EVERYONE: The Story of Tenshi

[SapphireSerperior717]

Hello! my name is Tenshi, and this is my story. it's a long one, so grab your popcorn!
i am Tenshi, i am a gardevoir. i'm like other gardevoir, except.....i have wings.
Yup. staight from the egg. when i hatched, my parents were so confused, "what are those things? they're so...strange." they were very tiny though, couldn't even tell that they were wings! my parents were so worried, they actually brought me to a pokemon center! nurse joy was also confused. later, i became a kirlia, and they FINALLY realized that they were wings! i still couldn't fly, only slightly hover for a few seconds. when i was a kirlia, i had to go to pokemon school, it's where you learn about which trainers to trust, what berries you shouldn't eat, etc, etc. there were the teddiursa, cubchoos, panchams, igglybuffs, and much, much more! i was pretty shy, thinking everyone would think my wings were ugly, dumb, annoying, and so on. turns out, everyone thought they were pretty, amazing, and cool! then i met two pokemon...a mawile, and a snorunt. the mawile was not shy at all, a bit loud, adventuros, and sweet. the snorunt was shy, a bit of a scaredy-cat, but she was amazingly nice, and whenever that annoying tyrogue would bully me, she would come up and say; "why are you bullying her?! she never did anything to you, so you shouldn't either!" she was very spiretual too. then later i went to poke-high school! and became a gardevoir! all the gallades would hit on me, even though i wasn't looking for a poke-boyfriend. snorunt became a froslass too! one day, we went to a road trip, to a amazon (jungle? this one had a huge waterfall, so i'm gonna say amazon) we went by the waterfall to show the situations in which water would hurt you, if you were weak to it. they let pokemon jump in the waterfall, as long as they didn't fall, but even if they did, there were trained flying-types, ready to catch any unlucky, falling pokemon! then i looked off the waterfall....that was the day i obtained my fear of heights. mawile loved it, and froslass was a bit scared, but didn't really care, because she was a ghost, she can't fall! (if shes careful) i went to play in the river, that lead to the waterfall. it was fun! until the flow got way, way slower...the teacher went to investigate, turns out there were bibarel making a dam, slowing the flow of water. when they broke the dam, a HUGE (at least for a river) wave came!! everyone saw it but me, everyone got out of the river except me. and at the last second, the teacher yelled "HEY! GET OUT!" i looked behind me, but it was too late...the flying type pokemon went away, cause they didn't want to get hurt by the wave, and they assumed all the pokemon were out of the river by now. i fell straight off the 300 foot drop. i started crying, "am i gonna die? are the bird pokemon coming to save me? will anyone miss me? i'll miss mommy..." until a big last tear fell from my eyes, and it was glowing. my eyes started changing colors, white and blue, but mostly a mix of the both, and finally...i could fly!! i stopped falling and my wings flew me up, i had no self controll, but could still kinda tell what was happening. i landed on the bridge, everyone crouded around me "...huh....? did i.....die? who saved me?" i passed out after those few words, next thing i knew, i was in a pokemon center. the nurse joy said "You're gonna be ok, I promise!" i looked to the other side of me, and there there were...mawile and froslass! 'what happened?" "you flew! you really flew! you didn't look normal, but you flew!" i smiled, talked with them for a bit, then fell asleep again. then later that night....at 12:00....i heard something. i really wasn't supposed to, but i left my bed, and went outside. outside of town there was a lake, i sat by it, and sung the lullaby my mom would sing to me when i was just a ralts. then...i saw a wing, out by the moon. i stood up in awe. "......? should i run........? or stay...?" then, it was a strange figure, it flew towards me, and then.....it was lugia!! it said "Thank you for singing my song. You are not a normal gardevoir, Tenshi. Your psychic abilities are more then that of a normal gardevoir. And you have wings. i am very old, and although i won't die, my power will go away slowly, until i only have a bit left. when a lot of my power was leaving me, i realized "i can't let this just go away!" and i was looking for pokemon that were gonna hatch soon, then i came across you, Tenshi. because of your power, you will make the poke-world much better. Just call this power i gave you a gift from me. and remember, Tenshi......Belive" i then fell asleep, waking up again in the pokemon center. "What were you doing by the lake, Tenshi?!" said froslass. ".........mawile.........do you belive in legendairies?" "....um....not really, i mean, there are so many bad trainers and pokemon out there, i seriously doubt arceus will come and get rid of all the evil." "You should."

so that is the crap story i made! if you want more, i'd be perfectly fine with making more! and sorry its so long ^.^"

 

[Capricious Equilibrium]

Hello! my name is Tenshi, and this is my story. it's a long one, so grab your popcorn!
i am Tenshi, i am a gardevoir. i'm like other gardevoir, except.....i have wings.
Yup. staight from the egg. when i hatched, my parents were so confused, "what are those things? they're so...strange." they were very tiny though, couldn't even tell that they were wings! my parents were so worried, they actually brought me to a pokemon center! nurse joy was also confused. later, i became a kirlia, and they FINALLY realized that they were wings! i still couldn't fly, only slightly hover for a few seconds. when i was a kirlia, i had to go to pokemon school, it's where you learn about which trainers to trust, what berries you shouldn't eat, etc, etc. there were the teddiursa, cubchoos, panchams, igglybuffs, and much, much more! i was pretty shy, thinking everyone would think my wings were ugly, dumb, annoying, and so on. turns out, everyone thought they were pretty, amazing, and cool! then i met two pokemon...a mawile, and a snorunt. the mawile was not shy at all, a bit loud, adventuros, and sweet. the snorunt was shy, a bit of a scaredy-cat, but she was amazingly nice, and whenever that annoying tyrogue would bully me, she would come up and say; "why are you bullying her?! she never did anything to you, so you shouldn't either!" she was very spiretual too. then later i went to poke-high school! and became a gardevoir! all the gallades would hit on me, even though i wasn't looking for a poke-boyfriend. snorunt became a froslass too! one day, we went to a road trip, to a amazon (jungle? this one had a huge waterfall, so i'm gonna say amazon) we went by the waterfall to show the situations in which water would hurt you, if you were weak to it. they let pokemon jump in the waterfall, as long as they didn't fall, but even if they did, there were trained flying-types, ready to catch any unlucky, falling pokemon! then i looked off the waterfall....that was the day i obtained my fear of heights. mawile loved it, and froslass was a bit scared, but didn't really care, because she was a ghost, she can't fall! (if shes careful) i went to play in the river, that lead to the waterfall. it was fun! until the flow got way, way slower...the teacher went to investigate, turns out there were bibarel making a dam, slowing the flow of water. when they broke the dam, a HUGE (at least for a river) wave came!! everyone saw it but me, everyone got out of the river except me. and at the last second, the teacher yelled "HEY! GET OUT!" i looked behind me, but it was too late...the flying type pokemon went away, cause they didn't want to get hurt by the wave, and they assumed all the pokemon were out of the river by now. i fell straight off the 300 foot drop. i started crying, "am i gonna die? are the bird pokemon coming to save me? will anyone miss me? i'll miss mommy..." until a big last tear fell from my eyes, and it was glowing. my eyes started changing colors, white and blue, but mostly a mix of the both, and finally...i could fly!! i stopped falling and my wings flew me up, i had no self controll, but could still kinda tell what was happening. i landed on the bridge, everyone crouded around me "...huh....? did i.....die? who saved me?" i passed out after those few words, next thing i knew, i was in a pokemon center. the nurse joy said "You're gonna be ok, I promise!" i looked to the other side of me, and there there were...mawile and froslass! 'what happened?" "you flew! you really flew! you didn't look normal, but you flew!" i smiled, talked with them for a bit, then fell asleep again. then later that night....at 12:00....i heard something. i really wasn't supposed to, but i left my bed, and went outside. outside of town there was a lake, i sat by it, and sung the lullaby my mom would sing to me when i was just a ralts. then...i saw a wing, out by the moon. i stood up in awe. "......? should i run........? or stay...?" then, it was a strange figure, it flew towards me, and then.....it was lugia!! it said "Thank you for singing my song. You are not a normal gardevoir, Tenshi. Your psychic abilities are more then that of a normal gardevoir. And you have wings. i am very old, and although i won't die, my power will go away slowly, until i only have a bit left. when a lot of my power was leaving me, i realized "i can't let this just go away!" and i was looking for pokemon that were gonna hatch soon, then i came across you, Tenshi. because of your power, you will make the poke-world much better. Just call this power i gave you a gift from me. and remember, Tenshi......Belive" i then fell asleep, waking up again in the pokemon center. "What were you doing by the lake, Tenshi?!" said froslass. ".........mawile.........do you belive in legendairies?" "....um....not really, i mean, there are so many bad trainers and pokemon out there, i seriously doubt arceus will come and get rid of all the evil." "You should."

so that is the crap story i made! if you want more, i'd be perfectly fine with making more! and sorry its so long ^.^"

Sorry, I just quickly skirmished over it. But I'd recommend making future chapters paragraphed. While I cannot rule out your main character as a Mary-Sue right now as she only has this one chapter of development, but I'd recommend to avoid it. It can really make a story good in other regards look bad.

The chapter is pretty short, but it's your first, so that's okay. Remember, description is your best friend, and can really paint a picture for the readers, which keeps them further enthralled.

I like the concept of the Gardevoir having wings. How would this affect how she moves, how she uses her moves, what moves she learns, how humans would react to her and perhaps even, if it gets to that point, Mega Evolution. Also, how would it affect her interaction with other types? Will she be different from other Gardevoir in that regard? Or is she treated as a Psychic/Fairy/Flying-Type? If it adds the weaknesses and stuff, that could balance her character out.

Another thing is be careful with Mawile and Gardevoir, especially with the two getting re-typed! This drastically affects how they react to attacks, and its very complicated with Mawile, as Steel also lost two resistances, though one (Dark) is covered by Fairy, anyway.

All in all, I can't wait to see the next chapter, and your growth as a writer!

 

[SapphireSerperior717]

Thank you! i thought it was terrible, and was gonna delete it, but thought "well what if someone would like this??" so didn't, but thank you! i'm gonna have to focus more on the wings, and not just plain things that happened ^.^" although what should happen next? a trainer wants to adopt her? she goes to collage? i think my favorite idea is she visits lavender town, and has to deal with the spirits, still kinda crappy though ^.^" but i thought no one would like this at all, and you seem to think it's fine, which makes me so so soo happy!! thank you!!