EVERYONE: Bah Humbug - And Yet... (A Short One-Shot)

[Lone_Garurumon]

So, I guess if I'm gonna post stories and stuff then I might as well start somewhere. I came up with this one when I saw one of the writing prompts for the holiday contests this year. The prompt I'm referring to is the one titled "Bah Humbug", where I am to write about a Pokemon villain during Christmas time. The villain I chose should be rather obvious once you start reading.

And Yet...​

The serpentine form of Giratina twisted between the floating islands of the Distortion World. The Renegade Pokemon shot past the landmasses in what could potentially be described as some massive scale game of chicken, a test to see which would move out of the way first. It was always Giratina, floating islands were notoriously poor at dodging giant space centipedes. One of these floating islands contained a man, walking through the Distortion World, as he had for so many years, or maybe it was only minutes. Time didn’t really matter here. Cyrus didn’t even flinch as Giratina rushed past him, probably close enough to touch. This had happened many times since he’d gotten here. He didn’t bother Giratina, and Giratina didn’t bother him. As he walked through the Distortion world – trees and rocks appearing and disappearing with every step – he passed one of the numerous bubbles which showed glimpses of the world opposite; what some would call the “real world”. It showed snow outside, he supposed that would mean it’s likely winter. He couldn’t help but wonder why he kept looking at these. The other world held nothing for him, all it contained was those foolish idiots, ruled by their emotions. He turned away and began walking in the other direction.

Cyrus continued to wander the Distortion World, inspecting the more notable landmarks he encountered. He reached a peculiar waterfall that flowed from each end, when another view bubble floated its way over. Within it he could see a tree covered in lights and brightly coloured balls. Christmas. Oh, how he loathed Christmas. A bunch of morons yammering on about the “spirit of giving”, and the “true meaning of Christmas” and other such nonsense. And yet, he couldn’t stop his mind from flashing back to his childhood, to before he got the idea in his head to destroy the old world and craft a new one solely for him, the Christmases that he legitimately enjoyed. He recalled the rush of tearing open his presents, the joy of receiving the gifts that he sought after all year. He was foolish back then. Young and foolish. Cyrus struck the view bubble and walked off once more.

As he continued through the Distortion World, Cyrus continued to be plagued by view bubble after view bubble. He had rarely seen so many gathering in one place like this before. Each one showed yet another sickening scene of Christmas. Families around the tree, children opening their presents, people eating a meal and talking to each other with idiotic smiles on their faces. And yet again, his mind flashed to his past Christmases, dare he say, happy Christmases. Idly he wondered whether things couldn’t be the same again. He dashed these thoughts as foolish, those emotions were the source of pain, the source of suffering. Cyrus left the scene yet again, away from the bubbles that were plaguing him with visions of a world and season he insisted he held no longing for. He knew that emotions only led to suffering, and Christmas simply served to amplify those emotions. It could only lead to pain.

And yet…




So, yeah, that's it. I'd love it if you could tell me what you think of it, particularly the ending. I'm really not terribly sure about it. Honestly though any sort of criticism would be super appreciated.

 

[diamondpearl876]

I suppose I can comment on this since staff can't officially enter, eh?

You've definitely got some talent, my friend! This is exactly how I'd imagine Cyrus spending Christmas - brooding in his own lonely thoughts, trying to trick himself into forgetting his past in favor of the world he longs for. I'm not sure what the description of Giratina serves at the beginning - perhaps Giratina is the one creating those thought bubbles? At any rate, my only advice would be to expand on the description of what was in the view bubbles! You say there's happier Christmases, but what does that mean for Cyrus? Which members of his family, if any, were there? What was his favorite gift? What was the look on his face like when he opened it?

This is a short but sweet little piece on Cyrus... Cyrus kinda ends up in a lot of fics around here for whatever reason, haha, but understandably so, I think. He's got a lot of potential, and you delved into that potential pretty well here. Looking forward to anything else you might wanna share with us.

 

[Lone_Garurumon]

Thanks for the feedback DP. I guess I could have gone a bit better on the descriptions.
As to the Giratina description, I was trying to find a way to set the scene of the Distortion World in a smooth way, but I can see how it could seem a bit random since it doesn't really tie into the rest of the story.

 

[diamondpearl876]

Thanks for the feedback DP. I guess I could have gone a bit better on the descriptions.
As to the Giratina description, I was trying to find a way to set the scene of the Distortion World in a smooth way, but I can see how it could seem a bit random since it doesn't really tie into the rest of the story.

Yeah, I liked the description of Giratina, though I'd gotten the impression the fic would be about Giratina, then, instead of Cyrus because it was the very first description. ^^