Online Relationships - Your Opinion? [WARNING: Controversial Topic?]

[Ho-oh]

As mentioned by the title, what do you think about these so-called "online boy/girlfriend"s?

I know they're getting increasingly common nowadays: dating sites that actually help people find a life-long partner, social networking websites, and yes, Bulbagarden itself.

Which brings me to my next point. I noticed quite a few relationships here (not to be nosy or anything, but some are just plainly obvious) and while no names will be mentioned, it's definitely had me thinking:

"Do these things actually work out?"

The majority may be for fun (and indeed, many real-life romantic relationships don't turn out to be serious either) or they may actually be full-blown "love" relationships.

What's your stance? Debate, discuss, and follow the forum rules.

EDIT: $aturn¥oshi brought up a good point about friendship.

So, in addition to love, what about online friends as well? Do those work and exist? You can't know the true personality of your "friend", and you don't know what he does IRL (you only have his/her word for it).

What do you think about that?

 

[Mooites]

Re: Online Relationships - Your Opinion? [WARNING: Controversial Issues?]

I totally understand that its possible to meet someone over the internet and fall in love with them. It makes sense. If people are looking for their soul mate, it'll be hard to find "the one" at your school/workplace/whatever. Theres just too many people out there.

BUT I dont really support online relationships. Unless your doing video chats or something, it seems totally creepy. You never really know what these people are like and all. Not to mention that you cant get very far just by emailing them. I mean, you could pour your heart and soul out and all. but it seems... unreal? Having real interactions with people, I think thats a real relationship.

 

[Covet]

Re: Online Relationships - Your Opinion? [WARNING: Controversial Issues?]

My boyfriend and I met when we were both playing World of Warcraft. While I can't say we ever had an e-relationship, we did "hang out" online and chat late into the night. It wasn't until after we had met in person that we wanted to start dating exclusively. We eventually moved in together and have been happy for the past 2 years.

I think it's a great way to start a relationship because then you get to know the personality before you judge on looks. Aside from that, I don't see it as any different than any other relationship. As long as both parties are consensually involved and happy, that's all that matters.

 

[Jukain]

Re: Online Relationships - Your Opinion? [WARNING: Controversial Issues?]

My opinion is driven by personal experience, and I have had pretty bad experiences. Yes, the one glaring flaw is that you can't actually be there with a real person. This becomes very apparent when said people live on other sides of the planet. It doesn't even need to be that far, as long as you cannot get to them, then I say "What's the flipping point?" I must be the kind of person that can't live with long distance relationships, but if you're never going to be able to physically meet this person, then I see no point to it. For those that do end up meeting, you're either obscenely lucky, or you have far too much money to throw around. Me, I don't believe in it, and frankly, if you go with online dating sites, then you are a wimp and can't think for yourself.

 

[Covet]

Re: Online Relationships - Your Opinion? [WARNING: Controversial Issues?]

... and frankly, if you go with online dating sites, then you are a wimp and can't think for yourself.

What about those people who just haven't been able to meet someone in their section of the world? What about people who are so busy that they don't feel they have time to look? What about people who are insecure in person, but feel comfortable online? What about the people who use online dating sites along with the RL searches? It has nothing to do with being a wimp or not being able to think for yourself. When you're actively looking, why not explore every avenue?

 

[Eredar Warlock]

I'm not a big fan of it. But that's because of my being averse to relationships in general.

 

[Insanish Danish]

I think it depends, really.

As many of you probably know, I met my boyfriend right here on Bulbagarden. We started out just chatting here on the forums, then we moved our conversations to AIM. Now we talk on the phone once a week and plan on meeting IRL next year.

Online relationships, they can work out. I used to think they were a total waste of time, but obviously after what happened to me, I realized that you can get lucky. This isn't some stupid internet crush that won't go away, honestly. I'm sure there are people here who poke fun behind my back for having an "internet boyfriend"--I'm not stupid. But whatever.

Of course, it's not like this came from nowhere. We talked a lot before actually forming a relationship. And that's a big problem with online relationships--most of the time, people who get themselves involved in online relationships just don't think about what they're doing. They may be desperate and in need of love--or what they think is love--and settle for anyone, even if it's someone online.

There are several other people here, besides me, who have met their significant other online. And I say, good for those people. They've found the one they love, and I don't think it matters that it was online. Some of us have found our freaking soulmates online, and you know what? We're happy.

Don't get me wrong, though. I totally understand why someone would be against online relationships. I still would be, if it weren't for me meeting my boyfriend here. But my point is, you can have a successful online relationship. Just be careful, and by all means, don't date someone online just because you're desperate. That is most likely not worth it.

 

[Halberd Bravo]

Dana pretty much summed up everything I was going to say.

I'd like to reiterate her point that it depends on the circumstances surrounding the relationship. When she and I got together, it was the result of months of discussion--was this really a good idea? Were we ready, willing and able to be in a long-distance relationship? But in the end, we decided to do it, and our feelings for each other are most certainly genuine.

I have seen people over the internet just talk about what they think is love...just scream about how "THIS PERSON IS MY GIRLFRIEND!!!111oneone!!" just because they spontaneously decided to become a couple an hour beforehand. Those kinds of relationships always break up, whether they're online or offline. I can understand how some of you might be cynical because you've had bad experiences or seen the same puerile shit that I have, but don't let that fool you into thinking online relationships are pointless.

What it comes down to in the end is whether or not the two people in an online relationship are mature enough to handle the downsides. Just like in any offline relationship, really.

 

[Jukain]

There is one reason I totally do not endorse dating sites. They use an algorithm. An arbitrary measure of things that work for most people, but it doesn't necessarily work for all people. Also, you can totally lie on those things, and it doesn't know the difference. Even if you are telling the truth, it may not necessarily be the whole truth, since I've seen these things, they expect you to be introspective, and not everyone is that. Also, I believe that not even I can know everything about myself. There are some things about myself that I can't explain. (so I'm supposed to have a professional psychiatric evaluation as well? And not even that may be correct) The truth is, stuff like that isn't entirely reliable, and never will be. If you are talking about sites that don't involve that, of which I will admit I don't know of any, then there is still the chance someone is lying to you. You could say I run the same risk in real life, which you got me there, but I will always be the advocate of just allowing things to happen as they will. I don't think "looking for love" works, I think it just happens, and not when you expect it to.

 

[Rellik]

Eh...Honestly, I don't see them being a very healthy thing. Don't get me wrong, I don't think there's anything wrong with say, meeting someone online, and then moving the relationship offline. But a relationship where you've never actually (or very rarely) met the person? Sorry, no.

To me, being able to make physical contact is a requirement to any real relationship. And before anyone comes in here calling me shallow or something, I don't just mean sex. I mean being able to hold the other person, hug them, kiss them, hold each others' hand, giving them a shoulder to cry on. Things that you simply can't do with someone if the only contact you have with them is through a computer screen.

 

[Dewgong Reign]

I think it's great that people are so happy with finding a partner they really like, but in my opinion, like what Mooites was saying, it's a bit creepy if you haven't even met/seen them before.

The relationship's "online phase" shouldn't last for very long before you actually meet for real.

 

[TTEchidna]

Worked for me. All you gotta do is work at it.

And there's a major difference between dating websites and crap like that and just becoming friends because of a similar interest on a normal website and going from there. The latter's done me well.

 

[Hector]

I'm against the idea for the most part, but if you've found it to work for you... then congrats and I'm happy for you

Anyways, the reason I'm averse to the idea of an online relationship is that I've seen and heard about more than a few failures. For a little more than three years, I was a member of an elite raiding guild in World of Warcraft, so you'd be correct in assuming that I spent a lot of time on the computer. Spending hours talking to people online even if you've never met them in person before is a great way to meet friends or keep in touch with your friends that may live far away... but starting a relationship tended to lead to guild drama down the road.

The friends thing was great. I've been away from WoW for about two years now and I still talk to many of my former guild peers on AIM or Teamspeak. In fact, I'm still invited into the private guild chat during raids once in awhile. And the reason I joined the guild in the first place was that my cousins who lived across the country that I only would see once a year invited me, and I'm closer to them now than I ever was.

Anyways, sorry for the aside... the point I was getting at... oh right. Why I think online relationships are bad. The main reason, besides seeing them crash and burn more than once, is that I just don't see how you could do a relationship strictly through a computer. I've got a bit of experience with the distance thing because I tried to stay with my high school girlfriend last year even though I was away at college. It didn't work because I couldn't stand to just hear her voice when I knew everything else I was missing out on.

 

[Pancake-chan]

I had a boyfriend for two years over the internet, he was an angel and quite possibly one of the best boyfriends I could ever imagine having, but the second week he was visiting me... I got sick of him. so I guess I learned my lesson.
I won't be trying that again unless the next guy's a musician or a really, really good writer. and cute is a requirement.

online personas tend to be different from what the person is in real life, so it's dangerous, and works better when it's more of a they-moved-away thing... but it's worked for some people before.

 

[Jeff]

I never understood the idea of forming a "relationship" with someone on a forum you both frequent but rarely, if ever, meet in the "real world".

Going to a site such as a dating site with the intention of meeting up with the person you find is different. This is how my aunt and uncle met, and I fully support it. I've never tried dating sites myself because people can easily lie on them. Then again, maybe that's why I'm 25 and still single.

 

[Nekusagi]

Speaking as someone happily in one, I have to say I agree completely with Dana. Online relationships are just as valid as IRL ones, especially when there's a lot of love between both parties and both parties care completely for each other.

It takes patience, and a lot of honest discussion, for one to work, but I believe properly nourished online relationships are stronger than physical ones just because of the increased amount of trust necessary for one to work. I think mine has worked out so well due to the strong mutual trust on both sides, and the fact we are so open with each other.

In my opinion, there is no real distance in a good relationship except for physical. If two people love each other enough, that's all they'll need, and because love is a force stronger than anything, I believe there's a magnetic charge between two people that will eventually pull them together physically. If there's enough love, and the ambition is there, it will happen.

 

[Covet]

For everything that's being said about why online relationships do work and why people believe they don't work... All of that exact same stuff can be said about "real life" relationships.

It all boils down to being in a relationship, period.

 

[Juicy Jazzy]

Trust me, they don't work. :disgust:

 

[Covet]

Trust me, they don't work. :disgust:

My 2 years says otherwise.

 

[AshTheManKetchum]

I am adverse to online relationships in terms of a boyfriend/girlfriend thing as I feel that it can be a bit fictitious. To be frank, none of you can be genuinely certain that each person in this forum or for that matter any website is who they say they are. Creating an internet persona is as easy as 1,2,3. The person you believe to be your boyfriend/girlfriend may just be desperate or even just messing around with you. It is for that reason I oppose it as a being boyfriend/girlfriend involves a deep commitment and feelings on both sides, factors that cannot be necessarily guaranteed on the internet. I am not here to say that all online relationships don't work but that the vast majority will not work unless you meet the person in reality and can ascertain who they truly are.
On another note, I feel that finding friends on the internet is fine. Similar to what Hide mentioned earlier, I used to play Warcraft and still chat with my old guild mates on AIM and one of them even served as my tour guide when I went on a college visit. Though I still would encourage discretion as you can't be certain who you are talking to. Though from experience I find that people you meet playing video games tend to be who they are more so than those on forums.