"Thirty rubbish Pokemon: Red/Blue Edition"

[The Outrage]

Someone posted this on another forum and thought you guys might enjoy it. I should also warn you that some of these comments you may find offfensive.


Click the picture. This is basically a list of Pokemon that one fan finds incredibly annoying, and yes, his comments on them are funny. If you are one of those people who seem to have a stick shoved up their ass everytime some one critisises Kanto for the same reason you hate Sinnoh and Hoenn, please save us the time and don't bother clicking.

Okay, this bastard is included more as part of a personal vendetta than anything else. He's the third evolutionary stage of the Dragon Pokémon, except he looks more like a cuddly toy than a fearsome firebreathing lizard. Why does the orange fucker have tassles coming out of his motherfucking head!? No, I'm not having that, it's bullshit. The problem with Dragonite, though, is that the evolutionary states that come before him are so awesome that this stupid fucker just appears terrible in comparison. I've included him in the list because he's nothing but a major disappointment after his superb predeccessors, Dratini and Dragonair

You know what? FUCK Psyduck. One of the most annoying, irritating lumps of vomit ever invented. Anybody who watched the cartoons as a kid should, by rights, have grown up hating all water fowl, just on the strength of how fucking abysmal this pudgy yellow dickhead is. Seriously, every time I see a duck at the park, I want to run up to it and kick its fucking beak off. I want to stamp on a duck. It's all thanks to this stupid thing, too, that I've become so pathologically predisposed to violence toward amphibious birds. So help me, if I ever find an unattended duck, I'll break both its legs and chuck it back in the pond and watch as it drifts there, quacking in agony and panic, unable to do a fucking thing about it. I'd grab a duck by the neck and swing it about my head, chanting "Psy! Psy! Psy!" in a twisted parody of the Psyduck.

So, when one takes a look back, Pokemon designs were still shitty as it is now, and to quote the article

Yes, this centipede thing manages to combine both the shitty, lazy facial features of Diglett with the pointless "whack a horn on it" mentality of Goldeen and Seel

Now if everyone remembers the arguements of 4th generation:

"Garchomp looks like Sceptile with Carnivine's colours"
"Not another Pokemon that ends with eon"
"Togekiss is just a bird covered in toilet paper with muffins for ears"

 

[Lil' Psycho.]

Ha ha funny. I liked it.

 

[dlt4]

Hilarious.

I think Ditto was the least useful in Gen 1, since it could only transform becuase of no breeding.

I mean, if you were against a Vulpix with a ditto, transformed, only to find that it only had fire moves - you'de be screwed. You know?

 

[Lil' Psycho.]

Hilarious.

I think Ditto was the least useful in Gen 1, since it could only transform becuase of no breeding.

I mean, if you were against a Vulpix with a ditto, transformed, only to find that it only had fire moves - you'de be screwed. You know?

good point, even worse if it was your last pokemon.

 

[Swampert tamer]

Some of the things that person wrote made me laugh, but I don't agree with everything he/she says.

Spoiler

Sure, Electrode and Exccute look a bit "odd" but I don't agree when he/she critisized Tauros and Dragonite, for example.

 

[Lil' Psycho.]

true

 

[Lil Brother]

Gen 1 is glorified way too much, so yeah, a bit of bashing isn't exactly a bad thing.

This article falls victim to the "Say FUCK and SHIT and all of a sudden everything being said is hilarious LMAO" syndrome, so I wasn't exactly rolling on the floor...

I never liked him at all, and because I write on The Internet, my opinions are important and you should all believe what I believe.

...but that was funny.

 

[Amewsment]

Hilarious article, it's so true too! I am looking forward to future installments!

 

[The Outrage]

Gen 1 is glorified way too much, so yeah, a bit of bashing isn't exactly a bad thing.

This article falls victim to the "Say FUCK and SHIT and all of a sudden everything being said is hilarious LMAO" syndrome, so I wasn't exactly rolling on the floor.

Well in his defense, "You really can't find thirty inventive ways to say "This looks shitty.""

Its just funny because everything he says here is what everyone says about new Pokemon (see Weedle). I cannot wait for the Gold/Silver edition.

I'm wondering if we should try to poke fun at this outselves but it's a well documented fact that Pokemon Fans are not funny.

Spoiler

Perhaps some of those captions are funny, but the majority of them aren't

 

[Quartzthyst]

Haha, awesome..

 

[ShinyFlareon]

Ho...ly...crap...hilarious and insane at the same time! I can't wait to see what they say about the other versions!

 

[Amewsment]

Well in his defense, "You really can't find thirty inventive ways to say "This looks shitty.""

I sorta agree however he could still have done it differently, nonetheless it is still a good article.

I'm wondering if we should try to poke fun at this outselves but it's a well documented fact that Pokemon Fans are not funny.

I so agree, 90% of the posts are extremely random and in no way, shape or form funny. However in defense of that it isn't that easy to make funny posts/comments to screen shots unless something hits you right as you see it.
Although I find this thread is quite funny: http://bmgf.bulbagarden.net/showthread.php?t=29701

 

[SlickSlicer]

Loved it.

I agree with all of them except I actually like Porygon. Dragonite's ok too, but after reading what he said about him, I have to agree that he looks like a yellow version of Barney or something, and fails pretty hard compared to dragonair.

 

[Wonder Happiny]

I found the article somewhat funny, but I have to wonder: Does this person have a lot of time on his hands or what?!

 

[The White King]

Ahahaha

 

[Amewsment]

I found the article somewhat funny, but I have to wonder: Does this person have a lot of time on his hands or what?!

He probably gets paid to write articles on the site.

 

[Cheesus Is Lord]

Golbat is hilarious, Paras is awesome, and Dragonite is cute (although its previous evolutions lead you to expect coolness instead). Other than that, I find myself agreeing to this a lot. Even though I tend to like these pokemon more purely out of nostalgia, I'd agree that every generation has some awesome pokemon and some shitty pokemon.

All in all, absolutely hilarious. Especially Slowbro - I'd never thought about it like that before

 

[Juputoru]

I'm amazed at all the people defending Dragonite here...really, it might be decent-ish on its own, but it really doesn't fit with Dratini and Dragonair. :/ Even if it was on its own, it's too much like a soft, cuddly stuffed animal for my tastes instead of, you know, a dragon. Dragons are not cuddly, not even in the areas of the world where they were revered instead of reviled. They might have been sleek and wise, but they were not cuddly. Not that that stopped Gamefreak, but Dragonite was a gigantic failure anyway, especially compared to the later "powerhouse" evo lines(is there EVER a good reason to use Dragonite instead of Salamence, T-tar, Metagross or Garchomp?).

And getting back to the original post's point...really, people complain about lazy Pokemon design NOW, but at least the latest gens don't have three Pokemon that are just three of their pre-evos mashed together, the evolutions at least TRY to be distinct from the earlier form, and the Pokemon all have something a little more COMPLICATED than one two basic geometric shapes in their designs(yes, I am looking at you, Diglett, Voltorb, and your kin). But wait, apparently putting barely any effort into Pokemon designs makes them too WEIRD and LIKE DIGIMON and NOT LIKE POKEMON for some people! We should go back to putting almost no effort in the designs so we can have REAL POKEMON, like Rattata, Seel, Squirtle*, and Pidgey! And sometimes I forget why I'm so cynical and abrasive about the Pokemon fandom. :/


I really only disagree with this guy on Fearow(it's not that great, but it's infinitely better than Pidgeot. Not that that's hard.), Paras(because it is fairly cool for a gen I grass type. And for a gen I bug type, for that matter.), and Porygon(it doesn't get REALLY cool until it evolves, but its base form is still pretty neat looking). That's not to say I dislike the others, but I can still see his points even if he was rather juvenile in making them.


*Squirtle is, in fact, the laziest starter Pokemon design ever(it's a slightly simplified turtle...only BLUE!), and I challenge you to prove otherwise. Well, Charmander's a close second, but they at least put a flame on its tail once they were done making it a generic dinosaur, only ORANGE.

 

[Amewsment]

Well Dragonite looks silly and the position of orange European dragon Pokémon is filled by Charizard in my opinion and Charizard is pretty bad ass unlike Dragonite. So it feels quite redundant and doesn't fit in with the other evolutionary stages, which is a pity.