TEEN: Rebirth (Chapter 4 Posted)

[Dark Terminator 2901]

Contents

Part One: Twin Beginnings
Chapter One: Fresh Start (OP)
Chapter Two: The Unlucky Ones
Chapter Three: Shot in the Dark
Chapter Four: Exodus

(I hope I'm not the only one who finds these chapter names very cliched )

Chapter One: Fresh Start
Oak Pokemon Laboratory - Priam


Priam hated being infamous.

He shoved his way through the sea of people, ignoring the repetitive questions and snarky comments, and practically dove through the doors to the lab, breathing a sigh of relief as they slid shut behind him. He didn’t give them a second glance; acknowledging them was giving in.

The reception area in front of him was a quaint area with chairs lining the back and left walls, stopping at a metal door leading into the back area. A small table with magazines on it was in the corner between the chairs, and a TV on the right wall was showing an advertisement about some new Pokegear app from Silph Co. headquarters in Saffron City. Under the screen was a large desk with a brown-haired, middle-aged woman behind it, focusing on something Priam couldn’t see from where he was standing. There were five or six people waiting in the chairs, some of whom were starting to stare pointedly at Priam.

Priam walked over to the desk and knocked quietly to get the receptionist’s attention. He couldn’t help but notice that she didn’t double-take or gape when she saw him, just glanced up quickly before returning her gaze to the papers on the desk. He guessed that, when you work for someone like Samuel Oak, a media laughingstock didn’t faze you much.

“I’m here to speak with the professor,” Priam said calmly. He heard murmurs from the people behind him, could almost feel their eyes on his back.

The receptionist nodded slightly. “Name?”

“Priam Gray.” There was a gasp behind him, making Priam even more uncomfortable.

The receptionist frowned. “I’m afraid there are no appointments for anyone named Gray.”

Priam nodded. “I have this note.” He pulled a folded paper out of his pocket and handed it across the desk.

The receptionist quickly looked over the paper, then looked up at Priam, slightly surprised. “Why does Professor Oak want a private, unscheduled talk with you?”

“It’s on the note.” The receptionist didn’t respond. “He didn’t want to draw too much attention to either of us, considering my… unique position,” he elaborated. Something you’re making rather difficult, he almost added.

The surprise faded. “I’ll call Mrs. Davis for you.”

“Mrs. Davis?” Priam asked. “What about Professor Oak?”

“Professor Oak is out. His assistant, Mrs. Davis, is handling appointments until he returns.”

“When do you expect him to be back?”

The receptionist sighed. “This note says you will get a Pokemon today. If I were you, I would sit down and wait for Mrs. Davis.”

And, with that, the receptionist looked back at the papers on the desk.

Frustrated but unwilling to linger any longer, Priam turned and sat in a chair across from the desk. The TV had switched to a news feed showing the outside of the lab, with reporters confirming that the boy from the video was actually there. Priam looked away in disgust.

Fifteen minutes passed, then half an hour. The staring eventually died down. People were called up, and by the time Priam had been in there for about an hour, he was the only one in the waiting room. He expected someone to come for him any minute now, but nobody came. He also expected someone else to come to the lab, hoping to catch Priam Gray, but he was disappointed (if the lack of publicity could be counted as disappointing).

Priam noticed out of the corner of his eye that the television was still running regional news. He considered asking for the channel to be changed, since the news these days was invariably about himself or Robin Monroe, and there’s only so much you could hear about the activist before it all got kinda old. But the words flashing on the screen managed to surprise him: “Fangs launch second attack on Vermillion Harbor.”

Priam had heard rather little about the so-called Fangs of Darkness, the street gang of teenagers that had risen up in central Kanto over the last couple weeks. Mostly, they only showed up to rob some minor bank or steal a dozen containers of medicine from the Celadon Department Store. Then, a couple days before Priam’s appointment, the Fangs had tried to attack a cruise liner setting out from Vermillion City. Luckily some strong Trainer was on board, and he single-handedly fought off the invasion. Thanks to him, the only consequence was a delayed cruise. Priam interpreted it as “a couple people with Pokemon fought off the largely incompetent kids who thought they could make everyone freak out, but that isn’t newsworthy enough.”

Now, Priam watched a couple dozen young men and women using just about every variety of water Pokemon Priam could think of, and then some, to try and surround the ship and block it from retreating to the harbor. It seemed to be working, as the ship wasn’t trying to turn around. To his surprise, the receptionist, who had barely moved over the last hour, turned and looked at the display. Priam thought the slightest tinge of shock flashed over her eyes again, before she grunted and turned back to her desk. A few seconds later, the TV shut off.

Priam was about to get up and ask the receptionist what was going on when the main doors slid open again. He watched as a teenaged girl, probably about his age, ducked through the doors, shoving a camera away from her face as she entered. She turned and shouted, “Buzz off already!” just before the doors closed.

She was wearing a t-shirt and capri jeans, with black-and-white sneakers and a large brown purse. Her short blonde hair was tucked neatly into a simple ponytail, and a baseball cap was casting a slight shadow over her face. She walked slowly toward the desk, taking quick glances of the area as she approached. Her blue eyes rested on Priam’s for an instant, but only the same brief look she gave everything else, with no indication that she recognized Priam.

The girl stopped in front of the main desk, not noticing or caring about Priam sitting right across from it, and politely told the receptionist, “Hope you guys don’t need to go anywhere anytime soon.”

Priam moved over a few chairs, hoping to pick up on something that might explain his extended wait and mildly amused with the girl’s sarcasm.

The receptionist looked at the papers on her desk again. “Name?”

“Sally. The professor wanted to talk to me today.”

“Last name?”

“Peters.”

The receptionist looked up at Sally. “There are no scheduled appointments for Peters today. Would you like me to put you down for a future date?”

Sally, to Priam’s surprise, got a piece of paper out of her bag and handed it to the receptionist. It had the same embroidery as the letter Priam had gotten from the professor. The receptionist must not have been expecting that, as her eyebrows shot up. She glanced over the note, then looked expectantly at Sally. Sally just shrugged.

“Someday, I might get used to the professor’s strange taste in children,” Priam heard the receptionist mutter.

“Excuse me?” Sally asked.

She ignored Sally’s comment. “Mrs. Davis will be here shortly. If you would just--”

“Mrs. Davis?” Sally interrupted. “That note didn’t grant me a private audience with Mrs. Davis. Where’s Professor Oak?”

The receptionist, surprisingly, waited for Sally to finish. “If you would just sit down, your appointment will start soon.”

Priam almost thought Sally was going to keep arguing, but she just turned around and sat down in the seat on Priam’s left.

A minute passed in uncomfortable silence before Priam said, “So, you got one too?”

Sally barely even turned her head. “Got one what?”

“A note from the professor. A private meeting with him.”

Sally rolled her eyes. “You mean, a private meeting with Mrs. Davis,” Sally said, mimicking the receptionist.

Priam nodded. “So, when was your meeting scheduled?”

“Wasn’t scheduled. The letter told me to show up today.”

Priam nodded again. “I’ve been here about an hour and a half waiting.”

“Wait.” Priam laughed slightly, earning him a full glare from Sally. “Why exactly did you want a private, unscheduled audience with the professor? And for that matter, why would he tell both of us to show up at the same time?”

“She asked the same thing,” Priam said, nodding toward the receptionist.

“Okay, but why’d you go through the trouble to get a separate appointment?”

Priam stared at her for a few seconds, waiting for that sudden recognition to come. Silence. “You don’t know me, do you?”

Blatant surprise came over Sally’s face. “Why the heck would I know you?”

Priam almost laughed again. “You haven’t seen the news in the past month?”

Priam was pretty sure every news company in the Kanto region was circulating the video from a few weeks ago, and he was getting tired of everybody making a big deal whenever he walked in the room. He had been forced to get used to people noticing his face, shying away uncomfortably, as if Priam was a bomb that they knew was armed, but they had no idea how long the timer was set for.

Sally, thankfully, shook her head. “All the news does is depress you.”

“Couldn’t agree more,” Priam said. “So, you didn’t hear anything about Willard Gray?”

Sally snorted in disgust. “Willard Gray is, like, the reason I don’t watch the news. He tried too late to do something he wasn’t good enough to do, leaving his sick wife behind...” Priam involuntarily shuddered, and Sally noticed. “What? I mean, yeah, I did feel sorry for him, but…”

“I don’t feel sorry for him at all,” Priam muttered.

Sally blinked, but before Priam had a chance to elaborate, the door in the back opened, and a woman stepped out. She looked to be in her early thirties, but her glasses were casting a bit of a glare, so it was slightly hard to tell for certain. Her auburn hair was so rich that Priam had a hard time believing it was natural, but there was a small gray streak nonetheless. “Priam and Sally?” she asked.

Sally frowned beside him. “Hang on. Oak granted me a private audience.”

The woman smiled sadly. “We only have one of each starting Pokemon right now, and we probably won’t have any more ready for Trainers for a few weeks.”

“That’d do it,” Priam said. He glanced over at Sally. “I don’t really see much of a problem with it. You?”

She shrugged. “Doesn’t really matter, I guess.” She looked over at Priam. “But I get first pick.”

“Okay. Right after my first pick,” Priam said.

Sally frowned. “And now I definitely get first pick.” She walked through the doorway before Priam could retort.

Priam took one last look at the crowd outside before following Sally into the back of the lab.


Well, that was fun. Hope you guys enjoy the opening to this new story!

 

[Dark Terminator 2901]

Chapter Two: The Unlucky Ones
Priam


Priam almost wanted to joke about the lab being a little too “Gray” for him, though he stopped when he remembered that Sally didn’t know who he was. Still, all joking aside, the lab was pretty cool to walk through. The walls and roof paneling were all light gray, but then again, that was true of many buildings. All down the hallway they were walking through, metal doors dotted the walls on both sides. At the far end of the room was a large door with an electronic lock on the wall next to it. Priam guessed that his destination was through there, as anything else would be slightly anticlimactic.

There was a small window on each door (minus the large one), through which Priam could see quick glimpses in each room. One room on the left had a healing machine like in a Pokemon Center, currently powered down. Another had two men in lab coats arguing, both of them holding slightly crumpled stacks of paper in one hand. The doors must have been soundproof, because Priam couldn’t hear what they were arguing about.

Priam stopped in front of one room as he saw a male Nidoran unleash a full-blown Tackle off a table and straight into a man’s chest. The man fell and disappeared for a few seconds, and Priam started feeling slightly worried. A rabid Nidoran breaking out would be bad enough, but now of all times... Then the man got back up, put the Nidoran on the table, and typed something into a computer. He said something to the Nidoran, which then promptly Tackled the man again.

“That Nidoran was attacked by a Fearow a week ago,” the woman behind Priam said. “Normally, it would just be taken to a Pokemon Center, but the Professor felt that this would be a good time to try a new treatment method he came up with, one that might make Pokemon Centers run considerably faster.”

Priam looked back at the Nidoran, which seemed perfectly healthy. “I’m guessing it didn’t work.”

“No, the Nidoran was healed perfectly,” the woman assured. “Unfortunately, the new process still had some… imperfections. The idea behind it was that we could stimulate the Pokemon into entering a state of hibernation, and focus the Pokemon’s body on healing itself, in addition to the machine working on it. Shaved thirty minutes off the process. Right about then, the team that had been working on it realized that they couldn’t wake the Pokemon up.”

Priam nodded blankly. “But why does it keep attacking that guy?”

“Routine physical. It’s just that the guy in there decided he wanted to try out Professor Kukui’s method of a “routine physical”.” She noticed that Priam still looked confused. “We’re just checking to see if the process had any adverse effects on the Pokemon. If this comes back clean, the systems in Kanto’s Pokemon Centers should be updated within the week.”

The whole thing still didn’t make much sense to Priam. “Right.” He took one last look at the Nidoran, which he could’ve sworn was almost smiling as it rammed into the man’s chest again, then followed Sally and their guide further down the hallway.

They eventually stopped at a door in the very back of the lab. The woman took a keycard out of one of the pockets on her coat and swiped it in front of a scanner next to the door. Priam heard a small click, and the woman pushed the door open, beckoning the kids inside.

The back room was slightly larger than the reception area, only instead of chairs lining the wall, there were assorted machines and bookshelves. Priam could see another healing machine off to one side, and hoped that the Pokemon he was about to get wouldn’t be knocked out for the next week. Right in the middle of the room was a cylindrical console reaching up from the floor, with three circular indentations on the top of it. Sally immediately went to a bare section of the wall, leaned against it, and folded her arms and gazed forward at nothing in particular.

The woman walked over to the center console, then turned and smiled at them. “Well, if you haven’t guessed yet, I’m Mrs. Davis. The professor can’t be here today, so I’m here in his stead to welcome you to the world of Pokemon!”

Sally clapped slowly. “That is a very nice speech, miss. Now, before you recite the rest of it, can you show me to the man I came here to see?”

Mrs. Davis’s smile turned very dry. “Don’t I wish…” she mumbled.

“Well, then, why aren’t we with the professor?” Sally asked.

“The professor is in Alola, checking out something or other with his brother,” Mrs. Davis said. “He left a couple days ago.”

Sally rolled her eyes. Priam thought he’d heard something about Alola in the news while he was in the reception area, but he hadn’t been paying enough attention to remember exactly what it was.

“So, would either of you like to keep complaining,” Mrs. Davis asked, “or will you let me do what we came here for?”

Sally started to form another sarcastic retort (Priam heard “Well, you didn't--“), but Priam interrupted with, “Yeah, let’s get started. Right, Sally?”

Sally’s annoyed look darted back and forth between Priam and Mrs. Davis, but she eventually stopped and sighed. “I get dibs on the first Pokemon,” she demanded once more.

“Before you two fight over first pick again, you should probably see what you're fighting over,” Mrs. Davis laughed. Priam knew it was a wasted gesture, as everyone already knew the three Pokemon handed out at Oak Pokemon Laboratory, but he bit back his response anyways.

Sensing a brief window of undivided attention, Mrs. Davis turned to a console on the wall and typed rapidly. The machine in the middle of the room whirred quietly, and the three panels on the top opened up. A flash of red appeared in each hole, the one closest to Priam casting a heavy glare from the lights above for a brief moment, and a trio of Pokeballs were raised into view. Mrs. Davis pressed a few more keys, and all three opened at once.

The first thing Priam recognized was a bright flash and a metallic popping sound. His eyes didn't have time to adjust before the light started coalescing into three small forms on the ground, and a distinct scent wafted into the air. After two or three seconds that lasted surprisingly long to Priam, the lights finally ceased.

There were three Pokemon standing in front of the kids now, each about the size of a young toddler. The shortest, a dark green one on all fours with a rather large plant growing right off its back, cocked its head at the strangers in front of it. In the middle, a bright blue Pokemon whose color contrasted nicely with its large brown-and-yellow shell, started wagging its large tail furiously.

Priam tried not to pay attention to the orange one on the right, whose flaming tail was much more motionless then its neighbor’s, since he was certain he wouldn’t be getting it. But he couldn't help but watch as it sat down, folded its arms, and glared at Priam, probably trying to copy Sally. Then it turned to Sally, who was staring back just as intently. The Pokemon, probably not expecting that, leaned back, then started flailing its arms wildly as it fell over.

Mrs. Davis laughed awkwardly. “I was hoping he wouldn’t do that…” she whispered barely loud enough for Priam to hear. She gestured grandly to the Pokemon. “Well, here they are! Bulbasaur, Squirtle, and Charmander!”

Sally nodded. “Are you going to tell us which one’s which?”

Mrs. Davis ignored her. “Now, you can go ahead and fight over who chooses first.”

Before Priam could say anything, Sally walked toward the Bulbasaur. As soon as Sally was right next to it, it grunted softly and turned its head away from her. “Okay…” Sally went over to the Squirtle, who showed no immediate disrespect. “Guess I want this one,” she decided. The Squirtle squeaked happily and started bouncing up and down. “Or not…” She took another look at the Charmander, who was just putting itself back on its feet. “What’s wrong with these Pokemon? Did you just leave the problem bunch for us?”

“I told you, we had to group you together since we had a lack of Pokemon,” Mrs. Davis explained. “And nobody ever wants a Pokemon that isn’t perfect… these are the ones that nobody chose.”

Priam looked sadly at the Bulbasaur, who was looking away from everybody in the room. “This guy doesn’t seem too happy to be here, either.”

“She’s the kind of Pokemon to pick her Trainer,” Mrs. Davis answered. “She just… hasn’t chosen yet.”

Priam nodded and turned to the Squirtle, who was still bouncing. “Sugar high?”

“He does get a bit overexcited,” Mrs. Davis agreed. “But he does very well in battle,” she added hastily to counter Sally’s sour look.

Priam couldn’t argue. “It is kinda off-putting…” He looked back and forth between the Bulbasaur and the Squirtle. “So, either a Bulbasaur who wants nothing to do with me, or a Squirtle that wants it a little too much.” The Bulbasaur grunted in annoyance at hearing her name, and the Squirtle clapped happily.

Mrs. Davis frowned. “What about Charmander?”

Priam and Mrs. Davis looked at the Charmander, who was trying to lean against the wall next to Sally, but kept slipping down. Sally was looking at it, confused.

“You know, I think the Charmander wants Sally,” Priam said.

“No, you don’t want Charmander.” She looked directly at Priam. “He’s never been even considered by most Trainers. It’s not just the clumsiness; people don’t want a super-friendly Pokemon. They want one that they know will get them through the League.” She sighed. “He’s probably the biggest reason I agree with Monroe’s campaign.”

Priam bristled slightly at Robin Monroe’s mention, and he noticed Sally also shudder out of the corner of his eye. Whatever happened to not watching the news?

“It’s not that,” Priam said. “My father… he wanted Charmander.”

Mrs. Davis blanched, and Priam could tell that she just remembered who Priam’s father was, who he almost became. “I see…” Mrs. Davis turned to Sally. “What about you? Have you made a decision?”

Sally tried to shoo off the Charmander, but all he did was fall over. The Squirtle ran over to Sally, probably trying to get her favor since she had openly rejected Charmander.. The Bulbasaur suddenly smiled, and a long vine sprouted out of the plant on her back and shot in front of Squirtle, who tripped and flew into Charmander. The Squirtle got up and started wagging its tail as if nothing had happened.

Sally looked at Mrs. Davis again. “Are you sure there aren’t any others?”

Before Mrs. Davis could answer, the lights all shut off.

Another chapter done! Wanted this to be finished a bit sooner, but the rest of my life decided to get in the way. It's still a little mad, so it may be a while before the next update. See you all again whenever that may be!

 

[Dark Terminator 2901]

Chapter Three: Shot in the Dark
Priam


The windowless room was thrown into complete darkness, save for Charmander’s tail (which flew forward suddenly when the lights went off; Priam guessed that Charmander couldn’t see its own feet and tripped over them).

“What was that?” Priam asked. He reached forward to the console in the middle, taking careful steps so that he didn’t stumble over anything. Charmander and Squirtle were making worried noises, and Priam didn’t even bother guessing what Bulbasaur was doing. “It’s pitch-black in here!”

“Way to go, Captain Obvious,” he heard Sally mumble.

“It’s all right,” Mrs. Davis said reassuringly. “The auxiliary power should kick in shortly.”

Everyone was silent for several seconds, except for the Pokemon, still wandering around and mumbling to themselves (and falling, in Charmander’s case). Priam counted in his head, and guessed that thirty seconds passed before Mrs. Davis said, “Okay, forget the auxiliary power.”

Right about then, he heard pounding at the door.

“Hey! What’s going on in there?” a voice asked from outside. It was male, and Priam guessed that it was one of the lab aides. Hoped it was one of the lab aides.

“I’m in here checking on the Pokemon!” Mrs. Davis called. “The lights just cut out!”

“They’re fine out here. Your door won’t open,” the voice said.

Priam tried to think of a reason that the power would only be out in the room, but couldn’t come up with anything.

“What about the Pokemon? Are they alright?”

“They’re fine! Go get Nidoran! He’s still weak from the operation!"

Priam's confusion deepened. Wasn't a one-room power outage somewhat more serious than that Nidoran? The man outside must have been thinking similarly, because he kept pounding on the door.

Silence for a few more seconds, then Priam felt hands on his back. Before Priam could do anything, Mrs. Davis’s voice whispered into his ear, “Get the Pokeballs from in front of you, and press the buttons to withdraw the Pokemon. I’ll be right back with Sally.”

Priam wasn’t quite sure what was going on, but he got the Pokeballs in front of him with both hands and fumbled around with them until he found the buttons. The second he pressed them, there was more flashing light and sound as two of the Pokemon collapsed back into the small metal spheres. Judging from the lack of light and low noises, he had Charmander and Squirtle.

“What was that?” the voice outside asked.

“I’m just putting the Pokemon into their Pokeballs,” Mrs. Davis called. “The darkness is spooking them.”

Priam got Bulbasaur’s Pokeball and found the button, and more light and sound as Bulbasaur withdrew into the ball. Just after that, he heard Mrs. Davis whisper, “Give me the Pokeballs.” Priam complied, but he was really getting suspicious of the situation.

“All right, I’m going to leave you to it. Can you get the door open from in there?”

“I’ll be fine once the power comes back. Just find that Nidoran.” Priam heard footsteps retreating down the hallway.

“That took forever,” Sally said.

“There’s a loose roof panel right above the center console,” Mrs. Davis whispered. “We’re going to have to--”

She was interrupted by a sudden cry from outside, and a loud thump. A high-pitched laugh followed.

“Get up there!” Mrs. Davis whispered furiously. Priam grabbed the console again and pulled himself up onto it, then pushed up on the roof until part of it shifted slightly. He easily guided it to one side, leaving a sizeable gap into the rafters. Priam could see slits of light peeking in between the boards that made up the top of the lab. He guessed there was barely enough room for him and Sally to fit between the roof panels and the vaulted exterior ceiling, if they were both crouched down.

But what would Mrs. Davis do? And why did they need to hide in the first place?

The laughs outside died, and some soft chatter started up. Priam couldn’t make out quite what they were saying, but he could tell from the sound of the voices that it was a group of teens, just past puberty.

A group of teens… Priam thought. Just like that, the pieces arranged themselves in Priam’s head. Crap.

“I thought there weren’t any more appointments,” Sally whispered.

“There aren’t,” Mrs. Davis said worriedly. “Priam, help Sally up there.”

“I’m not even “up there” yet,” Priam grunted as he grabbed the side of the gap and hoisted himself up. No, he couldn’t do it. He silently cursed at himself for neglecting physical training after his dad left. “Can I get a boost?”

“You have got to be kidd--”

Sally’s remark was interrupted by a pound on the door. “Open up!”

Sally and Mrs. Davis pushed Priam up, and he was able to pull himself into the small gap between the ceiling tiles and the wooden roof. He reached down for Sally’s hand. “I’m up!” He felt Sally’s hand in his, and started pulling her up. More pounding on the door.

Priam felt Mrs. Davis grabbing his shirt. He reached down, and felt metal hit his hand instead of skin. "Get the Pokemon!" Mrs. Davis hissed as Priam took the Pokeball. He groped around trying to get another one, and almost fell out of the alcove when he suddenly heard a Pokeball opening. It took him a second to realize it was one of the people outside.

"We're being attacked," Sally remarked.

"Now who's Captain Obvious?" Priam replied, handing her the Pokeballs. He reached for the last one, and as soon as he grabbed it, Mrs. Davis jumped off the console.

The door chose that moment to fly open, almost breaking off the hinges and barreling right into Mrs. Davis.

Light flooded the room, both from the hallway's intact lighting and the attackers retreating whatever Pokemon broke down the door, and Priam had to shield his eyes for a few seconds. He looked back down as soon as his eyes adjusted. Mrs. Davis stood directly in between the door and the console, and was looking out toward two kids standing in the doorway. It was a boy and a girl, the boy in a loose shirt and shaggy jeans that barely fit even with a belt, and the girl in a white undershirt that was almost transparent over very short shorts. They both had short-cropped hair, the girl’s a deep black and the boy’s about as close as it could get while still being brown. It wasn’t a uniform or anything, but Priam could instantly tell who they were. Fangs of Darkness.

Priam thought back to the news story he’d seen about the Fangs attacking a boat leaving Vermillion. He guessed that it was a diversion, to make nobody suspect they were going for the lab. But why did they only send two? Questions kept swimming in Priam’s head, stubbornly refusing to fade and let him focus.

“What’s going on?” Sally whispered. Priam held up a finger in front of her face, hoping she understood the silencing gesture. Priam had no doubt that these thugs were here for the Pokemon, and he wasn’t about to give up their position.

“If you want an appointment, you’ll need to speak to Ms. Cooper at the reception desk,” Mrs. Davis said politely. She gave a quick glance to the door, which had a large, rather round indentation in it now. "Preferably without breaking anything else."

Did she know that these were supposedly-evil Trainers armed with some potentially dangerous Pokemon? Priam couldn’t say.

The girl Fang laughed. “Nah, we’ll just skip straight to the part where you give us the Pokemon. Less hassle.”

Mrs. Davis shrugged. “Well, either way, you’re out of luck. The last ones were just taken a couple days ago.”

The boy took a few steps forward. “Well, then what’s in that pillar behind you? Isn’t that where you keep the Pokemon?”

“It is.” Mrs. Davis walked to the computer on the wall and typed in a string of commands. The panels on the machine slid open, but nothing popped out. Mrs. Davis turned back around. “Now, I'll say it again, if you wouldn't mind--”

“Cut the crap,” the boy said threateningly. “You watched the news lately? I’ll tell you what. You give us the Pokemon, or that boat we surrounded is Magikarp food.”

Priam almost gasped a little too audibly, but Mrs. Davis didn't seem to be fazed. “I told you, I don’t have them.”

The boy smiled. “Ten seconds, and we sink the boat.” Mrs. Davis didn’t respond. “Nine. Eight. Seven.”

“Do you not believe us?” The girl asked. “Trust us, if you don’t comply, that boat is gone.”

“What’s with the boat?” Sally asked. “And who are these people?”

“It’s a cruise ship. Full of tourists. The kids are trying to be terrorists for some reason,” Priam answered worriedly. “But why isn’t Mrs. Davis doing anything?”

“What can she do?”

“Three,” the boy continued. “Two.”

Priam shrugged. “Depends on how many of these machines she wants wrecked in a very cliched battle.”

“One.”

Sally smacked him.

The girl perked up. “What was that?”

“Doesn’t matter.” The boy looked at Mrs. Davis and sighed sadly. “I wonder if you even know what we’re doing here.”

“What was that for?” Priam asked.

“You’re being an idiot.”

Priam pointed down at the scene below. “He’s trying to reveal his plan. How’s that not cliched?”

“Do you even understand how bad these jokes are?”

The boy shook his head. “You’ll never understand. This place already belongs to us.” He turned to his partner. “Make the call.”

Priam tried to lean back and fold his arms in a sarcastic, Sally-style gesture, and found himself tumbling backward. Sally grabbed his legs, but that still left Priam dangling upside-down from the hole in the ceiling. Mrs. Davis turned around in surprise, and the girl dropped her two-way radio.

Priam looked up at Sally, who was staring down, horrified at the grins slowly forming on the Fangs’ faces. “You know what, forget cliched. I think this is a new one.”

Priam saw Sally’s fright suddenly deepen, and Priam looked back down at the Fangs. The boy had pulled out a knife, and was preparing to throw it. “The boy’s right. This just got interesting.”

Last chapter of this opening coming next! Should be here pretty soon, too. See you all then!

 

[diamondpearl876]

Hey, welcome back to the forum! I've read what's been posted so far and thought I'd leave a couple comments. First off, it's not everyday you see an infamous protagonist round these parts, so kudos on immediate originality there. The pacing in regards to why Priam is infamous is pretty good, as not everything is infodump'd right off the bat and the tension just keeps growing as the chapters go on. I'm assuming we'll get definitive answers in the next chapter before you move on to another character. (I'm assuming you'll move on to another character, anyway, unless I misinterpreted something.)

At any rate, my only real complaint about Priam's chapters so far is that we don't get a real good glimpse into his personality. There's some subtle stuff, like how he obviously doesn't like being the talk of the town and being stared at like he's a wanted criminal, but then, I had to ask myself why he egged Sally on to see if she recognized him. If anything, I'd expect him to leave the topic alone and move on, relieved. Now, it does say he feels some relief, but he still eggs her on anyway, so the impression I get is that he just wants somebody to talk to about the whole situation without them judging him. I don't know if that was your intention, but! This is just one instance of the point I'm trying to make, which is that, basically, everything about Priam's character is a bit too subtle for me to get a solid grasp on.

I'm interested also to see what the Fangs of Darkness gang is all about. They sound like a typical Team Rocket gang you'd see in the games so far, but of course, we haven't seen much of them yet. Them attacking the lab as the protagonist is trying to get their first pokemon is another spin on the journey fic I can appreciate, along with how the personalities of the three starters were explored instead of just having them shoved into their trainer's arms whether they (or the trainer) liked it or not.

Overall, this is a journey fic to keep an eye on. If you'd like, feel free to request your fic to be added to the Workshop Directory so that people looking there for new fics to read can see it. Keep it up!

 

[Dark Terminator 2901]

@diamondpearl876: Thanks for the feedback! I was hoping that the first look at the starter Pokemon would be a good one! As for Priam, I'm trying to make his character stand out a bit more. Although I'm not sure I'm going to give you too much about his past yet, this story is still just starting.

Speaking of just starting, I think it's about time I put up the next chapter. Read away!

Chapter Four: Exodus
Priam


Luckily, Sally pulled herself together and yanked Priam up just before the knife flew into his forehead. The weapon buried itself into the screen on a computer behind him, scattering shards of glass--and the blade--onto the floor below.

“Move!” Priam shouted as soon as he was back in the rafters. Sally started crawling, back toward the front of the lab. Priam pushed the Pokeballs into his bag and followed her. He heard the noise of a Pokeball opening below him, but he didn’t bother checking to see if it was friend or foe. He kept pushing forward, hoping that there was an opening a bit further ahead. Seconds crept by.

Then the gap in between Priam and Sally exploded.

Small pieces of wood and plaster flew into Priam’s face, and a head shoved itself in between the kids. Priam saw the large brown snout, the two antennae draping down towed Sally, the single horn, and immediately pictured the rest of the Pokemon below. The pictures Priam had seen had all looked nice enough, not at all capturing the fury he saw now in the beast’s eyes.

“Dragonite!” Priam shouted.

“Yeah, I kinda got that!” Sally responded.

The Dragonite looked back and forth between the kids, and Priam figured he only had a few moments until it picked a target. He crawled back a few paces, then shouted, “Hey, ugly!”

It was the oldest trick in the book, but it worked. The Dragonite turned its head toward Priam and opened its mouth. Bright light started piling into its gaping jaws. Priam kept backing up, trying to estimate whether he had enough time.

Then the Dragonite closed its mouth. Opened it. And a Hyper Beam flew straight at Priam’s face.

At the last second, Priam fell through the hole in the ceiling, barely escaping the ensuing explosion.

Priam fell right on the female Fang, sending both of them to the ground. Prim thought himself lucky to have evaded the glass on the floor--until a board fell onto his back. He instinctively covered the back of his head, and heard more sounds of wood crashing to the ground, but surprisingly little hit Priam. He counted to have three before looking up again.

The roof didn’t exist anymore. Most of the room was now completely open to the sky. Priam noticed, somewhat amused, that he could now see the Dragonite’s head in the rafters, and its body dangling rather uselessly in the hallway below.

“Priam!” Sally shouted. He suddenly realized he couldn't see Sally now--which meant that she probably couldn't see him, but could probably tell that the roof had been destroyed.

Priam looked up at where he estimated she was. “What’s great is, I asked for Ugly, and he responded!” He heard Sally groan, which at the very least meant that she knew he survived.

Priam put his hands back down to stand himself up, and felt skin under him. He realized that he was still sitting on the Fang. He moved off her and flipped her over. She was unconscious, but Priam was pretty sure she was still breathing. Just to be sure, he checked her pulse, like he’d done those countless times on his mother, and felt a steady, if somewhat slow, beating.

Priam got up and looked around the room. Most of the machines around the room were wrecked, and the central console, while relatively undamaged, was covered in debris. One of them was emitting a humming noise for some reason. Priam couldn’t tell where the other Fang was, or Mrs. Davis, which somewhat worried him.

Sally screamed, “Priam! It’s charging again!”

Priam realized he’d forgotten about Sally still being stuck with a Dragonite, and that the humming noise wasn’t a machine, it was Dragonite readying a Hyper Beam. But down here, there wasn’t anything he could do about it. No, there was something--he had three distractions hiding in his bag. He grabbed a Pokeball at random and threw it, hoping whatever came out could quickly make sense of the situation. He almost cursed when, instead, Charmander appeared almost instantly fell forward.

However, to Priam’s amazement, Charmander reached out as it was falling and grabbed onto the Dragonite’s horn, probably to steady itself. Instead, Charmander brought its handhold down with it, yanking the horn down--and aiming Dragonite’s head straight up just before it fired. Instead of frying Sally, the blast simply punched another hole in the roof. More debris came down, completely blocking Priam’s view of Charmander and Dragonite.

He poked it in the leg a few times. “You okay up there?” The Dragonite shuddered a few times, and Priam almost thought the thing would fall on him. Then it put both arms against the roof and started pushing, groaning audibly Priam. Luckily, the thing had managed to get itself stuck. “Guess not,” he mumbled.

“Hey!” Priam heard behind him. He whipped around, and saw the Fang he hadn’t knocked out leaning in the doorway. There were a couple open cuts on his hands, and his clothes were slightly more ragged than they’d been when he got there. He was covered head to toe in sawdust.

Priam held his hands up in mock surrender. “Look, I’m sorry for dropping a roof on you, but you tried to kill me. Twice. It’s still my turn.”

The Fang laughed, more out of sarcasm than actual amusement. “How funny. I say who lives and who dies.” He looked up at the Dragonite. “Brick Break!”

Priam wasn’t sure what the Fang was expecting--Dragonite’s arm was too far away to reach Priam, and hopefully Sally--but judging from the boy’s shocked reaction when Dragonite punched the roof, he wasn’t hoping for that. Especially when the Dragonite fell down right on top of the Fang.

Priam walked over slowly. The Fang was trapped under the Dragonite, but he wasn’t unconscious. He laughed weakly, but didn’t say anything.

Priam darted around into the wrecked room and grabbed the heaviest board he felt he could lift. “My turn yet?”

He didn’t wait for an answer before slamming the board into the Fang’s head.

Priam knelt down and examined the boy. Yeah, he was certainly unconscious now. And it was probably a good thing for him--that bump forming on his head would hurt a lot when he woke up.

He stood and lifted his arms triumphantly. “DID YOU SEE THAT?” he yelled to nobody in particular.

He was answered by Charmander falling out of nowhere, crashing right into his head.

Priam crashed to the floor, his moment of victory ruined. And they wonder why I don’t want it, Priam thought.

Priam returned the Charmander and ran to the new hole in the ceiling. The cloudy skies above were completely exposed, confirming Priam’s hope that the Dragonite had completely missed Sally. It was definitely too high for him to get up to alone, but he figured that Sally would be able to get down easily enough, or up and onto the roof if she needed to. “Hey, you can come down now!”

He heard wood shifting behind him and turned around. The Dragonite had stood up, and it was starting to charge another Hyper Beam. Priam wasted a second wondering what the thing’s other attacks were, then realized he had no way of dodging the attack.

Priam looked around, hoping to find something, and his eyes settled on the collapsed Fang, with a Pokeball a few inches from his open hand. Priam dove and grabbed the Pokeball, praying that his luck wouldn’t decide to run out at this inopportune moment, and hit the button a split second before the Dragonite closed its mouth. The dragon started glowing red, and then collapsed into the Pokeball without firing.

“Nice one,” he heard above him. He looked up to see Sally sitting over the hole. She was smiling at him, but it didn’t compare to the fearful look in her eyes.

Priam smiled back. “So, you did see.”

Sally’s smile faded into that annoyed look she usually had. “Now, how do we get out?”

“Jump down,” Priam said. He turned and gestured at the door to the reception area. “All we need to do now is--”

Priam was interrupted by the door slamming open. Several more teens with ragged clothes and pitch-black hair ran through the door, making an effective blockade. Priam noticed that many of them had Pokeballs in their hands.

“Get me up there,” Priam finished slowly. He reached for the Bulbasaur’s Pokeball and tossed it up to Sally. “They have backup!” he yelled, just to drive some urgency into his partner.

Sally wasted no time in letting out the Bulbasaur. And the Bulbasaur wasted no time in walking out of Priam’s view. “I don’t think the Bulbasaur cares much about the backup,” Sally said.

Priam looked back at the row of Fangs, put on what he hoped was a smile and waved. “Didn’t know I had this many fans,” he laughed. “Any of you have paper? I didn’t plan for an autograph section.”

The Fangs all responded by sending out Pokemon. Priam didn’t see anything as deadly as a Dragonite, but he did see two Raticate, a Venomoth, an Arbok, and a couple others he didn’t immediately recognize. He’d gotten out of the woods, all right, but he hadn’t escaped the shadows of the trees.

“Okay, be that way.” Priam opened the Dragonite’s Pokeball again, hoping the thing would unleash the Hyper Beam it had been charging. When the wall of Pokemon did not get blown away, he adapted his strategy and jumped on the Dragonite’s back. It tried to throw Priam off, and almost clawed a gash in Priam’s side. The Fangs helpfully picked that exact moment to start commanding attacks. Priam somehow held on and scampered up to the Dragonite’s head, then jumped up to the rafters.

He managed to grab the edge, but once again found himself unable to pull himself up. Just as he started to think that it was over, he felt Sally grab his arm and start pulling. Together, they managed to get Priam up, just before multiple attacks flew through the space he was hanging in. Priam stood into the hole in the roof and grabbed the side of it, using a small boost from Sally to get onto the roof. He turned and returned the Bulbasaur and Dragonite to their Pokeballs before helping Sally up.

Sally glanced at the Dragonite’s Pokeball. “What are you going to do with that?”

He wasn’t actually sure what he was going to do with the Dragonite, but he certainly wasn’t going to leave anything to chance. He grabbed a loose roof tile and pushed it against the button at an angle. He’d heard that a Pokeball couldn’t open if the button was broken or missing, but he hadn’t realized how hard it would be to take it off. Sally noticed what he was doing and nabbed both objects from Priam. She then did exactly the same thing Priam attempted, only she was met with a small pop and a circle of metal flying through the air.

“You don’t have to show off,” Priam said.

“You don’t have to make such bad jokes, but you do.” She tossed the Dragonite’s Pokeball aside, ignoring Priam’s offended look. “Now, how do we get out of here?”

Priam walked over the edge and looked down, noticing that the media swarm had moved downhill, likely to avoid the chaos in the lab. “It doesn’t look too far down.”

“You want us to jump off the building?” She went to the edge and peered over. “You know, you might be--”

Before Sally could finish her acknowledgement, some form of attack blasted through the roof between the kids, the sheer force of it blowing Priam’s bag open and sending the contents flying, including the three Pokeballs. Priam and Sally reached, and each managed to grab one of them. Priam could only watch as the third fell into the hole, straight to the Fangs waiting below.

“No!” Priam shouted. He lunged forward and looked down. The Fangs grabbed the Pokeball and started laughing, taunting Priam. Then their Pokemon surged forward, filling the hole with various attacks.

Priam stepped back, and tripped over a Potion that had fallen out of his bag. He stumbled back onto his feet, and his face almost flew into the swarm of attacks coming from below.

He saw Sally moving back to the middle of the roof, bracing herself for the jump. “What about the Pokemon?” Priam shouted.

“What can we do?” Sally answered. “Going down there would be suicide!” Priam watched her breathe in sharply, then run and fall off the roof, grabbing the edge of it with both hands. Then her hands disappeared.

That would be suicide. As she jumps off the roof, Priam thought.

Priam took one last look around. More holes were being punched through the roof, the Fangs trying unsuccessfully to stop him from escaping. All this carnage… Priam couldn’t help remembering that day, over two years ago, the day his life had fallen apart. The destruction here reminded him of the destruction at the Pokemon League, the uncontrollable rage that his father had turned into ruin. He remembered that there was only one casualty that day, a remarkable victory for the Indigo League.

Here, it wasn’t as good. He and Sally had only barely escaped death. He hadn’t remembered to check whether or not he had accidentally killed the Fang with the board. He hadn’t seen Mrs. Davis at all, and feared the worst. And the Pokemon he couldn’t save… He had no way of knowing which one it was, but either way, the Fangs had control over it. They’d came here for the Pokemon, and because of Priam, they had one of them. In a way, they had won.

He was hyperventilating. He forced himself to calm down, take shallow breaths. In his moment of panic, another attack barely missed him, and he had to jump forward to stop himself from tumbling down to the Fangs. His feet landed right on the edge of the roof, and Priam pinwheeled his arms frantically to stop himself from falling.

It wasn’t enough. He barely had time to reach behind him and grab the edge of the roof, and pain flared down his arm at the sudden change in momentum. It was just enough to make his hand slip, and he crashed into a small tree by the lab. He felt more pain as his body flew from branch to branch before he finally hit the ground.

He lay there for a few seconds. He hurt all over, and was bleeding in a few places from the bark on the tree. A few of the smaller branches had come down with him, and were now digging into his back. But it was probably better than falling the entire way, and definitely better than landing in the midst of an army of Fangs.

He reached into his bag, much lighter now, and pulled out the Pokeball he had grabbed. A thought struck him--he had a Pokemon. It was more chaotic than he had thought it would be, but he was a Trainer now. He hadn’t gotten his Pokedex, or any extra Pokeballs, but he didn’t strictly need those. Not for what he was doing.

Another blast flew through the edge of what remained of the roof, showering Priam in wood and the occasional medicinal spray. He refilled his bag automatically, realizing they were still shooting the roof. He sat and watched as another blast sent the Dragonite’s Pokeball flying out toward the now-setting sun. The barrage continued, and Priam decided he didn’t want to be there when the Fnags realized they hadn’t gotten him.

He still hurt, but that didn't stop him from getting to his feet and running as fast as he could toward the small forest to the north.

Sorry it took so long to get this chapter up! Ended up rewriting the draft way more than I thought I would. This is the end of the first part of Priam's story--the next section will start soon.

And no, not "two weeks" soon this time!

 

[diamondpearl876]

Back for chapter 4!

So, this chapter ended up being a ton of action and not much else, minus the small tidbit about a past experience Priam had at the League. There were quite a few times during the action where I thought it was dragging on, and I wondered what the point of it all was. In part, it introduced the Fangs and the kind of damage they can do. Great, but the initial battle still seemed to last much longer than necessary. The panic Priam experienced was interesting to read (sorry, Priam) and has a lot of potential, though I think I'd have been more invested in the action if that flashback was near the beginning of the chapter and not at the end. Also, if Priam's intense emotions had an effect on his movements throughout the course of the action.

As a side note, this chapter struck me as having an anime-esque style. That's not a bad thing, but I'm not sure if that was your intention or not, so I thought I'd throw that out there anyway.

He’d gotten out of the woods, all right, but he hadn’t escaped the shadows of the trees.

I liked this line quite a bit.

He’d heard that a Pokeball couldn’t open if the button was broken or missing, but he hadn’t realized how hard it would be to take it off.

I like this bit of worldbuilding, too. It's naturally thrown in there and you don't go into too much detail on to distract from what's happening. I wonder if there's repair shops for pokeballs, then, because I'd hate to see a pokemon trapped in there forever because someone took a button off. 0_0

Alas, I think that sums up my thoughts on the chapter. I'll be back for chapter 5. Keep writing!

 

[Flaze]

Coming in for the awards review!

The story gets off to an interesting yet basic and well-worn start. We start off in Professor Oak’s lab, but it isn’t the same lab that we know from the game or any other Pokemon franchise. That leads me into what I liked about chapter 1 which was how well you pointed out the differences in the world compared to the games, or rather compared to how it used to be. We also get some insight into Priam’s character.

Unfortunately, the story kind of loses its drive after chapter one. While your description is good and has a generally good flow that makes it easy to read, the chapters so far are both short and don’t cover much ground. Chapter 1 gives us a basic introduction to Priam and Sally, then two shows us them meeting the Pokemon and the Ms. Davis and then the Fang invade the lab.

That’s not to say that this isn’t interesting or done well. I like how you’re making your story stand out from the start by adding new characters and concepts, as well as how you raise interest in Priam. However, all of this is done in a way that’s not unusual for a journey fic. This is made worse by the fact that even after four chapters, we still haven’t left the lab.

Pacing and length are the bigger issues here too. I get that you want to give us an introduction to everything before you properly start, but journey fics are long as it is, stalling the official start of the journey won’t make the problem any better.

Now, all of this would work better if the story was really fun and did something that made it stand out. But…that’s not quite the case. Priam and Sally are interesting but their clearly supposed to fill up the journey protagonist and tomboy traveling partner/rival roles that’s seen in stories like this. They’re witty (Sally especially) and they have some interesting moments, but Priam is mostly dull and samey while Sally doesn’t do much to deviate from her role.

They need to have more depth to them and while we get hints that things aren’t exactly right for Priam…I feel like his issues are more there to give his character something to maul over rather than to give him depth.

Then there was the struggle with the Fangs in chapter 3 and 4. It started out pretty well, with the fangs giving me airs of Team Skull, in a good way. Unfortunately, once the real battle started things deviated heavily, with a lot of the actions and movement becoming confusing. This stood out in chapter 4 most of all when Sally and Priam’s locations get mixed around a lot and its hard to know who’s where and doing what, particularly in relation to the Dragonite and its placement in the whole scene.

Going forward, I think it would help better to work in your description, particularly when it comes to going into detail. Right now, as it is, you rely a lot on giving us quick actions as fast as possible, which works in making the chapters flow faster but it also causes it to feel devoid of any feelings. Maybe go into a bit more detail with the setting or put more focus on the characters feelings and emotions, which should help grounding the description bit more.

That being said, I do think your character interactions have a lot of potential and while kind of simple, the way you showcase the young Pokemon is also fun and makes them stand out right from the start. Granted, right now they aren’t different from most Pokemon but they are really fun to see.

All of that being said, you’re still just starting off and I think that this fic could improve and stand out a lot more, you just have to keep it up and develop it more. Definitely keep working on this and I’ll definitely look forward to any new chapters.

 

[Silverwynde]

Yeah, this took a little longer than I thought. Sorry.

Plot
This is a Kanto fic and the set up is similar to many Kanto fics I've read. But the idea that Priam is infamous is a neat little twist. I want to know why he's so infamous. I want to see a bit of his past. I want to know why he was picked, as well as Sally, for getting a Pokemon. What does Oak know about these two and what are the motivations? These reveals could perk the plot up quite a bit and make it stand above other journey fics.

It was a nice little twist to not have Professor Oak be the one to hand out the starter Pokemon. I really liked that little take on things. I'd like to know if the Professor not being there is important to the outcome. Is he on vacation in Alola or is he kidnapped by the Fangs? Is he in Lavender Town or somewhere else? I really want to see where that little plot thread is going, as it has my interest piqued quite a bit.

Setting
It's in Kanto so there isn't a lot to say. We all have a pretty good idea of the region and what it entails but adding the Fangs is a neat touch. Most people associate Kanto with Team Rocket so switching up the evil teams is a great touch. There's a lot of potential here and I want to see it.

Characters
Priam is interesting. He's infamous and doesn't seem to like that so much. I want to get a deeper look into his past and what may--or may not--have happened in his life to shape him. He seems like he is going to be a fairly great trainer and pretty competent. His will be an interesting journey.

Sally's character really intrigued me. Is her sarcasm a front? Is she trying to hide something with her stand offish approach? Inquiring minds really want to know. I want to see more of her, what made her who she is right now and how she will change. She's a really good foil to Priam and I loved their interactions. I want more of that, please.

The Fangs are interesting but remind me a lot of Team Skull. I want these guys to stand out and be a threat, rather than feeling like a group of hoodlums. We've had hoodlums in Kanto before so I want to see something different from these guys. There's a lot of potential and I really want to see it.

Style/Grammar
The style is nice and readable, if a bit choppy. The chapters feel a little short and things are progressing at a rather slow pace. I'm thinking that picking up the pacing would really help here.

Overall
I'm not saying that this is a bad fic. Far from it. But this needs a bit of a punch to help it stand out from other Kanto fics. I think if you develop Priam and Sally a bit more, that would help immensely. Also, maybe picking up the pacing of the story would help it out a lot. I'd like to see how this story progresses; I'm really looking forward to see this develop. Keep writing!