Koga, Janine, and Stan

[aipom1]

I'm new to this, so don't expect anything too great. Just let me know what I can improve on. My English teacher said that I'm a fairly good writer, so I'll just take a shot at it. (I couldn't think of a very good name for this story. I spent forever thinking about a good name for this, but the best name that came to me was "Koga, Janine, and Stan.")

Chapter 1

Stan was rudely awoken by what he assumed to be the cry of a Dodrio. He rubbed his eyes and sat up in bed, shielding his eyes from the sunlight intruding through the window. Then he checked the alarm clock.

Crap.

Stan jumped out of bed and threw on random clothes lying on the floor.

"No... no... I can't afford to be late again..." Stan said to himself. He didn't realize how loud he was, and he woke up Devin. Devin was Stan's roomate.

"Cut that racket out..." Devin said, still half asleep. Stan just ignored him, since he really had no time to pay any attention to Devin right now.

Devin was shorter than Stan, but with a much stronger and brawny body. He had short, black hair that stuck up in the front and had a very cocky attitude.

Stan was out the door in seconds. He got alot of funny looks from other people at the university as he dashed to physics class, his hair sticking out in all directions. It was nothing Stan wasn't used to, he got funny looks all the time.

Stan was nineteen years old at the time, with purple- hued hair and a long, skinny body. He was lucky enough to get into the University of Fuchia, but he most likely wouldn't be a student there for much longer.

Stan doesn't have much to be proud of, but what holds him together is the fact that he is the son of Koga. He had looked up to his father for years, and wanted to be exactly like him. A gym leader. Better yet, one of the Elite Four.

The day that Stan's father has been accepted into the Elite 4, Stan knew he would become the Fuchia gym leader. But, Koga gave the honor to Stan's sister.

Janine was perfect in every way to Stan, and to his father. She was a superior battler, and very intelligent as well.

Unlike Stan, who was flunking out of college and what few Pokemon he had weren't very good at fighting.

Over the years, Stan had become the forgotten child. His father was disappointed of him, and Stan knew it. That's why nobody even knew that Stan existed. He wasn't a celebrity like his father or sister.

But none of this discouraged Stan to chase after his dreams- to one day challenge his sister and become the Fuchia gym leader. He knew that someday his life of being unloved and belittled would come to an end.

But for now, he was stuck in what he beleived to be Hell.

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Chapter 2

Stan sat on the curb outside the physics building. He messed up, badly.

His physics professor had kicked him out for being late again. Good old Mr. Munley.

Stan knew that he wouldn't last for another week in college. Struck with sorrow, he stared at one of his poke balls.

"Someday," Stan said softly, "you're going to help me become the gym leader."

He paused, and then pressed the button in the center of the poke ball. A bright light flashed. Then a small, purple pokemon with pinchers appeared in front of him.

Scorupi was Stan's first pokemon. Unlike most trainers who received either Bulbasaur, Charmander, or Squitle as their first pokemon, Stan received Scorupi from the Great Marsh in Sinnoh.

Stan remembered the day he had turned ten. He ran as fast as he could to the nearest pokemon lab, more excited than he had ever been. But when he got there, there were no more pokemon. Janine had taken the last one. Since Stan and Janine were twins, their birthdays were on the same date.

Several weeks later, Stan's family went on vacation to Pastoria City in Sinnoh. His father let him catch a pokemon in the Great Marsh, only because he felt sorry for him. And the pokemon that Stan caught was Scorupi. Because of his young age, he decided to give his new Scorupi the nickname: Purple. And it stuck.

Stan and Purple stared into each others eyes for a moment and then Stan said "Purple, someday you and I are going to be gym leaders. You'll be so tough, we'll be the hardest gym to beat!"

Purple just grunted and then nodded. Stan often gave him these confidence boosters, but they never helped. Purple had begun to feel weak and depressed over the past few years.

Several college girls walked by, all of them walking with skitties on leashes. They all pointed and giggled at Stan. He still looked like he had just rolled out of bed.

Stan sighed, and then put Purple back into the poke ball. He stood up, and heard his stomache rumble. Time for lunch. He then checked his wallet, and pulled out a dollar and a nickel. Nothing else.

"Oh boy," Stan said. He had to ask Janine for some money.

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If you guys think this is OK, then I'll make chapter 3 soon. Thanks.

 

[aipom1]

Chapter 3

Stan hated asking Janine favors. It made him feel like he was a lower being, which in a way, he was.

He rode his old, rusted bike into the city and got to the Fuchia Gym in about an hour. Stan parked his bike and looked up at the gym.

Stan had seen several Pokemon Gyms before, none of which he had challenged. He remembered that when he caught his first pokemon, he wanted to challenge Crasher Wake. His father had just laughed.

Swallowing his pride (what little he had left), Stan walked through the sliding doors and saw Janine talking to a small boy in the back of the gym. Most likely a beaten challenger.

Stan shuffled over to Janine, not sure what to say. Janine still didn't notice him.

"Uh, hey, Janine!" Stan said, faking his enthusiasm.

Janine stopped talking to the boy and turned her head. She saw Stan and smiled.

"Hey, Stan! Haven't seen you in a while! How's college?"

Stan gulped, remembering Mr. Munley. "Y'know... good... lots of fun. Just stopping bye to say hi."

"Great! Bet the girls follow you around all the time," Janine said, smirking. Stan couldn't tell if she was being serious or sarcastic.

Stan stuttered, and then said "Oh yeah... all the time. Heh."

Janine nodded, and then there was an akward silence. Finally, Janine said, "Look, Stan. I know you aren't here just to say hi. What do you need from me?"

Stan frowned. There was no fooling Janine. Then he very quietly said, "I need s'money..."

"What?"

"S'money..." Stan said a little louder.

"Stan, what the heck do you want?"

"Money!" Stan shouted. The boy looked at him with a somewhat scared face. He had forgotten that he was there.

"Ah..." Janine said looking away.

"Look, I don't want to have to do this Janine. I'm broke and jobless. College is terrible. Please, I could really just use a little help here." Stan stopped talking and looked at the floor.

Janine pursed her lips. She reached into her pocket and took out a wad of money.

"Here," she said, and handed the money to Stan. "This is half of what the gym made today. It should last you at least two weeks, unless you go on a shopping spree."

Stan wasn't sure what to say. "Um, th-thanks, Janine." Then he just turned and left.

Janine watched him walk out. "What am I going to do with him?" she asked herself. Then she turned and continued talking to the small boy.

 

[aipom1]

Chapter 4

It was night time when Stan got home. Someone had stolen his bike, so he had to walk all the way back to campus.

Stan opened the door to his dorm and saw Devin lying on the couch watching television.

"Where have you been, man? You missed my party!"

Party!? Oh, right. Devin's birthday.

Stan looked around the room, and saw that it was completely trashed. Apparently, Devin wasn't going to clean it up.

"I just went into to-" Stan cut his sentence short when he saw a small, purple tail with a pincher hanging out of a doritos bag. "Purple!" Stan shouted. He rushed over to Purple and dragged him out of the doritos bag. Purple had nacho cheese and chip crums all over his face. He moaned.

Stan turned to Devin. "You let Purple eat all of this junk!? YOU IDIOT, YOU KNOW HE'LL GET SICK!"

Devin's short, black hair stood up and his eyes widened. He had never seen his roomate this angry before. "I... I didn't notice that-"

"No, you just don't care about Purple! Y'know what, I'm leaving this Hellhole tommorow! I'M SICK OF IT! Now give me some money so I can get Purple some medical help! NOW!"

Devin jumped off the couch and went over to the small table next to the TV and reached into his wallet. He pulled out twenty dollars and gave it to Stan.

"THANK YOU. GOODBYE." Stan grabbed all of his belongings and stuffed them in his backpack. Then he slammed the door behind him and was gone.

 

[some colour no doubt]

Hmm, very good start, and I'll agree with your English teacher, you do have a nice flair for writing.
Just a few things, in the first chapter, you told us Stan's hair was purple on two separate occaisions, whereas you only needed one. Also, you didn't do much to describe the locations or other characters either.
However on the good side, your writing flows smoothly, very easy to read, and the chapter length keeps the reader interested, revealing enough and not droning on.
For his Scorupi, I'm not crazy about the nickname 'purple' but that's your personal choice, however, you did a good job of showing how Stan cares for his pokémon.
The interaction between Stan and Janine was good, but i thought it wasn't portrayed perfectly, but i suppose its hard to get awkwardness across to the audience.
Overall, a good first few chapters of a well written fic, I'll be sure to try and keep an eye out for this!

 

[aipom1]

Chapter 5

Stan just didn't care anymore. He didn't care about his education, his family, a job, nothing. Nothing except for his pokemon and his dreams.

Stan was always a bit overly protective of Purple, and he knew it. He just didn't care about it right now.

There wasn't a pokemon doctor on campus, but he knew that there was one in the city. Great, he had to walk all the way back into the city.

"Don't worry, Purple," Stan said softly to Purple. "Things are about to take a turn for the better. Promise."

Purple just moaned. His belly was killing him. But he managed a smile. Somehow, he knew that what Stan said was true.
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Chapter 6

When Stan finally reached the pokemon center, he had to wait hald an hour since several people were in front of him.

"How many poeple can there be at the pokmoen center at three AM!?" Stan thought to himself.

During the first fifteen minutes of waiting, Stan and Purple were forced to wait outside because Purple had gone to the bathroom twice inside.

When the nurse finally came out to treat Purple, Stan had fallen asleep. He was exhausted.

"Excuse me, sir? I'm ready to see you're Skorupi now," the nurse said.

Stan quickly sat up and cleared his throat. "Er.. yeah, thanks." The nurse then took Stan's moaning Skorupi indoors to be treated.



Stan had no idea how long it took for the nurse to treat Purple, since he had fallen asleep again. The nurse seemed very upset with him, but Stan was too tired to care.

"Thanks, lady," he had said when the nurse gave him his Skorupi back. All Stan remembered after that is that he fell asleep on the curb outside shortly after.

 

[some colour no doubt]

Okay, much to short.
If you look at the length of your first post, with the two chapters combined, that was perfect.
If you had the last two chapters combined, and maybe a bit more, say when he reaches the pokémon centre, that would have been great, but chapter 5, the length, makes it seem insignficant when its something quite deep happening.

 

[aipom1]

I'll work on it. Thanks.

 

[aipom1]

Chapter 7

Stan cracked his eyes open as he heard the sound of cars going by and people talking on cell phones. Everything was blurry.

He rubbed his eyes with his fist, and saw a young boy in a t-shirt and brown hair standing over him. The boy pointed and said "Look, mom! He's alive!"

The mother pulled the boy's ear to her mouth. "Don't point," she said. "That poor man has feelings too."

As the mother and the boy walked away, Stan sat up and grunted. It took him awhile to remember where he was and how he got here. He could feel the warmth of Purple still asleep on his lap, his midsection growing larger and then smaller as he breathed deeply.

People walking by just assumed that he was just a homeless man, Stan noticed. He remembered that he still looked like a caveman.

He stood up, his legs wobbling underneath him as he shuffled over to the nearest bench. "What to do now..." he thought as he tried to completely wake up.

Well, there was only one thing to do. Stan had left mostly everything behind when he left college, so he knew that the only thing to do was to travel around, battle, and toughen up his pokemon. That's what Stan had always wanted to do when he was young.

The only reason he ever went to college is because he got a scholarship to The University of Fuchia when he was 16, and he felt like he couldn't turn down an offer like that.

So he abandoned his dreams, just like that. Back then, it didn't seem like such a big deal since his pokemon were terrible at battling and his father had such little faith in him.

Well, nothing was going to stop him now. "I'll show you, dad!" Stan said out loud, not meaning to awake Purple.

Purple yawned and stretched out his body, then slowly opened his eyes and focused on Stan.

"Sorry, buddy. Didn't mean to wake you," Stan softly said to Purple.

Purple nodded, and then went back to sleeping. He was exhausted. Stan decided to put him back in his pokeball.

He put Purple's pokeball back into his backpack, and then focused with a sharp gaze.

"Let's get started."

Stan quickly stood up and begun to walk out of Fuchia. It started here.
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Chapter 8

When Stan finally reached the outskirts of Fuchia, it felt like his legs were made of led and just wouldn't allow him to walk any further.

He collapsed in a patch of grass and rested for a moment, staring up at the clouds. Then he sat up and looked around. He recognized this place.

He had rode his bike out here when he was young, and he saw a tall, bird pokemon with two heads running through the field. He told Purple to use his pin missile attack, and it hit the pokemon square in the back. Then he threw a pokeball and caught his very first pokemon: a dodrio.

Stan remembered it clear as day. His first caught pokemon. He remembered the feeling he got after he retrieved the pokeball: the feeling of pride. And it was all his.

Stan reached into his backpack, felt around, and then pulled out an old, scratched-up pokeball. He then pressed the button in the center of the ball, and then Dodrio appeared in front of him.

"Hey there, LT," Stan said to his Dodrio. He named one head Lightning, and the other Thunder, so he called him LT. He got the idea from his favorite TV show from when he was twelve.

LT looked at Stan, and then both heads started sqwaking and pecking Stan. "Ah- ow! Stop!" Stan exclaimed. LT hardly ever got out of his pokeball, so he had to get some energy out.

Stan was at the point where he was running from LT, who was much faster than him and caught up in no time. He knocked Stan onto the ground and started pecking him some more. Stan struggled to grab LT's pokeball and call him back. LT turned red, and then receded back into the pokeball.

Stan lied on the ground for a few moments, then got up and brushed the dirt off his face. "Owch," Stan said. "Thanks, LT."

Tired and beat- up, Stan just wanted to collapse on the ground and take a nap. But he decided against it, got the idea of training his pokemon there. Her took a look around, and noticed that the area was perfect for training his pokemon.

"Purple, lets go!" Stan yelled as he tossed Purple's pokeball.

Purple appeared in front of Stan. "Skor skor!" Pruple exclaimed, happy to be out of his pokeball.

"Purple," Stan said, "Time to do some training."

A look of excitement appeared on Purple's face. "Skoru skor!" he yelled. He then shot a pin missile attack to the sky, which soon fell on Stan and Purple. Luckily they were uninjured.

After making sure he and Purple were unharmed from the pin missile attack, Stan pointed to a nearby rock. "Okay, Purple," he said. "See that rock over there? Use pin missile to smash it!"

Purple focused, and glared at the rock. The he gathered all of his strength, and shot his most powerful pin missile attack at the rock.

It most at the speed of light, and made contact in less than a second. Smoke went all around the area.

Once it cleared, Stan looked at the rock and saw that there were only a few dents on it. "Okay," Stan said, "That was pretty good... I guess. Lets try it again!"

Purple nodded, and then shot another pin missile attack at the rock. However, the attack went in a completely different direction and his a patch of grass far to the right of the rock. When it hit, Stan heard something yelp. Whoops...

Everything was silent, then a small, brown pokemon leaped out of the grass. A Raticate. And it was angry.

Purple and the Raticate exchanged looks for a moment, Purple's look was terrified and Raticate's was angry. Then faster than lightning, the Raticate lunged at Purple.

"Run!" Stan yelled to Purple, but there was no need. Purple was already high tailing it away from Raticate.

But the Raticate was much faster. It dashed right in front of Purple, stopping him right in his tracks. A wave of fear hit Purple.

The Raticate reared up, about to strike a blow, and Purple just shut his eyes and truned away. He was helpless.

Then came Stan to the rescue, and kicked the Raticate on its side. It yelped, then ran back into the grass.

The terrified Purple, still trembling, leaped into Stan's arms.

"It's okay, buddy," Stan said to Purple, patting his back. "It's over."

Then Stan looked down and saw a yellow puddle where Purple was standing. He sighed.

"Purple," Stan said, "We gotta toughen you up."