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- Jan 2, 2010
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Re: The Magical Resistance (Chapter 18 Posted)
Well I've just had a read through of the Prologue and Chapter One. First impression - so many characters! I don't know if all the Resistance members are necessary to your plot but there are a lot to follow, and honestly, they feel a bit like RPG classes to me. Some you seem to give more attention than others in terms of backstory and I wonder if I really need to know how each of them came to join the Resistance right now.
Second impression - standardise those breaker lines! The lengths are all over the place. Spaces before and after wouldn't hurt, like this:
That all being said, the Prologue wasn't bad, and the history of the world flowed well enough. I would suggest more proof-reading, though. Your technical accuracy is ok, but I spotted typos that should have come up with a red-underline in a spellcheck
And The Review Game is a good place to get a review, but remember, you have to give a decent review to the last request posted!
Well I've just had a read through of the Prologue and Chapter One. First impression - so many characters! I don't know if all the Resistance members are necessary to your plot but there are a lot to follow, and honestly, they feel a bit like RPG classes to me. Some you seem to give more attention than others in terms of backstory and I wonder if I really need to know how each of them came to join the Resistance right now.
Second impression - standardise those breaker lines! The lengths are all over the place. Spaces before and after wouldn't hurt, like this:
~~~
That all being said, the Prologue wasn't bad, and the history of the world flowed well enough. I would suggest more proof-reading, though. Your technical accuracy is ok, but I spotted typos that should have come up with a red-underline in a spellcheck
And The Review Game is a good place to get a review, but remember, you have to give a decent review to the last request posted!