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MATURE: The Red Dahlia - ON HIATUS UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE

Hellion

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Lighthouse Investigations: The Red Dahlia​

Being a fan of the film noir genre and detective stories, I always wanted to try my hand at writing one where the various characters would be taken from the world of Pokémon. I tried my best to incorporate certain elements from the canon looks and/or persona of the characters in their adaptation. This'll be about 10-15 chapters in total and will feature characters from all 5 generations.

Before you read this story, be advised that it is a murder mystery and that therefore there will be... well... at least one murder. Also, anyone who's ever watched a film noir knows that sexual tension plays a big part, though most of the actual sexuality is implied. So please be advise that the following story contains some gory macabre descriptions and some mature themes. Therefore, it's not for everybody.

As always, I say that English is not my first language and that mistakes may slip in. If you do see them, please point them so I can correct them.

With that being said, please read and hopefully enjoy! Comments, suggestions, reviews, constructive criticism are more then welcome. Thanks in advance for reading and commenting.

Chapter 1: Blood Stained Petals
Chapter 2: Ready-made murder
Chapter 3: Lunch Time at the Tricorne
Chapter 4: Stargazers
Chapter 5: Fire and Brimstone
Chapter 6: Rude Awakening
Chapter 7: Something Old, Something New

- - - - - - -

Chapter 1: Blood Stained Petals

The girl was trouble. All I could think about when I saw her was that she was the kind of girl who would either be killed or get someone else killed, probably both. She walked into my office with both poise and fear, like she was Russian royalty that had fled the Revolution. There was something aristocratic about her walk, about her stance that made her look like she either came from old money or at the very least, that she was sleeping with someone who did. There was something hypnotic about the way the streetlights coming through the blinds stabbed her golden satin dress with their shiny blades. Her heels resonated on the hardwood floors, carrying with them echoes of tragedies past and future. This girl sure knew how to make an entrance.

As she sat on the chair in front of me, something about her that hit me harder than a speeding car hits road kill. Maybe it was the way her hair bounced on her shoulder like a tar cascade; or maybe it was the way her trembling fingers brought a silver cigarette holder to her ruby red lips; or then again, maybe it was the half bottle of gin I’d been drinking throughout the day; but I couldn’t help thinking one thing: The girl was trouble.

“Mister Shore, my name’s Dahlia Kincaid,” she said in a shaky, uneasy voice. “I’ve been looking to hire someone for some easy gumshoe work, and I heard you were the best, so….”

“Flattery ain’t gonna get you no discount, lady,” I said, interrupting her feeble attempt at sweet talking me. “We both know I ain’t been in business long enough to have earned even a semblance of reputation. You’re here because I charge half of what the others will charge you, and despite your best efforts to look like you’re as rich as them silver screen starlets, I’m all you can afford. Ain’t I right?”

“Maybe you are,” replied Dahlia, obviously annoyed. “Do you always treat potential clients like they aren’t worth your time?”

“Not my fault that most of them ain’t,” I answered matter-of-factly.

She smiled, but it was a pained and forced smile. It looked like the corner of her lips were crimson blades cutting through her powdered cheeks. Something told me it was more than my bluntness that was making her uneasy.

“I wouldn’t exactly call that a smart business strategy Mr. Shore,” said Dahlia.

“Why do you think I’m the cheapest PI in the phonebook lady?” I said, smirking. “And please, call me Volkner. It's nine o’clock Miss Kincaid; it’s too late in the evening to give a damn about being polite.”

“Well, since I’m paying you, maybe you could make an effort,” she said dryly.

“You ain't paying me yet, lady,” I said. “I haven’t agreed to take your case, and so far, you haven’t given me a whole lot of incentive.”

“Well, maybe the general mess your office is in, the smell of alcohol coming off of you in waves, and the fact you look like you’re wearing days old clothes are putting me off,” she answered back defiantly.

The girl was trying hard to act the part of the capable, independent woman, but something was off. Behind her cracking porcelain mask, she definitely looked like she had something on her mind that was eating her up like a cancer, devouring her from the inside. I shook my head and picked up a cigarette from the pack lying on the corner of my cluttered desk. After lighting it up and bringing it to my lips, I locked eyes with hers through the swirls of smoke.

“Listen, lady,” I told her, “you can either be straight with me, and that means dropping the tough girl act, or you can walk out that door. I got no time and no desire to go running around the city if you ain’t gonna be honest here.”

At first, I could see she was pondering whether or not to leave my office, but she soon started rummaging through her lavender purse. She pulled out a few pieces of paper. As I laid my cigarette in an already overflowing ashtray, I opened the messages and started to read them.

“They’re threats I’ve found in my mailbox,” said a shaken Dahlia, whose mask was slowly beginning to crumble. “This guy knows where I live and you can see the stuff he wrote in there. I just don’t feel safe anymore.”

“You’re an actress?” I asked, “The author mentions seeing you on stage.”

“Well, yes, among other things,” she answered. “Ever since I was a young girl, I dreamt of being a star. So I packed my bags at seventeen thinking I’d make it big instantly. Started out as a waitress in a cocktail lounge, but as soon as the owners found out I could sing, they put me....”

“Which lounge would that be exactly?” I asked, interrupting her meaningless drivel. I was captivated by the letters, all of them written in some sort of red ink, though it felt too bright to be blood. The calligraphy of the author was strangely unequal, as if the tool he used to write varied in width and weight while he wrote the letters. I heard Dahlia as she continued her sob story, barely listening to her. There was something wrong about the letters, something that didn’t feel true. I couldn’t help but feel that the letters were staged, that they were hiding something. One thing was for sure; they didn’t feel like the work of no axe-wielding maniac.

“Sorry, what lounge was it again?” I asked, hoping she wouldn’t catch on to the fact that I hadn’t listened to her babbling.

“The Tricorne,” she said, obviously feeling more and more relaxed as she realized she wasn’t alone with her secret anymore. “It’s named after a hat or something. You know it?”

Did I know it? Everybody who was anybody in this town knew about the Tricorne. Every night all of the shakers, movers, politicians, and even the kings of the underworld went there. Any man, whether he was downtrodden or had as much gold as Fort Knox, was welcome as long as he wore a tie, a suit and didn’t make any waves. In a city like this one where there was crime at the end of every dark alley and vice on each street corner, it was the one place where everyone played nice, a no man’s land of sorts. This girl’s life was getting more and more colourful by the minute.

“Now I’ve got one more question to ask you, Miss Kincaid, and I need you to be truthful,” I warned her. “Why haven’t you gone to the police with this?”

“I got a gig,” she said. “I was cast in a picture by a well-known director, Pryce Winters -- perhaps you know of him.”

“You mean the Pryce Winters?” I asked, incredulous. “As in the one who directed Mahogany Blues? You’ve been hired by Stone Cold Pryce?”

“Yeah it hasn’t been announced yet,” she whispered, “but he’s famous for not being very tolerant with the problems of his actors. If he knew something like this was happening to me, he might think I wasn’t worth the trouble to hire.”

“That’s all I need to know?” I asked her.

She nodded, but I didn’t buy it. There was still something she hadn’t told me, still a part of her she’d kept secret. Now, there are two kinds of secrets: the kind that doesn’t get you killed, and the kind that does. I hoped whatever she was too scared to tell me wasn’t the latter.

“Very well, Miss Kincaid,” I said getting up. “I’ll look into this, and in the mean time, go on about your business as usual. Just leave your info with my secretary. She’s the one you deal with regarding payment and all.”

She smiled at me and this time, it wasn’t the smile of an actress trying to smile. This one was a real smile, one that could light up an entire room like the skies on the Fourth of July. She removed her right purple glove and shook my hand. As she did, I noticed a very intricate ring on her finger. Both the ring's design and ornaments felt very foreign, almost ancient. I couldn’t help but wonder how a struggling cabaret artist could afford such an obviously expensive piece of jewelry, but I kept the thought to myself. The girl was a mystery, and obviously intended to stay so.

After shaking her hand, I sat back in my wooden chair and tried to make sense of those letters. I must have read each one a hundred times, trying to find a clue, trying to find something that could help me. Each read confirmed my first impression, that this wasn’t the work of a mad man or an obsessive fan. They felt meticulous, they had a clear goal, and that goal was to inspire fear in my client -- but to what end?

After a while, I was brought back to reality by the sound of a white ceramic mug being delicately placed on my desk. I could smell the bitter aroma of freshly made coffee emanating from it. I looked up to find my secretary, Jasmine, standing there, her arms crossed across her waist and a worried look on her face.

“Did you open a file for Miss Kincaid?”

She shyly nodded. Jasmine was always very quiet and never said much. I could tell it was very hard for her to even talk to me let alone clients. It was like she always feared messing up, even though she was one of the most competent person I’d ever met.

“What about payment?” I asked.

“She left a down payment to cover the investigation fees,” she said quietly, in a barely audible whisper, “and I’ll run her credit with the bank tomorrow.”

I smiled and thanked her. I watched her turn around and make her way to the door, her long brown hair and her white day dress floating behind her. She stopped at my office’s door and looked back at me. I could see in her eyes that she wanted to say something, but she seemed very much afraid to.

“Jasmine, can you stay a minute?” I called her.

“Yes, Mr. Shore,” she answered in her usual quiet voice.

“We’ve been working together here at Lighthouse Investigations for about a year, right?” I asked her. “During that time, I’ve never made you feel like you couldn’t tell me something, did I?”

She shook her head, indicating that she tacitly agreed with my question.

“So, what is it?” I asked, trying my best to wear a smile that just wouldn’t come.

“I just…” she started, stopping herself in hesitation before continuing. “I… I wanted to say that I think you should go home tonight and not…”

“…stay in the office and drink myself into oblivion for a third straight night, is that it?” I asked calmly but sternly, before adding in a softer tone, “Look, I appreciate the concern, sweetie pie, but this ain’t an easy week for me, and my Beefeater friend here is helping me get through it more or less in one piece.”

“Is it because of Flint?” she asked, genuinely concerned.

“Look, I ain’t looking for a heart-to-heart right now,” I answered back, a little sterner than I'd intended. “We’ve got a case, we solve it. That’s all I need you for.”

As soon as the words left my mouth, I realized they were much harsher than I ever intended them to be; before I had a chance to apologize, she had already run out the door. Alone again with my thoughts, I decided to push away the cup of coffee and pour myself a glass of gin. Why’d she have to mention Flint? I was doing well since Dahlia walked into this office. I had a case, I was getting into it, and I had something to keep my mind off of… Flint. But now that he was on my mind, there was a fire in my throat and every cell in my body urged me to drink the contents of this glass to douse the flames. I drank one glass, then two, then enough liquid to extinguish a wildfire. And it still wasn’t enough to forget him. I plunged my hand into my shirt pocket, the one over my heart, and pulled out a grainy and ruffled picture.

You could tell it had been through a lot from the folded corners and the tiny tears around some of the borders. It was a macabre token of a grim past I couldn’t outrun, and yet, it also felt like my most precious possession. Not that I owned anything of any real value, but this tiny piece of paper felt important. On it, there were two guys. Even though the picture was in black and white, I still felt that every time I put my gaze upon it, I could still see the scene. My unkempt strawberry blond hair next to his fiery curls, both of us wearing our blue uniform for the first time, and then there was his laughter. God, his thunderous and contagious laughter still resonated in my ears. That had been the day we both joined the police. The day he died in front of me, about a year ago, was the day I left the force. Ain’t no use being a cop and protecting people if I couldn’t protect my own partner.

Unable to get the images of that night out of my mind, I crushed the picture in the palm of my hand and threw it across the room. I could still feel him dying in my arms, shaking as he took his last breath. The last face he’d ever see was the one of his partner who couldn’t protect him, who couldn’t do anything but hold him as he died.

I must have cried myself to sleep as I woke up by the phone ringing. I turned on my desk light and glanced at the clock on the wall. Who the hell would call me at two in the morning? With a trembling hand and a head that was spinning more than a rollercoaster, I picked up the phone. I could hear a vein bouncing in my temple and a distraught voice on the other end of the line.

“Mr. Shore? It’s Dahlia, are you there?” said the voice. I had barely recognized it because it was full of fear and genuine panic. She started speaking faster and sounding increasingly frantic. “I was attacked just now outside of my apart--”

Just as she said those words, the line was cut. The panic stricken voice of my client made way to the monotone droning of a hung telephone. There was nothing but silence, as if I was waiting for someone to give me the order to go save the girl I'd sworn to protect. Even though I was barely able to walk a straight line, I ran out of the office, barely taking the time to pick up Dahlia’s address in Jasmine’s file and grab my hat and raincoat.

As I climbed down the stairs and nearly tripped a few times, I couldn’t shake off the feeling of sheer terror that Dahlia’s call had instilled in me. I burst onto the street and found it damp. It was as if a tidal wave had swept through the city and turned the concrete streets into wetlands. Braving the nightly drizzle, I jumped into my car and sped through the ebony labyrinth of darkened streets. Still dizzy from the gin, it suddenly felt like the surrounding obsidian landscape was about to swallow me whole.

As I reached my destination, a shady three-story building in a shady neighbourhood, I double-parked the car and opened the leathery glove box to get my gun. I found the building’s door unlocked.

As I ran up the stairs, my heart was pounding like it wanted to break free of my ribcage. After reaching her floor, I slowly made my way through the darkened corridor, shadows enveloping me in a shroud of anonymity. Tightening my grip on my revolver in one hand, I used the other to slowly turn the coppery doorknob and push open the door to my client’s apartment. As I made my way through the tidy and small apartment, I could feel the darkness and silence surrounding me. I traveled through the poorly furnished living room and the adjacent kitchen, my damp raincoat dripping on the white ceramic tiles. As I stood before Dahlia’s bedroom door, I took a deep breath, not knowing what I’d find on the other side.

As I pushed open the door, nothing could have prepared me for the sight I was about to witness. On the bed, amongst bloody sheets, my client laid naked, lifeless, with a look of utter terror forever stamped on her face. She’d been carved up like a turkey on Thanksgiving. Triangular pieces of her flesh had been folded around her stomach, like a sickly flower with petals made of flesh and fat. Amongst her exposed intestines, I could see something that didn’t belong, a lone flower -- a dahlia with blood stained petals.


To be continued
 
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Re: The Red Dahlia

It's like you selected characters from around the Pokemon world and got them to play in an act of the genre you described at the beginning! Cool.

I'm wondering how you will handle the personality traits that come with the characters you chose. And is Dahlia supposed to be from a certain part of Pokemon, or is it someone completely original?

I wonder how much focus the pokemon in the pokemon world are going to get, too.

It's been a long time since I've seen anything in the mystery genre for Pokemon fanfiction. I think this is well written, keep it up!
 
Re: The Red Dahlia

First off, here's the reply to 333Erufuun333's comments. Thank you very much, they were really appreciated :)

It's like you selected characters from around the Pokemon world and got them to play in an act of the genre you described at the beginning! Cool.

That's exactly the concept.

I'm wondering how you will handle the personality traits that come with the characters you chose.

Well a friend of mine on the forums said that she liked that it when she could almost instantly tell who were the characters. So I of course kept their physical appearances, but also something about them, either their personality or their characater from canon. For exemple, Volkner in the games is lethargic and lacks energy until he finds a trainer who can ignite his spark. In a similar case, Volkner in this fic is lethargic until he finds a good case. Jasmine's shyness, Pryce's coldness and Dahlia's star status inspired their character in the fic.

And is Dahlia supposed to be from a certain part of Pokemon, or is it someone completely original?

She is the Frontier Brain from Platinum and HGSS. I chose her in reference to the infamous Black Dahlia case, that has been made into a novel by James Ellroy, and the classic film noir The Blue Dahlia.

All of the characters will be either Gym Leaders, Elite 4 members, Champions and I'll include one (or more...) regional professor. All five generations will be represented.

I wonder how much focus the pokemon in the pokemon world are going to get, too.

To keep the mood very Film Noiresque, I decided not to include any actual pokemon. Though you might get references to some pokemon throughout the story...

It's been a long time since I've seen anything in the mystery genre for Pokemon fanfiction. I think this is well written, keep it up!

Thank you very much! As I said above comments and criticism is always welcomed.

Comments are really important, this is my first time working with this genre and in 1rst person narrative so feedback is extremely welcome and needed :D

Now here's the next Chapter.

- - - - - - -

Chapter 2: Ready-made Murder

“Damn, Sunny, you do know that you don’t need a dead body for me to come over and visit,” said the gruff and deep voice of Inspector Surge.

“How many times have you come to see me in the last year, Lieutenant? Once, maybe twice,” I said nonchalantly, “so forgive me for thinking I need to step up my game since your visits have been scarcer than a rainstorm in the middle of the Sahara.”

“How many times do I have to tell you to can it with the lieutenant?” asked Surge. “War’s been over for a long time and I’d rather not think back to those days, boy. So let’s take a look at…. Well I’ll be damned.”

That last bit pretty much summed up my impression when I’d first laid eyes on the body. Just the sight of that girl, sliced up like a pizza fresh out of the oven, was making me sick, mostly because the red stuff around her just wasn’t tomato sauce. Bloody sheets, bloody walls, a bloody corpse-- actually, it’d probably take up less time to list the thing in that bedroom that didn’t have blood on them.

“I’ve seen some sick things in my days,” whispered Surge, “but this takes the cake. Just who was that girl?”

“Just a lady trying to make a living,” I answered.

Surge shot me an inquisitive look as to exactly what the lady did to earn a living. I could see what he was thinking, and the answer he’d thought up couldn’t be further away from the truth.

“Get your mind out of the gutter; she was a singer at the Tricorne and she was trying to make it as an actress,” I told him.

“And you know her how?” he asked. “Tricorne ain’t exactly your scene, Sunny.”

“She was a client, Matis, she came to me last night 'cause some nutcase is sending her death threats,” I said.

“Looks like he made good on that promise,” said Surge.

We both stepped into the poorly decorated bedroom and walked towards the naked, lifeless body of my client. She looked like a howling banshee with her mouth wide open and her empty stare, like she was possessed.

“Now who would do something like this to a pretty girl like that?” asked Surge.

“That’s what I’m trying to find out,” I answered matter-of-factly.

“Volkner, listen to me,” said Surge. He only called me by my name when he was deadly serious. “I don’t know who killed this girl, but I don’t want you to end up its next victim.”

“That’s swell and all, but I can’t keep doing nothing while people around me keep dying,” I answered.

“What happened to this girl ain’t your fault, Volkner,” said Surge, “Just like what happened to-”

I shot him an angry look before he had the chance to finish his sentence. That was one subject I didn’t want to talk about. We’d been through enough together and he knew me well enough to know he shouldn’t bring it up. After the war where he’d been my commanding officer, he had helped me join the force. That’s when I met Flint. Damn, why did everything always have to bring me back to him? I shook my head and, hopefully, the grim thoughts it contained.

“Now, I sure ain’t the museum type,” said Surge, “but the flower coming out of the bowels, the splatters of blood running clean lines all over, this feels like one of them surrealist paintings. Like the ones with the molten clocks or something, you know what I mean?”

I didn’t. I wasn’t anymore of a museum type than the lieutenant, but he raised a good point. The bloodied dahlia, the skin petals, the position of the body... everything felt staged, like an art piece. Like someone wanted whoever discovered the body to find it this way. It was a message, like the death threats. It was meant to leave an impression, but to whom? Dahlia was dead, so who was the message for?

I left the room and passed a few officers dusting the apartment for prints. The photographer came in and took pictures of the bedroom and the body. While the whole police circus was doing its dog and pony show, I sat in an armchair and stared at the abstract geometric pattern of the wallpaper. This pattern was so ugly, it could drive any sane man to murder. Murder by wallpaper, I couldn't believe this was the best theory I could come up with.

I closed my eyes and tried to picture all the pieces of the puzzle I had in front of me. The letters, the old film director, the Tricorne, the body... the whole masquerade was taunting me. Nothing felt straightforward here; everything seemed to lead in a thousand different directions. After what must have felt like hours, I glanced at the clock on the wall, one of them ugly modern clocks that felt more about design than telling time. A quarter past eight in the morning, Jasmine would be in by now. Girl might have been shy as a bud in a snowy spring, but she was always in at eight on the dot. I picked up the phone and decided to call the office.

“Lighthouse investigations,” she answered, in a quiet voice bordering on whisper. “We shine a light through the night of your problems.”

She’d come up with the slogan herself and I didn’t have the heart to tell her I didn’t like it. Her heart was in the right place, though, so I kept mum about it. She was only trying to help.

“Jasmine, it’s me. Listen, I need you to make copies of the letters Dahlia brought in yesterday. They’re on my desk,” I said. I could hear a certain hesitation in her breathing. She could tell something was up. The girl’s instincts were almost always spot on, so I knew I had to be straight up with her. “After that, could you bring them to the metropolitan police station?”

“Is she okay?” she asked timidly, knowing all too well the answer.

“Just hurry up, please,” I answered, tacitly confirming her worst fears. It was one thing to let her know our client had died, but I didn’t want her to know how. Though, pretty soon, the vultures would come circling. The press would have a field day with this. There’s only one thing that sells copies more than a pretty girl dying in a gruesome murder and elections were still a few years away. The less involved she was, the better.

Just as I hung up the phone, I felt a hand tapping my shoulder.

“What is it?” I asked Surge.

“The coroner people are gonna be up here in a few to collect the body,” he said, dead serious. “I know you’re probably still in shock, but I have to ask you to come in and give your testimony.”

“Sure thing. I called my assistant; she’ll drop the letters downtown after she’s done copying their contents,” I answered, “I suppose you want to do this now?”

“Well, I’d like to get you out of here before the press gets here, if possible,” said Surge, flashing a shy smile. He always tried to look out for me, ever since the war. He always tried to dismiss it, but he was the one person I knew would always have my back.

As we went out the building and into the cold and grey morning, I couldn’t help but see familiar blue uniforms and cop cars. Everything reminded me of my past life as a cop. Everything reminded me of him. The ride to the station was uneventful, just rolling through the grey streets, between the grey buildings, underneath the grey skies. The city as day was just a monochrome block of concrete and desperation. People running around in their grey suits to their grey offices -- all of them were blindly ignorant of the things that went on in the night. The crimes, the murders, the bodies; they were ignored or treated like carnival freaks. A city full of millions and most of them didn’t know Dahlia, but I swore to myself they’d know of her murder.

We arrived at the downtown station and made our way through the art deco lobby to the elevators and then up to the homicide floor. I was hoping that we didn’t meet some old colleagues on the way and thankfully, we didn’t. There was nothing I hated more than running into people that want to reminisce about the good old days when there ain’t nothing good about them.

I sat next to the lieutenant’s desk. I shouldn’t call him that. He always said the war’s over anyway. He looked at me and asked all of the usual questions. Why was I there? When did I meet her for the first time? What was our business together? He asked all of the expected questions and I provided all of the expected answers, like a well-oiled machine. After a while, Surge raised his head and signaled me to look behind. I turned around and saw Jasmine, looking uncomfortable as she was clutching a few letters against her chest.

“Here, I brought the letters you asked for,” said Jasmine, desperately trying to avoid looking at me and Surge.

“Thank you. You did make a transcription like I asked?” I asked, trying not to sound too patronizing. She nodded in acquiescence and handed the pieces of paper to Surge while trying to avert his gaze. She hated being the center of attention.

“Well, thank you little lady,” said a blushing Surge. Jasmine might have hated the spotlight but whenever a pretty girl walked into a room, there wasn’t anything else that could capture Surge’s attention quite like it. “I don’t believe we were ever properly introduced; name's Matis Surge. Sunny here and I were in the war together.”

“I… I know,” said Jasmine timidly. “I’m Jasmine... Jasmine Oliver, nice to meet you. Mr. Shore has mentioned you before quite a few times.”

“He did?” asked Surge while looking at me. “Well, he’s mentioned you, but he never told me what a looker you were. Now Sunny, why would you ever hide a pretty little face like that from me?”

Surge started laughing, totally oblivious to the fact that Jasmine was getting more and more uncomfortable by the second.

“Because I knew you’d always make up flimsy excuses to drop by the office instead of doing your job,” I said dryly, “which right now, involves finding my client’s murderer. Now, we wouldn’t want to keep you from getting started on that, so if there ain’t anything else you need to ask me, we’ll be on our way.”

Surge nodded and then turned to Jasmine. “Well, it was a pleasure meeting you, Miss Oliver.”

Jasmine nodded as I shook Surge’s hand. Jasmine and I left the blond detective and made our way through the labyrinth of desks in the homicide division. After reaching the safety of the elevator, I let out a painful sigh.

“I hate this place; too many ghosts,” I said. “Sorry to have dragged you all the way down here.”

“It’s nothing,” she kindly said. “I’m just glad I could help.”

“Actually, there’s something else you could do for me,” I said, “I need a ride. My car is still at Dahlia’s apartment and all the press must be there, so I’d rather go get it later. I want to get started on this case right away.”

“But isn’t the police taking care of this?” asked Jasmine. I could tell she was concerned about my safety.

“Listen, I know you’re worried about me, but a dead client ain’t exactly good word-to-mouth advertisement,” I answered. “I need to do this Jasmine. I don’t want to bury someone else while their killer is running loose.”

“Well, I don’t want to have to go and bury you,” said Jasmine defiantly as her face became redder than a ripe tomato at sunset.

We both stayed silent as the elevator arrived at the ground floor. We made our way to her car on the busy streets, not speaking a word along the way. I had the distinct impression that Jasmine had said more than she wanted to say and I knew for a fact she had said more than I wanted her to say. The people that didn’t want to see me dead, well, they usually ended up six feet under themselves. Getting attached to me was a dangerous sport.

“Where to?” she asked as we got into her car.

There was one place I was particularly anxious to check out. It was where Dahlia had gone after leaving my office and probably where she’d met the person sending her those letters: the Tricorne.
 
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Re: The Red Dahlia

Hey Hellion,

I like what you've done so far. Clever to incorporate the various canon characters and your style is very enjoyable to read. :)
 
Re: The Red Dahlia

Hey Hellion,

I like what you've done so far. Clever to incorporate the various canon characters and your style is very enjoyable to read. :)

Thanks Legacy, expecially about the style comment. I'm still not sure about being able to make truly capture the film noir feel and make the first person narrative work, but it's encouraging.

Thanks!
 
Re: The Red Dahlia

This fic has been so much fun to read so far! Usually I don't like AU fics, but this one is done really well and it is very unique. I really like how you captured the film noir style, and I think Volkner is a good choice of character to focus on. It's clever how you add different gym leaders as supporting characters.

Can't wait to read what you write next :)
 
Re: The Red Dahlia

Corrections in yellow, my thoughts in bold. -- Italics

Chapter One Review:

The girl was trouble. All I could think about Don't need that word. when I saw her was that she was the kind of girl who would either be killed, or get someone else killed, or probably both. She walked into my office with both poise and fear, like she was Russian royalty that had fled the Revolution. There was something aristocratic about her walk, about her stance that made her look like she had either come from old money or at the very least, that she was sleeping with someone who did. There was something hypnotic about the way the streetlights coming through the blinds stabbed her golden satin dress with their shiny blades. Her heels resonated on the hardwood floors, carrying with them echoes of tragedies past and future. This girl sure knew how to make an entrance.

I suggest a paragraph break here.

As she sat on the chair in front of me, I noticed there was something about her that hit me harder than a speeding car hits road kill. Maybe it was the way her hair bounced on her shoulder like a tar cascade; or maybe it was the way her trembling fingers brought a silver cigarette holder to her ruby red lips; or then again, maybe it was the half bottle of gin I’d been drinking throughout the day; but I couldn’t help thinking one thing: The girl was trouble.

“Mister Shore, my name’s Dahlia,” she said in a shaky, uneasy voice. “I’ve been looking to hire someone for some easy gumshoe work, and I heard you were the best, so….

“Flattery ain’t gonna get you no discount, lady,” I said, interrupting her feeble attempt at sweet talking me. “We both know I ain’t been in business long enough to have earned even a semblance of reputation. You’re here because I charge half of what the others will charge you, and that Don't need that either. despite your best efforts to look like you’re as rich as them silver screen starlets, I’m all you can afford. Ain’t I right?”

“Maybe you are,” replied Dahlia, obviously annoyed. “Do you always treat potential clients like they aren’t worth your time?”

“Not my fault that most of them ain’t,” I answered matter-of-factly. I don't trust that "ain't" right there.

She smiled, but it was a pained and forced smile. It looked like the corner of her lips were crimson blades cutting through her powdered cheeks. Something told me it was more than my bluntness that was making her uneasy. You like blades a lot, I can see. First rays of light, now red lips.

“I wouldn’t exactly call that a smart business strategy, Mr. Shore,” said Dahlia.

“Why do you think I’m the cheapest PI in the phonebook lady?” I said, smirking. “And please, call me Volkner. It's nine o’clock Miss Dahlia; it’s too late in the evening to give a damn about being polite.” You type out numbers lower than ten, hence "nine o'clock" over "9 o'clock."

“Well, since I’m paying you, maybe you could make an effort,” she said dryly.

“You ain't paying me yet, lady,” I said. “I haven’t agreed to take your case, and so far, you haven’t given me a whole lot of incentive.”

“Well, maybe the general mess your office is in, the smell of alcohol coming off of you in waves, and the fact that you look like you’re wearing days old clothes are putting me off,” she answered back defiantly. Don't need that "that."

The girl was trying hard to act the part of the capable, independent woman, but something was off. Behind her cracking porcelain mask, she definitely looked like she had something on her mind that was eating her up, like a cancer, devouring her from the inside. Doubt you need the comma. I shook my head and picked up a cigarette from the pack lying on the corner of my cluttered desk. After lighting it up and bringing it to my lips, I locked eyes with hers through the swirls of smoke.

“Listen, lady,” I told her, “you can either be straight with me, and that means dropping the tough girl act, or you can walk out that door. I got no time and no desire to go running around the city if you ain’t gonna be honest here.”

At first, I could see she was pondering whether or not to leave my office, but she soon started rummaging through her lavender purse. She pulled out a few pieces of paper. As I laid my cigarette in an already overflowing ashtray, I opened the messages and started to read them.

“They’re threats I’ve found in my mailbox,” said a shaken Dahlia, whose mask was beginning to crumble. “This guy knows where I live and, I mean, you can see the stuff he wrote in there. I just don’t feel safe anymore.” Don't trust the "I mean" part.

“You’re an actress?” I asked. “The author mentions seeing you on stage.”

“Well, yes, among other things,” she answered. “Ever since I was a young girl, I dreamt of being a star. So I packed my bags at seventeen thinking I’d make it big instantly. Started out as a waitress in a cocktail lounge, but as soon as the owners found out I could sing, they put me...."

“Which lounge would that be exactly?” I asked, interrupting her meaningless drivel. I was captivated by the letters, all of them written in some sort of red ink, though , it felt too bright to be blood. Don't need the comma. Also, The calligraphy of the author was strangely unequal, as if the tool he used to write varied in width and weight while he wrote the letters. I heard Dahlia as she continued her sob story, barely listening to her. There was something wrong about the letters, something that didn’t feel true. I couldn’t help but feel that the letters were staged, that they were hiding something. One thing was for sure; they didn’t feel like the work of an axe-wielding maniac.

“Sorry, what lounge was it again?” I asked, hoping she wouldn’t catch on to the fact that I hadn’t listened to her babbling.

“The Tricorn,” she said, obviously feeling more and more relaxed as she realized she wasn’t alone with her secret anymore.It’s named after a hat or something. You know it?”

Did I know it? Everybody who was anybody in this town knew about the Tricorn. Every night, Don't need the comma. all of the shakers, movers, politicians, and even the kings of the underworld, went there. Felt that the syntax was off. Any man, whether he was downtrodden or had as much gold as Fort Knox, was welcome as long as he wore a tie, a suit and didn’t make any waves. In a city like this one where there was crime at the end of every dark alley and vice on each street corner, it was the one place where everyone played nice, a no man’s land of sorts. This girl’s life was getting more and more colourful by the minute.

“Now I’ve got one more question to ask you, Miss Dahlia, and I need you to be truthful,” I warned her. “Why haven’t you gone to the police with this?”

“I got a gig,” she said. “I was cast in a picture by a well-known director, Pryce Winters -- perhaps you know of him.”

“You mean the Pryce Winters?” I asked, incredulous. “As in the one who directed Mahogany Blues? You’ve been hired by Stone Cold Pryce?”

“Yeah, anyway it hasn’t been announced yet,” she whispered, Colored bit seems off with rest of the sentence. “but he’s famous for not being very tolerant with the problems of his actors. If he knew something like this was happening to me, he might think I wasn’t worth the trouble to hire.”

“That’s all I need to know?” I asked her.

She nodded in agreement, but I didn’t buy it. Seems unnecessary. There was still something she hadn’t told me, still a part of her she’d kept secret. Now, there are two kinds of secrets: the kind that doesn’t get you killed, and the kind that does. I hoped whatever she was too scared to tell me wasn’t the latter.

“Very well, Miss Dahlia,” I said getting up. “I’ll look into this, and in the mean time, go on about your business as usual. Just leave your info with my secretary. She’s the one you deal with regarding payment and all.”

She smiled at me and this time, it wasn’t the smile of an actress trying to smile. Repetitive, that. This one was a real smile, one that could light up an entire room like the skies on the Fourth of July. She removed her right purple glove and shook my hand. As she did, I noticed a very intricate ring on her finger. Both the ring's design and ornaments felt very foreign, almost ancient. I couldn’t help but wonder how a struggling cabaret artist could afford such an obviously expensive piece of jewelry, but I kept the thought to myself. The girl was a mystery, and obviously intended to stay so.

After shaking her hand, I sat back in my wooden chair and tried to make sense of those letters. I must have read each one a hundred times, trying to find a clue, trying to find something that could help me. Each read confirmed my first impression, that this wasn’t the work of a mad man or an obsessive fan. They felt meticulous, they had a clear goal, and that goal was to inspire fear in my client -- but to what end?

After a while, I was brought back to reality by the sound of a white ceramic mug being delicately placed on my cold wooden desk. Unnecessary adjectives. I could smell the bitter aroma of freshly made coffee emanating from it. I looked up to find my secretary, Jasmine, standing there, her arms crossed across her waist and a worried look on her face.

“Did you open a file for Miss Dahlia?”

She shyly nodded. Jasmine was always very quiet and never said much. I could tell it was very hard for her to even talk to me, let alone clients. It was like she always feared she was Unecessary words. making a mistake, even though she was one of the most competent person I’d ever met.

“What about the payment?” I asked.

“She left a down payment to cover the investigation fees,” she said quietly, in a barely audible whisper, “and I’ll run her credit with the bank tomorrow.”

I smiled and thanked her. I watched her turn around and make her way to the door, her long brown hair and her white day dress floating behind her. She stopped at my office’s door and looked back at me. I could see in her eyes that she wanted to say something, but she seemed very much afraid to.

“Jasmine, can you stay a minute?” I called her.

“Yes, Mr. Shore,” she answered, in her usual quiet voice. Unecessary comma.

“We’ve been working together here at Lighthouse Investigations for about a year, right?” I asked her. “During that time, I’ve never made you feel like you couldn’t tell me something, did I?”

She shook her head, indicating that she tacitly agreed with my question.

“So, what is it?” I asked, trying my best to wear a smile that just wouldn’t come.

“I just…” she started, stopping herself in hesitation before continuing. “I… I wanted to say that I think you should go home tonight and not…”

“…stay in the office and drink myself into oblivion for a third straight night, is that it?” I asked calmly but sternly, before adding in a softer tone, “Look, I appreciate the concern, sweetie pie, but this ain’t an easy week for me, and my Beefeater friend here is helping me get through it more or less in one piece.”

“Is it because of Flint?” she asked, genuinely concerned.

“Look, I ain’t looking for a heart-to-heart right now,” I answered back, a little sterner than I'd intended. “We’ve got a case, we solve it. That’s all I need you for.”

As soon as the words left my mouth, I realized they were much harsher than I ever intended them to be; before I had a chance to apologize, she had already run out the door. Alone again with my thoughts, I decided to push away the cup of coffee and pour myself a glass of gin. Why’d she have to mention Flint? I was doing well since Dahlia walked into this office. I had a case, I was getting into it, and I had something to keep my mind off of… Flint. But now that he was on my mind, there was a fire in my throat and every cell in my body urged me to drink the contents of this glass to douse the flames. I drank one glass, then two, then enough liquid to extinguish a forest fire. And it still wasn’t enough to forget him. I plunged my hand into my shirt pocket, the one over my heart, and pulled out a grainy and ruffled picture.

You could tell it had been through a lot from the folded corners and the tiny tears around some of the borders. It was a macabre token of a grim past I couldn’t outrun, and yet, it also felt like my most precious possession I had. Unnecessary words. Not that I owned anything of any real value, but this tiny piece of paper felt important. On it, there were two guys. Even though the picture was in black and white, I still felt that every time I put my gaze upon it, I could still see the scene. My unkempt strawberry blond hair next to his fiery curls, both of us wearing our blue uniform for the first time, and then there was his laughter. God, his thunderous and contagious laughter still resonated in my ears. That had been the day we both joined the police. The day he died in front of me, about a year ago, was the day I left the force. Ain’t no use being a cop and protecting people if I couldn’t protect my own partner.

Unable to get the images of that night out of my mind, I crushed the picture in the palm of my hand and threw it across the room. I could still feel him dying in my arms, shaking as he took his last breath. The last face he’d ever see was the one of his partner who couldn’t protect him, who couldn’t do anything but hold him as he died.

I must have cried myself to sleep as I woke up by the phone ringing. I turned on my desk light and glanced at the clock on the wall. Who the hell would call me at two in the morning? With a trembling hand and a head that was spinning more than a rollercoaster, I picked up the phone. I could hear a vein bouncing in my temple and a distraught voice on the other end of the line.

“Mr. Shore? It’s Dahlia, are you there?” said the voice. I had barely recognized it because it was full of fear and genuine panic. She started speaking faster and sounding increasingly frantic. “I was attacked just now outside of my apart --

Just as she said those words, the line was cut. The panic stricken voice of my client made way to the monotone droning of a hung telephone. There was nothing but silence, as if I was waiting for someone to give me the order to go save the girl I'd sworn to protect. Even though I was barely able to walk a straight line, I ran out of the office, barely taking the time to pick up Dahlia’s address in Jasmine’s file and grab my hat and raincoat.

Suggesting another paragraph break right here.

As I climbed down the stairs and nearly tripped a few times, I couldn’t shake off the feeling of sheer terror that Dahlia’s call had instilled in me. I burst onto the street and found it damp. It was as if a tidal wave had swept through the city and turned the concrete streets into wetlands. Braving the nightly drizzle, I jumped into my car and sped through the ebony labyrinth of darkened streets. Still dizzy from the gin, it suddenly felt like the surrounding obsidian landscape was about to swallow me whole.

As I reached my destination, a shady three-story building in a shady neighbourhood, I double-parked the car and opened the leathery glove box to get my gun. You repeated "shady" twice. I found the building’s door unlocked.

Another paragraph break, I think.

As I ran up the stairs, my heart was pounding like it wanted to break free of my ribcage. After reaching her floor, I slowly made my way through the darkened corridor, shadows enveloping me in a shroud of anonymity. Tightening my grip on my revolver in one hand, I used the other to slowly turn the coppery doorknob and push open the door to my client’s apartment. As I made my way through the tidy and small apartment, I could feel the darkness and silence surrounding me. I traveled through the poorly furnished living room and the adjacent kitchen, my damp raincoat dripping on the white ceramic tiles. As I stood before Dahlia’s bedroom door, I took a deep breath, not knowing what I’d find on the other side. The beginning clauses of all these sentences are a tad distracting.

As I pushed open the door, nothing could have prepared me for the sight I was about to witness. On the bed, amongst bloody sheets, my client lay naked, lifeless, with a look of utter terror forever stamped on her face. She’d been carved up like a turkey on Thanksgiving. Triangular pieces of her flesh had been folded around her stomach, like a sickly flower with petals made of flesh and fat. Amongst her exposed intestines, I could see something that didn’t belong, a lone flower -- a dahlia with blood stained petals.

To be continued...

The main problems I see in here are comma usage. As I'm not very good at explaining things, I suggest you look up "correct comma usage" on Google. It'll help you out.

For a first chapter, this is both informative and fun to read. You keep to the model of film noir very well, but you should be careful of running into detrimental cliches of the genre. Look up some Agatha Christie; it'll help out with the "mystery" part of this fic.

Also, you don't have to follow my corrections. You can choose whether or not to use them.

Also-also: I can't help you with any plot-related problems until, at the very least, the second chapter. I think I'll be able to get to it tomorrow.
 
Re: The Red Dahlia

This fic has been so much fun to read so far! Usually I don't like AU fics, but this one is done really well and it is very unique. I really like how you captured the film noir style, and I think Volkner is a good choice of character to focus on. It's clever how you add different gym leaders as supporting characters.

Can't wait to read what you write next :)

Thank you Claire! You're a really good writer so this means a lot coming from you. :D

You like blades a lot, I can see. First rays of light, now red lips.

Actually, I'd like to think that blades like Dahlia, which should be evident by the end of the chapter :D The use of the blade metaphors wasn't innocent, I wanted to foreshadow the way Dahlia died.

The main problems I see in here are comma usage.

I agree, English isn't my first language and dialogue is written differently in French, so thanks for pointing it out. It's very helpful.

For a first chapter, this is both informative and fun to read. You keep to the model of film noir very well, but you should be careful of running into detrimental cliches of the genre. Look up some Agatha Christie; it'll help out with the "mystery" part of this fic.

Actually, I'm gonna play with the clichés of the genre both with the characters like the alcohol friendly, deadpan snaker, ex-cop detective, but also femmes fatales and a Kingpin and of course the narration style being very similar to a Private Eye Monologue. Though I intend to put a few twist on these characters and the plot itself is where I hope to be more original.

Also, you don't have to follow my corrections. You can choose whether or not to use them.

I followed most of them. I followed all of the punctuation, but some things I kept because they added a bit of color to the speech and added to the private eye feel to it and where on purpose. I also corrected a few mistakes I saw, like preplacing Tricorn with Tricorne and giving Dahlia a last name. (Kincaid because it rhymes with arcade :p)

Also-also: I can't help you with any plot-related problems until, at the very least, the second chapter. I think I'll be able to get to it tomorrow.

Thanks again for reviewing, it's super helpful!
 
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Re: The Red Dahlia

Hi!

I'm thoroughly enjoying your fanfic thus far! You have a wide vocabulary, vivid similes/metaphors, and your characterization is spot on. You've nailed every character so far. Names like Volkner "Sunny" Shore, Jasmine Oliver, etc. made me laugh a little due to how fitting they were.

I wish I could be of more assistance in evaluating your writing style itself, but I don't have much experience. I can say, though, that the mood surrounding the story is well suited to the genre. What's the setting, by the way (more specifically, the date)?

The Volkner/Flint story intertwining with the Volkner/Dahlia case is ingenious. It's impressive when writers can maintain multiple story lines without getting jumbled.

I like that your characters are sort of falling into stereotypes. It was creative on your part for incorporating their game/anime personae into the characters in your story.

Props to you for not being afraid to take the murder aspect of the story lightly. I don't always think it's necessary to have excessive amounts of gore for mature stories, but the foreshadowing with the "blades" like you said earlier was clever.

Don't be afraid to go overboard with the frightful aspect of the story, I love getting chills.

Good luck!

P.S. I love the foreshadowing of a specific line (if I'm correct in what I believe may happen).
 
Re: The Red Dahlia

Sorry I couldn't review this like I said I would. Caught a cold, couldn't move out of bed, blah, blah, blah.

I agree, English isn't my first language and dialogue is written differently in French, so thanks for pointing it out. It's very helpful.

Actually, I'm gonna play with the clichés of the genre both with the characters...and of course the narration style being very similar to a Private Eye Monologue. Though I intend to put a few twist on these characters and the plot itself is where I hope to be more original.


1. That's why I'm so impressed with your fic; this genre is notorious for its superfluous use of idiomatic English and slang. I know if I ever tried to do this in French...well, uh, I kinda forget (sometimes, maybe, a lot) what the French word for "yes" is. Yeah.

2. As long as you know what your doing, I'm fine trusting you with the wheel. Just don't crash, man.


Chapter Two:

“Damn, Sunny, you do know that you don’t need a dead body for me to come over and visit,” said the gruff and deep voice of Inspector Surge.

“How many times have you come to see me in the last year, Lieutenant? Once, maybe twice,” I said nonchalantly, “so forgive me for thinking I need to step up my game since your visits have been scarcer than a rainstorm in the middle of the Sahara.”

“How many times do I have to tell you to can it with the lieutenant?” asked Surge. “War’s been over for a long time and I’d rather not think back to those days, boy. So let’s take a look at….Well I’ll be damned.”

That last bit pretty much summed up my impression when I’d first laid eyes on the body. Just the sight of that girl, sliced up like a pizza fresh out of the oven, was making me sick, mostly because the red stuff around her just wasn’t tomato sauce. Bloody sheets, bloody walls, a bloody corpse -- actually, it’d probably take up less time to list the thing in that bedroom that didn’t have blood on them.

“I’ve seen some sick things in my days,” whispered Surge, “but this takes the cake. Just who was that girl?”

“Just a lady trying to make a living,” I answered.

Surge shot me an inquisitive look as to exactly what the lady did to earn a living. I could see what he was thinking, and the answer he’d thought up couldn’t be further away from the truth.

“Get your mind out of the gutter; she was a singer at the Tricorne and she was trying to make it as an actress,” I told him.

“And you know her how?” he asked. “Tricorne ain’t exactly your scene, Sunny.”

“She was a client, Matis, she came to me last night 'cause some nutcase is sending her death threats,” I said. ...What's...a Matis? If it's Surge's name....BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Sorry.

“Looks like he made good on that promise,” said Surge.

We both stepped into the poorly decorated bedroom and walked towards the naked, lifeless body of my client. She looked like a howling banshee with her mouth wide open and her empty stare, like she was possessed.

“Now who would do something like this to a pretty girl like that?” asked Surge.

“That’s what I’m trying to find out,” I answered matter-of-factly.

“Volkner, listen to me,” said Surge. He only called me by my name when he was deadly serious. “I don’t know who killed this girl, but I don’t want you to end up its next victim.”

“That’s swell and all, but I can’t keep doing nothing while people around me keep dying,” I answered.

“What happened to this girl ain’t your fault, Volkner,” said Surge, “Just like what happened to….Although I may be biased -- I dearly love them -- I think a number of times when you use an ellipses you could instead use a dash, to greater effect.

I shot him an angry look before he had the chance to finish his sentence. That was one subject I didn’t want to talk about and he knew it. We’d been through enough together and he knew me well enough to know he shouldn’t bring it up. This sentence seems a tad redundant. After the war where he’d been my commanding officer, he had helped me join the force. That’s when I met Flint. Damn, why did everything always have to bring me back to him? I shook my head and, hopefully, the grim thoughts it contained.

“Now, I sure ain’t the museum type,” said Surge, “but the flower coming out of the bowels, the splatters of blood running clean lines all over, this feels like one of them surrealist paintings. Like the ones with the molten clocks or something, you know what I mean?”

I didn’t. I wasn’t anymore of a museum type than the lieutenant, but he raised a good point. The bloodied dahlia, the skin petals, the position of the body, A dash or ellipses here, I think. everything felt staged, like an art piece. Like someone wanted whoever discovered the body to find it this way. It was a message, like the death threats. It was meant to leave an impression, but to whom? Dahlia was dead, so who was the message for?

I left the room and passed a few officers dusting the apartment for prints. The photographer came in and took pictures of the bedroom and the body. While the whole police circus was doing its dog and pony show, I sat in an armchair and stared at the abstract geometric pattern of the wallpaper. The kind that was so ugly it could drive any sane man to murder. Murder by wallpaper, this was the best theory I could come up with. Two sentence fragments in a row, cap'n. I dunno, seems weird here, a bit distracting. You could combine them, if you want. Your thoughts?

I closed my eyes and tried to picture all the pieces of the puzzle I had in front of me. The letters, the old film director, the Tricorne, the body, Again, maybe a dash or an ellipses. the whole masquerade was taunting me. Nothing felt straightforward here; everything seemed to lead in a thousand different directions. After what must have felt like hours, I glanced at the clock on the wall, one of them ugly modern clocks that felt more about design than telling time. A quarter past eight in the morning, Jasmine would be in by now. HEY, NO PRESENT TENSE FOR YOU, NO! KEEP IT PAST OR IN YOUR PANTS! ...That came out wrong. Girl might have been shy as a bud in a snowy spring, but she was always in at eight on the dot. I picked up the phone and decided to call the office.

“Lighthouse investigations,” she answered, quiet voice bordering on whisper. “We shine a light through the night of your problems.”

She’d come up with the slogan herself and I didn’t have the heart to tell her I didn’t like it. Her heart was in the right place, though, so I kept mum about it. She was only trying to help.

“Jasmine, it’s me. Listen, I need you to make copies of the letters Dahlia brought in yesterday. They’re on my desk,” I said. I could hear a certain hesitation in her breathing. She could tell something was up. The girl’s instincts were almost always spot on, so I knew I had to be straight up with her. “After that, could you bring them to the metropolitan police station?

“Is she okay?” she asked timidly, knowing all too well the answer. Okay -- either capitalize both letters, or spell the whole thing out, cap'n. (I dunno why I'm calling you "cap'n" now, sorry.) Okay used to be two words. Forgot what, so Google is your guide now.

“Just hurry up, please,” I answered, tacitly confirming her worst fears. It was one thing to let her know our client had died, but I didn’t want her to know how. Though, pretty soon, the vultures would come circling. The press would have a field day with this. There’s only one thing that sells copies more than a pretty girl dying in a gruesome murder and elections were still a few years away. What, exactly? The less involved she was, the better.

Just as I hung up the phone, I felt a hand tapping my shoulder.

“What is it?” I asked Surge.

“The coroner people are gonna be up here in a few to collect the body,” he said, dead serious. “I know you’re probably still in shock, but I have to ask you to come in and give your testimony.”

“Sure thing. I called my assistant; she’ll drop the letters downtown after she’s done copying the contents,” I answered. “I suppose you want to do this now?”

“Well, I’d like to get you out of here before the press gets here, if possible,” said Surge, flashing a shy smile. He always tried to look out for me, ever since the war. He always tried to dismiss it, but he was the one person I knew would always have my back.

As we went out the building and into the cold and grey morning, I couldn’t help but see familiar blue uniforms and cop cars. Everything reminded me of my past life as a cop. Everything reminded me of him. The ride to the station was uneventful, just rolling through the grey streets, between the grey buildings, underneath the grey skies. The city as day was just a monochrome block of concrete and desperation. People running around in their grey suits to their grey offices -- all of them were blindly ignorant of the things that went on in the night. The crimes, the murders, the bodies; they were ignored or treated like carnival freaks. A city full of millions and most of them didn’t know Dahlia, but I swore to myself they’d know of her murder. And also, grey.

We arrived at the downtown station and made our way through the art deco lobby to the elevators and then up to the homicide floor. I was hoping that we didn’t meet some old colleagues on the way and thankfully, we didn’t. There was nothing I hate more than running into people that want to reminisce about the good old days when there ain’t nothing good about them.

I sat next to the lieutenant’s desk. (I shouldn’t call him that. He always said the war’s over anyway.) He looked at me and asked all of the usual questions. Why was I there? When did I meet her for the first time? What was our business together? He asked all of the expected questions and I provided all of the expected answers, like a well-oiled machine. After a while, Surge raised his head and signaled me to look behind. I turned around and saw Jasmine, looking uncomfortable as she was clutching a few letters against her chest.

“Here, I brought the letters you asked for,” said Jasmine, desperately trying to avoid looking at me and Surge.

“Thank you. You did make a transcription like I asked?” I asked, trying not to sound too patronizing. She nodded in acquiescence and handed the pieces of paper to Surge while trying to avert his gaze. She hated being the center of attention.

“Well, thank you, little lady,” said a blushing Surge. Jasmine might have hated the spotlight, but whenever a pretty girl walked into a room, there wasn’t anything else that could capture Surge’s attention quite like it. Doubt you need that last part of the sentence I just high-lighted. “I don’t believe we were ever properly introduced; name's Matis Surge. Sunny here and I were in the war together.”

“I… I know,” said Jasmine timidly. “I’m Jasmine... Jasmine Oliver, nice to meet you. Mr. Shore has mentioned you before quite a few times.”

“He did?” asked Surge while looking at me. “Well, he’s mentioned you, but he never told me what a looker you were. Now Sunny, why would you ever hide a pretty little face like that from me?” Just want to point this out now: When you use "well" in a sentence, you usually put a comma after it unless it's describing something. There're some exceptions, but hey, there are exceptions to everything.

Surge started laughing, totally oblivious to the fact that Jasmine was getting more and more uncomfortable by the second.

“Because I knew you’d always make up flimsy excuses to drop by the office instead of doing your job,” I said dryly, “which right now, involves finding my client’s murderer. Now, we wouldn’t want to keep you from getting started on that, so if there ain’t anything else you need to ask me, we’ll be on our way.”

Surge nodded and then turned to Jasmine. “Well, it was a pleasure meeting you, Miss Oliver.”

Jasmine nodded as I shook Surge’s hand. Jasmine and I left the blond detective and made our way through the labyrinth of desks in the homicide division. After reaching the safety of the elevator, I let out a painful sigh.

“I hate this place; too many ghosts,” I said. “Sorry to have dragged you all the way down here.”

“It’s nothing,” she kindly said. “I’m just glad I could help.”

“Actually, there’s something else you could do for me,” I said. “I need a ride. My car is still at Dahlia’s apartment and all the press must be there, so I’d rather go get it later. I want to get started on this case right away.”

“But isn’t the police taking care of this?” asked Jasmine. I could tell she was concerned about my safety.

“Listen, I know you’re worried about me, but a dead client ain’t exactly good word-to-mouth advertisement,” I answered. “I need to do this Jasmine. I don’t want to bury someone else while their killer is running loose.”

“Well, I don’t want to have to go and bury you,” said Jasmine defiantly as her face became redder than a ripe tomato at sunset.

We both stayed silent as the elevator arrived at the ground floor. We made our way to her car on the busy streets, not speaking a word along the way. I had the distinct impression that Jasmine had said more than she wanted to say and I knew for a fact she had said more than I wanted her to say. The people that didn’t want to see me dead, well, they usually ended up six feet under themselves. Getting attached to me was a dangerous sport.

“Where to?” she asked as we got into her car.

There was one place I was particularly anxious to check out. It was where Dahlia had gone after leaving my office and probably where she’d met the person sending her those letters: the Tricorne.

Okay, characterization time. I'll put down what I've interpreted of your characters, all right?

Volkner: Cool, clear-headed, sarcastic, rather cold, bisexual (?), a skulking, brooding type. Has a bad past, apparently, which includes some time at war and a loss of a partner. I would assume observant, reasonably clever, and non-conforming, considering he's a PI that left the police. A bit of a broken bird, a woobie (look those up if you don't know, cap'n), and has Jasmine as a morality pet. An alcoholic, has a soft spot for timid things and women, has a problem with metaphoring and simile-ing all over the place. Is used to blood and gore, so I assume he's used to violence (he killed in the past, maybe?).

Questions: I haven't really seen him do anything more than look at things -- not observing, mind you, but just watching like a child peering into a fish bowl. You've stated that he went to war; if so, shouldn't losing a partner during his stay with the police be a little less ripping? (Not saying death is easy to endure or something you can get used to, but war brings death all the time.) He's interesting, though, and I'm interested, so hey, I dunno. Let's see.

Jasmine: Shy, reserved, observant. Doesn't talk unless compelled to by outside circumstances. Distant, but in a I'm-afraid-the-world-will-eat-me way, not the cold way Volkner is. Trajic past as well? Secretary, so has some skills with typing, writing, perhaps shorthand, multi-tasking, evading problems as she tries to fix them, clear-headed (I hope), good with technology a bit (basics, I think), and some nice motor skills and coordination.

Questions: Why would someone that's so shy take a job that includes handling other people and their business? It's very verbal. Was it for her observational talents? Her "other" talents? (Masculine, alcoholic charm can only go so far, after all.) She seems innocent. Are you, like...going to kill her, or something? Use her as bait? That's what I expect. Pretty ladies that are involved with the PI in fiction never last long with literal ladykillers around. Especially the innocent ones with necessary detective skills. She's cute, so let's see how it goes.

Surge: A bit more crude than Volkner, has a "hands-on" approach to things, is more emotional of the two, or at least actually shows his emotions. Likes pretty women. Seems straight-laced, at least compared to Volkner. You know what? How about I go out on a limb and assume he'll be Volkner's foil right here.

Questions: He's the foil to Volkner, right? Since this is his first appearance, I've only seen him in terms that say "opposite," "different, but in a way compared to Volkner," and "is parallel to Volkner." Don't know about Surge yet; you've got a plan for him, I expect, so I won't bother him too much. I'll wait and see if I'll like him as a character.

General Questions:


1. Are you going to show us, the readers, some policin' procedures?

'Cause I think they're both necessary to show us that Volkner was a former policeman, and to get us interested with how Volkner's own style of policin' contradicts and follows standard procedure. Plus, I think its fun.

2. Do you have general outline for the "mystery" part of this?

That's what I'm most afraid of: a Scooby-Doo sort of mystery. Characterization and development is great and all, but still, mystery is mystery.

3. How will you use the setting to your advantage?

Will the city's population make it harder or easier to find the culprit? Will there be neighborhood divisions between different sections of the city? Will there be gangs? Violence? Rule-breaking? Will Volkner's own background make it hard for him to investigate? Will the level of technology (or lack thereof) be helpful or a burden? Are medical practices in line with, say, 1930's Chicago, or 2000's New York City? All of that will make things easier for you when you need to think up certain situations.

4. How long do you think this will last?

The story, I mean. Ten chapters? Twenty? It matters, because depending on where you're going to end, the story might rush on and pull a deus ex machina out of nowhere just to conform to the ending chapter's needs.

5. What kind of pacing are you going for? (Fast? Slow?)

This is pretty important. If you go too fast, then it might become a sort of action-laden thriller; if too slow, it might turn into a psychological-suspense thingy. Pacing definitely makes the story in this genre of fiction.

6. What's the French word for "yes"?

Honestly, if I don't remember this soon I'm never gonna get to bed. And it will be all your fault.

You know, I think I'm turning into more of a beta-reader than reviewer. Is...that good?
 
Re: The Red Dahlia

First, I'd like to thank both of you guys for your comments and reviews. Both were really encouraging and useful.

The Puppetmaster's answer:

I'm thoroughly enjoying your fanfic thus far!

Thank you for the kind words! I'm glad you're enjoying the story. :)

What's the setting, by the way (more specifically, the date)?

Think huge American city, something that I don't plan to name it but New York/Chicago, around late 40's/early 50's.

P.S. I love the foreshadowing of a specific line (if I'm correct in what I believe may happen).

There may or may not be a line that forshadows something later on, but I'm curious which one you think it is. :p

Italics' answer:

Sorry I couldn't review this like I said I would. Caught a cold, couldn't move out of bed, blah, blah, blah.

I'm just glad you accepted to take some time to look over this fic in the first place.

Okay, characterization time. I'll put down what I've interpreted of your characters, all right?

Well, safe for a few things about each characters, you're pretty much spot on with your descriptions of them. I liked that you asked the questions, because it actually forced me to really question myself about some aspects of the characters, though I had an answer for all of them, so that's a good thing. You'll get the answers throughout the chapters.

1. Are you going to show us, the readers, some policin' procedures?

Well, as I said above, chapter 2 was mostly about the shock more so than really gathering clues. Though that'll come starting in the next chapters. It'll become an increasing part of the story.

2. Do you have general outline for the "mystery" part of this?

Well, next 3-4 chapters will be about introducing our gallery of suspects. I already mentionned Pryce Winters and Dahlia's working place, the Tricorne. Then, it's gonna be about Volkner trying to figure out how they all fit in Dahlia's death.

3. How will you use the setting to your advantage?

As I mentionned above, I'm introducing a cast of characters. They'll range form high scoiety to underground and everything in between. Though, I won't necessarily have Volkner deal with the criminal underworld, more like brush past it a few times.

4. How long do you think this will last?

Originally, I thought 10-15 chapters, but I think it'll be 15-20. I'm ready to go for more if need be.

5. What kind of pacing are you going for? (Fast? Slow?)
Each chapter spans anywhere from 6-12 hours in the story, so I'd say it'll be more fast than slow. Though, the dialogue slows it down a bit.

6. What's the French word for "yes"?

Oui

You know, I think I'm turning into more of a beta-reader than reviewer. Is...that good?

A review like yours, that really dissects the story is super useful for the author in my opinion. Like I said, by asking questions, you're forcing to make sure I have the answers and really know where I'm going. So thank you, you're review was incredibly useful! :D

Oh by the way, I'm planning on updating with Chapter 3 either Wednesday. The first part of this chapter was a bit more difficult to write.
 
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Re: The Red Dahlia

I'm just glad you accepted to take some time to look over this fic in the first place.

D'awwww, you're some kind of sweetie, aren't cha? /:Y


Well, safe for a few things about each characters, you're pretty much spot on with your descriptions of them.

Well, that's good. If a reader can't interpret the character in the proper direction, then something tends to get screwy later on.


I liked that you asked the questions, because it actually forced me to really question myself about some aspects of the characters, though I had an answer for all of them, so that's a good thing. You'll get the answers throughout the chapters.

Good. If you answer them outright you'll ruin the fun of interpretation. And answering questions about stuff is always fun, in my opinion.

Well, as I said above, chapter 2 was mostly about the shock more so than really gathering clues. Though that'll come starting in the next chapters. It'll become an increasing part of the story.

As long as you're putting that stuff in there then I'm good, cap'n. If you'd ignored it then I would've bothered you for the next thousand chapters.

Well, next 3-4 chapters will be about introducing our gallery of suspects. I already mentionned Pryce Winters and Dahlia's working place, the Tricorne. Then, it's gonna be about Volkner trying to figure out how they all fit in Dahlia's death.

Cool. Keep that up and things will stay interesting.

As I mentionned above, I'm introducing a cast of characters. They'll range form high scoiety to underground and everything in between. Though, I won't necessarily have Volkner deal with the criminal underworld, more like brush past it a few times.

Good, good, and good. Reality has many different layers, and when a work of fiction follows this then things become like lovely little onions.

Originally, I thought 10-15 chapters, but I think it'll be 15-20. I'm ready to go for more if need be.

Whelp, now I know how long I'll be reviewing, cap'n. Not that that's a bad thing.

Each chapter spans anywhere from 6-12 hours in the story, so I'd say it'll be more fast than slow. Though, the dialogue slows it down a bit.

Huh. Like 24, I expect. Awesome.


DAMN IT.

A review like yours, that really dissects the story is super useful for the author in my opinion. Like I said, by asking questions, you're forcing to make sure I have the answers and really know where I'm going. So thank you, you're review was incredibly useful! :D

Heh. I guess saying you really know how to complement someone was pretty spot-on.

Oh by the way, I'm planning on updating with Chapter 3 either tomorrow or Tuesday. The first part of this chapter was a bit more difficult to write.

Cool, now I know when to look this thingy up again. Be there, then, as soon as you have it up, I guess.
 
Re: The Red Dahlia

This is actually really cool. I'm a sucker for a good AU fic, and this definitely fits the bill. The characters feel natural, which can make or break this kind of fic. The story itself, while basic up to this point, is engrossing, and it revels in traditional noir dialogue without drowning in it. Can't wait to see the next chapter.
 
Re: The Red Dahlia

I really love the imagery you created with the death scene. And I have to say, the story overall (so far) has been captivating. I eagerly await the next chapter. ;)
 
Re: The Red Dahlia

Just the sight of that girl, sliced up like a pizza fresh out of the oven, was making me sick, mostly because the red stuff around her just wasn’t tomato sauce.

I feel like a terrible person for laughing inside with this analogy.

And I also feel like a terrible person for shipping a one sided Jasmine x Volkner relation,even if that's obviously against the authorial intent.

This story has been really cool so far,I think you have archived what you intended.I get the mystery vibes easily,and will be looking forward the crazy twists and Xanatos shenanigans.

Also I did a little fanart of Mr.Detective Volkner(or at last how I see him...oh gosh he looks more like a sailor here doesn't he dammit)sorry is a bit rushed...

Sunny.png
 
Re: The Red Dahlia

*looks at fanart* *gets big sweatdrop behind head* *reads comment* *sweatdrop becomes smaller*
 
Re: The Red Dahlia

This is pretty damn cool. I actually read it through (I normally stop reading when the first 3 words don't interest me for some reason) The imagery was just intense, I could imagine everything. Maybe it' just my vivid imagination, but WOAAAHH

Keep going :D
 
Re: The Red Dahlia

Thanks for all the comments guys (and for the fanart Sombra, though I have to admit, that's not at all how I picture Volkner in this fic.)!

I really appreciate the feedback and the input you guys are giving. I'm really sorry for the delays for Chapter 3, but here it is

Heu it's a little longer but I had to introduce 5 characters. The lenght should be back to what it was before next chapter. I'll try to have that one up real soon, I'm in a writing mood again. So here goes and please comment!

Chapter 3: Lunchtime at the Tricorne

In a town like this, there were places where nobody in their right mind would go to. There were some dark alleys, far from inquiring eyes, where you could only find two things: a good trashing, if you were lucky, or a gruesome death. Then there were places like the Tricorne. No, I shouldn’t say that. There wasn’t another place exactly like the Tricorne. Maybe it was the ornate baroque doors; maybe it was the dark wood of the Victorian furniture; then again, maybe it was because it was the one place where the rich and the powerful could meet pretty girls like Dahlia; whatever it was, it made the Tricorne the place to see and be seen in this town. Every night, it attracted all the colourful characters that made this city run the way it did. From the corrupt politicians to the dubious characters sending brown envelopes their way; from the starlets to the magnates; everybody came to the Tricorne and everybody played nice.

“Do you really need me to come along?” said Jasmine timidly. “It doesn’t look like much.”

“It’ll fool you if you let it,” I answered, ignoring her question. I opened the door and motioned her inside. Just as I entered, something about the red velveteen curtains hit me harder than a World Champ’s uppercut. The weight of the atmosphere was heavy, full of intrigue, mystery and echoes. After all, this wasn’t my first time at the Tricorne, not by a long shot.

I could tell that Jasmine was uncomfortable, though I didn’t know why. Unlike me, she wasn’t wearing yesterday’s clothes. After all, part of getting in here was looking the part, and right now, I needed all the help I could get. Looking the way I did, they probably wouldn’t let me in a mile wide radius of their place, but a girl like Jasmine on my arm might make them a tad more inclined to answer my questions.

We reached the maître d’hôtel’s desk and were met by a young man sporting an uneasy smile and whose face had nearly lost all color. I’d recognize that face anywhere. It belonged to Cilan Cornell, sommelier and co-owner of the Tricorne. He and his brothers had inherited this place from their father a couple years back and they’d turned it into the place everyone would kill to get in.

One look at his listless green eyes and I could tell he already knew. That made my job easier. That was the one thing I hated the most about being in this line of work: breaking bad news to good people.

“Welcome to the Tricorne,” he said without really showing any sign of enthusiasm. “Would you like a table? Well, take your pick. The place is almost empty anyway.”

This had to have hit him hard. He was always more upbeat than his brothers and just then, he looked like he couldn’t care less about the restaurant, about us, about this whole crazy town. His trademark smile was gone, and so were the clients apparently.

“No customers?” asked Jasmine tentatively. On the list of things I didn’t see happening during this visit, Jasmine speaking ranked pretty high. It surprised me, but then again, Cilan always had a way with the ladies. Even grieving and morose, he still had something about him that had shaken Jasmine out of her usual silence.

“Just one regular,” replied Cilan matter-of-factly. “Even then, he seems to be on a somewhat liquid diet today.”

“He only eats soup?” asked Jasmine, seemingly concerned.

“Not unless Webster’s redefined a few gin tonics as soup, honey,” said Cilan, obviously pained. “On a day like today, that’s about all any of us could stomach.”

He picked up a couple of menus in his hands and showed us into the main room. We made our way through the near-empty restaurant. There was only one other occupied table. It was in a stall, next to the wall opposite the entrance. There were two men in dark suits on either side of it. At the table, there was a man sitting. I couldn’t see his face as he seemed engrossed by the glass of gin in front of him. I could only see slicked-back hair on the top of his head. There was something familiar about him, something I couldn’t quite put my finger on.

The restaurant itself was so different than how I remembered it. The two times I had come to this joint, it had been at night time, and at night this place shone like a black pearl. It felt infinite, as though the walls disappeared into darkness and there was nothing around but the swirling smoke and background noise coming from the other tables. It wasn’t just a place for me; it was a time, a feeling long forgotten. It brought me back to the last time I was here. God, why did everything always bring me back to…?

“Did your client know her?” asked Jasmine, prying me away from nights that needed to stay forgotten. “I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to bring her up. It must still be too soon to talk about it. It looks like she meant a lot to you.”

Cilan gave her a grateful smile as we both sat down at a table. I might have been good at being a sleuth, but when it came time to deal with a person’s inner turmoil, I wasn’t worth nothing.

“But if you need to talk about it, we’re right here,” offered Jasmine. She was different all of a sudden.

“That's very kind of you, Miss, but I’d rather not impose that burden on you,” said Cilan. “I’m here to be at your service, not the other way around. Would you like something to drink for starters?”

“What do you suggest?” I asked.

“Suggestions are my specialty,” said Cilan, his face literally lighting up. If there was one thing I remembered about the man, it was that he loved trying to guess which drink or wine would suit the best for each guest’s palette. “For the lady, so delicate in her white dress and so smooth in her manners, I’d definitely recommend a Bellini. The bubbles, the sweet taste of white peaches and the smooth texture, it will fit you perfectly.”

Jasmine nodded, obviously intrigued by the cocktail. I was amazed at how relaxed she felt around Cilan. She wasn’t always shy, but this was the first time I’d really seen her talk like that with a man.

“And for you, Mister,” said the sommelier, pausing. I felt like I was under a microscope the way he scrutinized me. It was as if he thought the answer was written on my face. “You’re unusual. I can’t quite get a good feel of what you might like, but I’d say something part acid and part bitter. I think I might have an idea, something with pisco and lime. Would that be to your liking?”

“That’d be quite all right, lad,” I answered. “It’s not what you recommended the last time I was here though.”

“Well you were a different man then, Mr. Shore,” he said as he left the table.

I indeed was a different man back then and I didn’t have to look far to see how that change had happened. After all, there are only so many things that can shake a man to his core and change who he is.

“Oh, Mr. Cornell,” I said as I turned around. “Bring yourself a glass of something you like, on me. I’d like to drink to the memory of our common friend, Miss Kincaid.”

I could see his back becoming stiff as he stopped walking. He stayed still for an instant, either paralyzed by the name or by the fact we seemed to be interested in talking about her. I looked behind Cilan and I could see his brother Cress, equally shaken after hearing her name. It was weird seeing Cress react that way. As he stood there, in his usual spot behind the bar, he looked to be white as chalk when he was usually the most nonchalant of the Cornell brothers. I didn’t think there was anything that could get a reaction out of him, and yet here he was, staring into space.

“You shouldn’t have done that,” said Jasmine, as I turned to face her. “He was gonna talk, I’m sure of it. Now you’ve only made him sad.”

“Well, I gotta say I’m surprised you care so much,” I said.

She blushed and looked away. With Cilan gone, it was business as usual as far as the dialogue between us went. I didn't mind. Working with Jasmine had often forced me to practice the art of soliloquy and by now I was a bloody virtuoso.

“Look, I know you mean well, but right now, we got a dead client and exactly no clues as to how she died,” I explained. “If I could spare them the questions I would, but there’s stuff we gotta know.”

“What questions?” asked Cilan, coming back with our drinks and flanked by his two brothers.

“I told you, probably some reporter trying to score an interview with the dead girl’s employers,” said a redhead, barely able to contain his anger. Chili Cornell was known for two things: being a master at the grill and his fiery temper.

“I’m not one of them vultures, kid,” I said to him. “I’m here because Miss Kincaid was my client. She came to me last night right as we were closing up shop and hired me to look into some disturbing letters she’d been getting. Now, I’m just trying to find out who did this.”

“Chili, I told you he used to be a cop,” said Cilan, recalling my previous visit.

“You said it yourself, he used to be,” replied Chili. He was obviously angry and hurt. He’d always had a reputation to be the one brother who got angry quite easily. “Now he’s just a washed up detective who probably only came here to ask for payment in exchange for finding who killed Dahlia. We don’t have to tell him anything.”

“Listen, son, you and I never met, you’re in shock and this drink is quite delicious, so let me tell you one thing,” I said, dead serious. “I’m gonna find Miss Kincaid’s killer, with or without your help. I’m not doing it because I want money or fame. I do it cause I know what it’s like to bury someone you care about without knowing who killed him or why. I don’t want you guys to go through the same thing.”

“Chili, you know it could help to talk to him,” said Cilan. “What do you think, Cress?”

“It can’t hurt,” said the third Cornell brother nonchalantly.

“She came to see me last night,” I explained. “Now, she left my office at about nine-thirty. Ain’t that right, Jasmine?”

She nodded silently.

“Now she called me in my office later, a little past two in the morning,” I explained. “That was moments before she died. I need to retrace her steps from the moment she left my office to the time she died. I can’t help unless I know more about her and where she was in those five hours.”

The five of us stayed silent, slowly digesting what I’d just said. All three brothers looked at each other, seemingly debating in silence whether or not I could be trusted.

“Now, when she came to see me, she was all dolled up like she was a movie star or something,” I said. “Am I right to assume she was so because she was on stage here last night?”

“You’re right,” said Cilan. “She was working last night.”

“She was late, though I guess we now know why,” added Cress.

“If he’s even telling the truth,” said Chili, obviously still bitter about Dahlia’s death. There was one thing that hit me right away about these three: they seemed to care deeply about Dahlia.

“She stayed until closing time,” said Cilan calmly, trying to move away from his brother’s attitude. “Usually, she stays and keeps us company while we prepare the restaurant for the next day, but last night, she said she had to leave early.”

“Though after what happened earlier last night, I didn’t blame her,” said Cress.

“If you don’t mind us asking, could you tell us what happened?” said Jasmine, in her usual quiet voice.

“Some crazy drunken lady disrupted her performance,” said Chili. He seemed so very protective of Dahlia. Boy looked like he might have ripped a man in half for just looking at her the wrong way. Whenever he talked about her, there was a fire burning in his eyes. “She called our Dahlia just about every goddamn name in the book and then some before I had enough and threw her out.”

“This lady, she got a name or just a motor mouth?” I asked.

“Fantina Hart, she’s a regular,” answered Cress, unfazed. I wrote the name down on a napkin.

“The actress?” asked Jasmine.

All three brothers nodded at the same time. You couldn’t tell they were triplets except for moments like these when they appeared to be synchronized, like Swiss clockwork. Everyone knew who Fantina Hart's name. She was one of the brightest stars in the silver screen firmament. She’d gotten a few parts here and there when she was young, but she didn’t make it big until she starred in Mahogany Blues. That led me back to Pryce Winters, the same director who was interested in hiring Dahlia.

“So she left at one in the morning?” I asked, just to get the timeline of events in order. “Was she alone?”

“She was, though she said that she was meeting someone,” said Cilan. “She mentioned not wanting to make him wait.”

“You don’t know whom?” I asked. This was the first real lead I had.

“Only that it was a man,” replied Cress.

“Now, I have to ask something,” I said, trying to sound compassionate. “Were any of you three romantically involved with Miss Kincaid?”

By the look on their faces, I could tell my shot at compassion had failed. All three of them shook their heads in unison. Didn’t think they were, but I had to be sure.

“Any of you wished they were?” I asked.

“Volkner!” said Jasmine, shocked at my forwardness.

“Listen, Mister Detective, I think we’ve been more then patient enough with you,” said Chili, obviously on the verge of blowing up. Boy was redder than a tomato at sunset. “But you’re going too far. That’s none of your business.”

“She’s dead,” I answered, “I’m trying to find out who’s responsible, so I’m making it my business.”

He looked like a tiger about to pounce and, if it wasn’t for his brothers holding him back, he might have hit me. After his initial rage passed, he took a deep breath and looked straight into my eyes.

“I’m very close to my brothers. As triplets, I see them as I see myself and would gladly take a bullet for either, so please don’t think that what I’m about to say is rubbish,” he said. “Dahlia was like a sister to us. She was like family to us. None of us ever felt anything romantic towards her.”

“Know anyone who did?” I asked.

Before any of them could answer, we all heard someone shouting near the bar.

“You!” shouted the young man. His shoulder length burgundy mane floated behind him as he walked the length of a restaurant toward the only other occupied table. “You killed her, didn’t you? You sick bastard, we were in love and it was eating you up inside. You couldn’t deal it with it so you sent one of your goons after her and they butchered her.”

At the table sat a man, in front of quite a few empty glasses. He raised his head and he looked at the young man shouting at him. I knew why he felt so familiar. I’d recognize those black eyes and that squared jaw anywhere. They belonged to Giovanni Veridiano.

In a city as big as this one, there are very few people that everybody knew by name. He was one of them. Then again, when one controls most of this city’s criminal underworld, one doesn’t really take any steps to keep it a secret. The police never could prove he was anything more then a legitimate businessman, but one only had to look at a dirty sidewalk to see his work. He ran all kinds of vice. Girls, guns, drugs, anything you could name, and he could get it. The only people in this town who didn’t fear him were either working for him or were handed bribes to squash their fears into oblivion. Then again, they could be impetuous grieving lovers shopping around for a bullet in their head.

“Which one of them was it?” shouted the young man. “Which one of them did you send after her? Was it one of the --”

He never could finish his tirade. One of Giovanni’s henchmen made him see stars faster than you could say knockout. The man in black grabbed the young man’s grey jacket and tossed him on the ground.

Flanked by the Cornell brothers, I ran to the young man’s aide. We stood between Giovanni’s thugs and the poor lad on the ground.

“Jasmine, check if he’s okay,” I said, not noticing she was already by his side. Then I turned back to Giovanni’s men and looked them right in the eye. “Listen, this poor bloke ate enough knuckle sandwiches for one day. He doesn’t need a second helping.”

Both looked inquisitively at their boss. After all, they were paid to hit, not to think.

“That’s enough, boys,” coldly said Giovanni. “This poor lad is obviously distraught and overcome with grief. I can understand the feeling. I, too, lost the woman I loved today. So I’ll overlook his baseless accusations this one time, otherwise I might have a talk with the concerned authorities about stopping this slander once and for all.”

He rose up from the table and motioned his men to follow him outside. I turned my attention back to the brainless fool who had just angered one of the most dangerous men in the city. Jasmine helped him stand up and handed his glasses back to him. I could tell he was still a little dazed, but he was able to remain on his feet.

“Are you off your rocker?” I said. “Do you know who you just royally pissed off?”

“I do and I don’t care,” he answered back. “Now if you’ll excuse me.”

“You’re sure you don’t want to stay just a little longer?” asked Jasmine, clearly concerned for the young lad.

I could see him blushing as she held his hand and tried to get him to sit down. He freed himself from her loose grip and gave her an uneasy smile. He then turned around and made his way to the exit.

“Well, you asked if someone was romantically interested in Dahlia…” said Cress, in his typical nonchalant demeanour. “Those were it.”

“Who was that guy?” I asked, still shell-shocked from the altercation.

“Roark Cobourg, he’s another one of our regulars,” said Cilan, clearly unnerved by the ordeal.

“Cobourg? You mean to say as in Cobourg Enterprises?” I asked.

“You just met one of their vice-presidents and the president’s son,” said Cilan.

I couldn’t help to think back to my first impression of Dahlia. The girl was trouble. Two-timing a criminal mastermind and the son of one of the city’s richest industrials was apparently a deadly sport in this town.

“Did Dahlia know anybody that wasn’t rich, famous, or powerful?” I asked, incredulous.

“Well, we were wondering the same thing and then you walked in,” replied a snarky Chili. “Now, if there isn’t anything else you want to ask us….”

“Don't you worry your fiery little head, Sparky,” I said. “My associate and I will be on our way. I’ve got places to go, people to see, and a murder that needs solving. But thanks to you guys, I just got a good idea where to start.”

To be continued...
 
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Re: The Red Dahlia

Another great chapter, my good man. Some powerful stuff right there, like a bear devouring my flesh.
 
Re: The Red Dahlia

Bonjour, me hombre! How you doin'? -- Italics

In a town like this, there were places where nobody in their right mind would go to. Backspace here. There were some dark alleys, far from inquiring eyes, where you could only find two things: a good trashing, if you were lucky, or a gruesome death. Backspace here. Then, Comma unneeded. there were places like the Tricorne. Backspace here. No, I shouldn’t say that. Backspace here. There wasn’t another place exactly like the Tricorne. Backspace here. Maybe it was the ornate baroque doors; maybe it was the dark wood of the Victorian furniture; then again, maybe it was because it was the one place where the rich and the powerful could meet pretty girls like Dahlia; whatever it was, it made the Tricorne the place to see and be seen in this town. Every night, it attracted all the colourful characters that made this city run the way it did. Backspace here. From the corrupt politicians to the dubious characters sending brown envelopes their way; from the starlets to the magnates; everybody came to the Tricorne and everybody played nice. You're using the semi-colon very nicely, cap'n. Just some light reading here in case you get confused.

“Do you really need me to come along?” said Jasmine, Comma unneeded. timidly. Backspace here. “It doesn’t look like much.”

“It’ll fool you if you let it,” I answered, ignoring her question. Backspace here. I opened the door and motioned her inside. Backspace here. Just as I entered, something about the red velveteen curtains hit me harder than a World Champ’s uppercut: the weight of the atmosphere was heavy, full of intrigue, mystery and echoes. After all, it wasn’t my first time at the Tricorne, not by a long shot. DID NOT WANT TO KNOW THAT, VOLKNER. DID. NOT. NEED. TO. KNOW.

I could tell that Jasmine was uncomfortable, though I didn’t know why. Yeah, okay, right. And Backspace here. Unlike me, she wasn’t wearing yesterday’s clothes. Backspace here. And yeah, mostly just remove all the extra spaces between sentences. After all, part of getting in here was looking the part, and right now, I needed all the help I could get. Looking the way I did, they probably wouldn’t let me in a mile wide radius of their place, but a girl like Jasmine on my arm might make them a tad more inclined to answer my questions.

We reached the maître d’hôtel’s Sly thing, you are. desk and were met by a young man sporting an uneasy smile and whose face had nearly lost all color. I’d recognize that face anywhere. It belonged to Cilan Cornell, sommelier and co-owner of the Tricorne. He and his brothers had inherited this place from their father a couple years back and they’d turned it into the place everyone would kill to get in. CORN? Gawd, not you.

One look at his listless green eyes and I could tell he already knew. That made my job easier. That was the one thing I hated the most about being in this line of work: breaking bad news to good people.

“Welcome to the Tricorne,” he said, Comma unneeded. without really showing any sign of enthusiasm. “Would you like a table? Well, take your pick. The place is almost empty anyway.”

This had to have hit him hard. He was always more upbeat than his brothers and just then, he looked like he couldn’t care less about the restaurant, about us, about this whole crazy town. His trademark smile was gone, and so were the clients apparently.

“No customers?” asked Jasmine tentatively. On the list of things I didn’t see happening during this visit, Jasmine speaking ranked pretty high. It surprised me, but then again, Cilan always had a way with the ladies. Even grieving and morose, he still had something about him that had shaken Jasmine out of her usual silence.

“Just one regular,” replied Cilan matter-of-factly. “Even then, he seems to be on a somewhat liquid diet today.”

“He only eats soup?” asked Jasmine, seemingly concerned.

“Not unless Webster’s redefined a few gin tonics as soup, honey,” said Cilan, obviously pained. “On a day like today, that’s about all any of us could stomach.”

He picked up a couple of menus in his hands and showed us into the main room. We made our way through the near-empty restaurant. There was only one other occupied table. It was in a stall, next to the wall opposite the entrance. There were two men in dark suits on either side of it. At the table, there was a man sitting. I couldn’t see his face as he seemed engrossed by the glass of whiskey in front of him. I could only see slicked-back hair on the top of his head. There was something familiar about him, something I couldn’t quite put my finger on.

The restaurant itself was so different than how I remembered it. The two times I had come to this joint, it had been at night time, and at night, Comma unneeded. this place shone like a black pearl. It felt infinite, as though the walls disappeared into darkness and there was nothing around you BAD, CAP'N, BAD! YOU DO NOT BREAK INTO THE SECOND-PERSON. BAD! but the swirling smoke and background noise coming from the other tables. It wasn’t just a place for me; it was a time, a feeling long forgotten. It brought me back to the last time I was here. God, why did everything always bring me back to…?

“Did your client know her?” asked Jasmine, prying me away from nights that needed to stay forgotten. “I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to bring her up. It must still be too soon to talk about it. It looks like she meant a lot to you.”

Cilan gave her a grateful smile as we both sat down at a table. I might have been good at being a sleuth, but when it came time to deal with a person’s inner turmoil, I wasn’t worth nothing.

“But if you need to talk about it, we’re right here,” offered Jasmine. I don’t know what had Cut. happened to her, but she was different all of a sudden. Changes made for more flow in dialogue.

That's very kind of you, Miss, but I’d rather not impose that burden on you,” said Cilan. “I’m here to be at your service, not the other way around. Would you like something to drink for starters?”

“What do you suggest?” I asked.

“Suggestions are my specialty,” said Cilan, his face literally lighting up. If there was one thing I remembered about the man, it was that he loved trying to guess which drink or wine would suit the best for each guest’s palette. “For the lady, so delicate in her white dress and so smooth in her manners, I’d definitely recommend a Bellini. The bubbles, the sweet taste of white peaches and the smooth texture, it will fit you perfectly.”

Jasmine nodded, obviously intrigued by the cocktail. I was amazed at how relaxed she felt around Cilan. She wasn’t always shy, but this was the first time I’d really seen her talk like that with a man.

“And for you, Mister,” said the sommelier, pausing. I felt like I was under a microscope the way he scrutinized me. It was as if he thought the answer was written on my face. “You’re unusual. I can’t quite get a good feel of what you might like, but I’d say something part acid and part bitter. HA! I think I might have an idea, something with pisco and lime. Would that be to your liking?”

“That’d be quite all right, lad,” I answered. “It’s not what you recommended the last time I was here though.”

“Well, you were a different man then,” he said ominously as he left the table, leaving me to ponder his words. ...You aren't too bright, eh, Volkner? SOMEBODY YOU LOVED DIED.

I indeed was a different man back then and I didn’t have to look far to see how that change had happened. After all, there are only so many things that can shake a man to his core and change who he is.

“Oh, Mr. Cornell,” I said as I turned around. “Bring yourself a glass of something you like, on me. I’d like to drink to the memory of our common friend, Miss Kincaid.”

I could see his back becoming stiff as he stopped walking. He stayed still for an instant, either paralyzed by the name or by the fact we seemed to be interested in talking about her. I looked behind Cilan and I could see his brother Cress, equally shaken after hearing her name. It was weird seeing Cress react that way. As he stood there, in his usual spot behind the bar, he looked to be white as chalk when he was usually the most nonchalant of the Cornell brothers. I didn’t think there was anything that could get a reaction out of him, and yet, Comma unneeded. here he was, staring into space.

“You shouldn’t have done that,” said Jasmine, as I turned to face her. “He was gonna talk, I’m sure of it. Now you’ve only made him sad.”

“Well, I gotta say I’m surprised you care so much,” I said.

She blushed and looked away. With Cilan gone, it was business as usual as far as the dialogue between us went. I didn't mind. Working with Jasmine had often forced me to practice the art of soliloquy, and by now, Comma unneeded. I was a bloody virtuoso.

“Look, I know you mean well, but right now, we got a dead client and exactly no clues as to how she died,” I explained. “If I could spare them the questions I would, but there’s stuff we gotta know.”

“What questions?” asked Cilan, coming back with our drinks and flanked by his two brothers.

“I told you, probably some reporter trying to score an interview with the dead girl’s employers,” said a redhead, barely able to contain his anger. Chili Cornell was known for two things: being a master at the grill and his fiery temper.

“I’m not one of them vultures, kid,” I said to him. “I’m here because Miss Kincaid was my client. She came to me last night right as we were closing up shop and hired me to look into some disturbing letters she’d been getting. Now, I’m just trying to find out who did this.”

“Chili, I told you he used to be a cop,” said Cilan, recalling my previous visit.

“You said it yourself, he used to be,” replied Chili. He was obviously angry and hurt. He’d always had a reputation to be the one brother who got angry quite easily. “Now he’s just a washed up detective who probably only came here to ask for payment in exchange for finding who killed Dahlia. We don’t have to tell him anything.”

“Listen, son, you and I never met, you’re in shock and this drink is quite delicious, so let me tell you one thing,” I said, dead serious. “I’m gonna find Miss Kincaid’s killer, with or without your help. I’m not doing it because I want money or fame. I do it cause I know what it’s like to bury someone you care about without knowing who killed him or why. I don’t want you guys to go through the same thing.”

“Chili, you know it could help to talk to him,” said Cilan. “What do you think, Cress?”

“It can’t hurt,” said the third Cornell brother , Comma unneeded. nonchalantly.

“She came to see me last night,” I explained. “Now, she left my office at about nine-thirty. Ain’t that right, Jasmine?”

She nodded, Comma unneeded. silently.

“Now she called me in my office later, a little past two in the morning,” I explained. “That was moments before she died. I need to retrace her steps from the moment she left my office to the time she died. I can’t help unless I know more about her and where she was in those five hours.”

The five of us stood in silence, I thought Sparky and Jazz were sitting. slowly digesting what I’d just said. All three brothers looked at each other, seemingly debating in silence whether or not I could be trusted.

“Now, when she came to see me, she was all dolled up like she was a movie star or something,” I said. “Am I right to assume she was so because she was on stage here last night?”

“You’re right,” said Cilan. “She was working last night.”

“She was late, though I guess we now know why,” added Cress.

“If he’s even telling the truth,” said Chili, obviously still bitter about Dahlia’s death. There was one thing that hit me right away about these three: they seemed to care deeply about Dahlia.

“She stayed until closing time,” said Cilan calmly, trying to move away from his brother’s attitude. “Usually, she stays and keeps us company while we prepare the restaurant for the next day, but last night, she said she had to leave early.”

“Though after what happened earlier last night, I didn’t blame her,” said Cress.

“If you don’t mind us asking, could you tell us what happened?” said Jasmine, in her usual quiet voice.

“Some crazy drunken lady disrupted her performance,” said Chili. He seemed so very protective of Dahlia. Boy looked like he might have ripped a man in half for just looking at her the wrong way. Whenever he talked about her, there was a fire burning in his eyes. “She called our Dahlia just about every goddamn name in the book and then some before I had enough and threw her out.”

“This lady, she got a name or just a motor mouth?” I asked.

“Fantina Hart, she’s a regular,” answered Cress, unfazed. Oh, Fantina. You weird little thing. I wrote the name down on a napkin. I couldn’t help the feeling I’d heard it somewhere before.

“The actress?” asked Jasmine.

All three brothers nodded at the same time. You couldn’t tell they were triplets except for moments like these when they appeared to be synchronized, like Swiss clockwork. Then it hit me: Fantina Hart was one of the brightest stars in the silver screen firmament. She’d gotten a few parts here and there when she was young, but she didn’t make it big until she starred in Mahogany Blues. That led me back to Pryce Winters, the same director who was interested in hiring Dahlia. THE PLOT THICKENS.

“So she left at one in the morning?” I asked, just to get the timeline of events in order. “Was she alone?”

“She was, though she said that she was meeting someone,” said Cilan. “She mentioned not wanting to make him wait.”

“You don’t know whom?” I asked. This was the first real lead I had.

“Only that it was a man,” replied Cress.

“Now, I have to ask something,” I said, trying to sound compassionate. “Were any of you three romantically involved with Miss Kincaid?”

By the look on their faces, I could tell my shot at compassion had failed. All three of them shook their heads in unison. Didn’t think they were, but I had to be sure.

“Any of you wished they were?” I asked.

“Volkner!” said Jasmine, shocked at my forwardness.

“Listen, Mister Detective, I think we’ve been more then patient enough with you,” said Chili, obviously on the verge of blowing up. Boy was redder than a tomato at sunset. “But, Comma unneeded. you’re going too far. That’s none of your business.”

“She’s dead,” I answered, “I’m trying to find out who’s responsible, so I’m making it my business.”

He looked like a tiger about to pounce and, if it wasn’t for his brothers holding him back, he might have hit me. After his initial rage passed, he took a deep breath and looked straight into my eyes.

“I’m very close to my brothers. As triplets, I see them as I see myself and would gladly take a bullet for either, so please don’t think that what I’m about to say means nothing,” he said. “Dahlia was like a sister to us. She was like family to us. None of us ever felt anything romantic towards her.”

“Know anyone who did?” I asked

Before any of them could answer, we all heard someone shouting near the bar.

“You!” shouted the young man. His shoulder length burgundy mane floated behind him as he walked the length of a restaurant toward the only other occupied table. “You killed her, didn’t you? You sick bastard, we were in love and it was eating you up inside. You couldn’t deal it with it so you sent one of your goons after her and they butchered her.”

At the table sat a man, in front of quite a few empty glasses. He raised his head and he looked at the young man shouting at him. That’s when it hit me: You get punched a lot by the Lightbulb Fairy, don't you? I knew why he felt so familiar. I’d recognize those black eyes and that squared jaw anywhere. They belonged to Giovanni Veridiano.

In a city as big as this one, there are very few people that everybody knew by name. He was one of them. Then again, when one controls most of this city’s criminal underworld, one doesn’t really take any steps to keep it a secret. The police never could prove he was anything more then a legitimate businessman, but one only had to look at a dirty sidewalk to see his work. He ran all kinds of vice. Girls, guns, drugs, anything you could name, and he could get it. The only people in this town who didn’t fear him were either working for him or were handed bribes to squash their fears into oblivion. Then again, they could be impetuous grieving lovers shopping around for a bullet in their head.

“Which one of them was it?” shouted the young man. “Which one of them did you send after her? Was it one of the --

He never could finish his tirade. One of Giovanni’s henchmen made him see stars faster than you could say knockout. The man in black grabbed the young man’s grey jacket and tossed him on the ground.

Flanked by the Cornell brothers, I ran to the young man’s aide. We stood between Giovanni’s thugs and the poor lad on the ground.

“Jasmine, check if he’s okay,” I said, not noticing she was already by his side. Then I turned back to Giovanni’s men and looked them right in the eye. “Listen, this poor bloke ate enough knuckle sandwiches for one day. He doesn’t need a second helping.”

Both looked inquisitively at their boss. After all, they were paid to hit, not to think.

“That’s enough, boys,” coldly said Giovanni. “This poor lad is obviously distraught and overcome with grief. I can understand the feeling. I, too, lost the woman I love today. So I’ll overlook his baseless accusations for this one time, otherwise I might have a talk with the concerned authorities about stopping this slander once and for all.”

He rose up from the table and motioned his men to follow him outside. I turned my attention back to the brainless fool who had just angered one of the most dangerous men in the city. Jasmine helped him stand up and handed his glasses back to him. I could tell he was still a little dazed, but he was able to remain on his feet.

“Are you off your knocker?” Er...you mean "rocker"? I said. “Do you know who you just royally pissed off?”

“I do and I don’t care,” he answered back. “Now if you’ll excuse me.”

“You’re sure you don’t want to stay just a little longer?” asked Jasmine, clearly concerned for the young lad.

I could see him blushing as she held his hand and tried to get him to sit down. He freed himself from her loose grip and gave her an uneasy smile. He then turned around and made his way to the exit.

“Well, you asked if someone was romantically interested in Dahlia…” said Cress, in his typical nonchalant demeanour. “Those were it.”

“Who was that guy?” I asked, still shell-shocked from the altercation.

“Roark Cobourg, he’s another one of our regulars,” said Cilan, clearly unnerved by the ordeal.

“Cobourg? You mean to say as in Cobourg Enterprises?” I asked.

“You just met one of their vice-presidents and the president’s son,” said Cilan.

I couldn’t help to think back to my first impression of Dahlia. The girl was trouble. Two-timing a criminal mastermind and the son of one of the city’s richest industrials was apparently a deadly sport in this town.

“Did Dahlia know anybody that wasn’t rich, famous, or powerful?” I asked, incredulous.

“Well, we were wondering the same thing and then you walked in,” replied a snarky Chili. OH, SNAP. “Now, if there isn’t anything else you want to ask us….

“Don't you worry your fiery little head, Sparky,” I said. HEY, THAT'S MY NICKNAME FOR YOU. “My associate and I will be on our way. I’ve got places to go, people to see, and a murder that needs solving. But thanks to you guys, I just got a good idea where to start.”

To be continued…

You can't see this, but I'm stroking my chin while pondering the current situation. (PONDER PONDER PONDER.) In-ter-resting.
 
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