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Land of Monsters (Three)

Re: Land of Monsters (1)

Yep. Odd how one the voice of reason refuses to do something, yet he does it anyway for some reason. I call it Dumbass Syndrome. Someone sees something stupid, and despite adamant refusal to emulate it, does it anyway. Highly contagious.
 
Re: Land of Monsters (1)

This is intriguing. I have to wonder if Ren is going to find Kenji in this world or alternate-Kenji or whatever.

But then again, I have to wonder about a lot of things. This isn't any usual sort of Pokémon fic, Legacy, I have to give you that. I'm enthralled.

Add me to the mention list, please!
 
Re: Land of Monsters (1)

Pokémon Trainer Calvin said:
Yep. Odd how one the voice of reason refuses to do something, yet he does it anyway for some reason. I call it Dumbass Syndrome. Someone sees something stupid, and despite adamant refusal to emulate it, does it anyway. Highly contagious.
Click to expand...

It does seem dumb like I said, but I think it's feasible that a couple of teenage guys would do something reckless like that. After all, they both used to collect bugs religiously by the sounds of it.
 
Re: Land of Monsters (1)

Yeah, the hornet thing is something I can relate to. When I was 15, my friends and I did any number of dangerous, dumb things just for the heck of it. Call it stupidity or just recklessness, I guess. And like Ren, I sometimes wasn't comfortable doing some of the dumb stunts we pulled, but you kind of just say, "F--- it, why not?"

Hey, again, thank you so much all of you reading and reviewing. It honestly means a lot to me.
 
Re: Land of Monsters (1)

Hello, NG reporting in for The Review Game, here's my review.

Well, I have to be honest. Your story isn't the sort of thing I usually read, though in this case I do have to say it wasn't a bad experience. Your writing skills are very good, your grasp of sentence structure, variety, word choice, all of that is excellent. I felt like in the beginning of the prologue you got a bit over-descriptive, though that is an easy thing to do at the beginnings of stories, but it wasn't enough to be all that noticeable. I specifically remember was one point where you wrote "apprehensiveness" that could have been replaced with "apprehension", for simplicity's sake, but all-in-all your writing ability is high and the only advice I can think to say is maybe pay attention to whether you are saying what you mean to say in the most efficient way possible, as in the fewest words, most exact definition, etc. I can't find fault in your writing style, so I encourage you to keep doing what you're doing, all that's left at this point is basically just to perfect yourself.

About the story itself, what you've got here is basically a portal-fantasy. Considering I sort of loathe the very idea of portal-fantasies, you can take that into account as I discuss your story's premise and your execution. Now, as I said, this wasn't an awful experience for me, considering I wouldn't ordinarily read anything like this. I definitely enjoyed how your introduction to the character and his real-world situation was short and sweet but also very thorough. We learned a lot in that small bit of writing and it didn't feel like an info dump at all, which is great. The fact that the real-World part didn't drag on, and very quickly got us into the pokemon fantasy world is perfect, and exactly what stories like this (or any story, really, in my opinion) needs to do: that is get right down to business and introduce us to the main plot and problem that needs to be solved. So basically your pacing is spot on, and that isn't easy to do. I applaud you, sir.

That said however, I found the opening narrative of Ren sort of day-dreaming that he was part of the video game to be a bit silly. An RPG video game maybe, (though I still find it a stretch. Books have that kind of immersion, occasionally movies, but video games, I'm not all that convinced) but the sorts of games they have at an arcade, that have very simplistic plots, if they have any at all, I have to say I find it really unlikely. Ren comes off as a very realistic guy, considering he's giving up on all his dreams to go work in a power plant for practicalities sake, so him buying that much into a video game that sounds like it's Mario saving Princess Peach from Donkey Kong, seems really weird to me. I'm not too sure yet what I think about your choice to set your Real-World in Japan, rather than another place, considering the Pokemon world doesn't seem especially connected to Japan, so you could reasonably have chosen anywhere int he world to place them. On the one hand its a nice change from America/ British/Australian kid thrown in the pokemon world! On the other, portraying a culture that isn't your own well can be tricky, (I'm assuming you aren't Japanese or living in Japan, if you are, than just ignore this.) So far things seem alright, though I've noticed a lack of honorifics, not sure how I feel about that yet. Could be good or bad, I'll have to see (Ah, you may have caught me here, I'm already assuming I'll read more!)

The hornet escapade is definitely a 'different' way to fall into another world. I mean, usually people fall into a suspicious hole or get sucked into a mysterious vortex in the sky or something but I don't think I've ever heard of a story where the character woke up in another world after being almost lethally stung by hornets. That's definitely a new one. Initially I was leery of this, since I'm used to portals where something weird happens in the Real-World before we get sucked up into the Magic One, so we pretty much expect that something weird is happening before we even encounter the actual fantasy world, but I was sort of intrigued by the possibility that Ren's waking up from seemingly just being knocked out presents. Like maybe the Real World is a weird hallucination or something, or he's actually been in this Pokemon world for a while, and he just lost his memory of it and reverted back to the last thing he remembered from the Real World. I don't know, I'm definitely interested to see what is going on. Though if something really interesting isn't going on than I'll be a little disappointed. Hop-skip to another subject, I think you're description of the pokemon could be a bit more descriptive, though. I mean, I couldn't figure out you meant a Persian, I heard whitish cat and thought Mewtwo? even as I was like, is he even a cat, though? Persian is definitely cream-colored, I would say. And I'm still not sure which the bird is, my first thought was Honchkrow but I'm also thinking Staraptor, even though he isn't black. I just think there's no point being very mysterious with which pokemon you mean so you should try a little harder to make it apparent which pokemon it is Ren is seeing.

This is more personal preference, but I'm not really digging the whole 'people living in a hobble/squalor/tiny-village' thing. While it does seems pretty true-to-form for a portal fantasy, considering it isn't that way in the source material taking away the technology seems a bit...well, easy, I guess. No one is going to commit him to an asylum or ask for identification or anything like that, so he has an easy out. It's not quite to the point of feeling contrived to me, but it is definitely a choice on your part, since it diverges from the source material, so I suppose I'll just have to see how it plays out. I also have to be honest in saying that I'm sensing the villagers are about to announce that he's their long awaited hero destined by some prophecy or some such thing, and I desperately hope it isn't the case that some sort of prophecy or something is about to be mentioned, but I'm terribly afraid that there is. Prophecies aren't inherently bad, but they are so overused and badly used to give some kind of badly patched-together excuse for people to glorify some random child (not just in fanfiction, but in literature in general) that I get twitchy whenever they show up in stories. Generally I feel like prophecies should be avoided if there's any way at all to do so. But I suppose I'll just have to wait see where you plan on going with this. I'm still waiting to be introduced to what the main plot is going to be (other than saving the world and getting back home, since the main plot of all portal-fantasies is saving the world and getting back home) but I think you've managed to accomplish a lot in a prologue and a chapter.

Well, there you go, all my opinions. I hope this was helpful to you in some way and I look forward to seeing where this is going.
 
Re: Land of Monsters (1)

Wow, thanks for the awesome review! I especially appreciate the negative things you brought up. I'm always looking for tips and suggestions on how to improve myself for my writing future (if there is one haha).

Anyways, thanks again.
 
Re: Land of Monsters (1)

Consider me hooked. I knew I would be when you started out with Donkey Kong, but as I kept going, I continued finding things I loved. Ren is relatable right off the bat, and he and Kenji have a wonderful dynamic. I really started to sympathize with Ren when it was revealed that his father died, but as I kept going, I realized I figured out almost everything I needed to know about Ren through the Donkey Kong segment. I got a sense of his dedication and determination; his sense of duty to protect everyone around him, even his wistfulness and willingness to take on the hardships of others and help them. His dynamic with Sora is interesting too. I couldn't really tell if Sora was supposed to be younger or older than Ren at first, but I had expected Fey to be significantly older, given that she seemed to be acting as the town's doctor (I make that leap because, if the town had a healer or doctor, I would've thought Ren would've been taken to them in order to receive the best care the village could provide, even if her's is the house of the boy he saved). I loved the nod to bug collecting, but ugh god those hornets! I'm already a bit phobic of bugs, but those...things just make me shudder when I see them - or read your descriptions of them!

Speaking of descriptions, gah, dat scenery porn! I loved the way you described the town, the fields, the pokémon (though I admit, I couldn't really tell which pokémon you were going for. I had no idea that was a Persian until you mentioned it - I always thought they were a creamy sort of color with dark eyes), just...everything is so beautifully rich and detailed, and I loved every second of it.

I'm so glad I caught one of your stories from the very beginning, and I can't wait to keep following it! I'd love to be mentioned in future chapters, if you don't mind.
 
Re: Land of Monsters (1)

Feliciano said:
Consider me hooked. I knew I would be when you started out with Donkey Kong, but as I kept going, I continued finding things I loved. Ren is relatable right off the bat, and he and Kenji have a wonderful dynamic. I really started to sympathize with Ren when it was revealed that his father died, but as I kept going, I realized I figured out almost everything I needed to know about Ren through the Donkey Kong segment. I got a sense of his dedication and determination; his sense of duty to protect everyone around him, even his wistfulness and willingness to take on the hardships of others and help them. His dynamic with Sora is interesting too. I couldn't really tell if Sora was supposed to be younger or older than Ren at first, but I had expected Fey to be significantly older, given that she seemed to be acting as the town's doctor (I make that leap because, if the town had a healer or doctor, I would've thought Ren would've been taken to them in order to receive the best care the village could provide, even if her's is the house of the boy he saved). I loved the nod to bug collecting, but ugh god those hornets! I'm already a bit phobic of bugs, but those...things just make me shudder when I see them - or read your descriptions of them!

Speaking of descriptions, gah, dat scenery porn! I loved the way you described the town, the fields, the pokémon (though I admit, I couldn't really tell which pokémon you were going for. I had no idea that was a Persian until you mentioned it - I always thought they were a creamy sort of color with dark eyes), just...everything is so beautifully rich and detailed, and I loved every second of it.

I'm so glad I caught one of your stories from the very beginning, and I can't wait to keep following it! I'd love to be mentioned in future chapters, if you don't mind.
Click to expand...

Thank you so much, @Feliciano; for the review and for the kind words. In all seriousness, coming from a writer like yourself, it means a lot.

I took some creative liberty with the Pokemon. Persian, I did end up using the real name, but tweaked the appearance slightly. I realize this might be a little distracting or weird and I have some reasoning behind this that will make sense (I hope haha) at the end of the story.

I guess the best way to describe it is to say this story is heavily based on Pokemon obviously, but is its own separate verse entirely with no relation to the anime, manga or games besides the general concept of the existence of these creatures and some of their English and Japanese names.

I totally know it sounds arrogant as heck to say, "Ooh, Im this greeeeat writer who thinks he can just totally reinvent the world, etc." I don't at all think that about myself as a writer (I think I have a lot of improvement to do as a writer, especially after reading a lot of the other fics posted in the Workshop), but the truth is... it's more fun to do it this way for me. And I suck at writing canon characters because I am not good at capturing their familiar emotions and personalities.
 
Re: Land of Monsters (1)

You had me from the DK reference at the beginning :p

As ever expected Legacy, your writing form is top notch, with almost no issues. Very easy to read with a great description bringing us into the world you are spinning.

I like the introduction of the feudal-esque village, which was well done and presented effectively. Obviously plot-wise there isn't much to say, but the characters seem to have been set up well it seems, with plenty of thought behind them and plenty of room to expand.

My only slight gripe was with the Persian, where you state that:

Entering through the open door, a large, snow white creature with amazingly bright sapphire-like eyes stood before Ren
Click to expand...

Don't Persian's have red eyes? wouldn't the phrase "amazingly bright ruby-like eyes" be more fitting? Of course if i'm mistaken disregard everything i just said :p


Overall, great start and i can't wait to continue reading!
 
Re: Land of Monsters (1)

I noticed that too, but Legacy said its kind of a loosely based on Pokèmon thing. Not any sort of trueness to the anime or games so I guess the appearance of the critters themselves is included. I think it's exciting!
 
Re: Land of Monsters (1)

some colour no doubt said:
You had me from the DK reference at the beginning :p

As ever expected Legacy, your writing form is top notch, with almost no issues. Very easy to read with a great description bringing us into the world you are spinning.

I like the introduction of the feudal-esque village, which was well done and presented effectively. Obviously plot-wise there isn't much to say, but the characters seem to have been set up well it seems, with plenty of thought behind them and plenty of room to expand.

My only slight gripe was with the Persian, where you state that:

Entering through the open door, a large, snow white creature with amazingly bright sapphire-like eyes stood before Ren
Click to expand...

Don't Persian's have red eyes? wouldn't the phrase "amazingly bright ruby-like eyes" be more fitting? Of course if i'm mistaken disregard everything i just said :p


Overall, great start and i can't wait to continue reading!
Click to expand...

Thanks so much for the review, @some colour no doubt;

Yes, like mentioned above, my story is not based on any canon and I will be taking some artistic liberties with things that people will notice if they read. I won't give those things away, but think of this story as merely "based" on the Pokemon concept.
 
Re: Land of Monsters (1)

So how's the next chapter coming along, Legacy? Not meaning to rush you, just curious.
 
Re: Land of Monsters (1)

Ah! I'm glad I caught this early on too! Hi Legacy, it's nice to meet you. ^^

I am one to agree with many of the things said. Your writing is fluent, I really got into it, and your dialogue is wonderful! I adore dialogue, aha. The way Kenji and Ren cared about each other and still got in casual bicker and all was rather lovely, if I do say so myself. I'm pretty sure you were spot on with their friendship, because of the way they disregarded something minorly crude the other said and got along. I adored the idea of the hornets' nest, and the way Ren passed out and ended up in the new world. Much more creative than a black hole or something of the sort, as NoirGrimoir said! I think Ren reacted like any person of his character would have, making him very relatable. ^^

My only urk are the Pokemon descriptions, as some others have mentioned. I see that you're loosely basing the looks of these Pokemon on the ones in the "modern era," but I want to ask for clarity, is there a jewel on the Persian's forehead, or is that not in the medieval era? Y'know, just to give more perspicuity to the readers. =] Perhaps the black/other color edging to their ears are still evident? Or maybe some more description of its body, to give more of a "fleshed out" look rather than any panther one might think of, or thick paws, or even the curl in its tail. =] Just some ideas. Overall, it's really fun, and I can't wait to see where it's going to go. ^^ I can feel it with my spidey senses...it's gonna be a good adventure! *Laughs*
 
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Re: Land of Monsters (1)

Next chapter is in the works. Nearly half done. Should be ready in a few days, hopefully.

Thanks @SwampertShoes; for reading! I will work on the descriptions of the monsters.
 
Re: Land of Monsters (1)

No problem, @Legacy! =] And you do that! :D No pressure in getting it finished fast. Take your time. =]
 
Re: Land of Monsters (1)

Haha. It's coming together. Not long now.
 
I have decided to re-kindle this story!


Three
Sis and Bro​



Ren gazed in awe as the huge bird disappeared into the dazzling blue distance. Again, Ren figured he must be dreaming. He violently shook his head as though to somehow jar himself awake, but the throbbing pain from his bandaged head wound felt all too real. Wincing with a mixture of pain and utter confusion over the situation, Ren did his best to gather himself as Elder Pa's strong voice continued to echo throughout the village square.

"From the Monarch of Borane..." the elder recited from the scroll of parchment the bird had delivered. "Loyal subjects of our vast, peaceful nation, greetings from the throne in Golden City..."

Ren sighed. He felt like he had been dropped in the middle of a Hollywood movie set. He watched Elder Pa as he kept reading to the crowd.

"... Borane, with all her beautiful and bountiful lands, seas and skies, is a region of unity, togetherness and harmony. We, her sons and daughters, are one people, one family. United as we are, the time has come to recognize those who seek glory for whichever village, town or city he or she calls home. Thusly, it is with pleasure that I deem this day to mark the beginning of the official Grand Quest of Borane!"

Excited chatter erupted from all around Ren. Grand Quest of Borane? Ren glanced over at Sora, hoping for some kind of whispered explanation, but the boy was paying no attention to him. Ren had to laugh at how beside himself with delight Sora looked.

"... The time has arrived for each of Borane's villages, towns and cities to send their sponsored sons and daughters into the night in hopes that they return home as the Champion with a new life full of fame and riches! Let the Grand Quest of Borane commence!"

More boisterous cheers emanated from the Masara citizens. Elder Pa put the scroll down and, with a twinkle in his eye, smiled at the crowd.

"Masara is a proud village," he said. "The opportunity the Monarch provides is generous. The time has come for our two brave Masaran sons to begin their journeys!"

Ren couldn't do anything but chuckle to himself. This couldn't be real, but the shivers and goosebumps on his arms gave him away as intrigued by this so-called quest for glory.

"Talbut, son of Archer!" Elder Pa announced to the crowd's delight.

From across the village square, Ren watched a strapping young man of probably eighteen with blonde mane and blacksmith's arms stand and approach the stage. A solemn expression sat on Talbut's strong-jawed face as he stepped up before the elder. Ren assumed Talbut was one of the two Masarans that had been chosen to go on this quest, whatever it was. He was a good choice, Ren figured. Talbut had the look of a warrior in his forest green cloak, and regardless of what the Grand Quest entailed, he seemed formidable.

Ren was about to turn to Sora to try again asking what exactly was going on when Elder Pa turned back to the crowd.

"... And our second traveler, Sora, son of Hudson!"

Ren saw that Sora was trying hard to mask the look of sheer glee on his face. In stark contrast to the dignified-looking Talbut, Sora practically bounded back up onto the stage next to Talbut and Elder Pa.

"My sons, you have been chosen as heroes of our village," Elder Pa said when Sora had reached them. "The Monarch himself has promised extravagant riches to the victor of his Grand Quest. Such spoils would promise that our children would never suffer from hunger and our sick and diseased would be cared for. While Masara is no loveless merchant town obsessed with imported goods, such riches would allow us to flourish, to live on without fear."

Sora and Talbut both wore hardened expressions at these words. The crowd all around the square stood silent. Ren saw many of the villagers with unmistakable looks of admiration and hope. Even though Ren still had no clue what was happening, he could tell that whatever this was, it was a big deal to these people.

Three men wearing similar garb as Elder Pa walked up onto the stage, each carrying in their arms a large clay pot the size of a grocery bag.

"Talbut and Sora, Masara is proud of your bravery and sacrifice. To aid you on your journey, we villagers who were able, combined resources to buy gifts for both of you."

Talbut was stone-faced and Sora was wide-eyed as they each were handed a clay pot. They each set them down on the ground in front of them.

"Hatchlings, purchased from Golden City," Elder Pa said with a smile.

Talbut reached into his clay pot and carefully removed something, cradling it like a newborn. It took Ren a second to realize that it was actually some sort of animal: a small, green reptilian creature with stumps for legs and a strange green bulb growing on its back. It looked like a miniature dragon wearing an onion.

"Talbut, we grant to you the power of the Half-Plant Lizard, one of the rarest and awe-inspiring creatures on our planet. May you and he form a fearsome duo and find ample success in harnessing his powers."

Ren had never seen anything like it, not even on television. The rest of Masara must have felt the same way because a reverent silence rang loudly as though the creature in Talbut's arms wasn't a very common sight.

"Sora," Elder Pa said and gestured towards the younger boy.

Sora too lifted out a tiny living thing from the pot. It looked different from Talbut's, although it was also reptilian. Ren craned his neck and saw that Sora was holding what looked like a blue turtle with a red shell.

"Young Sora, we offer you the power of the Armored Water-Breather, a creature who embodies the power of crashing seas. May you unleash his potential and reap the rewards on your quest together."

Sora looked like a little boy who had just been given the greatest birthday present ever. His grin was wide, his unkempt red hair like a dancing fire. He hugged the reptile as if it was his own infant son.

"Thank you, Edler Pa!" Sora stammered excitedly. "I will protect him with my life."

"Indeed. And in return, with proper training and care, he will undoubtedly offer the same protection to you during your quest, my son."

Elder Pa gave another smile and gestured for the Masaran villagers to offer their appreciation once more to Talbut and Sora on stage. In unison, every man, woman and child in the audience placed their right hands over their hearts and made fists. Ren assumed it was some sort of traditional salute, and he clumsily copied them as Talbut and Sora stood proudly and accepted.

After the villagers had finished showing their respect, Sora looked around looking as though he had a question in mind.

"Elder Pa?" asked Sora shyly, clearly aware of all the eyes trained on him.

"My son?"

"What lies within that third container?" Sora replied, pointing to the third cloaked man.

Elder Pa chuckled and glanced out into the crowd, scanning eyes until his fell upon Ren's. It was as though everyone in attendance was holding their breath in anticipation.

"Our young Sora's observation is correct. A third kettle sits before us. Inside this container lies a third and final hatchling from Golden City. The other elders and I had intended to raise it here in Masara, but in light of the arrival of our esteemed guest, Ren, and his heroic exploits, the elders and I wish to award this hatchling to him."

Rumblings of approval and excitement came from the crowd, which eased Ren's nerves, although he was still flabbergasted by the entire scene. He looked over at Sora, who looked overjoyed. Elder Pa extended his hand to Ren, who felt his knees shaking as he walked back up onto the stage and stood next to the other two boys.

"Master Ren," Pa said. "Please accept this as a token of Masara's gratitude. You are obviously free to do with it as you see fit, but our village would be honored if you too participated in this Grand Quest as our patron."

The cloaked man set down the final clay container in front of Ren's feet. Ren looked down and saw a third reptilian curled up and asleep at the bottom. This lizard had no bulb or shell on its back. It had red, scaly skin and looked like a tiny dinosaur. Sensing the crowd was yearning to see the third hatchling, Ren carefully reached down and scooped up the sleeping creature. He held it up for all to see. Sora looked ready to explode with a mixture of elation and jealousy.

"This," Elder Pa explained, "is the Fire Dragon, one of the most revered and powerful creatures in our world. Their kind can be temperamental and difficult to train, but once mastered, Fire Dragons are lauded for their loyalty and ferocity."

Almost instantly, a peculiar thing happened when Ren lifted the tiny Fire Dragon into the air. It immediately awoke revealing a pair of ruby-red eyes, and to Ren's amazement, a vibrant blue and orange fire the size of a cigarette lighter flame ignited at the tip of its tail. It hissed and opened its jaws, spitting out a stream of yellow fire.

But as if that wasn't astounding enough, Ren himself began to feel his own body temperature rise as though he was sitting inside of a camp fire. He suddenly felt an intense feeling of fear and was immediately aware of just how big of a crowd was in attendance and watching him. He wanted to jump into the clay pot and hide. It was strange though. Ren hadn't believed Masara was even real. He hadn't been scared before. It wasn't until he had taken hold of his Fire Dragon and it had awoken in front of such a crowd that he felt such fear.

Ren looked down at the creature in his arms. It was shaking, obviously frightened. Ren blinked, and blinked again. What in the world?

Emanating from the Fire Dragon's body were bursts of random colors and waves like one would see if they closed their eyes and rubbed them. Ren was seeing stars, but they weren't stars at all. Whatever this strange aura around his hatchling was, it felt like fear. He glanced around at the villagers. Apparently, Ren was the only one able to see it.

"It's okay," Ren said soothingly as he cradled it in his arms like Sora and Talbut had done.

This seemed to calm the baby Fire Dragon, and interestingly, Ren felt his own nerves calmed as well. The loud, jagged aura of fear immediately settled into something softer and quieter. Ren gently placed the creature back into the clay pot, still as confused and dumbfounded as ever by the strange connection he had felt.

What in the world was going on? It didn't matter, though. Once Ren woke up from this ridiculous dream and returned to his life in Japan…

"And now, with new partners to aid them on their way, the time has come for our heroes to begin their voyage. Masara is proud to have you representing us. Our hearts are with you!"

Another round of fist-over-hearts salutes and polite applause broke out. After reveling in the appreciation for a few moments, Talbut walked over and shook Sora's hand, his Half-Plant creature in tow.

"May Lady Luck grant you her grace, Sora," he said in a predictably deep voice. "I will be leaving now in hopes of returning with the bounties of victory."

"Thank you, Talbut... You are departing this second? I thought we would travel as companions?"

Talbut smiled. He shook his head as he fastened his cloak and threw his knapsack over his broad shoulders.

"Please do not take my refusal as disrespect, Young Sora," he said. "I prefer to travel alone. But you have sharp wits and a strong intellect. I know in my heart that you will make Masara proud as I intend to do.

Sora seemed disappointed but also strengthened by Talbut's words. With his shelled hatchling in his arms, Sora nodded his thanks and gave Talbut a nod.

"For Masara," he said with a look of determination.

"For Masara," Talbut replied before turning his attention to Ren.

"Master Ren. Best of luck to you as well. I do not know if you are participating in the Grand Quest as well, but your bravery and selflessness is an inspiration nonetheless. I hope that we will meet again."

Ren shook Talbut's hand and gave him a clumsy salute. And with that, Talbut exited the stage to more smatterings of applause. Ren watched him leave with a feeling of admiration and wonder. He still had no idea about what this quest was all about. Sora and Talbut had apparently been chosen by the village to represent them in whatever this contest was. And they were apparently supposed to travel along with their brand new creatures as partners?

Ren didn't have a whole lot of time to try to process everything he had seen before Sora was tugging on his shirt sleeve.

"Master Ren," he said. "What is your intention?"

"What?"

"My apologies. What I mean is, is it your intention to participate in the Grand Quest as well?"

Ren didn't know what to say. He just wanted someone to wake him up. The hornet venom must have been affected him in a profound way. The strange, beautiful village he found himself in, the fantastic creatures that had been delivered in clay pots, the funny way people spoke… it was all a bit overwhelming. All he wanted to do was see Kenji just long enough to punch him for convincing him to hunt those damn hornets.

"Uh…" was all Ren could manage.

"It would be my honor if you and your Fire Dragon accompanied me on my journey." Sora said shyly. "It is my admission that I feel a great deal of apprehension at the prospect of traveling so far from home on my own."

Ren looked into Sora's deep blue eyes and saw that the younger boy looked ashamed to have asked Ren to accompany him. Ren could tell that Sora felt the pressure to succeed at whatever this quest required and that he believed someone hand picked by his village should not experience boyish fears of loneliness.

"Of course, it is understandable if you must return home," Sora added quickly.

Ren didn't know what to do. He absolutely wanted to return home. None of this was real. Sora and this quest weren't real. And this strange creature with a tail of fire sleeping in a clay pot definitely could not be real. Despite this, however, the hopeful twinkle in Sora's eyes certainly was convincing. Ren didn't have the heart to tell Sora that he was nothing but a hornet-venom-induced figment of Ren's subconsciousness.

"My dragon and I will accept your invitation, Sora, on one condition," Ren said with a sigh. What difference did it make? He'd awaken soon.

Ren might as well have told Sora that Christmas had come early.

"Name your condition, Master Ren! Anything and it is yours."

"Actually, two conditions," Ren replied. "Before we go on this journey or whatever it is, you have to do two things. First, you have to start just calling me 'Ren.' And second... tell me what the hell I'm getting myself into, anyway."

Sora laughed and ushered Ren down from the stage.

"Of course, Ren."

After thanking Elder Pa and accepting well-wishes from several of the straggling villagers, Sora led Ren across the village to a small wooden house with a thatched roof similar to the other buildings along the cobblestone. The sun had begun to set on beautiful Masara, and the scenery was even more breathtaking in the golden glow of evening.

Ren and Sora walked in the door carrying their clay pots. The Fire Lizard was again fast asleep inside, which was fine with Ren. He still didn't know what he was supposed to do with the strange creature or how it was supposed to help him on this journey he knew nothing about. He couldn't wait to get answers.

"Welcome, Master Ren," Sora said as they entered. "It's not much, but it's home."

Sora's house was small, like a cozy cabin. The floors were dirt, the walls made from mismatched panels of wood. A roaring fire was already built in the stone fireplace in the corner, providing an inviting orange glow of warmth. A metal cauldron was sitting inside with something delicious-smelling bubbling away.

"The healing serum seems to be working," said a girl's voice.

Sora's sister Fey, whom he had seen at the village square, walked in from the other room. A small boy hid behind her legs peaking around nervously at Ren. He recognized this boy as Jo from the ceremony as well.

"Do not be shy, brother. Ren is the reason you still stand here today," she said. "You owe him your life."

Ren blushed and waved awkwardly at the small boy.

"Sora tells me I have you to thank for patching me up. Thank you," Ren said, bowing to Fey. He was getting used to simply going with the flow by now rather than wasting time being befuddled.

"No thanks needed, Ren. Not only is it my duty as a healer, but you saved my brother."

Fey's face didn't waver. She stepped forward, unemotional as she examined Ren's head-wound in business-like fashion. Ren, once again, had no clue what he was supposed to say or do next. He let Fey rewrap his bandage and fuss about how it probably wasn't a good idea for him to be traveling.

"Um, so, about all that," Ren finally managed to utter. "I have some questions if you don't mind."

Before Fey could answer, Sora and Fey's equally redheaded parents entered offering Ren the same expressions of admiration and respect as before. They warmly welcomed him to their home and insisted that he let them know if he needed anything. They made sure he comfortable at the square wooded table in the middle of the room. Fey served a delicious meal of fresh baked bread and some sort of game along with a plethora of the same sweet berries as before.

"Eat quickly," Sora instructed happily. "If we leave by sundown, we can catch up to Talbut by the time he hits Carmine."

"Not so fast, brother," Fey replied firmly. "Ren will spend one more night here before I will allow him to exert himself to such an extent."

"But if we do not leave before morning, we will fall even more behind Talbut!"

"There will be no debate. If you insist on dragging Ren along as you galavant off on some fool's errand for glory, the least I ask is for our hero to get one final night of true recovery before he is subjected to the elements and the exertion of travel."

Sora scowled but seemed to know better than cross his sister. From the looks of things, it seemed as though Fey wasn't a huge fan of the idea of the Grand Quest at all.

After dinner, Sora showed Ren to his sleeping quarters which was nothing more than a corner of the main area walled off by several bails of hay. There were two straw beds and a small wooden table supporting a candle. A third makeshift bed had been constructed for Ren. After Sora's parents had gone to sleep in the next room with Jo, Fey entered the room and extinguished all the lights except for the single candle on the table next to their beds. She examined Ren's bandages one final time before climbing into her bed.

"Sleep quickly, Ren!" Sora squealed, kicking his feet in excitement like a small child. "Tomorrow, we depart!"

"I believed you promised me some answers, Sora."

"Indeed, I did. What do you wish to know?"

Ren almost laughed out loud at the question. Where should he even start? Ren decided to forgo any talk about this being a dream. He could plainly see that this entire situation was crazy, and he had grown tired of being in a constant state of wonder. Until he awoke from whatever this was, he decided that he would just play along.

"So, from what I gathered at the ceremony earlier today, this is Masara, which is a village in Borane. Is that correct?"

Sora and Fey nodded, although they both wore expressions of pity that sane people usually wore around mental patients.

"You truly have no recollection of anything prior to today?" asked Fey, who again took particular interest in staring at Ren's bandaging again.

"Well, sure I do," Ren replied. "But that's just it. Last thing I remember, I was with my friend Kenji back in Tokyo. We were bug catching. Next thing I know, I wake up here in Masara, a place that doesn't even exist."

"Your memory will return to you in due time, Ren," Fey said confidently. "Until that moment, Sora and I will try our best to assist you in any way we are able."

"So this 'Grand Quest of Borane,'" Ren continued. "Tell me more about Borane."

"Well, as you heard before when Elder Pa was reciting from the Monarch's scroll, Borane is the nation we live in. The Monarch rules over the entire nation with honor and respect."

"And I heard something about a 'Golden City?'"

"Indeed," Sora continued. "Golden City is our capital city, the wealthiest and largest in all of Borane. The Monarch, his cabinet of advisors and all of Borane's brightest stars call it home. That's where the elders purchased the hatchlings."

"That reminds me," Ren replied. "Hatchlings. What are these things? Where I'm from, our animals don't spit fire."

Sora seemed legitimately perplexed on how to tackle Ren's question.

"Hatchlings, meaning that our monsters are less than a span in age. I know not what monsters are like back in... your world. Here, monsters --the byname we have given our fauna-- with abilities owned by your Fire Dragon and my Water-Breather are extremely rare. Most of our wildlife lives without means of elemental intervention."

"This was undoubtedly why young Sora here was unable to show any sort of dignified restraint today at he ceremony when he received his hatchling," Fey interjected with a wry grin.

Sora threw some hay at his sister who giggled. Ren just sighed.

"So, back to this Quest, then," he said. "Why did the Elders buy these things for us? How are they going to help us?"

"Probably easiest to explain exactly what the Grand Quest of Borane entails, no?" Fey asked.

"Sounds good to me," said Ren.

"The Monarch first announced it three span ago. He said he wished for a nationwide competition to entertain him. You see, training monsters to compete in battle with one another is something of a pastime to many across our nation. Physical competitions of strength and the abilities of the trainers to prepare their fighters."

"Sounds kind of like cock fighting," Ren commented.

"Pardon me?"

"Nothing, sorry. Please continue."

"The Grand Quest of Borane is a yearlong competition during which sponsored participants such as Talbut and myself will be traveling all across Borane in search of the Monarch's seven Coinkeepers. These Coinkeepers will award a golden coin to any participant who discovers their whereabouts and defeats them in battle with his or her monster."

Ren imagined video game bosses and was suddenly very interested in the mystery and adventure of the quest.

"Sounds challenging," he's said.

"Indeed," replied Sora. "At the end of the year, all participants who are able to collect all seven coins from all across Borane will get to compete in the Grand Tournament in Golden City before the Monarch himself. The winner of this tournament..."

"Gets eternal glory and riches and all that," Ren finished, a twinkle in his eye. This dream was beginning to take an interesting turn.

"So what are your thoughts, Ren?" Fey asked, looking anxious.

"Yes, do you still wish to accompany me on my journey?"

"I'll tell you what, Sora," Ren said with a hearty yawn. "If I'm still here in the morning, I'll come with you on your little quest. It sounds kind of fun."

Ren felt a bit guilty as Sora let loose a cheer of triumph. Ren felt his eyelids getting heavy. This was it. He figured once he "fell asleep" here in Masara, he would awaken in some hospital room back in Tokyo. He chuckled at the chaos and unbelievable craziness he had witnessed in his subconsciousness. Ren bid goodnight to Sora and Fey and made himself comfortable on the hay.

"See you at sunrise, Ren," he heard Sora say.

"Sure, whatever you say, Sora," he replied.
 
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I actually meant to review this anyway so I won't post this as a Review Game, er, review. Also, this'll be the first time I'll be using a template to review from, aren't you lucky?

Technical Accuracy/Style
Technical accuracy is very good. I spotted one error - a "bail" of hay rather than a "bale". Anyway, I like the style. It gets the job done without a lot of words in the way - often I see writers trying too hard to be clever in their writing, and this can get in the way of easy reading. Yours doesn't do that. I especially like how you set the scene without telling the reader absolutely everything about what's going on.

Clever lampshade on the peculiar loquaciousness of the villagers. I might have commented that it was strange, but duh, that's the point.

Story
I have a pet peeve about using the word "plot" here. Call it asinine, but to me a story need not contain many events to be a story, though a plot suggests that it should. That mad comment aside, it looks like you've essentially created a Pokémon Fantasy. I'll be interested to see how you deal with things like fantastic societies and technology - which is where I suspect slip-ups will happen, so researching analogous time periods or peoples is a good idea - but so far it feels real. There's a lot going on in Chapter One beneath the waters, so I hope that Ren will develop as the story continues, even though he ain't in Tokyo no more

Characters
I don't dislike Ren, but I'm not in love with him either. He makes sense as a character, and his situation in Chapter One was handled well. Like a lot of kid heroes he does seem a bit mature for his age, but I'm not sure if I want to call that a problem. He is in a sticky family situation after all. As to the supporting cast, I haven't made my mind up yet. I'm finding it a little hard to relate to Sora, and that may be down to the odd way he speaks

Final Thoughts
I shall be keeping an eye on this, I think. The story has caught my interest and I'd like to see where it goes
 
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