TEEN: The Long Walk

[diamondpearl876]

Eve reached back and ran her fingers through her hair. It was indeed silky smooth. “Thank you, sweetling.”

OH NO, THE ADORABLE HAIRBRUSH SCENE AGAIN! THIS TIME WITH ADDITIONAL TERMS OF ENDEARMENT!

“Pics or it didn't happen.”

“Alright, wise guy. Log in to the wi-fi on that ridiculous smartphone of yours,” Josh challenged.

That pics line though... Always one of my favorites.

Seems weird for Josh to call her a "wise guy," but I definitely see him hating on smartphones like that.

"Those oval frames look great on you,” Eve commented. Those rectangular frames are too harsh for his face.

Heh, but rectangular frames are the "in" thing these days, Eve!

“We used power tools every day and we were still geeks,” Josh commented.

Don't insult people who use power tools. It's just not a good idea!

“I like the way they always smell like sawdust,” a third girl said shyly.

“Becky!”

“Sorry!”

Not sure why, but this was particularly funny.

“That was one of the best pieces of metalwork I ever did,” Josh said wistfully. He stared at the photo ruefully for a moment. “She ended up with an artist, in the end.”

“Then she obviously didn't see the value of what was in front of her,” Eve said matter-of-factly.

“… do you really mean that?”

“You gave her something beautiful that you'd made for her, and only her. With love, actually. If my ex-boyfriend had ever done anything like that I'd have melted.”

NO! TOO CUTE! I CAN'T STAND IT!

If my comments are anything to go by, I enjoyed the short little scene and I can tell you enjoyed writing it. Makes me jealous, really - I want a friendship like this. Josh and Eve are my inspirations. My favorite character interactions from fanfic come from them, I think it's safe to say, now.

10/10 would support future side chapters

 

[Sike Saner]

Man, if I'd had to go through the trick house and all I got for my troubles was a lousy plastic crown, I think I'd have thrown my GBA across county lines. Though I guess technically it doesn't say that's all they got.

Also Tyler needs to mind his own butt. Maybe someone out there thinks HE'S a five out of ten. Thank frell he was able to refrain from rating the pokémon's butts during that battle. No magnemite needs to be subjected to that.

I saw "shapely golden yellow flower" and went "buh?" Then it was straight to Bulbapedia with me. Man, I don't know how it is that I forgot/never caught on/whatever that that Bulbasaur was shiny.

Meanwhile Josh and Eve continue to be basically adorable as frick, and I was happy to get a chapter like the last one that focused so heavily on said cuteness. :>

 

[Beth Pavell]

@Airt: Balancing up the humour was a bit tricky at times. It was indeed the hot spring that was intended to be amusing, because naked people are inherently funny. And the last time Josh was naked it was played for mild drama. You give me far too much credit with the special ^^' It really isn't much more than two friends talking.

@diamondpearl876: I have to admit, I did like the dynamic between the two unnamed Festival Club girls and Becky. It's really nothing clever, or original for that matter, but I couldn't resist

@Sike Saner: Funny you should say that – the original plan called for mentioning that there were cash prizes up for grabs at the Trick House, but I cut it because it was kinda clunky and I wanted to focus on the bickering.

How on earth you would locate the butt on a magnemite I have no idea. Yes indeed, Bulbasaur is shiny – well, has alternate colouration – it has been mentioned as early as Chapter Two, but I never used that term so you might have missed it.

 

[Beth Pavell]

As a head's-up to all my readers, from Chapter Nineteen I'll be doing tag lists for anyone who wants to be notified of when a chapter's published. Just VM me if you would like to be Mentioned

Spoiler: Version History

1.1 : Eve now swears "oh gods" rather than "oh God"
1.2 : "Tuesday" is now "Rheday"

Chapter Eighteen – Cool Zephyr (Version 1.2)

Evelina​

The view from the elevator of Violet City Gym was the best in the city. The Gym faced east towards the castle; to the left Sprout Tower rose from amidst a grove of flowering cheri trees, down and on the right silvery trains slid in and out of the city along the Magnet branch line. The greyness of the past few days was passing, sunbeams piercing the clouds. It was going to be a fine spring afternoon.

Neither of them were really looking at the view. Josh brooded in the corner, probably meditating on strategy. Eve gazed out of the window, thinking. She'd given in to Aunt Immey and reluctantly consented to a brief phone call with Mum at breakfast. She wasn't really sure whether it was a good idea, in hindsight.

*​

Eve impatiently tapped her fork against her plate. No-one should have to deal with mothers before finishing breakfast. At least the common room was relatively quiet this morning.

“I'm fine, mother,” she said into her cell. “I'm staying at an inn down by Castle Hill.”

“Why not the Violet Centre?”

“Look, the Silver Hind has hot springs. And a bar.”

“Alright, as you like,” Mum said loftily.

There was an uncomfortable silence. Eve had a noisy mouthful of her scrambled eggs. What does she want from me? “Mummy, I'm drinking in moderation like a good girl!”

“Your sister's doing well. She's got your skill with difficult visitors,” Mum said.

“Mmhm,” Eve replied as neutrally as she could manage, her mouth full of egg. And mushrooms!

“We've missed you around the Centre. We'll have to get another orderly at this rate -”

So that's it, Mother? I'm off on the archetypal adventure for a month and all you can talk about is the work I'm not doing. She sighed testily. I love these eggs. Why am I talking to Mum when I could be eating these eggs?

“- well, you know how we can't just do without -”

“- you know, I saw the Ilex Forest Shrine,” Eve cut in. “About a week ago, in the Deepwoods. It's a bit disappointing to look at. Might go and see the castle a bit later.”

“By yourself? I heard you'd made a friend.”

“Don't do that, Mum, I wanted to get away from that,” Eve growled.

“Explain.”

“You know full well that I've made a friend! And I know you've already tried to tyrannise him.”

“Evelina, did you really expect me not to keep an eye on you?” Mum said sharply. “So yes, I had a little talk with him.”

“Agh, just … just lay off him Mum. I mean it! He made me breakfast again …” she trailed off.

“Oh Eve, honey …” Mum started.

“Give me some credit!” Eve snapped. “I have a good reason to trust him. And that should be good enough for you.”

*​

“What are you thinking about?” Josh asked.

“Eggs,” Eve said, without looking up. “You spoil me, Joshua Cook.”

“When do you intend to challenge the Gym, by the way?” he said.

“I already have the Zephyr Badge,” Eve said absent-mindedly, watching the banners flying from the towers of the castle.

“What! Why didn't you say?” Josh exclaimed.

“You never asked!”

“But, so why didn't you suggest we go to Florando Town instead, or Goldenrod City? A different Gym is what I'm aiming at!”

Eve smiled at his perplexed, faintly guilty expression. “It's not like it was a wasted journey for me,” she said, tapping Pineco's Poké Ball. “I'm in no hurry to get to the Silver Conference. Oh, and we made, like, six hundred dollars between us.”

“Hmn. If you say so …” Josh said vaguely, returning to his thoughts. Eve didn't blame him. She watched him frown at the floor as the elevator made its slow ascent. He really wasn't a masculine guy, to look at. With the right clothes he could pass fairly well for a scrawny girl – well, if only he'd stop scowling. Maybe with a feminine hairstyle and a little make-up … he'd still need a bit of boob, though.

That's asking a lot you know, Eve. Don't you think you crossed a line?

Is he angry with me? He has been very quiet. Oh, gods. He is angry with me.

“Josh, I'm sorry!” Eve blurted out. What the hell did you say that for? I don't know! “Um, I, I put you on the spot yesterday. I was asking way too much of you and I'm sorry.”

“Eve … is this about the tournament?”

There was a discreet musical tone from the elevator's speakers. “Pinnacle Battlefield. Good luck, challenger,” an automated voice said pleasantly.

Josh hesitated briefly, giving her an odd, conflicted look. “Eve, buddy, we can talk about this later if you like, but I'm not angry. Please?”

“Yeah. Yeah, of course, what was I thinking,” Eve said, feeling an embarrassed blush flare in her cheeks. “Um. Thank you.”

*​

Cheers and chants greeted them as the elevator doors opened onto Pinnacle Battlefield. The colosseum-style stadium was open to the sky. The clouds were steadily breaking apart in the wind that ruffled and tugged at their hair. Eve looked over the battlefield where she had earned her first Badge. She hadn't expected to see it again so soon – the dirt field, the concrete centre spot blazoned with an engraving of the Zephyr Badge. The cameras on the sidelines … Eve looked up and, sure enough, there was another cameraman mounted on a hovering fearow.

Josh took a deep breath, and she glanced anxiously at him. The stadium was only about two-thirds full, but it would still be the largest crowd Josh had battled in front of. At the other side of the field the Gym Leader gave her a tiny nod of recognition.

“Hey. Look at me, Josh,” she said sternly. “Ignore the crowd. Ignore the cameras. Concentrate on the battle.” It was all in the voice. Cold steel to be obeyed, warm butter to reassure. She punched him playfully on the arm, “I believe in you.”

Josh didn't say anything, but gave her a nervous little nod. He strode slowly into the trainer's box, his nervousness apparently fading with each step. Eve knew him better than that – he was burying his nerves under an icy battle persona.

“Welcome, Joshua, to Pinnacle Battlefield, aerie of the Violet City Gym!” Falkner declared grandly. “Nowhere in Johto will you battle closer to the clouds!” he cocked his head to one side. “You requested a two-on-two battle, but I see three Poké Balls at your belt.”

“One of my pokémon isn't ready for a Gym battle yet,” Josh replied.

“Very wise. I'm not accustomed to a lot of talk before a battle, so what do you say we get started?” Falkner made a short gesture. One of his students stepped up to the sideline, judging flags in hand.

“This will be an official Gym battle between the challenger Joshua Cook of Mulberry Town and the Gym Leader, Falkner of the Violet City Gym! Each trainer will use two pokémon! The challenger will release first and only he may make substitutions! A Zephyr Badge is at stake!”

The tension in the crowd noticeably intensified. A camera zoomed in on Josh as he methodically selected his first Poké Ball. His fingers were steady as he expanded the Ball.

“Bul – damnit. Ivysaur, battle's on!”

“A bad start, Joshua,” Falkner observed. “A Grass-type won't stand a chance against my Flying-types! Zubat, I choose you!”

Falkner's Zubat flittered round in erratic circles, her wings hardly making a sound. Strong wings. And well-developed fangs, too.

“Ivysaur, return,” Josh said. The recall beam whined to the unsubtle commentary of the spectators.

“What's with the substitution already?”

“Seriously. Did he not know this is a Flying Gym?”

“Screwball, battle's on,” Josh called, ignoring them all. Somehow, Screwball managed to materialise upside-down. After a moment's robotic contemplation it slowly righted itself.

“From a bad type match-up to an obvious one,” Falkner commented. “Zubat, start things off with your Double Team!”

“Sonic Boom,” Josh calmly ordered. Just as Zubat started throwing up illusory copies of itself Screwball blasted a Sonic Boom through them. The fake zubat colony scattered. Most were caught and destroyed by the expanding shock wave – the escapees flittered round Screwball in a vain attempt to confuse it.

“Use your Twister attack!” Falkner yelled. One of the zubat stopped abruptly and rapidly beat her wings. A small tornado appeared in front of her before whirling off towards Screwball.

“Mag-nur-mite,” it intoned. It was tumbled around by the winds and struck by cobalt lightning, but when the Twister dissipated it didn't seem to be so much as dizzy.

Nice try, Falkner, Eve thought, smirking. Josh's magnemite was the steel wall in his team. She wasn't sure why he'd decided to lead with Ivysaur when Screwball was the obvious choice … but Josh never did anything in battle without a reason.

“Charge Beam,” Josh ordered. Ignoring the remnants of the Double Team, Screwball spun on its axis to face Zubat. The hovering bat instinctively dodged aside, just in time to avoid a crackling Charge Beam.

“Fly, Zubat!” Falkner shouted.

“Again. Shoot it down,” Josh said coolly.

In a fluid display of aeronautics, Zubat jinked and evaded the sizzling Charge Beams as Screwball patiently aimed and tracked like a living gun turret. Eve suddenly noticed Screwball spinning its magnets, fat sparks crawling and snapping off its steel body. You clever devil. The barrage of Charge Beams wasn't just stubbornness – every Beam also had a chance of raising Screwball's Special Attack. Zubat folded her wings and plummeted hastily, singed by a dangerously accurate Charge Beam.

“Fly high, Violet Gym!” someone in the crowd shouted. Others took up the chant. “Fly high, Violet Gym! Fly high, Violet Gym!”

Oh no, you sodding don't! “Down, down, bring it down!” Eve hollered at the top of her voice. “Go, go, bring it down, bring it down, go, go!”

“Enough of this! Zubat, shut down that magnemite with your Confuse Ray!”

From this distance nothing seemed to happen, other than Zubat pausing in her constant movement to face Screwball. It jerked in mid-air, as if startled, and let out a stereo-feedback whine. Josh didn't react. He just stood with his arms folded as usual, his eyes fixed on Zubat.

“- that guy's cold, man.”

“- saw him at the Battle Club yesterday -”

“Fly high, Violet Gym!”

“Alright Zubat!” Falkner commanded, practically growling. “Go into a dive and follow up with Super Fang!”

The crowd noise swelled. Zubat shot into a whisper-quiet dive. Neither Josh nor Screwball flinched.

The Charge Beam detonated with a deep resonating boom. Zubat tumbled from a chrysanthemum of acrid black smoke, wings flailing like the pages of a thrown book.

“Zubat!” Falkner yelled, running to his unconscious pokémon. There was some cheering and a few appreciative claps – Eve cheered her support – the fearow-cameraman soared close to the action. A sideline camera tracked Falkner as he walked back to his trainer's box.

“Zubat is unable to battle,” the referee said redundantly. “Magnemite wins.”

Falkner and Josh stared at each other across the field. Falkner actually looks more grim than Josh, Eve thought wryly.

“One thing I've learned about magnemite,” Josh said, “is that they have very little imagination. And, therefore, are very difficult to fool with illusions.”

“… very clever. But you won't have it so easy a second time. Gligar, I choose you!”

Gligar was a thoroughly ridiculous pokémon, the bastard child of a scorpion and a bat, though in truth it was neither. He grinned at Screwball – well, he stuck out his tongue.

“Screwball, Sonic Boom,” Josh ordered unexpectedly.

“Gligar!” its opponent cried, jumping more than ten feet straight up and over the Sonic Boom. His membranous wings snapped open, effortlessly catching the wind above the battlefield.

“Gligar, cut that magnemite to scrap with your Metal Claw!” Falkner yelled. His pokémon surfed easily on the wind, hardly losing any height as he banked. Screwball robotically turned to watch it. Suddenly Gligar collapsed his wing membranes and dropped like a stone, his claws outstretched. The fearow-cameraman followed him down before swooping out of the way.

“Blast it,” Josh snarled. The shock wave boomed past – Gligar snapped his wings open and somehow dodged around it. His claws turned the colour of dull iron.

The Metal Claw scraped along Screwball's flank in a shower of sparks. Gligar overshot, landed, and sprang airborne again. Josh's fists were clenched, the shadow of a snarl on his face.

“Calm down and concentrate!” Eve yelled. “Don't think I can't see that ice cracking!”

Gligar ascended smoothly on an updraft and attacked again, swooping down on Screwball from outside its field of vision. Sparks flew again and again as Gligar raked at it before leaping airborne in a blur. Screwball let out a burst of Metal Sound, possibly in frustration. Falkner's supporters cheered and jeered – a Metal Claw caught it on a screw and spun it around violently.

“Enough!” Josh snapped, raising Screwball's Poké Ball.

“Don't let it get away! Sand Tomb!” Falkner yelled.

“Gligarrr!” his pokémon bellowed. Eve felt the ground rumble, the vibrations radiating up through the soles of her feet. The dirt beneath Screwball suddenly erupted into a hissing vortex of sand and rock.

“Return!” Josh commanded. The recall beam struck the Sand Tomb and burst apart. Screwball's going nowhere. Falkner's got you this time, Josh.

“Magnet Bomb!”

Something metallic burst from inside the sand vortex; Gligar tried to soar out the way, but the Bomb followed it up and exploded in a blast of blue light. Like Zubat before him, Gligar abruptly tumbled from the sky.

Screwball was in trouble. Eve could see its silhouette in the midst of the Sand Tomb, drifting ever closer to the ground. It let out a distressed whine, trying to rise, maybe trying to launch another Magnet Bomb. She glanced over at Josh – he was fidgeting on the soles of his feet. He hated being backed into a tactical corner.

“Mag … magne -” Screwball thumped into the dirt. The Sand Tomb died down, revealing an unconscious magnemite, its magnets hanging loosely.

“Magnemite is unable to battle! Gligar wins!” the referee called to a tumult of cheers and support from the crowd. Gligar took up position in front of his trainer, leering confidently. His exoskeleton was badly dented from the Magnet Bomb; it looked like some of the shrapnel had been driven in deep enough to draw blood. Much as Eve really wanted to shout all this out, she bit her tongue. He'll want to win without my help.

Falkner raised his hands for quiet. “It is every trainer's prime responsibility to ensure his pokémon's ongoing good health, even in the heat of battle.”

Josh gave him a cold stare. “I am well aware of that.”

“Then forfeit,” Falkner said. “You have only one choice you can make, and that's to send a Grass-type up against a Flying-type pokémon. You can't win.”

“Really,” Josh said. A tiny smile twitched at the corners of his mouth. The clouds above the Gym broke apart, spilling a sunbeam onto Pinnacle Battlefield.

“Ivysaur,” Josh commanded, popping open Ivysaur's Poké Ball. Ivysaur sat down calmly, his expression as wooden as his trainer's. The flower on his back seemed to glow yellow in the sun.

“If you insist,” Falkner said almost pityingly. “Into the sky Gligar! Start off strong with your Wing Attack!”

With little apparent effort Gligar surfed the wind up to a safe height. Ivysaur watched him carefully as he dropped down on a straightforward swooping trajectory, wing membranes held out rigid. In a sudden blur of movement Ivysaur slapped Gligar out of the sky.

“OH!” Eve gasped in surprise, echoed by the whole crowd.

“Take Down!” Josh ordered, raising his voice above the crowd. Gligar was smart enough to get airborne again almost immediately, spiralling up beyond Ivysaur's reach.

“Try it again! Mow that Grass-type down!” Falkner yelled.

“Vine Whips.”

Ivysaur extended all four of his Vine Whips a couple of feet, holding them low. This time Gligar attacked from almost vertical, aiming for the flower. Why do I get the feeling I've seen that attack before?

“Scatterseed.”

What?

Leech Seeds erupted from somewhere beneath Ivysaur's flower like a shotgun blast. Gligar swerved desperately, fruitlessly – there were too many Seeds flying in too many different directions. Two of the Seeds struck home, wrapping themselves around his tail and injured arm. Gligar wobbled mid-glide, managed to inflict a glancing Wing Attack and made a hasty landing. Spinning round, he struck out with Metal Claw, cutting a scratch across Ivysaur's hind leg and leaping into the air to dodge a lashing Vine Whip.

I have seen that attack before! It was the same plunging attack that Bugsy's beedrill had used back at the Azalea Gym – and Josh had devised a counter-attack without her knowing, the cunning devil. More cunning that it first appears, Eve thought, watching Gligar trying to land a clean Wing Attack. The Vine Whip placement acted as a lure, encouraging Gligar to attack the flower.

“Fly high, Violet Gym! Fly high, Violet Gym! Fly high, Violet Gym!”

Ivysaur had changed the arrangement of his Whips – now with two held high and back, two held low and forward. Whatever angle Gligar attacked from, he met at least one lashing vine. A pokémon capable of powered flight might be able to dodge round them, but Gligar …

“Bring it down! Bring it down!” Eve chanted, hollering through cupped hands as Gligar tried again, sweeping in fast and low. The Leech Seeds disentangled themselves as he levelled out. Gligar's limbs sagged, suddenly weak from the loss of energy; he lost lift and crashed into the dirt.

“Now!” Josh yelled. Ivysaur's Vine Whips shot out, seizing Gligar by the tail just as he tried to leap away again. After a brief, violent struggle, Ivysaur had his opponent bound claw and tail.

“Hold on, Ivysaur,” Josh commanded, holding his hand up. “Are you sure you want to continue this battle?” he called to Falkner.

The crowd went quiet, aside from the odd yell of support. Falkner glared back at him. “Gligar, try to get away!”

“Ivysaur,” Josh said, bringing his hand down in a chopping motion. Ivysaur carefully smashed Gligar into the concrete centre spot – it cried out sharply and stopped trying to struggle. This is it, this is victory!

“I can have Ivysaur keep doing that until Gligar can't battle, or you can forfeit now. I don't want to hurt your pokémon if I don't have to,” Josh said evenly.

Falkner continued to glare. There was a zing of excitement in Eve's chest – whatever Falkner did, Josh had won. Come on, damn you! I want to celebrate his victory with him! Josh raised his hand -

“No,” Falkner said. “I admit defeat.”

The crowd burst out in a wave of cheers, a lot of chatter, and some boos. Ivysaur respectfully put Gligar down – they exchanged sportsmanlike nods. Falkner recalled him to a chorus of crowd complaints.

“I want my bloody money back!”

“- should have stayed at home.”

“- can't give out a Badge for that! Rematch! Rematch!”

“Enough!” Falkner bellowed. He glared round the stadium for a moment, watched by a sidelined cameraman. “I am the Violet City Gym Leader! The award of a Zephyr Badge is at my discretion!”

Falkner met Josh on the centre spot. He looked none too pleased about his loss. “I won't deny that I never expected you to win,” he said. “But in order to develop your strategy, you would have had to extensively study Flying-types. And for that reason more than any other, I award you the Zephyr Badge.”

Josh held the swept wing-shape of the Zephyr Badge up to the sun, exchanging a proud glance with Ivysaur. He laughed, and squeezed it in his fist triumphantly.

*​

Later that afternoon they went to explore the castle. Unsurprisingly for a Rheday afternoon, there weren't many other visitors around. After Josh had finally given up trying to convince the staff to “let him have a go” with the trebuchet, they headed up to the top of the gatehouse. The view from the battlement took in the castle moat, and beyond that, the green lawn dotted with picnickers. They were both wearing souvenir tabards from the gift shop. Hers was white, blazoned with a red rose – his, black with a green cross-crosslet. Josh had Screwball clamped firmly under his arm – it was still somewhat battered from the Gym battle.

“Magnemite,” it said.

“No,” Josh replied. “You can be out of the Poké Ball, but you have to rest.”

He'd make a decent orderly. “So come on. Aren't you going to explain your strategy?”

“You mean leading with Ivysaur, don't you.”

“Tell!” Eve insisted. “Why not Misdreavus?”

“Alright, alright! I told Falkner why – Fionn really isn't ready for a Gym battle. It's still too much of a game to her,” he said. “So I studied the footage of his other battles. Falkner has two fatal weaknesses. Individually, his pokémon are all very good at what they do, but he always chooses the most obvious counter for any given situation. And secondly, he rarely plans ahead. Once I knew that, I also knew the battle would be settled between us rather than our pokémon.”

Eve thought for a moment. If I know Josh's style … “Gym Leaders can't make substitutions. You were exploiting that, weren't you?”

“I knew you'd figure it out. You're a better trainer than me,” he said, smiling at her. “I lead with Ivysaur, he picks an obvious counter. Screwball counters the counter, and that leaves Falkner in an awkward position. Electric/Steel, not easy for Flying-types to deal with. There's only one Johto Flying-type that can deal with a magnemite efficiently. So that's the one Ivysaur and I prepared for.”

Clever devil. A pleasant favonian breeze stirred the air, riffling the banners flying above the gatehouse.

“If he'd used a pidgeotto or a murkrow I'd never have won,” Josh said. “Hey. About the tournament.”

“What?” Eve squeaked. “I mean, yes, buddy.”

Josh took a long breath, staring east towards the Violet Gym. “I'll do it.”

Eve's heart jolted. You did hear that right, Evelina.

“- on two conditions,” Josh continued. “If we're going to do this we're going to do this properly. No half measures. And you're paying for anything we might need.”

“… really?” Eve said in a small voice. He actually said yes!

Josh turned to her, his expression solemn to the point of grim. “And then we show everyone what Evelina Joy can do.”

Eve flung her arms around his neck. She leaned down ever so slightly to brush her cheek against his. “I won't forget this.”

*​

The train swayed rhythmically from side-to-side as it hurtled through the night. Eve was feeling sleepy. She always did, on train journeys. It was the gentle rocking on the tracks that did it, the hissing white noise of the rails.

The train PA chimed softly. “Now entering, Goldenrod Great County. Estimated time of arrival, eleven fifty-three pee-em.”

The large, close-packed seats felt comfortably cosy, snug. Mmmnn! I want to go to bed …

Josh was in the window-seat, jacket zipped up to his chin, apparently gazing happily at the world outside. More likely he was thinking about his Zephyr Badge. His face was reflected in the window: satisfied little half-smile, dark curls, dark, dark eyes. Maybe he was warming to his identity as a pokémon trainer, but she had a feeling that what he really liked was calling home to report his victories. There was definitely some animosity between him and his dad, to judge from the way Josh had been smiling to himself all afternoon.

Eve yawned and tried to rub the sleep out of her eyes. For the second time that day, she was glad she'd made friends with Josh. She thought drowsily about the time they'd spent together – talking about everything, getting drunk together, getting on each other's nerves … that time in the Deepwoods when he'd shown his quality. She'd always thought that having a travel companion, spending every day with the same person, would be suffocating.

The train swayed rhythmically from side-to-side. Goldenrod City was still another hour away. The late train was cheap, but – Eve yawned expansively.

“Why don't you sleep for a while?” Josh said mildly.

“Need something to lean m'head on.”

Josh spread his arm invitingly. “Come here, Eevee.”

Eve hesitated, but her eyes were heavy. Besides, his old brown jacket, frayed soft and fuzzy through long wear, looked altogether too comfortable.

“Ok,” she said, shuffling up close so she could curl up on the seat, and laid her head on his chest. He looped an arm around her shoulders.

“Ok?” he asked.

“Mmnn,” Eve replied vaguely. She could hear Josh's heartbeat over the noise of the train. After a while he started to stroke her hair absent-mindedly.

It was a bit like being cuddled by her dad. Whenever her ex-boyfriend did things like that he was usually trying to build to something, but Josh …

With his heartbeat in her ears, Eve drifted off to sleep.

Next Chapter: Young Marisa

 

[BinkVallen]

Well, Josh successfully fooled both me and Falkner with that initial substitution. I was convinced at first that it was just his nerves making him make dumb choices. Great buildup for that part.

“Screwball, battle's on,” Josh called, ignoring them all. Somehow, Screwball managed to materialise upside-down. After a moment's robotic contemplation it slowly righted itself.

This was so cute that I had to take a moment to recompose myself before moving on. Screeeeewball. <3 (Also I was about to correct you on the word materialize/materialise, but instead I learned a new British spelling thing today.) The following battle scene was pretty great too. One of my favorites of yours, I think. The part about Ivysaur placing his vinewhips strategically to guide Gligar to his flower was pretty damn clever.

One thing that kind of surprises me (even though it makes sense) is how many people go watch the gym battles just to see the gym leader kick some poor trainer's butt. Gym leaders are kind of like professional athletes in a way, so they're bound to have fans, but is anyone in that crowd rooting for the underdog? >w>

They were both wearing souvenir tabards from the gift shop. Hers was white, blazoned with a red rose – his, black with a golden cross-crosslet. Josh had Screwball clamped firmly under his arm – it was still somewhat battered from the Gym battle.

“Magnemite,” it said.

“No,” Josh replied, “You can be out of the Poké Ball, but you have to rest.”

Everything about this image is fantastic and made my day. (I also learned what a tabard is. Yay!)

And just when I think things can't get any better:

“Ok,” she said, shuffling up close so she could curl up on the seat, and laid her head on his chest. He looped an arm around her shoulders.

“Ok?” he asked.

“Mmnn,” Eve replied vaguely. She could hear Josh's heartbeat over the noise of the train. After a while he started to stroke her hair absent-mindedly.

You almost made me scream in a library, I hope you're proud of yourself.

Overall, A+ chapter. I don't have any real criticisms this time around. And now there's a real chance of us seeing Josh in drag, which is bound to be entertaining. I wonder if anyone's going to see through it. (One question though, what did Josh mean when he said no half measures? I'm not sure what that term means.)

 

[Vivillon]

Josh, I hope you know what you're getting yourself into. I have a feeling that Eve and Josh are going to get disqualified at the end, but that almost feels a bit cliché. Anyways, I am loving how you are crafting this story, although I did expect you to stop at Goldenrod before Violet. I hope it continues to be as entertaining as it is now!

 

[diamondpearl876]

The view from the elevator of the Violet City Gym was the best in the city.

I wonder if you can remove one of the "the"s and just say "Violet City's Gym"

It was going to be a fine spring afternoon.

I like the description you put at the beginning and how it adds to the tone, and then you immediately go into your characters, who are just totally morose and not giving a damn. Normally I would be wary of something like this, but the transition works well.

No-one should have to deal with mothers before finishing breakfast.

There's a lot of truth in this one small, snarky sentence. xD

So that's it, Mother? I'm off on the archetypal adventure for a month and all you can talk about is the work I'm not doing. She sighed testily. I love these eggs. Why am I talking to Mum when I could be eating these eggs?

Eve, you should have called after you ate the eggs, damnit!

“Give me some credit!” Eve snapped, “I have a good reason to trust him. And that should be good enough for you.”

This conversation could have easily dragged on, but you ended it at a good spot and I like that Eve got the last word.

“Eggs,” Eve said, without looking up, “You spoil me, Joshua Cook.”

The previous scene is made all the more better knowing that Josh made those delicious eggs.

Maybe with a feminine hairstyle and a little make-up … he'd still need a bit of boob, though.

Josh needs boobs?!

It was all in the voice. Cold steel to be obeyed, warm butter to reassure.

Aww, cute description.

“Nowhere in Johto will you battle closer to the clouds!”

I want to battle Falkner. ;_; Anyway, I quoted this because it seems a little corny - I suppose your argument would be that he has to talk like this in front of a colosseum-like crowd. xD

“Bul – damnit. Ivysaur, battle's on!”

I thought he was going to say "bullshit" at first.

Somehow, Screwball managed to materialise upside-down. After a moment's robotic contemplation it slowly righted itself.

Cute, but I doubt it means things are going to go well. xD

“- that guy's cold, man.”

I lol'd. Seems true enough, given how calm Josh is while giving commands.

“One thing I've learned about magnemite,” Josh said, “Is that they have very little imagination. And, therefore, are very difficult to fool with illusions.”

lol'd again. Poor Screwball - but he does have his advantages, like Josh said.

The Metal Claw scraped along Screwball's flank in a shower of sparks. Gligar overshot, landed, and sprang airborne again. Josh's fists were clenched, the shadow of a snarl on his face.

I'll give you props for your description in this chapter. It's simple yet unique to your writing style (as in, I've not ever seen anyone write a battle like you do) and also very effective.

Come on, damn you! I want to celebrate his victory with him! Josh raised his hand -

Having this told from Eve's perspective was a nice touch. I loved cute moments like this and I don't think it interrupted the battle at all, nor did I ever forget that the chapter was from her perspective. So nice job there.

Josh held the swept wing-shape of the Zephyr Badge up to the sun, exchanging a proud glance with Ivysaur. He laughed, and squeezed it in his fist triumphantly.

Ahh, nice strategy by Josh at the end there. You know I love Ivysaur, so I won't gush about him... this time. xD

Josh turned to her, his expression solemn to the point of grim. But in his eyes … affection. “And then we show everyone what Evelina Joy can do.”

Eve flung her arms around his neck. She leaned down ever so slightly to brush her cheek against his. “I won't forget this.”

This should be interesting. Knowing you, it won't happen like I'm expecting it to (ie, miserably).

It was a bit like being cuddled by her dad. Whenever her ex-boyfriend did things like that he was usually trying to build to something, but Josh …

With his heartbeat in her ears, Eve drifted off to sleep.

I'd say this bit hints toward a non-romantic ending for them, but we'll see. Perfect way to end the chapter. The battle seemed as draining for her almost as much as it was for Josh.

 

[Beth Pavell]

@BinkVallen: I am feeling a little smug about the battle strategy. For a moment during planning I thought I'd written myself into a corner with the Violet Gym. In the games Josh would simply sweep the Gym with Scewball, but that just seemed too easy. It was flipping through the native Johto Flying-types that I came up with the idea of giving Falkner a Gligar.

Crowd reactions were a constant pain in the neck with this chapter. Not for the first time I found myself wishing that I'd watched more sports > > In any case, I reason that trainers build a reputation as the battle their way around the region. Josh is still very much an unknown right now, and he doesn't have a lot of natural charisma either.

You almost made me scream in a library, I hope you're proud of yourself

Yes. Yes, am. Oh, and half-measures means the same as half-assed

@Vivillon: I should probably mention that The Long Walk is going on hiatus, of sorts. It's been a hard job writing up these past two chapters, and what with final exams coming up in a month or so I really need some downtime from it.

@diamondpearl876: You always leave me wondering what to comment on first. Eve's conversation with her mother is an idea brought forward from the next arc. I was getting worried that people were beginning to see Eve as the supporting love interest rather than the deuteragonist, so I had the delightful task of trying to write about a mother and daughter getting one each other's nerves.

Eve's boob comment was in relation to Josh passing as a girl, by the way. I am acutely aware that I've set myself quite the challenge with the next arc – I don't want to have the tourney just play out for cheap laughs.

Yes, Falkner's line is corny. I think a lot of the Gyms have a lot of corn in them – Johto is relatively tame when you think about it. The themed Gyms of other regions can get downright silly (Looking at you, Castelia Gym). I decided to put this down to showmanship – you get a lot of dumbassery in professional sports (Anyone ever stopped to think just how absurd a boxing match really is?).

 

[Flaze]

Well we're starting to see Joshua craft his fighting style even more now, I didn't think he could be such a trickster I'll get the fight out of the way and say that I was actually surprised to see another battling chapter in a row but it was nice, the fight kept the action constant as well as the tension. There were some parts where the description was a bit hard to kind of imagine, like not much a problem with what you described but rather it was so quick that it was hard for me to imagine the change like when you said that Gligar had a bad landing on the ground and then immediately lunged for a metal claw. Still I think Josh's strategy was a good one and it makes sense with the fact he's the type of guy tha always does his research before a fight.

The thing I loved about the chapter the most though probably has to be the fact you took my advice and did a chapter from Eve's point of view. It was a long time coming considering we had been focusing on Joshua for a long time and it was nice to see her reactions to the events around her as well as her own thoughts on current situations. I couldn't stop myself from laughing at the eggs comment xD I mean I like to eat in peace myself so I wouldn't want to be interrupted while I do. I found it interesting how different Joshua acts when seen through Eve's eyes and it's a nice touch you put there, obviously Eve would perceive Joshua differently to how Joshua perceives himself and Eve herself is different than how Joshua sees her. Still I'm glad we got to see that she does care a lot for him and well hopefully my ship will come true

 

[AceTrainer14]

Finally I can hand in my second review of our exchange!

There isn't a lot that has changed between this lot of chapters (I read up to the end of Chapter 8) and last time, but I will say that there is a bit more of a storyline/plot beginning to show through which makes it remarkable better to read. All the character development and focus in the world can make pleasant reading but not for a great story, but these chapters had slightly more of a plot so that was a great thing to see. It definitely helped me stay focused and keep reading, and I am looking forward to seeing what happens next with the gym battle.

The characters are both good: I don't have a preferred one yet, but they are definitely interesting to read. Screwball/Magnemite is a really good Pokemon character, a nice change from what you usually see, so that was nice to read. I like the brief interludes looking into how the Pokemon think, it is a nice touch and doesn't feel too jarring even though they are sometimes slotted randomly into the paragraphs. I also liked the Beast of the Sea bit: very poetic and I am fascinated to see how, if it does, it works into the story as a whole.

Nothing I would recommend really from here. The chapters I read worked together as a little arc and it all flowed nicely. The characters bond together nicely, but I suppose they do bond together relatively quickly - but that might just be me. Look forward to reading more soon!

 

[Sike Saner]

Gdi Eve, you're gonna make me want eggs.

Gligar was a thoroughly ridiculous pokémon, the bastard child of a scorpion and a bat, though in truth it was neither.

Neither bat nor scorpion, but certainly a bastard.

After Josh had finally given up trying to convince the staff to “let him have a go” with the trebuchet

The staff made the right call.

Ok now one last thing: Ivysaur? Was frickin awesome. Though I should say Josh and Ivysaur were awesome since it was the former's strategy. But Ivysaur does still deserve some kudos for not frelling it up, so yeah. Gj, flowerfrog.

 

[Persephone]

Oh boy. A "Joshua in drag" arc upcoming.

I must admit that during awards discussion I had no idea why people were so hyped about Josh all of a sudden. Re-reading, especially with the later chapters in mind, I can increasingly see why. He might be my favorite of the two protagonists now, although that could just be Eve not having had a viewpoint chapter in some time. I actually really appreciate chapters not told from the vantage point of the person battling. It lets there be suspense and keeps one-sided, strategic wins from falling into the "here's a cool thing I'm doing and hiding from the audience" or "hahaha I'm so awesome" traps that often come from that. I takes away a bit of emotional investment sometimes, but it can be balanced. I particularly liked the part of Joshua's first gym match from Eve's point of view.

(Also quick question: is Eve's meowth darker in color than a normal one? It was off-handedly implied once and I wasn't sure.)

Other than that, I guess my obligatory complaint would be that some of the chapters seemed rather short, particularly early on. Even some of the later ones suffered from it, particularly the chapter immediately before the Lake. I suppose it's not that bad if you're regularly updating, but it kind of killed momentum a little bit. Just when I was fully absorbed—over. I think you could afford to tack on a scene or two per chapter and it wouldn't kill you, even if it might slow down the update pace a little bit. I know you're concerned with thinning down the narrative as much as possible, but with a story like this where half the value comes from character-centric scenes and world-building it's not really that much of a concern.

So that's that. I'm tired and I have to do more fan fiction stuff yet today. Hope this helped.

 

[Beth Pavell]

@Flaze: Josh is the sort of fellow to analyse the battle as well as the pokémon! It actually made things easier narrating from Eve's point of view. This way you don't see Josh's own thoughts, which in this case would have just drawn the battle out longer than it needed to be. But the main reason was of course that it needed to be Eve's viewpoint in order to have the phone conversation.

@AceTrainer14: I can't remember whether I ever said as much to you, but yeah I don't think the story really hits its stride till about Chapter Six. I don't think I'd ever do a full rewrite, but at some point I may well revise Chapter One and Four. Josh's motivations need to be set up more strongly in that beginning arc, I think. Four was intended to be “bumpy start” chapter for Magnemite, which it is, but not enough of one.

@Rediamond: Juggling viewpoint chapters invariably ends up being a big decision with the ongoing plot. And it is a juggling act – Josh's focus over the Ilex Forest-Violet arc has been bought at the expense of Eve. I mentioned somewhere before that I didn't want her to appear to be a deuteragonist love interest, hence her viewpoint chapter here. I can't say that I intended it to improve the Gym battle as much as it did, but I think you're right in that otherwise the battle would have come across as a complete foregone conclusion.

Meowth is a black cat, something mentioned in ... Chapter Eight and Twelve, a couple of times. He is a former alley-tom, so personally I imagine that as a rather scruffy grey-black.

The pacing comments are useful. The apparent length of a chapter – as opposed to raw wordcount – is something I lose track of most when writing each one, so it's useful to know that I can afford to push my luck further. Chapter Fourteen was shorter than I remember because of this – it was originally meant to be merged with Fifteen, but I decided to split them. Throughout that arc I was conscious of taking apparently forever to get to the second Gym battle, which did affect how long I spent on each chapter.

 

[Beth Pavell]

Interlude – Young Marisa (Version 1.0)

The sea was shadowed a wine-dark blue in the deepening dusk. Calm lay over the town of St Piran on Red Rock Isle, but for the sounds of the night market filtering through the narrow streets. The waves rolled slowly in from the ocean, slapping lazily into the concrete sea wall. A short pier jutted out from the wall, with a stout lamppost sited at the end.

Hidden beneath the dark waves, a juvenile lugia swam in from the open ocean. Though she was small compared to her mother, she was still twelve feet long with a wingspan to match. The Rangers of the Whirl Islands called her Young Marisa. Her name for herself was expressed as song; for those that could understand, it meant: 'female-young-daughter-female-lord-johtoclan'. She beat her wings slowly, carefully, expending hardly any effort to maintain a gentle cruising speed. From the pier, all that could be seen of her was a vague lugia-shaped silhouette.

An eerie blue glow briefly illuminated the waves. The silhouette of lugia disappeared. A few minutes later, the swimmer that surfaced was human … well, human-shaped.

Young Marisa swam inelegantly to the pier, a large squid clasped firmly in her fist. It waved its tentacles serenely, hallucinating under the effects of Extrasensory. She clambered up onto the pier and sat naked on the stone. In her favourite human shape she appeared as a young woman – she chose a heart-shaped face, with a delicate chin, penetrating eyes and a pink mouth. A sheet of sea-sodden white hair lay plastered down her back; dusted with silver-white feathers, it glittered faintly in the lamp light.

She sank her teeth into her squid, tearing off a ragged chunk of mantle. It realised too late what was happening to it and flailed its tentacles pathetically. It desperately tried to bite – its captor casually popped out its beak with a deft squeeze behind the eyes. Young Marisa bolted her writhing catch, ripping the soft, salty flesh into pieces and wolfing them down. Black ink gushed from the burst sac and dripped over her chest.

Gulping down the last tentacle, she clumsily tried to wipe the ink off her breasts. Young Marisa was rather proud of her breasts. She'd cleverly opted for a big set, so she would appear unmistakably human, or so she believed. She hummed her identity-song to herself – her family wouldn't hear her, not out of water, not with human vocal chords – but it was a comforting habit.

The shape of a human mind brushed against her own. Young Marisa suddenly realised what she'd forgotten. She waved a hand dismissively; now if any human saw her they would think she was wearing a big white shirt. Following the sounds and lights of the market, she wandered through the narrow streets to the town square. Paper lanterns hung in strings from lamppost-to-lamppost, illuminating the square with a cheerful orange light.

Young Marisa lurked in the shadows of an alley, watching the humans shoaling, exchanging things they had made, communicating, sharing food. The novel savour of frying fish was in the air. Young Marisa's social world was a small one. Outside her own family she hardly ever so much as heard another lugia – humanity's constant complicated shoaling fascinated her.

There was a shrine on the far side of the square, the oratory looming up over the stalls in front of the sacred ground. A steel lugia statue surmounted the shrine gate, wings spread dramatically, looking fierce and noble in the lantern-light. Young Marisa wondered why humans tried to be friends this way -

- something was watching her. She mentally scanned the crowd. There, by a drinks stall, a man was eyeing her 'discreetly'. Young Marisa had seen that look before, and she did not approve of it. She clouded his mind with Extrasensory and slipped away.

Someone else was watching Young Marisa as she faded into the crowd. On the southern side of the square Rickard Orme tracked her with his Silph Scope and stroked his beard anxiously. Capturing her was going to be twice as difficult, now that Piers had been arrested, damn him. Piers had gotten greedy – tried to capture all four of the fledglings – and that had got him arrested. The other hunters were probably dead and drowned. He could call off the operation, but … Team Aqua had so many uses for a captive lugia.

Orme watched Young Marisa hovering near a fried squid stall. The Silph Scope showed her for what she really was. She was, after all, still a young lugia …

Next Chapter: Chapter Nineteen - Moonlight, Electric Night

 

[diamondpearl876]

The sea was shadowed a wine-dark blue in the deepening dusk.

I still like this bit of description most from what little sneak peeks you had given me. :~)

Though she was small compared to her mother, she was still twelve feet long with a wingspan to match.

I feel like starting with "though" and later saying "still" is a bit redundant.

In her favourite human shape she appeared as a young woman – she chose a heart-shaped face, with a delicate chin, penetrating eyes and a pink mouth.

Using the words "favourite" and "chose" here really adds to her personality and gives us more insight into her powers.

Young Marisa was rather proud of her breasts.

cue jokes over IM, probably.

humanity's constant complicated shoaling fascinated her.

"constant complicated" was a mouthful to me - maybe add "and" or put a comma?

Orme watched Young Marisa hovering near a fried squid stall. The Silph Scope showed her for what she really was. She was, after all, still a young lugia …

Something like a cliffhanger, or just a lot of vague hints at plot. Either way I always enjoy your interludes, especially for the description.

 

[Flaze]

Well that was a nice interlude. I like that you went back to focusing more on the Lugia plot from the first interlude, even if it still wasn't much. I didn't expect for them to have the power to transform but I guess if other Pokemon can do it then I don't see why Lugia can't, plus it kind of adds more to how the legendaries work since we haven't really seen them. I'm still curious about what you'll do with Lugia once the story reaches that point (and when it will reach that point) but giving us hints from time to time helps.

Also...dude you totally just fanserviced without meaning to -w- come on man, a young woman with big breasts who suddenly has ink fall on her? dude this is rated Teens dang it

but overall a good interlude, if short, I'd keep waiting for the next chapter though.

 

[Sike Saner]

Oh man. Thanks for reminding me how fond I am of pokémon (and nonhumans in general) masquerading as humans. I had no trouble at all believing the disguise really was just that--with no one watching her, she definitely came across as otherly.

Also, she made me want calamari. It's been way too long.

 

[Arkadelphiak]

Yo, Pavell! I promise I'll do some proper reading of The Long Walk, but I found the tiniest, most-nitpicky error. In Chapter Twelve, you mention:

clutching a mug of caustic coffee

Caustic, chemically speaking, indicates a basic substance. However, while I understand that you were going for the other definition ("biting," etc), this is false in a chemical sense because coffee products are acidic! Nonetheless, being an espresso snob, I had to let you know.

 

[Beth Pavell]

I suppose it's about time I responded to some of these comments

@diamondpearl876: The "wine-dark" thing isn't really mine, depending on how strict your idea of invention is. The phrase turns up a lot in ancient Greek literature, particularly The Odyssey, where it's used so often that I suspect it was a cliché at the time.

@Flaze: I debated for a while over whether I would get slapped over the head for a shapeshifting Lugia. As you say, it's not that uncommon for pokémon to shapeshift - Latios, Latias and the Zorua line all do it, for all that it's called illusion (If they were true illusions Zorua wouldn't be able to change its physical size, for example). What I haven't said in the text is that I attribute Lugia's shapeshifting to a secondary effect of Multiscale - an ability Old Maud actually uses way back in the first Interlude

*sigh* So much for trying to go for squicky. I had hoped that Young Marisa messily eating a live squid would turn the fanservice into something uncomfortable. Back to the drawing board ... it singularly failed to work on @Sike Saner

@Arkadelphiak: I suppose that's what I get for nitpicking over follicles

 

[kintsugi]

Five months late, as usual, and I find that most of my comments/concerns have already been addressed or noted.

If it helps, I thought that squid functioned for the squick-purpose you wanted, although my comments on the breasts were mentioned back in the beta phase. Not entirely sure how you'd fix that, honestly, and I'm also not Sike Saner so heh.

I've actually been following the fic and forgot when I last dropped a review, so I'm just guessing it was around the Falkner battle. I liked the incorporation of exploiting the limitations of the whole 2v2 battle thing--it seems like a realistic and clever tactic that never seems to make it into journeyfics. I'm not as big of a fan of people in-universe being so surprised that this is a thing, though: even though we don't see it all the time in fanfic, it doesn't feel like a strategy that would be horribly uncommon in-universe, but nitpicks. I thought the battle was engaging and clever, and it was great to see Bulbasaur/Ivysaur again, although I definitely think it's time for some Misdreavus action.

haha wine dark seas someone has been reading the classics, I see

The doubles tournament seems like a great set-up for some classic drama, although I've seen your nervousness about writing a tournament arc that's still engaging while, you know, being by definition a shitton of battles. I think Aether mentioned the two things that I would've suggested, being 1) make the opponents actual characters instead of faceless antagonists and 2) focus on the Eve/Josh personal battles as well as the actual Pokemon battles, and I definitely think those are the most helpful bits of advice I can give/that you could hear.

My one real remaining question is more toward a women-only tournament. I get that it's great for the drama/you need a legit way to prevent Josh from joining/letting him join but doing so by being blatantly illegal, but I struggle to see the logic behind this in terms of in-universe mechanics. In the real world, sports tournaments are gendered because physical differences between men and women tend to necessitate a division between the two. As in, there is a physical reason in the competitors that prevents them from being on equal playing fields if they were not separated by gender. However, I don't think this really applies to Pokemon battling nearly as fluidly. What would force a separation of genders in a sport that involves telling other creatures to do all of the work for you? There's no real handicap for either men or women in this case, so why would there be massive tournaments organized to level a playing field that is already flat?

idk if this is some anime thing; I literally haven't watched since I was five, so I'm sorry, heh.

Otherwise, solid work so far, and sorry for the late. Oops.