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- #2
Panic attacks, vomiting, implied past abuse and eating disorder, queerphobia, vomiting, intrusive thoughts, mentions of alcohol, slut shaming, paranoia
Wallace knew the night was coming, but that didn’t make the days before it any less stressful. It didn’t make the night itself any less stressful. Perhaps he would have been better off in blissful ignorance until the last moment.
It was “Champion Night”, Phoebe’s cutesy name for the party commemorating Steven giving his title of Champion to Wallace. Steven was going to travel, learn about rocks, learn about the world, learn about himself. He had been wanting to do this for a long time, and Wallace couldn’t be happier for him; Steven deserved a bit of peace and enjoyment.
For six months, Steven would be travelling, exploring, learning, discovering himself. And Wallace was to take his seat on the throne of the Hoenn League.
Being such an important night for the League as well as a night that fell on the first night of the year, everyone who was anyone in the League was there: Hoenn League, the Hinode Leagues, hell, there were even a few members of the international Leagues here and there.
Wallace wanted to be celebrating with Steven and the others. He wanted to be a good Champion. Instead, he was locked in the bathroom stall furthest from the door, kneeling on the floor, hanging his head over the toilet, vomiting.
It wasn’t food poisoning; Wallace hadn’t been able to eat anything since breakfast. Illness was also off the list; nothing was going around, and Wallace wasn’t one to risk his already fragile health with that sort of thing. He wasn’t hungover, and he certainly, certainly hadn’t relapsed. No, this was a panic attack. Out of all the nights to have this bad of a panic attack, it had to be this night.
Wallace’s head was spinning, and his hands were shaking. He felt the familiar, smooth feeling of Victoria’s scales as he tried reaching for some toilet paper to clean his mouth off. She was hovering over him, holding his cape in her mouth. He gave her a small, weary smile. Poor Victoria, having to put up with him for so many years. Granted, his mental state had gotten better over the years, but he couldn’t help but feel guilty that he still wasn’t a perfect Trainer for her.
“I’m sorry, Victoria."
“Wallace? You okay?”
Wallace froze at the voice.
Damn it. Sidney’s here.
“What are you doing here?” Wallace asked, trying to speak as though he hadn’t just been puking his guts out. It was harder than he expected, especially since his throat felt like it had been raked with sandpaper.
He heard footsteps echo on the tile floor, until he saw two familiar, blue-grey loafers. Sidney had an unconventional style, but in his own words, at least he could pass it off as business casual.
“Steven sent me to go find you,” Sidney replied. “You’ve been gone for ten minutes. He’s worried about you.”
Ten minutes?! Damn it, so much for trying to pretend things were okay.
“Tell Steven that I’m fine.”
“You sounded like you just flipped your insides out. If anything, I think his worry is warranted for once. You think you need to go to the hospital?”
Wallace groaned. “God damn it, Sidney—”
“I don’t want to hear you mumble some shit about dignity under your breath!”
Sidney’s sudden change in tone startled Wallace.
“Do you think I give a shit about dignity?” Sidney demanded. “You know what’s more important than dignity—if something happens to you on my watch, Winona will kill me, and then Steven will bring me back from the dead just to kill me again!”
The bathroom was silent for a few moments as Wallace mustered the will to stand up. Eventually, he flushed the toilet, stood up from the floor, and, leaning on the wall for support, opened the stall door.
“I didn’t throw up every one of my internal organs,” he mumbled, “so I think I should be good for the rest of the night.”
Sidney raised a concerned eyebrow. “Geez, pal. You don’t look or sound good. You wanna go home?”
“Yes.”
Wallace listlessly walked over to one of the sinks and turned on the faucet. As he washed out his mouth, he heard Sidney say, “All right. I’ll call Winona and tell her to—”
“Don’t.”
Sidney glanced up like Wallace was crazy. “I thought you wanted to go home.”
Wallace let the water run through his hands. He was starting to dissociate; the walls of the bathroom and the confines of his body were starting to feel like a prison for his mind. He needed to ground himself somehow, and water had always been helpful in that regard.
“I do,” Wallace said. He wanted nothing more than to be in the safety of his home, in the safety of Winona’s arms, in the safety away from all of the people watching eyes.
“Then why can’t I tell Winona?” Sidney asked.
“Because I can’t go home.”
Victoria left the stall, and Wallace took his cape from her. Before he left the bathroom, he put it back on and looked over at Sidney. The poor man looked so confused. He didn’t deserve to have to deal with Wallace’s emotional baggage.
“It’s… just something that isn’t agreeing with me. Probably.”
Sidney shook his head, sighing. “Wallace, a lot of people can lie to me, but you sure as hell can’t.”
“How did—” He stopped talking, but it was too late; Wallace had incriminated himself.
Sidney puffed out his chest and put his hands on his hips. “I’m really smart, that’s how.”
Wallace shook his head. Whatever. Sidney could be really smart for one night.
“Don’t tell anyone that I was in here making a fool of myself.”
“But Wallace—”
“That’s an order, Sidney,” Wallace snapped, pointing a cold finger at Sidney.
Sidney held up his hands in defeat, smiling.
“Already exercising your Champion privileges, I see,” he teased.
Wallace dropped his hand to his side. Guilt started sinking in.
“I’m sorry, Sidney,” he said, his voice softer.
Sidney shrugged. “Eh, I was just joking, kid.”
He reached over to put a hand on Wallace, but Wallace pulled away.
Sidney was safe, Sidney was safe. Sidney was a bit strange, but Sidney would never hurt Wallace. Not like… like…
“Everything okay?” Sidney asked.
“Where’s…” Wallace stuttered, “Where’s Steven?”
-
Steven was standing on a balcony, talking to someone on his Pokénav Plus. In contrast to Wallace’s white cape, his suit was ink black.
“...All right, I think this warrants a Knock Off.”
Battle strategies, huh. Knock Off knocked a Pokémmon’s held item away. A very useful move. Of course Steven would know about moves and their effects. He was a former Champion, for crying out loud. If only Wallace was as good as Steven…
Steven looked up, noticing Wallace and Sidney.
“I’ll talk later,” he said before hanging up. A smile came to his face as he walked over to the two. “Where’d you find Wallace?”
“He was—”
“I got lost,” Wallace lied. “Sidney got lost while trying to find me, and we were both lost for a bit. But now”—he smiled—“Now we’re not lost.”
Before Sidney could call out Wallace, Steven laughed and said, “glad to know you two aren’t lost anymore.”
He wrapped an arm around Wallace as the three walked back inside. Steven’s touch was good. Steven’s touch was safe.
The main ballroom was big. It had black, carpeted floors and dark, hardwood walls with ornate carvings of Hoenn’s Weather Trio. The air was alive with chatter, music, and laughter.
Too much noise. Too many people.
But Steven looked happy. There was a big smile on his face as he waved at the people they passed. How did he do it? How did he do the whole Champion thing?
Wallace put up a smile and pretended he was okay. He couldn’t have Steven worrying about him, not now. Poor man worried too much about him already.
Wallace looked around the ballroom to see if he could find Winona, only to realize that Sidney was also nowhere to be seen.
“Steven, have you seen our Winona bird?”
Steven thought for a moment. “She was in a yellow halter dress, wasn’t she?”
The worry in Wallace’s shoulders faded, and he sighed with a dreamy smile.
“Doesn’t she look beautiful in it, Steven? She looks so good in yellow. She’s like sunshine on flowers.”
His mind wandered a bit as he daydreamed Winona. They were technically, legally married, but… well, the news hadn’t reached the public, and they still hadn’t had their wedding ceremony. Marrying Winona and Steven… Wallace imagined how beautiful the wed—
“Steven!” Lance called.
Wallace rolled his eyes. Lance, his “fellow” Champion, was standing with who he could only assume were other Champions, judging by how Cynthia was also standing with him. There was a pretty woman in white, a kid who looked too young to be here, and a man in an outrageous cape—though Wallace would take that cape over Lance’s any day. That dastard had the gall to buy the same cape several times, as if his first disgraceful cape wasn’t enough, as if—
Steven playfully nudged Wallace back into reality.
“Don’t get into too many fights when I’m in my caves.” Steven began walking towards the others. “I’ll see you and Winona on the dance floor soon!”
-
While trying to find Winona, Wallace sat down in one of the chairs by the refreshments table, slowly eating some of the water crackers in an attempt to put something back in his system. He was starting to get light headed, so he tried deep breathing. He also smiled, trying to hide the fact that he really didn’t want to be at the party anymore. There were other people at the refreshments table, and Wallace prayed that no one would try to talk to him.
“Hey, Wallace!”
Guess the gods are busy tonight.
Blue was walking over, along with a few other Gym Leaders: Volkner, Clair, and Raihan. Wallace had heard of them, but he didn’t know they were all... friends?
“It seems you’re leaving our club,” Blue teased. “Darn, Wallace, how are you going to deal with Lance and Cynthia without us?”
Wallace cocked his head. “What… club?”
“The Second Best Club. The club for the eighth Gym Leaders.”
“Who are cooler than Champions,” Clair added.
Huh. Wallace didn’t know that there was an eighth Gym Leader group. Was Wallace still a part of it? Was he “uncool” now? Was that a bad thing?!
Wallace stood up. Bad idea, because his head started spinning again.
“Speaking of cool,” he started, “I need to find someone.”
“Are you sick of us already?” Raihan joked.
Shoot. They think you hate them. They think you hate them.
“O-Of course not,” Wallace stammered. “I just—”
“Roll camera, Ty!”
Two other people appeared just a few feet from Wallace: Gabby and Ty of Hoenn TV. Old…friends? Acquaintances? People who seemed to follow him everywhere he went just so they could get the latest scoop on him? What lingering anxiety he had from before increased tenfold—maybe twentyfold—when he saw them.
“Hello there, Hoenn,” Gabby chimed as she pressed up against him. “We’re here live to conduct an interview with your newest Champion: Sootopolis City’s Wallace!”
Please get off of me please get off of me please get off of me.
Gabby’s touch wasn’t safe. Gabby’s touch was scary, like all of the questions she asked. She couldn’t be trusted. She couldn’t be trusted. She couldn’t be trusted. No one was safe, not Gabby, not Ty, not Blue and his friends, not the millions of people watching.
Out of the corner of his eye, Wallace saw Steven, who was greeting guests at the door. He looked so calm, so collected, so much like the perfect Champion: a Champion who could talk to people, a Champion who could face the press and public with grace, a Champion who was fit to represent Hoenn. Champion Steven had been the crown jewel of Hoenn.
And Champion Wallace? Champion Wallace was seconds away from either throwing up or dropping dead on live TV.
“How does it feel to be rising from your position as Gym Leader to Champion?” Gabby asked.
Right. He had to look like a good Champion. He had to look like a good replacement for Steven.
“Oh, it’s been… it’s been fine.” Wallace could practically hear the whispers of viewers: What the hell is he saying? “I’ll miss the trainers at the Sootopolis Gym, but the Elite Four members have been more than welcoming.”
Gabby beamed a smile. “Well, that’s lovely! I hear your former mentor is taking over the Gym.”
“Yes. Juan is cer-certainly the best person I-I could ask to run the Gym in my place.” If I were Juan, I would be ashamed of mentoring such a fool.
“Your fans have certainly been thrilled for you! And your the country’s first Sootopolitan Champion! What a milestone!”
“Heh… that’s…” Why is that Sootopolitan slut representing Hoenn?! Why is some freak allowed to be Champion! Someone should just kill him already! Kill him! KILL HIM!
“Wallace? Is everything okay?”
All eyes on him. All eyes on him. ALL EYES AND HANDS ON HIM CHOKING WATCHING WATCHING CHOKING.
“…Excuse me a minute,” Wallace whispered.
-
As soon as Wallace staggered out to the garden, he leaned over a railing and threw up.
He couldn’t make sense of his surroundings, so he could only close his eyes and pray that no one else was outside, seeing how imperfect of a Champion he was. His vision was blurry, like he was trying to open his eyes underwater, but he eventually came to the conclusion that no one else was outside.
“Wallace… Hey, Wallace, it’s okay. I’m right here. Just get it all up.”
Well, no one else save a certain woman in a yellow dress.
Winona had one hand on Wallace’s back (her touch was safe), and Wallace gripped the other tightly on the railing of the bridge (her touch would protect him). The whole world seemed to be spinning. He only had two things on his mind as he was heaving: the fear that Gabby and Ty had followed him, and the fear that he would pass out. For a moment, he was even convinced that he would choke on nothing to death.
“Wallace, can you hear me? Are you okay?”
No. No. Gabby and Ty weren’t here. He wouldn’t pass out. He wouldn’t die. Winona was here with him. Winona would keep him safe.
He nodded in response to Winona’s question.
“Can you speak?”
He shook his head. That was all he could do: nod or shake his head. At least Winona understood.
“That’s okay,” Winona reassured him. “We’re going to go up to Steven’s hotel room. Does that sound good?”
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