The Booty Warrior
Member
- Joined
- Jun 4, 2009
- Messages
- 260
- Reaction score
- 3
Whew, I finally, finally, FINALLY caught up!
In everything I've read so far, aside from the aforementioned technicalities, it's all been great! Now, I will admit that, as I've said before elsewhere, that I am easily impressed, and that I'll consume whatever you or any other great author puts in front of me, but your skills as a writer and the quality of this story still stand.
But I'm upset...
The only really unfortunate thing about finally catching up is that in that time, everything I probably could've said has been taken out of my mouth. However, that doesn't mean I won't say anything. But first off, since chapters four and five were ones I liked and the ones still fresh in my head.
C'mon, Milo, you can't be controlled by your balls and lack of manliness!
Notice how she wasn't controlled by hervagina feminine charms when she was speaking to you and appeared to be quite wholesome.
As for this rival boy everyone's gushing about...I raise my hand in agreement for how amazingly well done he is. When I first saw Bryce belittling poor Milo I was about to yell at the screen.
But when I stopped myself at the last moment and thought it over, as much of a dickhead he was, he didn't fit the criteria for being called that. Milo was kind of being a dickhead as well, after all (Man I just love throwing that word around.). So, excellent work on creating a dude who I want to curse out but still concede in the end that he's got a point. But still call him a jerk for how easily he flaunts his status.
Oh, yes, and on the lie Milo told Rena...in all honesty, compared to what he could have said, it wasn't that big a deal. Fawkes wandered too close to an Ursaring. That's fine. But what if he had said that he was trying to catch the damn thing? He'd then have to circumvent her chastising by coming up with yet another lie, like Fawkes is tougher than it looks and how it's taken down a Gyarados before or something, and things would have piled up much faster. What if she'd asked for an interview? Oh, snap, the little guy would have been done in.
Although, to be fair, I don't blame him. After all, who wants to tell a sweet and pretty girl that your Pokemon is in the infirmary because it got shanked by a weird baby bug with 'shrooms on its back?
Now, for this chapter, well...nice work on it. Outside of what was said, I do wonder about a thing or two.
I noticed that you compare Pokemon battles to boxing matches in your descriptions, like you did with your previous two fics. Is there any particular reason for it? I know it's more realistic and all, but is that really the only form of fighting you could compare realistic Pokemon battles to, or is it just the one that comes to mind the easiest?
Speaking of that battle, I could definitely imagine the result as a flight-or-fight response kicking in big time. Whether or not it was something else, I'm all ears for when you decide to explain. And the effects on the playing (more like killing) field were well-described. I almost felt like I was sunk down into my gut like little Shinx. Of course, it didn't hurt that I was slumping in my chair while reading, either.
As for suggestions, well, I was curious. Do you have every single location planned out for the journey? I was thinking maybe you could borrow a location or two from the anime, since we saw a lot of them in Kanto but only for one episode. I figured you could try something like that, and since we only usually saw those locations once, maybe you could expand some more on them. Or have you already adapted certain towns from the anime into this fic already? If you've been doing this, then I apologize for bringing it up.
Anyways, excellent work. We've all come to expect no less from you. I hope things only get better from here on.
Oh, and uh...if you want me to take those certain comments down, I'll be glad to, ehehehe.
In everything I've read so far, aside from the aforementioned technicalities, it's all been great! Now, I will admit that, as I've said before elsewhere, that I am easily impressed, and that I'll consume whatever you or any other great author puts in front of me, but your skills as a writer and the quality of this story still stand.
But I'm upset...
The only really unfortunate thing about finally catching up is that in that time, everything I probably could've said has been taken out of my mouth. However, that doesn't mean I won't say anything. But first off, since chapters four and five were ones I liked and the ones still fresh in my head.
C'mon, Milo, you can't be controlled by your balls and lack of manliness!
Notice how she wasn't controlled by her
As for this rival boy everyone's gushing about...I raise my hand in agreement for how amazingly well done he is. When I first saw Bryce belittling poor Milo I was about to yell at the screen.
But when I stopped myself at the last moment and thought it over, as much of a dickhead he was, he didn't fit the criteria for being called that. Milo was kind of being a dickhead as well, after all (Man I just love throwing that word around.). So, excellent work on creating a dude who I want to curse out but still concede in the end that he's got a point. But still call him a jerk for how easily he flaunts his status.
Oh, yes, and on the lie Milo told Rena...in all honesty, compared to what he could have said, it wasn't that big a deal. Fawkes wandered too close to an Ursaring. That's fine. But what if he had said that he was trying to catch the damn thing? He'd then have to circumvent her chastising by coming up with yet another lie, like Fawkes is tougher than it looks and how it's taken down a Gyarados before or something, and things would have piled up much faster. What if she'd asked for an interview? Oh, snap, the little guy would have been done in.
Although, to be fair, I don't blame him. After all, who wants to tell a sweet and pretty girl that your Pokemon is in the infirmary because it got shanked by a weird baby bug with 'shrooms on its back?
Now, for this chapter, well...nice work on it. Outside of what was said, I do wonder about a thing or two.
I noticed that you compare Pokemon battles to boxing matches in your descriptions, like you did with your previous two fics. Is there any particular reason for it? I know it's more realistic and all, but is that really the only form of fighting you could compare realistic Pokemon battles to, or is it just the one that comes to mind the easiest?
Speaking of that battle, I could definitely imagine the result as a flight-or-fight response kicking in big time. Whether or not it was something else, I'm all ears for when you decide to explain. And the effects on the playing (more like killing) field were well-described. I almost felt like I was sunk down into my gut like little Shinx. Of course, it didn't hurt that I was slumping in my chair while reading, either.
As for suggestions, well, I was curious. Do you have every single location planned out for the journey? I was thinking maybe you could borrow a location or two from the anime, since we saw a lot of them in Kanto but only for one episode. I figured you could try something like that, and since we only usually saw those locations once, maybe you could expand some more on them. Or have you already adapted certain towns from the anime into this fic already? If you've been doing this, then I apologize for bringing it up.
Anyways, excellent work. We've all come to expect no less from you. I hope things only get better from here on.
Oh, and uh...if you want me to take those certain comments down, I'll be glad to, ehehehe.
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I know I have lots left to learn and get better at, mainly my characterization and stuff like that. 
