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Dark-type Protean
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Here is a fan fiction I made a long time ago about Ash Ketchum’s Sinnoh League semi-final battle (vs. Tobias), in the Diamond & Pearl series. Like many other people, I was angry about his loss, but unlike many other people, I decided to actually do something about it. I rewrote part of the battle and plan to have Ash win, and I would like tips and pointers to improve the story. Thanks! (I took part of the writing from the episode summary of The Semi-Final Frontier!)

Ash is up against Tobias, the Trainer who has managed to defeat all the Sinnoh Gym Leaders and all the other competitors using only his Darkrai. As battle commences, Tobias unsurprisingly sends out Darkrai to battle first, whilst Ash sends out his Heracross. Brock comments that it's a good choice to use a Bug-type like Heracross against a Dark-type Pokémon like Darkrai. Tobias tells Darkrai to use Ice Beam whilst Ash has Heracross use Hyper Beam and the two attacks collide. Ash then commands Horn Attack, but Darkrai intercepts it with a Dark Void putting Heracross straight to sleep. Luckily Ash is prepared for this and calls out for a Sleep Talk, which turns into Megahorn. The Megahorn slams into Darkrai, who quickly rebounds and knocks out Heracross with a Dream Eater attack.

Ash recalls Heracross and sends out Torkoal, commanding a Flamethrower. Darkrai intercepts it with Dark Pulse and causes a huge explosion which sends Torkoal flying back. However, Ash defiantly declares that Torkoal is not going down without a fight. He yells for a Flamethrower and tells his Pokémon to give its all. The attack meets another Dark Pulse from Darkrai, and surprisingly, Flamethrower breaks through. But Darkrai stays strong and uses Dark Void, putting the Coal Pokémon to sleep. Tobias then has Darkrai finish Torkoal with a Dream Eater, knocking it out.

Now that two of his Pokémon have fainted, Ash knows that Tobias and Darkrai are living up to their reputations. Ash decides to send out Gible next and has him begin with Rock Smash which manages to land a direct hit. Tobias calls for Ice Beam, and Ash orders Gible to keep dodging. Eventually Gible fires a Draco Meteor, but Darkrai dodges and uses Dark Pulse. The powerful attack takes a toll on Ash’s Gible and all seems hopeless until Gible glows and evolves into Gabite. Fascinated, Ash scans Gabite with his Pokédex and remarks that he had learned a new move.

Tobias orders Darkrai to use Dark Pulse, but Ash has Gabite use Dig to avoid the attack. Darkrai tries to use Dark Void when Gabite pops out, but the Cave Pokémon dodges and uses Dragon Pulse, this time without trouble. Darkrai barely dodges that move, too, but Gabite gains the strength to use Draco Meteor once more. As before, Darkrai dodges the falling projectiles, but suddenly, Gabite appears in front of it and uses Aerial Ace, his newly learned move. The powerful Flying-type attack hits hard, a critical hit, and finally defeats Darkrai. Everyone is shocked at the defeat of Darkrai and wonders what Pokémon Tobias will send out next. That Pokémon turns out to be Latios, a Legendary Pokémon.

Gabite pants, tired, and Ash decides to recall him. Next, he sends out Swellow.
The two let out a battle-cry at each other, and Brock and Dawn feel that Swellow has a very good chance of winning since it'll be able to take Latios on in the sky. Ash tells Swellow to use Quick Attack, and Swellow speeds forward. However, Latios easily dodges it. Despite its high speed, Swellow is no match for Latios and finds itself on the run from the Eon Pokémon. It manages to get behind Latios and tries another attack, but Latios once again dodges and begins chasing Swellow. Sensing that Swellow wasn’t making any progress, Ash recalls it and sends Pikachu out to battle.

Pikachu starts off with a Quick Attack, and lands a small hit. Pikachu turns around and uses Volt Tackle and Latios spins around and uses Giga Impact to counter. The two attacks collide, and Pikachu comes out of it the worst as he is sent flying backwards. Wincing, Pikachu lands on his feet and watches as Latios flies into the air and begins another Giga Impact. Pikachu tries to intercept once again with Iron Tail, but like before is sent flying backwards. Latios flies high up in the sky until it was barely visible, then flies back down, a sparkling pink Luster Purge glowing at its mouth. Ash sees Pikachu lying on the ground injured, and orders Pikachu to dodge, which Pikachu does, the Luster Purge narrowly missing.

Latios flies by and arcs up back into the sky, and unbeknownst to it, Pikachu has managed to get onto its back. Latios turns and sees Pikachu hanging on tightly. Pikachu uses Thunderbolt on the flying Latios, causing severe damage. Tobias tells Latios to shake Pikachu off, and Latios flies around trying to shake Pikachu off. However, he is hanging on for dear life and uses Thunderbolt again, causing Latios more damage which is now beginning to take its toll. Tobias then orders Latios to use Light Screen, which cuts the power of Thunderbolt when Pikachu uses it again.

Pikachu tries again and again to knock out Latios but to no avail, while Latios flies high into the sky. Latios twists suddenly to descend and as Light Screen wears off, Pikachu loses his grip and starts falling. Latios lands inches from the ground and Tobias tells Latios to finish Pikachu with Luster Purge. Ash yells out for a Volt Tackle and Pikachu somersaults and dives directly towards Latios with Volt Tackle fully powered. The Luster Purge meets the Volt Tackle, but the Volt Tackle slowly cuts through. Pikachu's strength is waning and he is struggling to cut through the attack. Ash yells at the top of his lungs for an Iron Tail, which cuts through the Luster Purge fully and scores a direct hit on Latios, causing a giant explosion which nearly knocks Ash and Tobias off their feet and manages to knock out all of the monitors.

The battlefield is covered with smoke as everyone is desperate to see what happened. Eventually the smoke clears and it turns out that Pikachu successfully took down Latios but was also knocked out in the process, leaving Tobias with four Pokémon and bringing Ash down to three. Again, everyone is shocked that Ash was able to knock out not one, but two of Tobias’s Pokémon.

Tobias sends out Manaphy, a Mythical Pokémon, and Ash sends out Sceptile. Brock notes that Ash’s Sceptile has the type advantage, but Dawn thinks that Manaphy probably has some way to deal with it. Sceptile starts by using its newly learned attack, Leaf Storm, but Manaphy counters with Ice Beam, neutralizing the attack. Sceptile then uses Agility, blitzing towards the Water-type, followed by Leaf Blade. Manaphy uses another Ice Beam, which Sceptile barely dodges with Agility. Manaphy uses the opportunity to use Surf, kicking up a wave. Ash has Sceptile blast through with a Solar Beam, hitting Manaphy straight on. However, Manaphy is able to take the attack, much to Ash’s surprise.

Sceptile proceeds to use Leaf Blade again, but Manaphy uses Heart Swap, immobilizing it. Sceptile lay on the ground, unable to move, and Tobias tells Manaphy to use Surf. The wave looms overhead and crashes into Sceptile, snapping it out of its mental bind. Sceptile took quite a beating from the attack, however. But Ash declares that he will not give up, and he has Sceptile use Leaf Storm followed by a Leaf Blade, finally and effectively defeating the Seafaring Pokémon. The crowd roars and Ash’s friends cheer for him as the match is now three-on-three.

Tobias sends out Shaymin, yet another Mythical Pokémon, and Ash switches out and chooses Swellow again because of its type advantage. Seeing Ash’s choice, Tobias brandishes a Gracidea flower and thrusts it toward Shaymin, transforming it into Sky Forme. Upon transformation, Shaymin is more than capable of matching Swellow in the air. The battle begins when Ash tells Swellow to use Quick Attack. However, Shaymin retaliates with a Quick Attack of its own. Ash has Swellow use Aerial Ace on Shaymin, but Shaymin uses Air Slash, effectively pushing it back. Although it managed to dodge most of the projectiles, one of them hits Swellow, taking a toll on it.

Ash tells Swellow not to give up, and tells it to use Aerial Ace. Suddenly, as everyone watches, Swellow glows; first orange, then a black outline appears, and finally blue. Swellow has learned Brave Bird.

Shaymin uses Seed Flare, but Swellow dodges with its new move and is about to collide head on when Shaymin redirects its Seed Flare, aiming at Swellow. Swellow struggles to push through the barrage of seeds, when Ash yells for a full-power Peck. The combo explodes, as powerful as the collision between Pikachu and Latios. When the smoke clears, both Swellow and Shaymin are declared unable to battle. The round brought both Trainers down to two. Ash’s Pokémon were tired out, though, and Tobias’s Pokémon were not revealed yet. This fact made Brock think that Ash might not be able to win.

For his second-to-last Pokémon, Tobias sent out a small Lugia, which Brock knew was a relative baby in size, only about 6 feet tall. In response, Ash sends out Gabite.

The round begins when Ash commands Gabite to strike with Aerial Ace. Lugia tries to dodge, but Gabite is able to keep up in the air and scores a hit on Lugia. Gabite zooms back and forth, scoring more hits on Lugia before Tobias orders it to use Psychic, preparing to slam Gabite into the ground. Luckily, Gabite escapes the attack with Dig, tunneling through the ground instead of slamming into it. When Gabite pops out, Lugia aims an Aeroblast at him, but he manages to block it with a powerful Dragon Pulse, which grows in size. The Aeroblast dissipates and fades, not having reached its target. Meanwhile, Gabite’s attack hits, causing severe damage to the Diving Pokémon. However, Lugia manages to withstand the attack and uses Ice Beam. Ash yells for Gabite to dodge the attack and use Aerial Ace, which Gabite is able to do. The Aerial Ace hits, and Lugia can’t take much more. Ash and Brock both note that Lugia doesn’t seem capable of quickly dodging attacks, but its own moves pack a lot of power. Gabite is worn out from all the running, however, and seems ready to collapse. In desperation, Ash calls out for one more Draco Meteor, which explodes in the sky. Tobias has Lugia methodically use Psychic to deflect the meteors, but Gabite uses Aerial Ace from behind, surprising it, and the remaining Draco Meteors rain down on it. Unable to take the powerful attack, the young Lugia is defeated.

The audience holds its breath as Tobias sends out his last Pokémon, Suicune. Gabite charges forward with Aerial Ace, trying to knock Suicune out, but the Aurora Pokémon uses Aurora Beam, the multicolored beam instantly defeating Gabite. Ash sends out the only Pokémon he has left: Sceptile.

Sceptile appears to have fully recovered from its battle with Manaphy, and is determined to win for its Trainer.

(If anyone could provide something for the last part, Sceptile vs. Suicune, I would greatly appreciate it. I don’t know what other moves to give Suicune.)
 
Thesaurus rex
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It depends on who your target audience is, really. If you're writing for fans similarly ticked off by that episode then it seems fine (I admit I haven't read the account in detail. It's very dense). If you're writing it as a story then that's a different kettle of Magikarp
 
Dark-type Protean
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I wrote the text in the similar way that people write plot summaries for the Pokémon anime episodes. Take a look at the original episode summary, for example. It doesn’t include dialogue, so my “adaptation” doesn’t, either.
 
Aqua Ninja Frog
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I am currently doing a reimagining of Link's Awakening and would like some advice. For the Prologue, I mention Link's past accomplishments (namely, in Link to the Past, Oracle of Seasons, and Oracle of Ages), with it serving as the backstory. I am wondering if I should even bother with a prologue and have that sort of info trickle throughout the beginning chapters.
 
Geek of the Games
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I am currently doing a reimagining of Link's Awakening and would like some advice. For the Prologue, I mention Link's past accomplishments (namely, in Link to the Past, Oracle of Seasons, and Oracle of Ages), with it serving as the backstory. I am wondering if I should even bother with a prologue and have that sort of info trickle throughout the beginning chapters.
Sorry for the late reply, forgot all about this thread. I suggest you do it through the trickle method. Doing a flat-out prologue like that would be too much of a info dump that would largely spoil the history behind it. By feeding the audience the backstory bit by bit it keeps them interested in the story, as just reading a massive block of text full of info can be tiresome and annoying. You could do an info dump-like section later on, albeit not so long-winded, to "explain" things to make events in the story make sense to the audience, but generally it would be better to use the trickle method over a chapter-long info dump, as that can be tiresome to read. Hope that helps.

Anyway, now it's my turn. As I've been writing my beta series, Chaos Rising, I've been using various incantations that are unfamiliar to the cast (justified, as the incantations are part of a "forbidden" branch of magic that the main character, Celtic, has unwittingly tapped into). These incantations sometimes bother me if they sound menacing enough to warrant the "forbidden" aspect of the magic in question. Here's a sample:

“From the depths of the Demon Realm I call upon thee! Accept my offering to destroy my foe, their flesh, blood and screams as a tribute to the gods as they’re devoured by the iron beast! May their fallen souls be offered up to the Demon Realm as fuel for its power! Chaos Blood Curse!”

This incantation is for Chaos Blood Curse, essentially Celtic's version of Shield Hero's Blood Sacrifice (albeit his version summons a dragon to devour his foe instead of the "iron beast" the incantation states, indicating his power is vastly stronger). Does this sound "dangerous" enough to warrant the almost evil nature of Demon magic? Or do you think it could use some tweaking to sound more demonic? Thanks in advance.
 
Thesaurus rex
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I think it's a bit overblown, if I'm honest. Less is more, unless the setting is solidly built on melodrama
 
Thesaurus rex
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The whole incantation seems like something of a mouthful to me - it's about fifteen seconds to say in a neutral tone, but for all I know that's just the way things are in this setting. I don't think the third sentence really adds anything that hasn't already been amply hammered home with all that about flesh and screams
 
Diving Pokémon
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There's a story I've been considering writing for quite a while, though I'm still hesitant. If I had to put it into words, I'd say that I'm just nervous about stuff I publicly post. It's why I've held off on the fanfiction story for the 2+ years that the base concept has been in my head. Now, however, I put a lot more thought into the whole plot itself. Right now, I have just the prologue written out. Let's just say there's still something I need to work out about how the protagonist's first additional main team member is encountered before continuing on.

In one of the houses in Vaniville Town, in the Kalos region, a TV is turned on.
“...is quite an unusual growth, though I believe there must be an explanation for it, even if one has yet to be found,” a voice on the TV said, followed by a second person talking.
“Thank you for your input in this mystery, professor Sycamore,” the other man responded, before turning to face the person sitting in front of the TV.
“And that was Professor Sycamore’s view on the mysterious slow, but noticeable, increase of wild Pokémon not normally found in our region. This was Phil, from Zap News, the only news network as fast and powerful as lightning, coming to you live from Lumiose City! In 30 minutes, our president, Alice, will give you more news regarding the case of the hostile wild Pokémon. Good day to you all!”
From the doorway behind the seat, a young boy peeks into the room.
“...Are you still not in bed, brat?” the older man suddenly said, as he turned off the TV. “Hurry up and get to bed already!”
Startled, the boy ran upstairs, as the man sighed.
---
“I can’t wait to finally leave him to go on this journey...” the almost 11-year-old thought to himself, as he switched into his pyjama and went into bed.
He glanced at the closet door, from which his journey outfit hung, consisting of a blue-and-white jacket and a pair of jeans. On a chair closer to his bed was the shoulder bag he planned on taking with him on the journey.

As the boy drifted off to sleep, feelings of excitement formed in him. At last, he would be away from his father, even if only temporarily.
---
The following morning, the boy got out of bed and changed into his journey outfit, before walking down the stairs.
“Good morning...” he merely said to his father, as he made eye contact with him. Almost immediately, he stomped over, getting up close to the younger person.
“How many times did I tell you, not to look at me like that!? Be happy I’m not in the mood to make it clear with my hand this time.”
After a moment of silence, the boy’s father backed off. “H-Happy birthday, I...guess...Max. So...you’re going on that little region trip today, are you?”
Max nervously nodded. “You know I’ve been preparing for it, so...yes.”
His father merely shrugged and turned away. “I...couldn’t care less if you stick around here or not. Just do whatever you feel like.”
At that moment, someone knocked on the door to the house. Max steps towards the door, opening it. Before him stand two people. A girl the same age as him and the reporter from the night before.
“Oh, hello, Grace and Mr Phil,” Max greeted the girl. “Something the matter?”
Grace nodded, holding out a small wide box. “Happy birthday, Max! This is a little surprise my father got from Professor Sycamore.”
The boy smiled. “Thanks, Grace.”
He reached out and took the box from the young girl’s hands, before opening it and glancing inside.
“Are these...Poké Balls?” Max asked.
“Indeed,” Phil responded. “Last night, Professor Sycamore asked me if any new Trainers were going on their journey. I told him about you and he decided to arrange this special gift. In these Poké Balls are three Pokémon. The Grass-Type, Chespin. The Fire-Type, Fennekin and the Water-Type, Froakie. So, go ahead and pick one, boy. Consider it a birthday gift from the Professor.”
Max was ecstatic at the words from his older neighbor. He reached into the box, pulling out the rightmost Ball from his perspective.
“That’s the one you choose, I see. So, go on, open it and see which it is,” Phil said in anticipation.
Opening the Poké Ball, a small burst of light emanated from it, before revealing a small, blue frog.
“That’s...Froakie, right?” Max asked, to which Phil nodded. The small frog stared at Max for a moment, before leaping onto his head.
Grace chuckled. “It seems this little guy’s taking a liking to you already.”
As Max gently petted the small Pokémon, Phil took the box from his hands, before turning to his daughter. “Now, I’m going to assume you don’t need a starter yourself, Grace?”
Surprised, Max turned towards the girl. “You’re going on a journey, too?”
Grace slowly nodded. “Yes, well...I’d like to come with you, if you don’t mind?”
Max blinked in confusion. “Why?”
“I imagine it must be difficult to be with...Melvin, was it?” Grace asked, looking at her father, who nodded, before she continued. “You told me it was why you were looking forward to being away for a while, so me and dad talked about it and decided it might not be a bad idea to have someone with you along the way. To not make you feel lonely, you know?”
Max looked away. “T-Thanks, I guess...” he nervously mumbled.
Grace smiled before pulling out a Poké Ball of her own. “So back to what you asked just now, dad, you know I’d never go anywhere without my best friend.”
She opened the Ball to reveal a small green bipedal Pokémon with red and blue roses for hands. Phil smiled and shrugged.
“Roselia, of course...it’s what I thought...”
Phil placed the box by his feet before reaching into his pocked and pulling out a small locket.
“What’s that?” Grace asked, puzzled.
“Consider it a little good luck charm, for when you kids are in trouble.”
Her father held out the locked before Grace took it from his hands and put it onto herself. “Thanks, dad!” she said, while smiling.
Phil nodded. “Don’t mention it. So, are you two ready to go?”
Both kids nodded, before walking away, towards the village’s exit.

Thoughts?
 
Given power
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Well I said I was going to post it here. For all it's worth posting here and being (not) seen anyway. A scrapped fic idea - though not completely scrapped - I had was a Super Robot Wars style crossover of many Pokemon stories. It would even have "route splits"! It mostly went nowhere due to not having scripts handy to recreate as many scenes as I would've liked, among a couple other reasons.

But I did for practice start and mostly finish the third chapter as a test. So here it is: PTP7 chapter 1 feat Ash Ketchum, Kellyn, and the quirky OG girl. No content to worry about with it!

Jubilife City, Sun Sun Cafe

Nazuna: "Okay, yes. I'll get that right to you, sir."
??? (Looker): "I thank you very much, young miss."
Nazuna: "We've got a lot of customers today. I'd better check on those two."
Nazuna: "Dela, how's the tea coming along?"
Dela: "I have been preparing it exactly as you have shown me, Nazuna. It is ready to be poured whenever it is needed."
Nazuna: "Good job. Hiori, are those bread rolls ready yet?"
Hiori: "Um...in a minute."
Nazuna: "We needed them ready a minute ago! Hurry it up!"
Hiori: "O-okay..."
Dela: "You are very hard on him, Nazuna."
Nazuna: "I wouldn't have to be so hard on him if he wasn't so useless."
Nazuna: "That Hiori's always slacking off, so I have to make sure he keeps at it. Someone who's slacking doesn't help the cafe, either."
Dela: "Oh, I see. So you are helping him work harder."
Dela: "Hiori, you need to hurry and be more useful, or the customers will become upset."
Hiori: "Not you too..."
*step step step*
Hiori: "Here it is..."
Dela: "Well done."
Nazuna: "Get it done faster next time."
*she snatches the bread*
Nazuna: "Sorry it took so long."
Girl 3: "Oh, it's all right."
Girl 1: "Hey, have you heard the news?"
Girl 2: "You mean about that famous detective who died in a car accident the other day?"
Girl 1: "That too, but I mean the news about Pokemon 7!"
Girl 1: "They say he takes things stolen by bad people and returns them to their rightful owners!"
Girl 2:" Ooo!! That sounds really great!"
Girl 3: "But they say no one knows who Pokemon 7 really is, right?"
Nazuna:" Hmph!"
Nazuna: "If you ask me, he should mind his own business."
Nazuna: "Pokemon 7 is just some young thief, isn't he? They say he has a secret identity, but I bet he's not a great guy in person!"
Nazuna: "Don't you agree, Dela and Hiori?"
Dela: "If he is a thief, then he must be a bad person."
Hiori: "Um, yeah...probably?"
Nazuna: "What's with that nonchalant attitude?"
Hiori: "Well, I don't know much about this Pokemon 7 guy. So I can't really judge him..."
Nazuna: "A thief is a thief, no matter what. Haven't you heard the old saying, 'Don't be a thief!' Hiori?"
??? (Looker): "Yes, she is correct. Taking what belongs to others is wrong."
Hiori: *sigh* "Well, I'll just get back to making the bread..."
Boy: "He~y! Hiori! Nazuna! New girl! Let's have a Pokemon battle!"
Hiori: "Oh...I'm, kind of busy right now."
Nazuna: "Hiori!"
Hiori: "Huh?"
*whap!*
Hiori: "What was that for?"
Nazuna: "How will you ever be able to train your weaker Pokemon if you keep acting like that?!"
Nazuna: "Papa, we're taking a break!"
Dela: "This is very unexpected. I thought this was only a place for people to dine. Is it truly a place for people to battle as well, Nazuna?"
Nazuna: "Well, no. But we can't just turn down a Pokemon battle! If that's what our guests want, it's our job to give them one."
Dela: "Oh! I see. So it is like a special service here."
Nazuna: "Yes, that's right. Papa understands that, which is why he doesn't mind. Now Hiori, you're starting us out!"
Hiori: "But I said I didn't want to..."
Boy: "Quit your bellyachin' and send out your Pokemon already!"
Hiori: "All right, all right. I understand..."
*he sends out his Lucario*
Crowd 1: "It's a Lucario!"
Crowd 2: "Wow! It's so cool!"
Boy: "Pft. I've been training my Cranidos. So we're not gonna lose to the likes of you!"
Dela: "You should be fine, Hiori. From what I have read about, Lucario is a Steel type. It should have an advantage over a Rock type such as Cranidos."
Boy: "Cranidos, use Headbutt!"
*WHAM!*
Boy: "Eh?"
Crowd: "It was defeated..."
Crowd: "...in just one hit?"
Dela: "I do not understand."
Crowd: "Man, this guy is really weak."
Girl 2: "He's so uncool."
Hiori: "That should be enough. So, I'm going home."
Nazuna: "H-Hey! Hiori, wait up!"
Dela: "Where are you two going?"
Nazuna: "Aren't you ashamed you were made a fool of like that?!"
Hiori: "Not really. Because I don't like battles."
Nazuna: "But if you keep on going like that, Lucario will stay weak! Don't you feel bad for Lucario?!"
Hiori: "Strength isn't the only thing that's important..."
Nazuna: "You're just saying that because you're scared, aren't you? You coward!"
Nazuna: "You need to have more nerve. Follow Pokemon 7's example! Even if he's nothing but trouble, he's still more of a man than you!"
*she runs off*
Hiori: "..."
*he walks off*
Dela: "..."
Crowd: "..."
Dela: "..."
Dela: "I can still battle you...if you wish. I am only just learning, but..."

-----

Jubilife City, Hiori's House

Hiori: "I'm back."
Hiori: "What a day. Didn't want to get roped into that battle earlier..."
Hiori: "Wait, that's right. There's something I need to do..."
Hiori: "Lucario!"
Hiori: "Hey, sorry about making you act weak this afternoon. But it'd be really bad if we didn't."
Hiori: "You're a rare species of Pokemon. Everyone seems to know that Pokemon 7 is the phantom thief with a Lucario. If we showed our true stregth, people might start to get suspicious of us."
Hiori: "I hope you understand."
Lucario: "..." (smiling)
Hiori: "Thanks, partner."
*bwing*
Mime Jr: "~~~"
Hiori: "Huh? Is that our next job?"
Hiori: "Two of them? Let's start with this one here. Steal back the diamond ring that was conned from me..."
Hiori: "Okay, got it. Let's go."
*WHIRL*
*FLASH*
Pokemon 7: "Phantom Thief Pokemon 7 transformation complete!"
Pokemon 7: "We can really go all out in these clothes! It's like my power is overflowing or something..."
Lucario: "Rrrf!"
Pokemon 7: "Let's give it our all tonight! And tomorrow morning, we'll take care of the other one!"
Lucario: "Aaarr!"
Pokemon 7: "Drifblim, to me!"

Jubilife City, Outside Hiori's House

Pokemon 7: "Awaaaaaaay!"
Nazuna: "!?"
Nazuna: "Was that...Pokemon 7 flying off? But that's Hiori's..."
Nazuna: "...no, this is too much to check into right now. I should go home and get some rest for now."

-----

Jubilife City, Outside Sun Sun Cafe

Dela: "Hello, Nazuna."
Nazuna: "Hey, Dela. Where's Hiori?"
Dela: "I am uncertain."
Nazuna: "That useless idiot. He didn't even bother to show up for work today."
Dela: "It is nothing to worry about. Your father spoke to me and said that Hiori stopped by earlier. Apparently he is sick."
Nazuna: "So he's likely at home, huh? Not surprised someone as weak as him got taken out by a simple cold."
Dela: "It would be unwise to prepare food when you are sick. That is what your father said to me."
Nazuna: "..."
Dela: "Oh, yes. I found this note lying outside. It is very unusual. Do you have any idea what it could mean?"
Nazuna: "Huh? Let me see."
Nazuna: "This is a letter addressed to 7. Could it be...Pokemon 7?"
Dela: "Pokemon 7? The young thief we were speaking about yesterday?"
Nazuna: "The very same Pokemon 7! I actually saw him last night, too!"
Dela: "You saw him? Did you do something when you saw him?"
Nazuna: "He was there and he was gone before I could think to do anything. Let's see what this says."
Nazuna: "A stolen pocketwatch with two Milotic on it, the one who took it is...I know! If I go to the place this letter is talking about, maybe I'll get to the bottom of this!"
Nazuna: "Sorry, Dela. But I need you to take care of the cafe for a bit!"
Dela: "I will do my best, Nazuna."
Nazuna: "Thank you, Dela. I know I can count on you! If there's anything you're not sure of, just ask papa."
Dela: "Then I will do that. I wish you the best, Nazuna."
Nazuna: "Thanks. I'll be back as soon as I finish figuring this out!"

-----

Jubilife City, Sun Sun Cafe

*bell ringing*
Dela: "Hello, welcome to the Sun Sun Cafe."
Kellyn: "Hey, Dela."
Dela: "Oh, it is you two."
Ash: "We thought we'd stop by for the weekend."
Kellyn: "You said the bread here was really good, right?"
Dela: "That is what I said about the bread here."
Kellyn: "Cool. I can't wait to try it! Get us a bread roll each, please!"
Dela: "I understand. Two bread rolls, boss."
Ash: "So how've you been?"
Dela: "I have been doing well. Nazuna has been teaching me how to make tea and how to make bread. She has also been teaching me how to help people work harder."
Ash: "I'm kind of afraid to ask about the context on that last one..."
Kellyn: "Hey, where is Nazuna, anyway?"
Dela: "Oh, she left a few minutes ago. She was reading a note to Pokemon 7 I found. She said she would be going to the place mentioned in the letter."
Kellyn: "She WHAT?"
Dela: "Hm? Is something wrong"
Ash: "Dela, is Nazuna really doing that?"
Dela: "Yes, that is why she is not here at the moment. She is hoping to get to the bottom of things and figure them out."
Kellyn: "Pokemon 7 steals things from from other thieves. If she went to a place he's planning to loot, that means those thieves could go after her!"
Ash: "Or maybe even Pokemon 7. He calls himself a thief of justice, but we don't know much about what he's really like."
Dela: "You mean...Nazuna could be in danger?"
Kellyn: "Yes!"
Dela: "Oh no..."
Dela: "This is my fault. I should have thought it would be dangerous."
Kellyn: "That's not important right now. Do you know where she went?"
Dela: "Y-yes, I have read the note myself. I will explain the situation to her father."
Dela: "We will head out to help her right after. I hope he can manage the cafe on his own."
Kellyn: "All right. We'll start getting ready!"
Ash: "I really don't know if this is a good idea..."
Dela: "We cannot just let her be, Ash. If she is in danger, then we have to help her. We have to. And...I want to make up for letting her go."
Ash: "..."
Ash: "That look in your eyes says you're set on this. Heh, I guess I should come keep an eye on you, then."
Dela: "Thank you, Ash."
Kellyn: "It's no problem. With the three of us working together, we should be able to handle anything that comes our way!"
Ash: "I hope you're right about that."

####################################################################
EPISODE 3: Behold the Phantom Thief of Justice!




####################################################################

(The stage opens within a mansion)

Kellyn: "Did Nazuna really come here? We haven't found her anywhere."
Dela: "This is the address that was mentioned in the letter. I am certain that she is or was in this place."
Ash: "Uh, should we really be doing this? We are technically breaking and entering here..."
Kellyn: "It'll be fine! Besides, this is a home of a thief! If he reports us, we'll just report him back!"
Ash: "I don't think that's how it works, Kellyn..."
Kellyn: "Whatever. We just need to keep looking around and-...!!"
Ash: "Uhh..."
Dela: "Is something the matter?"
Kellyn: "Th-th-th-this room..."
Ash: "Tha-that's a lot of clocks!"
Dela: "A room full of clocks? I do not understand. Why would you need more than one clock in a room?"
Kellyn: "Well, in any case. It doesn't seem like Nazuna's here either, so-"
Thief: "Stop right there!!"
Thief: "What's this? I was expecting Pokemon 7, but it appears he has sent his henchmen after me instead. Hehehehe...I thought he was better than this."
Dela: "Pokemon 7's henchmen? Oh no, we are-"
Thief: "There is no use in denying it. How unfortunate for you if you were expecting to defeat me through numbers. You see, I have some hired help myself."
*some thugs step in*
Ash: "Was worried we would get into trouble by being here..."
Kellyn: "No problem. We'll just beat'em up and make our escape, right?"
Thief: "Go ahead and try! Get them, boys!"

VICTORY CONDITIONS: All enemies defeated
FAILURE CONDITIONS: Any ally unit defeated
SR POINT: ???

- Dela attacks
Dela: "We only wanted to come here to look for Nazuna, but it appears we have been challenged to a battle. This is very unexpected."
Dela: "But if that is what they want, it is our job to give them one. I hope you are ready."
Munchlax: "Mmmmm..."

- Ash attacks
Ash: "It's been a while since we've been up against people like this."
Pikachu: "Pipi-kachu, pii."
Ash: "You're right, it is nice that those three haven't followed us here."
Ash: "The place and the people might be different, but we'll deal with them the same way! Let's go, Pikachu!"

- Kellyn attacks
Kellyn: "You're all kinds of suspicious, hiring street thugs and calling us henchmen."
Kellyn: "But if you think we're gonna lie down and let you do what you want, you got another thing coming! Capture on!"

- After Kellyn attacks
Kellyn: "Wh-what happened?"
Thief: "What was that? Is that some kind of toy you got?"
Kellyn: "It's a capture styler, but..."
Kellyn: (It didn't seem to do much against those thugs' Pokemon! Why?)
Kellyn: (No, maybe I just did it wrong. I'll keep trying!)

- TURN 2, or if two thugs defeated
*boof*
Dela: "Hm? Did you hear something?"
Ash: "Hear what?"
Thief: "Nice try. That's the oldest trick in the book."
Dela: "Perhaps it was my imagination, then."

- TURN 3, or if four thugs defeated
Ash: "These guys are pretty good..."
Dela: "I'm uncertain how much longer Munchlax can last."
Kellyn: "Argh! And I can't help much at all!"
Thief: "I picked the very best help I could find for this job. You will not be defeating them easily!"
Thief: "And even if you could-"
*someone new enters*
Pokemon 7: "Ah, later than I wanted, but...wh-what the heck?! This room is full of clocks!"
Thief: "Ah, Pokemon 7! I was wondering when you were going to show up!"
Thief: "I have to say, I was not expecting you to send your henchmen in first! Hehehehehe...but they and you are no match for me!"
Pokemon 7: "I don't know who these people are. But if you knew I was going to show up, you must know why I'm here."
Pokemon 7: "That makes things easy. I'm here to take back the clock you've stolen, geezer!"
Thief: "Hehehehehehe...even if you don't know what kind of clock it is?"
Pokemon 7: "That letter...! Why do you have it?"
Thief: "One of your henchmen had it on her! Bring her out!"
*two more thugs appear with their Pokemon, as well as the Thief's Machoke*
Dela: "Nazuna!"
Nazuna: "Dela? What are you doing here?"
Dela: "When I learned you could be in danger from Ash and Kellyn, we came to search for you."
Thief: "And she got herself into danger. It was a big mistake to be sneaking around here all by herself!"
Pokemon 7: "That girl has nothing to do with this! Let her go!"
Thief: "No can do, kid. She's the perfect hostage, you see!
Thief: "If you want me to release her, then you better be a good little boy and turn yourself in!"
Dela: "Would you truly release her?"
Thief: "Hehehehe...the choice is yours, Pokemon 7."
Pokemon 7: "Grr..."
Kellyn: "No, I won't let you!"
Thief: "Hold it! Make a move against me, and who knows what might happen to her?"
Ash: "Forget about him for now, Kellyn! Take care of these guys, first!"
Thief: "Feel free. Maybe I won't report you to the authorities if you entertain me enough, hehehehehe..."
Dela: "It is all we can really do for the moment. I am sorry, Nazuna."
Nazuna: "No, I'm sorry, Dela..."

FAILURE CONDITIONS: Any ally unit defeated, Machoke is attacked

- When enough thugs are defeated
Thief: "Mm, you're better than I thought. You must have some courage to target my clocks."
Kellyn: "They're not your clocks!"
Pokemon 7: "The client explained everything in the letter. About that poor old man's memento of his mother...that clock that you took!"
Thief: "I happen to collect clocks, you know. His was quite a rare one. I asked him for it, even offered to pay him well for it. But no matter how many times I asked, he refused to give me the clock."
Pokemon 7: "That's when you took it by force!"
Thief: "Of course! It's much more valuable in my collection!"
Pokemon 7: "What kind of value is that? You didn't earn it, you just stole it like a common criminal!"
Thief: "Shut up! Go, Machoke! Give'em a beating!"
Lucario: "Mm!"
Pokemon 7: "No, Lucario...you can't!"
*WHAM*
Pokemon 7: "Ugh!!"
Kellyn: "Pokemon 7!"
*his styler moves towards him, but gets swatted away*
Kellyn: "Gah!"
Ash: "This is bad..."
Dela: "There has to be something we can do. But I am uncertain of what."
Nazuna: "Don't worry about me...just get out of here!"
Dela: "Nazuna..."
Nazuna: "It's only the watch he wants. Save yourselves...hurry!"
Dela: "No!"
Nazuna: "Dela..."
Dela: "You have helped me by giving me a place to stay and teaching me all you did."
Dela: "That is why...that's why I want to help you!"
Thief: "Bold words. But before you try anything, just think about what could happen to your friend here if you do..."
Dela: "Nazuna, please...I know you're stronger than this! I know you're not helpless!"
Nazuna: "That's why I said to run...I'll be fine, Dela!"
Dela: "No, you're the one running away!"
Dela: "This man is a thief! A criminal! We don't know if you'll be fine if we leave you here. We can't do anything, but you can! So you have to help us. Help us help you!"
Nazuna: "!!"
Thief: "Shut up, shut up, shut up! Machoke, shut that girl up!"
Nazuna: *CHOMP*
Thief: "Yeowww!!"
Thief: "You...you brat!"
*shove*
Nazuna: "Kya!"
Dela: "Nazuna!"
Pokemon 7: "He's let go of her! Now's our chance! Lucario, let's go!"
Thief: "Gwahh!"
*catch!*
Pokemon 7: "Don't worry, I got you!"
Nazuna: "You...you saved me?"
Ash: "Nazuna's okay! We don't have to hold back anymore, Pikachu!"
Dela: "Yes! Let's beat up that Machoke!"
Thief: "You brats! Get them! All of you! Show no mercy!"

VICTORY CONDITIONS: Machoke defeated
FAILURE CONDITIONS: Pokemon 7 defeated
SR POINT: Defeat all enemies before defeating Machoke, and clear the map before the 5th player phase.

- All thugs defeated
Thief: "You worthless louts! Some help you turned out to be!"
Dela: "They were trying their best for you."
Thief: "And they were useless! No matter, I'll take you on myself!"
Pokemon 7: "Just try! Lucario, the Machoke's all that's left! Let's win this!"

- Machoke defeated
Nazuna: "A-amazing..."
Thief: "We're not done yet! We've one last trick up our sleeves!"
Pokemon 7: "Not a chance! Now, Lucario!"
Pokemon 7: "Aura Sphere!"
*the Machoke flies back, and is slammed into the thief*
Thief: "Gr...grrmph..."
(if there are any remaining) Thug: "The boss is down, let's get out of here!"
Dela: "We did it!"
Kellyn: "Yeah..."
Ash: "I'd say things went pretty good here, wouldn't you say, Pikachu?"
Pokemon 7: "Eh, whoops. No, this is not good!"
Ash: "Huh?"

MAP COMPLETE!

-----

Clock Thief's Mansion

Pokemon 7: "Aw, nuts. This isn't good at all..."
Dela: "Is something the matter?"
Pokemon 7: "I forgot to ask him what kind of clock it was. And now he's out cold..."
Pokemon 7: "Nuts. What am I gonna do..."
Nazuna: "It's a pocket watch with two Milotic engraved on it!"
Pokemon 7: "Huh? B-but how did you know?"
Nazuna: "I read the letter too..."
Pokemon 7: "Ah...umm...thanks a lot..."
Pokemon 7: "Here it is. I found it!"
Kellyn: "Um, Pokemon 7, was it?"
Pokemon 7: "Yes?"
Kellyn: "I uh...called the police just now to come get this guy, so-"
Kellyn: (I just wish I could've done more than that...)
Pokemon 7: "Oh, right! I should be heading off to return this watch to my client. Thank you for your help today!"
Pokemon 7: "Awaaaay!"
Ash: "And there he goes."
Nazuna: (Pokemon 7...you might not be as bad as I thought you were...hehe...)
Nazuna: (I get the feeling I've met you before, though...)
Dela: "Why are your cheeks a red color Nazuna?"
Nazuna: "Ah?! Oh, it's nothing. Never mind! We should be getting back to the cafe."
Dela: "Yes. Your father is very worried about you."
Nazuna: "Oh, jeez..."

-----

Jubilife City, Sun Sun Cafe

(A scene with Nazuna being scolded by her father, but he is just happy she is all right. Need to read further to see her father and get down his general tone.)

Dela: "It is a shame that Hiori missed the excitement today."
Nazuna: "If he came along, he probably would've just held you back anyway."
Dela: "I am sure he would have remained at the cafe."
Nazuna: "Yeah, you're probably right about that."
Dela: "He would likely have found it interesting, at least. Oh! Boss, would it be all right if I brought Hiori some bread and some tea?"
Nazuna's father: "Go ahead, Dela. We have plenty of leftovers."
Nazuna: "It'll just end up being thrown out if you don't, anyway."
Dela: "Thank you. I am sure he will appreciate it."

-----

Jubilife City, Hiori's House

Pokemon 7: "Mission complete!"
Pokemon 7: "We're getting a lot more requests than we normally would lately. Maybe our reputation is improving?"
Lucario: "Rrfar."
Pokemon 7: "Even if it does mean more work, I don't want to think about the other reason."
Pokemon 7: "Things got way more hectic than I thought they would this morning. Wasn't expecting Nazuna and Dela to show up there. I must've dropped that letter back at Sun Sun."
Pokemon 7: "I have to be more careful from now on."
Dela: "Hiori, I have brought some bread for you."
Dela: "Mm?"
Hiori: "Ahhh!!"
Hiori: "Don't you know how to knock first?"
Dela: "Oh right, I should have. I apologize. But those clothes you are wearing. Hiori, are you Pokemon 7?"
Hiori: "Ah...I guess there's no helping it."
Dela: "What are you doing, Hiori?"
Hiori: "I'm sorry, I have no choice...Mime Jr? Could you give me a hand?"
Dela: "Hm? What are you doing?"
Hiori: "I really don't want to do this to you, Dela. But..."
*he starts begging, along with Mime Jr.*
Hiori: "Please forget what you saw here! Don't tell anyone! Please! Keep this a secret!"
Dela: "It is a secret that you must keep safe?"
Hiori: "At all costs! If people found about about my secret identity, I'd be in all sorts of trouble. The media would want interviews, the cops would want to come after me...not to mention, my targets..."
Dela: "I understand. Then, your secret is safe with me."
Hiori: "!"
Hiori: "So easily? Why?"
Dela: "You are a thief, but you are not like other thieves. I have seen it myself today. If you are helping people by being a thief, then I think I can help people by keeping your secret."
Hiori: "U-uhh...thanks, Dela."
Dela: "I have brought some bread for you. Oh, and I made some tea as well. I hope it helps with your cold."
Hiori: "Umm, about that..."
Dela: "I hope that you will be healthy enough to come in to work tomorrow."
Hiori: "R-right. I'm sure I will. Thanks again."
Dela: "You are welcome. I will be heading back now, Hiori."
Hiori: "Sheesh, if she really thought I was sick, then maybe she could've bought a lie..."
Hiori: "Guess it's too late for that. Ah, well. Maybe telling her is a good thing..."

COMPLETE, TO INTERMISSION MENU

And yes, though I actually write dialogue this way in planning, the whole fic would in fact be scripty. Intended to read like reading through a SRW LP.
 
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If there was anything I would have to say about it, I would say that while the dialogue makes it somewhat clear what is going on, I think maybe more descriptions would make it easier to keep track of what is happening (I think it's called blocking in scripts?). Although, I've never written anything like that, so what do I know?

Anyways, I've been working on a story for a few weeks, and here are the first two chapters I've written. They're a little on the long side, I think, at least for me. Some things I'm worried about are how the characters come across, the pacing, and there's a monologue in chapter two that I think could be improved, so if anyone has any criticism in those areas especially, feel free to say so, but all areas of criticism are welcome. Fair Warning: There is a handful of swear words scattered across the writing. I'm not entirely sure whether that breaks the rules of the forum, despite looking around to make sure, so if it does, I do apologize.
I'm going to put it in spoilers because it does sort of spoil some of the events of the Delta Episode, but mainly just so this isn't a wall of text someone might have to scroll through to get past it. And also everyone else on this thread seems to be doing the same thing.

Chapter 1
The Mossdeep Space Center was crowded as usual, and barely anyone noticed the two teenage boys walking through the lobby, one of them carrying a small baby. The boy with the baby wore a dark blue-green shirt and a pair of light grey shorts with zipper pockets, as well as a navy blue backpack and a white cap covering his short but wild blonde hair. His friend wore a blue jacket and similarly blue pants, with a red cap over his short brown hair. The blonde-haired boy walked over to a nearby security guard.
“Excuse me, my baby brother and I came here with my mom and my friend over there,” he said, pointing to the brown-haired boy, “But now we can’t find my mom. Can you help, please?”
“Sure,” the guard said before reaching down for his walkie talkie. He spoke for a moment before returning the device and gesturing for the kids to follow him. He led them to a small office where several monitors displayed the feed from the multiple security cameras in the building. The guard pulled out two chairs and motioned for the teenagers to take a seat.
“Wait here,” he said, “I have to get back to my shift, but if we find your mother, we’ll let you know.”
The blonde-haired boy was too entranced by the monitors to hear. He pointed to one that showed a room with several screens and displays and computers. “Is that the control room?” he asked excitedly.
The guard chuckled. He should have figured the kid was into space. Why else would he be here?
“Yes, it is,” he told the boy, “Now, don’t touch those monitors while I’m gone, okay?”
“Understood.”
The guard walked out of the room, slowly closing the door behind him to avoid waking the baby. As he walked back to his position, he realized how odd it was that two boys roughly at age sixteen were still with their parents. Normally kids like that would be well into their Pokémon journey. He shrugged, figuring that the kids just didn’t want to see the world, instead opting for normal vacations with their parents and friends.
The blonde-haired boy let the baby hop down from his arms, nimbly landing on the floor without a single sound. The baby’s appearance flickered before returning to its true form, a fox with dark gray and black fur with red accents on its paws and the tuft of fur on the top of its head. The Pokémon’s blue eyes locked with its trainer’s green, both sharing the same mischievous look. The blonde-haired boy pulled himself up to the desk, slipped a pair of gloves out of his pockets, put them on, and began typing away on a keyboard.
His brown-haired accomplice sighed. “You know, I’m pretty sure this is the kind of trouble your mom tells you to stay out of when she calls you EVERY OTHER WEEK!” he griped.
“Calm down, Thomas,” the blonde replied, “it’s not like we’re doing anything wrong.”
“YES WE ARE!” his friend seethed, “We are trespassing and accessing information we shouldn’t be accessing. You lied to the guard, and then you disobeyed his orders not to touch anything! Would you like me to add anything else to the list of things that are going to get us in trouble?”
“I may have accidentally knocked over some shelves when I went into the Poké Mart.”
“Matthew, I swear to Arceus—”
“Don’t, he’ll smite you for saying bad words.”
“—that one of these days I’m just going to let the police know every punishable offense you’ve committed!”
“You haven’t exactly tried to stop me. I think that would get you arrested, too.”
Matthew’s companion growled in frustration before giving up and going quiet. Matthew returned to his work on the computer. He was in the middle of searching through files when he looked back at his friend.
“For the record, I apologized to the employees at the Poké Mart. I even helped them pick everything up.”
“That isn’t the problem, Matthew! You always find some way to do something that we’re lucky we haven’t gotten in trouble for!”
“In my defense, I try not to cause any suffering. If I do something that can get me in trouble, it’s usually for inconsequential or selfless reasons.”
“Oh, yeah? What’s your goal this time, huh?” Matthew ignored him and brought up a file. Thomas leaned over his shoulder and squinted at the screen. “What’s that?”
“It’s the security feed from about a week ago.”
“What’s so important about a week ago?” Thomas asked, thinking back to the week prior. All that had happened… was the meteor shower. His eyes narrowed as Matthew began to play the footage. “Was that the day Team Aqua invaded the Space Center? When they were going to blow up that rocket and destroy the world?”
“Maybe,” was all Matthew bothered to answer with. As Thomas watched the scene play out one of the monitors, his hunch was proven correct when a figure ran down one of the hallways followed by a Whismur. Suddenly all Thomas could think of was the overwhelming urge to strangle his friend.
“Are you insane?” he whispered, “You came all this way to find this girl on the security tapes?”
Matthew didn’t answer. Instead, he went to the footage of the control center and watched as the girl with the Whismur shattered something in her hand. “So there’s Steven Stone, Professor Cozmo, looks like one of the admins of Team Aqua, and… I think that’s the new champion,” he muttered to himself.
“No. We’re not going to look for these people and ask where she is,” Thomas said, “This crush is getting out of hand.”
“It’s not a crush!” Matthew argued, “She took our Key Stones, remember? I’ve heard that most of the other people who had theirs taken have gotten it back. We haven’t, so I want to get ours back from her.” Thomas’ eyebrows raised to a point where any movement higher would lead to serious injury. “Okay, maybe there’s a little bit of a crush,” Matthew added.
“You’ll fall in love with anyone who can kick your ass.”
“Well, at least I know they can handle themselves. We all know I’m not going to be any help if we get into trouble.”
“So, your plan is to track her down, potentially across entire regions, maybe even all the way to the other side of the world?” Thomas continued, “Then when you finally find her, what? You think she’s just going to instantly fall in love with her stalker?”
“I’m not a stalker! I’m bringing her to justice!”
“So you’re a vigilante.”
“Uh…”
Thomas’ eyebrows proceeded to do the impossible. “You’re either a stalker or a vigilante. Neither one makes you look very good.”
“You know, now that I think about it, maybe this wasn’t a good idea.”
“You think?”
“Well, no going back now.”
Thomas groaned. “What a great mystery it is that both Zorua,” he gestured to the fox, “and Rotom, two Pokémon well known for their habit of making trouble, would go out of their way to choose you as their trainer.” His words made him pause. “Wait, where’s Rotom?”
“It’s in the computer.”
“...What?”
“It’s just helping me get the files without alerting anyone.”
“Oh, you can’t be serious.”
“Excuse me, boys.” Both teenagers jumped at the sound of a new voice. They turned to find a man in a lab coat accompanied by four security guards. Both of them recognized the scientist as Professor Cozmo.
“Did you find my mom yet?” Matthew asked, blatantly disregarding the fact that they had been caught.
“I assume you two came here wanting to see the supposed footage of what really happened with the meteor,” Professor Cozmo said, “After those reporters from TV Mauville leaked it onto the internet?”
“No, sir,” Thomas replied, glaring at Matthew, “My friend here had a much dumber idea in mind.”
“I see. And what might that be?” The professor glanced at the monitor as the footage Matthew was playing looped to the girl running down the hallway. “Do you know who this girl is?” Professor Cozmo barked at the teenagers.
“No, sir,” Thomas said.
“Then why are you here?”
“We want to find her,” Matthew spoke up, “She took our Key Stones.”
“Interesting,” the scientist said, “I heard that all the other Key Stones that were taken were returned to their rightful owners.”
“Not ours,” Matthew said.
“Well, I understand wanting to find something so valuable. But next time, try asking before choosing to do something illegal.”
“Yes, sir,” both trainers replied.
“And please take your Rotom with you.”
“Oh, right,” Matthew said, turning towards the monitors, “Rotom, we’re done here. You can get out of there now.” The Ghost Pokémon burst out of the computer and began floating around, buzzing and crackling with electricity. Matthew took a Poké Ball out of his pocket and pointed it at Rotom, causing it to turn into a mass of red light and return to the device.
“Would you have any idea where to find Steven Stone?” Thomas asked. Now it was Matthew’s turn to raise his eyebrows high enough to risk injury.
“No, I can’t say that I do,” Professor Cozmo said, “Frankly, I would give up your search if I were you. That girl nearly doomed our planet. She is very dangerous. All you are likely to gain from her is trouble.”
Murderous barely began to describe the look Thomas gave to Matthew as his friend broke into a grin.



The pair of trainers stepped out of the building, becoming bathed in light by the sun high above them. Thomas pulled his PokéNav Plus out of his pocket and switched it on.
“It’s about noon,” he said, turning to Matthew, “You think we can make it to Lilycove before it gets dark?”
“I think so. From there we can stock up on supplies and sleep at the Pokémon Center.”
“Alright, then. Let’s go.”
“You’re okay with this?”
“Of course I am. I need my Key Stone back, too.” Thomas grinned at his friend. “Besides, someone’s gotta keep you from getting yourself killed.”
“My mom made a mistake choosing you to keep me out of trouble.”
“Let’s just say it's easier to guide you than it is to stop you.”

Chapter 2
The rushing waterfalls echoed throughout the caves and mixed with the footsteps of the two young travelers. Zorua followed closely behind, watching Zubat circle over their heads. Thomas trailed behind his friend, fiddling with one of his Poké Balls.
“Matthew, can we stop for a second?” Thomas called, “I’m sure our Pokémon are getting antsy in their Poké Balls.”
“We can’t,” Matthew replied, “The longer we wait, the colder the trail gets.” Thomas glared at him. “On second thought, maybe it wouldn't hurt if we let them out.” Both trainers removed the spherical devices from their belts and hurled them into the air. The creatures held inside the orbs burst out in flashes of light. Matthew’s team consisted of Sceptile, Garchomp, Salazzle, Lapras, Gallade, and Ampharos, while Thomas’s team was made up of Swampert, Charizard, Lucario, Haxorus, Electivire, and Greninja. Lapras, Swampert, and Greninja made a beeline for the water, as the other Pokémon each found a spot to get comfortable in one of the various craters.
Thomas walked over to Matthew as Zorua lept down to try and coax the others into playing around. “Are you sure Steven Stone is here in Meteor Falls?” he asked.
“That’s what I heard,” Matthew answered, “Even though he’s no longer the champion, he’s apparently been training to become even stronger.”
“Maybe we shouldn’t just approach him out of nowhere and ask him about a girl he may have met only once.”
“Any other ideas?”
“No, I guess not.”
A crash brought their attention to the Pokémon behind them. Garchomp and Haxorus were locked in battle, grappling with each other and attempting to knock the other over. Garchomp clawed at Haxorus while the Axe Jaw Pokémon attempted to smash Garchomp through a nearby boulder. The two dragons simultaneously lept back and began firing Dragon Pulse energy beams at each other, prompting the other Pokemon to dive for cover as some of the blasts soared past the intended target and impacted the rock walls of the cave.
Matthew and Thomas calmly followed their Pokémon to cover and continued to watch the clash unfold. Garchomp charged Haxorus without warning, its body becoming covered with blue energy. Haxorus dug into the ground, preparing for the impact. However, at the last second, the dragon darted to the side, causing Garchomp to rush past, trying to skid to a stop. As he attempted to stop, Haxorus’s large tail began to glow a light blue. Before Garchomp could turn around, Haxorus whipped his tail into his foe’s back, combining with the momentum to send Garchomp flying face-first into the stone floor with a heavy thud that caused the ground to shake. As Garchomp tried to get to his feet, Haxorus planted his right foot on Garchomp’s chest and leaned over so that the axe blade protruding from the left side of his jaw hovered inches from his opponent’s throat.
Matthew and Thomas both grabbed their Poké Balls to return their respective combatant if need be, but Haxorus quickly backed down and offered Garchomp help to get up. Matthew broke into a grin, and Thomas sighed in relief, both embarrassed to have doubted their partners’ ability to keep the battle from getting out of hand. The two had been sparring with each other since they were a Gible and an Axew, each competing to see who was the strongest.
“Are you two done?” Matthew called, causing the dragons to jump and look around at the destruction they caused. “It’s alright,” he said, “I don’t think anyone is going to notice a few more craters.”
“We should probably keep looking now,” Thomas said, “I’ll look at Garchomp and Haxorus and see if there are any scratches that need to be tended to. Go get the others back in their balls.”
“Got it.” Matthew took Thomas’ Poké Balls from his friend’s belt and began returning their Pokémon to their capsules while Thomas took a Potion from his bag and began spraying it onto the two dragons. Once they were all in their balls, Zorua ran over to Matthew and began chewing on his shoelaces.
“Zorua, cut it out,” Matthew said, “I know you want to keep playing with your friends, but we have to get going.” The fox kept gnawing and yanking at the laces. “What is up with you?” Matthew asked, lifting the Pokémon up off the ground.
“Those are some very powerful dragons,” a voice behind them said. Matthew dropped Zorua with surprise, causing her to kick off his chest and land with a flip on the stone floor. The two boys whirled around to find a man clad in what appeared to be knight’s armor from medieval times.
“Why do you care?” Matthew growled, grabbing a Poké Ball from his belt in anticipation of a battle.
“Do not worry, my boy,” the man said, “I have no plans of stealing your Pokémon. I am not a part of that dreadful Team Rocket that plagued the Kanto region.”
“Yeah, well, the renaissance fair is that way!” Matthew shouted, pointing towards a path that very obviously led deeper into the cavern. “Take your stupid outfit and go bother someone else!”
“I apologize for my friend’s rude behavior,” Thomas said, grabbing Matthew’s arm, which was extended in an obscene gesture, and shoving it back down, “We didn’t expect there to be very many other people here.”
“I understand,” the man replied, “My name is George. I admire the skill of those who are able to tame dragons.”
“It’s not that hard,” Matthew spat, “It’s fairly normal to have a Dragon-type on a trainer’s team.”
“Are you not familiar with the history of the interactions between humans and dragons?” George asked, “Long before there were Pokémon trainers, dragons set fire to villages and devoured innocent people. Men and women lived in fear of the scaled creatures, wondering if the day that arrived would be their last.”
“We didn’t ask for your history lesson, so you can screw off!” Matthew yelled.
“Then, as humans developed the technology to control them, the dragons, knowing that they would become outmatched, changed their tune, became docile, and pretended that they weren’t the murderous reptiles that they were,” George’s words became increasingly venomous, and suddenly Thomas became aware of the sword that hung from the man’s belt. “And somehow, humans, in their lust for a sense of power and control of this cruel world, overlooked the sins of the dragons and accepted their requests to fight alongside them. Decades passed, centuries, and the memory of the menace that dragons once appeared to be became dulled and faded. But some never forgot. They taught their sons and daughters the truth, and those descendants passed the truth down through generations.”
“Matthew,” Thomas hissed, becoming just as on edge as his friend, “We need to get out of here, now!”
“And now, their vindication is at hand!” George cried, unsheathing his sword. “The dragons will face retribution for their indiscriminate slaughter, and the heretics that so fiercely stand beside them will join them in death!”
“Garchomp, Draco Meteor!” Matthew roared. The Pokémon began to create a ball of orange energy in its mouth, then fired it into the air. The orb exploded, releasing large chunks of rock that hurled towards George, who simply held his sword in front of him in response. As he did so, Matthew noticed a shield hanging on the shield before the ground around George exploded. Dust formed a cloud around the spot where George had been standing, obscuring the fate of the two trainers’ attacker.
“Is he dead?” Matthew asked.
“You want to sit here and find out?” Thomas replied, “Let’s get out of here!”
They turned to find the entrance they used to get into the cave blocked by two more knights. Both of them held a Poké Ball in their hand, threatening to use force if necessary.
“What the hell is this? Medieval roleplay?” Matthew remarked.
“We are Team Paladin!” George’s voice echoed off the stone walls. Matthew whipped around to see his foe step out from the smoke, his sword no longer with him. “Surrender your dragons and we shall let you leave this place, alive.”
“You want ‘em?” Matthew asked, recalling the dragons back to their Poké Balls, “They’re right here.”
“Aegislash, use Night Slash!” George ordered. The sword Pokémon lunged at Matthew from the shadows, catching the boy by surprise.
“Duck!” he shouted, tackling Thomas to the ground as Aegislash swiped at the two. The sword swung down, forcing the trainers to roll to the side to avoid it. The blade plunged into the ground, suddenly struggling to remove itself.
“Hey, looks like Excalibur here is back in the stone!” Matthew shouted mockingly at George, “I don’t think you’re worthy yet! Good luck getting it out!”
“Matthew, could you not piss off the guy trying to kill us?” Thomas snapped.
The two heard the sound of Pokémon being summoned from their balls and turned to see a Bisharp and a Rapidash whose normally fiery mane was replaced with a pale cyan and purple one.
“That’s a Galarian Rapidash, right?” Matthew asked Thomas.
“I don’t know!”
“How do you not know? You grew up in Kalos. Galar is literally a swim away.”
“Yeah, for a professional swimmer!”
“All I’m saying is you’d think you’d have seen a few Pokémon from the region that is basically next door!”
“Bisharp, use Metal Claw!” one of the other knights, a male by the sound of their voice, commanded.
“Rapidash, Psychic!” his companion ordered. Suddenly, the two Poké Balls containing Garchomp and Haxorus flew out of Matthew’s hands and into the hands of the female knight, who promptly turned to flee.
“Hey!” Matthew yelled, attempting to give chase, only for Bisharp’s Metal Claw to throw him onto the ground. The knights were about to leave the cave when George stepped in front of them from outside.
“Sire!” the female knight gasped in surprise as she turned to look over her shoulder, “But you were—” Before she could react to the deceit, Zorua kicked into her unarmored side, causing her to keel over and fall to the ground, dropping the Poké Balls in the process. The other knight attempted to draw his sword in retaliation, but Zorua fired off a Dark Pulse that sent him flying into one of the large stones scattered around the place. Zorua kicked Garchomp and Haxorus over to Matthew and Thomas, but Rapidash noticed the commotion and caught the balls midair with its psychic abilities before throwing them to George, who fled the scene.
“Okay, enough is enough!” Matthew said, hurling another Poké Ball into the air, “Salazzle, deal with that unicorn wannabe!”
The Fire-Poison type burst into the fray and immediately began to attack Rapidash, spewing sludge from her mouth and hitting it repeatedly with Poison Jab. Bisharp attempted to assist, but Salazzle quickly warded him off with a Flamethrower. Finally, Rapidash had had enough and threw Salazzle backward with Psychic. Thomas sent out Lucario to help Salazzle as Matthew chased after George.
Even with his heavy armor, Matthew couldn’t keep up with George. If he didn’t do something fast, the knight would get away with their dragons. He had one shot, and luckily, he had one idea that just might work. He threw one of his Poké Balls, summoning Ampharos to the chase.
“Ampharos, use Magnetic Flux!” he shouted. Suddenly, George was lifted into the air, then began hurtling back towards Ampharos. Ampharos’ paw began to spark with electricity, and as George passed, he swung a punch to the back of the knight’s head, causing him to fall to the ground face-first and skid several feet from the momentum he had built up. The Poké Balls landed at the Electric Pokémon’s feet, who kicked them over to Matthew, who then picked them up.
Matthew walked over to George, who lay motionless in the dirt. “That’s what you get for trying to steal our Pokémon. How’s your head?” Matthew taunted. George only twitched in reply. “Oooh, paralysis,” Matthew said, wincing mockingly, “Guess that armor isn’t well insulated against electricity. Good to know.”
He turned to Ampharos. “You wouldn’t mind if I asked you to move him, would you?” asked. Ampharos shook his head. Matthew smiled. “Thanks,” he said, “I don’t think I would have physically been able to.”



Lucario fired an Aura Sphere at the male knight’s Bisharp, finally knocking him out. Rapidash galloped over to her comrade, checking to see if he was alright. The distraction was enough for Salazzle to finish off the horned Pokémon with a well-placed Poison Jab, causing her to crumple onto the ground. Zorua, having taken their Poké Balls from their unconscious trainers, pointed the devices at the fainted Pokémon and hit the buttons, recalling them from the battle.
“Guess you could’ve taken them on all by yourself.” Thomas turned around to see Matthew walk into the cave, Ampharos following behind and hovering George behind them.
“I’m guessing you got them back,” Thomas said, holding his hand out. Matthew grinned and tossed him Haxorus’ Poké Ball. Thomas recalled Lucario and put both capsules in his pocket.
“So, what should we do with these guys?” Matthew asked, “My vote’s on seeing how well they swim in that armor.”
“We’re not going to drown them.”
“I never said anything about killing them. They sink for a bit, and then we take ‘em out so they can dry.”
“No.”
“Okay, fine. I guess we can call…” Both boys turned to find the knights gone without a trace. “...the...police,” Matthew finished, “Crap. Where’d they go?”
“I don’t know.”
“Well, for walking tin cans, they can be pretty quiet when they need to,” Matthew remarked.
“Yeah,” Thomas said, “I don’t think Steven Stone is here. You’d think a former champion would investigate the sound of a battle.” He shrugged. “Guess we’ll just have to keep looking.”
“Yeah.”
“Let me guess: our next interviewee is the champion?”
“Yep.”
“How are we going to find him?”
Matthew grinned. “I think I know someone who can help.”
 
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If there was anything I would have to say about it, I would say that while the dialogue makes it somewhat clear what is going on, I think maybe more descriptions would make it easier to keep track of what is happening (I think it's called blocking in scripts?). Although, I've never written anything like that, so what do I know?
Very true, I'll keep it in mind if I ever decide to go through with it or anything similar. It involves Ash, so it'd certainly get some notability just on that basis, wherever I _can_ post anything like that.

Also @Max1996 just post it, I say. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. It's a bit plain - like describe the journey outfit instead of saying he puts it on,, because that could be anything. Something to think about working on, be more descriptive. As for yours zman...I'll read it when I can, because I'll read anything that isn't Mystery Dungeon. :p Extra points for implicitly dunking on Zinnia from what I heard.
 
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From Galar's Darkest Hour. Leon has flashbacks as he regains consciousness. How is the writing of the dreams?
Then Leon talks with Hop about the Eternatus incident and the league battle.

Only blackness surrounded him and he heard cheering. Leon blinked and regained his vision. He stood in Wyndon Stadium. Hearing a familiar growl, he turned. It was Charizard, his partner. They were ready for this battle. At age eighteen, he had been Champion for a while. Leon would win this to continue his reign.

His opponent sent out a Barbaracle. Charizard turned towards Leon and smirked. Saying, “They can try. I have got this.”

Leon Gigantamaxed his partner and ordered for him to use Max Overgrowth. As a rush of energy flowed through Leon, a light filled his eyes.

He trekked through a forest. Leon had been looking for special mushrooms. But he was now lost. Charmander growled and pointed to a cluster of purple mushrooms.

“Thanks, partner.” Leon smiled as he picked up the mushrooms. “Now which way back to the Dojo?” He walked on with Charmander until he stopped at the desert. “It’s not this way.” Leon turned to Charmander who shook his head.

“You have gotten lost again.” Charmander growled. “It will be hard to complete this trial.”

The light returned and Leon found himself standing in front of Charizard. His partner roared in delight. “Now I can carry you to the places you need to go, future Champion.”

Leon smiled and patted Charizard’s snout. “That will not be any trouble, buddy?”

Charizard snorted and spread out his wings. “You will end up in the wrong place, Leon. So it is not.”

Leon heard a familiar voice asking him if he was okay. “I am.” He tried to reply, but no word came out. Leon should know this voice, but his mind is foggy.

He was lying down, but where? Someone’s hand touched his. They are worried, Leon could tell. “Why are they?” He wanted to ask. But still he was unable to speak.


Leon opened his eyes, blinking away the blackness. He looked around, he was in a hospital ward. As Leon exhaled, his chest throbbed slightly. Most of his body was bandaged. He was covered in wounds. But the last thing he remembered was catching Eternatus.

“Lee.” He turned to see Hop standing there, whispering his name.

“Hey, Hop.” Leon’s voice came out sounding hoarse. He smiled at his younger brother. “How long have you been waiting here?”

“I’m glad that you are alive, Lee!” Hop hugged Leon tightly. “I thought you were gone.”

Leon’s injuries flared with pain from Hop hugging him. “Whoa, hey.” He winced while chuckling. “Careful or my wounds could open up. Then there will be a problem.”

“Sorry” Hop released himself from Leon. He paused for a moment before facing Leon directly. “Why didn’t you get out of the way quicker?”

“Of what?” Leon raised an eyebrow. His memory from throwing the Ultra Ball onwards was foggy. “Remind me, Hop.”

“Eternatus breaking out of the ball.” Hop’s eyes were fixed on Leon. “That explosion from it almost killed you.”

“Oh, it was that.” Leon now remembered more of the event. Stepping back after throwing the Ultra Ball. Eternatus freeing itself and the explosion. The burning pain when he was thrown to the floor. “That explosion came quicker than I expected. There was little time even for me.”

A shadow crossed Hop’s eyes as he nodded. “I understand, Lee.” Both he and Leon turned around when footsteps came and stopped outside of the room. Hop’s eyes narrowed as he tried to spot the arrival.

“So you two dealt with Eternatus?” Leon wondered to himself how they managed to subdue the beast. When he could not.

“The two wolves Zacian and Zamazenta helped us.” Hop’s eyes brightened as he turned back to Leon. “The rusted sword and shield gave them enough power to defeat Eternatus.”

Leon sat up, wincing when his wounds protest. “That was amazing you two saved Galar. You are both heroes.”

Hop was about to reply, but he just nodded. “Victor was the one to catch it. I felt that he must. The one who will soon battle you.”

Leon ruffled Hop’s hair and smiled. “Remember, you have done well.” His younger brother’s league loss still affected him. “I will give Victor a battle that he will not forget. But I will not hold back against him. I will have a champion time.” Leon felt like that he could do the battle right now. Even with his injuries.

“Lee!” Hop cried as Leon got out the bed. “You are still-“

“I am alright.” Leon reassured him with a smile. “I will just walk about for a bit. I am fired up about our battle.”

Hop’s eyes widened. “But your wounds.”

“It will be fine.” Leon chuckled as he embraced Hop. “You think that the unbeatable Champion will sit around all day?”

Also laughing, Hop replied. “No, you wouldn’t do that.” He quickly turned as a figure walked down the corridor. They had been watched.

Hop watched the figure until they turned around a corner. “Who was that?”

Leon narrowed his eyes. “I wonder.” He should let the doctors know about this. As he headed out. Hop stopped him.

“Please, Lee. You could reopen your wounds.” Hop pleaded. “You must be well enough to battle Victor.”

“You are right, I must.” Leon agreed. He laid back down on the bed. “It has been great talking with you, Hop. Come again soon.” Leon whispered as he closed his eyes. With plenty of rest, he would soon be in Wyndon Stadium. Facing Victor and increasing his winning streak.
 
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@Skalesgon
Two quick tips for you after skimming your excerpt - first is to let yourself have some chunkier sentences and paragraphs, as varying your structure is easier on the reader's eye. Second is to reduce reliance on unnecessary dialogue tags. "Said" is a perfectly good word, and less intrusive. Best example of what I mean is “Please, Lee. You could reopen your wounds.” Hop pleaded. We know Hop is speaking because he addresses Lee, and we know he's pleading bc he says 'please'. The tag may as well be edited out. I hope this is helpful advice!
Best of luck with the fic!
 
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@Skalesgon
Two quick tips for you after skimming your excerpt - first is to let yourself have some chunkier sentences and paragraphs, as varying your structure is easier on the reader's eye. Second is to reduce reliance on unnecessary dialogue tags. "Said" is a perfectly good word, and less intrusive. Best example of what I mean is “Please, Lee. You could reopen your wounds.” Hop pleaded. We know Hop is speaking because he addresses Lee, and we know he's pleading bc he says 'please'. The tag may as well be edited out. I hope this is helpful advice!
Best of luck with the fic!
Thanks for the feedback.
 
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One of the intense scenes from Galar's Darkest Hour.

“You came to help me in spite of the danger?” Leon briefly glanced at Victor and Hop. Victor noticed the Champion’s eyes widen. There was not even a scratch on Leon. It was like the beast was unable to touch him.

“We had to come. Even if you can deal with this.” Victor flinched as the dragon sent out a blast of energy. This creature was much dangerous than any Pokémon Victor had seen. “We got the sword and shield. To help you…” He stopped, noticing Leon’s look of scepticism. “Yes, two gym challengers turn up with rusted weapons. I do not blame you, Leon.” Victor gazed at the rusted sword. “But they must be helpful.

“No need for you two to worry.” Despite his doubt, Leon remained focused. “Charizard and the rest of my champion team members have really worn Eternatus down." This dragon, Eternatus lets out roars of pain. It glared at Leon and Charizard, struggling to attack again. But the beast could cripple anyone with a loud roar. The injuries it received appeared not to phase it.

“It seems like some power of Eternatus's was keeping my team from Dynamaxing, but... we've had a champion time all the same!” Leon nodded to let Charizard know to stand down. Getting out an Ultra Ball, he declared. “Now if I can simply catch it and we should be able to get this madness under control.”

Leon threw the Ultra Ball at Eternatus and took a few steps back. Victor held his breath and Hop cheered as the dragon was captured. As the Ball wobbled, Victor held his breath. Seconds passed and Leon gestured to Charizard who shielded the pair. An ear-splitting explosion blasted out from the ball, breaking it.

Leon had been caught in the explosion. “No, Leon!” Victor yelled as he uncovered his eyes. The Champion was knocked down and laid motionless in a pool of his own blood. Leon struggled to breath as he attempted to look at Eternatus. As if he would get back up and face the beast again. But he would be unable to now. Victor and Hop ran to Leon, both fearful. He was unbeatable, yet he had been knocked down.

“Damn it! Leon, please-” Victor cursed as his heart lurched. “Fuck. Not our Champion.” He stood between the weakened Champion and that beast. Uncertainty creeps in Victor’s mind. Glaring at Eternatus, Victor shouted. “You see what you have done to Leon!” He wanted that beast to understand how he felt.
 
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