Encounters - Book One: Blinto (Chapter Twenty)

[NikNak3000]

Re: Encounters - Book One: Blinto (Chapter Seventeen)

Don't worry I get confused with types too, I was confused with Gligar once, that thing looks like a bug so why is it not?

Always gets me in the Battle Tower. Darn Ground/Flying types...

EDIT: Just realised that Zebedee also fits into Ze*shot*. Oh, I'm evil!

But like I said, how could you not know?

 

[AceTrainer14]

Re: Encounters - Book One: Blinto (Chapter Seventeen)

A nice simple chapter. I like how it is Zeus/Hera/Cronos, as I'm a fan of Greek mythology

I'm glad things are now moving along, and I can't wait to see what the first gym leader has for us in the way of surprises!

 

[NikNak3000]

Re: Encounters - Book One: Blinto (Chapter Seventeen)

A nice simple chapter. I like how it is Zeus/Hera/Cronos, as I'm a fan of Greek mythology

Oh, not you now! What happened to keeping spoilers to yourself? Oh, woe is me...

Ah well. I'm glad you liked my naming scheme. All of the gym leaders in this region are named after Greek Gods, and their names even relate to their type specialisation!

I'm glad things are now moving along, and I can't wait to see what the first gym leader has for us in the way of surprises!

So the pace is better now?

 

[Marcat]

Re: Encounters - Book One: Blinto (Chapter Seventeen)

Great job niknak, loved the chapter.
Sorry it took a while to reply, I in the middle of exams (high school...)
thats also the reason I haven't been writing lately either.

Anyhoo, loving the humor, it lightens things up and the journey is going smoothly I see...
But, I need to warn you about the fourth wall. You may end up breaking it too much, twice in two chapters? This detracts from the story if used excessivly, it ruins the story's atmosphere and kinda jerks you out of it, ya know?
This is what made Duel Master's such a horrible anime to the point it is a taboo in anime in general. It'll make the story little more than a comic strip if you're not careful.
Thats not to say it is, merely the opposite, but just a warning.

good luck!

 

[Flaze]

Re: Encounters - Book One: Blinto (Chapter Seventeen)

Actually Duel Masters was only horrible in the english dub because they decided to make it a parody of card game animes. The Japanese version is cool and longer.

 

[NikNak3000]

Re: Encounters - Book One: Blinto (Chapter Seventeen)

Great job niknak, loved the chapter.
Sorry it took a while to reply, I in the middle of exams (high school...)
thats also the reason I haven't been writing lately either.

Anyhoo, loving the humor, it lightens things up and the journey is going smoothly I see...
But, I need to warn you about the fourth wall. You may end up breaking it too much, twice in two chapters? This detracts from the story if used excessivly, it ruins the story's atmosphere and kinda jerks you out of it, ya know?
This is what made Duel Master's such a horrible anime to the point it is a taboo in anime in general. It'll make the story little more than a comic strip if you're not careful.
Thats not to say it is, merely the opposite, but just a warning.

good luck!

The warning has been heeded. No more fourth wall breaking for a while. Aargh, it just seems so tempting! Must... not... break... wall...

Also - YAY THREE THOUSAND VIEWS!

 

[AceTrainer14]

Re: Encounters - Book One: Blinto (Chapter Seventeen)

Yes, the pace is much better. If you want to make a dramatic scene take place around or at one place, you could make the chapter a bit longer if you can

And congrats!

 

[NikNak3000]

Re: Encounters - Book One: Blinto (Chapter Seventeen)

Yes, the pace is much better. If you want to make a dramatic scene take place around or at one place, you could make the chapter a bit longer if you can

And congrats!

Congrats for what? *looks suspicious*

 

[AceTrainer14]

Re: Encounters - Book One: Blinto (Chapter Seventeen)

The 3000 views of course!

 

[NikNak3000]

Re: Encounters - Book One: Blinto (Chapter Seventeen)

The 3000 views of course!

Oh, I see! Got a bit confused there. Thanks!

 

[NikNak3000]

Re: Encounters - Book One: Blinto (Chapter Eighteen)

It's amazing how far Encounters has come! If you include the prologues and interludes, this is the twenty-second chapter! Just for reference, I've written 38,743 words on nearly 100 Microsoft Word pages at size 11. That's roughly 1,761 words per chapter, which, for me, is a lot! Of course, this is pitiful compared to some of the works on this site, but I just feel really impressed that I've managed to write so much! :ksmile:

Chapter Eighteen: The City of Celsius

“Wow...”

The trio had spent an hour exploring the massive city that was Celsius. They had thought Fahrenheit was big, but Celsius was even larger. There was so much to see!

“Now this is what I call a city!” Alfie exclaimed. “Huge boats, tall buildings, a weather station that looks like a spaceship-”

“What do you mean, it looks like a spaceship?” Ella asked. “It just has loads of glass domes all over it! I’m sure the Fahrenheit Weather Station looked like that when it was in operation!”

“Actually, no.” Alfie pulled out his trusty guidebook, which was already becoming increasingly tattered. “Here’s a picture someone took of the Weather Station some time ago, when it was the hub of all meteorology in Blinto! Sure, there’s that big dome at the top, but it looks so... dated, compared to what they built here!”

“Why did they stop using that weather station, anyway?” Jacob was intrigued. “I mean, it had only been there for two years, but they closed it down and opened a new one all the way over here!”

Alfie looked at his book. “Is that not obvious, my friend? Celsius is more central, it’s much warmer and more pleasant to work in, it’s a generally awesome place and there’s a lot more activity going on here!”

Jacob coughed. “I see...”

Alfie was right. Compared to the chilly breezes that rushed through Fahrenheit City, Celsius City was a paradise! The air was relaxingly warm, with calm winds only passing through occasionally.

“And why are we talking about a weather station anyway?” Alfie continued. “There’s a gym in this city, for Arceus’ sake! We should be heading for it with all due haste!”

“But where is it?” Ella said. “We walked all around the city and I didn’t see anything that looked remotely like a gym!”

The trio walked back towards the Pokémon Centre. It was near the edge of the city, located next to the port, so that any foreigners could heal up their Pokémon the minute they arrived. In fact, a batch had just arrived.

“Well, there’s no point in going to ask in there, is there?” Jacob said. “We’d better hang around in the port for a while... It should be fun to watch the boats coming and going.”

And so, the trio sat down on a conveniently placed bench, and watched the crowd go by. The boat itself, a huge, metal creature, lined with blue and green stripes, appeared to be named the “S.S. Crest”, and showed the traits of a Hoenn boat: large windows so passengers could feel the warm Hoenn air, a huge deck much larger than a boat made in the colder Sinnoh, and the colours of the Hoenn Branch of the Pokémon Transport Association. Of course, being the warmest city in Blinto, Hoenn citizens didn’t need to lose these benefits when travelling there.

“That’s a very nice boat, don’t you think?” Cronos said.

Alfie jumped up in surprise, hands grasping Seedtle’s Poké Ball. “Who are you and what do you want? Oh, it’s you. Don’t do that!”

Cronos chuckled. “Ah, I have the skills of a ninja!” He had replaced his glasses with sunglasses, and now had six Poké Balls on his belt. Alfie presumed he had downloaded them from the Virtual Pokémon Server, the service dedicated to housing Pokémon over the internet.

Jacob was interested. “Really?”

“No, not really,” Cronos replied. “Now, to business. I guess you want to know where the gym is?”

“How did you know?” Ella asked.

“Oh, there’s no other reason that you would be sitting here at the harbour without a badge!”

Alfie was impressed. “You’re very good.”

“Anyway, you see that building over there? The one next to the coastguard’s place?”

“Yes...”

“Well, that’s how you get to the gym. Simple!”

It was true. On the door was the familiar emblem of the Pokémon League.

“Everyone got bored of the gyms hiding in plain sight,” Cronos explained.

“Ooh, another ninja reference!” Alfie interrupted. “I might use that one day.”

“So, the gyms got hidden. This gym happens to be located in an underground cove riddled with waterfalls and streams. That was my idea, you know.”

“Really?”

“Well, duh. Is that not my speciality?”

There was silence.

“Ah well, you can’t have everything. If you go into that building, you’ll be greeted by a guard, and he’ll give you some tips that you’ll probably forget instantly and they won’t be necessary anyway, because you should have memorised your matchup charts by now. Well, what are you waiting for? Go on in!”

“Okay, Cronos! Thanks for the tips!” Ella called as the trio rushed over to the small building. Cronos gave a nod in response, before heading back towards his home town. Suddenly, he remembered the reason he was in the city in the first place, and headed towards a large, brown building.

***​

“What do you mean, classified?” Cronos yelled at the receptionist at the Celsius Court of Justice. “I have every right to know that information!”

The receptionist, a small, timid woman with wiry glasses, peered at her computer. “I’m sorry, Mr Olympus, but you do not have sufficient security clearance to view these documents. However, if you remain seated, I’m sure I can grant you an audience with the head judge here at the Celsius Court of Justice, and he will be delighted to see you and discuss any problems you might have.

Cronos whipped off his sunglasses. Although everything now appeared very blurry to him, he thought it might give the woman some sort of idea of who he was.

“Do you know who I am?” he said slowly.

“Do you know who I am?” the receptionist retorted.

“Yes. You’re Miranda Thorne, receptionist at the Celsius Court of Justice.”

The receptionist gasped. “How did you know?”

“You’ve got a badge, you foolish woman!” Cronos growled. “Stupid stereotypical receptionist...”

“Well, as a matter of fact, I do know who you are, Cronos Olympus. You’re the son of that guy who’s always on television! I can’t remember his name...”

Cronos was shocked. He had never thought that he would ever meet someone as stupid as this receptionist. Everyone knew his father’s name. The nurses at the Pokémon Centres, the cashiers at the Poke Marts... Every gym leader knew his name, as did all of the Elite Four. What was up with this woman?

“Well, if you don’t mind, I’ll just go up here and speak to that head judge you mentioned.”

The receptionist’s eyes lit up. “I’ll ring him up and tell him you’re coming!”

***​

“Now, Poseidon uses Pokémon that possess the power of water. Things like Magikarp, Wailmer and Marill. Very easy to defeat if you have attacks with the power of grass or electricity. Things like Razor Leaf and ThunderShock are prime moves.”

“So your Boomnigma is screwed, Jacob,” Alfie said.

“For once, you are correct,” his PokéGear said. “Those water Pokémon will own that fiery thing.”

“Shut up,” Jacob said. “Weaknesses aren’t everything. I’ve got Nincada to back me up.”

“I’m afraid to say that your Nincada possesses the power of ground,” the Pokédex said. “Water Pokémon also own ground Pokémon. Sorry.”

“Well, that’s just great, isn’t it!” Jacob cried. “Alfie, Ella, you go ahead. I’m going out to train.”

And with that, he ran out of the building, heading for Route 167.

Alfie and Ella looked at each other.

“How strange,” Alfie commented. “But how do we get into the gym?”

“Step into the glowing circle, children.”

The circle was in fact a lift that sped silently down into the large cove that Cronos had described. In front of them was the gym. As Cronos had said, there were waterfalls and streams all around the room, all converging on a single point – a raised platform where a young man in a jacket stood, leaning against a stone plinth, a yellow duck standing next to him, clutching its head. This had to be Poseidon. But there was no visible way of reaching him – there was no bridge and the duo didn’t fancy swimming across. Plus, they were up high and he was down low. How confusing!

“Hey, wait a minute!” Alfie exclaimed. “What’s this glowing button thing do?” He stepped on it and a ladder extended out of the wall, leading to the maze below.

“That’s clever, Alfie!” Ella was actually proud of her brother for once. “Let’s go.”

They clambered down the ladder, which was cold and wet. It led down to a series of stones, which laced around the pools of water, connecting at small rocky islands.

“Aha! Challengers!” Poseidon had seen them. “It’s been ages since I had a fight! Come on; make my day a good one!”

“But how?” Ella asked. “There’s no bridge!”

“It’s simple! All you have to do is step on each stone once. That’ll activate the bridge mechanism. Of course, you’ll have to deal with my Gym Trainers as well.”

“Ah, I see!” Alfie had noticed that stones seemed to be glowing too, just like the button at the top of the gym. “Ready, Ella? Let’s battle!”

The “puzzle” was actually quite tricky for a first gym. Although the trainers used weak Pokémon, the stone maze was quite bewildering. Ella and Alfie spent almost half an hour wandering round in circles, trying to find the right path. Annoyingly, if you stepped on a rock more than once, it would turn off and you would have to stand on it again. But, eventually,the two rookie trainers activated the bridge, and were merely steps away from the first gym leader in the Blinto region!

Poseidon jumped out of his seat. “Now we’re cooking!” He rubbed his hands together. “Now, which one of you is going to go first? Although I am awesome, even I cannot battle two trainers at once!”

“I’ll go first.”

Jacob had obviously had enough of training his Pokémon, and had somehow managed to silently enter the gym and make his way to the leader.

“Jacob!” Alfie exclaimed. “But you’ll get owned!”

Jacob smiled. “Not any more, Alfie. I have improved. Poseidon, Leader of the Celsius Gym, I challenge you to a battle for the Trident Badge!”

Poseidon nodded. “I accept your challenge. Today, you will see the true power of my water Pokémon!”

Jacob grabbed his first Poké Ball. “Alfie and Ella, you may doubt my chances, but everything evolves at some point-”

“Actually, not all Pokémon evolve,” Alfie’s PokéGear commented. “Examples are Zangoose and Seviper.”

“-and it looks like my evolution has finally come! Go! Enimber!”

***​

Oh, NO! It’s another Pokémon name that I’ve probably mucked up as usual! Feedback on the name is welcome, be it good or bad. By the way, it’s made up of Enigma (it is the Fire Puzzle Pokémon, after all, and Ember (fire, again). Clever? Probably not.

Next Chapter: Chapter Nineteen: Battle! Poseidon, Leader of Water
The first gym battle is underway!

 

[Thundagere]

Re: Encounters - Book One: Blinto (Chapter Eighteen)

Lol. I bet the next city will be the Kelvin city.
Excellent work, but I wish you had shown the evolution. Also, will Jacob be getting Shedinja? You're doing well, and I love how you tend to incorporate humor without going overboard. Superb work!

 

[Flaze]

Re: Encounters - Book One: Blinto (Chapter Eighteen)

The chapter was funny and I liked what you did with the gyms it's more original but Jacob sure trained fast I mean what did he take like 10 minutes?

Enimber huh? well he could look like Boomnigma but taller and with spikes on its back as well as a horn, oh and you could give him fiery red hair on the back of its head and something on its chest whatever you want.

 

[NikNak3000]

Re: Encounters - Book One: Blinto (Chapter Eighteen)

Lol. I bet the next city will be the Kelvin city.
Excellent work, but I wish you had shown the evolution. Also, will Jacob be getting Shedinja? You're doing well, and I love how you tend to incorporate humor without going overboard. Superb work!

Actually, it's Stormlook City, but I see where you're going with that one! It's not just temperature scales I'm using! (although Kelvin city would be great. Might be a bit chilly though).

The chapter was funny and I liked what you did with the gyms it's more original but Jacob sure trained fast I mean what did he take like 10 minutes?

Enimber huh? well he could look like Boomnigma but taller and with spikes on its back as well as a horn, oh and you could give him fiery red hair on the back of its head and something on its chest or whatever you like.

Jacob's awesome like that. Or something. Maybe I should fix that.

And I was actually asking what you thought of the name, but your ideas are really good! Anybody else got some good ideas like that?

 

[AceTrainer14]

Re: Encounters - Book One: Blinto (Chapter Eighteen)

I liked this chapter: some good comedy, a new Pokemon, and the gym sounds very interesting! I would have liked it if you'd spent a little bit more time describing the city and the gym, so we could form more of a picture in our minds. But I look forward to the next chapter and gym battle

 

[NikNak3000]

Re: Encounters - Book One: Blinto (Chapter Eighteen)

I liked this chapter: some good comedy, a new Pokemon, and the gym sounds very interesting! I would have liked it if you'd spent a little bit more time describing the city and the gym, so we could form more of a picture in our minds. But I look forward to the next chapter and gym battle

I suppose I didn't get much description in... I'll see what I can do.

 

[NikNak3000]

Re: Encounters - Book One: Blinto (Chapter Nineteen)

Chapter Nineteen: Battle! Poseidon, Leader of Water

Jacob’s Poké Ball flew through the air and opened in a flash, revealing the figure that was Enimber. Jacob smiled as the Pokémon stood up and roared menacingly. It looked much more powerful than Boomnigma had, with large black spikes that seemed to glow with energy on its back. Its claws were longer and much sharper, and it was much wider than before.

“Ooh, can I register it?” Alfie’s PokéGear asked.

“Oh, if you insist...” Alfie rolled his eyes.

“Enimber, the Fire Enigma Pokémon. Basically, it’s a more powerful version of Enimber and it sports the ability to use the power of electricity as well as fire. Neat, eh?”

“The power of electricity...” Ella murmured. “But that means...”

“Yep. He won’t get owned. You have my eternal respect.”

Poseidon looked carefully at the Pokémon. “So this is what Douglas was talking about! Three new Pokémon, hatched from strange eggs found in the Tempest Caves... I never thought I’d see them for myself...

“Well, are we going to battle or not?” Jacob tapped his foot impatiently. “I want to show what Enimber can do!”

“Very well!” Poseidon rose to his full height. “Go! Marill!”

The leader grabbed his first Poké Ball and released the Pokémon – a blue mouse-like thing with a jagged tail. This was Marill, the Aqua Mouse Pokémon.”

“That thing is Marill, the Aqua Mouse Pokémon,” Alfie’s Pokédex recited. “Funnily enough, it’s a Pokémon with the power of water.”

“Wow, in a water gym?” Alfie asked. “No way!”

“Excuse me!” Poseidon clapped his hands. “We have a battle to get on with!”

Alfie shut up pretty quickly.

“I think I’ll make the first move. Marill! Water Gun!”

“No! Enimber! ThunderShock!”

“No way! Thundershock? Now that’s what I call a Pokémon!” the Pokédex exclaimed.

As the Marill leapt back and began to aim at the Fire Enigma Pokémon, the spikes on Enimber’s back glowed even more fiercely and suddenly jolts of electricity started to shoot towards the Aqua Mouse. It was too late for the Marill, which had so much water in its mouth that it couldn’t move. It only had time to spit out half of it before it was hit by the bolts. It staggered back, its face contorted in pain.

But it hadn’t just been bad news for the Marill. While the Enimber now had a resistance to the water as well as a weakness to it, the water was still a dangerous projectile and it hurt the Fire Enigma Pokémon as well.

“Good work, Enimber! Again! Use ThunderShock!”

As the spikes began to glow again, Poseidon called out his attack. “Tail Whip!”

The Marill’s tail swung out from behind it and slammed right into the Enimber, causing it to fall back in alarm, so surprised that it forgot to let out the sparks. Poseidon noticed this, and ordered another Tail Whip.

“This isn’t over yet, Poseidon! Get in there with a Tackle, Enimber!”

As the tail whipped the Fire Enigma again, Enimber leapt forward and rammed into the Marill.

“Now, Enimber! Follow up with a ThunderShock!”

This time, there was nothing to stop the sparks breaking free from the Pokémon’s body. The Marill was hit hard once again, and it was becoming even more tired. Its eyelids were drooping and Jacob knew that one more ThunderShock would be enough to take it out.

Poseidon smiled. “And now you see why I became a Gym Leader. I always look ahead.” He looked at his Pokémon. “You know what to do now, Marill. Defence Curl, and then Rollout!”

The Marill gingerly got to its feet and opened its eyes. Jacob looked on warily. He didn’t know what Rollout did, but the way Poseidon had said it made him shudder. This could only be bad.

And then, before Jacob could even react, the Marill curled up into a ball and sped towards his Enimber, becoming coated in stones as it did so. The Enimber had no chance. It fell back and its eyes closed.

“No! Not this!” Jacob looked up at Poseidon. “You knocked out my Pokémon.”

“I know. Now are you going to send out another Pokémon or shall I kick you out?”

Jacob growled. He remembered back to when the trio had battled the Pidgey at the Pokémon Colosseum. Alfie had ordered several Growls to weaken his opponent. If only he had done that for the Marill!

He took his second Poké Ball off his belt. “You will pay, Poseidon! Go, Nincada!”

Jacob's newest Pokémon launched out of the Poké Ball and slammed into the ground, hissing at the Marill.

“Oh, and this is going to threaten me because?” Poseidon was convinced he had won the fight already.

“Because I have Fury Swipes!” Jacob said with a smile on his face.

The Nincada leapt forward and swung wildly with its claws, scratching the Marill over and over again. Within seconds, the Marill had fainted.

“Oh, darn,” Poseidon said, pressing the button on Marill’s Poké Ball and absorbing it in a flash of light. “I am forced to use my ultimate weapon – Psyduck!”

The duck-like Pokémon waddled slowly forward, still clutching its head.

“What the...” Jacob said.

“Psyduck is, quite literally, a duck. It clutches its head because it has a massive headache that it can’t seem to get rid of without a special potion. It’s weird.” The Pokédex was, as always, ready to explain.

“Oh...” Jacob murmured. “I really needed to know that.”

Poseidon was tenser now. He knew that if he wasn’t careful, he would lose his Psyduck and would have to lose one of the precious badges he had received from the Pokémon League. He wasn’t going to take any chances.

“Disable.”

The Psyduck removed one hand from its head and snapped its fingers. There was a flash of light and the Nincada stumbled back, confused.

“What was that?” Jacob asked.

“Oh, don’t worry about that. That just prevents your Pokémon from using the last attack it performed... And now I come to think of it, that isquite a problem, isn’t it?”

“Darn. Well, I always have a plan, don’t I, Alfie?”

“No.”

“Yes I do! And I have one now! Nincada! Harden!”

The Pokémon suddenly stiffened and looked as if it had turned into some sort of statue.

“Please don’t try and put off the inevitable. Psyduck, Disable.”

The duck snapped its fingers once more and there was once more a flash of light.

Jacob growled. “I’ve been in tighter situations than this one... Nincada... Use... Scratch!”

The bug lunged at the Pysduck and scratched it violently, desperately trying to knock it out but to no avail. The Psyduck did stumble back a bit, but there were no visible scars on it and it still seemed pretty lively.

“Don’t bore me. Disable!”

But this time, despite the Psyduck rapidly snapping its fingers , nothing happened.

“Aha!” Alfie’s PokéGear piped up. “Disable is of course liable to failure every now and again.”

Jacob felt a ray of hope. “Scratch, again! And again! Before the Psyduck manages to use that Disable thing again!”

The Nincada repeated the attack and scratched once again at the duck. It tried again, but when it was at point blank range, the Psyduck leapt up and spat out the water it had been filling its mouth with ever since Poseidon had quietly ordered the attack. Nincada was thrown back, drenched. It was clearly exhausted.

“Disable.” Poseidon called out the order with a hint of excitement to his voice. It seemed that he was back on top.

“Sand-Attack?” Jacob asked. The Nincada obeyed and kicked up sand towards the Psyduck’s face, but the Pokémon just stepped to the side.

“Sand-Attack is notoriously inaccurate. Disable!”

“That means there’s only one thing I can do now...” Jacob said. “Leech Life!”

Nincada jumped forwards and sank its teeth into the Psyduck’s skin and began to suck. Within moments it seemed much happier and more energetic. The tables had turned once again.

“Can I use Disable?” Poseidon asked.

“No!” Jacob shouted.

“I might as well. Disable!”

But the attack failed once again. “Quickly! Another Leech Life! Restore your health!”

The Nincada bit into the Psyduck once more and sucked more blood from the duck. Now it was at peak condition.

“Now this is interesting...” Poseidon murmured. “But I’m sure I can Disable it!”

And, unfortunately, this time Disable didn’t fail. Now Jacob had a problem.

“What do I do now?”

Alfie scanned the Nincada with his PokéGear. “All of your moves are still disabled...” he said.

“Hey! I was going to say that!” the PokéGear cried. “And for that, I won’t tell you what happens next!”

But there was no need. The Trainee Pokémon started to shake violently and it suddenly leapt at the Psyduck in desperation.

“Struggle! A cool attack that is only used when a Pokémon can’t do anything else. I love it!”

“Do it again, Nincada! Wipe the floor with that duck!”

Before Poseidon could get in an attack of his own, the Nincada attacked yet again, and this time it knocked out Poseidon’s last Pokémon, winning the battle for Jacob.

“Yay, I win!” Jacob exclaimed.

“Well done, Jacob!” Ella cried, and Jacob blushed.

“Very well...” Poseidon said. “You truly deserve the Trident Badge! So here it is!”

He stepped on another glowing button and a platform rose up from the ground, with a small badge on it in the shape of a trident. It was a beautiful thing, made of glass that glinted in the faint light. Jacob touched it and it vanished.

“What just happened?” Jacob was suddenly suspicious. “Where’s my badge gone?”

“Oh, it’s been stored in your PokéGear. They adjusted the Virtual Pokémon Server so it would work with badges.” Jacob’s wrist began to beep and he pulled his sleeve up. “See, there it is now!”

“Cool.”

“So, which one of you is going to face me next? Can you match the prowess of this young fellow here?”

Alfie and Ella looked at each other.

“Well...” they said together.

***​

Hooray! The first gym battle is done! Is it alright that I only show one battle? Obviously it won’t always be Jacob, but they’d be too similar if I did all three. Is it okay?

Next Chapter: Chapter Twenty: Legal Troubles
Ooh, it’s a key moment in the story!

 

[AceTrainer14]

Re: Encounters - Book One: Blinto (Chapter Nineteen)

Pretty decent for your first written gym battle. For the next one, I would recommend less dialogue and more description, so we can really see more action in it, which is a great way to capture the audience's attention. Look at some of my battles, or the ones in The Power Inside or Rival's Story for some ideas!

Also:

Alfie scanned the Enimber with his PokéGear. “All of your moves are still disabled...” he said.

Should be Nincada

 

[Thundagere]

Re: Encounters - Book One: Blinto (Chapter Nineteen)

Wow. Poseidon got taaken down a peg.
Like mentioned, less dialogue. It seemed to me that the battlers were battling with an insult competition, not with the pokemon .
Obviously, you've done a great job here. I can't wait to see Ninjask!

 

[Flaze]

Re: Encounters - Book One: Blinto (Chapter Nineteen)

Well I thought the battle could've have a bit more description into it and then it kind of got confusing with the whole disable part I mean one would think that Poseidon's strongest Pokemon would have another attack besides that.