather than indentations for paragraphing, but I'm trying to group the speech together like typical printed prose. It doesn't entirely work, but the fanfiction conventions for speech looks weird to me.

Speaking of weird, I admit, I pushed my luck a bit far with the Poké Ball description in the last chapter. It's been revised!

Interlude – The Beast of the Sea (Version 1.0)

Under the grey waves, the beast of the sea beat her great wings and picked up speed. Her feathers flashed silver-white when they caught the weak rays of dawn. Forty feet long from her draconic head to the tip of her tail. The sea surged at her passing, waves clashed in her wake. The beast was old, old and strong. In the open ocean nothing could match her - she could swim fastest, dive deepest, and never tire. In the shallow waters off Blue Point Isle, however, things were different.

The pursuing humans kept pace, the saw-toothed buzzing of their jet-skis filling the beast's ears. They had ambushed her in the grey half-light before dawn, twelve of them, appearing out of nowhere with a roar of engines. Try as she might the beast couldn't outrun them, not in these waters. Raising her voice above the din, she let out a high, lilting cry. For those that could understand, it meant: I am here! Be somewhere else!

In a flurry of light the hunters finally released their own pokémon – a whole flock of golduck, almost thirty of them slashing their way through the water. They spread out rapidly, taking up position above, behind, below. The beast instinctively threw up a Safeguard. A group of golduck closed in on Aqua Jets – the beast swept them away with a beat of her wings. Psybeams stabbed into her back, burning away streams of feathers that glittered like silver cinders before they dissolved into the sea.

Chased by Psybeams the beast twisted, undulating like a serpent in an effort to dodge the worst of the attacks. A brace of Water Pulses battered into her belly. In her youth she might have been nimble enough, but now she was old, strong and long. The golduck flock continued to harass her, spreading out to attack from all angles.

This was not the first time that the beast had been hunted by humans. On these islands her kind was well known to humanity, the beast knew. Most of the islanders venerated her kind, but some would always try their luck and try to capture her. These hunters were clever, and had brought cunning pokémon. One-by-one the golduck's eyes shone blue. The beast beat her wings, but it was an effort to move, like swimming through oil. She remembered a time when she was young, when hunters had chased her into the shallows and then used psychic pokémon to pin her down. Driven to near-exhaustion, she'd been forced to unleash the Aeroblast …

Roused to sudden fury she thrashed and writhed like a maniac, her rage churning the sea into froth. They had pushed her too far! She would tolerate these hunters no longer. The beast let out a deep echoing whale-cry, its dreadful harmonics shaking the sea. It was a call that even the gyarados feared. The golduck scattered. They knew what was coming.

Beneath the jet-skis of the hunters, powerful new currents flowed, met, and turned.

Whirlpool! It swirled into savage existence, grabbing the hunter's watercraft and dragging them down into the vortex. The humans were torn from the saddle as the raging waters tossed them around like toys. Those lucky few who were thrown to the edge of the whirlpool were rescued by their golduck, left adrift for a long day until they washed up on the Blue Point shore. The unlucky majority were swallowed by the maelstrom, never to see the shore again.

The silver-white beast leisurely beat her great wings. As she lost interest in the destruction she had wrought the maelstrom calmed, leaving behind nothing but open sea and abandoned jet-skis. Now she raised her voice in lilting whale-song, sweet and melodious as taillow calls at dusk. For those who could understand, her song meant: I am here. Come back to me.

Under the grey waves, the beast of the sea swam on …

… followed by her children.

Next Chapter: Two is Company

 

[kintsugi]

[regarding the dialogue, yeah, I see where you're coming from. I personally dislike the single-space method of the forums too, lol. 1.5x is the way to go!]

A cute interlude, or at least as cute as hunting down an aged/dying legendary Pokemon can be.

These sentences confused me a bit:

The beast was old, old and strong.

but now she was old, strong and long.

I feel like they're supposed to be related, but at the same time, I have no idea what "strong and long" means. I kind of see the rhyming factor (and also in reference to, like, she's fully-grown, so she's a longer/bigger target or slower because of her size?)
Again with what I mentioned last chapter--it's pretty language, but what does it actually mean. XD

Otherwise, everything seems nice here. I like how you start the legendary subplot early, and I like how it's not just "OH, RANDOM TRAINER WITH BULBASAUR, YOU ARE THE CHOSEN ONE LET US SAVE THE WORLD." I trust in time you'll flesh out what/who the hunters are and why they're hunting the Lugia down (and so foolishly, at that (except not really)), so I'm actually okay with not knowing the full details here. Tantalizing, but not infuriating.

Looking forward to the next update, which hopefully has less blatant destruction! ^^

 

[GastlyGibus]

I only have time for one chapter, but I intend to read the rest. So here's my little review on chapter one.

First of all, you've got some really good characterization going on here. Just from the first chapter Josh's character comes strong and clear, at least to me. The problem I see though is that Josh seems like a very insecure person, which comes across as really.... boring, for lack of a better word. Like I said, only read the first chapter, and I intend to read more later when I have the time, but Josh doesn't seem like the kind of character I would want to read about if he doesn't change throughout the story.

Now watch chapter two come and invalidate everything I just said. I'll edit this post later once I read some more. You've got a unique style of writing that really suits this kind of story. My only caveat is during the first conversation with Joy and Josh, and a little between Evelina and Josh, the lines are stuck together. It's really jarring because every other time there's new dialogue you start a new paragraph, which is good, so the few times you miss it are glaringly obvious.

 

[Flaze]

Well I finally caught up with this fic. Now since kintsugi has pretty much mentioned the same technical things I've caught on to in her reviews I won't be addressing that.

First of all I have to say I actually have been wanting to read this fic, mostly cause the name intrigues me and so far the story fits the name pretty well. It's a journey fic, but it's different from your usual journey fics that try to focus on the more adventurous and action side of things this one has taken for focusing more on the character's thoughts and how they get used to the new world unfolding around them. Not to say that it doesn't have its moments, but I for one think that the quieter moments with Josh and Eve really make this story stand out because, as kintsugi pointed out, they're very real and believable.

Character-wise Josh and Eve aren't exactly original but they're unique in their own sense and how they react and how they live. The two of them also have a lot of chemistry which is why I was glad that Eve wasn't just a passing character of the week and actually stuck around. There's a lot of things about these character's pasts that I'm curious about too and I'm eager to find out more about and how they'll deal with their past.

Another thing I like is the pacing, normally journey fics can have a pacing that's all over the place but this story flows smoothly and just right. And it seems like things might get even better after chapter 7.

I don't have much else to say ^^; it's probably not much but I really liked this story and I'll keep up with it from now on.

 

[Midorikawa]

A review of chapters One and Two

“What's on your mind? Come on, you can trust me!” she added in a sing-song voice.

Maybe it’s just me, but this sentence made Nurse Joy seem like a stranger danger. Just the way she talked to him.

As he tramped tirelessly westwards, Josh smiled at the milder March weather.

I loved seeing words like tramped, but you also need to consider their meaning. You used it several times, but when you look it up it says heave and noisy, yet you treated it like normal walking.

Spoiler

Evelina sipped at her tea for a moment and said nothing, giving Josh an intense look as if she intended to nail him to the spot with her eyes alone. Josh just blinked calmly at her in return. “I’m taking the Gym challenge,” she said defensively. “It’s not that I don’t like looking after pokémon, I just don’t want to be in a Pokémon Centre all my life!” Evelina folded her arms defiantly, as if daring Josh to disagree. Josh considered this, wondering what Evelina’s mother had to say about this choice.

“Well, technically I’m taking the Gym challenge too. But it’s not something I’ve been dreaming to do. Bulbasaur and I, we’re just going to see where it takes us. So we’re on the way to Azalea Town, I think. I heard there was a Gym there, and it’s next to the forest. It sounds like as good a place as any to try and earn our first Badge.”

“Uh-huh. So you’ll be wanting plenty of practice before challenging the Leader, right? Come on, battle me!” Joy cried, drawing a Poké Ball from her pocket. “One-on-one, no time limit. What do you say?”

Josh automatically hesitated. Bulbasaur was in good health, that was true, but his only offensive attack was Tackle. He wasn’t sure that was enough for a battle. Josh knew a little battle theory, but he had no real practical experience. Blast it, he thought. I’ll have to start battling sometime.

Josh expanded his own Poké Ball in answer. “Go, Bulbasaur,” he said, tossing the ball underarm, “Battle’s on!”

“Go Ledyba!” Evelina yelled. The five star pokémon hovered in front of Bulbasaur, waving its arms aggressively. Bulbasaur growled back at it and thumped the ground with a foot.

Okay this was a bit confusing in a way. They are literally sitting down one moment eating and the next battling. Make sure you let us know that they rose for the battle unless they sat there on the ground battling.

“Excuse me?” Josh called, “Whereabouts is the Pokémon Centre?”

This sentence is strange and doesn’t flow well. The latter part being the problem since it should say “Where is the pokémon center?” or “Do you know the whereabouts of the Pokémon Center?” Otherwise it just sounds strange with how it is.

“You can stay at the house for the night, my husband will make room for you on the sofa.”

I know it can be difficult to tell, but this sentence has an awkward hiccup in the middle since it should be a semi colon after night, rather than a comma. Semi-colon is the representative of a period, when a period is unneeded, and with a comma the sentence doesn’t sound right.

Mary led him inside, kindly but firmly inviting him to remove his boots.

Careful with word choice. Inviting implies giving a choice, though the rest of the sentence implies her not giving a choice.

Spoiler

“It’s really nice of you to offer me all this, but how is it you have this much to spare?”

“The fridge broke again,” one of the girls piped up.

“Mouth closed when you chew, Stephanie,” said Greg in his slow voice, “Our solar generator hasn’t been working as it should. Some mornings I wake to find the battery dead, and then there’s nothing to power the irrigation lines. It’s no big problem for an orchard owner, but we’ve got raspberries. They need their water.”

“We’ve been over the generator a hundred times. There’s nothing wrong with it. And it’s our electrical power for the house, too. The food needs eating, you feel free,” said Mary with a smile. Josh sat in thought for a moment. There was something vaguely familiar about the story.

“It happens in the mornings? So you’ve never found the battery dead halfway through the day?” Josh asked. Greg shook his head wearily. “I’ve an idea. I’ll watch your generator tonight and see what happens. Call it payment for your kindness.”

“Oh no, you don’t have to pay us, son. I was going to do the same myself tonight in any case.” Greg replied hastily.

“Sir, I insist. At the least I can be an extra pair of eyes for you. What do you say?”

“Well, if I can’t change your mind. We’ll go out at ten.”

Okay this whole section of dialogue was honestly hard to read and get through. Sentences were choppy and the flow was not good. It felt so unnatural and just strange. I bolded some of the worse ones, though with the last bold the problem is the end of the sentence. When characters speak and you say they replied, asked, said, etc. afterwards, you always use a comma unless it’s a question, which then uses a question mark. And if it’s an excited reaction you use an exclamation point like: “I caught a magnemite!” Josh exclaimed. Periods are only for when it’s an end of a sentence without the “Greg replied.”

Out popped Bulbasaur in a blaze of light, blinking curiously at the magnemite hovering before him. Magnemite swooped, but Bulbasaur leapt at the metallic pokémon without hesitation. The two collided in mid-air, Bulbasaur landing on his feet with a thump. Magnemite hesitated, as if startled.

This was another strange part. Why was magnemite swooping? Bulbasaur landed after the collision but what did magnemite do and why was it startled?

“Go!” he yelled, throwing it clumsily over arm. The ball spun erratically in flight, glanced off the dazed magnemite, sucked the dazed Pokémon inside, fell to the ground. There was dead silence but for the sound of the Poké Ball rattling fretfully as the button light flashed on and off.

This is another part that wasn’t flowing well and some of the word choice was strange. Glanced? I know it can mean the same as bounce, but I had to look that up and most people would think of it as looking at something. Also pokéball shouldn’t be capitalized.

“I caught it.” Josh picked the now-silent ball up. The plastic felt cold in his hands. “My first capture.” Bulbasaur wandered over and sat himself down next to his master, looking thoroughly pleased with himself. As Josh looked at the ball shining in the moonlight, for the first time since leaving Mulberry Town he felt like a real trainer.

I just feel like there is a lack of feeling of Josh after the capture. It’s almost as if he is bored and doesn’t care despite it being his first capture. Moments like these are very important to let the reader know how the character is feeling.

Bulbasaur had grown used to battle in a matter of days and he seemed to enjoy it.
A man stepped round into the hallway, drying his hands on a kitchen towel.
The kitchen was scrupulously clean, except where it was populated by Mary’s two small daughters.

These are just a few examples of sentences that are wordy. These sentences could flow just fine without some of the extra words or way things are worded, and it doesn’t make the story seem longer than it is.

Also another note. You use a lot of different words, but don’t forget to consider the reader’s knowledge. Using too many unknown words can be distracting since the reader will normally have to look them up. In the end all it shows is that you have a good vocabulary, but too much of that in a single chapter is distracting.
Also the battle scenes seem kind of lacking. There are many ways that you could improve upon them, especially since Josh complained about trainers having no strategy but he himself doesn’t seem that way. Don’t be afraid to be creative like maybe bulbasaur makes a net of leech seed or something like that.


Other than that it seems pretty interesting and when I have the time I'll definitely try to read the rest. I especially like what you're doing with the nurse Joys.