Why people say stop looking for love and let find you?

[Latula Pyrope]

Yes. It's bullshit. If nobody is "Looking" how are we ever going to find. A relationship takes an effort of TWO people. While you shouldn't force yourself on people and become a creeper, it's definitely not wrong to try to flirt with someone who you have interest in, take them out and spark out a date. Do not just sit there and "Enjoy life" while making no effort. Those people are liars and usually people who say things like that are the ones that are somehow ALWAYS in relationships. Never take relationship advice from either:

a) Someone who is ALWAYS in some sort of relationship
b) Someone who is in a long term relationship

It's easy for them to say because they already have what you want. Look for love. Enjoying life only gets you but so far and after awhile it gets old as hell.
This is for anyone with this problem. Take my advice. Nobody wants to be in their 30s and have yet to settle down or find love.

 

[Jo The Marten]

Yes. It's bullshit. If nobody is "Looking" how are we ever going to find. A relationship takes an effort of TWO people. While you shouldn't force yourself on people and become a creeper, it's definitely not wrong to try to flirt with someone who you have interest in, take them out and spark out a date. Do not just sit there and "Enjoy life" while making no effort. Those people are liars and usually people who say things like that are the ones that are somehow ALWAYS in relationships. Never take relationship advice from either:

a) Someone who is ALWAYS in some sort of relationship
b) Someone who is in a long term relationship

It's easy for them to say because they already have what you want. Look for love. Enjoying life only gets you but so far and after awhile it gets old as hell.
This is for anyone with this problem. Take my advice. Nobody wants to be in their 30s and have yet to settle down or find love.

The thing you're missing is that people who are in a long term relationship usually had to go through their own scrapes and bruises to get where they are. They had to make mistakes, get hurt, etc. When they finally reach the point where they're able to handle a long term relationship, I think they would offer some pretty good advice. So no, they are not "liars". They just find that they enjoy being single more than they do with an ex, or irritating boyfriend/girlfriend. When people say, "Don't look." they mean, "Don't get a boyfriend/girlfriend for the sake of having a boyfriend or girlfriend." If you only want one to justify your existence, it won't work out. You need chemistry. For some people, they really need to get to know someone first before dating them, so they don't actively look for a date. For others, they don't mind going on dates and testing out chemistry immediately. I've never once met someone and thought, "Gee, I really want to date you." at first glance. I have to get to know them as a friend first, and then I might consider dating. If you go up to someone and say, "Please will you go out with me?" you seem desperate, and I haven't personally found anyone who legitimately find that attractive. If anything, it just tells them that you're an easy target to take advantage of. But if you're confident in yourself, and your life, and you're just yourself, that will attract people who are looking for a solid relationship, and I'll give you advice I tell others: Go places you're interested in. Hang out in certain stores, go to conventions, sign up to a forum, join a club. Someplace where you will likely share a common interest with people. That's usually when things happen when you're not looking.

If you don't find my view valid, I'll be happy to discuss with you the shit I've been through to get where I am. But I don't appreciate being called a liar, or that I have no idea what I'm talking about because I'm not single.

 

[Latula Pyrope]

Yes. It's bullshit. If nobody is "Looking" how are we ever going to find. A relationship takes an effort of TWO people. While you shouldn't force yourself on people and become a creeper, it's definitely not wrong to try to flirt with someone who you have interest in, take them out and spark out a date. Do not just sit there and "Enjoy life" while making no effort. Those people are liars and usually people who say things like that are the ones that are somehow ALWAYS in relationships. Never take relationship advice from either:

a) Someone who is ALWAYS in some sort of relationship
b) Someone who is in a long term relationship

It's easy for them to say because they already have what you want. Look for love. Enjoying life only gets you but so far and after awhile it gets old as hell.
This is for anyone with this problem. Take my advice. Nobody wants to be in their 30s and have yet to settle down or find love.

The thing you're missing is that people who are in a long term relationship usually had to go through their own scrapes and bruises to get where they are. They had to make mistakes, get hurt, etc. When they finally reach the point where they're able to handle a long term relationship, I think they would offer some pretty good advice. So no, they are not "liars". They just find that they enjoy being single more than they do with an ex, or irritating boyfriend/girlfriend. When people say, "Don't look." they mean, "Don't get a boyfriend/girlfriend for the sake of having a boyfriend or girlfriend." If you only want one to justify your existence, it won't work out. You need chemistry. For some people, they really need to get to know someone first before dating them, so they don't actively look for a date. For others, they don't mind going on dates and testing out chemistry immediately. I've never once met someone and thought, "Gee, I really want to date you." at first glance. I have to get to know them as a friend first, and then I might consider dating. If you go up to someone and say, "Please will you go out with me?" you seem desperate, and I haven't personally found anyone who legitimately find that attractive. If anything, it just tells them that you're an easy target to take advantage of. But if you're confident in yourself, and your life, and you're just yourself, that will attract people who are looking for a solid relationship, and I'll give you advice I tell others: Go places you're interested in. Hang out in certain stores, go to conventions, sign up to a forum, join a club. Someplace where you will likely share a common interest with people. That's usually when things happen when you're not looking.

If you don't find my view valid, I'll be happy to discuss with you the shit I've been through to get where I am. But I don't appreciate being called a liar, or that I have no idea what I'm talking about because I'm not single.

I'm not trying to offend you in any way, but it usually is true. People who are in relationships are always quick to say things like this and it irritates me. I don't want advice from someone who is living the life while I'm sitting here busting my balls trying to figure out what the hell I'm doing wrong in life the reason why I keep getting screwed over. Yes, people have to go through things BUT AFTER AWHILE IT GETS SO OLD. Just oh my god everything gets old. Nobody wants to be told "ENJOI UR LAIFU LAIFU" while your best friend is in a 2 year relationship and was just proposed to Thursday afternoon. Nobody wants to "ENJOI BEING SINGLE" when people 5 years your junior are just living the life. Maybe I'm just bitter because I've been screwed over SO many times and the people who are always trying to shove their shit down my throat are always people in relationships. "OH ENJOY BEING SINGLE" if that's the case why aren't YOU single why don't you just break up with your boyfriend/girlfriend if you think being single so much (I don't mean you I mean you as in general people who say that oh god I am typing from the heart right now cause I'm literately about to cry). I'm tired of always having chemistry with people TO BE BLOWN OFF like okay what really why is it so hard for me but easy for other people do I have to go through and sleep with 2093482084 more people before I am 50 years old AND THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN I find that "Special someone" oh hell no I REFUSE to be single after the age of 30 so help me god I will not be "Focusing on myself" or any of that other cliche nonsense it's just not fair. I mean holy hell I am going to be turning 23 in like what April my mom had me at 23 and I just don't understand what I am doing wrong or why I SHOULD HAVE TO TAKE ADVICE FROM SOMEONE IN A RELATIONSHIP when they don't know me or my life. Based off of my experience, people who say these things who are in relationships have all been liars, no offense. Or "THIS HAPPENED FOR A REASON" no it didn't it happened because people are assholes. No, it doesn't get better some people just are supposed to be alone forever because apparently it's funny as hell to whatever I don't even know I'm just angry not at you or anyone just at life really.

And yes, I'd rather have a significant other for the sake of having one until I found the "right person" or whatever, then I can dump the wrong one for the right one.

I'm not angry at you or trying to personally attack you I just got really upset at the way things are for me really and it makes me angry. I'm sorry

 

[lvl 5 magikarp]

I partially agree with Latula. Somebody who is a natural at something probably doesn't have great insight to how they got there and probably isn't the best person to give advice. For example, if they are really good looking and people throwing themselves at them, it would be easy to give the advice "don't look, just wait". Well, that won't work for everybody.

Where I disagree with Latula is many people in a relationship have been in her position at some point in time. Although they are not single anymore, most would still be able to emphasize with the feeling of being single/alone.

 

[Jo The Marten]

Well it's like when you're working towards a career, who do you turn to for advice to be successful? Would you ask your fellow classmates, or would you try to contact someone already in the industry to see how they got where they are?

People who are considered "good looking" (quoted because that's a subjective idea), have people thrown at them, and they accept/welcome these invitations could potentially be shallow individuals, and probably wouldn't be great for advice. Not to mention it could be rare/a long time until they experience a real relationship where emotions and personality are more important than appearances.

 

[lvl 5 magikarp]

Well it's like when you're working towards a career, who do you turn to for advice to be successful? Would you ask your fellow classmates, or would you try to contact someone already in the industry to see how they got where they are?

I said you should take advice from those that have done it before you. But because not everybody comes from your position, the advice may not be appropriate. Using your example of careers, somebody who is a successful mathematician may not give appropriate career advice to a pilot. Their situations are different and the advice they give may or may not work for another person. In relationships, what was successful for one person may (for a variety of reasons) be bad advice to another person.

People who are considered "good looking" (quoted because that's a subjective idea), have people thrown at them, and they accept/welcome these invitations could potentially be shallow individuals, and probably wouldn't be great for advice. Not to mention it could be rare/a long time until they experience a real relationship where emotions and personality are more important than appearances.

Being good looking was just a throw away example, because it is obvious good looking people have more relationship options. You could replace it with whatever admirable relationship quality you like, it won't change my example.

 

[TheDarkLord]

Wealthy men don't sit around all day and hope to get rich. People need to actively shape their lives to get what they want. Similarly you need to get out and actively seek a relationship if you really want one. The likelyhood of a relationship comming to you is nothing more than a fantastic hope that will be crushed by the weight of reality.

 

[Go-to Icon]

^^^ ........is also the likelyhood of getting a relationship in the first place to some.

 

[Lord_Mewtwo]

Is It True That You Should Let Love Find You?

I've always been told "don't look for love, let it find you." But is that really true? I am a hopeless romantic, but I have a feeling nobody wants me because of my disability & love of Pokemon. I just don't know what to do.

 

[Lylian]

It's never found me, not sure what I'm doing so wrong. Maybe I'm really boring?

 

[slate]

I've never been in a relationship, so take this with a grain of salt.

I think the principal recognition to make is that you should never try too hard to be in a relationship.

No one (sensible, at least) says that you shouldn't try to actively seek a relationship. The important part is to not be too concerned about finding a boyfriend or girlfriend that you lose that sense of comfort in being alone. Being desperate isn't attractive to a potential partner, no matter what you do. A crucial part about the search for a partner is that you have to be okay with being alone sometimes. It sucks, yes, but there isn't any alternative to that. You can't be passive in things like this then wonder why you're still single, though, so I reject the claim that you should "let love find you." It works sometimes, but most of the time it doesn't.

tl;dr - don't be too desperate to find someone. Be content with being alone sometimes, but if you want to be with someone, you can't be passive in pursuing a partner.

 

[Charazemma]

I stopped looking almost 2 years ago, still single.
I agree with all the above, its about not being desperate and settling for anyone. But you do need to put yourself out there, if you're a hermit you wont stand a chance.

 

[InuNaruPokeAlchemist]

I'll be honest and say I'm on the younger side of things.

I was in an abusive relationship awhile back. I rather not post about the full context of it, aside from the fact he was mental unstable. So I would constantly look for a relationship just to help me escape from my ex. I didn't have much success until I went out to meet with a long time friend of mine. Later on that day, he asked me out and I said yes immediately.

To be honest, i never stopped looking for love until love found me.

Right now I'm a firm believer in the fact that yes, love will find you. It will find you when you least expect it.

 

[Lylian]

I firmly believe lover will never find me. In fact, it has completely forgotten me.

 

[GliscorMan]

In my opinion, there's one simple little sentence which seems pretty true in my experience.

Love can't find you if you're not looking.

Food for thought!

 

[Lylian]

How long do you have to look before finding? It feels like I have been looking, but I haven't found anything.

Maybe I just needs cats.