• A new LGBTQ+ forum is now being trialed and there have been changes made to the Support and Advice forum. To read more about these updates, click here.
  • Hey Trainers! Be sure to check out Corsola Beach, our newest section on the forums, in partnership with our friends at Corsola Cove! At the Beach, you can discuss the competitive side of the games, post your favorite Pokemon memes, and connect with other Pokemon creators!
  • Due to the recent changes with Twitter's API, it is no longer possible for Bulbagarden forum users to login via their Twitter account. If you signed up to Bulbagarden via Twitter and do not have another way to login, please contact us here with your Twitter username so that we can get you sorted.

TEEN: The Red Fog of Terror - Halloween One-Shot

Joined
Dec 9, 2015
Messages
13,581
Reaction score
7,735
Pronouns
  1. He/Him
  2. They/Them
And here is my Halloween One-Shot entry. As the title implies, I based the concept off of the Pokestar Studios production from Pokemon Black and White 2 by the same name. Some aspects are carried over from the original, but several aspects are my own invention, and overall I feel I've done enough to make the concept my own. So please, enjoy.

Content Warnings: Implied/off-screen character deaths, fantastical character near-death from a first-person perspective


The Red Fog Of Terror
I’d finally reached the edge of Nimbasa city. I glanced over to my right at the orange glow of the sunset. I’d figured earlier that I’d be able to reach the city before nightfall. I was right, technically, but I’d pushed myself way too hard in the process and I was about ready to collapse on my feet. Fortunately, I was able to find a small motel just as the buildings started to get denser. Easiest decision I ever made. I could walk into the city proper tomorrow morning. I walked into reception and booked a room for the night. I honestly couldn’t remember much of the conversation, given how tired I was, but I paid for the night and got a key either way. I somehow managed to find my room and get inside. I shrugged off my backpack and collapsed straight down onto the bed, asleep within moments.

I was woken up later by the sounds of banging at the door. I glanced over to the clock next to the bed. 2 AM. I rolled over and pulled the pillow over my ears, hoping that whatever drunken lunatic was out there would just leave eventually. After a few moments though, I just couldn’t take it anymore. I threw off the pillow, got up, and walked over to the window. I pulled the curtain back a crack to get a peek at who could possibly be making this much noise this late at night. When I saw who, or rather what, was banging on the door, I recoiled in shock. As I reared back, I tripped over the table by the window and fell to the ground, loudly knocking the chair over. The thing outside must have heard me, because it roared (moaned?) outside, and the banging came faster and louder. What was that thing out there? I hadn’t been able to get a good look at it before pulling back on pure reflex, but I did catch that it was human-shaped, bright red, and didn’t look like any Pokemon I’d ever seen. I crawled over to my bag and pulled out my Pokeball. A bright flash filled the room as I released my Sigilyph. Meanwhile the pounding continued. Crap, did I just hear the wood in the door crack? I quickly explained my plan to Sigilyph. Whatever that thing was, I didn’t want to just let it walk in on us while we were trapped in here. I sneaked up next to the door. Ok, yep, that was definitely starting to splinter. I gingerly placed my hand on the doorknob, and after a moment’s hesitation I threw open the door, holding it in front of me as I pressed against the wall, and shouted. At my signal Sigilyph blasted a Psybeam attack at the creature, which bellowed an unearthly wail in response. I peeked back around the door. The creature was lying a short distance away.

Against my better judgement I couldn’t help but take a moment to really take in the entirety of the creature lying there outside. It was human-like in shape, but that’s where the similarities ended. Its body was perfectly smooth, in a sickening mix of reds and purples. The overall effect resembling a person who’d had their skin stripped away, leaving only a strange sub-surface musculature. Its face was also completely featureless, in fact its entire head was perfectly smooth. The only anatomy you’d typically associate with a face was the singular eye situated in its stomach, currently rolled back from the force of the blow. All-in-all it was a strange, alien, thoroughly disturbing creature. Suddenly its eye snapped back to focus and shifted to stare directly at me, snapping me out of my trance. I called out for Sigilyph to follow me and ran out into the night. Lucky I didn’t even have the energy to take my shoes off before heading to bed.

My feet pounded on the footpath as I raced down the street, Sigilyph right beside me. I wasn’t entirely sure where I was running, I just figured it’d be best to put as much distance between myself and that creature as possible. I started to become aware of something as I ran, though. The entire area was shrouded in a blood-red fog. I couldn’t be sure if it had rolled in after I ran from the motel, or if it’d been there the whole time and the adrenaline had just stopped me from noticing. I stopped walking and motioned for Sigilyph to do the same. The fog wasn’t terribly thick, and streetlamps were still casting light into the area, but it was enough to paint everything in a haunting shade and block my long-range vision. Combined with the almost complete silence of the streets around me, the entire vibe felt like something from a horror movie, as though something else could leap out and attack at any moment. I asked Sigilyph if it could sense anything nearby. I knew it couldn’t manage true telepathy, not that there were more than a few Pokemon in the world that could, but I’d found that it was at least good at picking directions toward people or other Pokemon. Its eyes glowed a light blue, though it looked more like pink in the fog. It turned to its right, then to its left, and then it turned a full 360 degrees before settling back on its original position. Naturally it was rather difficult to read emotions on something that doesn’t really have a typical “face”, so to speak, but I’d spent enough time with Sigilyph to be able to pick up on a few cues. It was agitated. I could tell by the way its feathers twitched back and forth that something about the situation was bothering it, but I had no way of telling what. Finally, it turned back to me and sighed in its strange voice, its wings drooping as it did so. I rubbed its body and thanked it for the effort anyway. With nothing better to go on, I picked a direction at random and started walking again. Hopefully it’d be a good one.

We wandered the red-tinted streets for a time, being sure to move carefully and take it slow. In a situation like this, it was better to be safe than sorry. After a little while, two shapes appeared in the fog in front of us. They looked roughly human-shaped, but the silhouettes were so vague in the fog that it was hard to really be sure. Especially since I’d already run into one creature tonight that was shaped like a person but very much was not. Could there really be even more of those things? What I really needed was some way to tell without having to get close. A bolt of inspiration hit. I asked Sigilyph to keep an eye on them while I knelt down and started feeling around the ground. Surely there’d be something here I could throw. Eventually my hand closed around an old drink can someone must have left on the ground. Normally I’d be against littering, but in this case I was grateful. I stood up, lined up my shot, and threw the can though the air. After a few moments of suspense, the can completed its arc and struck one of the figures on the head. The figure turned towards me and roared, its arms stretching forward as it shambled towards me, the one next to it doing the same. Well, that answered that question. I turned and started running the other way with Sigilyph, when suddenly more shambling shapes appeared in the fog before me, reaching out just like the others behind us. Among the humanoids were other shapes, a hound and some form of damp, wilted plant, though specific details were hard to make out in the fog. As they closed in from both sides, I desperately looked around for a way out. An alleyway! I sprinted down it, hopefully it’d come out on the next street over. As we approached the end, I saw that it did come out on another street, but also that yet another of the strange red creatures barred the way. A large bird, its wings seemingly weighed down at its sides. What, had I somehow managed to get the attention of every single one of these things in the whole city? Whatever the case, I was blocked in by these freakish things on both sides. Sigilyph would probably be able to knock back the one in front, but if there were more on the street beyond the fog then I could be running straight into more trouble. Before I could make any kind of decision though, something grabbed my wrist and pulled. Startled, I wasn’t able to put up much resistance and just fell in that direction, straight towards the wall.

I was disoriented for a moment as I lay on the ground yelling and kicking out at whatever it was that grabbed me, before being brought to my senses by a voice calling out to me. I opened my eyes and looked around. The first thing I noticed was the young girl standing over me, clearly perturbed by my outburst. She wore a yellow shirt and jeans, and had long, bright red hair. She couldn’t have been any older than 13. The second thing I noticed was that I was now inside. A dark room with a small window through which I could now spot the third thing: the creatures pounding on the door. Now that I’d calmed down, I could finally make out what the girl was saying to me. We had to move; the door wasn’t going to hold them forever. I nodded and climbed to my feet. She led me through the building she’d pulled me into, which seemed to be some kind of restaurant. We reached the front seating area, and glanced outside through the windows. Nothing visible from inside. The girl cracked the door and peeked out properly into the street. Confident the coast was clear, the girl motioned for me to follow her. We made it out onto the street out front, moved down a block to distance ourselves from the horde should they manage to get through, and stopped in an alcove by the street. We should be safe, for the moment.

As we stopped to catch our breath, the girl walked up and asked me if I was ok. She was putting on a brave face, but the way her voice shook and her knees trembled, it was obvious that this entire situation was terrifying her. Which was fair enough, she was just a child, after all. It seemed like Sigilyph had picked up on it, too, because it floated down to her level and nuzzled her face with its body, softly vocalising. The girl seemed confused for a moment, before her eyes welled up with tears as her emotional walls crumbled in the face of Sigilyph’s soft affection. It wasn’t long before she was clutching Sigilyph and sobbing, tears streaming down her face. I knelt down to her level and placed my hand on her shoulder. I assured her that I was fine, and I assured her that I’d make sure she’s ok, and that I’d give her as much time as she needed to calm down. She nodded silently, not in a position to talk at the moment. I gave her some space to cry it out with Sigilyph, while I took care of making sure nothing was able to sneak up on us through the fog.

***​

After we’d spent a little while mercifully free from any intrusions by the red creatures, the girl called out behind me to let me know she was ok now. I turned around. It certainly looked like she’d been crying pretty heavily, but by now her face was steeled and she seemed ready for anything. I was about to talk to her, but it suddenly struck me that in all the excitement earlier we’d never actually gotten each other’s names. So, I introduced myself, and got her name in response: Sandy. Now that I had her name, I briefly wrestled with the best way to ask my question. I wasn’t thrilled with the possibility of re-opening wounds with the subject matter, since there had to be some reason she was out here alone, and it probably wasn’t happy. But it felt important to know if there was anywhere she could go. So, I asked if she had anybody who could take care of her. Maybe a parent, or- Ah, there it was. The moment I mentioned parents her expression turned sour. I desperately attempted to apologise and backpedal, terrified that I’d accidentally shoved her straight back into the pit she’d only just managed to climb out from. She just vigorously shook her head and said that her dad was gone. That those things had broken into their house and… Gotten him. I couldn’t be sure exactly what she meant by that, but I can’t imagine it would’ve been pleasant to watch. I apologised for bringing it up, and she forgave me. She had tears welling up in her eyes again, but she seemed at least like she wasn’t on the edge of another breakdown. She went on to explain that she was trying to go and see her grandma, near the centre of the city. That’s when we ran into each other, she wanted to make sure they didn’t get me like they got her dad. I thanked her for saving me, since I never got the chance before. She smiled and told me I was very welcome. I drew two conclusions after the conversation. One, that I absolutely didn’t want to leave Sandy alone out here, and two, that heading towards the centre of town would probably be good, to find more actual people among this mess, of course including Sandy’s grandmother. So, I told her that if she’d lead the way, then Sigilyph and I would come with her to her grandma’s place and help keep her safe. She thanked me and pulled me into a bear hug. And after a brief moment of surprise, I hugged back. She also grabbed one of Sigilyph’s feathers and pulled it in, too. We stayed that way for a moment, before letting go so we could get back on the move.

I was honestly impressed as Sandy led us through the streets. Even in the red fog, she was able to identify exactly where we were and which way we needed to go. She’d clearly lived all her life in this city, and probably spent a good amount of time roaming the streets. Speaking of the fog, though, something about it was unsettling me. Even more than the obvious unsettling factors of a blood-red fog filling the air. I couldn’t tell whether it was just my imagination or not, but it almost felt like it was getting thicker? At least, I thought I could see further than this earlier. When I asked Sandy, she said that she hadn’t noticed it before, but now that I brought it up, she agreed. I didn’t like this. Even just the existence of this fog on its own was something so clearly unnatural. Was it coming from something? If so, what could it getting thicker mean?

We eventually made it to an apartment complex that Sandy identified as her grandma’s. Or at least, I assumed that’s what the building was. By this point the fog was so thick that I could barely see more than a few metres. The fog had an eerie glow near the entrance, as the lights were still on in the lobby, spilling out through the glass doors. Once we reached the doors, we were actually able to see inside rather well, since most of the fog had stayed outside, with only a little bit seeping in through the cracks of the doors. It looked empty enough. Sigilyph had been acting generally antsy for the past while as we walked, but apparently this was the moment where its anxiety reached a boiling point. It pushed itself between us and the door, vocalising loudly. Naturally it was hard to tell exactly what it was concerned about, but it definitely didn’t want us going inside. Standing here, I couldn’t help but feel like I could understand why. There was this… Presence here. A faint tingling in the back of my skull that touched on all of my fear instincts. Whether it was actually inside the building or just close by I couldn’t be sure, but I could sympathise with Sigilyph right now. I didn’t want to be here. Sandy didn’t feel the same, as it turned out. She was trying to forcibly shove Sigilyph out of the way and insisting it let her past, while Sigilyph pushed back and vocalised with equal intensity. I placed my hand on her shoulder and tried to explain my feeling. Something about this felt especially dangerous in a way that nothing else had up to this point. To be honest, that selfish part of me was kind of hoping she’d agree and we could leave, but that look on her face told me she wouldn’t. Sure enough, she insisted on going in to find her grandma. It wasn’t like I could actually leave her here on her own, so I relented and agreed to go in, on the condition that we all be extremely careful. She agreed. Sigilyph, still clearly not liking this, nevertheless saw that it was out-voted, and relented in turn.

The inside was just as empty as it looked from the door. Debating the pros and cons of each option for a moment, we opted to take the elevator over the stairs. The other two stood back by the entrance, ready for an escape just in case. I pressed the button to bring the elevator to us and then dashed back to join them. The display tracked the elevator’s position for a few moments as it made its way down towards us. 5F. 4F. 3F. 2F. 1F. Ding. Every muscle in my body tensed as probably the slowest elevator doors I’d ever seen crawled open. Revealing absolutely nothing. I sighed in relief as we stepped inside. Sandy pressed the button for her grandmother’s floor: number 4. I placed my hand over the close doors button as the elevator took us up. Once again, the elevator dinged and the doors crawled open. The hall stretching out in front was clear. Poking my head out, I confirmed that the hallway to the left was also free from any creatures. This place couldn’t actually be empty, could it? I could still feel that presence. Was there not actually anything here? Sandy was starting to get impatient behind me, so I officially declared the coast clear and she started leading the way to her grandmother’s apartment. Within a few moments we were there, apartment 419. Sandy reached up and knocked on the door, only for it to open slightly at her touch. It must’ve already been ajar when we got here. She slowly pushed the door open all the way and called out for her grandma. No answer. We all filed into the apartment one after the other, closing the door to be safe. I heard Sandy’s sharp intake of breath as I flicked on the light. The apartment was a mess. Things were scattered around everywhere, and it was clear that there’d been a significant struggle. Sandy yelled out for her grandma as she ran into other rooms, becoming more and more panicked by the second. I just stood by the doorway. It was pretty obvious that things hadn’t ended well for her grandmother, but I had no idea how you’re supposed to tell a young girl that her grandmother is most likely dead. So instead, I just awkwardly stood by the door. At least Sigilyph seemed to have some idea what to do, floating over to her to help in its own way. Something lying on the ground did catch my eye though. A folded-up piece of paper not dissimilar to the rest of the scattered debris about the room, with the simple exception that this one had Sandy’s name written on it. I knelt down and picked it up. I unfolded it to reveal a short, hastily-written note.

Sandy,
I don’t know what’s happening. I’m sorry, I don’t think I have much time left. I love you so much.
Gran

The last letter trailed off at the end, as though the hand had slipped while writing it. Ah, geez. Sandy definitely wasn’t going to be happy to see this, but hopefully it’d be better than just looking around and finding nothing. I called and walked over to her. I handed over the note, avoiding eye contact. Sandy’s face steadily sunk as she read through the note, before eventually dropping it onto the floor. Sigilyph gently nudged her with its body the same way it had last time she’d needed to cry, but this time she just sunk to the floor, stuck her face in her hands and started sobbing. Couldn’t really blame her, she lost two different family members tonight. That’d weigh on anybody, and from the way she was talking earlier I wondered if she actually had anybody left now. Completely lost on anything else I could possibly do to help, I sat down on the floor beside her and placed my hand on her back. Hopefully just letting her know that I was there for her would help.

We must have stayed like that for more than 10 minutes before Sandy’s sobbing finally started to slow. I chose to take it as a good sign. Hopefully she was starting to calm down enough for us to get out of here. Nothing had found us yet, but that strange presence in the back of my mind had never left. It unsettled me. As if summoned by my thoughts, a loud banging began at the door, accompanied by a moaning I’d become much too familiar with tonight. I got up and hurried as fast as I could past the debris to the window into the hallway. Peeking through the blinds, I naturally found a horde of the strange red creatures of various shapes attempting to get into the apartment. It was hard to tell if they saw me or not, but I didn’t feel like it mattered. They’d started before I looked, and I doubt they’d stop just because they didn’t see me. I rushed back to Sandy and tried to rouse her. She was still pretty quiet and lethargic, but the urgency of my words seemed to get through to her somewhat, since she at least let me help her onto her feet. I glanced around the room trying to come up with any option at all for escape. There was only one door out of the apartment, and there were way too many creatures outside of it for Sigilyph to fend off. I was starting to worry that we truly were trapped with no way out, until my eyes crossed the window. The view outside was still a solid blood-red colour, but I knew that within that fog was our escape route. I opened the window and stuck my head out. Sure enough, in the fog I could make out the shape of bars and a platform. The fire escape. I turned back to Sandy and Sigilyph, noticing out of the corner of my eye that the door was already starting to splinter. Sandy still didn’t look entirely focused. I knelt down to meet her at eye-level. I told her that she’d have to stay strong for a little bit, so we could go and find somewhere safe. She nodded, though she still had tears in her eyes. I led her over to the window. As I stepped out onto the fire escape, I noticed just how little visibility there was out here. You could barely see where you were placing your hands, let alone your feet. Trying to get both myself and Sandy down quickly and safely would be almost impossible, but was the alternative forming in my mind really any better? Another bang on the door followed by creaking wood later and I made up my mind. I’d have to take the fire escape either way, but Sandy and Sigilyph could get further faster. I brought the two out onto the fire escape with me, and had Sandy wrap her arms around Sigilyph’s body. She was small and light enough that Sigilyph could safely carry her to the ground and get away. Once the two had vanished into the fog, the door inside finally gave way. Time to go.

I tried to descend the stairs as quickly as I could, but the poor visibility made it quite literally impossible to see where each step was. I had to guess where to place my feet, not helped in the slightest by these being steeper than most ordinary stairs. Just before I reached the next landing, I stepped too far forward, my foot moving much further than I’d expected to reach the next step and throwing me off-balance. I desperately clung to the handrail, just barely stopping myself from collapsing. I didn’t have any time to catch my breath though, as I could hear the creatures pouring out of the window and onto the landing above me, their feet clanging on the metal grating. I hurried onto the steps down to the next floor as the creatures sounded like they bodily tumbled down the stairs. I heard several loud clangs of what I assumed were the creatures slamming into the guardrails at the landing above me. I reached the next landing and frantically felt around for the next flight of stairs. Not finding one, I assumed I was on the landing for the second floor, with only a single-storey between me and the ground. My hands closed around what I assumed was the ladder to the ground. My head snapped sideways as I heard the loud clangs of more bodies falling down the stairs next to me, indistinct shadows moving just at the edge of what I could see. Deciding I had no time to waste, I vaulted over the railing and onto the ladder. Not bothering with the rungs, I slid down the ladder, my hands on the sides my only method of slowing. It seemed the ladder wasn’t extended all the way to the ground however, as partway down the ladder vanished from my grip. Instants passed like minutes as adrenaline ramped my perception to the maximum. But without the ladder to hold onto, my only source of orientation was lost, and the perception had nothing to latch onto but the fall itself, and the blood-red void my world had been reduced to.

Suddenly time snapped back to its regular passage as I slammed into the ground. Pain shot through my body as my unguided fall caused me to land awkwardly, my hip and back taking the brunt of the impact. The landing above me clattered with the movement of the creatures, and I knew that no matter how much pain I was in right now, I couldn’t stay here. I pushed myself to my feet, grimacing the entire way. I chose a random direction and started walking. I made it all of two steps before my leg gave out under me. I tumbled sideways and my shoulder smacked into the wall next to me. Well, at least now I had some kind of orientation in the world. I braced my hand against the wall and held myself upright. I shouted Sandy and Sigilyph’s names as loud as I could and listened for a response. Nothing. I put one foot in front of the other and started walking forward, keeping one hand on the wall for guidance and stability. I slowly moved forward, continuing to call out for Sandy and Sigilyph in the hope that they’d eventually respond. I didn’t hear the creatures reach the ground behind me. Maybe they’d gotten stuck on that last landing without a clear opening. Could only hope.

After barely a minute, the wall suddenly fell away from my hand, and I was once again left without support. I stumbled for a moment as my legs struggled to keep me upright on my own. After a few tense moments, I finally had steady footing. I had no idea which direction I was facing though, and I knew I’d turned somewhat during all my stumbling around. Nothing for it but to just press forward, continuing to call out for Sandy and Sigilyph.

I wasn’t sure exactly how long I walked after that. Time is strange in a red void with nothing to orient against. What I did know however was that the strange presence, the pressure in the back of my mind, was growing steadily stronger as I walked. I knew that it was probably a bad sign, and I’d considered turning around, but I honestly didn’t trust my legs to be able to handle a change of direction like that. So I just shuffled forwards, the pressure growing and growing until it suddenly vanished, replaced by a completely different sense of terror. Looming before me was a massive, domed entity; its perfectly smooth surface was covered in the same red and purple patterns as the creatures that had plagued us all night, with a massive yellow and black eye staring down at me from the centre. It was surrounded by writing tentacles, most of which ended in bulbous spheres featuring similar eyes. Perhaps most terrifying of all was the fact that even in this dense fog, still so thick that I couldn’t even see my hand in front of my face, I was somehow perfectly aware of every facet of this entity even though my eyes couldn’t actually see it. As though its very essence were somehow attempting to worm its way into my mind. As its tentacles stretched out towards me, my mind shut down from terror. I wasn’t thinking anymore. I just knew I had to get as far away from this thing as possible. I tried to turn around and run for safety, but it turned out that my earlier fears regarding the integrity of my legs were perfectly founded. When I twisted my leg in an attempt to pivot, sharp pain shot through my hip, and I collapsed onto the pavement. Not even bothering to try and get up, I just crawled along the ground, desperate to get away. As I crawled, the air filled with the moans of the red creatures. As much as my brain screamed at me not to stop as I fled from the entity, I knew that if I wanted to have any chance of escaping a larger group then I’d need to be on my feet. I pushed up from the ground, planted my feet, and started to stand up. No good. The twist earlier must’ve left something really messed up in my rapidly worsening pain situation, and I just wasn’t able to stand without support. I crashed back down to the ground. I kept crawling forward as the moans of the creatures grew steadily louder and more numerous. As I extended my hand to pull myself further, it brushed against something cold and hard. No. I felt around to the left and right in front of me. More of that same surface. A wall? No, no, no. The moans of the creatures grew louder. I could tell they were barely metres away. This was it. There was nothing left to do at this point. I turned to sit with my back against the wall, facing back the way I came. The entity had stopped its pursuit, and simply waited a short distance away. It was just staring, seemingly content to let the smaller creatures do the work. As expected, just a few moments later, a cold, wet hand closed around my ankle, and my world exploded.

It was awful. The instant the hand touched me my mind was flooded with a horrible pain and pressure. Flashes of swirling red and purple flooded my vision. I could feel this entity trying to worm its way into my mind, connecting me to the vast network already linking everything. The smaller creatures, which I now understood were probably former Pokemon or humans like myself, were nothing more than limbs for the central entity, still watching me with that one staring eye. I couldn’t even feel a sentience, a scrap of intentionality in the mind threatening to consume me. As far as I could tell it didn’t have any driving force beyond a base, animalistic desire to spread itself and grow as much as possible. I felt the wet, sticky patch on my ankle start to spread and cover more of my leg, and the pressure of the entity drilling its way into my mind increased in kind. I held my head in my hands and screamed.

I had no idea how long had passed. My mind was too overwhelmed to keep track. The only frame of reference I had was the wet, sticky growth spreading up my body. It was up to my stomach by now, and the pressure on my mind just kept growing along with it. I had been screaming practically non-stop as it got more and more painful. By this point my voice was starting to get hoarse. Soon even screaming would be a luxury I didn’t have. Another sound carried through the air. A voice that I’d become familiar with over the course of the night. Sandy was nearby, calling out to me. She must have heard my screaming and came to check. The eyed tentacles of the entity turned to face the direction of the voice. No… No! The only possible silver lining to this nightmare was that Sandy and Sigilyph had been able to get away. The creature that held my leg let go, presumably to start heading towards Sandy and Sigilyph to subject them to the same fate. I shouted out for them to just leave me behind and save themselves, but the hoarseness creeping into my voice made it difficult. Unfortunately, it did seem like the specific words failed to reach her, since she just yelled about hearing me and presumably started running towards me. Sure enough, a scream rang out, presumably as she came face-to-face with the entity. I heard Sigilyph vocalise, too, at the same time that the entity recoiled somewhat. Must’ve hit it with an attack. I suppose it was good that they were able to hold it off for a few moments, but I honestly didn’t think there was any chance to actually win. I wanted to get up and do something, anything to help with what little time I had left, but I couldn’t will my legs to move, as though they didn’t even belong to me anymore. I focused through the pain in my mind, took a deep breath, and shouted at the top of my lungs. One single word. Run. I’d expected her to listen, for the same terror that had taken me to claim her as well. Instead, she refused. She shouted that she’d lost too much already tonight, and she refused to leave me behind as well. I’ll be honest, I was touched, but the growth crawling up my midsection told me that it was too late. I was already a goner, and if they didn’t leave now, then so were they. But I didn’t have the voice to say it.

With no other options available to me, I simply sat and watched as the entity swung and jiggled around, following the path of an unseeable opponent. Sandy’s voice rang out as well, giving commands to Sigilyph as they fought. She was actually pretty good at it. It’s a shame we were all probably going to die here, otherwise she could’ve made a great trainer someday. The way the entity was moving, striking at the air, it seemed like it was focusing on Sigilyph, perhaps leaving Sandy for the smaller creatures. It was strange, but I almost felt like I could see it, a shadow in the fog darting around the entity’s tentacles. Some kind of delirium must’ve been setting in. The growth was starting to creep down my arms by now, and the pressure on my mind growing in turn, gradually pushing me out of my own head. I kept watching, tracing the path the shadow took through the sky, whiling away what minutes I had left. It even seemed to get easier as time passed, the silhouette becoming more defined and the colours becoming clearer. I thought I could see Sandy clinging to Sigilyph’s back like she did while leaving the apartment. I supposed that would explain why the smaller creatures hadn’t gotten her yet. I briefly wrote this off as just my brain filling in the gaps in its final moments, before noticing other things about the scenery. Primarily that I could actually see scenery. I wasn’t just existing in a directionless red void anymore. I could see fences, buildings, and the ground I was lying on. All around me I could see the red tint steadily fading as the fog thinned, receding in a wave across the area, until bright, morning sunlight shone through. The light swept across the ground towards the entity, until it was completely bathed in sunlight. And so, for the second time in ten minutes, my world exploded.

The first immediate effect of the light was that the entity began to burn, smoke rising from its surface. After a few seconds it started to writhe and contort, and my mind was flooded with an overwhelming torrent of anger and pain. A much different kind of pain than when it tried to invade my mind. This pain was searing, white-hot agony that drowned out all coherent thought. This was the pain of a dying creature. Around the entity, I could see the same effect befalling the creatures, their bodies smoking and blackening as it writhed in the centre of it all. I scrunched my face up in agony, the shared pain threatening to drive me mad. Until all of a sudden it stopped.

I opened my eyes to catch the last few moments of the entity and the creatures in the sun crumbling to dust. I also realised that for the first time since that creature had grabbed me my mind was completely silent. The pressure and pain from the entity trying to hijack my mind had completely vanished when it crumbled in the sunlight. I looked down at myself, hoping to see the red growth having vanished along with it, only to feel my heart sink as I saw it remained, and was still slowly spreading down my wrists to my hands, and from the feel of things my head was starting to go as well. Looking around gave me a good guess as to why. I was in the shade of a building. The sunlight wasn’t able to burn off the growth like it could on the others. Given that I could see creatures in other patches of shade, lying face-down and immobile, yet perfectly intact, it seemed a reasonable guess. And even if the entity was gone, I couldn’t imagine things ending well for me if it was allowed to finish covering me. I tried climbing to my feet so I could move into the light, but my limbs still categorically refused to move. Whether it was still the growth keeping me tame and un-troublesome, or just the injuries I’d amassed earlier I couldn’t be sure, but I was stuck here in the shade.

As I was about to just let myself go and accept my fate, Sandy’s voice called my name. I looked towards her voice and saw her running towards me, Sigilyph in tow. She gasped when she saw me, understandable given the circumstances. Her face set hard surprisingly quickly though, and before I could stop her, she’d grabbed my wrist. Immediately the growth splashed over her hands and started to spread up her arm. With a mighty effort she pulled me forward. I collapsed onto my stomach, but it brought me that much closer to the sun beyond the shade. I wasn’t able to move myself to help, so I made do with giving her encouragement to pull harder. I was dragged across the ground centimetres at a time. My hands were entirely covered by this point, and the growth spreading up my chin made it difficult to keep talking. Sandy had managed to pull far enough that the growth on her forearms and the tips of my fingers were starting to smoke, blackened fragments flaking off to reveal the skin underneath. A few moments later and my entire hand was free. I flexed my fingers, feeling the warmth of the morning sun on my skin. I was snapped out of my relief as I felt the growth spreading to cover my mouth. Somehow, I got the feeling that if my whole head got covered then it was game over, no matter how much of my arm we’d saved. I still wasn’t able to move any more than my hand. I was forced to plead silently for Sandy to hurry, but she was just a child, and her upper body strength did leave something to be desired. Every tiny fraction of a motion singed off another sliver of growth, as the rest grew to cover my nose. Somehow breathing wasn’t a problem at the moment, but my time was rapidly running out. Even having a full elbow free didn’t really give me many options for helping to move myself. Sandy kept pulling as the growth kept creeping across my face, steadily reducing my field of vision as it grew over my eyes. Sandy gave one final heave, but as the last of my vision began to dim, I felt her hands slip and let go. I dropped to the ground, and felt the sunlight strike my upper arm, freeing my shoulder. With the final specks of light beginning to vanish from my sight, I gathered all my energy in my good arm and pulled myself forward as hard as I could. I crashed forward, and after a few moments, the growth blocking my sight flaked away as I stared into the morning sun. I squeezed my eyes shut on reflex, and looked down at myself. Both arms were free, as well as half my torso. I used both arms to drag myself fully into the light, clearing off every last speck of that horrible red growth. And then I just lay there, enjoying the warmth of the sun as it rose in the east.

***​

A while later, Sandy, Sigilyph, and I were sitting on the ground in the sun with our backs resting on the wall behind us. Sandy had her arm wrapped around Sigilyph. It seemed like those two had developed quite a bond tonight. I looked around at our surroundings, now that it was actually possible with the fog gone. Turns out I’d almost died in an amusement park. The unmoving rides and empty grounds had a certain eeriness of their own, but compared to last night they were positively cheery. I also noticed the still immobile bodies of what creatures had been lucky enough to end up in the shade when the entity had died. I didn’t worry too hard about them; they’d get cleared up eventually. Already a few were starting to smoke as the sun moved and shadows shifted. I was roused from my contemplation by Sandy’s voice. She asked if I thought anybody else survived the night, or just us? I said that there had to be. Nimbasa’s a big city, someone else must have survived just by sheer chance. But, for the same reason, there really wasn’t much we could do in the way of finding anybody. I glanced over at the other two. It was obvious that they were just as glad as I was that the nightmare had ended. We would have to get up and make our way somewhere eventually, but my legs still hurt like hell, and for the moment I was just comfortable sitting here with them, safe and warm in the morning sun.
 
Hi there! I'm checking out the contest entries. Pokestar studios is such a throwback! I admit it's been forever since I played these, and I don't think I tried to get all the endings of this, but it was really neat to see (what I think) was a dramatically expanded plot compared to what I remember as being a battle sim with 45 seconds of cutscene attached.

My favorite part about this was the atmospheric details, and the general horror that you set up with the red fog. The fog itself is bleak, alien, and oppressive; it leaves the protagonist (I think? he was called Yorble?in canon? I'm sorry it's been FOREVER) isolated and blind. The central monster(s) are intimidating, largely for their inexorableness--like the fog, they're inescapable. I thought the trickle-feeding of details about them was clever; it's always good not to show off all the monster at once, so to speak. I especially liked details like Sigilyph's blue-glowy eyes appearing pink in the fog, as well as the inevitable certainty with which the protagonist feels like they can identify even the bits of the monster they can't see in the final confrontation. In a story about feeling around in the reddish darkness, literally and metaphorically, I thought the former was a great way to set atmosphere and the latter was clever at establishing how sometimes the darkness can be reasurring, sometimes it's better not to actually know what's happening, realization/visualization can be horrifying in its own right, etc.

I also thought that the protagonist's relationship with Sigilyph was pretty sweet. Details like "it was rather difficult to read emotions on something that doesn’t really have a typical “face”, so to speak, but I’d spent enough time with Sigilyph to be able to pick up on a few cues", even in times of general lovecraftian panic, show a level of connection/care that sometimes gets sidelined in fic, so it was neat to see it here.

The protagonist feels a bit like a classic action badass protagonist, who's a little disgruntled at being woken up by cthonic hivemind bloodmonsters, but doesn't really linger on how absolutely batshit that is in favor of cracking some heads and hoofing it. I do have to wonder if, in-universe, the Pokemon world would have different perspectives on what constitutes a "scary monster" or "horrifying apocalypse", and as such their in-universe stories/movies would have more muted reactions. The red fog creatures here are pretty grotesque and weird, sure, but conceptually sigilyph is pretty weird too, drifloon casually snatches children, muk is animated pollution that can suffocate you, etc. And, presumably this is set in Unova, so "creepy red fog shows up in my hotel room and everyone is dead" is horrifying, sure, but given Unova/Pokestar Studio sharing a timeline with "scientist summons nihilism god Kyurem and blasts multiple cities with a freeze ray" and "radical activist summons creator god, and also a castle, on top of a sports arena, leaves", then I could see how the protagonist of a movie set in a world created by people surviving those events might also write a protagonist who's exceptionally unflappable by events that I find horrific/apocalyptic.

I did find that the protagonist was a bit distant and hard to read--no room for their own fear or apprehension up until the monster is devouring them whole, sure, stoic badass is a trope and I vibe with it, but also it seemed like they struggle a bit with really understanding the emotions of others. In a story where the antagonist/horror monster is a human-like creature that doesn't "have any driving force beyond a base, animalistic desire to spread itself and grow as much as possible"--and one that we realize is actually a corruption of other humans--it might help to lean more into the human relationship between Sandy and the protagonist. The protagonist seems to understand the general shape of what things should be ("I knelt down to her level [...] I assured her that I was fine, and I assured her that I'd make sure that she's ok"), but struggles with the actual details of dealing with another person ("To be honest, that selfish part of me was kind of hoping she'd agree and we could leave" / "I handed over the note, avoiding eye contact" / "We must have stayed like that for more than 10 minutes before Sandy's sobbing finally started ot slow. I chose to take it as a good sign. Hopefully she was starting to calm down enough for us to get out of here."). And again, the line between [human protagonist who notes that losing your entire family at the age of ten is a thing "that'd weigh on anybody" and is single-mindedly focused on making sure that themself and their charge escape the apocalypse] and [humanoid antagonist monster that no longer is capable of human emoting or vocalizing, and is single-mindedly focusing on spreading its hivemind] can be a blurry one, and that line is fun to play with, especially once the monster literally starts subsuming the protagonist. However, it did make the narration feel a little stilted, sort of over-explanatory while also feeling distant from any sort of emotional beats. This might've been The Point, in a sense, but it's also kind of hard to root for/relate to this person when it isn't clear what they're feeling beyond observation and a little relief.

This is admittedly wholly my opinion (and I tend to bias towards much more character-driven narratives), and I think there's something to be said both about the similarity between the protagonist and the general fridge horror concept of the monster, as well as the idea that action movie protagonists do tend to have this checklist of actions by which to prove their heroism (stone cold badass moment fighting a thing, save the little crying girl, bravely survey the middle distance for foes while a girl cries, sacrifice self for others) that makes sense to follow from the perspective that this is an adaptation of an in-universe story. For me the much more interesting character was the monster itself, and the general oppressive environment that the red fog created, so I really enjoyed the general scene-setting. There's a really nice tension that develops from having the red fog itself permeating every scene--we're constantly reminded that something is not right, but the metaphorical/literal light at the end of the tunnel can't yet shine through. I thought this was a super interesting direction to take the prompt, as well as a fun throwback and fascinating expansion to the section of BW2 that people tend to memetically hate. Thank you for sharing!

Some quick typos, mostly tense shenanigans, that I noticed while reading, in the spoiler below if you're interested:
Lucky I didn’t even have the energy to take my shoes off before heading to bed.
"hadn't even had" (a little clunky, maintains the "even" exaggerative) or "hadn't had" would better establish the timeline here--that [not taking off shoes] happened before the events of the story, which are also in past tense
We should be safe, for the moment.
Kind of an esoteric one, but I believe "should" is one of those weird modal verbs that doesn't have a proper past tense. "We should've been safe" or "I thought we were safe, for the moment" would work better imo.
She was trying to forcibly shove Sigilyph out of the way and insisting it let her past,
"it let her pass"
vocalising loudly
more of a personal preference than a strict grammar thing, but "Sigilyph vocalizes" felt a bit repetitive, and happens 4-5 times in the story. I think unlike the word "said", "vocalize" doesn't really blend in with the text/isn't common enough that it'd feel invisible to most readers, so the repetition of situation + verb sticks out a lot more.
I had no idea how you’re supposed to tell a young girl that her grandmother is most likely dead.
"how you were"
noticing out of the corner of my eye that the door was already starting to splinter.
I didn't quite follow the continuity here--the door was ajar, which at first I thought was a relic of the monster, but it becomes pretty clear that they just [detect target] and then [initiate mindless door-splintering]. So did Grandma open the door for them, which is why it's intact here?
Time is strange in a red void with nothing to orient against.
"was"
 
  • Thread starter
  • Staff
  • #3
Hey, thanks for the super in-depth review! I'm glad you enjoyed the atmospheric stuff, that was definitely some of the stuff I was most happy about my ability to write out.

I can definitely see your point about the protag being kinda distant. It's definitely a weaker point of the story, but I'll be honest it was mostly secondary to making sure the horror and atmosphere landed properly. Which it sounds like they did. So overall I think I'm mostly satisfied, even if there are points that could be improved.

Some interesting insights throughout the rest of the review as well. I'm not entirely sure how to respond to them, but it's cool that you said 'em and I think there's some really good stuff you've noted there.

And yeah, I'm honestly not surprised there's some tense shenanigans in there. Tenses have a habit of getting kinda weird and turned around in my head so yeah it's kind of expected. Also not super surprised by the continuity goof. That entire section needed a significant rework in the editing pass, so if I missed anything I'd expect it to be there.

Thanks for taking the time to review!
 
Hi LG!! Thank you for submitting an entry to the contest!!

If I were to describe this to someone, I'd say that it feels like a movie plot..? Which makes sense because, well, it's an adaptation of a short movie from BW2!

That being said, I think you incorporated the theme in a lovely way~ it's a super unusual situation to go through? (not to mention really scary too LOL)

I also love the idea of Sigyliph being a cuddle buddy.. . even in sad times, it's good to have a Pokémon that can do that!

Thank you for making an entry!!
 
im going to be honest, im going in this completely blind as my knowledge of anything part of the mainline games is basically none, so if i mix things up then i apologise in advance.

this felt like an anime or movie plot to me, which i believe is what you were trying to go for. the work being in first person definitely made it feel more in the moment and the horror more prominent. at least the sigilyph is there for emotional damage support. overall this was a really fun read, and enjoyed how everything is portrayed.
 
Please note: The thread is from 1 year ago.
Please take the age of this thread into consideration in writing your reply. Depending on what exactly you wanted to say, you may want to consider if it would be better to post a new thread instead.
Back
Top Bottom