COMPLETE: Ready or Not...

[Captain Dude]

Hello everybody, this is my first post on this forum, but I've been lurking for a while. This is an idea for a story I've had for a while now and its not gonna be a normal journey fic like you're probably expecting. For the first 15 or so chapters, even numbered chapters will be about Ed's Indigo League Challenge (just the post-gym challenge stuff) and odd numbered chapters will be about his Hoenn journey. However, around the time of his third Hoenn badge, something crazy is going to happen and that is when the plot is going to get good and the story is going to get going. Enjoy!

Prologue​

It was a brisk Autumn morning as the S.S. Anne arrived in Slateport City. A young man, about 16 years of age, stood at the bow of the ship. He had a brown buzzcut which was covered by a red hat that had a white P on it that he always wore backwards. He wore a grey hoodie with a red emblem on the chest and a pair of off-white cargo shorts, held up by a brown belt which held two Pokeballs. He also wore a grey and red plaid backpack. The young man looked down at the two Pokeballs on his belt and smiled.


"You guys ready to start a new journey?" he whispered, so that no one would think he was crazy.


The ferry's foghorn bellowed loudly as the ship came to a steady halt at the port. The ship's passengers flooded off the ship into the harbor, the young man was the last person off the ship.


"Enjoy your stay in Hoenn." the crewman standing at the dock said to the young man as he exited the ship.


The young man scanned the crowd of people trying to find the man that Professor Oak had told him would be waiting for him when arrived in Hoenn. That's when he saw a rather husky man in his mid 30s holding up a white sign that said "Welcome to Hoenn, Ed!" The young man pushed his way through the crowd to the man holding up the sign.


"Professor Birch?" the young man said to the man with the sign.


"Ah! You must be Ed! Welcome to Hoenn, lad! Professor Oak has told me so much about you. Please, come with me to the Pokemon Center so we can talk in private." Birch said with a smile on his face.


Ed and Birch worked their way through the crowd and out of the harbor, as they began their walk to the Slateport Pokecenter.


"So, I heard you competed in the Indigo League back in Kanto, eh? That's some impressive stuff, lad." Birch said as the two walked through the city. Ed cringed at the words "Indigo League", he hated thinking about his previous journey. That's part of the reason why we left more than half of his team back with Oak in Kanto. He went to say something but Birch just kept going. "Hoenn is a lot different from Kanto. It's a beautiful region. Up there in Kanto you got a bunch of cities, but not in Hoenn. Sure there's a couple cities in Hoenn, like Slateport, but the people here are one with nature. It's also warmer down here than in Kanto, which is why we have our Gym Season in Autumn instead of Spring like you guys." It was almost as if Birch had planned out that speech, because as soon as he finished the two arrived at the Pokemon Center. They took a seat across from one another on the couches. "Now, lets get down to business." Birch said with a smile. "So, before you start your journey through Hoenn, there's a few things Oak wanted me to give you." Birch said as he reached into his bag and pulled out an egg that was inside an incubator-looking-type-thing.


Ed smiled, "What's in it?"


"It's a secret, lad." Birch said as he winked and handed the incubator to Ed. Then he reached into his bag and pulled out some papers. "Second, as I'm sure you already know, you have to sign these papers and hand them into Nurse Joy over there so you can officially participate in the Ever Grande League." Birch said as he placed the papers on the desk.


Ed quickly signed the papers then got up and handed them to Nurse Joy, the two exchanged polite smiles and then Ed returned to the couch.


"So, you're really not going to tell me whats in the egg?" Ed asked Birch with a smile.


Birch laughed, "Nope! But there's something else I wanted to give you, and this is from me personally. We had an extra starter Pokemon sitting around the lab so I figured I'd give it to you!" Birch pulled a Pokeball out of his bag and released the Pokemon that was inside. A small blue Pokemon began to take shape from the white energy that was released.


"Mudkip!" It said proudly.


Ed smiled at the Mudkip and then looked up at the professor. "Thank you so much! Are you sure you don't want to keep it for a beginning trainer?"


"Well, you are a beginning trainer! In Hoenn at least. Plus, from what Oak says, you and Mudkip are perfect for eachother." Birch said laughing. "Now, lets fly you over to Petalburg so you can get started!" Birch got up off his couch and exited it the Pokemon Center. Ed followed, giving Mudkip a smile and a wink, which Mudkip did also as he was returned to his Pokeball.


Professor Birch released his Tropius out of its Pokeball and jumped on its back, signaling to Ed to jump on, too. Ed obeyed and hopped on behind Birch.


"To Petalburg, Tropius!" Birch shouted. And the large grass type took off into the sky as Ed looked down on the beautiful scenery of Hoenn, full of ambition and eagerness to redeem himself for what happened at the Indigo League.

 

[Kyuuketsuki]

That's a good start, and I like the mystery you set up of "what happened in Kanto?". You did repeat the word "man" a lot at the start, but towards the end, the prologue flowed nicely.

Keep on writing.

 

[Captain Dude]

Thank you for reading but yeah, after reading over the prologue again it does seem a bit awkward and rushed in places, but I promise the rest of the fic won't be like that, haha.

 

[AetherX]

I'm no reviewer but I'll try my best.

It has a unique beginning for a journey fic but there's nothing yet that really grabs my attention. That's understandable, seeing how its just a prologue, so I'll be sure to stick around for the next chapter.

The grammar, spelling, and formatting is good enough that it doesn't distract from the writing. I would suggest only having one line between paragraphs, though.

Your descriptions are only "meh". Try to visualize the scene in your head and find a way to describe almost everything that's there. What does the harbor look like? How's the weather? What does the city look like? How is the Pokemon Center laid out (furniture, etc.)? Keep in mind that the reader has no idea what the scene looks like in your eyes. Adding a sentence here and there with some extra description always helps, as long as you don't start listing stuff. You did this when describing what Ed looks like, which isn't the most elegant way to describe a character's appearance, but it works. Try to avoid doing it too much.

Overall, it flowed well and makes me interested as to what happened at the Indigo League, what Pokemon he kept with him, and what kind of "crazy" stuff will happen to him. I always like seeing a fic start off with an experienced character, its a good way to break out of the norm.

Hopefully I'm not coming across as too critical, this is fairly well written. I'm looking forward to chapter one.

 

[Kyuuketsuki]

It's fine, we're not here to bash your writing.
Just do whatever you want (as long as it is by the rules), and you'll eventually get readers.

 

[Captain Dude]

Thank you for reading AetherX, and I understand exactly what you're saying about my lack of description, my English teacher says the same thing, haha . But I'm going to try to imporve on that, I just need to work on finding a way to include it without messing up the flow of the story.

 

[Captain Dude]

Chapter 1 - Hoenn​

"Mudkip! Finish it off with Tackle!" Ed shouted out to the newest member of his team. Mudkip charged recklessly at the already damaged Zigzagoon and sent it flying several feet.

"Zigzagoon is unable to battle! Mudkip and Ed win!" shouted out the young man who had offered to referee the friendly match.

"Great job Mudkip! That last Tackle was sick!" Ed said with a huge smile.

"Kip! Mudkip!" Mudkip leaped happily in the air, blasting a jet of water at his trainer.

"What the he- wait! That was Water Gun!" Ed yelled enthusiastically as Mudkip jumped into his arms and they began dancing around.

The battle was held on the battle field behind the Petalburg City Pokemon Center. The battle field was surrounded by a lush forest full of beautiful oak trees and various flowers. Ed had already beaten 4 trainers using just Mudkip, but it was already 11:00 at night and Ed decided that was enough training for one day. Ed put Mudkip on his shoulder and walked to center field to shake hands with his opponent.

"I'm glad I lost to someone who was wearing shorts!" the young kid said.

"Thanks man, your Zigzagoon is pretty strong. Keep it at it and you can go far." Ed said insincerely with a forced smile. These youngsters were really starting to get on his nerves, all they did was talk about how awesome shorts were.

Ed entered the Pokemon Center through the back door. He looked over the lounge area on his right where there were several Youngsters and Bug Catchers sitting on brown leather couches with their Wurmples and Zigzagoons wandering around watching old Ever Grande League battles on the wide screen TV. On the TV, there was a young boy, about 10 years old, using his Swellow to battle against another trainer's Metagross. The other trainer look to be about 25 years old and had weird grey hair. The boy's Swellow hit the Metagross with a surprisingly powerful Aerial Ace, knocking out the Steel-type. That's when Ed realized he was watching a Championship battle. He instantly became jealous as he watched the confetti fall over the young boy as he and his Pokemon celebrated. He wanted to badly to reach that pinnacle, he wanted to know what it was like to be the best.

"Hello, may I help you?" ask Nurse Joy politely, snapping Ed out of his trance. She was pretty cute, she wore a little white nurse hat which fit nicely on top of her curly pink hair, and her white dress matched her hat perfectly. She smiled at Ed, showing her dimples. "Hello?" she asked, once again having to snap Ed out of a trance.

"Oh, uh, sorry. I just need my Mudkip to be healed." Ed said as he returned Mudkip to its Pokeball and handed it to Nurse Joy. "So, whens that Championship Match from?"

"That was 10 years ago, his name's Brendan. He's actually the son of the Gym Leader here." Nurse Joy said as she placed Mudkip's Pokeball on a machine and pressed a button, causing the Pokeball to glow.

"10 years ago? I guess he's not champion anymore then?" Ed asked, looking at the TV still, as 10 year old Brendan was being handed a a golden trophy that was a Pokeball on top of two columns.

"Actually, he is. He's the longest tenured Champion in Tri-League Conference history. Pretty impressive, right? A lot of people don't take that record seriously though, since Hoenn is considered soft." Nurse Joy said as Mudkip's Pokeball stopped glowing and she took it off the machine and handed it to Ed, giving him another polite smile.

The Tri-League Conference was comprised of the Indigo League, which was the Pokemon League for Kanto and Johto, the Ever Grande League, which was the Pokemon League for Hoenn, and the Sinnoh League, which was the Pokemon League for Sinnoh. Ed didn't know much about the Sinnoh League Champion but he knew that Lance, the Indigo League Champion, had been beaten 3 times in the last 10 years, except none of the trainers wanted to take over the duties as Champion. Despite that, Hoenn was still considered "soft", Ed never really understood why, and thought that it was just because everyone was jealous of the beauty of the region.

"Wow, that's pretty impressive... I wonder if I can beat him." Ed said unsurely and to himself.

"I'm sure you will. So, will you be staying the night?" asked Nurse Joy. Ed nodded in response and Nurse Joy handed him a room key that said "7" on it. "You'll be sharing the room with another trainer" Joy said politely.

Ed smiled at her and headed off down the hall with all the rooms. His grey converses trudging against the peach colored carpet. He slid his card key into the slot and knocked on the door before opening it.

"Come in!" a voice called out from inside.

Ed walked in and saw a kid about his age with short curly brown hair wearing a plain black t-shirt and blue jeans laying on one of the beds tossing a stuffed Pokeball in the air and catching it. The boy's Treeko was playing around on the floor with another stuffed Pokeball. Ed wasn't happy about having to bunk with some rook for the night, but he swallowed his pride and decided not to be a jerk to this kid.

"What's up bro, my name's Jesse." the boy said as he stood up and extended his hand.

Ed shook Jesse's hand, "I'm Ed. Is that Treeko from Birch?"

"Yeah, it was either him or a Mudkip, and I hate water-types so I chose this little guy." Jesse said as he looked down at his Pokemon. He looked back to Ed, "so, are you a new trainer too?"

Ed hesitated for a moment, he didn't want to tell the boy about his travels through Kanto, he hated thinking about home. That's the only thing that motivated him to get over his depression and travel to Hoenn, he didn't exactly have the best relationship with his family. Just the thought of Kanto knocked him down a few pegs and made him decide to try and befriend Jesse. "Yeah" he responded unsteadily, "actually, I have that Mudkip you were talking about." He released Mudkip from its Pokeball and it started to play with Jesse's Treeko.

The boys talked for a while and laid on their own beds across the room, tossing the stuffed Pokeball back and forth. Jesse talked about growing up in Littleroot and about how awesome Brendan was and how he took down some evil organization all while winning the Ever Grande League. Ed couldn't help but think that Brendan was like the Hoenn version of Red, a young boy from Kanto who took down Team Rocket and won the Indigo League, only to then disappear into some mountain range west of Kanto. Ed didn't talk much, and when he did he just talked about a story he made up of growing up in Oldale Town. After about a half hour of talking, the two boys went to sleep, their Pokemon doing so also.

~​

Ed sat at a table by himself, eating his omlette in front of a large glass window that looked out onto the battlefield he had dominated on last night. He watched as a Poochyena and a Zigzagoon pathetically duked it out. He was tired of acting like a rookie trainer and he couldn't wait until he got to battle a real opponent. He began to evaluate his life, if he really wanted to keep lying to everyone, or if he should just be straight up and tell people about his Kanto journeys. If he wanted to go home to Kanto and redeem himself. If he wanted to restore his relationship with his family. He began to regret leaving Kanto. Leaving behind his girlfriend, his friends, and to some extent his family. That's when Jesse came and sat across from him and dropped his trey on the table.

"So what're your plans for the day?" Jesse asked as he stuffed his face with pancakes.

"I wanted to challenge the Gym Leader here, then get through Petalburg Woods and up to Rustboro so I can battle the Gym Leader there." Ed responded, focusing more on his omlette than his new friend.

"You know, Norman's pretty tough, dude. You should take on Roxanne first instead and then fly back here once you're a bit stronger."

"Eh, I think I can hold my own against him." Ed chuckled.

"You're going to need more than just Mudkip to beat him though."

"I got two other Pokemon with me."

"Yeah but- ah, whatever. Norman isn't going to take you serious if you show up for a random challenge though... if you want to challenge him you should call up and arrange a challenge, that way he can't deny you." Jesse said as he somehow was already finishing his pancakes.

Ed got up and walked over to the phone to arrange the battle. After about a half hour of chatting with some guy from the Petalburg Gym, he was able to have a match set for 1:30 PM. Ed looked up at the clock that read "10:14 AM". He sighed. He had to find a way to kill over 3 hours. He figured the best way to do that would be to train.

"Yo, Jesse, want to help me and Mudkip train for a couple hours?" Ed yelled across the Pokemon Center to him.

"Uhm, yeah sure. We'll head out to the battle field?"

"I got a better idea..."

~​

"Pull!" Ed shouted, as he, Jesse, and Treeko launched paper plates they stole from the Pokemon Center into the air.

"Kip! Kip! Kip!" Mudkip launched three quick Water Gun attacks and hit the first plate dead on, but just missed the other two.

"Mudkip come on, I know you can get all three. Just pretend they're stupid little Wurmples that just said something about your mom." Ed said with an encouraging tone as he knelt down to Mudkip.

"Kip... Mud... Mud mud kip... Kip" Mudkip said with a sad look on his face.

"I'm sorry, you're right. I shouldn't have brought your mom into this. But I know you can do it. Try again dude."

Ed walked back over to Jesse and Treeko, all three holding a plate in their hand. "Pull!"

"Kip! Kip!" Mudkip hit the first plate dead on and missed the second one, but as the other two began to descend, Mudkip started charging at them.

"Mud....KIP!" Mudkip stopped about a foot from the where the second plate would have hfallen and used his tail to slap mud forward, hitting the plate right before it hit the ground, then he turned around and tackled the third plate right before it hit the ground.

"That's my boy!" Ed shouted enthusiastically as he ran over to Mudkip. "You ready to take on Norman now?"

"Mudkip!" Mudkip said happily, as it jumped on Ed's shoulder.

~​

"1:25... ready Jesse?" Ed said with a confident attitude.

"Hell yeah, can't wait to see you in action dude."

The weather outside was beautiful, not a cloud in the sky. Ed began to walk on the dirt path up to the Petalburg City Gym, the path was bordered by roses and tulips and various other flowers. He didn't even have his hoodie on right now since it was so gorgeous out, he was wearing a light blue shirt with a large red design on it. So far, Ed loved the Hoenn region, it was so much more peaceful and easy going than Kanto.

Ed arrived in front of the large building, and stared up at it for a few moments before entering. He walked in and was greeted by a man who looked to be in his mid 40s. He wore a red training jacket and grey training pants. He had an awkward blue hair color, but it was starting to go grey. The room itself was pretty boring. It had a clay floor and wooden walls. Back in Kanto, the Gyms were more interesting. There were obstacles and the battlefields gave the Leaders some type of advantage.

"Hey, kid." the man said with a blank look on his face. Before Ed could say anything, the man kept talking. "You must be Ed, follow me." the Gym Leader said as he paid no mind to Jesse.

Norman led Ed and Jesse through a door to a much larger room. It was a traditional dirt battle field with bleachers on the right side. There were about 15 or so people in the stands watching. Well, 16, since Jesse walked over and took a seat in the front row.

"My name is Norman, I'm the Leader of Petalburg Gym, master of Normal-type Pokemon, and father of the Ever Grande League Champion... so how many badges you got, kid?" Norman said with an authoritative voice as he and Ed took their places on the battle field.

"Zero." Ed said with a stern look as he pulled a Pokeball off of his belt.

"What? You gotta be kidding me... who let this kid in here?" Norman yelled out angrily.

"Let's go, Mudkip!" Ed yelled as he ignored the man's comments and released his newest Pokemon onto the battle field.

"Oh great, another rookie. Go Vigoroth!" Norman said as he sighed and boredly tossed his first Pokeball onto the battle field. A large white ape shaped Pokemon with a red patch of hair on it's head emerged from it.

"The challenger Ed has selected Mudkip, while the Gym Leader Norman has selected Vigoroth. This will be a 3-on-3 battle, begin!" the referee called out..

"Rookies..." Norman muttered to himself.

Ed shrugged off the Gym Leader's comment and focused on the battle.

"Mudkip! Water Gun!"
"Slash, Vigoroth!"
Mudkip prepared to shoot a jet of water out its mouth at its foe, but just as it began to, it caught two sharp claws to the side of the face, sending it flying into the wall.

"Vigoroth, Faint Attack!"
"Dodge it and use Mud Slap!"

Vigoroth disappeared from view, then reappeared beside Mudkip, as Mudkip began to jump away, he was struck again by the Normal-types ferocious claws, sending him flying to center field, unconscious.

"Mudkip is unable to battle" the referee called out.

Ed ran over to Mudkip to see if he was okay.

"You okay Mudkip?" Ed asked with a concerned tone.

"Kip..." Mudkip said weakly, but with a smile.

Ed returned Mudkip to his Pokeball and returned to his original spot.

"Eevee, you're up!"

Ed threw his Pokeball to the ground, which released a small, brown Pokemon.

"Vee!" It called out happily

"Vigoroth, Faint Attack!"
"Eevee, Quick Attack!"
Vigoroth disappeared, and then reappeared behind Eevee, however Eevee was too fast and was able to dodge Vigoroth's violent swing, then ram into an unsuspecting Vigoroth.

"Eevee, while he's down, Return!"
Norman gave a confused look, wondering why Ed would retreat his Pokemon when he had just landed a hit like that. Then he realized what was going on, and before he could give an order, Vigoroth was hit with an extremely powerful ram by Eevee that sent it rolling across the battlefield, and leaving it unconscious.

"Vigoroth is unable to battle!" the referee shouted

"Beginner's luck..." Norman muttered, recalling Vigoroth. "You're done now though. Go, Slaking!"

Norman threw down his Pokeball, revealing a giant gorilla-like Pokemon with a large pink nose and brown fur.

"Slaking, Yawn!"
Slaking let out a big yawn, which caused Eevee to yawn also, but Eevee shook it off and awaited orders.

"Eevee, quick, land as many Quick Attacks as you can before you fall asleep!"
Eevee seemed confused by this order, and hesitated. But despite its lack of understanding, it began to charge a Quick Attack, when suddenly it dropped to its side, snoring.

Ed just facepalmed as Eevee slept and Slaking loathed around, when Norman suddenly bellowed out an order.

"Focus Punch!"
Slaking stood up and began to concentrate as its fist began to glow a bright white color with a faint red tint.

"Eevee! Wake up! Use Double Team! Use Quick Attack! Use something!"
But it was no use, Eevee was pulverized by an extremely powerful Focus Punch attack which sent it flying into the wall behind Ed.

"Eevee is unable to battle!" the referee shouted

Ed returned the Normal-type to its Pokeball, and let out a smile as he picked up the final Pokeball off his belt. He knew he was about to win, but he was sad that he would have to reveal to everyone his original starter Pokemon.

"You're about to lose, rook. Why're you smiling?" Norman said with an aggravated tone.

"Let's finish this!" Ed yelled as he threw his final Pokeball to the ground to reveal a large orange dragon Pokemon with wings and a flame on it's tail. It had a yellow belly and the front of its wings were a blue-green color.

"A Charizard, eh? Maybe you're not a rookie after all." Norman said apologetically and with a smile.

"Charizard, Flamethrower!"
Charizard roared as it let out a stream of fire from its mouth, striking the Normal-type dead on as it could do nothing but sit there and take the punishment and become burned.

"Ha! Now it's a battle! Talk about bad luck! Now that Slaking is burned, Facade will do even more damage. Slaking, Facade!"

Slaking's body began to glow and it charged towards Charizard.

"Charizard, catch it and get on the ground! Then trap it with Fire Spin!"

Charizard took the Facade head on, but managed to grab Slaking and get him on the ground, then proceeded to trap Slaking in a tornado of fire as it could do nothing but lay there.

"Charizard, finish it off with a Wing Attack!"

With one mighty flap of its wings, Charizard lifted itself several feet in the air, then its wings began to glow and it charged at the fiery vortex that Slaking was trapped in.

"Slaking, Yawn!"

Just before Charizard made contact with Slaking, Slaking let out a huge Yawn. As it did so, it was knocked out of the vortex and into the wall behind Ed, unconscious.

"Slaking is unable to battle!" the referee shouted.

Norman chuckled, "What a shame, such great effort but you're still going to lose... Slaking, good job, return." The red beam of light went past Ed and consumed Slaking as it was returned to its Pokeball.

"Go, Slaking! Finish this!"

"Charizard, Flamethrower!"

Just as Norman's second Slaking was released from it's Pokeball, it was hit by a ferocious fire. But just as Charizard finished the attack, it dropped to the ground, snoring.

Norman laughed, "Slaking, Focus Punch!"

Slaking began to tighten its focus as Charizard laid motionless on the dirt battlefield, snoring.

"Come on Charizard, wake up! Use Slash!"

But it was no use, Charizard remained motionless as Slaking hammered it in the face with a powerful Focus Punch, causing it to land right at the feet of Ed.

"Wake up man! Come on! Charizard you gotta wake up!"

Ed was pleading with his original starter Pokemon but it was no use, it was fast asleep. Meanwhile, Slaking was just loafing around.

"What a shame... you came so close but now it's all over... Slaking, Faint Attack!"

Suddenly, Slaking disappeared and reappeared right next to Charizard.

"Charizard, Slash! Wake up man! Come on!"

Suddenly, as Slaking prepared to attack, Charizard's eyes opened. It rolled over onto its back and countered Slaking's Faint Attack with it's own Slash. They remained locked until eventually, Slaking began to slack off. Causing it to catch the Slash right to the face.

Ed smiled, it was in the bag. "Charizard, Flamethrower!"

Charizard stood over the slacking Slaking and blasted it with a powerful Flamethrower, as it did nothing but watch and take the attack. When the fire cleared, Slaking was unconscious.

"Slaking is unable to battle. Norman is out of usable Pokemon, the victor is Ed!" the referee called out, pointing his flag towards Ed and Charizard.

Charizard let out an intimidating roar and launched fire into the air, making sure everyone in the building knew that he had just won. Ed ran over to Charizard and jumped on his back, patting Charizard as he hung from the large Fire-type's shoulders. As Norman began to walk to centerfield, Ed returned Charizard and met Norman at centerfield.

"I'm sorry for assuming you were weak, Ed. You deffinitley earned this badge, and my respect." Norman said with a polite smile as he handed over the grey and white badge that looked like to circles connected by a small rectangle, the Balance Badge. "I haven't felt this humbled since my own son beat me 10 years ago. Congratulations."

Ed happily accepted the badge and thanked Norman for his kind words. Ed and Jesse left the Gym, ignoring the News Reporters who were trying to interview Ed.

"A Charizard!? I thought you said you were just starting out from Oldale!" Jesse shouted at Ed half angry, half joking.

"It's a long story... I'll tell on our way to Petalburg Woods."

And so as Ed and Jesse walked from the Gym, to the Pokemon Center, and from the Pokemon Center to Petalburg Woods, Ed explained to Jesse his journeys through Kanto, and the life he left behind.

Ed's Team

Charizard
-Flamethrower
-Fire Spin
-Wing Attack
-Slash

Eevee
-Quick Attack
-Return
-Double Team
-Shadow Ball

Mudkip
-Tackle
-Growl
-Mud-Slap
-Water Gun

 

[Kyuuketsuki]

Ed through his Pokeball to the ground

I believe you meant threw here.

"Eevee, while he's down, Return!"
Norman gave a confused look, wondering why Ed would retreat his Pokemon when he had just landed a hit like that.

I don't quite understand that part...

And other than a few spelling mistakes, everything is fine. I really liked the battle between Norman and Ed. It's nice to see your take on Norman when he isn't addressing his own child. The Mudkip training part has to be the most distinct part, since I don't see grinding in fanfiction so much. The Water Gun-Mud Slap-Tackle combo was amazing as well.

I liked this line as well:

Lance, the Indigo League Champion, had been beaten 3 times in the last 10 years

Makes me wonder if Ed did beat Lance, but I doubt it due to the use of wording in this chapter. It could be Red, Blue and Gold who beat Lance, but you could have a different take. I also like the fact that you set a time for this story, in this case 10 years after Generation III.

It was a very enjoyable chapter, and quite honestly, better than what I expected it to be. Much better. Keep it up.

 

[Captain Dude]

Kyuuketsuki-

Yeah I fixed that, there's a few other parts where I had a brain fart that I'm going to have to go back and fix when I get back on my computer (on my phone right now, so I'm limited) Especially in the second half of the chapter since I rushed it slightly.

I'm glad you liked my take on Norman, I always imagined he would be aggravated a lot since he always has beginning trainers challenging him. And I'm glad you liked the training scene, it was something I was a bit nervous about putting in there because I didn't know how people would like it.

Thank you very much, that means a lot to me. I put a lot of effort into this chapter to make up for the less than stellar prologue, and I plan on improving with every chapter.

Oh, and the line about Eevee and Return, Norman thought for a second that when Ed said "return" that he was retreating Eevee to it's Pokeball, when really he was calling for the attack Return. Since Norman was under the impression that Ed was a rookie trainer, he did not expect him to use a move like Return.

 

[Captain Dude]

Chapter 2 - Indigo League​

Ed sat by himself with his head down and his eyes closed in the dark room. This was it. Any minute now, he would be stepping onto the battlefield for the first round of the Indigo League to show that he is the best trainer not only in his home region of Kanto, but of Johto too. Everything he has been working for has come down to the next two weeks. Suddenly, a knock on the door snapped Ed out of his concentration.

"Come in."

A man with a yellow shirt and black plants (typical Indigo League referee clothes) opened the door.

"Edward Fitch, I'm just here to give you a brief recap of the rules. This is the first of five rounds in this tournament, if you win this tournament then you will proceed to face the Elite Four, and if you defeat them then you will battle the Champion, Lance, for his title. This battle will be 3 on 3 and will be held on the rock field. Once we get to the quarterfinals, all battles will be full battles and held on plain clay battlefields. Any questions?" said the man who Ed assumed would be refereeing his battle. Ed just gave a quick shake of the head to signal he did not have any questions. "Great, you may enter the battlefield." And with that, the referee turned around and left.

Ed stood up slowly and glanced down at the six Pokeballs on his belt. He already knew what three he was going to use, regardless of the Pokemon his opposition used. He proceeded to walk out the door that the referee was at a moment ago and slowly walk down the dark tunnel. With each step he heard the crowd getting louder. With each step he felt another knot in his stomach. With each step he felt the hot Kanto Summer air more and more, until eventually, he walked through the light at the end of the tunnel and onto the battlefield. As he walked to his designated area, he saw his foe standing across the battlefield waving to the crowd and he saw the referee who had just briefed him on the rules standing in his designated area at the center of the battlefield on the right sideline. The sun was high above the stadium, beating down on the crowd of 20,000 or so fans waiting to see these two trainers give it their all. The battle was held in one of the smaller stadiums, not the big one where the finals, the Elite Four Challenge, and maybe even the Championship Battle would be held. That stadium held about five times as many people as the smaller ones. As Ed scanned the battlefield, there were a few boulders of various sizes scattered across it.

Suddenly, the crowd quieted, and the referee began to speak through his microphone. "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Indigo Plateau for the Indigo League Tournament. These two gentlemen here are just 2 of the 32 trainers from Kanto and Johto who have completed the Gym Challenge for their region and believe they have what it takes to be the Indigo League Champion! Now without further adieu, let's get it started! This will be a three on three battle between Henry Young from Saffron City, and Edward Fitch from Pallet Town! Winner advances to Round 2 of the Indigo League Tournament! Battlers, please come to centerfield to shake hands."

Ed walked to centerfield to shake hands with his opponent. It was an Asian boy, about his age, wearing a blue striped t-shirt and white shorts. The two just shook hands and shared glances before returning to the designated areas. On his way back to his area, he saw his girlfriend and two of his friends in the front row. He gave them a smile and a thumbs up, which they did also.

"Begin!" the referee called out.

Both boys grabbed their first Pokeball and tossed it onto the field at the same time.

"Go! Primeape!" Ed shouted as he threw his first Pokeball to center field.

"Let's go, Poliwrath!"

The two Pokemon shared glances as they stood only a couple feet away from each other at centerfield, when Ed broke the silence.

"Primeape, Cross Chop!"

Primeape formed an "X" with his arms as they began to glow.

"Poliwrath, Waterfall!"

Poliwrath's body became surrounded by water as it launched itself at Primeape. The two attacks collided and knocked each Pokemon on it's back.

"Poliwrath use Dynamic Punch, quick!"

Wasting no time, Poliwrath hopped to his feet and jumped in the air, it's fist glowing a bright white as it started to come crashing down on Primeape.

"Primeape, dodge it and use Aerial Ace!"

Primeape used it's powerful arms to launch itself off of the ground just before Poliwrath gave a powerful punch to where Primeape was just laying, shattering the ground. Primeape landed on a rock and pushed itself off of it with all his might, as he flew towards Poliwrath with his arms in front of him, who could do nothing but watch as the Fighting-type crashed into him, knocking Poliwrath to the ground.

"Poliwrath, get rid of that thing, use Body Slam!"

"Seismic Toss, Primeape!"

As Poliwrath jumped to his feet and jumped at Primeape, Primeape stepped nimbly to the right, causing Poliwrath to completely miss him. But before Poliwrath hit the ground, Primeape caught him by his ankles and spun him around once before tossing him high into the air, and having him land right in front of his trainer.

The whole stadium paused for a minute, waiting for Poliwrath to stand up, but it didn't. "Poliwrath is unable to battle!" The referee called out. Henry Young returned Poliwrath and calmly withdrew his next Pokeball from his belt.

"Come on, Gengar!" Ed's opponent shouted as he threw his second Pokeball to centerfield, revealing a Gengar.

Ed cringed at this selection, knowing there wasn't much Primeape could do.

"Primeape, Aerial Ace, quick!"

Primeape leaped into the air and started to descend towards Gengar, it's arms in front of it as it accelerated down to Gengar.

"Shadow Ball!"

Gengar held it's stubby arms above its head as a purple ball of energy formed between it's hands, then just as quickly as the ball had formed, Gengar made a throwing motion and sent the ball hurling towards Primeape, smacking him in mid air and causing him to fly several feet higher then he already was.

"Finish it off with Psychic."

As Primeape was helplessly flailing in the air, Gengar's eyes glowed purple , then Primeape's body became outlined in that same color as he was sent flying from centerfield to the wall behind his trainer.

"Primeape is unable to battle!"

Ed returned Primeape to it's Pokeball and thanked it for taking out Poliwrath, then took his next Pokeball off his belt.

"You're up, Eevee!" Ed shouted as he threw his next Pokeball out, revealing the cute brown Pokemon.

Henry smirked, "Focus Blast!"

Gengar did the same thing he did with Shadow Ball, except this time the ball of energy was red.

"Eevee, Double Team!"

As Gengar launched the Focus Blast attack, Eevee created multiple copies of itself, and the foe's attack hit the wrong Eevee.

"Shadow Ball, Eevee!"

All the Eevee copies began to charge a ball of purple energy in front of their faces, but then only the real Eevee launched the attack.

"Gengar, Shadow Ball, 10 o'clock!"

Gengar turned slightly to the right and blindly launched a Shadow Ball attack, which went on to collide with Eevee's Shadow Ball, causing an explosion of ominous purple energy.

"Gengar, Focus Blast!"
"Eevee, Shadow Ball!"

The two Pokemon launched their attacks simultaneously. However, since Fighting-type moves have no effect on Ghost-types, the two balls of energy simply traveled through each other, and each Pokemon took the full brunt of the attack. Eevee landed next to Ed unconscious, while Gengar was knocked on it's back, but managed to get up.

"Eevee is unable to battle!"

Ed knelt down and pet his unconscious Pokemon before returning it to it's Pokeball. He placed his hand on his final Pokeball and took a deep breath. One wrong move, and his dreams would come to a crushing end. "Let's go, Golduck! You got this!"

Gengar gave an evil grin as Golduck emerged from it's Pokeball, as if it knew it was going to win. Ed's nerves had reached a peek, he knew what he had to do to win; get in close to Gengar and hit it with a Shadow Claw. A single Shadow Claw was sure to knock out the Ghost-type considering it already took damage from Eevee's Shadow Ball. But that strategy was a double-edged sword, getting in close would leave Golduck vulnerable to a Shadow Ball attack. Then there was Gengar's final move, Ed had no clue what it was, but judging from Gengar's malicious grin when Golduck was sent out, it must be Thunderbolt.

Ed was snapped out of his thoughtful state of mind when Henry called out an attack, "Gengar, Shadow Ball."

Gengar shot a ominous ball of energy straight at Golduck.

"Dodge it!"

Golduck leapt out of the way but wasn't fast enough, the Shadow Ball attack hit his leg sending him into an uncontrollable spin as he fell back to the ground.

"Hydro Pump, Golduck!"

Without even bother to stand back up, Golduck launched a Hydro Pump attack that hit Gengar dead on, sending it flying into the wall behind it's trainer.

"Gengar is unable to-" The referee started to say, but stopped when Gengar began to get back to it's feet.

"Energy Ball, Gengar!"

Gengar charged this attack the same way he did his other three, except this time the ball of energy was green. He launched it at Golduck.

"Roll out of the way, dude!"

Still laying on his stomach, Golduck swiftly rolled to his left, the Energy Ball barely missing as it left a small crater in the ground.

"Now, finish it off with Psychic!" Ed shouted.

The jewel on Golduck's head began to glow, as did his eyes. Then an aura formed around Gengar's body as an invisible explosion sent him flying into the same spot he landed a few moments ago, this time completely motionless.

"Gengar is unable to battle!" The referee called out.

Henry returned Gengar to it's Pokeball and swiftly withdrew his final Pokeball. "Go, Magmortar!"

Ed smiled, it was in the bag.

"Golduck, Hydro Pump!"

"Magmortar, Thunderbolt!"

Ed's jaw dropped at this command. He completely forgot Magmortar was capable of learning Thunderbolt.

As Golduck sent a powerful jet of water towards Magmortar, Magmortar fired a Thunderbolt right over the column of water. The two attacks attack collided with their target almost simultaneously. Magmortar was sent flying behind it's trainer as Golduck stood there being shocked by the super-effective attack. Neither Pokemon got up.

The referee just stood there, not knowing what to do. He looked around at both trainers, then at their Pokemon, then back at the trainers. Suddenly, a league official ran onto the battle field from the tunnel behind Ed and whispered something into the referee's ear. After a moment of conversation, the referee turned his microphone on.

"By Indigo League rules, we will review the previous play to see which Pokemon hit the ground first. The first Pokemon to hit the ground will be considered the first to be unable to battle." The referee announced over the microphone. Then he and the league official rushed off into the tunnel behind Ed.

By now, both Pokemon regained consciousness. Henry was standing at the wall talking to his Pokemon while Ed was at about centerfield with Golduck. Both of them on one knee, Ed had his arm around Golduck with his head down and his eyes closed and Golduck had it's head buried in Ed's chest. "You did great, man. Win or lose, I'm proud of you." Ed whispered to his Pokemon.

"Gold." Golduck responded.

It seemed like an eternity, but really it was just 3 minutes. The referee came walking back out to the battlefield. He stood in his usual spot and turned his microphone on.

"After further review, Magmortar's Thunderbolt made contact first."

Henry raised his fist in the air upon hearing this.

"However, Magmortar hit the ground before Golduck fell to the ground. Therefore, Golduck is the victor. Since that was both trainers' final Pokemon, that means Ed Fitch is victorious and will move on to the second round of the Indigo League Tournament."

Henry slumped to his knees as Ed and Golduck stood up and embraced each other.

"That's my dude, Golduck! I knew you could do it!" Ed said with a huge smile as he and Golduck hugged each other.

~​

Ed, his friends Frank and J.J., and his girlfriend Sarah sat on a bench outside one of the smaller stadiums. The battling for the first round was over and the sun was setting over the mountainous horizon, giving the sky a beautiful orange color.

"I don't think I breathed the whole time that guy was reviewing the play, dude." J.J. said sincerely, but with a smile.

"Me neither, Golduck was sick though. Those moves he made from his stomach were nasty." Frank said, hitting Ed on the arm.

"So, the next victim is some guy named Ivan, huh? We should try to find some tape on him when we get back to the Pokecenter so we can study up. You can never be too prepared. I guess you plan on using Raichu, Nidoking, and Charizard?" J.J. said, looking at Ed.

Ed wasn't really paying attention, he seemed focused. Sarah put an arm around him and pulled him towards her. "I'm proud of you, babe." She said with a warm smile as she moved her curly dark brown hair out of her face with her free hand before grabbing Ed's hand.

Ed smiled back, "I don't want any more of my battles to be that close. For now on, I'm not letting it come down to my final guy. I'm curbstomping the rest of the competition from here on out, and that's a promise. Ready or not, here I come, Lance." His tone got more and more serious as he talked.

Ed's Team

Charizard
-Flamethrower
-Fire Spin
-Wing Attack
-Slash

Eevee
-Quick Attack
-Return
-Shadow Ball
-Double Team

Golduck
-Hydro Pump
-Shadow Claw
-Psychic
-Focus Blast

Primeape
-Cross Chop
-Seismic Toss
-Close Combat
-Aerial Ace

Raichu
-Thunderbolt
-Brick Break
-Grass Knot
-Dig

Nidoking
-Earthquake
-Megahorn
-Ice Beam
-Thunderbolt

 

[AetherX]

In all honesty I don't have much criticism to give for this chapter. You've improved quite a bit. The battle scene wasn't really anything special, but it takes time to figure out how to make stuff like that more interesting. It was well written though, and that's what matters at this point. Storyline-wise, I'm interested to see where this goes.

You've got some great potential. I'm looking forward to when the plot livens up. Good job!

 

[Kyuuketsuki]

It was a good chapter, though I felt that the line which informed us of Ed's other Pokémon was unnecessary. The battle was good, but it seemed a little rushed in the end.

But overall, I like past or flashback chapters, and this one was good.

 

[Captain Dude]

In all honesty I don't have much criticism to give for this chapter. You've improved quite a bit. The battle scene wasn't really anything special, but it takes time to figure out how to make stuff like that more interesting. It was well written though, and that's what matters at this point. Storyline-wise, I'm interested to see where this goes.

You've got some great potential. I'm looking forward to when the plot livens up. Good job!

Thank you very much I can't wait for the plot to liven up either, haha

It was a good chapter, though I felt that the line which informed us of Ed's other Pokémon was unnecessary. The battle was good, but it seemed a little rushed in the end.

But overall, I like past or flashback chapters, and this one was good.

Eh, I wanted to include them in there somewhere just so it made sense when I listed his Pokemon at the end. And does the battle really seem rushed in the end? I was trying to make it seem like it was happening fast and also give it a unique and somewhat suspenseful ending.

I'm glad you guys liked the chapter, and I hope yous keep reading! It's going to get much more interesting, I promise.

Also, do you guys there's anything I could do to attract more readers? Should I rewrite the prologue or something? Or should I just wait and see what happens?

 

[UB-01 Kenobi]

You can now say you have two readers and a lurker *is too lazy to review, but thinks it is good for the most part* One thing that can do wonders for advertising is a banner. Head next door to the Artist's Alcove and get a cool one that links to your fic in your signature, and you get free advertising each time you post.

 

[Captain Dude]

You can now say you have two readers and a lurker *is too lazy to review, but thinks it is good for the most part* One thing that can do wonders for advertising is a banner. Head next door to the Artist's Alcove and get a cool one that links to your fic in your signature, and you get free advertising each time you post.

Haha, thank you thank you, the more readers the better!

And sounds like a good idea, I'll have to head over there once I finish Chapter 3.

Also, as I'm writing Chapter 3 I'm realizing that it will only take 2-3 more Hoenn chapters before I get to the good stuff! Woo!

 

[Captain Dude]

Is it just me, or does something not seem right about this chapter? It seems awkward or short or something.

Chapter 3 - Hoenn​

"I don't get it, why would you only bring Charizard and Eevee with you?" Jesse asked as he and Ed entered Petalburg Woods.

"Well, Charizard was my first Pokemon, and he only lost once back in Kanto. Plus, even though we've been together so long he's still got a lot of progress to make. And Eevee was always the weak link back in Kanto, so I want to travel with it here to try and bring out it's full potential." Ed looked up at the sky as he talked. Tree tops prevented him from being able to see the sky, but there was just that feeling in the air that a storm was coming.

Jesse looked at the egg in Ed's backpack. "So when do you think it's going to hatch?"

"I have no idea... I hope sometime soon, I'm excited to see what's in it." Ed said eagerly.

"What do you want it to be?"

"I don't really care, I'm open to training all types of Pokemon." Ed responded, matter of factly.

He was growing tired of Jesse. He would much rather travel alone and not have some random kid holding him back, but for now he was stuck with this kid until he could find a way to get rid of him. Ed sighed and put his hood up as raindrops began falling from the sky through the thick canopy of trees above. Petalburg Woods was actually a pretty cool place, it seemed like it was made to be traveled through since there was a circular path that ran throughout the entire wooded area, but the outer edges and middle of the woods was full of vines, tall grass, wild Pokemon, and trees. Even though it was the start of Autumn all the trees were still a luscious green color, in fact the entire woods was full of green. It was really pretty, more like a forest than a woods.

That's when the duo heard a female screaming from the center area of the woods. They looked at each other and then quickly ran to the center of the woods. Jesse had tripped over a vine while they were running but Ed had no idea, he was focused on trying to find this girl that was clearly in distress. After a minute of running, Ed saw a girl slumped against a tree trunk. She looked to be about his age, she was short and was wearing a black hoodie and skin tight jeans, her hood was up and her brown hair was hanging out the front of her hood. Ed ran up to her.

"Are you okay? Was that you that was screaming?" Ed asked very concerned as he put his hand on the girl's shoulder.

The girl shrieked and swatted Ed's hand off of her shoulder. Then she looked up at his face and calmed down, realizing it wasn't who she thought it was.

"I'm sorry... I thought you were him. But yeah, no, I mean yeah that was me screaming... This guy... I was walking through the woods when he jumped out of nowhere and attacked me with his Pokemon. It was like a foot taller than me and had red metalic skin and giant red claws. Then he ran away... I don't know why. He must of heard you coming. But I don't know where he is... I'm scared. Can you please take me the rest of the way?" the girl said, very distraught.

"Yeah I'll escort you through... you heading towards Rustboro?" Ed then realized Jesse wasn't with him, and began to look around and scan the area. "Come with me real quick." Ed helped the girl up and they began to jog back the way Ed had come from, fighting their way through the vines and such.

"Why're we running?" the girl asked, slightly winded from the running.

"I lost my friend... he was just with me a minute ago... he was running right next to me when I came running to you..." Ed said, with confusion and worry in his voice.

"Well, maybe he kept along the path?" the girl suggested.

"Yeah... maybe. He's probably waiting for me at the exit. Anyway... so did the guy that attacked you say anything? He just randomly attacked you?"

"Yeah... it was completely random. But then before he left he said something weird. Something about enjoying the rain while it lasted because it'll be the last time it ever rains."

Ed raised his eyebrows. What a weird thing for someone to say. The guy must of been crazy or something. He shook his head grabbed the girl's hand, partly to comfort her and partly to help guide her through the last few feet of wooded area. When the two got back on the path Ed let go of the girl's hand and withdrew Mudkip from it's Pokeball.

"Help me keep an eye out for anything strange, bud." Ed said as he knelt down to Mudkip.

"Kip." the Pokemon responded with a stern look on it's face.

The three continued down the path in silence, snapping their heads in the direction of every little noise they heard. As they walked out the exit that lead to the northern end of Route 104, Ed noticed Jesse wasn't there.

"Well, that's my mom's Flower Shop... thank you for your help." the girl gave Ed a warm smile, a hug, and a kiss on the cheek before running into the Flower Shop that was located outside the edge of Petalburg Woods. Ed watched her walk to the Flower Shop, making sure no one jumped out and attacked her again. When she shut the door to the shop behind her, Ed continued walking down Route 104.

Ed's kept wondering where Jesse could possibly be. It's not that he missed the kid, he just didn't want anything bad to happen to him. He figured that whatever happened, Jesse was a young adult with his own Pokemon and can certainly protect himself if anything dangerous happens.

Ed began walking across the Route 104 bridge. He was now soaking wet from being out in the rain for so long, he looked down at the clear water as Magikarp swam around the surface and large raindrops fell from the sky into the small lake. He thought about what just happened and the girl he just helped. He didn't even know her name and he probably wouldn't see her again, which made him upset. She was pretty cute, but then he thought about Sarah, his girlfriend, who was back in Kanto. Ed cringed a little as he thought about that horrible feeling he felt on his last day of the tournament. One day, he wanted to head back to Kanto and redeem himself. One day...

As Ed entered Rustboro City the first thing he noticed was the large Devon Corporation building at the far end of town. The city did have a slightly eery feel on this particular day, no one was out on the streets and the rain fell loudly on to the old cobblestone streets of Rustboro. Ed loved a rainy night, and since he was already soaking wet, he took his time as he walked to the Pokemon Center.

When Ed arrived in the Pokemon Center, he was greeted by a smiling Nurse Joy.

"May I help you?" The nurse asked with a smile on her face.

"Uh yeah, I'd like to make an appointment with the Gym Leader, please."

Nurse Joy frowned. "I'm afraid the gym is closed for the night, it's almost midnight." Her frown turned to a smile as she continued talking, "I'm sure you'll be staying the night though, right?"

Ed couldn't believe it was already midnight, where had the time gone?

"Ofcourse." Ed said with a smile.

Nurse Joy smiled and handed him a card key. "You have room 6 all to yourself! Enjoy!"

Ed took the card key and headed down the hallway. It looked exactly like the Pokemon Center in Petalburg, the lounge with leather couches and a flat screen TV to the right, as well as a cafeteria, and the hallway with all the rooms to the left. He walked down the peach colored carpet until he arrived at the door that had a 6 on it. He slid his card key in the slot and opened the door. Ed plopped down on the bed as he released his three Pokemon who were already sound asleep. He looked at Eevee and began to think about how bad he wanted an Umbreon, that's why he hadn't evolved it yet. Besides Mudkip, Eevee was Ed's youngest Pokemon, having caught her about 75% through his Kanto journey. He recalled that Eevee evolved into Umbreon when it has formed a great friendship with it's trainer. That's when Ed decided that once Mudkip evolves into Marshtomp, he's going to give his full attention to Eevee, and let it walk around with him on his journeys. With that, Ed fell fast asleep, without even changing or getting under the blanket.

~
​

Ed had a phone to his ear as he sat in front of the window at the Pokemon Center, picking omlette out of his teeth and staring out at the rain that had been falling since last night.

"1:30? Sounds great, thank you." Ed said as he hung up the Pokecenter's Gym Phone. He had been talking to the Rustboro Gym to schedule a battle with the leader, Roxanne.

He glanced up at the clock, 1:17. He had slept in this morning after the long day he had yesterday, but now it was time to go get his second Hoenn badge. Before he got up to leave he checked the egg in his backpack, it looked like it was going to hatch soon.

As he walked up the cobblestone road, with his hood up, in the rain, he looked up at the sky and thought about what that guy who attacked that girl said about it being the last time it's going to rain. Why would he say something like that? Then he started to wonder where Jesse was and if he was okay, but before he could really think about Jesse he was already at the entrance to the gym. He looked up at the clock above the double glass doors, 1:28. He took a deep breath and entered the gym.

The double glass doors opened right up to the battlefield, there were only 3 or so people in the bleachers to watch this battle. Ed figured the rain kept people away.

A short girl wearing a school girl uniform with her taupe colored hair in pigtails greeted Ed at the door. "Hi, I'm Roxanne." She gave a big friendly smile, which caught Ed off guard after the encounter he just had with Norman yesterday. "You must be Ed, right? Let's not waste any time, there's lots of battles scheduled for today, good luck!" She said kindly as she extended a hand to Ed for him to shake, which he did.

The two trainers stepped to their designated areas as Ed looked at the battlefield in front of him, it reminded him of his Indigo League Tournament battle against Henry Young. It was a rocky field with several boulders scattered around the field. Unlike his last Gym Battle, there weren't any TV cameras here, just the two battlers, the referee, and a few fans. It was like back in the old days of Pokemon battling.

"This will be a 2 on 2 battle between the Gym Leader, Roxanne, and the challenger, Ed. No substitutions. Roxanne will select first." The referee announced from the center of the right sideline on the battlefield.

With that, Roxanne threw her first Pokeball on the field, revealing an odd looking blue Pokemon with a rock body and a big orange nose.

"You're up first Nosepass!" Roxanne called out.

"Let's get this going, Mudkip!"

The adorable Pokemon let out an intimidating growl as it entered the battlefield.

"Nosepass, Rock Throw!"

Nosepass hopped over to a loose boulder on the ground and used it's magnetic powers to pick it up and toss it at Mudkip.

"Mudkip use Water Gun!"

Mudkip opened it's mouth and blasted a jet of water at it's foe. Mudkip's Water Gun connected with Nosepass' Rock Throw but the rock traveled through the stream of water, landing in Mudkip's mouth and stopping it's attack.

Ed and Mudkip had shocked looks on their faces while Roxanne just giggled.

"Mudkips are so cute! You better get that rock out his mouth quick!" Roxanne said in a surprisingly kind voice.

Mudkip shook it's head back and forth until the rock finally came out. Then it growled angrily at Nosepass, who did nothing.

"Nosepass use Tackle!"

"Mudkip, Mud-Slap!"

As Nosepass hurled itself at Mudkip, Mudkip held it's ground until the last second when it turned to it's side and used it's tail to slap mud in the face of Nosepass. Nosepass was caught off guard by the attack and missed it's Tackle.

"Mudkip, now, Water Gun!"

As Nosepass laid on the ground, Mudkip blasted it with a stream of water that sent Nosepass rolling across the battlefield.

"Nosepass use Rock Tomb!"

Still on it's back, Nosepass' eyes glowed as rocks fell from the ceiling onto Mudkip. Mudkip managed to dodge most of them but one of the rocks landed on Mudkip's trail, trapping him.

Clearly seeing the battle turn against him, Ed decided to end it as quickly as he could.

"Mudkip, finish it off with another Water Gun!"

Just as Nosepass got up on it's feet, it was blasted by a super-effective Water Gun attack, knocking it out.

"Nosepass is unable to battle!"

"Good job, Ed! You're halfway to the win! Go, Geodude!"

A small rock shaped Pokemon with arms and no legs emerged on the battlefield. Ed would of felt a lot better about this battle if Mudkip wasn't trapped under a boulder.

"Mudkip, Water Gun!"

"Dodge it, and use Tackle!"

As Mudkip shot a jet of water at Geodude, Geodude used it's powerful arms to launch itself in the air, causing Mudkip's attack to miss. While in the air, Geodude tucked it's arms in as it started to fall at an incredible rate towards Mudkip, who could do nothing but watch.

Geodude crashed into Mudkip, who yelped in pain.

Knowing there wasn't much else he could with Mudkip out there, Ed decided to try and make the battle easier for his next Pokemon.

"Mudkip use Growl!"

Mudkip shook it's head as to say no, and stood there stubbornly.

"What're you doing Mudkip!? Come on, use Growl!" Ed pleaded, but Mudkip just kept standing there.

"What a shame... Geodude use Rock Throw!"

Geodude hopped over to a loose boulder and hurled it at the defenseless Pokemon.

"Come on, Mudkip, Growl!"

But Mudkip didn't do anything again.

"Geodude, Rock Throw!"

Geodude hurled another rock at Mudkip, who took the attack once again.

"Mudkip, do something! Come on!"

Mudkip once again just stood there.

"Geodude, finish it off with Tackle!"

Geodude recklessly launched itself at Mudkip, but suddenly, Mudkip's body began to glow, and just as Geodude made contact with it, Mudkip thrusted himself forward with all his might, sending Geodude flying. Geodude took heavy damage but managed to get up, but Mudkip did not, and was knocked out.

"Mudkip is unable to battle!" the referee called out.

"Wow... that must of been Bide. Mudkip, I'm sorry for yelling at you..." Ed said shamefully as he returned Mudkip to it's Pokeball.

"You should of trusted Mudkip a little more there, Ed." Roxanne yelled across the battlefield.

Just as Ed withdrew his next Pokeball from his belt, the egg that was sitting in his backpack which was on the ground next to him began to glow. A small yellow Pokemon emerged from it. The Pokemon had black stripes on it's long arms, a black lightning bolt on it's chest, and what looked like prongs from a plug protruding from it's head.

"Elekid." The Pokemon said smugly, as it walked onto the battlefield.

"Uh oh... looks like you have to use Elekid to battle Geodude. No substitutions, remember?" Roxanne said sympathetically.

Ed looked down at the Electric-type who gave Ed a confident smile and a wink. Even though Elekid was confident, Ed wasn't. He had to take on a Gym Leader's Ground-type Pokemon with a new born Electric-type. He was screwed.

Ed let out a big sigh. "You ready, Elekid?"

"Elekid." The baby Pokemon responded.

"Geodude, use Rock Tomb!"

Geodude's eyes glowed as rocks began to fall from the ceiling at Elekid.

"Elekid, dodge it!"

Elekid swiftly dodged the attack using what was clearly Quick Attack, then hit Geodude with the attack, stunning it and it's trainer. Ed decided to take advantage of Roxanne's moment of hesitation.

"Show me what you got dude, finish it off!" Ed called out to Elekid.

Elekid's fist glowed a light blue color as it punched Geodude dead in the face, instantly knocking it out. Everyone in the room had the same shocked look on their face.

"Geodude is unable to battle, Roxanne is out of usable Pokemon. The victor is Ed!" the referee announced, still in shock.

"That son of a Hitmonchan knows Ice Punch..." Ed muttered to himself as Elekid looked at Ed and flexed it's muscles.

Roxanne picked up Elekid and carried it to Ed as she walked over to congratulate him.

"This little guy is going to be an amazing battler one day... he was literally born to battle!" Roxanne said, with a big smile on her face. She placed Elekid on the ground and reached into her pocket, pulling out the rectangular and golden Stone Badge and handing it to Ed. "Congratulations, you earned the Stone Badge." Ed noticed then that Roxanne seemed to always be smiling.

Roxanne gave Ed a hug, and with that, he left the Rustboro Gym. He wondered what his next step would be. Would he try to find Jesse? Nah, he didn't really care too much about him. Go get that girl's number from earlier? Nah, Sarah would kill him. He decided he would make it simple and go get his next Hoenn badge. But first, he needed to heal his Pokemon.

As Ed and Elekid stepped outside, they noticed the storm had become even worse, and there were now strong winds, as well as thunder and lightning. Ed returned Elekid to it's Pokeball, not wanting the newborn to have to deal with the bad weather, and he ran down the cobblestone road on his way to the Pokemon Center.

"Welcome back, how may I help you?" Nurse Joy asked Ed as entered the Pokemon Center through the double glass doors.

"I just need my Pokemon healed." Ed responded.

"Good, just hand me your Pokeballs and they'll be fully healed in a few minutes. You can wait over in the lounge area."

Ed handed his four Pokeballs to Nurse Joy and then walked over to the lounge area and plopped onto the brown leather couch. He looked at a guy that was sitting on the couch opposite of him. The guy looked to be about 20 years old, he was wearing a red hoodie and he looked malnourished; his hair was overgrown, his beard was very scraggly looking, and his skin was much lighter than it should be. He also had a pair of red goggles around his neck as well as a red bandanna.

"Xavier, you're Pokemon are healed." Nurse Joy called over from the counter.

The man stood up and walked over to the counter, not looking at Ed at all. He took the Pokeballs from Nurse Joy and walked out of the Pokemon Center without saying a word.

Ed's Team

Charizard
-Flamethrower
-Fire Spin
-Wing Attack
-Slash

Eevee
-Quick Attack
-Return
-Double Team
-Shadow Ball

Mudkip
-Tackle
-Bide
-Water Gun
-Mud-Slap

Elekid
-Quick Attack
-Leer
-Ice Punch
-

 

[AetherX]

Since you don't have many reviewers, I'll go ahead and do something that I've only done once before. An in-depth review! I'll tell you the same thing as I told the author who I wrote my first one for: APPRECIATE IT DAMMIT.

Spoiler

Tree tops prevented him from being able to see the sky, but there was just that feeling in the air that a storm was coming.

Not sure if that just is necessary.

"I don't really care, I'm open to training all types of Pokemon." Ed responded, matter of factly.

That's matter-of-factly. Love me some hyphens.

Even though it was the start of Autumn all the trees were still a luscious green color, in fact the entire woods was full of green. It was really pretty, more like a forest than a woods.

Hmm... lemme rewrite that for you

Even though it was the start of Autumn, all the trees were still a luscious green color. In fact, the entire woods was full of green. It was really pretty, more like a forest than woods.

You see what I did? A couple more commas, a comma to a period, and a change in grammar there at the end. Alternately, you could say a wood, but a woods doesn't work.

That's when the duo heard a female screaming from the center area of the woods. They looked at each other and then quickly ran to the center of the woods.

Repeating the word woods here sounds a little awkward.

The girl shrieked and swatted Ed's hand off of her shoulder. Then she looked up at his face and calmed down, realizing it wasn't who she thought it was.

Okay, this is REALLY picky of me, but you are switching viewpoints here. Despite the fact that the story is in the third person, it's from Ed's point of view. Unless Ed has the ability to read minds, he can't know that she calmed down specifically because he wasn't who she thought he was. Try changing it to less definite wording. Again, I'm being super picky here and it really doesn't matter, but try to keep this in mind.

He must of heard you coming. But I don't know where he is... I'm scared.

*facepalm* *facepalm* *facepalm*
Grammar doesn't matter much in dialogue, but this is one of my peeves. It isn't must of, could of, should of, it's must HAVE, should HAVE, could HAVE. Alternately, you could make it a contraction, must've, should've, could've. This is a common mistake, so don't feel bad. I had to correct my own English teacher on it once.

"Why're we running?" the girl asked, slightly winded from the running.

"I lost my friend... he was just with me a minute ago... he was running right next to me when I came running to you..." Ed said, with confusion and worry in his voice.

So much running! Try to avoid using the same word this much.

He shook his head grabbed the girl's hand, partly to comfort her and partly to help guide her through the last few feet of wooded area.

I believe an and should go between those.

When the two got back on the path Ed let go of the girl's hand and withdrew Mudkip from it's Pokeball.

It doesn't matter much since you're keeping it consistent, but the proper way to spell it is Pok[FONT=&quot]é[/FONT] Ball. I have it set to auto-correct in MS Word. Again, it's fine if you leave it like this.

Ed's kept wondering where Jesse could possibly be.

I think you mean just Ed.

He was now soaking wet from being out in the rain for so long, he looked down at the clear water as Magikarp swam around the surface and large raindrops fell from the sky into the small lake.

Run-on sentence ahoy. Try this:

He was now soaking wet from being out in the rain for so long. He looked down at the clear water as Magikarp swam around the surface. Large raindrops fell from the sky into the small lake.

Keep it simple.

As Ed entered Rustboro City the first thing he noticed was the large Devon Corporation building at the far end of town.

Comma between City and the.

"Ofcourse." Ed said with a smile.

Missed the space.

That's when Ed decided that once Mudkip evolves into Marshtomp, he's going to give his full attention to Eevee, and let it walk around with him on his journeys. With that, Ed fell fast asleep, without even changing or getting under the blanket.

I would change he's going to to he would. Also, I wouldn't put a comma after Eevee.

Ed had a phone to his ear as he sat in front of the window at the Pokemon Center, picking omlette out of his teeth and staring out at the rain that had been falling since last night.

That's omelette.

"1:30? Sounds great, thank you." Ed said as he hung up the Pokecenter's Gym Phone.

Little picky here, but I would change the numbers to words. One thirty works just as well and looks a little more professional. Keep that in mind, I won't point out all the other times you do it..

As he walked up the cobblestone road, with his hood up, in the rain, he looked up at the sky and thought about what that guy who attacked that girl said about it being the last time it's going to rain.

Another run on, plus a couple other errors (like too many commas). Try this:

As he walked up the cobblestone road in the rain with his hood up, he looked up at the sky and thought about what that guy who had attacked that girl had said about it being the last time it was going to rain.

Still needs a little fixing up, but I'll leave that up to you. A quick note: don't contract it was as it's. It reads like you are saying it is, which is the improper tense.

The double glass doors opened right up to the battlefield, there were only 3 or so people in the bleachers to watch this battle.

When they aren't times, avoid putting numbers in at all. Three looks much better.

She gave a big friendly smile, which caught Ed off guard after the encounter he just had with Norman yesterday. "You must be Ed, right? Let's not waste any time, there's lots of battles scheduled for today, good luck!" She said kindly as she extended a hand to Ed for him to shake, which he did.

It might sound weird, but the proper way to say it is he had just had (lots of hads, I know). She shouldn't be capitalized.

It was a rocky field with several boulders scattered around the field.

Too many fields. I would just cut out the second one.

"This will be a 2 on 2 battle between the Gym Leader, Roxanne, and the challenger, Ed.

Again with the numbers.

As Nosepass laid on the ground, Mudkip blasted it with a stream of water that sent Nosepass rolling across the battlefield.

One too many Nosepasses, the one I bolded can be changed to it.

Mudkip managed to dodge most of them but one of the rocks landed on Mudkip's trail, trapping him.

Typo alert

Ed would of felt a lot better about this battle if Mudkip wasn't trapped under a boulder.

*more facepalming*

You know what to do It's would HAVE.

As Mudkip shot a jet of water at Geodude, Geodude used it's powerful arms to launch itself in the air, causing Mudkip's attack to miss. While in the air, Geodude tucked it's arms in as it started to fall at an incredible rate towards Mudkip, who could do nothing but watch.

Ahh the many eccentricities of the English language. Even when it is possessive, there's no apostrophe. It's just its (lol).

"Wow... that must of been Bide.

...

"You should of trusted Mudkip a little more there, Ed." Roxanne yelled across the battlefield.

FFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

Ed looked down at the Electric-type who gave Ed a confident smile and a wink. Even though Elekid was confident, Ed wasn't. He had to take on a Gym Leader's Ground-type Pokemon with a new born Electric-type. He was screwed.

Not sure how you've been capitalizing these before, they're fine. This is just a reminder to keep it consistent. Again, no problem here.

Elekid swiftly dodged the attack using what was clearly Quick Attack, then hit Geodude with the attack, stunning it and it's trainer.

Again.

Ed returned Elekid to it's Pokeball, not wanting the newborn to have to deal with the bad weather, and he ran down the cobblestone road on his way to the Pokemon Center.

I'd get rid of the comma and the he.

Ed handed his four Pokeballs to Nurse Joy and then walked over to the lounge area and plopped onto the brown leather couch. He looked at a guy that was sitting on the couch opposite of him. The guy looked to be about 20 years old, he was wearing a red hoodie and he looked malnourished; his hair was overgrown, his beard was very scraggly looking, and his skin was much lighter than it should be. He also had a pair of red goggles around his neck as well as a red bandanna.

"Xavier, you're Pokemon are healed." Nurse Joy called over from the counter.

Haha, this is almost the exact same as a scene I have (written, but not posted) in my fic. I'm assuming this was the Groudon trainer. It's your by the way.

Very good overall, decent battle scene, good story development. I look forward to more. Please don't take my criticisms personally, keep in mind I'm just trying to help. Hope this review was useful to you. Remember to watch the must ofs and be sure not to overuse commas.

arty:

 

[sharktooth162]

Liking the story so far and I'm so glad you used an elekid as they are awesome. I like the way your splitting it into his two adventures and I'm curious to this fabled twist at chapter 15 so if you could PM me when new chapters come up

 

[Kyuuketsuki]

It was a good chapter, though I think you need more description. Instead of Mudkip firing a Water Gun, you could have had the exacts portrayal of Mudkip's body movements. Even if just the first time; you don't have to describe the same attack every time it happens in one chapter.

That's the only critique I have right now.

 

[Captain Dude]

Since you don't have many reviewers, I'll go ahead and do something that I've only done once before. An in-depth review! I'll tell you the same thing as I told the author who I wrote my first one for: APPRECIATE IT DAMMIT.

haha, it's very much appreciated!

Hmm... lemme rewrite that for you

Even though it was the start of Autumn, all the trees were still a luscious green color. In fact, the entire woods was full of green. It was really pretty, more like a forest than woods.

You see what I did? A couple more commas, a comma to a period, and a change in grammar there at the end. Alternately, you could say a wood, but a woods doesn't work.

Yeah I always have trouble writing descriptive paragraphs like that. They always end up awkward sounding. Thank you for this, I'll use this next time I write something like that.

Repeating the word woods here sounds a little awkward.

Agreed, I wasn't sure what else to put though.

Okay, this is REALLY picky of me, but you are switching viewpoints here. Despite the fact that the story is in the third person, it's from Ed's point of view. Unless Ed has the ability to read minds, he can't know that she calmed down specifically because he wasn't who she thought he was. Try changing it to less definite wording. Again, I'm being super picky here and it really doesn't matter, but try to keep this in mind.

Excellent point here. I should of have changed the wording there, something like "seemingly having realized it wasn't who she thought it was."

*facepalm* *facepalm* *facepalm*
Grammar doesn't matter much in dialogue, but this is one of my peeves. It isn't must of, could of, should of, it's must HAVE, should HAVE, could HAVE. Alternately, you could make it a contraction, must've, should've, could've. This is a common mistake, so don't feel bad. I had to correct my own English teacher on it once.

My bad I should of fixed that.

It doesn't matter much since you're keeping it consistent, but the proper way to spell it is Pok[FONT=&quot]é[/FONT] Ball. I have it set to auto-correct in MS Word. Again, it's fine if you leave it like this.

Ah, I always thought it was Pokeball (don't know how to do the accent mark though), but I've been doing that since the Prologue and I'm too lazy to go back and change it all now. haha

Run-on sentence ahoy. Try this:

He was now soaking wet from being out in the rain for so long. He looked down at the clear water as Magikarp swam around the surface. Large raindrops fell from the sky into the small lake.

Keep it simple.

You make it seem so easy

That's omelette.

You say omelette... I say omlette... Firefox spell check says omelet... I'm gonna have to google it haha

Little picky here, but I would change the numbers to words. One thirty works just as well and looks a little more professional. Keep that in mind, I won't point out all the other times you do it..

Good point. Won't do it again.

Another run on, plus a couple other errors (like too many commas). Try this:

As he walked up the cobblestone road in the rain with his hood up, he looked up at the sky and thought about what that guy who had attacked that girl had said about it being the last time it was going to rain.

Again, you make it sound so easy...

Still needs a little fixing up, but I'll leave that up to you. A quick note: don't contract it was as it's. It reads like you are saying it is, which is the improper tense.

Hmm, interesting. I'll try to remember that.

It might sound weird, but the proper way to say it is he had just had (lots of hads, I know). She shouldn't be capitalized.

You've been teaching me more in this post than any of my English teachers...

Ahh the many eccentricities of the English language. Even when it is possessive, there's no apostrophe. It's just its (lol).

So, it never has an apostrophe?

FFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

Should of, would of, could of...

Not sure how you've been capitalizing these before, they're fine. This is just a reminder to keep it consistent. Again, no problem here.

Yeah, I've made sure I've been keeping it consistent.

Haha, this is almost the exact same as a scene I have (written, but not posted) in my fic. I'm assuming this was the Groudon trainer. It's your by the way.

I never told you I can read minds? Haha. And by the way, it wasn't Groudon that attacked the girl it was a Scizor. And yeah, there is a lot of brain farts like that that I miss in proof reading.

Very good overall, decent battle scene, good story development. I look forward to more. Please don't take my criticisms personally, keep in mind I'm just trying to help. Hope this review was useful to you. Remember to watch the must ofs and be sure not to overuse commas.

You're review is very much appreciated I hope you do more in the future.

arty:

:bounce:

Liking the story so far and I'm so glad you used an elekid as they are awesome. I like the way your splitting it into his two adventures and I'm curious to this fabled twist at chapter 15 so if you could PM me when new chapters come up

Glad you like the story! I'll PM whenever new chapters are posted

It was a good chapter, though I think you need more description. Instead of Mudkip firing a Water Gun, you could have had the exacts portrayal of Mudkip's body movements. Even if just the first time; you don't have to describe the same attack every time it happens in one chapter.

That's the only critique I have right now.

Yeah, I'm still working on my descriptions :/

BTW guys, Chapter 4 should be up within the hour, I'm just working on the finishing touches.