COMPLETE: Champions League (Pokémon Anime) (Completed)

[Rhyperior]

Click on the link below if you don't want to read it here:

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4191493/1/Champions_League

Before reading my story, I would like to remind you that this story has nothing to do with the real world.I am not going to argue with you for that.If you hate my words, you may copy it and change it to your own but you must state that they are changed from my story.Don't argue with me here.And I'm not going to read your story.OK?

Champions League
Chapter 1 Introduction
Ash was invited by Daisy, his opponent in the semi final, to a football match after winning the Sinnoh League.
'Thank you for inviting me to...'said Brock before being jabbed by his Toxicroak.
'Now, let's me tell you everything about football.'said Daisy.'Each team have ten players and a Pokémon.The Pokémon must be the same as the one in the team name.'
'So every team names must contain a Pokémon name.'said Brock
'Exactly! And it must be the captain.'said Daisy
'Welcome to New Trafford, the Theatre of Nightmares.This stadium has created several nightmares for teams like Electivire Arsenal, Jynx Chelsea and Infernape Loserfool.But of course it has also created many many great dreams for Magmortar United.Will Arsenal has another nightmare tonight?I am Rio and my partner is Anton.'said Rio
'I hate these Commentators!'said Daisy angrily.
'Why?'asked Ash.
'Because they're always cheering for Mag United.And I'm a EA fans.'said Daisy.'Would you like me to sing the club song of Electivire Arsenal?'
'Yes, please.'said Dawn excitedly.
'......'sang Daisy.
'Why do you have such a strange look on your face, Ash?'asked Daisy.
'You remind me of a girl who like Electabuzz baseball team really much.'said Ash.
'You mean my little sister?'asked Daisy
'What?You're saying that you're Casey's elder sister?'said Ash.
'Go!Ronnie!Go!Mag United!'Ash heard that some familiar voices at the same time.
'Oh!It's Ryan, Gary, and Phillip.'said Ash surprisingly.
'Ash, congratulations!It has been a long time since we last met in Veilstone.'said Ryan.
'I've to say thank you to you.Brave Bird really helped me and Staraptor much in the Sinnoh League.'said Ash
'You're welcome'said Ryan
'But why are you guys here?And why are you all dress in red shirts?'asked Dawn.
'Because we're cheering for MU!'said Phillip excitedly.
'Who are you?I haven't asked you.'asked Dawn.
'He's Gary little brother.'said Ash.
'Hey.That girl dressed in yellow shirt surely is a Electivire fans.I think we've to have some arguments with her when we've chances, brother.'said Phillip.
'Of course.'said Gary.
'What a wild challenge by Babygas.'said Anton.
'Oh!What a trademark free kick by Ronnie.'said Rio.
'Fantastic!Absolutely fantastic!And United is leading one-nil!'said Anton.
'Oh no!Ronnie is scoring again!'screamed Daisy.
'Who's Ronnie?'asked Ash.
'He is the Magmortar who's wearing the number seven shirt.'siad Ryan.'And his full name is Chris Ronaldo but we normally call him Ronnie.He's most famous for his skills in scoring, heading, tricks, free kicks and his awesome speed.'
'He's the most hatred player in the world.'added Daisy.
'You hate him because you're jealous of him.'said Ash.
'Now don't tell me that you're a United fan.Your words is pretty much like Fergie's.'said Daisy.
'I'm only saying the fact.But who's Fergie?'asked Ash.
'He's the coach of MU.'said Ryan.
'The most hatred coach in the world.'Added Daisy.
'But you've the ''Babies-killer Chicken Wings'' also.'said Gary with laughter.
'He's not a ''Babies-killer''.He's the ''Professor of Babies''!'protested Daisy.
'Really?I believe that he has destroyed many talented ''Babies'' like Walcott.'said Gary with laughter.'Hey Daisy.Your face is really red!Do you have a fever?Should I call a Ambulance for you?
'The youngsters is always like this'sighed Brock and Ryan and the same time.
'What a wild challenge by Ronnie.'said Anton.
'The irritated Babygas pushed violently at Ronnie.He then attack him with a powerful Thunderpunch, followed by a Thunder attack.'said Rio
'Oh no!'screamed Daisy.
'What's wrong?Babygas is attacking brilliantly!'said Ash.
'It's against the rules to use attacks in a match.'explained Ryan.
'So what's going to happen to Babygas?'asked Dawn curiously.
'He's going to be red carded!'said Phillip excitedly.
'Look!It's exactly what Phillip has just said!'screamed Dawn.
'The referee pointed a red card towards Babygas and he's off the pitch.'said Anton.
'Ash, do you have a Rhyperior?'asked Daisy.
'Of course.You're so forgotful.Why did you ask that?'said Ash
'That's great!We've been searching for a Rhyperior for many weeks.'said Daisy excitedly.'My friend plan to enter the Champions League in the name of Rhyperior United and he needs a Rhyperior to do so.Does it have a nickname?'
Of course not!You're really forgotful!Why did you asked that?And what's Champions League.'said Ash
'Oh!I forgot to tell you about this important point.I'm really really forgotful.It needs a nick name to enter.And the CL is a football competition.You can enter for free if you like.And the match that we're watching is the Final of this year CL and we are going to enter the next year CL.'said Daisy.
'Wow!It must be a really crowded competition!And let's call it Car Tevez!'said Ash.'And I know a friend that has a Rhyperior called Owen Hargreaves.'
'That's great!We can even have a substitute Pokémon now!Actually, there's only a few teams which have entered the competition.And Rhy United is going to be the 16th.It's very difficult to form a team because people prefer to be a trainer, a coordinator or a breeder rather than to be a footballer.And it's even more difficult to find a Pokémon to train to be a Pokémon footballer. Now let's hurry to the counter to register for the Champions League!'said Daisy.
'Hey!Where are you two going.Ronnie is going to take another free kick now and we still 60 minutes to go!'said Brock loudly.
'I'm frustrated at the match.I'm pretty sure that EA is going to lose to MU again!'answered Daisy loudly.
'Wow!Even their own supporter is frustrated at the match!Pathetic!.'said Gary with laughter.

 

[Blackjack Gabbiani]

There's no description! Why should we give a damn about their conversation when it doesn't even sound like the characters?

And "don't argue with me here" makes it sound like you *know* people will quibble with you over this story and you'd rather plug your ears rather than take advice. As a writer you have to be open to input, and a header like that makes you sound like you won't listen to anything people say.

But the whole thing is just...yeah, one massive NO. Who the hell are these people? Why do they care so much about these teams?

And does everything have to come down to Rhyperior with you?

 

[Rhyperior]

I mean don't argue with me about the football things!I take inspiration from Manchester United,Arsenal,Chelsea and Liverpool.What I mean is that don't argue which teams is better in the real life.I am a United fans so I make Magmortar United better in my story.I am welcome for advice but I am not going to have arguments about the football clubs in the real world.

Ash is the main character of the Pokémon anime.So do Dawn and Brock.Gary is Ash's rival.Phillip is an OC. He is Gary younger brother.Daisy is also an OC. She is Casey's elder sister.Ryan is the English name of Reiji created by me.And this story is mine.I can add any Pokémon in Ash's team.Is that clear to you?

Enjoy!

Champions League
Chapter2 Training
Daisy and Ash were now running towards the counter.
'Are you going to challenge the Sinnoh Elite Four and Cynthia with Tevez?'asked Daisy.
'Yes, of course. He’s one of my main battlers!’ answered Ash.
'Then football will really help you.’ said Daisy.
'Why?’ asked Ash.
'You'll know later.’ answered Daisy.
--------------
Ash and Daisy is now at the counter.
'Hey, Daisy!’ shouted someone.
'Hey, Ash!’ shouted someone.
'Hey, Donald!’ shouted Daisy.
'Hey, Gilbert!’ shouted Ash.
'Hi, Donald. He’s Ash, the trainer who has a Rhyperior called Car Tevez.'said Daisy.’ And he's my friend, Donald.'
'Go!Rhyperior!'said Ash.’ From now on, your name is Car Tevez.OK?'
'Rhyperior!'roared Tevez while he was nodding.
'He's Gilbert, the trainer who has a Rhyperior called Owen Hargreaves.'said Ash.
'Go!Hargreaves!'said Gilbert.
'She's my girlfriend, Daisy.’ said Donald proudly.
'No, I'm not!’ shouted Daisy embarrassedly.
‘Hey, Ash. Long time no see!’ said Gilbert.'Contratulations!I'm so proud that my hometown is the same as the Sinnoh League Champion's!'
‘I'm registering for the Champions League in the name of Rhyperior United.’ said Donald to the counterman.’ And this is a photo of my players. And these two Rhyperior are my captains.'
‘Great! We can now have a new qualification system!’ said the counterman excitedly.
‘Qualification system?’ asked Ash and Gilbert at the same time.
‘Our current qualification system is that teams are drawn into three groups of five teams. The top two teams of each group will qualify for the quarter-finals. The best two third teams will also qualify.’explained Donald.
‘I know the new qualification system now.Teams are drawn into four groups of four teams.The top two teams of each group will qualify for the quarter-finals.’said Ash proudly.
‘No, we’ll have the knock-out stage directly.’corrected the counterman. ‘Your registration is now complete.’
‘Ash and Gilbert, come with me to our training field now.’said Donald
-----------------
Ash, Gilbert and Donald were now in the training ground.
‘Here is our coach, Mr. Ketchum.’said Donald. ‘And they are the Rhyperior’s trainer, Ash and Gilbert.’
‘I miss you so much, Dad! I believe you’re out to become a Pokémon Master!Why are you here?’asked Ash surprisingly.
‘I miss you too! I believe you’re out to become a Pokémon Master too!Why are you here, Ash?’said Mr. Ketchum.
‘I’ve just won the Sinnoh League, Dad. Didn’t you watch it?’ answered Ash.
‘Really? I’m so proud of you, Ash. I’ve only got seven badges for the Indigo League.I gave up on battling for football after losing to the Viridian Gym Leader.Can I have a look at the trophy?’said Mr. Ketchum proudly.
‘I’ve given it to Mum already.’said Ash. ‘Can I have a look at your Pokémon, Dad?’
‘Go! Charizard! Rhydon! Poliwrath! Beedrill! Raticate! Fearow!’
‘Wow, your father’s Pokémon look really strong, Ash.’ said Gilbert.
‘Can I have a Pokémon battle with you, Dad?’ asked Ash excitedly.
‘Sure!’ said Mr. Ketchum. ‘Rhydon! I choose you!’
‘Go! Tevez!’ said Ash.
‘Mega Kick!’ commanded Mr. Ketchum.
‘Iron Defense!’ commanded Ash. ‘Now use Iron Tail!’
‘Dodge it and use Headbutt.’ commanded Mr. Ketchum. ‘Now use Head Smash to finish it off!’
‘Tevez is unable to battle! The winners are therefore Rhydon and Mr. Ketchum!’ announced Donald.
‘Wow! Your Rhydon is really strong, Dad!’ said Ash excitedly.
‘Thank you. Football has strengthened his legs and head.’ said Mr. Ketchum. ‘Now guys, let’s start our training. Ash and Gilbert, can I take your Rhyperior from you temporarily for training?’
‘Sure! But how much time do we have for training?’ asked Ash.
‘Five months.’ answered Donald.
‘I can give it to you too, Mr. Ketchum.’ said Gilbert.
----------------
Five months later
Ash was now in the training ground.
‘Can I take Tevez back from you, Dad? I am going to have a official battle with Aaron today.’
‘Certainly! Be sure to win the battle, Ash.’
‘Thank you! Please remember to watch how I defeat him this time!’ said Ash.
‘OK!’ answered Mr. Ketchum.
-----------
Ash is now in the Sinnoh Stadium with Brock and Dawn, waiting for the battle to begin.
‘Can I have a friendly battle with you before I challenge Aaron, Brock?’ asked Ash.
‘Sure! We haven’t have battle each other for a long time!’ answered Brock excitedly.
‘Go! Tevez!’ said Ash.
‘Tevez?’ asked Dawn.
‘It’s Rhyperior’s new nickname.’ said Ash. ‘It’s your turn now, Brock.’
‘Go! Steelix!’ said Brock. ‘Iron Tail!’
‘Dodge it and use Mega Kick!’ said Ash.
‘Iron Defense!’ said Brock. ‘How come that Tevez is as fast as Pikachu?’
‘I’ll tell you after the battle.’ Said Ash. ‘Now use Dragon Claw to finish it off!’
‘You’re too proud, Sinnoh League champion. Dragon Claw won’t finish Steelix off.’ Said Brock with confidence. ‘Now use I…’
‘Steelix is unable to battle. The winners are therefore Tevez and Ash!’ announced Dawn surprisingly.
‘What?’ said Brock surprisingly.
‘You’ve underestimated the power of Mega Kick, Brock.’ said Ash
‘Why’s that?’ asked Brock.
‘Football.’ answered Ash.


Please Review

 

[Blackjack Gabbiani]

Again, no description at all. Saying the names of the attacks doesn't constitute a battle by any stretch of the imagination.

 

[Rhyperior]

I'll try to have description next time.
Thanks for your advice.

Enjoy!

Champions League
Chapter 3 Loserfool

Ash, Donald and Daisy are in the VIP seats of the Antfield Stadium, waiting to watch the first leg of the first round of the Champions League.
'Congratulations! Ash, your strategies against Aaron are really great. You're full of wisdom.'said Daisy.
'Hey, your strategies will never be greater than my darling's.'said Donald.
'Hey! Keep your mouth shut!You're interrupting our conversation and I'm not your darling!'said Daisy angrily.
'I've the chance to say thank you to you finally.' said Ash thankfully. 'If you did not take Tevez to my father, I'll not have any chances against Aaron.'
'Hey, it's me to take Tevez to Mr. Ketchum, not Daisy!' shouted Donald angrily.
'But it's Daisy to take Tevez to you. So I can still say thank you to her.'
Donald face went completely red.
'I...'shouted Donald before being interrupted by Daisy.'
'If you want to be my boyfriend, be sure to be careful about your attitude towards me and my friends, OK?' taunted Daisy.
'Welcome to Antfield, the home stadium of Infernape Loserfool.Will they be able to take advantage to the new team, Rhyperior United? I am Ed and he is my partner, Eddy.'said Ed.
'Ed and Eddy?Where's Rio and Anton?' asked Ash.
'Only the defending Champion can choose the commentators on their own.The other matches are all commentated by Ed and Eddy.Mag United has won the Champions League three times in a row already.'said Daisy in hatred.
'Calm down.My honey.'said Donald.
'Hey!I'm not your honey!' shouted Daisy even more angrily.
-------------
Nearly forty-five minutes later.
'Forty-five minutes are nearly up and we are yet to see a goal in this game.' said Eddy.
'What a wild challenge by the away team.' said Ed.
Rilsah and Stevens Gerrard, the captain of Loserfool were coming towards the ball.
'Will Rilsah or Gerrard take the freekick?' said Eddy.
'It's Rilsah to take it.' added Ed.
'Rilsaaaaaaaaaaaaah!' shouted Eddy.
'What a great effort that was!' said Ed. 'Thanks to Van der Sar who saved the shot brilliantly.'
'We're so close to a goal!' said Eddy.
The referee blew his whistle for three times to end the first half.
'The referee blows for the end of the boring first half and the score are nil-nil.' said Ed.
---------
The second half had now begun after the whistle of the referee.
Owen Hargreaves is substituded by Car Tevez.
'Go! Tevez! I know that you can score for Rhy United!' shouted Ash cheerfully in the VIP seat.
'A change is made by the away team.' said Ed.
A player passed the ball to Tevez.
'Tevez touchs the ball for the first time.' said Eddy.
Tevez crossed five players with the ball. He then crossed the keeper and scored a goal for Rhy United.
'Tevez is crossing one, two, three, four, five, six and a goal!' shouted Ed.
'Brilliant!Absolutely brilliant.He reminds me of the person who entertain us with hand of god!' shouted Eddy.
'Me too!And the decision of Mr. Ketchum is really crucial.The substitute player crossed 6 players altogether and scored!And he's only touched the ball for once!' shouted Ed.
'We can see that Tevez's trainer is cheering excitedly at the VIP seat!' said Eddy.
'Great! Tevez! You did it! You did it!' shouted Ash excitedly.
---------
Nearly forty-five minutes later.
The referee blew his whistle for thrice again.
'The referee blows for the end of the match and Rhy United won for one-nil because of the wonderful goal from the substitute player, Car Tevez.' said Ed.


Please give advices to me again!

 

[The Pig King]

As Blackjack said, you could try using some actual description, and take more than a couple minutes to write it. Try looking at a book, or some other fics here, and try writing more like that, with some actual plot, and a story that isn't just dialogue and 'so-and-so did this, and then so-and-so did this'

 

[Rhyperior]

Can you tell me the definition of description, please?I think that there's enough description in Chapter 3.

 

[The Pig King]

There's some, but barely any. Instead of having all talking, actually describe what is happening. And, as it's often said, 'Show, don't tell.' You don't just say 'so-and-so did this then so-and-so did this,' you need to show how it happens. You also need to describe how things look. Yes, we most likely all know how the Pokemon anime characters look, but you need to tell us your description.

 

[Rhyperior]

Thank you for your advices. Sorry for the delay.

Chapter 4 Hat Trick

Ash, Daisy and Donald were all sitting in the auditorium in the Rhy Camp Stadium.

‘Welcome to Rhy Camp, the home stadium of Rhyperior United. Will the new team be able to defend their lead against Infernape Loserfool in the first leg? I am Ed and he is my partner, Eddy.'said Ed

This game was a one-sided game. With the advantage at home, Rhy United got the lead of the match in less than ten minutes. Owen was kicked by a defender. The referee gave a free kick to the home team. It was Owen himself to take it. He curled the ball around the wall set up by Loserfool and also the keeper.
‘ A GOAL!!! Rhy United get the lead in only seven minutes!’ shouted Eddy.
-----------
Ten minutes later, Rhy United expanded their lead in aggregate again! Owen shot the ball in maximum power at the edge of the box. The ball flew towards the net like a shuttle. The keeper could not even touch the ball!
‘ Owen scored two goals for Rhy United in only ten minutes. It’s only the twenty-seventh minute of the match!’ shouted Ed.
--------------
During the injury times of the first half, Owen completed his Hat Trick. He shot the ball in maximum power at the edge of the box once again. And the ball was inside the net once again!
‘ Oh! Terrific! It’s a Hat Trick by Owen in only twenty-eight minutes! He’s scored his third goal for United in just eighteen minutes after the second one! He’s a absolutely wonderful player!’ shouted Eddy in disbelief loudly.
----------
The match had entered the second half and the sign for substitution has been held up and Hargreaves, the meritorious player of the match was substituted by Tevez, the most valuable player of the last match.
‘Hand of god! Hand of god! Hand of god! ……’ shouted all the Loserfool’s supporters at the same time.
‘You must perform hand of god to us if you want to be the new Maradona!’ taunted supporter A.
‘You are not the new Maradona if you don’t do it!’ taunted supporter B.
‘You must do it! It’s your destiny!’ taunted supporter C.
‘Can you guys stop jeering?’ shouted Ash in great anger.
The supporters all became silent immediately.
-------------
Tevez is running towards the goal and his teammate pass the ball to him in the good position.
‘I should turn it into a goal with my head.’ He thought.
The words ‘hand of god’ suddenly echoed in his mind.
‘No! I should turn it into a goal with my hand. If you annoying guys want me to do it. Find! Then you guys will all shut up.’ He thought angrily.
All of his anger towards them has gathered in his fist. The fire of anger was burning in his fist. He punched at the ball violently with his fist. And the ball seemed to become a fireball. It flew towards the goal like a rocket and in a second it was in the net. The keeper remained on the position where he was standing, still wondering what had just happened.The referee blew his whistle without hesitation and Tevez was ‘awarded’ with a red card.
‘According to the Pokémon football rules, he must be suspended for five months since he used his hand to put the ball into the goal deliberately.’ explained Eddy.
‘And therefore the only match that is left for him is the final but first of all, his team must get into it.’
--------------
The supporters of the Red monkey were cheering excitedly at the moment.
‘Stop it!’ shouted Ash loudly with hatred and anger, punching his seat at the same time.
‘You will have to compensate for your seat if it was broken. I’ve paid lots of money for all the things in the stadium as the boss.’warned Donald unhappily. He’s obviously jealous of the strange relationship between Ash and Daisy.
‘Shut up!’ shouted Ash and Daisy angrily, they were both punching Donald at the same time, and their power was enough to make him fainted.
--------------
In the changing room
Tevez kept punching the wall violently with his fists in anger when he had gone back into the changing room at once. His arms and fists were moving as fast as they could and the wall seemed like that it is going to collapsed.
‘Five months. Five months. FIVE MONTHS! I cannot play for FIVE MONTHS!’shouted Tevez loudly with anger and repentance.
He heard that someone is knocking on the door.
‘Rior’ cried Tevez, telling that person to come in.
It is Mr. Ketchum. It didn’t take a long time for him to notice that Tevez is very depressed. He went and sat next to him.
‘You can still train with us even if you cannot play the matches.’he seemed to understand what Tevez was thinking.
His face was suddenly filled with a lot of hopes.
-------------
No goal was scored after Tevez was out of the match. Therefore Rhy United advanced to the quarter-final with a four-nil victory over Loserfool in aggregate.

 

[Rhyperior]

Chapter 5 Miracle

Ash, Daisy and Donald were now at the auditorium of the Rhy Camp Stadium.

‘Welcome to Rhy Camp Stadium. It’s the first leg of the quarter final, Rhyperior United VS Mightyena Rome! I am Ed and he’s my partner, Eddy.’ said Ed.

Rome soon leaded the match at the start. Their best scorer Mightyena Totty scored the very first goal of the match at the very first minute.

--

At the end of the second half, the black wolf expanded their lead. Totty scored his second goal of he match in the eightieth minute of the match.

--

Mr. Ketchum looked really depressed after Rome scored their second goal in this match. A mysterious thing happened after that goal. He found something on the pitch right in front of him. He picked it up to see what it was. In all of a sudden, his face was full of joy. He looked up high in the sky. What he saw is some clouds and a phoenix-like bird. Its feathers, underside, beak, and feather-like crest were all gold in colour. He ran away from his seat immediately.

‘Where are you going, Mr. Ketchum?’asked a staff anxiously. There are beads of perspiration on his face.

‘I’m going back to the changing room.’shouted Mr. Ketchum joyfully.

--

Mr. Ketchum was now running towards the changing room as fast as he could.

‘It’s a miracle! It’s really a miracle! Even the Pokémon god is helping us!’he shouted in disbelief. ‘Wait a minute. Pokémon god?’

Some old memories suddenly came back to his mind.

--

Many years ago

Leo, Ash father, and Leon, Ash uncle, were having a talk before going to bed.

‘Do you know what important thing will happen to a person when he turns 10?’ asked Leon.

‘Someone will say happy birthday to you.’said Leo in a funny look.

‘Someone will say good-bye to you too! But you better tell them to me right now. Do you want to guess why?’said Leon.

‘No, I don’t. You know that I hate to wait. Don’t you? So please tell me right now.’said Leo

‘He’ll leave for a Pokémon journey to achieve his goal. I’ll give all my saved money for the journey to my lazy little brother if he can wake up early to say them to me tomorrow. ’said Leon excitedly.

‘So what’s your goal?’ asked Leo curiously.

Leon stood up and a serious look with ambition appeared on his face.

‘To capture the Pokémon god, HO-OH!’ he read out his dream loudly.

‘But nobody has seen him and somebody even believe that Ho-oh doesn’t exist!’ said Leo in disbelief

‘Nothing is impossible for your brother!’ said Leon with confidence.

‘I hope you’ll really do it.’said Leo.

The sibling hugged each other and went to bed after that. They haven’t seen each other since that moment.

--

In the present time

Mr. Ketchum was now back in the changing room and his face was still full of disbelief.He picked up his wallet and search for the locker key. He ran towards his locker after it was found. He opened the locker and picked a Pokéball from it.

‘Go! Rhydon!’ shouted Mr. Ketchum.

He clicked a button on it and it has enlarged. He threw the ball into the air. Some red beam was released from it and the red beam soon formed the shape of a Rhydon. His Rhydon was standing in front of him in a second.

‘Listen! This is a gift which is given to you by my dear brother if I’m not mistaken. And from now on, your name is Leon Messiah. This name is very meaningful’said Mr. Ketchum, still panting.

His Rhydon’s body grew completely white and a bright light was coming out from his body. In just a second, he became a dinosaur with a club-like tail, blade-like protrusions on its elbows and holes in the palms of its hands. His body colour turned from just regular grey to a brownish-grey and its hide was partially covered by orange, rocky plates.

‘Our training is not in vain now, Leon!’ thought Mr. Ketchum excitedly. Tears came out from his eyes at the same time because he was too excited.

--

Mr. Ketchum told the linesman that their team is going to make a substitution and Owen was soon substituted by Leon. With the help of Leon, the scores became two-two at the end of the match. He has scored both goal of Rhy United in this match. But Rome was still getting the upper hand, having two crucial away goals.

--

With the help of Leon, the black dinosaur was able to fight back at the home stadium of Rome, the Olympiakos Stadium. Leon has scored three goals in that match and the final scores in aggregate were two-five, therefore the one who could advance to the semi-final was Rhy United!

 

[The Pig King]

Again, you need actual description. It's getting better, but you need to show what's happening, not just tell. What should take up at least half a chapter is taken up in less than a paragraph. It's too rushed, and still, there isn't enough description. The Rhyperior description is what all of your paragraphs should be like, not just ,"This happened, then that happened, and then he said this, she said this, and this happened." You need to describe what's happening, not just say that it happens. The story's OK, but it could still use some major improvements. You're getting there, though.

 

[Rhyperior]

Chapter 6 Another Miracle

The first leg of the semi final which was played in Rhy Camp ended in a score that disappointed everyone, nil-nil. And the second leg was going to be played on the pitch in Olympics Stadium, the home stadium of Brian Shroomish, the opponent of Rhy United in the semi final. And if Brian advanced to the final, they would be able to play in their home stadium and they will be as lucky as Magmortar United as they could play in their home stadium, New Trafford stadium, in the final last year.

--

At the Olympics Stadium

Mr. Ketchum tried not to seek help from his brother so he used Owen as the captain of the team instead of Leon this time but their team was in an inferior position soon at the beginning of the match. Tony, the substituted for Brian’s best captain, scored the first goal of the match in the eleventh minute.

--

Mr. Ketchum tried to stay Owen in the match for the rest of the match but he figured out that their team was not strong enough without Leon or Tevez at the seventieth minute so he substituted Owen with Leon decisively. Fortunately, it was not too late for Mr. Ketchum and his team. Leon scored his sixth goal for Rhy United seven minutes later.

--

‘Go and do some warm-up, Ballneck.’said Mr. Clement, the coach of Brian Shroomish.

A flash and bright light suddenly appeared next to him.

‘Who’s taking photo over there?’shouted Mr. Clement in great anger.

He hated the paparazzo with a red-hot sizzling hatred. Their annoying reports provided enough evidences for the court to put his parents in prison, making him an orphan. And most importantly, he is the only coach that still hadn’t had an interview or a conference with the paparazzo.

He soon gave a punch towards the direction that the light appeared.

To his surprise, he punched at a strong Pokémon with a mushroom-like "cap" on its head and seed clusters on the end of its tail that was using protect. His body was covered with green and peach colour, unlike most Breloom.

‘Breloom.’cried that Pokémon.

‘What?You’ve evolved into a Breloom?’shouted Mr. Clement in disbelief.

‘It’s the end. It’s the end!’ His angry look turned into a depressed look in a moment.

--

For reason unknown, Mr. Ketchum was able to see that a staff who was sitting in the opposite bench with an evil smile was wearing a underwear with a big and red letter R printed on it. He at once realized that his dear brother was the boss of the evil organization, TEAM ROCKET, when he noticed that strange-looking Breloom! He figured out that he had changed his name and his look.

‘Congratulations! You’ve done it! You’ve achieved your goal, Giovanni! Although you’re the boss of the evil organization, your heart is still pure and kind.’thought Mr. Ketchum. There were tears on his face. ‘But first of all, it is only my thought. And I’m always wrong. How come that I can come up with such a nonsense thought?’ He tried to comfort himself.

--

The match ended in one-one and the crucial away goal scored by Leon had helped his team to advance into the FINAL of the champions league.

 

[Rhyperior]

Thank you for praising me for the first time and here is the longest chapter and also the last chapter of my story.Enjoy!

Chapter 7 Last Miracle

In the headquarters of Team Rocket, a man who dressed in all orange was sitting in his office with his lovely Persian. He was stroking his Persian as usual when the telephone rang.He quickly picked it up.

‘Who are you? I am Giovanni. Are you in an urgent?’ asked Giovanni impatiently.

‘Giovanni, no, I mean Leon Ketchum…’ said the voice in the telephone.

Giovanni’s face soon became as white as a sheet.

‘Who are you? What do you want me to do? You are going to threaten me with this, aren’t you?’ shouted Giovanni nervously. He flapped his table with all of his strength. Many beads of perspiration were on his face.

‘Calm down! My dear brother. I am your dear little brother, Leo. Do you think I’ll do such an evil thing?’ said Leo softly.

Leon face was normal again.

‘Oh, my dear! Long time no see! I bet you were really pleased for my helps. You are going to thank me for that, aren’t you?’ said Leon excitedly.

‘ Not really. In fact, I hate the feeling of winning by cheating. Although I was really excited at the moment I got your helps. I want to win the Champions League but I want to do it with my actual strength, not by cheating.’said Leo.

‘Well! You’re not my…’ shouted Leon in a great anger with a terrible voice. He kicked his table violently and he pinched his glass which was containing beer. It was broken into pieces by Leon violently. Steam seemed to be coming out from his head.

‘OK. So what do you want me to do then?’ asked Leon calmly. He was irritated by Leo’s words but he soon became calm because he missed him and he want to keep their relationship.’

‘What you have to do is to come to the stadium to see how we win the Championship all by ourselves!’ said Leo.

‘And nothing else?’ asked Leon in disbelief. He was a little bit displeased. A disappointed look appeared on his face.

‘Nothing else.’ Said Leo.

‘OK. So bye for now!’ said Leon. ‘I think I should do something.’ He said softly to himself. A plan had come to his mind.

‘Meow!’ cried his Persian. It was shaking his head.

‘So you don’t want me to do that? OK. I’ll always listen to you. You’re my favourite.’said Leon. He had no choice but to listen to his Persian because he had promised that he’d give him everything he wants.

--

Ash, Daisy and Donald were all sitting in the Olympics Stadium to watch the final of the Champions League.

‘ Welcome to Olympics Stadium to watch the greatest Pokémon football match of the year, the CHAMPIONS LEAGUE FINAL! It’s the defending Champions, Magmortar United versus the new comer, Rhyperior United. Will Mag United win the championship three in a row or will Rhyperior United win the become the champion for the first time? I am Rio and my partner is Anton.’ said Rio

--

The match was a close-fought. The defence of both team were great. The strikers could rarely get into the box with the ball. But the situation had changed in the thirty-seventh minute.

Ronnie was kicked by a defender in the box. He fell down to the pitch immediately. The referee pointed at the penalty point immediately without hesitation, telling everyone that there’s going to be a penalty kick. King Dong walked towards the ball and placed it at the right position. He walked a few steps backward. He walked towards the ball again with a REALLY REALLY slow walking pace. His steps were as heavy as steel and his stress was as huge as a mountain. When he came to the ball, he kicked it with maximum power. Everyone, include King Dong himself, were waiting anxiously at that particular moment. Some of them were hoping that it was missed or saved while some of them were hoping that it was a goal. The ball flew towards the goal with full speed, like the speed of a rocket. The keeper dive towards the right direction but the ball was still in because of the speed and the power. All of Dong’s stress had soon become his joy. And he was gathered around by his teammates happily.

‘Mag United finally gets the lead after thirty-seven minutes with a penalty by Dong!’ announced Anton.

--

Hargreaves was kicked by a defender violently outside the box and he was badly injured. And the referee gave a free kick immediately. Owen lay and rolled on the ground painfully. He was substituted by a player who had not played for a long long time, Tevez.

‘The Super-Sub Monster-Face Killer is back!’ shouted Anton.

Tevez walked towards the ball and placed it at the right position, ready to take the free kick. He ran quickly towards the ball and kicked it with maximum power. He curled it around the wall set up by Mag United and also the helpless keeper. It went into the net in an awesome speed.

‘What a great free kick! It is even better than Owen’s!’ shouted Rio.

The match started again after the free kick. A Rhy player got the ball and it was passed to Tevez. He dribbled the ball from the middle of the pitch to the box of Mag United. The defenders looked frustrated in front of the Dribbling King. They were crossed by him one-by-one, one after the other. And finally the helpless keeper was also crossed by him and he kicked the ball softly, scoring his third goals in the Champions League.

‘What a miracle! It is another classic Maradona goal!’ shouted Anton.

The referee blew his whistle for thrice to end the match.

‘It’s the end! The Dinosaurs become the champions after their miracle-like fight back in the last minutes!’shouted Anton.

The players of Mag United players all lay or sat on the ground with hopeless and depressed look while the Rhy United players all hugged each other excitedly. It’s like a dream to the Rhy United’s players and a late, enjoyable drama to everyone. Mr. Ketchum looked anxiously at Giovanni and his Persian. They were grinning wildly at their seats. He didn’t find any sign of cheating. He breathed a sigh of relief and ran towards his players cheerfully, joining their celebration. They threw him into the air again and again.

Meanwhile, Ash and Daisy hugged each other while Donald was hugging with the air. Donald looked really depressed, knowing that he had lost to Ash in the ‘Love Fight’. He admired Ash for winning Daisy’s love.

--

Several minutes later

The players of Rhy United and Mr. Ketchum were all standing on the stage, waiting for the prize giving ceremony to begin. They were filled with excitement. An old man who was wearing a blue cap, a red jacket and a light green short with white hair and white goatee walked towards the stage, holding the heavy trophy with his hands. He smiled and gave the trophy to Mr. Ketchum.

‘Congratulations! This is your debuted season and you managed to overcome the difficulties and win the Champions League. It is a great achievement for all of you.’praised the old man.

‘Thank you very much. It’s my honour to receive the trophy from you, Mr. Goodshow. And may I invited my brother, Leon, to come and share the joy with me from the auditorium? I cannot achieved this without his support.’requested Mr. Ketchum.

‘Certainly!’ approved Mr. Goodshow.

‘What? How come that I haven’t heard that I have a uncle?’ screamed Ash puzzlely in his seat.

Leon ran from his seat to the stage as fast as he could. He was running with excitement. It didn’t take him long to reach the stage. He and Mr. Ketchum lifted the trophy together happily.

--

Ash was now in the Sinnoh Stadium, ready to fight against the woman who dressed in black completely.

All the paparazzo in Sinnoh were gathering around the stadium. Some of them were standing in the helicopter above the stadium. Some of them were standing outside the stadium, watching at the wide and big screen. Some of them were sitting in the auditorium. And some of them were sitting in studio room of the stadium. Besides the paparazzo, Brock, Misty, Tracey, Max, May, Dawn, Gary, Prof. Oak, Phillip, Ryan, Daisy, Casey, Delia, Leo and Leon were all sitting in the VIP seats.

‘Welcome to the Sinnoh Stadium to enjoy the greatest battle of the year: Ash VS Cynthia! Will our Sinnoh League champion have any advantages against our current Sinnoh champion?I’m the MC of today battle as usual, Rhonda. Now I am not to say any absurb anymore. I hope you will all enjoy this great battle.’

‘Go! Milotic!’ shouted Cynthia.

Cynthia picked a Pokéball and clicked a button on it. It had enlarged. He threw the ball into the air. Some red beam was released from it and the red beam soon formed the shape of a Milotic. A sea serpent with light blue and long hair-like fins drape from the sides of the head appeared. Its tail was covered with gold and red scales.

‘Wow! It looks liked that our champion’s Milotic is a special one!’ shouted Rhonda

‘Tevez! I choose you!’ shouted Ash.

Ash picked a Pokéball from his belt and clicked a button on it. It had enlarged. He threw the ball into the air. Some red beam was released from it and the red beam soon formed the shape of a Rhyperior. Again, Tevez was standing in front of everyone in only a second.

‘What? A Rhyperior? Can you believe your eyes? There must be something wrong with this young trainer’s mind.’shouted Rhonda in disbelief.

‘Well, you should wait and see before commenting on me, Rhonda.’whispered Ash with confidence.

‘You’re too naïve, Ash. No Rhyperior are able to dodge Milotic’s Hydro Pump, not a single one.’whispered Cynthia with confidence. ‘Finish it off with Hydro Pump.’

A huge, wide, long and fast water cannon was released from her mouth. Tevez was able to dodge it quickly because of the training. He jumped up high in an awesome speed to dodge it. Ash didn’t even have to command it to dodge it because of his close friendship with his Pokémon.

‘Finish it off with Mega Kick.’shouted Ash.

‘I must admit that your Rhyperior is really fast but do you think that you’re a little bit too confident, Ash?’whispered Cynthia.

‘Milotic, use Hydro Pump to finish it off when it comes close to you!’ shouted Cynthia.

Tevez ran towards Milotic in an awesome speed. Milotic fired the water cannon towards Tevez again when he came close to it. But again, it was able to dodge it quickly. And in all of a sudden, a whitish colour appeared on one of his leg when he kicked powerfully at Milotic. To everyone’s surprise, Milotic flew to the wall and hit it after being kicked by his Mega Kick. Two big crosses appeared on her eyes and she was fainted.

‘Milotic is unable to battle. Therefore the winner is Rhyperior.’announced the referee in disbelief.

‘I cannot believe my eyes again. Can you ever imagine how fast it was and how strong his leg was? It is probably the fastest Rhyperior. And perhaps his leg is as strong as an elephant’s!’ shouted Rhonda in disbelief again.

A smile appeared on Ash’s face, knowing that he was going to be the new Sinnoh Champion after tonight battle.

THE END

 

[The Pig King]

Nicely written, although it could still use some big improvements. You shouldn't have used really at all as an adverb, let alone twice. The battle was badly written, and was badly thought out in the first place. I mean, it dodges, which it shouldn't have been able to do so quickly, friendship or not, due to its weight. And then, one kick and it's over? I don't care how much you like Rhyperior, or even how strong it was, the battle was still pretty cheap. It should've been at least three Pokemon, from each side.

 

[Rhyperior]

It's a six-on-six battle actually but Ash already knew that he would win and my story is not focused on battle so I don't care how badly written it's. My story is focused on the absorbing plot. I believe that it can offset all the defects that my story has. I think my story worths 75 marks out of 100 marks for the absorbing plot.

 

[Blackjack Gabbiani]

If you don't care how badly written *any* part of your story is, you can't expect to call yourself a writer.

And please, don't insist that your story's worth a certain rating. It's awfully egotistical.

 

[ANonMouse]

A plot isn't going to be absorbing anyone unless it's well-written.

 

[Rhyperior]

Completed!

 

[Blackjack Gabbiani]

The fic was completed back in APRIL. What the HELL man.

 

[Elementary Penguin]

The fic was completed back in APRIL. What the HELL man.

Lol. I know.