Ghostsoul
"You can order me around and I'll disappoint you!"
- Joined
- May 25, 2015
- Messages
- 480
- Reaction score
- 188
Ace is a director in this universe?hearing Sarah complain about how “Everything had explosions now”.
I really like this line!Their crestfallen faces shone through the light of the flame as they tried their best to turn away from the camera.
I think there should be a space here, where the comma is.Frustration coursed through me,I
Just 'anger' or 'pain' would flow better.His face riddled with anger and pain.
We can already tell this by the fact he is stuttering, and well, arguing something. Perhaps you can keep the 'argued' but get rid of the 'nervously'.argued nervously,
I really like the night/moonlight as a recurring motif in this chapter, it gives room for the story to have more symbolism.as I basked in the moonlight. The memory of the night in the tent came flooding back to me
The extra lines you added before this one really help add to the drama and impact the end of the chapter has.That was the vow I made that day as everyone, the comrades that I had grown to trust, watched in awe and fear.
That was the day I decided to walk alongside her. Alongside the person that gave me my name.
I agree with Ace that this chapter is a good one for picking up the pace of the plot and help to conjoin the somewhat scrambled timeline together and make it feel a lot more complete. The chapter is well structured and manages to be the right length for what it's conveying.