Safe
It's been a while
- Joined
- Jun 9, 2010
- Messages
- 288
- Reaction score
- 2
Hi there So I read every chapter so far and I'll tell you what I think, though I might not be thorough, seeing as I'm going to review them as a whole and not separately. I will however tell you what I think of the prelude, and interlude, which I have just read.
Prelude: I found the way you describe bulbasaur in a pokeball intriguing, though it did raise a lot of questions. In my opinion the way the pokeball stores pokemon can be interpreted two ways. The first being compression and decompression of mass, which requires tremendous amounts of energy, justified by the fact that this is fantasy and not sci-fi. Th second is a pocket dimension (pun unintended), meaning the pokemon are transferred to a different space where they wait to be recalled. The way you describe it reminds me of the first possible method, with the exception of the pokemon still being conscious. I'm not going to tell you you're wrong, because there isn't a solid canon as far as I know, but I actually like the concept you describe.
Interlude: First of all I love how you don't mention Lugia once yet it is so obvious, just goes to show you how well written it is, and it is. It was short, but so full of emotion. I was sympathizing with the beast of the sea. Your description and execution of the action was impeccable. I really don't know what more to say.
Now to the main story. I want to start off with the setting and genre. I haven't seen many fics that take place in Johto, most people go with the Kanto, and those you don't go with the newer regions. I'm glad Johto isn't being completely neglected. Next the genre. Now at first glance it looks like a journey-fic, and it most definitely is, but you write the story in such a way, that it's not as much about the journey as much as it is about the characters. And I love that. You focus more on the raw character relationships, which is rarely seen in a classic journey-fic. This story really comes across, to me at least, as more of a "slice of life" than a "shounen" which is the more prominent form a journey-fic takes. And yet, your description of the journey is better than most. I'm really excited to see how this story plays out. I really hope you don't sacrifice the character driven story that this is with a plot twist that changes it into something cliche.
On another note, I really love how you give those small little details of everyday life in the pokemon world, which most writers ten to leave out. I also loved how you take unconventional roads from city to city, instead of the ones that we're forced to take in the games.
Now for the characters. Joshua, your main protagonist, seems like a guy you can easily relate to. He's a nerd, who isn't popular. He has problems communicating with his father. He doesn't want to stay in a dead-end job, even though he can't do much else. He really comes across as a more realistic character all-around, which is difficult to find is the fan-fiction world, where most people tend to exaggerate. Evelina also seems realistic. I mean, she basically lives with the same problems most people do in the real world; wanting to be different.
I do have a little problem with the pokemon. Actually it isn't with the pokemon themselves. You see, this being the realistic story that I find it to be, I don't understand why you didn't nickname the pokemon. I mean they shouldn't even be called nicknames in the real world. You don't call a dog, dog, for example. I just thought that it would've given this story an even greater sense of realism if the pokemon had names. Then again that's personal choice, and I suppose it can't be changed now.
Well, that's all I've got for now. I hope you continue with the same quality of writing, and even improve, because isn't that really why we do this?
Prelude: I found the way you describe bulbasaur in a pokeball intriguing, though it did raise a lot of questions. In my opinion the way the pokeball stores pokemon can be interpreted two ways. The first being compression and decompression of mass, which requires tremendous amounts of energy, justified by the fact that this is fantasy and not sci-fi. Th second is a pocket dimension (pun unintended), meaning the pokemon are transferred to a different space where they wait to be recalled. The way you describe it reminds me of the first possible method, with the exception of the pokemon still being conscious. I'm not going to tell you you're wrong, because there isn't a solid canon as far as I know, but I actually like the concept you describe.
Interlude: First of all I love how you don't mention Lugia once yet it is so obvious, just goes to show you how well written it is, and it is. It was short, but so full of emotion. I was sympathizing with the beast of the sea. Your description and execution of the action was impeccable. I really don't know what more to say.
Now to the main story. I want to start off with the setting and genre. I haven't seen many fics that take place in Johto, most people go with the Kanto, and those you don't go with the newer regions. I'm glad Johto isn't being completely neglected. Next the genre. Now at first glance it looks like a journey-fic, and it most definitely is, but you write the story in such a way, that it's not as much about the journey as much as it is about the characters. And I love that. You focus more on the raw character relationships, which is rarely seen in a classic journey-fic. This story really comes across, to me at least, as more of a "slice of life" than a "shounen" which is the more prominent form a journey-fic takes. And yet, your description of the journey is better than most. I'm really excited to see how this story plays out. I really hope you don't sacrifice the character driven story that this is with a plot twist that changes it into something cliche.
On another note, I really love how you give those small little details of everyday life in the pokemon world, which most writers ten to leave out. I also loved how you take unconventional roads from city to city, instead of the ones that we're forced to take in the games.
Now for the characters. Joshua, your main protagonist, seems like a guy you can easily relate to. He's a nerd, who isn't popular. He has problems communicating with his father. He doesn't want to stay in a dead-end job, even though he can't do much else. He really comes across as a more realistic character all-around, which is difficult to find is the fan-fiction world, where most people tend to exaggerate. Evelina also seems realistic. I mean, she basically lives with the same problems most people do in the real world; wanting to be different.
I do have a little problem with the pokemon. Actually it isn't with the pokemon themselves. You see, this being the realistic story that I find it to be, I don't understand why you didn't nickname the pokemon. I mean they shouldn't even be called nicknames in the real world. You don't call a dog, dog, for example. I just thought that it would've given this story an even greater sense of realism if the pokemon had names. Then again that's personal choice, and I suppose it can't be changed now.
Well, that's all I've got for now. I hope you continue with the same quality of writing, and even improve, because isn't that really why we do this?