\(T)/ (‘~’) (o_o)

[Neyo]

Review of Where the Water Tastes Like Wine:
Ya like being sad, kids? This was a very good game that I enjoyed a lot. The main mechanic is collecting stories (small vignettes), telling them, and letting them evolve. The artwork and music are amazing (though a little heavy on the country genre). It has three of my favorite video game characters (Rocio, Quinn, and Cassady) and also Sting(?) is here?

The overall plot is that you’ve gone into debt, and must repay that debt by collecting and retelling stories. Along the way, you meet a variety of characters from all walks of life, most lamenting the tragedy of Manifest Destiny or the injustices suffered because of it.

The music is all good, but it has a lot of country music, and keep redoing one song for each major region. Gets on the nerves a little. But it also has some great ones. Tear It Down (both versions) are really good, White Rider channels old spaghetti westerns well, and Miles of Smiles is a fun, bouncy jazz theme.

The overall tone of the story is either “what the hell”, “that’s inspiring”, or “that’s a tragedy”. It varies between stories. I feel it does capture America well, at least in its most romanticized and painful form: a land of injustices, corruption, and tragedy, but also of greatness, adventure, and legends. The characters’ arcs all mirror that.

Pacing is pretty constant, though it does become a bit of a slog near the end. Relaxed, good for turning your brain off for an hour or so. There isn’t really any excitement other than one or two stories.

Age rating of Mature is somewhat overrated. It could definitely be lowered to Teen, if it warns the player of the strong language within the game. There isn’t violence, nudity, or anything startling/visceral. Swearing is used somewhat often, depending on the character. It does use a racial slur reserved for African-Americans, but only by African-American characters discussing the topic of race. The use of cursing is never really out of character for anyone, nor is it used for shock value.

The real meat of the game comes from the characters. A cool bit about them, they were each written by a different person, as to get a diverse outlook and not tangle up a few writers in topics they knew very little about. There were certain ones I didn't particularly like, but those were either the ones who I kept messing up on, the ones who felt bland, or just privileged jerks (looking at you, Rose). They leave an air of mystery about their past, talking as if you already know what they're mentioning. The voice acting, is, overall, decent. Some characters do it better than others. You also, often, don't resolve their problems. They usually disappear, with no real closure. The closest we get to closure with one character is that they probably either died drunk in an alley or they got shot trying to tear down fencing. Also, every individual story is voice acted out, most have branching lines, and they're all voice acted. Impressive for a small indie game.

If you want in depth mechanics, you aren't really getting anything here. Stories evolve, but in set storylines. The main gameplay of collecting the aforementioned stories is just walking to a point on a map and clicking the A button. Talking to characters is straightforward, but can be a minor hassle when you haven't chosen the correct stories to fill out your log. This happened to me with Dupree. You also have a health bar, money bar, and sleep bar. The sleep one doesn't often come up or be relevant at all, money is scarce early game, and death only sets you back very little.

The artstyle in this game is really good. The 3D overworld looks pretty, like a patchwork quilt. Nothing too special, but fun to look at. The character drawings are high-quality and detailed. About half are astonishing and creative, as well as telling a piece of the character you may not know already. The stories are drawn in black and white, then a solid color is placed over them. The drawings are reused very rarely, so there are about 200-225 unique illustrations.

As a final statement, I really enjoyed Where the Water Tastes Like Wine. It was a fascinating jump into something new for me, and it was occasionally profound. Any American with a liking of video games and a patience for reading lots of text (I know the text isn't much compared to games like NieR: Automota or Disco Elysium, but shush) and should play.

This game gets a solid 8/10 shmekels from me.

 

[Neyo]

The band Poor Man's Poison is quite interesting. They're a group of friends from Hanford, California who formed a band. (I know that description doesn't make them sound interesting, but hear me out.)

They seem almost defiant towards capitalizing on their success in a way that is profitable. According to their website, they do nearly everything themselves. This includes songwriting, producing, and distributing. No third parties involved. This is commendable, as they seem to be just a group of friends who wanted to make music.

Next, their music. They claim to be inspired by "Rock, Metal, Reggae, Blues, Soul, Hip Hop, Pop, and R&B". But the result of this blended interaction is a music style that sounds distinctly like country music with Southern roots. Now, this is interesting, as this implies one of two things: 1. They're lying about the inspiration and just making country music (consciously or otherwise) or 2. The natural conclusion of this blended music style is what amounts to country. The second bit is what's more interesting. Country music was heavily invested into by Henry Ford, who hated jazz because he thought it led to drugs and sexual promiscuity and other such ridiculous things (he was both racist and conspiratorial). As such, he poured huge sums of money into country musicians as a way of combating this imagined threat to American society. Anyways, it ended up being the essential opposite of jazz on the American music spectrum. However, as a result of the jazz industry's popularity, several other genres popped up or were combined with other genres to make new ones, like Blues, Soul, and Hip-Hop.

The blending of these different styles of music resulting in country is very strange. The (thought of) antitheses of each other may have more in common than previously thought.

Anyways, I forgot where I was going with this, so check out their music. About half of it is good, the other half is insufferable. Their more recent music is markedly better (and in my eyes, with less of an emphasis on country music).

Adíos,
El Diablo Caliente

 

[Neyo]

I love Abzú. It is a stunningly beautiful feat of programming and CPU management. This is more of a review than anything, but you can also consider it an unpaid advertisement, if you wish to take a more cynical view. Anyways, let us commence!

First of all, the basic gameplay. Abzú lacks any conventional gameplay, as you're just a diver in the ocean, exploring ruins and ecosystems. You can move in a fully 3D axis, have a button to move a little faster for a short time, and can interact with specially chosen objects or attract fish around you with one button. You move from one ecosystem to another in a linear sequence. There are little collectibles scattered throughout the world, but the game doesn't really motivate you to so.

The story is completely without dialogue, and I'm not really going to tell you about it since I don't want to spoil anything and it's only 5 hours or so during a normal playthrough.

The artstyle and graphics are amazing. Like, look at this:

Spoiler: You don't lose anything clicking here

And it stays at that quality for pretty much the entire time. I really can't say anything more.

Now it's time to talk about everyone's favorite part of a game: the programming! Now, I say that, but what was achieved here was actually very cool. So the game has many, many species of fish/cetacean/turtle inside itself. All of the "lone" animals follow a more or less similar path based on whether they're predatory or not. (You can see animals eat each other, it's really cool). However, that means that the schooling fish need to be individually tracked, right? But that would take way too much processing power. So the final result is that they simply game each fish an animation to repeat, and the school as a whole follows the same general path, thus increasing the amount of fish that can exist in the game at once. Very cool. Also, it kept my PS4 from blowing itself up when I played this game, so that's a fun bonus.

The overall inspiration for the game comes from the Sumerian myth of the universal ocean. This only really effects the overall tone of the game, but it's a fun tidbit.

Finally, the soundtrack. Cheese sauce, this game has an amazing soundtrack. I was listening to it when I wrote this review, and it is incredibly ethereal. It does feel like you're taking part in some grand creation myth.

So, Abzú is an awesome game. The Steam reviews for it haunt my soul, though. They really wanted something that wasn't relaxed or artsy. Painful to look at.

9/10 shmekels

 

[Neyo]

A Short Story:

The fire had been burning for several hours by the time the fire fighters had arrived. This was a frequently fire-prone area of the city due to lack of regulations and the high usage of heat-dependent drugs. Thus, it was impressive that the fire department had arrived. The fact that it was the 31st of December was the only thing that motivated the department to show up. (The overtime pay was excellent)

There was a lone figure standing on one of the windows, outlined by a harsh orange glow. The firemen quickly pulled out a safety net that was more likely to kill the person intended to be saved than not, but it was the only alternative to nothing. The flames grew higher, the figure leapt.

200 meters...

100...

50...

25...

SPLAT

The fire crew packed up the net, slightly annoyed by the mess that now encrusted their boots. But it wasn't that bad, as they would still get paid.

"Well, fellows, seeing as that was the only known remaining individual in the building, that puts our number of fatalities during responded emergencies at 567 for this year. A new record for this district. Drinks on me when we get back." Seeing as the Administrator was normally quite stingy with the personal use of her money, the crew was quite happy on top of the overtime pay.

"Just be sure to wipe off your boots before you go inside".

 

[Neyo]

Cars is a fundamentally flawed franchise. I don't think this is a controversial opinion.

Essentially, the narrative doesn't have any reason to do with sentient cars, as opposed to, say, Antz, where the (main) problem the characters face is exclusive to insects (building and making a colony). With Cars, the main issue faced by the protagonist is that he can't race well, and needs to get better. This could be achieved by a human (or possibly a snail, as is the case with Turbo), and thus rendering the point of making the characters cars pointless from a puritan perspective.

However, the likely reason here is capitalism at work again. The point of Cars is that it's a franchise. The profits made by making toys of this franchise are the primary cause of the entire franchise existing at all, likely.

So....that's the issue with Cars.

 

[Neyo]

I was going to write a Celeste review here, but then I realized that I had something more interesting and unique to talk about: Hunt: Showdown's Port Sulphur Band.

Now a bit of context, firstly. Hunt: Showdown is a multiplayer game that is highly competitive and has a very dedicated fanbase. It takes place in the bayou of late 1800s Louisiana. You play as a bounty hunter who must kill a mythical beast and extract themselves in a specific amount of time, in competition with other players. It has a very unique gameplay loop, and is brutally difficult. (By the way, if I make any claims that sound like I'm a old man who's been drinking rat spittle while telling stories, refer to this bit on the Hunt: Showdown website)

Anyways, the Port Sulphur Band is an in universe band that, through their songs, basically expands on the lore and tone of the game itself. Now, plenty of games have used music for tone. Celeste went for chirpy and (generally) upbeat 8-bit music and Doom has rock/metal to make you feel like a naughty donkey. But the way they expand on the lore is really cool. Take, for example, one of their first songs, Devil in the Churchyard. The way the rhythm works, it listens like a lullaby, but with exceedingly dark lyrics, warning the listener of the dangers of the world (also, a good portion of the songs have sound effects and voice acting within them, like in the aforementioned Devil in the Churchyard, where you hear a woman gasping for air while loading a gun as a pig-dog sounding creature growls). Furthermore, other songs talk about the origins or mindsets of the bounty hunters, such as It's Dark In New Orleans.

The main inspirations for their music style is using music that would exist within that world, which is late 1800s America. So piano, drums, stomping feet, and the occasional brass instrument it is. They do sometimes break this rule, but it pretty much always results in a net positive, like using an electric guitar in It's Dark In New Orleans. The motifs usually involve invoking Jesus or the Devil from Christianity from a sinner's perspective. Musically, you can definitely tell that blues, gospel, and even a bit of rock wormed their way in.

Anyways, check out their awesome music. It's on Spotify, Youtube, iTunes, and Amazon Music. Or you can just buy the game and listen to it yourself, if you don't like big conglomerates.

 

[Neyo]

Okay, now I'll write the Celeste review.

Overview: Celeste is a very good game. it's probably one of the best platformer games of all time. But I have no authority to say that, so I'll take that out of the equation. It's about climbing a mountain named Celeste. What the heck, I'll get on with the meat of the review now.

Gameplay: It just feels good to play, dude. The dash has a ton of force behind it, but moves very specific distance. The gimmicks of each level are well made and balanced. (Except the parts with wind, that's awful). The jump moves just enough to feel nice, and the stamina management is really good. Coyote time (if you move off a ledge, you can still jump, makes it very approachable. Assist mode allows nearly anybody to play. And did I mention there's no momentum cap? It makes speedruns crazy to look at, and TASs even cooler. No wonder this is a hit with the speedrun community.

Plot: You're Madeline, a young woman with anxiety and depression trying to climb a mountain to prove that you can do it. I'm not going to spoil anything, but it's really good.

Difficulty: The difficulty curve is pretty consistent, unless you go for all collectibles and side levels, which are tremendously difficult (only a few hundred people have done it at most). It stays at a moderately challenging until the epilogue, which I doubt I'll ever complete. There isn't any RNG in the game design, which is nice.

Assist Mode: This is a mode you can turn on that changes the amount of stamina, dashes, the speed of the game, and even if you die or not. This is an amazing inclusion to change the difficulty without being a prick to the player, and also allows anybody to play the game, no matter skill, age, or health conditions.

Music: The composer, Lena Raine, made the soundtrack sound all 8-bit like. I don't have anything crazy to say here, but her use of leitmotifs is really good. Each zone sounds distinct, but connected.

So, overall, great game. It's about 20 American dollars, which is a very reasonable price.

8/10 shmekels.

 

[Neyo]

Why I adore Hollow Knight (a weird review).
Hollow Knight is an indie metroidvania/action platformer. You play as the Knight (separate from the title) and explore a beautiful and grotesque dying kingdom of bugs. It good. It very good. I will be covering it's weaknesses in this review as well, which I haven't rally been doing.

Gameplay: A 2D plane is that which you operate on. You can swing your nail in 4 directions, and have a lot of control over your character. You collect a variety of spells and abilities as you travel. Furthermore, there is a customization aspect in combat due to the charms system. You get an amount of notches. By exploring or purchasing charms, you can change your combat or passive abilities, such as making spells deal more damage or collecting money for you without having to pick it up.

World: It's absolutely huge. 12 very large segments of the world to explore, each with distinct enemies, music, colors, and environmental structuring. There are tons of secrets throughout the kingdom, some of them very secret. You can collect separate maps of the world, but you need to find the map guy in the area first, which requires you to know how to navigate, and develop a mental map of the area first.

Bosses/Enemies: The enemies are absolutely well designed, and reflect on the lore of a given area. The bosses, though, are awesome. There are 50-odd bosses in the game, each with distinct attacks and designs, and some get more difficult remixes later in the game. (NKG and PV are my personal favorites, incredibly difficult but also super fun).

Art style: Pretty simple, but elegant. It was hand drawn, and scanned directly into the engine. It's very consistent throughout the game, and fun to look at.

Community: Nearly everyone is welcoming and positive. The fanart and comics are really cool. The content creators are entertaining. The memes are funny.

Spoiler

DO NOT GO INTO THE R34 COMMUNITY. IT'S ACTUALLY SCARY.

Characters: They all are fun, quirky, and pretty funny. For such a dark depressing game, it's not super sad. Well, the big 3 do die, but 2/3rds do it on their own terms.

Story: Stop the infection. That's it, but characters have little mini-arcs as you travel the land. I'm not going to spoil anything.

Lore: Really deep, it's awesome.

On top of it all, the game was made by about 4 people. Absolutely amazing.

Weaknesses: Wait a minute, it doesn't have any. The only issue is due to it's size, people may get burned out, but that's a lot less of a game design problem than a person one.

10/10 shmekels

 

[Neyo]

Foreword by Alexandra Jennings

Mr. Westhouse writes of our Forefather with such wit, accuracy, and faithfulness that it is hard to comprehend the work that must have gone into this biography, which is surely his magnum opus. This biography of The One Who Brought Light is a shining beacon for those who wish to learn more of His Glory. As such, the Department of the Interior places this book on a mandatory reading list for all citizens of The North American Republic, and the biography is freely distributed at all government facilities. It has become the number one read, distributed, and quoted book of all time. As such, we shall commence, and let His Majesty teach us through these writings. Welcome.

[to be cont.]

 

[Neyo]

Ch. 1; Youth

Philip Wreathings, Our Forefather, was born on April 23rd, 2043 into a standard household for America at the time. His mother was his primary caregiver, and his father an electrician. It is unknown where He was born, but most historians agree on Sol, Michigan as His childhood town. Young Philip was a prodigal child, demonstrating adept skills at navigating society, as well as an intellectual genius. He idolized the writings of the philosopher Hobbes, and wrote several treatises on the concept of societal duties by the age of 17. He entered several philosophy groups and debates, but was frequently frustrated by the lack of a greater view that His acquaintances had. After graduating high school, He would focus on attaining a political career, where His ascent would be attained.

[To be cont.]

 

[Neyo]

Ch. 2; Rising

The Forefather was first elected to presidential office at age 35, with an overwhelming majority of votes cast in His favor. During his time in office, He made several large alterations to His government, due to His party having a majority in both the courts and legislature. Firstly, He removed the term limit, allowing Him to stay in office indefinitely, a universal improvement to the government. Furthermore, The Light Bringer outlawed the existence of any political part opposing the ideals of the one in power. Finally, He invested heavily in military technology. The following advancements allowed The Glorious One to conquer nearby territories bordering the formerly named United States of America, now named the North American Republic, recognizing its dominion over the entirety of North America and how it ruled what was best for the people.
Several departments created during this time period were: The Department of Interior Security, The Department of Communications, The Department of Continental Affairs, and The Department of Electoral Security. All of them had unique roles, and are a key aspect of the current government. Furthermore, He Who Is Serene shifted or disbanded several departments that were not helping the North American Republic's economy, such as The Department of the Interior, which was moved away from natural resource management to public control. His tenure was grand, but a horrible tragedy befell Him...

[To be cont.]

 

[Neyo]

Ch. 3; Ascendance

On August 22, 2099, just shy of His day of birth, a demonic, cruel creature rose from the earth, and ended His reign in fire. The name of this creature was destroyed, forever forgotten and reviled. After a week of mourning, the government started a bloody, righteous campaign to terminate all insurgents. Several million were killed, and the government had damning evidence that they were guilty of collusion with the unnamed assailant. In His honor, the week of His death and birth are set aside as a government and public holiday.
After the Forefather's death, the Church of Wreathings was created, and dedicates itself to the worship of The Light Bringer. It has, by official government data, over 900,000,000 members (roughly half of the total N.A.R population).
Several notable and a large number of unnotable historians, scientists, and journalists have dedicated their lives to His life. In fact, the oath that one swears when you enter those professions (and several others, such as those involved in law or politics) includes "undying loyalty to Philip Wreathings, the government, and the national identity of the North American Republic".
It is also notable that, directly after the Forefather's death, nearly every nation on the face of the planet declared a simultaneous war upon the N.A.R., hoping to strike an underhanded blow while the government was in shock. However, with military technology the government had kept secret for ages, a first-strike defense was achieved, and now any opposing nations or forces are vaporized, gratitude of the neutron bomb.
Thus was the life of He Who Brought Light, Philip Wreathings. A deity among men, who universally improved all life, and whose memory shall be forever entrenched into the N.A.R., never forgotten and forever cherished.

[Fin.]

 

[Neyo]

When Jimmy entered his math classroom for the first time that school year, he was quite nervous. He had no friends, and didn't know anybody. As the teacher finished his introductions, he started on the lesson. After what felt like 5 hours, Jimmy began to feel quite tired. Eventually, he fell asleep. When he woke up, he looked at the clock. It had still been only 30 minutes since class started, apparently. He shrugged, thinking the clock must be broken. But there was a sense of wrongness about the whole environment that worried him. He started counting, 1...2...3...

After what felt like several hours later, he reached 216,000. That meant the class should be over, right? He desperately glanced at the clock. 35 minutes?! He glanced at the class. Everyone seemed the same, somewhat bored, but uninterested in the time. Jimmy silently panicked. Was he going insane? Or was he just overheated? He raised his hand.

"Yes?", the teacher asked, a light British accent dusting his syntax.

"Erm...how long has it been since class started?" ,Jimmy felt nervous.

The teacher glanced at the clock on the wall. "Why, only 37 minutes!", he laughed.

Jimmy sank down in his chair. This was going to be a long class.

...15 minutes later...

Jimmy's hands were inflicted by worrisome arthritis, but they could write easily enough, so long as one didn't mind the gradual pain and stiffness. He had finally finished the equation which determined the rate of decay of time passing. He reflected on his life. All the others were dead, leaving the classroom empty. There were no windows to break through, nor a door that wasn't locked to escape out of. A lifetime, trapped in a box. Fortunately, his bodily processes seemed to have paused, or else he would have died a long time ago. He glanced at the clock, to make sure his calculations were correct, running them through his head.

They weren't.

Jimmy was suddenly filled with interminable and boiling anger. This clock had started all this. He reached up, pulled the clock off the wall, and, ignoring the pain to his knee and hands, broke it.

A sudden shift. Something was different. The classroom was silent. The teacher gasped, "My boy, what did you just do?". Jimmy looked around. Everything was as it started. He glanced at the clock in his hands the broken hands indicated only 40 minutes had passed since class began. Jimmy collapsed, and began sobbing.

 

[Neyo]

Okay, to elucidate my thoughts above from yesterday:

• Rose is a 1960s-70s hippie living in the 1920s Incredibly asynchronous, and just annoying.
• Her struggle is that her life is empty now, so she's roaming the country. That is...not much compared to the stories of other characters. For example, Althea. An incredibly skilled African American singer lured into signing a contract that would curse her. Althea even has songs in the game's soundtrack about her struggle, and it's awesome to see how much depth and care was put into her story. The songs slap, too.
• Also, Rose's backstory has no tragedy to it. She used to live in a hippie community where she got high a lot. That's it. It doesn't apparently have any effects on her personal life or anything. Just a quirky backstory.
• Additionally (and I'm just realizing this now) every character gets one or two (or three in Althea's case) songs. Most don't have vocals, except for Ray and Althea. Rose's song "Rainbow on Wheels", sucks. It sounds terrible, and goes nowhere. Also, it uses an electric guitar/synth thing, which is again, asynchronous. Super annoying, especially for a game that prides itself on immersion in its stories.
• Spoiler: If you haven't played the game, you may want to skip over this bit

  Rose's final form is a bunch of roses. What the heck is that supposed to mean? Her name is Rose? She did drugs at one point? In comparison, Little Ben's (a former union-organizing miner) is a huddled mass of miners, hidden in darkness. It has symbolic meaning, and you could probably determine some of his character's backstory or identity from it. Rose does not have this. If I gave you a picture of a bunch of roses, you probably wouldn't be able to determine any character facets from it.

In summary, Screw Rose from Where the Water Tastes Like Wine, all my homies hate Rose.

 

[Neyo]

Poké Pelago is awesome. It is a big part of why I like the Alola games. Here's why I like it.

It gives your boxed Pokémon something to do: If you're the kind of person who dislikes catching Pokémon and just boxing them, you don't feel that much guilt from it, because they get to go to a tropical island where they hang out with other Pokémon and go on caving expeditions and such. Fun, with no ambiguous moral implications.

Caving expeditions: Send in your Pokémon into a cave where they can explore for a while, and you get loot in return. And good loot, too, like Nuggets and evolution stones.

EV training: Select some Pokémon that you want to invest specific EVs into, and select the time you want them to go in for, and then grab them when it's over. Good for if you want to train some fighters, and do something else in the meanwhile.

Farming: You can farm a ton of berries at once in this game with Poké Pelago. Roughly 36 bushes (2-4 berries) at once, if I remember correctly. This is a vast improvement from Gen 6, where berry bushes were scattered throughout the region and you had to run all over it to get them. That was frustrating, but here it's all in one place, so you can access it quickly and efficiently.

The bean collecting island is okay. It gets the job done for what it does. Essentially, you shake a giant beanstalk to get beans, which are currency to upgrade and unlock islands, feed your Pokémon to raise their affection, and halve the time it takes to finish the tasks of caving, farming, and training. You get a bunch of beans, so you're never really going to run out, realistically. Nothing against it, nothing for it. You can hang out with the Pokémon on the island, which are the ones in your boxes, giving them bit more personality then mindless animals you shove in a box.

Also, side note, the way you unlock the islands and upgrade them goes along nicely with a playthrough of the game. You can invest in berry planting and bean growing midgame, and cave diving if you really need it, and then invest in training when you've arrived at the Battle Tree. It scales quite nicely.

Now to talk about its sole weakness, that's also completely optional. On the bean island, occasionally wild Pokémon will pop up, and may join your party. It's completely pointless, and annoying. The variety of Pokémon is very low, so you're just seeing the same 6-7 ones pop up. It completely loses its spark after 2-3 visits. And if you actually want the Pokémon present, then it's just random chance whether or not they stay. It's a mechanic that, while making the world feel a bit more alive and less self-contained, isn't really that great in practice over time.

Some comments:
Mohn (the guy in charge of Poké Pelago) has some neat lore, and is just a pretty chill dude.
The Pelago uses both box sprites and in-battle models. So it's really funny to see Lunala with flavor text saying it's watering berries.

 

[Neyo]

Pig has absolutely no right to be so good. It stars Nicholas Cage as a truffle hunter who wants to find his pig after it gets stolen. It has some of the most tense table scenes I've ever seen. There's a National Treasure reference. The cinematography is precise. It mocks Seattle. This has something for everyone.
There isn't really anywhere to start in a clinical fashion, as I normally do, since a lot of the stuff is all tied together. So...I'll probably just tie everything together in a messy paragraph.
The ending is very emotional. It's among the few movies that have brought tears to me. This is held up by the acting of everyone involved. Nicholas Cage does a pretty good job, but all of the supporting actors do really well. Mostly. Each character has clear motivations and you can see a piece of their psyche. The way food is analyzed, as well as the way character's backstories are shown through them, is artful.
The only thing truly lacking is the soundtrack, in my opinion. The ending song is good, but the sparseness of the soundtrack as a whole is frustrating, as a leitmotif established in the beginning could easily bring more emotions to the more emotional scenes (which are already quite good).
Overall, this is 9/10 shmekels, which could be improved with a leitmotif.

 

[Neyo]

Steven Stone sipped his coffee, noting with good humor that he was slowly developing a resistance towards its effects. Those late nights at the mining site were taking their toll. He was signaling to the bartender to get him another cup, when he heard a strangely high-pitched Southern accent calling him.
"Why not try some of this homegrown tea?", the voice said.
Steven turned around, searching for the location of the voice. His eyes landed on the far corner of the tavern, mostly blanketed in shadow. As his eyes adjusted, he was...mostly confused by what he saw. A strange, worm-shaped creature was slowly pushing its way through stacks of cups, each several feet high. Furthermore, the worm in question was covered in soft down and had a short, stubby beak...was this an owl? The creature slowly slunk along the floor, up to Steven's chair.
For the first time in his life, Steven felt pure, concentrated fear. What was this creature? His hand reached to his belt, where he had a Pokéball where his Metagross was contained. But the creature was too close. It could easily kill him if he made a poor move.
"Hi, I'm Hooty! Want some tea?"

A grand adventure was to begin.

 

[Neyo]

If the Knight from Hollow Knight was in Super Smash Bros.:
The general archetype for this character would fall between the zoner/rushown archetypes, with some decent ledgetrapping capabilities, but be somewhat poor at fighting offstage. They would have a very fast initial dash, but mediocre running speed. Their jump height would be above average, air acceleration would be low, and gravity be low. They would be very light, at about Sheik's weight. Their height is a little shorter than Mario's. Their crouch is similar to Pac-Man's, with virtually no usage towards avoiding moves. They do not have a crawl.

Before moves are discussed, let's note how their main gimmick works, as well as some other quirks:

• The Knight's main mechanic is the Soul meter. You can fill it up by striking enemies with your nail. It takes 9 strikes to completely fill. When the soul meter is completely full, it optionally powers up spells. By using spells, it is decreased by 3 swings. When the powered up spells are used, the meter is decreased by 6. When the meter is empty, spells cannot be used. The Knight starts each stock with 4/9 of the meter full.
• Their midair dash (and normal dash) is much longer than any other character in the roster, and has much less ending lag. This is to help their poor offstage presence. This principle is also true for their upward air dodge and downward as well. Visually, the dash looks like the Mothwing Cloak ability from their home game. Spotdodge is normal.
• Their down air attack would meteor opponents and send the Knight slightly up in the first few frames of having an active hitbox. Using this midair and landing it on an opponent also would also refresh dash and jump, similar to their home game.
• Their nail (sword) has slightly more range than Meta Knights's, with no dedicated sweetspots or sourspots.

Okay, now let's talk about moves:

• Neutral attack: Nail swing. Does about 8%, with low base knockback and scaling. Very quick, launches at
• 50 degree angle. These properties are also shared by forward tilt and forward air. Combos into itself at low percents.
• Dash attack: Fast, running nail swing. Deals about 8.5%, low base knockback, average scaling.
• Down tilt: Quick, low nail swing. Deals about 7%. Trips at low percents, launches at an 87 degree angle above 40%.
• Up tilt: High nail swing. Deals about 9.5%. Low base knockback and scaling. Launches at 90 degree angle.
• Neutral air: Nail spin that covers both the back and front of the Knight with a hitbox. Deals 8%, average base knockback and scaling for a move of its type.
• Down air: As noted earlier, it meteor smashes opponents during the earlier frames. Deals 9%, high base knockback and scaling during earlier frames. Average base knockback and scaling during later frames, and sends opponents slightly upwards. This will be the only move the Knight has that has a sweetspot.
• Back air: Void tendrils extend from the Knight as they quickly transform into their shade form. Deals 15%, has high base knockback and scaling. However, it is the slowest of their aerial moves (but by no means slow). Is one of their only kill options midair. Stalls the Kinght midair for the duration of the attack. Mediocre endlag. Very good range (about 2/3rds of Simon and Richter's whips). Sends at a horizontal angle.
• Up air: Quick, high nail swing. Deals about 9.5%. High base knockback, low scaling. Launches at 90 degree angle.

Okay, now to talk about special moves. Note that up, side, and down special are powered up and have a larger hitbox when the button is held when the soul meter is full.

• Neutral special: Focus. A stationary heal, done by holding down the special button. This uses up 1/3 of the soul meter when used. It takes 1 second to heal, and heals the knight for 7.5%. If the knight is interrupted during this move, then the soul is lost, and they take the full damage. It can be cancelled, but soul will be lost doing so. Cannot be powered up.
• Side special: Vengeful Spirit. A fireball is shot forward. A quick move that has decent range. Low base knockback, but high scaling. Deals 11%. Launches at 45 degree angle. When powered up, it becomes Shade Soul, dealing 17%, gaining high knockback and scaling. Also, when the move is powered up with a full soul meter, Void tendrils extend behind the Knight, similar to back air. These tendrils are merely to prevent horizontal punishes. They deal 4%, with low knockback and scaling. Note: The Knight is completely vulnerable to vertical moves during this move. Best for kills, bad for using for damage.
• Down special: Desolate Dive. A ground pound. Similar to Bowser's down special. However, it has some invincibility frames on start up, but significant endlag, enough to be punished if the player is not careful. When the Knight is descending, they have no hitbox. The hitboxes extend to either side of the Knight, and are capable of 2-framing if timed correctly. Cannot be cancelled. Deals 12%, has medium base knockback and poor scaling. When powered up, the move becomes Descending Dark, and is improved a lot. The hitboxes are shifted to both cover the ground, same as before, but also surround the Knight. The endlag is mostly the same, but during it, the Knight has super armor. When being powered up, it deals 20%, but keeps the same knockback and scaling. This move is mostly designed as a way to get out of combos and as a mostly defensive tool, with some risk attached.
• Up special: Howling Wraiths. A large blot of spirits is produced from the Knight, forming the basic shape of an upside down bell. Strikes 3 times. First strike is 4%, second is 5%, and third is 12%. Has decent base knockback, but very bad scaling. Minimal startup, same as Vengeful Spirit. The 1st and 2nd hits combo into the 3rd automatically. When powered up, the move becomes Abyss Shriek. This has slightly better scaling and knockback, but is still not good for killing opponents. Damage is increased to 7% - 7% - 13%. The hitbox is massively increased. This is designed to be a punishing damage-racking move and anti-air, but NOT to be a kill option.

Smash attacks:

• Up smash: Cyclone Slash. Spinning multihit nail attack. If all attacks land, it does 15%. Has low base knockback, but very good scaling. All of these attributes are shared by down smash, making them indistinguishable. Low startup and endlag, making it their best OOS option. Sends at 30 degree angle.
• Side smash: Great Slash. Large slice that goes slightly above and below the Knight. Has moderate endlag, minimal startup. Deals 11%. Above average base knockback, very high scaling. Sends at 50 degree angle.

Grab: Void tendrils extend from the Knight. A laggy tether grab that can grab ledges. Pummel is average. The Knight's grab options are designed to be not great offsetting most of their

• Back throw: The tendrils throw the opponent behind them. Deals 6% and throws at a 75 degree angle. Low knockback and scaling.
• Up throw: The tendrils throw the opponent up, and the Knight slices them. Launches at 85 degree angle. High base knockback, low scaling.
• Down throw: Tendrils throw opponent on the ground, lashes them repeatedly. Deals 15%, sends at 30 degree angle. Low base knockback, medium scaling.
• Forward throw: Tendrils yeet the opponent forward. Medium base knockback, good scaling. Deals 7%. Really the only killing throw the Knight has.

Final Smash: Gods of Hallownest: Hits up to 3 targets in a forward extending tendril. Similar to Min-Min's. The targets fly past several gods attacking them: Unn, the Pale King, and the Radiance, until finally appearing before the Knight who transforms into the Shade Lord. The screen fades to black and several quick scratches cross the screen. Deals 50%, kills middleweights at 50%.

Aesthetics. A small list of things that would be cute that wouldn't really affect gameplay:

• When rage is active on the Knight, their nail swings turn red, similar to the Fury of the Fallen charm players can equip in Hollow Knight. Furthermore, when the Knight is in their neutral position during rage, play the "1 mask" animation from Hollow Knight.
• When nail swings clank with a sword attack of some kind, play the parry sound effect from Hollow Knight.
• When soul is gained from nail swings, turn the opponent who received the attack white for a few frames after being hit.
• Their helpless animation is from the Abyss falling cutscene.
• When double jumping, Monarch Wings appear behind the Knight. This wouldn't change their hurtboxes.

Thanks for reading this glorified list of desperate wishes!

 

[Neyo]

MONOVISION is Ray LaMontagne's weakest album. It's fine, but it being fine is the issue, if you get my meaning. Compare it any of his other albums, and you notice it doesn't really have a defining presence. It just feels like your standard slow, quiet folk music album. Whereas his other albums, most notably Trouble, Gossip in the Grain, and Part of the Light had something going on that was at least mildly interesting. With Trouble, it was the creative usage of reverb and a mild willingness to use a piano in what was otherwise just your standard slow country fare (Now that I think about it, it's pretty much just MONOVISION but more creative). Gossip in the Grain? A wide range of instruments and some hype jams. Part of the Light? Being a rock album with country influences, rather than the other way around.

His other albums are good, but you can definitely see the foundational aspects of the above 3. Come to think of it, there was really only one song I liked in MONOVISION, "Strong Enough", and that was because it was pretty fast and held a passing reference to S. Carolina.

4/10 shmekels

 

[Neyo]

So I recently tried out BTS (the kpop band). A friend of mine is really into them, so I was curious what their music was like. The result? I was kind of disappointed. Their music sounds really bland. But this may simply be because...I don't like pop music that much (and I also have really weird music taste). I understand its place, and I can appreciate the mass appeal. That's difficult to do, and (most) of the artists that make very popular music are very talented.

However, a lot of the appeal of pop music is its generality. Once one develops more specific music tastes, then pop loses a lot of its appeal (unless that taste is pop itself). Which is why pop more or less requires a constantly growing base. As such, one way is to make it more explicit.

Pop music over the years has gotten a little bit less censored when played on radio, as far as I can tell. A bit more prone to phrases with a wink. I don't know how much this affects the growth of pop music as a whole. Oh, well. Such is capitalism.

...thanks for reading what is essentially me getting on a giant soapbox.