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TEEN: The Long Walk

Hi. So I'm done with Storm Island/beta stuff/review exchange/everything else that's kept me distracted for a month, so here's your free bump, I guess.

I really liked the opening portion of this chapter, style-wise. I can't say way since it's not my type of prose, since I rely more on snark and first person quirks than anything, but it seemed pretty good. Props on that. The rest of the chapter was just normal for you in terms of style quality, which is still pretty good, but nothing in particular stood out.

And I think that with a couple battles/captures, a drunken character development scene, an actual Permanent Teammate Capture, and a couple shipping scenes (glad to see that your lemon experience at least partially helped TLW), this might be the most eventful chapter in the whole story. It felt good and it still wasn't quite as packed as some stories, but at the end I had to sit back and remind myself that that was actually a chapter of The Long Walk, and the plot advanced somewhat significantly on more than two fronts.

So that was a thing.

Misdreavus for obscure capture is also nice. As a non-Kanto Pokemon that gets overshadowed by Gastly, Rotom, Spiritomb, Froslass, and occasionally Dusclops as a ghost, it's pretty hipster. Not quite unheard of, but not exactly common either. I can deal with that. Seeing Bulbasaur back with actual scenes was nice, too, since I think he kind of gets ignored in favor of Magnemite quite a bit in this story. He's not exactly my favorite Pokemon in fan fiction but since he presumably has a relatively strong bond with Josh he could afford to appear a little more.

And am I the only person who thought that you were playing the shipping scene entirely straight until the very end? Like, I thought that this was moving way too fast for your standards since we'd also had the Eevee and wake up scenes earlier in the chapter and at this point Josh is going to have to make the first move, but I thought it was serious and written like it was odd but serious. Then again I don't really get how that type of dream works (and I don't research that, unlike some people) so that could just be reference failure. Still, I thought it was played rather well.

Overall, it was a good but fast chapter and a good standard for modeling future chapters off of.
 
It's Awards time again, and with it comes a polite reminder that The Long Walk is entered into the Winter Awards:

The Long Walk: Best Journey
Joshua Cook: Best Protagonist
Evelina Joy: Best Protagonist
Screwball the Magnemite: Best Pokémon

The voting thread is pinned to the top of the Fiction Fairground
 
Hi. I'd say I just got through reading this, but ah. No. Devouring's closer to it. I only remember getting out of my chair once for a snack and some water. Rest of the time was spent right the heck here. I'm no speed reader, but I think I got through this here thread at a pretty good clip. That's saying something. The writing style's just that readable--it never felt like a chore.

Josh and Eve are great protagonists with great chemistry. Whatever the nature of their relationship's going to be when all is said and done, it looks like it's going to be a fun ride.

And Screwball. Holy heckaroni, Screwball. Kudos for not only bringing a somewhat unconventional pokeyman and the challenges involved with getting a feel for such a creature into the mix but also giving it such a strangely cute personality. I especially loved the little one-sided staring contest early on.

Fionn's already shaping up to be quite the cutie, too.

"Eat the damn trout" got a laugh out of me. So did the meowth-bath. I was instantly reminded of the flea dips we used to give our cats years and years and years ago. Frisco, rest his soul, hated it most of all, and he'd let you know it: "Ohhhhh no no no no..." I could practically hear him as I was reading.

Also: you made me kind of want to go camping. I've been alive more than thirty years and no one had managed to pull that off before. Kudos.

Will definitely be reading more of this once it's available. :D
 
I've been gone for far too long, it seems; suddenly, four new chapters of this sprouted from out of nowhere. I'll try to keep this organized, but knowing me, it won't be. Somewhat chronological mix of thoughts.

Also, completely unrelated, but I think you'll be shocked: I've gotten a lot more fluffy since I left, and I really don't have much negative to say here. Or maybe your story has just gotten that much good idk ltitle baby all grown up ;-;

I'm really loving the details that you started putting in here--small things like clinic vs centerre, the fact that all Joys aren't really identical, and so forth do miles for your worldbuilding without coming across as too heavy--they're just nice, fun details that fit really well into this slice-of-life thing that you've got going, and I enjoyed reading about this world that you've made (hue hue hue enjoy enJOY okay no).

I think some of the pacing vs internal monologue debate that we seem to have across our reviews basically distills to stylistic differences: I found during the Josh/Gabriella altercation in Chapter 12 that things escalated a tad too quickly for my taste--I get that there's a lot of background issues, and Josh is a bit of a hot-headed guy sometimes, and also he's heard nothing better than quasi-warm shit about Eve's family, but it just seemed a little... eh that things escalated so quickly? I'm not entirely sure; the "I don't answer to you" line seemed a little out of line (not that anything before that had been terribly civil), and then shit blew up from there. Also, a bit of the discord for me came from the bit where Josh pauses mid-argument to notice that Gabriella has this cheek flush thing that looks a lot like the girl he somewhat wants to bang, which was just kind of eehhhh again, but hey.

Small critique, I swear.

Then I got to Sir William the Black, and I'll be perfectly honest when I say that reading this scene made me remember why I enjoyed writing fanfic: it was light-hearted but still worked, and everything about it was just so goddamn funny/cheerful compared to the grimdark that my own work was getting me into, lol. That and the Caerbannog reference made me wonder if you were going to have good Sir William get some flesh wounds or fall off a cavern or rave about the velocity of a laden spearow (hue hue).

That being said, I do miss seeing Bulbasaur. Lot of focus on Screwball lately, and I kind of miss seeing the starter-trainer relationship fleshed out in full. The general lack of Bulbasaur before this point made the revelation that Josh can understand Bulbasaur now (and almost perfectly, with no little issues like "Dammit" not translating properly to English or something) seem a little forced, seeing as we've really only seen the little guy a few times during these chapters (although, gotta admit, that salad scene almost made up for it <3)

Also there's kind of a question in the back of my mind about why there's a medieval knight guarding a bridge in otherwise modern Johto, but okay, sure, fiction. I'll buy it?

I adored the wilderness squee that you put in here. The little details like ursaring trading food (and then actually doing it with your main character; reminded me a lot of Toothless from How to Train Your Dragon) and everything Josh knows about edible plants are those things I was talking about earlier that are mundane but that make the story so much better. Wood sorrel!

“It's kind of small for its species, isn't it?”

“So are you. What's your point?”
lol'd so hard
speaking of which, you mention at some point that the capture spear is a sixty inches and only a little shorter than Josh. I wasn't sure if this was metric conversion or intentional; my mother is a little taller than sixty inches and she's shorter than basically everyone in America above the age of twelve (exaggeration, but the point still stands), so imagining Josh at this height was a little odd for me? (If he's actually meant to be that short, shame on me for assumptions/not reading carefully, but I wasn't sure).

I, uh, found the "NO BUT I CHOOSE YOU PIKACHU JOSH" bit to be a little... out of place, I guess, but mayhaps that's more with the emotional buildup from the Gabriella/Josh argument that I'm not fully in. Idk, perhaps I'm not as sold on the Josh/Eve maybe-more-than-friends train moving at its current speed, but instances like that one bit where Eve calls Josh "sweetling" seemed a little too much for my taste (although who the fuck am I kidding; I was never good at nicknames either).

I dug the whole Ninetales/illusion thing a lot, and I'm glad that you incorporated some spirt-y mythology into your already-comprehensive world. ugh but now srbs's ninetales intrusion in a few chapters is going to feel weeeiiird I get the angry-for-not-sacrificing bit, but was there any real reason that Ninetales' revenge also entailed getting inside of Josh's pants? (actually, given our discussion a few months back with teeth, I think I know the answer). It seemed at the time that a lot of the emphasis on having Eve there randomly to watch only set up for some fake angst/make-up stuff that inevitably happens later on in the chapter: if Ninetales is capable of Disabling Eve in half a second, why does she go through the whole illusion thing with Josh instead of just doing the same to him? It's kind of like that scene you see in a lot of romances where the guy gets kissed by some other girl when he's not expecting it, except just then the "real" girl happens to see, and then they don't ever fully explain to each other what happened and there's a lot of angst and when they finally sort things out, it's completely normal and everyone was just being derp about it. It felt a little bit like drama for the sake of drama, I guess?

The interlude was wonderfully written, although it confuses me more than ever (in a good way). There seems to be an intersection of some sort of rising epic with Lugia and then the calm, casual stuff you've been building up for fourteen chapters, and I have no idea how you're going to pull it off (again, at this point, nothing's wrong, and I'm sure you're going to do it wonderfully). I don't really have more to say about the interlude, although I'm still going to be quite impressed when Arc 1 ends (you said it's almost done somewhere, methinks), at which point I assume you tie in these Lugia shenanigans?

Chapter Fourteen felt pretty short, and I think it might've been one of your shortest chapters so far.There wasn't terribly much substance to go along with it; mostly some set-up for the payoff for Chapter Fifteen, but I think it works here. Watching Eve and Josh work so fluidly together when they were scamming the rich guy was definitely worth it, though, and it's those kind of interactions between the two that I find more compelling than, say, the "sweetling" bits, which I found a tad corny (especially if Josh is anything but, lol).

In contrast, Chapter Fifteen was pretty long, but it was also solid quality. The drunk scene was pretty hilarious, although sometimes there'd be a little too much detail for me to plausibly believe that drunk-Josh would actually think like this:
As Eve meandered off into the fog, Josh hunted out her Pokédex. The HANDY912i was about the size of an A7 notebook, slim, brushed-silver in colour, and well named. It occurred to Josh that he might soon be able to afford one of his own.
and then
YOU'RE AS THINK AS A I DRUNKLKAJSDFLKJ

Other than that, some nicely paced battles, cute detail with the meat-squeezing while fishing, and a nice, quiet, realistic take on how the Pokemon world would probably work (compared to the grimdark that I some people just end up throwing everywhere.

You're still a dick for that dream though.
 
Ch. 16 - Future Sight
Responses:
@diamondpearl876: I must admit, I can't remember whether I invented the phrase “blank terror”, or whether I picked it up from somewhere else. I think I should probably expand on one of the points regarding Fionn. In hindsight maybe the chapter needs more of her personality in it.

Oh, yes and: adds diamondpearl to list of shippers. I wonder if someone's going to come up with a clever name for it sometime. You surely didn't think the kissing scene would be real now, did you ;)

@Barfing Ogres: Thanks for your review! You get added to the list of beloved readers ^^ . And there's nothing you can do about it. Fair point on the Azalea arc – it's something I've mentioned before that it ended up being quite long despite cutting out a training sequence as well. The problem was Magnemite, in short.

@Flaze: Bwahaha. Nothing like torturing you, Flaze. Switching from White Lake back into the Heartwoods for a make-out scene would have been one of the weirder scene changes I've written.

@Airt: Breathless, ok, that is good feedback. I wasn't quite sure how the pacing would turn out – I didn't want to belabour this chapter, particularly when it came down to the captures. As usual it seems that I could have got away with a higher wordcount.

I already mentioned via VM about Fionn's nickname, but it bears repeating. I am flattered that you think the references are that clever. I simply felt that since one of the influences on Misdreavus is the banshee, an Irish (Sometimes Welsh, depending on the legend) creature, she should have an Irish name.

@Rediamond: I did study ghost stories a bit to get an idea of how to take on the opening of the chapter. I felt that it was about time some more bad weather found its way into the story. I suppose I had better point now that the “lonely and evil creature” line is a shout-out to the description of the Nazgûl in The Fellowship of the Ring, lest anyone think I invented it.

Regarding the pokémon, I have been meaning to feature Bulbasaur more for a while now. I'm increasingly finding that two trainers building teams means a lot of juggling of pokémon to give them all proper focus. I'm acutely aware that Pineco needs to turn up again sometime soon.

Haha, yes, I'll reluctantly admit that the lemon did make writing the dream easier.

@Sike Saner: Wow, ok that's certainly a first for me. Read in one sitting, really? adds another to list of beloved readers It might surprise you to learn that I don't like cats very much, but Mother has a couple, so I'm very familiar with them. One of them hates me and the other is convinced that I'll love her if only she looks cute enough. Another surprise might be – and I believe I mentioned this in another response spoiler somewhere – that I don't like camping either. I need my hot showers xD

@kintsugi: How dare you. Every chapter was pain and tears to write, they never sprout from nowhere. You have got a bit softer – what have they been doing to you at that school?

You're probably right about the pacing. I do prefer to infer and suggest though dialogue and reactions these days, using inner monologue sparingly. I was trying – in that instance – to reinforce Josh's naturally observant nature ahead of Chapter Thirteen so it wouldn't come across as something I'd invented on the spot. Perhaps in hindsight it does detract from the mood of the encounter.

Sir William is pure silliness for the sake of silliness. The original plan for the chapter called for a bit of explanation – Sir William was going to be shown to be a twerpy sort of guy living what he believed to be a life of knightly honour. It was going to riff off how a lot of trainers both in the games and anime have odd personas (Remember Samurai from EP004?), but I decided that explaining it just took away the humour. It's for that reason that I also didn't push the Holy Grail references further.

I am acutely aware of Bulbasaur's relative lack of focus. Juggling pokémon characters is proving to be a trial >_<

Speaking of heights, well, I'm 5'5” and short for an Englishman but not hugely so. I don't think I ever defined Josh's height, but he's not a big man by any means.

When it comes to Josh/Eve's friendship … I sometimes think that maybe I should make the time they're spending together clearer. I tend to forget that the reader won't see the full timeline, and that they're spending the majority of every day in one another's company. In the future (In other words, after the Awards) I may make Eve's inflection of “sweetling” a little different – it's supposed to be fairly casual usage.

Bringing me inevitably to Thirteen. I'm willing to admit that I may have pushed the fairy tale allusions too far. The idea is that Ninetales is trying to curse Josh, rather than merely attack him. Kisses have power in fairy tales – and this is an allusion to Thomas the Rhymer, where the titular character kisses (In some versions more than that) the Queen of the Elves and is thus tricked into a magical contract.

It would be fair to say, I think, that Ninetales is a fantasy plot cheat. Her spite brings an issue to a head that may otherwise have lain buried and ignored, but I don't see that as a bad thing. What's the point of a fantasy setting if you don't get to play around with ideas like that xD In any case, the subversion comes from the fact that they deal with it sensibly by talking rather than by trying to ignore it. I also wanted an on-screen instance showing why Eve trusts Josh ahead of the drunk scenes in the next chapter. Which still needs a bit of tweaking to the narrative, I see > <

Oh, and does this mean I can add you to the shipper list, El?

Version History
1.1 : Fixed dialogue error in the first scene
1.2 : Clarified Josh's reaction to Eve's fidgeting. Fixed description error in Ranger vision. Extended final conversation in the hall
1.3 : Rewrote the futures seen through the doors

Chapter Sixteen – Future Sight (Version 1.3)

Joshua

North of Len Town, Eskershire gave way to historic Sandonshire. The shire was named for the castle town of Sandham on the east coast, encompassing Route 32 and the countryside northeast of Len Town up to the Ruins of Alph. Small towns and villages dotted the farmland; stone circles stood on the odd isolated hilltop.

Walking along the Sandonshire lanes was easy going after hiking down the Ilex Forest trainer's trails. Josh and Eve village-hopped, eating at village pubs and staying the nights at amateur bed-and-breakfasts. Usually, there was someone in each village who was prepared to put up passing trainers in a spare room in exchange for a few dollars. On the third day they pitched their tents in a small field just outside the village of Hunter's Green. It was one of those rare evenings where the setting sun gilded the edges of honey-coloured clouds and washed the landscape in golden light.

Fionn lurked in the shade of Josh's tent. Being a Ghost-type, it wasn't healthy for her to be out in the bright sunlight for long. She was, in many ways, the opposite of Screwball. She had a childish, gregarious temperament that was easy to read compared with Screwball's range of stares. Her sociable nature was most noticeable at dusk, when she'd harass him for sweets and play Tag with Bulbasaur.

Through sparring matches, Josh had discovered that his misdreavus liked battling with a trainer, up to a point. She followed commands enthusiastically, so long as she was commanded to battle capriciously. Fionn loved using tricks and traps; when Josh insisted on chess-game tactics she sulked for the rest of the day. But it was Bulbasaur who was responsible for a lot of Fionn's transition from a wild to a domestic pokémon. He'd started treating her as a protégé, teaching her, cajoling her, chiding her. At the moment he lay basking in the evening sun, keeping one watchful eye on her.

Josh was reading a book – well, he was trying to. Eve wouldn't stop pacing and prowling about. Every couple of minutes she'd sit down and browse her Pokédex or something, only to fidget noisily until she eventually leapt up again. The sight of her constantly crossing his peripheral vision was becoming increasingly distracting.

When Eve threw herself down for the umpteenth time Josh's temper finally snapped. “What the hell has got into you today?” he demanded.

“Nothing,” Eve said guiltily. “Oh, I know! Let's work on your Poké Ball pitching!”

“No.”

“Oh come on! Come on, boy scout, let's get active! You know you want to play,” she coaxed with sly cheerfulness.

“No! You're driving me nuts, I'm going for a walk,” Josh said, quickly recalling his pokémon.

“For how long?”

“I don't know. About an hour?” Josh said, grabbing the Capture Spear – well, it functioned just as well as a walking stick – and starting away across the field.

About an hour?”

“Fine, an hour!”

Really an hour?” Eve called after him almost anxiously.

Eve!


*​

The sign at the fork in the lane read:

Whittington – 4m
Hunter's Green – ½m
Great Bottom – 3m

Josh strolled down the lane towards the village, humming quietly to himself. He’d forgotten the joys of walking by himself, and missed them. Well, truth be told he’d probably miss the joys of walking with Joy before too long – but her incessant bloody fidgeting had been annoying him all day. Maybe an hour apart will do us both good. He stopped by the village green, a wide triangle of grass, punctuated with thick clusters of nodding daffodils. Most of the village stood around the green, including the pub and the corner shop.

All this would have been entirely usual for rural Johto, if it weren't for the harlequin girl.

She gestured extravagantly, gracefully, like a dancer. A scattering of white feathers were twined into her jet black hair, and she wore a catsuit of bright red-and-green diamond checks. She was calling in a silvery voice:

“Come and see, oh you must come and see! Oh, what sights there are to see! Things that are and things that have been! Things that are yet to be seen!”

She spotted him from across the green, and literally danced over to him. Up close she was strikingly pretty. “Take a chance and come with me!” she declared. “Come and see, oh you must come and see!”

For a moment Josh was tempted to tell her to go away, but then he did have an hour to kill. “Oh, alright. I will come and see,” he said, indulging her wearily.

Josh followed the dancing, cartwheeling harlequin girl through the village. On the other side of the village, partially screened from sight by a stand of poplars, there was a velvety-black circus tent pitched in the middle of a field. Butterflies scattered out of the way, like fluttering scraps of brilliant colour dancing and flirting before his eyes. A xatu perched atop the central tent pole, sitting as still as if it had been carved from oak. Just as Josh entered the tent, it suddenly spread its wings.

“Xaaa …” it droned.

Inside, a heavy black curtain sparkling with star designs separated an atrium from the main tent. Another pair of harlequins stood on either side of the curtain; one was tall and saturnine, the other jowly and vaguely sinister. Both wore red-and-green checks, with cloaks of white feathers and yellow beaked face masks.

“He has come to see,” Harlequin Girl said.

“So he shall see,” said Sinister.

“Ten dollars is the fee,” said Saturnine. They spoke with rapid-fire delivery, each speaking almost immediately after the other.

“You haven't even told me what the attraction is yet,” Josh pointed out, making no move towards his wallet.

“Things that are,” said Sinister.

“Things that have been,” said Harlequin Girl.

“Things that are yet to be seen,” said Saturnine.

Josh sighed. “Alright, fine. But if I don't like it I will get my money back.”


*​

It was pitch dark beyond the curtain. He took a couple of experimental steps forward. His boots rang aloud on what sounded like wooden flooring. Light abruptly flooded in from above, like the sun rising in the space of a few seconds.

Josh found himself standing in a round hall. The walls were smooth, white marble lined with polished ebony doors. The floor was red mahogany, liable to be scratched up by the hobnails in his boots. Early evening light spilled in through an elaborate rose-shaped skylight.

Evidently those harlequins were mad enough to pitch a tent around the hall. Except … Josh did a few quick estimates – if the doors lead to other rooms, then the tent should be too small to contain them. The hairs on his arms started to tingle, memories of the Deepwoods welling from the back of his mind. There was a taste of illusion to this. How real is this place?

“Does it really matter?” a voice said from behind him. A jolt of sharp surprise shot through him – Josh reflexively spun round and brought the Capture Spear down hard. The dry hazel smashed in half with a splintery crack.

The young man straightened up, unharmed. “You proud of yourself?” he said irritably. Josh sighed, just as irritably. The young man was his exact double, minus the Spear and Poké Balls. Josh immediately gave him a critical look.

“I know what you're thinking,” the other Josh said hurriedly. “I'm no pokémon.”

Josh stared at his doppelgänger, thinking. “… the xatu. This isn't real, is it?”

“It's an illusion,” the other Josh admitted. “As for 'real', well, it would be more accurate to say that this isn't a usual place. It may as well be real for you.”

“Then who are you?” he said.

“I am you. More or less. Thanks to Xatu I know enough about this place to be your guide. But you already knew that.”

Josh paused for a moment. He was about to object when he noticed that he really did already know this – the knowledge appeared in his head like sudden realisation. “I know this, because Josh knows this,” he said acerbically. Other-Josh shrugged non-committally, quietly ignoring the movie reference.

“So … what happens now?” Josh asked, half-hoping that the answer would be 'nothing'. The light flooding in through the skylight gilded the marble with subtle shades of gold.

“Try a door,” Other-Josh said.

Josh selected a door at random, his boots ringing loud on the mahogany flooring. The polished ebony gleamed at him; there was a brass doorknob in the centre. He hesitated briefly, wondering what he was going to see, then swung the door open.

The door opened onto a classroom. It was as though he were looking out of a cupboard at the front of the room. The afternoon sun was softened to a restful dimness by blinds drawn across the wide lancet windows. There were a number of clues here and there that marked it out as a classroom in a private school, among them the newness of the books, the modernity of the furniture, the smartness of the student’s uniforms – and the fact that they were all teenage girls. The teacher, sitting at his desk quietly marking homework, supported that impression. There was something oddly familiar about the man – severely dressed in his plain tie and plain waistcoat, slim, austere glasses and salt-and-pepper curls.

Every last girl was fast asleep, for some reason. The girls were all lying slumped on their desks, resting their heads on a pillow or a cushion. Some of them were snoring gently.

Josh stood on the threshold for a while, watching the scene carefully. The xatu’s illusion was a powerful one, flawless, as far as he could tell. He took a careful step forwards, more than half-expecting to walk face first into the side of the tent. Nothing happened. Instead his boots shushed on carpet, a disquietingly ordinary sensation. Neither students nor teacher stirred, as if he weren’t there at all. Now Josh was in the room he began to notice some odd details – there was a kettle in one corner, accompanied by large jars of coffee, sugar, and teabags. Perched on the edge of the teacher’s desk was a tall stack of used paper plates.

At that moment a woman swept imperiously in from the corridor. If the teacher was severely dressed, she radiated cold, stern respectability. She abruptly stopped short, regarding the scene before her with a thoroughly surprised, affronted expression. The teacher acknowledged her with a deferential nod.

“Afternoon, Miss Witherspoon.”

Miss Witherspoon appeared to pull herself together. “Mr Cook, what are you doing?”

“Teaching,” Mr Cook said. Josh hurriedly circled round to get a better look at him.

“Teaching,” Miss Witherspoon repeated.

Josh suddenly realised why the teacher looked familiar. Mr Cook was himself – noticeably older and tidier, with a very short beard, but most certainly himself.

“Mr Cook -” Miss Witherspoon started, but then she spotted the stack of paper plates. She pointed them out at arm's length. “Explain.”

“The girls had half a sandwich each,” Mr Cook said, keeping his voice low. “Nice, fresh mackerel and salad.”

“Hwhat?”

“On brown bread.”

“And this is teaching,” Miss Witherspoon said coldly.

“Yes, ma'am. Excuse me for a moment.” None too quietly, Mr Cook opened the blinds, washing the classroom with sunshine. The girls stirred with a chorus of mumbled complaints.

“Come on, rise and shine, sleeping beauties,” Mr Cook cajoled.

“Oh, Sir, why did you wake us so soo-oon!” someone karped.

“Quiet your fizzog, Tonia, you're not missing English,” Mr Cook said. “Ok, girls, you've got time yet for coffee or cola, but don't overdo it! Why don't we overdo it?”

There was a scatter of grumbles.

“I'm sorry, was that a sentence? Répétez votre réponse, s'il vous plaît!”

“It's 'cause caffeine dun't reelly give you energy, sir.”

“Thank you, Richenda,” Mr Cook said. “Now I've got to have a word with Miss Witherspoon.”

With a none-too elegant hop, Josh followed his older self through the classroom door just before it closed. His face was very calm, which of course meant he was secretly apprehensive.

Mister Cook,” Miss Witherspoon started. “These girls have grades to maintain. Friday Homeroom is intended to support them in this endeavour. And yet instead of finding a room full of students hard at work, I find them sleeping. And you call this teaching.”

“Yes, ma'am.”

“Explain.”

“I'm teaching them to look after themselves.”

“Home Economics -”

“Teaches them to cook and clean,” Mr Cook broke in. “Entirely adequately, I might add. I'm teaching them well-being.” He paused to think for a moment.

“These girls don't lack for motivation,” he said mollifyingly. “What they lack is perspective. They treat the trimesterly assessments with as much gravity as the finals. Danielle seems to think that she'll be doomed to poverty if she gets anything less than a B, and I'm quite sure she's not the only one. And so that means studying till two in the morning, most days, chaining energy drinks and never properly winding down.”

“And so you want to teach off-syllabus.”

“I want to teach them healthy ways to deal with the pressure before they turn to unhealthy methods.”

“I'm sure I don't know what you mean. And what about maintaining your student's grades?” Miss Witherspoon persisted.

“Who functions properly on consistently short sleep, ma'am?”

“Yes, well … you will shave your beard, Mr Cook! It does not Do for a male teacher to appear rakish in front of the students!”

“Yes, ma'am,” Mr Cook said obediently.

“You are a teacher, not a disc-jockey!”

“Yes, ma'am.”

“See that you do,” Miss Witherspoon warned.

Josh watched Miss Witherspoon sweep off in a pedagogical wrath, wondering what that ‘rakish’ comment meant. Mr Cook returned to the classroom, this time leaving the door open. After a moment’s dour contemplation, Josh followed. He went back through the open door to the hall, shutting it behind him. The noise and chatter of the girls immediately cut off, and the hush of the hall returned.

Josh stalked thoughtfully around the circumference of the hall, followed at a respectful distance by his faintly-smiling guide. So … this isn’t a usual place. He experimentally opened another door at random.

Behind it was an official battlefield. Young, strong trees overshadowed it; thick, nettle-filled undergrowth torn up by recent battle choked the meadow beneath the leaves. At the near side another older version of himself was handing something to a despondent teenage boy.

“- I present to you the Wood Badge.”

“But … I lost,” the boy protested.

“But you learned,” the older Josh continued. “How much do you know about Grass-types now that you didn’t know two weeks ago? You earned this Badge with your hard work training and preparing for this rematch. Take it. You deserve it.”

Another door. This time he had a view of the back of his own head as he lurked in the lee of a boulder at the top of a gully, observing a pair of charizard tear into one another in the midst of a barren, stony valley. The rock around the fighting was scorched black, the charizard roaring and hissing at each other between attacks. The older Josh was typing blind on a tablet, constantly taking notes while he watched. Suddenly he leapt down into the gully – not a moment too soon as a Dragon Pulse scoured the boulder with violet flame.

Another door. Another older version of himself stood in a conference room, severely, almost fussily dressed, next to a tall board showing an array of neatly arranged photos of jewellery. A panel of three very professional-looking women sat before him, with impassive, faintly critical expressions.

“- fashion has trended towards the elaborate for many seasons,” he was saying. “I’m bringing the designs back to a very simple, very contemporary look. The Legendary Wing motif is subtly carried through the collection – as you can see, the Silver Wing suggested here and here, the Rainbow Wing on the ring here. The Wings mirror one another with some of the His ‘n’ Hers pieces -”

“- I see that in the His ‘n’ Hers collection you have some matched barrettes,” one of the women interrupted. “Can you explain that?”

“There’s been a greater movement in recent years towards … ‘metrosexual’ styles and fashions,” he replied, trying to pick his words carefully. “The ‘man-bag’, the ‘man-bun’, etcetera … despite these fashions being in vogue with fashionable celebrities, there’s still something very self-conscious about the concept. What I’ve created here – with the barrettes, the chokers, the pendants – is an attempt to bring an unselfconscious elegance to the style.”

The woman gave him a cool look that went on for just a few seconds too long, while another made a few cryptic notes.

“What are these?” Josh asked, still watching from the doorway.

“Futures,” Other-Josh said. “They could be your future.”

“Mr Cook,” the third woman said in an authoritative voice, laying down her pens. “I think your collections would be a fit for the Saffron branch of Fleury.”

“What?” Mr Cook said disbelievingly.

“Suitably up-marketed, of course.”

The three of them began an animated discussion, while his older self watched helplessly.

“- high quality gold and platinum, certainly -”

“Can you work with diamond, Mr Cook?”

“- some form of prestige endorsement, obviously -”

“Are you sure?” Mr Cook managed weakly.

“You must understand, Joshua,” the third woman said rather patronisingly. “We are not just selling a product. We are selling a brand. We are selling you,” she gazed into thin air, as if reading off an invisible board. “Metal Earth jewellery, designed by salt-of-the-earth jeweller Joshua Cook, the man who pulled himself up from the coalface to dazzle high society with his stylish simplicity.”

“Do these doors show what will happen, or what might happen?” Josh asked sceptically. The scene behind this door was an unconvincing one.

“Yes,” Other-Josh replied.

“Yes, alright, I walked into that one,” Josh snapped, closing the door. “You know damn well what I meant.”

Other-Josh half-smiled at him. “They all have potential. Any of these futures could be yours, if you want it.”

Potential. Well, that’s a broad word. There were eleven doors in total. Eleven doors. Eleven potential futures. Hmm. He experimentally opened the next door along.

On the other side of this door, there was a battle.

A drab khaki jeep hurried down a dirt path by a strip of woodland, followed by a motorcyclist. In the flatbed behind the jeep sat a man in a leather jacket next to a crate full of Poké Balls. Suddenly, a bellowing rhyhorn thundered out onto the path – the driver swerved hard and ended up skidding right into it with a crash. A squad of pokémon rangers burst from the trees, one riding a ponyta – a ranger vaulted off the rhyhorn – converged on the stricken jeep in grim silence. The motorcyclist sped off down the path.

“Jenny!” one of the rangers shouted, his bronze sergeant's oak leaf flashing on his epaulette. The mounted ranger flipped a salute and galloped off after the motorcycle.

The man in the leather jacket leapt off the flatbed. There was a foot long machete in his fist. He charged the sergeant with a savage yell, chopping wildly down. The sergeant calmly drew his baton and blocked the slash in one sweeping movement. His free hand shot up and seized the man's wrist. His adversary started to throw a punch – the sergeant simply brought his baton down onto his fist.

“Drop your weapon!” the sergeant commanded. The man struggled and earned himself a sharp blow on the forearm. He howled, and the machete slipped from his fingers.

“On your knees! On your knees!

Maybe it was the threat of the baton, but the man seemed to realise that the game was up. The sergeant wrestled him to the ground and snapped a set of cuffs on his wrists. “I'm arresting you on suspicion of pokémon poaching,” he said methodically. “You do not have to say anything, but anything you do say may be given as evidence in a court of law.”

The other rangers had the man's companions subdued and cuffed. The sergeant pulled off his field cap, revealing a tired, stern face – a familiar tired face.

“You're telling me I could be good enough to be a pokémon ranger? That I could make it to Ranger Sergeant?” Josh said pessimistically. “Really, me?”

“Why not?” Other-Josh said. “You're focusing too much on the physical side. Rangers have to possess intelligence, patience, integrity … now who does that sound like?”

Josh was quiet for a moment. Sergeant Cook was confidently giving a fresh round of commands. At his direction the rhyhorn rider mounted up – another Ranger gave each of the prisoners a drink. Josh thought about the way his older self had arrested the machete-wielding man with perfect sangfroid. It rather strongly reminded him of Lorelei's battle composure. Divination is fine, but how am I supposed to know what to do to get there?

“This place is a compass, not a map,” Other-Josh said. “What you do with this knowledge is your business. And in any case, didn't you start this journey to find out what you want to do with your life? Come. Try this door.”

The next door was another third of the way round the hall. Josh shrugged, and pulled it open. This one opened onto a bright forest clearing. It reminded him of the Heartwoods – at the far side there was an immense oak, the finest Quercus robur that Josh had ever seen. A wedding was taking place beneath it, rows of folding chairs occupied by guests before it, portable hokora for the spiritual guests on either side of the tree. Josh knew enough by now to look for his older self, scanning though the guests.

But he wasn't seated with the guests – his older self was standing in front of the tree, shifting nervously from foot-to-foot. He was dressed fairly simply in shades of dark brown and green, with a circlet of oak leaves on his head in what must be a reluctant acknowledgement of the forest spirits. Am I really going to start going grey that young? His future self didn't look much older than thirty, but already his hair was salted with grey.

A voice in the back of his mind kept prodding him to pay attention. He scanned the scene again. More than half of the guests on the left hand side had bright pink hair.

He looked round at Other-Josh in the hall behind him, who just shrugged cryptically. When he looked back, the scene had skipped. An older version of Eve stood with his older self by the tree, proud and beautiful in white silk, crowned with miniature white roses. As Josh watched, she leapt at his older self to kiss him, knocking his leafy circlet askew.

“What do you think?” Other-Josh asked.

“... I don't know,” Josh said.

“Liar. How do you expect to figure out what you want if you won't even be honest with yourself?”

Josh didn't look around. He was still watching the scene through the door, and thinking. Not content with just the one, the future Eve enthusiastically kissed his older self again just as he was trying to straighten his circlet.

That was a strange sight. Even in his quiet, private moments he wasn’t good at imagining himself kissing anyone, really … watching himself kissing Eve, in perfect detail, was … strange.

“If … if this was my fate, rather than my choice … I wouldn't be unhappy.”

“But do you want that future?”

“No. No, I meant what I said to her the other day, but … why did I dream about her?”

“Why did you enjoy it?”

“What?”

“Just indulge me. Think about it; why did you enjoy the dream?”

Josh took a deep breath. His thoughts went first to Ninetales, disguised as Eve in the Deepwoods. The memory still made him nervous. He'd never felt so out of his depth as he had then, and never so vulnerable. That ninetales had a predatory glint in her eyes that her illusion just couldn't conceal – somehow, it was worse than being confronted by an ursaring in the Heartwoods. The dream Eve though … the dream Eve was certainly assertive, but she felt safe. The dream Eve cared that he had his insecurities.

“I like Eve a lot,” he said eventually. “I like cooking for her. I like holding her. I like the way she squeezes me. I liked kissing her in the dream, but not because I want to kiss the real Eve. Er … does that even make sense?”

“Yes,” Other-Josh said. “Look, Eve likes you. You know damn well she likes your cooking. She often demands a hug from you before bed. Forget about Ninetales and forget about the dream. Neither of those things matter. What matters is how you know you feel about her.”

Josh looked back at the future. His older self had picked his new wife up. Rather incongruously, she was wearing white hiking boots.

“She does look beautiful in white,” Josh said admiringly.

“Yes she does,” Other-Josh agreed.

Well, it was nice to have seen this, Josh thought, closing the door carefully. In that moment, he realised that it was time he divorced the concept of a crush from liking Eve in a – what would be the word? - platonic way. Forget about Ninetales and forget about the dream. Josh still had no intention of thinking about the dream any further, much less telling Eve about it. Ninetales had, ironically, brought them closer together. Even so, Josh didn't feel comfortable thinking of her in a sexual way.

Eleven doors, eleven futures. “You know, I think I've seen enough,” Josh said slowly.

“Are you sure?” Other-Josh said. “There are five doors you haven't opened yet.”

“I have enough to go on … I'm not convinced that more omphaloskepsis would help. And I should be getting back.”

Other-Josh pointed towards one end of the hall, the direction Josh had originally entered in. There was a heavy black curtain hanging there. “That way will take you back out,” Other-Josh said. “Be seeing you.”

“Next time I look in the mirror,” Josh replied to his double.


*​

Josh pushed his way through the curtain. He found himself back in the atrium at the front of the main tent. The harlequins were gone, to Josh's lack of surprise. Somehow, he'd expected it. He sauntered back down the lane towards Hunter's Green, followed by a few errant butterflies, and only then noticed that he was still carrying a broken length of hazel. He tossed it into a hedge, and walked back through the village.

By the time he reached the campsite, the sun had set and twilight had fallen. Eve was sitting by the fire with a satisfied smile on her face.

“Someone's pleased with herself,” Josh drily remarked.

“You could say that,” Eve said contentedly. She looked so dippily content that he couldn't help but smile a little.

“I brought beer,” he said, tossing Eve a can. He snapped open one himself and dropped down next to her.

“So where have you been?” Eve asked.

“Off thinking,” Josh paused for a moment. “Eevee, do you think I'd make a good teacher?”

“I think you'd make a good Gym Leader,” Eve said casually.

“A Gym Leader?”

“You could take over the Florando Gym and specialise in Grass-types,” Eve caught sight of Josh's expression. “Oh. I'm sorry Josh, was that a serious question?”

“Yeah … I'm just thinking about the future.”

Eve took a contemplative draught of her beer. “I can actually see you as a Gym Leader, you know. They have to be teachers as well as trainers,” she added.

“They also have to be great trainers,” Josh countered out of habit.

“So? Who says you can't be,” Eve said. “Honestly, Josh, I don't think you have natural talent. What you are is stubborn and clever and that counts for more than just natural talent,” she paused for a breath and a cooling sip. “So what I'm saying is that I believe you are good enough if you want to be.”


Next Chapter: Violet City

Bonus Content
The latest edit of this chapter (Version 1.3) incorporates some material I wrote on a whim and decided to try and use here. Just for fun, what follows is the original:

Miss Witherspoon was not, on the whole, a severe woman, but she did have Standards. You didn't rise to be Headmistress of one of Ecruteak's most prestigious girl's schools without them. Queen's Academy Heartford had a reputation to maintain, and that meant Standards – excellent test scores, successful sports teams, and a student body with darn strong moral fibre. Miss Witherspoon never swore, not even inside her own head. She considered cursing to be a sign of linguistic slovenliness, and slovenliness was a sign of bad moral fibre. She also disapproved of dyed hair, altering the school uniform, and students hugging, all for pretty much the same reason. Woe betide any girl caught smoking on her campus.

A second year appeared from round the corner, panicked, and immediately scuttled back out of sight, trying to straighten her tie. Darn strong moral fibre, she thought, allowing herself a discreet smile of satisfaction.

On Friday afternoons she made a habit of randomly visiting the homerooms, to ensure Standards were being upheld. It was high time she paid a visit to the newest teacher on staff. Miss Witherspoon considered hiring him to be a risk, but Queen's Academy needed a new junior Kalosian teacher, and quickly. Unfortunately, young Cook had studied at Mulberry University, and been a journeyman trainer for a while after that … but then he had also come with a glowing reference from his teaching professor. Accordingly, she'd given him one of the more difficult third year classes, on the basis that he'd show his quality well before the end of the first term. Another headmistress might consider that over-harsh, but she had no time for mediocrity, not with student performance to maintain.

There wasn't a lot of noise emanating from Cook's homeroom, which wasn't a bad sign. Miss Witherspoon removed the smile from her face and opened the classroom door haughtily.

Every last girl was fast asleep.

Miss Witherspoon was momentarily struck speechless. The girls were all lying slumped on their desks, resting their heads on a pillow or a cushion. Some of them were snoring gently; the window blinds were drawn. Cook acknowledged her with a polite nod from behind his desk, where he was peacefully marking homework. Miss Witherspoon rallied. She was Headmistress, for heaven's sake. “Mr Cook, what are you doing?”

“Teaching.”

“Teaching,” Miss Witherspoon repeated. She studied Cook critically. He did look the part in his plain tie and waistcoat, slim, austere glasses and prematurely greying curls, which were among the reasons she'd overlooked his particular alma mater. There weren't many twenty four year-olds who looked distinguished enough to meet Queen's Academy Standards. She didn't approve of his designer stubble, though, however neat it may be, nor his accent. You couldn't mistake Cook as being from anywhere other than Mulberry Town – he sounded more like a coal miner than a teacher.

“Mr Cook -” she started, but then she spotted the stack of used paper plates. She pointed them out at arm's length.

“Explain.”

“The girls had half a sandwich each,” Mr Cook said, keeping his voice low. “Nice, fresh mackerel and salad.”

“Hwhat?”

“On brown bread.”

“And this is teaching,” Miss Witherspoon said coldly, belatedly realising that she, too, was keeping her voice down. Cook's calm demeanour was getting on her nerves, and she was beginning to wonder whether she should have held out for an Ecruteak teacher.

“Yes, ma'am. Excuse me for a moment.” None too quietly, he went to reopen the blinds, washing the classroom with the late September sunshine. The girls stirred with a chorus of mumbled complaints. One of them – Bridgit, wasn't it, Bridgit Mills – clamped her pillow over her head.

“Come on, rise an' shine, sleeping beauties,” Mr Cook cajoled.

“Oh, Sir, why did you wake us so soo-oon,” someone karped.

“Quiet your fizzog, Tonia, you're not missing English,” Mr Cook said. “Ok, girls, you've got time yet for coffee or cola, but don't overdo it! Why don't we overdo it?”

There was a scatter of grumbles. Miss Witherspoon gave her employee a pointed look.

“I'm sorry, was that a sentence? Répétez votre réponse, s'il vous plaît!”

“It's 'cause caffeine dun't reelly give you energy, sir.”

Mr Cook ignored Miss Witherspoon's very visible wince at the girl's pronunciation. “Thank you, Richenda. Now I've got to have a word with Miss Witherspoon.”

Miss Witherspoon snapped the door shut behind them, waiting till the class started to chatter before continuing. Cook looked altogether too calm about this for her liking.

“Mister Cook,” she started, and it was a full 'Mister'. “These girls have grades to maintain. Friday Homeroom is intended to support them in this endeavour. And yet instead of finding a room full of students hard at work, I find them sleeping. And you call this teaching.”

“Yes, ma'am.”

“Explain.”

“I'm teaching them to look after themselves.”

“Home Economics -”

“Teaches them to cook and clean,” Mr Cook broke in. “Entirely adequately, I might add. I'm teaching them well-being.” He paused for a moment to think. He could see a slim window of opportunity here.

“These girls don't lack for motivation,” he said mollifyingly. “What they lack is perspective. They treat the trimesterly assessments with as much gravity as the finals. Danielle seems to think that she'll be doomed to poverty if she gets anything less than a B, and I'm quite sure she's not the only one. And so that means studying till two in the morning, most days, chaining energy drinks and never properly winding down.”

“And so you want to teach off-syllabus.”

“I want to teach them healthy ways to deal with the pressure before they turn to unhealthy methods.”

“I'm sure I don't know what you mean,” Miss Witherspoon said unconvincingly.

Yes you do, Mr Cook thought. He gave her as much of a disbelieving look as he dared.

“And what about maintaining your student's grades?” Miss Witherspoon persisted.

“Who functions properly on consistently short sleep, ma'am?” Mr Cook said. “Besides, I chose mackerel for a reason. Ma'am, omega-3 fatty acids have been shown to improve cognition and stave off anxiety disorders.” He quietly neglected to mention that many of the studies showing this were on the woolly side.

“Yes, well … you will shave your beard, Mr Cook! It does not Do for a male teacher to appear rakish in front of the students!”

“Yes, ma'am,” he said obediently, not fully understanding what that meant.

“You are a teacher, not a disc-jockey!”

“Yes, ma'am.”

“See that you do,” Miss Witherspoon warned. She swept off in a pedagogical wrath. It was overdramatic, but he refrained from sniggering at her. Mr Cook actually respected Miss Witherspoon. It was because of her that Heartford's scholarship program was as good as it was, and she'd be horrified at the idea of a student failing because they weren't being given enough attention. And, well, she'd also given a Mulberry Town lad a chance to teach at a Queen's Academy, when certainly no other headmistress would have.

The problem was, because she thought that class didn't matter, she also thought that only the kid's results did. That, and a tendency to believe that the girls wouldn't fall pregnant if only their uniforms were smart enough. 'Darn strong moral fibre!'

He went back into his homeroom, ostensibly to retrieve some papers ahead of the next lesson, and perched on the edge of the desk, taking mental notes of his student's demeanour as he did so. Danielle was already simultaneously sucking down coffee and fiddling with her English notes. She really needed more than a weekly nap, but … he knew there was only so much a homeroom teacher could do. Nevertheless, he felt better knowing his class at least had some decent food inside them. With any luck they'd pick up some healthy eating habits instead of trying to live off junk food and Black Tauros. Or nothing at all, he thought darkly.

A couple of the more conscientious girls dipped a bow to him (“Thank you for the use of the kettle, sir!”), piping hot mugs in their hands. Isabelle's had a pink bunny on it. Bowing! To a teacher! he thought sourly. He would try and put a stop to that in his classes, but well, pick your battles.
 
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Yay for a christmas chapter of the Long Walk (well not a christmas chapter per se, but it awas upoaded on Christmas Eve)

I'm going to be bold here and say that while I love the chapter I feel like...it's realy underwhelming. It acts more as an in between between the Ilex Forest and Goldenrod City but also makes me wonder what exactly was so tough about this chapter, it seems rude when I say it but the chapter itself seems really simple even if it's generally not that simple.

The reason I think that is that while it's good that we get to follow Josh and he finally accepted his feelings for Eve and we got some good views on what could be his future I also feel like the chapter was pretty unventful and if anything...fillery, it really feels a lot like filler. I mean there's a new town but a new town is like introduced every chapter and there's character developtment but I feel like it's developtment that could've even done in the previous chapter if anything.

I'm not saying the chapter was bad! it just...wasn't stellar you see, the Long Walk takes its time with its pacing, that's part of the fun, but this particular chapter was really bad for the pacing.

That being said I do lik how you focused on Josh's original goal of seeing what to do with his life and the general idea behind the circus and showing his possible futures is a good one (plus it expanded on what psychic types can do). But I feel like this would've worked a lot better if it was just a part of a chapter rather than the whole chapter itself.
 
Your mention of a cat who hates you made me immediately think of one of my cousin's cats. His name is Oliver. (The cat, not the cousin.) Beautiful tuxedo cat, Oliver. He loves my cousin, lets her pick him up and everything. Anyone else approaches, he turns into Burger and Fries.

Anyway. Moment that xatu appeared, I thought oh boy, here comes some delightful weirdness. That's an eager kind of an "oh boy", btw, not an "oh eff me, here we go with THIS now" kind of an "oh boy". And what followed delivered, all right, and in an unexpected and welcome way. I'll say it again: Josh and Eve have awesome chemistry, and regardless of how it'll turn out in the end, I think the story of their relationship is one of the best aspects of this story. It was nice to see it unfurl a lil more. :>
 
North of Len Town, Eskershire gave way to historic Sandonshire. The shire was named for the castle town of Sandham on the east coast, encompassing Route 32 and the countryside north-east of Len Town up to the Ruins of Alph. Small towns and villages dotted the farmland; stone circles stood on the odd isolated hilltop.
Little bits of worldbuilding like this make me think you'd be an original fantasy writer or something, or at least your original works might take place in a fictional setting.
Fionn loved using tricks and traps; when Josh insisted on chess-game tactics she sulked for the rest of the day.
THE IMAGE IS TOO CUTE
But it was Bulbasaur who was responsible for a lot of Fionn's transition from a wild to a domestic pokémon. He'd started treating her as a protégé, teaching her, cajoling her, chiding her. At the moment he lay basking in the evening sun, keeping one watchful eye on her.
Good, Bulbasaur's getting some screen time even though Fionn is new. Bulbasaur kind of got shafted once Screwball entered the picture.
Wonder why Eve's acting weird. I guess Joshua has quite the temper, considering her pacing got him mad pretty quickly. The chapter went from informational and cute to temperamental pretty fast, without transitioning.
“... and so despite continued fascination with the Silver Wing down the ages, it remains more of an object of myth and legend than of science,” the professor continued, his voice amplified by a microphone clipped to his tie. He was wearing a white gilet covered with pockets rather than the usual lab coat. There was something oddly familiar about the man.
I wonder if the Silver Wing is specifically mentioned for a reason?
I agree with Flaze about the chapter being underwhelming and that it kind of ruins your story's pacing. I was originally going to say that the whole idea of seeing individual futures... doesn't make sense for a slice-of-life fic. But then again, this is the pokemon world, so I guess that kind of stuff CAN happen anytime, and so it made the chapter concept really interesting. Also, JOSH AND EVE WEDDING. But yeah, I felt like Josh's personality didn't really shine through in this chapter like it could have, either. He doesn't seem to react to any of the future choices besides the wedding, and I would really hate to see this fic turn into pure romance that pushes everything else its built up aside.
 
This a superb story. I love your vision of Pokemon world, it portrays things in a more realistic way and paints a beautiful picture. I love your character development and I find it particularly enjoyable. The way you write the Pokemon characters is amazing, I love crazy details and the depth you have. Also, I the like the Luiga/ranger related interludes and I'm very interested in how you will weave them into the main story. That last chapter was kind of eerie with the whole Xatu thing. One things that bugs me though is Joshua's developing feelings for Eve. I would really not like them ending up together, I feel it would take away from the story. All in all, I am thoroughly pleased, I can't wait to see what happens next, thank you for an enjoyable read.
 
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Haigh!! Now this chapter, especially the opening, exemplifies what your brilliant at - descriptive detail and atmospheric setting! The camp site is brought beautifully to life and you offer a vivid and buoyant delineation of Josh's life with Eve and his Pokémon.

Now, the balance then quickly shifted and the pacing was a little off. But, it's a very experimental chapter so no one can blame you for that.

The fortune-telling circus scenario works well as a plot device to further reinforce Josh's personality as a lover of nature, and a subtle echo back to the interludes involving Lugia.

All in all, I really enjoyed the chapter! Bulaí fir!!!

Airt
 
Heya hiya hoya, Mr. Pavell. I had the gift of getting to judge your story for this awards season, and am here to leave what I had to say! If you have any questions or comments about my judgements of the story, than you are more than welcome to question me as you see fit.

((pudding this in a spoiler as it's quite long))
The Long Walk

Plot
There are certainly some events in the story (such as the interludes) that signal something big in the future, but for now it's a casual, more realistic take on a journey without all the drama and evilness. There's nothing wrong with that of course, but it doesn't build up the plot, really. All I really know is that the story is about two young adults going on a badge quest because they want something interesting in their life. While that is by no means a bad plot, that's really all there is at the moment, which is not a whole lot. I don't feel I can really give any constructive criticism here, as I know more events will open up in the future.

Setting
The story takes place in Johto, but Johto is more than just Johto here. You've cleverly taken inspiration from real-life places and have incorporated them into towns/places in the story. You've also added in places that appear in different canons such as the anime, which is a nice touch. There's a lot of originality going on in the story, and it's all well done.

The description is also spot-on. It's never too much, but never not enough. All around, a great job here.

Characterization
The characters are one of the biggest points in the story. Both of the protagonists' personalities are apparent throughout each chapter, and they've both received some development along the way.

I think that the way Josh first came across to readers is pretty different to how he actually is. Personally, I got the impression that he was a somewhat nerdy, awkward young adult. But he's actually pretty different from those stereotypes, I feel. He's characterized nicely and I like seeing his actions unfold.

Evelina is also a good character. She complements Josh's character very well, and the two work great together, even if they have their fair share of arguments. She's an interesting person, and I look forward to seeing her feats in the future.

((I have more comments for them down below~))

Style
The style of the story is quite nice; it flows well. I find that, as a reader in the U.S., someone of the English English in the story can sound a bit off at times, but other than that there are no problems here.

Technical
I found one or two errors throughout the story. For the most part, the technical accuracy here is perfect.

Overall
As a whole, this story is a great example of a more realistic take on a journey story. To be honest, I have a hard time finding many things bad about it. The story hasn't reached 20 chapters yet so the plot hasn't really gotten anywhere and the characters are still at the beginning, but what's there is well done.

The plot does feel a bit empty, however, and in recent chapters the development of Josh's and Eve's relationship has taken over the story. Again, there's not even 20 chapters in the story yet, and the characters went from strangers to thinking about marriage. (To be fair, I should say that we only know Josh realized it as a future possibility if he so desired.) I don't mind it at all if that's where the story is headed, but I hope to see some more focus given to what was (or at least what I thought was) the goal of collecting gym badges. I also have a small fear that the characters will get developed too quickly, but that's probably me just being paranoid.

More comments on Joshua Cook!!

Depth
For only being 16 chapters in, we know a lot about Josh. He used to work in Mulberry Town, but got bored and decided to travel. He's a bit awkward at times but is cleverly resourceful. He's adept at lots of things, which is cool.

Originality
Like above, Josh is good at a lot of things rather than being amazing in one. He's a great example of your common day civilian, which is nice to see. That said, I should emphasize the word common. His character is a nice one to see, no doubt, but doesn't have a lot of originality in it.

Entertainment Value
Josh is a great representation of a lot of fellow Pokemon fans, and it's always interesting to see the way he acts, because it's nothing over the top yet nothing below ordinary. His actions are fun to watch, no matter what they may be.

Contribution to the Plot
If Josh had never decided to leave Mulberry Town, there would be no story. He's the cause of a lot of what happens in the story; he's one of the narrators and one of the protagonists, which makes him quite central to the plot.

Overall
Joshua has personality, a background, and even some development. He's not absolutely amazing as a protagonist, but I think that's mainly due to not much happening in the story so far. There's definitely more room for development, but where he's at isn't bad at all.

On to Evelina Joy!!

Depth
Ms. Joy has a good amount of character to go with her, as well as a background and motives for leaving home. She has room to grow, certainly, but where she's at now is a suitable place in the big scheme of things.

Originality
Well, I can't say I've read about another rebellious Joy. ((But seeing as I don't read outside this forum that's not saying a lot, I suppose.)) I do think that the whole "rebelling from family" thing is a bit over done in most franchises though, but I can't say I really mind it here.

Entertainment Value
Like Josh, Evelina isn't fake, for lack of a better word. She's very comparable to a lot of readers and people who aren't in fiction, and I find that her actions throughout the story are fun to read for this very reason. Honestly, I don't think it would hurt to give her a few more big scenes, because I think some more showtime would do good. But that's just me~

Contribution to the Plot
Evelina's interactions make up a lot of the story, which would certainly not be the same without her. She's a key character in the telling of the story and even in the growth of other characters. She's also one of the protagonists, which is helpful in this area.

Overall
While I don't think there's much wrong with Evelina's character, I think there's a lot more that can be done with her character in terms of growth and development. At times, I feel like she's more of a supporting character than a protagonist, as I feel Josh has more of a presence than her in the story. Giving her some more scenes in the story would good, I'd say.

But again, I'm sure things will change as the plot goes on, and for now, Evelina is a great character that truly makes the story better.

And of course, Screwball!!

Depth
Screwball has a little depth as far as personality goes; it's an energetic ball of electricity. But that's really it, I feel. It has calmed down a bit now that it's with Josh, so some development is nice to see.

Originality
Energetic Pokemon (or characters in general, even) aren't exactly what I'd call original, unfortunately. But for a Magnemite, it's a nice touch.

Entertainment Value
I think that Screwball can be entertaining at times, but there's nothing that makes me go "I want moooore!" It isn't uninteresting, per-say, but I think interesting is a bit too much of a word. Fun, I'd say

Contribution to the Plot
There are times when Screwball shines, but it's mostly just in battle. It helps Josh win, but that's really it.

Overall
Screwball's a quirky little magnet, but really only that. It adds some humor to the story, but there's nothing that sets it apart from the other Pokemon in the group, or a lot of other Pokemon I've read, to be honest. I like it, but there's a lot of room for improvement as to where its character can go. It does its job well, though, of adding a some humor to the story, and a struggle for its trainer.

And congratulations on taking home two different awards!! :~D
 
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Deciding to answer your request in the Review Game, Beth, seeing as one, I was curious as to what people love about this fic, and two, I kinda have to rely on the Review Game anyway. xP

Sooo, first off, I don't have a complete understanding of the story since I've not read any of it except the requested chapter 16, but I did find it quite intriguing! I'm not really into the whole "visions of the future" idea, but that's personal taste and it applies to any fic, really. Not just yours. :p

I still found it to be an interesting chapter though, and hints of a possible romance between your characters here is sweet because I'm a sucker for romance. lol Overall, this story appears to be very well written and I have to agree on what people here have said on the world-building in this so far. I like when people add new locations to already-existing regions, it gives these regions even more depth and detail! So great job on that! :)

I'd give some opinions on the characters themselves, but seeing as I've only read one chapter, I can't really make a solid opinion of them. Josh and Eve don't seem like bland or flat characters though, from what little I can see.

I also can't say much for the plot since yet again, I haven't read a lot of this. xP I bet it's good though, considering how much love this fic gets!

And that's all I can say, I'm afraid I'm not that great of a reviewer. I just have trouble figuring out exactly what to say. So my apologies if this isn't quite as good as you'd hoped. ._.
 
Ch. 17 - Violet City
Responses:
@Flaze: I'd have to really screw up the timeline in order to post a true Christmas chapter! This dratted chapter has proven more troublesome than I expected. I think in future chapters I'll be vindicated in my decision not to move it elsewhere. I considered shifting some of the events on six or seven chapters down the line, but in the context of the overall story, it needs to be here.

@Sike Saner: Cats have personality alright, which is why I delight in depicting them as the sly, selfish little savages they are. One of these days I'm really going to annoy a cat lover. I love weirdness and dream-sequences, but they have to be done sparingly and avoid trying to be clever for the sake of clever. Inspiration for this partly came from A Clash of Kings, as it happens, though with less malice and less symbolism.

@diamondpearl876: sigh Well, I made those edits in an attempt to get the balance right. In hindsight it was a bit naïve of me to think that the wedding vision wouldn't thoroughly overshadow the rest. I did rather enjoy thinking that up – it suddenly occurred to me one day that neither Josh nor Eve would have a pseudo-Christian church wedding, so I had to think of what it would look like instead. Eve in her wedding dress is my favourite bit - “proud and beautiful in white silk” definitely ranks as my favourite image of the chapter

Oh, and in answer to your first comment, years of GMing pen-and-paper RPGs has left me very accustomed to coming up with world-building details quickly.

@Moonlight Dragonbloom: Thank you for commenting! I can't help but layer on more details than is strictly necessary. I shan't claim that it's anything so poncy as “finding the beauty in everything”, so much as finding something interesting in everything. As to Josh and Eve's relationship, well, I remain steadfastly tight-lipped on that. It may yet surprise you though ;)

@Airt: I hadn't intended nature to be a theme in this chapter, funnily enough, but now I think about it, it kind of is. This is a chapter that would be much easier to get away with visually, I reckon, but there it is.

Chapter Seventeen – Violet City (Version 1.0)

Joshua

Eve was in a mood.

“Prince of sodding Tricks indeed!”

“Will you give it a rest?”

“You pushed me in!”

“It's the Trick House! You're supposed to play tricks! Besides, you still took second place, didn't you?”

Eve pulled a face at him. Earlier that day they'd come across the Trick House. The Trick House appeared every year on tour from Hoenn, though no-one ever really knew where it would appear. This year the House featured a sailing segment at the end of the course – the King of Tricks had howled with delight when Josh sabotaged the other boats and pushed Eve into the lake halfway across.

“Traitor,” Eve said accusingly. Josh wished the bus would turn up. Eve had been calling him things like that for the past twenty minutes.

“Eve, we couldn't both win,” he said wearily. “And that's 'Traitor, Your Highness', thank you.”

“Since when are you a fan of airs and titles?”

“Hey, hey! I earned this crown!”

Eve snatched at the absurd plastic crown the King of Tricks had given him; Josh swatted her away with difficulty. They were still squabbling half-heartedly when the bus to Violet City arrived.


*​

Violet Castle looked down on the city from the summit of a steep hill. The city spread south and west along the ancient Ecruteak road like a broad river of slate-tiled roofs. Along the streets, the lampposts were lighting up with a soft yellow glow. The Industrial Revolution had passed the town by, as had the Commercial Revolution after it. People came for the nineteenth-century architecture in the uncluttered city centre, for the Violet City Gym, to see Sprout Tower and Violet Castle. Violet City was very much a tourist town.

It was another couple of hours before the bus pulled into the terminus next to the Magnet Train Station. Josh could tell that Eve didn't really want to stay at the Pokémon Centre. Instead they headed round to the Silver Hind inn on the south side of Castle Hill, away from the noise and bustle of the city centre. The inn itself was an old building, renovated and modernised. It was relatively inexpensive, but Josh convinced the manager to cut a slice off the cost of the room anyway – she, in turn, appeared to be determined to fill the room rather than lose any business to her rivals.

After dinner, Josh stepped out to the inn's hot spring to unwind. The spring was an elegant rectangle overhung with cheri trees, their boughs hung with coppery leaves and ivory white flowers. He gingerly waded into the steaming waters, settling down at the far end, where the occasional pale petal fluttered down from the foliage. He took a long, slow breath, savouring the quiet and the heat drawing the tension from his body.

His thoughts idly turned to the imminent Gym battle. The Violet City Gym was a Flying-type Gym, and that posed an awkward problem. In theory Screwball should be able to dominate the Gym, but Josh had a deep suspicion that the Leader would have a counter-strategy for Electric-types … and he wasn't convinced that Fionn was ready for a Gym battle either.

“See Case, I told you there'd be no-one around,” a boisterous voice drawled. Josh's head snapped up. Oh no. I recognise that voice.

Tyler Bradshaw sauntered out into the garden, smiling like a meowth in an unguarded dairy and – oh bloody hellfire! - not using his modesty towel.

Tyler noticed Josh sitting in the hot spring. “Hey, I know you!” he said. “Casey, check it out! I crushed this guy a couple of weeks back!”

A girl appeared from somewhere behind Tyler, haphazardly wrapped in a towel. Her body appeared to be built out of gentle curves - something that was all too apparent through the thin towel – but with unstyled black hair and bored, half-lidded eyes.

“Hey, hey!” Josh objected, both annoyed and embarrassed. “Single gender here, push off!”

An expression of indignant disdain creased Casey's exquisite face. She shrugged lazily at Tyler and headed back inside.

“Quite the buzzkill, ain't ya,” Tyler said, striding out into the spring. “So trainer, you got any better yet?”

“We've got better,” Josh said shortly, trying not to pay him much attention. He was beginning to wish he wasn't so naturally observant.

“Yep, I got three Badges now,” Tyler said, stretching methodically. “How 'bout you, trainer, you manage to win a Badge yet?”

“Bradshaw, either sit down or use your damn towel! I didn't travel this far to look at another man's gizmo!”

Tyler just laughed and spread his arms. “Hot is hot, trainer! You don't have to be queer to appreciate it,” He threw himself down in a corner of the spring. “Speaking of which, you shouldn't'a got rid of Casey. She has great C's.”

“I'm sure she has,” Josh said dismissively.

Tyler was quiet for a moment. Josh closed his eyes and tried to let his thoughts wander. How would Lorelei deal with an awkward type match-up?

“So how much better have you got?” Tyler said, abruptly derailing his train of thought.

Josh sighed, heavily. So much for relaxation. “Battle me and find out.”

“You saying you want a rematch, trainer?” Tyler said, grinning at him. “After what happened last time?”

“Take it or leave it, Bradshaw. I've got plenty of things I could be doing.”

“Alright, grommet, if you want to be blown out that bad,” he laughed. “On one condition. It's gotta be a half-battle.”

Josh paused for the briefest of moments. Three-on-three … Fionn does need the practice. “Fine.”

“Well, alright then,” Tyler said carelessly. “Tomorrow morning, at the Battle Club.”

Josh drummed his fingers restlessly on the tiles. He decided to give up on the hot spring; the moment had been ruined, he wasn't going to be able to relax now. He retrieved his towel from the tiles and started to head back inside.

“Going already?” Tyler said.

“I've got work to do,” Josh said shortly, trying to walk slantways, and wishing the towel was bigger.

“Hey trainer!” Tyler called after him. “You're a five outta ten back there, max. You should tone up those cheeks.”

Damn this small towel.


*​

“Well! It's not been a good week for the PM.” There was a peal of laughter from the studio audience. Josh was watching the TV, at least in theory. This evening he just wasn't in the mood. Eve was dragging a brush through her hair on the couch next to him.

“... that painfully choreographed attempt to eat a sausage roll like an Ordinary Fellow -”

Theirs was a double room; a sleeping alcove at either side, a small living area in between. Josh pulled off his glasses and rubbed his eyes.

“What's up?” Eve asked. “This show had you in stitches last week.”

“I guess it's been a long day.”

“Maybe you should have spent more time at the spring – ow!” Eve said, tugging at a knot. “You're supposed to come back de-stressed.”

“Couldn't relax. Bradshaw saw to that,” he grumbled.

“Ow. Who's Bradshaw?”

“Oh, I didn't tell you, did I?” Josh said. “Bradshaw's this guy I battled on Route 33, the same morning we met in Azalea Town, as it happens. To sum it up, he was cocky – well, arrogant, really. A Dewford Gym student.”

“Oh, that type – ow! Damnit!” Eve said.

“Eevee, let me help. You're going to rip your hair out that way,” he said mildly. “I'll be gentle, trust me.”

Eve protested vaguely, but handed over the hairbrush anyway. Patiently teasing the tangles out of Eve's hair was oddly relaxing, sanding off the edge of his bad mood. He told her about the battle, and Tyler's ungracious taunting afterwards.

“... so out he strolls, the salt-stained braggart, no towel, and proud of it. Turns out he remembers me and the battle both,” he sighed. “Somehow I ended up challenging him to a rematch.”

“Aww. Someone's finally getting competitive,” Eve teased.

“I'd like to beat him. You know he actually rated my ass when I left the spring? Hey trainer, five outta ten!” he said, affecting Tyler's smug drawl. “I mean who does that at a hot spring – can you believe it?”

“Don't know. Strip your 'jamas off and I'll give you a second opinion.”

“Eve!” Josh complained.

“Oh alright,” Eve said. “I agree, it was a barbarous way to behave. Listen, why don't you borrow my Pokédex? Another string to your bow, huh?

“No … no, I want to win with my own skills and tools. But thank you.”

“I understand,” Eve said serenely.

Josh carried on running the brush through Eve's hair. After a while she closed her eyes, and he wondered if she was falling asleep.

“Josh, um …” Eve began, “I've got a favour to ask.”

Oh no. “You're not getting a back rub as well,” he joked.

Eve smiled weakly at him. “Listen, um … the Tigerlily Tourney's going to be held in Goldenrod City soon, and I want to compete in it.”

“Well, sure, we can go to Goldenrod City next if you like,” Josh said. “That's hardly a favour, though.”

Eve went quiet again, either thinking or drowsy. “It's a women's tournament,” she said. “The most prestigious women's tournament there is, really. No Joy has ever won it. I want to be the first.”

“Then I'll support you to the end, bud.”

“The problem is, after the heats the tourney is a Doubles tournament.”

It steadily dawned on Josh that Eve was edging her way to asking her favour. “Eve … what are you suggesting?” Josh said carefully.

“Just hear me out,” Eve said quickly. “We know each other's battle style, we get on well enough to act as a team … I don't have enough time to find and train with a new partner. I can't do it without you.”

“Eevee …” Josh began in disbelief. He wouldn't have thought she was at all serious, were it not for her initial hesitancy.

Eve looked at him with tired blue eyes. “I know it's petty, but I really want to at least try and win,” she said earnestly. “I want to win for the glory of it, to bring honour to the Joys for something not to do with the professions. And my mother would have to acknowledge it.”

Josh's heart sank a little. He stroked her hair absently, forgetting the brush for a moment. Disappointing Eve was the last thing he wanted to do – but there were so many ways this madcap idea could go very badly wrong.

“Eevee, I'm sorry, I can't,” he said reluctantly. “I wouldn't dare. Eve, think about it. You're asking me to convincingly pass as a girl.”

“Oh,” Eve said, crestfallen. Crestfallen, but with a kind of stoic resignation, “I knew it was a big ask.” She gave him another tired smile.

There was a comfortable silence. “Do you want to finish your hair yourself?” Josh asked.

“Mm-mn,” Eve replied.

Josh gave her a brief smile of his own. They didn't say anything for a while. They didn't need to.


*​

The Battle Club field was an indoor battlefield. Josh stepped into the trainer's box, looking grimly up at the assembled spectators watching from the balconies - teenage trainers of varying ages for the most part. Casey was there, leaning languidly on the rail. Eve was off battling on another field, though she had offered to come and be his support.

He looked askance at the TV camera suspended from a web of four wires above the battlefield. As he watched it, it swivelled round and focussed on his expression. He supposed, reluctantly, that it was something he was just going to have to get used to. Pokémon battles were regularly televised, after all, from the Gyms as well as the Battle Clubs.

Focus. Indomitable as a glacier. He made himself take deep, regular breaths, tuning out the crowd and clearing his mind.

“Spectators! Trainers! Your attention please!” the club referee shouted, having taken his place. “This Club Battle between Tyler Bradshaw of Dewford Island and Joshua Cook of Mulberry Town is about to begin! Each trainer will use three pokémon and both may substitute freely!”

“You can still back out, trainer,” Tyler said, grinning. Josh folded his arms and ignored him.

“Begin!”

“I know you're ready for this,” Josh murmured. “Fionn! Battle's on!”

“Alright, Meditite!”

An unfamiliar blue-and-white pokémon materialised on the field, no more than a couple of feet high, with a curious onion-shaped head. It sat quietly in a lotus position, its large eyes closed. Hmm. Probably safe to assume its a Fighting-type. Josh glanced at Fionn fidgeting in the air. Better keep her occupied.

“Will o' Wisp,” he ordered.

Pale bluish flames appeared in the air in front of Fionn, shining faintly as if they weren't entirely real. She sent them whizzing towards Meditite, crackling eerily as they went.

“Detect,” Tyler called. At the very last minute Meditite dodged the barrage of wisps, leaping high over a couple and sidestepping perfectly around the others. It lifted its skinny arm, eyes shining blue, and made a sharp shoving gesture. Fionn squealed in alarm as the Confusion attack flung her backwards. She instinctively faded from sight.

So, it's a Psychic-type as well? Thank you. “Ominous Wind, Fionn dear. Whenever you like.”

“Wait for it, Med. Patience, dude,” Tyler said. Fionn's disembodied laughter echoed through the hall. Seconds ticked past. A shadow of doubt crossed Tyler's face – Josh suppressed a smile. Can't Detect an attack you can't see coming.

Fionn reappeared in front of Meditite, took a quick breath, and rooted it to the spot with her Ominous Wind. Meditite let out a strangled cry and shuddered in distress. Pleased with herself, Fionn giggled happily.

Tyler was less amused. “Meditite, Psycho Cut,” he shouted, pointing dramatically. With one fluid movement Meditite swept its palm down in a chopping motion. A purple crescent formed in its wake, slicing through the air, slashing into Fionn with such force that her form momentarily dissolved into a dark bluish haze. She didn't even have time to shriek before she fainted dead away.

What on earth just happened?

“Misdreavus is unable to battle,” the referee called over a scatter of cheers from the spectators. “Meditite wins!”

The shock must have shown on Josh's face. “Two words, trainer: Pure Power,” Tyler laughed.

Damn, damn, damn! Flighty though she was, Fionn's tricks could have caused Tyler any number of problems. With a little more time she could have set up a Future Sight and brought Meditite down with Destiny Bond … damn.

“Alright,” he said levelly. “Screwball, take over!”

The TV camera zoomed in on Screwball. Screwball stared back just as mechanically.

“A Steel-type? Bummer,” Tyler said, shaking his head. “Ok, Med -”

“Metal Sound,” Josh interrupted. Screwball emitted an awful screech, like a steel comb being dragged across rusty iron. Meditite yelled and covered its ears, the watching trainers groaning in sympathy.

“Oh, man … bring that kook down!”

Meditite made a grabbing gesture with both hands, its eyes shining blue again. It made a whirling motion, psychically wrenching Screwball towards itself. Up came its palm, as if commanding a halt. Screwball made contact with a soft thud. For a moment, nothing happened.

“Mag?” Screwball buzzed uncertainly.

“Thundersh -” Josh started.

"Force Palm!"

There was a dazzling blast of greenish light. The dark silhouette of Screwball spun drunkenly, wailing in distress. Josh hurriedly shielded his eyes against the glare.

“Aargh! Charge Beam!” he roared.

There was a blaze of yellow light, the crackling fizz of an Electric attack followed by a dull boom. Black smoke billowed up.

“Whoa!” Tyler exclaimed, indistinct beyond the smoke as it cleared. Meditite was lying in the centre of a scorch mark.

“Meditite is unable to battle! Magnemite wins!”

Josh let out a sigh of relief. Pull yourself together, man! With effort he forced himself to calm down and concentrate.

Tyler recalled his meditite. “You did great,” he told it. “Huh. This is better practice than last time. Well you won't beat this – Harley, you're up!”

Harley turned out to be a tough-looking sandshrew, leaner than usual for its species, with short, chisel-like claws. Its dull brown armour was covered in scratches and healed cracks. Strategy spun through Josh's mind. If sandshrew was Tyler's second choice then the third pokémon was probably machop, and either way Screwball would be at a type-disadvantage.

“Magnet Bomb,” he ordered cautiously. Screwball appeared to launch the screws on the front of his body - they flashed in the harsh halogen lights as they homed in on their target.

“Defence Curl!” Tyler called. His pokémon curled into a tight armoured ball just before the Magnet Bombs struck home, detonating with a blue flash. Harley didn't so much as flinch.

“Ride out the wave, babe,” Tyler said. “And roll on out!”

Uncurling briefly, Harley built up some speed with a few quick bounds before curling into a Rollout.

“Sonic Boom. Blast it away.”

The Sonic Boom crashed over Harley like a thunderclap. The TV camera above rattled in the passing shock wave, but the sandshrew kept on coming unhindered.

“Alright, Rock Smash!” Tyler yelled. Harley came to a sharp halt just under Screwball; it leapt straight up, swinging its chisel claws. There was a rending bang – Screwball screeched like stereo feedback – Harley landed and leaped again.

“Dodge it!” Josh yelled, too late. Harley hammered Screwball with a second Rock Smash, knocking it out of the air with a crash.

“Magnurrr …” it droned, struggling to rise off the ground. There was actually a puncture in its steel shell.

“No,” Josh said firmly. “Screwball, return.”

The referee nodded in agreement. “Magnemite is unable to battle. Sandshrew wins!” he called amid cheers and whoops from the spectators.

“- that guy's boned -”

“Tyler's, like, so cool!”

“Three Badges to one, no contest -”

Josh squeezed his fist tight. He was acutely aware that he was on the back foot with two pokémon down, and in fairly short order. Tyler had the momentum in this battle; only tenacity and wits would turn the tide now. “Your tenacity is all I'll need,” he told Bulbasaur through his Poké Ball. “It's just you and me, old friend. Battle's on!

Bulbasaur sized up his opponent with a dour look. He didn't need to be told to be patient – he just sat back on his haunches and watched Harley carefully. Harley stared back with black eyes, poised on all fours like a coiled spring.

Neither trainer made a move. Tyler looked entirely relaxed, smiling up at Casey leaning on the balcony. Josh mentally went over everything he could remember about sandshrew during the lull. No rash moves. The camera above panned back and forth.

After what seemed like endless minutes it became apparent that Tyler was prepared to wait for as long as it took. Maybe I can trick him into making the wrong move.

“Growth,” he said. Tyler's attention snapped back to the battle, indecision hovering on his face. Got you. You have no choice but to try and stop me now.

“Oh, no you don't! Harley, cut down that Growth with Rollout!”

That sandshrew's quick, Josh thought, watching it streak across the field. “Vine Whip!”

Bulbasaur barked an affirmation and lashed down at the speeding sandshrew. In his haste he missed by inches – Harley slammed into him head-on and circled away.

[Ow! Damnit!] Bulbasaur growled.

“Concentrate, Bulbasaur! You can do it!”

Harley swept in from a different angle. Bulbasaur extended his vines, took aim, and attacked. The first strike glanced off Harley's armour – the blow set it teetering precariously – the second hit it with a strong backhand strike, throwing it out of its Rollout. Bulbasaur took the initiative and charged, but Harley recovered fast, brandishing its claws. Bulbasaur hurriedly pulled up short and backed off rather than get caught in a brawl.

“Switch out your pokémon, Tyler!” someone shouted.

Tyler laughed amiably. “No worries, girl! Harley doesn't wipe out easy. Show the good people your Sandstorm!”

“San'shrew!” Harley said, curling into a ball again. It spun rapidly on the spot. Sand boiled up from nowhere, lifting in the sudden wind and filling the battlefield with whirling, stinging particles. The thick brume of sand quickly obscured Bulbasaur from sight; Josh could hardly see Tyler on the other side of the battlefield.

The shadow of sandshrew suddenly appeared in the blowing sand. It lashed out at Bulbasaur and disappeared into the storm, the dull brown of its scales blending into the sand. Almost immediately it reappeared from a different angle, attacked, and faded away. Bulbasaur tried to chase it with his Vine Whips, but Harley was even quicker than before.

Sand Rush, Josh thought, watching Harley patiently strike and fade away. Its claws trailed the telltale green after-image of Fury Cutter. There must be a weakness somewhere. The strength of the Sandstorm was constant; it didn't gust and billow, but whirled constantly over the whole field.

Tyler wasn't watching the battle. He was complacently talking to the spectators, confident in his sandshrew's abilities. One of the watching girls threw a paper airplane down to him – the Sandstorm caught it and shredded it, the pieces circling the field several times before they were tossed aside.

Josh stared at them. Thank you.

“Release Sleep Powder, Bulbasaur. Make it a big one.”

Bulbasaur growled fiercely, as much to focus himself as in defiance. His Sleep Powder mushroomed into the air, where it was instantly seized by the storm. The glittering blue powder mingled with the sand, leaving Harley with nowhere to hide.

“No way!” Tyler yelled, seeing the strength of the Sandstorm slacken off. Harley reappeared in the weakening storm, swaying from its efforts to stay awake. “Come on, babe, stay with it!”

It was no use. Harley fell flat on its face, dead to the world. [Haha! Got you, you grubby devil!] Bulbasaur said, laughing his harsh, choppy laugh.

“Bulbasaur,” Josh warned. “Leech Seed!”

His pokémon dropped a couple of Leech Seeds onto Harley's unresisting back.

“Uh,” Tyler said vaguely, wrong-footed. The hall was filled with the clamour of the spectators. Some of them were cheering, others were shouting contradictory advice. Josh had Bulbasaur use Growth to keep him off-balance.

Harley stirred lethargically, to the shouted encouragement of its trainer. With effort, it got to its feet. The Leech Seeds disentangled themselves from it and returned to Bulbasaur. Harley stumbled and collapsed. There was a collective cry of dismay.

“Sandshrew is unable to battle! Bulbasaur wins!”

Josh allowed himself a small sigh of relief. Evidently, Tyler had learned craftiness at the Dewford Gym, damn him. Drifts of sand lay heaped on the field – Bulbasaur sat stock-still, mimicking his own composure. The hardest part of the battle was imminent, and they both knew it. Beneath all his chilly thoughts of strategy, Josh was glad that Bulbasaur was his last pokémon, for the last match.

“Alright …” Tyler said in a low voice, “you've had some fun, trainer, but you're not going to beat me! Let's go, Machop!”

The hollow bang of the opening Poké Ball rang clear across the field. Machop brandished its heavily-muscled arm at Bulbasaur, fingers curled into a tight fist.

“Focus Energy!” Tyler ordered. Gone was his laid-back demeanour.

“Growth!” Bulbasaur's bulb glowed with inner phosphorescence. The phosphor-glow burned bright and healthy, yellow firefly-motes swirled around his bulb.

“Bullet Punch!”

“Tackle!”

Darting in close, Machop sidestepped Bulbasaur's Tackle and rushed his flank, bringing its hand down in a Karate Chop. The attack missed Bulbasaur's neck, instead striking the thick bone of his forehead.

“Sleep Powder,” Josh said, pulling back the initiative.

“Get out of there, Machop!” Tyler yelled.

“Take Down!”

Bulbasaur charged through his own Sleep Powder and tackled Machop hard, sending it flying while it was still trying to escape from beneath the powder cloud. Sand sprayed in its wake; it rolled to one knee to dodge a Vine Whip. Bulbasaur was in no mood to give any time to recover.

“Get it together!” Tyler called, his fists raised and clenched.

“Ma!” Machop grunted. It sprang up to its feet, flanked Bulbasaur and threw a pair of Bullet Punches – one smacked into Bulbasaur's side, the other thumped into his bulb. The sound of the impacts was worryingly loud – Bulbasaur tried to spin to face his attacker, only to find that Machop had anticipated that and moved with him. Down swept its hand again, the Karate Chop slamming into his collar.

“Agh!” Despite himself, Josh couldn't help but let out a stifled cry. He was sure he'd heard something crack when that Karate Chop struck. That looked like a critical hit. If he'd learned anything at all from Eve, then that blow hurt Bulbasaur more than he was letting on with his grunt of pain. With Bulbasaur's triple Growth still in play there was still a chance to win … but the match was quickly turning bitter, and brutal.

Better finish it first, then. “Vine Whip. No respite. I know you can do this!”

[Can, will!] Bulbasaur bellowed. With a sudden fury he lashed his Whips down on Machop. Surprised by the sudden fury of his assault, Machop took several stinging blows before it could bring its arms up to block.

“Keep on blocking! You've done this before!”

Bulbasaur refused to ease the onslaught. His Whips snapped down fast and hard, too quickly for Machop to seize them. Its defence was incredible – despite the power in Bulbasaur's Vine Whip it was somehow managing to endure the attrition.

Josh was running out of options. Tyler wouldn't fall for another Sleep Powder ploy and Leech Seed wouldn't make enough of a difference at this point. He could see that Bulbasaur was trying to favour his right side, likely as a result of that critical hit. His right vine swung at Machop's upper body. It brought its forearm up to block – Bulbasaur suddenly changed direction and struck at its leg. Machop howled and dropped down on to one knee. Follow it up!

But trying to maintain that barrage of Vine Whips had taken its toll on Bulbasaur. Tired, he paused for breath, and Machop seized its chance.

“Sleep Powder!” Josh desperately ordered. Tired as he was, Bulbasaur only managed to release a vague mist of powder.

“Dual Chop! Come on, finish it!” Tyler yelled. Heedless of the Sleep Powder, Machop struck Bulbasaur across the jaw with the first blow, dropped down and chopped his legs from under him with a follow-up backhand. Bulbasaur landed heavily – Machop slipped aside, spun and hammered a powerful kick into his ribs. Bulbasaur tumbled a quarter of the way back across the field, carving a furrow through the dunes.

“Bulbasaur!” Josh cried out. Stay calm. Stay icy. Can I still win this? Should I still win this? Bulbasaur was outmatched by Machop. Josh wanted to beat Tyler, really wanted it, they'd come far and pulled it back during this battle but -

But it's my responsibility to think of my pokémon's health first. No matter what I want.

Bulbasaur slowly regained his feet, watched intently by the referee. [Sorry, Josh. My Sleep Powder wasn't strong enough.]

“No apologies,” Josh said, and made up his mind. He raised Bulbasaur's Poké Ball, “I know you did your best.”

[No!] Bulbasaur barked. [No! I can do this! I can still give you this victory.]

“You …” Josh said. His arms hung limp at his sides. He wants to give me a victory, he thought vaguely.

Pay attention, a thought came, unbidden. A green glow was building in Bulbasaur's bulb – not the soft phosphorescence of Growth but brighter, stronger … it shone through the velvety forest green of his bulb, flickering strangely, like sunlight seen though linden-leaves in high summer.

[Time to settle with you!] Bulbasaur growled at Machop. Machop gave him an incredulous look, and burst into derisive laughter. Bulbasaur's vines shot out – the laughter died in Machop's throat when Bulbasaur seized it around the torso. Machop's eyes narrowed. It grabbed hold of the vines and pulled, intending to haul Bulbasaur to the ground.

But this time Bulbasaur had the mastery. He hoisted the struggling machop into the air and held it there for a moment, looking grimly up at it. With a sudden blur of movement, he slammed Machop into the field. A great cloud of sand blasted up.

No-oo!” Tyler yelled. The sand settled. The field beneath Machop had splintered under the force of the impact. Tyler looked at this pokémon in disbelief.

“Machop is unable to battle! The victory goes to Joshua Cook of Mulberry Town!” the referee announced.

“Goddamnit!”

But Josh wasn't listening, because Bulbasaur was glowing pure white. Transfixed by the beauty of the living light, in that moment nothing else mattered. Bulbasaur grew larger, his body growing into a mature form. Great frond-like leaves unfurled gently from his bulb, which elongated into an elegant flower. With a final burst of white sparks, the light cleared. Ivysaur stood blinking on the field. The four fronds of his new leaves were a handsome deep green, his scales as shiny and supple as they ever were. But his bulb had become a shapely golden yellow flower.

He evolved. Bright, glad joy flooded Josh's heart. He rushed to his pokémon and smiled, completely and sincerely, at him. Ivysaur had kept the starburst pattern on his brow.

[How do I look?] he said. His voice was deeper, too.

“How do you feel?” Josh countered mildly.

[I feel … I feel great. Really great.]

Remembering a promise he'd made in the Heartwoods, Josh threw his arms around Ivysaur. “I love you buddy.”

[What's got into you? You're not usually like this.]

“Yeah, well maybe I should be.”

[Yeah, well, lucky for you I love you too,] Ivysaur said. [I'm exhausted, Josh.]

Josh fumbled for his Poké Ball. “Return, buddy. Next stop for you is the Pokémon Centre.”

The recall beam whined, and Ivysaur de-materialised into a red blur. Only then did Josh realise that he'd won the battle.

“Good God, he actually managed it -”

“That's not fair! Tyler's got three Badges!”

“It was your dumb paper plane that gave him the Sleep Powder idea, idiot!”

I won because I paid attention. Somehow, next to Bulbasaur evolving, it didn't matter so much. Tyler had already disappeared – stormed off, for all Josh knew. The spectators were beginning to drift away in their twos and threes. The TV camera was watching him.

Josh stood up, and raised the Poké Ball in triumph.

Someone landed heavily on his back and threw their arms around his neck. “Guess who!”

“Eve!” Josh tried to snap. He grabbed hold of Eve's legs to stop her weight from pulling his head off. “Way to ruin my moment there.”

“No I didn't. Now you're on TV with a pretty girl on your back.”

“Someone thinks highly of herself.”

“You said it, buddy.”

Josh sniffed her arm. “You're sweaty.”

“Yeah,” Eve said matter-of-factly. She gave him a quick squeeze. “Well done, you! That was a great battle. You're like, so totally righteous.”

“Don't you start talking like that,” Josh said, though inside he was blushing with pride. “Are you planning on getting off me any time soon?”

“No. I like it here. Come on, let's go get crêpes to celebrate! Oh, wait wait wait, I almost forgot something. Hey fangirls!” she yelled up at the balcony. “Bradshaw looost, Bradshaw looost!”


Special Chapter: A Work of Craft
 
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After you dropped into my thread in "The Written Word" lounge, I decided to read this from the beginning until the present point - it's a good thing.

The Josh/Eve relationship is an interesting one. When an author introduces a female companion with the obvious romantic interest, it can feel a bit tired and cliched and, while the story doesn't really revolutionise anything, you've pulled it off with believable characters. Most guys can sympathise with the position of wanting to make a move on a female friend but being unsure of the consequences. Josh's slightly awkward, but likable persona is congruent for someone his age without much female experience. The way he also seems to feel shame towards his sexuality is something I'm sure a lot of guys can relate to. I just want to smack him and say "make a move you idiot!" This is the same advice I've given to real people in the past. I like Josh. He feels real.

Eve is similar to girls I've met in the past. She also feels real. I like the Joy family angle, it adds some depth to her character. I would imagine some of the nurses in her family actually admire her braveness for being a nonconformist. I wonder if this will be explored.

Tyler is an interesting one for me. I worry that he falls into the generic "asshole" rival along the lines of Paul/early Anime Gary/Rival Silver. He's rude and cocky and, unfortunately, I feel a touch one-dimensional. In real life, I've met people who I hated for their cockiness at first, but ended up being quite cool (and often quite funny) once I looked at the situation took myself a little less seriously. I wonder if this is what will happen to Josh's perception of Tyler.

I can't criticise your writing style. I like it, and I actually see some similarities to my own. Your characters are relatable, your Britainisation of Johto is cool and your attempts at giving the Pokemon unique personalities is pretty solid. I'm going to keep following this for sure :)
 
Welll this chapter at least moved the story a little bit :p The whole location jump did....surprise me though. Why the hell are they suddenly in Violet City if they were in Ilex Forest before? last time I checked regardless of the world that's a huge jump in locations right there.

Anyways your version of Violet City is interesting if anything, it's still a bit hard for me to imagine it properly though. Like I imagine some small town basically surrounding a castle or like a small city instead, I've been to Aberdeen before and your description of the town as of itself kind of gave me a similar vibe but I could be completely wrong here if anything.

But anyways if we get down to what the chapter was about then it's a triumph for character developtment. It's been a while since we've had a proper head to head battle like this and having Joshua go up against Tyler was a good way to showcase it. While I have to agree that Tyler as a whole is the old douchebag stereotype I also can't say that he fully follows this trope completely. That obviously is the characteristc that defines him but on different situations I could see him and Joshua becoming some sort of friends, mostly cause Tyler reminds me of Joshua's cousin if anything.

The battle this time was probably one of your best yet, the pacing and flow of it was top notch at least in my opinion, your prose was sharp and quick which stopped it from becoming dull or going on for too long (which some previous battles have had trouble with) and it was actually shocking to see Bulbasaur evolve after the match like it would normally, I have to admit I'm surprised you avoided that cliche.

There was also the scene between Eve and Josh which was just the cutest and funniest part of the chapter, these two have definetily gotten a lot more comfortable with each other over time and it was nice to see Eve so embarassed about asking Josh. If anything what made me happier about that is that it gives us something to actually follow Eve around on, I feel like we've been focusing too much on Joshua to the point Eve is kind of starting to fall back into a more supporting role so putting some more focused on her for later chapters would be best.
 
First four chapters have been read, so time to begin my part of the bargain!

This story is really very pleasant. Pleasant characters, pleasant storyline, all very well written and cosy. It is a nice break of pace from the more epic stories on the site, and these first four chapters were interesting, intriguing and a nice bit of something different. I really liked your world descriptions, that was perhaps the best part of the story, as it really gave me an idea of where the characters were and exactly what you were thinking as the writer. My favourite bit would probably be the Union Wood Pokemon Center, just because it reminded me of the unique center were see in Charmander - The Stray Pokemon, just something different. The characters are intriguing as well with the little hints of backstory and their different personalities, so I look forward to seeing that grow.

In saying that, the lack of a real plot is a hindrance for me. The story is good, but I can't really see where it is going to go or what will happen next. Four chapters of traveling around and these little trainer insights are nice to read, but I am not sure if a whole story of them can work. Most character studies I like usually have more of an end game or aim in mind that makes me want to read or watch on. It is probably too early to tell, but that is my only real criticism at the moment.
 
First and foremost I'd like to thank you for a few things. One for being my first reviewer in this community, which in turn has encouraged me to be more active and make friends here. Second for being one of those friends, as I've been going through a hard time lately and it doesn't always have to be the conversations with magical advice and support that help.

Anyway, in return for that and since I know you haven't been feeling good, I've tried to do a more in-depth review than usual that will hopefully be helpful/constructive/positive/whatever, and I'm open for further discussion and clarification if needed.

Eve was in a mood.

“Prince of sodding Tricks indeed!”

“Will you give it a rest?”

“You pushed me in!”

“It's the Trick House! You're supposed to play tricks! Besides, you still took second place, didn't you?”

Eve pulled a face at him. Earlier that day they'd come across the Trick House. The Trick House appeared every year on tour from Hoenn, though no-one ever really knew where it would appear. This year the House featured a sailing segment at the end of the course – the King of Tricks had howled with delight when Josh sabotaged the other boats and pushed Eve into the lake halfway across.

“Traitor,” Eve said accusingly. Josh wished the bus would turn up. Eve had been calling him things like that for the past twenty minutes.

“Eve, we couldn't both win,” he said wearily, “And that's 'Traitor, Your Highness', thank you.”

“Since when are you a fan of airs and titles?”

“Hey, hey! I earned this crown!”

Eve snatched at the absurd plastic crown the King of Tricks had given him; Josh swatted her away with difficulty. They were still squabbling half-heartedly when the bus to Violet City arrived.

I gotta say, having Joshua's point of view clarified and then immediately starting with that kind of snarky sentence is pretty clever. In general, I'm not a fan of introducing Joshua or Eve's name at the beginning of a chapter. I might sound hypocritical - I do this in Survival Project - but there's only 2 available perspectives to choose from. With that small amount, it could be a matter of writing style for each character rather than a "let's stick their name at the beginning" scenario. Their personalities are very distinct and you wouldn't confuse readers in the process. Nevertheless, my initial point was that it worked well here and provided a great opening to a promising chapter.

Next comes the whole Trick house thing. I'm wondering if the explanation of the Trick house would work better before the dialogue (or at least after the initial mention of it), because as it stands, I got really confused and actually went back to the previous chapter to see if I had entirely overlooked a section about the Trick House.

“Eve, we couldn't both win,” he said wearily, “And that's 'Traitor, Your Highness', thank you.”

"And" isn't capitalized since it's a continuation of the sentence before the speech tag.

Violet Castle looked down on the city from the summit of a steep hill. The city spread south and west along the ancient Ecruteak road like a broad river of slate-tiled roofs. Along the streets, the lampposts were lighting up with a soft yellow glow. The Industrial Revolution had passed the town by, as had the Commercial Revolution after it. People came for the nineteenth-century architecture in the uncluttered city centre, for the Violet City Gym, to see Sprout Tower and Violet Castle. Violet City was very much a tourist town.

It was another couple of hours before the bus pulled into the terminus next to the Magnet Train Station.

Seems a little strange to describe the place before they're actually there to witness it (especially if this is third person limited narrative). Nevertheless, the description really sets the scene, so no complaints there.

It was another couple of hours before the bus pulled into the terminus next to the Magnet Train Station. Josh could tell that Eve didn't really want to stay at the Pokémon Centre.

There's not much of a transition between these two sentences and you do "telling" not "showing" about Eve not wanting to stay at the pokemon center. Though the answer is obvious, it might add to the whole "Eve was in a mood" thing if you showed her disgust or added another piece of dialogue.

In theory Screwball should be able to dominate the Gym, but Josh had a deep suspicion that the Leader would have a counter-strategy for Electric-types … and he wasn't convinced that Fionn was ready for a Gym battle either.

But Falkner is the first Gym leader in the circuit, Joshua! I'd be surprised if Falkner really did have something extremely clever up his sleeve.

Also, it should be "should have been able to dominate the Gym"... Tense change there.

Tyler Bradshaw sauntered out into the garden, smiling like a meowth in an unguarded dairy and – oh bloody hellfire! - not using his modesty towel.

I laughed out loud.

Really hard.

IN PUBLIC.

This is your fault and I won't accept any excuses.

“Quite the buzzkill, ain't ya,” Tyler said, striding out into the spring, “So trainer, you got any better yet?”

I'm really surprised I haven't pointed this out in past chapters. Or maybe I have??? I don't know??? When you do dialogue like this, your punctuation is consistently wrong. There should be a period after "spring" because the latter dialogue is not a continuation of the former dialogue. Sometimes you do continuations, which is fine, but then capitalization is not needed (as I pointed out earlier).

Josh was watching the TV, at least in theory. This evening he just wasn't in the mood. Eve was dragging a brush through her hair on the couch next to him.

I feel like Josh is never really in the mood for, well, anything. Such a grouch. He has a good sense of humor, at least, or he'd never get along with Eve and their interactions wouldn't nearly be as cute as they are.

“Don't know. Strip your 'jamas off and I'll give you a second opinion.”

“Eve!” Josh complained.

“Oh alright,” Eve said, “I agree, it was a barbarous way to behave. Listen, why don't you borrow my Pokédex? Another string to your bow, huh?

“No … no, I want to win with my own skills and tools. But thank you.”

COME ON, JOSH. DO IT. DO IT.

But in all seriousness, the way you manage to make this a funny, yet genuine scene between the two of them really attests to your character-writing abilities. I like it.

“Eevee, I'm sorry, I can't,” he said reluctantly, “I wouldn't dare. Eve, think about it. You're asking me to convincingly pass as a girl.”

“Oh,” Eve said, crestfallen. Crestfallen, but with a kind of stoic resignation, “I knew it was a big ask.” She gave him another tired smile.

There was a comfortable silence. “Do you want to finish your hair yourself?” Josh asked.

“Mm-mn,” Eve replied.

Josh gave her a brief smile of his own. They didn't say anything for a while. They didn't need to.

The last sentence, combined with Josh's nickname for Eve, really kind-of sort-of broke my heart here. I have no complaints.

The Battle Club field was an indoor battlefield, which was probably just as well.

I like the phrase "just as well," but I really have no idea what it's supposed to mean here.

Casey was there, leaning languidly on the rail. Eve was off battling on another field, though she had offered to come and be his support.

I just wanted to point out that you seem to be intentionally giving Casey a very lazy, laidback personality. I wonder if she'll show up later, or if you're doing this without knowing?

He looked askance at the TV camera suspended from a web of four wires above the battlefield. As he watched it, it swivelled round and focussed on his expression. He supposed, reluctantly, that it was something he was just going to have to get used to. Pokémon battles were regularly televised, after all, from the Gyms as well as the Battle Clubs.

Focus. Indomitable as a glacier. He made himself take deep, regular breaths, tuning out the crowd and clearing his mind.

Making use of the media this way is a good way to potentially flesh out Joshua's character and battling style, in my opinion. People tend to change and think twice when their actions are being scrutinized, after all. Already here I can see that he's having to compose himself--and the battle hasn't even started!

An unfamiliar blue-and-white pokémon materialised on the field, no more than a couple of feet high, with a curious onion-shaped head.

Not sure why, but I thought describing an onion-shaped head as "curious" was pretty spot-on.

Hmm. Probably safe to assume its a Fighting-type. Josh glanced at Fionn fidgeting in the air. Better keep her occupied.

Type match-up problems already, eh? Fionn isn't going to have fun with this, is she?

"its" should be "it's". Also you forgot a quotation mark during some piece of dialogue earlier, but I forgot to point it out. I hope you can forgive me. :p

So, it's a Psychic-type as well? Thank you. “Ominous Wind, Fionn dear. Whenever you like.”

Thank you? That's what he thinks, of all things? Not to mention the casual command coming right after. I think I love him.

“Wait for it, Med. Patience, dude,” Tyler said

The commands seem kind of redundant. Then again, Tyler likes to repeat everything about Josh losing and getting his ass beat, so...

A shadow of doubt crossed Tyler's face – Josh suppressed a smile. Can't Detect an attack you can't see coming.

Fionn reappeared in front of Meditite, took a quick breath, and rooted it to the spot with her Ominous Wind. Meditite let out a strangled cry and shuddered in distress. Pleased with herself, Fionn giggled happily.

This could be a nice strategy, considering it's more of your creative take on Detect than it is taken straight from the games, but you brush over it. I always thought of Detect as some kind of barrier that doubles as a shield, but here you have the meditite simply "dodging out of the way". Then there's "Can't Detect an attack you can't see coming," a very vague comment. Does it mean that the timing of Fionn's attack is unpredictable? Why can't meditite dodge "at the very last minute" like he did before, if that's your definition of Detect?

Damn, damn, damn! Flighty though she was, Fionn's tricks could have caused Tyler any number of problems. With a little more time she could have set up a Future Sight and brought Meditite down with Destiny Bond … damn.

Josh thinking of ways he could have beaten meditite even after it's too late is a nice touch.

Tyler wasn't watching the battle. He was complacently talking to the spectators, confident in his sandshrew's abilities. One of the watching girls threw a paper airplane down to him – the Sandstorm caught it and shredded it, the pieces circling the field several times before they were tossed aside.

Josh stared at them. Thank you.

Another "thank you" from Josh. You're killing me.

At any rate, this was an incredibe stroke of luck on Joshua's part. I've never even heard of the audience interfering with a pokemon battle like that. On one hand, I want to give you kudos for your creativity, and on the other hand I want to say that it seemed too lucky. I'm not sure how it could have seemed less lucky, though. Is Tyler really so popular that girls are trying to get his attention this way? I haven't quite gotten that impression before now.

“Bulbasaur!” Josh cried out. Stay calm. Stay icy. Can I still win this? Should I still win this? Bulbasaur was outmatched by Machop. Josh wanted to beat Tyler, really wanted it, they'd come far and pulled it back during this battle but -

All right, this little bit probably has been my favorite part of the battle so far. The tension is clear. Josh's determination is clear. The strategies have been sound (though Detect confuses me still), the dialogue and speech tags have added to the overall tone, etc. You were worried about the battle so I'm saying all this to hopefully get rid of those worries.

Fionn and Screwball's lack of personality and equal determination could have been worked on, but I always have high hopes for Bulbasaur. (I think I've mentioned this before, but I'm always a bit disappointed when Bulbasaur gets pushed to the side, considering he's Joshua's starter, the only one of his pokemon who talks, and has more of a personality than the others.)

"Stay icy" sounds so much like Josh, it's wonderful. And asking if he "should" win? I know Joshua has moral standards, but the way that's worded is wonderful as well.

Okay, moving on now.

The four fronds of his new leaves were a handsome deep green, his scales as shiny and supple as they ever were.

I had skimmed the chapter and already knew Bulbasaur would evolve, but bonus points for having it happen after the battle rather than having it be the actual reason Josh won.

Oh, and I quoted this particular part because I thought it was beautiful description.

[How do I look?] he said. His voice was deeper, too.

“How do you feel?” Josh countered mildly.

[I feel … I feel great. Really great.]

And this is why I want more Bulbasaur in my life.

Cute ending with Eve being silly. It was a slightly abrupt end, but not an unpleasant one.
 
So I caught up with this a couple of days ago but forgot to leave a review then, so I can't give many details about my thoughts on this. I will say though, I'm really enjoying this story. You're a fantastic writer, and your sentences flow together very well. The story is a very pleasant read, being as nice and slow and slice-of-life-y as it is, and I would even say relaxing if the romantic tension between Josh and Eve wasn't making me yell at the computer screen. Usually I'm not a huge fan of the main male and female character being interested in each other because it can feel forced, but those two have natural chemistry and it's making me ship them like nobody's business. But even if they don't end up together, their interactions are priceless. Also, Screwball is a treasure.

I have no complaints about this story thus far. I'm eagerly awaiting the next chapter, and I'll try to give a more detailed review of that one.
 
Responses:
@Yaziyo: You read through 60,000 words, more or less, in that time?

Eve is similar to girls I've met in the past. She also feels real.

That's the highest compliment anyone's given me about Eve. There's a mix of a few people I know in her. What I've tried to avoid more than anything else is making her a cliché character. I didn't want her to just be a sweet nurse, feisty tomboy, or bitter sarcastic girl.

Josh is tricker to comment on, not least because I like to let my readers interpret his actions and reactions towards Eve as they like. I suppose you might say that he has something of an overdeveloped sense of honour. He's the kind of guy that doesn't like to take risks.

Tyler is deliberately used sparingly, because of the whole rival cliché. I've tried to make his brand of jerkiness different to Gary or Paul (Mocking and cruel respectively) – he's intended to be more lazily arrogant than deliberately jerky. The kind of guy who uses the urinal right next to yours, violates the “stare right ahead” rule, then acts like you're the one with the problem.

@Flaze: You might have missed it, but in the narration of Sixteen I mention how they went north from Len Town towards the Ruins of Alph. Violet City's description was kind of a nuisance. I had medium-sized castle-settlements in mind – it suddenly occurs to me that by worldwide standards British cities aren't all that big.

I have to say I wasn't completely satisfied with the battle. It seems to have come out ok in the end … but I did fer multiple times that it was in danger of getting repetitive. I briefly considered having Bulbasaur evolve mid-match, but there's only so many times you can get away with that and Overgrow actually serves the same purpose.

The scene in the hotel was the most nerve-wracking. I changed the plan for it twice because I was afraid that I'd never get away with it. The problem is that pretending to be another gender (And transgenderism, come to think of it) is so firmly entrenched as a form of comedy. I didn't want it to be just a cheap laugh. The idea was always planned for Part I, but I moved the introduction forward, somewhat.

@AceTrainer14: I think I've covered most of what I could say via VM. The cosy atmosphere is the core of the story, I think. I always intended the story to fill that slice-of-life niche that doesn't really exist in this fandom. To be honest, thinking about it I'm astonished I've got away with it at all

@diamondpearl876: I keep getting the feeling that I must have picked up my dialogue formatting habits from somewhere, but I cannot for the life of me remember where.

I've thought about changing the telling to showing a lot. I usually agree wholeheartedly that showing is better than telling. My only reservation is belabouring a minor detail, since by this point Josh knows Eve well enough to pick up on the not-so-subtle cues she displays there. And yes, Josh does indeed have a bad-tempered personality. It creates bickering between himself and Eve, but I also think it's the real basis of why they like one another at all.

Let's see, what else. Ah yes, Detect. The way I figure it, Detect will always be slightly slower than Protect. In the case of Fionn, since she's a Ghost-type, she can appear and attack faster than Meditite can locate her, react, and use Detect. It might be a fantastic dodge, but Meditite still needs to register the attack on some level in order to use Detect.

@BinkVallen: Thank you, so many nice things to say! I have to ask though, are you yelling in frustration or anticipation?

Version History:
1.1 : Altered school year of the Christmas Dance from fourth to fifth

Special Chapter - A Work of Craft (Version 1.1)

Evelina

“There,” Josh said, putting down the hairbrush. “Smooth as silk.”

Eve reached back and ran her fingers through her hair. It was indeed silky smooth. “Thank you, sweetling.”

They sat back on the couch, Josh with his arms folded in that way he had when he was tired. Eve leaned into him, and they watched the TV for a while. There was a gentle police procedural on. A detective was quietly questioning a bunch of kids in a high school.

“D'you ever wish you could go back to high school?” Eve said.

“Hell, no.”

“There's something nostalgic about being a twerpy teenager, don't you think? Lunch room drama, clubs, dances … I bet you didn't do any of that, did you?”

“That's not true at all. I was a club member for all five years and I got photos in the yearbook because of the Christmas dance.”

“Liar,” Eve instantly said.

“I am not.”

“Pics or it didn't happen.”

“Alright, wise guy. Log in to the wi-fi on that ridiculous smartphone of yours,” Josh challenged.

Eve narrowed her eyes at him and called his bluff. “Go on then. Impress me, Mulberry Townie.”

“Ok,” Josh said, taking the phone. “This won't impress, but it's a start.”

The photo showed a group of nine boys – oh, and one girl – sitting on and around a heavy wooden workbench. All of them were wearing aprons over their school uniforms; most of them had tools in their hands as well. The one perched on the left was clearly Josh. He hadn't changed much since he was a teen, except that back then his glasses were oval.

“The Workshop Club. All ten of us,” he said. “Well, that's what everyone else called us. We just called it the Workshop.”

“Those oval frames look great on you,” Eve commented. Those rectangular frames are too harsh for his face.

“That's Palmer behind me. Bran. The guy who looks like he's twenty already is my cousin Grey. That's Morty – he idolised the guy -”

“Who's the girl?”

“Oh. That's Linda. Linda Forrest. Don't ask me why she's the only girl in the Workshop, we never restricted membership.”

Eve looked back at the photo. Linda was a small girl, kind of round in the face with a scatter of freckles under her eyes. I bet she was self-conscious about those. Her long, black hair was tied back out of the way in a ponytail. Josh had his back to her thanks to being perched on the edge of the workbench. Linda wasn't smiling, but then neither was Josh. She had an arm draped over his shoulder, an unusually close gesture since the rest of the club weren't so much as shaking hands. Josh was trying to nonchalantly look at her over his shoulder.

“You liked her, didn't you?” Eve said, smiling at him.

Josh fidgeted shyly. “Her parents were part of the same community as mine. You know, the whole hunter-gatherer, historical skills thing. We ended up on holiday together a lot … she wove the most beautiful baskets.”

That's a 'yes', then, Eve thought with a smile. “Works of art, huh?”

“Better than that. They were works of craft,” Josh said. The shadow of a smile crossed his face.

“You were sweet on her,” Eve said.

Josh was quiet for a while. Eve settled back down next to him and said nothing.

“I tried to tell her once,” he said eventually. “I'm not sure if she deliberately misunderstood to spare my feelings, or … well, nothing ever happened.”

Eve thought about the way she was behaving in the photo. She liked you, she thought, but she said nothing.

“Anyway,” Josh said, brightening up a little. “There's a reason I'm showing you this. Mostly we worked on our own projects in the Workshop, but we bid for the job of decorating the school gym for the Christmas dance in our fourth year. Student Council was threatening to pull our funding, and we needed a way to justify it. The Festival Club wanted it, but somehow Grey got the Council to give us the job instead. Anyway … this is what we came up with.”

This time Josh had a video loaded. The camera man was looking into a completely darkened hall. By the sounds of it there were a few people behind the camera – one got caught on the periphery, a girl in school uniform.

“I'm telling you, no way those Workshop geeks did a halfway decent job,” the camera girl said.

“We used power tools every day and we were still geeks,” Josh commented.

“Remind me again how they stole this job from us?” a second girl asked from the video.

“I like the way they always smell like sawdust,” a third girl said shyly.

“Becky!”

“Sorry!”

“Alright guys, light her up!” Josh's voice called from inside the gym. “Three … two … one!”

Hundreds of little white lights flicked on at the end of the gym, outlining the shape of two Christmas trees – one was very tall, maybe ten feet, the other a more moderate six. The tall tree was surmounted by a star that positively blazed silver and gold. A moment later, more lights came to life on the ceiling. At first, it was just a few moving ribbons of green lights. Soon, more and more of them appeared, joining into shimmering, twisting rivulets of green, shot through with the odd streamer of rose.

“Oh wow,” Becky gasped. The video abruptly cut off after that.

“That was really pretty,” Eve said. “Whose idea was it?”

“Mine. Well, partly,” Josh said modestly. “I was inspired by the Aurora Borealis. Figuring out how to make it work was a team effort.”

Eve smiled at him sidelong. For a man who took so little interest in his own appearance, he had quite an eye for beauty. They sat on the couch for a while and flipped through the album. There was indeed a yearbook photo in there, showing Josh holding the star from the top of the tall tree (“I was the only one who really went in for delicate work.”). A group photo of the Workshop and the Festival Club. The Workshop taking a collective bow at the beginning of the dance. Here Eve couldn't help but laugh. The club were all dressed up for the dance – Josh was wearing a rather nice dark blue waistcoat - but incongruously they were all wearing their tool belts complete with a hammer hanging off each one, even Linda in her dress.

One of the last photos was a candid shot of Josh with Linda. The photographer had managed to snap them just as Josh was slipping a corsage onto her wrist – handmade, Eve wasn't at all surprised to see. It was in the shape of a sunflower, with brightly polished copper petals and fabric leaves. Eve was sure that Linda was blushing a little.

“That was one of the best pieces of metalwork I ever did,” Josh said wistfully. He stared at the photo ruefully for a moment. “She ended up with an artist, in the end.”

“Then she obviously didn't see the value of what was in front of her,” Eve said matter-of-factly.

“… do you really mean that?”

“You gave her something beautiful that you'd made for her, and only her. With love, actually. If my ex-boyfriend had ever done anything like that I'd have melted.”

Josh went very quiet for a while. Talk to him, you fool.

“Hey. You ok sweetling?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I'm ok,” Josh said slightly unconvincingly. “It's just nice to hear someone say that, that's all.”

“See. Aren't you glad you have a friend like me?” she said, poking him playfully in the side.

Josh half-smiled back at her in that odd way that he did, a reluctant little one-sided thing. “Yeah. Yeah, I am,” he said, and put his arm round her.

Next Chapter: Cool Zephyr
 
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Well, what's new? One very well written chapter and a heart-warming aside (really loved that!!) - same old TLW!!

Your last chapter was a real good read. You controlled the pace throughout and mixed humour with seriousness to great effect. Tyler is definitely a J-E-R-K, but for some reason he entertains me and I quiet like the dynamic you've created between him and Josh. That scene in the sauna was fantastic - one of the best ways of introducing a battle I've read in a long time!!

The battle was really good. I'm glad you avoided evolving Bulbasaur until after the battle because it elevates the piece above the Pokémon-evolves-and-wins-battle cliché and spins the battle into the realm of originality. Bravo on the whole for that!!

Now the Special Chapter; please write more of these!!!!! That was amazing!! I'm probably a bit too lovey-dovey when it comes to fiction, but I loved it. You captured Josh and Eve's emotions perfectly. The only little detail I could fault is your dialogue; it is occasionally laid out wrong, as point out above. However, this isn't an English exam, it's fiction and I know it's dialogue, so, who cares??

"Pics or it didn't happen."
This made me laugh so much - I was reminded of a Charlie Brooker article on the Guardian when I first heard it! It's a great phrase for modern stories when used sparingly!!
 
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