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『大人になって、大事なものが見えた時』
nakaniwa no shoujotachi - SHISHAMO
lately i've been listening to music on repeat. every night. sometimes it's vocaloid (well, synthV)-style alt rock, sometimes it's pop punk (only once), and right now, today, it would be my quote for today. nakaniwa no shoujotachi by SHISHANO.nakaniwa no shoujotachi - SHISHAMO
music is a very nice thing, i think. when things are feeling good, or bad, or mostly anything in between, i tend to have a catalog in my head that matches the right thing to my mood.
for example, tonight feels very neutral? i can't exactly explain it well, maybe, other than saying that it's a fairly usual occurrence, i believe. the absence of deep sadness, or really sadness whatsoever, but not feeling noticeably happy. really, this absolutely isn't a bad thing, though :) that is just how i work sometimes. i am content with how things are currently, and the song i've been listening to on repeat for the past hour is very good.
in the times where i'm not feeling the best, i do tend to turn to more 'fluffy' music. and now wouldn't be an exception. i know i just said how i'm feeling isn't bad but... something to give me a boost of happiness is a good thing, right?
so when the bad feelings are happening, i tend to put on some j-rock. usually with female vocals because it feels comfier that way. so something like the peggies, or ORESKABAND, or SHISHAMO, that sort of thing.
and maybe it's a little funny, i tend to listen to japanese music quite a bit. and as my japanese has inevitably improved as a result of using it and learning more, little by little i've started to understand the songs i've listened to before. not much at times, maybe a lot at times, but having progress displayed to me in such a nonchalant fashion, like this, is a little nice.
the same kind of thing as if i'm talking in japanese with my teacher or something, i just know. it's quite strange, but of course i am very glad it's happening. something like a nice step in my goal.
a bit of a sudden thought, maybe, but i would classify the music i listen to when i am not feeling the best as 'shoujo' basically. shoujo means 'young girl' kind of, it's a type of manga and anime too. but that kind of music is my internal soundtrack for cheering up. my magical girl fuel :)
and well, i spend my nights like this now. ever since i started college (attending online), my schedule has actually been quite nice. i stay up until 1 AM (or later, i promise i am getting enough sleep), and then wake up at about 9 AM (or laterish). then, off to my one high school class.
i go by bike. it's annoying, and it almost makes me want to practice driving more (i do know how to drive), but...
i do have a fear of driving, somewhat. well, of being in cars, really.
car trips, long ones, magnify it a lot. and every time i get into a car, my mind forces myself to review the infetisimally small chance of impending harm coming to me.
so... it's something i just cannot do, really. i want to be safe. that includes being free from anxiety, too.
that may have been a bit of a tangent, but to be fair i don't really have much of an aim in typing out a post here :)
and now, time to respond to a message~ i am always happy to get them, especially from my big sis Blanc :)
lisianthus does feel that way, and maybe that's why i ended up picking it? it definitely feels natural. and like nature, too, i think. and yes, along with trying to make myself feel more comfortable in different ways, i hope that having a clean space will make things feel better also~takoyaki is a cute username, but Lisianthus feels very elegant and gentle!! both work great for you I think, but I hope a clean space also helps make a clean mind! I hope you don't mind if I sit here with you, Lisia!
and thank you very much for saying hello. i am incredibly grateful that i can always count on you to be here for me in some way or form, and it's a presence i always want by me of course :)
until...maybe a few weeks :)
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