MATURE: The Story of Fritz Westmyn: The Turning World (old, crusty, abandoned)

[Flaze]

All right! finally caught up with this! it's sure been a while xD

Well it seems like I actually stopped reading this right at the end of part two, meaning before everything went to hell. I have to admit that chapter was weird, the lead up to the end with Fritz's expulsion was really insane but I guess that was the point, you wanted to show all the things Fritz had mixed himself in and how it all came to a head before he was expelled. That being said thoug while the reveal was shocking and the end of it was sad I did feel like maybe it was a little...out there.

I mean it is racism and racism can be really bad and it varies amongts people and it's true that not everyone reacted the same way Reika did, but I kind of feel like it was borderline cartoonish how most of them reacted, especially the vice principal, again not to say it couldn't happen but the way he kept screaming and stuff just...made me laugh more than anything with how over the top it was.

But again it really was sad to see Fritz go, especially since he had gotten together with Premala and all. That was like the shortest relationship ever. I do hope we get to see those characters again before too long, it'll be bad if they just never appeared again, particularly Premala considering how she and Fritz ended up becoming so close at the end.

I honestly didn't expect the hobos to come back, I think this is the first story that really puts the focus on hobos and it was kind of weird cause I'm honestly thought to not really pay mind to them xD but I guess it's what's allowed to drive the story forward so far. But that does leave me with my biggest question and that is where exactly we go from here?

I mean Fritz isn't at the academy and right now he's still trying to decide what he's going to do but I myself am just wondering where the story is heading, it's been three chapters since part three began so I guess it's still okay for it to be setting up and the last couple of chapters at least gave Fritz some idea of where he could go. That being said though I think your chapters have been having a lot of battles lately and they tend to be really long battles, like even just a one on one is long, so maybe think about shortening a little? I get that you want to showcase all types of strategies in these battles but remember that when a battle goes for too long it can end up dragging the story with it.

 

[Persephone]

Alright, finally finished reading this in a six-day marathon.

I will say that the story has potential, and you do as a writer. It avoids any glaring stylistic flaws, grammar and syntax are usually very good, and the action scenes are well-written. So if I'm critical from this point forward, it's because I sincerely believe you're capable of doing better.

The biggest problem in the story is that you try to do too much. You have one character who fights just about every chapter (more on this later). On top of that you try to balance a cast of 20+, three+ villains, and several plot arcs (academy student, tournament combatant, romance, expulsion, traveling, coordination, gym challenge?) in less than thirty chapters. You just don't get left with enough time to do anything well.

For instance, I know very little about any character who isn't Fritz. I can give the bare basics of a few of them, but I really don't know any of them well. This becomes even more frustrating when you set up a lot of characters and then simply cast Fritz away without looking back rather than try to develop any of them or winnow the cast. It also becomes problematic because this is an action story.

Fritz fights just about every chapter. Maybe more, on average, since he fights twice a chapter or more quite a bit. This means we get to see a lot of his fighting. A lot. As in, I started dying inside every time I saw another action scene coming by the end of it. Half of these there isn't a single point to: I don't understand why she fought the Ice Princess or the bug trainer or the coordinators or the wannabe champion or the insect swarm or... you get the point.

Simply put, you have the basics of battles down. You write them well. You just often neglect to set up emotional stakes. Why are both sides battling? What does Fritz want? What does he have to gain or lose? If the answers are "boredom/idk/reasons, nothing, and nothing" I won't be able to care. I just have no mental or emotional investment in how the battle ends and it can actually be annoying to see an underdog crush better trainers with nothing on the line. The point of the underdog story is they have everything to lose and are improbable to win. When they have nothing to lose and keep beating superior trainers, they are no longer the underdog. They're actually kind of boring to read about.

The other problem is that if you keep having battles with no emotional stakes, it makes it harder to find more original content to fill the "important" battles with. It also makes readers get a little bit tired of combat and numb to it when they should be thrilled by a spectacular final battle. So I'd suggest cutting down the battles in the future. There doesn't need to be one every chapter. In fact, I'd recommend doing one every arc or so.

Here's a hypothetical arc structure: Start by introducing something Fritz wants. It could be a romantic goal, proving his worth to the academy, getting a badge (but you have to establish why he wants the badge—what he has emotionally and personally at stake) or whatever else. The nature of it isn't important. But he either has to want something new or have something he already has be threatened. And then he has to figure out how to get it, by training or figuring out what he wants in the first place or talking with other people about the challenge or making a new friend related to it. And then the villain gets introduced at some point. The person who stands in his way, perhaps for reasons clearly stated or perhaps not. But readers have to know why this person must be defeated for Fritz to get what he wants. And then, when the audience has learned why they should be emotionally invested and you've told a story about why the battle is necessary... then you write one hell of a battle. And then Fritz wins or he doesn't and it plays out because that battle has real consequences and he knows that going in.

While, yes, Fritz might battle a lot just for fun that's kind of boring. He also eats and sleeps and defecates. I don't need to see all of that because it's not a part of his story: it's not central to revealing his character or furthering a plot where he goes out to get something important to him. The same goes for battling.

So, I guess you should have a test when figuring out if a battle is needed in the story. 1) What does Fritz want from the battle? 2) Does the audience know that he wants that from the battle? 3) Why does he want it? 4) How does the battle affect that goal? 5) Could I perhaps resolve this situation in a way other than a Pokemon battle? Would that solution be more realistic or show more of Fritz's character?

In short... please. You've become bad at this as of late. You should take more time between fights, show Fritz when he's not fighting or on the way to his next fight. Have him on a non-battling side-quest that makes him show character. Set up a big villain several chapters before they show up and establish why Fritz needs to or wants to fight him. Then make a few chapters of him actually struggling. It's no fun if he challenges someone for no good reason and then wins. I can't root for that or care about it.

The closet you came to doing this well was, strangely, the early part of the story. There were only ~4 core characters and they were all interesting for their length. If it had stayed like that, with a small core group of characters who all get plenty of non-combat development and Fritz had good reasons for liking them all... then it could have been good. If Cronus had been a mentor/antagonist who became the focus of the story as Fritz slowly tried to get better to escape his shadow or prove his worth to himself, that would've been great. Even better with the Beast of Abet and The Man in White in the background with Fritz having to investigate both over time, often without fighting, and then got awesome battles involving them at the end. He would've had reasons to fight all three, the audience would be invested in his struggles and in the end there would've been some kickass fights.

But that's not what happened. Instead you tried to add in new characters before I could get invested in the old ones and it ended up that I didn't see anyone often enough to get invested in them at all. And then there were more and more villains... and Fritz got expelled, rendering all of those obsolete.

I guess what I'm saying is, you'd be better off if you slowed down, only showed the fights that really mattered, and heavily explored Fritz's psychological and emotional struggles more than his external physical ones. If I know about what makes him tick, what makes him angry, what keeps him going... then if he really has a reason to fight someone, I can root for him because I know just how important it is. Character development is almost necessary for good action scenes in long stories.

Once again, there aren't stylistic problems. You write action well. You have definite promise. But you need to think more about making long plot arcs and figuring out what Fritz is actually doing. What does he want? What will that involve doing? Who will that involve fighting? I think if you think long and hard about those questions you'll start to sort out what matters and what doesn't.

 

[System Error]

Replies:

Spoiler

@AiedailEclipsed;

Spoiler

Will we ever get to see a battle between Fritz and someone like Muriel or Aporon or Elyna, when they're on point?

Probably eventually! They were introduced as strong opponents, and both parties going at it full capacity is something not to pass up.

I'm also ever curious about Fritz's origins in North America and about his other Pokémon there. You continually revealing new ones that he has used before that are "allowed" in Japan make me so curious!

The general rule is, anything 493 plus Sylveon. They've all been revealed at this point. Tangela, Nidorina, Mareep, Eevee, Huntail, Vespiquen that he used in the school arc. And Lairon, Houndour, Toxicroak, Azumarill, and Mantine that haven't been. As well as Crobat, who's kind of in limbo at the moment.

Those aside, he's also mentioned two that aren't allowed, a Hydreigon and a "Falkyrie".

One thing I think would be a good thing to keep in mind going forward is character balance. I realize that how you write Fritz is particular in how his strategies work and such, but I sometimes feel how he does is almost overdone. I know that he has lots of previous experience, but at the same time, it's... borderline on becoming a bit too Gary Stu?

Bigger challenges are coming.

I really felt this was illustrated in the battle against Capdevila. And this is coming from someone who specialized in that character type for a while there.

This was kind of an interesting battle from a plot perspective. Fritz didn't so much as do well as Maribel did poorly, as the bonus alludes to. A theme of Part 3 is the role you play in other peoples' lives. Fritz' draw with Maribel is close to, if not a last straw in her ongoing cold streak.

I think another thing that would be good is for you to maybe concentrate on developing a core set of characters in these next few chapters? The Traveling Hobos would be a good place to go. For instance, we don't know if they have Pokémon or if they're terrified of them. With this story moving from a stationary setting towards this more mobile one, it'll be key for you to pick some characters and work with them more, I think.

That's the plan moving forward! Although developmental detail - the Hobos are harder to write than I thought. I mean, Dick was supposed to be out-of-place and change the dynamic alone...but it changes it a bit too much. @_@ If/when they show up again, you can be sure you'll see more development, though.

More developmental fun facts: the splitting up was originally to test drive the narrative with Fritz being on his own, but I ended up liking Bonnie after reusing her in 3-4, so...

@chaos_Leader;

Spoiler

Hey there! I just finished reading this entire story in essentially one day-long binge-read. Gonna focus my thoughts mainly on the post-hiatus content, since that's more relevant I think.

Mmmhmm!

I like the change of pace this post-expulsion arc is taking. For a while it was building up in a pretty traditional academic-setting style fic. Also, I feel like a lot of the characters and interactions, especially earlier in the story, were a little over-the-top.

Guilty as charged on that last part, thinking about it, heh. I did pick up more of a rhythm for that as I went along, and there will be more consistently down-to-earth/well-balanced characters moving forward.

The whole "Traveling Hobo Detective Agency" angle is pretty cute, I have to admit. I would find it quite hilarious if, after being separated from Fritz for an extended period, they show up again as a wildly successful franchise.

The hobos will be back soon. But you won't be disappointed!

The change of pace is nice, yes, but now we're left at a bit of a conundrum: where does the story go now? What drives the action of the story going forward? What provides the tension of the plot? When Fritz was in the academic setting, there were all sorts of social dilemmas, and even a malicious mystery mon at one point. Now, there's nothing. For these first chapters of the "post-expulsion arc" it's not too much of a concern: this is where you get Fritz settled into the new life, establishing the new starting point. But since it is basically a new start, I feel like it would benefit the story greatly for there to be a new plot hook, a new something to drive the story. We don't really have that: we have a single cute episode with the family, and a slight teaser with a champion, but nothing really to grab the reader into what happens next...

For all intents and purposes it feels like this new arc could be broken off of this story entirely and made into a proper standalone sequel. From what I can see, it looks like you've done it once before already. The "academy arc" has essentially run its course as a full story: with a beginning, middle and end, and this new arc essentially creates a new beginning.

You're exactly right. And you know what? That's exactly the point. Though not yet explicit, Fritz himself is asking himself, "Where do I go now?" He's had several options thrown at him: going on a traditional journey (3-1), returning (mentioned in 3-2, but he said no), actually being a part of the group (3-2), being a coordinator (3-3), and travelling with Bonnie (3-5, here). This is what the title of Part 3 means, "The Aimless Path". He's on a road with no destination, both literally and figuratively. Furthermore, a question of why he went to Rukh's in the first place is raised, which he's been evasive on. Besides that, the early part of this part is in-part intended to get the reader to know Fritz' non-school Pokemon, as well as putting his school Pokemon in-perspective.

@Crobatman; the Flaze

Spoiler

Well it seems like I actually stopped reading this right at the end of part two, meaning beforeeverything went to hell. I have to admit that chapter was weird, the lead up to the end with Fritz's expulsion was really insane but I guess that was the point, you wanted to show all the things Fritz had mixed himself in and how it all came to a head before he was expelled. That being said thoug while the reveal was shocking and the end of it was sad I did feel like maybe it was a little...out there.

I mean it is racism and racism can be really bad and it varies amongts people and it's true that not everyone reacted the same way Reika did, but I kind of feel like it was borderline cartoonish how most of them reacted, especially the vice principal, again not to say it couldn't happen but the way he kept screaming and stuff just...made me laugh more than anything with how over the top it was.

The point of the setting was to get as many people gathered as possible to hear it. Kripps is supposed to be a bit crazy, yes. He definitely has his head up his ass to an extent. As for reactions, only a few in particular were really showcased. In fact, Kripps' and Reika's extreme reactions did indeed earn Fritz some sympathy - it wouldn't be nearly as bad as he thought it would've been had he returned. Particularly, I have a bonus scene where Carlie, Irene, and Andrew are in complete disbelief about how she'd turn on him so suddenly after he stuck up for her several times and remained her friend despite all that's happened. Even Josef acknowledges this, that it's unusual for Reika to be the one breaking off a friendship, and it's usually other people who can't stand her.

Although a fun fact: almost every character at the school introduced has a line in the huge mess at the end. You may even recognize some of their speech, but have a bonus with the full list including four that went unused and the "guest speakers"

But again it really was sad to see Fritz go, especially since he had gotten together with Premala and all. That was like the shortest relationship ever. I do hope we get to see those characters again before too long, it'll be bad if they just never appeared again, particularly Premala considering how she and Fritz ended up becoming so close at the end.

Yes to seeing them again. Not exactly on their becoming so close. If it wasn't clear from 2-15's bonus, it was ill-fated. However, Kripps interferance caused it to end through no fault of Premala's own.

I mean Fritz isn't at the academy and right now he's still trying to decide what he's going to do but I myself am just wondering where the story is heading, it's been three chapters since part three began so I guess it's still okay for it to be setting up and the last couple of chapters at least gave Fritz some idea of where he could go.

I honestly didn't expect the hobos to come back, I think this is the first story that really puts the focus on hobos and it was kind of weird cause I'm honestly thought to not really pay mind to them xD but I guess it's what's allowed to drive the story forward so far. But that does leave me with my biggest question and that is where exactly we go from here?

Again, exactly! Spoiler, Fritz himself (again) will be questioning where he goes from here.

That being said though I think your chapters have been having a lot of battles lately and they tend to be really long battles, like even just a one on one is long, so maybe think about shortening a little? I get that you want to showcase all types of strategies in these battles but remember that when a battle goes for too long it can end up dragging the story with it.

The point of these battles were to introduce Fritz' other Pokemon. It'll be toned down from now on. I wasn't intending on introducing them so soon...but stuff came up.

@Athena;

Spoiler

For instance, I know very little about any character who isn't Fritz. I can give the bare basics of a few of them, but I really don't know any of them well.

Due to the nature of this, a lot of the character details need to be picked up on in conversational passing. A lot of the information is scattered about, too. Even some details about Fritz are blink-and-you'll-miss-it deals or in the subtext. A recent example is in 3-3: he said "Been a while since I've been in front of a great crowd like this". It's an innocuous line that reveals he's battled in huge stadiums before. Though I am admittedly excessive with this at times...

That said, not every character is intended to be treated as super-important. Reika and Aporon, for example, were more important than Lawrence and Muriel, who were much more important than the likes of Teiko and Ina, and even they had more importance than some characters. Everyone has their story. But not everyone is important to your own story, and you can't become involved in everyone else's (as stated in other responses, a theme of Part 3 is the role you can play in others' lives). And isn't that how it usually is? You have some main characters, you have a supporting cast, and then you have the rest. This even applies to this chapter right here. It's clear enough who the most important characters are in this mini arc.

With that in mind, I am going to be narrowing the cast moving forward, and since others brought it up too. Although do expect characters of the day. And...your bringing this up just gave me a really sick idea and help on where to go, so thanks for that. :>

almost all the stuff related to battles

I'm going to put this in a nested spoiler because it's a bit long and reveals things.

Spoiler

You've just unintentionally uncovered one of Fritz' biggest character quirks - he is good at battles, but rarely actually initiates them despite ending involved in many. Almost every battle he's been in was because he was challenged, had to fight for some obligation, or for no good reason. All the same, he's very good at it. So why does he battle? What does this mean? What can you take and guess about his feelings from this? I mean, just look at this.

• - 1-1/1-2 vs. Huntail: Was attacked first. Caught it to spite Aporon.
• - 1-2 vs. Gyarados: Fought this to help Thatcher and to keep it busy. Kind of felt he had no choice.
• - 1-4 vs. Edgar: He was challenged by the hothead, and then decided to redeem himself after taking him too lightly.
• - 1-6 vs. Bats: Wild Pokemon defense.
• - 1-7 vs. The Beast: Wild Pokemon defense.
• - 1-8ish vs. Edgar: He was challenged, Edgar wanted payback.
• - 2-2 vs. Aporon: He made the challenge to try to prove himself. The rare exception.
• - 2-5 vs. teams w/Phoebe: Forced into these as part of training.
• - 2-6 vs. Bees: Wild Pokemon defense
• - 2-10 vs. Phoebe: Forced fight as part of the tournament.
• - 2-11 vs. Yujo: Tournament fight.
• - 2-11 vs. Ryosuke: Tournament fight.
• - 2-12 vs. Elyna: He was challenged due to her interest, and especially due to Fritz pissing her off in 2-10; this was also set up by Aporon.
• - 2-13/2-14 vs. The Beast: Wild Pokemon defense.
• - 3-1 vs. Tulu: He made the challenge for no good reason other than irritation.
• - 3-1 vs. Josef: He was challenged, because Josef wanted to see how a person from North America battles.
• - 3-2 vs. gang: Defending Saya
• - 3-3 Contest: He entered this to pass the time, to challenge himself, and for fun, really. Can qualify as another exception.
• - 3-4 vs. Sairo: He was challenged, for unclear reasons.
• - 3-5 here: Still not him challenging.

I'm not kidding at all! It is indeed a indisputable fact his battles rarely have any emotional stakes for him (although not all of the above were like that, 2-12 in particular had some serious stakes). It's actually even in the open to some extent. Fritz outright states that he doesn't care about the tournament, and only actually shows...well, a refusal to outwardly react when asked if he wants to be a good trainer.

This isn't to say that the battles are pointless from the story's perspective. The coordinator battle, for example, had three purposes: the first, to help establish Fritz' old team. Second, to introduce a new character. Third, to worldbuild and in-particular show off Maribel Capdevila.

All noted, though. I'm not really sure how to respond to these points otherwise, because to make too many changes would require completely changing the tone of the fic. I can tone it down, and will take some of your advice moving forward. But like, one battle an arc? That's just not the kind of fic I want to write, and don't feel every story has to be that way. I'm more than capable of writing battles with stakes and intend to...it's just that few have come up yet. And I'll even spoil a line I may throw out when one does,

Spoiler

"You can be as great at battles as anyone else, but if you can't do it when it counts, it means nothing."

Besides, those battles don't come around every day. Especially in this kind of setting. Though with that all in mind, I might try a story where it's just a buildup to this one battle, just to see how I can do.

The most important thing in a battle though, IMO, is not stakes, but that it have some sort of point. Whether it's exposition (3-1 vs. Josef introducing Fritz' old Pokemon), setup (3-4 was a setup for things), just to put over something's power (1-7 with the Beast), or whatever else. I always make sure to achieve that.

In short... please. You've become bad at this as of late. You should take more time between fights, show Fritz when he's not fighting or on the way to his next fight.

Well, don't worry about that. Going to tone it down moving forward, regardless of sort of having Pokemon exposition in every chapter in Part 3...until now.

The point of the underdog story is they have everything to lose and are improbable to win. When they have nothing to lose and keep beating superior trainers, they are no longer the underdog. They're actually kind of boring to read about.

Fritz is hardly an underdog, actually. 2-2 and going into 2-12 being exceptions. But in a way, 2-12 was supposed to be pulling the exact same trick as in 1-2: showing Fritz is WAY better than he lets on. I had Elyna built up as a huge challenge, one of the school's biggest three challenges. And then Fritz decides to stop pulling punches, goes all-in, and gets the victory. And it's stated, albeit in a way that's admittedly easy to miss, that this was no fluke ("that was my best"). 2-11 also alludes to this.

Something clearly happened to him that made him want to attend an academy, but he's been noticeably evasive as to way - aside from mentioning he wanted to 'start over'. That said, Fritz is something! It just hasn't been shown what it is yet. I will say he's not an underdog, though. Far from it.

If Cronus had been a mentor/antagonist who became the focus of the story as Fritz slowly tried to get better to escape his shadow or prove his worth to himself, that would've been great.

Well, regarding this. Let's just say if things continued, they would've developed in a very different angle. A tiny detail, he called Fritz "Fritz" for the very first time at the very end. One of the dynamics I would've loved to explore...I did actually think of extending the school section further to a more solid conclusion, but decided leaving it abrupt fit the overall theme of the fic better.

But you need to think more about making long plot arcs and figuring out what Fritz is actually doing. What does he want? What will that involve doing? Who will that involve fighting? I think if you think long and hard about those questions you'll start to sort out what matters and what doesn't.

Like I said in reply to chaos_Leader. I do know where I'm going with the story: Fritz doesn't know where he's going with his life. I can understand your concerns, though. Writing a first-person narrator who isn't always forthcoming can be troublesome at times. X,X Will keep it in mind moving forward, thanks!

Thanks for all your comments. Even if I don't necessarily agree with all of your sentiments, I feel this'll help me a lot moving forward. Really appreciate it!

Notes:

Spoiler

Was lost on this one for a while, hence yet another huge delay between chapters. It was supposed to be one large chapter...but I split it for build-up and practicality purposes. And yet due to various expansion, it was still 50.8KB (up from around 46KB prior). Although I just learned that Wordpad format can be really weird, and depending on how I formatted sentences - even if they were technically shorter - I could go up to 50.9KB. And after I did one formating thing, it was suddenly 49.1KB.

Also hoping to get some discount Atlas stuff back up. Wish there was a good place to put them on-boards now!

__________

Chapter 3-5: Pacts​

It's a blisteringly hot day today, with not the slightest hint of precipitation in the sky. I've shorn the entire outfit except the hat, which played a part in keeping the heat of the blistering June sun off my head. Said celestial object was enough of a concern for me to purchase a bottle of suntan lotion this morning before setting out. It's been about two hours since then. Being off the rails has been a pleasant experience. It's one thing to watch the countryside zoom by while riding a train. It's another to traverse it on foot. Or more specific, on the back of a mount.

The hilly valley we're traversing is a spectacle to behold. The road is the traveler's to pave, consisting of dirt, sand, and the occasional patch of burnt grass. Brown cliffs rise over the land, occasionally jutting out erratically. Rocks and shrubs litter the landscape, alongside a few small trees standing tall in defiance of the climate. Bones have been an uncommon but existent sight. Off in the distance, I can spy a small river. Various desert and mountainous Pokemon are wandering and grazing, mainly congregating near that stream.

The beast my companion is riding was formerly one of them. He's a rugged rocky creature, grayish with a tint of brown. Jagged plates cover him, though only a few on the sides and very back are close to having sharp edges. Even his horn is somewhat dull. There's a dip in his back where a single rider is able to comfortably sit. He's smaller compared to Lairon, standing at just under rather than somewhat over a meter high.

I tilted my head to ask Bonnie a question. "So have you thought of a name for him yet?"

She shook her head. "No. I have to give it some thought." Exhibit A as to why I almost never bother with nicknames. Too much work to make them meaningful. The coordinator, dressed in a loose plain white shirt and feminine knee-high blue shorts, made an appreciative gesture. "Thanks again for helping me catch him, by the way!"

"You're welcome, again. It is a pretty boss rhino, too." She did want to capture it, and her Pokemon couldn't really do much given their types and attacks, so I let her borrow Huntail for a bit. It didn't last very long against the eel's watery assault, and a few potions and bonding got the rhino ready to ride. "Speaking of nicknames, how did you come up with Bonbon, anyway?"

"Well," she twirled a finger in the air as she elaborated, "I was looking for something a bit cuter. You know, for the stage. I tried Bonne, Bonnette, then I thought, 'hey! candy!'" She counted off the first two on her other hand, also acting out the realization by beaming and laying out her palms. "And so I went with Bonbon! Bonbon Bachi! It has a nice ring to it, don't you think?" Well, duh. That makes sense. I mean, where else could it come from? It is enlightening to hear the thought process that led her to it, at least. "Hey, you said Fritz is like that too, and your real name's Frisco? What's the story there?"

"Uh." Well. Um. I kind of told her that casually, but I guess I'm fine with telling her the whole story. The short version, at least. "Well, my sister couldn't pronounce my name right when we were very little, so she called me Friss. She jokingly brought it up again like a decade later, and I changed it up a bit and stuck with it ever since. It's a bit less awkward and easier for people to remember than Frisco, too."

"That makes sense," she acknowledged. A thoughtful pause succeeded this. "It must be nice to have siblings."

"I guess sometimes." It depends. I'm certain though...a year and a half away from home, and there's still moments where I really, really miss Annika. But, shouldn't dwell there. "I imagine the one good thing about being an only child is, you get all your parents' attention."

She rocked her head, considering this statement. "That's true. I am their 'little angel'." With this, the coordinator sighed and peered at the ground. "Still, it was lonely. I did have my cousins, but extended family isn't really the same."

"I know what you mean. You really don't get to see them as often as your immediate family. So you don't get to know them nearly as well." My siblings and parents, I could tell you nearly anything about them. Spending the better part of my life with them let me learn all their quirks, all their intricacies. Not so much the rest of my family. "Even really close friends aren't the same."

"Not to say friends are bad!" Bonnie declared with an open-palm gesture and smile at me. I returned the grin. Indeed, that's a fact. "They just have different roles in your life than family, that's all. When you think about it, is it really fair to compare the two?"

"Not at all. They're like, completely different things. You know?"

"Uh-huh. Yup." She paused for a moment to take a drink of water. She sighed contentedly as her thirst was quenched. "And like they say, no road is too long in the company of a friend."

Speaking of which, I guess I should explain how my new friend and I ended up traveling together. I got some much deserved rest at the Pokemon Center after the chaos of yesterday, also swapping out several of my Pokemon as I've frequently been doing. In regards to this, I've been keeping one, usually two of my powerhouses (Toxicroak, Tangela, and especially Lairon) and at least one of my Pokemon who needs training (Mareep, Huntail, and occasionally Eevee) on-hand at all times. Speaking of which, there were people who wanted to talk to me after my performance against a potential regional Champion, to which I indulged out of politeness.

For the most part though, I stuck around the one person I knew there, and if not with her, to my room. I spent the rest of my evening mulling over my next move, and listening to the radio - every room in the Center came with one. There was an interview with Maribel Capdevila over the contest I participated in. Explains why I did so well against her. Though now I legitimately have to consider, will Thatcher listen to that program? I again wonder what he'd have to think about it.

Anyway, after a quick breakfast of hot cakes and sausages in the morning, I ended up bumping into Bonnie again. We ended up doing shopping for our individual trips together. The two of us stocked up on food, drinks, and a few miscellaneous supplies. Having done it on and off for a year and some months now, what to purchase came naturally to me. My coordinator friend did her homework as well, and despite minimal experience knew exactly what to get. During this is when the subject of our destinations came up. As it turned out, both of us are headed in the same direction, towards Porcella Town. And so that's how we ended up traveling together, at least for now. Traveling alone isn't boring for me, and I can take care of myself. But it's been pleasant. For both of us.

Bonnie yawned while protracting her arms and body. With a roll of her shoulders and ankles, the girl retrieved her cell phone from her pocket. She flicked it on and checked the screen. "Hey, it's a quarter past 11." Wow, really? "Do you want to break for lunch in a while?"

Hm, do we want to? I peered up at the sun, scouting the scenic expanse once more. A brief once-over made for an easy decision. "We should eat soon, but I think we should keep moving." I shook my head to emphasize. We can eat while we ride, and in regards to stopping, "Not like there's any comfortable or cleanly place to sit down out here, either."

"Well," she voiced while pressing her index fingers together, "It would be good to stretch our legs at least. You know what I mean?"

"True. Good point." I rotated my own ankles backwards, which were a bit sluggish to respond to my commands. My companion took note of this and giggled a bit. I chuckled at it myself. "Yup, that makes sense."

Patting her Rhyhorn's head, she added, "I imagine our Pokemon are getting tired and want to take a break, too."

On hearing this comment, Lairon snorted, making a comment. Heh. Well, I'm not a Poke-Linguist, but it's clear what that meant. "Well, either way, I guess they'll get to rest for a bit by default if we're doing that. Hopefully we can find place with some shade." Which, actually...given the time of day, that's going to be a tall order.

"It would be nice to get out of the sun for a bit. An arch or outcropping should do the trick," she encouraged, examining our surroundings herself. A frown formed on her lips. "Well, I'm sure we can find one of those."

"That or a really tall rock formation." None of the three are in the immediate area, but those first two would work for sure. Like she said, I'm sure we'll come to some before too long. It's practically inevitable. "We really have been on the road for a while. How close are we to Porcella?"

Bonnie thought about this, ultimately shrugging. "I don't know for sure. But the guidebook did say it could take a better part of a day to reach it from Mylon City on foot through the countryside."

"Oh." Was hoping she'd have like a GPS map in that phone or something, but it looks as though that ambiguous statement is all we have to go by. It does help, at least. "So we have a ways to go. Good thing we left in the morning."

"Yup."

"Just need to keep moving."

"Uh-huh. Oh!" Bonnie lit up. "Look, over there!" She motioned to the crag that was coming into view on our left side. Looks like we got an arch to rest under!

"Just what we're looking for. Let's eat and rest there for 15-20 minutes."

"Sounds good to me. Let's go!"

The two of us bought various foods, drinks, and snacks with us for the walk, although regarding the latter, purchased nothing that could melt. Rice balls, sandwiches, granola bars, those kinds of things. Nothing to make a huge meal out of, just affordable stuff you can eat on the go when traveling from point A to point B. Kind of what I've been trying to do as of late, when I don't miss cooked meals enough to want to go eat at a restaurant or other such establishment. Or with either of them, if I'm tired of discarded and charity food.

One thing's for certain, though. It'll be nice to have a decent meal with someone for the first time in over a month!

##########

"Too hot...exhausted..." A panting Bonnie, fanning herself, gazed back at me. Though her voice was too weak to express the proper tone, her eyes did the intended pleading. "Have any...left?"

I shook my last water bottle, trying to get more out. Anything. I found nothing. "Sorry. Last gulp."

She sighed. A very sad sigh. "Didn't think...it'd be this bad."

"Huh?"

"Traveling Tokatsu..." she breathed. "Traveling in summer."

"So...why not go in winter?"

"It's bad no matter what time of year you go!"

"Ah...yeah. This is bad..." Very bad.

Estimating, a further two hours or so have passed since then. We've been out in the wilderness for around three hours now. The heat has become unbearable. We thought we had plenty of water and drinks...but it caught both of us off guard how fast it disappears in this environment, even with letting our Pokemon do the exertion for us. It's fortunate that they're unreliant on hydration, both species able to go for days, if not weeks at a time without. Lairon is concerned, only forced to keep pace by Bonnie's Rhyhorn marching on without a care in the world.

Wait. Something just occurred to me. Something that could save our lives. "If we're really stuck...do have my Huntail to help."

The coordinator's eyes brimmed with concern. "Is that safe?"

"It should be..." A small huff inadvertently escaped. "...not anything fatal."

"Right. Right..." she remembered. There would be some bodily bacteria mixed in with the hydrogen/oxygen combo from on the way out, but it shouldn't kill us...any more than having nothing, in the worst case. "Good thing...you brought it."

"Want...need any now?"

"I...I don't know." Weakly, she shook her head, using her hands to support herself. "If we don't find something soon..." Bonnie paused. Her eyes were drawn to a carcass, being picked at by scavengers. Shuddering, she turned away from the gruesome sight of nature. It's something I can't help but stare at...like a wreck you can't look away from...but thankfully, we soon left it behind. My companion placed two fingers to her temple, considering something. A vocalization escaped her mouth. She pulled out a handkerchief to wipe her brow. "Hey...didn't we see a river back there?"

That's right. "Another option...maybe less risky..."

"Should we...go back?"

"...should we...?"

My words hung delicately in the air, as the Pokemon came to the top of the ridge we had been climbing. Is that?! What I'm seeing at the bottom was enough for me to signal to stop. Lairon responded immediately, though Bonnie had to tell hers to halt while gently pulling back on its head.

"Are those...houses down there?" I rubbed my eyes and shook my head, uncertain that they're not playing tricks on me. No, that's not a mirage. There really are houses out in the middle of nowhere. "A town, here?"

Bonnie, after a moment of taking in the sight, confirmed. "Tokatsu has lots of places like this. Small towns not on the map." She coughed. A worrying dry cough. "Maybe...we can find something there."

"I hope so...let's go, Lairon."

As my Pokemon began to move again, Bonnie's Pokemon snorted. The girl let out a yelp, clinging on tight as the rhino quickened its pace enough to not be the follower. Thankfully, the incline leading down was a gradual one. Our Pokemon took us to the tall gateway to this valley oasis, a makeshift metal monument that's more ornamental. A similar one stands on the opposite side.

"That...should be good," I told my Pokemon. I stretched my legs while still on him before lifting a leg behind him to carefully dismount. "Thanks for the lift. Couldn't have made it here...without you."

"Yup. Thank you." Bonnie, who was also getting down albeit with a bit more trouble, gave similar praise to her Pokemon. She found herself wobbly after such a long time of sitting, but managed to regain her equilibrium before falling over. Bringing our respective rides back to their usual homes, we turned our attention to the place before us. "La Fortuna," Bonnie read its name, delicately carved into a signpost stationed at the entrance.

An unnerving curtain of silence has been drawn over this town, if one wants to qualify it as that. Surrounded by wooden fences about three feet high, it's exactly one street long. I'm not sure where the materials for these wooden buildings were obtained. Their presence on either side of the road is a fact, but there's no sign of any usable trees. Or for that matter and more distressingly, the people who constructed them.

Bonnie's swept her sight across one side as we walked through this empty place. "They have a police station, a pub, a market...what's that say?" She tilted her body and eyed the building one removed from the far right corner. "Satō Workshop?"

"And a whole lot of homes." Most of them situated on our left. "Hey, check that one out." I pointed towards the largest structure here, dwarfing every other building save perhaps the pub - a large two and some storey building on the far left side. They could've built two houses where this one stands, at least.

After taking that in, Bonnie placed her hands in front of her lips. "Hellooooo? Is anyone here?"

No response. Not even from the wind.

I followed as she meandered over to an open-air structure, tilting her head to peer inside. My internal guess on their being stables was proven correct when we spotted a wheelbarrow and piles of hay inside. Yet no signs of anything else that goes in a stable.

"Nothing." I shook my head.

"Maybe this place is abandoned."

I shook my head. Not ruling it out, but, "It has to be fairly recent if so. Doesn't look like the buildings are in any disrepair."

"Well, we've found shelter at least." After letting out a sigh of relief with me, she looked out at the town. "And maybe supplies."

"If there's any place here bound to have stuff, I imagine it's the pub." To drink, I mean. Water, alcohol, whatever. We just need something. It's right next door to where we are now. It may even make for better shelter.

"Might even be people there too." Bonnie hands flew to her mouth just in time before she coughed inadvertently. "Let's check it out. The..." Walking over, we looked up at the signpost above the railings and pillars. "Grey Diamond Pub." A flat-roofed structure at least two storeys tall, likely a half higher. It looks exactly like it leaped out of another era of construction, perhaps by necessity. Windowshades prevent looking into the establishment. For that matter, neither of us can hear sound from inside. There's a 'porch' before the building's base, filthied by mud and dirt. Above it, a tiny balcony before a sloped section of roof, the former also where the sign is suspended from. A sturdy oak door stands guard, serving as the entrance.

I reached for the handle, grasping it in my right hand. Moment of truth time. I twisted my wrist. And the knob turned. I nodded to Bonnie; this place isn't locked. We can enter normally. I pushed open the door to see what lay within.

And...there are people here! Almost all the heads in the room turned to stare at us. The sole straggler is a man in a dark blue suit and hat, engrossed in his whiskey at the very back. But the rest are gawking. A four-person performance troupe, wearing traditional masks and holding musical instruments, each in an outfit white and a personal color, is atop a small stage tucked in the far right corner. There's a freakishly huge yet vacant man in jeans and a jean-shirt, with an eight-pointer covering his wiry hair. He sits with a much smaller wisenheimer. Crowned with a derby, his upper apparel consists of a contrasting tattered brown coat over a neatly buttoned white shirt. Simple tan pants held up by a belt comprise his lower apparal. To their right, a blatantly inebriated individual clad in dusty black overalls, sporting tied back hair and shadow way past 5-o-clock. Nearest to the counter, a slightly rugged, tanned man in a safari jacket is glaring at us with a furled mustache from under his dark, bushy eyebrows.

"Should we...be here?" I whispered to Bonnie. The burst of energy from finding this place had left our bodies. Replaced with an immobilizing pressure, bearing down on us.

"We...have to be..." she puffed, rightfully. We won't survive without something to quench our thirst. No matter how hostile this environment, we're dead if we don't endure it. We advanced together, retinas trained on us as we went. Regardless, we need to reach the fixture in the far left corner. Besides the stage, two other features about this pub stick out to me. One being the second floor with a number of rooms on it, and the other being the oddly-positioned lights along the sides.

The stout bartender is plainly dressed in a white shirt, black jeans, and a red bow-tie. Not a second exemption from our reception, he regarded us with disinclination as we guardedly approached. Behind him lies various coolers, containers, and a door in the corner. One of the performers whispered something unintelligible to my ears, getting forcefully nudged by a compatriot for his or her efforts.

He lowered his gaze as we stood before him. "So." His tone is low. "What'll it be?"

"Uhh..." Bonnie gulped. "W-we'd like something to drink, please."

"Sure. What'll it be?" Unchanged from before.

"Just need something..." I got out. "...water for now."

The bartender silently walked over to a cooler, retrieving two glasses along the way. He placed one beneath and held down a switch, dispensing salvation into the container. The large man passed the first water to my coordinator friend, who gulped half it down before my own was half filled. She gasped for air and nearly collapsed on the counter, as her lips drew away from the cup. Her next sip was significantly more modest. Haha. Too good. I soon received my own. I swirled the first swig around in my mouth to hydrate it, before carefully starting to enjoy the rest.

"Than-" A belch escaped Bonnie, her hands flying to her mouth late. "Oops, ex-excuse me." Her cheeks went flush. "Thank you. Sorry, guess I was too eager, there." She giggled at her faux pas.

"Ugh, gimme a break."

The man in the safari jacket? He's firing a hateful sneer our way. And in fact, is standing up and physically coming our way. What does he want?

"You two." He looked from me to Bonnie. "You don't belong here. So what're you here for?"

"We're just..." My coordinator friend is more than a bit unnerved by this man's harsh, unfriendly presence. "Passing through, that's all."

"That's right." I confirmed.

"Hmph. 'Passing through.' Right." He rolled his eyes.

"It's the truth."

"Is it?" He cocked an eyebrow in exaggerated fashion. He shook his head, his retinas tightening around us. Did we walk into the wrong place? Should we leave? "Give me one good reason why I should believe you."

"Listen!" A panting Bonnie got out. She pleaded in desperation. "We just came in here for water and supplies. We could've died if we didn't!"

The man's menacing gaze morphed into a deathglare. "Maybe you should've."

"Wha-? AH!"

He slammed his left fist down on the counter, with enough force to rattle our drinks. "Listen up good, outsiders! We don't want you around here." He lowered himself, leveling at us over his arm with an expression of undiluted animosity. "So get on out."

Bonnie and I glimpsed at each other, before surveying the opinions of the rest of the pub's clients. Everyone's staring, even the guy who wasn't before. Some coldly, some just from the commotion being raised, but all of them are staring at us. The safari jacket man strummed his fingers impatiently.

"NOW!"

"Stop it, Akio!"

A busty blonde woman in a purple dress with white frills pointed at him from the upper banister. She marched down the steps and got right in this man's, this Akio guy's face. "They ain't doing nothing wrong, they just came in here for a drink."

An undeterred Akio stood up straight, scoffing at this notion. He crossed his arms. "How can you say that for sure?" He turned his head, scrutinizing us. Jerking his head back, he continued, "How do you know these outsiders aren't here to cause trouble?"

The woman stepped a foot diagonally and checked us over herself. She gave us acknowledgment, summarily crossing her own arms. "Do these two look like the troublemakin' kind to you?"

The furious man turned back. He stared at Bonnie, enough to make her cringe in discomfort. After around five seconds of leering, he moved on to me. He narrowed his eyes, giving me extra-hard analysis. In the end, he grumbled a sigh of defeat. "Maybe not," he conceded. "But looks can be deceiving. You know that well, don't you?"

"You're jus' bein' semantic."

"I'm just stating the facts."

"Enough already!" The well-dressed woman's hands balled into fists. She got even closer than she initially did, practically yelling down his throat. "You got no reason to suspect them of wrongdoin'! Jus' sit back down and leave'em be!"

The two had a staredown for what felt like forever. Neither wanted to back down from the other. No one did or said anything to intervene. Eventually, it was Akio who relented, taking a step backwards. "If it turns out you're wrong..." He shook his head and set off back to his table...but could not resist getting in some last words of contempt at us: "This isn't over."

Bonnie breathed a sigh of relief. She took another swig of water, smiling at our savior. She bowed her head. "Thank you, ma'am."

"Sorry about that, folks," she apologized on behalf of the town. I checked, and everyone else is continuing to go about their business. It seems we're fine. "He can be a real hardhead at the best of times."

"Heh..." Ah, what's this? That man in the hat from the back has drawn near. Only other one not to show us hostility. "Well, hello there, missy," he greeted with a goofy grin and wave. "You're mighty steamy right now. Sexy satin dress. Thick high heels." He raised his chin, smirking. "An' it's nice to see someone who can shut that codger up."

"Yes," she replied. "Thank you."

The guy smugly peeked Akio's way. "Ya hear that?" he taunted. The man in the safari jacket growled, returning metaphorical daggers. But that's all. "He's been flappin' his gums for too long now, don't ya think?"

She shrugged. "Probably."

He unbuttoned the top of his suit, showing off his body a bit between exposure and stretching. Seriously? "So what do ya think 'o a man like me?"

Barely containing her disinterest now, she flat-out refused eye-contact. "I don't know."

The man tilted his body as so to re-enter her field of vision. "Well, I think you're a real strong girl." He actually literally waltzed in front of her. He offered his hand. "How's about you and me ditch this place and head 'round back?"

She put up her arms and backed away. "Sorry, I jus' can't do that right now. Some other time, maybe."

"Oh come on," he begged. "It'll only be a minute."

"Just a minute?" I sarcastically commented under my breath, garnering a chuckle out of Bonnie. I have no idea what's going on or why she won't stand up to this guy when she would with the other, but I just can't help but shake my head at it. "What's this guy's problem..."

He paused and gave me a scowl. His tone changed. "What'd you say?"

There was momentary silence as I turned my head to glare right back. Since she helped us, I'll reiterate, loud and clear, "I said, what's your problem?"

"Shut it, ain't none of your concern."

"Wha-!?"

"Hey!!"

He shoved me hard, right into Bonnie. The two of us went toppling over, crashing onto the hard floor. That...was not the response I was expecting. Ow.

"Pft. Morons..." The drunken guy made a comment on the side, shaking his head and returning to his drink.

As Bonnie was pulling herself up to her seat, the brute apologized to her. "Sorry about that, little lady. It was the boy's fault. Here, lemme make it up to ya." He turned and smirked at the man behind the counter "Barkeep. The hardest thang ya got for this lass here."

"Y-yes, sir." The bartender obeyed, quickly and without question. After some rapid pouring, he slid the mixture to Bonnie, who had been doing everything she could to avoid anyone's eyes since his attention was on her. She appraised it for a good five seconds before gently pushing it away.

"No thanks..."

"What's wrong?" asked the man in the hat, personality reverting. "Somethin' wrong with my gift?"

"I just don't want it..." She turned towards the wall to her left. "...that's all..."

"Why not?"

Bonnie now looked him in the eye, seriously. More firmly, she stressed, "I'm three years off of being 20 for one. This would be too much for two. And water is fine enough, anyway. So please, take it back."

This guy...is creepy as hell. He let out a depraved chuckle. "I like girls with a little restraint," he declared, getting in close. "But you don't need to-"

"Leave me alone!" Bonnie snapped and lashed out, delivering a crisp slap across the head. The thug turned his cheek in motion, seething at her. Patrons, the barkeep, and the woman gasped at this action. The brutish man slowly turned his head.

"What'd you say?"

I returned the favor from before, shoving him a good meter, meter and a half away from us. "You heard her. Get lost."

"You two really wanna go?"

The man moved threateningly towards Bonnie...who met him with a solid, pinpoint kick to the groin! That scream of pain, god damn. That was worth hearing, regardless of what we've gotten ourselves into. His hat went tumbling off his head as he fell to a knee, gritting his teeth through the agony. The thug reached into his pocket with one arm while punching with another, landing a glancing blow on the coordinator, who backed up with me. "Make'em pay, boys!"

Patrons shouted, and the bulk of them backed to the edges of the pub. Two Pokemon met us, a two-legged blue muscular reptile, and a four-legged black mammal with short upright ears that's a bit taller.

"Let's go, friend!" Bonnie urged, retrieving a Luxury Ball. Don't have to tell me twice! "Echizen, it's your time to shine!" Right behind her! A small orange insect with big eyes and fat front legs with needles on their tips came out, joined by Nidorina who scraped the floor restlessly.

"We'll get that one," I stated with a point that sent my Pokemon into motion. "You get the hare!" Nidorina was on our foe like a swarm of furious hornets, slamming and pinning it against the ground and Fury Swiping relentlessly.

All the while as the other came in baring its fangs, Bonnie said, "Jab it, Echizen!" Poked with the nails before it could bite, sending it reeling.

"Come on, you two!" The brute commanded. Both still conscious, but getting up and stunned respectively Both of ours stood ready to deliver their respective finishers.

"Double Kick!" / "Hone Metal Claws!" Echizen rubbed his nails together furiously to sharpen them, as Nidorina turned around. He vigorously slashed the hare in the belly, and she delivered a mule kick to the reptile's face as it stood up. That did it!

"Stupid mushroomless bug, stupid blue...thang!" He reached into his coat for something!

"Hyah! Wh-whoa!"

Landed a punch to the side of his head to try and stop him, but had to dodge as he whipped out a club. "Ah!!" Barely avoided his second swing, nearly stumbling down in the process. He turned his attention to the Pokemon. Paras got its claws out in time to block the weapon. The thug whirled and nailed an advancing Nidorina in the face with the spiked tip, drawing blood. Now he's retrieving a ball. "Arbok, let's kill'em!"

A third Pokemon emerged, this one...much nastier than the others. A huge purple serpent, wide at the head area which has a skull pattern around it. One hiss was enough to paralyze the bug in terror, as both trainer and Pokemon advanced on us.

"Lampha, help!"

"You too, Mareep!"

Bonnie flashed me a grin as both of our Pokemon materialized beside each other, unleashing simultaneous Thundershocks. Mine's went way off-course, striking and blowing up a bottle at first, but he would soon join the other in zapping our aggressors. They did little but stun either. Arbok hissed as it recovered, and spitting Poison Stings at all the Pokemon in front of it. Echizen scurried away, but the sheeps couldn't escape. Their wool at least caught some of the needles, but they cringed at the ones that pierced through. The thug shuffled out of his Pokemon's range, raising his weapon to strike.

"Block it, Mareep!" He did as instructed, puffing up a bit with Cotton Guard - though not as much as Bonnie's did in her appeal - to absorb the swing and block his path. He cursed, carefully trying to swing for its head without grazing its wool. Meanwhile. the snake, shaking off another burst of electricity from Lampha, was about to launch another strike when it hissed in pain. Nidorina - literally and figuratively seeing red - was the culprit, Crunching on its tail as hard as she could. The snake thrashed violently to try to get her off.

"Are you Charged, Lampha?" Bonnie asked her Pokemon, who was doing so while our foe was distracted. "All right! Electro Ball!" The other sheep's tail glowed. He let out a shrill bleat, firing a photon blast. The Arbok, just having thrown Nidorina into the counter, turned just in time to get this between the eyes, falling over like a wet noodle.

Wha-!? And all eyes on him, because he's evolving! His entire form become enveloped in a brilliant white light. He stood up on his hind legs, the wool below his torso crumbling away as he did so. His front legs became stubby arms, and his hind legs sprouted small toes. And now that the radiance has faded, I can see his new pink form with snow-white wool in full.

"Awesome! You evolved!" Bonnie ran to embrace her new Flaaffy.

"I'll be back!" What!? The thug recalled his Pokemon during that and is standing at the door! "The lot of you will pay for this!"

"You aren't going anywhere!" shouted the man in the safari suit, all at once smashing a bottle against a table and giving chase. He was met with a slammed door. "Damn it!" he cursed as he ran into it, fumbling to get it open and pursue. "Where'd you go?! Where'd the fuck you go?!?!!" He's loud enough to hear from in here. "DAMN IT!! FUCK!!" He came storming back in, hey!! Getting right in our faces. Again. "I knew you'd be trouble. Do you have any idea, ANY IDEA what you've done?!"

"Defended ourselves?" I asked, with some spite while recalling one combatant. Should heal that wound of Nidorina's. A potion will have to do for now, as much as she dislikes them. Thankfully, if any poison got into Mareep's body, it seemed negligible.

The woman in the dress smiled in approval as I treated my Pokemon. "Well I think it's nice someone showed some scrote to these guys."

Akio was quiet. He remained quiet for several long seconds prior to asking a question. "So what happens now, 'missy?' Huh? What do you think they're gonna do next?"

And then, silence. People's jaws dropped. Realization of something imminent dawned on them. Something we're in the dark on. Bonnie and I exchanged nervous glances. Have we...done something horribly wrong?

*WHOOKRAK!*

Some people nearly leaped out of their skin, including Bonnie (whose new Flaaffy, still out, immediately went on-guard), the two guys sitting together at a table, and one of the performers as the entrance to the Grey Diamond Pub flew open.

Five people came marching inside. Two of them, an older couple, I'm guessing by their holding hands. The clean-shaven, dark-haired man, clad in a white work coat and jeans, is chewing anxiously on a piece of straw. His brunette wife in her similar rural clothes, laid her eyes on us right away. She gave us a suspicious, yet terrified look. One of them is younger, around our age, and appears to be a product of theirs. He's in plain overalls, has a camera slung over his shoulders, armed and ready, and otherwise appears more composed than his parents. Nearly inappropriately so. A shaggy, gray-haired older man in a green lab coat wearing a stethoscope is bringing up the rear, and at the front of the pack is a gruff man in a duster and cowboy hat.

"I heard a commotion over here," he said, adjusting his hat.

The doctor spoke up. "Anyone wounded?"

"Not yet, doc!" a nigh-frothing Akio stormed up to them. "But we're in real deep shit!" He pointed at Bonnie and I without turning. "These two, these outsiders caused us some huge trouble!"

"Hai..." the troupe member in yellow spoke up. Hm. Haven't really been noticing them. It's like they've kinda been bleeding into the background a bit. Yet though they seem to be traveling entertainers from the looks of it, even they know what's up.

"Outsiders?" asked the woman, relieved and unnerved at the same time.

"Didn't think it would come to this, Mrs. Sakubajin, but it's the case."

And again, silence, besides breathing and Bonnie recalling Lampha. It was broken by the sound of the door near the bartender creaking open. A red-headed child, no older than eight or nine, wandered over to the large man behind the counter. He gazed up at the bulky man, with confusion. "Dad, did something happen?"

The bartender stared out at the crowd. They could give no advice. We couldn't give any advice. He turned to his son with a sorrowful frown. "Bad things, Mikey. Bad things..."

The man in the cowboy hat turned to question the man who had been the spearhead for the events of today. "What did happen, Akio?"

Akio sighed, expressing the first emotion besides wrath since we walked through these doors. "One of those people were in here, sheriff. These two," he emphasized with venom, "Picked a fight with him. They beat him and his Pokémon. Pissed him right off." Beat. "And he managed to get away."

The shock hit those unaware of it like a wrecking ball.

"No!" cried the woman, burying her head in her husband's chest.

"You're Pokemon Trainers?" asked her son. What?

The doctor removed his spectacles. "This is bad."

"And needless to say," a pacing Akio continued. His next words came out cold and ominously. "I'm betting they'll be coming back looking for vengeance. And it will be a bloody one."

The sheriff removed his hat. He sighed. "So it's come to this..."

"Are we going to be okay, dad?"

The townsfolk began talking amongst themselves, discussing their predicament. Okay, that does it. I cut through the chattering with a commanding tone of voice, "Can you PLEASE, for the love of god, explain to us what exactly is going on here? Who are they?"

The sheriff nodded solemnly. "They call'emselves Saiko-dan. They're a group of bandits who've been harassing our town for two years running. Blocking us from having normal lives. Led by an experienced gang member who calls 'imself Odin."

"Hold up." If he had anything else to say, I just interrupted it. "Your town is being harassed by a gang of marauders?"

"They really aren't that uncommon in rural Tokatsu..." Bonnie explained to me, becoming downcast.

"Wait, really?"

"Uh-huh."

"So why don't the police do anything about it?!"

Akio just laughed at me. Right in my face. "Do you think they care about backwater places like this? Ha!" He blew me off. "You got a lot to learn, kid." His expression and tone turned bitter. "They won't help us. We're on our own here."

The woman in the dress confirmed. "It's a sad fact, but it's true. I tried callin' 'em before, an' they told me they ain't gonna waste resources searchin' them out." She sat down near us. "Much as I hate to admit it, we're in a real pickle here." Bonnie sighed in guilt, as panic started to set in.

"What are we going to do?!"

"I'm scared, Gino!"

"So this's it, huh?"

"We gotta leave, friends! We ain't a part of this!"

"But, my hometown!"

"Are we gonna be okay?"

"Mikey..."

"All right, all right, calm down." Akio spoke up loudly, waving an arm to get everyone's attention. When he had it, he nodded. "Look. This is all these two's fault." Uh, what? His sudden point startled Bonnie. He waved his finger in our direction. "All we need to do is hand them over to those dregs. And we can get on with our lives."

The drunken man smiled. "Hey, you're talking sense!"

"What?" the aghast woman in the dress said. "He is not!" But few are listening.

"Yeah, they's who caused it. Let's get'em, Leo."

"Hahaha. Okay, Gino."

The man of the couple glanced to his wife. Mr. Sakubajin reluctantly conceded, "Guess he does have a point..."

Akio waved them on, "Let's get them."

Damn it...! Bonnie's expression told me she was thinking the same thing as me, as we were backing away from the advancing mob. We really don't want to have to fight our way out of this, but...we thankfully don't have to.

"Hey, HEY!" Akio protested to the one who interposed between us. "Move it, sheriff."

The sheriff shook his head firmly. "No. If we were to do something like this, we'd be no better than they." The woman in the dress backed him up, standing beside him. The bartender nodded as well. "We aren't going to stoop to those miscreants' level."

"But we have to do something!" Mrs. Sakubajin beseeched. "If they can't have them, they'll take it out on us for sure!"

"Then we'll stop them!" Bonnie? What are you saying? She stepped forward to stand beside the town's protector, pumping a fist. "I don't know all of what's going on here, but you can't let these people push you around! You can't!"

I rushed up beside her. Jeez. "Are you serious?" I rasped.

My friend nodded in confirmation. "I am."

She's right. I know she's right, but I wouldn't think to actually do this. But, it's the right thing to do. "Okay." I nodded as well. If you want to do this, "I'm with you, Bonnie." She smiled at me as I turned to address the town. "If everything you've said so far is a fact, then this gang needs to be dealt with. We got you guys into this mess, so we'll help get you out of it."

The reply was nonexistent, save for stares like we had spoken Greek. The Sakubajins' son eventually spoke up, worriedly so. "Just...just you guys?"

The others began to talk this over. "Could be trouble if anyone else helps," the Gino fellow, the small one in the derby, remarked.

"But if none of us help..." Mrs. Sakubajin started, with the bartender finishing her thought.

"They might not blame us for it."

As the town was deliberating this, the sheriff stood up in front of us. He raised a palm. "I don't want you kids throwing your lives away."

"But it's true that we're responsible for this," the coordinator admitted.

"Pah. Just a waste of time."

Bonnie turned to face Akio. No longer fearful of his presence, she inquired, "What do you mean by that?"

He scoffed, as if belittling us for not knowing something. "Let me ask you two something. These folks are ruthless and relentless. They killed Mikey's real parents here over a mere slight." The young boy whimpered, hugging his adoptive father tightly. Akio huffed, feeling just a little bad about bringing up what are certainly terrible memories. "Sorry. But back to what I was saying. Normal measures aren't gonna cut it here. Just giving them a beating isn't gonna cut it. Might even make things worse." He with this started to approach us, walking as he continued on. "There's only one way to get these scum to stop, and so I gotta ask." He got down and looked us dead in the eyes. "Do either of you got the gall to deal with them permanently?"

Bonnie and I turned to face each other at the same time, both processing the same question. Could I...could either of us take a life? Take several lives? Even if they are bad people-

"That's what I thought." He read our expression, interrupting our thought process.

"So you just have to show them you're not going to be pushed around anymore. Everyone here." The whole pub perked up at that. That's all they really can do. I flashed a smirk at Akio. "Unless you like living like this."

"And I don't think any of you do!" Bonnie asserted.

Akio is NOT happy with our response. "You little..."

"It's just like you said," Bonnie interrupted him, "You know what you have to do if you want these people to stop terrorizing you. If the police can't help, and us alone isn't enough, that means only one thing!"

"I'm with you folks!" The couple's son instantly threw his hat in, much to his father's shock.

"Borna...!"

The next to pledge herself was the woman who saved us from the enmity on our arrival. "You can count on me!"

"Missy?" asked the bart-wait, what? That's really her name? Bonnie looks just as surprised. With those two, the ball was in-motion.

The sheriff nodded. "If that's how it's going to be."

"I guess we're doing this," said the bartender.

"Yeah!" Mikey leaped into the air. "We'll avenge mom and dad!"

"If this is what it takes to protect our farm...our town..."

"...if it's the only way out of this, so be it!" The lady of the couple started the thought, and her husband finished it.

The citizens of La Fortuna once again stand harmonious. But this time, it's not from any fear or hostility towards the unknown. This time, they stand in hope, some even in excitement.

The wiseguy turned to his buddy. "So whaddaya think, Leo?"

"We can do it, Gino!" The huge man nearly banged his head on the roof imitating Mikey.

"Sometimes, preventative medicine is the key." The doctor cracked his knuckles.

The drunk chuckled. He chugged down what remained in his glass. "Ya'know, maybe we do got a shot at this."

You know...here I was thinking this was crazy and suicidal at first. But if everyone's becoming involved, if everybody in the town is this fired up...maybe we DO have a shot at this. I looked over to the Noh troupe, and even they're getting into it. One of them, clad in blue, removed her mask, placing her flute down. She smiled at everyone. "I can't turn my back on my hometown." Oh.

"Is it fate that brought us here today?" asked her comrade in green.

"I'm not sure, Mr. Odori! Ha ha. It could be a cruel joke," the one in red cackled.

The one in yellow played a chord on his harp. "There is one thing we know for sure, however."

In unison, they sang, "We'll help you, friend!"

The sheriff gave them a wave. "It's good to see you again, Yura." He turned to address us. "Well, if we're all decided on this, then I may as well make it official. I'm naming you two kids as official deputies of La Fortuna. Now we got some time to get ready, and if I were a betting man, would say they'll be riding in early on tomorrow. We'll be counting on you to help get us ready."

"Well, not quite all of us, sheriff," Missy spoke up. She pointed in the direction of the one she was referring to.

No surprise, that person is Akio. He was leaning against the front wall of the building. "You're all buying into this? Really?" When he received various forms of confirmation, he questioned them again, "You're going to risk everything we have on these outsiders' plan?" When he was met with approval towards us for the second time, he threw up his arms. The sheriff opened his mouth, but Akio was already moving for the door. "I don't believe this. I'm going out for a smoke."

Sadly, some things can't be helped...oh, should ask the sheriff, "So how long do we have?"

"If what happened before was any indication, they'll be striking at 10AM sharp. They like to do their killing after breakfast, they said." We were interrupted by the tolling of the town's bell. It chimed once, It chimed twice. And stopped. 2PM. "So we got around eight to ten hours to prepare. Want to make sure we'll all well-rested for this."

"So what's the plan?" Bonnie asked.

The bartender raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean, what's the plan? This was your idea, little lady."

"Oh..." She blinked. Caught off-guard by this. Very clearly lost, she turned to me to field this one. "Well, got any ideas?"

"Just some basic stuff, like getting them ready for battle. Training their Pokemon, maybe fighting directly, that sort of thing."

She nodded. "Right. We can figure out what we're going to do once we know what we have to work with."

"Oh! Oh!" Borna flailed his arms, sauntering up to his parents excitedly. "Mom, pop. Can I show the Pokemon trainers 'round town? I-I mean, they really should get to know everyone if that's what their plan is!"

His father shook a finger. "Sorry, Borna. You got work on the farm to do."

"Aw, man," he pouted.

"We'll be training everyone in town. That includes you," I pointed out. He'll still meet us. "If you have Pokemon."

"Hey, you're right! Thanks!" He grinned in cheer, before rubbing the back of his head. He looked down at his camera. "But um, somebody should show'em 'round town, right?"

"I'll do the honors, then," said the sheriff, agreeing and tipping his hat. "I'll take you kids around and introduce you to everyone you haven't met just yet."

"Thanks!" Bonnie flashed a thumbs up. She and I made our way to the exit, where the coordinator stood tall, as if she were ready to perform, and addressed the whole pub. "Everyone with Pokēmon! Go get them and get ready! We'll start as soon as we're done with our tour of the town! Everyone else, you get ready too! Make any preparations you have to for tomorrow! Be ready to defend yourselves if you can and need to. When we're all finished, we'll meet up at dinnertime, and figure out our strategy. Okay?" On the town's acceptance, she clapped. "O-kay! Let's go!"

 

[AiedailEclipsed]

**blinks** Uh. Well, I guess that happened. I feel like at some point we stepped into an old Western or something. I think this might be your most... unique/different chapter yet. While it does make for a pretty interesting twist, I feel like it also diverges and to an extent, distracts from the overall story. Stylistically and grammatically, I didn't notice anything. There really isn't a ton to comment on for this chapter, but I'll be looking forward to seeing the second part next time.

Some things I did want to highlight... Bonnie was good. From what I remember of the last chapter, her character transitions well into this new one. One thing I do want to talk about real quick, is that it might be a good idea to include a short recap on the previous chapter at the beginning of a new one. Especially if there is a such a large gap of time between chapters. Honestly, I could barely remember what had taken place in the last one and I nearly forgot who Bonnie was, so I had to go skim back through. A recap would help jog those memories and would make reading new chapters a bit less "abrupt" in comparison to old ones (especially with the amount of detail you add to chapters). Continuing, she and Fritz had a really good cohesive vibe in the mini-battle and overall, so I hope we see more of her as a regular character.

While I've enjoyed this arc tremendously and seeing Fritz away from school has been cool, I think that the narrative would be stronger if the setting and character cast was less fluid. I feel like Athena's review for the previous chapters was very much on point in this regard. I liked that in this chapter there wasn't a *huge* battle scene or anything, and just less action overall. In any case, I felt this chapter was nice and the story overall is doing well! I'll look forward to the next chapter!

Also, a Wordpress blog might be a good solution to host the Atlas type content. You'd be able to add pictures, customize it, and have pretty much whatever you want on there!

 

[Lufenium]

I've really enjoyed this so far. I haven't commented, as I've felt I've had nothing to add, but now may be a good time to add my bit.
Your writing, prose and characterisation are all fairly solid. One big thing that keeps me coming back to read this story is the characters. They're real and believable, and enjoyable to witness. There's a sense of shady realism to them, especially during Fritz' time in school regarding his American background and how that is handled by a various degree of people.

I think my biggest nitpick with this, is the flow of the story, like some others pointed out. Fritz flicks from being a high school student to wanderer/businessman to potential co-ordinator in the works to being an outsider hero in a western film. While it adds variety to your story and gives your character a strong sense of experience, it can also be somewhat jarring to follow, especially if you haven't read in a while. Re-reading older chapters to re-fresh your memory of the story can also be a bit daunting as your chapters are so large. This is both a good and a bad thing - it's good in that you're a hard-working writer, and you bring a lot with each chapter, but it's bad that it can be a lot to digest all at once, and to let sink in. Especially for those who like to read a chapter twice. I wouldn't say cutting down is the answer for that, but maybe split chapters into pieces? Write your chapter, then find a suitable area to try and split it in half. Post one half, then maybe a week or so later post the second half? It's just a suggestion.

Overall, though, I've really enjoyed following Fritz's story and am looking forward to what's next.

 

[System Error]

Replies:

Spoiler

@AiedailEclipsed

Spoiler

**blinks** Uh. Well, I guess that happened. I feel like at some point we stepped into an old Western or something. I think this might be your most... unique/different chapter yet. While it does make for a pretty interesting twist, I feel like it also diverges and to an extent, distracts from the overall story.

This mini arc is intended for character development more than anything. Namely, Bonnie. At the same time, it still fits with 3-2's overall theme of having people in need, even though Fritz isn't with Railriders formal right now. You'll see how this ties into the overall story.

And fun fact - the original beta name for this chapter was "Off the Rails", both a literal reference to how Fritz has gone off them and a direct reference to how things have diverged.

Some things I did want to highlight... Bonnie was good. From what I remember of the last chapter, her character transitions well into this new one. One thing I do want to talk about real quick, is that it might be a good idea to include a short recap on the previous chapter at the beginning of a new one. Especially if there is a such a large gap of time between chapters. Honestly, I could barely remember what had taken place in the last one and I nearly forgot who Bonnie was, so I had to go skim back through. A recap would help jog those memories and would make reading new chapters a bit less "abrupt" in comparison to old ones (especially with the amount of detail you add to chapters).

Noted. An Atlas feature I'm going to be implementing is the chapter/part summaries, which should aid in this.

Continuing, she and Fritz had a really good cohesive vibe in the mini-battle and overall, so I hope we see more of her as a regular character.

Hopefully, this chapter accomplishes that!

While I've enjoyed this arc tremendously and seeing Fritz away from school has been cool, I think that the narrative would be stronger if the setting and character cast was less fluid. I feel like Athena's review for the previous chapters was very much on point in this regard.

This part was always intended to be a bit fluid. Although it's turning out far less episodic than the original plan for this part. I'm going to try to fix that moving forward, however. Focusing more on the interactions between characters as they travel, rather than necessarily the people they help.

@Lunafreya

Spoiler

I've really enjoyed this so far. I haven't commented, as I've felt I've had nothing to add, but now may be a good time to add my bit.

Glad you've been enjoying it.

Your writing, prose and characterisation are all fairly solid. One big thing that keeps me coming back to read this story is the characters. They're real and believable, and enjoyable to witness. There's a sense of shady realism to them, especially during Fritz' time in school regarding his American background and how that is handled by a various degree of people.

Thanks. I'm glad I'm getting that stuff down. On that subject, you'll also find the new "2-16" bonus appreciable.

I think my biggest nitpick with this, is the flow of the story, like some others pointed out. Fritz flicks from being a high school student to wanderer/businessman to potential co-ordinator in the works to being an outsider hero in a western film. While it adds variety to your story and gives your character a strong sense of experience, it can also be somewhat jarring to follow, especially if you haven't read in a while. Re-reading older chapters to re-fresh your memory of the story can also be a bit daunting as your chapters are so large. This is both a good and a bad thing - it's good in that you're a hard-working writer, and you bring a lot with each chapter, but it's bad that it can be a lot to digest all at once, and to let sink in. Especially for those who like to read a chapter twice.

Gotcha. Again as with Aie, the (hopefully) upcoming chapter/part summaries will aid in this, but it's really kinda nice you like my story enough to read it multiple times! While feeling jumbled at first at the start of Part 3 is by design, it's going to become more straightforward and focused soon.

I wouldn't say cutting down is the answer for that, but maybe split chapters into pieces? Write your chapter, then find a suitable area to try and split it in half. Post one half, then maybe a week or so later post the second half? It's just a suggestion.

Yeah, I'm trying to write shorter chapters...but sometimes they bloat out of control. @_@ But I'm actually doing that right here, in fact - you can expect to see the last chapter of this mini arc very soon, considering I've already written most of it out. And yet it's still long...but sometimes, there's no better place to split it.

All right, so a few important things to say out in the open! First, I'm doing some rewrites and tweaks of earlier chapters. These are to better fit continuity, fix some nuances, and other things. A new Atlas feature will keep track of these so rereading isn't necessarily needed, for future readers to know what's different. Also included in this is a fun fact list of things that changed in planning. For now, only 1-1 and 1-2 have been changed, with tweaks made to 3-3 and 3-5.

Second, there are three new retrofitted Bonus Scenes. One tied to 1-1, one tied to 2-15 which was actually done a long time ago but I couldn't figure out how to implement, and another tied to "2-16" (although placed before Part 3). These, as usual, go into detail on other characters besides Fritz. There's going to be a lot more of these coming.

Notes:

Spoiler

Somewhat of a different chapter here, but in a way I had fun with. Tried to lean more on the character interaction side for this, especially between Fritz and Bonnie. Hopefully who's most important is clear enough. Also, points for anyone who can catch the allusion going on here!

This chapter also has two bonus scenes. The second being one of the weirdest things I've feel I've written. Hope you find it suitably strange.

__________

Chapter 3-6: A Shining Beacon of Hope Lies Topside​

The mood of La Fortuna has changed drastically. When we arrived, it was like we had set foot into a ghost town. Indeed, it was a place that had given up all hope. And yet now, almost everyone is excited at the prospect of being freed from the clutches of the marauder group known as Saiko-dan.

The sheriff led Bonnie and I straight outside of the Grey Diamond Pub, halting and turning around several meters away from the building. "May as well start with where we were." he said, gesturing to the place. "This here's where our resident brewer works and lives - behind the counter, specifically. Barkeep serves us our beverages most of the time, and helps process some food. It's also a gathering place for the town, as well as where our guests can stay."

Uh, what? "Er, did you just call him Barkeep?"

He nodded to confirm this. "His real name's Jeremiah Finnigan, but everyone just calls him Barkeep."

My coordinator friend smiled. "So it's like a nickname, huh? Cool."

"Moving on." He turned to the left and led us to the next building in-line. The sign on top of this one and a half storey place, written in big block letters, reads MISSY'S MARKET. In front are several stalls and display cases, although they're presently barren. It's significantly more modest in contrast with the place next door. Attached to the right side from our point of view is what looks like a garage. "This is where Missy lives and works," said the Sheriff. "We can't get everything we need here. That's where she comes in. Every now and then, she scoots on over to the next town over, and brings back some goods."

"That's right," came the owner's voice from behind. She waltzed up and stood in front of her establishment/home, hands on her hips with a smug expression. "And if anyone slacks off, they ain't gettin' nothin' from me."

"A trade-based economy, huh? That makes sense."

"But how do you buy the stuff?" Bonnie asked. That is a good question.

She chuckled. "Between sellin' some of our produce an' my advisory job, I got some real dough to work with." The lady looked over her shoulder. "Anyway, got a few things I gotta tend to. 'ave fun on your tour." As she left, the sheriff nodded and motioned for us to follow, continuing our counterclockwise trip around town.

"And here's where the Satōs live and work." Just like the last place, this one floor place has a sign on front proclaiming what it is, the Satō Workshop.

"A lot of people work and live in the same place, huh?" Bonnie remarked.

The sheriff scratched his cheek before elaborating on this. "Well, in a town as small as this, it's the most efficient." Makes sense. Both of us get it. I imagine there's a very limited amount of materials however they get them, so compressing things is the ideal way to go about it. He continued, "The Satōs are our smiths. If there's something around here that needs building or fixing, they're the pair for the job. You already met Dion."

Huh? "We did?"

"He was the drunk."

"Oh." Well then.

He led us up to the door. "Now lemme introduce ya to Faye." He raised his fist and politely knocked. Someone stirred inside.

"It's not very good to have an alcoholic in charge of repairs..." Bonnie spoke up as we waited to answer, almost but not quite concealing a disgust.

"It's bad for 'em, I know," the sheriff reassured her, "But when it comes to work, the Satōs are quite serious."

The door opened. A blue-eyed brunette woman showed herself, weary and wary. A long gray apron is draped over her dark clothing. For a smith, she's actually very thin...save for the bulge of a new life growing inside her, waiting to emerge.

"Kai?" she queried. She looked at Bonnie and I, utterly confused. "Two folks I don't recognize?

"Afternoon, Faye. Well..." The sheriff tipped his hat to greet her, removing it as he trailed off. "It's finally happening." Her face dropped. Her guise twisted into a mask of horror. "These folks here are gonna help us through it, though."

This reassurance did not console her. "Oh my god...no...!" Her eyes darted around, coming to rest for just a moment on her belly. Her hands flew to her head. "Why? No! Not now!"

"It's okay, Mrs. Satō!" Bonnie stepped in, putting an arm on her in reassurance. "Everything's going to be a-okay!" She patted in tune with that last word. "We'll make sure you guys are in tip-top shape to take these criminals on! We're not going to let them bother you anymore!" She fistpumped to punctuate this promise, giving the woman a determined smile.

This had more of an effect. She stared at us, quivering in fear. Of us, or what we brought upon the town? When her eyes drew to me. I nodded. The pregnant woman huffed. "I...give me some time, sorry." She turned around, hyperventilating. I heard one last, "Oh god..." prior to the door shutting.

The sheriff sighed at this, silently leading us over to the corner. There's no sign on this place saying what it is, nor anything to hint at it besides a glass house next to it. "This is Natane's place," said the sheriff. "She and her Pokemon help grow produce. They're also the ones that helped us with materials."

"Was wondering about that, actually." Guess that answers my question.

"If it weren't for her and her Sceptile, we couldn't have built this little oasis of ours." That should be a strong fighter, if Josef's was any indication. He knocked, and it didn't take long for the inhabitant to answer - a somewhat uncleanly woman, although in a way that says she's been working. This average height, dark-haired woman (covered somewhat by a small sunhat) is wearing a dirty white long-sleeved shirt and work pants, and actually has a fairly decent build. Not surprising given her profession. "Afternoon, Natane."

"Sheriff." She greeted us with a warm smile. "And some guests as well. How do you do?" She actually bowed politely.

"Pretty good!"

"All right, I guess. Thanks."

With pleasantries exchanged, the sheriff got down to business. "Got some good news and bad news, Natane. Bad news is, Saiko-dan's likely coming through town tomorrow." She gasped. "Good news is, these folks will be helping us face them."

"That's right," I told her. "Once we're done with our tour, we'll be training anyone with Pokemon to help defend this town better."

"Well, that's me!" she declared with some laughter, although it was nervous. A resigned sigh escaped her as she shook her head. "I guess you can't always leave things to run their course. I'll go get ready, then. If I have to fight, I'll fight!" She saluted and closed the door to do just that.

The sheriff lead us across across the way to the other side of town. Some of the buildings so far have been nondescript, but this one isn't - it's the one I was referring to when I said there might be something that could outsize the pub. And seeing it up close verifies it as fact - it's practically a mansion. It's two and a bit storeys tall, but much longer and wider than the Grey Diamond. Some stone has actually been used for this place's porch, and the door looks like it's porcelain. The wood comprising it has been painted, albeit remains a brown. And although not visible from the front, this place has a designated backyard with crops, and a stable next to it.

"Here's the Sakubajins' ranch," he elaborated. "They serve as one of our primary food sources, growing crops and eggs to feed the town with. You've saw Hakim, Kana, and Borna back at the Gray Diamond."

"Hi, Mr. Solaris!" Two identical looking girls, no more than eight at best, came running up. Both with long golden hair tied with a ribbon and wearing the same white and violet dress, although the one on the left has a red ribbon and the one to our right a blue one.

"And here's their twins, Hana and Ana," he introduced, turning to them with a smile. "Kids, these two are the ones who'll be helping our town."

"Hi! I'm Hana!" said the red ribboned twin. "So you beat up the bad guy?"

"Hi! I'm Ana!" said the one with the blue ribbon. "How are you two?"

"Cool hat! Are you a sheriff too, mister?" Hana looked at up at me in fascination.

"Your hairclip is shiny, miss! Do you wear it all the time?" Ana's eyes sparkled.

"Are you guys gonna save the day?"

"Together?"

"Um-" Bonnie got out.

"What kind of Pokemon do you have?" they asked in unison, before we could say more or even answer the questions.

"Are they super tough?"

"Do you have pretty ones?"

"Do you work out, mister?"

"Is that a designer bag, miss?"

"Have you guys ever shot anyone?"

"Do you two have kids too?"

"If you would, young misses." Oh, thank god. A man in a dark suit, white undershirt, and purple bow-tie interrupted their rapidfire chain of alternating questions. One arm on his stomach and another behind him, he bowed to us. "Good afternoon," he greeted, with a very formal accent. "I am the Sakubajins' butler. You may call me Corwin. I have already been informed of what has occurred by the mistress. I am looking forward to working alongside you two."

The girls leaped into the air. "Us too!"

Bonnie's mouth fell agape at this. "But...but you're kids!" She stared in shock, looking to the butler and sheriff. Neither protested this. She turned to me. Eh, gave her a shrug, which surprised her. "Um." Very much taken aback at this. "Isn't anyone going to say anything?"

"In times like this, ma'am, an entire town needs to show unity." Corwin stated their position, which the sheriff mouthed a 'that's right' to. "This includes people young and old."

"We might not be able to do much..." Hana started...

And her sister finished, "...but we'll do what we can to help!"

Bonnie is still uncomfortable. I kneeled down before the twins, getting on their level. "Good for you," I told them. "Just be careful, all right? You two have your whole lives ahead of you. No one wants to see you get hurt. We'll all do our best to keep you safe when you're out there, but try to stay out of trouble in the first place. Okay?" I spoke with a soft, but firm tone.

They enthusiastically gave a huge nod. "Okay, mister!"

"Promise?"

And again. "We promise!"

I stood and smiled in approval. "Anyway, we're going to see the rest of the town, now. See you later!" They nodded and got back to playing. My doing this seems to have satisfied, and even surprised Bonnie. Corwin nodded and started back inside. I also spotted Borna waving to us in the window.

"You're pretty good at handlin' the little ones," the sheriff remarked.

Bonnie agreed. "Yup! That's really nice."

The next stop on the tour is an ordinary home. A set of chairs and a table are situated in front of it, the owner sitting on one of the former with a cigarette in his hand. Two ornaments of some kind are on either side of the door. "This's Akio's place, our resident hunter and our other primary food source. When we need meats, he's the man we trust. He goes out every few days with his trusty rifle, and brings us back some food."

"The hell you staring at?" he abruptly snapped, glaring at us threateningly. "I've got nothing to say to you, outsider scum!" Man. Acting like we came here looking for a fight. After a puff from his smoke, he didn't spare the sheriff in his hatred, either. "And you, actually listening to their naive ideas? Have you lost your mind, Solaris? Or just the will to live?" He inhaled more tobacco. He seethed and grumbled, finding no ease from it. "Fuck this."

He flicked the cigarette our way, almost actually reaching us from twenty feet away, storming into his home and slamming the door with enough force to rattle the chairs and ornaments outside, locking it shortly thereafter. As he passed by a window, he flipped us off without breaking stride.

"He's, um..."

"Jeez. What's his problem?"

The sheriff shook his head. "It doesn't matter. He is who he is." He hurried us along to the next place in line, also an normal home. Although this place has nothing to distinguish it, besides perhaps a lack of distinction. "Here's Gino and Leo's house. Leo being the big one and Gino the small one. They don't do anything specific around here, and haven't been around as long, but they're two extra sets of arms."

They're also outside, although oblivious to us. Gino is watching...or perhaps I should say supervising, while Leo is roughly stroking a black hare, much like the one that brute used against us.

Bonnie stared awkwardly. "...are they playing with Leverexes?"

"Leo loves them..." the sheriff explained, before our tour continued. We passed by a small shed on the way. "We keep some supplies right here," he said, before we came to the next house. A red cross sits on the center of this building. Tinted lighter than the rest of them, but again, still a shade of brown. From the front, it appears very well maintained. "Doc lives here. Dr. Wilder if you need a name. He's the town doctor."

"I imagine you need one!" said Bonnie with a chuckle.

"That's right. When it comes to physical troubles, we have him." He kept us moving to the next home, the last in this row and the opposite of the previous - I wouldn't call it worn-down, but it just has this air about it. But otherwise, it's just as plain as the rest of the residential homes. "And when it comes to stresses, we have Morgan."

"Who's Morgan?" I asked.

"Our resident spiritualist. One in touch with the world." He approached and knocked on the door. Not a human, but a Pokemon answered?! Bonnie and I exchanged glances, both wondering the same thing. Is this green bird, that resembles a totem pole, who he was talking about? The thing itself gave no immediate answers. It nodded after a few motions, beckoning that we enter the dark home.

The sheriff showed no hesitation. With a bit of reluctance, Bonnie and I followed.

----------

This place on the inside...well. In short, my impressions and instincts from seeing the exterior match up with what I might be expecting from the interior. The shutters or blinds in this home are closed, making the only source of illumination being dimly lit lanterns and candlelight. The Xatu led us to the living room, where the person (?) in question sits. He or she is clad in a dark robe, sitting on a rocking chair with his or her back turned to us.

"So..." spoke Morgan. "That is what his vision meant."

A vision? The sheriff's voice was low and quiet. "I see you're already up to speed..." An eerie silence followed, neither side exchanging words or actions. Bonnie and I stood silently, unsure what to make of this. The sheriff's maintaining a quiet respect...and I can't read this character at all.

Morgan soon did speak. "Our future is clouded by the smoke from smoldering embers." The shady person stood, speaking ominously. "Sealed in a crucible for 19 moons." Turning revealed an aged face that's vaguely feminine, which I guess is good enough for me to use. She approached...making us back up a bit. "The scales outside descend. In one stroke, a new path has been drawn open. A ray of hope visible in our dark prison. Our adversary interposing. Will we emerge safely, or will an unspeakable fate befall us?"

"I...what?"

Bonnie shuddered as she received an unnerving stare for this. "Our town lies here in distress. The lives within are in your hands. The risks and responsibilities you hold are great, momentary deputies. A single mistake could prove costly." By now, Morgan had made it directly before us. She leered down. "Can you handle this delicate task?"

"Of...of course..."

"We wouldn't be here if we wouldn't."

Morgan let out a passing 'hmph' at this. "An assurance is simply words. Transient, like lightning in the sky or a flash in the pan."

"We're gonna prove it!!"

"Morgan," the sheriff stepped in and interrupted me, "These kids are going to be helping us prepare to fight back Saiko-dan. You and your Pokemon's assistance would be appreciated."

Again, silence. The five of us stood still as Morgan considered this. She cast her gaze upon us once more. "Freedom is a blessing. A natural right. Yet it is also a two-edged sword. Its edges are exceedingly sharp. The right to live as we wish is as much a chance to be better as it is a terrible fascinating power..."

Bonnie turned to me, confused. "What does that mean?"

Huh? Of all present, it was the Xatu who answered? It shined momentarily to draw attention, and nodded. Morgan did not contradict this, though her expression remained still. She motioned at the door.

"Go."

Sounds good. Bonnie and I left without hesitation.

----------

As we stepped outside, Bonnie sighed in relief. Another sound escaped her lips, a sound of doubt and uncertainty. "That was...so weird."

"I've seen weirder, at least..." Premala. "But this is still up there."

The sheriff opened the door at the moment, rejoining us. "She can be like that. At any rate. Let's continue." He led us across the street, to the penultimate stop on the tour. Another larger building, though still nothing compared to the pub or ranch.

"This is my office. It's where we would keep any riffraff we capture until regional authorities can swing by to take'em in."

Take them in? "I thought you said they wouldn't do that?"

The sheriff explained that quickly. "They would, if we're the ones who capture them."

Bonnie touched her hair ornament. "So, uh, you're the only one who doesn't live where he works?" she sprung a question of her own.

"Little lady," the sheriff said, crossing his arms, "Would you feel comfortable keeping scum in your home, even if they're locked up?"

The coordinator looked down at and shuffled her feet. "I guess that's true..."

"Hold it." I think she actually has a point, here. "Why would you even need a building like this in the first place? Did you really build it anticipating this kind of trouble?" Why would a place like this even need law enforcement?

"Hey, you're right." Bonnie caught on. She tilted her head, appraising the place. "And come to think of it, it doesn't look like your office."

"Yeah. It kind of looks like..." Let's see. Two floors, but other than that, there's nothing to make it distinct. Not even a sign. "...just another house?"

A grunt of frustration escaped the sheriff's mouth. He cringed, tilting his hat down. I guess we really are onto something here...but what? The two of us peered at him inquisitively. We waited patiently. He met our gaze...staring back for several moments. We're not pressuring him...but now that it's out in the open, we are curious.

The sheriff took in a deep breath, exhaling all at once. He thoughtfully paused, and almost blurted out, "The Mizumakis used to live here."

"The Mizumakis?" inquired Bonnie.

"They...did so much for us..." he continued, voice trembling. "Our town wouldn't be here without them."

His tone is telling on its own...but I'm pondering, and I'm sure Bonnie is too, about the specifics. "What happened?"

Another long inhale. The sheriff tensed up...appearing as if he doesn't really want to...but eventually relented. "It was nine months ago," the town's protector began. "A couple members of Saiko-dan were paying us a visit, late in the evening. They were ogling Mizuki. Michael went and told'em off. Day after, the whole gang rode in with Odin and executed them both by shotgun, right in the middle of town."

Robotically, he dragged himself behind the building. Bonnie and I carefully followed. I noticed a small compartment on the side of the house as we did so. Small backyards are behind the houses. This one has two graves in a fenced-off section. They are very well tended to. Shrubbery surrounds them, and freshly plucked flowers lay at their base. Also present are two Pokemon - a round metallic eye with two magnets attached, and a set of three. The sheriff gave them a pat them before kneeling in respect.

"Everything changed that day..." he continued, fighting back tears. "A shadow was cast over us all. Dion took up drinking, Yura left town, Morgan became recluse...of course, it hit Mikey worst. Poor boy. Barkeep took him in as his own, but..."

He was fighting, but it seemed it was no use. Tears flowed down his cheeks like a broken faucet. Wow. Bonnie tapped me on the shoulder. She has a serious expression on her face.

"We have to stop them."

I nodded in complete concurrence.

The sheriff's legs wobbled as he managed to stand to his feet. "At least we still got these little fellas." He patted them again, and they responded with mechanical squeals. "Gino's been helping fill their roles, too." He put his hands together and bowed. "I...I'm sorry. I'd rather not speak more of this."

"It's okay."

"We understand."

He smiled. "Thank you. If you want to know more, ask Missy or whoever."

With this, he led us around front and to the last house. One that's much like the one next to it - a bit more generous than the others, but not huge. "Last stop on the tour." He removed his hat, placing it on a hook, and stood formally in front of his front door. His character changed, as did his tone of voice. "The humble abode of the founder of La Fortuna. And its leader as well."

The door opened at that moment. Mr. Solaris turned and greeted his family, a serious young boy dressed just like him and a woman in a beautiful blue frock. "Darling."

"We've heard the news, dear."

"That's good." Mr. Solaris embraced her, then turned to pose with them in front of his home. "Let me introduce you to my wife, Tomoso. And my son, Kairo."

"Please," Mrs. Solaris beseeched. "Save our town."

"You two." Their child gave us a hostile glare. A cold one, in contrast to others' fiery hatred. "Why did you have to come in here?"

Bonnie stepped forward and tried to explain, "Well, you see...um..." She's having trouble finding the words. "It's-"

"Shut up," he snarled. Not that it mattered. His mother's hands flew to her lips in shock, and his father frowned. He did not notice or did not care for it. "You didn't need to. It would've been better if you'd left well enough alone."

Kairo ran back inside the house, slamming the door behind him. Mr. Solaris shook his head. "Forgive him," he asked of us. "He saw how Mikey was affected by what happened. He just doesn't want anyone else to suffer."

"There's times when action is unnecessary. This is not one of those times." Bonnie patted me, agreeing with this remark. Mr. Solaris stood on his toes, looking around us. We turned as well. A sizable group has gathered in the middle of town.

"Well, looks like everybody's about ready for ya. We're counting on you."

Bonnie and I turned to each other. "Let's do this."

"O-kay!"

We made our way over to the group. Quite the crowd has gathered. A dozen individuals in total. The Sakubajin ranchers are all present, as well as their son. The Noh performance troupe are here. Natane's here as she said she would, as well as Doc, Gino, Mr. Satō, and even Morgan's Xatu.

"Wow!" Bonnie said, awestruck at the sheer scope of it all. "There's sure a lot of you here, eheh. More than I thought. Anyways," She led me to stand tall in front of them. "You know why we're all here today, right? There's a nasty group of brutes who've been pushing you around for far too long now! They've been stopping you from having normal lives! Their name is Saiko-dan, and tomorrow is when their reign of terror ends! We're here to help! Both of us are accomplished trainers who've dealt with this kind of stuff before. And we're going to help you guys through this!"

This had its intended effect of working up most of the crowd. She looked at me to continue, but I have a question for her instead. "You've dealt with them before, too?"

"Uh-huh. I helped Uncle Beri sometimes around town." That's right, Gym Leaders are in some respects town leaders, and sometimes take care of troublemakers. She smiled, and from reading her expression, she's relieved that I really have as well.

"Anyway," I continued as she wanted me to, "While we intend to do more, the least we can do is help train your Pokemon. Make them tough enough to cut down anything in your way. Once we're done that, we can come up with a plan of attack. And I think..." I turned and asked her another question. "What say we split the duties to make it easier?" I gestured with my hand, drawing an imaginary line down the middle of the group. "I'll train half, and you train half. Six each."

Bonnie liked it. "Sure. Sounds good to me!"

"All right! Let's get to it, then!"

"Hey, wait." She motioned for me to stop, addressing the citizens momentarily. "Hold on a sec, people. Before we do that..."

"What is it?"

"Can I take a look at your Mareep?" she asked, a bit of concern and curiosity on her face. "I noticed it was having trouble aiming its moves."

"Oh, yeah. That's a problem of his." This is actually convenient. "And as a former trainer in an Electric gym, you might be able to figure out why."

"Uh-huh." I retrieved his container and sent him out before me. Bonnie kneeled down in front of the sheep.

"Hi there!" she greeted him, examining him closely. "You kinda look like Mullida! Anyways, I just want to try to see why you have trouble aiming your electricity. Is that okay?" Mareep seems to be all right with this, as his tail lit up momentarily. Bonnie grinned, interpreting it the same way. "Okay! Minnie, can you help out, please?" Out came the Minun, who seemed all too eager to get into this, hopping while chattering away. As they set to work checking over his fleece, Bonnie instructed, "Okay, just stay put, Mullido."

"Mullido?" Did she just give my Pokemon a nickname?

She turned back and shrugged. "Why not? He has the same fleece as Mullida." Who? "Oh, she's a Pokēmon in a famous short film," she replied, reading my expression. If only I could tell her how much I like it and why. She became engrossed in checking the sheep over with her own.


A minute passed. The two Pokemon engaged in a conversation led by Minnie as this was going on. Several times, Bonnie or her Pokemon received zaps. Before long, the coordinator stood up. "So?" I asked.

She shook her head. "I'm not completely sure. He has a ton of static in his wool. Mareep usually only gather as much electricity as they can handle, but yours is gathering too much, I think."

"That makes sense. It might be because he rarely fought or used his powers before he joined me."

"That might do it." Bonnie flinched as Minnie ran up her to stand on her shoulders. She stroked her tenderly as she continued, "It's weird, though. It's usually a sign of evolution."

But that makes no sense. "Then why hasn't mine evolved twice over already?"

She's just as confused. "Uncle would know for sure. But maybe he needs the extra fleece to hold it all? He might not ever evolve to Ampharos if that's the case." She shook her head, almost apologetically. Then she lit up and raised a finger, flashing a wide smile. "But don't worry! With that much power, he'll be as strong as any Ampharos!"

"It's defensively I'm worried about." That'll still be an issue, although it's still cool that I effectively have a small warhead here. "But that's fine. I do like to play to my Pokemon's strengths." Just need to not get hit! I recalled him after declaring this.

Bonnie nodded and checked her shoulder. "Thanks for the help, Minnie." She brought it back and turned to leave. As she was going off, I interrupted.

"Mind if I ask you about one of your Pokemon?" It's only fair.

"Sure, which one?"

"The 'mushroomless bug', as that thug called it?" A peculiar way to refer to it. "Your Paras?"

"Ohhhh, Echizen." Bonnie took out his ball, peering down at it with a sad sigh. "Echizen...was my first Pokēmon. I caught him before I got to work in my uncle's gym. I didn't get to use him much because of that." I always wondered about that. How type specialists handle Pokemon not of their own type. "I did get the chance to use him whenever I got to help around town, at least. So he started getting stronger. But as he did...he started changing. He became listless and detached from everything. He wouldn't even touch his favorite food. I did some reading, and found out about the mushrooms on Paras' backs, and what they do to them."

"Oh, damn." I'd nearly forgotten about that, but now that I remember...it was actually used as an example of a parasite when I was back in school. Um, back home that is. It's really brutal - the mushrooms drain the bug and overtake its mind.

"I know," she groaned. "I thought if I removed them, I could stop Echizen from changing. And..." She beamed. "It's been working! People have told me it's wrong...but I don't care! I don't want him to change!"

Her words rang with a passion I can't help but admire. "You really care about your Pokemon."

"Uh-huh." she sniffed a bit, but shortly regained her usual composure. "Even if he can't use Grass moves because of it, even if he can't evolve, I couldn't let him not be him anymore."

"Hey!" A very antsy Borna is calling out to us. "Are we gonna train, folks? I'm itchin' to get started, here!"

Bonnie slapped her forehead. "Oh! Sorry, of course!"

"Okay. Good luck with your six."

"You too." All right, let's finally get to this. I've never actually done something like this before formally. "...hey?" Bonnie abruptly spoke up, motioning for me to come in closer. "One more thing."

"Yeah?" What could this be about?

Bonnie whispered, as so to make this conversation a private one. "Thanks for helping me with this, Fritz. I...couldn't have done this on my own."

I smirked. "What are friends for, if not for sticking by each other?" She nodded and returned the expression. Bonnie is brave all right, but it's always nice to have support. With a thumbs-up, she ran off to take care of her own grouping, leading them to the side of town near the ranch. Let's get to mine!

"All right!" I greeted them with a huge wave. "What do we got here?" Quite the mix. I have that performance troupe we saw back at the bar, Natane, and...wait, what? Borna alone? "Er, you're not with your parents?"

He meekly gave reason, clutching his camera. "Well, you drew a line dividin' us, sensei. Thought that's what you wanted."

"S-sensei?" What the-!?

"You're our teacher, sir!" Natane clamored with a salute. She let out an 'ah', gesturing to the quartet in an embarrassed haste. "It...was sort of their idea."

Well, I don't dislike it. These guys, though. A foursome clad in white outfits with respective sections of red, blue, green, and yellow. Each with a musical instrument and mask at their side. A biwa, a flute, a drum, and a harp. "So, who exactly are you, anyway? Traveling performers?"

"Who are we?" asked the man in red, turning to the others. They gathered into a formation. All at once, they retrieved masks, putting them on as they spoke - beginning with red. "Entertaining you all with funny words all day."

"With an evening performance that takes your breath away!" Blue produced a flower.

"With a dance in the night that will make you fawn!" Green did a jive.

"With a wonderful chord to bring in the dawn!" Yellow strummed his harp.

"We're..."

All together, they shouted, "The Ardeinou Troupe!"

"Mr. Sanmai!"

"Ms. Tejina!"

"Mr. Odori!"

"Mr. Tategoto!"

"Howwwww may we help you?" they said in unison, getting down on a knee and presenting their palms. Borna and Natane clapped at the performance, the former snapping a picture. I just crossed my arms.

"You can help me by showing me your Pokemon." I tilted my head at the farmers' son and the gardener. "The two of you too, for that matter."

"Aw, don't be such a stick in the mud, sensei," Mr. Sanmai joked while shaking his head. I don't want to be, but they could at least be serious about this! The Ardeinou Troupe put their masks away. With the exception of Mr. Odori who sent out two, each of them sent out an individual Pokemon.

Mr. Sanmai's I recognize from the forest back at Rukh's - a multicolored bird called Chatot. Ms. Tejina's is this ugly piece of work that looks like a ballpointed puppet crossed with a clown, aka Mr. Mime. Mr. Tategoto's is this cute round blue thing with a bell atop and a long ribbon-like tail. As for Mr. Odori's, his two are a hula dancer with azure flowers and a colorful leaf skirt, and a fluffy cottony bird.

As for the other two, Borna's is a humble little calf. A baby blue, it has floppy blue ears with red on the sides, and a trunk topped with a similar spot. Obviously not something a full grown adult would be able to ride no matter what anyone says, but still looking like it has quite a lot of power. Natane has by far the most impressive roster, though - her Sceptile is shorter than those I've seen, but its pear colored skin seems a bit tougher. Its tail is less leafy, but has a sharper edge. There's also a plant explicitly dedicated to the desert, a bizarre walking cactus with a mobster's hat. Along its arms are several oversized thorns. Finally, there's this big eyed blue thing with a big white gut with a spiral...sprialling clockwise around. Poliwhirl, I believe.

"Quite a lot of Pokemon, Natane," I complimented.

"I know. Sceps helps grow the plants, Cactu culls the fields, and Polly helps with water - both for plants and around town if we need it." Regardless of this, she sighed and lowered her head. "But none of them...or even me, have even been in a serious battle before."

"Listen, Natane!" I put my hands on my hips. "If you can't believe in yourself, then believe in me. Believe in me who believes in you!" That got their attention. "I know all of you are capable of great things! Anyone can become strong!"

The farmers' son was in awe. "Even me, sensei?"

"Even you, Borna!"

"All right!" he jumped up and cheered. "I always wanted to be a Pokemon trainer! But my folks won't let me. They said I'm too young, that I'm not good enough. But if Phanphan and me get good enough from this, then maybe they'll let me!" He implored me to know, he clasped his hands together, "Do you think I can be one?"

"Of course. You're never too young or too old to start. My older brother started learning when he was five. And a friend of mine at around 18." I think that's how old Thatcher is? "I'll help you in any way I can."

He bowed. "Thank you, sensei!" Okay, now it's getting a bit awkward, but I won't spoil their fun. Again.

"Anyway, I want you to show me what you can do, first of all." I turned away for them momentarily to fire Lairon out of his ball. He stepped out from behind me. Everyone 'oohed' and 'aahed'. "I want you all to hit Lairon with your strongest attack. Lairon, lemme know how tough they are. Relatively speaking." He nodded. "After that, we'll start with some basic endurance testing and training. Got it?"

"Got it!" they all said together.

"Good! Borna, you start us out!"

##########

We trained the Pokemon of the town to as good a point as one can expect on short notice. With this much at least, they should be able to hold their own against almost anything the gang can throw at us. Meanwhile, Missy and the Sheriff made some preparations of their own. It's not just Pokemon that will be fighting, people will be getting involved as well.

As day turned to evening, the town settled in for what might be our last dinner at the pub. Save for one resident, all are present. The Ardeinou Troupe is performing a music for us atop the stage. The children are all playing together in the corner opposite theirs. Kairo actually came up and apologized to us earlier, although maintained his seriousness - near commanding us to win. Morgan is alone upstairs. Everyone else is laughing and having a good time. Borna's parents had allowed him to drink, an offer we decided to skip out on.

We'll need to plan soon. But presently, my friend and I are sitting at the counter where this all began, making friendly conversation with Barkeep and Missy.

"So um," Bonnie asked. "We heard about the Mizumakis. Mr. Solaris told us that your town wouldn't be here if it wasn't for them?"

"That's right, little lady," the bartender confirmed, while wiping a glass. "We owe them a lot. Missy, you wanna tell'em?"

"Sure. So when we were puttin' this little town of ours together, there were three main forces behind it." She counted them off. "The sheriff, me, and them. He was the one who thought of this here place, I was the one who rallied and brought people into the fold, and they were on board as folks to build build the town. Engineers, if you will." She pointed up at one of the many light fixtures in the room. "Ya notice 'ow we got stuff like power and water here? They did all that for us. We 'ave little generators that their magnets charge up. When they went, it was a real blow to us. Thank the gods we found Gino and Leo. If it ain't for them, we couldn'ta kept goin'."

*WHOOKRAK!*

Screams and shouts rang out as the door flew open. While the one responsible is furious, the man in the safari jacket thankfully means the town no harm.

"So you're here after all," Akio grumbled, stepping inside and slamming the door shut behind him. He crossed his arms, glaring at us all. "You all bought what these peddlers were selling."

Unlike this afternoon, the response was explicitly negative. Hana and Ana were the first to speak up, "Go away!"

Missy shook her head and returned the stare in kind. "Really? Ya still wanna be like this?"

"Now, Akio..." The sheriff kept a reasonable head.

Borna stumbled towards him. "They...been really helping us, sir!"

If records for how wide a person could roll one's eyes exist, Akio would be a fierce competitor for the top. "Cleaning up the mess they made." Ah, ouch. Bonnie felt that one physically. "Are you really going to go through with this?"

"You damn right with are!" Borna barked with a slur. "We...need to do this, man!"

"Of course!" said Missy. "Why wouldn't we? They's 'ad this comin' for a long time, after all."

"We owe it to them, ourselves...and the Mizumakis..." the sheriff lamented, removing his hat. "We're in too deep, now."

Akio gritted his teeth, looking to the others. Ms. Tejina spoke first. "I turned my back on this town before. Not this time." Her compatriots agreed.

"Gotta lotta things to do and lotta things to protect," Mr. Satō raised his glass, swaying. "Ain't gonna let it end here." Everyone else agreed. Even Morgan, who's now standing on the banister.

"Give it a rest, Akio," Barkeep advised.

The children are even stepping forward. Akio stared in disbelief. Mikey started them off, a certain longing in his tone, "This may be our only chance to avenge mom and dad!"

"We can do this!" Hana and Ana said together.

"If they're in, so am I," said Kairo.

"Fucking hell," he blew us off with a handwave. "If you're all serious about this, may as well stand by you."

"Woohoo!" Bonnie cheered. Finally, everyone's on the same page!

"That still doesn't mean I trust, let alone like you outsiders."

Getting tired of this. "Are you going to help, or are you just going to bitch?"

"You little shit..." Struck just the nerve I intended. He shook it off and took the floor. "Fine. I'll help. Here's what we have to deal with because of you. Saiko-dan is one of the most notable marauder groups in Central Tokatsu. They're led by a very experienced one and former high ranking grunt of Team Spitzer. He goes by Odin, full name Orestes Dinsmore. He is a ruthless and conniving man thrown out of that organization for stepping out of line. He became an informant afterwards to help bring them down, just for his own benefit."

He paused, pacing as he continued. "Saiko-dan is a group made up of Odin's former followers, hired goons, and the most ruthless of the competing groups they've stamped out. There's around 30-40 people in it. They are not as well equipped as traditional organizations. There's not much worry about firearms or overly strong Pokémon from most of them. But they are much harder to track and far more erratic in what they do. As for what they do? Whatever they want. They have no remorse and no regrets for anything they do. They are sick, twisted, and vindictive. And like I told you, there's only one way they'll ever stop. And it's not going to be easy."

With this, he stopped. "You haven't forgotten, have you? The rest of you know what they're capable of firsthand, too."

No one argued that. He is right. We do need to think of a strategy, here. Raw power might not cut it. But how do you handle someone like this? It's a very difficult question. Maybe...I can apply other knowledge here? If this were a Pokemon battle, what would I do?

...

Find an opening an exploit it.

"Hey..." Bonnie said. Has she thought of something? "You said they've been pushing you around for almost two years, right?" She got confirmation. "Do you think they might not expect you try to get out after so long?"

"That's it!" Perfect! "The element of surprise!"

Akio shook his head. "Dumbasses. They'll know when they see us waiti-!!"

I grinned. "I see you get it, hunter."

"An ambush, eh?" Missy considered this with the sheriff.

"That might just drive them off."

"What do ya think, mom 'n pop?"

Everyone but Akio of course likes it. "Hmph. Odin won't allow it. Don't underestimate him. He'll rally them back. And after the initial shock wears off, we'll have to deal with him and his whole gang. What then?"

I think I've found the opening. "So you're saying, if I'm understanding you correctly so far, Odin is our primary target?"

"If you can get the guy."

Bonnie chimed in. "But if we can deal with him..."

"IF you can. And that's a huge if." He sighed, and admitted. "That should work." Bonnie motioned for me to give her a high-five, which I gleefully accepted! "It's going to be incredibly dangerous. I just want you all to know that. Even if we win, we could get scarred. Tomorrow might be the last time we see some of us." He turned grim. "Or the last time we'll be alive."

"Ooo!! I know!!" the drunken Borna whirled his camera around by the strap. "We'll use this!!"

Not really helpful. Missy seems to like what he's getting at, though. She asked. "So what do ya say? Wanna take a photo while we can?" So does the rest of the town. Akio included.

He placed his camera on a table, pointing at the stage. "All right! Everyone, gather 'round, then!" He motioned towards Bonnie and I. "You folks, too!" Well, sure. I guess we're as much a part of this as them. I led Bonnie over, as everyone in the town posed. With no one there to operate the camera. "Uhhmm..."

Morgan snapped her fingers. Her Xatu teleported in, telekinetically operating the device. "Sweet! Everyone smile!"

The camera flashed, cementing this moment in its memory banks forever.

A happy moment. But beyond this, it's all for real.

__________

BONUS SCENE

Spoiler

Bonus 3-6a - A Bolt of Inspiration​

I bid my friend a fond farewell for the time being. That was a really nice conversation we had, but for now, we have things to take care of! I hope he does well! We should give him some space though. I kept on walking past my townspeople to be trained, giving them a signal to follow me to the area between the ranch and Natane's house.

I never thought I'd end up in a situation like this when we set out this morning! But now that we're here, I'm going to do whatever it takes to help these people! I'm worried about that Morgan person said, but I can't let it bother me now! I have to focus! Focus, Bonnie! These people are counting on you!

"O-kay!" I greeted them as we stopped. It looks like I have...um, quite the group. There's Mr. and Mrs. Sakubajin, but their son isn't with them. "Where's Borna?" I asked.

"Your friend split us into two groups with his hand," Mrs. Sakubajin explained.

The patriarch of the farm shrugged. "We thought he wanted us split like that."

"Well, okay." I guess it's no big deal, really. Just weird. Just a little! "And you're Gino, right?"

"'at's right, girly. Uh, sure hope Leo don't get into trouble when I'm busy like this." He scratched his beard, peering precariously at the bar. "Havin' Barkeep watch'em, but he can be a load to bear."

"Don't worry about it!" I'm not truly sure if he has to or not, but he shouldn't for now! "And you're Dr. Wilder, right?"

"Just call me Doc," he asked of me, with a bow.

"Okay, Doc!"

Morgan's Xatu is here, but she isn't. I waved to it, and it acknowledged me. The last of mine is, "Oh, no. Not you!"

"Could you pipe down, girl? Got a bit of a migraine." He clutched his head. And it's called a hangover! An inevitable part of life when you're an alcoholic! "My freakin' head..."

"Anyways, my name is-"

"Don't care!" the drunk rudely interrupted. "You're just 'maestra' for now. Or...master. Or, mentor."

"Mentor sounds good." They're actually agreeing?

Doc nodded. "It's a title of respect."

"...I guess if you want to call me that, it's okay." If it'll make them feel better, I guess they can call me that. "Anyways, I guess the first thing to ask is. Do any of you have experience with battles before?"

"Sure do, miss mentor," Gino stepped forward and said. "I dids a bunch of fightin' in the underground battle circuit few years back." Um, that's not the most savory of places to learn from, but I guess we're not facing the most savory of people, either.

"What about the rest of you?"

"Yeah I've fought a bit, mentor." Well, one thing in the drunk's favor.

"I prefer to help, not hurt." Doc doesn't, from the sounds of it.

The farmers shook their heads. "Not a lot."

"Not a lot is still better than nothing!" I declared. "So what kinds of Pokēmon do you have?"

"Most of ours work on the farm," said Mrs. Sakubajin. "Like we have cows and chickens. Though well, there is my husband's Tauros."

"Can I see?"

"Sure thing, mentor." He sent him out, and wow! I can tell right away from his posture, that this three-tailed bull is really tough!

"Cool! That'll be perfect! What about the rest of you?"

Gino addressed me next. "Buzz and me's a team. We's made waves in the underground." I'm guessing that's an Electabuzz? That's good, too.

Then Doc. "I typically have Wigglytuff on hand when I perform surgeries. Although I have a Sandshrew as well." They should help. Especially the Wigglytuff, if anyone gets hurt in battle.

"Lemme show ya!"

The drunk threw out not one, but three Pokēmon of his. One's a medium-size black hare, standing high on its thick hind legs with twitching ears. Harpedis, the evolved form of Leverex! His second's a small orange critter. It opened its maw in a silly way at me. A Trapinch! And third. "Is that a-!?" It can't be. Not someone like him! I retrieved my Pokēdex from my pocket and scanned the beast before me.

Gorillaimo
Psychokinesis Pokémon

The hats they wear act as containment for their psychic abilities. They meditate in harsh environments to hone their abilities.

Gorillaimo train their bodies and minds to their fullest potential. If disrupted when meditating, they lash out violently at the culprit.

"Sure is!" he boasted. Ugh. "All of'em 'elp me with my work." And the large brown ape with glowing red eyes is just sitting here. At least, it is a very strong Pokēmon. If he can really handle it, that is.

"Well. Okay. Training. Let's see." Where should I start? Well, I guess I could think back. To when I was twelve years old, training with my Uncle. His words flashed through my mind.

~~~~~~~~~~

"The very fundaments of battles is strength, my niece. It does not matter what the source is. If you hold strength, you can triumph over anything."


"If you are related to me and your grandfather, then you should be able to reach our level as well!"


"Pokémon are nothing without a strong leader!"


"The most important thing to remember when you battle, my niece? Never disappoint me."

~~~~~~~~~~

Thinking of that was not helpful at all! Darn it! What should I do...they're counting on me! I need to think of something! Well. I guess we could start off with some practice battles. Just to see what they're capable of. I'm a pretty good trainer! I should be able to give them some advice! Yes! That should be good for starters!

"Well? Whatcha waitin' for, mentor?"

"Argh! Be quiet!" I'm getting sick of him and his rudeness! "We're going to battle, right here! One of your Pokēmon against one of mine!" Okay, take it easy, Bonnie. Don't let your emotions run you! Deep breath. "I just want to see how each of you battles. You too, Xatu! Does that sound all right?"

The Xatu nodded.

"Yeah."

"Sure, mentor."

"Hands on, eh? A'right, but I ain't holdin' back!"

"You shouldn't!" I urged Gino. He comes from a brutal illegal battling league, but that's okay! "If you don't do your best, you may as well just stay home!" I have healing items on me, too.

"If that's whatcha want mentor, I'll show ya how we grind things up!!" This is a good way to let off some stress about him, at least. "Think I'll use, uh...you." He pointed at his Trapinch. Eek. "He can bite through solid steel! Let's do this!"

And he's a Ground type too, which isn't good for me. "I um, actually wanted to see what you and Gorillaimo can do!" I'm being honest here. Really! I'm curious as to how someone like him could handle a Pokēmon like this. I'm used to fighting Ground types with Electric ones, since I had to do that a lot in the gym. But I want to fight this thing!

"Oh, all right. You heard her." He waved it in. This is more like it! It's a tough species, though. Physically, it could toss anything around but the new Rhyhorn I caught thanks to Fritz! I still have no idea what to name him, speaking of which. Fritz said something about it being a boss rhino? Hm. Well, anyways. The battle! But I think I'll go with my most dependable partner here.

"Minnie! Let's go!" My Minun burst out with a sparkling flash! She peeked at me for instructions. "We're having a battle with this guy! Do your best, okay?"

"Are you ready, Mr. dr-er, Mr. Satō, sir?"

"Sure am. Bring it on!"

I will! "Then let the battle begin!"

BONUS SCENE

Spoiler

*WHAM!*

The sound of footsteps crashing against wood.

"What the?!"

"Saiko-dan...!"

"What're they doin' here?!"

An echoing impact. "OWW!"

"HEY!! My arm!!"

"You bast-"

"Shut up!" Another vicious slap.

"No..."

The sound of two sets of dragged feet.

"Where are you taking us?!"

No reply.

"Please! We're sorry!"

"You think sorry's gonna cut it for us? HA!"

A hand slamming against a table.

"I'm not just gonna stand here!"

Rushing footsteps, halted by a human barricade.

"HEY!!"

"You two, with me. The rest of you, stop them from interfering."

"Out of my way!"

"Stay put if youse knows what's best!"

A growl.

"Oh my god."

"This ain't good..."

"People of La Fortuna!" Pumping. "THIS is what happens to those who defy us!"

*BLAM*

Echo.

"NOOOOOO!!!"

"Oh no..."

"This can't be happening..."

"You're next, ungrateful broad."

"Pl-"

*BLAM*

*THUD*

"Rrrr..."

"Hey! Get back here, you brat!"

"You're gonna pay for this!"

"Mikey!"

Rushing footsteps, abruptly stopping.

"Gotcha!"

"Ahh!! Lemme go!! You killed my parents!!"

"Heh. Should we kill their kid, too?"

A pause.

A soft thud.

"Ow!!"

"Leave him." A chuckle. "Life will be more painful."

"Hahahahahaha!"

"For the rest of ya, you've been warned! If you dare stand against Saiko-dan, there WILL be consequences. Capiche?!"

Stunned silence.

*CLICK*

"I SAID, CAPICHE!?!!"

"Capiche."

A pause.

"C-Capiche."

"Good."

The sound of a weapon's shells being emptied.

The sound of the weapon falling to the dirt.

"Don't forget."

The sound of wheels and trotting hooves, fading into the distance.

The sound of the wind.

A thud.

"Michael...Mizuki...I'm sorry..."

##########

Every night they come here, the same nightmare.

Every day they come here, a living one.

A cycle of life shrouded in fear of death. A cycle that has now been broken.

This is our fate.

Through life or death, it ends tomorrow.

Bonus 3-6b - End​

 

[System Error]

Notes:

Spoiler

All right, one more for the awards. And, more bonus scenes! There's one in 1-3, that's a lead-in to the conversation in it, featuring Dean Howard Finkerton himself. And there's one in 2-6, that's about Phoebe. On said characters' note, 1-3 and 2-9, as well as 1-7, are the latest in the rewrite chain - although all relevant ones have at least been updated with properly adjusted dates. EDIT: 1-4 too.

There might be another bonus scene tied to this chapter eventually, on that note. But time windows, because I made it in?

__________

Chapter 3-7: The Price of Justice​

The world we live in is a very bad place, isn't it?

It seems these days, everyone is out to get each other. Sometimes over the smallest of matters. From common bullies to ruthless criminals to corrupt officials. Even people you thought you knew were good people, it may turn out you didn't know them well at all.

It's so wrong that people who do bad things can get ahead, and people who do good things can suffer.

And there's a lot of the first group, too. People who live for themselves, people who use others for their own gain, people who would stab each other in the back for personal gain...people who do bad things, even if it is for good reason. And people who do good things for bad reasons. People who would hurt others to get ahead. Those who would hurt because of what someone is. And those who would kill because of who people are.

So what does this all mean? What can we do?

I don't know. But...

##########

The dead of night. La Fortuna is completely silent at this hour. A calm before the storm. Bonnie and I are staying at the Solaris residence, due to the Ardeinou Troupe taking up most of the rooms at the Grey Diamond Pub. It's a cozy little place they have. About what I expected from these homes' interiors.

After the photo, we continued to plan. On that note real quick, Borna said he's going to print copies for everyone. It's looking like the prediction of 10AM tomorrow is going to be correct. With any luck...we'll come out all right.

But for now, I'm awake at this late hour. Not for being unable to sleep, but because thirst is calling out for me. The most annoying thing to wake up in the middle of the night for...and since I don't have water on me, that means pulling myself up to retrieve some from inside the house.

I stretched and rolled myself off the bed. It's only a simple mattress atop a cot, but after weeks of sleeping on far worse material, it's like floating on air. The room isn't much to speak about. A window, an empty shelf, and only a few drawers and a lamp.

I left the small room and set out down the hall. There's three rooms in this section of the house - the one I was in, a second guest room, and the bathroom. The Solaris family are sleeping on the upper floors, which I haven't seen. Being in a place with so few luxuries is always unusual. Here they have radio with two stations - the Tokatsu 24/7 News and a pop station - and that's about it. On the other hand, it's positively unique. You're out of the rush of urban areas while not being distinctly in the wilderness.

Stepping out into the main area of the base floor. And mm? Something slumped on the living room couch has caught my attention.

"Bonnie?"

"Ah?" She softly exhaled, raising her head to peer at me. Her contact lens are out, revealing her eyes' natural green color.

"You're still up?" I asked, unconcealing the concern I hold. "Is something wrong?"

"Just thinking..." And her own tone only magnifies that. She's acting different...but I suppose it could just be stress.

I checked a clock ticking away on the wall. It reads 2:03AM. We honestly should try to get more sleep...

My coordinator friend looked over to me, with a similar curiosity. "Why are you up?"

"Just need something to drink." Getting to that, I moved towards the kitchen. It's tiny, barely enough for a single person to maneuver around in. If it weren't for the opening in the wall to the dining area, it would be claustrophobic. In spite of its compact size, the architects packed a stove, a fridge, and a sink in here. I went for the last of those...no, on second thought, better get a cup. I searched the cabinets until I found where they keep them. I retrieved a small glass one, put it beneath the faucet, and turned it on. When it was close to full, I switched it off. My mouth is so dry...

...but on third thought, not dry enough to drink this. The water is cloudy, vaguely a brown tint. I guess they have to boil it, perhaps add something to purify it. I poured the water down the drain and placed the cup aside. Let's check the fridge, instead.

Yes, there do seem to be beverages in here, including a jug of water that's far more cleanly. I took it, retrieved a larger glass, and poured myself some. I'm sure they won't mind. I gave myself a bit extra to take with me, in case I need more.

A heavy sigh reached my ears, as soon as I walked out of the kitchen. Almost a plea. I would've known what the source was even if she wasn't the only one around to make it. I approached Bonnie, who had her head hung low. Her mouth opened, but she hesitated.

"Is something...bothering you?"

She confirmed with the vaguest of nods. "I..." she murmured. Fear? "I'm sorry, Fritz. I can't stay here for this." It is fear. "It's not that I don't mind helping these people out, but..." She spoke clearly, yet her breath quivered. She took a deep breath, trying to compose herself. On finding it, Bonnie locked eyes with me. "This is serious. We could die here."

She's shaking...and yet, expresses mixed emotions. There's a peculiar sorrow in her voice. She's conflicted about this. But her conflict is not unfounded. Death a very real risk in this situation. I have dealt with criminals before. Even very dangerous ones. But nothing on the scale of going to war with an entire organization, with ethics as low so low they'd kill even an infant. And even if she has before, it was certainly with her uncle, and maybe more. I really don't want want to see my friend suffer. I sat down beside her, placing my cup on a sitting table.

"I know," I said, placing a hand on her shoulder. "But I don't think we're going to. Maybe we are dealing with a group of crazy thugs, sure. But it's not just us." I lifted it and shook my head as she turned to me. "The whole town is involved. Everyone. We didn't spend all day preparing them to fight these guys for nothing. And we didn't spend the evening preparing to fail. They're all ready to stand together to stop this gang. And..." I closed my eyes in thought. I have trepidations too, but my mind is already made up. "I do want to see this plan all the way through. It'd feel wrong to do otherwise."

"Plans can go wrong," she countered, now wielding a concern for me. "Aren't you afraid of that?"

Am I afraid...?

"...not really. No..."

"Mgh..." Bonnie was surprised by this answer. We sat quietly, lost in our thoughts. I know it's a possibility...I know I'm going to have to watch myself out there tomorrow. But. But as for her, I don't know. I can't speak for her. "Mm." She gave another subtle head motion, and stood to her feet.

"It's nothing personal," she conceded with a heavy sigh. She took a few preliminary steps to depart, almost leaving the living room. "I do want to help fight them too, I really do. I know I'm the one who started this, too. I got them into this. I want to get them out. But...it's just that I feel my life is really beginning. I don't to risk it ending so soon. Even if it does mean I'm running away from this." My friend is on the verge of tears. Her head is drooped in shame.

But there's no reason for that. "...it's all right. I understand." I reassured her. I completely get where she's coming from.

My words made her perk up a bit. She smiled softly. "Thank you..."

Feeling better, she collected her belongings that she had left in a closet, and made her way to the door. She's still down on herself about this difficult choice, but not as much as she was. Mm...one more thing! I hustled up as she was reaching for the handle. "Hey?"

She twisted around. She completely turned, tilting her head, when I did nothing but peer at her warmly for a moment.

"Stay safe."

She nodded. "You too. Hope I can see you again, Fritz."

"Yeah. Same to you, Bonnie."

##########

I thankfully managed to get a bit more sleep after that late-night chat. Which is good. A fact that we all agreed upon was that everyone needs to be as close to their best, if not exceeding it, for the struggle that is set to happen today. It won't be long until the time is upon us. All we can do for now is wait.

Everyone had gotten up early, making last-minute preparations for the inevitable clash to come. No one in the town, save Akio, held anything against Bonnie for her decision. A few had even expected us both to bail. Said hunter of course went on a rant, saying that 'cowardly bitch' was all talk. Everyone else took it well. Barkeep in particular stated in-part, that if the town doesn't learn how to handle itself, they'll be tied to others forever - and so that was what they were ready for if need be. It's their problem, and we already did enough for them. However, they're all thankful for my standing with them regardless.

The consolidarity we've wrought in this small town is unlike anything I've ever seen before. It's surreal. I'm standing in plain sight in front of the Grey Diamond Pub with the sheriff, Missy, Mr. Satō, Mr. Sakubajin, Leo, and Akio. All of us have the talent, weapon skill, bravery, and/or natural physique to defend ourselves while acting as the initial diversion.

Hakim gazed over his shoulder and gave acknowledgement to his son, who ducked back behind a wheelbarrow. Borna, alongside Natane, Doc, Gino, and the performers, are hidden around town, ready with their Pokemon and some with weapons. The father himself has his ranch's Tauros, and Mr. Satō and I are ready with our own Pokemon. Still others are defending their territory. Kana is ready at the Sakubajin ranch alongside their loyal butler and Pokemon. Morgan is protecting her home, with her Xatu ready to help on the outside. The Barkeep has a loaded pistol, guarding his establishment with Mrs. Solaris. Even the children of La Fortuna are prepared. Hana and Ana are hiding by the main entrance, ready to trip the invaders on entry. The Ardeinou Troupe is ready as a unit at the other entrance. The two boys have armed themselves with slingshots, ready to shoot and push barrels down from the pub's rooftop - also serving as lookouts. Mrs. Satō is the only one not participating, hiding in the Grey Diamond Pub's backroom out of concern for her unborn child.

Missy pulled out a cellphone-like device. "Almost time..." she remarked, gazing at the screen. She flipped it closed, replacing it in her pocket. "Jus' five more minutes." She gave signals to the hidden defenders, who all fully concealed themselves. The boys went to the far side of the building (both pulling out binoculars), and the twins pressed up against the barricades. Leo shoved his finger into his nose, shovelling out the gunk and wiping it on his trousers. He snorted a few times, making sure his nasal passages were all clear. The head farmer did some last minute sharpening of the mattock he's chosen to wield. Once he was satisfied with the pick's edge, he took up a battle stance. Akio retrieved a pack of cigarattes and a flint. He placed one of the rolls into his mouth, flicking the switch to light it. He inhaled deeply, savoring it as it might be his last, before transfering it between his right hand. In his left, he held a nasty hunting rifle. And with the other weapons on his person, he may well be a walking armory. He'd made his intent clear from the start, and moved to a somewhat more concealed location behind some some railings - though not as away from the action as the others.

I twirled the pipe I'd been given. A spare piece of the farm's irrigation systems, but also a solid means of self-defense in its own right. Though I was offered a firearm of my own, I'm more comfortable with this type of weapon, for numerous reasons. The sheriff has a firearm as well, a six-shot revolver. He also has a club as a nonlethal sidearm.

Pokemon-wise...our plan is to rush them down and overwhelm them. Ours outclass the bulk of what they should have, so winning on that end isn't going to be a problem. Furthermore, Doc's Wigglytuff and Mr. Tategoto's Chimecho both know Heal Pulse, to keep ours going. It's the 40 some odd members of the gang that are going to be trouble. In the right hands, a weapon can even threaten a Pokemon. Akio and the sheriff both intend to shoot anyone with guns as soon as possible. It should only be the elites that carry them, and they'll be easy to spot.


The bell atop the Grey Diamond began to toll. Everyone ducked further into cover. The boys ran to opposite sides, scouring with their binoculars.

"They're coming!" shouted Mikey. "Coming in from the, um...the left!" He pointed to the main entrance.

"Right on cue," said the sheriff. "Prepare to engage, everyone."

Saiko-dan is riding in, and oh man, it looks like they've brought everyone with them. Three wagons being carted by Rhyhorns and Ponytas, alongside several others riding freely. Some of them spotted us standing in front on the approach. Completely oblivious to what's in store.

As the last of the wagons was about to pass through, the twins pulled their wire taught! The fiery horses pulling it stumbled and fell over. They collided with the second, almost tipping it over and causing their Pokemon to halt a short distance away, shortly followed by the lead one naturally. The third own wagon rolled over the Pokemon, skidded, and twisted to a stop, just barely not tipping over in the process.

The hidden combatants moved out. The wagon Pokemon were completely blindsided, being attacked by as many as two or three others at once. Those tripped up by the twins' wire fell in short order, the others not lasting much longer. The gang fumbled as they brought out their own means of defense. But we have the advantage in the confusion!

"IT'S AN AMBUSH!!" shouted one of the many panicked gangsters, over various shouts and battle cries as they struggled to get their bearings.

The fighters sprang into action, striking down those who were quicker to get it together. Missy brained one with her frying pan, as did Mr. Satō bash one upside the head with a steel baton. The sheriff shot one of the men who was at the helms of the wagons. Akio's aim was swift and pinpoint, shooting the hand of a shrimpy man as he reached for his gun holster. His eyes and weapon swung around, looking for his prey. However, he was forced to ram the butt end into an advancing thug, before striking him in the head with the weapon.

"They're fighting back?!" cried another, very much not expecting this.

Mr. Satō, Mr. Sakubajin, and myself all took the chance to send out our Pokemon. My trio is Lairon, Vespiquen, and Huntail for now, giving quick orders to each - take down some strong Pokemon, fly above and play defense for anyone who needs it, and blast all hostiles! Mr. Sakubajin has a raging bull and angry rooster. And Mr. Satō? A bigger badder black rabbit than the ones I've seen, a small creature of some kind with nasty jaws, and a gorilla with freaky glowing red eyes in a red baseball cap.

A figure jumped out from within the middle wagon, a cape billowing behind him. As he jumped behind it, a ball came out. A large crimson tortoise. "Hold it together! And Torkoal, get them!" barked the man from behind cover. "You're DEAD!!" he threatened. "The lot of you!! You may have gotten the drop on us, but what can you hope to do..." He emerged, holding a fucking assault rifle, "AGAINST THIS?"

"SHIT!" screamed Akio. "Take cover!"

We dove towards whatever might keep us safe as he started unloading on anything in sight, in my instance the front wagon. Gah! One of the goons is coming right for me! I rolled over and swung the pipe with all my might. I heard a sickening crunch as my weapon made contact. The man's leg crumpled beneath him, holding onto it in agonizing pain. I scampered away to the wagon's front.

Odin's Pokemon, billowing white smoke, exhaled a fearsome blast of flame over right at Natane's Cacturne. The landscaper promptly collapsed, yet its oppressor quickly found itself overwhelmed from all sides by multiple Pokemon, including my Huntail. This instantly changed with a blast of hot air that caught many targets - friend and foe alike - in it. Damn, his Pokemon are tough! Huntail barely hung in there, spewing a Water Pulse. The tortoise was too busy being grappled by an Electabuzz to spot this. Borna's Phanpy followed up with a fierce tackle. That front's going well!

But that's not all he has. "Druddigon! Claydol! Make all of these Pokemon pay!" Lairon's eyes were instantly drawn to the first - an outlawed Pokemon for an outlaw. A massive bumpy monster of a dragon, with blatantly rough skin. This extends even to its wings, which it might not be able to fly with. While for the most part blue, its underside is yellow and head is a blood red. Lairon barked a challenge to it, stepping up to face it and its huge claws.

"You!" Damn it, should focus. It's that guy from yesterday. He whipped out his club. "Time for payback!"

He charged at me, our weapons meeting with a clang. I spun around instantly and kicked him in the side. "Been in some fights before!" I warned, trying to bring the weapon down on his head. He stumbled away and OW! Bashed his weapon into my arm. Aiming to impale me on the tip...I ducked aside as I heard someone approaching from behind. Outnumbered...! Until a sharp rock came out of nowhere to knock the unsuspecting marauder out. On the roofs is a cheering Mikey and cold Kairo holding a slingshot.

The thug growled and tried again, but this time, I sidestepped and just nailed him on the side of the head. He went down screaming. "Arbok...!"

"Toxicroak!"

The two emerged at once as the brute slipped into unconsciousness. Toxicroak jumped on the snake instantly. A couple others backed off, seeing my sadistic Pokemon go to work.

A breather. Everything's going well on the others' ends. Vespiquen is lording above the battlefield, hassling people and Pokemon alike with bees. She even threw some at a couple of men advancing on the twins, before Gino and Leo covered them. Leo caught the fist of one who took a swing at him, crunching it like a potato chip. He promptly tossed his victim into another who was charging him with a knife. The Tauros mowed down a row of Pokemon. A battered Mr. Sakubajin, fighting off thugs with Mr. Satō, pointed him towards the wagon where Odin was hiding. However, he leaped out and opened fire, bringing the bull down. Still breathing. Did he only use as much as he needed?

Other than that, the Pokemon battling is going perfectly. Some of ours are strewn about, but- "HEY!! Careful where you swing that!" Toxicroak squealed. But more of theirs are down. The Torkoal is finally down. Lairon is taking on the Druddigon by himself. Odin actually tried to shoot him too, but all it did was momentarily distract the metal beast...a moment enough for the dragon to unload with maximum power. Lairon took a mighty blow, but got right back up, unwilling to lose. He slammed into the weakened dragon.

Huntail is taking cover, the coward. A flying Arbok that was being slammed into the ground mercilessly was sent at the Claydol. It caught the snake with its powers, sending it back at the sender...who Sucker Punched it down. That aside, it's dueling Morgan's Xatu and Mr. Satō's Gorillaimo in a test of mental will.

Ah!? Someone backed into me. "Be careful!" Missy advised. Right! We're winning, but this fight is far from over! "Have you seen Akio?"

"Not since this started."

"Damn. An' at a time like this?"

"Get the soft targets!" ordered Odin, cursing as he threw his weapon - out of ammo - down. "Hit'em where it hurts!" Well, don't have to worry about that anymore, but now the others do!

We checked to the left. The Ardeinou Troupe is battling it out with Pokemon, with only the sheriff in any position to cover them from the flank. To the right, Natane, Borna, and Doc are being advanced on. "Right. You go 'hat way, I'll go 'his way."

"Got it! Let's go, Toxicroak!"

She threw down a near comatose Mankey and grinned. We charged through the down, jumping over fallen Pokemon (like Geodudes and a Girafarig) and people as we did so. Wait, is that?!

"Gino?!"

"I'm...fine!" he hissed in agony, rolling over. Thank god. "Just a busted arm! G-behind you!"

I turned around just in time to evade a huge knife in the back. Toxicroak, showing no discretion about who she harms, shot a Sludge Bomb in his face. He screamed as his eyes burned in pain, the weapon dropping to the ground. Passed it to Gino for his defense. Toxicroak's punching our attacker in the gut and groin. I whistled, and she followed.

Borna and his Phanpy are being backed into a corner by a man and his Growlithe, both savoring this moment. "Sensei!" he gasped. The goon turned around just in time for me strike a blow between his eyes. Toxicroak tackled the dog to the ground. It spewed Embers in a panic, but Toxicroak was holding it from behind, claws sinking in. As I beat its trainer down, she urged Phanphan to come in and finish the Pokemon off - something him and his trainer were all too happy to do.

"Thanks, sensei."

"Don't sweat it. Where's the others?"

The farmer's son huffed. "Leo's helping Doc, but...but Natane...!"

"Argh! They're too much!" came a shout, interrupting him.

"Stay together, men! This town must BURN!! It must suffer for daring to rise against us, Saiko-dan!"

"No. He's right, screw this!"

"I don't wanna die!" Two more came another from the other side. Around 4-6 of them recalled their Pokemon (if any) and made for the gates.

"Let'em go!" ordered the sheriff, as Ms. Tejina was making to follow.

"We'll never hurt you again!" promised one of them.

"How...DARE YOU!!" cursed Odin.

Doc came stumbling out from behind the buildings in a tizzy, alongside the magnet Pokemon and a Wigglytuff. The latter fired Heal Pulses at Toxicroak and Phanpy. "So close now..." He's gasping for air.

"Right! The operation's goin' well! We're beatin' 'em back!" Only the strongest of their Pokemon are still fighting - Lairon and Druddigon are still in their duel (which the former is close to winning), that Claydol is still up now fighting Vespiquen, and various other large or tough ones are still putting up resistance - a three headed bird, an overgrown rat, and bugzilla in particular. Oh never mind, that Heracross just got taken out by the Mr. Mime. We've suffered some losses as well, but we have the numbers advantage at this point.

"They're thinnin' out!" called Missy.

It's true. Around 15-20 members of the gang are strewn out, dead or unconscious. Add in those that fled...and only a handful remain! And most of us are accounted for! Not all of us...but we can't quit now!

The sheriff shouted a rally. "One final push, everyone!"

Both sides of the fight flared up! Everyone leaped into action, all at once! I, too, charged forth and...

...

...stopped in place?!

"YOU!!" seethed Odin. He clicked and pointe"AAAAAAH!!" His Claydol telekinetically slammed me into a wall. "YOU are responsible for this!!"

Fucking Psychics!! Brokenly str-"AAAAUGH!!"

"Sensei!"

"Sir!"

It violently, hurled me into the stable by the Pub, somehow not sending me through the wood.

The Pokemon started attacking as I was flung to the left. Very loud buzzing came in from above. Ah, dammit! I dropped to the ground, landing hard on my feet as its focus was broken. The Gorillaimo rolled over, reaching out with telekinetic hands. A loud crash followed. Borna shouted for Phanphan to use Take Down. I even saw Natane's Sceptile flying by out of nowhere, and heard a couple blasts of water - presumably from Polly and Huntail.

But me...none are covering me! Can't find the strength to move. Come on! Somebody, do something! Damn it! Odin, a six-foot amber-eyed man with a crimson mustache and goatee wearing protective clothing, stood in the doorway for a moment...and marched in like a stormtrooper, now with a hunting rifle in hand. It...it can't be...!? That's...

"You have ruined everything for us here! And for this, you must perish!" He pointed the stolen weapon at me. I turned my head to look outside. All my Pokemon are too far away. They're all preoccupied. Have no time to send out another.

The gun clicked.

"Make your peace, and farewell!"

Well...I guess this is it.


...


"Gkh!"


...


"Huh?"


...


A huge knife is sticking out of his stomach, oozing with blood and entrails. The three of us present remained silent, save for heavy breathing. I turned my body to see who saved me from certain death...as Odin looked over his shoulder.

Akio?

Both of us saw him, a deranged expression that could kill on his face. Yet one that said that even if it could, it would not be enough to satiate his bloodlust. The gangster's breathing is laborious, his jaw unhinged, as he stared back. Akio slowly twisted and withdrew the blade, Odin crumpling in a heap. Blood, once simply dripping onto the stabber's arms, quickly started to pool where he fell as he groaned in pain. Akio followed this up with a hard kick directly into the wound. Amazingly still alive and conscious, the gang leader struggled, weakly rolling on his back. He pointed the rifle at his attacker, arms quivering like jelly, elbows trying to stop the bloodflow. He gritted his teeth, determined to take Akio with him. But the hunter, stalking his prey, kicked it out of his hands.

"You...you have sullied our village for FAR too long..." he seethed, tossing another knife into Odin's leg. He screamed, but only for a moment, as the hunter put a bloody boot on his throat. "This ends here."

"F...fuck you..." He raised a finger in defiance. An undeterred Akio squatted down, squeezing the oxygen out further in the process.

"No one is going to mourn your death." In each other's faces, one going blue and the other red. "No one will even celebrate it." He let off the pressure. Odin gasped for air, coughing up blood...and his eyes shot open, wide as saucers, as Akio threw his blade into the dirt in favor of a shotgun. He cocked the weapon...which Odin recognizes? "Bring back memories? Ha. You are simply a memory to be buried and forgotten."

"W-WAIT!"

"No excuses. DIE!!"

I shielded myself as the hunter pulled the trigger. An explosion pierced the air. I heard blood splashing everywhere, even feeling some of it landing on my legs. I opened my eyes. Ack...can't help but cringe at this sight. All that remains of the Saiko-dan leader is a headless husk. And as if everyone could sense it, the fighting outside - people and Pokemon alike - ceased at the moment of his death. It went, and is completely silent. Akio stands visible in the doorway, the end of the firearm smoking.

"Odin is dead?" came the quivering voice of a gang member.

"We've...lost..."

The invisible weight bearing down lifted. A collective sigh of relief echoed through the air, harmonious with gasps of realization. Akio and I stared out at the proceedings outside. The gang looks confused, lost. One of them dropped to their hands and legs. And then another.

"We...we yield..." With this word from one of them, they raised their arms in surrender. Such was the shock that some of the townspeople didn't register what this means right away.

We've done it.

We've won.

Akio stared at his handiwork in disbelief. The shotgun clattered to the ground, followed by the hunter's knees. All the while, he continued to stare at the dead man. "It's...it's over." he whispered. Only after a whole half minute did he finally stand, offering me a hand. "I apologize. You really came through. Are you all right?"

"I...think s-OWW!!" Holy shit, that hurts! Akio grabbed me before I collapsed. "I think I tweaked my ankle when I landed." I don't think it's broken...but who knows? And I am aching from being slammed into a wall repeatedly, but otherwise am alive.

"We'll get Doc to have a look at it." What's with him now? It's like, he's a completely different person. There's no malice, no wrath, nothing at all in his voice other than awe. As though he's now at peace. "I can't believe it. This nightmare is finally over." He aided me out of the stable, looking over the damage the town suffered. He looked up, closing his eyes. "We did it, Michael. Mizuki. We've ended this." He gave the town a look over. And he smiled in satisfaction. "And we're all here to see it."

Still using him for support, I patted him on the back. "We are, Akio. We are."

For twelve minutes that easily felt thrice that number, La Fortuna was a warzone. Now that the fighting has ceased, the aftermath lies in its place. People and Pokemon alike are strewn around the battleground, including the bulk of the gang. The buildings have sustained some damage in the fighting. And the townspeople have been roughed up themselves. To name some of people's conditions, Akio has a gash above his left eye. Gino is growling, clutching his limp left arm, as is Missy massaging her midsection. The twins are cowering a corner, being consoled by their brother. A scarlet-stained Leo is slumped near his home, yet smiling as a bruised Doc tends to him. Mr. Sakubajin and Natane are okay and nearby, though barely if not outright unconscious. Just about everyone has been banged up, bloodied, and/or wounded in some way.

But everyone is alive. And that's what counts.

##########

It's later on in the day, around 6PM. La Fortuna was cleaning up from the battle for their town. Missy had contacted regional authorities, who were on their way to formally apprehend what remains of the gang. In the interrim, those who survived were being kept in the holding cells in the Sheriff's Office. Though not originally one, it is indeed a capable prison at present time. The injured had been staying at home or at Doc's to recover. Others were assisting them, or just generally unwinding.

As for me? My own injuries were thankfully exactly as I had self-diagnosed. My ankle is sprained, but thankfully not broken. I'm on Lairon, ready to depart to Porcella Town. The whole town had gathered to see me off.

"Are you leaving already?" asked Borna.

Natane clutched her abdomen, wanting to be a part of this despite her injuries. "And at this late hour?" She sounds astonished.

I shrugged. "Have to. I do have people waiting for me at the next town." Several of them, in fact. I thought about staying one more night, but I think I can make it over there. I don't want to stay here longer than I need to, given that.

"Well, all right," the sheriff conceded. "If that's what you think's best."

Doc nodded and stepped forward, gesturing to the cast around my foot. "Just stay off the foot if you can for a few days."

"That's what Lairon is for." I gave the beast a pat on the head. Thankfully, my ride is going to be much smoother this time around.

"How's the saddle?" asked Kana Sakubajin, pride in her tone.

"It's a bit awkward," especially around the crotch, "But not as much as it was without. Thanks, by the way."

She bowed politely. "You are quite welcome."

"Least we could give ya after all you've done," her husband said with a nod.

"Hope you enjoy the vegetables!" Natane wished with a profuse bow.

"I will." I've actually gotten quite a few gifts. Besides those, I have two framed copies of the photo we took, a bottle of liquor, bottles of water, a spirit ward, the sheriff's hat, and the pipe I used.

"We really owe ya," said Missy, who came up and patted me on the cheek.

"We do," agreed Akio.

"I could write a tale about this!" chuckled Mr. Sanmai. "Wandering trainer saves town! With special guest stars, the Ardeinou Troupe!"

"Our die was cast the moment you lent your assistance," Morgan remarked, standing beside her Xatu, as still as ever. It's a surprise to see her out here, and without her cloak as well. "But even I did not foresee an outcome this agreeable."

The sheriff...no, right now, he's Kai Solaris. He ruffled his cheeks, considering a thought. "Ya'know, something occurred to me jus' now." Everyone looked at him. "We haven't even gotten the names of the people who helped our humble little town."

Wow, that's right. I didn't notice until now, but not once did it come up in conversation with anyone. "Fritz. Fritz Westmyn," I finally formally introduced myself. "And my friend's name is Bonnie Bachi."

"Fritz and Bonnie, huh?" Mrs. Satō quipped, looking down at herself thoughtfully. "Those are nice names."

Everyone started chatting amongst themselves. Missy spoke loud enough to address everyone.

"I feel now that this's over," she surmised, "We can really start growin'!"

Morgan agreed. "At long last, we are free."

"So liberating," sighed a sober Mr. Satō. His joyful wife - for many reasons - put an arm around him, holding him tight. He returned this motion in kind.

The young redheaded boy looked out towards the sheriff's office, or more accurately, behind it. "I hope mom and dad can finally be at peace."

Barkeep hugged his son, to Kairo's approval. "I'm happy you're happy, Mikey."

"We did it!" cheered Ana, clasping hands with her twin sister.

Hana beamed brightly. "I wanna be just like you, someday, mister!"

Ms. Tejina is among the more cheerful people here. "I'm so glad I had the chance to do this." Her fellow troupemates agreed with this, giving her pats and whoops.

Borna grinned wildly. "Thanks, sens-,er, Mr. Westmyn, sir! Mom and pop said I can travel myself in a couple months!" That's really good. He did well in the battle. I talked to his parents a bit earlier as well, and it seems I got through. Seems I was able to keep my promise to help.

The last to say thanks was Akio, who walked right up beside me. He stood there in silent respect for several long seconds, before he speaking. "Nothing can repay the debt we owe you and your friend," were his words. "Thank you. For everything."

The hunter moved to bow before me, but I stuck my hand out instead. He looked at it with a simpering gaze, and accepted it graciously.

"Good luck to you."

"And good luck to you and your town."

With this, I gave Lairon a small kick, signalling setting off on my travels once more. As he carried me away and out the far gate, I found myself being ushered off by a small musical piece by the Ardeinou Troupe. Jeez, they're making this awkward again. Have a penchant for that, it seems.

"Bye Mr. Westmyn!" the twins shouted. I looked back and waved.

"If you see Ms. Bachi again..."

"...tell her we said thank you!"

"Safe travels, sir," wished their butler, Corwin.

A heavily bandaged Leo - almost enough to look like a mummy - waved goofily. He's just straight up ignoring his wounds. "Byeee!"

Gino, with his arm in a cast, just called out. "Ya did us good, kid!"

Borna ran towards me, waving frantically. "I'm gonna go on a journey! We'll meet again someday!"

"Um." A blushing (?!) Natane too, moved forward to get my attention. "You're amazing! Bye!" And ran off inside her house.

There were various chuckles at this, including from Missy. "See ya again!" she said.

"Farewell, and enjoy the beer!"

"Thanks so much, mister!"

"Goodbye, Fritz!" Mr. Solaris said, holding onto his wife and child.

Akio had actually made his way in front of the gate out. I pulled back on Lairon, a signal to stop. Is there something more he wants to say? There is. He gave me a final nod of approval. "I will never forget what you've done for us, friend."

Friend. That's nice.

La Fortuna, what a strange little place. One of many tiny townships in Tokatsu, and undoubtedly there are many gangs like the Saiko-dan out there as well. Perhaps some of those towns are under the gun of these groups. Perhaps some of them suffered grisly fates. But this one is not, and will no longer be one of them.

It's funny. Here I am separated from Railriders, and yet I ended up doing exactly what we usually do. Not for the money, but for the sake of helping those in need. Bringing a group of fearsome criminals to justice. Funny how that turned out.


...


Though I have helped saved that town, even personally played a role in it...I still feel awful. Don't get me wrong, this has nothing to do with what I did. Whether it's helping one person, helping a family, or helping a whole community, making people's lives better is something I can feel good about. I'll even say it's something I enjoy doing. But in the process of doing the right thing, I've let an opportunity slip away from me.

I mean, the Traveling Hobos are nice. But they're just business partners, or acquaintances at best. I really haven't ever felt as though I belong with them, so to speak. But there was someone who I did feel as an equal. A friend who I was starting to get along with. Somebody...who I might even enjoy traveling with. Both of us hoped. But there's no guarantee she and I will be able to see each other again. There isn't even a guarantee I'll be able to see Mr. Gruff, Biggie, and even Dick again.

I reached into my pack and retrieved the photo of us all. Of the whole town...of myself, and my friend...










I should've gone with her.

 

[Lord Kyuubi]

Awards Review

Okay so I'm probably a little late posting these, but anyways, here's an awards review I wrote for this story. It's really long - I don't blame anyone who doesn't read it. Formatting obviously had to change a little from the awards version, because of scores and that - if something's still wrong about it, just tell me.

Plot

So given I’ve mostly only read the first arc and the start of the second, there’s not a whole lot for me to say here. From what I can tell, this seems to be a primarily character-driven school story, and for the most part it seems to be handled decently. The subplot with the lake pokemon seemed a good way to kick everything off, getting Fritz known, and into trouble, quickly – though perhaps too quickly? A lot of these developments seem to come up very suddenly, most notably, Fritz is called to the Principle’s office before he’s really had a chance to do anything much and apparently people already hate him – putting this just a little later so that word could properly spread after the battle with the gyarados would make more sense. The other offenders here are mostly justified by the fact they seem just as sudden and random to Fritz as to the reader. More of a problem is how little irrelevant issues seem to turn up all the time, and then disappear again just as suddenly – and throughout this, the characters don’t actually seem to be doing an awful lot of actual school work.

One thing I’d question is why the story is grouped into arcs the way it is. It’s done very deliberately and clearly, but Part 1 seems to just end on a cliffhanger without resolving anything, and then Part 2 picks up almost exactly where it left off. Don’t get me wrong, it flows fine as one whole story, but I do question why these are considered separate arcs when one follows on so immediately from the first.

Overall, this is a pretty okay plot, mostly focussed on following the characters through a number of different subplots that vary between feeling like a natural progression of the story, and just coming out of nowhere, though I note they do inevitably all involve a fight at some point. Hard to see where this plot’s really going, I feel most likely something or someone’s just going to suddenly drop in and provide a new subplot that might last a chapter or two.

Setting

The setting feels like a fairly standard sort of pokemon-centred university. The range of classes seems pretty small, but definitely workable. My main problem is that we don’t really see much from most of them, except from battling class. The characters always seem to be either hanging out or dealing with whatever the latest subplot is, and they rarely seem to actually… work. The one time we see Fritz escape to the library is the only time I recall seeing anyone working on any assignments or anything – and even then, his main purpose for being there is getting away from Cronus and his friends.

Otherwise, not much to say, I’d call the uni out on not keeping a very good eye on the students. I’d question whether the ‘training’ Cronus sets up for Fritz for the class tournament is technically within the rules – my guess is it’s bullying and therefore not, and yet nothing’s done to make sure he does a proper job. Similarly, Fritz, Reika and Thatcher are allowed to simply walk off in the middle of the night with no apparent difficulty and go to a place that’s strictly off-limits. And when the latter two return a couple of days late, not much of an issue’s made of it. This might be a reflection of their money-motivated principle, which would definitely make sense, but I feel the issue should be aknowledged in the story somewhere - and if it was, then sorry I missed it.

Overall, I don't feel there’s a whole lot going for the setting from what I've seen – most of its potential feels unrealised. I’d guess it’s quite a shabby uni overall, going from the previous point, but that is just guesswork. I feel there’s more that needs filling in for the setting to work overall. I was curious about the issue of racism when it was brought up, but as of yet I’m not seeing much made out of it, other than revealing that Fritz is American. It’s probably too soon for me to write this setting off, but it’s not shown much to impress so far.

Characterisation

The characters of Fritz and his friends work well as a group dynamic, with Fritz’ confidence contrasting and complimenting Reika’s temper and Thatcher’s insecurity. Fritz feels suitable for being the protagonist, due to his tendency to cause and get into trouble very quickly. Cronus is a good character too, he feels to me very much like the sort of person Fritz could become in a couple of years’ time, making their relationship quite an interesting one. I’m curious to see how the characters and their relations develop over time.

My main criticism about the characters in this story is simply how many there are. Cronus’ sidekicks, with the exception of Edgar, don’t seem to have much identity to them, and neither do many of the other characters you mention incidentally from time to time – and yet it seems there are yet more coming in, judging by the start of Part 2, and the recommended reading chapters. I feel there are too many to handle already and they bog the story down a bit. There’s not really anything I can think of that the majority of these characters achieve in terms of the plot, certainly nothing that couldn’t just be done by fewer, stronger characters rather than lots of incidental ones.

Overall, the main characters are what really gives this story its life. Fritz, Reika, Thatcher and Cronus all seem to have their own fleshed out personalities that feed well into the plot and keep things running. The problem is everyone else. There are just too many incidental characters with very little identity or purpose running around, and they bog down the story while doing little in return. From a certain point of view, that suits the university setting, since being a new student would naturally feel that way, with a lot of unfamiliar faces, but from a story point of view, I don't feel it's the best way to go.

Style

Speaking personally, I very much like the style this is written in. The first person perspective works very well, and the vocabulary and tone make it feel like Fritz is right there, narrating everything as it happens. It compliments his character excellently, directly showing off his thoughts as they happen, and though the switching between past and present tense all the time can get a little confusing, once I was used to it, I felt it suited the narrative and style well, while also being very entertaining to read.

One nitpick, whenever a pokemon is released or seen, you tend to give lengthy descriptions of their appearance, while it should be safe to assume anyone reading this is familiar with them by name. The problem here is that the descriptions can feel pretty vague and unclear at times – often I found myself having to read on until someone actually named the pokemon in order to know what it was you were talking about. There's nothing wrong with having descriptions, but it might be nice to name them before describing them, to clear up any possible uncertainty.

Overall, the conversational style works well for this story and places the reader well into Fritz’ head, while simultaeneously doing well for his character. My only problem is when it gets to introducing new pokemon, when we’re given long but unclear descriptions, and often don’t actually get a name until a couple of lines later.

Technical

Not much to say here, the standard of grammar and spelling is very good throughout. Don’t recall seeing more than a few typos, or any notable errors of any sort.

Overall

All things considered, I’d say this story is a mixed bag. The characters take most of the focus, which is good because they’re the best thing this story’s got going for it. However, there are definitely some problems with the plotting – subplots often seem to spring up suddenly, and often don’t really hang around for very long until the next one takes over. There’s also a definite tendency towards using battles to drive a lot of the narrative and while that often suits the plot’s progression, they do rather seem to be becoming routine a little too much.

 

[kintsugi]

I CAUGHT UP WITH EVERYTHING! HELLO.

post-awards feedback! was more critical about things, yada yada yada

PLOT STUFF

There were definitely some interesting arcs here. Social unrest/racism, academy stuff, mystery pokemon, this random maybe-psychic chick, Cronus in general, and whatever the vice principal was actually trying to do in the end.

However, a lot of that gets overshadowed by the sheer amounts of fucking battles. It's super dense. Like, more than one battle per chapter, dense. The plot itself is ignored for these battles to take place. In the early chapters, two of the major supporting characters (?) get stuck in a cave with a giant, powerful Pokemon while Fritz manages to escape. They aren't mentioned for nearly two chapters and I honestly thought they'd died, but there wasn't time to focus on that because it was more battles. A huge portion of the school gets burned down at the end of the first arc, but any of the potential backlash with "holy shit my home got wreckt" once again got shelved in favor of battles. At almsot every turn, the potential nuances of the any of the arcs I actually cared about get completely blown out of the water by "magical creatures hitting each other" and all of the different ways that strategy with the same four Pokemon versus different Pokemon can be iterated in ~twenty different battles.

Getting a taste of all of the interesting things that this story could've offered was almost the worst part, honestly -- it made me much more sad when we had yet another "tangela use ur vines to do something" instead of, like, actual elaboration on the plot. However, the story itself was still enjoyable to read -- it wasn't until the third arc, when Fritz gets expelled from school (rendering every chapter before that, every rivalry set up, and even the scene where all of his friends turn against him holy shit it IS an ash betrayed harem fic completely pointless) and then talks about his issues and comes to terms with the fact that, as a foreigner, he may legitimately struggle to fit in with society... except that's not really the focus. Instead, he finds a random guy and battles him and the entirety of the first twenty-odd chapters are completely left in the dust.

SETTING STUFF

So much potential! The atlas was great. The extra Pokedex entries about some of the appearing Pokemon was great. The explanation for why everyone has only a few type of Pokemon, the Japan/America split, and even the evil exec running a school purely for profit are all full of interesting concepts.

I feel like there could've been more room for worldbuilding, especially in the later chapters/throughout the story in general. For instance, the Japan/rest of the world split, which is honestly an intriguing idea. It gets brought up early on, brought up again when Fritz reveals to the audience that he's from Mexico, and then is basically swept under the rug until the end of arc 2, where it's hugely important for getting Fritz kicked out of school, and it's basically forgotten about since. The elements of the setting are interesting, but they're not fully thought-out or particularly well-integrated with the story itself.

CHARACTER STUFF

The side characters, especially early on, are actually okay. They're a little one-note, Reika flips between her Tsundere attributes faster than an acrobat, and the teachers have a lot of weird backstory that no one talks about again, but they're overall pretty enjoyable. It's only around midway through the second arc when side characters start coming out of nowhere and the main cast effectively quadruples that it becomes impossible to juggle -- not strictly because having lots of side characters is impossible, but because having lots of side characters when the plot is a string of these side characters battling Fritz/each other is a nightmare, to some degree.

Fritz, well, is kinda rough to read. I at first thought that this was intentional, but there's way too much of him being unnaturally more "clever" than his peers (for instance, when one girl hysterically accuses a girl with a broken leg on crutches of stealing a stone statue from their room, Fritz is literally the only one to point out that carrying heavy objects and broken legs don't mix). When characters try to point out legitimate criticisms (such as when Reika says that he battles way too harshly + it's not the native way) they're either treated as hysterical and clearly unreasonable, even when they're valid criticisms. Or, Fritz starts doing a pissing contest with them about insults, which Fritz inevitably wins.

A bit more on those insults -- these are essentially university students who are literally calling a guy "Scratcher Pee" because his name is "Thatcher Li" (it's a rhyme and he has a speech impediment, hahahahaha!), form cliques, have Crabbe and Goyle sidekicks, and basically act like a bunch of middle schoolers. Except for Fritz. He's a total adult and schools these children, because... plot? I guess? It's kinda weird and inconsistent.

TECHNICAL/STYLE

I liked the first person narrator. It carried the plot through and told a good story. The description got rough in a few places--usually in battles, there's a solid paragraph about how each Pokemon appears, what they look like, so forth, and then Fritz makes a snarky comment, and by then I've forgotten what's going on.

Fair amount of typos, but overall a grammatically solid work.

OVERALL

I, too, had issue with how many battles there were, specifically because few of these battles had emotional stakes. In fact, these battles seemed to impede the emotional stakes of the story. The rest of the story is good, and there's a lot of potential in your concepts, but things kinda get buried under all of the pointless fighting.

 

[System Error]

Responses:

Spoiler

@Lord Kyuubi;

Spoiler

Fritz is called to the Principle’s office before he’s really had a chance to do anything much and apparently people already hate him – putting this just a little later so that word could properly spread after the battle with the gyarados would make more sense.

Well, you completely misunderstood this, heh. It was actually the teachers/faculty who dislike him, not the students (well, over that). This fact is intended to convey that there might be more to Fritz than meets the eye...although I intentionally try to push the idea away from it being what's described in 1-5. It had nothing to do with the Gyarados thing. Furthermore, learning this fact puts the somewhat odd/unnerving reaction Fritz received in 1-1 when receiving his Eevee in perspective.

throughout this, the characters don’t actually seem to be doing an awful lot of actual school work.

Granted. I push that into the background though, mentioning it enough so that it's there, but not focusing on it. Most of it would likely be uninteresting, anyway, is what I felt.

One thing I’d question is why the story is grouped into arcs the way it is. It’s done very deliberately and clearly, but Part 1 seems to just end on a cliffhanger without resolving anything, and then Part 2 picks up almost exactly where it left off. Don’t get me wrong, it flows fine as one whole story, but I do question why these are considered separate arcs when one follows on so immediately from the first.

It's because the overall tone changes between those two parts. New things and new perspectives come up, and new characters as well. Same goes for all my ideas of Part 3. Furthermore, a few more concise and longer running arcs start to pop up in Part 2, compared to the style of Part 1.

The setting feels like a fairly standard sort of pokemon-centred university. The range of classes seems pretty small, but definitely workable. My main problem is that we don’t really see much from most of them, except from battling class.

Simply because they're not important to the overall plot. I give them enough attention so they're not faceless, but not enough to bloat the fic up with unnecessary details. Furthermore, Fritz' own narration is partially responsible for this - the battling classes are what's important to him, and the rest he feels a bit apathetic about. So he tends to talk about it a lot.

Also, I actually tried to do several things in defiance of typical university tropes. The main example, I noted that for whatever reason, it's a habit for at least some of the many I've experienced to be in remote locations. Rukh's is not, which allows me to use the town it's in as a setting.

Otherwise, not much to say, I’d call the uni out on not keeping a very good eye on the students. I’d question whether the ‘training’ Cronus sets up for Fritz for the class tournament is technically within the rules – my guess is it’s bullying and therefore not, and yet nothing’s done to make sure he does a proper job. Similarly, Fritz, Reika and Thatcher are allowed to simply walk off in the middle of the night with no apparent difficulty and go to a place that’s strictly off-limits.

I have intended to write a bonus chapter to explain that part, although haven't gotten around to it yet. As a bit of a spoiler/preview since that might take a bit, the short of it is the group did it late enough so that few would be around, and the school was overworked with new students hoping to check the place out - of course some are going to slip through. It features Mr. Baiaz in the role of the person who finds them.

As for Cronus...well. "Being the crown jewel of the university has its benefits!" for one. And for two - yes, it is arguably bullying, but how often is that kept in check in schools? It's apparently even worse in real-life Japan where even the teachers sometimes join in. So in a weird way, this is less extreme than how it actually is. o,o

I was curious about the issue of racism when it was brought up, but as of yet I’m not seeing much made out of it, other than revealing that Fritz is American. It’s probably too soon for me to write this setting off, but it’s not shown much to impress so far.

Given what you've state to have read, you haven't really reached the parts where this starts to pop up yet. There is an explanation for it, that's going to come about in the next chapter. Maybe alluded to in a 2-1 rewrite, too. Either way, it's simply not important for the time being. It is there though...like an axe, waiting to drop on his head...

Like in one arc, he worries about whether a character knows where he's from or not, but eventually concludes that even though they do, they don't seem to care. It's also used for humor's effect in another chapter: someone assumes he's from further out in the country, and he's like, "Okay. Works for me." And he even uses this later when asked a question to the effect if he's been living under a rock. He also wonders about the ramifications of someone who vows to find out who he really is.

The characters of Fritz and his friends work well as a group dynamic, with Fritz’ confidence contrasting and complimenting Reika’s temper and Thatcher’s insecurity. Fritz feels suitable for being the protagonist, due to his tendency to cause and get into trouble very quickly.

Spoiler: Small Revelation

This is actually one of Fritz' character flaws, although not formally introduced. 'He has a chronic need to stand up for himself'.

Cronus is a good character too, he feels to me very much like the sort of person Fritz could become in a couple of years’ time, making their relationship quite an interesting one. I’m curious to see how the characters and their relations develop over time.

Funny enough,

Spoiler: Hypothetical stuff that doesn't exist but might exist, also 2-15 spoilers

in my draft of "what if the school section of the story continued", it becomes a point that Fritz and Aporon end up agreeing to disagree - following up on how Aporon actually shows solidarity and support at the very end of Part 2. And then...well. Things go on to become interesting!

That is an interesting theory about his long-term development too, for that matter.

My main criticism about the characters in this story is simply how many there are. Cronus’ sidekicks, with the exception of Edgar, don’t seem to have much identity to them, and neither do many of the other characters you mention incidentally from time to time – and yet it seems there are yet more coming in, judging by the start of Part 2, and the recommended reading chapters.

Cronus' sidekicks all get some time in the sun and proper exposition in Part 2. As for other characters...not everyone is intended to be as important as everyone else, but just about everyone has some purpose in the story. A few examples...

- Dean Finkerton: Mostly to deliver the message of the teachers. I intended to write more of him, because he's so fun to write, but there was simply no room for him in the story. Bonus chapters though...probably going to include him in a few.
- Liane and Cinque: These characters were conceived to help build-up build Reika's character as someone who kind of pushes people away with her personality. I reused Liane later to avoid introducing more characters (by expanding on lesser ones), and to introduce Augustus Gabriel. They are admittedly shaky, however. If I could figure a way to remove them, I might consider it...but this could cause problems due to being tied into the small Irene plot.
- Teiko and Teikō: Originally intended as a joke, but I made them moderately-important characters to give Fritz some friends who are a bit more connected and "normal".
- The group in Bonus 2-14: These were intended to build up the tournament with some potential challengers for Fritz so I wouldn't necessarily be introducing them out of nowhere; the scene itself was to show what people thought of his performance.
- Carlie, Irene, and Andrew: A special case. They're minor and unimportant characters as far as the main plot is concerned, but they're intended to be used in bonus chapters to give views of the common students to various events.

From a certain point of view, that suits the university setting, since being a new student would naturally feel that way, with a lot of unfamiliar faces, but from a story point of view, I don't feel it's the best way to go.

I could just be lazy and say I was intending this all along, but at any case, the chapters moving forward are becoming much more focused in the mass of characters regard. This early on is/has been a problem for many though. So I do kind of acknowledge this clumsily in the fic as it is, with Fritz feeling a bit overwhelmed himself, he's told to only focus on those who are important to him. Trying to find a better way to go about it - because a total rewrite to remove everyone who isn't 100% important would cause a Jenga-like collapse of several intricacies. Any ideas?

At any rate, events make this not an issue beyond a certain point. The characters focused on become fewer in number, so I can focus on them a bit more.

Speaking personally, I very much like the style this is written in. The first person perspective works very well, and the vocabulary and tone make it feel like Fritz is right there, narrating everything as it happens. It compliments his character excellently, directly showing off his thoughts as they happen, and though the switching between past and present tense all the time can get a little confusing, once I was used to it, I felt it suited the narrative and style well, while also being very entertaining to read.

Glad you like this aspect. This is a POV I chose because of its potential with things like this.

One nitpick, whenever a pokemon is released or seen, you tend to give lengthy descriptions of their appearance, while it should be safe to assume anyone reading this is familiar with them by name. The problem here is that the descriptions can feel pretty vague and unclear at times – often I found myself having to read on until someone actually named the pokemon in order to know what it was you were talking about. There's nothing wrong with having descriptions, but it might be nice to name them before describing them, to clear up any possible uncertainty.

Acknowledged. Trimming some of them down in the rewrites...although that said, I can't just go with assuming anyone reading is familiar by name for several reasons. First, that's just bad writing - I strongly disagree with that notion to begin with. Second, beta/original Pokemon exist in this fic, and it'd be weird to give descriptions of them and not official ones. And third, Pokemon's appearances can vary from the standard in this fic (and are often more realistic).

Naming them before describing them...mmm. Well. Fourth, and this is a tiny detail that's a part of the POV, Fritz doesn't always know the name of the Pokemon himself - this is especially blatant in 2-6, where he calls a Venusaur by its nickname (Venu), thinking that's its species name, I think I can do that in a few places, though!

But yeah, people have brought this up before, so I'm going to be going through and making some of them more brief.

However, there are definitely some problems with the plotting – subplots often seem to spring up suddenly, and often don’t really hang around for very long until the next one takes over.

Again, this becomes a bit less of an issue moving forward. There's really only one instance of it in Part 2 (2-7), and that was more a vessel for other things. Part 3 is kind of a series of smaller arcs, but there's an overall plot/development going on...that's going to be formally thrown into focus in the next chapter.

There’s also a definite tendency towards using battles to drive a lot of the narrative and while that often suits the plot’s progression, they do rather seem to be becoming routine a little too much.

Someone else brought this up too, albeit in a way that's seemingly adverse to battles altogether. I try to give every battle some sort of purpose, or if not at least make it entertaining. But you're absolutely right - battles can indeed suit a plot's progression!

That said, I do admit I was going a bit overboard in some places. And...considering my fic's overall setting, I actually added a line in the recently-tweaked 3-4 to acknowledge this fact in a universe-relevant way, and since it has interesting ramifications. Odd how things work out like that, eh?

Thanks for the review.

@kintsugi;

Spoiler

In the early chapters, two of the major supporting characters (?) get stuck in a cave with a giant, powerful Pokemon while Fritz manages to escape. They aren't mentioned for nearly two chapters and I honestly thought they'd died, but there wasn't time to focus on that because it was more battles.

Er, no there wasn't. There's only dealing with said giant, powerful Pokemon (which was kind of necessary...), and there's no battles in between that and finding out they're back. In fact, there's no battles besides that one and the subject of your next complaint...

Although good you thought that they'd died, as that was the intent.

A huge portion of the school gets burned down at the end of the first arc, but any of the potential backlash with "holy shit my home got wreckt" once again got shelved in favor of battles.

But again, no there wasn't. It was one chapter with three battles of various lengths, all of which did incidentally have some stakes and purpose involved. The potential backlash was went over in the next chapter. In a bit of a way that sweeps it under the rug, although in a somewhat shady worldbuilding sort of way. You're exaggerating and even getting facts plain wrong. It's making at least this part of review come across as unconstructive, honestly.

So anyway, to explain. This is where my opinion on battles in fanfiction differs greatly from a chunk of the Workshop at large. I was advised against posting my huge rant/opinion piece/mini how-to article against it in that Battles topic from a while back. But I get the feeling that some people here...almost dislike battles. o.o Especially given that at least one person literally said to do anything you can do outside of a battle outside of one. Like, as in, it's a grave sin to do otherwise. Even if it's easier, more sensible, or to the betterment of the fic to do some sort of development in a battle!

That aside, the gist of my view is that I don't believe emotional stakes are what's most important in battles, and in fact if done all the time, can even make the fic melodramatic. Furthermore, that mentality places way too much emphasis on the result of the battle, rather than its actual content. What I go in when writing battles, what I ask myself is what purpose it serves. What point does it have in the narrative? Does it advance the plot? Does it show off a character's skills in-battle? Does it show off a Pokemon? Is it being used as a vessel for something? Or maybe it's a build-up to a future battle? When battles have no point, when it makes little sense to have them, that's when I look at cutting them. Like for example, there was a battle planned in 1-9 that I got rid of, because it did very little and legitimately broke up the flow/mood of things. I also only glossed over some of the ones in 2-5, simply because they weren't critical. But showing off Maribel Capdevila and Augustus Gabriel...that was more important to be shown, especially given what it leads into.

There's nothing wrong with it, I feel. It's just a different style of writing and narrative.

That said, again, it is at admittedly least somewhat excessive, and I have been cutting back since then. All I can say otherwise is...just stick with me. There is indeed a point to the sheer number of battles...and a point to how they're going to be fewer in number from now on.

it wasn't until the third arc, when Fritz gets expelled from school (rendering every chapter before that, every rivalry set up, and even the scene where all of his friends turn against him holy shit it IS an ash betrayed harem fic completely pointless) and then talks about his issues and comes to terms with the fact that, as a foreigner, he may legitimately struggle to fit in with society...

You act as if they're not going to be seen ever again...that's actually part of why I did 3-3 in the first place. I actively featured Maribel Capdevila here, showing that characters from the past can come back, also bringing up Thatcher and Irene Faris during it. I actually was going to add a bonus scene featuring Thatcher actually hearing the radio report...but didn't for some reason. It was already like half-written. Fixing that...as of posting!! New Bonus Scene! Featuring Reika and Thatcher!

In regards to betrayal...it was just Reika, David, and Lawrence, really. Premala and even Aporon tried to stand up for him. And as Bonus 2-16 shows, people do think Reika was in the wrong. But the message there (as well as in that newly added bonus in 3-3) is, that people were afraid of standing up. It's not that everyone turned on him...it's just that many of them didn't have the nerve to defend him. And those who did were shut down.

As for the latter part...that's actually set to come up again for the next chapter. I'm working on it.

So much potential! The atlas was great

Well, good news: there's a new section! Speaking of, this also goes into some of the purposes behind writing some of the many battles in this fic.

I feel like there could've been more room for worldbuilding, especially in the later chapters/throughout the story in general. For instance, the Japan/rest of the world split, which is honestly an intriguing idea. It gets brought up early on, brought up again when Fritz reveals to the audience that he's from Mexico, and then is basically swept under the rug until the end of arc 2, where it's hugely important for getting Fritz kicked out of school, and it's basically forgotten about since.

Fair. Will keep that in mind for the future. There actually is a bit of an explanation for that last part, which is going to be in the next chapter. The gist of it ahead of time as a preview: Fritz just tries to avoid the issue entirely, sometimes in creative ways. But occasionally, people who know/are aware rear their head anyway.

And actually, it was brought up a couple times in Part 2. Namely, when Fritz wonders if Premala knows where he's from, and at the end of the battle with Elyna, where - after she vowed to find out who he is - he muses that it may be a very bad omen. And yet is strangely not overly concerned... The potential racism also pops up in 3-2 briefly, with Shinzo Sasaki dating someone not of his race.

The side characters, especially early on, are actually okay. They're a little one-note, Reika flips between her Tsundere attributes faster than an acrobat, and the teachers have a lot of weird backstory that no one talks about again, but they're overall pretty enjoyable. It's only around midway through the second arc when side characters start coming out of nowhere and the main cast effectively quadruples that it becomes impossible to juggle -- not strictly because having lots of side characters is impossible, but because having lots of side characters when the plot is a string of these side characters battling Fritz/each other is a nightmare, to some degree.

Well, thank you for not being of the opinion that all characters must be created equal and that only a few should exist n a fic. But yes, that is one problem with this style...it's kind of why other sorts of setups are in certain places, liking up and mentioning Korum's battling style. Also why I try to limit the battles to just ones involving Fritz - those that don't involve him serve specific purposes. For example, the Ina/Irene battle in 2-4 (although that's fringy due to his role) had the purpose of moving the Fritz/Elyna plot along without them actively engaging one another. That aside, it is one advantage of killing the school section dead Actually, even in the to-be-mentioned-in-this-post third school part, the cast would've been narrowed significantly.

When characters try to point out legitimate criticisms (such as when Reika says that he battles way too harshly + it's not the native way) they're either treated as hysterical and clearly unreasonable, even when they're valid criticisms.

- Reika is intended to be hysterical and clearly unreasonable at times.
- There are indeed valid criticisms made at him. Even by Reika!
- A character ignoring criticisms made at him...sounds like a character flaw, don't you think?
- I do actually touch on this directly at one point, albeit in a way that's hard to notice unless you're paying attention and thinking about undertones: near the end of 2-11, when Aporon is accusing Fritz of stuff, he neither confirms nor denies it. He doesn't even acknowledge it in the narration, almost in a way that says he's deliberately choosing to ignore it. It seemed the best option to fit the character - something that acknowledges it without the character himself having to acknowledge it.

A bit more on those insults -- these are essentially university students who are literally calling a guy "Scratcher Pee" because his name is "Thatcher Li" (it's a rhyme and he has a speech impediment, hahahahaha!)

University students? Josef isn't in the school at all - he was just Reika and Thatcher's old bully who happened to be passing by. Maybe I'll add a line to make that crystal clear...and since he does actually dislike schoolpeople, would be a bit of an amusing one.

...form cliques, have Crabbe and Goyle sidekicks, and basically act like a bunch of middle schoolers...

And...that's actually the point, believe it or not. Recall Dean Finkerton's words from 1-3: "Academies such as this one? They're breeding grounds for the pretentious. The entitled. The vain. The wasteful. Those who were too good to go on a journey like much of the youth of the country." This wasn't necessarily a lie, and is certainly compounded/amplified by his allowing in the middle class as well. I...actually added a line in that chapter too, to make it more clear - "Those with gauche and inadequacy."

Students at Rukh's, and perhaps academy students in Japan in general in this universe, are generally supposed to be kind of immature or have some sort of mental block. Even Fritz isn't exempt from this. There are a few "normies" around, but they're generally not the norm. Probably something I'm going to make more clear in the rewriting/tweaking process.

Except for Fritz. He's a total adult and schools these children, because... plot? I guess? It's kinda weird and inconsistent.

Taking the above, Fritz is more well-balanced than some characters. Even if he does have his moments to qualify as being immature, he's generally more level-headed than some.

Also "plot", you guess? This fic...really, is anything but dictated by plot. >_> If anything, it has the opposite stance, to honestly assess myself - I have a habit of throwing out/putting in plans just because it feels more natural for certain things to happen or certain characters to act in a certain way. Being flexible is actually a good thing in my opinion, and apparently to others as well, but I do have a habit of getting way sidetracked at times and/or letting things get out of control.

It's actually part of the reason why I killed the school portion when I did - I had a general outline to continue, but it made no sense for Fritz to logically want to stay there. Though the more important reason is that I'd eventually end up in a corner. I explain it a bit further in Behind-the-Scenes.

I, too, had issue with how many battles there were, specifically because few of these battles had emotional stakes. In fact, these battles seemed to impede the emotional stakes of the story. The rest of the story is good, and there's a lot of potential in your concepts, but things kinda get buried under all of the pointless fighting.

So taking all this...what would you suggest I do from here? I am making tweaks and rewrites, so how would you suggest I can make this less of an issue, at least just a bit, without causing a Jenga-like collapse of things or changing the entire fic's structure around?

Thanks for the review. But yes, some advice on this subject would be appreciated!

__________

So no new chapter yet, though I'm working hard on one to get it out in the next day or two. But there is a new Atlas section to check out. Behind-the-Scenes, where an inside look into some of the design of this fic is revealed. However, 3-4 has been the subject of a rewrite/tweaking, which amplifies some of its battle's purpose as well as working some things in. 1-3 and 1-4 have also had a few additional tweaks made.

There are also two new bonus scenes in Part 2, in 2-3 and 2-8. The former incidentally similar to 1-3's bonus scene in how it's the first part of a scene in-progress that's walked in on. The latter expanding on two characters who don't get a lot of screentime, one of whom really needs more and will be getting more in further Bonus Scenes. There's also a new one in 3-3, showing that just because some characters are gone for the moment, they're by no means forgotten. 3-3 itself has a subtle but serious tweak that I meant to do last time, but didn't. Make of it what you will.

 

[kintsugi]

Right, so I suppose the other preface I should've added is the nature of an awards review vs concrit. The former is an attempt at condensing my opinions of a 210,000 word work into as small of a space as possible so that other judges can get a feel for what the story is about without having to read all of it. The latter is something I didn't do here, so make of that what you will.

Anyway, I hate doing back and forth reviews of my reviews as much as the next person, so I'll just say in advance that this is probably what the awards review should've looked like, if I'd wanted to force the other judges to read all of this, and also that I'm probably going to stop responding after this. If you don't enjoy my feedback, literally just ignore it at this point; this is the evidence I used to make certain conclusions + form opinions, but at the end of the day it's your story.

All this being said:

Spoiler

There's only dealing with said giant, powerful Pokemon (which was kind of necessary...), and there's no battles in between that and finding out they're back. In fact, there's no battles besides that one and the subject of your next complaint...

I checked my notes; there's approximately nine thousand words between "oh no my friends fell into an abyss" and "oh wow Reika's alive." Between those moments, the thought "Reika" appears three times. Fritz doesn't even think of Thatcher at all. Instead, there's Socials drama, Cronus drama, library drama, and a shitton of other things at the battle academy that have nothing to do with the fact that your protagonist's two best friends are literally left for dead. Not exactly battles, no, but a lot of pointless filler that seems weird, given that Fritz's friends are completely missing and he really doesn't seem to give a fuck.

Although good you thought that they'd died, as that was the intent.

Somewhat discussed above, but it wasn't so much the "oh, golly, these people could actually be dead!?" as it was "wow, shouldn't this kid have any reaction to the fact that his friends fell into a chaos pit?" Between the fact that there's no point in killing off side characters this early in the story, the fact that there was no indication of anything darker and edgier like character death at this point, and the fact that Fritz literally gives zero shits about anything happening here, there's no chance that Reika and Thatcher are dead. The weird thing is that Fritz cares about everything else so much more.

But again, no there wasn't. It was one chapter with three battles of various lengths, all of which did incidentally have some stakes and purpose involved. The potential backlash was went over in the next chapter.

The numbers and facts to back my opinions, because exaggerations are bad for everyone:

Here's the first paragraph of the chapter in question (2-1):

It's been a little over a week since the fire at the school. The situation is still absolute chaos. The good news is, there was minimal damage to the forest. I'd never seen firefighters in this country before, and I must say, it was pretty sweet seeing them in action. The bad news is, the Rangerism/Breeding stables were completely incinerated. None of the Pokémon inside survived. Classes were cancelled until further notice; this was not only because the building two of them were being held in had been destroyed, but also due to the ongoing investigation. Access to the grounds was also cut off, for most students and teachers.

It addresses the factual matters of what happened. We agree here. The next five paragraphs are a discussion of Fritz's heritage, which I thought was fine, given how interlinked his background is to all the school drama.

The remainder of this chapter is four thousand words. The fire is barely brought up; the characters instead talk about how bored they are, the games they use to pass the time, how stupid the games they use to pass the time are, hobos, and a variety of other topics that have nothing to do with the school burning down. More specifically, the closest they get to discussing the fact that a huge portion of the school mysteriously went up in flames is when Cronus talks about how classes are cancelled (because of the giant fire), except that's actually a lead-in to the battle next chapter.

2-2 is entirely a battle. The only mention of the school burning down is how it's inconvenient to Fritz/Cronus's training.

2-3 even has this gem:

Despite it livening our day, and in fact, managing to get us into continuous motion, the mood of the three of us had fallen to its lowest point this week. None of us were expecting to be beaten as badly as we were.

What's the lowest point of your week? Part of your school mysteriously catching on fire, and lots of racism? No, just the fact that we lost a friendly Pokemon battle.

At best, this chapter has the school burning down treated as an inconvenience, aka something that's getting in the way of classes, aka something that's getting in the way of Fritz doing more battles. Not as an actual event, but a nuisance. That's where this frustration is coming from.

So anyway, to explain. This is where my opinion on battles in fanfiction differs greatly from a chunk of the Workshop at large. I was advised against posting my huge rant/opinion piece/mini how-to article against it in that Battles topic from a while back.

But I get the feeling that some people here...almost dislike battles.

No.

You are not an oppressed snowflake. The reason that I don't like battles here is because they get in the way of the actual plot. If you had a string of battles back to back to back, that'd be fun in itself because you actually write battles with nice strategy and cool moves on each side. If you tried to have a detailed academy plot that focused on things like Reika and Thatcher vanishing into an abyss or the school partially burning down, that'd be an interesting plot as well. But here, you're halfway doing the latter and then dropping plot threads every other chapter to initiate more battles, and the plot feels shoehorned in and often forgotten. That's why I think the emotional stakes are totally fucked up.

You act as if they're not going to be seen ever again...that's actually part of why I did 3-3 in the first place.

I'm not a psychic. I have no idea where your story is going.

But, yeah, based on what's up for Arc 3? Using numbers so that you don't think that I'm exaggerating?

Arc 3 is 53,000 words, give or take. Ignoring bonuses, because I honestly don't remember which ones you'd posted up at the time of judging, and also things that are important probably shouldn't be designated as bonuses.

There are 12 total mentions of Rukh's in the non-bonus chapters of Arc 3. This actually divides into 5 separate counters:

1.

It's only been two days since my expulsion from Rukh's University. I was there for a long while prior. I made friends, made enemies, captured new Pokémon, learned some things, had experiences...only for my tenure there to end prematurely. Despite everything going for me, despite the pseudo-protection of the school's most popular student, the school's most powerful student, and perhaps the principal would qualify as well...a zealous, sociopathic vice principal named Aiden Kripps hatched a machiavellian plot to remove me.

2. Tulu and Fritz talk about how ~corrupt~ everything is at Rukh's. This immediately transitions into a battle.
3. Fritz mentions that he didn't bring all of his Pokemon to Rukh's
4. Talking to the police officer about maybe going back
5. Chatot is recognized from a forest

So yeah. Five incidents in fifty thousand words suggested that Rukh's was no longer important and we weren't going back.

The fact that Reika betrayed him, like you mentioned? Her name is mentioned twice in this entire arc. Clearly Fritz doesn't give a fuck that she betrayed him, so why should anyone else? The friends he's still supposed to care about, like Premala, barely get any more mentions either, so there's literally no point to caring about this whole exile status.

And actually, it was brought up a couple times in Part 2. Namely, when Fritz wonders if Premala knows where he's from, and at the end of the battle with Elyna, where - after she vowed to find out who he is - he muses that it may be a very bad omen. And yet is strangely not overly concerned... The potential racism also pops up in 3-2 briefly, with Shinzo Sasaki dating someone not of his race.

I don't even think there's a point to running the numbers any more, but what I'm trying to say here: your story is long, perhaps longer than you think it is. Mentioning it offhandedly a couple of times in per arc means very little because your arcs are huge. Enormous worldbuilding things that are also incredibly important to your character shouldn't just be passing mentions.

- A character ignoring criticisms made at him...sounds like a character flaw, don't you think?

It's only a flaw if it actually gets him in trouble.

- I do actually touch on this directly at one point, albeit in a way that's hard to notice unless you're paying attention and

...it's only a flaw if it actually gets him in trouble and is brought up more than once per 200,000 words.

University students? Josef isn't in the school at all - he was just Reika and Thatcher's old bully who happened to be passing by. Maybe I'll add a line to make that crystal clear...and since he does actually dislike schoolpeople, would be a bit of an amusing one.

And Thatcher, a university student, gets flustered about this. Every damn time. Like it's supposed to be funny to the audience and annoying to him, even though it's the equivalent of a grade school taunt.

And...that's actually the point, believe it or not. Recall Dean Finkerton's words from 1-3: "Academies such as this one? They're breeding grounds for the pretentious. The entitled. The vain. The wasteful. Those who were too good to go on a journey like much of the youth of the country." This wasn't necessarily a lie, and is certainly compounded/amplified by his allowing in the middle class as well. I...actually added a line in that chapter too, to make it more clear - "Those with gauche and inadequacy."

Students at Rukh's, and perhaps academy students in Japan in general in this universe, are generally supposed to be kind of immature or have some sort of mental block. Even Fritz isn't exempt from this. There are a few "normies" around, but they're generally not the norm. Probably something I'm going to make more clear in the rewriting/tweaking process.

This would be something really cool to address more than once!

Taking the above, Fritz is more well-balanced than some characters. Even if he does have his moments to qualify as being immature, he's generally more level-headed than some.

This was in reference to the trains of insults that get hurled around. For whatever reason, whenever it comes to shittalking contests, they go back and forth for a few turns, Fritz does a mic drop that's not nearly as cool as it sounds, and then Fritz is declared the shittalking winner. This added very little to the story for me, and it really didn't make sense why these college kids are acting like catty middle schoolers all the fucking time.

So taking all this...what would you suggest I do from here? I am making tweaks and rewrites, so how would you suggest I can make this less of an issue, at least just a bit, without causing a Jenga-like collapse of things or changing the entire fic's structure around?

1. This was a judging thing, not a concrit.
2. This is your story and you have your opinions. I am merely justifying mine.
2a. You've defended your own ideas in your eyes, so it's not like my suggestions to rework the story so that the plot and characters are actually integrated into the story will be heeded.[/spoiler[

 

[System Error]

Well, to my end, I rather enjoy this sort of thing in sort of twisted way. In some ways, at least. Responding...

Spoiler

I checked my notes; there's approximately nine thousand words between "oh no my friends fell into an abyss" and "oh wow Reika's alive." Between those moments, the thought "Reika" appears three times. Fritz doesn't even think of Thatcher at all. Instead, there's Socials drama, Cronus drama, library drama, and a shitton of other things at the battle academy that have nothing to do with the fact that your protagonist's two best friends are literally left for dead. Not exactly battles, no, but a lot of pointless filler that seems weird, given that Fritz's friends are completely missing and he really doesn't seem to give a fuck.

Well, this chapter will explain why exactly things are like that. And to spell it out,

Spoiler

Fritz deals with his problems by just pushing them out of his mind and trying to ignore them.

It's also there in 1-7, but it's a lot more obvious that's what he's doing here.

Somewhat discussed above, but it wasn't so much the "oh, golly, these people could actually be dead!?" as it was "wow, shouldn't this kid have any reaction to the fact that his friends fell into a chaos pit?" Between the fact that there's no point in killing off side characters this early in the story, the fact that there was no indication of anything darker and edgier like character death at this point, and the fact that Fritz literally gives zero shits about anything happening here, there's no chance that Reika and Thatcher are dead. The weird thing is that Fritz cares about everything else so much more.

I know. Isn't it a bit weird?

The thing about this fic sometimes, is that you need to need to turn your thinking around. Instead of going, "It makes no sense for this character to react this way!!" You sometimes need to go, "What would have to be true for this character to have reacted this way?"

3-7 is a good, recent one. Why would Fritz show no real concern/fear about death, even in the face of it?

What's the lowest point of your week? Part of your school mysteriously catching on fire, and lots of racism? No, just the fact that we lost a friendly Pokemon battle.

At best, this chapter has the school burning down treated as an inconvenience, aka something that's getting in the way of classes, aka something that's getting in the way of Fritz doing more battles. Not as an actual event, but a nuisance. That's where this frustration is coming from.

I'll try to add some more of that for the rewrite. But really, this event doesn't really affect Fritz, Reika, or Thatcher personally in a significant way. So why should they be affected by it, beyond its secondary effects? Imagine living in an apartment, and there being a fire a few floors up. It involves nobody you know besides sharing the same apartment. Your own unit is mostly unaffected, but you do need to leave for a period of time while they clean up. That is essentially what this event is comparable to. I've actually been through something like this a couple times before - fires in my neighborhood. It was a shaking event at the time, but people moved on after a few days.

And on that subject - a good five days have passed since when it happened and when that chapter takes place. It isn't weighing much on their minds at that point. Ergo, I focus somewhat on its secondary effects - how they've been affected in the immediate aftermath, and how they've been coping with it.

As for the battles, they certainly suffered some crushing and humiliating defeats. If you need an explanation as to why they reduced them to their lowest point...it's kicking them harshly when they're already quite down.

No.

You are not an oppressed snowflake. The reason that I don't like battles here is because they get in the way of the actual plot. If you had a string of battles back to back to back, that'd be fun in itself because you actually write battles with nice strategy and cool moves on each side. If you tried to have a detailed academy plot that focused on things like Reika and Thatcher vanishing into an abyss or the school partially burning down, that'd be an interesting plot as well. But here, you're halfway doing the latter and then dropping plot threads every other chapter to initiate more battles, and the plot feels shoehorned in and often forgotten. That's why I think the emotional stakes are totally fucked up.

Yes.

You're right, I am not an oppressed snowflake. But what people said in that topic, I did get that vibe from one or two of them. I wasn't necessarily referring to you with that - I simply feel my opinion differs from others'. That's it.

As for the other points...one of the overarching arcs in Part 2 is literally a tournament about battling. And in fact, paying attention to their cause and effect, many of the battles are tied into or have a direct effect on this plot. For example 2-7 shows off Muriel Palmoni, her trainees, and how they're likely to turn out. 2-9 is tied into the other overarching plot in Premala and directly affects the tournament. 2-12 was built up to (2-4 being part of the build), and gets everyone uniting against Fritz as the threat to take down. Battling IS the main plot in Part 2, in other words.

Being a bit more objective, I think what you're trying to say is that abrupt battling can break up the flow of things. Which is fair, and I'll keep in mind. As for the rest, I'll probably add some stuff to make it perfectly clear.

There are 12 total mentions of Rukh's in the non-bonus chapters of Arc 3. This actually divides into 5 separate counters:

More mentions of it here, and relevantly so.

The fact that Reika betrayed him, like you mentioned? Her name is mentioned twice in this entire arc. Clearly Fritz doesn't give a fuck that she betrayed him, so why should anyone else? The friends he's still supposed to care about, like Premala, barely get any more mentions either, so there's literally no point to caring about this whole exile status.

She gets a mention in here, and the implication/now more clear is that he's so used to/prepared for stuff like this, that he's jaded about them. As for the others...well. This chapter also explains some of the logic, there.

It's only a flaw if it actually gets him in trouble.

...it's only a flaw if it actually gets him in trouble and is brought up more than once per 200,000 words.

Going on like this is going to get him in trouble some day. Don't you think?

The thing about Fritz' flaws...they're not as immediately debilitating or as obvious as most characters'. However, they are significantly more subtle and insidious. The types of flaws that gradually cause long-term damage. Fritz ignores criticisms made at him? He doesn't make improvements, ignoring the warning signs and advice, until he's slapped in the face with a situation he could've avoided by proactive action.

This was in reference to the trains of insults that get hurled around. For whatever reason, whenever it comes to shittalking contests, they go back and forth for a few turns, Fritz does a mic drop that's not nearly as cool as it sounds, and then Fritz is declared the shittalking winner. This added very little to the story for me, and it really didn't make sense why these college kids are acting like catty middle schoolers all the fucking time.

Well, guess that's another thing I need to make more clear in the fic. Fritz hardly won so much as he ended it by spouting some over-the-top nonsense, sort of embarassing himself.

1. This was a judging thing, not a concrit.
2. This is your story and you have your opinions. I am merely justifying mine.
2a. You've defended your own ideas in your eyes, so it's not like my suggestions to rework the story so that the plot and characters are actually integrated into the story will be heeded.

With this condescending attitude you're taking, I honestly don't feel very inclined to. It's almost coming across as more ranting than anything.

But that said, I will try to keep some of your constructive suggestions in mind. Will the tweaks I plan to make please you? Honestly, I don't think that's possible without a complete rewrite that sees the fundamentals completely changed. The style of this fic is simply not your cup of tea, I guess. A simple difference of taste and opinions.

Anyway, a new Atlas section that I quickly decided to whip up since I had all the materials I needed for it: the Timeline. I pay very close attention to the days within the story, if it wasn't clear by working in actual moon phases and having to retweak everything due to getting the intended year wrong. This chapter is going to have a bonus added to it as well, just haven't found the right beat for it yet..
__________

Chapter 3-8: Reasons for Being​

There's a Spanish proverb that goes, 'nobody knows how much water is worth until it's missing.' It has counterparts in many different languages. In English, the counterpart is 'you don't know what you have until it's gone.' In Japanese, I think it's something like 'a fallen blossom never returns to the branch'. To name only a few. The point is, no matter where you go in the world, the rules of nature hold true. And whatever version of the saying that one could be familiar with, it presently applies to my situation.

Ever since I left Rukh's University, I've been on a road that has no destination. An aimless path, if you will. Regardless of my reasoning behind the matter at the time, I've probably upset a lot of people with that decision. Like Premala, Aporon, and probably many more who I know and don't know. People who didn't care about my country of origin. My tenure there came to an abrupt and unexpected end. I thought it might've been for the better, and I did indeed have valid arguments to dissuade myself. But thinking of it again...it's not like it would've been a bad thing.

Remaining at Rukh's would've offered me two big things - stability, and people I can rely on.

I gave those up then, and now once again, I've had them and thrown them away. I'd met a friend I could get along with, someone who I could be a traveling companion to. That covers the latter, and Japan's economy and culture is set up to support the traditional journeys people have been going on for over a century, maybe more. I've been trying my hardest to find her again, to see if she's around. I've searched with what I had left of yesterday and most of today...but it was all to no avail. I didn't find a sign of her anywhere I looked, not even at the most obvious place she'd be - the local Contest Hall. Nothing.

It's not easy to find stability in this country for someone such as myself. There's only a few Westerners who've been able to be truly successful here. Finding people I can rely on is easier, but when the buck drops...well. How do I generally handle being a stranger in a strange land? Simple - I just don't say where I'm from. Yes, that easy - it's so simple, it's stupid. If I'm asked where I'm from, I just make something up or am otherwise evasive about it. It rarely becomes an issue...except when it does. For example, when it comes to legal documents, I don't have anything false to work with. So on my official Pokemon license is my real name. And sometimes I run into people do know or find out about it...and you can't predict their reactions then. Like with Reika...goddamn it. Whatever. Screw her. Can't change a bigot's mind.

There's times when I can be pleasantly surprised, like with Aporon...but the risk factor in my country of origin being revealed always weighs on my mind. With anyone I interact with here. Even those who don't explicitly dislike me may fear association. It's basically hopeless...

...same as finding stability. There's only a few constants available to us. Some of them have been set before me: doing gym challenges and being in contests. I could also be in Railriders. Speaking of, at least I know where to look for them. And I know I don't need to worry about my nationality there. It's like one of their 1000 Hobo Sayings goes, "Judge not a person for who they were, but who they are." But I don't know what path I want to follow.

But...well. I can't dwell on this for long. There's another proverb, which in English would be, 'only the strong survive.' Let's put it behind me and move on.

I think the best thing to do for now...is try to keep as many doors open as I can. So in other words, I should head to the train station. Even if I don't decide to rejoin Mr. Gruff, Biggie, and Dick, it's just being able that I want.

Porcella Town is your average city in Japan when you boil it right down to the core. Like many of the places in Tokatsu that I've seen, the houses are constructed strong as so to endure disaster. The most prominent landmark in it is the shrine befitting the town's name, the Porcelain Temple. The former is understandable, and the latter ironic given what Bonnie told me that Tokatsu is sometimes called: "the region forsaken by the gods." It obtained this moniker due to its harsh conditions and the lack of any notable Legendary Pokemon.

From what I understand, the naming of major townships in Japan depend on the region itself and how many people reside within it. Smaller or less relevant places like here and Moldeau are referred to as Towns. Larger and more notable places like Mylon are referred to as Cities. Even smaller than Towns are Villages. Then there's places like La Fortuna, or the famous even back home Indigo Plateau which break the trend...I really don't understand fully, but that's about the gist of things. Anyway, Porcella Town has around 30,000 people living in it. It has three Pokemon Centers, a smaller number. I've been to them all as part of trying to find Bonnie, but...couldn't find her at any of them. I have to wonder if she made it here at all.

For the most part, I've been continuing to ride on Lairon in spite of some strange looks I've been getting. Some cities I've been to actually have lanes for Pokemon riders, but this isn't one of them. So I've had to share the sidewalk. But it's not like this sprained ankle is going to go away. Besides, he moves faster than I can, especially right now...and with him doing the moving, I can focus on my thoughts.


...


...


If there were much I want to think about right now.


...


...


Well. From the guidebook I picked up at a gas station, the train station right in the middle of town. From taking it out and checking it again...cross-referencing where I am by looking at the blocks and building numbers...the train station is still several kilometers away. I guess I could just keep going on, if there's nothing interesting to talk about. And man. Still not used to how streets and blocks are laid out in more rural and less contemporary places in Japan.

Right now, I'm at Block 19. I need to get to Block 14. It doesn't sound that far, but it is a fair way's away. Where I am specifically seems to be a commercial district, and at least the road I'm on is dedicated to goods and services. For example, to my left, I can see an auto shop, a textiles store, and a bank to name a few. On my right, I just passed by a barber shop, and immediately there now is an electronics shop with several goods - including televisions - on display behind the glass. They all have a news channel on, where...huh. Well, this is interesting.

"Hold on," I told Lairon, motioning for him to bring me in closer. He did as instructed. A salaryman and a schoolgirl have also had their interest piqued by this. The former gave me a funny look at first, but on noticing the wrap around my leg, bowed and stepped aside to give us some room.

The scene is of a middle-aged woman in a violet suit standing before a pitiful sight of a building. The image of duality, on the front is a pure white vestige, proudly flashing its name in a bright colorful font - Lucky Eggplant. The shiny gate and beautiful porch makes it look like the entrance to a fantasy world or amusement park rather than its intended purpose as a Pokemon daycare and breeding center. The far side, though...the far side is a charred black husk. The damage to this part of the building is extensive - the roof is exposed, tiles and wood scattered everywhere, water damages, and though holding together, the affected wall looks like like it may collapse from a strong enough gust of wind. The ground around it is simple dirt, although I can spy lush green fields in the background. What the hell happened?!

"I'm here at the scene of the Lucky Eggplant breeding facility in Mylon City," started the reporter with a stern look in her eyes, her name being shown as Yura Gotō, "Where a major fire swept through the building last night at around 22:30."

What the, "...damn."

"Oh no...!" gasped the schoolgirl.

"The local Fire Department arrived on the scene within five minutes, and was able to contain the blaze before it could spread further. The cause of the fire has yet to be determined, but appears to have been started outside the building." Perhaps on a cue, a man in his 50s or 60s stepped into frame. Every inch of this man is tired. His outfit, though a formal vest, has been hastily thrown on. Dark bags lie beneath his downcast eyes. Every muscle in his body is languid. The reporter gestured to him, "Joining me is Fareno Hanasonu, the owner and proprietor of the Lucky Eggplant."

"Thank you for having me here, Yura-san," he said, in a very polite and formal tone of voice. "Our family has been in the daycare business for over 50 years. Our Lucky-branded branches can be found throughout all reaches of Japan. For 50 years, our organizations have taken care of trainers' Pokémon, and provided environments in which they and other prospectors can allow them to reproduce." He let out an incredibly heavy sigh. "We have had our troubles in the many years of our existence, sure. But never before have our facilities had something like this happen. I have shamed our good name."

Pressing on, the reporter asked, "What are your thoughts on this fire? How has it affected you?" She moved the microphone to track the owner, even as he held his head low.

"Like I said, I am ashamed I allowed this to happen." Mr. Hanasonu adjusted his posture for a moment to speak these words, but as if a drain plug were pulled, he nearly collapsed into himself. "I should have hired security, or put more Pokémon in place in case of such a disaster." He placed his hands together and bowed. "I am eternally grateful to the witnesses, and to Wataru-sama for his department's swift response. Without them, the damage could have been far worse."

"The burden of shame..." quipped the salaryman.

"You really have to feel for the guy." And...the incidents are hardly comparable, but I understand his regrets completely.

"I think the worst part about this is the Pokémon that were lost. How am I going to look those people who entrusted me in the eyes and tell them I have lost their beloved Pokémon? I do not know if I can face them."

"Speaking of losses, the damages to your property are estimated to be ten million yen. What do you plan to do?"

He buried his head in his hands. "I am not sure. There is nothing I can do to atone for what happened." The broken man shook in his sorrow. He slowly raised his face, almost as though he was forcing it. "I must confess...when I first heard the news, I considered the ultimate act of humility. My dear wife talked me out of it, however. As for the facility...as for the Lucky Eggplant itself. From a brief talk over the phone, our family plans to rebuild. At this time, I do not know if they will choose me to head it. I certainly do not think I deserve it, however."

"They're rebuilding, but..." The schoolgirl shuddered and sighed.

The salaryman groaned in sympathy. "Life is the one thing you can't replace." He's right about that. And the ultimate act of humility? Holy shit...

"One final question. The police are treating this incident as arson. Is there anything you would like to say to the one responsible?"

"If this is arson..." He inhaled deeply and gazed into the camera's eye, a solemn look in his own pair. "I hope that whoever set this fire comes forth to accept responsibility for their actions. And...tell us, why." Tears welled up within him. "Why you would do something like this?"

The reporter nodded, thinly concealing her revulsion for the incident through a stoic professionalism. "If you have any information regarding this incident, you're asked to contact the Mylon City Police Department, at..."

The two others watching stepped back. The salaryman shook his head. "What a senseless crime."

The schoolgirl agreed, sniveling with a mix of sorrow and fear. "It's scary to think that something like that happened so close to us!"

"I've seen some bad stuff before, but that's up there with the worst," I added with a measure of disgust, casting my eyes upwards. Really, who the hell does something like this? They agreed with me on that, as did Lairon snort in agreement. "Anyway, should get going. It was nice talking to you." The two strangers waved goodbye as I gave Lairon a kick, signalling that he continue on. But really...what did I just see there, on that television?

I can't believe it. Could it be...? Back in Mylon City, where this incident occurred. Back at the trainyard there, I thought I saw someone familiar lurking around. A person clad in white. Someone who has set fire to another breeding facility in the past. It may have felt like it happened a long time ago, though it was really only two months...but I haven't forgotten about that incident. Did my eyes deceive me? Did I really see that person again? I thought I was just being crazy at first, but now that this has happened, I'm really not sure. Could it be the same person responsible? A serial arsonist who targets these kinds of places? That bug guy...I think his name was Tulu...he said it wasn't him back then when I asked if he started that fire at the school. He theorized that it may have been someone else with a grudge against Rukh's University. But is that really the case...?

No...I'm just being ridiculous here. God. I feel like for a moment, I transformed into some sort of conspiracy theorist spouting insane theories. And even if it is by some wild chance fact...what exactly can I do about it? Nothing, that's what. Oh sure, I could try going on a wild goose chase to try to find this illusive person in white. But what good would that be? It just makes no sense to do something like that. I don't even know for sure the same person is involved; it's just a wild theory. And even if that is the case, where do I start? What do I do? It's just not my job to look for those kinds of people. Even in the context of a for-hire group. Especially a for-hire group that seeks profit, it's a concept that's really out there.

...God. Regardless of my state of mind right now, when I put it to myself like that...do I really want to go back there?

Well. I guess it's mostly Dick who only cares about the profit. And again, I want to keep all doors open where possible. I don't want to miss any more potential opportunities. Maybe I won't want to be there after all. But I should at least go and find out for sure. And...let them know I'm all right. Let them know I haven't ditched them without saying, gotten lost...or worse.

##########

It took about an hour, hour and a half to reach my next destination. The train station here, for being in a smaller town, is ironically better maintained than some of the ones I've seen throughout my travels. It's nothing particularly grandose, but is several steps above the clunky and industrious scrapyards I've been to. The most prominent feature to catch my eye is a boarding lounge. Its homely constructive style and earthly colors appear friendly and inviting to any prospective passengers. Well. Proper ones, anyway.

The reason why I'm checking here, and will be waiting here if need be, is due to something we had agreed upon. In the fancier terms of Mr. Gruff, but - should we ever get separated through any means, we would meet at the local train station. It's where we met after helping the Sasakis, and it may be where we'll meet now. If this holds true again, then I should be able to find them hanging around here somewhere...

...like right there, just off to the side of the building. That was easy.

"Well! Look who it, is everyone!" Mr. Gruff was the first to greet me, running up and giving me a manly hug, lifting me right off Lairon. Ack...and tight, too...

Biggie, for his part, nodded and simply said, "Welcome back."

"Huh," Dick said with a shrug as I was released, standing to his feet. "Surprised you actually decided to come find us, kid. Thought for sure you'd bailed on us."

"Well, of course I came to find you!" I don't have anywhere else to go.

"Young Westmyn!" Mr. Gruff spoke with delight. "I see you have acquired the look of a true vagabond during your solo travels!"

"AHH!?" Frantically...adjusting...hair...!! "R-Really!?"

"Ha ha ha! Do not fret, my good man. For I believe it is a look that suits you well!"

"Well, I don't!!" Present state of mind or not, I've always been self-conscious about looking like a wreck. My reaction got everyone, even Dick to chuckle. "Dammit you guys, this isn't funny!"

"Anyway..." Dick started...no, he stopped and stared. He walked up to me and Lairon and crouched down. "Wait, what the hell happened to your foot?"

Did he just not notice until now? Well, actually. "Um. I slipped on a rock and sprained my ankle." It might be best not to tell them what happened in La Fortuna. He might throw a fit about not getting a slice, or actual money. "I was told to stay off it for a few days, which is why I'm riding Lairon here."

The angry man snorted. "Careless."

"Injuries shall happen along the endless road towards tomorrow!" Mr. Gruff commented with a raised finger. He bent it to point at me. "You simply must be prepared to deal with them accordingly, which you have done so!"

Dick shrugged. "Anyway. Now that we're all here and ready...the next train leaves in ten. Let's get moving."

"Wha-?"

"But of course, Dick!"

"So soon?!"

"Let us board."

"Wait! WAAAIT!!" Come on, stop! Hold it! They were already moving, but my wild shouts and flailing got them to stop. "Geez, already?"

Dick made a motion to follow. "Yeah, already!"

But...but!! "Can't we stay and relax for a bit? Get our bearings together. And take care of any business that's to be found here..." After so much travel the past few days, I just want to take it easy for a while.

"Sorry," Dick shook his head without any sympathy. Ugh. Come on! "Work's been scarce here, and it ain't been from lack of us trying. Time is money, kid. We can't waste any of it."

"Our lives are constantly moving forward, young Westmyn." Mr. Gruff proceeded to make wild gestures. "New sights! New sounds! New adventures await us! Ergo, we must get on that train!" He dramatically pointed to the vehicle in question. "That is to say, unless you have managed to find a task for us to complete?"

A task to complete? Maybe. "W-Well...there is one thing, actually..." I have an idea. I should word it very carefully, however. "It's...I know it's not a traditional task, but. See, when you said that I'd become a true vagabond during my solo travels?" The others listened with respectful patience, although I can see I'm trying one of theirs. You can guess whose. "They weren't exactly solo...it was with a friend I met during that contest." Sigh. An involuntary one there. "I traveled partway here with this friend, but I never had the chance to properly say goodbye. I've tried myself, but I couldn't find her. I haven't even been able to find out if she's made it here safely. Do you think..." I'm just a bit nervous to actually ask this. Just a bit! "Do you think you could help me find her?"

"No way." Damn it. No thought to it at all. "We have a schedule to keep to. We don't have time to be screwing around with your personal issues."

"I do beg to differ, Dick!"

"What?!" What! Dick spun over to him in a rage. Are they...actually going to help?

"First and foremost, the number one rule of being a hobo! Nay, a rule of life!" The gaudy hobo again raised a finger, this time raising it as high as he physically could. "That rule is, 'Look after your own!' You can rest assured, young Westmyn, we will do everything in our power to help find this friend of yours!" Biggie nodded, also supporting me in this. Yes. Yes! "And second! One of our 1000 Hobo Sayings is, 'Always say goodbye to those whom you meet.' And of course, the one that follows up from that, 'Say not goodbye forever, only goodbye until the next time.' Ergo! The choice of action is clear!"

"It will be done." Biggie told us. He turned to the one not in agreement with a stern look. "You help too, Dick."

"Fucking hell...fine."

"Guys..." I...I have something in my eye. Wiping it out. Stupid cataracts! "...thank you." Even though if you succeed, it may be you I say goodbye to. Until next time.

That's another big problem with being a nomad of any kind. It even applies to being a traveling trainer in this country...or the West for that matter. Besides those you travel with and those your path constantly crosses with by chance, you never get the chance to know anyone really well.

But I'm glad. I may have a chance, here. And even if I don't...I still have dependable comrades.

##########

We actually ended up remaining in Porcella Town for a good three days. The justification behind this being allowing my ankle time enough to heal to the point of where I could at least stand and walk on it. We did manage to find some work in the end. It turned out to be simple manual labor, that I couldn't help with due to my physical state, but beggars can't be choosers. Paid out a decent amount, at least. Which I got an even share, of unlike the last time I wasn't involved.

While here, I took the chance to do some of my usual activities whenever we arrive in a new place. Granted, I couldn't do too much because of my injury. I actually ended up sleeping in a Pokemon Center all the nights I was here, strictly because of that. I'd do it all the time if it wasn't for how you have to have a license to use these facilities. Meaning the others aren't able to do so, leading to them needing to sleep somewhere nearby all the time. Which isn't always practical. Will say one thing...Mr. Gruff wasn't lying back then when he said you just get used to sleeping outside after a while.

We got the chance to really check out the town during our search, too. In particular, we paid a visit to that temple. The famous Porcelain Temple, a Buddhist shrine dating back to the Edo Period. A marvel of architecture for its time, and a sight to behold even today with its tall pillars and eye-pleasing aesthetics. Apparently it was once among the most prestigious in the country, a place those seeking spiritual enlightenment would travel to. People would endure journeys from as far away as Hoenn, just to meditate at this temple. In modern times, its remote location and changing attitudes have made it more of a tourist attraction. Still, learning a little about world history is always nice. I'm by no means a spiritual person, although I don't mind a little bit of it in my life every now and then. It was a pleasant way to take my mind off things for a bit.

But, well...the search. Mr. Gruff, Biggie, and even Dick worked tirelessly to try to find Bonnie for me. They consulted fellow street wanderers to find out if they've seen anyone matching her description. For my part, I checked the Contest Hall again. I thought that she might have entered, or was set to enter a Contest here. The result, the fruits of our labor...even as a unit, we could not find her. At least, some comfort, we did get some positive results. One homeless person did report seeing someone who looked like her. More conclusively, I did find out she had entered in a Contest. It apparently took place on the morning of June 27th. I would've been asleep or having breakfast in the southern Pokemon Center then. So she made it here safely. That's good to know, at least...

As for now? We're on our way to our next destination, wherever it may be. I spent some of the money I had on an actual train ticket for once. The others are hitching along in the boxcars as usual, but I felt I needed this now. For the mental comfort as much as the physical comfort. The room itself is the most basic possible, and has very little to speak of. Almost all of it is taken up by a simple bed, with just enough room to stand up and walk out the thin door. The only spaces for anything else are there and beneath the bed. There's also a narrow window your average person could just barely squeeze out of, in case of an emergency. It's deficient, but affordable. And better than having to hitch along.

Gotta say, I've had few months in my life crazier than this past June. It's crazy to think about how quickly your world can change. Like that breeder. He had a stable career, but one senseless act later, and his life got flipped, turned upside down. Or how I was at a Pokemon academy two months ago, and due to the actions of a deranged bigot on staff, I'm now here. Even the transition there was a drastic shift from what I was doing before, and there was the possibility of yet another change to my routine.

But...well. I shouldn't dwell on that. What happened there really can't be helped at this point. I tried, and failed to mend that past mistake. It's going to bother me, but...no! I can't dwell.

Standing to my feet, I moved up to gaze out the window. Tokatsu's beautiful landscapes are speeding by.

I am Fritz Westmyn, and I am a member of Railriders Incorporated! I am a migratory worker for-hire in a group that specializes in investigations! I've accomplished many things in this month of June, and when it passes tomorrow, I will accomplish much more in July, and August, and the months beyond!

Onward, to future adventures!

 

[chaos_Leader]

So apparently we're in a western now for a few chapters, and our friend Bonnie wanders off.

The sidetrack into what amounts to a relatively self-contained traditional western short story was interesting, but to what end? Others have mentioned some of the challenges of reading the story; like the abundance of characters, many of whom we don't see much of for one reason or another; or the battles from the past arc. However, from what I personally feel going forward into this third arc, it feels like the trouble is written right there in the title itself: The Aimless Path.

As it stands, if feels like the structure is forming into a kind of "wandering Ronin solves local issues as he travels" formula, often seen in a lot of popular/classic anime, or in other kinds of serial. Thing is, this formula really benefits from at least one of a possible few circumstances of the story/characters/setting, which I don't feel like are present in this latest arc.

One element that could help, which I've mentioned before and others have too, is a central plot thread that ties everything together. This is the version of the formula that the Pokémon anime has more or less run on since the beginning: Ash's main, at least initial motivation is to get the badges and compete in the local league, but ends up having plenty of little side adventures along the way.

Another variation of the formula relies more on conspicuous ambiguity as the central thread, rather than a known central element. By that I mean, The central character's main underlying motivations are not explicitly revealed, and yet their actions seem to follow a pattern that suggest a purpose. A lot of lower-key anime does this, as do some films, one example that comes to mind being Mad Max Fury Road. In these archives, Survival Project by DiamondPearl876 uses something similar, though I have my own quibbles about her methods.

I again have to bring up a point of concern I did last time I read and reviewed: where does it go? I do get that now Fritz is going on a search for Bonnie, but there are still concerns. It felt like the losing of Bonnie during the Western arc was a bit rushed, a bit tacked-on. I actually thought it would've been resolved along with the end of the arc. If it was meant to be more important, to have more of an impact, than I feel lite it would have been more effective if the decision was paired with another moment of impact in the Western arc: something pushes her over the edge to commit: someone is killed or very nearly killed by Odin and his gang. Seeing firsthand that her decisions are having dire consequences for those around her would be a believable trigger for her decision, and would also add some extra tension to the arc to boot.

I think you're getting the right idea, and making strides to improve it. I hope it can be handled as well as I know it can.

Oh, and I do like the glorious return of the hobo squad and their shenanigans. Of all the changes and characters you've introduced in this latest 3rd part, they are still I think my favorite, and I'd like to see more of them.

 

[System Error]

And for part of my last day, I'll be reviewing myself? It said to spread the love around. Self-love totally counts. Or maybe self-deprecation. Not bothering with bonus scenes and just reading part 1 for brevity's sake also because it's late.

C1
- Man, Eevee. Talk about your cliche starter. I mean I only did it because it was in Knight Pokemon University which this spiralled out of, but still felt forced for young adults even if I tried to give it justification.
- What was I thinking with the assembly just being interrupted because of a booty call?
- The era where the R-word wasn't that controversial.
- Recognizing Reika's last name but not saying anything, even in the narration? Yeah, what the hell was I thinking?
- Ah, Fritz' Nidorina. No, Nori having one has nothing to do with reusing part of this, it just has a special place for being my first level 100.
- Oh god, that German accent. Don't know whether to be embarassed over it or over how I didn't go far enough.
- How did Cronus become popular if he's an obvious jerk, anyway?

C2
- Thatcher suddenly able to make a joke despite being set up as meek.
- These Pokemon descriptions are a bit excessive.
- Somehow, he caught the thing. Okay then.
- The cafeteria food is randomly bad on the first day? What's wrong with this school?
- That is the craziest description of a eating a sandwich I've ever read.
- I like how Thatcher used all contest conditions in his fanboyish description of them.
- If you ever see some of my modern fics and wonder why I'm light on description sometimes, going too far with this Gyarados description is why.
- Quite a bit of tensing inconsistencies or awkwardness around...
- Aporon suddenly with flowery speech out of nowhere.
- Sudden heroics!
- Hm. Fritz is seemingly stronger than he lets on. Actually yes, this was a plot point, he was hiding a lot. Why? Um, I forgot. The premise kind of falls apart when you think about it. Or maybe he's so unreliable a narrator he confuses even me.
- And people accept Aporon when he does stuff like capture steal.

C3
- Dean Howard? Howard Dean? Oh.
- That Gone With the Wind quote was really forced...
- This guy is rude and epic. He'd probably be a villain elsewhere, like look at that damn speech, but it seems he's on Fritz's side.
- Fritz lying, or at least being evasive, when Reika told him she hates liars.
- I like how Reika gives the description of the teacher in dialogue.
- This teacher though, what. On multiple levels!
- You forget Po-key-mon, Fritz. But wow, only just noticed, it's sometimes accented and sometimes not, depending on the speaker.
- All this thinking of people probably could've gone elsewhere, this feels like an exposition dump.

C4
- Suddenly, getting uprooted and thrown into the advanced class. Oops? Maybe you shouldn't have shown your skills...
- Forcing someone to give up in a battle as a strategy, don't think I've seen that before or since.
- Some mean descriptions of Aporon's friends.
- I think "talkin' you to" was originally a typo that I ran with.
- A popular guy with three friends. I recycled this, although they were MUCH different characters. And some of them, actually characters.
- Pulling out a newish Mareep against a talented battler. This kid's either confident or overconfident.
- And the obvious happens.
- Getting some serious Biff Tannen vibes from Edgar with all the malaproper.
- Reika slinging vitriol.

C5
- Off to an assembly in the middle of nowhere.
- They keep Pokemon in titanium cages?! What's wrong with Poke Balls? Maybe they keep them out for a reason, but I don't know what it could be. And I wrote the damn thing!
- Hey, random student giving the good sitting spots.
- Heh, this guy basically giving a Pokemon Professor intro speech. Although he's from some Heritage Delegates? Sounds...culture preserving?
- This guy is giving one hell of a speech.
- Mahou Gang? Did they like use magic or something?
- Ahh, yes. This bit, the segregation of the world. It was originally a thing in KPU to explain why this cocky foreigner didn't have his best Pokemon. I thought it might make for a cool story, but then Unova happened. Then a bunch of other stuff. Wouldn't work today at all.
- Reika suddenly a bigot. I mean bigotry in Japan is a thing, but still, wow.
- Random Chrono Trigger reference. Also healing machines outlawed in Japan? Was I trying to go for hyper realism or something?
- Oh, some details about the Heritage Delegates. Name was descriptive, at least.
- Suddenly, late night waking? Why did they even think to try the doorknob, anyway?

C6
- Why didn't they tell him of their plans ahead of time, anyway? And why did they invite him if they didn't? I don't get it.
- Oh, Thatcher implies it was just going to be the two of them, but he wanted to nvited him.
- Being very evasive on why they're out here.
- Fighting a bunch of wild Zubat all of a sudden.
- Why wouldn't shooting them with water work, anyway? It could soak them and make them lose control, and it'd be able to hit a bunch at once.
- This was before the Fairy type, so Wigglytuff here wasn't a bad move. Ah, how many things were flipped on their head because of that?
- Well, Fritz at least has some sense. The only thing I can think of why he didn't use his new acquisition was because of "logic" of the world.
- Reika not completely thinking that one through.
- Fritz not even trying to get his friends to safety before zapping them. Luckily, anime injuries in this one case.
- She's eighteen? She definitely is immature for her age. Maybe for like sixteen it'd fit. Probably another relic I should've changed.
- I do like this back and argument at the end.
- Abet's Bluff? Hopefully it isn't a lie!
- Hypnosis all of a sudden that makes the friends fall. And the monster is here!

C7
- Killing off the friends right away. Actually, if I went with that, it'd have been a cool direction.
- The not Pokedex!
- When logic comes in, Psychic can be way overpowered.
- I like the idea of what are basically minor regional variants (before they were a thing!) and using physical differences to one's advantage
- Suddenly, running away with extreme stunts. Also, that is one light Tangela. I think I was adjusting weights?
- Fritz, they fell off a cliff. Reika and Thatcher would not be all right if not for questionable writing that I forget if I ever explained.
- Suddenly, random roommates showing up the next day? I guess a missing student isn't that big a deal here, and Fritz didn't think to report them missing. I mean given what happened, they're just hurt, but still, why didn't he say anything?
- Oh, someone saw them going there.
- And now Fritz is being forced to train under a guy he hates.
- Veiled bullying he's allowed to get away with. I mean I get the idea of humans and Pokemon training together to improve together, but it's obvious what's going on here.
- Mysterious figure all of a sudden.

C8
- Fritz seems to know Pokemon biology well enough. The others seem to be battleheads.
- He's going to the principal about bullies, but not about his friends. Yeah. Um. Hm.
- Oh hey, it's a guest character. Here to deliver a message and some exposition.
- Ah, we have a name for the submission girl from C4. And apparently she has a sister.
- Man, Aporon is petty. Although it seems he and Elyna get along for being similar.
- A name for the staff guy mentioned in C3 who hates Fritz. Who's already forgotten. Maybe for obvious reasons.
- Fritz doing his homework, so to speal.
- The return of Reika, who somehow got off with only a broken leg. You know for all the anime I tried to avoid like hair color, she really had to be anime to survive a fall with just a broken leg and Thatcher getting off unscathed.
- With friends like Reika though, why does Fritz stick around her?
- It seems from her response though, it might be a recurring problem with her driving away potential friends.

C9
- Making plans for the day, huh?
- Man, Reika may be rude, but she's still pretty hilarious sometimes.
- Jeez, Fritz is rude too. Then again, edgy snarky protagonists were the hot thing back in the day. But uh, yeahhh. Definitely wouldn't have anyone making fun of disabilities these days, even if it is just dyslexia.
- Seems Moldeau Town was built around the Old Chateau or something?
- Reika's roommate suddenly accusing her of theft.
- Well, what if they did forget to lock the door? What then?
- And they just believe her story! What is this, Phoenix Wright guilty until proven innocent nonsense?
- From Wallace's younger years? Fic set in the future?
- Lucky, Fritz is there to bail her out with logic.
- 168 is her lucky number? Wonder what the significance of that is. I certainly don't remember.
- Oh, so um. What just happened? She pretended to lose her statue just to get at Reika and then really lost it? That's...convoluted. Yeah.

C10
- Fritz suddenly deciding to check something out in the middle of a night just because he has a feeling. At least he has the decency to explain things.
- Why in the world did I think that bit with Lawrence was funny?
- Oh. It seems Fritz's instincts were right after all?
- That's what happened to the bust. It was stolen to start a fire that couldn't be directly extinguished. That was...interesting, I guess. But why go through all the trouble? Why not just start the fire anyway, especially considering the aim was something that could explode in the building?
- Also, still not getting the identify of whatever it was Fritz caught. I like this idea actually, but probably wouldn't do it again. Huntail was a cool mon though.
- The explosion alerts people.
- Kripps trying to blame Fritz for it. Seems there's a lot of false blaming going on here.
- Fritz probably would've gotten cleared anyway, but he wants someone else on the spot and so Kripps grabs...some girl his age? Premala, as is later revealed.
- She takes one look, implied to be some sort of mind-reading maybe, and clears him. Maybe Kripps really did believe Fritz set the fire before that.
- And the revelation, Fritz is a foreigner!

I could do more, but yeah. This is good enough for now. And I wanted to get in before the deadline anyway.

So uh, yeah. I didn't like criticism back then, but objectively now, yeah. This could've used a lot of work. There's some good ideas in here, and the character interactions are generally nice. Maybe too many characters too soon, though. And the scope being too big. I think a big problem was substituting the KPU stuff into something different, the school arc, when I originally decided to spin-off after getting banned from there for a bit I had an idea. So it was on borrowed time, in other words, so all these characters really didn't mean much in the grand scheme.

This also shows off a big problem with first person, you can't jump into anyone else's perspective to get their thoughts. All the bonus scenes? Most of them were to do just that. It's definitely not something I'm ever going to do again, at least for a fic of any appreciable length. Still, I was stubborn back then.

It is interesting to look at just what of this I reused or retooled in Nori Carino though, and it's oddly telling that nothing beyond it got reused. For example, Reika and Thatcher have expies in Reiko and Terrance in the newest Nori fic, although they have a very different relationship with Nori. Cronus Aporon and his cronies were originally going to have expies in Official In-Training, but that blew up and they became their own thing. And of course, the base concept of Premala, a priestess with a connection to the protagonist, was retooled into Prema (I liked that name too so it's similar), although her role and personality is completely different. That said, Nori is almost Fritz's antithesis. He at first was going to be closer to Fritz's true personality, rather than the defensive facade, but he went off in his own direction.

All in all though, this is certainly something to leave in the past. Or look at and see how much I've improved since then. Technical side too, noticing a lot of errors, heh. Definitely wasn't a bad fic and certainly isn't even terrible by today's standards, but looking back, there's a lot I'm shaking my head about. Inflexibility and not letting the story go where it wanted was another problem, it probably shows with how abrupt the school part ended.

That said, as a bonus for anyone who actually read this self-review and remembers this, here's a bonus: most of everything about what I had planned. I don't plan to reuse any of this for Nori anyway. I didn't look at any of this stuff when doing this review, going strictly off memory, and just looked at my plot file for this.

Spoiler

Towards the end of part 3 which is just episodic antics, Fritz gets a message from an old friend back home out of nowhere when he's finally able to check his email. His younger sister Annika is on the way to him, being saved from an arranged marriage to repay a debt. But no doubt they're going to try to find a way to drag her back. He needs to figure out something to stop this.

He ends up crashing something of Lance the Dragon Master's. It's revealed they have a history, mostly with Lance seeing him as like a Silver. Fritz basically cuts a heel promo on him: Fritz has one victory over Lance, basically catching him way off-guard with Lairon (his ace) during a charity thing or whatever. Lance got serious and crushed him the second time. So a rubber match is in order, and he goads Lance into it with taunting Lance got lucky the second time. But Lance still refuses, so Fritz ups the stakes: he won't battle in Japan again if he loses, but he wants political amnesty for Annika if he wins. Lance can indeed grant that. Then he reveals the event he crashed? He was announcing his unretiring, and now Fritz is going to be his first match back.

Cue hard training and part 4, dedicated entirely to the battle. Which is epic and insane but really excessive for an action sequence, basically showing off some of this fic's planned wrestling influences. But Fritz isn't holding back anymore. He shows off way, way more skill and strategy. He in particular brings down a Charizard with his Tangela. Still, hax Dragonite is in play, and he only manages to draw after an epic and emotional performance with Lairon vs Dragonite. Unacceptable, so he proposes sudden death from reserves. He didn't count on Lance's still being well-trained and a sudden evolution though, so he draws again. Then a second time (with a sudden evo of his own), before Azumarill beats Altaria (a rematch from their first fight). Fritz earns respect from Lance after this, and is surprised when Fritz tells him who he wanted to help.

Cue a sibling reunion and a reveal: parts 1-4 are actually 11-14. The narrative jumps from past to present, revealing Fritz's history.

Now, I didn't have too much of the present stuff written. Base concept, however, is that Frit runs into a group of people who idolize him and western style battling. He reunites with Thatcher and an old friend named Tessa during this time. The siblings are very protective, maybe too much, of one another. But the group ends up slaughtered, only Fritz' friends surviving. He finds out from someone it was the Pokemon League who did it, particularly Premala's mother, Zo. So he decides to take on the Kanto League to expose them in front of the world. Where's the proof? I dunno, bad writing. I just wrote bits and pieces of what's basically a journey fic, which features them trying to stop/kill him. Thatcher breaks off, and Tessa gets separated. At the League, Fritz goes surprisingly untouched, but he wins. He goes with his plan, and Zo admits it. She wanted to take a chance on taking her religious group to the next level, she clearly failed. But she invites Fritz to defeat her in battle, else she'll mindwipe everyone. He has few Pokemon left to do it, though! She's sporting enough to let him use his foreign Pokemon anyway. I don't know the document where I say the result, though he does win.

The past was more fleshed out. It covers "Frisco" Westmyn's origins as someone in his family's native Mexico who didn't want to become a battler like his half-siblings or older brother Thomas. He at one point encounters the not Chupacabra when adventuring with his friends, Yuzei and Pedro. But he really gets to see the ugly side of his half-siblings during a big family reunion called the dinner party which sees his grandmother pass away during it.

Some time later, Frisco and Annika are backstage at a Asociación Mexicana de monstruo de bolsillo luchando event where his brother Thomas and his tag partner Sir Luchalot II (an El Santo Jr expy). Frisco gets coerced into taking his brother's spot and Pokemon since battling is in his blood. The battle is explicitly a blur, but he somehow wins. Too bad the rival team uses a technicality to drive a wedge between the brothers and ban Pokemon borrowing, and Frisco has no Pokemon of his own. Except a little kestrel Pokemon who always visits him. He ultimately puts together a team of "Kester" (species name undecided), Fuhlee (a flee), and Mincinno (exactly that). He's controversial at school too, and has encounters with his bully Radovan (also got reused in Official In-Training, but as someone else's bully) which leads to a fistfight. One day, Frisco captures an escaped Beartic through sheer luck, and that helps him retain the championships. Unfortunately, that only makes things worse. A 5v5 occurs with everyone betting something, Frisco being forced to bet Annika as a date with a teenager with the battling name Cholostral. Even Luchalot, betting his mask, has doubts they can win. It comes down to the brothers in the end, but Tommy is so far gone at this point he won't listen to reason in stopping the disgusting teen from dating their sister, but luckily Kester pulls through.

With this, Frisco's battling obligations are over. He's even on good terms with his father, who previously saw him as an unwanted child - he wanted a son in battling and a daughter not in it, after the mess that was his last family basically fighting each other all the time. But people keep challenging him, or encouraging him to keep at it. He talks about it with Yuzei and they almost kiss before Pedro breaks the moment. Meanwhile, Tommy hooks up with a girl (bad influence) nicknamed Lynn Wonder.

But so. The basic theme of these chapters? Pokemon battling is a massive thing in the west, but it's also massively corrupt and full of drama. Basically pro wrestling if it were a real thing. Frisco gets forcibly student exchanged, and all he can do is make the most of it. Annika secretly follows just to be there with him. His first problems in actual battling come with his half-siblings. Annika helps, I didn't write much of this. He gets the named "Fritz" here by the promoter since it's easier to say. Stuff happens with him holding a minor championship eventually, and he soon finds backup from a one-time opponent, Alec Hughes. Together they form the team F 'n A. I didn't write much, but Alec eventually Shawn Michaels' him. But instead of beginning a rivalry over the midline championship, Fritz wants nothing to do with Alec and goes for the big prize. He's rash and irrational. Maybe not completely, he knows if he loses here, he'll just be that. He really wants all this to not have been a waste, since he really hates battling culture now.

They humor him by letting him, like they always do. His battles manage to be entertaining, even if he clearly loses, although people see him as a cocky upstart and not an underdog. Only problem is, Fritz gets a spot in a contender's tournament and wins through sheer dumb luck: the notoriously cheaty second-seeded Adolph von Bismarck pulls his punches. He beats Zoe Tinkers, who beat her brother the other day, due to a distraction at the last moment. He gets a bye to the final round, then his last opponent. Takahama Easton. Reika's father. A man who came to the US because he wanted more thrilling competition, basically. Fritz didn't want to tell her.

Fritz gets a genuine win here, counting the X-Factor of his opponent's Japanese Pokemon with his own Mexican ones, which is barely enough. The critics aren't impressed. But Fritz buckles down and studies hard on what he might be able to do, even through family drama. He actually pulls a win on champ Tyler Michaels through shutdown defense (and some advice from Bismarck, who sees a lot of himself in Fritz). He has a trilogy with him and puts on some actual defenses, but Fritz eventually loses the title when he runs into an opponent with no real strategy he can counter against.

Then an assassination attempt is made on him by unknown people, forcing him to flee the country for Japan. Due to a shipwreck, he's forced to go through the Orange Islands to get there. Origins come up, and two parts later it's revealed he got to go to Rukh's after saving a minor region from an evil team. These chapters would've been sprinkled in, and would end before the Thatcher reunion, revealing Fritz came to Rukh's to try to get a fresh start. Too bad it failed.

So yes. Scope was way too big here, needless to say, and that's before getting into the sequels I had in mind! The first one was ultimately about helping reform East, the second would be about reforming the West. He eventually ended up with Reika (of all people), who mellowed out a lot. That's right, Westmyn and Easton would've united, horrid puns. If I were for any reason to go back to Fritz, I'd probably end up focusing on the concept for the US chapters: that being, battling being a major organized sport that's full of corruption. It could be a genuinely interesting fic concept, and really, what I intended all along. If not, it would go full academy fic without the expulsion thing interrupting. Focus on the bigotry aspects, but write out the stuff that doesn't work anymore or is too awkward.