Blog Fourteen: Taking Over Me
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Blog Fourteen: Taking Over Me
Five years ago, my life changed.
We had evacuated the city like so many others near the coast line, watching from the back of cars as smoke spewed out of Cinnabar in the distance, so big and thick it could be seen from across the entire region. When we packed up the essentials and retreated for the hills, we all expected to return to find nothing, that the volcanoes eruption would have laid waste to the land and left only ash in its wake.
I think that's why what actually happened hurt so much. Instead of losing the city under a wash of molten lava, the destruction Giovanni caused was simply left there like a monument. Houses flattened as if made out of paper, sinkholes in the middle of streets: it was a disfigured ghost of what had been, enough left behind to recognise the city that had been, but it was no longer Viridian City.
Being young, I thought the fact our house hadn't been destroyed meant we had gotten off lightly. My room was still intact; we still had four walls; that meant we'd survived the worst of it, right?
Oh, little Alaska, what an innocent, naïve, stupid, moronic fucking idiot you were.
When Viridian was destroyed, so was the life that I knew. My home began to crumble around me, literally and figuratively. My older siblings abandoned us for boarding school, leaving me to tend to an over stressed mother, an increasingly depressed father and a clueless little brother all on my own. I was trapped, unable to leave and go on a journey, stuck in a city I couldn't recognise anymore.
And the more the city changed, the angrier I became. Everything had fallen apart and I didn't understand how or why. All I knew was that someone had to take the blame; someone had to be punished for destroying everything that I knew.
Team Rocket would have been the easy option, but they were just a faceless organisation, anyone that I could blame already dead.
But then we had the statue. Red, Leaf and Blue, staring down at the city they had let fall apart. The three saviours, the three that everyone adored, everyone except me, it seems. Sure, they saved the day in the end, but not before they had left a trail of destruction across the region. Every time I saw Red on TV, or Leaf hanging around her gym, I knew they should have to suffer for destroying my home, and I knew I was the one to make them pay.
For five years now, I've carried that anger with me. Finally, it might be time to let it go.
Well, not entirely. I don't think anyone can simply forgive all that pent up anger in a matter of minutes, not when it has been the fuel keeping me going all this time. However, I think it's time to start, as the old song goes, letting it go.
Over the last few days, I've seen the different ways that these wars and horrors have affected people. I've met people who have let their anger consume and define them, giving them a war-tinted outlook of the world. I've seen people so affected by what has happened that they are afraid to embrace the future, to look beyond their shattered lives and open their minds to what may come next. I've faced someone who wears their rage as a shield, letting it blind them to the possibilities of the world, so fixated on what has happened in the past.
But I saw a different way. I saw a way of taking everything that has happened to you and accepting it rather than letting it surround you. I've seen that it is possible to move on, to look at your past as something to escape from instead of something you need to avenge.
Throughout everything that's happened to me over the last few weeks, I have kept thinking back to Viridian, thinking about how I want someone to pay for what happened to my city. I am still angry that my city had to be sacrificed in order to stop a monster, but it's clear that the people I want to blame have suffered for their past: it's left them cautious and afraid, untrusting and weary, terrified that it might happen again. Just because they aren't crying at my feet begging for forgiveness doesn't mean that they've been affected.
I never wanted to be this person who goes off to war and saves the world. I don't want the weight of Kanto's future on my shoulders. But I also don't want to become what I despise. None of us chose to be in this position, but we can choose how we end this war. I have to accept what happened to me and my family for what it is because it's not going to defeat Gideon or Buzz. If I can accept things, if I can do this right, then maybe no one else will ever have to feel the way I've felt. Maybe I can end this all without anyone else having to suffer.
For years I've felt like the only person in the world left affected by what happened five years, but it's become oh so clear to me that I'm not the only one still consumed by the past. Every decision I've made has been because of that, and so has every decision that has been made against me, but I can't blame everyone else for how I've let things screw with my friendship and my Pokémon. Perhaps if everyone wasn't so fixated on the past they wouldn't be afraid of the future, and none of us would be in this mess, but the time has come to move on together. I don't want to say exactly what I went through this week – there are people reading this who can't know my exact moments – but I've put myself through enough, put my Pokémon through more, and it's time to focus on the future. If I can ignore five years of resentment, five years of internally screaming at a world I cannot recognise, if I can accept a few weeks of being controlled, then I think that most people should be able to forgive what I put myself through in order to reach this point.
Five years ago, my life changed, but the same can be said for a lot of people. I don't know if I will ever fully accept and move on from what happened to Viridian, but if I am going to win this war, it's time to put the past to rest… for now, at least. Because let's face it: who really knows what the future holds?
Yours reflectively,
Alaska
Just want to say thanks to everyone who voted for this story and characters in the awards! I appreciate the recognition
Five years ago, my life changed.
We had evacuated the city like so many others near the coast line, watching from the back of cars as smoke spewed out of Cinnabar in the distance, so big and thick it could be seen from across the entire region. When we packed up the essentials and retreated for the hills, we all expected to return to find nothing, that the volcanoes eruption would have laid waste to the land and left only ash in its wake.
I think that's why what actually happened hurt so much. Instead of losing the city under a wash of molten lava, the destruction Giovanni caused was simply left there like a monument. Houses flattened as if made out of paper, sinkholes in the middle of streets: it was a disfigured ghost of what had been, enough left behind to recognise the city that had been, but it was no longer Viridian City.
Being young, I thought the fact our house hadn't been destroyed meant we had gotten off lightly. My room was still intact; we still had four walls; that meant we'd survived the worst of it, right?
Oh, little Alaska, what an innocent, naïve, stupid, moronic fucking idiot you were.
When Viridian was destroyed, so was the life that I knew. My home began to crumble around me, literally and figuratively. My older siblings abandoned us for boarding school, leaving me to tend to an over stressed mother, an increasingly depressed father and a clueless little brother all on my own. I was trapped, unable to leave and go on a journey, stuck in a city I couldn't recognise anymore.
And the more the city changed, the angrier I became. Everything had fallen apart and I didn't understand how or why. All I knew was that someone had to take the blame; someone had to be punished for destroying everything that I knew.
Team Rocket would have been the easy option, but they were just a faceless organisation, anyone that I could blame already dead.
But then we had the statue. Red, Leaf and Blue, staring down at the city they had let fall apart. The three saviours, the three that everyone adored, everyone except me, it seems. Sure, they saved the day in the end, but not before they had left a trail of destruction across the region. Every time I saw Red on TV, or Leaf hanging around her gym, I knew they should have to suffer for destroying my home, and I knew I was the one to make them pay.
For five years now, I've carried that anger with me. Finally, it might be time to let it go.
Well, not entirely. I don't think anyone can simply forgive all that pent up anger in a matter of minutes, not when it has been the fuel keeping me going all this time. However, I think it's time to start, as the old song goes, letting it go.
Over the last few days, I've seen the different ways that these wars and horrors have affected people. I've met people who have let their anger consume and define them, giving them a war-tinted outlook of the world. I've seen people so affected by what has happened that they are afraid to embrace the future, to look beyond their shattered lives and open their minds to what may come next. I've faced someone who wears their rage as a shield, letting it blind them to the possibilities of the world, so fixated on what has happened in the past.
But I saw a different way. I saw a way of taking everything that has happened to you and accepting it rather than letting it surround you. I've seen that it is possible to move on, to look at your past as something to escape from instead of something you need to avenge.
Throughout everything that's happened to me over the last few weeks, I have kept thinking back to Viridian, thinking about how I want someone to pay for what happened to my city. I am still angry that my city had to be sacrificed in order to stop a monster, but it's clear that the people I want to blame have suffered for their past: it's left them cautious and afraid, untrusting and weary, terrified that it might happen again. Just because they aren't crying at my feet begging for forgiveness doesn't mean that they've been affected.
I never wanted to be this person who goes off to war and saves the world. I don't want the weight of Kanto's future on my shoulders. But I also don't want to become what I despise. None of us chose to be in this position, but we can choose how we end this war. I have to accept what happened to me and my family for what it is because it's not going to defeat Gideon or Buzz. If I can accept things, if I can do this right, then maybe no one else will ever have to feel the way I've felt. Maybe I can end this all without anyone else having to suffer.
For years I've felt like the only person in the world left affected by what happened five years, but it's become oh so clear to me that I'm not the only one still consumed by the past. Every decision I've made has been because of that, and so has every decision that has been made against me, but I can't blame everyone else for how I've let things screw with my friendship and my Pokémon. Perhaps if everyone wasn't so fixated on the past they wouldn't be afraid of the future, and none of us would be in this mess, but the time has come to move on together. I don't want to say exactly what I went through this week – there are people reading this who can't know my exact moments – but I've put myself through enough, put my Pokémon through more, and it's time to focus on the future. If I can ignore five years of resentment, five years of internally screaming at a world I cannot recognise, if I can accept a few weeks of being controlled, then I think that most people should be able to forgive what I put myself through in order to reach this point.
Five years ago, my life changed, but the same can be said for a lot of people. I don't know if I will ever fully accept and move on from what happened to Viridian, but if I am going to win this war, it's time to put the past to rest… for now, at least. Because let's face it: who really knows what the future holds?
Yours reflectively,
Alaska
Just want to say thanks to everyone who voted for this story and characters in the awards! I appreciate the recognition