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COMPLETE: The Missing One [T, mystery]

WanderingKalosan

Lv1 Author (Writer Wannabe)
Joined
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THE MISSING ONE
(A three part short story)

Synopsis: A young Pokémon trainer wakes up one day realizing that the world has been changed somehow. Furthermore an unknown person has disappeared. The trainer has no idea how this happened or who is the missing person - but he sets out to discover the truth. However his wealthy parents and/or their guests are watching and they might be involved...

Characters: Original ones, Valerie and Lillie (see below for more details)
Genre: Mystery / Drama
Rating: T (mild violence and swearing)

Author's notes:
The story follows mainstream Pokémon games continuity, NOT animé and manga ones (especially in regards to non-OC's character development). I have posted this story on my blog and a couple of other sites under both my pen names, WanderingKalosan and Marika_CZ.

Unlike my Strážce Giratiny (EN: Guardian of Giratina) project, this one has been written on a whim, with just proof reading (but little to no beta reading by native speakers). I am doing my best but English is not my native language. There might be some awkward sounding sentences or phrases here and there. I will be grateful if you point those out. I won't be offended as long as your criticism is polite.

The story is written in Whodunit style. The villain's identity is hidden and the main character investigates in an attempt to unmask them. Clues (both the right and the false ones) are scattered throughout the chapters/parts so that attentive, smart reader has a chance to unmask the villain themselves before the BIG REVEAL! scene occurs. I promise not to change the ending even if somebody figures it out (although if that is the case please don't spoil it for others - thank you!).

The image of Kaimi & Mew is a commission made by Mosby.
The Cornelly household, with their guests on the fateful Saturday
(Laverre City, Kalos):

Kaimi Cornelly (15)
Richard Cornelly (52): his father and Regional VP of Sales in Poké Ball Factory
Dana Cornelly (38): Kaimi's mother and Richard's wife, socialite

The guests:
Susan Vaughan (53): Richard's sister and semi-famous novelist
Simon Vaughan (58): Susan's husband and unsuccessful businessman

Valerie (age unknown): Lavarre City gym leader from Kalos
Lillie (age unknown): Lavender Town gym leader from Kanto

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Part 1
That fateful Saturday morning Kaimi opened his eyes. He realized something very strange: The world has changed somehow, as if some spiteful deity cast a spell over the whole region when everyone was asleep. The problem was he couldn't put his finger on it.

Something about the world felt off, yet he couldn't tell what exactly was different. Then there was another mystery - he was sure a person disappeared from the world, yet he couldn't tell who or how important they were.

And if all this was true, why on earth does he have these feelings of a change? Did this unknown force make a mistake? Or did it make him vaguely remember something was amiss - on a purpose? Kaimi got up but he didn't move away from his bed, lost in these strange thoughts. He started to recount some basic facts about his life to make sure he wasn't crazy.

He was still Kaimi Cornelly, a fifteen year old living with his rich parents in Kalos region. They recently moved from Lumiose City to Laverre City because his father wanted to be closer to his job, to which he was married more so than to Kaimi's mother.

His stern father Richard was the Regional Vice President of Sales in the Poké Ball Factory, aged fifty two. Nothing felt different about him. Maybe it was something about his yesterday party...

That's right, his yesterday's "party...,"
Kaimi thought.

It was the reason why they had guests sleeping over. To promote a new kind of Poké Ball that his company has been working on for the past two years, his father invited two gym leaders to their house to have an exhibition Pokémon battle using those very Poké Balls. The whole event was framed by a snobbish party with lots of fine talk and wine, complete with paparazzi joining in on the "fun." If it wasn't for the two gym leaders - Valerie and Lillie - and their spectacular battle that he cheered on, the whole evening would be just an excruciating exercise in boredom. Most guests left around midnight but Valerie and Lillie stayed overnight for their own reasons.

Kaimi of course knew all about gym leaders (being a Pokémon trainer himself). Lillie was his heroine and Valerie was a well known public figure around Kalos region - praised for her grace and fondness of fashion.

But the two famous gym leaders weren't the only party guests who slept over. Much to Kaimi's dismay, his father also invited his elder sister Susan along with her husband Simon. Just the thought of them made Kaimi groan.

Then again, Kaimi should be grateful - at least to his aunt. The only reason Lillie agreed to the exhibition match such a long way away from home was a chance to meet his aunt, whose books Lillie was apparently fan of. If only Kaimi wasn't so shy, a chance to meet his favorite gym leader would be incredible. He didn't want to appear to Lillie like a crazy fan. He was waiting for a natural looking excuse to talk to her instead. Valerie also accepted his father's invite for more or less personal reasons. She was good friend of his socialite mother Dana, who was her greatest supporter in Fairy Fashion Club that Valerie founded a year ago.

The more he thought of it the more a calculated move it looked like. His father Richard wanted to have expensive looking social event for minimal cost and with little effort. So he invited gym leaders who he knew wouldn't deny him nor cared about reward: Lillie, a fan of his sister's and Valerie, a good friend of his wife. That was typical cold pragmatism his father Richard was master of.

None of this felt unnatural on the surface, but Kaimi could tell there was some awkward detail missing. Or more precisely, a person was missing. And he just couldn't remember who it was.

Also why does the whole world feel natural and yet so off at the same time?
He looked around his room. There was a belt with a single Poké Ball on his desk, containing his Chatot called Axel. Pile of clothes was lying on the ground between the desk and the bed. Kaimi turned to his TV in the corner, with the console next to it. There was his laptop on top of a closet. His cell phone was lying on the windowsill. Everything felt right and normal.

Finally he went to bathroom to relieve himself and take a shower, but still couldn't brush off those odd thoughts. When he came back to his room and dressed in casual clothes, he realized it was already 10 AM. That meant he missed the group breakfast his father reminded everyone yesterday about - and which was planned for nine o'clock. He had mixed feelings about it. He was glad he missed the uptight snobbish environment, as well as his father and his aunt. On the other hand he also missed his chance to chat with Lillie and Valerie.

Feeling hungry, he went downstairs to see if he could snatch any leftovers. There was no one in the dining room, but he could hear his mother's and Valerie's voices over in the kitchen. There was also nervous shaky mumbling coming from his father's study - that must have been his uncle Simon. Kaimi quickly grabbed some toasts and a bowl with scrambled eggs. He started munching on it and with his mouth still full, he ran to the other side of the table to pour himself a cup of Latte.

Being alone and having nothing better to do, his mind returned to the two mysteries of this day. As he listened to his mother's and Valerie's voices, it suddenly downed on him. Oh yes! The missing one used to live in this house with them too! Why would somebody made a member of their household disappear? Who would even care about their family? Unless it was somebody in this household who had a grudge against somebody else... The discovery made him suddenly stop chewing the eggs and toasts and become worried.

This was feeling weirder by the minute. Kaimi felt like he was a character in a really cheesy mystery drama, whose author was some desperate amateur. The idea that somebody under this roof was actually some sort of mad, reality shaping deity, that was so petty it let another family member vanish for whatever reason, was funny at first. Then he thought about it some more and it started to feel more creepy than funny.

He swallowed the toasts and eggs, but he didn't feel hungry anymore. Kaimi shoved the plate with the rest of it away, unsure what to do next. However the longer he thought about it, the more it became evident there really was just a single course of action (unless he wanted to pretend everything was alright). According to his father's wishes he was going to be stuck whole day with his parents and their guests. He might as well take the opportunity and observe them. Does any of them behave in a weird way or suspiciously? Do they feel like a different person? Somebody in this house used some sort of crazy reality altering gizmo. There is no way they were going to be unaffected by the results, whether it was a success or a failure.

With this in mind he stepped inside kitchen to greet his mother and Valerie, intending to join their conversation. I will be able to watch them and their reactions closely that way, he thought.

Kaimi's mother Dana was ever so busy thirty eight year old socialite. Busy gossiping with fellow members of various hobby clubs she has been a prominent member of, that is. She was jobless and very much enjoying the privileges of having a rich husband. She started out as his father's secretary in his younger rocky days of his career. Who else would fall in love with such a corporate office suit and a workaholic? The only female who supported his ambitions on daily basis, while also being constantly there for him, helpful and caring: A secretary. To her credit, Kaimi preferred his mother over his father any day. At least she wasn't arrogant and it was possible to have a normal chat with her which wouldn't eventually turn into a lecture.

Kaimi opened the door and what he saw in the kitchen made him smile. It was like a scene from a sitcom. His mother Dana was talking and then talking more and then she kept talking. She had very excited face expression and barely let Valerie reply. She clasped her hands here and there and jumped a bit every time she mentioned something she considered thrilling (Good! His mother apparently didn't change in the slightest, he thought). Valerie was mostly listening and nodding. When allowed to say a word once in a while, she responded very politely - the elegance incarnated (she probably got used to Dana's schmoozing over the year they got to know each other).

"But sweetie! Really?" Kaimi's mother exclaimed clasping her hands again. "I NEVER would have guessed! Your Sylveon is such a cutie. Absolutely fabulous! I must say, great work!"

"Thank you, Dana-" Valerie tried to reply.

"But how did we get to your Pokémon? So silly of me," Kaimi's mother kept pouring more and more words from her mouth threatening to drown everyone in the room in them. "I wanted to ask you about that model you had worn yesterday - you know, before the battle. Such an AMAZING piece. Simply outstanding, sweetie! Did you design it yourself?"

"Well," Valerie took a breath to answer but wasn't allowed to elaborate anyway.

"Oh I thought as much!" Kaimi's mother squeaked like she just stumbled upon some exciting new gossip. "You are a fashion genius! Is there any chance I can get that model for myself? Pretty please? Oh sweetie don't torture me so! You know I have soft spot for your style..."

It was only then when Dana realized her son was in the room.

"Oh! Good morning, sleepyhead! Hee hee," she said, not even turning her head. Her eyes just moved from Valerie to him for s split of a second. Kaimi recognized this signal very well. That was his mother's subtle Not now, sweetie. One mustn't ruin a fun conversation with mom's friends.

"Hello, Kaimi." Valerie turned to him with heart-melting smile followed by a polite bow, Johto style.

Normally Kaimi would just give up and leave, but it was such a great opportunity to watch them both without being interrupted by the others.

"Um," he said, unsure how to even begin a coherent conversation (and hoping his mother won't just send him back to his room).

"Sweetie, was there something you needed? Mom is kinda busy here."

That was less subtle. Knowing her, Dana actually went offensive and was threatening to verbally check-mate him with the next sentence. Kaimi hesitated but Valerie's glowing, welcoming smile encouraged him to continue.

"Miss Valerie, sorry - I overheard you talking about your Sylveon..." he continued nervously. But then he said to himself, So what? Let's kill two Pidgeys with one Geodude. He will finally be able to talk to Valerie about her Pokémon, her training and at the same time he will be able to watch.

And so he did talk, ignoring his mother's annoyed glare. He asked about Sylveon's moveset, its diet, Laverre Gym training methods and more. He kept on asking anything that came to his mind. One opening and his mother would outmaneuver him and drown Valerie in questions about fashion instead. He kept at it as long as he could. He was never this chatty in his entire life and indeed surprised his mother and Valerie both. His mother, being a good sport deep down in her heart, eventually gave up on intimidating him and just smiled nicely, letting him chat with the gym leader in peace.

Kaimi managed to hold the tempo full uninterrupted six minutes straight. During that time he watched carefully Valerie's (and also his mother's) face expressions, body language and reactions. However he was disappointed in the end. His mother was her typical self and Valerie seemed genuinely nice, polite kind-hearted person with passion for Pokémon. However Kaimi didn't know Valerie very well, so this all could have been an impressive act. But it wasn't like he had an option to consult a psychology specialist. And so he simply summarized neither his mother nor Valerie act suspiciously, for now at least.

Both his mother and Valerie smiled when he left them in the kitchen (Out of kindness or out of relief he was leaving? he wondered). Well it was not a complete waste of time, he consoled himself. Well, they seem normal, but something still doesn't feel right. What about everyone else?

As he was leaving the kitchen he spotted his father coming in from the smoking room after his morning cigarette ritual. Kaimi didn't waste any time and dashed upstairs and back to his room. I'm not in the mood for THIS, he thought. If his father caught him, he would probably deliver an angry rant about being late for breakfast again. However he did notice his father looked a bit confused and lost in his own thoughts - which was probably why Kaimi wasn't called back.

His stern, moody father Richard was the Regional Vice President of Sales in the Poké Ball Factory, aged fifty two. Did we mention he was the Regional Vice President of Sales in the Poké Ball Factory? If not, not to worry - he will be sure to remind everyone. His job was extremely important, full of grave responsibility (and extremely dull). The only member of the Cornelly household who still genuinely cared for him was Tucker, his Herdier. A couple of years back that would also include Kaimi's mother Dana, but not anymore.

Back in his room, Kaimi grabbed his belt with Axel the Chatot's Poké Ball and put it on. Maybe I shouldn't have run here, he thought. Coward, he accused himself inwardly. You know you have to talk to him sooner or later.

As he was sitting there musing about his father, a noise at his room's door interrupted his thoughts quite abruptly. It sounded like a Pokémon cry, followed by a feminine "Oh you! Get back to the bag before somebody sees you!"

Kaimi rushed to the door and opened it, because he recognized the voice right away. It was Lillie, the famous Kanto gym leader... and much to his surprise, the legendary Pokémon Mew.
 
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Part 2
Kaimi was trying to comprehend a rather absurd image in front of him. Lillie the famous Kanto gym leader was in his house at his door... And she had Mew the legendary Pokémon in her possession.

Lillie was Kaimi's heroine, because from what he could find on-line and from the rumors, she originally didn't intend to be a Pokémon trainer at all. She only got into the battles as a personal quest for growing strong. Just like him! She also traveled a lot. After spending a childhood in Alola, she moved to Kanto and completing her Pokémon journey there, she became a gym leader in a new Lavender Town Gym. Her specialty was a fairy type.

Mew flew towards dumbfounded Kaimi playfully with a huge smile. However before it could do anything, Lillie called it back to one of her Poké Balls and quickly put it in her bag. "Why did you do that? You never left your Poké Ball on your own like that..." she said in direction of her bag.

Then Lillie realized Kaimi was staring at her and that she should probably explain herself.

"Oh, I am sorry," she said with a guilty smile. "You are lady Susan's nephew - Kaimi right? Nice to meet you!" She took his hand and shook it in a gesture of greeting. He was still looking at her bag, containing supposedly a mythical Pokémon, which was obviously very real (unless his eyes deceived him just a second ago).

"Please don't tell anyone. Will you promise?" Lillie looked at him with sad puppy eyes. "Me and Mew could get into trouble if anyone knew!"

"Eh... You have a legendary Pokémon..." He finally managed to open his mouth and say something coherent. He still felt a bit dizzy from the unexpected revelation.

"Yes, and you mustn't tell anyone, please. I don't want anyone to hurt it again. Some weird people had hunted it in the past, you know? Rumors say they used its DNA to artificially create some terrifying Pokémon. Mew doesn't deserve that! I will keep it safe and hidden."

Kaimi listened to her and thought it was probably the most humble, altruistic approach towards a legendary Pokémon he ever heard. His heroine was even more impressive than he thought. If he owned a Mew, he would definitely brag about it everywhere.

"I don't get it... Why did Mew just leave the Poké Ball and went down the hall like that?" Lillie asked, interrupting Kaimi's thoughts. "Gosh, that reminds me of Alola a few years back. I wonder how Nebby is doing...?" She became lost in her memories, not realizing she was confusing her host's son again.

"Uh... Alright, I guess," Kaimi said.

"Alright what?"

"You have my promise. I won't tell anyone," he explained."

"Oh, thank you! You are the best!" She smiled again.

Kaimi realized this was another good opportunity. Now that Lillie owed him a little bit, he could ask her anything he always wanted (as well as watch if there was anything odd about her). And he did. Like with Valerie before, he buried Lillie with questions about herself and her Pokémon.

They lost track of time, talking about Lillie's journey through Kanto and how she became a gym leader there. Lillie was visibly happy to share the story and as far as Kaimi could say, there was nothing suspicious about her either, except for her legendary Pokémon. Wait. Could THAT be related to what is going on? Nah. He just couldn't imagine Lillie as some insane mastermind with reality altering powers. That was just ridiculous. If anything, she would be a victim of it. Heck, the fact she met and caught a Mew could be the great change I felt before.

Kaimi's parents and Valerie appeared upstairs and began walking towards them, possibly heading for the living room. It meant they would pass by him and Lillie. Kaimi moaned inwardly. He should have invited Lillie inside his room, instead of just chatting in the hall. Now he had to deal with his father. But this day was apparently full of never ending surprises. His father barely noticed him as he walked by with Kaimi's mother and Valerie. He was frowning and lost in his thoughts, looking worried. Kaimi's mother and Valerie just smiled as they passed Lillie and her eagerly listening fan, following Kaimi's father to the living room.

Lillie's bag suddenly rocked, making her stop in the middle of excited description of Saffron City Gym.

"Oh no, now what?!" Lillie whispered, expecting Mew to come out of a Poké Ball again. However it didn't and nothing else happened. Kaimi's parents and Valerie disappeared behind the corner in the meantime. Lillie hurriedly finished her description, noting: "I really have to go now. I promised Mr. Cornelly to join him and Valerie at 11 AM."

And with that she ran after the group that just passed, shouting "It was nice to talk to you, Kaimi!" before she disappeared too. Kaimi was left alone with his thoughts again.

He didn't think there was anything wrong with Lillie (except for Mew of course). Instead he grew interested in his father's behavior today. Unlike his mother and the gym leaders, he sure was acting strange. Moping around the house absent minded and frowning silently - that was definitely not the father he knew. Could he be behind it? He sure was a person used to get what he wanted. If there was something he desired, he would lay out a perfect plan with precise timing - no matter how daring - and then execute it with the cool stoicism. And then he would tell everyone how very clever that was. On the other hand, he would never turn into an absent minded worrier - not even if the plan ended in a failure. Something must have bothered him a lot. Maybe his scheme had unexpected results, or by-products? Or perhaps the great change affected his personality somehow? Well, there is one way to find out - let's go see him and force a civil chat. Then again, he had something to discuss with the gym leaders. Interrupting them during business talk didn't seem like the best idea.

A hand landed on Kaimi's shoulder making him jump in a surprise. It was his mother, Dana.

"Sweetie, are you alright?" she asked with a concerned face. She evidently left Kaimi's father to talk work with the gym leaders alone and came back to check on him instead. "You know, you are acting strange today. Is something the matter?"

He wasn't sure if he should tell her about his feelings on the mysterious change. He didn't want her to think he was crazy, but he also had to say something to placate her. So he gave her a short, vague version about his suspicions. He mentioned that it was probably nothing, hoping she would brush it off.

"That sounds kinda odd." his mother said, still concerned. "You are making your mom nervous, sweetie. Please don't do anything rash or dangerous, okay?"

He promised her that, despite not having any intentions to keep the promise. His mother then left him with much more optimistic look, going to the stairs and picking up her cell phone on the way.

As soon as she was out of the sight, Kaimi went to find his aunt and uncle. His father was busy with the gym leaders at the time, so he decided to use the time by talking to the other two people on his imaginary list. However it actually took quite a lot of effort to find his visiting relatives. Kaimi heard his uncle downstairs in his father's study before, but now there was no one in the room. There was no one in the dining room, the smoking room or the entrance hall either. Only the kitchen wasn't empty; he could hear his mother on the phone with someone. Kaimi walked to the garden to look around. He had no luck there either. There was only Tucker, his father's Herdier. It was chasing some Fletchlings and barking loudly. A couple of Vivillons was flying over the flowers near the odd decorative well. Kaimi returned to the house. His aunt and uncle must be upstairs then.

"Good morning, is this Pixie Dust...?" He overheard his mother making another call from the kitchen as he ran up the stairs.

He almost bumped into his uncle who was just leaving bathroom with his cell phone at his ear.

"Sorry!" Kaimi exclaimed.

Aunt Susan's husband Simon was a fifty eight years old quiet nervous wreck. He has been everything really - a retail owner, an accountant, a business middle manager (not for long), a security guard (much longer), his wife's editor (for about two weeks), and also "mental health consultant" - a title nobody understood. The only role in his life he didn't fail at, was his wife's obedient and supportive care taker.

"Damnit, boy! Watch your step!" his uncle Simon shouted. Then he calmed down and started to look nervous and worried. "W-what are you doing here anyway? Listening on private conversations?"

"What?" Kaimi replied, confused. "No, I wasn't-"

"Silence! Now run along you. I, uh... need to make some, erm... calls. With someone. None of your business!"

Well, another person who acts weird today,
Kaimi thought as he walked away, leaving his uncle alone. He looked back and realized his uncle was eying him with a very strange face expression. It seemed like a mixture of concern, surprise and... something else. The problem was he couldn't put his finger on it.

Finally Kaimi passed his room, walked around the corner, passed the living room (hearing his father's and Lillie's voices, but not Valerie's for some reason) and arriving at the guest bedroom. That specific one was used by his aunt and uncle. Kaimi thought his aunt might be inside. Hopefully I will be able to talk to her alone. He was thinking of some excuse to start the conversation as he knocked on the door. When his aunt's voice invited him in, he opened it.

His aunt Susan was fifty three years old semi-famous fiction writer who thought art overshadowed every single other aspect of human existence. She was such a snob that Kaimi's father paled in comparison. In fact he suspected his father may have spent his entire life trying to impress her and has just kept failing. Aunt Susan couldn't be ever impressed by anything simply because she considered herself too great and her work too flawless for mortal beings to comprehend (even though her younger brother was much more wealthy these days).

"Ah, it's you," Kaimi's aunt noted disappointingly when he walked in. She sat behind a desk with her laptop open. "Is it time for lunch already?" Before he could reply, she scanned his casual outfit from tip to toe and continued with an audible annoyance: "Are you going to the town in THAT? Dear Arceus..."

"Um, no - not lunch, I mean," Kaimi reacted. "I just thought I could ask you something. Please?"

"Oh?" She raised her eyebrows. "I can't imagine you and me having anything in common, boy. But sure, I will humor you. Ask your question."

Screw you too,
he thought. As superior and better than everyone as ever!

"It is about Lillie. I understand you two have talked?" He said aloud, desperately trying to control his real emotions. His aunt Susan, whose attention went back to the on-line review of her latest book in the meantime, looked back at him again and chuckled.

"Puberty is such a lovely phase of the childhood. This is exactly why I never wanted to have children. Shouldn't you talk about that with your father instead?" she ranted, obviously losing interest fast and reading the review again.

Definitely screw you,
he thought.

"That is not what I meant," Kaimi sighed. So far it was his aunt at her best - no changes there. He wanted to continue but his aunt suddenly looked at him again, this time with a very stern look in her eyes.

"No, you didn't. I doubt you even knew what you wanted yourself. What is this? You never talk to me, unless you have to. Now you suddenly walk on me and ask these random questions about that annoying pest of a girl - Lillie, was it? What are you playing at, boy? What are you really up to?"

Very definitely screw you
, he thought and realized it might be a good idea to retreat for now. Caught off guard, he mumbled some lame excuse and started to slowly walk back.

"Right," his aunt said, obviously not convinced and suspicious of him. Her eyes kept watching him until he closed the door behind him.

Ugh, that didn't go so well,
Kaimi thought. But at least he knew his aunt was completely her usual self and less likely to be involved in this. He walked back to his room, closed the door behind him and sat on the bed. What now? Should he wait for his father to be alone and have a chat with him too? Kaimi wasn't exactly thrilled by the idea, especially after the unpleasant talk with his aunt Susan.

Kaimi heard voices passing his door. Lillie was asking something excitedly and received a grumpy, short answer (from aunt Susan, most likely). Valerie then promptly asked something else, probably in an attempt to avoid a tense conversation. So, the two gym leaders left... Father is alone right now. I guess it is now or never, he thought.

He waited until the three women's voices moved to the stairs. Then he left his room. He headed for the living room. Once at its doorstep, he could hear his father walking in the room. But before he knocked on the door, he heard his uncle shouting. It came from the guest room where Kaimi talked to his aunt just a while ago. Curious, Kaimi approached the guest room door and listened.

"I AM CALM, OKAY?!" Uncle Simon yelled. Then he probably realized he was being too loud, because his next sentence was quieter and notably more nervous. Kaimi had to hug the door to hear him clearly.

"Look, I... I don't know how. But he does know. All that snooping around... I guess he found something. Now he knows. I can't go on like this. We have to do something about him..."

Kaimi made a few steps back in a shock, driving off the urge to gasp loudly. Uncle Simon? The nervous wreck who could never do anything right? No way! At yet, what I heard seconds ago was pretty much a proof of guilt.

He kept backing until he was at the door to the living room again. What to do?! It just occurred to him he never thought about what he would do, if he ever discovered the truth. How was he supposed to revert anything that uncle Simon changed?

Heck, how do I even make people believe I'm not crazy?
He thought.

As he was standing there, feeling lost and helpless, the door to the living room opened.

"Oh! It is you, Kaimi." It was his father, still looking a bit absent minded and worried. "Actually this is a good timing. Would you come to the living room, please? I need to have a word with you."

Kaimi was so dumbfounded he followed his father obediently without a single word. He didn't know what was his father's problem today, but he no longer cared. He needed to tell someone about what he discovered...

"There is something I wanted to ask you. It might sound odd..." His father said.

It was so strange. His father Richard looked and sounded more like Kaimi's constantly nervous uncle Simon than his normal self. Just what's your deal? the boy thought.

"Is... I mean... Doesn't it feel like something is different today?"

Kaimi looked at him and his jaw dropped.

"It feels like there is something or someone I have forgotten. Am I losing my mind? Am I alone in this? Don't you feel the same?"

"Y-you too?!" Kaimi exclaimed, awestruck.

"Ah!" His father gasped. "I knew it! Something IS wrong!"

Almost in the same moment they heard hurried footsteps behind the door. Before Kaimi could even realize what it meant, his father was at the door in a flash and opened it wide.

"They are gone. Whoever spied on us is a pretty fast runner." His father frowned. He closed the door again and walked to Kaimi with a concerned look.

"So, how about you tell me all you know? Then we can decide what to do," his father said.

Kaimi hesitated at first and thought about it. All that he witnessed today made it most likely that his uncle was the culprit and his father was just an affected bystander like himself. And Kaimi did need an ally right now. His uncle sounded like he was aware of Kaimi's little investigation.

"Alright," the boy sighed. Then he gave his father a short version of his morning activity. The more he said the more his father frowned. When Kaimi got to the point of overhearing his uncle Simon, his father interrupted him.

"Oh, Simon? No... That can't be. That incompetent fool never did anything right in his entire life. Although I suppose that would explain why this 'reality warp' wasn't perfect," he grimaced.

Now that was a spark of his father's usual self. Kaimi couldn't help but remember his aunt. The family resemblance was uncanny.

His father continued: "No, what concerns me more is who did Simon talk to on that phone call?"

That is actually a very good question
, Kaimi thought. He was so taken aback by what he heard that he didn't even think about such important details.

"Hm, according to our schedule we are all supposed to attend lunch," his father continued. "That might actually be a good opportunity for me to watch everyone myself." He then looked directly into his son's eyes. "I will need your help. We need to come up with some sort of plan. Who says what, what to ask at what moment, how to follow up on that and such."

Kaimi raised his eyebrows, but for the first time in his life he was glad his father was telling him what to do. It was so comforting and reassuring knowing that someone else was willing to come up with ideas, and that Kaimi wasn't completely alone in this whole mess.

"Tell you what," his father whispered all of the sudden. "We can't talk privately here. I mean somebody already heard us for Arceus' sake. Let's meet in the garage. Wait for me until I tell everyone lunch is delayed for half an hour and then we can talk there alone."

Kaimi agreed and watched his father leave to gather everyone. He followed him out of the room soon after that and headed for the garage.

As he was standing there alone waiting for his father, he became lost in thoughts again. Everything that happened this morning was so overwhelming. He recounted some of his conversations with the others in his head, hoping to find some detail that might eluded him. They still didn't figure out who was the missing person, after all.

Kaimi was so lost in his thoughts he didn't hear footsteps behind him. Being completely oblivious to his surroundings, he didn't realize a person entered the garage and was now walking to him slowly. The person eyed him angrily, with a Poké Ball in their right hand, being ready to send out their Pokémon at any time.

In fact the person intended to give their Pokémon an unusual command: To kill Kaimi.
 
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Part 3
Kaimi was standing in the garage, waiting for his father. He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t even realize somebody had approached him from behind.

A Poké Ball landed behind Kaimi with an audible thud. It took Kaimi just two seconds to snap to reality, but that was already too late.

“Giga Drain!”

Kaimi was hit by a grass Pokémon move before he could turn around to face his attacker. The move sapped all his strength away. He suddenly felt very weak and collapsed to the ground on his hands and knees. He stared at the floor, his limbs hurting and shaking. He struggled just to stay conscious. His vision became a bit blurry as he heard noise, footsteps and shouting.

“You are unbelievable. You actually thought you could get away with this?!”

Was it his father’s voice? With a lot of effort, Kaimi raised his head. It was indeed his father, standing right in front of him and looking furious.

No! This can’t be, not after- Kaimi was confused. Did his father lie to him before? Did he make Kaimi believe he was trustworthy just to trick him?

Then the boy realized his father was staring furiously at somebody behind Kaimi’s back.

“Dana, you have hurt him. Stop this madness at once… And I just might let you walk away without calling the police.”

“I don’t think so, sweetie,” Kaimi’s mother’s voice replied from somewhere behind him. The boy instantly froze in utter shock.

“You see, I have come very far to stop now. When would I ever get such an opportunity again? It is either all or nothing for me,” she explained. What horrified Kaimi the most was that his mother Dana was still talking with that same energetic socialite tone - like she was still schmoozing Valerie about her Friday dress. He almost expected her to clasp her hands in excitement.

“Serperior! Use Leaf Blade!” She yelled and this time she sounded dead serious.

Kaimi instinctively covered his head with his arms, expecting to be hit and hurt. But instead his father screamed in pain and fell down right in front of him. Kaimi panicked. Was his father dead?! He was lying on his back, arms spread, and wasn’t moving. His head was turned away from Kaimi. It was impossible to say for sure.

“Wrap!”

A nimble strong snake-like body suddenly coiled around him, forcing Kaimi to stand on his knees, arching back a bit. Serperior’s muscular body started to squeeze his body and chest, making it harder for him to breathe.

In the meantime, his mother Dana walked around him and his father on the floor and looked directly to Kaimi’s eyes.

“Sweetie, I warned you, didn’t I? I distinctly remember asking you not to do anything rash or dangerous. You should have listened to me,” she said once again in her chatty socialite voice, like she was commenting on the weather.

Dana walked right to the boy, kneeling on the floor in pain and being crushed by her Serperior’s muscular body. She gently grabbed his chin in a gesture of fake affection and said: “You do realize this is all your fault, don’t you? You are forcing my hand in all of this.”

She bended over so their faces were barely an inch apart.

“You wouldn’t stop. You would ruin my perfect new world,” she whispered to him. Her face changed from cheerful conversational one to an angry, disgusted one.

“Well forget it, you worthless little piece of shit. I will kill you first…!”

Kaimi was speechless. However being so close and looking directly to her eyes made him realize something important. Those eyes… they were not…

“Y-you…” he whispered, in pain. He could barely breathe and even talking itself hurt.

“What is it, sweetie?” She switched back to her fake chatty mom voice, mocking him.

“You are… not.. m-my mother…” he gasped.

She didn’t respond, but she frowned and let go of Kaimi’s chin. She stepped back.

“Oh, that. I wondered how did you and Richard figure out something was changed. It didn’t make sense for you to remember Rachel…”

Rachel? What was the woman in front of him rambling about? But he had to admit the name sounded familiar to him now that she mentioned it. Was “Rachel” the missing person?

“However,” Dana continued ranting, “since you do and at the same all those ridiculous Pokémon exist in real life… I think it is not that hard to figure out the culprit behind all this mess.”

She grabbed another Poké Ball at her belt and sent out her other Pokémon. And unless Kaimi’s eyes were deceiving him, that Pokémon was Jirachi.

Jirachi looked at Dana with a cute smile – for a split second, before she roughly grabbed the little Pokémon by its neck and made it squeak in pain.

“You!” Dana hissed with an accusatory tone. “You did this on purpose, didn’t you? I did my research today before breakfast… and I don’t recall anything like this. Your wishes aren’t supposed to work just partially… nor should you add your own personal flavor to them…”

Kaimi was confused. His entire body ached and he could no longer breathe.

“I said I wanted the world changed… and you interpreted that wish as a desire to merge our world with the Pokémon one. But that was YOUR wish, not mine! You cheeky little dodger. Why would you care about Rachel is beyond me, though.”

She was choking Jirachi at this point.

Kaimi thought he was going to die. He could feel Serperior squeezing all his life out. But then it happened. A determined, aggressive Pokémon cry sounded behind Dana. It was followed by feminine, “Oh no, get back to my bag before somebody sees you!”

Mew flew in the garage, followed by worried Lillie.

Mew’s eyes found Kaimi, then moved to Serperior hurting him. A very angry expression appeared on the otherwise cute Pokémon’s face. Mew attacked before anyone could say anything or react to the sudden intrusion. A wave of barely visible energy burst through the air and hit Serperior right between its eyes. The snake-like Pokémon cried in pain, releasing Kaimi in the process. The boy fell down to his hands and knees again, panting heavily.

Lillie was looking at the whole scene completely taken aback. Her eyes moved from Mew, to Kaimi and Serperior, to the boy’s father lying on the ground, and finally to Dana with her hands still on Jirachi’s throat.

“Mrs. Cornelly?! Explain yourself!” Lillie shouted, still in shock. She instinctively reached for her Poké Balls.

Dana realized her situation was very quickly escalating far beyond her control. Under the pressure and being desperate, she decided to attack Lillie too.

“Serperior! Leaf Blade again!!” she shouted looking completely mad.

“Mew, use Psychic again!” Lillie countered, completely switching to her gym leader fighting mode. She also looked at Kaimi and his father worried, and threw one of her Poké Balls in their direction. “Use Floral Healing on those two, please,” she said just as a Comfey appeared.

While Comfey was tending to Kaimi and his father’s injuries, Dana’s Serperior and Lillie’s Mew clashed. The snake-like Pokémon formed a giant leaf in the shape of a sword. Mew tried to avoid it and use Psychic at the same time. However Serperior carefully waited for the psychic Pokémon to move and swung its blade only after that. Mew was hit hard and hurting, it cried.

“Giga Drain!” Dana commanded.

Mew got hold of itself however, flew up to the ceiling to avoid the next attack – and to obey Lillie’s command. Another wave of invisible energy cut through the whole garage. Serperior was hit harder than before and sent flying back to Dana’s feet.

“No!” Dana yelled and pierced Lillie with death glare.

Serperior stayed on the floor, clearly fainted.

“Mrs. Cornelly,” Lillie said, intending to offer her a chance to surrender peacefully. Dana didn’t wait however. She simply started running to the back entrance, which she used before to sneak up on Kaimi.

“She is going to escape!” Kaimi’s father shouted. He and his son were back on their feet again, feeling better after being healed.

“Oh no!” Lillie lamented. “I wish we could stop her somehow…”

Jirachi, still floating near her and watching whole fight puzzled, turned to her and smiled. In the next second, Dana was teleported back – with hands behind her back and handcuffs on. Everybody gasped in their surprise – everybody but Kaimi.

He looked at Jirachi and suddenly a lot of things started to make sense. Jirachi was very rare mythical Pokémon who had the power to grant wishes (at least according to the rumors). Whatever this Dana did was accomplished by Jirachi granting her wish…

Mew flew down to Kaimi’s father Richard, startling him a bit. It smiled at him, then playfully circled around him a couple of times. Then it looked at Kaimi and circled around him too, before appearing right in his face with a huge smile.

Those eyes…

Mew then saddened and flied to Jirachi. The two mythical Pokémon exchanged couple of excited sentences in Pokémon speak, confusing everyone including Dana in handcuffs. Mew smiled again and flew to the garage door, followed closely by grinning Jirachi.

When Mew realized the humans were all just standing there, staring, it turned around and waved at them.

“I… I think Mew wants us to follow them to the garden,” Lillie blurted out.

“Yeah,” Kaimi said and looked at his father.

“Don’t worry about me,” Richard said. “I will keep an eye on her,” he jerked his head in Dana’s direction. “You two go with the Pokémon. I will call the police in the meantime.”

Lillie thanked her Comfey and called it back to its Poké Ball. She then joined Kaimi.

Two mythical Pokémon flew out of garage, followed by Kaimi and Lillie. The boy and Kanto gym leader ran after them across almost entire lot.

“I think they're leading us to the wishing well!” Kaimi shouted, looking back at Lillie.

He was right. Mew and Jirachi flew near a well standing in the corner of the garden. Kaimi and Lillie caught up with them couple of seconds later, gasping for air after the unexpected jogging exercise.

“Phew… So what it is you wanted to show us, you rascals?” Lillie asked the Pokémon when she composed herself a bit.

Mew flew to them and touched Kaimi’s and Lillie’s hands with its paws. It also touched Jirachi with its tail. It then closed its eyes and concentrated. Jirachi began to glow, as Mew established a mental link among all four of them. From Kaimi's perspective, all their surroundings began to glow too.

Then everything faded away, and all of them were standing in the middle of what seemed to be an outer space.

Oh, my memories!
Jirachi squeaked excitedly. That's right, this is how it all started!

Kaimi and Lillie jumped in surprise. They didn't expect to understand a Pokémon speak.

"D-did you hear that too?!" Kaimi turned to Lillie.

"Yeah! It must be Mew's psychic abilities..." she replied.

Of course it's me,
Mew chuckled, turning to them both and startling them some more. We are now going to experience Jirachi's memories. You need to understand everything that happened.

"Actually, we have kinda figured it out," Kaimi said, looking at Mew nervously.

You don't know the half of it. Trust me. This will be worth your time,
Mew said, smiling playfully. Now look over there! It pointed behind them.

Kaimi and Lillie turned around to see an interesting scene. Jirachi's former self was in argument with another legendary Pokémon - Hoopa. They didn't see the reason of the quarrel, only its consequences.

You will regret that!
Hoopa yelled and opened a wormhole behind Jirachi. The steel Pokémon was unceremoniously sucked in and transported to a different plane of existence. The world Jirachi landed in turned out to be familiar. The outer space surroundings changed to accommodate its memory. They were now standing on the Cornelly lot again - complete with the garden and the wishing well. Yet something felt different.

No, not here!
Jirachi of the memory lamented with a sad face. The World without Pokémon... How can I ever go back?

"World without Pokémon?!" Kaimi and Lillie exclaimed in unison, looking at each other confused.

Yes,
Mew confirmed. Me and Kaimi here come from the world where Pokémon exist only as fictional creatures. But that world was merged with the world that you hail from, Lillie...

Lillie just blinked in surprise, not sure what to say.

Kaimi was confused even more. He said: "Wait, what do you mean YOU and me come from the world without Pokémon? That doesn't make any sense. You are a Pokémon yourself."

Mew saddened, looking like it was going to cry any minute now. You will see for yourself soon enough. Just watch Jirachi's memories.

They did just that. Watching the scene around them, Kaimi realized it was definitely a Friday promotional party at their house that his father Richard threw for his company. Many people were walking in the distance. One could hear lots of noise - people speaking, music playing, occasional laughter. One creepy thing about the entire view was a complete lack of Pokémon or anything related to them.

Jirachi's memory self was flying around with sad look, not sure what to do. Then one of the party guests left the crowds and walked to the wishing well, apparently looking for a quiet spot where they could be left alone. Jirachi of the past looked scared and flew behind the well to hide itself. In the meantime, the guest arrived at the well and took out their cell phone to make a very private call. It was Kaimi's uncle Simon.

"Honey, we have a problem," uncle Simon whispered to the phone. "I may be wrong but I think somebody who works for my wife saw us together. I just... I don't know. If Susan ever learns about this she will divorce me that very day and kick me out of the house. You know how she is..."

The reaction from the phone evidently didn't please Kaimi's uncle. He said: "How can you be so casual about this?! That guy is actually here at the party. Snooping around and always close to Susan. Wh-what if he really knows?!"

"Is that what it was all about?!" Kaimi suddenly exclaimed, feeling like an idiot. Mew, Jirachi and Lillie turned to him, looking puzzled.

"I overheard my uncle threatening to do something about someone who was 'snooping around.' I assumed he was talking about me. But all this time, it was just him having an affair... Geez..."

Kaimi's eyes started to sparkle rebelliously when he realized he could use the information later, after this mess was resolved.

They all heard the sound of footsteps behind uncle Simon, and so did the man himself. He quickly whispered "Have to go, call you later" to the phone and walked away. The two people who came to the well were Kaimi's father and a middle aged plump lady. Mew saddened again.

"Oh shoot!" the lady exclaimed, sounding rather disappointed. "I was hoping someone was there using my wishing well." She sighed. "I guess I am the only one who likes making wishes."

"Rachel, darling, of course," Kaimi's father laughed. "You are the only woman in the town who has the right spirit and a mindset to appreciate such a wonderful object..."

Kaimi was just standing there amazed. Was his father having an affair too? No, wait... Something was horribly wrong here. Rachel... Wasn't that the name Dana mentioned before? He continued to stare at the scene, expecting something terrible to happen.

"Oh Richard, you are making fun of me again, aren't you?" Rachel laughed back.

"Not at all," Kaimi's father obviously lied, still bemused. "In fact, isn't it time for that thing to prove its worth? Go ahead and make your wish, darling."

"I still think you are just teasing me," she reacted, pretending to be upset, but winking back at him. "But you know what, fine. Time for a wish!"

She walked to the wall, with past Jirachi still hiding on the other side of it.

"I wish that people who love me will never forget me, no matter what," she said, with a serious face and her eyes closed. Jirachi behind the wall smiled adorably and granted her wish. The change was so subtle that there wasn't any sound nor a light effect. But it was a huge change nonetheless.

"That's it?" Kaimi's father said, confused. "No eternal life? No world peace?"

"Oh please." She turned around and smiled. "I just want to be happy. And now I know I always will be."

"Hmph. You should know I would never forget you, darling," he said with his arms crossed.

"Oh I know, sweetie," she said, smiling.

Another sound of footsteps. Richard and Rachel turned around to face the arriver. It was Dana.

"Mr. Cornelly, would you mind going over the repor- oh!" she said, surprised to find her boss with someone else.

"Dana! Good timing, actually," Kaimi's father said. "I think it is about time for the two of you to be formally introduced... This is Rachel, my wife."

Kaimi gasped and stepped back. He was too fascinated by what he was seeing and hearing to do anything else. Lillie was shocked too, standing there and covering her wide open mouth with both hands.

Kaimi's father turned to Rachel and said: "Darling, this lady is Dana Peterson, my secretary you have heard so much about."

Rachel giggled like a little girl and clasping her hands, she said: "Oh so you are that kind, smart Ms. Peterson. We have talked several times on the phone. So lovely to see you in person!"

Dana watched Rachel's giggling and awkwardness with raised eyebrows, but before she could appear rude, a professional warm smile appeared on her face. So you are that annoying hysterical woman who always makes my work more difficult that it needs to be, Dana thought. Did Cornelly actually marry this fat childish thicko?

Aloud, she actually said: "Nice to meet you Mrs. Cornelly. We did talk indeed. You are always checking on Mr. Cornelly, always worried about him." Combined with Dana's smile, it sounded like Rachel's unintended intrusions were the most charming of delights.

"Please, call me Rachel," Richard's wife said, jumping excitedly as if she was just making a new best friend forever. For a split second one could see Dana's eyebrows raising, before the mask of professionalism fell back.

Lady, you will be easy to parody and mock if I ever get the chance,
Dana thought.

Rachel then started to ramble about something silly, unintentionally annoying her husband's secretary further.

So this is it?
Dana thought. I work my ass everyday, licking boots and dealing with the stuff Cornelly is too lazy to be bothered with? But you have everything brought to you on a silver platter. You don't have to lift a hand and get to chat with your bimbo friends all day, but you will still have more money then I could ever earn. ...I hate you.

"...but then we arrived ten minutes late," Rachel was still prattling. "You simply CAN'T imagine the embarrassment..."

Screw you.


"...and I wanted to invite you too then, but then I realized you probably wouldn't feel comfortable with such uptight self-important higher-ups..."

I hate you, bitch.


"Oh dear! Richard, look at the time. Isn't it time for the raffle?" Rachel suddenly stopped her awkward rant.

"Right," Kaimi's father confirmed. "Dana, please excuse us. I am free to talk to you in half an hour if you needed to discuss anything."

And with that they left, leaving bitter Dana behind alone. She looked at the well and snorted.

A wishing well. What kind of dumb idiot puts such a thing in their garden?


"Too bad it doesn't work," Dana said under her breath, bemused. "Because I have a wish myself right now. I wish I could switch places with that stupid bitch. Rachel. Actually, I want her gone like she never existed... Yes, if only I could change the whole world like that..."

Kaimi and Lillie exchanged amazed looks.

Jirachi behind the well frowned. That is not a very nice wish... But I have to... Oh! Maybe if I do THIS, I can actually get home that way!

Jirachi flew upwards, scaring Dana to death in the process. It closed its eyes and focused. This was a huge change and required lot of work.

"W-what are you!" Dana gasped. But instead of an answer, she got to see for herself.

A glowing circle appeared around Dana and Jirachi. Then, as the steel Pokémon spread its tiny limbs, the circle started to gradually expand, slowly engulfing everything around them.

Poké Balls appeared at Dana's belt. A couple of fireflies near the well changed into Volbeats and Illumises. A Fox Terrier sitting in the kennel was turned into a Herdier. The circle's borders became so wide they engulfed entire Cornelly lot. A tennis court was changed into small Pokémon battling arena. Two women playing a match there, with people cheering on them, were turned into Lillie and Valerie. Dana watched it all, amazed. So did Kaimi and Lillie.

The circle border spread behind the lot and engulfed entire city. A fancy clothes shop changed into a Pokémon gym. A textile manufacturing plant behind the town changed into Poké Ball Factory. Several houses around the town changed to reflect the look of Laverre City in Pokémon games. "Star Dust" pub was turned into "Pixie Dust" restaurant. Apparently the circle expanded even further, far beyond the city.

“Well, well, well,” Dana said, thrilled, as she was turning to face the little miracle worker.

Jirachi finally opened its eyes again and smiled naively. Yay! And now I don’t have to get home. I AM home!

A Poké Ball flashed through the air, hitting Jirachi in the head. The wish granting Pokémon cried as it was sucked into the capsule. The catching device rocked a few times before falling right into Dana’s hands.

Dana was looking at the Poké Ball, saying: “You, my friend, will be such a great help. I will find out all I can about you and your fellow creatures. And then we will talk more about some further changes… Yeah…”

Kaimi and Lillie watched, completely frozen from all the revelations. They heard hurried footsteps behind Dana. Just like her, they turned around. It was Kaimi’s father.

“Darling, where have you been?” he called to Dana. “Did you forget about the raffle? Please come with me, all those good people are waiting for us…”

“Oh… I see… Yes… Of course I will come with you, ‘sweetie’…” Dana said, grinning devilishly. I wonder if he even remembers Rachel? I need to know for sure…

They walked back to the house to greet their guests, leaving Kaimi, Lillie, Mew and present Jirachi there. The memory ended and their surroundings turned back to their today’s morning appearance. They were back.

“Wait, is that it?” Kaimi looked around confused. “What happened to Rachel?”

Oh. Mew saddened and flew to him. You still don’t remember, sweetie?

Did you just call me “sweetie?” he said to himself. Also, those eyes of yours… So familiar…

“M-mom?!” Kaimi jumped in a shock.

Oh! You do remember! Mew smiled and circled around Kaimi a few times excitedly. Dana wanted me gone, but Jirachi didn’t have the heart to make me just disappear. So it turned me into a Mew instead and sent me to Lillie.

“M-me? Why me?” Lillie asked.

You have been kind to legendary Pokémon before, “Mew” explained. Sweetie, you have quite a reputation – especially in the Alola region…

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Kaimi asked, making his mother turn over and face him again. “I could have helped you sooner…”

I am sorry. I wanted to, his mother said. That is why I escaped from Lillie’s bag and went to your room. But then I realized Dana was nearby. I was worried about what she would do if she knew I was in the house. So I decided to wait. I was hoping Dana would leave the house one day so I could talk to you and your father alone… I had no idea everything would go downhill this fast – that she would actually openly attack you on the same day…

“Well,” Kaimi said, looking at Jirachi. “I guess we should clear this mess with just one more wish…”

His mother giggled and said When you are at it, sweetie, be a dear and wish also for Jirachi to return to its own world…

Lillie looked in Kaimi’s eyes.

“I guess this is goodbye then?” she said. “It was nice to meet you Kaimi. I had no idea how crazy this day would turn out to be when I met you! Poor Valerie missed it all. I will tell her but I am not sure if she is going to believe any of it…”

A few minutes later a glowing circle began to spread from their location, and the world was changed forever.

//

Next Saturday the Cornelly household was enjoying some peace and quiet time.

Richard was sitting in his study room with a laptop, reading on-line news. Rachel was pacing around the dining room with her cell phone, excitedly chatting with her friend. Kaimi was upstairs in his room feeding Axel, his Speckle-faced parrot. Tucker, Richard’s dog, was barking outside. Kaimi grabbed his 3DS console and went downstairs. It was almost time for lunch. Debbie, their cook, was energetically running around in the kitchen, tending to the pots and appliances.

Kaimi sat at the table. His mother Rachel ended the call and put the cell phone away. His father Richard closed down the laptop and joined them in the dining room.

“There was an article about Dana actually,” Richard said. “They didn’t mention her by name, but they did say a woman assaulted a son of her boss and was arrested for an attempted murder.”

“Great,” Rachel reacted. “And I hope I will never see or hear about her ever again.” She turned to her son. “Sweetie, what is it you are playing?”

“Just re-playing an old game. Ultra Sun, actually,” Kaimi replied, smiling.

“That’s a Pokémon game, right? The one with Lillie as a companion character?”

“Yeah.”

She gave him a look full of understanding. Then she asked: “You know I have never played a Pokémon game before. Do you still have a copy of X? I… I kinda miss Laverre City.”

Kaimi laughed. “Sure, mom. When you arrive there, give my regards to Valerie, okay?”

Richard was completely confused. “What on earth are you two talking about?” he asked.

But Kaimi wasn’t listening anymore. His mind became lost in memories. He would never forget those last minutes before his wish was granted…

"So, I am actually a major character in one of your video games?" Lillie asked. "And I have fans in your world? Oh dear!" She blushed.

"Lots of people like you and cheer for you. You will be the best gym leader ever!" Kaimi said.

"Oh you. You say that just to make me feel better. But thank you anyway." Lillie grinned. "If I ever appear in one of those games as a gym leader, maybe we can have a really great Pokémon battle."

Kaimi laughed. "Okay. It's a deal!"

"Alright!" Lillie smiled. "I will be waiting for a challenger called Kaimi... Oh..."

"What is it?" Kaimi asked.

"I just realized..." Lillie tilted her head. "For about one day, every person in your world who plays Pokémon game has become an actual Pokémon trainer. For real."

"Probably, yeah," Kaimi gasped. "Nobody except me and my mom will remember it but... Yes, we all have become real Pokémon trainers. That is so cool!"

Lillie saddened. "Well, time to go. It was really nice to meet you Kaimi. I will never forget this crazy day. Or you. We are friends now, you know!"

Now it was Kaimi's turn to blush. "Take care, Lillie!"

And the wish has been granted.

The End
 
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Very cool idea for a story! It was particularly satisfying as things began to become untangled towards the end and we got a better picture of what all the characters were doing and why.

Kaimi trying to figure out everything that was going on was a great driving force for the story: like a detective story! The small hints that were constantly dropped as well as the red herrings (e.g. Stanley's affair) were also very interesting.

The main point for improvement I would make is pacing. You've clearly got a lot going on in this story and a lot of subtle dynamics and history but you tend to rush through it all quite quickly. I think the amount of content you've delivered here could have been easily stretched over 5-6 chapters. The main piece of advice I would give for trying to achieve this would be that at every point to think a lot more about how each character (especially Kaimi as your protagonist) would be feeling: if he feels something is changed and missing surely he would spend a lot of time questioning this feeling perhaps even thinking he might be going mad; when he sees a mythical Pokemon wouldn't he a lot more stunned and that stun stay with him for some time after the initial encounter? There is so much going on in this story and it's all super interesting stuff but at times it feels as though the reader doesn't get quite enough time to really have all of the events going on sink in.

Anyway, I really enjoyed this story - the multilayered events that brought the characters to the bizarre situation in which they now find themselves is very engaging. Well done and I shall be on the lookout for more from you!
 
Thank you for a review! Glad you liked it. It was indeed influenced by classic detective stories / whodunits.
I shamelessly admit I am fan of those. Either you fail to guess who was the culprit and you get the twist ending as a result, or you guess right and you feel smart for figuring it out before the detective of the story did. And since I am writing about Pokémon I could afford putting in some supernatural elements (courtesy of legendaries) to spice things up a bit.

The main point for improvement I would make is pacing. You've clearly got a lot going on in this story and a lot of subtle dynamics and history but you tend to rush through it all quite quickly. I think the amount of content you've delivered here could have been easily stretched over 5-6 chapters.
This is an interesting point. I agree about possibility of stretching this bit further and make more of the situation, the investigation and to flesh out the characters more. Originally, the idea was a novella-long story with two more suspects thrown in.
However I almost immediately started to think, do I really need to make it that long? After all this wasn't an "epic journey"-style story. The main danger here was, that until finale which has all the action and all the revelations, it is really about watching a group of people walk and talk... in a single place... for a whole day... for a 80% of the story. So I decided to cut it a bit, and go with short-story format instead.
(It was also a first time I started to write a story straight in English, instead of my first language and then translate it later... so it doubled as an experiemnet of my skill a bit)

I got one feedback saying the length was just right, and now I get the opposite :) That is cool tho, at least I know I didn't bore you with these characters. Good to know ;)

I legit wonder now, how many people would prefer a longer story out of this plot, and how many are OK with a short story instead...
 
Hi, there! Already spoke to ya a bit on the public Discord channel, but welcome to the forum! :3 Let me know if there's any way I can help. Looks like this is a short fic, so if at any point once it's complete you wanna move it to the Archive and/or Archive Directory, feel free to post there! It's always nice to see fics get finished around here, at any rate, so we like to ensure they're still visible over there as best we can.

Anyway, I don't get to read a lot of mystery stuff, let alone Pokémon mystery stuff, heh, so this was fun to dive into! You do a good job giving off the "something's seriously off, but I don't know what" vibe in the beginning. It didn't feel too on the nose, and having Kaimi seriously contemplate what could've changed overnight yet not being able to pinpoint anything concrete made for a good opening hook, in my opinion.

You have a lot of good character exposition, too, which is important in a "who did it" kinda short story. Probably means the character bios at the beginning of your post aren't exactly necessary, although it was nice to have that kinda info in one place to refer to when little details popped up and I was trying to put them together. The character details presented in fic were pretty well done, too. Seriously, you've got the high society feel down pat, lol, and especially the dialogue was a real treat and felt realistic; I could hear the exact kinda socialite tone you were going for. Plus, each character had their own distinct personality and quirk that I enjoyed learning about.

Lillie's character was a surprise, but a welcome one. A canon character mixed in with OCs? I feel like that's not seen a lot around here, so, was refreshing. And I think you got Lillie's character down well to boot. Replacing Nebby in this fic with Mew (in the end, Kaimi's mother and the missing one turned Pokémon by way of many unforeseen twists of events) was an interesting touch to add to the impact of the Pokémon and human worlds getting mixed up by Jirachi's wish.

I guess I do wish there were more than 3 parts, since there was a lot to pack in here in such little space, and more parts would've allowed you to flesh things out more. But still, it was enough to care about the characters - particularly Kaimi and his sanity kinda slowly turning upside down trying to figure things out - and enough to watch Kaimi to team up with his father despite their lack of a relationship so that they could find out the truth of things. So that's not really a complaint so much as wanting to have had more to read. :p

Hope to see more from you soon!
 
Thank you so much @diamondpearl876 !

About the length - as mentioned above, that is something I considered at first but eventually rejected. While there definitely was potential to spread things more and flesh out characters and their feelings etc., I was worried about a 5-6 chapters long fic which would take place almost entirely in one house with the same 6-7 characters, and nothing would happen much but talking with every one of them one by one. It could get boring fast. When one is writing journeyfic, they can pack every chapter with action scene if they want, or pull a new chracter out of the blue. Not here though, so everything before the finale is basically a bulid up desperately waiting for some pay off. Hence why I decided for short story format in the end (I still feel like Parts 1 and 2 are pushing it in terms of no action and not much Pokemon related).
Then again, you and Gama mentioned wanting to see more of these characters so maybe one day I could create a longer version of this fic :p

Also, yeah I will ask for this to be moved to completed section soon. At this point I am done editing. I will just keep it open as long as it is featured fic on serebii forums.
 
Couple of prefaces before I get into this. 1) I'm actually not that good at pointing out mechanics or awkward phrasing, so I'll mostly be avoiding that unless it's super jarring. 2) I'm really bad at Clue. I imagine I'll be following this just fine, but I don't think I'll know the villain's identity ahead of time. :V

Other bit: it's quite intriguing you've focused this around a family for a Poké Ball Factory exec. When that locale actually showed up I was rather curious to see more of that stuff examined. I know this is about the family, not the place. Also interesting you give Lillie ghost-typing. Typically she's portrayed as an ice or fairy specialist, because of USUM (which gives her a Clefairy) and the anime (Snowy).

Part 1
I can see the choppiness from the start here. This isn't a beta-ing, so I'm not going to break it down line by line. I just want to focus on the "changed in a dramtic way" bit, as you use it frequently. The best English comparison I can think of is "something feels off." It's a catch-all phrase native English speakers use when their gut is telling them something bad has happened, but they don't know the specifics. If you had to change anything, I'd suggest using that instead of the dramatic way thing. It would read more fluidly.

You go right into introducing us to your cast. It's all very unique. I actually like that you're focusing more on the upper class. It was important in the Kalos games and is generally something that's never been shown in the fics I've read. That said, I'm personally not the biggest fan of how you introduce it. I've never been big on large chunks of exposition that just tell me everything about certain characters and/or events, versus showing them through actions. For example, you mention Kaimi having a cell phone. So, maybe, rather than just summarizing the events of last night, he could flip through photos or videos of the battle. That way, he's actually doing something that moves the plot along. Or, rather than telling us Dana is helpful and caring, show that through having Kaimi converse with her. Not saying this needs to be changed. But maybe it's something you'll consider in the future.

This was feeling weirder by the minute. Kaimi felt like he was a character in a really cheesy mystery drama, whose author was some desperate amateur.
lol not even trying to be subtle about it, i see ;P

I was a bit confused when the "missing one" (roll credits, by the way *ding*) actually came up in this part. When I read it, to me it sounded like Kaimi already knew that someone had disappeared. But then he goes on to investigate to see what's changed. It kind of sounded vague just for the sake of being vague, which can frustrate me. XP

I also think I see where some of the pacing issues Gama referred to comes into play, what with Dana's and Valerie's conversation getting skipped over. Including it may have done a bit to expand the mystery element, since it would let the audience judge how the characters are acting for themselves.

That said, I got a kick out of Mew getting the Nebby treatment. It was so unexpected I burst out laughing. XD

Part 2
Her specialty was a fairy type.
Oh... never mind my earlier comment, then. That's what happens when I comment with "in the moment reactions." :V

The scene with Lillie repeats the issue I have with the Valerie conversation. I don't want to beat a dead horse on the matter, since I'm sure you're aware of it. Likewise, I'm not a huge fan of the big exposition dump with Kaimi's thoughts about his dad. I'd have rather seen that happen in the moment... during a conversation with him. That way, it's like Kaimi's trying to piece this puzzle together.

"That sounds kinda odd." his mother said, still concerned. "You are making your mom nervous, sweetie. Please don't do anything rash or dangerous, okay?"
oh god she's totally the one behind this, isn't she?

I do like that you made Simon out to be pretty suspicious. I suspect he's a red herring, so I think it's a good red herring. Likewise, Susan sounds about as pretentious as I can imagine... like socialite charicatures I see on TV. I approve! XD

Also, I think the way you have Richard describe this missing one flows a little better than the "drastic change" interpreation Kaimi had. It read much more naturally for me, like Richard had forgotten something crucial and was getting worked up about it.

Part 3
Ahh... I like the fake out with Richard at the start. For a second, I was about to comment that he put on a very convincing act at the end of part 2. But, no, I turned out to be right all along! I'll take it! :V

I do think it would've done you well to actually describe Giga Drain rather than call it a "grass Pokémon move." That... doesn't leave me anything to visualize. Sure, I can go from memory of having played the games. But I prefer to see how each author interprets a move. Which you do end up doing later on, to my delight. Also, Dana wields a Serperior? She has good taste. I approve of grass snek! Sneks are always good, in my book. <3

The revelation as to exactly what happened caught me by complete surprise, though. All of it stemmed from a spat between pixies in the Pokémon world. I'll admit, at first I was very confused when Dana brought up Rachel during the little battle. The explanation at the wishing well made verything clearer. It really raises a lot of potential questions, especially since Kaimi and Rachel retain their memories of what happened. Like... how did Pokémon become a game in the real world if there's an actual Pokémon world? No need to really answer that, as I'm guilty of doing the same thing. It's just very surreal that the mystery spawned from worlds colliding. It actually makes me wish more time was spent on examining this stuff.

To end off, I know you mentioned you had concerns about length. Personally, I'm actually a huge fan of reading extended dialogue sequences when they're entertaining. If you do tackle future projects, don't be afraid to expand or let things grow larger than what you intended. You got positive responses to this story, so I think you can be confident in your abilities, even if English isn't your first language. Thanks for sharing this piece. ^^
 
Thank you for the review Ambyssin!
I know we have already discussed some of your feedback in PM, but I am still tempted to elaborate on some points:

the "changed in a dramtic way" bit, as you use it frequently. The best English comparison I can think of is "something feels off."
I feel like an idiot now, because I am actually familiar with that phrase. No idea why I didn't use it.
I agree and will try to edit Part 1 everywhere I posted the fic, starting here.

I've never been big on large chunks of exposition that just tell me everything about certain characters and/or events, versus showing them through actions.
Agreed! Show, don't tell. Unfortunately this one is a short fic limited by single weekend morning and a single place.
I needed the readers to know a little bit about the characters since one of them is a villain, but at the same time I didn't have enough room for each of them to have "day in a life" episode / scene. Hence the compromise - I was aware of that and tried to compensate by making the exposition dumps short and funny (a stuck up executive, socialite caricature, uptight arrogant celebrity wannabe and a guy who fails everything he touches).
When I write a longer fic about characters traveling and spending more time together (my next fic, if everything goes right), I will keep that in mind and make them introduce themselves through their actions, dialogue and throughts.

lol not even trying to be subtle about it, i see ;P
Cheeky! You are right tho lol. At least you know I don't have any delusions.

The scene with Lillie repeats the issue I have with the Valerie conversation.
I actually skipped Lillie and Valerie's conversations on purpose (not sure now if it was such a good idea tho). Everytime Kaimi "interviews" one of the suspects, it is meant to be a clue for readers. They can compare character behavior with Kaimi's summary of them and see if anything is off. Now, I honestly didn't believe anyone would actually suspect Valerie and Lillie, so their conversations would be like a filler with vibes of fanservice.
But after reading some reviews (yours including), I am not so sure anymore. Their function in the plot aside that was a missed opportunity for some extra worldbuilding and a fun dialogue. And it obviously came off as rushed to some.
This is a good point, I will keep this in mind in the future!

Also, I think the way you have Richard describe this missing one flows a little better than the "drastic change" interpreation Kaimi had.
Uh, the missing one and world being changed are two separate mysteries. They are related but the missing one is not the only change Kaimi can sense (I suppose you realized after reaching Part 3 though).

Ahh... I like the fake out with Richard at the start. For a second, I was about to comment that he put on a very convincing act at the end of part 2. But, no, I turned out to be right all along! I'll take it! :V

I do think it would've done you well to actually describe Giga Drain rather than call it a "grass Pokémon move." That... doesn't leave me anything to visualize.
Thanks! I did want to briefly shove the audience out of their comfort zone for one last time, before revealing all the cards in my hand :D
Agreed about Giga Drain. That is a side effect of me focusing on Kaimi POV. He barely realized what just happened, and he didn't even see it happen. I will keep an eye on Pokemon move descriptions in the future.

I approve of grass snek! Sneks are always good, in my book. <3
You do realize this means I am going to tease you about it everytime I get the chance, right? ;)

The revelation as to exactly what happened caught me by complete surprise, though.
Mhm. Unlike with the culprit's identity, their motive and the way they accomplished the reality alteration has no foreshadowing and is too complex to be just guessed. I kinda like it this way because it means even if you predict correctly who the villain is, you still won't be bored reading the finale.

It really raises a lot of potential questions, especially since Kaimi and Rachel retain their memories of what happened. Like... how did Pokémon become a game in the real world if there's an actual Pokémon world? No need to really answer that, as I'm guilty of doing the same thing. It's just very surreal that the mystery spawned from worlds colliding.
Heh heh. We touched on this in PMs. Let's leave it for now. I am glad I am not the only one with this kind of thinking tho. Makes me want to read your fic just to see how you are gonna tackle that one.

I know you mentioned you had concerns about length. Personally, I'm actually a huge fan of reading extended dialogue sequences when they're entertaining. If you do tackle future projects, don't be afraid to expand or let things grow larger than what you intended.
Noted! Thank you again for your time and feedback.
 
What's this? I didn't know you had this fic here! Well if that's the case, I'll post my review here as well since I enjoyed it, and I think it deserves to get some extra attention~

Part 2 and 3! I'll keep my comments as vague as possible to the average reader, but some things just have to be hidden in spoiler blocks.

First of all, some overall things that I noticed: It was a little difficult for me to follow who everybody was, particularly because this is a short story with a lot of characters, and a lot of bio--particularly in the first part, and some sections of the second part. Note, this could just be me. I'm very bad with names. I've gone entire semesters in college not addressing anybody by name. That might be part of the issue.

I also want to note that Part 2 felt a lot faster than part 1, mostly because it seemed like more was actually happening, and there wasn't as much exposition going on. Part 3 was great, and I'll get into why specifically later, but I'm really pleased with how the story ended. I got more than just a "whodunit" story, and I'm pleasantly surprised by the outcome! It's something that I didn't see coming, yet was entertained nonetheless. Fascinated, even.

Anyway, onto specific quotes:

Rumors say they used its DNA to artificially create some terrifying Pokémon.

Nice callback there. I appreciate when works make little nods like this to help establish where it's located.

Aunt Susan's husband Simon was a quiet nervous wreck in his fifty eight.

I think you mean to say he's 58 years old, but this is phrased oddly.

"Silence! Now run along you. I, uh... need to make some, erm... calls. With someone. None of your business!"

Well, another person who acts weird today,
Kaimi thought as he walked away.

If I know my whodunit tropes right, this guy is a red herring.

His aunt Susan was fifty three years old semi-famous fiction writer who thought

This here is the specific example in part 2 where I was thinking to myself, "Okay, we're in part 2 of this short story, and we're getting introduced to yet another person who plays a role here. I can barely remember the past few people who came up." At some point, it was difficult to keep track of everyone all at once. But, again, this could very easily also be because of my horrible track record at names.

It was Valerie, Lillie and aunt Susan. He could tell, because Lillie was asking something excitedly and received a grumpy, short answer.

So, this quote here is something that I've seen in other works, and I often have a similar result for it: flip them! I don't know what it means when you say it's Val, Lillie, and Susan. I just know that it's them. To follow up with the reasoning on why we know this, after it's already said, is a lot like saying "The person who did it is X, and that's because..." in the whodunit story. So, for example, a rewrite could be:

"He heard Lillie asking something excitedly. She received a grumpy, short answer. It was probably Valerie and aunt Susan with her."

Or something along those lines--reasoning first, conclusion after.

At yet, what I heard seconds ago was pretty much a proof of guilt.

Yeah, he's definitely the red herring.

In fact the person intended to give their Pokémon an unusual command: To kill Kaimi.

Oh! Okay, then! Going from 2 to 10 here, are we? While jarring, I see why you'd want to do this right before act 3. I'm not really sure if there's a more elegant way to do it or not... but it definitely sets the scene for part 3.


PART 3 QUOTES:

Note, the quotes here are a bit fewer, mostly because I got so involved in the story that it sorta just buzzed by. This is by far my favorite part of the story. At first, I was disappointed that the person was revealed so early--but after what followed? I'm not disappointed at all. This became something a bit bigger than a whodunit.

A Poké Ball was thrown and it fell on the floor behind Kaimi with audible Thud.

I feel like this sentence is a little too passive. "Was thrown," and all that. Perhaps some more direct language would be appropriate? "A Poké Ball landed behind Kaimi with an audible thud." or something along those lines. Given how action-packed the scene becomes, I wouldn't want too much passive words here. Descriptive words are good, but not filler ones.

“I think they lead us to the wishing well!” Kaimi shouted, looking back at Lillie.

I think you mean "they're leading us" in this quote, but that aside, this right here, the moment "wishing well" came up, my instincts were telling me, "this place is significant." And I feel like if you wanted to foreshadow this whole mess in any way, and you wanted to have a sort of book-end going where the story ends where it begins, I think this wishing well could be seen, mentioned, or anything similar in the beginning of part 1. I love when stories do things like that, and it doubles as showing in a subtle way the key to the whole plot.

Aloud, she actually said:

I'm slightly confused on how in this flashback, they were able to hear the thoughts of those involved. Psychic pokemon, perhaps? But it gave me pause.

I AM home!

Alright. This I didn't see coming, and I thought it was a very ambitious twist for something so short. All things considered, I thought it was handled pretty well. Since it's a short story, we don't really have a full context on everything that surrounded it, but I think that's okay. We're just trying to solve this one small issue, and even though it's part of something much grander, I think keeping the perspective small was a good move.

Also, those eyes of yours… So familiar…

I had my suspicions, but this brought it home. Good job with that foreshadowing!

Overall this was a lot of fun to read, and I'm glad that I powered through the exposition at the beginning to get to the "good part." Hopefully you find a way to slim down the exposition without losing any of that vital information! Thanks for the read.
 
Thank you! I responded on serebii and edited some parts here and there as suggested.
 
All right judged this for the rewards but given the nature of this, I'll post comments in a unique way: my chapter my chapter analysis and notes trying to figure out the mystery as I was reading through.

C1
Facts and phrases, C1
- Kaimi lives in Kalos with his parents
- Recently moved from Lumiose to Laverre
- His father works at the Poke Ball factory, VP of sales
- More important than his wife
- A new Poke Ball exists
- Guests were over
- Gym leader Valerie
- Gym leader Lillie
- Susan, the aunt
- Simon, her husband
- There was a group breakfast at 9
- TM1 used to live there
- Valerie wore a model the day before

Kaimi
- Has a Pokemon, a Chatot named Axel

Dana
- A socialite
- Formerly her husband's secretary
- Does not mind seemingly that Richard is busy all the time, just enjoying the life
- In fact has grown distant from her husband.

Richard
- Usually scolds Kaimi, but was confused and lost in his thoughts
- The only one who really cares for him is Tucker, the Herdier.

Valerie
- So dull I have nothing to note.

Lillie:
- A fan of Kaimi's aunt's books
- Kaimi's favorite gym leader
- A good friend of Dana
- Still cannot keep her legendary Pokemon, in this case Mew, in the fucking bag.

So with this chapter we get thrown into the midst of things. Whatever vanished, also known as The Missing One is something that used to live in the household. We also notice that Richard is acting strangely. My hypothesis thus far is that it is Tucker who is the Missing One. This may not be true, but Richard's behavior is to be noted.

Meanwhile we have no clear suspects so far. I believe Dana can be ruled out, that said. This incident may have affected him. While she does not care for her husband, she sees him as her meal ticket, and therefore would not do anything to disrupt him. Meanwhile we have Valerie - who not much has been told of yet. Two characters we have yet to meet. A fan of one of them. And still unable to keep a Pokemon in a bag. Of course, we can't rule out Kaimi himself either.

C2
Facts and phrases, C2
- Kaimi likes Lillie because she did not intend to be a trainer at first, just like him. He may be dismissing her as a suspect because of it?
- Lillie has a meeting with a Mr. Cornelly and Valerie at 11am
- Tucker is still around

Kaimi
- Mew had unexpectedly left its Poke Ball and went to him.

Richard
- The reason something was bothering him is because he realized himself that something was wrong.
- He notes that somebody has been spying on them.

Dana
- She brushed off Kaimi's concerns.
- Mentioned Pixie Dust

Valerie
- Her voice couldn't be heard during the conversation.

Lillie
- Fairy type leader of Lavender
- Wants to keep Mew secret to avoid people from using its DNA to make another Mewtwo

Simon
- Was in his father's study at some point
- A nervous wreck. He acted very strangely, but this could be how he is.
- Said he needed to make calls with someone, and seemed insistent he not be heard.
- The conversation was regarding him being paranoid about somebody snooping around and finding out, saying they need to do something about this person.

Susan
- Huge egomaniac who thinks she is god's gift to everyone with her art
- Thinks of Lillie as an annoying pest.
- Was suspicious of Kaimi speaking to her.

Breaking this up momentarily since this is a turning point in the chapter and it's still going. So Richard is aware of the change too, but is unsure of what. With this in mind we need to shift suspects to those who haven't changed.

Simon is like, you spelled it out so much I can't help but wonder if he is a red herring. It doesn't necessarily fit either - unless he's talking about Kaimi in his conversation. Given that he was saying that he couldn't go on, however, and that this hasn't been going on for long, it's probable that this is unrelated.

Now Dana. Now that we know what Richard's concerns are about, her brushing things off can be called into question. She was making a phone call at around the same time Simon was receiving one as well. This may be something that connects him, too. It's unclear what her motive and intent would be at this point, however.

We still have Lillie and her Mew. We can't rule anyone out. The Legendary would certainly have the power to manipulate things to this degree. Valerie being unable to be heard during the one conversation is worth noting, but otherwise not enough has been shown of her. How about Susan? Difficult to say. She's so caught up in herself it's difficult to see her going along with anything, but she might be the type of person to bring another down, too.

The biggest thing that has stood out is how Dana mentioned Pixie Dust. The typical definition of it is a substance to make people forget things. This is looking more and more suspicious. So far Kaimi and his father are the only ones who've been shown to realize something that used to be with them is missing. The others if affected, might not realize it due to not knowing that something that's supposed to be there isn't anymore. She is looking more and more suspicious. The question then becomes if this was memory altering, why do so? And just what is The Missing One?

....and okay there isn't a lot left to the chapter.

Richard is mixed on whether it's Simon. However given what happensat the end, it seems that the conversation may have been related after all. Whoever has done this obviously owns Pokemon. It seems that at least two people are involved. They were also able to listen in on the conversation to the point of knowing to go to the garage to kill Kaimi.

Simon may or may not be involved from this. Dana is probably involved. There's a possibility Lillie might be as well. She and Valerie are the only two that have shown to be trainers so far. I'm leaning Lillie, she has a possible motive in wanting to protect Mew. And a Poke Ball company would potentially be a big threat to a legendary Pokemon.

C3
And right away we get into it, and get confirmation that Dana is involved. However, her motive is still unclear. So I'll change my style a bit.

Dana
- Whatever she was doing, it is obviously enough to not mind her husband and son dead.
- Mentions a Rachel. Their original wife/mother?
- She talks about wanting a perfect new world, implying whatever she got rid of was a bother.
- Used Jirachi to make a wish?
- Mentioned merging her world with the Pokemon one, but Jirachi was still around.

We get a fight scene and thanks to Kaimi nonverbally communing a wish, Dana ends up captured. After some stuff out of nowhere, Mew speaks of coming from a world without Pokemon. This more than likely means that she's Rachel, his original mother, which explains why she went over to him.

Simon
- So his call wasn't about the incident at all. Yeah. Did have an inkling he was a red herring. It did seem a bit too obvious and didn't match up completely. I was looking for an accomplice though.

Rachel/Dana
- I actually dismissed her personality changing even though it did stick out, given that it didn't fit the timeframe.

And we get the explanation of how this became the Pokemon world and the denoumont which would fit well as a Gainax ending or something.

All in all, I liked this little story. That said, I do feel a bit more could've been done to make it more of a mystery thing. It is good that Dana could be seen as a suspect ahead of time. This is a good story, but as a mystery, it has some flaws. Not a lot of characters seem to have clear possible motives established ahead of time. In fact the biggest one isn't the suspect. And that last bit came way out of nowhere, which doesn't really work for a mystery. That said, it's not a complete failing. There's clues like the bit about the pixie dust, and a red herring as well.

I felt Valerie and Susan were afterthoughts. The latter shows up for one scene and is just gone - though you can get a good sense of her personality from that one scene. The former is around more, but she's around so little there's nothing really important. The family is fine, especially Kaimi who does come across as someone who wants to be a regular kid but has to put up with all sorts of serious stuff. Lillie felt in-character.

Setting was pretty solid, that said. It's well established and built up just enough in the short enough amount of time there is.

Did notice some technical stuff, but didn't write down every instance so not bothering with that.
 
Thank you for your review @System Error !

Wow you are probably the first reviewer who took the whodunit part of the story so analytically you actually took notes!
About your mixed feelings on the "mystery" part. I understand. I intentionally made two mysteries; the first is identity of the culprit - that one plays as a classic whodunit mystery story. The HOW and WHY indeed comes out of nowhere, because I wanted to have some sort of surprise for the reader even if they guess the culprit correctly (which if you do, Part 3 would become rather boring).
However I probably should explain this properly in the first post. If you expect pure whodunit you might endeed end up disappointed by this story (due to different expectations).

Not a lot of characters seem to have clear possible motives established ahead of time.
True, but consider two things - motivation is not the only way for you to unmask the villain at all. In case of this plot...
...the key is inconsistent behavior. Dana first doesn't give a **** about Kaimi and is kinda dismissive of him. Then when she notes he is starting to ask people around, she suddenly switches to "proper mom" trying to find out what he discovered by pretending concern for his safety (and also trying to discourage him from investigation in non-violent way).

If you are interested, these are my notes on how the reader is supposed to unmask Dana prior to Part 3 (note I don't claim it is good nor well executed; but it is what I aimed at):

1. Lillie's bag rocking (Rachel in a Mew form) when some people walk by
- Mew had no qualms escaping before; why stay put and hidden now? It is scared of one of those people!
- suspects: Richard, Dana and Valerie

2. The people who noticed Kaimi was acting strange and acted upon it
- if they are innocent or indifferent, why would they care about it at all?
- suspects: Dana, Susan and Simon
(And yes, Dana has a natural reason since she is supposedly his mother... except she didn't care in the kitchen, but after seeing him talking to more people she suddenly did care)

3. Kaimi's idea about involved person acting strange is wrong
- the culprit is actually more likely to act perfectly normal (it is in their interest to maintain the mask of innocence and normalcy)
- the people who act weird are more likely confused or affected by whatever is going on (like Kaimi himself)
- suspects: Dana, Valerie, Lillie and Susan

4. Conclusion
- Dana is the only person to appear on the suspect list every single time
The second thing is that this is ashort story; I didn't have the luxury of giving each character a rich "day in a life" episode that longer fics have (this is also the reason for Part 1 having a bit more exposition). Then again I was the one who decided making it a short story, so maybe next time I should consider these factors. Thank you for pointing this out!

I felt Valerie and Susan were afterthoughts.
No, they were always there and their limited appearance was intended (not saying it was good decision, mind you).
Valerie was barely there because I assumed majority of readers won't consider idea of canon character being a villain seriously (yes I know in whodunit you have to suspect everyone, but I can't rely on every Pokémon fan to be familiar with a classic whodunit format). Second reson is that she serves as subtle red herring by being suspiciously invisible - you barely see her and she has literally one scene where she says something. My hope was some part of readers would start to suspect her for that very reason.

As for Susan, I was confident the one scene establishes her as the strongest personality (if obnoxious) in the house, hence again part of the readers will suspect her for being daring enough to do something crazy. Was that a good idea? Not sure anymore...

And we get the explanation of how (...) which would fit well as a Gainax ending or something.
Oof. And here I was thinking that ending was perfectly clear in a subtle way...
The last scene is a flashback to the moment Jirachi fulfilled Kaimi's wish to undo the merging of worlds. Hence Lillie disappearing and Kaimi knowing they will never see each other again.
Not sure if you didn't understand that, or if you are saying such ending was not fitting for this type of story?

Also thank you for saying which aspects of the story you actually liked. Good to know!

I guess next time I will think more about how much characters are fitting such kind of one-shot if the price would be readers feeling like they are not flashed out properly (and also that maybe doing a classic whodunit mixed with twist ending is not necessarily the coolest mix).

Thanks again for your time, there some good points you have raised that I need to consider next time I write a story like this.
 
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hi! I’m your other judge from the Awards. Throwing in a general “ditto” on what SE already wrote—he did a great job of encapsulating the whodunit aspects of the story, and he phrased it better than I did in my draft of this lol.


plot

I really like the concept behind this—there’s a really tangible hook early on. The plot is simple enough to be described pretty catchily, but compelling enough to carry us through the chapters. And this is definitely a genre that we don’t really see in Pokémon that often (which I enjoyed a ton)—there’s no cliché gym battles or anything, but you still juggle a conflict and a resolution. Awesome stuff.

As a story, I think this was really compelling. It’s dramatic but not too dramatic, and you touch upon some typically unexplored facets of the pokémon universe. But as a mystery story, I think there were some hitches. A really, really good mystery revelation has two elements to the plot:

First—the revelation makes perfect sense in hindsight, but is hard to guess reading through the first time. This makes it fun for the reader. There should be clues and hints scattered throughout so that, if I went back a second time, I could read certain lines and be like “oh of course it was the butler, because this scene here where he’s doing [thing].”

Second—the revelation should make sense within the rules that you’ve constrained in the story. This makes it fair to the reader. If you’re doing a locked room mystery (i.e. all the pieces of the mystery are in a physically constrained area), is the solution inside of the locked room? Were all the pieces within the rules that you advertised the mystery as needing to follow?

It’s when you stop having the second bit that the first feels flat. The reveal in chapter three doesn’t feel fair to the audience because there’s very little to suggest that this was the line of thought we should’ve been following in the first place—Kaimi has been doing mundane detective work in chapters 1-2, so the third act reveal that it’s something literally out of this world is a bit tricky to read.

And I mean, you do drop some hints about what we should’ve been guessing:

as if some spiteful deity cast a spell over the whole region

there was nothing suspicious about her either, except for her legendary Pokémon

And these definitely fit under the first category—re-reading this, I chuckled a bit. Which is a really excellent start! I think if you’re trying to make a story about a missing piece, though, you have to make the solution/location of the missing one a bit more integral to the bulk of the story. Chapters 1 and 2 end up having very little relevance to the final chapter, which makes for a bit of a lopsided story structure.

grammar

You sometimes don’t format your dialogue correctly. It wasn’t consistently off enough for me to write an entire essay on it, but I’d look into it. The most common mistake was:

“Serperior! Use Leaf Blade!” She yelled

I like to remember this by imagining that the exclamation point is a period—since this just denotes a difference in tone, there shouldn’t be any grammatical differences, right? So it’d be:

“Serperior! Use Leaf Blade,” she yelled

So putting the exclamation mark back in would make it:

“Serperior! Use Leaf Blade!” she yelled

Which is how it should be punctuated.

style

This is definitely more of a “it’d be nice if” rather than “this story was unreadable because”, but:

He realized something very strange: The world has changed somehow, as if some spiteful deity cast a spell over the whole region when everyone was asleep. The problem was he couldn't put his finger on it.

There’s a convention you’ll hear a lot called “show, don’t tell”. Basically it means that emotions are a lot more effective if you show their effects rather than tell us what the purported impact is. Kaimi being deeply unsettled by this one random something that’s wrong with his universe is a pretty interesting feeling that you can definitely turn into a gut feeling that permeates the tone of your writing. For instance, a few sentences later, you have this:

And if all this was true, why on earth does he have these feelings of a change? Did this unknown force make a mistake? Or did it make him vaguely remember something was amiss - on a purpose?

And this is really effective! You have the narrative questioning itself, which makes us as readers question the narrative, which is really good for a mystery story. This is a much more effective way to help us buy into Kaimi’s disbelief with this world than just saying that Kaimi has some disbelief with the world.

overall

I thought this was a nice, quick read. There’s a lot of really creative ideas here that made the story fun; I had a few nitpicks with the execution but for the most part it was a really enjoyable story! Thank you for sharing.
 
@kintsugi Thank you for the review!

But as a mystery story, I think there were some hitches. A really, really good mystery revelation has two elements to the plot:

First—the revelation makes perfect sense in hindsight, but is hard to guess reading through the first time. This makes it fun for the reader. There should be clues and hints scattered throughout so that, if I went back a second time, I could read certain lines and be like “oh of course it was the butler, because this scene here where he’s doing [thing].”

Second—the revelation should make sense within the rules that you’ve constrained in the story. This makes it fair to the reader. If you’re doing a locked room mystery (i.e. all the pieces of the mystery are in a physically constrained area), is the solution inside of the locked room? Were all the pieces within the rules that you advertised the mystery as needing to follow?

It’s when you stop having the second bit that the first feels flat. The reveal in chapter three doesn’t feel fair to the audience because there’s very little to suggest that this was the line of thought we should’ve been following in the first place

I know I know and I did all of this... in regards to the culprit's identity (which was the whodunit part). Everybody seems to expect the second reveal to be part of the "solvable" mystery, when that was really not the intention (I wanted the second reveal to surprise even if the reader correctly guesses the culprit's indenty which if they do, Part3 would become boring finale).

I guess this is my fault though, for setting incorrect expectations... Of course the reader expected the second reveal to be solvable as well, because for most people, the second reveal was the more interesting of the two. The reader naturally assumes the second reveal was what they were expected to solve (and they couldn't because there was very vague foreshadowing and no clues to it).

Next time I will either stick to the classic whodunit, or do obvious dimensions / alternate reality stuff outright (rather than the mix of the two).

There’s a convention you’ll hear a lot called “show, don’t tell”.
True! Although in the specific case you quoted that was actually intentional (mind you, I am not saying it was the right decision! Just explaining myself here). It is a beginning of the story and my intention was to flat out state that the main character finds himself in a bizzare situation. Sometimes telling instead of showing prevents confusion (but it is rarely more elegant way - something i should have considered).

Thank you for mentioning grammar; I am not native speaker so I struggle with using articles (and sometimes prepositions) correctly. The dialogue format was outright blunder I have no excuse for though. I will definitely look into it and also keep it in mind when working on next story in the future.

Thanks for mentioning the aspects of the story you liked too! It is good to know that despite failing somewhat as a mystery, it was still enjoyable read enough to entertain people.
 
I know I know and I did all of this... in regards to the culprit's identity (which was the whodunit part). Everybody seems to expect the second reveal to be part of the "solvable" mystery, when that was really not the intention (I wanted the second reveal to surprise even if the reader correctly guesses the culprit's indenty which if they do, Part3 would become boring finale).

Oh, hmmm, that's an interesting approach. I think I got tripped up by the setup of your premise then--the first two chapters are about Kaimi trying to figure out what's wrong with his world, so as a reader it felt natural to assume that finding that out was... kind of the point, I guess?

Next time I will either stick to the classic whodunit, or do obvious dimensions / alternate reality stuff outright (rather than the mix of the two).
Yikes! That's not quite what I meant to make you do! I think there can definitely be a powerful mix between the two, and if those are the kind of stories that you want to tell, you should!

If you want to do a whodunit + alternate reality thing with the elements you had here, I think the main thing you should fix is how you portray the setting. You outlined in your response to SE how we could've seen who the true culprit is with some careful backreading, but I think the alternate reality setting gets criminally (hah, pun) neglected here. Besides some things not being canon, like Lillie having a Mew, there's not really much that would lead us to believe that this is alternate reality?

This probably actually ties into the show/don't tell thing from above, too -- because all we really get is "hey this setting is wrong", it's a bit of a stretch to go from those statements to the actual reveal, if that makes sense? If this sentiment that something with this universe was inherently broken had been integrated into the narration from the start (in the same way that the culprit reveal is integrated into the story), then I think that premise would've been a lot more believable.

Thanks for mentioning the aspects of the story you liked too! It is good to know that despite failing somewhat as a mystery, it was still enjoyable read enough to entertain people.
Thanks for writing! I had a fun time reading this.
 
If you want to do a whodunit + alternate reality thing with the elements you had here, I think the main thing you should fix is how you portray the setting. You outlined in your response to SE how we could've seen who the true culprit is with some careful backreading, but I think the alternate reality setting gets criminally (hah, pun) neglected here. Besides some things not being canon, like Lillie having a Mew, there's not really much that would lead us to believe that this is alternate reality?

This probably actually ties into the show/don't tell thing from above, too -- because all we really get is "hey this setting is wrong", it's a bit of a stretch to go from those statements to the actual reveal, if that makes sense?
That was the point tho. I didn't want the readers to suspect alternate reality (or rather not this level/magnitude of alteration). As far as you (and Kaimi) know, the biggest change is the missing person (I even made Kaimi think how nothing feels that much different despite his gut telling him otherwise). In my head you are supposed to spend time in Parts 1 & 2 trying to figure out who is behind this (by carefully watching how various characters behave, the clues are there) and the motive and how was the change actually done is a guaranteed surprise (since it is too complex to be just guessed and there are no clues leading to it).

I did it because I believe the solvable mystery is actually not that hard to guess/find out (if you are familiar with whodunits and if you read carefully - one of the character's behavior is inconsistent, changing before and after they first talk to Kaimi). If you do guess correctly, you are still in a for another reveal (and since you couldn't see that one coming, you very unlikely to get bored - unless one hates the AU stuff).

Not sure if that makes sense? This was my reasoning behind this (not sure if it was the right decision tho - you are not the first one to mention the second reveal to be a bit disapppointing due to the fact the reader had no way to see it coming).

I think I got tripped up by the setup of your premise then--the first two chapters are about Kaimi trying to figure out what's wrong with his world
He is actually trying to figure out who did this. Note how he is constantly thinking about the people he talks to and is looking for anything in their behavior that is off (and how little time he spends thinking about the setting). This is my fault again tho, I see where you are coming from. At first he talks about the change / missing person as well as the possible villain who did this. So yes it is natural to expect him trying to figure out both.

Yikes! That's not quite what I meant to make you do! I think there can definitely be a powerful mix between the two, and if those are the kind of stories that you want to tell, you should!
No worries lol. I meant it in regards to the readers - I have no problem with the combination myself but perhaps I should avoid it if it leads into wrong expectations. Then again, maybe I could have just explain this in author's notes so that reader knows what they are going to get.

If this sentiment that something with this universe was inherently broken had been integrated into the narration from the start (in the same way that the culprit reveal is integrated into the story), then I think that premise would've been a lot more believable.
I am not sure if want to put in some more foreshadowing (or rewrite certain parts) because I am honestly scared this would make the second reveal less exciting and more predictable (and some readers going "Yep, saw that coming miles away" - the greatest sin in the mystery stories). Especially certain legendary who is hidden until the end and is well known for its unique ability... it would be a huge give-away.
Then again I do not want the reader to feel cheated, so perhaps I should consider it after all.

Thank you for your notes and your time @kintsugi ! You gave me some food for thought here.
 
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