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"We are sorry. This route is unavailable, would you like to try another?"
CONTENT WARNINGS: Mild swearing, brief discussions of mortality
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It had been a long time since I visited home, the memory was buried so far deep in the catacombs of my mind that I couldn’t recall any more than rusted train tracks and the wisps of faces. My makeshift vestiges of memories, the smallest I often found dancing on the tip of my tongue, tended to strangely be the easiest to grasp during autumn. I can’t really comprehend it myself, there’s nothing that particularly draws me to the season more than others– no more than the slightest affinity for it I felt due to the pumpkin shaped Pokemon chirping in my hold. I think eventually I came to the conclusion I held that unexplainable fondness for the season was because it was the time I found Meidi stumbling about the leaves.
She was the runt of the patch, much like myself compared to my siblings.
She wasn’t native to Unova either, and though I can’t remember what age in my formative years we became a pair, I do know that perhaps like me she feels like a stranger in a foreign land— I didn’t feel like I belonged here.
Maybe I didn’t really belong anywhere.
This thought isn’t something that often comes as some somber soliloquy, it was a feeling that followed me since I left on my journey as a Trainer. My mother told me it was a natural wanderlust and I’d grow out of it. I held her to that. Yet even still, as much as I wanted to listen to my mother I couldn’t shake this unsettling feeling that followed me in my travels, a feeling that only grew when I reached the starless sky of Nimbasa City. I chalked up the feeling to the unease and unfamiliarity with tourist spots, the crowds and bustle during every waking hour that someone like me couldn’t handle for long. The colorful lights of the ferris wheel and attractions only served as cheap marketing tactics to me, in fact, the entire city felt like some sort of capital ploy— but I resigned those feelings to growing up in that seldom known place called Anville Town.
That same place was the very reason I found myself decorated in Nimbasa’s lights, as I had heard from other vagrant Trainers that the subway system located there was the only known way to Anville Town. This information didn’t make much sense to me when I first caught wind of it, as I could easily stare a wanderer in the eyes and point to the exact location of Anville Town on the map. Knowing where home is always felt like something that should come second nature to a Trainer, and thus I always made sure I knew where Anville Town was located, except for the fact I couldn’t quite remember the way to get there, which l was certain I didn’t need a train ticket for, above all else.
“There’s no known route through the forest? Nothing?” I remember asking a stranger just outside the station. The older woman I interrogated merely shook her head, returning my map to my hands. “I’m sure young’uns like you are used to walking through brush and bramble… But it just isn’t safe. You’ll get lost, and the train is your easiest bet, lass.” I could hear her faded Kantonian accent on her tongue coupled with her gentle nudging for me to use the public transport. The notion only made me recoil further, “But I left home through the woods… I mean I don’t remember how, it’s been a few years, but I know I did…” I began to wonder if I should call mom and dad again and ask them for directions, it was on their request I was coming to visit home after all… but no matter how much I asked or how I asked, it seemed they insisted on the underground locomotive themselves.
“I’d hate to be ‘ntrusive… But are you short on Poké Dollars, lass? You’re the first I’ve met so reluctant to use the Battle Subway. Motion sickness, by chance even?” The old woman squinted, and I knew she meant nothing of harm, needling me for answers on my reluctance. That same honesty of hers was the reason I conceded to giving her a genuine answer of my own, shrugging my shoulders and tugging my scarf absently.
“I just don’t like places with a lot of people… or machinery.” A half-assed explanation, but a truth. I’d much rather enjoy a brisk walk through the woodland, there wasn’t any dishonesty there. Meidi and I detested urban environments as much as we detested the sounds of chatter and grinding steel. The Pumpkaboo in question mewled in tandem with my comment, as if she were giving her own commentary on enjoying the fall breeze more than being on a stuffy underground train. The woman I bothered tucked her thumb and index beneath her chin, not spending long pondering over my comment before she accepted it. “Ah, you’re one-a those kinds of Trainers… Well, why not give it a shot just once, lass? Can’t hurt.” I heard the voice of my parents against her own, the same way they waved their hands passively and encouraged the same action as this Nimbasa local.
I shuffled on the concrete, making peace with the fact there was no point continuing to fuss over specifics. “I’ll try, thanks, ma’am.” I responded absently, I was far too preoccupied with staring up at the ambering sky as the sunset crawled down the horizon. It was going to get dark, so traversing through the forest no longer seemed favorable anyway. Meidi chirped patiently in my grip, and I had been bonded with her long enough to know she was telling me she would have been satisfied with whatever I chose to do.
And well, whatever, it was just a train ride.
Holding my Pumpkaboo to my chest and braving the chill of the autumn air, I began to head toward the assumed station— all the while following digital maps and directories that littered the streets for lost tourists or visitors like myself. The frustration I felt packaged with the maze-like structures were another reason I enjoyed smaller, rustic towns opposed to the urban jungle. For the sake of my temper I decided to stomach my opinions on the environment, focusing on the illuminated sign of ‘Gear Station’ that signaled my arrival.
I held my breath and descended with my exhale.
The sight that greeted me was thankfully not as irksome as I originally anticipated– the staple bustle of travelers and workers alike were nowhere to be found after the evening rush hour. The sound of the concrete stairs beneath my feet echoed into the monochrome tunnel, yet the sound didn’t seem to disturb the murmur of goings-on that flitted about the dimly lit station. In fact, I would have even righted myself by admitting the atmosphere was a tranquil one, but the subtle buzz of machinery and the all encompassing grey perturbed me otherwise. I wondered how many people felt the same, how many preferred the greens and amber shades of fall that enveloped the world above this one.
I couldn’t fathom anything about these dilapidated tunnels being enjoyable.
Meidi nestled into my grip, bobbing her head in the direction of a station clerk past the counter. She knew I didn’t like talking much, that I much preferred keeping to myself on our journey, but positive reinforcement and all that. I guess sometimes the Trainer is the one learning from the Pokemon. My eyes remained on the floor until I was close enough to be noticed, and the clerk– Depot Agents as I had heard them called back home, raised his head to face me before I did. He was a young man, perhaps only a few good years my senior, and there was a pep in the way he brushed black bangs from his face and adjusted his hat. He looked happy to be working here, if nothing else, or at least good at feigning that customer service smile I was so used to.
“Hiya, where to? Need any help?” His bright violet hues watched me intently, and as welcoming as they surely were, they only made me want to shrink further into myself. He cocked his head when I didn’t respond right away, and it took my entire sheer force of will to not bolt from the stand right there. I bit my lip, letting Meidi escape my grasp and float up into the air beside me. “Uhm…” My shaking hands weakly procured the crumpled map from my satchel, pointing to the forested location where I knew the clearing of Anville Town was sure to be, and I held it out for the man to see. He squinted at it momentarily, studying it carefully before offering me a slow reply. “Sorry, where is that? I think I’m missing it…” I ghosted my finger over the map’s directory where the words Anville Town were printed, gliding back over where the line met the treetops of a very small expanse where Anville Town’s trainyard laid. I paused, waiting for the helper’s next judgment, and sure enough, he still wasn’t sold on my direction. “Anville Town, huh?”
Meidi nudged my cheek apologetically. Typical I would be stuck in a social situation like this.
The Depot Agent briefly tapped his chin before rolling his chair over to his deskside, going through papers I couldn’t quite decipher from my distance away. Once enough time passed for me to awkwardly shuffle my feet, the man rolled his seat back over to the counter, the papers he scrounged through still rolled up in his hands. “I’m sorry miss, is that map outdated? I can’t find anything with a remotely similar name on our schedules… I can look at even older records?” His last statement was phrased like an offer, and it wasn’t one I was certain I wanted to trouble him with. “N-no, that’s fine… it’s just…” I wasn’t sure what to lead up with– what would anyone do in this situation? Was I supposed to say ‘Sorry, I was mistaken.’ and walk away even more perplexed than before?
Though it wasn’t something I could fuss about either, how could I correct someone who worked here?
My social ineptitude must have been written on my damn sleeve, because that chipper clerk glanced at my partner before redirecting his words. “Are you maybe confusing the town with a place in Kalos? It’s okay, it happens.” It wasn’t uncommon for Meidi to attract attention, given Unova’s zoology tended to be so particular that Pokemon not from the region stood out like sore thumbs– much to my dismay. It was anxiety I could swallow though, if it meant keeping Meidi by my side. “No sir, I was born in Kalos, but I’ve lived my entire life in Unova, I honestly can’t even recite a single town in Kalos from memory.” He pursed his lip, and I could tell he wanted to inquire further about my peculiar life, but I didn’t offer him any further leads in my haphazard social cues. Meidi was always attuned to my poor behavior, and began to squeak, calling attention to herself for my own good.
Honestly, it felt like my Pokemon was the one toting me around.
“...My mom said I found her while I was playing outside in the leaves as a toddler. She named her for me before we moved.” It was like pulling teeth, but I admitted the morsel of information I had previously left out if only to ease my fussing Pumpkaboo from her ‘lecturing’. “Oh! I see.” The man’s features brightened again, and as if encouraged by my brief personal story, he unfurled the sheets in his hands, offering one more look at the timetable to perhaps give me solace. I watched the shifts in his expressions attentively, and of course I could tell by his sudden frown he had turned up fruitless again, but he didn’t look ready to be out of solutions. The agent took a moment to swallow his breath, holding my map out back to me. “There is an important man here who may know the town you’re looking for. If we don’t have a train to it, I’d at least like to direct you where you need to go, miss.” I was appreciative of his offer deep down, but I knew I was right– there was an Anville Town in the Unova region, and I wasn’t going to budge on that. “Thank you, but I’d like to double check something for a moment.” The clerk nodded, returning to his trained positive salute. “Sure thing, miss! I’ll be right here.” I ambled away from the nightmare of socializing with customer service to pull my Xtransceiver from the pocket of my satchel, figuring I would concede to giving my parents one more call to double check the directions they had given me to reach home.
They were the ones that told me to take the damn train, after all.
Meidi perched herself on my shoulder patiently, letting me handle the more human errands she couldn’t metaphorically tug me along in. I stifled the shaking in my fingers as much as I could to dial the number, letting the screen flash its usual NOW CONNECTING… animated circle play as it rang my parents’ device on the other line. After some time I began to feel convinced Arceus himself was playing a cruel joke on me, because the LED screen staring back at me mockingly showed the words ‘CONNECTION FAILED’ instead of my parents’ smiling faces. I rang them again, assuring myself they probably missed the call instead of the tunnel messing with the signal. The same words greeted me from the mess of white noise, and I rhythmically tapped in the same number again, and again after that. Each attempt yielded nothing, and I pinched my temples in frustration at the domino effect of events that were beginning to take place.
Right, okay. Maybe it was the fact I was underground that was messing with the signal.
I began to instinctively move towards the stairwell before even raising my head, planning to take my call outside before returning below to regurgitate whatever directions my parents gave me to the puzzled clerk. It was right then that Meidi began to trill wildly, and I was too focused on my mental plan to pay attention to what she could have been warning me about above the hum of the other few commuters there were.
That was, until I was face to face with a wall where I was positive the stairs I descended from were erected.
My patience for this station was quickly plummeting.
Beginning to doubt if I was more exhausted than I realized, I made my walk of shame back to the man that had attempted to aid me previously, losing what little nerves I had to resist asking what I once considered ridiculous questions. “S’cuse me, sir.” I began again, just as meekly as the first time. “Where’s the exit? I think I got a bit turned around coming down here…” He was swift to lean over the counter, pointing in the exact direction I came from with no hesitation. “Just over there.” It was then that I began to feel like someone was fucking with me, be it this possible new hire or some greater power that existed. “...Thanks.” My voice came more defeated than I wanted, but it was getting harder to hide my growing disdain for the situation and Gear Station as a whole.
I knew I was onto something when I was reluctant to even step foot in here.
Against my better judgment I circled the station for a bit, looking for the exit and taking notice of the lack of clocks amidst the fluorescent lamps that raised even more questions on how this place properly functioned. After what I believe was my fourth tour around, I could surmise I either was losing my mind, or the exit had magically hidden itself…it was possible, right? Meidi nudged my cheek again, reminding me of her presence and comfort as my irritation only grew. I couldn’t allow my will to be broken by the challenge of society itself. I was a Pokemon Trainer! I have Pokemon, I battle, I travel the world and I practice to earn Gym Badges to my name! Not being able to get on a stupid train was nothing compared to the strategies I had to learn and experience! I paused to pat my cheeks in some self-encouragement, now scanning the station for that ‘important man’ the depot agent had briefly mentioned, regretting that I hadn’t gotten a less vague description of who that person might be.
My peripherals caught sight of two individuals that stood out amongst the commuters, and I brought them into my full view a distance away. Their hats carried the same emblem as the depot agents that worked here, and both stood near identical in both fashion and features, save for their mirrored hues of black and white adorning their uniforms. If my mind wasn’t failing me, there was no mistaking that the ‘important’ man the agent mentioned had to be one of those two– and perhaps they were the ones in charge of this bewildering place. I quickened my step, finally feeling something of a solution on the horizon. I drew closer, halting only when I noticed the identical men were busy discussing something with another Depot Agent. I had already no doubt burned the rest of the daylight that was left above, so it didn’t really make sense to rush anymore. My parents probably figured I’d ‘get there when I get there’ anyways. Meidi finally left my side, lulling over to the rather worn looking railroad the men in question were just a few feet from.
Compared to the other train tracks I had passed in my circle around the place, these stood out, clearly in need of some maintenance. Though that didn’t really concern me as any more than curiosity to pass the time.
I had to get out of here, the air was beginning to feel suffocating.
In a divine act of mercy, the Depot Agent finally departed, giving the two a salute before he strayed back to his post. It was then that I acted despite my earlier anxieties, knowing if I didn’t jump on the opportunity now it wouldn’t be easy to find these two free again. “Uhm…!” My stammer caught their shared attention, and I just as suddenly felt my sense of bravery leave once again. I could no longer tell if it was my ineptitude holding me back or how unnerved by this place I was becoming.
Their mirrored gazes were piercing, emphasized by their silvery hues that weren’t as welcoming as the shade of violet the clerk before them had. Their features too, were pale— incredibly pale, which I could only assume was the result of working out of sunlight everyday. If they weren’t wearing their distinctly shaded coats, it wasn’t a stretch to guess no one could tell the difference, save for the fact one was smiling at me and the other wasn’t. I don’t usually pay attention to the appearance of others, given how self conscious I was about my own. In any other circumstance, I would have kept my head down like usual, taking in the barest crumb of eye contact I could.
For some reason, it felt like something would happen if I broke away first, like the exit disappearing before my eyes.
Something about these indistinguishable figures felt out of place compared to the world they managed down below. They felt off— they looked off, these uncanny mannequins masquerading as humans that somehow they had everyone believing. In hindsight, my perception of these men felt harshly placed, but under the pressuring fluorescent lights of the station, I was running out of room for empathy.
I kept my tact though, of course.
“Does this track go to Anville Town?” I broke the silence first, pointing nonchalantly at the rustic railway beside us. Neither of them responded instantly, in fact, the one in white glided slightly out of sight behind the one in black, presumably letting him take the lead in answering me. I wouldn’t have minded, but the way he kept looking at me with a smile dotting his face all the while made the nerves twist in my stomach. The black-clad one glanced to where I pointed, and then oddly to the Pumpkaboo bobbing in the air beside me. “Why… yes, it does. You’re looking to board, I presume?” Despite his offputting frown, the assumed conductor responded politely, and for the first time that evening I relaxed my shoulders. “Oh, that’s great…! I am, yes.” Unlike the clerk before him, there didn’t seem to be a doubt in his mind about where this trail led.
It troubled me enough that I decided to pipe up again.
“The clerk up front didn’t seem to know where Anville Town was…” The silver haired man gave a slight bow at that, keeping his hands folded at his midriff. “My apologies, Kennker is a bit new, if you would be so kind as to forgive him for his hiccup.” It was a mild relief to know there was at least some semblance of logic behind at least one of the events I’d experienced. “Oh, it’s not an issue…” A half-lie. Really it was an issue, but I wasn’t the type to cost someone their job or anything like that, so I attempted to let my initial irritation simmer. For a brief moment I had entirely forgotten the man in white was still keenly watching me from behind his doppelganger, leaning into view with his hands folded behind his back in a playful manner. My mouth opened to ask him if he wanted to chime in with anything, but I opted to remain silent, pursing my lip instead. “The train will be returning soon, so please wait on this platform.” His mechanical response snapped my attention back to the other instead with a nod. “Should you need anything, I am the Subway Boss, Ingo, at your beckoning call.” The more formalities left him the more and more I felt underdressed. All the while I could feel the stare of his duplicate– a twin no doubt, studying my every gesture. If I lacked any sense of tact I would have broken and asked why the one donning white hadn’t given his name, or even why he didn’t appear keen on speaking to me– or anyone for that matter. I had already pegged the two of them as otherworldly in their demeanors, so I confided with myself that I was just growing nosy.
Having a twin must be a strange sort of existence.
Ingo eyed my Pumpkaboo again, and slowly raised a gloved hand for Meidi to perch on, which she hastily obliged. She always lived for praise and attention, that darling little thing. “They often say one’s partner tells quite a bit about them.” He began speaking the moment I thought he was going to return to his work, instead taking an interest in my Pokemon. I didn’t really mind that, it was expected in this region, and an almost welcome distraction from the mechanized world that currently surrounded us. “May I ask this little one’s name?” “Meidi. My mom named her.” I remembered asking my mother what was the meaning behind such a name for a Pumpkaboo, but she never told me, not once even looking my way to respond when I asked. All I could remember is her brief mention that it was from an old story she read.
If it was something she expected me to understand when I got older, then maybe I’m still not old enough. Maybe I never will be.
“Then may you and Meidi have a safe departure, passenger.” The Subway Boss faintly smiled at me, and as if on cue Meidi floated from her roost and back to my side once more, chirping happily all the while. I somehow managed a meek smile of my own, silently waving at the man who somehow soothed my mounting suspicions. There was every possibility I was more tired than I thought, and got turned around so much I did in fact lose track of the exit. This place is so monochrome and gentrified it was natural to mix up how similar every landmark looked. The clerk was only making a human mistake, and I truly got fussed over nothing.
Or at least, that’s the idea I relished in only for a moment.
Ingo had left the scene, but as I turned my head back to where I thought an empty space would be in his place, his copy in white stood now in plain sight– completely forgotten by me until now. It was then I had the haunting realization that Ingo hadn’t once taken notice his twin was present.
If whatever this was could count as a twin.
The unnamed man smiled playfully at me, the skip in his step so weightless and ethereal it couldn’t be equated to human movement. I could feel heat gathering on the back of my neck in my rising panic. Every excuse that I had begun building for this pocket dimension of a station was crumbling away in the form of the train conductor before me.
The reason I couldn’t reach my parents.
The reason I couldn’t find the exit.
The reason that Kenneker had no idea if Anville Town even existed.
The way two peculiar men directed me to the train with no qualms about that whatsoever.
And the way one of them stood before me without once being prompted by his lookalike.
Even Meidi didn’t react to the man’s presence, much less my rising fear– which usually she would have been promptly ready to comfort me from. I was beginning to think I took a wrong turn somewhere, the world started to feel separated from this underground dimension I had somehow wandered into. “A…are you…–?” My question to the leftover ghost began before I could stop myself. I desperately wished Meidi would have taken notice of my quivering tone and nudged my cheek like she always had when I was fretful, but even though she bobbed about beside me, it was as if she was far, far away, or unaware I was still with her altogether.
I had never felt so alone with my thoughts.
The hiss of train wheels interrupted my mental collapse, and the train I had been looking for all night rolled into the station beside me. Surely Arceus must have found some humor in divine irony. The metallic doors of the worn train slid open once it had come to a complete stop, and the ethereal being before me drifted behind those doors before I could get out the rest of my question.
No, rather, there was an ample amount of time for me to ask anything, but my breath was caught in my throat. As if rubbing salt in the wound, Meidi too began to follow after this mysterious lookalike, silencing any words I had altogether.
This turn of events was beginning to remind me of that old storybook about a girl following a pure white Scorbunny down a bunny hole. At least, equating what was transpiring before my eyes to such an innocent story was keeping me sane. “H-hey!” I called after both Pokemon and conductor, throwing my remaining caution to the wind with each step into the train carriage following them.
To my surprise, the interior was like any other train would be, albeit older and in disrepair upon any closer examination. If the lighting were warmer, it probably wouldn’t have been so unsettling.
No rather, if I weren’t chasing a ghost it wouldn’t have been so unsettling.
I walked slowly as I searched for where they went, absently letting my hand glide over the torn leather of the seats lining the windows, every now and again letting it catch on the chipped metal handles by the door frames. The further I walked into the connected carriages, the more I began to notice the lights had become dimmer and more violet in hue. The silence was giving me enough time to come to terms with the fact that whatever I had walked into was definitely not a train, and this was definitely not normal. Just as I had calmed my nerves I spotted Meidi resting in one of those faux leather seats next to the mysterious duplicate I had rashly followed into the metaphorical Pyroar’s den.
I had to steel myself, if not now, then when?
“Who are you?” I attempted to carry a ferocity in my voice, but it projected weaker than I had wanted.
Needless to say, he wasn’t threatened in the least, gesturing for me to sit down instead of standing to greet me. “I am Emmet.” His voice was as mechanical as his mirror’s movements, “I am a Subway Boss, and I am here to guide you to your destination.” I furrowed my brow, not really convinced anything happening was ‘the usual’ to say the least. “Your twin said this train goes to Anville Town.” I sat across from him, partially in disbelief with myself that I was willingly consulting with a phantom, surely. “Maybe it does.” His response was vague, and he wasn’t looking at me, but my Pokemon now seated in his lap. “But it will assuredly go to your destination.”
I didn’t want to hear that cryptic bullshit.
My fists curled into my dress, and for once in my life I was done being the meek Trainer I had become known to be. “What is this place really? This train? The station? Who are you and where are you taking me and my Pokemon?!” My voice reverberated through the cabin, and though I roared before the supposed spirit, he didn’t flinch in the slightest. Instead, his smile widened, as if my outburst was exactly what he had been anticipating. “Have you ever read stories about your partner?” His speech was stilted, awkward when he weaved around longer sentences. “What they say about Pumpkaboo?” I didn’t respond, waiting for him to finish the thought himself. “They say their bodies carry wandering spirits to the place that they belong so they can move to the other side.”
What?
Emmet’s gloved hands stroked my Pokemon’s head as if it were the most natural thing in the world. “That is my duty, Miss Trainer. To help your Pokemon take you there, to the other side.” My blood was running cold. What kind of cheap trick was this? “You expect me to just believe that? That I’m dead or something, and Meidi has been carrying my soul around this whole time? Is that the kind of lie you’re making up?” The Subway Boss chuckled lightly in response to my rising anger. It didn’t provoke me, but what really was shattering what was left of my composure was how Meidi rested against him, how she didn’t retort with squeaks of her own or deny any of it.
“You are sharp. You are in fact, dead. You have been a while, you know. You have been dead since you received your friend.” I didn’t spare him any reply, instead staring him down with a cold fury to ignore the hot tears burning the corners of my eyes. “Don’t fret. It is normal for this to happen. Many do not realize they are dead until they come here. I understand. It is a painful thing to learn.” His words came so uneven I was beginning to wonder how much of this conversation I was hallucinating, like some dream. “Meidi is a good girl. She has been taking care of you all this time, right?”
I was then faced with the beady eyes of my little Pumpkaboo, who looked at me as if I was betraying her with my anger, instead of the other way around. “Many Pokemon have come before her. Here. Many seeking to find their Trainers’ peace. That is what this train is for. To guide you, to peace.” Meidi wanted this for me? She had been leading me here all this time?
No, there were still some puzzle pieces missing.
“But my parents called me, telling me to come home! I've been traveling all this time!” I countered, and his expression remained in that muted smile, unchanging. “They did not call you. They called Meidi, for you.” Finally he moved, leaning forward to stare me down with those hollow silver orbs. “Do you remember anything of your home besides Meidi? Of Anville Town?” I froze. I searched my memory, of a way to answer that I did in fact have childhood memories beyond the trainyard and playing with Meidi among the leaves, but I came back from the catacombs of my mind empty handed.
“No, I don’t remember anything else.” I conceded. “That is normal too, when you die. Memories come and go. You no longer remember anything that happened before.” I wanted to yell, to scream at this ghost to stop lying to me, but the look on Meidi’s face– her sad little face looking at me with pain that I wasn’t accepting what I was told.
The little Meidi that had been my one true friend this entire time.
“Only people like you can see me.” I kept my head low as he spoke, no longer having the strength to keep up the interrogation much longer. “And you’re fine with that? Not existing?” His smile faltered for the first time since I had met him, and he looked to the windows behind me, shining a light through them that I had not known where it came from. “I have Ingo. That is all I need.”
And I had Meidi.
“...Are my parents alive? Do they know I’m dead?” “Of course. They are well. They miss you verrrrrry much. They lost track of you one day while you were playing. You disappeared. Your friend stayed with you. It was too cold, even for her, but she stayed with you.” I began to notice the way he repeated his simple words, emphasizing points in a gentle manner. I was calming, not of relief, but of defeat. If anything, I had to come to terms with the fact that this man was not my enemy, at least for Meidi’s sake.
“Is it true, Meidi…?” I finally brought myself back to facing my Pumpkaboo, and the dam holding my tears broke when I met her tiny face. “You wanted me to come here?” My partner floated toward me, perching on my shoulder to nudge me like she always had.
So that was it then.
It was all too much to take, and I began to sob openly, clutching the hems of my dress and letting my vision blur to the train car around me. “But I’m so scared, Meidi! I don’t… I don’t want our journey to end. But if wandering around is making you suffer… If you were trying to get me to move on for my parents’ sake and yours…” Was it selfish to want to remain in this world? To live a life I never had? Emmet remained respectfully silent, shutting his eyes and letting my tears fall freely onto the soft fabric on my lap. It was a scene he had possibly witnessed countless times, if this train ferried the dead, he had no doubt seen countless goodbyes like this.
I wondered how he managed it.
I wondered how he didn’t break from it.
“Can I…” I choked on my words, resting my cheek against my Pumpkaboo, “Can I at least see my home, can I see Anville Town one last time? Please.” I didn’t want to accept it, but I had been living so long on borrowed time…
I had only just realized how tired Meidi looked.
“We are going to your destination.” Emmet repeated, whether he was saying so to somehow comfort me or make me face the truth, I couldn’t tell. “I am a Subway Boss. I can only do that. What you do when you reach it, is up to you.” The grim reaper in white had finally stood up, walking towards me with those hands placed childishly behind him once again. His words felt like air, and I still couldn’t wrap my head around any of his vague meanings, but…
What you do when you reach it, is up to you.
Alright.
“Let’s go home, Meidi.” I managed a quivering smile, wiping my eyes of any sorrow left behind.
“I think I’m kind of tired after all.”
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CONTENT WARNINGS: Mild swearing, brief discussions of mortality
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It had been a long time since I visited home, the memory was buried so far deep in the catacombs of my mind that I couldn’t recall any more than rusted train tracks and the wisps of faces. My makeshift vestiges of memories, the smallest I often found dancing on the tip of my tongue, tended to strangely be the easiest to grasp during autumn. I can’t really comprehend it myself, there’s nothing that particularly draws me to the season more than others– no more than the slightest affinity for it I felt due to the pumpkin shaped Pokemon chirping in my hold. I think eventually I came to the conclusion I held that unexplainable fondness for the season was because it was the time I found Meidi stumbling about the leaves.
She was the runt of the patch, much like myself compared to my siblings.
She wasn’t native to Unova either, and though I can’t remember what age in my formative years we became a pair, I do know that perhaps like me she feels like a stranger in a foreign land— I didn’t feel like I belonged here.
Maybe I didn’t really belong anywhere.
This thought isn’t something that often comes as some somber soliloquy, it was a feeling that followed me since I left on my journey as a Trainer. My mother told me it was a natural wanderlust and I’d grow out of it. I held her to that. Yet even still, as much as I wanted to listen to my mother I couldn’t shake this unsettling feeling that followed me in my travels, a feeling that only grew when I reached the starless sky of Nimbasa City. I chalked up the feeling to the unease and unfamiliarity with tourist spots, the crowds and bustle during every waking hour that someone like me couldn’t handle for long. The colorful lights of the ferris wheel and attractions only served as cheap marketing tactics to me, in fact, the entire city felt like some sort of capital ploy— but I resigned those feelings to growing up in that seldom known place called Anville Town.
That same place was the very reason I found myself decorated in Nimbasa’s lights, as I had heard from other vagrant Trainers that the subway system located there was the only known way to Anville Town. This information didn’t make much sense to me when I first caught wind of it, as I could easily stare a wanderer in the eyes and point to the exact location of Anville Town on the map. Knowing where home is always felt like something that should come second nature to a Trainer, and thus I always made sure I knew where Anville Town was located, except for the fact I couldn’t quite remember the way to get there, which l was certain I didn’t need a train ticket for, above all else.
“There’s no known route through the forest? Nothing?” I remember asking a stranger just outside the station. The older woman I interrogated merely shook her head, returning my map to my hands. “I’m sure young’uns like you are used to walking through brush and bramble… But it just isn’t safe. You’ll get lost, and the train is your easiest bet, lass.” I could hear her faded Kantonian accent on her tongue coupled with her gentle nudging for me to use the public transport. The notion only made me recoil further, “But I left home through the woods… I mean I don’t remember how, it’s been a few years, but I know I did…” I began to wonder if I should call mom and dad again and ask them for directions, it was on their request I was coming to visit home after all… but no matter how much I asked or how I asked, it seemed they insisted on the underground locomotive themselves.
“I’d hate to be ‘ntrusive… But are you short on Poké Dollars, lass? You’re the first I’ve met so reluctant to use the Battle Subway. Motion sickness, by chance even?” The old woman squinted, and I knew she meant nothing of harm, needling me for answers on my reluctance. That same honesty of hers was the reason I conceded to giving her a genuine answer of my own, shrugging my shoulders and tugging my scarf absently.
“I just don’t like places with a lot of people… or machinery.” A half-assed explanation, but a truth. I’d much rather enjoy a brisk walk through the woodland, there wasn’t any dishonesty there. Meidi and I detested urban environments as much as we detested the sounds of chatter and grinding steel. The Pumpkaboo in question mewled in tandem with my comment, as if she were giving her own commentary on enjoying the fall breeze more than being on a stuffy underground train. The woman I bothered tucked her thumb and index beneath her chin, not spending long pondering over my comment before she accepted it. “Ah, you’re one-a those kinds of Trainers… Well, why not give it a shot just once, lass? Can’t hurt.” I heard the voice of my parents against her own, the same way they waved their hands passively and encouraged the same action as this Nimbasa local.
I shuffled on the concrete, making peace with the fact there was no point continuing to fuss over specifics. “I’ll try, thanks, ma’am.” I responded absently, I was far too preoccupied with staring up at the ambering sky as the sunset crawled down the horizon. It was going to get dark, so traversing through the forest no longer seemed favorable anyway. Meidi chirped patiently in my grip, and I had been bonded with her long enough to know she was telling me she would have been satisfied with whatever I chose to do.
And well, whatever, it was just a train ride.
Holding my Pumpkaboo to my chest and braving the chill of the autumn air, I began to head toward the assumed station— all the while following digital maps and directories that littered the streets for lost tourists or visitors like myself. The frustration I felt packaged with the maze-like structures were another reason I enjoyed smaller, rustic towns opposed to the urban jungle. For the sake of my temper I decided to stomach my opinions on the environment, focusing on the illuminated sign of ‘Gear Station’ that signaled my arrival.
I held my breath and descended with my exhale.
The sight that greeted me was thankfully not as irksome as I originally anticipated– the staple bustle of travelers and workers alike were nowhere to be found after the evening rush hour. The sound of the concrete stairs beneath my feet echoed into the monochrome tunnel, yet the sound didn’t seem to disturb the murmur of goings-on that flitted about the dimly lit station. In fact, I would have even righted myself by admitting the atmosphere was a tranquil one, but the subtle buzz of machinery and the all encompassing grey perturbed me otherwise. I wondered how many people felt the same, how many preferred the greens and amber shades of fall that enveloped the world above this one.
I couldn’t fathom anything about these dilapidated tunnels being enjoyable.
Meidi nestled into my grip, bobbing her head in the direction of a station clerk past the counter. She knew I didn’t like talking much, that I much preferred keeping to myself on our journey, but positive reinforcement and all that. I guess sometimes the Trainer is the one learning from the Pokemon. My eyes remained on the floor until I was close enough to be noticed, and the clerk– Depot Agents as I had heard them called back home, raised his head to face me before I did. He was a young man, perhaps only a few good years my senior, and there was a pep in the way he brushed black bangs from his face and adjusted his hat. He looked happy to be working here, if nothing else, or at least good at feigning that customer service smile I was so used to.
“Hiya, where to? Need any help?” His bright violet hues watched me intently, and as welcoming as they surely were, they only made me want to shrink further into myself. He cocked his head when I didn’t respond right away, and it took my entire sheer force of will to not bolt from the stand right there. I bit my lip, letting Meidi escape my grasp and float up into the air beside me. “Uhm…” My shaking hands weakly procured the crumpled map from my satchel, pointing to the forested location where I knew the clearing of Anville Town was sure to be, and I held it out for the man to see. He squinted at it momentarily, studying it carefully before offering me a slow reply. “Sorry, where is that? I think I’m missing it…” I ghosted my finger over the map’s directory where the words Anville Town were printed, gliding back over where the line met the treetops of a very small expanse where Anville Town’s trainyard laid. I paused, waiting for the helper’s next judgment, and sure enough, he still wasn’t sold on my direction. “Anville Town, huh?”
Meidi nudged my cheek apologetically. Typical I would be stuck in a social situation like this.
The Depot Agent briefly tapped his chin before rolling his chair over to his deskside, going through papers I couldn’t quite decipher from my distance away. Once enough time passed for me to awkwardly shuffle my feet, the man rolled his seat back over to the counter, the papers he scrounged through still rolled up in his hands. “I’m sorry miss, is that map outdated? I can’t find anything with a remotely similar name on our schedules… I can look at even older records?” His last statement was phrased like an offer, and it wasn’t one I was certain I wanted to trouble him with. “N-no, that’s fine… it’s just…” I wasn’t sure what to lead up with– what would anyone do in this situation? Was I supposed to say ‘Sorry, I was mistaken.’ and walk away even more perplexed than before?
Though it wasn’t something I could fuss about either, how could I correct someone who worked here?
My social ineptitude must have been written on my damn sleeve, because that chipper clerk glanced at my partner before redirecting his words. “Are you maybe confusing the town with a place in Kalos? It’s okay, it happens.” It wasn’t uncommon for Meidi to attract attention, given Unova’s zoology tended to be so particular that Pokemon not from the region stood out like sore thumbs– much to my dismay. It was anxiety I could swallow though, if it meant keeping Meidi by my side. “No sir, I was born in Kalos, but I’ve lived my entire life in Unova, I honestly can’t even recite a single town in Kalos from memory.” He pursed his lip, and I could tell he wanted to inquire further about my peculiar life, but I didn’t offer him any further leads in my haphazard social cues. Meidi was always attuned to my poor behavior, and began to squeak, calling attention to herself for my own good.
Honestly, it felt like my Pokemon was the one toting me around.
“...My mom said I found her while I was playing outside in the leaves as a toddler. She named her for me before we moved.” It was like pulling teeth, but I admitted the morsel of information I had previously left out if only to ease my fussing Pumpkaboo from her ‘lecturing’. “Oh! I see.” The man’s features brightened again, and as if encouraged by my brief personal story, he unfurled the sheets in his hands, offering one more look at the timetable to perhaps give me solace. I watched the shifts in his expressions attentively, and of course I could tell by his sudden frown he had turned up fruitless again, but he didn’t look ready to be out of solutions. The agent took a moment to swallow his breath, holding my map out back to me. “There is an important man here who may know the town you’re looking for. If we don’t have a train to it, I’d at least like to direct you where you need to go, miss.” I was appreciative of his offer deep down, but I knew I was right– there was an Anville Town in the Unova region, and I wasn’t going to budge on that. “Thank you, but I’d like to double check something for a moment.” The clerk nodded, returning to his trained positive salute. “Sure thing, miss! I’ll be right here.” I ambled away from the nightmare of socializing with customer service to pull my Xtransceiver from the pocket of my satchel, figuring I would concede to giving my parents one more call to double check the directions they had given me to reach home.
They were the ones that told me to take the damn train, after all.
Meidi perched herself on my shoulder patiently, letting me handle the more human errands she couldn’t metaphorically tug me along in. I stifled the shaking in my fingers as much as I could to dial the number, letting the screen flash its usual NOW CONNECTING… animated circle play as it rang my parents’ device on the other line. After some time I began to feel convinced Arceus himself was playing a cruel joke on me, because the LED screen staring back at me mockingly showed the words ‘CONNECTION FAILED’ instead of my parents’ smiling faces. I rang them again, assuring myself they probably missed the call instead of the tunnel messing with the signal. The same words greeted me from the mess of white noise, and I rhythmically tapped in the same number again, and again after that. Each attempt yielded nothing, and I pinched my temples in frustration at the domino effect of events that were beginning to take place.
Right, okay. Maybe it was the fact I was underground that was messing with the signal.
I began to instinctively move towards the stairwell before even raising my head, planning to take my call outside before returning below to regurgitate whatever directions my parents gave me to the puzzled clerk. It was right then that Meidi began to trill wildly, and I was too focused on my mental plan to pay attention to what she could have been warning me about above the hum of the other few commuters there were.
That was, until I was face to face with a wall where I was positive the stairs I descended from were erected.
My patience for this station was quickly plummeting.
Beginning to doubt if I was more exhausted than I realized, I made my walk of shame back to the man that had attempted to aid me previously, losing what little nerves I had to resist asking what I once considered ridiculous questions. “S’cuse me, sir.” I began again, just as meekly as the first time. “Where’s the exit? I think I got a bit turned around coming down here…” He was swift to lean over the counter, pointing in the exact direction I came from with no hesitation. “Just over there.” It was then that I began to feel like someone was fucking with me, be it this possible new hire or some greater power that existed. “...Thanks.” My voice came more defeated than I wanted, but it was getting harder to hide my growing disdain for the situation and Gear Station as a whole.
I knew I was onto something when I was reluctant to even step foot in here.
Against my better judgment I circled the station for a bit, looking for the exit and taking notice of the lack of clocks amidst the fluorescent lamps that raised even more questions on how this place properly functioned. After what I believe was my fourth tour around, I could surmise I either was losing my mind, or the exit had magically hidden itself…it was possible, right? Meidi nudged my cheek again, reminding me of her presence and comfort as my irritation only grew. I couldn’t allow my will to be broken by the challenge of society itself. I was a Pokemon Trainer! I have Pokemon, I battle, I travel the world and I practice to earn Gym Badges to my name! Not being able to get on a stupid train was nothing compared to the strategies I had to learn and experience! I paused to pat my cheeks in some self-encouragement, now scanning the station for that ‘important man’ the depot agent had briefly mentioned, regretting that I hadn’t gotten a less vague description of who that person might be.
My peripherals caught sight of two individuals that stood out amongst the commuters, and I brought them into my full view a distance away. Their hats carried the same emblem as the depot agents that worked here, and both stood near identical in both fashion and features, save for their mirrored hues of black and white adorning their uniforms. If my mind wasn’t failing me, there was no mistaking that the ‘important’ man the agent mentioned had to be one of those two– and perhaps they were the ones in charge of this bewildering place. I quickened my step, finally feeling something of a solution on the horizon. I drew closer, halting only when I noticed the identical men were busy discussing something with another Depot Agent. I had already no doubt burned the rest of the daylight that was left above, so it didn’t really make sense to rush anymore. My parents probably figured I’d ‘get there when I get there’ anyways. Meidi finally left my side, lulling over to the rather worn looking railroad the men in question were just a few feet from.
Compared to the other train tracks I had passed in my circle around the place, these stood out, clearly in need of some maintenance. Though that didn’t really concern me as any more than curiosity to pass the time.
I had to get out of here, the air was beginning to feel suffocating.
In a divine act of mercy, the Depot Agent finally departed, giving the two a salute before he strayed back to his post. It was then that I acted despite my earlier anxieties, knowing if I didn’t jump on the opportunity now it wouldn’t be easy to find these two free again. “Uhm…!” My stammer caught their shared attention, and I just as suddenly felt my sense of bravery leave once again. I could no longer tell if it was my ineptitude holding me back or how unnerved by this place I was becoming.
Their mirrored gazes were piercing, emphasized by their silvery hues that weren’t as welcoming as the shade of violet the clerk before them had. Their features too, were pale— incredibly pale, which I could only assume was the result of working out of sunlight everyday. If they weren’t wearing their distinctly shaded coats, it wasn’t a stretch to guess no one could tell the difference, save for the fact one was smiling at me and the other wasn’t. I don’t usually pay attention to the appearance of others, given how self conscious I was about my own. In any other circumstance, I would have kept my head down like usual, taking in the barest crumb of eye contact I could.
For some reason, it felt like something would happen if I broke away first, like the exit disappearing before my eyes.
Something about these indistinguishable figures felt out of place compared to the world they managed down below. They felt off— they looked off, these uncanny mannequins masquerading as humans that somehow they had everyone believing. In hindsight, my perception of these men felt harshly placed, but under the pressuring fluorescent lights of the station, I was running out of room for empathy.
I kept my tact though, of course.
“Does this track go to Anville Town?” I broke the silence first, pointing nonchalantly at the rustic railway beside us. Neither of them responded instantly, in fact, the one in white glided slightly out of sight behind the one in black, presumably letting him take the lead in answering me. I wouldn’t have minded, but the way he kept looking at me with a smile dotting his face all the while made the nerves twist in my stomach. The black-clad one glanced to where I pointed, and then oddly to the Pumpkaboo bobbing in the air beside me. “Why… yes, it does. You’re looking to board, I presume?” Despite his offputting frown, the assumed conductor responded politely, and for the first time that evening I relaxed my shoulders. “Oh, that’s great…! I am, yes.” Unlike the clerk before him, there didn’t seem to be a doubt in his mind about where this trail led.
It troubled me enough that I decided to pipe up again.
“The clerk up front didn’t seem to know where Anville Town was…” The silver haired man gave a slight bow at that, keeping his hands folded at his midriff. “My apologies, Kennker is a bit new, if you would be so kind as to forgive him for his hiccup.” It was a mild relief to know there was at least some semblance of logic behind at least one of the events I’d experienced. “Oh, it’s not an issue…” A half-lie. Really it was an issue, but I wasn’t the type to cost someone their job or anything like that, so I attempted to let my initial irritation simmer. For a brief moment I had entirely forgotten the man in white was still keenly watching me from behind his doppelganger, leaning into view with his hands folded behind his back in a playful manner. My mouth opened to ask him if he wanted to chime in with anything, but I opted to remain silent, pursing my lip instead. “The train will be returning soon, so please wait on this platform.” His mechanical response snapped my attention back to the other instead with a nod. “Should you need anything, I am the Subway Boss, Ingo, at your beckoning call.” The more formalities left him the more and more I felt underdressed. All the while I could feel the stare of his duplicate– a twin no doubt, studying my every gesture. If I lacked any sense of tact I would have broken and asked why the one donning white hadn’t given his name, or even why he didn’t appear keen on speaking to me– or anyone for that matter. I had already pegged the two of them as otherworldly in their demeanors, so I confided with myself that I was just growing nosy.
Having a twin must be a strange sort of existence.
Ingo eyed my Pumpkaboo again, and slowly raised a gloved hand for Meidi to perch on, which she hastily obliged. She always lived for praise and attention, that darling little thing. “They often say one’s partner tells quite a bit about them.” He began speaking the moment I thought he was going to return to his work, instead taking an interest in my Pokemon. I didn’t really mind that, it was expected in this region, and an almost welcome distraction from the mechanized world that currently surrounded us. “May I ask this little one’s name?” “Meidi. My mom named her.” I remembered asking my mother what was the meaning behind such a name for a Pumpkaboo, but she never told me, not once even looking my way to respond when I asked. All I could remember is her brief mention that it was from an old story she read.
If it was something she expected me to understand when I got older, then maybe I’m still not old enough. Maybe I never will be.
“Then may you and Meidi have a safe departure, passenger.” The Subway Boss faintly smiled at me, and as if on cue Meidi floated from her roost and back to my side once more, chirping happily all the while. I somehow managed a meek smile of my own, silently waving at the man who somehow soothed my mounting suspicions. There was every possibility I was more tired than I thought, and got turned around so much I did in fact lose track of the exit. This place is so monochrome and gentrified it was natural to mix up how similar every landmark looked. The clerk was only making a human mistake, and I truly got fussed over nothing.
Or at least, that’s the idea I relished in only for a moment.
Ingo had left the scene, but as I turned my head back to where I thought an empty space would be in his place, his copy in white stood now in plain sight– completely forgotten by me until now. It was then I had the haunting realization that Ingo hadn’t once taken notice his twin was present.
If whatever this was could count as a twin.
The unnamed man smiled playfully at me, the skip in his step so weightless and ethereal it couldn’t be equated to human movement. I could feel heat gathering on the back of my neck in my rising panic. Every excuse that I had begun building for this pocket dimension of a station was crumbling away in the form of the train conductor before me.
The reason I couldn’t reach my parents.
The reason I couldn’t find the exit.
The reason that Kenneker had no idea if Anville Town even existed.
The way two peculiar men directed me to the train with no qualms about that whatsoever.
And the way one of them stood before me without once being prompted by his lookalike.
Even Meidi didn’t react to the man’s presence, much less my rising fear– which usually she would have been promptly ready to comfort me from. I was beginning to think I took a wrong turn somewhere, the world started to feel separated from this underground dimension I had somehow wandered into. “A…are you…–?” My question to the leftover ghost began before I could stop myself. I desperately wished Meidi would have taken notice of my quivering tone and nudged my cheek like she always had when I was fretful, but even though she bobbed about beside me, it was as if she was far, far away, or unaware I was still with her altogether.
I had never felt so alone with my thoughts.
The hiss of train wheels interrupted my mental collapse, and the train I had been looking for all night rolled into the station beside me. Surely Arceus must have found some humor in divine irony. The metallic doors of the worn train slid open once it had come to a complete stop, and the ethereal being before me drifted behind those doors before I could get out the rest of my question.
No, rather, there was an ample amount of time for me to ask anything, but my breath was caught in my throat. As if rubbing salt in the wound, Meidi too began to follow after this mysterious lookalike, silencing any words I had altogether.
This turn of events was beginning to remind me of that old storybook about a girl following a pure white Scorbunny down a bunny hole. At least, equating what was transpiring before my eyes to such an innocent story was keeping me sane. “H-hey!” I called after both Pokemon and conductor, throwing my remaining caution to the wind with each step into the train carriage following them.
To my surprise, the interior was like any other train would be, albeit older and in disrepair upon any closer examination. If the lighting were warmer, it probably wouldn’t have been so unsettling.
No rather, if I weren’t chasing a ghost it wouldn’t have been so unsettling.
I walked slowly as I searched for where they went, absently letting my hand glide over the torn leather of the seats lining the windows, every now and again letting it catch on the chipped metal handles by the door frames. The further I walked into the connected carriages, the more I began to notice the lights had become dimmer and more violet in hue. The silence was giving me enough time to come to terms with the fact that whatever I had walked into was definitely not a train, and this was definitely not normal. Just as I had calmed my nerves I spotted Meidi resting in one of those faux leather seats next to the mysterious duplicate I had rashly followed into the metaphorical Pyroar’s den.
I had to steel myself, if not now, then when?
“Who are you?” I attempted to carry a ferocity in my voice, but it projected weaker than I had wanted.
Needless to say, he wasn’t threatened in the least, gesturing for me to sit down instead of standing to greet me. “I am Emmet.” His voice was as mechanical as his mirror’s movements, “I am a Subway Boss, and I am here to guide you to your destination.” I furrowed my brow, not really convinced anything happening was ‘the usual’ to say the least. “Your twin said this train goes to Anville Town.” I sat across from him, partially in disbelief with myself that I was willingly consulting with a phantom, surely. “Maybe it does.” His response was vague, and he wasn’t looking at me, but my Pokemon now seated in his lap. “But it will assuredly go to your destination.”
I didn’t want to hear that cryptic bullshit.
My fists curled into my dress, and for once in my life I was done being the meek Trainer I had become known to be. “What is this place really? This train? The station? Who are you and where are you taking me and my Pokemon?!” My voice reverberated through the cabin, and though I roared before the supposed spirit, he didn’t flinch in the slightest. Instead, his smile widened, as if my outburst was exactly what he had been anticipating. “Have you ever read stories about your partner?” His speech was stilted, awkward when he weaved around longer sentences. “What they say about Pumpkaboo?” I didn’t respond, waiting for him to finish the thought himself. “They say their bodies carry wandering spirits to the place that they belong so they can move to the other side.”
What?
Emmet’s gloved hands stroked my Pokemon’s head as if it were the most natural thing in the world. “That is my duty, Miss Trainer. To help your Pokemon take you there, to the other side.” My blood was running cold. What kind of cheap trick was this? “You expect me to just believe that? That I’m dead or something, and Meidi has been carrying my soul around this whole time? Is that the kind of lie you’re making up?” The Subway Boss chuckled lightly in response to my rising anger. It didn’t provoke me, but what really was shattering what was left of my composure was how Meidi rested against him, how she didn’t retort with squeaks of her own or deny any of it.
“You are sharp. You are in fact, dead. You have been a while, you know. You have been dead since you received your friend.” I didn’t spare him any reply, instead staring him down with a cold fury to ignore the hot tears burning the corners of my eyes. “Don’t fret. It is normal for this to happen. Many do not realize they are dead until they come here. I understand. It is a painful thing to learn.” His words came so uneven I was beginning to wonder how much of this conversation I was hallucinating, like some dream. “Meidi is a good girl. She has been taking care of you all this time, right?”
I was then faced with the beady eyes of my little Pumpkaboo, who looked at me as if I was betraying her with my anger, instead of the other way around. “Many Pokemon have come before her. Here. Many seeking to find their Trainers’ peace. That is what this train is for. To guide you, to peace.” Meidi wanted this for me? She had been leading me here all this time?
No, there were still some puzzle pieces missing.
“But my parents called me, telling me to come home! I've been traveling all this time!” I countered, and his expression remained in that muted smile, unchanging. “They did not call you. They called Meidi, for you.” Finally he moved, leaning forward to stare me down with those hollow silver orbs. “Do you remember anything of your home besides Meidi? Of Anville Town?” I froze. I searched my memory, of a way to answer that I did in fact have childhood memories beyond the trainyard and playing with Meidi among the leaves, but I came back from the catacombs of my mind empty handed.
“No, I don’t remember anything else.” I conceded. “That is normal too, when you die. Memories come and go. You no longer remember anything that happened before.” I wanted to yell, to scream at this ghost to stop lying to me, but the look on Meidi’s face– her sad little face looking at me with pain that I wasn’t accepting what I was told.
The little Meidi that had been my one true friend this entire time.
“Only people like you can see me.” I kept my head low as he spoke, no longer having the strength to keep up the interrogation much longer. “And you’re fine with that? Not existing?” His smile faltered for the first time since I had met him, and he looked to the windows behind me, shining a light through them that I had not known where it came from. “I have Ingo. That is all I need.”
And I had Meidi.
“...Are my parents alive? Do they know I’m dead?” “Of course. They are well. They miss you verrrrrry much. They lost track of you one day while you were playing. You disappeared. Your friend stayed with you. It was too cold, even for her, but she stayed with you.” I began to notice the way he repeated his simple words, emphasizing points in a gentle manner. I was calming, not of relief, but of defeat. If anything, I had to come to terms with the fact that this man was not my enemy, at least for Meidi’s sake.
“Is it true, Meidi…?” I finally brought myself back to facing my Pumpkaboo, and the dam holding my tears broke when I met her tiny face. “You wanted me to come here?” My partner floated toward me, perching on my shoulder to nudge me like she always had.
So that was it then.
It was all too much to take, and I began to sob openly, clutching the hems of my dress and letting my vision blur to the train car around me. “But I’m so scared, Meidi! I don’t… I don’t want our journey to end. But if wandering around is making you suffer… If you were trying to get me to move on for my parents’ sake and yours…” Was it selfish to want to remain in this world? To live a life I never had? Emmet remained respectfully silent, shutting his eyes and letting my tears fall freely onto the soft fabric on my lap. It was a scene he had possibly witnessed countless times, if this train ferried the dead, he had no doubt seen countless goodbyes like this.
I wondered how he managed it.
I wondered how he didn’t break from it.
“Can I…” I choked on my words, resting my cheek against my Pumpkaboo, “Can I at least see my home, can I see Anville Town one last time? Please.” I didn’t want to accept it, but I had been living so long on borrowed time…
I had only just realized how tired Meidi looked.
“We are going to your destination.” Emmet repeated, whether he was saying so to somehow comfort me or make me face the truth, I couldn’t tell. “I am a Subway Boss. I can only do that. What you do when you reach it, is up to you.” The grim reaper in white had finally stood up, walking towards me with those hands placed childishly behind him once again. His words felt like air, and I still couldn’t wrap my head around any of his vague meanings, but…
What you do when you reach it, is up to you.
Alright.
“Let’s go home, Meidi.” I managed a quivering smile, wiping my eyes of any sorrow left behind.
“I think I’m kind of tired after all.”
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