this a great improvment. though, and dont take this the wrong way, it seems as thoughyou can add to it to make it flow easier. not that it has to be longer, but the story still doesnt have an omph to it yet. you should make the story end with a cliff hanger so that the reader can want to read...
Mara woke up with a massive head ache and the feeling of being wet. All the a voice is crying out to her: "Please wake up. Wake up!" Her eyesight was blurry but, with a groan, mustered some energy to look around and saw an expansive lake around her. I am on an island. Mara concluded. she...
he does not! i think you should be actullereading the story before going all "you should go away for a while and come back'! its not nice to tell aperson to go away when there story is going on strong. again great job trouble! still lovin it!
-.- its the same things you are lacking as before. you should have described Forest, Ash, Brock and Misty seeing how this is five years later. make the "running threw the forest" a bit longer like describing like how they felt know the oak was missing (ie: what were they thinking? what sound...
that is a great story plot you have going on, and the discription lets us picture what you want us to be thinking about. the grammer is great and just little puncation erorrs that every one would probaly miss. you still want me to keep reading!
uh okay the spacing is a little too much. first, you should complete a word before starting a new paragraph, and you should finish the whole sentence before starting new paragraph. second, you can make your pargraph longer because the way you have it could put strain on a persons eyes. a sample...
You have potential, we all know that. But you don't use! If ash is in veridian forest and he caught a caterpie, then build on it. I know youre 'trying you best' but youre not convincing anyone right now.
Re: Chaos Theory (8)
that is a great story so far, i dont mind the whole big block of text. for me it seems more compact. and ,though it is a minuscule obsevation, in "Stars" Dawn says that Bug types are at an advantage over water types but bug types are not at an advantage over water types...
i am kinda lost, ash is aperently haveing to save prof oak, but mabey you should like a 'meanwhile' thing. like at least telll us what has happened to oak. that you can build on. you are saying that we are being mean, but in your stories there is nothing to to say good about if there is...
Prologue
It was a windy night in the Shroomish Kingdom. So windy in fact, that all the leaves on the Sentrent Tree was blown off and scattered around the Kingdom. Little did anyone know, something terrible happened that night. Through the howling wind, you can barely hear evil laughter...
Re: Pokémon mystery dungeon 4 (Title pending)
yeah cant wait! hey idea! Lucas and Tepig goes to mt ash and awaken the ledgendary beast that resides there.
what kind of pokemon is Chloe? and where does it all begin? i mean this is probably after they graduate. i mean when do Chloe and Chimchar meet? can i get a link if there a thread for those stories?
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