When stars collide

[BlazeMaster]

Hi everyone. My first fanfiction project and I'm just going simple. A few chapters, maybe more. Have a look and wish me luck!


Chapter 1:

The horns of cars blasted through the usually quiet streets of Nuvema Town. The streets clogged with people all expectant for the event to come. Sam shuffled his way past people, all going to the same destination. He was fourteen and, four years late, he was finally getting his first Pokemon. In the distance he could see the lab looming ahead. His walk quickened as excitement took over him.The crowd around him was thickenning as he approached the place where he would be given his starter. A small funnel had been erected to allow the prospective Trainers to enter the lab easily. Sam walked through the funnel and into Professor Juniper's laboratory. Everywhere was immaculately clean and a small crowd of Trainers was gathering by a podium. On that podium stood Professor Juniper, the highest and most universally respected Professor in Unova. Sam reached the back of the crowd. The last few Trainers entered via the funnel and the Professor spoke.
"Trainers, you have come long distances to be able to get your starter Pokemon. I am honoured to complete this duty and grant you your wishes. In Unova you have three choices of Starter Pokemon." An assistant stepped up to the podium and gave the Professor a box.
"There is the Grass type Pokemon, Snivy!" She said, taking a Poke Ball from the box. Out of it came a Green Pokemon, looking extroadinarily proud, head held high.
"There is the Water type Pokemon Oshawott!" She exclaimed, a Blue Pokemon coming out of the box, brandishing its Schalop
"And the Fire type Pokemon, Tepig!" She said, unleashing a cute, pig-like pokemon out of its ball.
"What you choose is your decision, but make sure that it is the right one!"


Far away, in Castelia City, another such choice was being made.

Isla stood in a cue, the streets of Castelia whitewashed walls surrounding her. Everyone else around her was much older than she was but she was confident that she could make a perfect Team Plasma Warrior. Dressed in the same uniform they were difficult to tell from each other but she could tell that they were all fools . A few she had seen at the speech that one of the Seven Sages had made, where she had made the riteous decision to join the ranks of Plasma. The grunts in front of her were being given their Pokemon, ready to liberate others of their kind. She had looked at the choice of Pokemon for a while. She looked at Trubbish. The Pokemon was far too ugly for her grace and demeanour. Patrat had potential but it was a weak Pokemon. Sandile or Purloin would be equally useful and neither were ugly. She made her way to the front of the queue.
"Which Pokemon do you want, fellow minion."
Isla had made her choice, she knew which one she would have

 

[Cabaret]

It really isn't bad at all.

I recommend spacing out the dialogue. It's in a clump and a pain to read really.

So, is this going to be a story between two contrasting trainers or something? I'm interested to see if it's something, like, comparing the journey of two trainers. That's an interesting concept.

I wonder where this is going.

 

[BlazeMaster]

Thanks for the comment, I'll make sure to space it out a bit more.

 

[CyberPika]

Pretty good! I like the storyline.

 

[BlazeMaster]

Ok, here goes Chapter 1 Act (dunno, need something better than that) 2

"I'll have Purloin," Isla demanded. The Grunt shuffled around awkwardly, thinking of the right words to say.
"I'm sorry miss, but that's our last Purloin, We're getting a new batch on Thursday," (sorry for this crappy dialogue, sounds like a Tesco order) "However all the other Pokemon are in plentiful stock,"
Isla looked at the man, dissapointed. She had been desparate for the elegant and daring cat Pokemon, it was a blow to her. Instead she picked the Sandile and stormed out of the
basement and into the highways of Castelia. She dodged through the crowd, clearly visible in her Team Plasma uniform.

She wormed her way into one of the side streets. From here she knew the way perfectly. She passed the two men always chatting by the bins and into the cafe. Rushing through, trying to remain unnoticed, she headed straight for the toilets. Soon she emerged, Plasma uniform stowed away in a bag and jet black hair streaming hanging loose and grasping the Sandile's Poke Ball. She released it, sending a small ripple of surprise throughout the room. She looked at the creature and its dark, truthful eyes looked back. She picked it up and whispered into its ear.

"You, my friend, are going to help me conquer the faculties of evil trainers. Together we shall take the Unova region by force!" She hissed. She quickly sat down at the bar and ordered a drink to avoid attention. The barman, Joe, knew her well from her regular visits to the cafe. "Isla, no-one's seen you around for a while, your parents are worried sick!" He exclaimed. Isla started to weave a concoction of lies, an argument with her parents, her leaving their house and journeying out of their quiet suburb for some time alone. She was concluding the tale when Miss Parkinson, Isla's neighbour, walked into the cafe. She made her way towards Isla.

Making her excuses, she dashed out of the cafe and onto the street. She weaved her way, ever concious of Miss Parkinson following her. She reached one of the main streets and
darted across into another alleyway. No sign of Miss Parkinson. Isla was safe, for now.




The lab was chaos, trainers scrabbling for Poke Balls containing their desired Pokemon. Sam was amazed at the disorder considering the amazing organisation of the rest of the
event. Sam eventually managed to reach into the depths of his box and grab a Poke Ball. Sam stumbled away from the seething mass and threw the Poke Ball.
"Come on, time to shine!" The ball opened, a flash of white light. There stood on the previously immaculate floor, was his Tepig. He picked up the red and black Pokemon up and lifted it up high, ecstatic at his first Pokemon. He beckoned to it and it followed him out. As he left through the funnel he was met with cheers and rapture. He greeted the crowds
with waves and his Tepig scarpered behind his leg. However soon he heard a voice behind him.
"Make way for Princess Xatanica!"

 

[Vulpixtail]

uh okay the spacing is a little too much. first, you should complete a word before starting a new paragraph, and you should finish the whole sentence before starting new paragraph. second, you can make your pargraph longer because the way you have it could put strain on a persons eyes. a sample paragraph with dialouge space:

Chris ran as fast as he could along side with his Oshawott.
"Come on Oshawott there gaining on us," Chris yelled to his partner.
"Osha-oshawott," the Sea Otter Pokemon replied, practicly screaming.
Two goons in a what looked like a knights armor was chasing after him, shouting, "Stop kid! we need to talk to you!"
Chris knew better than to stop, so he kept on runnnig. the overgrowth of the Pinwheel Forest kept tangleling in his shoes, causing him to be slower then usaule. He saw that the exit was was just a hop, a skip, and and a jump from where he was.
"Ahhhhhhh!" he cried out when he...

see that would be a well writen paragraph. easy to read, dialouge is spaced out so its still part of the paragraph but you can tell where it starts and where it ends. you stil have good puncuation but you probable want to touch up on details. What does Ms. Parkinson look like? what does Sam look like? does are question readers might ask.

 

[BlazeMaster]

Thanks, most of my writing is rather abstract, generally I like readers to form their own images of the characters rather than imposing an idea onto them too much.

have sorted out the spacing, see what you think

Chapter 2

Sam was shoved out of the way by a crowd of Trainers surrounding a girl that he could only call beautiful. She had curling blonde locks that went down to her waist and was dressed in a lovely pink dress. Closest to her was a boy dressed in a blue suit that was trying to push his way through the crowd. Sam joined on at the back of the mob, curious as to who the beautiful girl was. The boy was clearly irritated at their situation but his companion remained cool and steady.

The crowd started to thin as people lost interest but soon the girl started to get irritated. The street was practically empty, lined with a filthy, gum ridden pavement.
"If any of you want to continue to journey with us!" She screamed. "You shall have to beat me in a single battle!" The crowd stopped, silent as a stone. Many from them ran as fast as they could away from the Princess. Sam stepped forward. His pride for his partner swelled up in his chest, he needed to act.

"Fine, I'll battle you,"

The reaction was even worse than at her outburst. The crowd gasped and all stepped back.
"Don't do that, her mother is an extremely strong Trainer (Guess Who?) and has taught her everything she knows," One burst out. Sam was unperturbed and opened his Poke Ball. His Tepig bounded forward, eager for the fight.
"Fine then, face my wrath," She replied


Isla in a dusty alleyway, hiding behind corregated metal bins, her Sandile's Poke Ball still in her pocket. Her C-Gear rang. She opened the device and saw the face of the Grunt in charge of her unit.
"Plasma minions, meet us at the agreed place immediately, if you take less than five minutes there will be dire consequences,"

The screen went black. Isla ran through the streets, still in civilian clothing, towards the meeting place, an abandonned warehouse on the same street as Castelia Gym. Usually the trip would take her eight minutes, now she had four. She sprinted as fast as she could through litter ridden alleys , knocking people over in her attempt to reach the warehouse in time.

She jogged along the renovated wharf, the sea beside her Her face, still with the remenants of puppy fat, was flushed red and people were following her. She had to stop the irritating fools. Remembering her new Pokemon she released Sandile from his Poke Ball.
"Sandile, use Sand Tomb!" She shouted, coming to a halt only a block from Gym Street. A wirlpool of Sand was created and, picking up Sandile, took a diversion route to the warehouse. She was there, only a minute late.



The Princess took out her Poke Ball. A flash of light later and her Pokemon, Snivy was on the field. In a strange way it matched her perfectly. Sam's face narrowed in concentration, focussing on his strategy.
"You may have the first move, boy" She said disparagingly. On Sam's command Tepig unleased a flurry of small glowing flames. A shadow came over the Princess' beautiful face.
"Snivy, use Tackle!" She shouted.
"Tepig, use Takle!" He retorted.
Both Pokemon clashed in the centre of the street and bounced off each other. At the Princess' order vines whipped Tepig and stopped him from attacking. Sam saw her face, clearly focused on the battle.
"Snivy, wrap him in your vines and swing him around!" She yelled, getting angry. Sam watched in dismay as Tepig was flung around by the Green Serpent. He had one choice.
"Tepig, use Ember!" He commanded. The barrage of fire caused Snivy to let go of Tepig. Now was the time to finish it. Tepig launched a Tackle attack when-
""ENOUGH!" She shouted. A field of energy flew out from her (enough clues yet?), hurling both Sam and Tepig against a building along with several spectators. All went Black.




Don't worry, this isn't going to turn into a soppy love story between Sam and Princess, million bucks goes to who can guess her mother

 

[mewstone]

The idea is really creative, but I find it hard to read. You need to be more discriptive, really give me a feel for your trainers. Discribe their surroundings and show me their personalities by how they talk, walk, and move in general. I see you using -ly words where they don't really fit. Also you shouldn't put author's notes in the middle of the story it distracts fom the flow of your writing. I like Isla, but you need to show her personality more; make it so I can see things though her eyes.
(Also I guess Catlin)

 

[BlazeMaster]

Thanks for all the comments everyone. I'm now going to do some massive editing to make the story more descriptive

Chapter 3

Ilsa strode into the abandonned warehouse, a small smile playing on her face; today would be the day that she would prove herself over all of the other grunts. The warehouse was clearly unused, rust creeping into machines long ago left to nature, smelling of dust and decay. All of the other grunts were there.

Twenty pairs of eyes stared at her. She stood still, frozen under the weight of their gazes. The tallest of the minions, green hair falling down to his blue robe, glared at her.
"You are late" he stated, a coldness in his gaze.
"Barely, I came here as fast as-" she began but the man cut her off.
"SILENCE! You will never talk to the leader of the Seven Sages in such way, or you shall not have a tongue to talk with.
"But-" she began again but a flash of light stopped her.

The man's Liepard jumped towards her, claws unsheathed, preparing a slash attack.
"Sandile use Bite!" The Crocodile Pokemon jumped forth and clamped it's jaws around it's opponent's claws. The battle raged on and the man's Pokemon clearly had the advantage. Isla had one last trick up her sleeve.
"Sandile uae Sand Tomb!" She shouted over the din. A whirlpool of Sand sucked both the Liepard and Sandile into it's depths. The Sage stared at her, his eyes boring deep into her nervous skull.
"Insolent child," he sneered, withdrawing his Pokemon from the sand pit. "You have, at least, proved yourself competent for the task to come," Isla felt a smile twitch at her lips. She was competent! Coming from the leader of the Seven Sages it was an honour.
"Our King N has sensed the arrival of the Chosen One, the second prince that shall fight with him and be vanquished! Your combined effort will help us guard the King as he prepares for the first confrontation, as the profecies say, in Accumula Town. This will be a glorious day for Plasma, and you will be in the front line!"


The forest was dense and light was scarce. Sam pushed his way through the dense undergrowth and Xatanica followed, her companion close behind. The Princess was clearly bemused at the dirt and the whole forest
"I don't see why we can't just leave him and follow the road," She grumbled quietly to her brother, just in hearing of Sam.
"Because the deal was if I can beat you I can join you," Sam replied. This would be a textbook adventure, the three of them would head out into the wild, catching Pokemon and beating Gym Leaders and he would become Champion of Unova with their support. He burst through a bush into a clearing, startling a group of Pidove into flight.


"Time to sit down for some lunch," Announced the Princess. Sam made his objections, now wasn't the time to stop, now was the time to push onwards to Accumula Town.
"You may have earned your right to be part of this group but I shall lead it, thank you," She replied, disdainfully. Her companion got out a huge table cloth and tried as hard as he could to lay it down neatly. Then he took from his rucksack a small feast, sandwiches, sausages, cake, fruit. It appeared to Sam as though he had emptied the rucksack when out from it he took out plates and cutlery. Sam scoffed at the ceremony as he sat down on a log and began his own comparatively modest meal.


"You two clearly haven't done a hard day's work in your lives," he commented, sending bread crumbs flying from his mouth. This clearly enraged the Princess but Sam continued.
"If you want to stay content in the wild then you have to eat carefully, don't waste time in cloths and cutlery," he explained while re-arranging their lunch, throwing the frivolities into the woods and placing the unecessary food back in the boy's rucksack. The Princess looked furious as Sam placed a sandwich in her hands.
"That, Your Highness, is a suitable lunch," the Princess exploded with rage, letting out a wave of power that sent Sam, the boy and the bag flying across the clearing.

They all watched in dismay as a Rufflet swept down and snatched up the bag, taking with it their only supplies. The Pokemon stopped mid-flight, however, as though a force were holding it back. Sam looked down and saw Xatanica's Snivy holding the Flying Pokemon back with it's vines.
"DO SOMETHING!" Xatanica yelled. Sam ordered an Ember attack at the Pokemon, striking it and causing it to cry out, dropping the bag. It descended and launched a Quick Attack at Tepig.


"Tepig, use Tackle!" Sam ordered and his partner leapt into the air, colliding with Rufflet. The Flying Pokemon launched a Whirlwind towards Tepig which it dodged. The battle seemed to be a stalemate, both Pokemon were looking tired and neither could win. Rufflet swooped down, hitting hard with an Aerial Ace attack. Tepig slowly got to his feet, a determined look in his eyes. Suddenly he lurched forward, his body covered in fire and slammed into Rufflet. He had learnt Flame Charge! Sam ran up to Tepig, delighted at the success.
"Sam, finish off the Rufflet, come on!" The boy shouted. He was right. Tepig got ready, about to attack when Sam pulled out a Poke Ball. He threw it at the Rufflet.

Bleep....Bleep......Ping! The Rufflet was caught! And Sam was one step closer to being the master.


Chapter 4

The truck rumbled through the outskirts of Castelia City, passing through a neighbourhood all to farmiliar to Isla. Her black hair falling over her face, she looked out as they passed the shapes and figures of her childhood. But she was no longer a child, she was an independant member of Plasma. This combined with the appearance of the other minions reminded her too much of her inferior age. She had see the surprise in their faces the first time that they met her, a girl, she had seemed to them, incapable of doing what she sought to do. But she would prove them wrong, they were but idiots and soon she would be in command of them. Ghetis had seen it in her, now she would show everyone else.

A house passed her, painted in limestone white, a pretty garden adorned with all sorts of flowers in front of it, tended by a Petil. That was her house! She turned away, hiding her face from the memories. Her parents, her life. All gone now, gone for Plasma. She remembered her parents, the smiling faces, their hugs and kisses. NO! She thought. They thought that you were useless, just a child! Now's your chance to prove them Wrong!


Bleep....Bleep....Bleep....Ping! Sam picked up the Poke Ball.

"Here's your Purrloin, Princess," He said, presenting the capsule to her. Her brother, Cornelio, picked up his own, containing a Lillipup. They were only a few miles from Accumula Town, there they could rest properly. The two royal siblings were slowly getting used to life in the open and their supplies were still plentiful, they could easily sustain themselves until they reached Accumula Town. Xatanica looked at the Poke Ball, returning Snivy to her own. Tonight would be their last night out in the open before they could relax in some hotel somewhere, Cornelio had assured him that they had plenty of money to spend on accomodation.

Tepig shot some Embers onto the firewood and the three Trainers gathered around the fire with their Pokemon. Far more food than usual was used, for tomorrow they could buy plenty in the shops. The Pokemon tucked into bowls of food with some bread crumbs thrown in.
"Sam, what path do you want to pursue as a Trainer?" The Xatanica asked, her beautiful golden locks flowing down her body. Sam was taken aback by the question, not expecting such frankness from the Princess who never spoke to him