TEEN: Welcome to the Insanity! - Ch. 3

[Greninjaman]

Sorry. Must have missed the notifacation. Looks good. Keep going. What are you doing about the gym leaders?

 

[SinnohEevee]

Sorry. Must have missed the notifacation. Looks good. Keep going. What are you doing about the gym leaders?

Ash will challenge the Gyms Leaders that were there in Gen I, changes will happen later (like Janine replacing Koga).

 

[Greninjaman]

Oh ok. What abou their Pokémon?

 

[SinnohEevee]

Oh ok. What abou their Pokémon?

Of the Gym Leaders?
I will mostly use those from the games.

 

[Gama]

Cool new chapter and some interesting spins on the original anime. Leaf's history certainly is interesting and I remain excited to hear even more about that - the idea that she and other kidnapped children were used by Team Rocket as child soldiers of some sort is a very dark and interesting spin! One thing I'd say about that section is that it's a bit of a strange lead into a flashback to just say "Flashback..." and it's also hard to tell where the flashback ends. There are a few different ways to do this, but an easy one can be to break the beginning and end of narrative shifts like flashbacks with simple indicators like ***

Also, there are a few times in this chapter where you really tell the reader what to think more than is necessary. For example, you write in the narrative that Ash would prefer to see his mom so doesn't use his Pokegear and then he also says it. It would read a lot more naturally if you just had him say it and trusted the reader to understand that. Same goes for your two notes at the end (J&J not knowing the true nature of their organisation and Oak keeping his travels through time secret) - if you don't feel you've made these facts clear enough to the reader in what you've already written perhaps you should include a bit of a heavier reference to them through things the character says rather than direct narration.

At any rate, however, this remains an interesting story that I look forward to reading more of

 

[SinnohEevee]

The next day, the two Pallet Town natives were back on the road; this time to Pewter City. It will be the site of their first Gym Battle. The Viridian Forest was a place full of tall trees, which blocks most of the sunlight.

“What were already the Gyms we have to face?” asked Ash.
“Let’s see… We have Pewter, Cerulean, Vermillion, Celadon, Fuchsia, Saffron, Cinnabar, and Viridian.”, responded the girl, counting on her finger.
“You said Viridian?”, asked the boy.
“Yes, but I heard on the news that he’s closed for an indefinite period. Plus, he only accepts challengers with 7 Badges”
“So, our next stop will be Pewter’s Gym.”
“Yes.”
“And it’s a Rock Gym, right?”
“Correct! Do you remember what Rock is weak to?”
“No, only that’s weak to Water.”
“You would have remembered better if you paid more attention in class.”
“I only cared about the battles.”
“You need to know your type match-ups to win a battle “
“Well, type match-up isn’t everything. Any Pokémon that’s strong enough can win.”
“We just got our Pokémon yesterday.”
“You Will see, if I train Charmander enough and put my faith in him, we will win”
“You sure that’d a good idea?”
“Of course, I am!”
Knowing how stubborn her friend was, the girl decided not to pursue the matter any further.






Unbeknown to these, two thieves and a talking cat spotted them.
“Da twerps are here”, said Meowth.
“They are coming straight towards our trap”, said James.
“And I will have that cute Eevee and that cute Cleffa for me”, said Jessie, laughing.
As the two children were walking in the deep forest, they fell the ground giving way beneath them.
“What happened?” asked a surprised Leaf.
“We fell in a hole”, said Ash.
As he was saying these words, an outstretched mechanical arm was taking something off his shoulder.
“Eevee”, came a distressed voice.
“Cleffa”, came another one.
Looking above them, the children saw who the culprit was.
“Team Rocket, again?” asked Leaf.
“Prepare for trouble!” said Jessie from a big Meowth-shaped balloon.
“Make it double!” added James.
“To protect the world from devastation!”
“To unite all peoples within our nation!”
“To denounce the evils of truth and love!”
“To extend our reach to the stars above!”
“Jessie!”
“James!”
“Team Rocket, blast off at the speed of light!”
“Surrender now or prepare to fight!”
“Meowth! That’s right!”
“You guys again?” asked Ash.
“Were you stalking us?” asked his friend.
“Of course! You two have some rare Pokémon, and we in Team Rocket are there to steal Pokémon,” said Jessie.
“And children,” added Leaf, angry.
“No way! The Boss would never order such a thing!” said James.
Having no time to waste, Ash and Leaf got out of the hole and went after the balloon, which was too high for their powers, earning laughs from the trio.
Taking a Poké Ball from his pocket, Ash called out his Flying-type.
“Pidgey! Follow this balloon!” he ordered.
Making a chirp, the Pokémon went after the Meowth-shaped balloon.

“Looks like da twerps are following us,” said Meowth.
“We need to go faster,” said Jessie.
“We are in a balloon, it’s the wind that controls our speed and we have no Flying-types” reminded James.
While he was talking, Pidgey poked a hole in the Meowth-shaped balloon, which started to fall.
“Oh! Oh!” said Meowth.
Speeding, the two young Trainers managed to catch up with the thieves. Not wanting to give up, the latter sent out their Pokémon.
“Ekans!”
“Koffing!”
Ash and Leaf did likewise.
“Charmander!”
“Bulbasaur!”
“Ekans, use Poison Sting on Charmander!” said Jessie.
“Koffing, use Sludge on Bulbasaur!” said James.
“Charmander, use Ember!” exclaimed Ash.
“Bulbasaur, use Wine Whip!” exclaimed Leaf.
Small balls of fire came out from the lizard’s mouth at the snake, who fired poisonous white darts at him and Bulbasaur. Koffing opened his mouth and expelled sludge, which Bulbasaur hit with her whips, only managing to dissipate part of it due to her attack being Grass-typed. Fortunately, being the faster Pokémon, Charmander had already fired a second Ember attack before he could be hit by Sludge, causing an explosion when the two attacks collided, which startled the two foe Pokémon. The lizard profited from that distraction to launch more Embers at the opponents before they could respond, then blocked an incoming Poison Sting attack with his newly-learned Metal Claw which replaced Scratch and firing another Ember attack.
“Ekans, use Wrap at the lizard”, said Jessie’s command.
“Koffing, ignore Bulbasaur and use Sludge on him,” said James.
As Ekans got closer to Charmander, he was met with more Embers, rendering him unable to battle further. Koffing used the lizard’s distraction to fire dirty sludges at him, but Charmander was faster so his attacks landed first while Bulbasaur was whipping Koffing from behind. The Poison Gas Pokémon could no longer take it, and collapsed, unable to continue.
With their Pokémon unable to continue battling, and with Charmander angrily staring them, the Team Rocket trio didn’t have many options. Reacting quickly, both Jessie and James dropped a Smoke Ball each, using the opportunity to Return their Pokémon and escape via jets, forgetting the cage containing Cleffa and Eevee.
“Team Rocket is blasting off again,” they said in unison, as the smoke cleared.
The thieves finally gone, the two children ran to their captured Pokémon. Taking the cage, Ash started wondering how to open it, when Leaf got an idea.
“Ash, have your Charmander weaken the metal with Ember.”
The lizard got near his Trainer, and after warning the trapped Pokémon, heated the bars with Ember, and surprised everyone, broke them open with Metal Claw.
“Wow! I didn’t know Charmander knows Metal Claw,” said Leaf.
“He must have learned it during the battle,” said Ash.
Free, Cleffa and Eevee ran to the two humans, and were met with tight hugs.
“Cleffa!”
“Eevee!”
“I am so glad to see you back, Eevee!” said the boy.
“I was so worried about you Cleffa!” said the girl.

A.N.: Sorry for taking a long time to update this, but I frequently struggle with author block, and real life doesn’t help. Unfortunately, I can’t predict when I will post a chapter, but I will soon starter working on chapter 4.

 

[Greninjaman]

Don't worry about it. I tend to get Writer's Block a lot myself. In my own anime rewrite, I kind of have that right now.