Cutlerine

En route to Chicago, the plane carrying my parents crashed, and I was born aboard a lifeboat. Everyone perished on the sea except me, for I was born with the ability to speak the language of the dolphins, and they took me to a nearby island, where I lost my magic ability.

On the island were a loving tribe of nutmeg trees, who raised me as their own for many wonderful months. However, they realised their terrible mistake when I almost died, and turned me over to the cinnamon for emergency care. The cinnamon trees were smart, and gave me to a one-eyed aye-aye to look after. After that, I grew safely to maturity.

I left the island at the age of 16 to seek my fortune, and quickly came across a great ocean liner; I captured this by pretending my raft was loaded with explosives, as the aye-aye had taught me, and sailed in luxury to Costa Rica, where I learned the languages of men.

After that, I came to the United Kingdom, where I rose to prominence by learning Black Magic and setting myself up in style as the Dark Lord of Ealing. Now, my main job is perpetually warring with the Dark Lord of Basingstoke to see whose London district is more evil, and who shall claim the rest of the city for his own. I am also learning the art of Stealth Flower Arranging in my spare time, in order to sabotage next year's Horticultural Show. Oooh... So evil.

Striking down evil with a mighty iron fist. Y'know, the usual.