Hey,
One thing I noticed about your style this time around is that you tend to overuse exclamation points. I've found that there aren't really many uses for them in stories as they tend to be more distracting than accentuating. Maybe one per thousand words, or something, could work but they...
My issue here is that you're telling when you also showed things, or when you could show more.
You flip between past and present tenses a lot in between sentences. You should make sure you don't do that, or just get a beta. That's the type of thing beta reading fixes pretty easily.
Back here because why not.
I liked the chapter. The Cave King, while perhaps over the top in anything else, works well with the mix of standard storytelling and cartoonishness here. He seemed like a plausible early boss type of antagonist, with the bigger threats in the background and clearly...
Hi. Normally review on serebii, but just dropping in to note that you have an unnecessary space between paragraphs on this site that makes it harder to read.
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