TEEN: Land of the Roses [abandoned]

[diamondpearl876]

I'm gonna dispense with my quoting review style. There were too many notes I had across all the chapters that can be condensed into general thoughts. I actually managed to catch up 100% in time somehow despite the length of this fic... and thinking about it now, it may or may not be because the flow and pacing of just about every part of this fic was damn near perfect.

You mentioned blocks of pointless description, but I don't see them. Sure, not all the details might have been important, but there's not so much that they bog things down. There always seems to be just enough. Not only that, but the descriptions - even when describing mundane objects - are interesting, well worded, and vivid. Your writing style shines through well consistently.

I think it was fairly obvious way back when that I wasn't a fan of Storm Island and, more specifically, Kimberly. I can't say I've read anything of yours since that award period, but reading this now, that was just a mistake on my part. You've improved leaps and bounds, and Kimberly's character works so well here compared to in Storm Island. Her and Andrea's interactions are a treat to read, and both characters have a lot of depth to them. They don't have a lot in common, no, and they kinda get into more spats than I'd expect new friends to, but there's still a feeling of vulnerability and trust between them and seeing them try to make it work is great. I'm a sucker for friends that become close shortly after meeting, I guess, but the characters not getting along for one reason or another is a new twist to it I see here.

Andrea's got a lot of noticeable flaws. They're subtle, which is fine. That means you never explicitly "tell." Right off the bat with the conversation with her father we see her lack of faith in herself, her tendency to think irrational thoughts and jump to conclusions, and beyond that, her being prone to outbursts or saying thoughtless things makes her feel like a real person. Her not being able to keep friendships due to her flaws is not something I've seen explored in a fanfic before. It's not by any means fun to accept your flaws or lose friends over them, and you nail those awful feelings here. It makes her working on her friendship with Kimberly that much stronger, too.

Kimberly's not as in depth a character as Andrea, I feel, but it's fine. Her goal seems to be to hide her flaws, which is understandable. Andrea's not wrong to think of her as clingy and a little strange at first for trusting a stranger and wanting to following her around seemingly forever, but once we get to the parts about Kimberly's crippling anxiety, it makes sense. How can she trust herself to be out on her own if she essentially becomes catatonic when her emotions become too much? It says a lot about Kimberly that she recognizes enough about herself to make sure she's not alone, and it says a lot that her crippling anxiety isn't even the only reason she doesn't want to be alone. For everything action of hers, I can see several reasons behind it, and that's a sign of a well rounded character.

I'm annoyed by Patrick. And by that I mean I'm annoyed by him for all the reasons Andrea is. He might admit when he's wrong, but he's not open minded enough to see that he might be wrong before he realizes he's wrong. Andrea hasn't interacted with him too much since she's come to the realization that yeah, she needs to work on her social skills, so I'll be interested to see if she forgives him for what she was angry for or if she'll end up being distant from him too, then reget it.

I've not much to say in general on the worldbuilding - weird, since that's what I've heard the most good things about - but that's not a bad thing. It feels real. I was immersed in it. I didn't think about it going through the chapters and that says I was too busy reading to want to stop and make notes on it. The supernatural aspects of things are surprising, but they work and add a spin onto Andrea's job she wasn't expecting as a character and I wasn't expecting as a reader. I wonder if I missed something because, well, what about ghost-type pokemon in your world? Because if they exist, the creatures that everyone finds appalling here probably shouldn't seem so appalling or outlandish.

Again, this is far and beyond what I'd read with Storm Island. The characters, the dialogue, the description, the worldbuilding - it's all there, and it's not even just "there." It's there in a goddamnit this is great give me more even if it's enough to drown in kind of way.

Forgive me for not having read the Christmas special yet, but I'll be back for it.

 

[Misfit Angel]

I've gotta say, those are the most on-point analyses of each of my characters yet. It might help that you've gotten all of the information within a short period of time compared to my usual readers, but you've pretty much hit every nail on the head when it comes to major aspects of the characters, especially Kimberly.

I wonder if I missed something because, well, what about ghost-type pokemon in your world? Because if they exist, the creatures that everyone finds appalling here probably shouldn't seem so appalling or outlandish.

Regarding this point, it's kind of glossed over probably too easily, but it's pointed out in chapter 16:

"I wouldn't go that far. Do you remember in the early years of your studies, you touched on taxonomy? Specifically the kingdom structure?"

She nodded. "Yes. Bacteria, protista, fungi, plantae and animalia."

"I noticed that you left out spiritae."

"Well, the debate still continues on that one..."

"Not much is known about these mysterious creatures, other than they don't quite fit the description of animals and plants. They're so rare and difficult to study! In fact, a specific species comes to mind, Duskull. We don't know what exactly a Duskull is since one has never been studied closely before. This has led to the theory that it is some sort of... well, a ghost! The reanimated remains of a deceased creature. Now, it's very likely that this theory is erroneous, but there's also the slim chance that it's not."

It doesn't specify ghost-types (mostly because types don't really exist in common parlance), but basically, ghost-types are just not a thing that people run into at all. They exist but they kinda don't. I'm still working out some details but I'm thinking that only special people such as spirit mediums or equipment such as thermal imaging would be able to notice them at all unless they wanted to be noticed.

Anyways, I am so glad you enjoyed it. I do admit, I was a little worried when I became aware you were reading it, but also quietly confident that you'd enjoy it far more than my previous project. Glad to see my confidence was well placed, and again, that you enjoyed it!

Also, feel free to skim the christmas special if you want. I know you were looking forward to it the most, but I admit the length is very daunting and it's kinda weak at points. I won't hate you!

 

[diamondpearl876]

All right, finally got to catch up on the Christmas special. I didn't skim it, even after such a recommendation.

I vaguely remember a Larson being in Storm Island, but I never really got to read much about him. And after reading in earlier chapters about how much Andrea hates him... I was surprised by how close they were in the special, and I wonder what exactly happened that split them up and caused such bitter feelings. Heh. Andrea's dialogue felt a bit too bubbly and happy from what I know of her, too, but this was a different time in her life, if I'm understanding the timeline right.

And your worries on the characters - or at least Annie, since I can't speak for all the authors you cameo'd - were unfounded, my dear. You portrayed Annie's shyness and reservations in front of others well.

I'll be back for the next real chapters, hehe.

 

[Misfit Angel]

Land of the Roses
Season 1 Recap​

Our story starts with Andrea Dennison, a recent university dropout who spent four years of her life pursuing a PhD in biology. Having earned her bachelor's degree but struggling to keep her studies going, she felt it was time to get out into the real world and solve practical problems; one such place where she felt she would be able to do so was the Reiland Institute, a research facility led by the world renowned scientist, Dr. Rebecca Reiland. She didn't expect it, but much to her joy, she was invited to the town of Loch Alstan by Dr. Reiland herself, a rare opportunity not afforded to most applicants.

When she arrived at the Reiland Institute, she was surprised by how jovial most of the employees were. Dr. Reiland was sweet and understanding. Her new supervisor and mentor, Patrick Adelaide, injected humor and friendly sarcasm into nearly everything he said. Most of her interactions with her fellow coworkers, while brief, made her feel at home. She knew she was going to enjoy her time at the research center.

The First Task​

In an effort to monitor her work ethic, Patrick brought her along as an assistant for a personal project of his: in the nearby countryside village of Nettlefield, a strange sickness had overtaken a herd of Miltank at the Kingdom of Lanark's largest dairy farm, and the two immediately set out to investigate the problem. As they walked the pristine trails between Loch Alstan and Nettlefield, Andrea got her first true taste of the dangers of feral Pokémon, a territorial Donphan. Having no Pokémon of her own, she relied on Patrick and his Flareon for protection. The battle resulted in a stalemate until Andrea pinpointed a weakness in the Donphan's defenses; she was commended for her quick thinking, praise that she downplayed pretty heavily.

The next morning, Andrea and Patrick started their investigation into the Miltank situation. Many leads were followed and all were dead ends. As a last ditch effort, they carried out a postmortem on the most recent victim of the illness and found symptoms that were oddly familiar to Andrea. She recalled her university studies and theorized that it wasn't a plague that was killing the Miltanks, but possibly the toxic spores of an invasive fungal species of Pokémon known as Blastcap. With their only potential lead in mind, the two ventured into the wilderness once more, this time heading into the most likely habitat of the invasive Blastcap, the marshlands north of town.

The trek through the Nettlemarsh was lengthy, exhausting and confusing, but they eventually found indications that Andrea's hypothesis might be correct. The marsh shifted from grey and green to orange and brown, with fungal clusters and lichen colonies latching onto the trees and destroying all of the swampland in their path. After some loud disagreements between the two, Patrick pushed deeper into the swamp, and eventually the two discovered something neither had expected: an entirely undocumented species of Pokémon, a twisted creature of wood and fungal material.

Their attempts to study the new creature were short lived and Patrick called upon his Flareon once again as the creature attacked with primal fury. The environment worked against the Flareon, however, giving the fungal monstrosity a clear advantage; it ignored the floundering Flareon and went straight for Patrick. It wrapped a vine-like tendril around him and pulled him in, threatening to drown him in the process. Only Andrea's bravery freed him from the beast's grasp, and only Patrick's quick thinking allowed him to circumvent the environmental disadvantage his Flareon faced. In the end, the unknown creature was destroyed by Flareon, snuffing out the potential to document a newly discovered species.

The Majesty of Aughrim​

With her work in Nettlefield done, Patrick and Dr. Reiland were impressed by her ability to think outside of the box and her ability to solve problems. Yet they weren't convinced of her abilities quite yet; they wanted to test her further, so Patrick suggested she be assigned to another major project. Her task was to accompany the world famous Pokémon champion and paranormal expert Tamara Dahl to the small village of Doranshire, nestled in Lanark's southwestern heartland. Once they arrived, they were to investigate the mounting reports of paranormal activity in the area to determine if there was any truth to them or if they were just elaborate hoaxes.

It was too much to ask her to travel across the country on foot, so Andrea set out via train towards her former home, the city of Aughrim. While aboard the train, she had a chance meeting with a young woman by the name of Kimberly Fairbrooke. Kimberly was also on her way to Aughrim to participate in one of the country's most popular coordination contests, the Majesty of Aughrim. She was a relatively new name to the coordination scene, so she offered Andrea a ticket to attend the event in an effort to lure in her first true fan.

When they arrived in Aughrim, Andrea searched the station for her colleague, Tamara, but found no sign of her. A call to her boss informed her that Tamara had indeed arrived in the country for their upcoming job, but that nobody had seen her or knew where she was. After a fruitless hour of scanning the endless hordes of travellers within the train station, Andrea was instructed to find somewhere to stay for the night; as much as Dr. Reiland hoped it wasn't the case, she began the process of filing a missing person's report.

With nothing better to do with her time, Andrea decided to attend the Majesty of Aughrim competition out of curiosity. The ticket that Kimberly had given her earlier in the day was an all access pass to the event, and much to her surprise, she spent the evening with her new friend rather than spectating from the crowd. They prepared for the events to come as well as chit-chatted during Kimberly's time off stage.

The Majesty of Aughrim started with introductions for the eight contestants competing that night: Kimberly Fairbrooke, daughter of a world class chef and an international charity leader. Simone Reed, a former naval officer and war veteran. Senna Krostovj, a decorated army officer from the frigid republic of Kanetsk. Jean-Luc De la Rivière, an experienced coordinator with a controversial presence. Chrysanthemum, an enigmatic method actor. Chelsea Griffith, a professional strip club dancer looking to broaden her appeal. Samantha Ashwoode, a stage actress and rising star in the world of theatre. And finally, Hoster Burnett, a refugee and political activist from the war torn region of Durandas.

The night started off with Kimberly and Senna competing against each other. A very clear theme emerged between the two and their performances: music and the chill of winter. The two strived to outdo each other with the help of their trusted Pokémon; Kimberly called upon her Blastoise and her Skitty to captivate the judges, while Senna relied on her Tirtouga, Lapras and Snowbelle. In the end, Kimberly persevered and advanced to the next round.

The next round saw Kimberly face off against Hoster Burnett and his highly trained and efficient team of Sandslash, Arbok and Vampyre. Hoster consistently earned high scores for each of his appeals, while a lack of experience and preparation hamstrung Kimberly's performances. In the end, Hoster advanced to the next round, while Kimberly not only scored poorly, but set a record low in the Majesty of Aughrim's 25 year history. Devastated, defeated and totally embarrassed by her performances, she already considered calling it quits on her fledgling career as a coordinator, but some praise and commentary from Andrea encouraged her to try again at the next big contest.

The Rosencoast​

The next morning, Andrea received some bad news: Tamara Dahl was officially declared missing and her disappearance ruled a kidnapping after her abandoned belongings were discovered in a convenience store near the airport. With her upcoming assignment thrown into turmoil, Andrea searched for a way to continue as planned, with or without Tamara to guide her; as terrible as the circumstances were, she was still looking to prove herself in the eyes of Dr. Reiland and saw it as the perfect opportunity to do so.

She reached out to Kimberly about the possibility of travelling to Doranshire together so that she could get started on the task at hand. Kimberly was happy to, but Dr. Reiland wasn't as enthusiastic about the idea; the assignment in Doranshire was to investigate the paranormal, something that Andrea had absolutely no experience with. However, their shared skepticism of paranormal activity allowed Andrea to convince her boss that whatever was happening in Doranshire was either a hoax, or a mundane problem that she and Kimberly could solve if they worked together.

Andrea and Kimberly set off on the road to Doranshire together. The two had natural chemistry as they walked the Rosencoast together, sharing stories, laughing at each others' jokes and meshing well together. It wasn't perfect, however, as they ran into their first disagreement quite quickly: Kimberly wished to practice a tenet of her faith, the daily ritual of meditation, without properly explaining its importance to her. Andrea viewed it as a pointless waste of time and stormed off into the wilderness alone in an effort to cool the argument between them. While exploring the wilds on her own, she came face to face with a golden Noctowl. Much to her relief, the Noctowl did nothing... nothing but study. She fled from the Noctowl as quickly as possible and the two resumed their travels.

The next day, they stopped in a seaside village known as Oak-of-Ages. The town was home to the towering enigma after which it was named, the Oak of Ages, a 600 meter tall tree which had stood watch over the Westcountry for over a millennia. Andrea saw another opportunity to impress her boss; she intended to investigate the tree, only to learn that the grounds on which it grew were closed to the public. Her self-importance got the better of her and she demanded access to the tree. The guards stationed around the tree were suspicious of her intentions and refused her demands; Kimberly practically had to drag her away.

Disappointed that they couldn't gain access to the Oak of Ages, they continued on their way to Doranshire. They passed into the Spritewood, a section of woodland known for its deep historical heritage and fantastical folklore. The area was especially interesting to Kimberly, as she knew that it was one of the few remaining natural habitats for the elusive and wildly popular Eevee. They spent the day looking out for one, but alas, the stories of Eevee's elusiveness were too true.

As they continued onward, a lesson on the fairy tales associated with the forest soon escaped Kimberly's lips, and, skeptical as always, Andrea rudely shot down her friend's enthusiasm for the enchanting stories. She regretted it, but the damage had been done, and the two found it difficult to speak for the rest of the day. Eventually, the two settled down for the night; the teamwork involved in establishing their campsite helped to smooth the awkward day and put their disagreements behind them.

That night, something terrible happened. Nearly asleep, Andrea heard a strange noise echoing through the forest, the sound of crunching leaves, snapping branches and deep gurgling. Curious, Andrea called out into the darkness, thinking that it was just a harmless prank being perpetrated by mischievous teenagers. Her curiosity nearly cost her her life as a ranged attack from the heavy darkness around them struck her in the leg.

The creature that was stalking their camp finally revealed itself as it closed in for the kill; it was a skeletal beast the likes of which neither had ever seen before, constructed from mismatched bones and held together by rotting flesh. The very sight of the beast caused Kimberly to faint, but her trusted Blastoise leapt to their defense. As fearsome and deadly as the creature appeared to be, it was quite fragile and was dispatched handily by the Blastoise.

The following morning, Andrea got a better look at the creature that had attacked them. Despite the sunlight, she couldn't make sense of it, and it looked nothing like anything she had ever studied during the course of her biology degree. Fighting through the pain of the injury she received the previous night, she took a few photos, wrote down a few notes, made a rough sketch and grabbed a physical sample of the creature, then the two left in a hurry.

Doranshire​

Andrea's injury slowed the pair down significantly and they reached the village of Doranshire just after dusk. They arrived at the doorstep of Mr. and Mrs. Holdt, an elderly couple that ran a bed and breakfast; Mr. and Mrs. Holdt would be valuable partners during the rest of their stay in Doranshire, as they shared all sorts of information crucial to Andrea's investigation including local history, folklore, geography and places to visit.

Increasingly worried about the injury she received two nights previously, Andrea visited the PokéCenter in the morning. Much to her relief, the injury was not as serious as she worried; however, the nurse urged caution and asked her to spend the day resting after cleaning the wound up. The day was spent alone for the most part, planning her investigation and informing her boss of the situation before her.

Meanwhile, Kimberly returned to the Spritewood to search for the Eevee once more. Despite the terror that she had gone through just two nights ago, the forest seemed completely harmless and utterly peaceful. She lost track of both the time and her location; after a few hours of wandering the trails and appreciating the beauty of the forest, she finally found what she was looking for: Eevee. Her attempts to capture it were unsuccessful, her poor aim with a Pokéball to blame. Disappointed with her failure, she returned back to the village.

The next day, Andrea started her investigation by visiting an elderly woman who claimed that demons had attacked her in her home. The old hermit accused Andrea of being a witch, citing her gothic fashion style; a quick trip to a clothing store and a change of wardrobe and hairstyle calmed down the old woman's nerves. Unfortunately, it was all for naught, as Andrea quickly realized that the old woman was mentally insane. Her house was a crumbling ruin and infested with bugs, she spoke in an odd manner and provided absolutely no evidence that demons had indeed attacked her. All in all, she felt it was a waste of a day.

The following day, Andrea decided to try something more down to earth: they visited the local reservoir to see if anything had gotten into the water that might be driving the villagers to hallucination. As Andrea collected samples of the reservoir's water supply, Kimberly slipped away to meditate. Her meditation was interrupted by the very same golden Noctowl that encountered Andrea a few days previously. This time, however, the owl did more than watch from afar; through telepathy, it passed along some cryptic messages to her, speaking as if they were a warning.

Before she could figure out the meaning behind the Noctowl's cryptic words, Andrea pulled her away from her thoughts and dragged her back to town, citing a growing fear about the Noctowl that was stalking them. Kimberly was growing increasingly annoyed by Andrea's behavior and confronted her about it when they returned to the village. Andrea did her best to excuse her poor behavior, but she wasn't interested in hearing it. She stormed off in anger, leaving Andrea alone to her thoughts.

That argument would set the tone for the rest of the evening; Andrea had a dinner date with a family friend, Eliza McKenna, someone she treated just as badly for far longer. What was meant to be a happy reunion between old friends turned into a moment of clarity for her as she faced her demons. Eliza's commentary opened her eyes to a troubling pattern of behavior that she knew had always been there, but she never wanted to admit to it. After a heartfelt and painful introspection, she vowed to correct her mistakes; not just with Kimberly and Eliza, but with most of her old friends that she had wronged over the years.

Meanwhile, Andrea's findings in Doranshire were being analyzed back at the Reiland Institute. Of particular interest was the skeletal creature that had attacked the two girls in the Spritewood. Tests on the physical sample that Andrea gathered told a horrible tale: the creature was something out of a horror novel, being constructed from the dead remains of both Pokémon and humans and somehow given life again. Despite the DNA evidence in front of them, everyone was skeptical of the results, but they did start to hint that there was indeed something afoot in the village of Doranshire, or at the very least, in the forests around the village.

That evening, the two tried to rebuild their friendship by working together on Andrea's report. As they did so, they found themselves distracted by a strange phenomenon that the village of Doranshire was known for: mysterious orbs of light fluttered above the town in large numbers. Every single one of the enchanting lights was headed in the same direction which naturally piqued Andrea's curiosity. With Kimberly close behind, she ventured into the forest to track and study them. That turned out to be quite a mistake.

As they studied the orbs, the world around them started to behave in unusual ways; light didn't illuminate things as well as it usually does. An unscheduled lunar eclipse darkened the forest even further at the stroke of midnight. A terrifying flying blur in the night stalked them relentlessly as it chased them through the forest. The strangest of all was the beautiful woman they ran into in the depths of the forest; the winged creature all but disappeared as they met her, and she offered protection to them at her cabin in the woods.

They soon learned the true nature of the woman of the woods: after separating the two from each other, the woman's unimaginable beauty faded as she morphed into a hideous monstrosity. Energy sparked from the witch's fingers as she prepared to attack Andrea, but quick thinking saved the day yet again; Andrea took advantage of the woman's frail figure and body slammed her into a cabinet. Unfortunately, it did little to save Kimberly, who had been carried off by the witch's colleagues.

Andrea called upon Kimberly's Blastoise in a desperate attempt to rescue her friend. The pair raced through the darkness and caught up with the kidnappers quite easily. The men tried to defend their prize, but they were no match for the Blastoise; in his rage, the Blastoise killed two of the captors as Andrea pulled her friend to safety. They had already been through so much and they didn't want the night to get any worse, so the three fled in a hurry towards the safety of the village.

Nobody believed their story about the eclipse, the demon, the witch or the kidnappers. The facts were scattered here and there, but they just didn't make sense to anyone; the police, Dr. Reiland and Patrick, their friends and family, none could piece together the details of the wild and fantastic tale they spun. Instead, their story raised new fears of an old problem: a trafficking ring had been established and the two were nearly added to a growing list of victims.

As a consequence of that night, Andrea decided that she could no longer complete the task in Doranshire. Dr. Reiland was disappointed that the job wasn't finished, but agreed and reassigned her back to Loch Alstan. Putting a great deal of distance between her and Doranshire was welcome news, but that also meant that her time travelling with Kimberly had come to an end; despite their disagreements, the two became much closer during their ordeal together, and neither wanted to part ways.

And now the story continues with Andrea returning to the place where it all began while Kimberly sets off on her next adventure...

 

[Misfit Angel]

Land of the Roses
Chapter 27: The Big Goodbye

"O-ow!" Andrea yelped. "Careful!"

"Sorry..." Kimberly said. "I'm still trying to get used to working with other peoples' hair."

"Fair enough, but you don't have to yank so hard!"

It was a bittersweet morning. Bitter in that the two knew that it was the last time they'd see each other for awhile. Sweet in that they decided to make the most of their remaining time together. Andrea was seated at the kitchen table of the Holdt Residence, making a few final adjustments to her Doranshire report. Kimberly was stood behind her, playing with her hair as she braided it into an intricate pattern that resembled a rose in full bloom.

"Not sure why you insist on doing this," she said. "Braids aren't really my style."

"Braids and blonde hair go hand in hand! Besides, I want to do this! Think of it as a going away gift from me."

"Got all the money in the world and this is the 'gift' you get me..." she playfully thought.

Behind them, the kettle started to boil and whistle loudly. "Oh! Just a moment!" Kimberly said as she broke away from her braiding work to tend to the stove. She grabbed the kettle and divided the water inside between four plastic bottles, then reached for some tea bags and hung them inside.

Andrea shook her head at the sight. "That's an awful lotta tea. There's no way you'll be able to finish that before you leave."

"It's not for now, silly! It's for the road!"

"Eww, I can't think of anything worse than room temperature tea."

Kimberly let out a polite laugh. "You're very forgetful, aren't you? Juliano is well capable of working with the cold. Iced tea won't be so difficult."

Andrea put her pen to her lower lip in thought. Though she had seen it many times over the years, it never truly dawned on her that people use Pokémon and their marvelous abilities for such practical and mundane uses on a daily basis. "That... makes an odd amount of sense. Still, seems... positively un-Lanarkan to not sit down and prepare a fresh mug of tea and then burn your mouth with it."

Kimberly secured the top on each bottle and carefully placed them into her backpack. "I thought the same when I first started travelling last year. But sometimes you have to make do with the circumstances." She returned to braiding Andrea's hair. "Speaking of circumstances, do you know when your colleagues are coming to retrieve you? I may not have the time to properly finish these braids."

Andrea shrugged. "I dunno. Maybe as early as this afternoon? They'll be coming from Aughrim, remember how long it took us to get here?"

"Oh! I should have plenty of--" The sound of Andrea's ring tone interrupted her thought. "--time?"

Andrea grabbed her phone to check who was calling, but it was an unlisted number. She cautiously answered, worried it was one of the many robo-callers that constantly harassed her. "Hello?"

"Hello, is this Andrea?" a squeaky, feminine voice asked.

"Yes. Who is this?"

"Your ticket back to Aughrim. I'm right outside!"

"Are you?"

"Dr. Venger said that I would find you at the little brick house on the end of Rainy Street, right?"

She abruptly rose from her chair despite the fact that Kimberly's fingers were still buried deep in her hair. After a brief yet wordless apology, she rushed over to the window to check if anyone was outside, and indeed someone was; leaning up against the cobblestone wall at the end of the Holdt's walkway was a young woman in protective riding gear. Next to the woman was a mud-covered dirt bike, stamped with the logo of the Reiland Institute.

She lowered her phone and said, "Oh... I guess they're here. I'll be back in a minute."

As her friend rushed outside, Kimberly couldn't help but fret at the unfinished braiding job. It bugged her more than she felt it should; she was so close to putting the final touches on her friend's hair, and now it looked as if it would go unfinished. She sighed as she placed her comb onto the table, then ambled over to the door to watch Andrea and her co-worker at the end of the walkway.

"Hey there! Didn't hear you pull up!" she called out as she walked towards the road.

"This bike's electric, that might be why. Real quiet." The woman reached her hand out politely. "So, how you been since we last spoke?"

She reached out and shook her colleague's hand, but she couldn't hide her confusion. "Since we last spoke? Have we met?"

"Yeah, we met on your first day. It was kinda brief, though. Emily Winehaus, remember?"

She searched the depths of her memory until something flashed in her mind. "Oooooh... Yeah! The doctor lady, I think!"

"The almost doctor lady," Emily said with a laugh. "Heard you've been getting into quite a bit of trouble over here!"

She dropped to her knees and started to admire the motorcycle in front of her. "Ha! That's putting it lightly... Even though it's disappointing that I didn't figure out what's going on here or solve any of the problems, I'll be very happy to leave this hole behind."

Emily crossed her arms and eyed her suspiciously. "What exactly brought you out here, anyways? Dr. Reiland didn't explain much, Patrick is refusing to talk and Dr. Venger has been pretty quiet about what me and the field team were sent out here for."

"It's... a long story. Probably best saved for the road. Although, maybe Dr. Reiland doesn't want me talking about it much, I'll have to ask her."

"By all means, ask her. I'm curious! So, you ready to go, then? If we're quick, we should be able to catch up with the rest of my field team and help them finish their work. We could really use your insight, since you saw the thing we're looking for."

"I need to pack some things up first. Say some good byes. I wasn't expecting you so soon."

Emily nodded. "Fair enough. Be quick about it!"

- - - - -​

Back inside, Andrea was stuffing the last of her belongings into her bulging backpack. "I can't wait to be out of this stupid village and back to sanity!"

Kimberly stared at the floor in a pensive manner as she leaned against the door to the guest bedroom. She felt the same thing that Andrea did, but it was hard for her to be enthusiastic about it. "Mmm. Yes."

"I'm just looking forward to sleeping peacefully, ya know? I don't feel safe with that... thing out there. Or her goons."

She nodded in agreement. "It will be nice to put some distance between ourselves and here..."

Andrea looked up her in confusion. "Why sound so glum about it? You make it sound like you're conflicted about leaving."

Her eyes left the floor and met Andrea's. She tried to smile. "No! I want to leave, too."

Andrea let out a bemused chuckle. "Alright, alright! I believe you." She looked around the room as she closed the zipper on her backpack; all of her belongings were safely filed away and she was ready to leave. "Well... guess that's everything..." She reached out her hand to shake Kimberly's. "It's been fun!"

She shook Andrea's hand. Her grip was tight and she didn't want to let go, but she eventually did. "It has."

Kimberly tailed closely behind as she left the bedroom and headed down the stairs. She called out to Mr. and Mrs. Holdt to say good bye to them, but she received no response. A quick look around the first floor came up empty, as did a look out the window into the back garden. Not wanting to keep her co-worker busy, she decided that it was finally time to leave.

"So... I guess this is good bye..." Kimberly started as they walked out towards Emily and her dirt bike.

"Guess it is," she answered, taking a moment to readjust the straps on her backpack for the upcoming ride. She looked up to see the sadness on Kimberly's face. "Oh, don't look so grim! It's not like I'm going away forever!"

"I know, it's just... it's difficult. We might not have known each other for very long, but I feel like there's already a deep friendship between us."

She rested a hand on Kimberly's shoulder and looked her deep in the eyes. "Do I really mean that much to you?"

Not a word could escape her mouth; all Kimberly could do was nod quietly.

"You're weird... But a good weird."

"I owe you my life. Is it really so odd to you that this is an emotional moment for me?" she asked.

"Pfft!" Andrea huffed. "I did what any good person would have done." She studied Kimberly's reaction, hoping for a positive one or at least a giggle, but instead she seemed vaguely offended. "Okay, maaaaybe I went above and beyond what's normal. I was high on adrenaline, I don't know."

That earned a polite laugh. She reached out and wrapped her arm around Andrea, then pulled her in for a tight hug. "Whether you think it's a big deal or not, you have my deepest thanks."

"What did I tell you about..." Andrea started, prying herself out of Kimberly's grasp. "Right... Umm... Look, I'll text you when I get to Aughrim, okay? You have my word. That make you feel any better?"

She smiled. "It does."

The smile, however, was fake, and it hid the true depth of her sadness. Though she tried to vocalize it, she couldn't accurately put into words how torn up she was that she was leaving not just a good friend, but the person that she owed her life to. It felt unfair to her that responsibility was taking away the chance for their friendship to flourish even further; memories of her time with her previous travel partner bubbled to the surface, a time where neither had a care in the world. "It would have been nice to relive those moments with someone else..." she thought.

She watched as Andrea hopped onto the motorcycle and made the final adjustments to her helmet. With a furious kick on the starting lever from Emily, the dirt bike hummed to life with electrical energy. The calming tones of the electrical engine rising in power carried softly in the wind as the bike started to move forward. Andrea adjusted herself on the motorcycle so that she could wave good bye, and then disappeared around a bend.

"She's gone..." she said to herself. In just those two short words, she heard her voice crack and her throat began to close up, a physical confirmation that her emotions weren't just a mental trick being played on her. She wasn't even certain why her emotions were being so cruel; Andrea wasn't gone forever, and she knew it, yet... it felt like she was. And why was it so painful that they were splitting up, she wondered? The two were at each others' throats just a few days previously and barely knew each other before that. "Perhaps it's just the stress of the past few days, nothing more..." she thought.

She turned around and walked back into the Holdt residence, likely for the last time. "I guess it's time that I leave, as well..."

She returned to the bedroom and started to gather up her own things. The first task she did was make sure her two Pokéballs were safely latched to the ribbon along her belt. After that, she made sure her phone and coin case were safely stored away in her purse. Her valuable jewelry was taken off and placed inside another pocket of her purse, safely stored away for her upcoming time on the road.

She opened the closet beside the bed to grab her spare dress and noticed something: neatly folded up on the floor were the clothes that she had bought for Andrea the day they went to interview Mrs. Miggins. She knelt down to pick them up, then brought them over to the bed and rested them in her lap. As she felt the fabric brush against her fingers, her throat closed up again and a wave of emotion washed over her. As much as she tried, she couldn't contain the sadness she felt anymore and she started to sob quietly.

Eventually, her crying caught the attention of Mr. Holdt as he walked down the hallway. He didn't want to intrude, so he knocked on the door frame first. "Ms. Fairbrooke? Is everything okay?"

"No..." she weakly offered.

He took that as an invitation and entered the bedroom. "What'sa matter, lassie?"

She took a moment to steady her thoughts and her breathing. "She's gone."

"Who, your friend?"

She wiped a tear from her cheek. "Yeah..."

He perked up and smiled. "Huh. She disappeared quickly and quietly!"

"I didn't... didn't get to say goodbye to her properly..."

His smile continued. "Oh, is that what this is about?" he asked. "She must be something special to you."

"She did save my life..."

"Oh, I didn't mean that, but..." he said with a grin. "I know that it hurts, lassie, but she's not gone forever. Remember that. You'll have the opportunity to see her again someday."

"I will..." she said with a nod.

"That's the spirit! You're still young, you have all the time in the world... There are many people I wish I could have said good bye to, but I never will..."

She looked up at him in silence as she studied the regretful expression on the old man's face. "I suppose if you put it like that, I don't have it so bad..."

"That ya don't. But I don't mean to downplay your grief, lassie. Friendship is a beautiful beast, there's no shame in being sad during moments like this."

She smiled and let out a deep sigh. "You've been a good host, Mr. Holdt."

"I try to be!" he said as he latched his hand onto her knee in a friendly manner and shook lightly. "Anything else I can do for you?"

"No. Thank you."

"Aye. I'll let you get on with it, then." He stood up and walked towards the door. "Just make sure you say good bye to us! Your friend was very rude!" he said in a joking manner.

- - - - -​

"Just a checkup?"

Kimberly nodded and placed her Master Ball and fuzzy Feline Ball onto the counter in front of her. "Yes, ma'am."

The nurse behind the counter grabbed the two unusual Pokéballs and placed them into the empty spherical slots of a machine beside her. With the touch of a button, red, orange and green lights began to blink in a haphazard fashion all across the machine's surface. "The analysis should take more than an hour. Feel free to grab a seat in the meantime! If they need any extra care, I'll let you know!"

"Thank you," she said. She walked over to the waiting room and slumped into one of the soft, comfortable chairs. She ticked another box off of the mental checklist she kept in regards to her departure; say goodbye to Andrea, gather all of her belongings, leave a generous tip for Mr. and Mrs. Holdt for being such lovely hosts and now make sure her Pokémon were in peak physical health. All that remained was finding someone to travel with, as she absolutely refused to leave the reaches of the village by herself.

As she looked around at the empty waiting room, she realized it would be more difficult than she thought. Doranshire was out of the way of most travellers, as it lacked pretty much any interesting landmarks; no gym, no contest hall and no tourist attractions of any kind aside from the mysterious flickering orbs. Unless someone who lived in the village their whole life was leaving for more interesting pastures, she felt it was unlikely that anyone would be available for her to travel with.

She knew a few people who would be able to protect her on her travels, but the unfortunate truth of the matter was that pretty much every one of them led busy lives of their own and wouldn't be able to drop their schedule to pick her up. One name did come to mind, however, and she pulled out her phone to send them a message: her old travel partner, Nicole Spencer.

Fr: Kimberly Fairbrooke, 9:02 AM

'Hello! Do you have a minute?'​

Fr: Nicole Spencer, 9:04 AM

'eeeey kimzee! yeah i got a minute what's up?'​

Fr: Kimberly Fairbrooke, 9:04 AM

'What does your schedule over the next few days look like?'
'I'm stranded in Doranshire and I don't have anyone to travel with. I was wondering if maybe you had the time to come get me?'​

Fr: Nicole Spencer, 9:05 AM

'lol just like you to be unable to take care of yourself'​

Fr: Kimberly Fairbrooke, 9:05 AM

'Hey! I can look after myself just fine! But I am not, NOT travelling alone, especially after what happened a couple nights ago.'​

A flurry of text messages flowed between them as she detailed her encounter with her would-be kidnappers and the mysterious woman in the woods. Nicole found the story wild, interesting and even a little bit believable, much to Kimberly's surprise. After all, during their time together, they had their fair share of strange adventures and encounters that only veteran Pokémon trainers could ever claim to have experienced.

Fr: Nicole Spencer, 9:12 AM

'shit now i feel bad for making fun of you. i had no idea'
'agh but i can't help, i gotta be here in the city tomorrow'
'rose league representatives are coming to sign the paperwork, after that the gym is mine and we're in fuckin' business!'​

Fr: Kimberly Fairbrooke, 9:13 AM

'Oh, right! I forgot that was happening! Good luck! : )'​

Fr: Nicole Spencer, 9:13 AM

'aye'
'if you can wait a couple days i can swing by after the inspection'​

Fr: Kimberly Fairbrooke, 9:13 AM

'Unfortunately, I'm on a tight schedule. I have an appointment to keep in Rustlode Bluffs. I may miss it, but I may also get lucky if I set off soon.'​

Fr: Nicole Spencer, 9:13 AM

'youll definitely miss it if you wait on me'
'ask mr toby? he can probably help and im sure hed be happy to see you again'​

Fr: Kimberly Fairbrooke, 9:14 AM

'Ah! Good idea, I'll give him a try!'
'After I'm done in Rustlode, I'm coming home for a bit. Let's hang out sometime! : )'​

Fr: Nicole Spencer, 9:14 AM

'hell yeah bizzatch! hit me up when you get here!'​

She sighed. She was happy that her friend was on the verge of finally achieving her dream of becoming one of Lanark's official gym leaders, but also jokingly lamented that she was being an unreliable friend for the hundredth time. "How dare she not drop everything to come escort me around... So typical of her!" she joked to herself.

She followed Nicole's advice and began to type a message out to an old business associate and family friend, a private security specialist by the name of Mr. Toby. She had known the hulking brute of a man ever since she was a little girl, as he often took care of the security arrangements during her parents' public events. Even more, he was her personal protector and legal guardian during her year abroad in Romatti as part of a student exchange program.

She trusted him and knew that he was reliable, more so than Nicole had ever been. Unfortunately, their conversation was extremely short lived and ended in disappointment; he was once again serving the family for a public event, this time following her mother to Kalos for a summit of major charity and international relief groups. He would be busy for the next two weeks.

One last trusted name came to mind, but it was a long shot: her old coordination mentor, Petyr Milos. She knew that he wasn't the most successful trainer, but what he lacked in skill, he more than made up for in strength and numbers with his unusually large team of nine Pokémon. A message was written and sent to him, but after waiting for ten minutes, she gave up hope of receiving a reply; it was disappointing, but not entirely unexpected, as he led a busy life and wasn't the type to drop everything, especially for her.

"Darn it!" she shouted loudly. "I'll never make this appointment at this rate!"

Having run out of reliable names to call upon, a thought came to her: she was in a Pokécenter, the lifeblood of any serious trainer. Though it was a small village, surely at least one trainer must have visited that day, and if that were the case, the nurse could likely point her in their direction or arrange a meeting.

"Excuse me, I have a question," she politely asked as she approached the service desk.

The nurse looked up from her paperwork. "Sure, what do you need?"

"Have you interacted with any other Pokémon trainers today?"

The nurse nodded. "A couple, yes."

"Have they left the village, if you know?"

The nurse crossed her arms and studied her. "Why do you ask?"

"I'm leaving the village myself today, but I don't want to travel alone."

"Oh! Yeah, I don't blame you. Considering what happened to that poor girl in the forest a couple nights ago... Nobody should be travelling alone."

"Yes..."

"Unfortunately they came early in the morning. They said they were leaving for the Oak of Ages, and that was a couple hours ago, so you probably missed them."

"Anyone else?"

"Nope."

She grumbled.

The nurse put her finger to her lips in thought as she tried to come up with a suggestion. "Your best bet would be to stay here and hope someone shows up... Though I don't know if anyone will. This is such a ghost town. There are some weeks where I don't even see anybody!"

"Thank you. I might have a walk around the village, I guess. I've got a lot on my mind."

"Suit yourself! It's a lovely day, enjoy it!"

- - - - -​

It was indeed a lovely day. The sun was shining brightly with barely a cloud in the sky, the temperature lingered around a delightful 20°C, and every now and then, a crisp, refreshing breeze would blow in from the west. The wind carried with it the scent of the flowers that decorated the main roads of the village. The angelic tones of violin music also drifted with the wind, originating from the downtown area. It was an alluring sound, almost like a Siren's call, so she headed in that direction.

It wasn't long before she found the source of the music: a young woman who had parked herself in front of Boccino's Bistro, offering entertainment to all who passed by. An upturned hat in front of the violinist had a single silver coin resting inside of it. The place the violinist chose struck her as an odd choice, as only two people were seated at the tables of the restaurant, an elderly couple who appeared be more interested in each other than the music.

She sat down at a table in front of the violinist and a waitress emerged from inside of the restaurant; before long, she had a glass of refreshing iced mint tea in front of her. Though the scenery of the village helped put her at ease, it didn't solve her problems. The nurse was right, the village was practically a ghost town. Aside from the violinist, she only saw five people during her walk; a uniformed police officer on his daily patrol, a pair of young children that were playing a game of hide and seek and the elderly couple that admired the violinist's music. None were suitable travel partners.

As much as she didn't want to humor the thought, she began to worry that she would have to soldier up and travel the roads alone. She wouldn't be able to rely on another pair of eyes to keep a look out for potential dangers. She wouldn't have anyone to share stories with around a campfire, or have anyone to bounce her coordination ideas off of, or... or... "Wait..."

The realization dawned on her: perhaps it wasn't the fear of being alone, it was the anxiety of being lonely. Juliano could certainly protect her from most harm, as he has countless times in the past, but he made a terrible conversational partner. Andrea was the opposite; though she probably owed her life to Andrea's quick thinking, she would not be a diligent protector in most circumstances. Instead, she would be a person to talk to, to pass the time and break up the tedium of travel; a much needed friend.

The more she thought about it, the more her theory made sense. She thought back to her time as Nicole's travel partner a year ago; there were a few times that the pair found themselves separated as they pursued their individual goals, and she remembered those times always being stressful for her. Not because she felt she was in danger while away from her friend, but because she was out of her element in most cases. She could rely on Nicole to help her through whatever she was doing, or handle mundane situations she was unfamiliar and uncomfortable with. And at the end of the day, they talked things over and told stories, stories which went on to be some of the most fond memories of their time together.

"Perhaps that is all I need... just someone to talk to... Being a capable defender would merely be a plus."

As she took a sip from her glass of tea, the chair across from her slid out with a noisy scrape against the floor. "This seat taken?" a voice asked.

She looked up from her phone and saw a young man standing beside the chair. He was sharply dressed, with an ivory-colored blazer and matching trousers. Underneath his blazer was a salmon pink button shirt; the top two buttons were undone and showed a thick carpet of hair growing on his chest. Underneath the collar of his shirt was a golden chain necklace, itself decorated with a vintage brass key. His black hair was slicked back in a tidy fashion and drenched with sweet-smelling gel. A pair of bland rings, one gold and one silver, rested on each of his ring fingers. The entire look was rounded off with a pair of brown loafers, well worn from constant travel. At a glance, he was very clean and professional looking.

She looked around at the numerous empty tables around her, but didn't want to be rude. "It isn't. Would you care to join me?"

"Hey, she's polite. I like that!" the man said as he slid into the chair. "Sure, I'll join ya. It's not often I get to sit next to a pretty lady such as yaself."

"Oh! Heh. Thank you. I try to be. I mean, I... Thank you." she gushed nervously.

He chuckled as she bumbled through her words. "You're not only cute, but ya got a good personality, too."

She raised her eyebrow. "Do I? How would you know?"

"Good ol' intuition."

She giggled. "What about you? Do you have a good personality?"

"How 'bout we get to know each other first, then you can be the judge of that."

Another giggle. "I like the sound of that! I'm afraid I might not have the most time to chit chat, however."

Once again, the waitress reappeared from within the restaurant and approached the table. "Welcome to Boccino's. Can I get you anything, sir?"

"Gimme your blackest coffee. That's it, not hungry for anything." he answered.

The waitress turned to Kimberly. "How about you? Would you like some more tea?"

"No thank you."

The waitress tapped the table with a nod. "I'll be back shortly with your coffee!"

As the waitress left, the man offered his hand across the table for a shake. "Anyways, my name's Lorenzo, but most people call me Loren."

"Lorenzo, huh? That's not a common name around these parts... I wonder, is he Romatti, perhaps?" she thought as she shook his hand. "My name is Kimberly."

He adjusted himself on the the chair and found a comfortable, relaxed position. "So, Kim. Uhh, mind if I call ya that, by the way?"

"I prefer Kimberly, actually."

He smiled. "Kimberly it is. It's a cute name! So, you from around here?"

She shook her head. "No. And I hope to leave soon."

"Hey, I don't blame ya, this is a boring place! There's nothin' to do here!"

Loren's analysis of the village got a smile out of her. While it was true, the village being boring wasn't why she was interested in leaving. "How about you? Judging by your name and accent, I imagine you're not from around here, either. Are you passing through as well?"

"Hey, smart cookie!" He nodded. "Yeah, I'm on my way to a place called Steelport to start takin' on the Rose League challenge. Eight cities, eight gyms, as they say."

"Oh, interesting!" she said. "Will you be passing through Rustlode, by any chance?"

"Rustlode..." he said, pausing for a moment to think. A foggy map of Lanark flashed in his mind, as well as the route of his upcoming journey. "Yeah, I think so. That's the town just south'a here, right?"

"It is."

"That's where I'm goin', then."

A light bulb shined in her head. "Hmm... If I tag along with him, there is a chance I might make my appointment after all..." she thought.

Though her desire to arrive in Rustlode in time for her appointment was strong, she wasn't ready to tag along with him just yet. First impressions painted him in a polite and friendly light, but she was interested in knowing if he actually was. One thing that she was unsure about was how easily his eyes wandered; during her short conversation with him so far, she noticed how often he was looking at her chest rather than maintaining eye contact. He did the same with the waitress who took his order. She felt that she couldn't hate him for it, as it was something she noticed a lot of guys do with her over the years, even if she were hardly the most gifted girl in that regard. A negative, but by no means a deal breaker; most men just loved sneaking peaks, she figured.

The waitress returned with his mug of steaming black coffee. "There you are, sir! Last call for a refill, ma'am."

Loren raised the mug of coffee and nodded politely, while Kimberly shook her head. With that, the waitress returned to her duties.

"I'm on my way to Rustlode Bluffs myself," she answered. "I have a meeting with a coordination trainer, he's going to be teaching me some of the basics so that I can get back into the coordination scene."

"Coordination, huh?" Loren asked. A thought entered his mind. "Wait... Wait a minute! Are you..." His vision narrowed as he studied her closer than he did before, this time focusing on her face instead of her breasts. "You are! You're that girl I saw on TV a couple weeks ago, the one who flubbed the contest in Aughrim!" He snapped his fingers as he remembered her full name. "Kimberly Fairbrooke!"

Her eyes widened upon being reminded of her dreadful performance at the Majesty of Aughrim contest, but she tried to downplay her embarrassment with nervous laughter. "Oh... Umm... Yes, that's me."

"Hey, don't worry 'bout it. That guy who chased you off stage? He's a bum, a nobody. You did okay. Okay?"

"I would not call Mr. Bertucci a bum, considering he is one of the most well known judges in the sport, but... thank you for the vote of confidence."

He smiled. "Hey I mean it. You were very entertaining."

"Thank you. It's nice to... uh... meet a fan?" she cautiously asked.

He put his hands up defensively. "Hey! Let's not move too fast!" he said with a laugh.

She couldn't help but laugh alongside him. His wildly animated body language perfectly complimented his sense of humor and his personality; he really was a treat to talk to. She continued to examine his body language as they made small talk. He was relaxed and loose, an indication that he didn't have much, if anything, to hide; no ulterior motives, no obvious motives, nothing of the sort. There wasn't a moment where his warm and friendly smile left his face. Overall, she was confident in her first impressions of him.

He downed a large portion of his coffee in one go. "So, you said you were leaving soon?"

She looked down at her phone to see the time. "Yes. I'm going to head over to the Pokécenter right now and collect my Pokémon."

"And after that you're outta here?"

"Yes."

He finished the rest of his coffee with a refreshing exhale. "How 'bout we team up, then? I'm headin' to Rustlode, you're headin' to Rustlode... Beats the lonesome road, and there's always strength in numbers."

She nodded. "I was about to suggest the same."

"It's a plan then! Let's go pick up your Pokémon."

- - - - -​

Updates and edits:

Spoiler

• Change: Fixed some excessive and confusing pronoun usage.
• Change: Reworked and added some internal monologuing from Kimberly.
• Added: Added a couple minor lines between Andrea and Emily.
• Added: Namedropped a couple characters who will become minor/supporting characters as the story progresses.
• Change: Boosted the medical analysis time to an hour, allowing more time for the upcoming scene changes to take place in a reasonable spread of time.
• Change: Significantly altered the scene in which Kimberly and Loren meet. We get into Kimberly's head more and I gave Loren an actual personality rather than a cartoonish stereotype. But he's still kinda cartoonish, I guess.
• Words and lines: +1204 words, +27 lines

 

[Beth Pavell]

Ok, let's see if I can do a combined review of sorts. Now ... "cladach" is beach, I think? A shingle beach, I seem to recall.

Technical Accuracy/Style
"As they way" popped up in there, pretty sure that's a simple typo. I was thinking about the emotional telling. Showing that kind of thing has always been a weakness you've been plugging away at, and in light of that I thought about how I would do it, if I may be allowed to suggest I could improve it. I'll start with:

She tried to smile, but it was difficult.

Simple change, I think I'd delete the second clause. Saying that she tried to smile implies that it's difficult anyway, and the rest of the prose does a good enough job of establishing why.

The smile, however, was fake, and it hid the true depth of her sadness. Though she tried to vocalize it, she couldn't accurately put into words how torn up she was that she was leaving not just a good friend, but the person that she owed her life to. It felt unfair to her that responsibility was taking away the chance for their friendship to flourish even further; memories of her time with her previous travel partner bubbled to the surface, a time where neither had a care in the world. She was hoping that she could relive those moments of wanderlust with Andrea, but alas, duty called and there was little she could do.

I'm in two minds about this. I think perhaps you could stand to use inner dialogue - if that makes sense - more in conveying thoughts like this. I don't think it's any great sin to simply narrate information like this. The tone of the last sentence reminds me too much of a summary, and in any case I'm not sure it really adds enough. I'd cut it and let the previous sentence speak for itself.

Otherwise I don't really have much to add that you don't already know. The text conversations are inserted neatly, I will say that. I suppose it's a good sign that it took me this long to remember to mention it.

Story
It's inevitable that the characters would split up, and inevitable that Andrea wouldn't be able to muster up a proper hug. I have come to terms with this. Anyway, I'm not really sold on how Lorenzo is brought into the story. You do play up the greaseball in there - clothes don't make the man, and Kimberly would conceivably appreciate this. And yes, let's face it, some men do look too much at cleavage and think they're being more discreet than they really are, and usually that indicates nothing more than impoliteness. Even so, Kimberly's explicitly worried about what humans she'll meet on the road and it just bugs me that in these circumstances she's prepared to trust him.

Something tells me that this perhaps is the point, Kimberly generally being quick to see the best in people. But I suspect this will bug others as well.

Characters
Doing a bit of a retrospective in this. You'll already know I've done some thinking about Kimberly throughout Season One. I still stick to my insistence that a supporting character can't have the same degree of attention as the protagonist. At least in Season One, it's primarily Andrea's story. Does Kimberly support that story? I'd say absolutely, yes. She balances out Andrea's general cluelessness when it comes to being in the field. Her presence is what pushes Andrea's character development through the second half of the season. Yes, she's good-natured and girly, but her willingness to do what she wants is the reason why Andrea has to learn to think before she speaks.

The criticism that she is muddled is one I've thought a lot about these past few days. It's certainly true that Coordinating gets pushed into the background after the first Contest. And it's also true that we don't see a lot of passion for it coming up in the "slice-of-life" conversations. However, the flip side of that is that we do know Kimberly intends to keep competing - there's never a suggestion that she's going to play sidekick to Andrea from here on out. Likewise, do we really want an anime-esque Kimberly, so obsessed with one aspect of her own character that she's only ever a couple of sentences away from enthusing about it?

I think if I were to nail my colours to the mast I'd point out that we don't get much of a sense of why Coordinating - if it was ever detailed, I've forgotten. You could almost get the impression that Kimberly is something of a socialite killing time.

Final Thoughts
The last thing really is to bear in mind where criticisms are genre criticisms rather than story criticisms. That's partly why there's been a lot of fence-sitting in this review. To put it simply, in a sports anime, everyone will be obsessed with sports and winning. In another story that would be goofy and wildly unrealistic

 

[Misfit Angel]

Now ... "cladach" is beach, I think? A shingle beach, I seem to recall.

I'll admit not knowing for certain; "cladach" showed up when I put "shore" into google translate. In full, Cladachfadh is meant to be "Longshore", the in-world description for the majority of the country's southern coast. In fact, I think I might have even fixed the table of contents to point out the meaning already? I forget.

"As they way" popped up in there, pretty sure that's a simple typo.

shit. Fixed for the upcoming edit.

Regarding your suggestions for emotions, definitely agreed on the first one. The second, I assume you mean the "this is a though, yo", correct? I could definitely retool that sentence to work that way. Something I've been telling myself I should do more, anyways.

Anyway, I'm not really sold on how Lorenzo is brought into the story. . . . Even so, Kimberly's explicitly worried about what humans she'll meet on the road and it just bugs me that in these circumstances she's prepared to trust him.

Something tells me that this perhaps is the point, Kimberly generally being quick to see the best in people. But I suspect this will bug others as well.

Hmm... Would it be believable for her to worry less about people in general, then, and just focus her worries on the witch? She hasn't quite seen how bad the problems that Andrea points out with crime are first hand, so she might still trust the general public? I dunno, confusing to wrap my head around as I've never been in such a situation.

Characters

Regarding Kim's role as a secondary/supporting character, it's been on my mind a lot lately as well. I never intended for her to be Andrea's training wheels, I was always going to make her into a second protagonist, even back in the days of Storm Island. I'll be going back and fixing a few of her scenes throughout season 1 to help separate her more so she can stand on her own, and I'm hoping these upcoming chapters that focus on her will help her stand out even further. But yeah, more references to her passion as a coordinator are probably in order; I figured there were enough with her working on her notes and even the scene with Blastoise at the end of chapter 22, but a couple more can't hurt or send her over the edge into obsession.

You could almost get the impression that Kimberly is something of a socialite killing time.

Ding ding! I figured I could wait on revealing this explicitly, using it as potential character development, but this is something I'll probably go back and make a little more obvious. There's a lot related to Kim that I need to tidy up that I've been made aware of, gonna throw that on the list!

The last thing really is to bear in mind where criticisms are genre criticisms rather than story criticisms. That's partly why there's been a lot of fence-sitting in this review.

That's fine! Any criticisms, be they about the story itself or how I'm working with a particular genre, are always welcome and definitely encouraged. Don't feel too worried about the possibility of upsetting me, as my skin is thick enough to take the advice on board. This goes for everyone! Let 'er rip!

 

[Flaze]

Wooo! Season 2 hype! Well that being said I didn't expect it to be back so soon, I kind of wonder how you're able to get chapters out so quickly if anything.

Kimberly was stood behind her

I think that was shouldn't be there.

Andrea hopped onto the motorcycle and make the final adjustments to her helmet.

Change make to made.

"He seems okay..."

Seems isn't italicized.

Eight cities, eight gyms, as they way.

As they way? does he know the wei?

There were a lot of interesting turn of events in this "season premier" for one I didn't expect Kimberly to be our focus character at the start, especially since Andrea's been our focus all this time. In a way it makes sense, as Kimberly's relevance in the story and her role have given her a lot of potential depth and this way it'll be easier for you to explore that and explore what makes her tick better in order to make her a better character.

That aside, the first thing I should commend you on is the goodbye. It was very touching and I think it did well in carrying the weight of Andrea's and Kimberly's friendship coming to a temporary standstill. One thing I do have to complain about is that, while we've seen these two go through so much, it's still a bit unbelievable when you remember that they've only know each other for a couple of weeks.

This scene leads into Kimberly preparing to set out, which is kind of the weaker half of the chapter. Getting a chance to see (or rather read) more of Nicole is nice, especially if she's going to be appearing soon, but Kimberly's quest to find a new partner feels just a tiny bit drawn out and I think that her conversation with the bodyguard could've been summarized in a paragraph of text rather than it being another dialogue scene.

Loren is another point of contention, he seems...intriguing, especially with his personality, but it's a bit weird that Kimberly would warm up to him so quickly, especially with her personality and how she learned to be just a bit more skeptic after traveling with Andrea. He also worries me a bit as he seems like a very one dimensional character for now, but I'll have to see how he develops.

 

[Beth Pavell]

The second, I assume you mean the "this is a though, yo", correct?

I'm not sure what you mean there.

Would it be believable for her to worry less about people in general, then, and just focus her worries on the witch?

I would find it easier to suspend disbelief that way.

Regarding characterisation, it depends what you intend for Kimberly's role to be in Season One. I've kind of being banging on about the difference between a protagonist and a supporting character a lot, but it's a very relevant distinction. Put it this way - in Harry Potter, Professor McGonagall doesn't get a lot of attention (Proportionately speaking) to, say, Sirius Black. Does that mean she's a bad character? Or that she would be better character if she got more focus?

 

[Misfit Angel]

I kind of wonder how you're able to get chapters out so quickly if anything.

Being unemployed helps. A lot.

Change make to made.

Done!

Seems isn't italicized.

This is intended. If she spoke it, it would look like "He seems okay...", so I took the italics off of it in this case since she's thinking it.

As they way? does he know the wei?

Fixed. And yes, he does know de way. something something true queen (don't read too much into this)

Loren is another point of contention, he seems...intriguing, especially with his personality, but it's a bit weird that Kimberly would warm up to him so quickly,

Hmm yeah, I might have to go back and fix both Loren's intro and how willing she is to travel with him. I got a couple ideas that wouldn't require a major rewrite, at least.

I'm not sure what you mean there.

Ugh, it might help if I don't typo my response so badly. >.> The current edit in progress is:

- - - - -​

. . . It felt unfair to her that responsibility was taking away the chance for their friendship to flourish even further; memories of her time with her previous travel partner bubbled to the surface, a time where neither had a care in the world. "It would have been nice to relive those moments with her..." she thought.

- - - - -​

I would find it easier to suspend disbelief that way.

Right, awesome. Dunno if I should keep having readers suspend disbelief on a regular basis, but in this case it definitely helps with the ideas I have to improve the latter half of the chapter.

Regarding characterisation, it depends what you intend for Kimberly's role to be in Season One. I've kind of being banging on about the difference between a protagonist and a supporting character a lot, but it's a very relevant distinction.

I've always wanted her to be a secondary protagonist with her own plots and problems that come to the forefront, though she had to take a bit of a back seat due to the structure of the plot and the fact that she really didn't have much to do while in Doranshire. Now that we're moving again and I have concrete contribution plans for her over the next three routes and five city stops this'll help bring her out of the muddy muck of where she stands as a main/secondary character. In fact, she might even edge out Andrea in terms of screen time and development, if only slightly.

 

[Beth Pavell]

It felt unfair to her that responsibility was taking away the chance for their friendship to flourish even further; memories of her time with her previous travel partner bubbled to the surface, a time where neither had a care in the world. "It would have been nice to relive those moments with her..." she thought.

Better, I think

Dunno if I should keep having readers suspend disbelief on a regular basis, but in this case it definitely helps with the ideas I have to improve the latter half of the chapter.

It's always desirable to minimise the amount of suspension of disbelief, but there's no getting away from it being essential to any story.

 

[diamondpearl876]

Lol 'sup, my first time actually getting to comment on a chapter update.

It was a bittersweet morning. Bitter in that the two knew that it was the last time they'd see each other for awhile. Sweet in that they decided to make the most of their remaining time together.

I like this line a lot. It's nicely worded and serves as a good transition into the rest of the opening scene. The opening dialogue implies the opposite, that they're going through just another day like they have been, but you dive in quick to how their imminent separate is actually effecting them.

Kimberly was stood behind her, playing with her hair as she braided it into an intricate pattern that resembled a rose in full bloom.

I like the symbolism here with the roses... Fits not only with the title but with the character development in this chapter.

"Got all the money in the world and this is the gift you get me..." she quietly joked to herself.

Kinda expected Kimberly to throw a smartass comment in response, but lol. I guess a temporary hairstyle isn't a "traditional" and tangible gift, but it is more up Kimberly's alley - she enjoys doing other people's hair, and it's a unique kind of way to bond with someone (and they'd already done that before, even, with dressing Andrea up to meet that one wild lady).

"You're very forgetful, aren't you? Juliano is well capable of working with the cold. Iced tea won't be so difficult."

That's pretty easy to forget when you don't own any pokemon. XD I like the idea here, though. I can just imagine Juliano and Kimberly having a tea party together.

Only other comment I have here is to be careful with pronouns. There were too many "she"s in a row that I attributed to both Andrea and Kimberly, and though I understood things in the end, it made me do a double take out of confusion.

As Andrea opened the door and stepped outside, Kimberly couldn't help but fret at the unfinished braiding job.

This is a rather abrupt transition with almost no detail added to it. It wouldn't take much more to be effective, I don't think, but yeah. ^^;

She shook Andrea's hand. Her grip was tight and she didn't want to let go, but she eventually did. "It has."

Mm, it's always weird to see Kimberly go quiet like this. Her dialogue, however short, hits hard here. I can easily tell she's having a hard time saying goodbye to Andrea, even if just temporarily.

The smile, however, was fake, and it hid the true depth of her sadness. Though she tried to vocalize it, she couldn't accurately put into words how torn up she was that she was leaving not just a good friend, but the person that she owed her life to.

I mean, it's normal for someone to miss their friend if they're saying goodbye like this, but what I find interesting and unique is Kimberly's focus on how Andrea saved her life. I've said before that Kimberly's obviously got a lot of dependency issues, for better or for worse, so of course Andrea saving her from a life threatening situation has a lot of significance for her.

"The analysis will take about half an hour. Feel free to grab a seat in the meantime! If they need any extra care, I'll let you know!"

Hmm, I wonder if the nurses also take a physical look at the 'mons instead of simply using technology?

One name did come to mind, however, and she pulled out her phone to send them a message: Nicole Spencer, her old travel partner.

Fr: Kimberly Fairbrooke, 9:02 AM
'Hello! Do you have a minute?'

Not gonna quote all the text parts, but I think that after Nicole's, they overstayed their welcome quickly and Kimberly's search for help could've been better utilized. I guess it makes sense that she'd stay in the Pokemon Center and wait the half hour for her 'mons to be healed while texting others, but I'd still suggest having her leave the Center and walking around the town, then showing through monologue and description her struggles. Direct texts or phone calls from the people she asked from aren't really needed, especially since they basically have no screentime otherwise (though I suppose at some point, they might).

"How dare she not drop everything to come escort me around... So typical of her!" she joked to herself.

Are you sure you're joking, Kimberly? Nah, but this is clearly going to test Kimberly's abiltiy to judge other peole and handle herself, especially since she agreed to trust someone random at the end. Her sizing him up was realistic and logical, but even still, first impressions can be way off base.

"Yes. I... I'm scared of travelling alone and the earliest any of my friends can come join me is next week... So, I'll unfortunately have to wait until then."

Just like her to show how desperate she is for a traveling partner right off the bat, too, re: the "scared of travelling alone" wording. >_>

"Hey, don't worry 'bout it. That guy who chased you off stage? He's a bum, a nobody. You did okay. Okay?"

Like this dialogue a lot. Gives me hope that this guy isn't going to fuck Kimberly over.

Till next time~

 

[Misfit Angel]

Only other comment I have here is to be careful with pronouns. There were too many "she"s in a row that I attributed to both Andrea and Kimberly, and though I understood things in the end, it made me do a double take out of confusion.

Whoops! Yeah, I just looked this over and you're right. Fixes for this are incoming.

I like the idea here, though. I can just imagine Juliano and Kimberly having a tea party together.

Incoming review league art request

This is a rather abrupt transition with almost no detail added to it. It wouldn't take much more to be effective, I don't think, but yeah. ^^;

Good point. Just wrote a quick fix for when I update the chapter!

Hmm, I wonder if the nurses also take a physical look at the 'mons instead of simply using technology?

Hadn't thought about it! Time to add another to the massive mountain of details I'll inevitably forget to ever explain or include.

Not gonna quote all the text parts, but I think that after Nicole's, they overstayed their welcome quickly and Kimberly's search for help could've been better utilized.

Perhaps I could shorten things a bit, especially Mr. Toby's conversation. It's unlikely I'll ever include him outside of a small cameo, so I doubt he's too important.

Are you sure you're joking, Kimberly?

She certainly thinks she is!

I guess it makes sense that she'd stay in the Pokemon Center and wait the half hour for her 'mons to be healed while texting others, but I'd still suggest having her leave the Center and walking around the town, then showing through monologue and description her struggles.

Ooh, I like this idea. I'll toy around with it and see what I can come up with.

Just like her to show how desperate she is for a traveling partner right off the bat, too, re: the "scared of travelling alone" wording. >_>

I'm not entirely sold on this, and it's something I've already been working on as I polish this chapter. She's wiser than this, she should certainly know better than to show her hand so quickly and so easily when she's worried about her safety. In fact, as I was going through old chapters, she carefully avoided doing this before, so there's no reason she should do it now.

Anywho, thanks for the feedback! Hopefully I'll have the edits finalized over the weekend and then I can get back on track with the next chapter!

 

[Misfit Angel]

So, I just pushed a major edit to chapter 27 through, to address some of the issues brought up about it:

• Change: Fixed some excessive and confusing pronoun usage.
  
• Change: Reworked and added some internal monologuing from Kimberly.
  
• Added: Added a couple minor lines between Andrea and Emily.
  
• Added: Namedropped a couple characters who will become minor/supporting characters as the story progresses.
  
• Change: Boosted the medical analysis time to an hour, allowing more time for the upcoming scene changes to take place in a reasonable spread of time.
  
• Change: Significantly altered the scene in which Kimberly and Loren meet. We get into Kimberly's head more and I gave Loren an actual personality rather than a cartoonish stereotype. But he's still kinda cartoonish, I guess.
  
• Words and lines: +1204 words, +27 lines
  

Thank you to all of you who continue to read, it's definitely inspirational and keeps me going! I'm also slowly going through and editing the first 26 chapters. Most of them are merely being polished, though some substantial changes are coming as well. I'll update everyone when I publish these changes.

 

[Beth Pavell]

I have a bit of time to kill, so I thought I might as well look again at Chapter 27. Kimberly's inner monologue is better - I can't quite believe I didn't think to explain myself this way before, but it sounds more like she is the narrator than the author is narrating her feelings, if that makes sense? It is still telling, to a extent, but it feels less like you putting down exposition in front of the reader.

Changing the issue of a travel companion to a matter of, well, companionship is a better solution. It makes sense in context, and thinking about Kimberly's previous companions it's at least been established that she's not picky about who she hangs out with.

I'm still in two minds about Lorenzo, though perhaps that's as much because smug, flirty men get on my nerves. I can't help but wonder what Josh would have to say about loafers as travelling shoes. I think it might be a worthwhile detail if at first Juliano was kept out of his Ball as security

 

[Flaze]

Okay so you requested your judging for the awards earlier, I didn't really want to rework it so I'll just post it as it was here >P

Plot: At first glance, LOR’s plot might seem simple, it’s not even a journey fic in the conventional sense since Andrea doesn’t go for badges, instead Land of Roses follows her as she’s sent out on different research assignments after getting a new job and that actually helps it more than anything. For one it allows the story to lean more into the world, but it also allows it to craft an interesting plot.

Where most journey fics have to build their plot around the journey and figure out where to place certain events (which ends up making it feel convenient) here Andrea could be sent out to any place that’s showing some kind of anomaly which would also help make sense of something plot important going on. Unfortunately, as of now the plot is very simple, there’s a lot of things going on in the background but nothing specific has popped up yet.

Setting: It’s amusing that I got both TLW and LOR as they both put a lot of emphasis on their settings. LOR’s setting is more than just grabbing a region and adapting aspects of other real world locations onto it, the region of Lanark is literally based mainly on the UK and it shows with the way in which Prescott can add elements from that continent onto here, from the small quaint but traditional towns to the bigger, bustling and more dangerous cities.

Every place feels lived in and has something that helps it stand out, which in turn makes Lanark a region you’d want to explore. It’s not just the places but it’s lore and inhabitants as well, it all helps it feel more organic and interesting.

This is what makes Andrea a perfect audience surrogate for exploring this world, she has knowledge of it thanks to her years of living in there, but she doesn’t have personal experience with most of the region, so her shock is also ours and we get to find out both the beautiful and scary aspects of it as we go. This is especially true when LOR’s starts leaning towards the more mythological aspects of the region, which everyone is still confused on whether they’re real or not.

Characters: Another aspect I really liked from LOR’s is its characters, while Andrea might seem like just your typical depressed and disillusioned protagonist who’s just trying to find a place for herself, there’s more to her than meets the eye. Little things like her dedication to logic and science, her excitement at making new discovers and even her annoyance at people criticizing her wardrobe makes her stand out. The fact that she also has flaws such as her quick temper, slight inferiority complex and lack of confidence when it comes to pursuing the things she’s unsure of ground her, especially when you notice how she’s growing with the passing of the story.

Andrea isn’t the only star in LOR, with Kimberly also getting as much attention and as deep an exploration on her part, though I should probably talk more about her later on. Either way, the supporting cast is also interesting and while not all of them are as well defined, they do have varied personalities that you can pick out and at least have fun with, plus even if we don’t get to see them all constantly they do leave an impression on you such as the Holdt’s or the crazy old lady. It also helps that Prescott doesn’t show us all their cards quickly either and instead gives us little hints about each character as the story goes.

Style: One of the best things about this story is easily its flow, the way in which the prose and story flow together makes it easy and fast to read. Not just that but somehow it still is able to carry on the weight of what’s going on and really hook you in, making it so you can’t stop reading. Where it does fall a little short is when it tries to be too detailed on some aspects, such as when it does Pokemon Contests and it feels like Prescott really isn’t into it so it all falls flat and feels forced.

One thing that kind of goes against Prescott’s style is the pacing. While the chapters have a great flow and they’re entertaining, the story’s pacing is almost glacial slow, with many chapters focusing on events that could probably be summarized easier, this is all usually in the service of exploring the characters, but it also makes it a bit hard to stick through it when it goes on for over 25 chapters (counting side stories) and you still only have a small hint of where the story is going.

Grammar: Prescott’s grammar is almost perfect, she’s got a very good hang of what words will help carry the story along and work better, though this can falter from time to time. However, she’s not below making the occasional grammar mistake or typo here and there.

Overall 75/100

Another great story if you want a fic that explores the world more, especially one that looks at it from a more scientific perspective (at parts). It’s got interesting characters that are easy to relate to and is a pretty quick read. However, the story moves really slowly and there are parts of it that can drag on or feel unnecessary in the long run, there’s also no action or anything to really get your blood pumping besides a select few chapters that are rare to come by.

 

[Persephone]

Fr: Nicole Spencer, 9:04 AM
'eeeey kimzee! yeah i got a minute what's up?'

@Arkadelphiak

'ask mr toby? he can probably help and im sure hed be happy to see you again'

Helpful and glad to see you in many ways, as it turns out

But, nope. Instead we get Italian playboy not-Kamin. Unsure how I feel about that.

I am sure that I liked all the MetalRose shipping hints in the chapter. And taking the space to address previous LotR criticism over how Andrea is kind of the actual worst protector a traveling trainer could have.

I have no other real comments on this chapter except I thought the introductory conversation to new character could have been longer to better establish him before the chapter break when some memory will be lost for people reading in real time.

 

[Misfit Angel]

Land of the Roses
Chapter 28: The Things That Give Me Strength

"Hmm..." Kimberly thought. "He's a lot quieter now that we've left the village..."

They had been walking for about twenty minutes since they left the comforting atmosphere of Boccino's Bistro, and in that time, they barely spoke a word to each other. It worried her, as she was looking for someone to chat with while on the road, not someone to walk beside in silence. She tried to approach with a subject she felt they could both agree on without much disagreement or awkwardness: his Pokémon collection.

"So, Loren. What kind of Pokémon do you have? I imagine you must have at least two if you're interested in challenging any gym leaders."

"I got three," he said as he reached into the pocket of his blazer and pulled one of his Pokéballs out.

The design was unlike anything Kimberly had seen before, with a solid navy blue top that was decorated with a crown of three white stars and a red bottom that was divided into five segments by equally spaced white vertical stripes. The central latch was constructed of brass and the button resembled a shield with a key design engraved into it. While she kept her knowledge of unique and obscure Pokéball designs up to date, the origin of this one eluded her; the usual phrase 'Powerful Pokémon, Powerful Pokéball' was useless in this case and she couldn't guess at a glance what loyal Pokémon might hide inside.

"This one's my new favorite, I recently caught him. He's a Rhyhorn, but maybe not one you'd be familiar with. He's all black and smokey."

"Oh? Would it be possible to see him?"

He put the Pokéball back into his pocket. "Ehh... Maybe later. He's got a bit of an attitude and I wouldn't want you gettin' hurt. But you'll be impressed when you see him, I guarantee it."

"I appreciate your concern. Another time then."

"My other two are a bit more chilled out, if you'd like to see 'em! Got a Pangoro and a Braviary."

"A Pangoro, you say?" She didn't know much about Pangoro, but she knew that they couldn't be found in Romatti, at least not naturally. A thought swirled in her mind, could it perhaps have been a black market purchase? In the wild, Pangoro were even more critically endangered than Eevee, and capturing one carried a stiff prison sentence in most 'civilized' countries. "Isn't it illegal to own one of those?"

"Not illegal, just difficult. My dad had to go through a lot of paperwork just to get this bad boy. I had to go through the same when I inherited him. Felt like I was on trial for murder with how much they poked into my personal life." He buried his hand in his pocket once again and pulled one of his odd Pokéballs out, then gave it a forceful toss into the air. The ball exploded with a burst of glittering silver stars and a flash of golden light.

In the Pokéball's place stood a large ursine creature that towered over the both of them. The Pangoro was covered from head to toe with thick reddish-brown fur, with blotches of white along its belly and around its head. Black ears sprouted from its head, shading its sunken dark eyes. A long row of fangs jutted from its mouth and it dangled a stalk of wheat between its furry lips. Jagged black claws tipped both its fingers and toes.

"This is my buddy, Remus. Remus, meet our newest friend, Kimberly."

She cautiously backed off as Remus approached her in a menacing manner. "Oooh! He's not going to hurt me, is he?"

"Nah. He loves messin' with people."

Remus stopped in front of her and leaned in; he was silent as he leered at her, the wheat stalk in its mouth shifting from the left side to the right. His breath was heavy, humid and horrible. His lips curled into a smile, exposing his upper fangs as he stood upright again.

"Lookit that, he likes ya!"

She giggled nervously at the imposing creature. "H-Hello!"

Loren raised his Pokéball and pointed it at his Pangoro. "Alright, Remus, c'mon back. You're makin' her nervous!" The Pangoro glowed red and disappeared back inside.

"Sorry, I... I had a bad experience one time with an Ursaring, it's hard not to be nervous around strangers his size."

"Fair enough." A smirk appeared on his face, no doubt proud of the wit he was about to unleash: "Well, I showed you one of mine, how 'bout you show me one of yours?" He looked down towards her waist and pointed towards the Master Ball and Feline Ball that dangled freely from the ribbon along her hips. "That purple one with the gems is a Master Ball, right? Bet ya've got somethin' good in there!"

"Yes, it is!"

"How the hell'd you get your hands on that thing, anyways?"

"Uhh..." she cautiously started. She wasn't sure about telling him the truth about it; the truth of the matter was that she bought it on a whim one day, a purchase that put a significant dent in her finances, as vast as they were. She barely knew Loren, and while he seemed trustworthy at a glance, she was cautious about giving him any hints as to just how wealthy she was. "It was a gift from a family member. I didn't ask where he got it from."

A devious smile appeared on his face. "Aaaah! Yeah, I get it! Your secret is safe with me, don't worry."

She glared at him. "I didn't steal it, if that's what you're suggesting!"

"It's just a little harmless jokin'."

"Hmmph."

"So uhh, what's inside?"

She unhooked the Master Ball from her ribbon and tossed it out in front of her. It exploded with a cloud of chilly mist and swirling bubbles, and in its place stood Juliano. Having never seen Loren before, he quickly stepped between him and his master.

"This is my Blastoise, Juliano!"

"Niiice," Loren said with distinct approval in his voice. "How 'bout the one with the fuzz on it?"

"That's my Skitty, Telandra. I'd prefer to keep her in her Pokéball for now, if you don't mind."

He nodded silently this time.

"Speaking of minding, you don't mind if I keep Juliano out, do you? I've learned that this forest can be quite dangerous and I would feel much safer with him by my side. I really should have had him out before we even left the village."

She received a shrug. "Hey, whatever makes you comfortable. It's a scary world out here."

"Yes it is..."

- - - - -​

As Kimberly and Loren continued their travels through the Spritewood, splashes of green began to crop up among the canopy of red, golden and orange leaves that had been so familiar for the past week. At last, after an hour and a half of footwork, they were nearing the edge of the forest! Kimberly was especially thrilled about it, as it marked clear progress that she was finally leaving the little village of Doranshire and the wretched forest that enveloped it. Loren wasn't quite as happy, as he had never seen a forest that appeared to be eternally locked in autumn.

More time passed until they eventually found the final reaches of the Spritewood: the Abhainn Sgaradh, a river more commonly known as the Split. On their side of the river was the last of the aspen and birches that made up the Spritewood; the other side was awash with tones of green, brown and grey amidst the mighty oaks, tall ashes and shady pines. Another difference between the two forests was the undergrowth: a tangled mess of barbed brambles in the Spritewood, a sea of silky smooth knee-high grass on the other side.

At its widest, the Abhainn Sgaradh appeared to be roughly 60 meters across, and an ancient stone bridge was the only passage to the other side. The bridge had seen better days, having been patched in certain areas with wooden boards and lazily-installed concrete in others. The decorative struts that once adorned the sides of the bridge had crumbled long ago. Regardless of how poorly it looked, it was still safe to cross, at least.

"I wonder how old this bridge is..." Kimberly started.

"I dunno. Don't these things usually got marker stones on 'em that say a year?" Loren replied.

She thought about it as she kicked at the cobblestones under her feet. "That practice might not have started yet when this bridge was constructed, and this does look quite old... Oh, well! I suppose it doesn't matter in the end. It is just a bridge."

"You're a kook, ya know that?"

"People have been telling me that a lot, lately..."

On the other side of the bridge, the two found what appeared to be remnants of an old settlement. Jagged and worn stones were ordered in neat squares and rectangles to form structural foundations, while broken walls of plaster and damaged bricks jutted from them here and there. They found a well that had been boarded up decades ago, though the wood had rotted enough for them to pry it open; the bottom was bone dry. All of it painted a picture in Kimberly's mind that the area may have been some sort of medieval era checkpoint, designed to regulate travel to and from Doranshire, but she couldn't say for certain.

"I wish my previous travel partner was here..." she said as she inspected the ruins around her.

"Oh yeah?" Loren asked.

"She carried a small digital encyclopedia with her... It always had a wealth of knowledge about places such as these."

"Sounds... interestin', I guess," he said. Despite his words, it was clear that he wasn't as interested as she was. As they continued along the road, he asked, "So why ain't she here?"

"She's busy with her job and is heading back home. She had business in Doranshire and that's what brought me there."

"Stuck with boring office work, right?"

"She didn't explain it, but... from the sound of it, yes."

"Whatever she's doin', I don't envy her. I wouldn't, even if she were judging beauty contests. Nothin' beats the open road!"

"Hmm. Sometimes I don't know about that anymore."

- - - - -​

Loren let out a hearty laugh upon hearing the conclusion of one of Kimberly's stories from her previous travels. "Man, this Nicole girl sounds like a hoot! Hope I get to meet her some day!"

"You just might. When I spoke to her this morning, she said she's finalizing the paperwork in the process of becoming one of Lanark's official gym leaders. It's been a stressful few weeks for her, but I have a lot of faith that she has what it takes."

"So, what's she specialize in? Got any insider knowledge I can use?"

"When I last saw her, she was putting together--"

Their conversation was interrupted by a peculiar screeching sound; a few short seconds later, a massive swarm of Zubats rounded the corner of the gorge they were walking through, bouncing off of the walls and tumbling loose stones down to the ground as they passed by. Kimberly dropped to the ground and shouted as the cloud of bats closed in on their location. Juliano readied himself for a fight. Loren, on the other hand, enjoyed it and watched in amazement as the cloud of ten thousand strong zoomed on by.

"Yeah! Don't see that every day!" he shouted with excitement.

Kimberly pushed herself off of the ground and dusted her dress off the best she could. "I'd rather never see that..." Her voice was shaky.

"What'sa matter?" Loren asked.

"I hate bats... I bloody hate them!"

"Hey, they're gone at least. Wonder where they came from?"

It wasn't long before they found out. As they rounded the bend that the Zubats came from, they found themselves face to face with a rocky tunnel entrance nestled deep within the Lonesome Lord of the West, Sonetta Mountain. The tunnel system, known as the Sonetta Underpass, was the gateway between the Westcountry of Ardaigh County, the Heartland of Rose County and the southern coasts of Cladachfadh County; a critical crossroads in both medieval and modern times. The cavern was cloaked in darkness and the path inside was uneven and dangerous looking, but at least it was well marked and clearly defined.

Kimberly's skin went white as her eyes met the entrance of the cave. "Wait... no, no! This can't be right!"

"Now what is it?" he asked again.

"This road goes through a cave!?"

"I... believe so?" he said. He opened his phone and brought his GPS up. No matter how far he zoomed his map in, the only trail that appeared was the one they were on, and it led straight into the cavern in front of them. "Sonetta Underpass... I dunno... I don't see any other roads around here, or any trails, stuff like that. You didn't know about this?"

"No... I-I didn't..."

"Well shit. You gonna be okay?"

She timidly approached the entrance of the cavern. As she drew closer with each step, her knees grew weaker and weaker until she nearly stumbled. What she saw was incredibly daunting and the lightless depths taunted her; she had spent the majority of the morning just getting this far, only to be potentially blocked from progressing any further, all due to one fear: the darkness.

"I... I don't know about this..."

"Don't like caves, do you?"

"Absolutely not!"

"I don't blame ya, they ain't exactly fun, but... Hmm... Hold on, I got an idea!"

He reached into his pocket and pulled another of his strange Pokéballs out. With a toss into the air, it exploded with a gust of wind and a large avian creature fluttered to the ground beside him. The bird was massive, standing half a foot taller than Kimberly. It was covered from head to toe in luxurious violet feathers, with a large splotch of white feathers running under his entire underside. Its tail was accented by shades of yellow, and a crown of silver and gold feathers that resembled a tribal headdress sprouted from its head.

Even through her apprehension, she couldn't help but marvel at the bird before her. "Ooh! I've never seen that one before."

"Yeah, they're not native to your country. This is my Braviary, fiercely loyal, and bad to the bone. A symbol of power." He lifted his arm and pointed to the sky. "Go on, Romulus, go see if you can find us any sort of road. Our darlin' little friend here doesn't like caves."

Romulus the Braviary started to flap his massive wings, and with a forceful leap, he was airborne. His wings kicked up a large cloud of dust as he soared into the air and disappeared over the trees.

"He'll be back in no time." He stepped closer and spoke more softly. "So, what's the deal with these caves, anyways? What about 'em don't ya like?"

His concern was heartwarming, but it would never be a match for her deeply ingrained fears. "Oh... everything, I guess?" She began to list off her relevant fears as she counted on her fingers. "Darkness... confined spaces... cave-ins... no contact with the outside world..."

"Well, we better hope that ol' Rom finds us another path." He looked around the entrance to the cave and found much of the terrain to be completely impassable, with jagged and steep cliffs surrounding the two of them on all sides. Even if they had to backtrack to find another trail, the dangerous-looking terrain would be just as challenging as diving into a dark cave. "Hope ya don't mind a little mountain hike if he does. Those sandals of yours don't seem like the best footwear for climbin' rocks."

She looked down at her feet and wiggled her toes in anticipation. "Anything will be better than cave diving."

After a few minutes, Romulus returned from his scouting and crashed through the branches above them. He dropped to the ground with a massive thud and waddled up to his master, then shook his head from side to side and let out a shrill squawk.

"You're absolutely sure? Nothin'?"

Romulus answered with a forceful nod.

"Damn," he mumbled. "Sorry, looks like you're outta luck. Rom didn't find anything, and I ain't turnin' around."

Kimberly made a pathetic squeal as her eyes met with the dark cave entrance once again.

"Don't worry, I'll keep ya safe. You got my word."

She sighed. "A stranger's word does not mean much, but I appreciate the sentiment."

"You're a fascinatin' lady."

"Hmm," she hummed, unsure of the path ahead of her. "Do you mind if I have a few minutes to myself? I want to try my best to mentally prepare myself for this."

"Yeah. Do whatever you gotta do."

"Thank you." She pointed to a series of fallen boulders that were surrounded and choked by a thicket of tall, windswept grass. "I'll be over here. Come, Juliano, keep a look out for trouble. I'll be quite distracted."

She waded into the tall grass in a cautious manner, then disappeared behind the rock. Juliano took up a position beside her that allowed him to scan the surrounding wilderness for threats as well as keep a watchful eye on her new friend, Loren.

"Oh... sugar!" she quietly whispered to herself. "Had I known that I would be travelling through a cave to reach Rustlode, I might not have come to Doranshire at all... Or I would have at least left earlier so I could take the long way..." A sigh followed.

Breathing exercises were next. Though the darkness was one of her greatest fears, further deepened by her experiences in the Spritewood, her meditation had helped her through it somewhat in the past and she figured it could do the same again; she didn't have the time to dedicate to a full meditation session, nor was she in the right mindset for it, so steadying her mind and breathing would have to do. Unfortunately, it didn't work.

"Come now, it's just a little darkness..." she whispered. "Darkness that surrounds me on all sides... Darkness that hides... terrible..."

She shook her head at her thoughts, leaned up against the boulder and closed her eyes. She pictured the dark interior of the cave and imagined herself taking her first steps into it, lantern in hand. She was a shining light in that darkness, a constant in a foggy void of stale air. Her breathing was steady and purposeful as she continued to picture the events in her head: Left foot, right foot... Left foot, right foot. That's all it took, just the steady march as she pressed forward, guided by Loren and Juliano. It would only be a few hours, she hoped, something that she was confident she could power through if she worked hard to maintain her composure.

As she continued to steady herself, she felt a strange sensation brushing up against her hip. It felt like pointed claws raking against her flesh; in an instant, the darkness was gone, and all she could see was the mangled, droopy face of the huntress in the woods from a few nights ago. That twisted grin of rotted teeth, the hollow, black eyes, the cracked and broken skin... Her breath escaped her violently as she gasped for air and opened her eyes; Juliano was stood above her with a look of concern on his face and she found herself clutching at his chest with her jittery hand. It took a few seconds for her to snap out of it.

Juliano grumbled as he helped her to her feet. She could tell this grumble was one of care rather than annoyance.

"It was that damned woman again..." she whispered, her voice shaking. Without even a thought, her hand left her Blastoise's chest, buried itself in her purse and scrabbled around until it found what it was looking for: her bottle of Tenzepam pills. Tried as she might, her shaky hand just couldn't pry the bottle open. She offered it to Juliano. "I-I need you to open these."

Juliano eyed her cautiously and refused to accept the bottle.

"Just do it!" she barked.

He grumbled once again as he accepted the bottle. He wrapped his clawed hand around the bottle and twisted it open with ease. Momentary hestitation before he gave it back to her; he could tell that she was suffering from another panic attack and that the medicine inside would be the quickest form of relief, but he still worried about her reliance on it.

She grabbed the bottle and shook out two of the pills into her hand, then dropped them into her mouth and swallowed. She sighed as she slumped against the rock behind her and dropped to the ground again. "Sorry... I shouldn't have snapped at you like that... Thank you."

As she placed the cap back onto the bottle, Loren's voice called out, "Y'okay? Heard some shouting, figured I'd come check it out." He appeared beside the rock and looked down at her. "Whoa! What are you doin' on the ground?"

She ignored his question as she tried to sneakily return the bottle of pills to her purse.

"What's that?"

She paused for a moment as she slipped the bottle back inside. "It's my anti-anxiety medication."

He offered his hand out to help her up, an offer she took. "Oh! I'm not makin' you nervous, am I?"

"No, it's... It's not you! It's where we're going that's making me nervous. These... they just help."

"Huh. Never thought about it, but I guess it makes sense that anxiety meds help with stuff like that."

She nodded. "These ones certainly seem to... They worked well when I needed them yesterday."

"Hey, you be careful not to get hooked on those, ya hear? It's always better to face your fears than drown them out. One day you might not have those to carry you when you need them."

She sighed. "One day I'll face my fears, but today is not that day."

"Let me know when you're ready."

"Let's get started... It won't be long before these pills take effect."

The two returned to the trail and started towards the cave entrance. Kimberly was extremely dismayed by Loren's plan; he took his phone out and activated the spotlight on it, intending to use it as a flashlight. She chastised him for a brief moment before reaching for the bottom of her backpack and unlatching her HyperLiteEX lantern. With the click of a button, blinding light surrounded them, illuminating the cavern brightly.

Even then, the light brought her little comfort, as it showed a massive network of cobwebs that hung from the brittle looking stalactites above them. Spiders were not on her list of fears, but something about the size of the webs gave her the shivers. The light did little about the smell, as well. As soon as they crossed through the rocky entrance, the thick stench of mildew and sulfur surrounded them, and it only grew stronger and stronger the further in they went. Even the sounds of the cave were unnerving; distant dripping of water that echoed from the darkness, accompanied every few minutes by an eerie, howling wind.

"This is too much... I wish those damned pills would kick in already... Enough time has passed..." she thought.

It didn't take long before the environment started to wear her down. She started to feel dizzy and it showed in her movement. She stumbled against the jagged basalt wall beside her, bumping into it hard enough to drop her lantern to the ground.

Both Loren and Juliano rushed to her side and nearly bumped into each other. "Hey! You okay?"

Her breathing was heavy, but it was steady. "I don't know if I can do this..."

"Sure ya can, c'mon." He knelt down and grabbed the lantern. "We've been in this cave, what, twenty minutes? That's pretty damned impressive for someone who has a crippling fear of 'em."

She wrapped her arm around him and used him as an anchor to pull herself back to her feet. "I don't..."

"Think about it this way: how important is this meeting with this coordination guy?" he asked. "Sounded pretty important to me when you were talkin' about it earlier."

"It doesn't matter... I'm not going to make it on time..."

He shook her shoulder and rubbed up and down her arm in an effort to comfort her, but it had little effect. "Not with that attitude ya won't. C'mon, let's try a few more steps, okay? You can do this."

She nodded as he led the way.

- - - - -​

It was a slow process, but it was constant progress as they marched through the cave. They made their way through mazes of stone spires, passed through cramped and narrow tunnels, navigated slippery slopes and climbed up and down roughly hewn sets of volcanic stone stairs. Through it all, Kimberly was practically glued to Loren's arm, hugging it tightly as they cut their way through the darkness. She found him to be a source of strength where she had none; her will to continue wasn't about arriving in Rustlode Bluffs on time for her meeting anymore, it was carried by his bravery and leadership.

Eventually, they came to what appeared to be a dead end and her heart sank. "Did we take a wrong turn somewhere?"

Loren flashed the lantern around. Just a few steps behind them was one of the reflective markers that indicated the main trail, which told them they had been going the right direction. "Don't think so." He shined the lantern against the wall in front of them and angled it upwards. A frayed rope ladder dangled from a pair of metal hooks on the ceiling above them and appeared to be the intended method of progressing forward, but it had frayed and fallen apart. "Oh, ho ho ho... you gotta be kiddin' me."

"That doesn't sound good..."

"It's not..." He grabbed the broken rope and swayed it back and forth. "This ladder looks like our only way up, but it's outta order."

"This is... fuuu-reaking intolerable..." she started.

He gave the rope a forceful tug and found it to properly secured to the hook it dangled from. "Don't worry, ol' Loren's got a plan. He always does." He motioned towards Juliano and beckoned him. "I'm gonna need your help with this one, big guy."

Juliano stood their like a statue. He rarely listened to orders from someone else, even if they were as simple as taking a few steps forward.

"Go on, Juliano. Listen to his plan, it may get us through this." Kimberly said.

He huffed and nodded, then approached the rope and listened closely.

"Here's what we're gonna do. We've gotta get up there, so I need to climb on your back. From there, I'm gonna climb the rope, then we're gonna do the same for Kimberly here. I'll help her up. Sound good?"

Juliano took a step back and inspected his surroundings. He found the plan a little bit strange, but he agreed to try it. He stepped back into position and dropped to all fours, allowed Loren to climb onto his shell, then stood back up.

"This sounds like a bad idea..." Kimberly said.

"I said it before, I ain't turnin' around. We've come this far." With his feet firmly planted on Juliano's shell, he grabbed ahold of the rope and pulled himself up. "Be ready... to catch me... case I fall, big guy!" he grunted as he began to inch his way up the rope.

With Loren's ascent, the light from the lantern dimmed until it disappeared entirely as he passed over the platform above. A sense of dread overcame her as she pressed up against the wall beside her and peered out into the darkness; she was absolutely sure that she would see something, but the simple fact was that she couldn't. The fact that she couldn't was even worse.

Loren's head popped out from above the rise and he extended his arm down. "Alright, Kimberly, your turn!"

"I... I..." she squeaked, her knuckles turning white as she gripped onto the loose stones of the wall behind her.

"Come on! You can do it! It's not that hard!"

She took a deep breath and left the safety of the stone wall, then climbed atop Juliano. After being boosted into the air, she reached up and grabbed Loren's extended arm.

"Be ready to kick against the wall if you've gotta, I don't have a lot to grab onto up here," he warned. With that, he started to lift.

She was surprised by how strong he was. He barely let out a grunt and his strength never wavered as he lifted her with all of his might. As she neared the top of the cliff edge, he adjusted his position without losing his grip on her and slowly pulled her over the rise, back into the comforting embrace of the lantern. "There, that wasn't so bad!"

"Umm..." she started.

"What is it?"

She pried her fingers between her chest and his hands and forced her way out of his grip. "I appreciate the help, but touch me there again and you will regret it."

He threw up his hands defensively. "Hey, hey, nothin' meant by it! That's just where my hands ended up, that's all."

She grumbled, then reached for her Master Ball. She leaned over the edge and clicked the button on it; a red beam of light shot out and impacted against Juliano, sucking him back inside. Another press of the button summoned him once again atop the cliff. Afterward, she leaned against another wall and took a seat. She sighed. "I need a minute. This is a lot more difficult for me than you might imagine."

Loren nodded. "Yeah, you've definitely earned a break." He reached into his pocket and grabbed his cell phone, then turned the spotlight on again and started to wander off. "I'll have a quick look around, see what we're up against next."

"Where are you going?!" she shouted.

"I won't be far. Just gonna do a little scouting."

As he disappeared down the trail ahead of them, she grumbled again. "Don't get angry, Kimberly..." she told herself. "It's just the stress of this whole situation getting to you, nothing else..."

Juliano took a seat next to her and wrapped his arm around her shoulder.

She smiled. "How do you think I'm doing, Juliano? You know, for someone who is deathly afraid of caves..."

He patted her on the back and let out a bellowing noise.

"Okay, maybe I'm not deathly afraid... And at least my worst fears aren't proving to be real... Those hands reaching from the dark, pulling me away from you and Loren... I really do need to realize that what happened back in the Spritewood was just... out of the norm, wasn't it?"

He nodded while maintaining his protective grip on her.

"A year of travel with Nicole and nothing like that ever happened..."

Out of the darkness, Loren's voice echoed. "Holy shit! This is awesome!"

"What is he up to now?" she asked.

"Hey, Kim! Come up here!"

She sighed again and grabbed the lantern. "I suppose break time is over. Lead the way, please."

 

[Beth Pavell]

I'm going to have a go at the quoty style of review for a change. And haha, beat you @Athena

dangled a stalk of wheat between its furry lips.

Nice little detail there. Of course it oughtn't be bamboo, but some other grass.

"Speaking of minding, you don't mind if I keep Juliano out, do you?

Oh, how I feel validated now! That's the only self-serving comment I'll make here.

the other side was awash with tones of green, brown and grey amidst the mighty oaks, tall ashes and shady pines.

I thought a bit about this one, and I am officially fine with the ecology there. Fact is that oaks aren't all that picky as trees - not in the same way that silver birches are, but I see oaks and ashes cheek-by-jowl every day, growing in crappy soil. I could nitpick at the pines, but I'd probably be wrong.

Those sandals of yours don't seem like the best footwear for climbin' rocks."

Says the bloke wearing slip-ons.

I don't think this chapter is a strong one. On paper, the plot itself is just fine - moving along through a cave to the next town is as good a way as any of moving on to the next arc. Kimberly's as strong as she ever was. I think the problem is Lorenzo.

Bear with me, if you would, because I'm having trouble articulating what bugs me about him. I wonder whether he's supposed to be a kind of foil to Andrea, because Kim's interactions with him go incredibly smoothly. It seems that at every point where there could be conflict, Lorenzo responds with a laid-back comment and a respectful deferral. The first impression is that you're trying too hard to make Lorenzo to be a trustworthy travel companion ...

I suppose the best way I can put it at the moment is that I just don't believe in Kimberly/Lorenzo's interactions in the same way that I believe in Andrea/Kim. If you want to grill me with questions about this, feel free. I might be able to explain myself better that way

 

[Persephone]

I really do like these graphics, by the way. Even if I don't think I've ever pointed that out.

Loren wasn't quite as happy, as he had never seen a forest that appeared to be eternally locked in autumn.

How'd he get to Doranshire? Wouldn't he have had to walk through the spritewoods?

At its widest, the Abhainn Sgaradh appeared to be roughly 60 meters across, and an ancient stone bridge was the only passage to the other side. The bridge had seen better days, having been patched in certain areas with wooden boards and lazily-installed concrete in others. The decorative struts that once adorned the sides of the bridge had crumbled long ago. Regardless of how poorly it looked, it was still safe to cross, at least.

In almost any other story on site, that bridge would've blown up or collapsed.

Loren, on the other hand, enjoyed it and watched in amazement as the cloud of ten thousand strong zoomed on by.

And no one got guano on them. A miracle.

all due to one fear: the darkness.

You were merely adopted by the darkness. I was born in it, molded by it.

She stumbled against the jagged basalt wall beside her, bumping into it hard enough to drop her lantern to the ground.

She lives her scientist girlfriend for five hours and does centuries of damage to a national landmark.

"Hey, you be careful not to get hooked on those, ya hear? It's always better to face your fears than drown them out. One day you might not have those to carry you when you need them."

I thought having two characters in almost as many paragraphs talk about the addiction risk was a little much.

passed through cramped and narrow tunnels,

How did Juliano get through these?

"This is... fuuu-reaking intolerable..." she started.

<3

Kind of have to second pavs on a lot of points. LotR has tended to thrive or decline based on character dynamics and this was...

I honestly don't have any feelings about Lorenzo. He hasn't had a character establishing moment, really, and it's hard to get any read on him at all. You did well enough establishing Larson with The Things He Likes About His Girlfriend, but right now he just comes across as a much less memorable mix of that and Kamin. Saint or Sinner, I'd do something to more definitely establish him soon.