Casual Goodbyes - R

[Pokemon Prince]

Prologue



“Hey Ashy boy! Hurry it up!” Gary’s voice sounded from outside, “Do you want to play ball or what?”

“I’m coming, Gary.” A small voice muttered from under the covers of a pokemon covered bed. The covers flipped back to reveal a young child with scruffy back hair a bright amber eyes. He scratched his head in thought,

“Now where did I put it?” He frowned his voice a sweet high pitched tune, “I could of sworn it was right here.”

He glanced about his room and then walked gloomily back to his bed room window.

“Well? Are you coming or not?” A slightly taller kid yelled up to him. He was about the same age as Ash except he had golden brown hair and bright green eyes. This boy was Ash’s best friend.

“I can’t find my lucky ball!” Ash wined.

“Oh, come on. You can get it later!” Gary pouted.

“I’ll go find something else then.” Ash shouted disappearing from the window.

Gary let out a irritated sigh.

“Gawd. This is gonna take a miracle to finish in time before dinner.”

Ash ran into the living room looking about for something useful. His eyes fell upon something shiny on the shelve above the TV set. It was a bright red stone. Forgetting completely about Gary and the ball, Ash climbed up on top of the television and nabbed the pretty stone. Ash jumped down careful and stared at it in awe.

It was warm in his hand as though it were alive. It was a bright crimson red with black swirls in it. It turned around and around like a sea at sunset…

“Ashton Satioshi Ketchum! Just what in the world do you think your doing with that!” Delia cried. Ash hadn’t seen her come in. He was staring at the stone for so long…

Ash lowered his head…

“Ash. Gary was waiting for you on the porch and you’ve kept him for so long sitting there. That was very rude. And then taking your father’s very special stone-“ Delia’s scolding was cut off by a kind voice in the doorway of the living room to the kitchen,

“Don’t be so hard on him, Delia. He is only three.”

“He is almost four, Jeffery. He should know better then to play with-“

“It’s about time he knew what it was anyway.” Jeffery smiled crossing the room and kneeing down to eye level with his son.

Ash looked up into his father’s diamond like eyes. He winced and looked down again.

“Ash, do you remember what I told you about Pokemon Masters?” Jeffery smiled gently taking the stone from his son’s hand.

Delia watched helplessly as Jeffery turned the scolding into a lesson. She smiled. She knew Jeffery was a better parent then she could ever hope to be. Delia was too much of a worrywart and she over did things all the time…She turned and went into the kitchen to start preparing dinner.

“Yeah. And that you’re the best of all of them.” Ash grinned.

“Well…” Jeffery blushed, “I may not be the best as you will find, cause I’m leaving that title for you.”

Ash’s grin broadened,

“And you’ll be there to see me win it!”

“I hope so.” Jeffery smiled, “But we are getting off topic… All Masters have the choice to sit in the inner circle.”

“Yeah, but you didn’t take it because that would mean more work and less time with us.” Ash chimed.

“That’s right.” Jeffery nodded, “But if you do get in the inner circle you must wear the Golden Glove of Herutte…”

“To get one of the elemental powers… blah, blah, blah. Where is this leading to, Dad?” Ash yawned.

“To this.” Jeffery smiled holding up the red stone for Ash to see, “This is called The Crimson Teardrop. If this stone ever touched the Golden Glove of Herutte the beholder would get unlimited power… but to take it off the beholder will lose his or her life and the stone will take the another life just the cease it’s anger at being awoken. Unless he or she is a direct descendent of Herutte himself.”

Ash blinked and stared at the stone in fear now rather then awe.

“This stone has be passed down through the Ketchum family for generations. And it is time I give it to you.” Jeffery handed the stone to Ash. Ash wrapped his fingers about the smooth stone and gazed up his father. His eyes lit like lively ambers of a burning fire,

“I promise you, Dad. I’ll take real good care of it.” Ash spoke determinedly. This was a new challenge set out before him. He couldn’t turn it down. Especially, when it was given by his beloved father.

“Just see that you don’t break it okay, Ash?” Mr. Ketchum chuckled as he turned to follow Mrs. Ketchum into the kitchen

Ash looked longingly at the stone and then up at his father leaving,

“Dad? What exactly will happen if the stone breaks?” Ash questioned.

“Depends on how you break it, “ Jeffery called back.

“But what if someone bad finds it when I’m not looking.”

“Then may God have mercy on his soul.”

 

[Dorothy]

And at last, comes the fic. Here.. we... go! And yes, I will be pointing out every grammatical error I see.

“I’m coming, Gary.” A small voice muttered from under the covers of a pokemon covered bed. The covers flipped back to reveal a young child with scruffy back hair and bright amber eyes. He scratched his head in thought,

First off, when a new person talks in a normal sentence, a comma is used at the end if you choose to identify who says the sentence after the fact. For example:

"Come on," Jane grumbled.

INSTEAD OF

"Come on." Jane grumbled.

Also, is the bed covered in Pokemon? Or are the bedsheets covered in Pokemon pictures?

“Now where did I put it?” He frowned, his voice a sweet high pitched tune, “I could've sworn it was right here.”

Fixed.

Ash jumped down carefully and stared at it in awe.

“Ashton Satioshi Ketchum! Just what in the world do you think you're doing with that!” Delia cried. Ash hadn’t seen her come in. He was staring at the stone for so long…

“It’s about time he knew what it was anyway.” Jeffery smiled crossing the room and kneeling down to eye level with his son.

Ash looked up into his father’s diamond-like eyes. He winced and looked down again.

but to take it off the beholder will lose his or her life and the stone will take the another life just the cease it’s anger at being awoken. Unless he or she is a direct descendent of Herutte himself.”

Bolded: I honestly have no idea what you're talking about. What is this glove? Who's Herutte? What inner circle? At least take some time to explain what these things are.

“This stone has be passed down through the Ketchum family for generations. And it is time I give it to you.”

Okay, giving an ancient and powerful artifact to a small child who is almost certainly very impulsive seems to me like a very bad idea. Just saying.

“Just see that you don’t break it. Okay, Ash?” Mr. Ketchum chuckled as he turned to follow Mrs. Ketchum into the kitchen.

All in all, interesting concept, average execution. Your grammar needs work, is the biggest problem.

 

[Pokemon Prince]

You sir, have little to no idea what u r talking about

 

[Nekusagi]

You sir, have little to no idea what u r talking about

He gave you valid criticism of your poor grammar.

Man up and accept it.

 

[Dorothy]

You sir, have little to no idea what u r talking about

Oh, don't I? Enlighten me as to what you mean.

Oh, and by all means, keep posting. I just hope you can take some constructive criticism.:-D

He gave you valid criticism of your poor grammar.

Man up and accept it.

Indeed. This was Turbo's main problem.

 

[Pokemon Prince]

Chapter One - Brithday

“Come on! Come on!” A tall man groaned pushing all his might against the rear of his jeep to get it out of the mud hole it got stuck in. The engine wined in pain. He just wasn’t strong enough. He gave the jeep one last push as it moved up a bit out of the hole. He wiped the sweat from his forehead with a dirt coved hand and let out a sigh of relief. He turned and climbed up to the driver’s seat of his car. He wiped his boots off before getting in taking off any caked mud that stuck to the sole and sides of his boots. The lone traveler shut the door of his jeep tight and turned up the engine driving out of the pit. He drove up the rest of the way up the mountain. His radio fizzed on crackling a song, called Losing my Religion.

Nature flashed past his windows as the jeep nearer the top. It was so peaceful here. It was good to get away from Tracey’s nagging. Although this was not a joy trip, he couldn’t help but enjoy the ride and the wildness he had left behind him so long ago for research. He had given up so much for research. He even lost his two best friends…

No. Today’s my day off. I’m not going to waste it on what ifs…

He yawned. He had been up here many times before. Mainly at night so he could study the Zubats. He often wondered if he would ever get as lucky as he was when he was fourteen. When he had come up here then, he… well, mainly his friend stumbled upon the Clefairy Society. That boy often got them seeing amazing things, that no other person could find, on accident… Oh, how he missed them…

He pressed lightly on the brakes as the jeep made it’s was to a bumpy stop as far as the trail would go. He pulled the key out of it’s hole as the engine died. He looked sadly at the hood of his pick up truck and shook his head,

“I guess I was a little too hard on you. Well, looks like I’m gonna have to walk home.” He sighed.

This worried him. It was a long way from the lab. He wouldn’t make it back in time for feeding.

I just hope Tracey won’t be so wrapped up in research he’ll forget…

He stepped of the jeep and into the crisp air. All that could be heard was his steady heart beat. This chilled him. It wasn’t normally this quiet. Where were the pokemon? Was something going on again?

The air on top of the peck was fresh and cold. His breath came out in small puffs of white. Was it nearly that cold the last time he was here? No. It should be warmer since the August heat had not faded yet. He blinked and looked at his wrist watch. He clicked a side button to get the date and temperature.

“What?! Impossible! 20 degrees? Already?” He trailed off at spotting the date.

Has it really been that long… That I would forget… I was never that good at remembering it anyway but…

He gazed up at the moon. Maybe it was just him but tonight the moon looked a lot fuller then any other. Maybe it was Mt. Moon’s mysterious secrets that made you see things but everywhere he looked, everything reminded him of the child that he followed… Was the whole world in mourning today? Or was it only him…

How many times had he saved the planet? How many times had he saved my life? How many times did we think he was gone and he would surprise us by coming back? But to have his life ended on this day… Or was he still alive?

He thumbed the binoculars that was strung about his neck by a string and began his hike up the rest of the way to his viewing spot. All the while wondering… His mind trailed away from the pokemon research this evening. All he could think about was a certain friend whose birthday happened to strike this night…

“He would be Sixteen today…” The dark skinned man muttered sadly, “If only I had gone… He might still be…”

He stopped at a nice perch that over looked the beautifully lit city of Cerulean. His face fell at the site of it.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a ordinary cell phone. He glared at it with his slit like eyes like it was a enemy in war.

I was hoping I would never have to face her… But then again I haven’t seen her face for three years…

“Maybe I should call her. We could get together. It’s been hard on all of us. It’s the least we could do for him. He wouldn’t want us like this…”

His mind trailed back three years… It had to of been at least a month since Professor Oak died in his sleep. Ash was very upset since Oak was like a second father to him. So was Gary. Samuel’s death brought the two back together. They realized what fools they had been and made up right then and there.

Oak left his lab to Tracey since he knew Gary wouldn’t want it. Gary had already established his own gym in Viridian after Giovanni sold it. It surprised everyone when Gary was fine with losing to Ash that day. It still stumped Ash to the day he disappeared. And he probably still is stumped… if he were alive…

Gary was slightly irritated after losing but he still got a place as master. And with that he became one of the toughest gym leaders ever. Better then the Scarlet league! Ash on the other hand became famous. He was the youngest champion ever and got his place in the inner circle. With the element lighting…

But I can’t understand why they didn’t view the wearing. They always tape it and showed it across the world. Why did the elders want to keep it secret?

He had remember asking Ash that and Ash would just shake his head and mutter,

“I dunno. But frankly I’m glad they didn’t. I was screaming up a storm. It was a frightening experience.”

It never looked that frightening on TV. It never seemed to hurt. But Ash said it was if someone had stabbed him. How could the other Master’s hide their pain? Maybe… They weren’t in pain as much cause they didn’t get lighting…

This has always bemused him… But that day… So clearly he remembered that day… He had been in Tracey’s lab as usual doing a follow up report on the baby Cleffa’s behavior patterns while Tracey was deep in the Professor’s left behind research. He remembered the phone ringing in it’s usual annoying tone…

Bring, bring, bring! Bring, bring, bring! Phone call! Phone call!

He had always wondered who had that exasperating voice. He rushed over to the booth and picked it up still flipping through his notebook. He didn’t bother to look up…

“Hello.”

“ Hey Brock! Listen I-”

“You have reached Professor Tracey’s research clinic.”

“Brock!”

The Professor isn’t available at the moment but if you leave a message I’ll make sure he gets back to you.”

“Hey!”

Thank you.”

“Brock! Shut up!” Ash snapped from the other line, “I am not one of you’re customers! It’s Ash!”

Brock looked up to see Ash’s aggravated face on the phone screen. Brock blinked and then sweat dropped,

“Sorry, Ash. I’m just so wrapped here…”

“That’s fine. Let me ask you something before you go trailing off again…Sheesh, you’re as bad as Tracey.” Ash groaned.

“Hey! I take that as a insult!”

“Brock!”

“Sorry. Go ahead.”

“Well, you do remember what day it is, don’t ya?”

“Bowling night?” Brock joshed.

“No!” Ash scowled, “My Birthday, remember? September 27?”

“Of course I remember.” Brock laughed looking back into his notes, “You’re present is coming in the mail.”

Ash frowned. Brock often regretted his behavior. He was so wrapped up in work he had forgotten how it was to have a good time.

“What I was hoping for was that you would come in person.” Ash grumbled, “Not some birthday card in the mail.”

Brock looked up from his notes at the unhappy preteen.

“But we’re busy.”

“Busy, busy, busy.” Ash mocked, “That’s all I hear from you now a days. Come on! Forget the work, and get a life!”

“But this is my life!” Brock snapped.

“I was hoping you could come to Pallet for my party.” Ash said a bit softer, “It would be just you, Tracey, Misty, Gary, maybe even Richie, me. That includes you. Just like the old times.”

“Things change…People change.”

“People do not change!” Ash shouted slaming his fist on the counter of his booth, “They only change when the people want them to! It is not unstoppable. You could come. If you wanted to!”

“I’m sorry, Ash. We have our work cut out for us here…”

“Which gives you all the more reason to come… You can kick back and relax. Have some good old fashion fun. Pallet is beautiful in the fall… With the leaves changing color and all… You’ll enjoy it… And my Mom is making her best pudding.” Ash urged.

“Look Ash…”

“Please!” Ash pleaded.

“Ash. Just because you’re a master doesn’t mean you can have every thing you want. I have work here and I don’t have time…” Brock trailed off. He wanted to suck those words back up. He prayed Ash wasn’t paying attention but the look on his face shown clearly that he was.

“What you mean is that you don’t have time for me…” Ash said softly; muttering the vile words.

“Ash , I didn’t mean-“

“Goodbye Brock”

The dial tone rang clear. Ash had hung up. Brock could of kicked himself for what he did next. Tracey walked into the room. He looked at Brock and then the phone in his hand.

“Who was it?” Tracey asked; looking concerned.

“Nobody. It was the wrong number.” Brock smiled falsely.

Tracey looked doubtful but turned away. Brock knew that Tracey would of wanted to go. But all Brock could think about was the pile of paper work that would be stacked up while they were gone. He couldn’t force himself to ever tell him Ash had called.

He regretted not calling back. Not telling Ash he was sorry. Brock often wondered if his best friend went to his grave hating him… Somewhere in his heart a voice sang it wasn’t true, but the very fiber in his being gave Ash a reason to. How could he not hate him?

The raid happened later that day. The lab was untouched since it was not right in the Pallet Town central area. No one really understood why Team Rocket struck or why they chose that day. But they did and they destroyed homes and many, many lives. Gary’s Mom was struck in the head so hard that it killed her. Mrs. Ketchum had been beaten up and her house left in ruins. May was almost shot to her story and even Richie had gone through a lot of terror. Misty never made it on time to the party, so she was fine, but Ash…

Ashton Satoshi Ketchum vanished. He was never found again…

Brock hadn’t seen Misty since the funeral. Come to think of it. It had been a while since he saw any of his past friends. But that funeral.. Brock hadn’t seen so many people gathered in one place before. All who had been touched by the child’s light. Misty. She was in such pain. He couldn’t approach her. He didn’t know what to tell her.

He was a good man… Gonna miss him, eh…. Don’t feel bad. He’s in a better place now… He wouldn’t want to see you cry?

All of those seemed pointless when he didn’t believe them. Their eyes had met briefly but then she turned away. She didn’t cry like Brock did. She was far from something so simple as tears. Brock understood from her sister’s worried phone calls that Misty wouldn’t talk for weeks after that. She hardly ate and she lived in the past with memories. Brock remember those days as well.

Brock wondered if Misty had made it to the point where she could proudly say she had moved on.

He got letters from her every now and then. She always sent them with bizarre messages like,

I feel as if the earth is still spinning and leaving me behind…or…You say don’t live in the past but how can I not when I feel as if that’s all I have…

Brock wondered how she was fairing tonight. Was the world still spinning too fast for her?

He finally dialed the number and listened to the dull ringing.

After a couple of rings a transparent screen flashed in front of him. A image of three good looking girl fizzed into focus.

“Hi. Like this is like the Cerulean gym.” A blond who Brock recognized as Daisy said in a high annoying voice as she smacked her gum.

“And we like aren’t here right now. Duh.” A pink haired girl who looked the part of Violet snapped as she twirled a strand of her fine hair about her pointer finger.

“And we would love it if you left a message. We will get back to you ASAP.” The younger blue haired who turned out to be Lily chimed sweetly. Brock always thought she was the cutest. Although he had gotten over his girl crazy stage he couldn’t help but think they were gorgeous. They hadn’t changed a bit. But where was-

“Hey! Why can’t I be in this! This is my home too-“ A voice from off screen cried before it went black. He could bet a million bucks on that voice. Brock let out a silent chuckle.

Still three sisters and one loser…

“Hello, Misty? This is Brock. Call me when you get in, okay?”

 

[7tx]

In that sentence where you didn't know what it meant Jabberwock, I think the "the" is meant to be a "to"

 

[Dorothy]

Chapter One - Brithday

May I ask why the first chapter's title is identical to the prologue?

“Come on! Come on!” A tall man groaned pushing with all his might against the rear of his Jeep to get it out of the mud hole it got stuck in. The engine whined in pain. He just wasn’t strong enough. He gave the Jeep one last push as it moved up a bit out of the hole. He wiped the sweat from his forehead with a dirt-coved hand and let out a sigh of relief. He turned and climbed up to the driver’s seat of his car. He wiped his boots off before getting in, taking off any caked mud that stuck to the sole and sides of his boots. The lone traveler shut the door of his Jeep tight and turned up the engine, driving out of the pit. He drove up the rest of the way up the mountain. His radio fizzed-* on crackling a song, called (")Losing my Religion(").

Bolded-*: i don't think that's the word you want.

Nature flashed past his windows as the Jeep neared the top. It was so peaceful here. It was good to get away from Tracey’s nagging. Although this was not a joy trip-*, he couldn’t help but enjoy the ride and the wildness he had left behind him so long ago for research. He had given up so much for research. He even lost his two best friends…

Bolded-*: I don't think that's an actual term.

He yawned. He had been up here many times before, mainly at night so he could study the Zubats.

Plural Zubat is just Zubat, like all Pokemon.

He pressed lightly on the brakes as the Jeep made its was to a bumpy stop as far as the trail would go. He pulled the key out of its hole as the engine died. He looked sadly at the hood of his pick-up truck and shook his head,

You know what? I don't think I need to go any further in this review. the grammar still needs a lot of work. That's a big thing here. Please, try to improve your grammar. Then the fic might just go from "average" to "rather good."

 

[Pokemon Prince]

May I ask why the first chapter's title is identical to the prologue?


Bolded-*: i don't think that's the word you want.


Bolded-*: I don't think that's an actual term.


Plural Zubat is just Zubat, like all Pokemon.




You know what? I don't think I need to go any further in this review. the grammar still needs a lot of work. That's a big thing here. Please, try to improve your grammar. Then the fic might just go from "average" to "rather good."

LOL, you're over-cratiquing is funny.

 

[Pokemon Prince]

Chapter Two: A Dark Stranger

“Oh Daddy! It’s beautiful!” The little red head cried after opening her eyes to see the necklace about her neck.

“It used to be your mother’s…Before she…” Jacen trailed off looking at it sweet little carrot top. She was looking more like his wife, Sarah, everyday.

Misty leapt into her father’s arms and hugged him tight,

“I love it! It’s the best present any six year old could hope for. I bet Tab and Alison will be jealous!” Misty grinned at the thought of her friend’s faces.

“It’s not just a necklace, Misty.” Jacen smiled looking at the shimmering locket, “Open it.”

Misty fought hard to contain her excitement as she tried desperately to pry the locket open. The little golden door was imprinted with the word ‘forever’. Misty fingered the word before opening it.

“F-f-rover?” Misty tried to say.

“Forever.” Jacen smiled at his daughter’s attempts to read.

“Yeah.. I knew that.” Misty snapped trying to open the locket again. Finally with one last tug the locket popped opened. Some beautiful music filled the air…

“It’s mommy’s lullaby!” Misty cried, “She sang it to us when we went to sleep…"

Misty sang along to the wordless little tune.

“Dad, will we ever be together again?” Misty asked.

Jacen looked at his youngest daughter sadly,

“Yes. One day… we will all be together again… One day…”

Misty looked at the picture somberly not really hearing her father. Misty blinked back her tears, “Forever’s a long time… But I’ll try to wait…”
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Misty shot through the forest as fast as her bike could take her. She couldn’t be home today. It was too hard. Her sister’s didn’t care. They didn’t lose anyone three years ago today.

Today should have been a beautiful fall day but Lavender Town was always surrounded in a heavy fog. Misty liked it like this. Then she didn’t feel like she was all alone when she cried.

Misty plowed through the fog strait toward the gleaming radio tower in the distance. She had always thought that was dishonorable to the pokemon. That was their tower that represented the dead. Ashes of Pokemon were storied in that tower. How dare they make it into a radio tower! If Ash was still here he would of made a protest. Misty was sure of it…

Misty was past being a scrawny carrot top now. She had a gorgeous figure and her hair had turned a deep crimson red. She looked more like her mother now. Or so Daisy told her. She was the only one who really remembered her. Misty’s father passed away one night in a car accident when Misty was seven. While her mother had died of phenomena when Misty was only four. She had grown up with her older sisters most of her life. Daisy had always taken care of them. But Lily had to be the one most like Mother with her kind heart and caring ways and her father’s looks. Misty got her mother looks and her father’s temper…

She wished she could move on but it seemed that her life had repeated deaths in it. If another of her friends or family died… Misty was sure she would lose it.

Misty had allowed her hair to grow out so that it was a bit longer the shoulder length. She had it in a long braid today. It swayed behind her like a kite as she sailed down the path. She knew this route by heart. Not only had she been here for a bit when she was a child and when she was traveling with Ash but she had made many stops here when… When Ash…

She had to get away more often these days. Her sisters had made a habit of trying to get her together with several boys. She hated it. Why couldn’t they understand she didn’t want anyone but…

It was hard to get over her little crush on the boy. Misty was so close. They had just started spending more time together. It was strange the way Ash seemed to have all the time in the world. Hadn’t the elders given him a mission yet… Or did they see his death in the future…

She had tried to tell them that she was not going to love anyone but Ash. She couldn’t count how many times they laughed and mocked her.

“It was like a simple crush, Misty. You’ll get over it.”

“Ash was sweet but like you’ll learn like what real love is…”

“Maybe you should move on, Misty?”

She wished she could. But no one else had the connection Ash had on her. It wasn’t a simple crush. It was meant to be… If only she had let Ash know that before he had his party…

What did they know? They were just worried for her. Violet was engaged to a boy named Paten. Daisy and her boyfriend, Steve, were thinking about getting serious. And Lily was getting love notes and flowers from a boy she would not tell. They were all going to leave. Although Misty was seventeen, they were worried that she might not be ready to handle the gym completely by herself. They were going to leave her. They were worried that she would turn into a single old lady sitting on the back porch of her retired estate watching and waiting for her love who would never come. They wanted her to be happy again. They even offered Brock one time which made Misty gag. Who could ever marry him?

Misty parked her bike by the fencing that outlined one of Lavender Town’s many graveyards. She folded the bike up into it’s portable form and tucked it into her pink nap sack with her pokeballs. She had many pokemon now. She was the leader at Cerulean now. She had a Goldeen, Togetic, Poliwrath, Staru, Starmie, and a Seadra. She was a pretty tough leader. What was her sisters so worried about? That she would get their luck. No. She worked to long with Ash. She knew how to handle her pokemon.

Misty climbed over the rickety gate that could never open properly and made her way into the somber area. She made her way past the many markers and head stones, thinking to herself.

How many times had she come here? More then even Mrs. Ketchum herself, she was sure. Misty wondered why that was so? She paused by a gravestone that was covered in withered flowers and turned left down the trail. She hiked slowly up the hill were the gravestones and markers grew fewer. She listened to the sigh of the wind and the crunching of gravel under her feet.

Would he be waiting for her?

At the tipsy top of the hill were two graves. One in which was a Mr. Jeffery Ketchum and was a gravestone while the other was merely a marker. This spot of the graveyard was in a thick grove of trees. It was placed specially in honor of the Ketchum Family. Misty walked over to the Marker and sat down beside it. It was surrounded in flowers and letters from friends and family. And hundreds other from admirers. Mr. Jeffery Ketchum grave was almost as crowded.

She ran her fingers over the cold words engraved on the stone…

Ashton Satoshi Ketchum
2509-2522
A True Master In Heart and Soul. May you Rest In Peace.

Misty let a sigh. How she wished he was still here.

“I’m sorry, Ash. I should have been there for you. But I forgot you’re birthday present. I couldn’t find it. My sisters were no help. When we got to Pallet it was too late…”

Misty closed her eyes.

“Ash…” Misty said coldly, “Why did you leave?! You were having a perfect life! Everything was good! I- I- I was gonna…tell you…”

Misty trailed off.

One more day… Just one more day, Lord. I’d do anything to have one more day with Ash Ketchum…

“But were you really gone, Ash?” Misty whispered, “You could still be out there biding your time…”

A snapping sound turned Misty’s head. It came from the dark words behind her. It sounded like a twig breaking.

“Who’s there?!” Misty shouted trying to keep a cool head, “Show yourself!”

Nothing answered her. But Misty could tell what ever it was, was still there. The hairs on the back of her neck prickled, Misty groped behind her for a stick or a stone of some sort. She found something long…

“I’m warning you…” Misty growled, “I’m armed.”

Misty thrust the object in front of to find it to be a bouquet of flowers. She sweat dropped the mother of all sweat drops ,

“It’s the thought that counts.” Misty muttered under her breath.

Some muffled snickers came from the bushes a little ways in front of her. They creased as she approached them.

“Come out. I know you are there… Whoever you are…” Misty snapped cautiously edging towards the bushes; her bouquet raised. The bushes rustled and Misty held her breath…

“Pika?” A small yellow mouse squeaked after exiting the brush. It tilted it head slightly sideways and stared at her with it’s beady black eyes. Misty let out a sigh of pure relief. It was only a Pikachu. They were quite common in this area now. Nothing big…

She threw the bouquet over her shoulder and turned to go. She watched out of the corner of her eye the pikachu scamper back into the bushes.

Now why would it do that?

This surprised Misty and got her thinking…It was awfully strange for a wild pikachu to waltz right up to a human. Wild Pikachu’s were awfully shy and always in a gathered group. That Pikachu was either very strange or very tame.

Misty slipped into the shadows watching the bush. She waited in batted breath not really knowing what she was waiting for. But sure enough, out of the shadows came a figure draped in a black cloak with a Pikachu at it’s side. The figure paused at the grave markers. It reached out a hand a stroked Mr. Jeffery Ketchum name before rushing down the hill. Whoever this was, was in a great deal of a hurry. It didn’t discover Misty’s hideaway. Misty watched him and as soon as she was surely out of his ear shot and eye shot, Misty brought out her blue bike and unfolded it. She watched it get into it’s silver mustang at the bottom of the hill with it’s pikachu. It dropped it’s hood. From this distance, she could only make out black hair…and that it was a boy.

The man gunned up his engine and drove away just as Misty came speeding down hill on her bike. She made a quick turn onto the road and spun left strait after them. She made sure to keep in the shadows and far enough away for not to be seen.

“I’m gonna find out who you are, Mister. And why you were spying on me.” Misty hissed.

To Be Continued…

 

[Dorothy]

LOL, you're over-cratiquing is funny.

LOL, your horrid spelling and grammar continues to be irksome.

You know, I'm critiquing you of the same problems you accused Legacy of. So you can dish it out, but you can't take it?

The fact is, your grammar is poor, your spelling is also substandard, and you refuse to listen to criticism. You are so like Turbo it's bizarre.

 

[1337R34P3R]

I'm too hopped up on cold pills to make a full critique, but I think this story deserves a resounding "MEH".

 

[Dorothy]

I'm too hopped up on cold pills to make a full critique, but I think this story deserves a resounding "MEH".

Jabber is in agreement.

 

[Nando]

Jabberwock has already thoroughly deconstructed you, so I'll hit on just general points.

Description: Prologue doesn't have enough. The Tribunal would like to comment on the actual chapters.


Spelling/Grammar: Did you even proofread? Or even run a damn spelling and grammar check?


Characterization: Generic bordering on outright Mary Sue in parts. We've seen all these characters before and you do nothing to make them more interesting.

Ashton Satoshi Ketchum? Seriously?


Plot: ANOTHER "Team Rocket killed my loved ones" retread? You lost right there.


In summary: Thanks for wasting a year of all of our time trolling us with this. You could have done a lot better than dumping the Pokémon equivalent of My Immortal. But then again, you probably consider that a compliment.

 

[Legacy]

Pretty good story. I agree with some of the grammar and spelling issues, but it was interesting to read. I will be reading.

 

[woops]

Seeing all of the other reviews, others have the things down. But one thing is irksome to me.

With you being sixteen years old, I just have to wonder.
My grammar and spelling are nowhere near perfect. The thing I am linking you to is about six months old.

My spelling is noticeably better than yours. I am near twelve years old upon typing this message.

Now I will agree, the story is perfectly readable and okay, from what I read in the prologue. But you brag on about how it's better than god himself. It isn't. Also, there is no such thing as "over-critiquing" in the first place. He pointed out errors for you to fix and make the story better. We're only going harsh on you because of yourself attempting to overhype it. Not accepting advice will put you on the same level as Turbo, who was bad enough with that problem to get banned from the Writer's Workshop.
/flamewar

 

[Nando]

Maybe this fic is one massive trollpost :\

 

[woops]

Maybe this fic is one massive trollpost :\

I most definitely hope.

 

[Ethan]

Many errors as Jabber pointed out.
The chapters are a tad short, make them longer.
Also, if this the "No. 1 fic of the forum" then,
go curl your hairs with it.

 

[White Len]

Many errors as Jabber pointed out.
The chapters are a tad short, make them longer.
Also, if this the "No. 1 fic of the forum" then,
go curl your hairs with it.

Rant has been spoilered for being too long imo.

Spoiler

The chapter length has nothing to do with how good the story is. I've read marvellous fics that only last 3 pages on Word with the default font, and read utter crap that could go on for 10 pages The complete collection of My Immortal anybody. I will admit, it's not /the best/, but it's not /bad/ like most of you think. There are grammatical errors, and while I don't like Prince's attitude when it comes to them, I will defend him by saying that everyone makes grammatical mistakes. Would you like me to correct the grammatical errors in your statement, Padfoot?

Spoiler

There are many errors, as Jabber pointed out.
The chapters are a tad short, so I suggest you make them longer.
Also, if this the "No. 1 fic of the forum" then,
go curl your hairs with it.

All in all, I'm not saying you guys are jealous. I'm not saying that Casual Goodbyes is the best fic EVER. I'm saying that you all are being prejudiced against his fiction because of its author's unlikeable attitude.