Why people say stop looking for love and let find you?

[boolstone]

I am a guy who has never been in a relationship. At age 20 I have was looking for a girlfriend and I could not find it and people have told me to stop looking. And they say If I keep on looking for it I will never find it. So three years ago at the age of 24 I stopped looking and got on with enjoying my life and today at age 27 it has still not happened and people say just enjoy my life and say if it meant to happen, it will.

Love has still not found me at all and If i end up being single all my life, I will be so angry because life without relationship for me is so unfair. I be so angry if I end up being single for the whole of my life.

 

[Alolan Ninetales]

Well, from personal experience, they're right. If you constantly try for a relationship, it won't come to you. Have you tried dating sites such as E-Harmony or Match.com? Besides, you still have time to find someone. Have you tried meeting someone through mutual friends or going out in public places? There are many ways to find someone. However, being desperate and constantly searching does turn off girls. Just don't fret, and like everyone says 'if it's meant to be, it will".

 

[Jo The Marten]

My view on the "don't look" idea is that: You don't go to those speed dating things, you don't approach anyone with the sole intention of dating them, etc. You do things you like with lots of people. Be it going to conventions, gamer meetings, etc. Make friends there, or talk with mutual friends. Somewhere in the web, you're likely to find someone date-worthy. It will feel more natural, and (for me personally) it's more comfortable. As an example, it's easier to talk to someone about Pokemon at a Pokemon meet-up, than it is to sit in an ambiguous environment and say, "So.....what are you in to?"

 

[Cap'n Jack]

This is my kind of strategy.

See, I just do absolutely nothing and see if anything happens.

Nothing's happened yet, but maybe someday I'll get in some sort of relationship. That would be neat.

 

[Almonds]

I would rather suggest you not to give up. Doing nothing will yield nothing. Keep going - it's just that the perfect girl hasn't appeared yet. You have plenty of time - get to know people, make loads of friends, be socially active, and develop good relationships with people. Someday, you might be surprised to see that someone very close to you would be 'the one'.

 

[Ghetsis-Dennis]

Doing nothing will only make things harder than it should be. If you want to raise a family in your 20s instead of your 30s, keep on searching.

 

[Kelleo]

I know how you feel. I've actually had a boyfriend once before, and that relationship lasted a few years, but we still broke up. I miss having love and I would also like to have it again. I currently do have a crush (and he knows I like him so much, actually), but he has yet to return my feelings. He hasn't said that he loves me, but he hasn't said that he doesn't either. And I know he's single. So I've got a chance...

This reminds me though, awhile back, I got this fortune in a fortune cookie that said "happiness comes when you're not looking for it."

 

[Steelrush]

I know exactly how you feel, however, I wouldn't dwell on this all the time. This is because it drove me to the point of considering to commit suicide due to the depression it generated. It's incredibly painful, and I suggest that you don't put this as your number 1 priority in life. The same could happen to you.

Instead, just focus on your career, take care of your own health, and remove excess negative baggage from the past. A good idea also would be to get involved in social events focusing on your common interests. Though they are in low numbers, there are single girls who are interested in Pokemon and things of that nature.

I'd say you should try, although it's a huge pain in the @** if you keep failing over and over. I can't do it right now, but you probably could.

 

[Nicoloki]

It's like looking for that special leaf in a garden full of trees. You can't let time or age or logic decide on who you like, but that depends on you, really, but my opinion of love is this: If you keep looking for that someone with characteristics like 'knows how to cook', 'is beautiful and admired by many', 'very intelligent and smart and all-knowing and witty and funny', then you're never going to find her. Sometimes, the person you end up with will be someone you never expected. So just go with the flow and let love find you. Hope I helped with your conflict in some way.

 

[dig]

I stopped looking for love in high school, i accepted that I was just not pretty enough to be loved by anyone. That summer between high school and college I met the most beautiful girl and she and I became so close. We've been together two years now, and i love her to bits. ♥

 

[Titanium]

When I was looking for a boyfriend, I found an asshole.

When I wasn't looking and not even wanting anyone atm.. he found me.. and I couldn't be happier.

 

[Lylian]

I'm not convinced there is such a thing. It sure has not found me ever.

 

[The Dark Eyed Demon]

Just focus on making the best of the situation that you're in at the moment... Try to enjoy being single, and eventually love will find you. Then big changes happen

 

[Go-to Icon]

Well...I've tried both looking indirectly and directly, and well...none of that has turned out well at all. To be honest, with my mate it happened when he least expected it, and well, unless you're an alpha male like me, it'll catch you off-guard. Of course, that won't happen with me but that happened with most of the peopel I've met

 

[The Dark Eyed Demon]

All I can say to you is this; YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE, GET OUT THERE AND ENJOY IT AND WHAT'S MEANT TO HAPPEN WILL

 

[Goodbye Blue Monday]

I think that this advice applies up to a point.

It is true that if you're just looking to be in a relationship, ANY relationship, that's foolish; being in a relationship is not necessarily better than being single in and of itself. Ask anyone who has ever been in an abusive relationship and tried to leave it. Even in less extreme situations, if it's not working out, you're going to get resentful and wish you were free to date other people.

As for why it doesn't work for finding people, it's because desperation and insecurity aren't attractive, and if you have enough of that it's going to rub off regardless of whether you intend it or not.

However, if you are interested in a specific person, you can't just expect that things will naturally develop. Sometimes they do, but usually they involve at least a little bit of work from both parties - finding some way to make your feelings known (it doesn't have to be OBVIOUS and that's often a turn-off anyway, but you should make it clear in some way or another), initiating dates, etc. Hanging around someone just waiting for an attraction to develop does not work.

Another thing I'd like to add: I'm not saying this is the case with you, but it seems to be the case with a lot of guys (more so than girls) who are perennially dateless that they think they that they can put zero effort into their personal appearance because they know they are awesome people inside. First impressions are important, though, and if it's bad, people aren't going to stick around to find out about your deeper qualities. When someone's already your girlfriend you can show your warts-and-all self but not on a first meeting. And I'm not just talking about how you dress and your personal hygiene, but also to be more polite. Put your best face forward. It's not about trying to be someone you're not (which is always bad), it's about being an enhanced version of your normal self. Be you but just a little better.

Also would like to echo that just trying to meet more people, going to places where people have similar interests to you is a good idea, although again, you can't just expect that these friendships will magically turn into relationships if you don't put some effort in that direction. If you want a place where you're sure that people are looking for romance or sex, you could go to a singles bar or an online dating site, but that does add an extra level of awkwardness that isn't there when you start out by approaching someone as a friend and based on similar interests rather than just a shared desire to not be single anymore.

TL;DR: Desperately looking for a relationship is bad, but once you have someone you're attracted to, you can't just wait for it to fall into your lap. You have to do something about it.

 

[Ziggy Stardust]

I am a guy who has never been in a relationship. At age 20 I have was looking for a girlfriend and I could not find it and people have told me to stop looking. And they say If I keep on looking for it I will never find it. So three years ago at the age of 24 I stopped looking and got on with enjoying my life and today at age 27 it has still not happened and people say just enjoy my life and say if it meant to happen, it will.

Love has still not found me at all and If i end up being single all my life, I will be so angry because life without relationship for me is so unfair. I be so angry if I end up being single for the whole of my life.

If you're still worried about it, that means the part I put in bold is a complete lie. In the deep, you never stopped overthinking.

As Good Blue Monday said, looking for "any" relationship, just because, is pointless. First ask yourself, why do you want a relationship? Sex? Love? A companion? Emotional support? Having children?

I don't have the answers by myself, but maybe what you need is something else. Or maybe not.

If you want my experience, I got my first kiss, first relationship and first sex last year, at age 24, with an unexpected girl at an unexpected way. It didn't last long, but left me some valuable lectures.

- Don't go so fast.
- Don't get stuck waiting for the big fish. Small fishes are experience points too.
- Don't overthink.
- Go wild.
- If you feel attracted to someone, it's time to shine.
- Bad decisions make good stories, and good stories are a nice way to flirt.
- Getting drunk with some chick is not as bad as you could think, although you could destroy a sink... buuuuuut, that's another story.
- First time doesn't have to be a magic moment with the destined girl, even fairy tales dropped that crap lately. In fact, for most people, first time sucks due to lack of experience (although mine was awesome. Envy me you all mortals... just kidding)

 

[Faerie]

You...still have 1 more year. You're twenty right? Find one when you go to grad school. You have to get one when you've graduated. Haha, I'm just kidding. I would say, don't give up on finding love, but don't force yourself in finding one either. Don't purposely go scouting girls just to find the perfect one. You can, however, hang out more often with your friends or go to various events and you might meet some new people that you could talk to more often online and learn more about.

 

[PKMN Trainer Virgo]

Love neither exist and does exist...If you go looking for love, more than likely you are going to be acting off of lust. Love just happens at unexpected times.

 

[lvl 5 magikarp]

Life moves slow. We can easily handle multiple goals at once.

keep enjoying your life, building on yourself as a single. And think about what proactive steps you can take to fulfill your desires. It is important to take risks and push your comfort zone, we don't improve without challenging ourselves.